Tim Allen | Ep. 41 - The D-Con Chamber

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, you know, we're back in the studio and we
couldn't be here without the benefactor that has been so
extraordinary for us, and that's Dave Tabbs mat Dt.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
We you know, we can't express our thanks enough. No,
thank you Dave, your help and your cooperation and generosity
and coming up and watching the episodes. Yeah, it is
fantastic and truly we're blessed to have you on board.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Yeah, we really are, and we hope, we hope we
entertain you. Well, I'm very excited. This is going to
be great. I'n't really seen Tim in practically thirty years.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
How you worked with him?

Speaker 3 (00:42):
And yeah, it was my first proper big job in
America doing Jungle to Jungle and with him and Marty
Short and Lalita da Vidovitch and you're blonde hair and
my blonde hair. I swear to God, every shot I
went into they thought I was going to nick something.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Probably.

Speaker 3 (00:59):
Yeah. I had the best about two and a half
three months in New York, staying in a really lovely
hotel room at the Park Avenue Hotel.

Speaker 4 (01:08):
That doesn't hurt, No, didn't.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
And Tim was in the penthouse and he became a
chum Actually we hung out a lot, and this was
prior to his now thirty years sober days. And yeah,
that guy could, he could party and he had a
lot of predeem Yeah, I still remind him about. It
was really fun and he's just an extraordinarily you know,

(01:33):
bon vivent, welcoming, funny guy and quite sort of modest
with it in many ways. It comes from a very
ordinary Midwest background Episcopalian yep.

Speaker 4 (01:48):
And credit to you man for forgetting him here.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Oh bless you mate. Yeah, it took a little, you know,
a dominic nudge. Yeah, as luck would have it, because
I went to there was a grand opening of the
Hollywood y back when we were doing the other show,
and I went along to that knowing that Tim was
going to be there, and I thought his current wife

(02:13):
Jane would be there too, who I'm was very friendly with,
and she wasn't. And it was his ex wife was there, Laura.
He was a very sweet lady. But it just wasn't
the right time. I went up to the you know,
deis as it were, where he'd done his commensary speech,
and I just got his attention quickly before they were

(02:33):
whisking him off to do endless signing and being famous stuff.
And he was very gracious, and he was a ptominic
quick because he knew you know, he used to go
to the Y and I joined the y as he
and he literally would work out there and Janie was
his trainer. But it just wasn't the right time, and

(02:53):
I was kind of, you know, a little crestfallen that
that had gone by the wayside and maybe slipped through
the crack. And then just before Christmas, you know, I
got that little movie and lo and behold, we went
to the table read, Sarah and I and we pulled
up outside the studio there and there was this damn
ass fancy aUI car there, electric and there was someone

(03:16):
sitting in the front seat, but it was the windows
were all blacked out, but you could tell that they
were reading what probably was a script on a little
iPad or a computer. And I thought it was going
to be one of the producers. And I'm like, God,
these people are making good money on these little films.
So I walk into the table read and the directors there, Ryan,
and I said, hey, man, I can see I said,

(03:38):
is that one of the producers sitting out there in
the car park he goes, oh, no, it's it's one
of the actresses. I was like, we should doing anyway.
Two minutes later in Walks, Janie had it and h
and Ryan goes, this is going to be playing this
is late this Jane, She's going to be playing your wife.

(03:58):
And I looked at her and she went armnic you
know me wow, And I was like, oh my god,
it's you, Janney. And that was that. So we had
a really fun shoot and uh and that's when I,
you know, sort of got in her ea and God

(04:19):
bless it all worked out and anyway, I'm really looking
forward to it.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
You're going to enjoy it.

Speaker 5 (04:31):
The show has been gun since your phasers, the Fun
You de te Full Trip, Trip, Trip, Trip, Slip, the DCM.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
We come. It's the Conchamber. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
Trekky's and trekker As. Welcome back to another episode of
the Decon Chamber. I'm your host, Dominic Keating, joined as
always by my fellow co host, my bestie here in America,

(05:07):
mister Connorton. Isn't here without further ado. The main event
today in the Decon Chamber, we have a very very
special guest he's an actor, a comedian, a pop culture icon.
I would say he's a man of many talents, turbocharging
tool time on home improvement, bridging cultural divides in Jungle
to Jungle Lots more of that later, and squeezing down

(05:31):
chimneys in the Santa Claus films. For over thirty years,
he's brought tenacious buzz light Year to life, who will
soon be taking audiences to infinity and beyond once more
in Toy Story five. If we know our audience, chances
are you've loved him as Commander Peter Quincy Taggart of
the Nsea Protector in Galaxy Quest, a film we wholeheartedly

(05:55):
embrace as an honorary part of the Star Trek universe. Well,
he's now back on Earth, revving engines and mending family
ties on the ABC sitcom Shifting Gears. So please put
your pedal to the metal and join us as we
beam up, I mean digitize the one and only mister
Tim Allen.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Wow, now what digitized? We can't use beam up anymore
as well.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Apparently in the Galaxy Quest they didn't want to use
beam out because that was, you know, to Star Trek,
and they might have got sued, so you were, yes,
you were digitized.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, because I said every time I bring that up,
because I got to be friends with Shatner because of that,
because he thought was it was it didn't make fun
of Star Trek. It really more it was an homage
to that whole genre. And the funny thing was because
he said, I loved how you did. I did you
know my sitting in the seat at the Enterprise, I said,

(06:49):
actually it was an Egyptian reference to Moses. That's what
I was doing, your Brenner.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
That's what I've heard you say that because I.

Speaker 2 (06:59):
Was from Moses. Moses, Yes, what do you bring me addressed?
And the way he even sat in that chair dressed
in the garb of a Hebrew slave, and he is
the Word of God. And that was the whole thing
with the whole thing was meet.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Oh, just seek down to. As soon as I saw it,
I wanted to be was like, well, well, actually you
looked a bit like Bill.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Oh yeah, we did. The shirt came off, uh.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
Jane, who became your wife, who was training then mechognized.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
That that was a terribly uncomfortable because I'm a freak
for sci fi. In that whole movie. All I remember
is that because Dean Parasol was the director, but he
was a documentary director that got filled in because the
original director moved on.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
Harold Ramis moved on, didn't He didn't any story behind
why he didn't. He would he met with you, didn't.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
He they met, We met all together. I thought to
frame what type of character they wanted, and he like
stopped eating in the middle of it. It was a very
pleasant guy. He just said, I think we got a
misunderstanding here. And then the head of the studio was
there with us, and he said, I want an action
figure that can be funny, said he said drama, said

(08:09):
I want to. I really want an action guy that
can be funny, not a funny guy that can do action.
And everybody got real quiet. I'd made that fail with
these eggs. Are something wrong? Everything got real quiet, the
commissariat and then they said, could you get leap us
alone for a minute, tim And so I left, came
back from the bathroom and he was gone, and they

(08:30):
said we're going to move on to another director, and went, well,
that's uncomfortable. So that I got him fired, and I
never felt good about that because I understood what he
was talking about. It was more of a space Ball's
feel to the script. Lucky the way it was the
way it turned out, because then Parasol just did it
as a documentary film. You guys do what you do,

(08:54):
play it, play the actors playing heroes, and he let
it be that way, and it was. It was brilliant
because because of him. But to me, a sci fi freak,
I lost my My funny line was I did. Kirk
always was rolling behind rocks. He always did these real
barrel rolls to get the alien in it, and all
the other crew members with some they'd cut to them,

(09:15):
they're standing there for some reason. So I did. I
got trained by a stunt guy, had a roll. And
the funny line is I lost my gun in that
role that I was supposed to have later in the
scene and we pulled it out. We had missed it.
It was in another scene. I go, where's my gun?
It's in the show. We didn't find in the gun,
which I have on my collection. And a couple of

(09:37):
times my shirt was off because when you arrive back
on the ship shot, I was on the shirt, but
how did the shirt get back on the ship? Because
I would do this constant. Well, I'm not going to
do the rest of the movie with no shirt. And
then Dean goes, just put it on the transporter.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
It came up in with the transport. Yeah, but it didn't.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
But well it came off grig Dak pulled it off
me and it fell on the ground. So how did
Greg you got your shirt? Did he throw it? How
did the shirt get back in there? The best one
in there, My best joke ever was Shalub We're getting
in the transporter go down to the planet, and then
Dean goes, we're just gonna rush in. We'll close the door,
then we'll come back around and then we'll go into

(10:17):
Utah where we shot it, and the set next scene
will be a week later when we get back in
the location. And I said, well, we can't just walk
out of the spaceship. He goes, yeah, because you got
to get out to see I know that, but something
has to test. You can't just open the door of
a spaceship. And Dean's going, I don't know what you're
talking about. You don't just get out of spaceships. Did

(10:37):
we do a tricorder reading or something?

Speaker 4 (10:39):
No oxygen?

Speaker 2 (10:41):
How do we know there's oxygen and he goes, I
don't care. We just got to get down to you guys.
I know, but I have to say something to the crew,
and he's going, we don't have time for this. I
don't have a device, and Shalub goes, I've figured it out.
I got it, and so we landed in that same
scene we turned around. He just goes, yeah, it's good.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
He's so funny, and it's an underwritten part, but he
does it all well.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
They all do chaplains part was a minor and then
he was saying the stuff that actually the character said,
I don't have a last name. You know, I'm going
to die in this thing. It's always a guy with that,
and we made it up in that ship. We said, Fleigman,
that's your name, Fleigman, your guy.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
I don't know if you remember, but you took me
to the producers for that because we've just done Jungles
of Jungle, and I went, I got back a couple
of times and I thought I was pretty close, but
then I've since been since seen Sam interviewed and apparently
he turned it down a million times. So apparently I
always nowhere close. And the rest of this but thank
you for bringing me anyway. Wow, sorry, but we've just

(11:44):
done Jungles Jungle together. I had Brian Riley passed away,
who was the producer.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
That's that's a sad one, really sad. Jane told me
that that was a I think about him all the time.
I think about it's a philosophy background, and my family's
pretty religious and I've been get about people that passed
and why did they came up? And Riley was a
lovely he was a great man and he got really
really sick, and this is difficult with comics and funny guys.

(12:12):
He lost a lot of weight, moved his family with
what was left of his life to the Santamon Bar
and his dough to Sam right, yeah, and they lived
on the beach and he ended up walking the beach
a lot, lost some weight, and for some reason after
the chemo, he grew more hair, so he had more
hair than when he lost. He had a good head
of hair, a tan and kind of looked kind of good.

