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June 7, 2023 • 85 mins
Sitdown comedians and cousins Evan Mastronardi and Chris Bojemski examine the origins of the legendary NYC summer drink, the Nutcracker.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Is the fifth time I clicked record. All right, finally, all right,
you're listening to the Probly on theAll Things Broke Network. This is
a New York history podcast bi weeklysometimes where I I'm just a tired person
or trifling writer of Triflin, ownerof Wildcat, and tired motherfucker Evan Master

(00:25):
and already remembered this time read astory of New York history to my cousin
Chris, who has no idea whatthe story is going to be about.
Man, I've had an ass kickerof a week. Also sounds like it.
No, not as bad as youdid, though, No, no,

(00:46):
that it kicked my ass in otherways. Yeah, sure did.
What do you what do you thinkyou got food poising from? Probably for
making all of the smoothies? Huhno, no, but that was that
was fun. Uh oh, Ithink it was from. I thought it
was from a dumpling place, Butnow I don't know because it lasted so

(01:06):
long. Maybe it's just my bodysaying all right, now we're done to
get the fuck out, my bodysaying yes, get the new job,
which will get sued. All right. Intro music and then that'll play and
they'll put out this part of you. I've been wanting to say this all

(01:29):
day. Nineteen nineteen two thousand,the year of our Lord Optimus Prime.
All Right, the guy who's filmingturns the camera on himself. In jubilee.
There will be no tables ladder's chairshere, gentlemen, there's pro bono
thirteenth century Grigorian chants. I trust. He keeps claiming he's been poisoned,

(01:57):
Yes, by the fist that youtake Beauport. There's a McDonald's university.
His decision to a list was quotea primal compulsion. This is a living
exclamation. Boy. Yeah, Steve, you may have the mob, but
I got the city. Have youever met your ex wife? Because Sarah

(02:22):
exhausted Alexander Graham cell number. Idon't talk to Gallardo five times a day.
He's got my fucking house. HeLARPs like, hey, just say
no Tomer marine faun Kosovo help puta former my PD commissioner in jail.
And now I'm being hunted by him. How are you doing, I'm saying

(02:43):
on your daughter's couch, kig.He is credited in this film Evan.
I am looking at the official Wikipediapage for him university. Well it was
only a matter of time before weput these two things together. Okay,
all right, sure, you knowwhat's you know what's funny about the dollars.
Sometimes they don't even give a shitthat they accidentally put the tracks instead

(03:07):
of uh separately, like they putone on top of the other. So
you just hear them talk over theintro and they and then they just it's
they play it anyway, uh likelike funk flex fucking blasting over the fucking
music. Oh god, I thoughtI would miss that when I was leaving
New York. And you know what, New Yorkers don't miss that. I

(03:30):
know, I know, I justI just thought. I just thought that
when I moved away for it,there would be some kind of novelty to
him matter using the like play playnuke dot MP three button on the soundboard
every five seconds. And it turnsout there's no novelty to it, and
I don't miss it. When ifGod forbid, God forbid allegedly black,

(03:51):
if North Korea sends a nuke,we won't know because we'll just think it
might be funk flex. Oh Ididn't know fun flexes out there. It's
crazy. Yeah, we'll just belike shit, Well, my skin is
like melting off my fucking body.Today we are brought to you by Glardo
Books. Glardo books are when you'renot sure if you're being paid and um,

(04:16):
it's based on the fact that wemake shit up all the time and
just say, Okay, this isa new dollar and sometimes motherfucker's don't invest
in apple pie US or or orfucking you know, doge coin? Try
to say a real one and thenyou know, one day daylock, are
you going with this? One day? One day? Glardo just yelled at

(04:41):
me at three am, why notme? And I'm like, yeah,
why not you? And yeah,why not have one named after me?
So if you're not sure if you'rebeing paid or not, uh, in
the tech field or any other field, it's just Glardo books And yeah,
so far, the single grade thisthing that AI has done is make everyone

(05:04):
stop talking about crypto. It's it'slike the single greatest thing that's happened to
the Internet since I don't know,man, like twenty twelve, since Cony,
since County, since County twenty twelve. Who was didn't that guy didn't

