171 - Mature Masculinity: The Leap from Boy to Man with Chris Marhefka

Chris is a Master Coach, a worldwide retreat facilitator, Host of the Fully Expressed Podcast, and Speaker. He is authoring an upcoming book titled, "Integrated Leadership", where he shares the simple 3 Step Process he created and how applying it has had enormous impact in his life and his clients' lives. He is also an experienced entrepreneur, has grown and exited three six and seven-figure companies and was formally the Host of the network TV show, "Altar'd".

Chris utilizes thousands of hours of experience in emotional healing, trauma facilitation, somatics, breathwork, masculine embodiment, relationship and communication coaching, men’s development, business, entreprenuership and leadership mentoring. He has worked with over 2000 clients in physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual development.

In this podcast episode, we discuss Chris's transition from being a frat boy to becoming a coach, reflecting on his college years and the lessons he learned. Chris shares his pivotal moment at 22 when he quit his finance job and embarked on a soul-searching journey. He talks about the importance of clarity, clearing emotional and physical baggage, and living with integrity. We also touch on accepting emotions, cultivating confidence, and managing overwhelm. Chris shares personal experiences and insights to inspire listeners to create a fulfilling and aligned life.

#selfdiscovery #confidence #stressmanagement

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🔗 Connect with Chris Marhefka:📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrismarhefka

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🙏🏼 Please like, subscribe, and share this episode so together, we will #MakeThrivingStandard!



Timestamps:
The Clarity Stage [00:00:00]
Transition from Frat Boy to Men's Leadership Coach [00:02:24]
Pivotal Moment at Age 22 [00:06:17]
The transition and financial realization [00:11:41]
Letting go of material possessions [00:13:17]
Creating space for new experiences [00:16:03]
The Clarity Phase [00:23:10]
Taking Inspired Action [00:29:26]
Meticulous Integrity [00:30:32]
The importance of integrity and taking responsibility [00:32:53]
Being yourself and letting go of toxic relationships [00:34:42]
Choosing your life consciously and intentionally [00:42:52]
Courageous Living [00:53:09]
Acting in the Face of Fear [00:55:46]
Unreasonable Expectations [00:57:43]
Overcoming Overwhelm [00:58:39]
Integrated Leadership [01:02:52]
Thriving as a State of Being [01:07:38]

#bodylanguage #freedom #personalgrowth

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
And so for a lot of peoplein the clarity stage, if they don't
know, if they don't know ifthis relationship is right, if they don't
know, if the career is right, if they don't like all these I
don't know, or it comes throughas for confusion as confusion is, that
is the emotion followed people like Ifeel confused about or lost or stuff.
Yeah, they need to get ridof shit. It's like how we opened

(00:21):
this, how we started talking aboutthis. They need to literally get rid
of emotional shit, physical shit,weight on their body like they need to
be in the clearing phase. Onthis episode of The Captain's Livestow podcast,

(00:57):
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(01:21):
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(01:41):
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(02:05):
the show. All right, SoChris more Half aka American Jesus love it
the flag in the background. Iwant to start it off by you talking
about your transition from frat boy tomen's leadership coach. Dude, you do
your homework. Let's let's get intoit. Let's go. Oh man,

(02:27):
um, frat boy, frat boy. Oh, I can still connect to
that boy for sure. Um.You know I led most of I would
say until I was twenty two.There's a pivotal moment moment that happened then,
But until that point I lived thislike, um, follow the script,

(02:49):
like just this is the next step, this is the next step.
And for me that was just youdo in school, you go to a
good college, you have this greatcollege experience, you get the good job
out of high school. We're outof college. And I did that even
in college. I mean, Ideeply enjoyed my college experience, but I
also was in this have to bethe best version of everything that I'm doing,

(03:14):
and that included frat boy. Iwas believed or not the president of
my fraternity of course, of course, of course. And you know,
I look back now, like Ijoke about it a lot, I talked
about it on podcast, but Ilook back now about a lot of the
leadership lessons that I started to learnin those days that I didn't really appreciate

(03:35):
until now. And for me,the lesson in that is to fully accept
whatever phase of life I'm in forjust exactly what it is, because whether
or not I know it today,there's good shit that's happening, Like,
there's goal that's happening here, evenif it doesn't feel like it. And
now, when I was a superirresponsible eighteen to twenty two year old college

(03:59):
kid binge drinking all the time andnot studying for exams and just basically coasting
through college, like, I didn'tthink there was any golden lessons in that,
But looking back, there absolutely was. Man, what were some of
those lessons? You know, what'sfunny working less like I got nearly a

(04:21):
four row in college and studied likefew hours before exams. It was just
like the lesson is like, learnthe rules of the game you want to
play, and then commit whatever energyis required to get the result that you
want. And you know, atthe time I kind of had some guilt
about it and felt lazy about it, but really there's some wisdom in that.

(04:45):
It was like if my only outcomeis really getting the good grade,
which it was. I mean,I didn't care about learning this history class
and this macro economics class, likeit didn't interest me at all, Like
it didn't light my fire, andI was just going through the motions.
The greater lesson in that is likeI don't even bother playing the games that
don't matter to you. But atthe time I thought it mattered to me.

(05:09):
I thought I needed to do it, and so I learned how to
do it efficiently and maximize enjoyment.And I really did I maximize the enjoyment
of my life. I look back, and there was a lot of joy
in those years. There's a lotof adventure, there's a lot of play,
there's a lot of freedom. Andthe other thing I learned that I

(05:29):
started to learn during those years wasresponsibility, and I was learning in real
time how to balance enjoying life anddoing what I wanted to do in the
moment with doing what I said Iwas going to do. And that could
have been anything from what I saidto my parents I was going to do
in college, to what I saidI was going to do to my peers

(05:51):
in the fraternity about like leadership rolesor in or what I said I was
going to do for myself. Andso, whether I knew it or not,
I was learning how to balance thisreal this real time challenge that never
goes away, of how do Ilive in the moment and enjoy the moment
now but also be deeply committed towhat I said I was going to do.

(06:12):
Yeah, what was that pivotal momentwhen you were twenty two? Yeah,
well I got a I got afinance job out of college, and
I was if I were to behonest, I knew from day one I
was like, I don't want tobe doing this, but I stuck it
out. I gritted it out forfor like eight or nine months, and
then one one day I just decided. I remember it like very clearly.

