December 5, 2025 • 29 mins
In this episode of The CultureHug Podcast, we explore Afghanistan through a culturally informed lens—looking beyond headlines to understand the values, traditions, and lived experiences that shape Afghan life. We unpack elements of its complex cultural identity, from communication and business norms to dining etiquette and everyday social expectations. We examine the traditional honor code Pashtunwali (“the way of the Pashtun”) and how its principles differ from cultural norms across the American continent. We also discuss the political landscape that shapes daily life, and we hold space for the ongoing challenges Afghan women face amid intersecting traditional values, systemic oppression, and restrictions on their rights. This episode invites listeners to approach Afghan culture with curiosity, empathy, and respect—seeking to understand people through the richness of their history, honor, and humanity.
Sources:
Commisceo Global Consulting Ltd. (2024). Afghanistan - Language, culture, customs and etiquette. Commisceo Global.
Gallup News. (2022, November 9). Afghans view U.S. leadership poorly a year after withdrawal. Gallup.
Pashtuns, Balochistan, Afghanistan. (2024). Pashtunwali - The way of the Pashtuns.
UN Women – Headquarters. (2024). FAQs: What it's like to be a woman in Afghanistan in 2025.
U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). (2024). Afghanistan - The World Factbook. The World Factbook.
This episode includes AI-generated content.
Sources:
Commisceo Global Consulting Ltd. (2024). Afghanistan - Language, culture, customs and etiquette. Commisceo Global.
Gallup News. (2022, November 9). Afghans view U.S. leadership poorly a year after withdrawal. Gallup.
Pashtuns, Balochistan, Afghanistan. (2024). Pashtunwali - The way of the Pashtuns.
UN Women – Headquarters. (2024). FAQs: What it's like to be a woman in Afghanistan in 2025.
U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). (2024). Afghanistan - The World Factbook. The World Factbook.
This episode includes AI-generated content.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
In the Quiet Place, wish words on fold like whispers
in the to go, who we start, Welcome to the
Culture Hook podcast, your space to learn and learn and grow,
(00:25):
one hug and one episode at a time. For many
of us, Afghanistan is a country we really only see
through the.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
News right through a very narrow lens exactly.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It's all geopolitics, conflict, external strategy. But today we're on
a very different mission.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
A much deeper one.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
We're going to try and look past that conflict narrative
and do a deep dive into the real source of
Afghan identity, its culture, its values, and you know, the
essential why behind it all.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And that's such a critical shift to make because if
you only focus on the headlines, you miss the incredible
resilience of the people.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What sources are we working with today?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
We've pulled together a really wide range of materials, everything
from detailed cultural etiquette guides, ethnographic studies all the way
to the foundational honor code Pashenwally Okay, and then right
up to recent and frankly very difficult survey data from
places like Gallop and Youn Women.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So the goal here is to give you the tools
to approach this incredibly complex nation with well with informed respect.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
And with intellectual curiosity. That's the key.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Before we get into the specifics, we have to set
the stage. I mean, the culture we're about to discuss
has been forged in historical fire.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Absolutely. The last forty years have been defined by almost
unimaginable trauma, continuous war invasions, whether it was the Soviets,
the British, or more modern threats from groups like the
Taliban or al Qaeda.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It's an environment of just intense, prolonged.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Struggle, it is, and that has a measurable and frankly,
a devastating impact. There's one figure from our sources that
just immediately puts it all into context. The average age,
the average age of an Afghan based on twenty twenty estimates,
is just eighteen years old.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Eighteen. That is staggering. I mean you compare that to
the US or the UK, where it's what over forty.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well over forty, And you have to understand that statistic
isn't just about a young population. It signifies a massive
demographic trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
The generations who live through periods of peace, the people
who carried that deep institutional memory, they've been decimated or displaced.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
So you're left with this profoundly young society.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
A young society where the collective memory is shaped almost
entirely by war, by instability, and the absolute need to
rely on your immediate community.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And that right there is a huge insight into why
things like honor and loyalty are so so paramount.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
It's everything. It limits institutional memory and puts all the
pressure on those social safety nets.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Okay, so let's start unpacking this culture, starting with the
land itself. You said it's a tapestry of ethnicities, languages,
and a very complets geography.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It is geographically you're looking at southern Asia. It's completely landlocked, right,
surrounded by Pakistan, Iran to Djikistan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. And
the climate is harsh, arid, semi arid, with these bitterly
cold winters and then just scorching hot summers, and that.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Rugged, mountainous terrain has a profound impact on the culture.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
A huge impact. How does being landlocked and mountainous shape
your values?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Well, I imagine it makes it hard to govern.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Exactly it Foster's decentralization. Throughout history, any central government has
struggled to control these isolated mountain passes and valleys.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
So people had to rely on themselves, on.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Their immediate social structures, the clan, the tribe, the family,
because the state was either weak or worse seen as
being controlled by outsiders.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
So values like loyalty, self, reliance, community they became the
only guaranteed security.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
The geography literally necessitates it, and the population itself, which
is estimated to be around forty two point sixty.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Five million x twenty twenty five, is a true ethnic mosaic.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It really is. I mean, the statistics just lay out
this foundational diversity.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So who are the major groups?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
The largest single group is the Pashtuns at about forty
two percent of the population. Then you have the Taijiks
at twenty seven percent, the Hazara at nine percent, and
the Uzbeks also at nine.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Percent, and then a few smaller groups after that.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Right the Amac, Turkmen, and Ballach make up the rest.
So this is not a homogeneous society. It's a complex
federation of distinct, powerful ethnic identities.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And I assume that complexity extends to language as well.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
It does. There are two official languages, Pashtu, which is
also called Pushtu and Dhari, which is Afghan Persian or.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Farsi, which one is more common.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Dari is actually the most widely spoken by about half
the population. Historically it's been the lingua franca for business,
for government.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
For cross cultural communication exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Pashtu is spoken by about thirty five percent. And then
you can't forget the Turkic languages like Uzbek and Turkmen,
spoken by about eleven percent of people, especially up near
the northern borders.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
So bilingualism must be very common.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Very often. Trilingualism it's just a necessity of life in
such a diverse place.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So let's focus on those top three groups you mentioned, Pashtun,
Tajik and Hazara, because it seems like this is where
a lot of the cultural and even political fault lines appear.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
We have to The Pashtuns are predominantly Sunni Muslims, they
speak Pashtu, and they're concentrated in the south and east.