(05:24):
that guy like that guy get arrested? There was a guy with it.
He's like naked flapping or something inthe middle of I don't know that intersection.
Jesus Christ, can you imagine thehighs of persuading people to capture and

(05:46):
prosecute a warlord, to the tothe valley to the valleys of masturbating in
New York? I don't, Idon't, I mean, I don't get
it. It was like, wasit too much? I have no idea
what happened to this man? Well? How are those things related? It
wasn't ready for the digital viral monsterhe created, that wasn't preparaful, that

(06:13):
was more powerful than the actual quotequote well, the terrible person dictator that
you gotta be able to man,I'll hand it to gen Z. Any
day. They'll casually collect like twomillion views on a on a TikTok video
then cleaning out like sewer gut ordrains, you know, and they and
they handle it like fine emotionally,you know, well, I mean this

(06:36):
fucking guy, I mean, theyhandle it clearly in a way that is
not like he did. I thinkI think psychologists decades from now will really
find out how they're handling it.But but for now, I mean,
they also are eating tide pods.Let's not forget that that was the same
motherfucker. Now that was that wasn'tthat wasn't real? Well, like two

(07:00):
people did that, No, itwas real people. Maybe two people maybe
died, but they were like there. Two people die every day, yeah,
but not from eating tide pods.Like people die every day for eating
died pods. Well to two peopledie, probably by accident, not for

(07:23):
the cloud. I mean, I'mnot. I'm not. I would have
given this generation, the generations genZ too much credit just yet, because
I still think they'll do anything forit, but anything for the TikTok Cloud.
But I don't think. Yes,I think they have at least compartmentalized

(07:43):
and are well adjusted enough to notfucking fappen an intersection after a massive campaign
to take down an African war lord. I think they've at least surmounted that
one. How oh my god,that's not what this episode's about. But

(08:05):
I promise you I'm looking up.I'm looking that up for the next one.
All right, So this is gonnahave two introductions. He's gonna have
two introductions. One is gonna belike more of a personal introduction than one's
going to be the real one.Okay, okay, okay, So personal
introduction a few years ago. Soit's June. For those who don't know,

(08:26):
June is Pride month, and Juneis also other summer traditions in New
York. I'm gonna see if youcan guess it in my personal intro before
I get into the official one.So, uh, June is what you
know, it's definitely spring in NewYork because someone drives by an old Honda
Civic blasting reggaeton at three o'clock inthe morning. That's that's all the time.

(08:48):
But if they do it on anATV on a pedestrian sidewalk, then
it's summer and bene summer summer.So that's so that's one thing. I've
also seen them do it in circleson a soccer field in Courtland Park.
Fuck who's playing soccer by the way, Just let's we've got that. Let's
play soccer while we're on the aTV. That's its own sport league.

(09:13):
It's Rocket's real Rocket League. It'sreal Rocket League. Um. So okay,
So it's Pride month or and it'sthe start of other NYC traditions.
Uh, there's fireworks. Fireworks arealways here, but certainly more during the
mur during the warmer months. SoI'm I'm at the Pride I'm gonna go

(09:37):
to the Pride parade with Rudy,my friend Rudy for the first time.
I'm gonna go for the first time. And we leave a bar and I
keep hearing a man yell something,and I'm like, what's what's that?
What's that? And and Rudy's like, oh, you've never you've never tried
this, and I'm like, no, oh, no, not that I

(09:58):
haven't nineteen ninety four or is itnineteen ninety three, We're not exactly sure.
It's between ninety four and ninety three. Sources are not sure to confirm
year of our Lord Bernie Williams,because Bernie's gonna come up and be one
of the players to say the Yankees. We are in floor de Mayo.

(10:22):
It is a Chinese Latino restaurant.Oh, and that's right. And I
think it might be Chinese Peruvian,but I'm not certain. And whole say
Too is watching the next game withhis friends in his restaurant. He's he's
the owner and his friend who's adrug dealer named Juice, which is I

(10:48):
don't know a great name for it'sa great name for a drug dealer,
and it's a great name for adrug dealer in the nineties. In the
nineties. Yeah. Also it wasOJ's nickname, you know, and the
OJ Trial. Also Juice. There'sa lot of juice. Juice that the
fucking famous movie in hip hop.So there's a lot going on here with
juice, okay, And so they'rethey're drinking, they're watching the next game.