(12:35):
So we go see him to say goodbyes. He's had
like three weeks to live, and you walk in. He's
sitting there and he goes, don't even say it, please, don't.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Say it because I look great.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
A bunch of comics like, damn, you're looking good, so
cancer looks good on me. And it was that's how
he lent. He went courageously.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
Man.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
I think about him all the time.

Speaker 3 (12:55):
When Jane told me that, really, that's how's Bora doing good?

Speaker 2 (13:00):
And she was a good screenwriter, great screenwriter and a
good philosophical news for me. She had some great great.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
Give him my love when you're next, will do I
still have a birthday present she gave me. There was
an Oscar, So you still have it? Yeah, it's it's
in there in my office. Yeah, it was a birthday present, Oscar.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
You know, you probably stole it from somebody.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
She probably did. I forget when you were. Let's we
forget when you were. So when you met with Harold,
you were were, you were already cast you It.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Was cash from the studios point of view, right.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
Because I know they were looking at Robin Williams mel Gibson.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Well, it was Bruce Willis type of thing, and Bruce
it wanted a much worse serious action hero. I didn't.
The original script was kind of really really silly if
you read it, mister Starshine Yeah, if you read it,
it was really silly.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
By Howard Dean was and then then Bob Gordon Gordon
got hold of it.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Yeah, it's been a really weird because jumping forward in
a way, I don't know who to blame or what.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
You pursued it that didn't you.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
Yeah, this was something the reboot was ready to go
because the Thermians, once they leave, you know, in that
weird world of light speed, whatever the hell that means,
they could come back and it would be twenty years later.
And the idea was these are some of the pitches
that I had. Is they left and there was no planet.

(14:30):
The planet had been destroyed by Sarah's and his They're
just wandering around, and they wandered and came back and
the one they had they came back and the Dais
was still there except its new people and all of us,
Sigourney and all of us are at a card table
signing autographs to the side the old stars as it
happens in the Star Trek, and the new guys they're
approaching them. We see the same. They're approaching the new

(14:52):
guy that kind of looks like my character, and they're
like and they go to space with them come back
fried and they need help, so they come back to us.
So you got this is for real. And then they're
just babies, and so we have to go up to
the spaceship and show them how to use it. But
it's a new spaceship because we're not used to it.
It's you know, they've the Thermians have built another spaceship from

(15:12):
their generations. We have to learn how to use it.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
So it's not it does that they're not from the
historical documents as it were.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
No, but it is. But they they've tweeted, tweaked it
because the new show, it's like the New Enterprise whatever
it is, is different than the one that Kirk was on.
So now they have a new ship. So when we
get on, we go I don't even know what the
switch does, and they haven't watched the new show. And
then Sarah's that our joke and I'm not sure this
is ever going to be in it. I go to

(15:40):
kick Sarah's in the balls when I'm fighting him, and
Sarah's goes looking for these and there's the balls are
in their area and they're not balls. I said, you
look just as ugly as you did. I'm not Sarah's
I'm Sarah's sister. It looks just like there's a little

(16:00):
bow and but the only difference is that it looks
like and it was really Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
He was the facts.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
He passed away and he did yeah, yeah, and he
was so many things. Was Spielberg was around because it
was he was executive on that. So so he I
was supposed to fight him in one scene and I'm
even looking at special effects guys, how would this work out?
How would you He's the size of an elephant? Yeah
he was. He was, but he was huge because he
had stacked feet on and he was a gigantic thing.

(16:32):
And what am I supposed to do with these all armored?
And that was where the joke was. That like for
his nuts and and there's no way I could fight
that guy. There's no there's no possibility.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
A lovely story about Spielberg being on set with that
big scene you had with Enrico, right, and you wanna
he did I when he's being tortured, and.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
I got real emotional because he was a friend of mine,
and Spielberg goes, damn. It's one of those things. Don't
comedians other than Sandler, I mean Adam does this really
well where he can transition. He's a it's fun to
watch how good Sander can be at that. And Kerry
can do that too. He turns it. He can turn

(17:16):
the comedy into and I think it is and Steve
Martin too. Steve Martin, Yeah, I saw Roseanne Roxanne everything
about Steve Martin and I adore was in that movie.
But he wasn't funny and he did h had funny
parts of but when he was serious, that comedy part
of him was like the two faces on the sag thing.

(17:37):
The mental stuff came through and that was a word.
Story did a movie Shaggy Dog and Robert Downey and
I've been at a rehab and he got he was
right at the end. You know, no one's giving him work,
and he was on Shaggy Dog. It was amazing to
watch that guy. Where I've always been a he's he
looks at comedy in my view just like drama. It's

(17:59):
just another form of acting. He was doing the funny stuff,
you know, and that's my thing. And I'm even telling
the director being funny, go we gotta.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Cut all that was so that guy was.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
So damn funny. It was so funny in that I'm
back there going damn. He just switched it from being
serious and comedy is just another version of acting, right,
I don't I don't know how Robert thinks of that
stuff like that, but it's he's brilliant in that and
brilliant in the stuff that he does. And that's what
I love about learning how to be an actor. It's

(18:36):
very difficult. I often do jokes. The best, the most
humorous guy in the planet to me is Marty Short.
I mean, I'm good. Robin was good. I mean ad Livers.
If you go to a party and people won't shut up,
it's like my wife goes, you got to shut up. Robin.
You couldn't get a word in edgewise. Williams, I mean,

(18:58):
I'm good, and I was good with him and I
could get him sometimes. But Marty, I gotta walk away
because I'll have it. I'm having some intestinal problem because
I can't stop laughing. This guy is funny, and Marty did.
We've done a couple of movies together where he had
a serious moment. It's like, I don't know, I gotta do.
I said, Marty, you don't got to make a noise
every time you get out of a chair, head, Marty

(19:20):
always just he's always you're just answering the phone, Marty.
It was he just you just jungle Jungle, Yes, he
get out of a chair. Oh what did what do
he do?

Speaker 3 (19:33):
On setting Jungle? The younger? I mean literally out to
the camera. It was just may mah. I mean, I
mean and I was in the deep end with a
couple of heavyweights and I had to go away into
the corner a couple of times.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
Well, we did Santa Claus. He played the what is it?
I can't remember what he now, Oh, mister Freeze or
something or yeah, what is it? What did he play?
Jack Frost?

Speaker 3 (19:56):
Jack Frost?

Speaker 2 (19:58):
And we did so many bis eventually, and we had
a huge set. It was the whole North Pole, so
there the camera's way across, but you eventually saw crew
going like this. It was funny. An hour ago. We
just won't stop, and we did a whole the disease,
Well it's a disease because it's it's infectious to watch.

(20:20):
And then Marty did a thing for that the Morning Show. Yes,
with Steve Carrell outside playing evil men. I've never seen
anything like that where Marty when he went he got
it is possible that the funnier you get, I think,
the more serious you can become. And it's it's very
hurt hard. Actually, the new show Shifting Gears, the originally

(20:45):
we called the North Star of the first episode by
the Scullies husband and wife team, they wrote this thing
where I have to get emotional because my wife is
passed in the show within a year and my daughter
comes back from a bad divorce and I don't like
her that much and given her place to stay, and
she notices that my wife has a blender that's not

(21:05):
cleaned and she opens the counter. You haven't cleaned this,
have you? And I said, no, that was your mom
made biscuits that morning that she left, and Ever came
back and I had to do this scene where you
get and I've done three sitcoms, and I Whoever's still alive,
is still in my crew because I love, I really
really loved the ties I have to the team seris

(21:27):
and everybody that works on this stuff. And when the
camera guys are quiet and you could hear jibs moving
when I got into this thing, and then as Kat
Denny's and I both had this real emotional scene about
what it's like to lose somebody and a sitcom to
go there, and she and I said, I don't think
I want to be an actor. You know, I don't
know how people do this where you have to go okay,

(21:48):
got now we'll get to the other camera angle. Then
you got to do it again.

Speaker 4 (21:51):
It's a deet balance.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I don't know how people do this, you know, really
a lot of respect for people that can do that.
Go there. Comedy to me is very easy, you know, comedy.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
But you I was going to start the whole interview
off in the immortal words of the Daily Departed. Really,
so you're a funny guy coming from him, but you are,
You've got the funny bone and h you know, how
old were you when you figured I'm a funny guy,
because I mean, I mean dad died when you were eleven.

(22:26):
My dad died when I was thirteen. I mean that
he was shooks you up a bit, doesn't.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
It screwed me? Yeah? I just had this conversation with
my sister and brother, just I've got nine siblings and
you haven't.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
You always got six from the first marriage with mom
and dad, and then from and then she married her
childhood sweet from high school and they had three kids.
He had three kids.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
He had three kids. And I said, but those of
us have had trauma over dealing with death. I don't
know if it's always. I don't think you get old,
you don't get you get by it. And I have
old philosophical background. Had to read so many books and
one thing about scientology that I always thought was kind
of interesting. They have things in Dianetics, the book el

(23:14):
Ron Hubbards books.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Did you read it?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah, we had to do in philosophy read just at
it because I never did it. And I took a
challenge an old priest friend of mine. My wife's Catholic,
so we were married in a Catholic church and he's
become a good friend of mine, and he gave me
the Jerusalem Bible, and I say it, you know, i'd
raised Episcopalia Anglican. I've never read the Bible. I'm reading

(23:38):
this thing. I had no idea what I was getting into,
how hard it is to read the Old Testament, and
how it different it is. It's not what I thought
it was. And it's all about paying attention. I swear it.
I mean, my joke is constantly the Israelis or the
Jews and the Hebrews. Hebrew, I think is the word
means migrant. Actually, attention, try to understand. Take care of

(24:02):
the Are you listening to me? All right?

Speaker 4 (24:04):
Now?

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Where have you gone? Please look at me, Look at me,
take care of widows, poor people, and ho all.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
Right, lightning bolt, lightning bolt.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
They're all burned to death. All right now? Now?

Speaker 6 (24:18):
All right? Got it?

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Yeah, you can drink wine and bunnies, not a problem.
Don't And it's constantly. My favorite was Moses, I do
this whole thing with Aaron goes up to the mount SAYINAI,
he goes, I'll be right back. I've gotta I gotta
get I got a notion. I gotta get this whole thing.
Don't party or anything. I mean, take everybody you know,
get it, make sure they fit, but don't build any

(24:40):
golden rams or anything. He was making a joke. He
comes back down, he's going, what.