(06:38):
I was driving to the job inmy in my college car, my trans
am and my AC had just brokenand South Florida and it's in the summertime,
and I'm just miserable, Like allthe misery is just piling up.
I wasn't excited about what I wasgoing to do. I had put on
in like eight or nine months.I'd put on like forty pounds. I
would like a bad way. Yeah, just all the networking of client lunches,

(07:00):
and I was miserable, like Iwas just stacking misery. And there
was this moment where I was justlike, oh, I like realized the
disgust that I had with my life, and I just said, I'm not
going to do this. And thewhole drive there, it was really it
was this. It was this balancingact between I legitimately don't know what I'm

(07:23):
gonna do, Like I don't amI gonna quit today? Am I gonna
do? And we were going infor this like six am sales meeting or
whatever, and it was just excruciating. And then I went back to my
desk and I sat and I satand I was like I can't do this,
Like I could keep like like puttingmy head down and playing that game

(07:46):
if I wanted to. But Iwas just like, I can't. I'm
not going to do this. AndI looked around and everyone was miserable and
everyone was unhealthy, and I justsaid, I was like, fuck this.
And I hadn't disgusted with anyone,I hadn't done any procons list,
but everything in me was just likethis isn't it was this something you had
been thinking about or was it justlike that day? It's like everything was

(08:09):
like nope. So it flooded inall in that moment. If I were
to be honest with myself today,I was considering it from day one.
Even before I started the job.I was considering like why, like what
am I doing? But I gotreally good and it started with athletics with
me and fitness. I got reallygood at just putting my head down and

(08:31):
just working, just like grind working. And I actually had I had a
story that that's what life was.Your first job was at eleven? Correct?
Yes, yes, so man,I you know I it was just
like it was like work, work, work, work, work, work,

(08:52):
and then at one point in yourlife you'll get to enjoy it.
And I'm so grateful now that Ilike, I chose to leave that job
because it was it was this pitiful, pivotal and pitiful pivotal moment where I
took a stand for my fulfillment,my happiness above this story of just working

(09:15):
hard and having material success, becausefrankly, it didn't make sense. I
mean, I was a broke collegekid and I'm barely making any money and
I didn't have any like plans.I didn't know what I was going to
do, and and honestly I didn'tfor about a six months to a year.

(09:35):
After that, I started getting hintsof it, but I didn't know
I was in uncertainty for that long. So did you quit that day?
I did? I quit that day, quit that day. And I actually
wrote this in the book. Itis the first time I've said it publicly.
Was in the book, and nowit's gonna be on the show.
Is I actually lied to my bossand I said that I had a better
opportunity because I didn't know how tospeak my truth and just say this isn't

(09:58):
for me, so I had tocome up. I I manufactured this excuse
of oh, I'm gonna do thisthing, It's much better for me.
So that he would understand me.And like I realized now, like I
lived most of my life trying toget people to understand my decisions and what
was true for me. And uh, that's that's how I navigated it then.
But um, yeah, I quitum and I ended up probably a

(10:22):
few days later, packing up mythat same trans am and just going going
on a soul search travel and justdriving around the country, visiting friends and
exploring myself. It was a lotof it. Really, what the benefit
of it? This is so muchsilent time, spend time to myself,
was sleeping on friends couchesshole, theywere going to their real jobs, and

(10:46):
it just, uh, that wasthe time when I started to ask myself
who I want to be? Forme, not for anyone else. What's
the answer? What did you discoverat that time? At the time,
the answer was free. I wantedto be free. I didn't want to
abide by anyone's bullshit rules. Ididn't want to. I knew, like

(11:09):
deep in my heart that I wouldbe committed to something I care about.
I would work like I would worktirelessly to something I care about. But
it was this sense that that wasbeing forced upon me or I perceived it
to be. That drove me crazyand I wanted to break free of that,
and so at the time, likemy what I needed was just to

(11:31):
like break those chains off, thoseimaginary chains off that I put on myself,
so that I could go into thedeeper exploration, because I wasn't even
ready for that yet. What weresome of the other things that you learned
or that came to you during thistransition. I don't need as much money
as I think I do. Yeah, damn right, man. It was

(11:56):
like that year post quitting that job. I would you know, Yeah,
I mean probably a lot of listenerscan relate. I'd times where I would
scan a card and not know ifit was going to go through like a
deb code. I was like,I don't know if I have this much
money and if it feels it feltirresponsible at the time, and it felt
it felt painful. And also therewas just like a deep realization that I

(12:20):
was always going to be okay,and I started to feel it during that
time. I started to really feellike, Okay, what's the worst case
scenario if I run to zero?And the longer I was in it,
the more I realized is like,oh, I'm actually always okay. I
can always figure out like getting acouple of dollars here and making money and
surviving. And I think that's carriedthrough every entrepreneurial journey that I've had going

(12:46):
forward. When I let go ofthe attachment of how I want it to
look and how successful and the financesand the material success, every time I
let go of it, it endsup being way more fulfilling, way more
enjoyable, way more aligned, Andthere's like there's a lightness to it rather

(13:07):
than this like force like I haveto hit this number, I have to
get this amount, and and uh. During that time, I also shedded
all of my material possessions. So, um, was that difficult for you?
It was? It was. Ihad a lot of attachments to things.
Why why did you? Was itbecause of the money? Like did

(13:28):
you do you sell things to makemore money? Yeahh I sold a bunch
of stuff on eBay. It wasit was a fun time. Hustled,
hustled real hard, and um yeahyeah it was for the money, Um
is what I told myself. Butevery time I got rid of something,
like I would have stuff from likewhen I was in middle school and I'm
a twenty two year old kid andlike and it was like the shirt that

(13:50):
I wore it like just like themost random the random shit. Yeah,
and the more the more I gaveaway and the more I sold and the
more I got rid of it justfelt lighter and felt more free and it
it's like I didn't have the wordsfor it at the time, but it
was like the attachments that were keepingme back in that old story, Yes,

(14:11):
that I was the one holding onto and um, you know,
I've gone through a few seasons oflife where I've done that. In every
single time, it's still painful forme, and I feel like I need
it and it's like, oh whatabout that time when this is going to
come in handy? And every timeI'm just like what, like, like,
what's what am I doing here?Yea, And yeah, it always

(14:31):
feels lighter, it feels freeing,which is the exact word that I was
looking for during that time, unencumbered. Yeah. Do you feel any sort
of sentimental attachment to these different Yeah? Yeah, Yeah, that's what That's
what I realized now is it's it'smore about like the memory of who I

(14:52):
was and who I was with andthe fun times I had, and yeah,
I still have that, and Iyou know, I've been doing a
practice which, um, this isactually bringing it back up because I haven't
been practicing for a while. Butfor a while I was doing a practice
where I was accepting letting go ofeven good memories because we all want to

