April 1, 2025 • 44 mins
Dating coach Erika Ettin is back for part two, where we take a look at meeting people in real life, having a more positive outlook on dating apps, and choosing the best photos. Erika also dishes out some advice to queries sent in to me on IG. And at the end, we’re catching up with James and Lucia, another couple I set up on a blind date.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, what is the crack?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Today's episode is my part two with dating coach Erica Etton.
She will be offering advice to questions that some of
you sent in, tips for meeting people in real life,
but also changing your negative attitude towards the apps. She's
also going to give tips on choosing the best dating
app pictures. After that, we will be talking to a
blind date that I set up James and Lucia, so
(00:33):
stay tuned to hear that went. First, we're going to
launch into some advice to your questions from Erica. Two
people here basically had the same question and I don't
think that you can help in this, but more change
their mentality because they were saying. One lady said apps
are a sess pit nowadays? How else can we meet
(00:54):
people for dating? And another girl said, I've had two
dates in four years. The apps just do not seem
to work for me. Have you got any tips for
a meeting in real life?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I do, yes, But the attitude is the first thing,
so it's not the dating apps. The dating apps are
a tool. Some people are terrible, but the product of
the dating apps is people like people are the ones
on there. So the dating apps are just facilitating you
getting to dates. Do I think technology makes people's behaviors reprehensible? Sometimes? Yes,
(01:27):
I do. I think people hide behind a screen often.
I think people ghost and it's really awful. I think
people have no accountability anymore. That stinks. But it's not
the apps, it's people. However, I have a list of
places where one might let me pull out my notes. Okay,
(01:51):
hold on, talk amongst yourself. Okay, here we go. So
I wrote down I've been keeping a list of the
last several years of where people have asked for me
personal information. That's not to say I'm available, that's not
to say I'm interested, but it's where people have approached
me and asked for my number or a date. So
ideas of where I have been physically A comedy show,
(02:16):
let's see, a bar, a comedy class. So sometimes like
taking an improv class or and a class, the dog park,
the gym, a birthday part.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I recommend saying yes to every birthday party you're ever
invited to, because friends of friends. It's a great way
to people another birthday party.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I took a freestyle wrap class once that was fun.
A whiskey festival, a wedding, a concert, a party for
the gym, oh a book launch party. So like something
that's interesting to you anyway, maybe where somebody is speaking,
a fundraising gala, my sidewalk. Okay, that doesn't count. U
(03:07):
photography class, French store. I don't even know what that means.
A magic show. So basically doing stuff you already enjoy,
where you're gonna be in your element and then you're
more yourself when you talk to people. I generally recommend
going to three events per month that get you a
(03:28):
little bit outside your comfort zone. So maybe one is
a dating event, maybe like a speed dating event or
a singles type thing, and then two grab a friend
if you want, go to a comedy show, talk to
people there, take an improv class, Try some sort of
communal restaurant where you have to sit with other people.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, it's a great idea. I was going to ask
you and.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Actually say yeah, say hi to people, take out your
earbuds and say hello. And also talk to people in elevators. Wow, jeez,
is that against Irish culture?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Be shunned?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh, elevator. I'd just be like, you know what number? Okay?
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I love talking to people in elevators.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I think everybody just needs to, yeah, push themselves out
there more, just by a little fraction, and maybe they'd
seen some results.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But yeah, no, it is hard to do.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And if you're so used to kind of hm, not rejection,
but more so the things aren't really happening for you, well.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, and if you believe it's not gonna happen, then
there's no more personal accountability. Well it's all the men,
or it's all the people. So there's nothing I could
There is stuff you can do, and it's probably going
to take longer than you want it to, and it's
probably going to cost more money than you want it to,
and it's probably going to be a little frustrating. But
the same would be true, right if you were looking
for a new job, or maybe you had some like
(04:47):
health goal. You know, these things don't happen immediately. Like
like the women you said who went on three dates
in a month and they were all bad. I mean
that would be the equivalent of what, you know, having
three job interviews in a month and everyone hating everyone,
And what are you going to say, Well, I'm not
going to work, of course not.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, no, that's true. The final one that I thought
I could bring up. Here was a lady who was
struggling with her self image, and she asked, does weight matter?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Sad face? That's it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
That's a tough one. I would not wait to put
yourself out there until you're fill in the blank whatever word, healthier, center,
happier than that, the other, whatever your goal is. I
wouldn't wait for that because you deserve, as everyone else does,
to find what you're looking for. There are people out
(05:44):
there looking for you, whatever you look like, whoever you are,
wherever you live.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Okay, so.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Read the question again.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
She just said, does wait matter? Question mark?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I can't lie that people are visual, you know, I
can't sugarcoat that. In a digital world where we're all
looking at pictures, people are visual, and people are going
to make their own judgments, for better or for worse,
regardless of what you look like. Could be your hair color,
could be you're you're ring. It doesn't matter. So does
(06:20):
it matter? I would say? More important is how you
feel about yourself because the more confident you feel in yourself,
obviously that's going to come across and people will think
more highly of you. And so I know that's a
tough one. To answer, So does it matter who am
I to say? I just want you to present the
best version of you today to people, and you know
(06:44):
some people will want exactly that.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, true the pictures.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You said that you help people to get the best pictures.
What would you recommend for them to do?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
There?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
There'll be a few I've come as a few male
obviously I'm looking at male profiles, but I'm not anymore.
But it was, and they would have, you know, pictures,
they're extremely close up in their face pictures taken.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Because then are notoriously bad at this. Okay, So generally
I want you to have a nice clear shot of
your face smiling wouldn't hurt anyone. Teeth teeth are good,
and then a full body shot. I mean, people are
quite simple. They just want to see who's showing up
on the date, nothing more and nothing less. So as
long as they can see your face and what your
(07:31):
general figure looks like, everybody's happy. Other than that, just
pictures of you and your element doing something interesting whatever.
Those many hobbies we just discussed, are you know, doing
one of those? That's it. That's that's what people need
to see before going on the date. Who's going to
walk in the door.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
The pictures of face, body and then people men have
come to me and said, oh, I was told not
to have any group shots at all, But then when
I was looking at their pictures, I was like, you
don't look like you're having fun at all here. I
actually don't know what you enjoy doing. Do you have friends?
I don't know because I can't really tell. And I
(08:12):
think that like a couple of group shots or action
shots are great.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Action shot, great group shots, I generally would cut, I
would crop them so that it's very clear whose profile
it is, because when you do have a group shot,
it's too easy to one think your friend is more attractive,
or too not even figure out who you are. I
don't mind if there's some shoulders of friends next to you.
(08:37):
At least it shows you were doing something and having,
like you said, just someone in their element, whatever that means.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So I have a couple of screenshots here that I
took off your Instagram page, and I love this instagram.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I find it wildly.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yes, so much, thank you's.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I would recommend everybody go on and have a look
at it.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
This first one was a lady has something about enjoying
sushi on her profile. Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
The Sush couple, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
God bless him.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Like he wrote to her and said, Lauren Bumble says
you're my perfect match. Let's see if they know what
they're talking about. And she said, perfect match. Huh, that
feels like a lot of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Pressure.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I just fell for the line about sush, so sorry
the man had it about sushi. And then he replied
and said, you feel pressure, and I feel liked for
my love of raw fish. So this girl thought that
he was talking about her vagina or making some sort
of vaginal Jokest.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Of all, if someone's calling it raw fish, we got big.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Problems for your advice on that. Like she was totally.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
She's sending it to me basically as an example of
a guy being creepy. And I called her out on it,
and I said, sushi is raw fish. He was having
a cute little banter with you. I seriously thought he
meant nothing.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
No so desires, and I voted on that pole and
said he meant nothing. Her message to you was weeded
himself out in record time, and then an emoji with
his like a frustrated emoji.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Why and you were like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
That's exactly what I said. I'm straight to the point.