They are the undisputed source of the unwritten cultural code
we're going to talk about a minute, Pashenwally, and historically
they've formed the core of the ruling classes.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And then the Tajiks.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
The Tajiks are of Iranian origin. They're Persian speakers and
also mostly Sunni. They tend to be more in the
central and northern areas like Kabul and Herat.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
A very powerful minority group.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
A significant one, yes, and historically they've often been seen
as having more of an administrative or commercial focus.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
And finally, the haizaras their story is well, it's off
just a tragic one. It is.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
The Hizzars make up about nine percent of the population.
They're believed to be descendants of the Mongols, and they
speak a dialect of Persian with Turkish words.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
But the crucial difference is religion.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
That's the critical point. They are the largest Shiite Muslim
group in a country that is overwhelmingly Sunni.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Which has made them targets for persecution.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Horrific persecution. Our sources are very clear that under certain
regimes they face targeted attacks on their places of worship,
which drives this profound sense of insecurity and a very
distinct political outlook. We'll actually see that reflected in some
of the survey data later on.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
So when we say Afghan values, we're really talking about
a set of overlapping, sometimes even conflicting cultural dynamics.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Precisely. It's all rooted in that decentralized history and this
complex ethnic identity. These values aren't abstract ideals, they are
survival mechanisms.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Okay. So from that foundation of land and people, let's
move to what you called the single most pervasive force
shaping the society. Islam.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Islam is the core pillar. I mean, ninety nine percent
of Afghan's practice Islam. It's beliefs, just they permeate every
single facet of.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Life, personal conduct, politics.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Law, greetings, dress, how you eat, how you work. It
provides the entire moral and ethical framework for the culture.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And as we just discussed with the Hazaras, the country
is overwhelmingly sunny.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
That's right, about eighty five percent Sunni, fifteen percent Shia,
and the formal government structure reflects that sunny dominance.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Which unfortunately can lead to that tension and violence against
minority groups.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's been a consistent feature, especially from hardline extremist factions
targeting Shia Muslims.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Let's talk about the rhythm of daily life, because face
really dictates the schedule, which has huge practical implications.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
If you're a visitor, the entire rhythm is dictated by
the five daily prayers dawn, noon, afternoon, sunset, and evening.
You'll notice that life just stops for these obligations.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So for business planning you have to work around them.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You absolutely have to. These times are non negotiable and
you have to respect that in any meeting structure.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
And the week itself is structured differently.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right, The weekend is Thursday and Friday, with Friday being
the Muslim holy.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Day, so most businesses and government offices are closed.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
They are if you're planning any professional trip, you have
to factor in that Thursday Friday weekend or you'll just
run into delays.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay, now, this is where it gets really interesting and
so practically relevant for anyone listening Ramadan.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Ramadan changes the entire speed and feel of the country.
It's seen as this holy, often joyful period of self
purification and community connection, and it.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Involves strict fasting from dawn until dusk.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And it's not just food. It means absolutely no drinking,
not even water, no smoking, no chewing gum.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
The commitment is total.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
It's total. It even extends to abstaining from negative thoughts
and sinful behavior.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And professionally that has a huge impact.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
It does our sources confirm that work hours are typically
cut down to about six hours a day to accommodate
the physical demas the whole pace of life just slows
right down.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
So that moment when the sun finally sets must be
incredibly important.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It's the high point of the day. It's marked by
the if Tar, which is the communal family meal that
breaks the fast. It's a profound time of gathering, sharing, praying,
a celebration of faith, in community, and hospitality during if
Tar is just it's heightened to another level.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Now, this is a critical etiquette note for you, the listener,
if you're ever there during Ramadan. You're not required to
fast if you're not Muslim, but there's a non negotiable
rule about public conduct.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
This point cannot be overstated. You are exempt from the
religious obligation, but you absolutely must not eat, drink water, smoke,
or chew gum in public during the daylight hours.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It's seen as deeply disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Profoundly disrespectful to the entire community. It's a matter of
social harmony, and it's something you must must adhere to.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Okay. So moving from that framework of faith to the
framework of society, we have to talk about the absolute
bedrock of Afghan culture, the family.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The family is the single most important unit. It supersedes everything,
the state, the tribe, business. It's the only place where
absolute trust resides.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It's sacred.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
It's sacred, and it requires constant protection. The traditional roles
follow that men are the breadwinners and protectors. Women manage
the household and.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
The physical structure of life. The walled compound the kala
that reinforces this focus on protection.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
That's a powerful insight. The kala isn't just a house,
it's a fortress. Families live together in these compounds. When
a son marries, he and his wife join the compound.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So the walls provide physical security.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
But they also enforce the insular, protected nature of the
family unit, which is essential to upholding its honor. It's
nang against the outside.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
World, and that intense protection leads directly to a crucial
etiquette note for outsiders. Don't pro about.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Family members, Absolutely not, because the family is sacred and
female family members are so closely tied to a man's honor,
Asking specific intrusive questions about his wife, daughter, or sister
is just It's deeply inappropriate.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So a general how is your family is okay.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Brief in general is fine. Anything more is suspicious and
can damage trust.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And this all comes back to the defining value that
governs everything, honor or Nang. What does it really mean?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Nang is the measure of your reputation you're worth, and
it's not just individual worth. It extends to your entire family,
your clan.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
And the head of the family is responsible for He.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Holds that immense responsibility and losing nang means losing everything,
your reputation, your respect, your social standing. It's a constant,
daily burden.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You mentioned something called the triangle of honor. This seems
to be the driving force behind so much of the
social behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
It's the ultimate motivator. The triangle is made of three things,
zan which means woman or the honor of women, Zar
which is gold or wealth, and Zaman, which is.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Lamb woman, wealth and land.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
The defense of those three things drives extraordinary behavior, modest
dress codes, social segregation, fierce loyalty, and land disputes.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
So any threat to one of those three requires a.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Response, an immediate, sometimes violent response to restore nang.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So as an outsider, you have to be incredibly cautious
about causing shame.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That is the crux of respectful engagement. Causing someone's shame
by criticizing them in public, questioning them to the point
of embarrassment. It's a serious threat to their honor and
it demands resolution.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
And if you, as a guest act shamefully, that shame.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Is instantly reflected back onto your host, you become a
liability to their honor.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
This brings us to the code that formalizes all these values, Pashtunwali,
the way of the Pashtune.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yes, and even though it's Pashten code, its influence stretches