(15:16):
forget the bad memories. But whenit comes to like our psychology, like
there's no difference in memories, likein our memory bank, there's like we
have a certain amount of ram oror or what storage, and and when
we hold all of the when wehold attachments to all of our past memories,
it doesn't leave room for anything newto emerge. So I've been practicing

(15:39):
just like relaxing some of the attachmentI had to the good times in my
life. And what's what's funny isthat when I like let them go,
it does clear room for the new, but it almost like it even brings
more joy when it does come backup, if that makes sense, Like

(16:03):
yeah, it's like a new memory, It like really like it'll re emerge.
I'm like, oh, I didn'tknow that was there, and like
I'll have like a warm feeling aboutit. But then I just let it
go again. And just like letit pass and let it be what it
was. Um, So that's apractice I was doing. So yeah,
yeah, it's the sentimental piece.But every time I let go of that
memory, something better always comes in, better for who I am today,

(16:26):
better for who I'm becoming. Doyou regret letting go of anything? No?
I was going to search my brain, but like nothing together out No.
Um No. I asked that becauseI know many people are struggling with

(16:47):
attachment to things, and this wasme for a long time. And once
I let go of all these thingsthat I thought that I would miss,
it's like you know, ever,yeah, so yeah, a clear space
and something better always comes in.It's always always always cool. I'm glad

(17:10):
to to to reaffirm that. Justso if you are listening right now and
you feel like you do have attachmentto too many things or this is a
good way to know. If youlose something or something is stolen from you
and you're you let your your youremotions be basically hijacked by that event,

(17:30):
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(17:55):
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frat boy to now now quitting youquit your job? What was next?

(18:17):
What came after the exploration? Yeah? Again, I was just writing about
this in my book. I wasn'tplanning on it, but it was just
like really coming to me that timewhere I didn't have an answer. I
was no longer following anyone else's plan. And I was staying with one of
my my good friends, Grant,in Tennessee, and his parents were entrepreneurs.

(18:40):
He had actually dropped out of school. He was a frat brother of
mine and dropped out of school andhe went and ran the family business.
And and I remember having so muchjudgment about that and every all of our
friends day. So I got tofinish school and all this and all this
bullshit programming that we have UM andI spend time with him and his family,
and it was again such a fulfillingtime. I'm such a great time.

(19:00):
But what I noticed was how inlove with their life they were.
Like they were they were stable,but they were also like adventurous and they
were like, oh, that's athing we want to do, and they
just did it. And I remember, like it was free. At the
time. I was seeking this freedomand they felt so free. They had
a house over here. The houseover here is this They're like, oh,

(19:22):
yeah, let's get a houseboat.And they bought a houseboat and the
yeah. And they were so entrepreneurial. That was the thing. They were
like like bootstraps entrepreneurial. And Iremember resonating it with it so much like
the way they were operating. Iwas like, oh, this is actually
me, Like this is how Ioperated in life, like even going back
to the selling stuff on eBay andstuff UM. And so I was like,

(19:48):
I had no entrepreneurs in my familyand I didn't even know really what
that word meant. Besides, likeone class in college called entrepreneurship didn't really
teach ship a class about entrepreneur Yeah, exactly exactly, folks. Um and
uh yeah. So so one oftheir one of their side hustles was like,

(20:11):
oh, I'm gonna start this gym. And then they basically just like
started it out of nowhere. Theyhad a warehouse. They just built it
out, like bought some equipment andthen they have a gym. And I
was like what is this? Iwas like, what is this type of
life? And um, so Ispent a lot of time in there.
I was really into working out stillam, but you don't say yeah,

(20:32):
and um, I was like Ican do this, I can do this
and uh. I actually I wentback to Florida. I know fucking idea
what I was doing. And thefirst thing I did was I started researching.
I was like, oh, I'mgonna do what they did. And
I was like, oh, there'ssome franchises. I can do it that
way. Got turned down by everyonebecause I literally had zero dollars, you
know, and I was like,Okay, I can't do it that way.

(20:55):
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna startit the way I know how.
And so I went back to Gainesvillewhere I went to school at UF and
I literally just started running training sessionsout of the garage where I was renting
and on a field, and that'swas literally my first business. I was.
I was toting weights out of thatsame trans am and these big kitty
litter buckets because they could hold alot of weight. And I was just

(21:17):
toting all these equipment out and doingrunning classes and I was so happy.
I was literally taking cash and donationsfrom people, and I was so happy.
And then and then that that rolledinto like my first gym, my
first location, um, and thenit kept going. But the thread throughout

(21:38):
all of it was I learned howto listen to this thing called my heart
or my intuition, um, despiteall of the logic, which is difficult.
Yeah, like a metric ton oflogic that said like this is stupid
and you shouldn't do this, AndI learned how to do it anyway.

(22:00):
And I've been practicing that for manyyears now. So after all that,
how do you slash how do youteach men to lead their lives with more
clarity, confidence, encourage? Let'sget into each one of those, Yeah,
yeah, each one very very specificstages. The first one is you

(22:25):
can't go anywhere until you know whereyou're going. You'll go somewhere, but
it's likely not the place, notthe specific version that you want to create
in your life. And you don'tneed to know everything. This is the
part that I actually missed for along time in my like ten year plans
and my fifty year plans and liketrying to follow like one hundred steps ahead

(22:48):
of where I was. You don'tneed to know that. What I believe
today is you just need to knowthe next obvious step and you need to
execute on that because that births thenew clarity. And so for a lot
of people in the clarity stage,if they don't know, if they don't
know if this relationship is right,if they don't know if the career is
right, if they don't like allthese I don't know, or it comes

(23:11):
through as for confusion as confusion isthat is the emotion for a lot of
people, like I feel confused aboutor lost or stuff. They need to
get rid of shit. It's likehow we open this, how we started
talking about this. They need toliterally get rid of emotional shit, physical
shit, weight on their body,like they need to be in the clearing
phase. So a lot of peoplethink that they can just keep stacking more

(23:36):
things on, Like how many peopletalk to you and they want to get
healthy and they want to get fit, and they just want to stack a
hundred things on. They're already maxedout lifestyle. It doesn't work like that.
How long does that last? Likefor some people a day, maybe
a couple of days. And sowe have to clear space. And so
the process that I take people throughis an emotional clearing. It's a mental

(23:59):
clearing, um a physical clearing.And what that does is starts to leave
room for something new to emerge thatwouldn't have been possible when you were stuck
in all the old stuff. Andit seems really simple, but like we
started talking about, there's a realattachment to our physical things. There's a