I have time for this.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, like definitely looking for problems where there are none,
like and I suppose a lot. I think a lot
of people, or maybe specifically women can say that that
they're so on high alert about these men whom overly
sexual or whatever.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
That all right, so they try to prove themselves right.
And I will say a lot of men are gross
and are overly sexual. This just wasn't one of them.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, there's another one here. Hey, Erica, I know you
can't respond to every DM.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
We want to go back to the sushi.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
So she felt so guilty on the first date that
she told him that she sent me a dating coach
on Instagram. This is hilarious. She felt so guilty that
she told him on their first date that she had
the conversation to me and I had shared it because
in case he found it on his own, she didn't
want to feel weird. And so this is crazy. He
wrote to me himself. The guy wrote to me and said,
(11:10):
thank you for telling Lauren, because I meant nothing by it.
And so he and I had a nice little exchange.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And are they still dating? It's runny updates on it.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Three Yeah, so I posted an update three weeks later
they were still dating.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh my god, Well she's lucky and you can patch
yourself on the back for that for setting her story
I did.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I told him if they ever get married, I'm eating.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
All the sushi and the.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
Poor man.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Though, I'm surprised.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think if I if I was him and she
had told me that, she immediately went to there in
her mind, I'd be like, oh, well.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
It was the whole conversation. She did it a few times.
He said something else and she goes another innuendo and
he's like, I don't there was no innuendo, like if
you again, kind of like before. If you believe that
everyone is something, you will find every reason under the
sun to prove yourself right. And I am so glad
(12:10):
she asked me, because they would have never gone out
look at He actually sent me a picture of them
on their third date at a sushi restaurant.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh, for fox sake. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad it's
working out, and maybe she'll she might cop on a bit.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, So, Erica, I have been spiraling and extremely sad
because I had a great date yesterday early afternoon with
a guy who was closer to what I want than
any guy I've ever dated.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
We hit it off. I haven't heard from him since
we parted. He doesn't seem like a big Texter.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
But I still thought he would reach out by now,
because he gave every indication that he would be interested
in seeing me again.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't want to take the lead here because I
planned the first date. I honestly don't know what to
do and it's killing me.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeap, So I would say there's a lot of people
who would relate to that that and I felt the
need to bring it up to to kind of discuss
it and how women or not women, everyone or a
lot of people would get way too invested on the
first date and then putting all the eggs in that
one basket. I have your response here, So you said,
(13:17):
just thank him your faith, you love an health, thank you,
I do love it, thank you, And you said, but
you also need to check yourself. You've only met this
person for a few hours, so you're banking on potential.
I hope he wants to see you again, but if
he doesn't, all will be okay, And I'm not sure
why you planned the first date and it wasn't more
collaborative or him planning. I understand the excitement, of course,
it's hard to find that connection.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Also, it's only been a day. It is very important.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Didn't say it better myself than I even posted something
similar today. I don't know if you saw a ready
was a woman who said she went on a date
last night. They left at ten pm, and at one
twenty pm today she hadn't heard from him and said,
is he ghosting me? I don't know. He's probably at work.
Sometimes we get too invested too soon, which is why
I have my little acronym NATO not attached to outcome,
(14:00):
because when we attach ourselves so much to I want whatever,
a long term relationship, a spouse, whatever it is, we
see everything as a means to an end to getting there,
and we see everything short of that as a failure.
And rather I would rather we just look at people
as they are. It was a nice first date. I
sure hope they go on a second date. I have
no idea. We don't really know this person that much,
(14:21):
and that's what I wanted to get across, Like he
may seem like closer to what you're looking for than
you've ever found. But seem is the key word. You
had a great first date. Let's leave it at that,
And how about give yourself a chance to be excited
about the fact that you even could have a great
first date because it had probably been a long time.
It sounds like since an equally good first date. So
like basque in the glory. I told someone yesterday her
(14:42):
homework was to bask in the glory of a good
first date for a week.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
There are lots of bad dates out there. There are
lots of times when you meet weirdo. There's people who
make you uncomfortable. There's times when it's just awkward. So
like if something is just like a nice time, And
when I put up updates of any dates that I've
gone on, I would say, like, it was a lovely date.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
We were in a lovely pub, he was good fun.
It was an anting there, but it was.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
A nice time, And I understand the excitement. I don't
want to quell that excitement. Like I get the excitement
and it's fun. It's fun to feel excitement about a
first date. It's almost like she's disregarding her own feelings
about the date. So rather than enjoying the fact that
she had a really good date, she's so darn worried
about how he felt and was it good for him?
And will he follow up that she completely negated the
(15:27):
fact that she had a really nice first date.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
It's a pity. Now this one here is as you
said yourself off brand.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Oh I know which one.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is something that I disagreed with you on.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
I love a disagreement.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Okay, do we need to be you know, we actually
don't need to be delicate?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Well, I just find it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I'm just trying to make sure everybody gets a good
because I'm what we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I always I know my mother follows me on Instagram,
so I always worry about stuff like.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I I like, I told my family just don't listen
because sometimes I gave I gave a bit of titbit
of information about my own personal life and they're all
just best off not known.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So a girl finished it with this guy, and then
the guy sent her this text after she finished it,
and this is what his text said. A few comments
about my actions with your dog. When I felt like
I was being fine. I guess what annoyed me the
most was the fact that you pointed out that you
find it hard to finish literally as I'm fucking you,
and felt the need to use a vibrator for more pleasure.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But hey, ho, it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I guess there was too many negative conversations for early
days of getting to know someone for my liking, so
so it was more the part about you then gave
advice on the whole vibrator thing. So you responded to
her and said, wow, and if a man is so
insecured that you can't use your vibrator during sex, that's
the end. And in your caption, he said, I note
(16:56):
a little bit off brand from what I normally post,
and I'm not trying to break the internet here, but
if some woone prioritizes their pleasure over yours and somehow
feels offended when you want to pleasure yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
It's a no. And I know it can feel tricky
to bring up that you want to use the toy,
but trust me, it's okay with the right person. How
it felt like there she kind of whipped it out.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yeah, I don't know, And if that were the case,
then I disagree with myself if it's the case that
you're in the moment and she's like, oh, hey, I'm
just gonna grab this, Yeah, I would say that would
be inappropriate and off putting for anyone. However, the way
he phrased it in that text was also pretty you
know looking. Yeah, I just that, how do you get
(17:36):
over like? I mean, that's basically I'm doing this thing
to you. What are you a sex dummy? You know?