far beyond just that one ethnic group.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
What is it exactly?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Poshtunwally is the embodiment of the ideal honorable life. It's
the ultimate expression of justice and moral conduct outside of
the official state. It compels you to defend your motherland,
protect the weak, correct insults.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
It sounds incredibly intense.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It is. The seventeenth century poet Khushal khankak Tak wrote,
I despise the man who does not guide his life
by honor. The very word honor drives me mad.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
And our sources note that because this honor rests with
the men, the carrying of weapons has become a powerful
symbol of the code.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
It's a continuous signal of capability. There's a popular proverb,
a man's gun is his jewelry.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
The weapon symbolizes his status as a protector, his commitment
to independence. It signals that he, not the distant state,
is the guaranteur of justice for his family.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Which explains why external attempts to enforce rule of law
often meet such fierce resistance.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Exactly for a man living under passion Wally, his honor
demands he prioritize his own sense of justice over any
external law.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Okay, let's break down the three big tenets of this code,
starting with Melmastia, which is hospitality.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Malmastia is mandatory. It requires you to welcome, feed, and
protect any guest, regardless of who they are. Is how
a paschten converts his wealth into power and prestige.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
The more hospitable you are, the greater your honor.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Precisely, there's a famous saying there is no khan without
a dostar khon.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
A leader a khan mufft have adosto kon a spread of.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Food, because feeding guests is how he demonstrates his generosity
and his capacity to lead. And this duty is so
intense that he must show mercy even to a known
enemy who shows up at his door seeking refuge.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
And that leads directly to the second and maybe most
intense tenant yeh nanawatai.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Asylum Nanawatai is the sacred requirement to safeguard anyone who
seeks refuge under your roof, even if it costs.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
You your own life, your own life.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's the highest form of protection. It elevates the guest's
safety above the host's own survival.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
We have a powerful modern example of this, lah Omar's
refusal to hand over Osama bin Laden.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It's the definitive illustration of the code's power. He refused
to hand bin Lauden over to the Americans or even
to fellow Muslims who demanded it on religious grounds.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
He was choosing passion Waally over everything else.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
He explicitly prioritized his duty as a host under passion
Wally over Sharia over any external political authority. It showed
the world that this ancient, unwritten code can be the
supreme law.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And finally, the most famously misunderstood tenant badal revenge or exchange.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Badal is non negotiable. It's the requirement to take revenge
to correct a wrong, theft, murder, and insult, to restore
the family's honor.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
There's a quote from a young Winston Churchill about this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yes, he observed that for the passion, no injury is
to be forgotten and no debt left unpaid. If a
man doesn't take revenge, he's seen as lacking in masculinity
and social worth.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And the time it takes doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Not at all. Time is irrelevant to honor. The saying
is chilling. The Passton who took revenge after one hundred
years said I took it quickly.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Wow. But that sounds inherently dis desructive. I mean, if
revenge is mandatory and can wait a century, how does
society not just collapse?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
That is the essential nuance here. While badal often means violence,
the word literally.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Means exchange exchange.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
It can cover nonviolent things like arranging marriages to settle aggrievance.
The underlying function isn't purely punitive. It's designed to address
the reasons to prevent further conflict.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So bideal creates a crisis, but it also creates the
mechanism to solve it exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
The act of revenge often triggers mediation. Rival parties are
eventually brought together to settle it, often through blood compensation,
money or goods, or arranged marriages between the warring families.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And the most severe provocation for a blood feud is
the violation of women's honor.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
These cases are called not, which.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Means black black that sounds final.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
It often is. Our source is stressed that such a
stain on honor can usually only be converted back to
spin or white by death. The social pressure on the
dishonored man is immense. He is culturally compelled to act.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
This intense focus on honor and the passion Wally code
plays out in every single social setting. Let's talk about
the practical side of this, like dining.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Etiquette, hospitality, malmastia is inescapable. As a guest, you will
always be given the best the family has.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Well. You'll be overfed constantly.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
If you're offer tea, your glass will be refilled the
second it's empty. The only way to stop it is
to cover the glass with their hand and say boss.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Which means enough exactly. And dining is almost always gender segregated.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
That's the rule of nang in practice. Protecting women's honor
means limiting interaction with unknown men. So men with men,
women with women. If you find yourself in a mixed setting,
you must sit next to someone of the same gender.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Okay, So let's run through the essentials for you, the listener.
If you're invited into.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
A home, first rule, always remove your shoes.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
At the door. Always.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
You'll likely be seated on cushions on the floor. Wait
to be shown where to sit. Don't just pick a spot.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
And body language is critical. When you're on the.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Floor, it is the feet are considered unclean. You must
never sit with your legs outstretched and your feet facing
other people. It's extremely disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Sit cross legged.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
If you can't, that's the most polite posture. Just make
sure your feet are tucked away.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
And food is often served communally, which brings up the
hand rule.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
This is the single most important rule. You must never eat, pass,
or receive anything with your.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Left hand right hand only.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
The left hand is for personal hygiene, so it's considered unclean.
Use the right hand only. You'll likely eat with your
hands Scooping food into a little ball at your fingertips.
Just watch your host and follow their lead.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And what about finishing your plate?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
This is counterintuitive for Westerners, but you should leave some
food on your plate.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
A clean plate signals you're still hungry, and your host's
honor requires them to keep refilling it. Leaving a little
bit shows you're full and you appreciate their abundance.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
This high attention to detail flows into all interactions. Let's
talk about navigating relationships greetings.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
First, a handshake is common between men, but you'll also
see people place their right hand over their heart with
a slight nod, often with a salam.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
That feels like a safe bet for any encounter it is.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
And when you greet someone, you always ask about their health,
their business, and their families well being.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
But remember keep the family inquiry brief.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
In general, exactly no probing.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Given the intense focus on honor. The rules for mixing
between genders are extremely strict for outsiders.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Crucial for avoiding deep offense. Free mixing only happens within families.
In public or professional settings, men and women will not
shake hands. They maintain distance.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
What about something as simple as eye contact.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Avoided entirely between men and women it could be misinterpreted
as an inappropriate advance. And between men, occasional is fine,
but prolonged, sustained eye contact can be seen as aggressive.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
So for women travelers, what's the critical advice.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Avoid looking men in the eyes, keep your eyes lowered
in pub Don't engage in casual chat with unknown men.
It can seriously damage your reputation, which then reflects badly
on anyone you're with. And for male travelers, don't initiate
conversation with unknown women. Don't offer your hand to a woman.