(11:11):
Jose recalls, I knew this happeneda long time ago because the Knicks
were good, and and they're like, I don't know if at this point
they're already drunk or they want toget drunk, if they pregamed or this,
But anyway, Jose Andrews say,let's just fuck this place up and
make something new. So they decideto just fucking unload everything that's in the

(11:35):
bar, take some mixers that theyhave, taste it, and then oh,
we're getting really late tonight. Itwas born, Yes, Nutcracker,
the Nutcracker, Yes, and Ihave made my own Italian version, which

(11:56):
I'll tell you, but I won'ttell anyone broadcast because that's the point of
Nutcracker. You're not supposed to knowwhat the fuck is in it. In
fact, that's part of the allure. It takes a sip, but it's
great. But I gotta admit it'sgreat. And my only hint is that
it's the Italian version because I didn'thave. While my bar is certainly vast,

(12:18):
as you know, what's not vastis the mixers that I have,
So I improvised for this one.I had to make my own well tomato
juice in there. No, thereis a juice well basil and a regano.
No, not that for the NewYork City public during the summer.
I know, motherfuckers wouldn't be messingwith that. That's that's that's from my

(12:41):
high end version. Uh, comingout of a cooler at you know,
twelve am. I ain't fucking withbasil and oregano in a drink, but
but very refreshing and uh yeah,I think I think I did it just
But back to the original. SoJose is like, all right, we

(13:03):
got something here, and he saysit tastes like, you know, it's
tart, taste like as a toothdissolving sweetness of jolly ranchers and then finish
of a coughs kind of taste,which to me sounded like lean lean is
gonna be its own brow like oneday. Although I don't know if it

(13:26):
actually started in New York. Um, but anyway, I think you're in
mute. I'm sorry. The sweetnessnote could make me gag if you said
it enough times. Yeah, Ihate that so much. You hate well,
but that, but that is whatnutcracker is. It's always sweet because

(13:46):
it's supposed to be fruit juice.It's supposed to look it's supposed to and
that's why traditionally it's drinking. It'sit's it's drinking. It's drunk from a
plastic cup. It like it likea sunny D bottle looking type plaque.
You can see the nuclear color ofit. Yeah, yeah, so you
can see the color, but alsoso that it doesn't immediately look like a

(14:09):
drink. And we'll get into theillicit nature of it later. So right
now, Jose's just putting it onhis menu, um, selling it out
of the place. But he's not. It's not a listit because Jose has
a liquor license. Right. SoI would say like half of the origin
started here, but the New Yorklore of it came later when someone is

(14:35):
uh partaking. Oh of course,why is it called nutcracker? Because they
were drinking. They were probably drunk, and Jose said there was a commercial
for the Nutcracker on TV. Iknew it was going to be some dumb
shit like that when you're drinking atthat point, it wasn't going to be
any sort of other significance. Iteither had to be somehow related to the
play, or or they get sodrunk one of them punches another one of

(14:58):
the balls. Um. So oneday, I still am not entirely sure
how to say this person's name,but because it's also not their name,
she's going by a pseudonym. Ijust want to give it some type of
justice. Um oh fatol Okay,So there was an f there that Otters

(15:22):
certainly said fuck q um five sofatio. Uh. It's written different ways
because I think this person has beenhas given this like pseudonym to different publications,
uh, for various legal reasons.But anyway, she is. This
is several years later, in ninetynine, so he's been putting this as

(15:46):
a side hustle or part of hismenu, will say that is in his
restaurant for a few years now.So now, uh, this woman,
uh fat fatio will go with ishere in ninety nine with her friend and
Josey's restaurant, Florida, Mayo.And she's seeing this drink that's all that's
so popular that all these people arecoming around to get just to try the

(16:07):
drink, not just to get thefood. And she's like, what is
in this thing? And apparently it'sa secret, but she tells her friend
that she's with or or with herfriend doesn't on her own. She flirts
with the bartender and then she getsthe um, she gets the recipe,
which that's all it takes. Comeon, my guy, stay strong,

(16:33):
king. Yeah,
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