Speaker 6 (24:44):
Are they going?

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Aron? Aaron, come here? What did they say? I just say,
He goes, it's not a ram, it's a lamb. It's
a golden lamb. I don't care what it is. Two
minutes ago, I asked you to do this and so
people humans don't f because any length of time, and
people that do focus are annoying. And it turns out

(25:05):
I'm annoying to my family and even my crew. When
I got a job to do, I got to focus
on finishing it. We're talking to you, and you got
to finish the job.

Speaker 3 (25:15):
I've heard you tell it. Let's get it in before
the stroke. Yeah, before I have a stroke.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah, you gotta real quickly right when you go heavy.
I've got the mortgage paid, my kids in college. Things
couldn't be.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
Let's go back to a bit of galaxy question just before,
because so five years, twenty five years, it's just gone
past twenty five years. I know you loved working with
Alan Rickman, God dearly departed. I knew him quite well
back on London's. He saw me in a couple of
plays when I first started out, and I remember you

(25:52):
do that scene with Mathasar and apparently you went back
to your trailer rather sort of fuddled than combobulated with emotion,
and Alan just went he's experienced acting.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Well he did. He Darrel Williams was in shifting gear
since now I was in a wheel chase, you know,
Big Macey after a motorcyclist. He and I would do bits,
and Alan was in his in only his way, kind
British way. He didn't British. He didn't say out loud

(26:28):
that you're a loser because anybody else like Rayle Oda
what did movies with him? And he would tell you
this is not acting. I don't feel anything, you know,
like I do lines with Ray And he goes, am,
I supposed to react to that?

Speaker 4 (26:42):
Nothing?

Speaker 2 (26:42):
I got nothing. I go pray, that's embarrassing. Then say
it like you mean it, say it so I hear you,
so I react to it. I go, well, but he
taught me a lot about sell it be it, be that,
and Alan he goes, is that all you do is jokes?
Just do jokes, because I would do Penis jokes or

(27:05):
balls or sacks or whatever I was doing in those
and it wasn't there with anything with Alan. But that's
eventually Alan saw me do a few things. He goes,
and I don't do his accent well, and he says,
I understand, now that's your processes because I can. I
see Sigourney and uh, all of them do this every

(27:26):
now and then before we do a big scene yellow school.
But whatever the actress. Do these Darryl, what are they doing? Like?
And Sammy Rockwell is a brilliant actor.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
And he's quite methodisn't quite method?

Speaker 2 (27:48):
And I make a lot of the stuff. But Darryl
and I was just doing we did two. We're doing
two very effeminate soldiers that were the toughest soldiers in
the brigade. Up to the top of the hill. Everybody, no, no,
I'm so cold. So when they were fighting, they were
just that everybody does going on top of those got

(28:09):
the guts. I am so cold, you cold? And we
get back to tent and so Alan thought this was horrifying.
Then he saw how it distracted you because the lines,
you have the lines, And then he wasn't I didn't
attach the two together. He said. Brando was like this.

(28:32):
He would mess around up until action and then he
was there. He goes because it distracted him from overthinking it.
And Alan said, that's your method. Damn it. I judged
you too early, and this is all It was exactly
his character. He went from Diehard, that incredible performance of
this goofy freaking guy. Sigourney after doing doing Alien, what
was she doing in this movie? I was shocked it's

(28:55):
she was. Everybody was freaking great in this because they
it was against all odds, and then they they sold it.
But Alan eventually became a very great mentor and a
neat guy. I won't say friend because I said he was.
Everybody in that movie became very close friends. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
I really got that impression and that that chemistry screams
from the screen that you will were having a good
time doing.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Darryl and I was just laughing on he scraped the ship,
I can't remember.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
And that was just Dean, Wasn't it just Dean the director,
just going, you're some of your reactions, do you know?
I think you sometimes you may do yourself for this service.
There are scenes in Galaxy Quests, Mate, when you are
a brilliant actor, and scenes that are not easy to carry.
When you come back from having been in space and
they're all in the parking lot signing, You've got to

(29:48):
sell that moment to them all and tell what's.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
His name, who's dying? It's been tortured. You have to
tell him that you're an actor and yes.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Oh god, that was terrible, and to see the look
to admit when you get honest with yourself and that's
becoming then becomes a different uh, Jason Nesmith, and then
it's Peter Taggert. I got, I get all these names
and they can't remember which ones which, but I wasn't
without that was.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
The acting, and it was the actors name.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
And then you become that guy, and then you become
a hero. And that's what Spielberg saw that scene. He goes,
you couldn't now you you have become that hero, and
I said something about that movie on that level. They
just go right to security, but they cut it out.
The biggest laugh in the test audiences when she goes,
oh fast, that's the we go down to get to

(30:41):
the iridium or whatever that thing and she around the
corner and King, King, King, can you have to time
it to go through one to get to the other?

Speaker 1 (30:49):
Did you?

Speaker 2 (30:51):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (30:53):
It becomes all.

Speaker 2 (30:54):
The audience just blew up. And then they can't use
F bomb in the well.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
They decided a PG, didn't they, because Rugrats had just
become a massive success.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
And I'll take it to I don't know who to blame.
I do, but I'm not going to out them. They
turned it into a kid's.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
Movie, they did, and they kind of de serviced.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
They didn't know what They didn't know what this movie
was about. It wasn't Spaceballs, it wasn't a mel Brooks comedy.
There was moments of it. You didn't know what this
thing was.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
Such heart, I mean really, but you.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Didn't expect that. They when they were the promotion people
put together they did all that kids stuff.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
They didn't know how to promote it.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
They didn't They didn't know.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
They didn't see the levels.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
That it were. The multi none of us didn't tell.
The editing it wasn't Deans editing put it all together
into a very different movie. Well, as I said, it's
like it's got one.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
Of the finest film cuts ever when it's all going
on types of space and you're trying to save the day,
and suddenly Justin Long is taking out the trash because
it's one of the best films ever in the history.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
He's so good and all those kids were good, and
they wanted to cut all that stuff out. Apparently, well
they either want to cut it out or add to it.
So it became about their lives and how it was
related to our lives. But it didn't make any sense
because it was all going on simultaneous get to the
diagram where we're dying up there, and he's gone, let
me see you get the other guy on the phone.
And that was brilliant recycling. Yeah, yeah, I wonder that.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
You know, how often has it happened where you've done
a project and you've been excited as you're shooting it,
and then you look at it and you go, what
the hell did they do to this movie? Has that
ever happened to you? Well, because it's out of your
hands to a certain extent.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
After my My problem is that I got there was
so much interest in my doing the movie. Is I was,
I was. I was doing stuff just to do the
movie because I was young, young comedian, so I said, okay,
I'll do the movie. Shaggy Dog, which I helped create,

(33:01):
was my fault because I didn't want to do prosthetics.
That would have been a much better movie had I
allowed to do what they did in Santa Claus, which
was terrifyingly difficult for four hours of makeup. It changed
my I mean, I Carrie, anybody who's done it, Eddie Murphy,
anyone who has done this thing. I don't know how

(33:22):
Carrie did it. For the movies he's done. I don't.
I've never talked to him about it. But if they
had done it, so that a shaggy dog every now
and then I had a paw, so that I overthought
that movie too many times because I said it got
into where I got in these fights with Okay, I
turned into a dog. What happens to my clothes? Again?

Speaker 3 (33:45):
You were ever thinking it?

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Well, no overthinking? And then the direct way, they're in
a bag. So the dog put him in a bag.
So that so cause soon as I turned into dog,
the clothes just fall off me. Is that how that works?
And then so I would actually end that when I
turned back into a man, be buck naked somewhere? No,
because you put your pants back on it? So where
did the pants get to my because I'm running around
as a dog in town. That being said, it's the

(34:10):
same thing I say constantly about the Hulk. He stretches,
what are those whose tattered pants? Where are those pants?

Speaker 3 (34:20):
Where are theysed?

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Well, every time I'm in theater, why don't why is
he buck naked? And I remember a guy in the
front row says, I don't want to see a big
green penis that's why he's not naked, some guy with
his kids. I went, okay, got it right, Well, why
I think of stuff like that that? It didn't make
any sense. However, had I let them do digital animation
at least some of it, Shaggy Doe would have been
a much different movie and capable of doing more of

(34:45):
a guy that could turn into a dog and once
he figured out how to do it, once I got
over that night was kind of being it or that
was my on me. I think it could have been
a much better movie. It was a really good idea.
We had changed a bunch. Another one we did was
called Zoom. It was a Zoom Academy. I think it
wasn't so. Yes, Yeah, that was a brilliant script. If

(35:06):
I might say, I have to write it with Matt Carroll,
and it said they kind of got in the middle
of want to make a bear comedy out of it.
I said. The thought was, and I've said this, I
love superhero movies, but if you had I called the clipboard.
In any Superhero there's a guy comes in with all
the Avengers sitting there and he goes, okay, everything, I'm

(35:26):
the clipboard. I initiate the problem solving and they're all
Thor and Hupe, They're all standing, Okay.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
All right, this is your problem.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
We have breast cancer. It's killing twenty million women, mother's daughters, everybody.
And so who's got it? Anyone? The Hulk goes, uh,
Thor goes.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
Got a hammer, iron man?

Speaker 2 (35:51):
Anybody? Science? Okay, that's unfortunate.

Speaker 6 (35:54):
All right.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Incomme intee, quality is pushing itself into the Middle East.
Now it's coming through Africa. It's going to point here.
We have too many people on Willow end of the
spectrum and this is going to kill hundreds of millions
of people eventually. Who boy, anybody Captain America is just
going with this. I don't they're not really what you said.

(36:16):
And then the Hulk again, uh, for don't we trade
in goats and stuff? I don't really know what we do.
I don't even know anything about what you just said. Okay,
that's unfortunate. And so the purpose of Zoom was in
the story is that they come to me and I'm
in a gas station and a Chevy Chase and ripped horn.