Use the handover heart gesture instead, and we have to
(20:18):
say it again. Never ask a man about his wife
or female relatives.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
The underlying principle is that any casual interaction outside the
family compromises honor.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It even extends to private spaces. Men and women should
never be alone in the same.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Room, and if it's unavoidable for work.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
You must ensure the door is left wide open. It's
a physical guarantee that nothing improper is happening, and it
protects everyone's honor. Touching between genders is strictly avoided.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
This code also dictates how you should dress.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Modesty is paramount for women. That means dressing conservatively showing
as little skin as possible below the neck. Loose fitting pants,
under skirts and a headscarf is strongly advisable in public
and for men. Conservative suits are fine for business. If
you're doing non commercial work, adopting the traditional long shirt
and trousers is seen as a sign of respect.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Let's cover the nuance of gift giving. It's not just
about what.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You give, No, it's about how you give it. First rule,
never give alcohol unless you are absolutely certain they drink,
and even then do it covertly to avoid causing them
public shame.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
So what are good gifts for a dinner invitation?
Speaker 2 (21:24):
High quality fruit, sweets, pastries, always nicely wrapped. A small
gift for a first visit, for tea is perfectly appropriate, and.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
You don't just hand it over when you walk in
the door.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
No subtle tea is key. You discreetly place it near
the door or where you sit down. It feels less transactional.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And there's a special note for single men visiting a home.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yes, the best practice is to present the gift to
the hostess, but say that it's a gifts from your wife, mother,
or sister. It removes any possible ambiguity and protects everyone's honor.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Okay, moving into the professional sphere, the business sculpture sounds
like a perfect reflection of everything we just discussed about
trust and relationships.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It's fundamentally personal. You cannot move straight to transactions. The
initial meetings are all about establishing trust, so you.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Have to invest time in getting to know your counterparts quality.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Time, their family, their interests. You build the relationship before
you even touch the details of a contract.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
And what should you expect from meetings themselves?
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Fluidity? You should arrive on time, but be prepared for
the meeting to be flexible to go off on tangents.
Relationships matter more than a strict clock.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
And meetings aren't always for brainstoring.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Often they serve to communicate decisions that have already been
made behind the scenes. Also, don't be offended if people
walk in and out or take phone calls. It's just
part of the flow.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
And the need to protect honor means communication is very indirect.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Very indirect. You have to read between the lines. A
direct no is almost never given because it's seen as
impolite and could cause shame.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So how would someone say no?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
They might say if God wills it or just talk
around the issue. It's on you to phrase questions intelligently
to gauge their real commitment.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
And you can never ever directly blame someone in a
professional setting.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Never, You always discuss the problem without identifying the person.
To do otherwise causes a grave offense, destroys trust and
could kill the entire relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Business cards surprisingly are a big deal.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Because they aren't widely used, they carry prestige. When you're
given one, take it with your right hand, study it,
comment on it.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Show respect and get yours translated.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Into dari or cash to absolutely advisable.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
When it comes to negotiation, our sources say it's often
a win lose mentality.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's a general approach. The goal is to maximize your
own outcome, which creates a stronger weaker dynamic, and you
only negotiate with the most senior person available.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So it's the strategy.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
You play the long game. You start with a wildly
high initial demand and you work your way down very
very slowly.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
And here's the key part.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
With every concession, you have to explain the damage it's
causing you. You're not just lowering a price, You're making
an emotional appeal about the harm to your profit, your reputation,
and if money isn't working, you pivot to honor. You
appeal directly to their sense of fairness, justice, and prestige.
You stress that a good deal will bring them honor,
(24:19):
naying and respect in their community, and those things are
often worth more than the bottom line.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
We've mapped the foundations from passionwually to business meetings. Now
we have to connect these deep values to the contemporary
realities of Afghan life.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
And we have to maintain a balanced, humanizing perspective. The
political context is still deeply fractured, especially along those ethnic
lines we talked about.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Right. The Gallop data from twenty twenty two really highlights this.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
It does. Overall approval of US leadership was low, only
eighteen percent, but if you break that down by ethnicity,
you see this massive political cleavage.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And this is where the historical persecution of the Hazara
minority really shows up in the modern data.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Precisely, among the Hazaras the Shia minority, who were so
often persecuted, approval of US leadership was fifty three percent.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Fifty three percent for them.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That external presence was seen as a protector. But among
the Pashtuns, the group that forms the core of Taliban support.
US approval was only eight percent, a forty.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Five point split. That's not one single Afghan view, that's
two totally different national experiences.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
It underscores the complexity political loyalty is so often tied
to ethnic identity and historical safety.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Okay, shifting to a very difficult topic, the current crisis
facing women. Based on the Sobering UN Women data from
twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
The situation is dire. It's a massive erosion of human rights.
Since August twenty twenty one, dozens of directives have systematically
stripped women and girls of their rights.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Banned from secondary school, from universities, from most jobs.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Banned from public spaces like parks and gyms. It's a
policy of structural exclusion that is unique in the world, and.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
The economic consequences are staggering.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
They're immense, and they're quantifiedable. Denying girls the secondary education
is costing the country two and a half percent of
its GDP annually. Wow, Afghanistan has one of the largest
workforce gender gaps in the world. This just worsens the
overall economic crisis for everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And that economic pressure has severe social fallout.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It does. The rates of early, forced and child marriage
are rising, often as a survival strategy for families. In
twenty twenty three, nearly thirty percent of girls under eighteen
were married.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And healthcare access is a huge problem.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
A huge problem. The restrictions on movement, the ban on
women studying medicine. It's creating a crisis, especially for maternal
mortality which is rising.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
And the mental health impact of being confined, of losing
your entire public life.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It's widespread. Women report rising anxiety, hopelessness, despair. The data
shows that even their influence inside the home, the one
space they're still allowed, has shrunk by sixty percent.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
But despite this this near total systemic repression, the final
point from our sources is about resilience.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
That resilience is the ultimate testament to the strength of
their culture and community bonds. These women are still running businesses,
working as humanitarian workers, as journalists.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
They're finding ways.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
They're engaging in quiet advocacy, using informal networks to meet
with authorities. They are navigating and resisting these constraints with
a profound courage that just it embodies that fierce self reliance.