(24:21):
real attachment to our stories, howwe think about ourself, how we speak
about ourself and about others in ourlife, our ego, and and there's
honestly a deep attachment to how wefeel. Like a lot of people,
even though they would wouldn't say it'strue, a lot of people are comfortable
feeling miserable or being in suffering andthat's really hard to admit. So,

(24:45):
like when when people finally get tome, they're usually at at like a
time when they're like willing to likewilling to try and like face some face
some shit because I'm not gonna bullshit, like I'm gonna I'm gonna say,
like we have to face this,this this bullshit again that you've been holding

(25:06):
about yourself. And again it's it'snone of this is people's fault. It's
just what they learned, what theyadopted, and what they are now holding
onto the same way that I washolding onto things that no one was telling
me I need to hold onto thatold shirt or whatever. And so this
is what the clarity phase is about. It's all about clearing, it's all
about letting go. It's all aboutrelaxing these these all of these things that

(25:30):
we tell ourselves and who we needto be and and and when we do
that, it gives us a littlebit more peace. Um. That's That's
one of the common things to hearwhen people go through my clarity process is
just peace. It's like peace andease and acceptance and patience. Um.
For for a lot of people,they'll need to spend a season of life

(25:52):
in clarity and letting go the sameway that I, like after I quit
that job. It was really closeto a year before I was doing something
new and I needed that. Andthen and then this past year, I
took six months off completely because Ineeded some clarity time. And so who
am I if I don't take myown advice? And I said, like,
for six months, I'm not doingany business, I'm not making any

(26:15):
offers a month. And I seea lot of people needing some of that
space. And when you is thisis where it goes hand in hand,
is when you start getting rid ofstuff in your life, you actually now
have the freedom to make space.Most of the things that we have are
just burdens that we don't care about. Their bills that stack up. They're

(26:37):
a house we don't care about,a car we don't really care about deeply.
And when we start shedding some ofthose things, we realize that we
can actually live a lot lighter.We can we can take time off,
Like I just spent three months downin Mexico and I talk to people are
like, how do you travel likethat? And I'm like, man,
it doesn't take as much as youthink. I just have a light life
and I only I only have inmy life what I deeply care about,

(27:03):
and that's a practice. I stillstill am doing it. But so in
this clarity phase, getting rid ofstuff, leaving some space, leaving some
room for something new to emerge.And there's there's definitely there's a meditation that
I take people through that helps getclarity. And the point is, like
I said a few minutes ago,the point is not to get clarity about

(27:25):
your whole life all at once,just the next step, just the next
step in just the one area ofyour life that's like really calling you to
pay attention to a lot of peoplewant to go look at this thing,
like how many people that you knowthat are into fitness and they put so
much energy into their fitness at thedetriment of their relationships, their emotional health,

(27:48):
like their job. And it's likeno, like you got that,
Like there's something over here that's sayingpay attention. And oftentimes what arises for
people the clarity process is that it'ssomething they don't really want to look at.
It's something they've been kind of brushingunder the rug. And when it
arises, I focus on really simple, simple actions, which is where the

(28:14):
confidence comes in. I say createsimilar to like going back to my example
about college and doing as little aspossible. It's like, what's the minimum
effective dose that you can do inthis area of your life to move the
needle forward just one percent and thendo that consistently for at least thirty days,
if not three months, And whatthat'll do. That'll allow the next

(28:38):
thing to emerge and then the nextthing to emerge. And so most people
want to know the whole plan aheadof time. I mean, I'll speak
from just my own experience. Iwas the only want to have. You
won't you won't You won't know itall. You won't know every single roadblock,

(29:00):
speed bump, you won't know whereyou're going to be a year from
now. And so if we canlet go of that, like we can
start taking steps towards what is cleartoday. And I mean, man,
like the people in this room yourself, Like how many people are just taking
inspired action and they're like, holyshit, we couldn't even imagine this a

(29:22):
month ago, let alone a yearago. No, no, no way.
Yeah, yeah, I had ageneral idea, but you're right,
it's just the next step. Yeah, but if you don't follow it though,
that that magic doesn't happen. It'slike you're literally keeping those synchronicities,
those those magical events that happen thatthat catalyze our life for the better.

(29:45):
If we don't take the one smallaction towards it, the big thing will
never come. So it's like,just get in the process of taking the
action what's clear, And that's that'swhat bills confidence. I say earned confidence
because it's it's just simply take Doingwhat you say you're going to do repeatedly
builds confidence, period. And soI have a process that I do it

(30:08):
with words and with body and withactions. And when you do all three
of those, it just like locksin and you get to be this embodied
person that knows they're going to dowhat they say they're going to do.
And that's just straight gangster confidence.You have a quote maturity comes with meticulous

(30:29):
integrity. Yeah, talk to usabout the importance of that. Man,
those two words I've been saying repeatedlyand repeatedly both to myself and to every
person that I work with in thelast year. And it's this like full
tidal wave of realization that no one'sgoing to do it for you, no

(30:52):
one's going to save you, noone's going to live your dream for you,
and to do. It makes ameticulous level of all of the nuances
of who you are and who you'rebecoming. And the integrity part is,
you know, if you're bullshitting yourself, like that's the that's the best way

(31:15):
I can put it, because likeyou you know, like we distract ourselves
so that we don't face that we'refucking bullshitting ourselves. But when we actually
face like, oh, I'm actuallyout of integrity in this, and we
bring meticulousness. I love that wordbecause it's just this very nuance like Okay,

(31:37):
another layer, Okay, another layer, Okay, another layer. Like
I man, I even bring itto the way that I sit. I'm
like, in every every moment Ibecome aware of it, like can I
bring more integrity to my spine,to my chest being open to my breath?
And so it's this, it's morelike a value than anything. Is
that can I look like at everysingle piece of my life and bring one

(32:04):
percent more integrity to it? That'sit. One percent. I try to
be very simple in the way thatI like talk about things. You're you're
not going to be Jesus tomorrow.You're not gonna be walking Jesus tomorrow.
Where you're not going to be walkingthe hair and beard combo, which which
helps a lot, but can youbring one percent more love in your life,

(32:25):
to your relationships, to yourself?Like yeah, that moves you towards
that, And that's why I havethis, like, Okay, where am
I today? Where can I bringmore meticulousness to something that's out of alignment?
Bring it into alignment? And themore I do it, it seems
scary. It seems like a veryscary and like dark thing. To face

(32:46):
it first, because a lot ofpeople have a lot of things out of
alignment in their life, and ratherthan just trying to face them all all
at once, I just say,like, just face the one this right
in front of you, and asyou do it, and as you move
it one percent back into where whereit feels right for you again you know

(33:07):
when you're bullshitting. When you getit back to that place, life gets
better and it gives you more courageto do it in another area of life
or or one step further. Andman, it's it's what I'm meticulous.