And so Plus I don't even know what he did
to the dog. I don't want to know. It sounds
like he was pretty rough with the dog. I think,
in my advice, I was pretty set off by his
phrasing of when I was effing you that I had
(17:57):
to side with her because that kind of language tells
me what I needed to know, which is, basically, you
are a play thing for me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
But he doesn't seem like a good fella anyway from him.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
But right, But the bigger conversation, yeah, I agree, if
somebody's just gonna whip out toys or whatever, no, that
could be extremely uncomfortable. However, in the bigger picture, you know,
since we're talking about it, I mean, like one of
the comment ares said, and like the vibrator is your teammate,
not your enemy. And so I think as long as
you have a conversation about it in advance and both
(18:31):
people are on the same page, that.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Can be productive. When I was reading it, and if
when I first thought that she whipped it out, I
was like that the man would be shocked.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
I would be shocked too, if that's take as.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
A slight upon him that he couldn't do it. But like, obviously,
if it's down the line, I would say, like a
couple of months of trying, and the woman, you know,
maintains that there's you know, she can't and then he'd
be like, you know, fair enough, but it looks like here,
like I would be, it would be like me having
sex with a man and he whips out a flesh
(19:04):
light and then starts riding the flesh light beside me,
And I'm like, oh, I.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
See them as different because with the vibrator you can
enjoy it together and everybody wins, whereas a flesh light
you're now not part of the picture. Okay, we can
we can agree to disagree on this.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I just when I read it, it was funny because
it was a bit like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Oh, I didn't know what kind of reactions, and I
didn't know what kind of reaction I was going to
get because I don't usually post sexual stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But I was.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction I got.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But you know, that was it.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
That was the last one. We're finishing on a on
a h.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
What kind of I don't know what kind of note
we're finishing, but at least we're finishing.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Hey, yeah, but yeah, we'll finish off now.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And was there anything else that you think that the
people of Ireland to just get them through and like,
you know, to help with maybe the fatigue of SWI
and dating general tips on kind of what you would
give your clients to help them.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Or sure, I understand the fatigue and it's real and
I don't want to overlook that. I would say, you know,
maybe put limits for yourself on how much you're logging
into the apps. Maybe it's fifteen minutes in the morning
and fifteen minutes in the evening, so you can't get
too swipe happy with it, you know, and you can't
get addicted to it.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
If you match with.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Someone, try to have a conversation immediately with them. It's
not helping to have just a bunch of matches in there.
Newer doesn't mean better. Go through some of your old matches.
I bet someone amazing is in there, right. And then
the rest is a mindset shift rather than thinking of ugh,
you know, this is a means to an end. I
just want to find my person. I have to go
(20:42):
on another date. You have to think to yourself, Okay,
I'm going to meet a new person tonight. Maybe make
a list of places you really want to try, and
go down that list for all of your dates. So
at least if it's not a date you want to
see again you've enjoyed the place, try to learn something
from any of the dates. And so I understand that
(21:03):
frustration and that foot fatigue. And I don't have any
magical answers other than to give sort of some best
practices and some rules of thumb to make online dating
feel more manageable.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
Yeah, no, it is.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You have such a good, healthy mindset for everything. So
I think those are some really good tips. And yeah,
again it's a little nudge. So if you're looking for
up Erica Eton, thank.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
You so much.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Erica.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That was the second and final part of my chat
with Dayton coach Erica Edton. Next up is my blind
date segment. I put up some videos on TikTok offering
my matchmaking services, and I got people to fill in
a matchmaking form and here we are today. We're chatting
to James and Lucia. James is thirty two, a tour
guide from Dublin who enjoys podcasting, gigs, hiking, dystopian books.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
And chess.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
He likes bubbly, straightforward ladies who are passionate about their hobbies.
Lucia is a thirty two year old South American who
lives in Dublin. Loves fitness, especially pole dancing, also likes
hiking and festivals, and is looking for a decent man
who doesn't get sexual too soon and isn't on the
sash every weekend with the lads. Funnily enough, she also
likes white, pale skinned men with baby faces and cute smiles.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Perfect James, I thought that you fit the bill there.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Give me a little bit of backstory on kind of
just general love life and how the apps are going, that.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Kind of stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I was in like a long relationship just before COVID
kind of long distance, and then that broke up, and
then during and post COVID there was a couple of
hodge podge dates here and there, kind of from apps
and stuff, and I just found the absolutely disheartening. It's
very hard for the conversation to continue. It very hard
to have a bit of crack with someone.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, sag stuff over and over again.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah exactly. And you go out either get rather art
and then it's a waste of time or you just
go out and you never feel a kind of click.
It just feels really cordial. So I couldn't really figure
the middle balance, and I just figured dat naps her side.
So when I saw you put up that thing, I
was like, oh, yeah, fuck it. Let's see if someone
else does it. And then just you'll skip all the
boring small talk and you just get thrown in with
each other. And and I think that's a great way
(23:10):
to do with a coffee where no one walks away
feeling bad of a nice time with someone. And then
if it kicks, it clicks, and if it doesn't click,
it doesn't click.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
And how are you feeling before the date? Were you
nervous or what was it like?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Ah yeah, abyss abs. Yeah, it was a good bit.
Like I just I hadn't thought about it for a
while and then it suddenly was happening and I was like,
oh shit, Like I wasn't really I don't know. You
just go in and try and be your best self,
I guess, you know, and not overthink it.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You've never been on a blind date before?
Speaker 4 (23:34):
A sm no no one time I was. I had
a blind date where we were in like a pitch
black restaurant, but I knew the person.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Okol. That's really cool. That's like from that filmy very weird.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Yeah, it's very weird. You can't see each other at
all for the whole meal. It's really strange, altho way
there's have like night vision cargos on.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Was it in a different country like it was it
in Dublin?
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Yeah yeah, not Ireland. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Ah well that's an idea there for somebody to come
up with, because I think that would be class actually
for dates. That was enough that I'm about time with
that ginger filler.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
That's a great It was a great idea. It's a
lot of fun and it's real silly and it's really
funny and like they have to feeding each other half
the time because and yet it's just really weird.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
It's really really weird, right, So tell me how did
the date go. Let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
It went really well. When you said she's in fitness,
I got a little nervous because I feel like, like,
I feel like people who are into fitness are very
very like body conscious, and they're very like tones and
all that sort of stuff, which I'm not like, I
like pines. I'm not in particularly I'm fit enough, but
I'm not in great shape, so that when I hear
people in fitness, I'd be like, well, she's not gonna
(24:33):
be into me, because I'm not really her type of person.
I guess that was in my head. But the date itself,
like she was really really really lovely, really friendly, really nice,
but I just kind of felt we were on two
different waves lengths. We had a very nice chat and
wasn't rushed or anything, and we got along, but I
just felt like we weren't right for each other. I
(24:54):
guess I don't know a younger. I think I said
this to a younger me would have said like a
day too, because I fancied her like she's is beautiful
and a younger me would have wanted to see her again,
put an old me with like a little bit of like, ah,
you know, it's not really right at the court. There's
no point in trying, you know, going on.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Dragging it out, Yeah, just because and your first impression.
So when she walked in, were you.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah, they sat us upstairs, and I was looking and
then obviously like you know when someone walks up and
you can kind of tell if they're kind of looking
around too, and I was like, and we sat down
and we had like it was a lovely adult chase something.
You picked the place, really lovely spot for the first days.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah, what if that was a cafe? Yeah, well in Dublin.
I've actually never been there. I've heard of.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
It's a fancy Italian place that there's lovely little cakes
and coffees and stuff. So it's a really lovely place first. Yeah.