We've talked about earlier.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
This has been a significant journey from the diversity of
the land through these ancient, fierce codes of honor right
up to the front lines of contemporary crises. It's reinforced
that Afghanistan is profoundly complex.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
But that complexity isn't a barrier.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
No, it's an invitation for deeper, more respectful engagement.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Absolutely, the critical takeaway here is that cultural competence is
the bridge. It reduces generalizations and increases human connection.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
And those values we discussed, hospitality, loyalty, family their universal concept.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
They are, even if their expression through a code like
Pashhanwally is unique. Understanding these codes is essential for anyone
who wants to understand the Afghan people, and.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
We have to end by coming back to those core
driving values. We spend a lot of time on nang,
the concept of absolute honour, and.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
On badal, the passion and obligation of revenge or exchange,
that fierce, long memory that compels the correction of I
wrong even a century later.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Nang defines identity. It's the framework through which all suffering
and all success is processed. It is so given the
central importance of Nang and the recent reports we've seen
detailing just profound shame, despair and crushing economic struggle, shame
caused by the inability to provide for or protect your
own family. We have to ask, how might these deep
(28:46):
seated cultural forces of honor and justice manifest themselves in
Afghanistan's future and what kind of profound social and political exchange,
What kind of badal might this widespread shame ultimately demand?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
A truly profound question to consider.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
That's something for you to mull over on your own.
Thank you for joining us to go here, we start
to
In the Quiet Place, wish words on fold like whispers
in the to go, who we start, Welcome to the
Culture Hook podcast, your space to learn and learn and grow,
(00:25):
one hug and one episode at a time. For many
of us, Afghanistan is a country we really only see
through the.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
News right through a very narrow lens exactly.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
It's all geopolitics, conflict, external strategy. But today we're on
a very different mission.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
A much deeper one.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
We're going to try and look past that conflict narrative
and do a deep dive into the real source of
Afghan identity, its culture, its values, and you know, the
essential why behind it all.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And that's such a critical shift to make because if
you only focus on the headlines, you miss the incredible
resilience of the people.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What sources are we working with today?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
We've pulled together a really wide range of materials, everything
from detailed cultural etiquette guides, ethnographic studies all the way
to the foundational honor code Pashenwally Okay, and then right
up to recent and frankly very difficult survey data from
places like Gallop and Youn Women.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So the goal here is to give you the tools
to approach this incredibly complex nation with well with informed respect.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
And with intellectual curiosity. That's the key.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Before we get into the specifics, we have to set
the stage. I mean, the culture we're about to discuss
has been forged in historical fire.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Absolutely. The last forty years have been defined by almost
unimaginable trauma, continuous war invasions, whether it was the Soviets,
the British, or more modern threats from groups like the
Taliban or al Qaeda.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It's an environment of just intense, prolonged.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Struggle, it is, and that has a measurable and frankly,
a devastating impact. There's one figure from our sources that
just immediately puts it all into context. The average age,
the average age of an Afghan based on twenty twenty estimates,
is just eighteen years old.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Eighteen. That is staggering. I mean you compare that to
the US or the UK, where it's what over forty.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well over forty, And you have to understand that statistic
isn't just about a young population. It signifies a massive
demographic trauma.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
The generations who live through periods of peace, the people
who carried that deep institutional memory, they've been decimated or displaced.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
So you're left with this profoundly young society.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
A young society where the collective memory is shaped almost
entirely by war, by instability, and the absolute need to
rely on your immediate community.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
And that right there is a huge insight into why
things like honor and loyalty are so so paramount.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
It's everything. It limits institutional memory and puts all the
pressure on those social safety nets.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Okay, so let's start unpacking this culture, starting with the
land itself. You said it's a tapestry of ethnicities, languages,
and a very complets geography.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It is geographically you're looking at southern Asia. It's completely landlocked, right,
surrounded by Pakistan, Iran to Djikistan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. And
the climate is harsh, arid, semi arid, with these bitterly
cold winters and then just scorching hot summers, and that.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Rugged, mountainous terrain has a profound impact on the culture.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
A huge impact. How does being landlocked and mountainous shape
your values?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Well, I imagine it makes it hard to govern.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Exactly it Foster's decentralization. Throughout history, any central government has
struggled to control these isolated mountain passes and valleys.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
So people had to rely on themselves, on.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Their immediate social structures, the clan, the tribe, the family,
because the state was either weak or worse seen as
being controlled by outsiders.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
So values like loyalty, self, reliance, community they became the
only guaranteed security.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
The geography literally necessitates it, and the population itself, which
is estimated to be around forty two point sixty.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Five million x twenty twenty five, is a true ethnic mosaic.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
It really is. I mean, the statistics just lay out
this foundational diversity.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
So who are the major groups?
Speaker 2 (04:08):
The largest single group is the Pashtuns at about forty
two percent of the population. Then you have the Taijiks
at twenty seven percent, the Hazara at nine percent, and
the Uzbeks also at nine.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Percent, and then a few smaller groups after that.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Right the Amac, Turkmen, and Ballach make up the rest.
So this is not a homogeneous society. It's a complex
federation of distinct, powerful ethnic identities.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And I assume that complexity extends to language as well.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
It does. There are two official languages, Pashtu, which is
also called Pushtu and Dhari, which is Afghan Persian or.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Farsi, which one is more common.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Dari is actually the most widely spoken by about half
the population. Historically it's been the lingua franca for business,
for government.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
For cross cultural communication exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Pashtu is spoken by about thirty five percent. And then
you can't forget the Turkic languages like Uzbek and Turkmen,
spoken by about eleven percent of people, especially up near
the northern borders.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
So bilingualism must be very common.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Very often. Trilingualism it's just a necessity of life in
such a diverse place.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So let's focus on those top three groups you mentioned, Pashtun,
Tajik and Hazara, because it seems like this is where
a lot of the cultural and even political fault lines appear.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
We have to The Pashtuns are predominantly Sunni Muslims, they
speak Pashtu, and they're concentrated in the south and east.
They are the undisputed source of the unwritten cultural code
we're going to talk about a minute, Pashenwally, and historically
they've formed the core of the ruling classes.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And then the Tajiks.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
The Tajiks are of Iranian origin. They're Persian speakers and
also mostly Sunni. They tend to be more in the
central and northern areas like Kabul and Herat.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
A very powerful minority group.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
A significant one, yes, and historically they've often been seen
as having more of an administrative or commercial focus.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
And finally, the haizaras their story is well, it's off
just a tragic one. It is.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
The Hizzars make up about nine percent of the population.