(36:39):
I believe great to worry with those two. They came
to the gas station said we need you back, and
I said, this did not work out well the first time.
We know you have a seven or thousand dollars gambling debt.
We're willing to take care of that if you'll come
back and help us. We have more applicants to be superheroes.
This did not work well the first time I killed

(37:00):
my brother. The first time, I'm fastest guy on the planet,
and I spun him out of existence, so we thought,
and the idea was, I pulled him into the electrical field.
I didn't know. I didn't kill him, and so he's
electoral outlets all over the world are starting to shock
and kill people. And my brother's coming back. And so
that's the second that's the b story. And then I

(37:22):
go to these children that have like a kid that's
the gut, like a tumor somewhere. But the way humans are,
if you're blind, you can hear better. If you limp,
something else better. So we would accentuate it with drugs
and gamma rays. Whatever your handicap was, we'd turn your
handicap into a plus. And so this kid that can limp,

(37:42):
now he can jump twice as high. And I said, well,
last time this happened, we made five superheroes. If you
will all recall and I was telling this the Chevy
chase and the scene that never got in the movie,
and what happened. We sit in a firehouse out in
the middle of the desert, waiting for stuff that we
can control. We caused the problems that we fix, so
every you knew what happened. Every large catastrophe over the

(38:05):
next twenty years was us fighting. They weren't earthquakes. It
was us fighting each other. Eventually we had to I
had to kill all the rest of them. And that's
what superheroes do. And they said it in one of
the Avengers, A Banner and Tony Sark and Bruce Banner said,
we caused that. We brought Ultron here, We opened the
door to the other universe. We did all this. None

(38:26):
of this would happen without us doing it. So to me,
Zoom was an idea that superheroes really can't do anything.
They can't solve any problem. They caused the problems that
they solve.

Speaker 4 (38:36):
It's like the Greek gods playing and fighting, and.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
There's really nothing you can do about man. Man's inability
to focus, man's inability to take care of poor and widows,
or whatever the Bible said. We don't. We're not very
good at this and superheres can't make us do it.
You can't make people. I said, what's her name, the
Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, great thing on Bill Maher, just

(39:02):
a great comment. She goes, you don't want to get fat,
exercise and eat don't eat well or eat well, eat
bat and then she said, pauseys sounds easy, doesn't it
look how hard that is? You don't want to be
an alcoholic? Don't drink dundale, move on. All sounds good.
Getting people to motivate to change behavior. About twenty percent
Flooring Marks used to run weight watches. A very close

(39:24):
friend of mine and a wonderful woman, and she'd say,
you'd get into these rooms for these people, just would
weight watches. We can do this, and you'd have thousand
people in there cheering, and says as soon as the
door opens, nineteen percent got it, and the rest of
them go back to eating. The way it is motivating
people to change their behavior.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
You've been cleber thirty years. Yeah, did you take to
it like a fish to water or souse? You knew
you you were.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
I hadn't gone one day sober for years and once
I got once, I decided.

Speaker 3 (39:59):
We had a couple of goodn Yeah. Id it was
the first time I realized what big money was. We
went out and he had a limo and we were
at some bar and he was the drink's bill came
he because let me just got my prem but he
literally pulled out one.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
That was every first actor in the big movies that
we lived on there. We had every ether big actor.
We used to keep that money in our house. They
it was horrible. They'd come by with an envelope of cats.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
It was do you know at that time? I mean,
I how did this feel for you? At that time?
You had the number one book on the bookshelves, Don't
Stand too Close to a Naked Man, Number one till
Time show Home Improvement, and Santa Claus had just come out.
It was the number one. We were all in New
York at that that week when it all happened. I
don't think he's ever done before. No, it had been done,

(40:50):
and cowardly oddly about how you felt about well.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Oddly enough, it was an embarrassing moment because it was
odd people that recognized At first, the student didn't know it.
My publicisers didn't know it.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
Shut up.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
Nobody. Hyperion had did the book. They they and they
are owned by Disney, and they said his book went
number one. Of course, my mother in law at the time,
I said, I just got a number one best seller.
He goes, that must be some other list I have too.
My mother and my mother in allowed the same way. No,
that can't be right. My mother said the same thing.

(41:23):
I know you, I know you. That can't be. That
can't be as much be a different book. But Barry
Sonefeld told me once he was at a coffee shop
in Studio City, California, and he said he saw me,
and he didn't want to come by, but he had.
He had he was doing a movie and he said,
what's the number of movies of Santa Claus? And he
goes in that that tool time guy, and then and

(41:43):
then something about the book. He said, that's weird that
you don't hear it. And then my older brother said,
that's did you know you had the number one book,
movie and TV show today? It was on a Monday,
And I go, you know, you'd think the studio would
have known that, and they didn't. My publicist didn't know
it just odd. People came around and said it. Of course,
after that the studio got really big at it. It

(42:05):
wasn't my intent was. It wasn't what it just happened.
It just happened. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
There was one night you, me and Brian Riley a
couple of drinks in the in the in the Park
Avenue suite upstairs, and I'd only been in America two
or three years and suddenly that the conversation turned. It
turned to you running for public office. I was like,
this is how.

Speaker 4 (42:32):
Disposable camera.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
But you got to hold it like you can't tell.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
I was they we launched the campaign. They were great weeks.
It was honestly, it was a treat every thing.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
And that was when I look at that compared to today,
because I said, eh my, personally, I love this business
and I love what I've learned in the friends I
made in this business. And it's a short story, long
or a long story short. Streaming has changed is a
good word how this business is. It's not not the

(43:09):
one I remember. That's why I'm doing a linear TV
show for ABC. One of the reasons that I said yes,
I said, I want to see if is network dead?
Is that are we I don't know where people, it's
some of the reviews I'm getting are exactly what I want.
Now there's a reason for us to go watch TV
after dinner with your family. And I said, that's what
it used to be. And it's twenty four minutes out

(43:32):
of thirty and it can't. We can't use f bombs,
we can't use sodomy. We can't. There's standards in practice.
It has to be safe for families. It's censorship, which
I used to hate. And now I adore the fact
that you don't understand how difficult it is to make
network in linear TV. And I said, this is everything
has changed about this business about what's important.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
I think that's not an audience in America. Well what
you'll otherwise you wouldn't be doing. Even John Paskmann have
been doing this photo.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
Yeah, well I said that. Being said, I was looking
at how they do stuff right now. We did Santa Claus,
the series UH for Disney and the movie. The first
movie we shot in Canada, and they built stuff that
was the first Canadian when they went to Canada was cheaper,
but the Canadian crew members actually built the set. That

(44:23):
wasn't the phony set that was like real chest of
drawers and stuff. I've had some of this. I couldn't
believe how much money we spent on that, and that
cut to jungle to jungle. You could have shot that
whole thing in Glendale. Yeah, you know we went to.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Oh we went to well I didn't, but they went
to Venezuela.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
To Venezuela and shot that in the rainforest, and then.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
Two months in New York at least maybe.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Up on buildings. We weren't in sets. We up up
on it. You remember you actually went out outside on
the on the hell was I thinking? And I said,
that was, well, maybe not a lot at the moment.
Well that was It was the do that in Venezuela,
and how we shot that, and how beautiful that thing was.
And is the reason I bring it up is I said,

(45:08):
things have changed where I'm not sure you do that.
And I said that script I look back on that.
The kid got on an airplane in a in a
with a with a boy, a bowl and arrow and.

Speaker 4 (45:23):
Pete on the door.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah, he was so good.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
He's a great friend now man with kids. It's just
weird to see all that.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Because he went on and did a Star Trek Fanboy movie,
didn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Now I'm reminding myself
of that. Yeah, he's just well listen, if you want
to get us all together one time, I'd love to
see him again. I remember his mom and dad were
absolutely delighted.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Everybody on that thing was.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
And dad yeah, yeah, yeah, it was God.

Speaker 2 (45:50):
I forgot and it's so many parts of that. And
then of course Marty and I it said, oh why
do you make that?

Speaker 3 (45:57):
At that time, I used to get recognized, misrecognized, showed
a loss. If I had a dollar for every.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Time I was honesty.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
I'm watching the movie and I thought, you know, Marty
shows up and I thought, looks a little bit. And
then I see you with this shock of blonde hair,
and I went, oh, well.

Speaker 4 (46:12):
That's how they did it.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Yeah, that's how they did it. Yeah, Marty and I
stood next, so look at that. And then we should
have come up with a script. Then yeah, you know,
separated at birth. And then I got taken to England
and right, yeah, what else do we want to talk about?

Speaker 1 (46:28):
I want to know what how old were you when
you got bit by the acting bug?

Speaker 4 (46:32):
Performing bug?

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Oh boy, it was a focus like a lack of focus.
I ended up getting a lot of trouble When I
was in college. I wanted to be I couldn't decide.
I mean, Jay Leno made a joke about it, but philosophy.
Would you expect to open a philosophy shop? I'm not sure.
My grandma before she died, gave us money to be

(46:54):
go to college out of her will and with my
mom's help at the time, and she said, go to
college to learn and don't be so effective the job
of it. And my older brother is an engineer, went
to engineering school and college at Purdue. And it is
a strategy that I didn't do learn a skill like

(47:18):
almost industrial arts. I think it's it's a misappropriation. Right
now I got out of college, I had no freaking
clue what I was wanting to do. And I was
much more.

Speaker 3 (47:29):
Of a communications and I wanted I wanted philosophy.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
Right I like being the center of attention. I tok theater,
but it was boring except improv was fun.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
It's at the wide radio, which I love. It was
the Western into dormitory radio.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
Yeah, yeah, and we did we did comedy stuff with.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
Radio, and I did not Ridley's comedy cast.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
That was all after I had gotten in trouble. I
got into trouble with I was tired of I turned
into a wholesaler. I was pretty much a socialist most
of my life. I wanted people to take care of me.
I hated rich people like it was a wholesale. I
didn't like buying drugs. So the guy said, well, if
you sell two ounces a weed, you get a nickelbag

(48:19):
is your pay. That started a very bad trend. I said,
what if I sold a pound of it? Well, then
you get money cut to I got very involved in
selling drugs and it seemed like a good idea at
the time. And then, just like the movie scar Face,
don't get greedy and don't do your own stuff. I
did both of that, and then I became part of

(48:40):
the problem and got arrested. And while I was arrested,
I never really thought that they would put a first
time offender for that in prison. My attorney said, you
don't know what they're doing here. They're going to make
a spectacle of you, and so in a pre sentenced again,
I didn't think that was going to happen. Because I

(49:02):
rehabilitated myself. I showed what I was capable of doing.
I was just got off track and I started doing
you know, my attorney said I would find something that
you could hold on to. When he kept looking at
me and goes, you think they're going to put me
in jail, it says he didn't say it then, but
he knew, Dona, I think they're going to. They are
going to. It's just how long they're going to put
you in jail.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
And it was a I mean it wasn't as it
was a small It wasn't a small amount.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
No, it wasn't a small amount. And I moved on
to harder drugs selling that because it was it was
easier to must have been well, it really wasn't really,
but it was a business and it turned into I
turned into I understood horribly way, horrible way to learn it.
I learned what it takes to work for money, and

(49:48):
it was a terrible way to work for money. And
I made a terrible mistake with my parents and my
family humiliated everybody. I put through crap and you know,
including the time away. And I said, what happened to
me was it I established focus When I was in prison.
I read every book on self help and some amazing stories.