So yeah, so she sat down and we're just kind
of like, I guess that part is I'm a bit
like it's naturally easy to chat to someone, you know,
but it's how do you chat to someone and kind
of suss there goold click for each other without using
the staple crutch that I would usually use, which is
you know, having a recompine a few Yeah, yeah, that
(25:59):
was the that hour. I think she took a lunch
hour off her job. So then I walked back to
the listener. She went back to work, so she kind of,
you know, just fitted into her schedule pretty perfectly. Kind of.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
So you had a nice time. You were chatting away,
and then like what happened at the end.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
She said she would maybe drink once a month, which
is fine. I don't well, I don't know, I don't
drink that once was a week or whatever, and it said,
you know the way she kind of said, like, I'm
very careful how I drink because it throws off my
calorie intake that like that. That's just not me, Like
I'm way more chaotic with my lifestyle as opposed to
(26:34):
you know, I only drink once a month because of
the calories and stuff like It's yeah, it's just something
I would never even factor in. I wouldn't even think about,
you know. And I think she kind of felt the
same way. I don't know, Actually you never said how
she felt her every and I don't you know, I
don't you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Fairly similar when you replied about that it was a
lovely date and really nice people, good chats or whatever,
but probably just not not the best fit, more friendly
kind of thing. Yeah, which which was grand, and it's
nice that you had a nice time. I just thought,
I suppose I didn't know the level, Like I know
that you're great at the l hikes, so to me,
(27:10):
I would be like, you have a.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Good fitness level. And then when she said she'd be
into fitness, I didn't know to what degree she was
really into that fitness, you know. So but you we
both said that you wanted you know, you know, good
conversation and you both seem smart and liked music and
gigs and festivals and blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
So it's like and then unfortunately, yeah, and we had
a lot of we had a lot of common things
that we hit well, yeah, I don't know how, you
just kind of know, but you just kind of know.
There wasn't like the spark or the crack or something
there that made it like you know, when you're smiling
all the time, like a second ages or yeah, I
just didn't quite have that sort of No. I walked
(27:47):
us to Louise, gave her hope and say goodbye. That
was it. I didn't swoop in for any offer.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And there, you know, at two o'clock in the middle
of the day at the Lewis.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Yeah, exactly. You see, I had I had a couple
of dates before this where I guess it's such a
fine line because one of my friends loves the idea
of it, and other friends looks as horrible where the
day went kind of well, and then I'm just like, oh,
I can I kiss you? But asking can you kiss
someone is real kind of cringe. It's not as friends
of mine were saying, look like guys or girls and
it doesn't matter. They're just kind of saying like you
(28:16):
should infer it from the date and just go. You
should know whether it's something appropriate to go for or not,
basically how.
Speaker 5 (28:22):
The date went.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
So asking is just kind of like a kind of
a cowardly way to do it. I think.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, so a lot of people are into like, you know,
consent and whatever. I personally I don't like it. However,
my boyfriend actually the first time he went in to kill,
asked me could he go in for the kill? And no,
I fancy I liked him enough for it to be Okay,
I suppose I don't know, but I would be quite
happy for something to just pick up on the vibes
(28:48):
and go in for the kill. But I do respect
men who feel the need to ask because they don't
want to shove their face in your face.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
I have a friend who had a pretty her twenties
were probably not great, but the whole event stuff, And
she says to me, like asking, can I guess he
was the sexiest thing in the world. And then another
friend who thinks it's most disgusting, cringe hard. It's a
hard fucking balance to get right.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
You know, different strokes for different folks and all that.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Yeah. So, but like I said, I think we both
were on the same page with each other, so we
you know, I don't feel like we're wasting each other's time.
I think we both had a really nice time, great chat,
we did get we did get along the music front
and all that sort of stuff. But just yeah, I
think I feel like, yeah, someone would be heavily into fitness.
I guess I'm just probably the wrong fit for it,
to be honest, you know, I feel like i'd probably
be I'd probably be way more attracted to her than
she would be to me. You know, I'm just just
(29:34):
sheer pragmatically, I'm not saying this, and you know I'm pretty,
I'm pretty confident individual. Yeah, two very different categories.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
You know, Jesus is not to me, but I get it.
I do get it. And right, give me an update
on the love life. Now we'll finish it up with this.
How are you getting on?
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Well, I was seeing someone for a while and then
it was well, we took it very, very very slow.
So after three months we decided to go for us.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
So boyfriend and girlfriend Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
So she was just fairly serious. So she was going
real real stuff really slow because she's kind of the
way she praises. She didn't want to carry the baggage
of you know, that that bad relationship into something new,
and I was kind of hadn't had one for a
long time, so I was very eager to jump into
one when I found out with the right person. But again,
that wasn't it. That wasn't it in their special that
it was just like my housemates had a friend and
she was like, I'm going for dinner with this friend.
(30:24):
You know, dress nice and come with me. So the
organic is so lovely and so rare and hard to
get the old year.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Oh that is such a you got very lucky there.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, I made an instant connection, so congratulations. Still
early days, but so far it's been really lovely.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Ex fact sake, like I always wanted to meet somebody
in real life. All of my ex boyfriends I had
met them in real life, and then I was just
flat out there fifty plus dates completely through acts, not
one of them I had met through in real life.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But obviously it can be done. You just need friends
that are going to can be It is just it
is just harder.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
It's definitely harder. Like this was the year I was like, okay,
look I'm get off the apps, you know, and reaching
out to you, I guess was one of the very
easy thing to do as well, because I can reach
out to you and be like, hey, can you organize
and do all the hard work, whereas the other hard
work is going on fucking singles hikes and do that
sort of stuff, which I find very intimidating. I find
well out of my comfort zone. And I didn't quite
make it to that level yet. The singles hiking or
(31:25):
like the speaking and stuff. Oh yeah, no, no, Jesus Christ. No,
but like, just yeah, that stuff for me, I just
would have been a little bit too uncomfortable, I think.
But this not happened the way it happened. I think
I would have kept advocating for myself. You have to
just be bravocating. You're not going to this this Yeah,
this old romantic, fucking teenage mobile romantic vision I had
(31:47):
where You're going to sit there and the perfect person
is gonna knock at your door. No, you have to
you have to want. If you want this, you need
to change, change your circumstances to try and make it happen.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I think exactly. But like, if you're not yourself out there,
you know somebody is not going to break into your
sitting room, you know you need to I suppose put
yourself in as many situations as possible to meet people.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely so now and again I got lucky
and the way this kind of worked out, I guess, yeah.
I think this was the year where I was going
to really not just sit around and mope and be
sad and wanted to be in a relationship. I was like, well,
desires who wanted to be a relationship and trying to
be a relationship or trying to meet people and see
where they go, where it goes, you know. Yeah, But
now that being said, like two of my friends, three
of my friends are married and they met through the apps.
(32:29):
Three so three of my buddies are literally married to
their Tinger partners. So but now I don't know. I
don't know if the heat of the apps on because
these are all they met like five plus years ago.
So part of me feels like the apps are dying
my death, and I wonder it's that real or notough,
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Well, people do like the The apps do work for
some people, but I suppose other people just lose hope.
But anyway, I'm happy for you and best to look
to you in your new relationships.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
Cheers and thanks for setting up.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So now we have Lucia with us. Lucia Tank so
much for coming on to talk to us, and thanks
so much for agreeing to be match made.