They're believed to be descendants of the Mongols, and they
speak a dialect of Persian with Turkish words.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
But the crucial difference is religion.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
That's the critical point. They are the largest Shiite Muslim
group in a country that is overwhelmingly Sunni.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Which has made them targets for persecution.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Horrific persecution. Our sources are very clear that under certain
regimes they face targeted attacks on their places of worship,
which drives this profound sense of insecurity and a very
distinct political outlook. We'll actually see that reflected in some
of the survey data later on.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
So when we say Afghan values, we're really talking about
a set of overlapping, sometimes even conflicting cultural dynamics.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Precisely. It's all rooted in that decentralized history and this
complex ethnic identity. These values aren't abstract ideals, they are
survival mechanisms.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Okay. So from that foundation of land and people, let's
move to what you called the single most pervasive force
shaping the society. Islam.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Islam is the core pillar. I mean, ninety nine percent
of Afghan's practice Islam. It's beliefs, just they permeate every
single facet of.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Life, personal conduct, politics.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Law, greetings, dress, how you eat, how you work. It
provides the entire moral and ethical framework for the culture.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
And as we just discussed with the Hazaras, the country
is overwhelmingly sunny.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
That's right, about eighty five percent Sunni, fifteen percent Shia,
and the formal government structure reflects that sunny dominance.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Which unfortunately can lead to that tension and violence against
minority groups.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
It's been a consistent feature, especially from hardline extremist factions
targeting Shia Muslims.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Let's talk about the rhythm of daily life, because face
really dictates the schedule, which has huge practical implications.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
If you're a visitor, the entire rhythm is dictated by
the five daily prayers dawn, noon, afternoon, sunset, and evening.
You'll notice that life just stops for these obligations.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So for business planning you have to work around them.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You absolutely have to. These times are non negotiable and
you have to respect that in any meeting structure.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
And the week itself is structured differently.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Right, The weekend is Thursday and Friday, with Friday being
the Muslim holy.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Day, so most businesses and government offices are closed.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
They are if you're planning any professional trip, you have
to factor in that Thursday Friday weekend or you'll just
run into delays.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Okay, now, this is where it gets really interesting and
so practically relevant for anyone listening Ramadan.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Ramadan changes the entire speed and feel of the country.
It's seen as this holy, often joyful period of self
purification and community connection, and it.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Involves strict fasting from dawn until dusk.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
And it's not just food. It means absolutely no drinking,
not even water, no smoking, no chewing gum.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
The commitment is total.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
It's total. It even extends to abstaining from negative thoughts
and sinful behavior.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And professionally that has a huge impact.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
It does our sources confirm that work hours are typically
cut down to about six hours a day to accommodate
the physical demas the whole pace of life just slows
right down.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
So that moment when the sun finally sets must be
incredibly important.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It's the high point of the day. It's marked by
the if Tar, which is the communal family meal that
breaks the fast. It's a profound time of gathering, sharing, praying,
a celebration of faith, in community, and hospitality during if
Tar is just it's heightened to another level.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Now, this is a critical etiquette note for you, the listener,
if you're ever there during Ramadan. You're not required to
fast if you're not Muslim, but there's a non negotiable
rule about public conduct.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
This point cannot be overstated. You are exempt from the
religious obligation, but you absolutely must not eat, drink water, smoke,
or chew gum in public during the daylight hours.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
It's seen as deeply disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Profoundly disrespectful to the entire community. It's a matter of
social harmony, and it's something you must must adhere to.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Okay. So moving from that framework of faith to the
framework of society, we have to talk about the absolute
bedrock of Afghan culture, the family.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The family is the single most important unit. It supersedes everything,
the state, the tribe, business. It's the only place where
absolute trust resides.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It's sacred.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
It's sacred, and it requires constant protection. The traditional roles
follow that men are the breadwinners and protectors. Women manage
the household and.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
The physical structure of life. The walled compound the kala
that reinforces this focus on protection.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
That's a powerful insight. The kala isn't just a house,
it's a fortress. Families live together in these compounds. When
a son marries, he and his wife join the compound.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So the walls provide physical security.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
But they also enforce the insular, protected nature of the
family unit, which is essential to upholding its honor. It's
nang against the outside.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
World, and that intense protection leads directly to a crucial
etiquette note for outsiders. Don't pro about.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Family members, Absolutely not, because the family is sacred and
female family members are so closely tied to a man's honor,
Asking specific intrusive questions about his wife, daughter, or sister
is just It's deeply inappropriate.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So a general how is your family is okay.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Brief in general is fine. Anything more is suspicious and
can damage trust.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And this all comes back to the defining value that
governs everything, honor or Nang. What does it really mean?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Nang is the measure of your reputation you're worth, and
it's not just individual worth. It extends to your entire family,
your clan.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
And the head of the family is responsible for He.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Holds that immense responsibility and losing nang means losing everything,
your reputation, your respect, your social standing. It's a constant,
daily burden.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You mentioned something called the triangle of honor. This seems
to be the driving force behind so much of the
social behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
It's the ultimate motivator. The triangle is made of three things,
zan which means woman or the honor of women, Zar
which is gold or wealth, and Zaman, which is.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Lamb woman, wealth and land.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
The defense of those three things drives extraordinary behavior, modest
dress codes, social segregation, fierce loyalty, and land disputes.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
So any threat to one of those three requires a.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Response, an immediate, sometimes violent response to restore nang.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
So as an outsider, you have to be incredibly cautious
about causing shame.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That is the crux of respectful engagement. Causing someone's shame
by criticizing them in public, questioning them to the point
of embarrassment. It's a serious threat to their honor and
it demands resolution.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
And if you, as a guest act shamefully, that shame.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Is instantly reflected back onto your host, you become a
liability to their honor.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
This brings us to the code that formalizes all these values, Pashtunwali,
the way of the Pashtune.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yes, and even though it's Pashten code, its influence stretches
far beyond just that one ethnic group.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
What is it exactly?