(50:15):
The one I remember was the woman who designed railroad ties.
It was a woman that designed railroad ties made out
of a flexible lumber. They used to be made out
of metal. So in Chicago kids were waking up all
the time with it. Why is that train make so
much noise? Though? And she said she got there and
looked at it. He said, why don't they cushion it?

(50:35):
And they go, oh, let it get back to your
apartment and take care of your kids or whatever. She goes.
She just kept thinking and she invented railroad tie.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
I think I've heard this story, and I.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
Just it was amazing. I said, she just focused on
the end result. She got kind of screwed when it
got time to get paid for it. She took ten
grand for that. And then somebody took that idea. And
the other one was this woman that started the first
boarding houses in Chicago, or and a woman of color
in the thirties, late thirties. He just became a millionaire,

(51:04):
the first millionaire of a black woman. And I said,
it's just someone who doesn't they just focus on the
end result. And so I learned that, and I said,
so I'm going to get out of here, and I'm
going to get I started putting things together. What I
want is I want to be on Johnny Carr's Yeah,
I don't give I don't care how. I didn't know
what that meant, because you have to be a comic

(51:26):
to do that, and I wanted to be like Rodney
Dangerfield and all those guys. It was a tough road
and literally I spent three years in the penitentiary. You
got out, did five years on stuff in the pen
well mostly in there. It's a survival mechanism, is I said,
you could. There's nothing that stops a fistfight quicker than jokes.

(51:49):
I literally could stop guy beating out of me by going, boy,
my face must look like a frog right now, because
I did. One guy was going to I don't know
what he was going to do to me. I made
a joke about him at a I used to do
these motivational meetings because we could leave the penitentiary and
go to these churches. It was toastmasters and telling men

(52:09):
how to express themselves on stage because I knew how
to do that. And I met like these two guys.
I made a joke about this guy sitting there and
he came to myself later, he goes, that was pretty funny,
slammed the door. You don't want a guy shutting the
door to your own cell. And he goes, wasn't funny
to me? And I'm gonna show you how not funny
that was. And he comes at me, puts my face
against the wall. I don't know what he was gonna do.

(52:30):
Then I start kind of weird cackling like I'm laughing,
and he you think this funny getting your ass kicked?
And I said, well, if my brother could see my
face right now, because it was all twisted up against
the wall. And I keep seeing my two brothers, if
they could see the look on my face, they would
be laughing because my face must be pretty distorted, right,
And he goes, I don't even know how to answer that.

(52:52):
He just stopped. He goes, you think I would tell
you how funny your face looks, but no, look put
your hand back there and look at it. Look how
stupid I look. And he goes, what is the matter
with you? You didn't catch any this humiliate me? I said,
to be the hill, I'm making a gag. I didn't
know that you were sensitive about your sentence, he goes,
you should worry more about They started expressing who he

(53:14):
was and they left and I got it out of
so many situations about being funny, because I'm naturally That's
how I funerals in situations. And when I got out,
I went to on a dare. Before I went in,
a guy came to my worked in a geek I
can't even believe, at a gun store, selled guns and sporting equipment.

(53:36):
And then when I went in, I had that opening
and closing, as I've learned to tell the other comics,
open with your best, but save your really best for
the end of it. They won't remember the stuff that
you don't not funny in the middle'll just remember right
before a good night. And so I had some I
think it was the Pillsbury dough boy. I said, what

(53:57):
about the person that accidentally puts him and the other
not the crescent rolls? And you have that going who
baked that pills and he's bounded on that window. I
take it and he swells up, you all golden brown.
Pick his arm off had the butter on it. And
that's how it.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
Ended that wo.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
And I did it started going on the road and short,
short again, short story long, some weird guys. Bob Seeker,
the Detroit musician Big Time, used to love comedy shows.
You'd come in and I was getting kind of known
in the Midwest. And he came in one day and
I just he just I can't believe what you do.

(54:43):
You know, no help. You're there with a monitor, and
I go, you're talking to a guy that watches what
you do. You're going, Dane Dean, how do you write
a song? How does you think? I don't think of
anything to this. So he had great respect for what
I did, and then he started saying, and how he
got were some things to learn is learn repetitive motion.

(55:07):
Do the same material over the same area of time. Leave,
come back and see if people remember you. And he said,
in a way you put butts in the seats. You
own it once you start filling the room by yourself.
I don't care what the club owner says, what the
promoter says. You own that situation. And learn to love
morning radio. And as a drinker and a partier, that
was hard. That was hard. I've been up till four,

(55:29):
but never up at four. You know, I've been out
till five in the morning, but never have the alarm
go off and get up at five? What that, you know?
And I learned morning radio, and I started going back
to these towns. It'd get to know the owners all right,
hang out with them, even people I don't like, you know,
and learn how I can be. People remembered me in

(55:50):
these clubs, and literally I started getting a hook, which was.

Speaker 3 (55:54):
That big hook. I mean when I first came to America,
meant at pigs. I mean it was the first thing
I did. I didn't know who you will mate? And
then I saw that that came about being at some
sort of tyre and rubber.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Yeah, a good year turn rubber for the they put
like these young agents would send you out to college
campuses to do a show in between their dance sequences.
And this was for a corporate event. Hideous night because
it's it's dinner, grown men with their backs to you.
Because it's a round table, so half the audience is
facing away from you, going tink ding dingk chewing, and

(56:31):
they're all talking, not listening to my gig. I'm going,
I don't care what this pays. And literally it was
three hundred bucks and I had to travel drive there
and drive back. By the time you get home with gas,
you got about eleven dollars in your pocket. And they
weren't listening. All I heard was I R So I said,
screw it, I'm just going to talk like them. So oh.

Speaker 6 (56:54):
Oh, there it is.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
And all half the guys were like they knew I
were making fun of them, but they laughed, and then
they turned around, say what how what if we were worried?
And I did this whole thing, and I said, okay, bingo,
And then it turned around and started talking, You guys
probably like lawnmowers, and the girls were doing laundry, and
the boys did all the maintenance and the plumbing and

(57:19):
all that stuff. And I started talking about I was
a masculinist. I was raised by women, tough women that
told us what to do, and so we were these
weak men that just did what we were told eight
when we were set, sit down and eat. So I started,
men deserve some respect for what we do. And so
I stewing this whole thing about mellon lawns, and I

(57:39):
think one of the favorite lines I've ever had because
it got this huge laugh. Men are pigs, right, women,
And the whole crowd, these women. Come on, men are pigs.
Men are pigs. Men are pigs. Yeah, just too bad.
We own everything. And then I go on about that's

(58:00):
men don't even understand. You know, all we do is
what you tell us to do. But literally all we do.
You It's just how I was raised. And once I
got that making jokes about how weak men are, but
we have value. I'm one of those guys. We do.
I have total respect for women. I've never been one

(58:20):
of the lechrous guy. It's just one. Not my thing,
you know. I just just strong women. I am scared
to death of them because I've seen my grandma and
my mom in action. And they're not very big, but
they're scared. They're scary people, you know. Yeah, but I
said that and that once that got there, I remember

(58:42):
we did change everything in California. I did a Gina Mitchellini,
I believe and freddie five o'clock Funnies. Oh yeah, yeah
it was. And he came out to the ice house
in Pasadena said do you mind if I record this
for five o'clock Funnies. I said, yeah, that's fine and recorded.
They get eighty ninety calls, usually on the Friday nights.

(59:05):
People drive time and this was they got twelve to
two thousand calls, like before the night was in it
what have kept going on? And of course you had
people going and they try to go, Tim, we'd like
you to come down to southern California to do it.
There was a comedy show in this arena down it
was some other named acts. It was obvious to me

(59:26):
with no agent that they were there to see me
because I was on third up and there's six comics
and it was huge response. And they said, you know,
we're gonna do another one in Glendale. We're gonna come
up another big concert and go, Yeah, we're gonna make
a little different here this I'm gonna do the I'm
gonna be at the end of the night. That's not
gonna happen. Go okay, I'll move on. You what I'm

(59:48):
gonna move on. I'm not gonna do it all right,
We'll put you up last. But that said, I go.
And also I'm gonna want a little more percentage of
that whatever the door is. And you got to be
able to walk away. Yeah, and I turn I turned
that in.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
I sense that you were very good at that. Well,
I just it wasn't you told Cotzenberg.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Yeah, well I did.

Speaker 3 (01:00:06):
That was that had a whole house of shows that
that was.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
Home improvement, that was you know, he probably remembers it differently.
I just saw him about a week ago, and I said,
he's a great man. He's a great man, a great think,
a great family guy. And I said, they saw my show,
he and Michael Eisner at the time, and kind of
surreptitiously came to see me at the improv. And then

(01:00:29):
it wasn't really doing my show. It's hard for me
to do. I'm a road comedian. So he used to
doing thirty five to forty five minutes even so to
do five minutes in LA to do these quick bits.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
The five to eight minute clean bit didn't and never
finally never got on Johnny.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
Isn't it that it never never worked for me?

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
The guy that used to come spussing for it would
always come at the end and he just you'd be
fing and blind and and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
It was a it was an embarrassing I did Carson
eventually the last the last month he was on the
air as the star of Home Improvement. Yeah, and I
didn't like it at all. I didn't you go out.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
You went out to do your act, and.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
I told him, before you go in, I want to
do my ass Yeah, and they go, well, Johnny, you
already you're gonna sit down. Johnny went you said down,
let me just do my act, and they go, well,
do you know where to stand? Yeah, because I'd seen it,
but as soon as the curtain opened, I had no
idea where the stands. The mark was. There's the mark,

(01:01:24):
and I go, oh god, there's a much smaller audience
than I thought. And the curtain hit me as the
cameras are moving in the news came out completely died.
Went out there, looked like I was making a joke
about comedy. Sit down with Johnny and then the break,
he goes, I hope you're funnier than that. He was

(01:01:45):
being funny. I go, Johnny, that was horrible, and he goes, listen,
come back next week, do it do another one?