Speaker 5 (33:04):
I thank you so much for making me part of
the experiment. I had such a great time, and for
making this cult today as well.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Brilliant See where can you tell me a little bit
about yourself? Where are you from? What age are you.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
Well, I'm from Venezuela and I live in Ireland for
ten years now and I'm thirty two years old. I
work in it. Yeah, I've been single five years and
dating on dating apps and of dating apps as well,
so that's a bit of my single experience.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
You said you like pale, pale white. I thought that
was that was interesting. So you don't you wouldn't date
like You're obviously quite tanned being from Venezuela, but you
wouldn't go for You're not interested in tanned men. You
like the pale men.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
I don't mind it. I guess it depends on chemistry
and first impressions and stuff, but I will usually go
for more pale men.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Yeah. Now I set you up and I thought, now,
on paper, it was good. I know you were very
into your fitness. You do a lot of you're in
the gym a loss, you also do pole dancing, and
I thought when I had match made you, he's quite
interested in he does quite a lot of hiking. And
then I thought that you like to get out and
about and go for nice walks as well, so I
(34:23):
thought maybe that would be good. But I think maybe
you were a bit mismatched.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
There in the end.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Yeah, yeah, I think that was quite a problem there.
And he's a really nice guy. I had such a
great time. He was lovely. But it's just in terms
of yeah, physical activity, I'm like, I work out two
three hours a day and in I have a bodicomposition
that's very mostly I don't know, it is hard to
(34:50):
find me a good match, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And would you find many men in the gym or
when you're doing these like did you do you do
a bodybuilding or something like that?
Speaker 5 (35:01):
No, I don't do bodybuilding. Bottom, my muscles are very
well defined because of all dancing and because I work
with a lot of strength conditioning. I work out the gym,
but it's mostly like like a second help for my
man's sport. That's all dancing.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I get you, okay, And you've had no luck with
finding you know, a man maybe in the gym that
would They don't happy like you.
Speaker 5 (35:27):
No, they don't talk to you. Guys don't talk to
you anymore, not outside, not in the gym. I don't know.
Maybe because I'm too focused on doing my stuff and
I always have my airports on. I don't know. Maybe
I'm not open to be approached that that could be
a reason that.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, I hear that a lot. That you know, people
don't meet each other in real life anymore. Nobody's approaching anybody.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
Listen. The other day I was in Belfast for a weekend,
and I was sitting in a bar waiting for someone
for like forty five minutes by myself, having a drink,
But forty five minutes a lady there on her churches
by herself. Nobody approached me. In my country, that's very different.
I will say you.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Would definitely get approached in Venezuela.
Speaker 5 (36:13):
Oh yeah, even in Spain, I think you will get approached.
I don't know. Things are changing here. Maybe before it
wasn't like that. Like when I arrived, people approach the outside,
but at least to me, it doesn't happen anymore. Maybe
I don't know, I look too serious or something.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
I don't know. Maybe it OVID people got so nervous,
and then, you know, I don't know, people just don't
have the Men don't have the confidence anymore to approach
a woman. Yeah, I don't know the guy I met.
All of my previous boyfriends in real life, well like
in a bar. Now people seems to just be meeting
on Tinder or hinge.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
Yeah, that's the thing as well. Why would you approach
someone when you can just hide behind the screen and
you don't have to make a tone of effort and
I don't know, maybe expose yourself to being rejected. F's tough,
and I know that's that's one thing men carry on
with with the rejection on a daily basis.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, well, true, I would like to have the burden
of having to approach somebody on my shoulders. I know
that men generally thought that they should do it. I
certainly have never approached somebody and asked them out. I
don't think I'd like the rejection. So yeah, I do understand.
Speaker 5 (37:23):
It's been different. Yeah, since COVID probably and having the
dating upstairs so easily as well. It makes it just
the lazy way.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Well it is, Yes, it is definitely. And tell me
more about your days. So you met in Dolt.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Yeah it wasn't indulto sicily was. Yeah, we went to
have a coffee and a cake and we have really
good chats about music and about our hobbies and interests.
I think there was no chemistry between us, most mostly
like a friendly chemistry. Probably more not romantical, but we
(38:00):
have a great time.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
Like it was.
Speaker 5 (38:03):
He had commitments afterwards on me too, so it was
a short date, but we have a good time. In
my opinion, he was very decent, a gentleman. He treat
me very well, and the conversation was nice and flowing.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Well, there was no chemistry, but at least you know,
you know, it's nice. I suppose to go on dates
that you can come out and say, well, there was
nothing there, but there are good people out there, you know,
nice people you have a nice time with. Because I
know a lot of people go on dates where I
think maybe weird things happen, and it cannot make you
(38:39):
think is there any good people out there?
Speaker 4 (38:42):
But there are?
Speaker 5 (38:43):
We know about that because dating is tough. Yeah, sometimes
you can encounter situations that leave you hopeless. But as
you say, it's good to have these these encounters where
you think, okay, maybe there is hope. Maybe this guy's
not for me, he's for maybe a friend of mine
or someone else. Book there is good guys out there.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Exactly, And how is the dating going for you now?
Are you do you have any dates lined up? Or
are you even using the apps? What's going on for you.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
Well, I'm there, I don't know them, and then they
lead them again. And sometimes I told to people go
at the moment, I don't know. I'm just focused on
my things and if someone nice with a good chat
comes along, then I might give it a chance. But
I'm not really open to find a relationship anymore. Like
(39:32):
I'm I'm looking towards all the kind of goals because
if it's been too much of trying, so I'd rather
focus on other other areas of my life.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I can be very exhausting. And also, you know, I
have a few Brazilian friends and they have commented on
dating and dating in Ireland and dating Irish men and
how Irish men immediately sexualize them.
Speaker 6 (39:58):
Would you find that, you say, imagine, I'm a poll dancer,
I'm Venezuela of Jesus, but like the target for sexualization
for sure, and.
Speaker 5 (40:08):
A lot of misconceptions as well, because they have a
lot of I guess judgments pre con yeah, like premid
judgments about who you are by by whatever they see
on your Instagram or the first few few chats that
you have with them, and they already have an idea
(40:28):
of you, and that's the way they will treach you
from their own That's why I coult situations in the
early stages always because I find that we might not
be a good match. They they have some preconception about
me without me showing them who I am was a person.
I'm like, this is not gonna work if I can't
be myself completely, you know, And I know you definitely.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
You've sent me a few pictures of yourself and like
you obvio there very mostly and you take your pole
dancing very seriously and you can see them sport like.
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, some people don't know that. There
is a lot of ignorance about it. And some guys
have told me, oh, well, are you a stripper or what?
Even if I was a stripper, was there what's the
problem about it?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
You know?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah, a job, that was your job. But so then
when you're out trying to find a man today's then
it's you're okay to be disrespected, like, no, that's nuts.
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Yeah, yeah it happens sometimes, but not everybody is like that.
I have to say, there is a lot of respectful
men out there, and yeah, some Irish men can sexualize.
Should know all of them. Some of them as well.
Maybe they have a different culture than yours and they
just think that you're I don't know, maybe not as
(41:47):
familiar as they see Irish women, or they don't have
the same I don't know, religious beliefs or things in
that sense. When from my perspective Latino women, we are
very familiar and we have a lot of traditional background
and religious traditional backgrounds, so it might be different, but
(42:11):
at the same time we have our own culture and
traditions as well. Yeah, it doesn't mean we're more free
and more liberal, more sexual. Some people might be, but
you can generalize.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Do you find it easier today's South American men over
Irish men? Like you find that you're easier to deal with?