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Poshtunwally is the embodiment of the ideal honorable life. It's
the ultimate expression of justice and moral conduct outside of
the official state. It compels you to defend your motherland,
protect the weak, correct insults.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
It sounds incredibly intense.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
It is. The seventeenth century poet Khushal khankak Tak wrote,
I despise the man who does not guide his life
by honor. The very word honor drives me mad.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
And our sources note that because this honor rests with
the men, the carrying of weapons has become a powerful
symbol of the code.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
It's a continuous signal of capability. There's a popular proverb,
a man's gun is his jewelry.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
The weapon symbolizes his status as a protector, his commitment
to independence. It signals that he, not the distant state,
is the guaranteur of justice for his family.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Which explains why external attempts to enforce rule of law
often meet such fierce resistance.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Exactly for a man living under passion Wally, his honor
demands he prioritize his own sense of justice over any
external law.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Okay, let's break down the three big tenets of this code,
starting with Melmastia, which is hospitality.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Malmastia is mandatory. It requires you to welcome, feed, and
protect any guest, regardless of who they are. Is how
a paschten converts his wealth into power and prestige.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
The more hospitable you are, the greater your honor.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Precisely, there's a famous saying there is no khan without
a dostar khon.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
A leader a khan mufft have adosto kon a spread of.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Food, because feeding guests is how he demonstrates his generosity
and his capacity to lead. And this duty is so
intense that he must show mercy even to a known
enemy who shows up at his door seeking refuge.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
And that leads directly to the second and maybe most
intense tenant yeh nanawatai.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Asylum Nanawatai is the sacred requirement to safeguard anyone who
seeks refuge under your roof, even if it costs.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
You your own life, your own life.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's the highest form of protection. It elevates the guest's
safety above the host's own survival.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
We have a powerful modern example of this, lah Omar's
refusal to hand over Osama bin Laden.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It's the definitive illustration of the code's power. He refused
to hand bin Lauden over to the Americans or even
to fellow Muslims who demanded it on religious grounds.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
He was choosing passion Waally over everything else.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
He explicitly prioritized his duty as a host under passion
Wally over Sharia over any external political authority. It showed
the world that this ancient, unwritten code can be the
supreme law.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
And finally, the most famously misunderstood tenant badal revenge or exchange.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Badal is non negotiable. It's the requirement to take revenge
to correct a wrong, theft, murder, and insult, to restore
the family's honor.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
There's a quote from a young Winston Churchill about this.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yes, he observed that for the passion, no injury is
to be forgotten and no debt left unpaid. If a
man doesn't take revenge, he's seen as lacking in masculinity
and social worth.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And the time it takes doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Not at all. Time is irrelevant to honor. The saying
is chilling. The Passton who took revenge after one hundred
years said I took it quickly.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Wow. But that sounds inherently dis desructive. I mean, if
revenge is mandatory and can wait a century, how does
society not just collapse?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
That is the essential nuance here. While badal often means violence,
the word literally.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Means exchange exchange.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
It can cover nonviolent things like arranging marriages to settle aggrievance.
The underlying function isn't purely punitive. It's designed to address
the reasons to prevent further conflict.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
So bideal creates a crisis, but it also creates the
mechanism to solve it exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
The act of revenge often triggers mediation. Rival parties are
eventually brought together to settle it, often through blood compensation,
money or goods, or arranged marriages between the warring families.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And the most severe provocation for a blood feud is
the violation of women's honor.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
These cases are called not, which.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Means black black that sounds final.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
It often is. Our source is stressed that such a
stain on honor can usually only be converted back to
spin or white by death. The social pressure on the
dishonored man is immense. He is culturally compelled to act.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
This intense focus on honor and the passion Wally code
plays out in every single social setting. Let's talk about
the practical side of this, like dining.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Etiquette, hospitality, malmastia is inescapable. As a guest, you will
always be given the best the family has.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Well. You'll be overfed constantly.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
If you're offer tea, your glass will be refilled the
second it's empty. The only way to stop it is
to cover the glass with their hand and say boss.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Which means enough exactly. And dining is almost always gender segregated.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
That's the rule of nang in practice. Protecting women's honor
means limiting interaction with unknown men. So men with men,
women with women. If you find yourself in a mixed setting,
you must sit next to someone of the same gender.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Okay, So let's run through the essentials for you, the listener.
If you're invited into.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
A home, first rule, always remove your shoes.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
At the door. Always.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
You'll likely be seated on cushions on the floor. Wait
to be shown where to sit. Don't just pick a spot.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
And body language is critical. When you're on the.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Floor, it is the feet are considered unclean. You must
never sit with your legs outstretched and your feet facing
other people. It's extremely disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Sit cross legged.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
If you can't, that's the most polite posture. Just make
sure your feet are tucked away.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
And food is often served communally, which brings up the
hand rule.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
This is the single most important rule. You must never eat, pass,
or receive anything with your.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Left hand right hand only.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
The left hand is for personal hygiene, so it's considered unclean.
Use the right hand only. You'll likely eat with your
hands Scooping food into a little ball at your fingertips.
Just watch your host and follow their lead.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
And what about finishing your plate?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
This is counterintuitive for Westerners, but you should leave some
food on your plate.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
A clean plate signals you're still hungry, and your host's
honor requires them to keep refilling it. Leaving a little
bit shows you're full and you appreciate their abundance.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
This high attention to detail flows into all interactions. Let's
talk about navigating relationships greetings.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
First, a handshake is common between men, but you'll also
see people place their right hand over their heart with
a slight nod, often with a salam.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
That feels like a safe bet for any encounter it is.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
And when you greet someone, you always ask about their health,
their business, and their families well being.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
But remember keep the family inquiry brief.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
In general, exactly no probing.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Given the intense focus on honor. The rules for mixing
between genders are extremely strict for outsiders.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Crucial for avoiding deep offense. Free mixing only happens within families.
In public or professional settings, men and women will not
shake hands. They maintain distance.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
What about something as simple as eye contact.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Avoided entirely between men and women it could be misinterpreted
as an inappropriate advance. And between men, occasional is fine,
but prolonged, sustained eye contact can be seen as aggressive.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
So for women travelers, what's the critical advice.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Avoid looking men in the eyes, keep your eyes lowered
in pub Don't engage in casual chat with unknown men.
It can seriously damage your reputation, which then reflects badly
on anyone you're with. And for male travelers, don't initiate
conversation with unknown women. Don't offer your hand to a woman.
Use the handover heart gesture instead, and we have to
(20:18):
say it again. Never ask a man about his wife
or female relatives.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
The underlying principle is that any casual interaction outside the
family compromises honor.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It even extends to private spaces. Men and women should
never be alone in the same.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Room, and if it's unavoidable for work.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
You must ensure the door is left wide open. It's
a physical guarantee that nothing improper is happening, and it
protects everyone's honor. Touching between genders is strictly avoided.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
This code also dictates how you should dress.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Modesty is paramount for women. That means dressing conservatively showing
as little skin as possible below the neck. Loose fitting pants,
under skirts and a headscarf is strongly advisable in public
and for men. Conservative suits are fine for business. If
you're doing non commercial work, adopting the traditional long shirt
and trousers is seen as a sign of respect.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Let's cover the nuance of gift giving. It's not just
about what.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
You give, No, it's about how you give it. First rule,
never give alcohol unless you are absolutely certain they drink,
and even then do it covertly to avoid causing them
public shame.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
So what are good gifts for a dinner invitation?