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
Because you want you want the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
I wanted this, you want. I came back the next
week and I drilled it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
What a great guy too, surely supportive of comics, and it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:59):
Was a lovely pace of him. Just on Sunday morning,
that CBS Sunday Morning Show, a couple of weeks ago
and they did that sort of an homage to his life, and.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Well, it's a transition to different and he was mister America.
He listened to the guest. Lena was on the edge
of as as a listener, and I still think Lena
was really good at that. He does listen to the
Johnny literally it was a step he was early at
that where he was like, he's listening to what you say.

(01:02:31):
He's not waiting for the next question.

Speaker 5 (01:02:32):
He was.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
He literally listened to everything you were saying. Here we
have teachers on there, he had science people. He's a
very interested guy and I really appreciated that about him.
And he said it but a very it's hard to
describe it, and it's not rude, but you think you
know him really well. As soon as you break he
leaves and I saw him backstage, Hey, John gone, Well

(01:02:57):
he's and I'm I know how that is. I'm I
love audiences, but I'm not very day's done collaborative in
my stage stuff. They'll bring back audiences members And I'm
not not impolite, I'm very shy. I don't really it
doesn't seem like he can be shy or introverted. I
didn't know that. That's what my deal was. And I

(01:03:19):
my wife and I will go to like academy, a
war parties, and sometimes she said, you know some big
stars he's waving you over Again, she goes, it comes
off as being rude when you don't acknowledge somebody's looking
at you, waving at you. And I go, I don't
know what to say to him. You know it's Harrison
Ford or whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
It was surprising.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
Well, just I don't know what to say because I
it's just I'm I'm I'm better at it than I
used to be. And I said, I don't, but my
wife is really good. I said, you know, he's waving
at you. He sees that you see him. By you
not acknowledging, it seems like you're being full of yourself, right,
And she's just to say hi to him, said.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
I'm the same way he's caught. He's caught.

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
I rather have teeth pulled than go to Okay, let's
let's see, let's get us some flyers.

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
Let's just let's just see if that's true.

Speaker 6 (01:04:09):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Jane's quite she's scoulous and uh, well, mess, isn't she?

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
I mean, yeah, you know, yeah, and she's doing a piece.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
Yeah, we should give her a promo piece for YouTube.
Check it out, guys. It's a very funny piece about
menopause and her.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Name shouldn't be involved in that. It has nothing to
do with men on pause anything to do.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
And it's also starring Michael Dulham for our audience, who
obviously yes, And are you still giving him house room?
Bless him? Yes, God bless burned down in the fire,
as you know, and yeah, that's really sweet that you're Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
I don't know, it's a very tough to watch somebody
lose everything. Yeah, and you know it was day before
he's that came to buy for dinner and then he
the day before left and he said, are you going
back to your house? Because he said, doesn't look like
there's any problem. Altadine in the fire is really I
think south southeast of there. And then he called from
his house he's they're making us leave. Got up at

(01:05:10):
three morning and he drove away, and then Jane waited
and he comes straight to you, No, we called. We
called back, says what happened? He goes, it was just
like four o'clock in the morning. He goes, but my
house is gone, and she goes, where are you? And
he goes, I'm sitting in my car. She goes, well
get your ass and get over here. He goes, I'd

(01:05:33):
like that. And he showed up and I made him
sleep in his car at my house. Just listen unless
people learn. So I knocked on this window.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
Not here, you gotta park outside.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
And he there's been moments that And I've known dor
in a long time, but to see his face, you go.
Because we both share a love of photography, and I
sold him my previous Fooja film camera and it said
we could do something. We could go out and shoot something.
Just like a week later and he, just like I
lost everything he didn't have.

Speaker 3 (01:06:10):
Walked out. I think he worked out with an overcoat.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Nothing he has. He goes, you're talking about not even
his computer. I don't. I don't have anything. And it
takes your breath away to watch that. That his his
his icon got smaller. And then he finds out who
he really is. He's been terrific. You know. We had
a beautiful place for him to stay, you know, in

(01:06:33):
his car a little.

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
Child Yeah it was his childhood home. Yeah, it was
the one place in LA that they let black families
live back in the fifties.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
And all of it was the tragic for so many.
Mike Rowe, who's a friend of mine, went to got
into the Palisades, not recently, but probably three weeks ago,
and he said, it it takes your breath away when
you see it on helicopter. You see it on but
to see that one day you have this in this
beautiful no stores, and it's not even if the people.

(01:07:06):
The odd thing is that all of a sudden there'd
be a house that's not burned. I don't know how
that works. And then but going back there, you have
every house around just burned down. There's no stores, no
gas stations, no nothing. What do you go to? It's apocalyptic.
And I did the same gapey mouth when I went
to I went back to support the fire cruise in
New York. I have a place in the city close

(01:07:29):
to nine to eleven. And if you go to see
it on TV, but to go back there, it was
startling how you'd end up having a moments will go by,
you're just looking and going what in that hell? How
massive that destruction was, And these firemen were running everywhere
and doing everything, and it was it was unbelievable what

(01:07:52):
goes through and how people get through stuff like this,
you know, as odd as California can be to me
where I'm an old four h guy from Colorado and
I'm a real conservation guy and I don't know why
the state hasn't. I don't know that this is a fact,
but Germans don't have fires like this French because they

(01:08:13):
take care of their forest differently.

Speaker 3 (01:08:15):
I don't think they have controlled burning.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
They were they they're culling. They call it. There's no
way and I've been to I mean, it's not It's
not my position because if I don't around my building
in my house. We looked at our house when the
fire was coming up the hill we had to evacuate.

Speaker 3 (01:08:32):
You were running canyons.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
Yeah, problem, But I went up there, you know, knew
know me. My wife goes, she's packing up the car
with weird stuff. You know. I get back there, what
did you pick that up for? Like some weird stuff,
and she's like, we don't need to mix her.

Speaker 6 (01:08:46):
She's like the phaser.

Speaker 2 (01:08:47):
She's like she's like she's like pissed because you were
going where'd you go? Well? I went up the street
to get I always got it peripheral. I want to
see where the fire is and how close which way
we can exit right now. I don't want to just
get in the car and drive. I went up there
and the fire crews were there's like six fire trucks
at the top of my street. But they're just idling

(01:09:09):
sitting there, and they didn't look like they were in
a hurry. So I go up and immediately turn into
tool man. I go, what kind of a fire truck
is is? Is this the one made a noise? Like
the guy's sitting there, you know, he's sitting up in
it with his arm out the window, looking down at
me and go, is this a big diesel? He's like,
do you redo that? Like I'm asking all sorts of
questions about the equipment, and he's going, you know, Tim,

(01:09:29):
it would be a good idea if you got out
of the middle of the road. Because I'm standing there,
all these traffic can't get by me. I go, oh,
oh god, I just but he wasn't telling me to
get out, And I said, what, we're down here, and
they are very pragmatic and not He said, the fire
is two hills over to the west and moving. It's moving,

(01:09:51):
so it's moving southwest, you are northeast. And I said,
what are you saying.

Speaker 3 (01:09:57):
You're gonna be okay?

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
He didn't know. He didn't say, they've told you to evacuate,
then do as you're told. And I would take a left.
I wouldn't go right here. I'd take a left, go
up the hill, go up the hill, and go back
down Moholland. And he said, but again, this fire is
moving quickly southwest. You are northeast two hills over. And

(01:10:19):
he didn't say it, but I went up two days
later and I couldn't even see where he was tired.

Speaker 5 (01:10:22):
It was.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
That if it had gotten that way, it would have.

Speaker 3 (01:10:27):
If the winds had been forty miles an hour, which
they had, if it had got across.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
That boulevard, it would have gotten into West Hollywood. I
don't know. It's hard to believe what fires do. It
really was hard to believe that because I like it
in my neighborhood and I started looking at it pragmatically
what would I do? And some of the preppers, I
know they have these now that you put a sprinkler

(01:10:51):
system that's tied into your pool. If you have a
swimming I have a swimming pool, and so you could
pick it up and it's it just rotates fire, so
you could fire does not like water. It cools it off.
And that's that's one way to look at it. And
I kept, I want a fire guy to come by.
What if that happened again? And then those of us
like me, I told my daughters, my older daughter was

(01:11:11):
there with us. North Ridge earthquake. You have no clue
how much damage that thing did in eleven minutes. And
it wasn't even that. It was literally twenty sixth sent six.
It was. I thought a plane had crashed into our house.
It snapped my house in two Water was everywhere, my
ex wife and I running by. My brother was there.

(01:11:34):
It flattened all the I don't know what the word is.
All the cars went dead.

Speaker 3 (01:11:39):
Was that the house up of Ventura?

Speaker 2 (01:11:42):
Yeah? Right, everybody over for dinner. That was a great
that snapped that house snapped it. And that guy next door, well, and.

Speaker 3 (01:11:50):
That you're quite a long way from Northridge.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
Then yes, you know, well it was a thrustquake. And
I said, they don't there's no warning for earthquakes. There's
no help for earthquakes and there's no rhyme or reason. Again,
this was because I was. I spent all my earnings
the next five years earthquake proofing that house. And you know,
the guy did, Yeah, there's case uns. You put forty

(01:12:13):
foot ca sons, and there's you could build a skyscraper
on that house. Tell my ex wife still living there.
And I said, and I got so, now I'm earthquake proof.
And the guy goes, eh. I said, I just spent
a ton of dough with cassons with metal grills. That's
for a rumbler. This is a thrustquake. And I go
and I go, okay, he is, well, try to put

(01:12:36):
it in your head. Twenty million tons of rock. A
big piece dropped twelve feet and it went that shock
wave can't stay there, and it went up through every
crack in the and it came up hit the Santa
Monica Mountains. Can't go above there, so it went directly
to north Ridge pop. That's by that big hole and

(01:12:56):
that thrustquake. That was the noise and the vibration of that.
And I went and my voice always gets high when
I'm scared. What does that mean? If it happened again,
this house would do the same thing. There's no protection
against thrustquakes because we didn't know anything about them. And
I said, so we have no I told my daughters,
you have no idea. The fear I had for everybody

(01:13:18):
at Home Improvement, we had this fear of any type
of helicopter would go over. You feel that feeling. It
was terrified.