Speaker 5 (42:29):
I get asked this question a lot, and it is
easier today someone from Latin America or Spanish as speaker.
In general, I think it will be easier for them
to understand my context, my cultural context. It is superficial
to say, but once you see a person and speak
to them a little bit in your own language, you
can kind of know what social background they have or
(42:54):
economic background. You can know a little bit by pre judging,
you know, So I guess when I speak with someone
from my language, they could be more aware of my context.
Someone that doesn't speak my language would or doesn't know
so much about my future. Would you know if you
get what I mean?
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Yeah, no, I understand, I get you. Well, thank you
so much for forgiving us that explanation. I really hope
that you find find somebody nice and I will keep
an eye out and see if there's any nice nice
mostly men, nice pain men who are yes fit and
into the gym and are able to keep up with Lucia.
(43:36):
Let me know and maybe we will find somebody together.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
I'm always open. Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Thank you so much, Lucia s.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Maybe someday I'll get a second day going out with
this matchmaking my God. In the next episode in two
weeks time, I'll be talking to TikToker Casey Campion and
Lauren Murta too gas gals in their early twenties getting
a lot of attention on TikTok and God love them.
They have an awful track record with fellas from weirdose
to cheaters. They have had it all and you might
(44:06):
have even seen Casey's multi part viral videos on TikTok
where she's put her cheating next story on Blast, and
of course then we'll talk to another couple who I
set up on a blind date. If you'd like to collab,
if you have a story for the pod, anything at all,
Get in touch The Day in Orange at gmail dot
com Girma
Hello, what is the crack?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Today's episode is my part two with dating coach Erica Etton.
She will be offering advice to questions that some of
you sent in, tips for meeting people in real life,
but also changing your negative attitude towards the apps. She's
also going to give tips on choosing the best dating
app pictures. After that, we will be talking to a
blind date that I set up James and Lucia, so
(00:33):
stay tuned to hear that went. First, we're going to
launch into some advice to your questions from Erica. Two
people here basically had the same question and I don't
think that you can help in this, but more change
their mentality because they were saying. One lady said apps
are a sess pit nowadays? How else can we meet
(00:54):
people for dating? And another girl said, I've had two
dates in four years. The apps just do not seem
to work for me. Have you got any tips for
a meeting in real life?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I do, yes, But the attitude is the first thing,
so it's not the dating apps. The dating apps are
a tool. Some people are terrible, but the product of
the dating apps is people like people are the ones
on there. So the dating apps are just facilitating you
getting to dates. Do I think technology makes people's behaviors reprehensible? Sometimes? Yes,
(01:27):
I do. I think people hide behind a screen often.
I think people ghost and it's really awful. I think
people have no accountability anymore. That stinks. But it's not
the apps, it's people. However, I have a list of
places where one might let me pull out my notes. Okay,
(01:51):
hold on, talk amongst yourself. Okay, here we go. So
I wrote down I've been keeping a list of the
last several years of where people have asked for me
personal information. That's not to say I'm available, that's not
to say I'm interested, but it's where people have approached
me and asked for my number or a date. So
ideas of where I have been physically A comedy show,
(02:16):
let's see, a bar, a comedy class. So sometimes like
taking an improv class or and a class, the dog park,
the gym, a birthday part.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I recommend saying yes to every birthday party you're ever
invited to, because friends of friends. It's a great way
to people another birthday party.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
I took a freestyle wrap class once that was fun.
A whiskey festival, a wedding, a concert, a party for
the gym, oh a book launch party. So like something
that's interesting to you anyway, maybe where somebody is speaking,
a fundraising gala, my sidewalk. Okay, that doesn't count. U
(03:07):
photography class, French store. I don't even know what that means.
A magic show. So basically doing stuff you already enjoy,
where you're gonna be in your element and then you're
more yourself when you talk to people. I generally recommend
going to three events per month that get you a
(03:28):
little bit outside your comfort zone. So maybe one is
a dating event, maybe like a speed dating event or
a singles type thing, and then two grab a friend
if you want, go to a comedy show, talk to
people there, take an improv class, Try some sort of
communal restaurant where you have to sit with other people.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah, it's a great idea. I was going to ask
you and.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Actually say yeah, say hi to people, take out your
earbuds and say hello. And also talk to people in elevators. Wow, jeez,
is that against Irish culture?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Be shunned?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh, elevator. I'd just be like, you know what number? Okay?
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I love talking to people in elevators.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I think everybody just needs to, yeah, push themselves out
there more, just by a little fraction, and maybe they'd
seen some results.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But yeah, no, it is hard to do.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And if you're so used to kind of hm, not rejection,
but more so the things aren't really happening for you, well.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Yeah, and if you believe it's not gonna happen, then
there's no more personal accountability. Well it's all the men,
or it's all the people. So there's nothing I could
There is stuff you can do, and it's probably going
to take longer than you want it to, and it's
probably going to cost more money than you want it to,
and it's probably going to be a little frustrating. But
the same would be true, right if you were looking
for a new job, or maybe you had some like
(04:47):
health goal. You know, these things don't happen immediately. Like
like the women you said who went on three dates
in a month and they were all bad. I mean
that would be the equivalent of what, you know, having
three job interviews in a month and everyone hating everyone,
And what are you going to say, Well, I'm not
going to work, of course not.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, no, that's true. The final one that I thought
I could bring up. Here was a lady who was
struggling with her self image, and she asked, does weight matter?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Sad face? That's it.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
That's a tough one. I would not wait to put
yourself out there until you're fill in the blank whatever word, healthier, center,
happier than that, the other, whatever your goal is. I
wouldn't wait for that because you deserve, as everyone else does,
to find what you're looking for. There are people out
(05:44):
there looking for you, whatever you look like, whoever you are,
wherever you live.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Okay, so.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Read the question again.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
She just said, does wait matter? Question mark?
Speaker 3 (05:59):
I can't lie that people are visual, you know, I
can't sugarcoat that. In a digital world where we're all
looking at pictures, people are visual, and people are going
to make their own judgments, for better or for worse,
regardless of what you look like. Could be your hair color,
could be you're you're ring. It doesn't matter. So does
(06:20):
it matter? I would say? More important is how you
feel about yourself because the more confident you feel in yourself,
obviously that's going to come across and people will think
more highly of you. And so I know that's a
tough one. To answer, So does it matter who am
I to say? I just want you to present the
best version of you today to people, and you know
(06:44):
some people will want exactly that.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
Well, true the pictures.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You said that you help people to get the best pictures.
What would you recommend for them to do?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
There?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
There'll be a few I've come as a few male
obviously I'm looking at male profiles, but I'm not anymore.
But it was, and they would have, you know, pictures,
they're extremely close up in their face pictures taken.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Because then are notoriously bad at this. Okay, So generally
I want you to have a nice clear shot of
your face smiling wouldn't hurt anyone. Teeth teeth are good,
and then a full body shot. I mean, people are
quite simple. They just want to see who's showing up
on the date, nothing more and nothing less. So as
long as they can see your face and what your
(07:31):
general figure looks like, everybody's happy. Other than that, just
pictures of you and your element doing something interesting whatever.
Those many hobbies we just discussed, are you know, doing
one of those? That's it. That's that's what people need
to see before going on the date. Who's going to
walk in the door.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
The pictures of face, body and then people men have
come to me and said, oh, I was told not
to have any group shots at all, But then when
I was looking at their pictures, I was like, you
don't look like you're having fun at all here. I
actually don't know what you enjoy doing. Do you have friends?