(33:29):
Integrity is what I now define asmaturity because it's what it really is doing
is a saying is like I'm claimingresponsibility for every single thing that I do,
that I think, that I speak, and what I put out in
the world, and so man,I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do
it right. I'm gonna do itthe way that is important. It matters

(33:52):
to me, and that changes everymoment. As soon as I do something,
I'm like, oh, I couldactually clean that up a little bit.
But it's like the process, it'slike, Okay, we do it.
Okay, what's out of integrity withthis process? Okay, we can
bring to two memory cards next time, or we can do whatever. It's
like you can do that with everyarea of your life. And I find

(34:13):
that it's freeing. It's incredibly freeing. What sounds like a burden is actually
so so freeing because when I startliving that way, I don't have to
think about how I'm acting or I'mspeaking anymore. I don't think at all
about what I'm saying. I don'teven know what I've said the last whatever.
But when when I'm in integrity,it's it's true, and same thing

(34:37):
with your actions and same thing witheverything in your life. Yeah, being
out of integrity is exhausting, soexhausting. I used to try to pretend
I have, man, and therewas like a game over here, game
over here, game over here.With every friend and every relationship and every
person, I had to be adifferent person for each one of them.

(34:58):
Oh my gosh, that's exhausting,so exhausting, so much energy you have
to up keep to play out thesestories. And um, what I've realized
is the more you be yourself,the people that love who you are will
love you more. Say that again, Yeah, the more you are yourself,

(35:28):
the more people that love you forwho you are will love you more.
M Ain't that the damn truth?And the ones that don't will fall
away? And that's okay. Thatwas That was a lesson that I learned

(35:50):
through my separation and divorce, which, man, that was one of the
hardest seasons of my life. Butwhat I realized was not every person that
we meet is meant to be inour lives in the same way for all
of life. And it's okay forthat to change, and for some of

(36:13):
them it's okay that it's not reallythere at all or super minimal. But
it's the same way we talked aboutthings, is like when we hold on
to relationships that no longer serve us, and we know they're harming us.
You don't have any room for thegood ones, you don't have any room

(36:34):
for the great ones. One ofmy favorite ways to protect myself from me
MPs is swimming in the ocean,and even when I can, I'm still
protected with my aristech life tune flex. It protects me from the oxidaive stress
caused by electromagetic radiation that can causethings like headaches, fatigue, and trouble
sleeping. To get yours at toaristech dot com news, go Captain Morgan.

(36:57):
That's airystech dot com us, Captainmore right back to the show.
On this topic, how do yourecommend guys who find themselves in this particular
situation, going back to a toxicrelationship for example, what is your best
advice and what did you do tomove beyond that man? So the person

(37:29):
that I am today is what Iwould say is get every single ounce of
gold out of that relationship that youcan for yourself. And what I mean
by that is that people in ourlives are showing up to show us and

(37:52):
teach us something about ourself. Soa person may be toxic for you,
yes, it maybe a really terriblesituation, But how are you showing up
in that that's cultivating that relationship?And if you can just take one more
day and consider or one more onepercent of meticulous integrity and face the mirror

(38:17):
on yourself and say, like,how can I actually be different in this?
Like what are they showing me?Like maybe I'm not honoring my boundaries
maybe on people pleasing and trying tobe someone for them, Like maybe I
don't actually communicate shit about what I'mfeeling. That was for sure me.
And and when you if you wereto just drop every person that was uncomfortable

(38:44):
in your life, you wouldn't learnanything. You would just be seeking to
surround yourself with a padded room ofpeople that tell you you're the best and
you're amazing, and it's it's notreality. And so what I what I
seek to do and what I wouldalways advise people in any relationship where it

(39:04):
feels like this isn't it is takejust a little bit of time to consider
what's my part in this? Andonce I can get to this point of
one hundred percent responsibility and it's stillnot working, and I'm still working so
hard, and I can honestly saylike I'm really bringing my one hundred percent
truth and effort to this. Thenit's like, okay, we can allow

(39:30):
this to be what it was andrelease this person. And I say that
very intentionally because any time any relationshipbusiness, personal, romantic has a split,
there's a immediate pain. But what'snot in alignment is not in alignment

(39:51):
for both people. So if someoneleaves a relationship that doesn't that they know
doesn't serve them, it doesn't servethe other person either. So you're actually
giving them a gift to be freeof this codependent chain that you guys have
created together. And it's never easy. It the more time and energy and

(40:13):
love you have invested in, it'snever easy, and you'll never know what's
possible on the other side of itthat is so much more, so much
more love, so much more care, so much more trust. And I've
had that experience in so many timesin my life and still to this day.

(40:36):
Like I go through periods where Idon't accept it, and I go
through resentment, I go through anger, I go through pain, and go
through sadness, and and then Ialways come back to like what's like what
am I doing? Like what amI doing here, Like I'm literally holding
onto this old thing of the wayI wanted it to be, and every

(40:57):
time I let go of it,it opens up space for something and someone
new in my life to emerge.And yeah, man, I always said
I never give advice because everyone's situationis different. But the advice that I
will give always is look at yourself, Like, like, just look at

(41:21):
yourself in this, and what canyou learn even if it's not even if
you're not celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversarywith this person? What can't like,
what can you get from this thateven if the face is different fifty years
from now, the face and thename, will you be the person you

(41:43):
want to be? Like? Willyou be the person that you see yourself
as? And that's It's it's amore forgiving way to look at life.
It's a more understanding way to likesay that, like, none of us,
none of us really know what we'redoing. We're all figuring out as
we go, Like we get intothese things that feel good at the time
and they might serve for a while. And like, man, it's crazy

(42:07):
to think that we make decisions thatare going to last a lifetime without really
choosing them. There's a big differencebetween choosing something and falling into something,
and most people fall through their lifedecision after decision. So this process that
we're talking about, the clarity,confidence and courage, is a process about

(42:28):
choosing your life consciously and intentionally,moment after moment and realizing how you fallen
into your life. You've just kindof have fallen into this job, fallen
into this relationship, fall into thismoney situation. And if you continue believing

(42:49):
that you're just going to fall throughlife, that's exactly what's going to happen.
But when you start choosing, youcan start to see a different level
of empowerment and responsibility that wasn't therebefore. And so when you start taking
responsibility, you have more choices,more freedom. So those two go hand
in hand. And in order tochoose, we need to first get clarity

(43:13):
on something, like on anything,get clarity, and then just do it
like even if you don't if evenit's not the final answer or even close
to it, just do it likeit doesn't matter. And actually that's the
part that people get stuck. That'sactually the part that a lot of people
get stuck. In personal development workand healing work and everything is that there's

(43:37):
a moment when you have to leapand it's unclear. You have to take
a shot, you have to jumpout of the safe space into the unknown.
I mean, I imagine by design. I mean you have to really
want that for yourself, because noone's gonna want it more for you than
you can for yourself. Can yougive us an example of emotional, mental

(44:05):
and physical clearing? M yeah,for sure, for sure. Um we
were just both just doing it beforethe podcast. We are shaking. We
are literally shaking and moving our body, just like getting anything that's stuck out,
and that is a physical and emotionalclearing in itself. Um uh.