Speaker 3 (01:13:23):
I came out two days after that earthquake to Emigrates,
as it were, and having met a bunch of English
people in the wrecky prior to that Christmas. They were
all packing and going on yeah, and you go.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
We're not doing this, then you'd go. Pasadena didn't feel it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:37):
Santa Santa Monica down in the in the sands of
Santa Monica. Half those buildings rumbled, right, I mean they
went to the ground.

Speaker 2 (01:13:43):
And then but some some parts of the city, like
La Proper. Yeah. I had a photo shoot do that
day and they're calling where are you? And I go,
there was an earthquake. She goes where the all of
more park there's buildings on their sides.

Speaker 3 (01:14:02):
It was pancake.

Speaker 2 (01:14:03):
It was horrible, And I said, I get to one
of my dad's The fire was scary. Fire is scary,
but like our earth tornado or hurricane, you had a warning.
You had a shot at getting out of there.

Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
Earthquake is I moved a year later and you could
get three months free at an apartment moving in and
you were.

Speaker 4 (01:14:23):
Like, please please come and move here.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (01:14:26):
And that was in Hollywood, which didn't get even very much.

Speaker 2 (01:14:30):
Yeah, well this is depressing. What was that? What was that?

Speaker 1 (01:14:37):
We just had a little off to the olscas to
uh are your are those your cars on?

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
Oh? Yeah, let's that all the cars on shifting gears
are uh my collection which I started. You know, I
grew up in a very four bedrooms in one bathroom.
Whatever that means.

Speaker 4 (01:15:00):
I know what that means.

Speaker 3 (01:15:01):
And it was.

Speaker 2 (01:15:02):
We were fine. We had birthdays and Christmases. We had
everything we ever needed. My my father passed and my
mom was able to put us through college. And I
said I bought. I ended up buying every car I had.
As a model. I had a model car collection. My
older two brothers were genius that to build a model
you had to car show.

Speaker 4 (01:15:22):
For it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
We did these little car things and we did a
bunch of my older brother especially he could he could
spray paint brilliant colors and make model cars. He's brilliant
at this, and so every car that I had, I
have the collection. And but I love tanks and military
stuff too, so I don't have that. Of course, my
guy that runs my shoves is where I was going

(01:15:44):
to buy a British tank, a Panther, I think, or
a Jaguar, I think, I can't. I think it's a Jaguar.
Now it's a jack it's the current NATO uses him
still it's a Jaguar powered, but it's the most current
tank that the Brits have, and they're selling them what's
left of And he was, do you know it has
to show up on a train. They're trying to explain

(01:16:04):
to me how heavy it is. You well, so he
goes so after he forgets off the train. Burbank, there's
no law against it. They they're not real excited about
people owning tanks. And the way the Burbank people were going,
you know, if Tim wants it, that's you have to
change the tracks from metal treads to rubber. And then
z always what is he what does he want to

(01:16:26):
tank for?

Speaker 3 (01:16:27):
You know, they're they're okay, of course, what do you
want to thank for.

Speaker 2 (01:16:30):
I just love I wanted to. I want to when
you can't.

Speaker 3 (01:16:34):
Drive it up the street.

Speaker 2 (01:16:35):
I was going to be drafted for Vietnam uh in
college and they had the lottery then, and you what
your number, your birthday would go into a circle, and
there was almost a lottery depends on when your birthday was.
Then you go from one to three hundred and sixty five.
And that's well, if you went anywhere from up to twenty,

(01:16:56):
you're going right. And so all of my roommates sweating
and literally having nervous breakdowns. And so I went to
a military friend of mine said, if you enlist ahead
of time, you have a possibility, not for sure, of
telling them where you want to go. So you could
enlist in the National Guard. You could be the you know,

(01:17:17):
go to Africa or Antarctic or something like that doesn't
mean necessarily mean that, and then you can pick the
division you want to get in. I said, oh, well,
then I'll sign up and I'll be I want to
be in the Tank Corps. And the guy said, good
IDEA bad choice because the M sixty, which is the tank,
they're not working in Vietnam. They're too heavy. So there's noe.

(01:17:40):
We're not Tanks aren't a viable option. So they're going
to put you in artillery. And he said, and you
probably don't want that because artillery, like snipers, are a target.
The enemy hates artillery, so they will there. You're always
big targeted, So you don't want that. You're going to
probably be in the If you don't want that, you're

(01:18:01):
going to be in the military. You'll be in it.
You could do MP and military police can't guarantee it.
You probably go to Vietnam. So I went back. I
couldn't do the tank r but I love tanks, always have.
I don't know why I got to drive one. The
US Marines let me drive an Abrams tank down in
the desert. Best fickle.

Speaker 3 (01:18:20):
I have a drive with the Chieftain tank Best. Going
to join the army is the seventeen year.

Speaker 2 (01:18:24):
Old best day of my life, sitting that that Abrams
tank commander going, hey, were you was?

Speaker 3 (01:18:29):
It was a stick.

Speaker 2 (01:18:30):
There's a little.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
And this opposite right goes left.

Speaker 2 (01:18:34):
And you're laying down flat when you're flat with a prison.

Speaker 3 (01:18:38):
It was not a good thing. It was.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
It was weird how small it was, and the Abrams
is a huge vehicle, and we're in that laying down
and I'm cruising across the desert. I just took off.
The Commander's up there, Hey, mister Allen, have you ever
driven a tank before? And I go, no, but I
got it because I'm pretty good at I drove a submarine.
I got to drive a fighter jet. And I'm down there.
Did a motorcycle grip and then you turn and then

(01:19:02):
he goes, so you're never driven a tank before? And
he's screaming it up on top and I go, no,
you see through the prism there and I go and
then you pull this prism down you kind of I think,
I see it, and there's a diapter and you got
to focus on it and go you see any see
the gauges on the right side of that. I'm going
kind of, yeah, kind of is not really what I
want to hear. You see a declaration of there's numbers,

(01:19:25):
and there's a six number of seven number. Yeah, it's
in a six because that means it's a six times too.
That's a twelve foot drop coming, great, he goes, not
so good that the tanks don't fly if I get
over twelve foot the tank just drops. The barrel hits
and it flips on it and everybody dies.

Speaker 3 (01:19:41):
But you, dude, so we're good.

Speaker 2 (01:19:45):
Thanks, thank you. So this is why they call me
the tank commander. I don't want you taking off ever
again without me saying. So that being said, now let
me show you what this tank can do. And he
showed me all this stuff. They don't like being unsettled.
They don't fly. They if it's more than three feet
that will go down.

Speaker 3 (01:20:02):
For the reason the time they grabbed the ground.

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
He grabbed the ground. But I was shocked how fast
that thing was and what it would do. He had
me going down a dirt road and he goes, go
down their doroat, don't make any shit. The tank does
not like sharp turns, and you'll snap a wheel off
or a bogie wheel they called it idler wheel or
bogie one of the front and back. And if you
turned too sharp you can snap a tread. So so

(01:20:24):
go slow. But they've dug these roads out of the
desert and then a big wall of sand, but I
mean a big wall. And he goes, all right, anytime
you want to go right, go right, And I God,
that doesn't look good. He goes, trust me and I
turned right and went right through this sand, and it
lifted the tank off and it started going. I go, son,
you are we are bad ass? He goes, yeah, we were.

(01:20:48):
This this group was in Iraq when the Iraq War
was We were so far ahead of our supply lines
because we're so quick and the the resistance was very minimal,
that we're going going to take them a while to
catch up to us. And we were. The Abrams tank,
from his point of view, was better shooting at speed
than it was parked. So they'd go over these hills

(01:21:10):
and there be four or five Iraqi tanks facing the
other way, and they turn around, shoot as they're going
through the they'd land and shoot as they're going away.
And we were doing we were doing six seven tanks
at a time, knocking them out. Said we were. You
do not want to deal with the US military on
an open desert. They're gonna, they're gonna. That's where we

(01:21:32):
do in towns. We're handicapped, But you do not want
to deal with us on an open Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:21:41):
You do a lot of driving. Know you've done the
twenty four, haven't you.

Speaker 2 (01:21:44):
Yeah, Yeah, we'll no, no, yeah, Daytona with the saline
and I learned a little trick showbiz trick. If you're
if you work it right in last place, she looks
like you're in first place. I came around. I was
doing the show, so I didn't have any change to
road tests. And I said, they said, we need the

(01:22:04):
third driver at Daytona. And I said, what we shoot
Friday nights? Or how I couldn't get there Friday for
team trials? And I said, though, the first time I'll
ever be on a track like Daytona and my life
and I said, oh, I don't I love this because
it's my life. I don't want to be first time
in the car at three in the morning on it

(01:22:27):
on the Daytona track. It's like this. It's terrifying. Cut
to the one guy got sick. I show up, you know,
about six o'clock in the and he goes, Paul got sick.
I go, Paul, the second driver, what does that mean?
He goes, we need you in that car and I go, now, no,
it'll be after two oh so kind of what I

(01:22:48):
said earlier. I don't want I'll be from two thirty
on the first time ever in a transam car on
the Daytona at three in the morning. It was horrifying
that I was bank is so much more than you
think it is. You're looking like the steering wheel and
I've ended up. I just I just couldn't do it.

(01:23:09):
I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
You don't keep up speed.

Speaker 2 (01:23:11):
You have to keep up speed. I got that part
of it, but then it goes into the regular track
and then you go back on half of it's on
the Daytona and they said, you're I got in the
second phase of it, and I was in the back
of the team, and so the two or two other
drivers were very good. They got up next to me
and I said, wait a minute, if I just speed up,

(01:23:33):
it looks like we came one, two and three on
the show and I was the last guy. If you're
really in last place, you're kind of in first place visually.
Oh god did it's it's focused alone, is what it is.
And all the drivers, men and women, are very small,

(01:23:54):
you know, like Danica Patrick, you think would had a great,
a great advantage. The fact that I don't know about endurance,
I don't know. I don't know, but but how that
affects her because her small size, does he have less
endurance than a guy. But some of the drivers they're
not as petito as he was. But I said, I
don't know about that, but there aren't big drivers.

Speaker 3 (01:24:15):
They're wrong, They're like they're kind of like jockeys.

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
I think. So yeah, yeah, well.