I don't know because I can't really tell. And I
(08:12):
think that like a couple of group shots or action
shots are great.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Action shot, great group shots, I generally would cut, I
would crop them so that it's very clear whose profile
it is, because when you do have a group shot,
it's too easy to one think your friend is more attractive,
or too not even figure out who you are. I
don't mind if there's some shoulders of friends next to you.
(08:37):
At least it shows you were doing something and having,
like you said, just someone in their element, whatever that means.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
So I have a couple of screenshots here that I
took off your Instagram page, and I love this instagram.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I find it wildly.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Yes, so much, thank you's.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I would recommend everybody go on and have a look
at it.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
This first one was a lady has something about enjoying
sushi on her profile. Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
The Sush couple, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
God bless him.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Like he wrote to her and said, Lauren Bumble says
you're my perfect match. Let's see if they know what
they're talking about. And she said, perfect match. Huh, that
feels like a lot of pleasure.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Pressure.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I just fell for the line about sush, so sorry
the man had it about sushi. And then he replied
and said, you feel pressure, and I feel liked for
my love of raw fish. So this girl thought that
he was talking about her vagina or making some sort
of vaginal Jokest.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Of all, if someone's calling it raw fish, we got big.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Problems for your advice on that. Like she was totally.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
She's sending it to me basically as an example of
a guy being creepy. And I called her out on it,
and I said, sushi is raw fish. He was having
a cute little banter with you. I seriously thought he
meant nothing.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
No so desires, and I voted on that pole and
said he meant nothing. Her message to you was weeded
himself out in record time, and then an emoji with
his like a frustrated emoji.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Why and you were like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
That's exactly what I said. I'm straight to the point.
I have time for this.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Well, like definitely looking for problems where there are none,
like and I suppose a lot. I think a lot
of people, or maybe specifically women can say that that
they're so on high alert about these men whom overly
sexual or whatever.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
That all right, so they try to prove themselves right.
And I will say a lot of men are gross
and are overly sexual. This just wasn't one of them.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, there's another one here. Hey, Erica, I know you
can't respond to every DM.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
We want to go back to the sushi.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
So she felt so guilty on the first date that
she told him that she sent me a dating coach
on Instagram. This is hilarious. She felt so guilty that
she told him on their first date that she had
the conversation to me and I had shared it because
in case he found it on his own, she didn't
want to feel weird. And so this is crazy. He
wrote to me himself. The guy wrote to me and said,
(11:10):
thank you for telling Lauren, because I meant nothing by it.
And so he and I had a nice little exchange.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
And are they still dating? It's runny updates on it.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Three Yeah, so I posted an update three weeks later
they were still dating.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh my god, Well she's lucky and you can patch
yourself on the back for that for setting her story
I did.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I told him if they ever get married, I'm eating.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
All the sushi and the.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
Poor man.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Though, I'm surprised.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think if I if I was him and she
had told me that, she immediately went to there in
her mind, I'd be like, oh, well.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
It was the whole conversation. She did it a few times.
He said something else and she goes another innuendo and
he's like, I don't there was no innuendo, like if
you again, kind of like before. If you believe that
everyone is something, you will find every reason under the
sun to prove yourself right. And I am so glad
(12:10):
she asked me, because they would have never gone out
look at He actually sent me a picture of them
on their third date at a sushi restaurant.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Oh, for fox sake. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad it's
working out, and maybe she'll she might cop on a bit.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Okay, So, Erica, I have been spiraling and extremely sad
because I had a great date yesterday early afternoon with
a guy who was closer to what I want than
any guy I've ever dated.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
We hit it off. I haven't heard from him since
we parted. He doesn't seem like a big Texter.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
But I still thought he would reach out by now,
because he gave every indication that he would be interested
in seeing me again.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't want to take the lead here because I
planned the first date. I honestly don't know what to
do and it's killing me.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeap, So I would say there's a lot of people
who would relate to that that and I felt the
need to bring it up to to kind of discuss
it and how women or not women, everyone or a
lot of people would get way too invested on the
first date and then putting all the eggs in that
one basket. I have your response here, So you said,
(13:17):
just thank him your faith, you love an health, thank you,
I do love it, thank you, And you said, but
you also need to check yourself. You've only met this
person for a few hours, so you're banking on potential.
I hope he wants to see you again, but if
he doesn't, all will be okay, And I'm not sure
why you planned the first date and it wasn't more
collaborative or him planning. I understand the excitement, of course,
it's hard to find that connection.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Also, it's only been a day. It is very important.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Didn't say it better myself than I even posted something
similar today. I don't know if you saw a ready
was a woman who said she went on a date
last night. They left at ten pm, and at one
twenty pm today she hadn't heard from him and said,
is he ghosting me? I don't know. He's probably at work.
Sometimes we get too invested too soon, which is why
I have my little acronym NATO not attached to outcome,
(14:00):
because when we attach ourselves so much to I want whatever,
a long term relationship, a spouse, whatever it is, we
see everything as a means to an end to getting there,
and we see everything short of that as a failure.
And rather I would rather we just look at people
as they are. It was a nice first date. I
sure hope they go on a second date. I have
no idea. We don't really know this person that much,
(14:21):
and that's what I wanted to get across, Like he
may seem like closer to what you're looking for than
you've ever found. But seem is the key word. You
had a great first date. Let's leave it at that,
And how about give yourself a chance to be excited
about the fact that you even could have a great
first date because it had probably been a long time.
It sounds like since an equally good first date. So
like basque in the glory. I told someone yesterday her
(14:42):
homework was to bask in the glory of a good
first date for a week.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
There are lots of bad dates out there. There are
lots of times when you meet weirdo. There's people who
make you uncomfortable. There's times when it's just awkward. So
like if something is just like a nice time, And
when I put up updates of any dates that I've
gone on, I would say, like, it was a lovely date.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
We were in a lovely pub, he was good fun.
It was an anting there, but it was.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
A nice time, And I understand the excitement. I don't
want to quell that excitement. Like I get the excitement
and it's fun. It's fun to feel excitement about a
first date. It's almost like she's disregarding her own feelings
about the date. So rather than enjoying the fact that
she had a really good date, she's so darn worried
about how he felt and was it good for him?
And will he follow up that she completely negated the
(15:27):
fact that she had a really nice first date.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
It's a pity. Now this one here is as you
said yourself off brand.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Oh I know which one.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
This is something that I disagreed with you on.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
I love a disagreement.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Okay, do we need to be you know, we actually
don't need to be delicate?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Well, I just find it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I'm just trying to make sure everybody gets a good
because I'm what we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I always I know my mother follows me on Instagram,
so I always worry about stuff like.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I I like, I told my family just don't listen
because sometimes I gave I gave a bit of titbit
of information about my own personal life and they're all
just best off not known.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
So a girl finished it with this guy, and then
the guy sent her this text after she finished it,
and this is what his text said. A few comments
about my actions with your dog. When I felt like
I was being fine. I guess what annoyed me the
most was the fact that you pointed out that you
find it hard to finish literally as I'm fucking you,
and felt the need to use a vibrator for more pleasure.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But hey, ho, it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I guess there was too many negative conversations for early
days of getting to know someone for my liking, so
so it was more the part about you then gave
advice on the whole vibrator thing. So you responded to
her and said, wow, and if a man is so
insecured that you can't use your vibrator during sex, that's
the end. And in your caption, he said, I note
(16:56):
a little bit off brand from what I normally post,
and I'm not trying to break the internet here, but
if some woone prioritizes their pleasure over yours and somehow
feels offended when you want to pleasure yourself.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
It's a no. And I know it can feel tricky
to bring up that you want to use the toy,
but trust me, it's okay with the right person. How
it felt like there she kind of whipped it out.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yeah, I don't know, And if that were the case,
then I disagree with myself if it's the case that
you're in the moment and she's like, oh, hey, I'm
just gonna grab this, Yeah, I would say that would
be inappropriate and off putting for anyone. However, the way
he phrased it in that text was also pretty you
know looking. Yeah, I just that, how do you get
(17:36):
over like? I mean, that's basically I'm doing this thing
to you. What are you a sex dummy? You know?