(44:30):
Mental emotional, those kind of gohand in hand in a lot of ways.
Um is identifying and shifting the attachmentor the energy behind a story or
an emotion, like if you're ifyou constantly find yourself in this state of

(44:50):
anger or in the state of frustration, in the state of sadness, depression
like is is first acknowledging it,first, first accepting it, and then
like literally doing something to snap outof it. And that can be anything
but just changing the trajectory will bea clearing of that energy. Yeah,

(45:16):
you chuckled when you said accept it. Have you had some challenges accepting emotions
in the past, Oh? Man, Yeah, yeah, Man, I
I chuckle a lot now because I'vebrought that. I brought that energy to

(45:37):
my journey because man, no matterhow much I do, I still struggle
with this stuff. Man, there'sso much that I don't want to accept.
When something happens and I like gripedmy teeth on it, and especially
being like a strong, driven man, it's like, oh, just like
I want to pound it, andno matter how much I pound it,

(45:58):
it gets stronger. And so justgetting to this like oh, acceptance,
surrender, surrender, yeah, andit's yeah, like that's really hard when
you you're the type of person thatwants to control and drive everything, and
so that that I mean that forsure has been like my greatest learning and
journey is just accepting what is.Oh but every time I do it then

(46:23):
opens up something something that I cando. But until I accept it,
it's like you're just gonna be You'regonna be fighting an unending battle. What
we resist persists. Yeah. Themore you try to escape from how you're
currently feeling, the more it's gonnabe like, okay, motherfucker's yep.
More anxiety, more and more andmore and louder and harder until you have

(46:49):
no other choice. Okay, maccept What is moving into confidence? We
covered clarity, Well, let's let'stalk on confidence. How can we start
to cultivate more confidence. We touchedon that a little bit. We did
touch on it a little bit.Um the most the most important thing is

(47:12):
only commit both to yourself and otherpeople to something you are actually going to
do and then do it. Idon't know, I don't know. We
get in this habit of over committingto things that we know to ourselves,
like I'm I'm such a bullshitter tomyself, like me with like traveling between
places, I'm like, oh,it's exactly twenty two minute drives, so

(47:34):
I'll leave write it like things likethat is like don't don't say you're going
to do it unless you're actually goingto be there. And that takes oftentimes
having uncomfortable conversations because we've over committedin our life and we sometimes need to
clean up agreements. And what itdoes, though, is it starts to

(48:00):
build that muscle to when you wantto do something or you desire to do
something and you're like, I'm goingto do this. There's a deep belief
in your body and you're in yourmind and your heart you're like, yeah,
I'm gonna do that. I don'tknow how, but like I'm gonna
do that, And that comes aftera lot of repetitions. It's like training

(48:22):
any muscle in the gym. It'slike when you first start, it's it's
hard, it's grueling, and youreally have to put some intention and structure
around it. But over time,like like you can just do it and
like you know you can do it, like like you know when you walk
up to a barbel like exactly howmuch you can Like I can deadlift that

(48:43):
today, Like I can squat thattoday, And that just comes over probably
thousands and thousands, if not tensof thousands of reps. And the same
goes for doing what we say we'regoing to do. When we do that
consistently and we cut down on thethings that we don't do, that just
builds more confidence in ourself. There'sthere's more layers to this too, because

(49:07):
um having such a deep background inthe body and physiology, how we carry
ourselves communicates confidence to ourselves and toothers physically physically, yes, and so
alignment of our spine, opening ourchest, pulling our chin in um,

(49:28):
like all of these things are communicatingto ourselves and to others simply like we
got this like I know who Iam, Like I know what I'm gonna
do, I know what I'm herefor, um, and that in itself,
Like I thought that world was likereally bullshit for a while, and
then I started realizing all it isis it's a self reciprocating cycle. So

(49:53):
if I'm doing the right actions,but I'm like constantly like cowered over in
my shoulders around it, I'm lookingdown at the ground Like all I'm doing
is I'm reinforcing that I don't knowpattern. So if I'm doing the actions
and I do know, I'm goingto have my body match that. So

(50:14):
a lot of the work that Ido with men is having the energy and
the body match what you what yourmind and what your words are. And
that's really important, um for anystate of energy, but especially confidence,
and a lot of times that thatrequires rewriting some stories of yeah, what

(50:37):
you learned, what you grew upbeing small, being weak, being whatever,
whatever your story is it's again noone. No one's going to do
it for you. So the practiceof breathing in and sitting up tall and
lengthening your spine and opening your chestto the world like that in itself takes

(50:58):
vulnerability, and that takes courage andtakes practice. But the more you do
it again, the confidence. Thephase two. Confidence is all about small
things done a lot, done veryrepeatedly a lot. And if you want
to get good at something, justdo it a lot, and you'll learn
from every single time you do it, and you keep doing it, and
you'll build confidence. So you're sayingthat if we want to be an entrepreneur,

(51:20):
we shouldn't just take a college classon entrepreneurship. We actually have to
do the thing. Yeah, andeven when you do it, you're gonna
get it quote unquote wrong, you'regonna mess up. And yeah, yeah,
yeah. How many quote unquote mistakeshave have I made in a thirteen
year entrepreneur journey? Like probably millions, Like I don't know, like a

(51:42):
lot every day, probably, Butit's just a testament to going out there
and taking shots. I don't eventhink of those as failures anymore. That's
that's the other thing. That's justhow you progress. Yeah, through failure.
There's no other way, but it'sit's it. I understand it though,
because there's such to deeply ingrained likefear of like messing up in our