Speaker 3 (01:24:21):
Lovely, fantastic, yeah, really lovely chat. I got one last question.
I know, Catherine, your eldest daughter got married recently and
you had to do the dance, the father dance. Yeah,
you took lessons. Can I get the number of the
dance lesson guy? Because Sarah getting married in the sun.

Speaker 2 (01:24:40):
Girl, and it was a great It was it's.

Speaker 3 (01:24:42):
Going to be World War three without a dance.

Speaker 6 (01:24:44):
And it was.

Speaker 2 (01:24:45):
It was well worth it.

Speaker 3 (01:24:47):
It was well worth it.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
I was a disco. I did a I was a distract.
You had a big discotheque all through college, so I
know how to dance on stage too.

Speaker 3 (01:24:55):
But I'm good at the one, two, three, four, five, six,
seven eight.

Speaker 2 (01:24:59):
I swear and through my pants in that dance lesson
And you know I did one. And my daughter said
it's hard to tell because she doesn't stow emotion. But her,
my ex wife said, you you made your daughter very
happy by doing it, And I said, it's five of
them five hours of dance lessons, and I did all

(01:25:19):
five hours, but still terrified. Can you know. It's hard
to tell you how much it means to her and
to me to do it. I got the video back.
Her husband happens to be an entertainer. He's really a dancer.
And both of those two do a lot of I
didn't know this. They do a lot of classes about
swing dance and all. They're very good at this.

Speaker 3 (01:25:39):
So she's Katherine Condone.

Speaker 2 (01:25:41):
Yeah she can dance and I but she was there
with the tapping on the shoulder to do all this stuff.
And I didn't look as clumsy. I didn't look as
good as I thought I did. And I said, yeah,
I got this, And I said, watched the video and
move your hips a little bit. That would be great.

Speaker 3 (01:25:57):
Listen if you don't mind. I'd love to get that
Lady's because Sarah and I have been practicing at home
and it's.

Speaker 4 (01:26:04):
How you doing the mac arena?

Speaker 3 (01:26:06):
We're doing well. They want to give it all the way.
It's it's a it's a it's a sort of waltz. Yeah, yeah,
you know, it's a one C three, six, seven, eight,
And then there's some intricates.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Yeah, it's about let it's about letting go. It's about
letting go. At one point she said, just feel it yourselves. Yeah,
it's that Raliota moment. It said, don't listen to this
one two one to eventually if you're if you're getting
struggle all the way, throw it all away and have fun.
And it's it's the love of your life, and you
do it. And for my daughter, I wanted to be
there as her dad. It At one point we got it.

(01:26:39):
I thought I got it, but I said, I saw
the video and do I have some sort of paralysis.

Speaker 4 (01:26:46):
I do have joints there.

Speaker 3 (01:26:47):
Yeah, I can't believe. I mean, she must be thirty something,
thirty four, thirty four she was an eight year old old.

Speaker 2 (01:26:54):
Don't tell me. It goes on and on. And now
my young one is going to be driving next week
because she's.

Speaker 3 (01:27:00):
Starting next week.

Speaker 2 (01:27:01):
Well you got the cars for her, Well, my wife
and I are the same way. She has to earn
a car. I've got plenty of cars you can drive.
But I said, it's a good way to parents.

Speaker 3 (01:27:11):
That was the way.

Speaker 2 (01:27:11):
Well we'll see, I said, you know, But does she.

Speaker 3 (01:27:14):
Know she's growing up in an incredibly well.

Speaker 2 (01:27:16):
I did a customized it called an H three Alpha,
was the small hummer done with a V eight engine,
and I dropped it and painted another chroma. I designed
and customized cars, so I did that. There's an experiment.
And she said, I like that, and I like that
she's in a hummer because it's kind of cool as hell,
and I've got it now she wants to. It's not

(01:27:38):
as big as my wife was. That's huge. Stand next
to it. It looks big because they've got the way
it's angled and stuff. But you get near it, it's
not that big.

Speaker 1 (01:27:46):
I love that story that you told when you were
doing the Peterson Auto Museum interview, when you had that
was it the first semi with the sleeper in the back,
and that it was almost impossible to drive and you
and your daughter would go out breakfast in the back
of it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:00):
That's kind of that's a Stewdie Baker I have. It's
a nineteen was it thirty four thirty nine? It's a studiab,
the first sleeper cab, and we we we couldn't drive it.
She'd I take her to work with me and she'd
sit in the back. We'd act like we're going across
country and we'd have our breakfast in there and everything,
and it said still in my shop. And the only
if I if Leno's not with me, I can't drive

(01:28:22):
it because I don't know how it's early up and
down right, Well no, it's no, no synchro meash. So
you got a double clutch up and you got a
double clutch down in Jacob like he's so into it.
I go wow. And we got a British rally car
too that it's very difficult to drive.

Speaker 3 (01:28:42):
And well yeah, that one.

Speaker 2 (01:28:43):
It's an eighty eight Rus two hundred.

Speaker 4 (01:28:46):
That white one, very rare.

Speaker 2 (01:28:48):
I got it from the bride. So when they were British.
Ford is not related to American form. They're very different companies.
And they built two hundred and fifty.

Speaker 3 (01:28:57):
Is that the Ford one hundred? Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 (01:29:00):
Rs?

Speaker 3 (01:29:00):
Two hundred and.

Speaker 2 (01:29:02):
The it's sister car killed a bunch of people by
mistake in Germany and the rally because Europeans rally right
and then farm land people stand around and they're doing
one hundred and third, like what do you do? They
went by and knocked it looked like unfortunately on the
video looks like bowling pins and you're what am I watching?
That's twenty one people. It slid off and knock twenty

(01:29:23):
one people in the air and killed six of them,
and they killed the European Rally for ten years over
that accident. Now they're back doing it again. But it's
something we don't. I love rally. That's one thing we
don't do here, but Europeans like It's like soccer. But
I guess, do.

Speaker 3 (01:29:39):
You still do any stand up?

Speaker 2 (01:29:41):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:29:41):
Yeah, yeah, you do? Like a company stoore.

Speaker 2 (01:29:45):
What is it? The laugh factory?

Speaker 3 (01:29:46):
Laugh factory?

Speaker 2 (01:29:47):
I do? I warm up to do that. What I'm
doing up, I'm going out to Vegae. I'm doing Vegas
and I got six gigs coming up. I've been doing
it for been doing it for forty years. It's it's
it's when a lot of people see me in constantly
go I didn't know you did this. You didn't know
I did Home improvement was my act?

Speaker 3 (01:30:09):
Right? I mean, yeah, I mean you keep it. I
mean obviously you're not doing many pig still you throw
what I do.

Speaker 2 (01:30:14):
What I do is I explained how I got where
I am. But I don't. I really feel like Rod
Stewart eventually do Maggie may right. You know, Rod's not reading,
he's not writing new stuff. I'm not gap Agan.

Speaker 3 (01:30:26):
A little bit of Copo now, but well, yeah, don't do.

Speaker 2 (01:30:29):
I always thought that would be funny if a comic
could do that. I'm gonna start out with little Jerry Steinfeld.
I'm a little bit of Bob Hope, and I'm an
end the whole thing up with a Bill Cosby rendition
and then a little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:30:40):
Of Richard big Bob Pipe found out.

Speaker 5 (01:30:41):
You.

Speaker 2 (01:30:42):
Yeah, I'm I'm a or an admirer of because he transitioned,
transitioning because it was vaudeville the less then it was
it was less vaudeville radio, and then they were filming
vaudeville and he he he changed. Yeah, he said you
got to adapt to this this chair, and I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:31:03):
It's clever. I can't tell you what enjoy it is.

Speaker 2 (01:31:06):
Thank you, guys, and I hope you had.

Speaker 3 (01:31:07):
A good time, and thanks so much for coming.

Speaker 2 (01:31:09):
And don't show this to any thanks. Thanks.

Speaker 6 (01:31:31):
H m hm, Well that was fantastic.

Speaker 4 (01:32:14):
That was funny.

Speaker 2 (01:32:16):
Man.

Speaker 6 (01:32:16):
He's a he's a funny guy.

Speaker 3 (01:32:19):
He's a funny guy.

Speaker 6 (01:32:20):
Funny how.

Speaker 3 (01:32:25):
He really is though, isn't he And he's he was
just very natural and well met as always and just
how I remembered him. He's, uh, he's a charmer and
and he knows where the funny is.

Speaker 5 (01:32:38):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:32:39):
I saw an interview he did when I was doing
some research just knowing he he likened it to being
a magician. I know where the ball is, you don't,
and I but I'm and I'm going to show you
the ball eventually. It just depends on when I know
it's time for you to see the ball. And he's
really good at that, and I think this into you

(01:33:00):
will show that quite succinctly. It just paws out of him.
I mean, if you give him an audience, he can't
help it. He can't help it. Give him an audience
of one. There was an interview I saw about him
working on Galaxy Quest, and he's got the likes of
Alan Rickman there that's desperately trying not to laugh at
all his fart and dick jokes, right because you know,

(01:33:20):
I'm a trained actor, and he just couldn't help himself.
Eventually he had to give in to Tim's charm and funny.

Speaker 1 (01:33:29):
Yeah, and he's got loads of it, and you know,
he's made such a career for himself.

Speaker 3 (01:33:33):
What a storied career, man. I mean, it's fifty years
he's been doing this. He's had three sitcoms, two have
run ten years. And we'll see where this one, shifteen
Gears goes. But you know, it's got Cat Dennings in it,
so it's got pedigree. And alongside him, he.

Speaker 1 (01:33:51):
Knew how to advocate for himself and that was something
that he mentions in this.

Speaker 3 (01:33:55):
He does, doesn't he Yeah, And that's a key. It
is key is knowing you're worth and being not being
afraid to stand by it. And when you say no,
you mean.

Speaker 1 (01:34:06):
It and you walk and you walk yeah, and they go,
hang on a second, and some of the biggest yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:34:14):
Jeffrey Katzenberg does not like being sayings in orders them
big mouse, No, no, No, I've worked for the mouse.
I think you're really going to enjoy this. This is
a great homage to the Galaxy Quest twenty fifth just
gone anniversary, and hopefully we will have some more actors

(01:34:37):
from that show we have on.

Speaker 2 (01:34:39):
The short

Speaker 4 (01:34:49):
You know whatever,

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Tim Allen | Ep. 41

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Tim Allen | Ep. 41