Speaker 2 (21:24):
High quality fruit, sweets, pastries, always nicely wrapped. A small
gift for a first visit, for tea is perfectly appropriate, and.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
You don't just hand it over when you walk in
the door.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
No subtle tea is key. You discreetly place it near
the door or where you sit down. It feels less transactional.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And there's a special note for single men visiting a home.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Yes, the best practice is to present the gift to
the hostess, but say that it's a gifts from your wife, mother,
or sister. It removes any possible ambiguity and protects everyone's honor.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Okay, moving into the professional sphere, the business sculpture sounds
like a perfect reflection of everything we just discussed about
trust and relationships.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It's fundamentally personal. You cannot move straight to transactions. The
initial meetings are all about establishing trust, so you.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Have to invest time in getting to know your counterparts quality.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Time, their family, their interests. You build the relationship before
you even touch the details of a contract.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
And what should you expect from meetings themselves?
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Fluidity? You should arrive on time, but be prepared for
the meeting to be flexible to go off on tangents.
Relationships matter more than a strict clock.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
And meetings aren't always for brainstoring.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Often they serve to communicate decisions that have already been
made behind the scenes. Also, don't be offended if people
walk in and out or take phone calls. It's just
part of the flow.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
And the need to protect honor means communication is very indirect.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Very indirect. You have to read between the lines. A
direct no is almost never given because it's seen as
impolite and could cause shame.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So how would someone say no?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
They might say if God wills it or just talk
around the issue. It's on you to phrase questions intelligently
to gauge their real commitment.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
And you can never ever directly blame someone in a
professional setting.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Never, You always discuss the problem without identifying the person.
To do otherwise causes a grave offense, destroys trust and
could kill the entire relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
Business cards surprisingly are a big deal.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Because they aren't widely used, they carry prestige. When you're
given one, take it with your right hand, study it,
comment on it.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Show respect and get yours translated.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Into dari or cash to absolutely advisable.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
When it comes to negotiation, our sources say it's often
a win lose mentality.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That's a general approach. The goal is to maximize your
own outcome, which creates a stronger weaker dynamic, and you
only negotiate with the most senior person available.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So it's the strategy.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
You play the long game. You start with a wildly
high initial demand and you work your way down very
very slowly.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
And here's the key part.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
With every concession, you have to explain the damage it's
causing you. You're not just lowering a price, You're making
an emotional appeal about the harm to your profit, your reputation,
and if money isn't working, you pivot to honor. You
appeal directly to their sense of fairness, justice, and prestige.
You stress that a good deal will bring them honor,
(24:19):
naying and respect in their community, and those things are
often worth more than the bottom line.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
We've mapped the foundations from passionwually to business meetings. Now
we have to connect these deep values to the contemporary
realities of Afghan life.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
And we have to maintain a balanced, humanizing perspective. The
political context is still deeply fractured, especially along those ethnic
lines we talked about.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Right. The Gallop data from twenty twenty two really highlights this.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
It does. Overall approval of US leadership was low, only
eighteen percent, but if you break that down by ethnicity,
you see this massive political cleavage.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And this is where the historical persecution of the Hazara
minority really shows up in the modern data.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Precisely, among the Hazaras the Shia minority, who were so
often persecuted, approval of US leadership was fifty three percent.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Fifty three percent for them.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That external presence was seen as a protector. But among
the Pashtuns, the group that forms the core of Taliban support.
US approval was only eight percent, a forty.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Five point split. That's not one single Afghan view, that's
two totally different national experiences.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
It underscores the complexity political loyalty is so often tied
to ethnic identity and historical safety.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Okay, shifting to a very difficult topic, the current crisis
facing women. Based on the Sobering UN Women data from
twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
The situation is dire. It's a massive erosion of human rights.
Since August twenty twenty one, dozens of directives have systematically
stripped women and girls of their rights.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Banned from secondary school, from universities, from most jobs.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Banned from public spaces like parks and gyms. It's a
policy of structural exclusion that is unique in the world, and.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
The economic consequences are staggering.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
They're immense, and they're quantifiedable. Denying girls the secondary education
is costing the country two and a half percent of
its GDP annually. Wow, Afghanistan has one of the largest
workforce gender gaps in the world. This just worsens the
overall economic crisis for everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
And that economic pressure has severe social fallout.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It does. The rates of early, forced and child marriage
are rising, often as a survival strategy for families. In
twenty twenty three, nearly thirty percent of girls under eighteen
were married.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And healthcare access is a huge problem.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
A huge problem. The restrictions on movement, the ban on
women studying medicine. It's creating a crisis, especially for maternal
mortality which is rising.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
And the mental health impact of being confined, of losing
your entire public life.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
It's widespread. Women report rising anxiety, hopelessness, despair. The data
shows that even their influence inside the home, the one
space they're still allowed, has shrunk by sixty percent.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
But despite this this near total systemic repression, the final
point from our sources is about resilience.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
That resilience is the ultimate testament to the strength of
their culture and community bonds. These women are still running businesses,
working as humanitarian workers, as journalists.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
They're finding ways.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
They're engaging in quiet advocacy, using informal networks to meet
with authorities. They are navigating and resisting these constraints with
a profound courage that just it embodies that fierce self reliance.
We've talked about earlier.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
This has been a significant journey from the diversity of
the land through these ancient, fierce codes of honor right
up to the front lines of contemporary crises. It's reinforced
that Afghanistan is profoundly complex.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
But that complexity isn't a barrier.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
No, it's an invitation for deeper, more respectful engagement.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Absolutely, the critical takeaway here is that cultural competence is
the bridge. It reduces generalizations and increases human connection.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
And those values we discussed, hospitality, loyalty, family their universal concept.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
They are, even if their expression through a code like
Pashhanwally is unique. Understanding these codes is essential for anyone
who wants to understand the Afghan people, and.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
We have to end by coming back to those core
driving values. We spend a lot of time on nang,
the concept of absolute honour, and.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
On badal, the passion and obligation of revenge or exchange,
that fierce, long memory that compels the correction of I
wrong even a century later.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Nang defines identity. It's the framework through which all suffering
and all success is processed. It is so given the
central importance of Nang and the recent reports we've seen
detailing just profound shame, despair and crushing economic struggle, shame
caused by the inability to provide for or protect your
own family. We have to ask, how might these deep
(28:46):
seated cultural forces of honor and justice manifest themselves in
Afghanistan's future and what kind of profound social and political exchange,
What kind of badal might this widespread shame ultimately demand?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
A truly profound question to consider.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
That's something for you to mull over on your own.
Thank you for joining us to go here, we start
to
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