(52:05):
culture, and it doesn't have tobe that way. Like oftentimes we're the
ones that are keeping us like likethe hardest on ourselves, like, oh
I don't want to mess up withthis thing. I gotta get it perfect
almost always yeah, always. Yeah, when you relax, that that's why
I laugh and I smile a lot. It's really at myself because it's me
just being too rigid with myself.I'm like, oh, I'm just being
super hard about this right now,Like I don't know, Like I don't

(52:30):
know. There's there's no pressure onlypractice. Yeah. I love that,
Yeah, I love that. Somethingelse I like to say is um oh
now it just last what were wejust talking about? Um? Practice in
consistency and pressure failure. Yeah,there's no pressure only practice failure. Yeah,

(52:54):
it's just like bye bye and thathappens, Like there we go,
it'll come back. All right,Let's let's go into courage. Yeah,
M Courage is what I refer toas the integrated phase. Um, Yeah,

(53:15):
I didn't really talk about that though. Phase one of clarity is really
more of like a feminine feeling anda more intuitive phase. Phase two of
confidence is a very masculine, verydoing phase. And then phase three,
this like courageous living, is anintegrated one and it it takes a lot

(53:38):
of courage to do something different.And that's where this word comes from,
is we are constantly in every moment. If we want to keep growing and
we want to keep expanding into thevision of our life, we have to
change every moment by design. IfI want to get somewhere that I'm not
today, I have to change toget to it, and that takes courage.

(54:01):
And what is required in this phasethree courageous stage is learning to the
word I use as a tunement,but really it's just paying attention to what
is this moment calling of me?And it could be calling me to lean
in more and act more and bemore fierce and be more driven, or

(54:24):
it could be calling me to chillout and like lean back a little bit
and listen in this conversation or listenin this and so it takes an enormous
amount of attention and consciousness in thisphase three. It's a very mature stage.
That's why I call it the integratedstage, because you're able to jump

(54:45):
immediately between like fully laughing, playinglike all chaos and fun. It's like
boom, I'm right here and viceversa, and I can relax and just
like yeah, whatever. And soit's a it's a courageous thing because it
means that we're consistently breaking our patternsand we're changing every moment. We're not

(55:10):
falling back to what's comfortable for us. What's comfortable is what we did yesterday
and what we did last week.It's comfortable because we know the outcome.
What's courageous is taking a step forwardnot knowing the outcome. And that is
I mean, the recipe for continuingto expand into what you know is possible

(55:32):
for your life is continue to movetowards it. And every day, every
moment is going to call something newout of you. And it's a matter
of if you if you step intoit, if you rise to it,
if you choose it. Courage isnot the absence of fear of acting in
the face of it. And Iget shit scared every time I'm making a
leap into something yeah, yeah,and the fear is more of a guide.

(56:00):
It's like, oh, I'm actuallyonto something. I'm leaning in the
right direction, and I mean,I'm not there, but there's still an
amount of fear that I get upto that ceiling and I'm like, okay,
that's enough fear, and then Itake one step down from that ceiling.
And then that's the action I take. Yes, everyone has that ceiling

(56:22):
and that's okay, Like it's it'sbetter to acknowledge what fear ceiling is and
then take one small step back anddo that thing. It's still scary,
it's very It's like jumping from thethirty foot high board versus the ten.
It's like, when I stand onthe thirty, that looks too far.

(56:45):
But that's all about just really knowingyour limits, trusting yourself and your confidence
and that comes over time. Nexttime you stand on the thirty board,
you're like, shit, I jumpedoff the twenty and that was great.
It was fucking awesome. Yeah.So it's like the same thing in life,
same thing in workouts. Like ifyou go into a crossfort workout and
you fucking redline it, like you'regonna crash and burn, but you got

(57:07):
to find that happy middle to whereit's still challenging and you can still get
through it. Yeah, that's howwe progress. And I remembered what I
was going to say. There wego. It came back to me once
once I stopped thinking about what I'mgoing to say, is it just comes
back It would be. So thisis when we were talking about failing an
entrepreneurship. And something I like toremind myself is that it would be unreasonable

(57:32):
for me to be good at thisthing that I am just now starting.
So am I really asking the universeto be unreasonable for me? Like?
Of course I'm going to fail.Of course, like that should be The
goal is to just fail as fastas possible and then okay, what what
did I do wrong? How canI learn from that? And that?

(57:52):
I love that? Man, somany people want to skip steps. It's
unreasonable for you to be a greatat this thing. Yes, yeah,
the tens of thousands of hours thathave gone to making people great at things,
it's like it's unreasonable. Before westarted recording, we were talking about

(58:13):
how we had both been feeling overwhelmedin the past, and it sounds like
we came to the same conclusion togive ourselves permission to feel overwhelmed. Talk
to us about how you came tothat realization and how that has allowed you

(58:34):
to move away from overwhelmed. Man. I faced that one regularly. I'll
say that, honestly, overwhelmed isin default pattern for me. It's that
overworking pattern. It's like getting takingon so much, and it happens in
seasons in my life. It justhappened. I wrote about in my news

(58:57):
letter a few weeks ago. It'slike I started putting more expectations on myself
to do more, to do more, and then things started not getting done,
so I got more frustrated. Andthis this went for about five to
six days, and then on thesixth day, I just had this like
I had this moment where I wasjust like I didn't choose any of this.

(59:23):
I was like, I don't evenknow what I'm doing. It's this
um this feeling, this feeling tome of being in a washing machine and
like faking a smile. I meanlike, yes, this is great,
this is great, this is great, and just like getting tossed tossed around.
That's how I experience overwhelmed, especiallyin work, like I do it

(59:43):
to myself and work so much,and because because I care and I want,
but it's a distraction. The overwomanis a strapture. So I caught
myself and I actually just I doa lot of like voice and throat stuff,
and I just let out I won'tdo it here. But I just
this like deep like sigh and justlike grunt and just like ah and just

(01:00:06):
like let all that go and likethat again. Step one. That cleared
the space. And I was like, I don't need to be doing any
of this, like I'm literally settingthis overwhelm all myself. And what I
did was I closed the laptop,I went down to the beach. I
jumped in the ocean, I walkedon the sand, I got sunshine.

(01:00:27):
And then my girlfriend made me anamazing meal that day, and I just
like I told her, I waslike, I want permission to do nothing
tonight, and she gave me amassage, and then I woke up the
next day and I was so litup and clear, and all it took
was me accepting this overwhelmed state thatI'd put myself in, letting that overwhelmed
just melt away, and in likehours it was gone, and I was

(01:00:53):
back to the the person that Iwanted to be working from and like like
inspire ing from. And it's sneakythough, man, it's sneaks in.
It sneaks in for me at leastbecause I have this. If I want
to do this and I want toachieve this, then I have to do

(01:01:13):
more and I have to do Ihave to keep adding, I have to
keep pushing. If I can,I should. That's another one for me.
I can work more. I shouldif I can do this other but
like and fortunately for me, Ihad an experience in my early thirties where
my body basically just said no,my my brain injury and from literally too

(01:01:38):
much stress. And so I've learnedfrom that moment forward and if that was
one hundred percent, I don't letmyself get past ten percent. Ten percent
for me now of overwhelm is likethere's a problem and we need to make
a change. So like zero zeroto ten is like my fluctuating. I'll
get a little stressed. But onceI hit ten percent, and I know

(01:02:01):
what that is, I just startbeing short to my partner. I start
being like like moody and like likeoh like just not enjoying the amazing life
that I have is the best wayto put it. And UM, when
that starts happening, I know,I'm just too overwhelmed. M Yeah,
but yeah still still every every everydays a journey man. It's it still

(01:02:25):
creeps in on me. UM.I got overwhelmed. Oh that wasn't the
most recent I got overwhelmed. Ijust drove back from Mexico, got overwhelmed
driving through the cities in the traffic, and I like found myself all ten
something like what do I ten see? Like, just like drive five miles
an hour slower and relax, likeyeah, yeah, yeah. Your book

(01:02:47):
is coming out September in correct.What's it called Integrated Leadership? Integrated Leadership?
Yeah, and that's how to leadlife with more clarity, confidence and
courage. Yeah. Perfect. Wherecan we find more about you? Like?
Where can we? Yeah? YeahsUm chrishef dot com is the place

(01:03:07):
for all things that I do.UM and then also Chris marhefk on Instagram.
UM. The book will be availableeverywhere. UM. Hopefully by the
time this episode comes out, UMwill be available everywhere Amazon. UM.
We plan to do audio version aswell. I'm actually more excited about recording
the audio version than I was aboutwriting it, because I get to bring

(01:03:28):
this like joy and excitement to itum because I really I believe in what
I've created and put on paper here, and I believe it can be really
supportive for people in like a simplifiedaction way, and so I want that
to come out in my reading.Is that what you're most excited about right
now or is there something else?Ah, I'm I'm I'm most excited about

(01:03:54):
that when it comes to like mypurpose in the world like that, I'm
proud and I'm excited because in thatsix months of time off, it hit
me on the head and then itkept hitting me on the head and I
took action. Like I'd never writtena book before. I didn't have a
consistent writing practice, but I justdid it. I Like, I was

(01:04:15):
like, what do I need todo? And I committed fifteen minutes a
day of writing and then it becamean hour a day, and I just
did that over and over again.And then I turned around three months later
and I've got fifty thousand words writtenon a book. I'm like, holy
shit, man, Like I didn'tknow what I was doing, and now
it's here and now working with apublishing team and like everything like that wouldn't
have been possible had I not justsat down and wrote for fifteen minutes.

(01:04:40):
It's kind of going back to theprocess. So that's what I'm most excited
about. It was the obvious thingfor me. I took action on it,
so I'm really proud of that.And the other thing is just my
relationship. Yeah, every day,man, I experienced as like a very

(01:05:00):
like hard hard man how I wasraised. Like, I feel myself like
opening up more to the love ofthis woman and it brings like this relationship
brings me so much joy and beautyin my life that I never would have
appreciated, and like the hard drivingdays, and it's a constant reminder to

(01:05:25):
enjoy life. Like that's what itis for me. For sure. She's
the one that snapps me out,overwhelm. She's smiling and happy and joyful
and beautiful all the time and youfeel held Yeah, for sure. For
sure, there's a level of trustthat I've never experienced before. Yeah,
that's awesome. All right, Twomore questions. We both run men's retreats.

(01:05:49):
What advice would you give to meposting men's retreats? I've run ran
one currently, the next one willbe at the same time as as your
next one coming. Yeah. Yeah, you want advice leading up to or
once you're in the door, Like, once you're in the door, Yeah,
let's do at the event. Yeah, you don't need to do anything,

(01:06:14):
it's already done. The men thathave said yes to being there,
they have said yes to themselves,and you don't need to make a change
for them. You are the changejust by being you. You don't need
to force anything. I mean,do the things that you're planning on doing,
but likely less. To be honest, I go into retreat with a

(01:06:39):
grander plan than what ends up unfolding, and what ends up unfolding is more
beautiful and magical when I relax theneed to like do all the things in
ABC D, E f G.That's actually what happened on the first one,
Like I had this whole thing plannedout, and then just how the
schedule went, it just made sensethat the flow would go little bit off

(01:07:00):
schedule, and I just allowed thatto happen and it worked out perfectly.
Yeah. So that's that's reassuring tohear because I can definitely be like,
let's do this, this, this, and and just be yourself because there's
more learning in who you are thanwhat you say that hits Yeah, thank

(01:07:24):
you. Last question, what doesthriving I mean? Do you? M
wow? I It's not the answerI thought would come. But taking a
deep breath and loving and appreciating thelife that you have today and are creating,

(01:07:51):
it's just like appreciating this momentum.I think thriving is more of a
state of being than the what isactually tangible that you're doing or creating,
And I think the state proceeds whatpeople would think is material thriving. So

(01:08:16):
really like, breathe in the factthat you're alive, Breathe in the fact
of like the amazing journey you've hadto this point, and be proud of
and acknowledge the person you are andwho you're becoming, and that leads to
the material things almost like secondary toit. Yeah. Man, I've been

(01:08:43):
through the Ringer enough times to realizethat I would never put a number or
a title on anything thriving, Likemy life is thriving because I believe it
is, and I think it's alsoin an emerging hoards. So as soon
as I accept that I'm thriving,today, if I close down or I

(01:09:05):
stop growing, I'm no longer thriving. So it's like a consistent and like
leaning into every moment and leaning intothe moment with like joy and excitement and
like willingness, not like you're gettingpulled along through Life's like we have a

(01:09:26):
gift here. Thriving is like enjoyingand like like running through life, like
hands up, like smile and earto ear. And I know it doesn't
always feel that way, but whenyou approach life with that energy, you
get more of those moments acceptance andgratitude for what is yea constant striving for

(01:09:48):
to make it one percent better?Awesome? Well, my purpose is to
make thriving standard and as opposed towhat is standard today, which working with
men you're familiar with. So thankyou for coming on the show and helping
me fulfill my purpose and make drivingstandard. You're doing a great job at

(01:10:10):
it. I appreciate it. AmericanJesus, thanks for coming on. Ye
have the Captain's lifestyle. Peace,