And so Plus I don't even know what he did
to the dog. I don't want to know. It sounds
like he was pretty rough with the dog. I think,
in my advice, I was pretty set off by his
phrasing of when I was effing you that I had
(17:57):
to side with her because that kind of language tells
me what I needed to know, which is, basically, you
are a play thing for me.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
But he doesn't seem like a good fella anyway from him.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
But right, But the bigger conversation, yeah, I agree, if
somebody's just gonna whip out toys or whatever, no, that
could be extremely uncomfortable. However, in the bigger picture, you know,
since we're talking about it, I mean, like one of
the comment ares said, and like the vibrator is your teammate,
not your enemy. And so I think as long as
you have a conversation about it in advance and both
(18:31):
people are on the same page, that.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Can be productive. When I was reading it, and if
when I first thought that she whipped it out, I
was like that the man would be shocked.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
I would be shocked too, if that's take as.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
A slight upon him that he couldn't do it. But like, obviously,
if it's down the line, I would say, like a
couple of months of trying, and the woman, you know,
maintains that there's you know, she can't and then he'd
be like, you know, fair enough, but it looks like here,
like I would be, it would be like me having
sex with a man and he whips out a flesh
(19:04):
light and then starts riding the flesh light beside me,
And I'm like, oh, I.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
See them as different because with the vibrator you can
enjoy it together and everybody wins, whereas a flesh light
you're now not part of the picture. Okay, we can
we can agree to disagree on this.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Well.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
I just when I read it, it was funny because
it was a bit like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Oh, I didn't know what kind of reactions, and I
didn't know what kind of reaction I was going to
get because I don't usually post sexual stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (19:34):
But I was.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction I got.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
But you know, that was it.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
That was the last one. We're finishing on a on
a h.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
What kind of I don't know what kind of note
we're finishing, but at least we're finishing.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Hey, yeah, but yeah, we'll finish off now.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
And was there anything else that you think that the
people of Ireland to just get them through and like,
you know, to help with maybe the fatigue of SWI
and dating general tips on kind of what you would
give your clients to help them.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Or sure, I understand the fatigue and it's real and
I don't want to overlook that. I would say, you know,
maybe put limits for yourself on how much you're logging
into the apps. Maybe it's fifteen minutes in the morning
and fifteen minutes in the evening, so you can't get
too swipe happy with it, you know, and you can't
get addicted to it.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
If you match with.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Someone, try to have a conversation immediately with them. It's
not helping to have just a bunch of matches in there.
Newer doesn't mean better. Go through some of your old matches.
I bet someone amazing is in there, right. And then
the rest is a mindset shift rather than thinking of ugh,
you know, this is a means to an end. I
just want to find my person. I have to go
(20:42):
on another date. You have to think to yourself, Okay,
I'm going to meet a new person tonight. Maybe make
a list of places you really want to try, and
go down that list for all of your dates. So
at least if it's not a date you want to
see again you've enjoyed the place, try to learn something
from any of the dates. And so I understand that
(21:03):
frustration and that foot fatigue. And I don't have any
magical answers other than to give sort of some best
practices and some rules of thumb to make online dating
feel more manageable.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
Yeah, no, it is.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You have such a good, healthy mindset for everything. So
I think those are some really good tips. And yeah,
again it's a little nudge. So if you're looking for
up Erica Eton, thank.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
You so much.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Erica.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
That was the second and final part of my chat
with Dayton coach Erica Edton. Next up is my blind
date segment. I put up some videos on TikTok offering
my matchmaking services, and I got people to fill in
a matchmaking form and here we are today. We're chatting
to James and Lucia. James is thirty two, a tour
guide from Dublin who enjoys podcasting, gigs, hiking, dystopian books.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
And chess.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
He likes bubbly, straightforward ladies who are passionate about their hobbies.
Lucia is a thirty two year old South American who
lives in Dublin. Loves fitness, especially pole dancing, also likes
hiking and festivals, and is looking for a decent man
who doesn't get sexual too soon and isn't on the
sash every weekend with the lads. Funnily enough, she also
likes white, pale skinned men with baby faces and cute smiles.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Perfect James, I thought that you fit the bill there.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Give me a little bit of backstory on kind of
just general love life and how the apps are going, that.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Kind of stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I was in like a long relationship just before COVID
kind of long distance, and then that broke up, and
then during and post COVID there was a couple of
hodge podge dates here and there, kind of from apps
and stuff, and I just found the absolutely disheartening. It's
very hard for the conversation to continue. It very hard
to have a bit of crack with someone.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, sag stuff over and over again.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Yeah exactly. And you go out either get rather art
and then it's a waste of time or you just
go out and you never feel a kind of click.
It just feels really cordial. So I couldn't really figure
the middle balance, and I just figured dat naps her side.
So when I saw you put up that thing, I
was like, oh, yeah, fuck it. Let's see if someone
else does it. And then just you'll skip all the
boring small talk and you just get thrown in with
each other. And and I think that's a great way
(23:10):
to do with a coffee where no one walks away
feeling bad of a nice time with someone. And then
if it kicks, it clicks, and if it doesn't click,
it doesn't click.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
And how are you feeling before the date? Were you
nervous or what was it like?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Ah yeah, abyss abs. Yeah, it was a good bit.
Like I just I hadn't thought about it for a
while and then it suddenly was happening and I was like,
oh shit, Like I wasn't really I don't know. You
just go in and try and be your best self,
I guess, you know, and not overthink it.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
You've never been on a blind date before?
Speaker 4 (23:34):
A sm no no one time I was. I had
a blind date where we were in like a pitch
black restaurant, but I knew the person.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Okol. That's really cool. That's like from that filmy very weird.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Yeah, it's very weird. You can't see each other at
all for the whole meal. It's really strange, altho way
there's have like night vision cargos on.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Was it in a different country like it was it
in Dublin?
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Yeah yeah, not Ireland. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Ah well that's an idea there for somebody to come
up with, because I think that would be class actually
for dates. That was enough that I'm about time with
that ginger filler.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
That's a great It was a great idea. It's a
lot of fun and it's real silly and it's really
funny and like they have to feeding each other half
the time because and yet it's just really weird.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
It's really really weird, right, So tell me how did
the date go. Let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
It went really well. When you said she's in fitness,
I got a little nervous because I feel like, like,
I feel like people who are into fitness are very
very like body conscious, and they're very like tones and
all that sort of stuff, which I'm not like, I
like pines. I'm not in particularly I'm fit enough, but
I'm not in great shape, so that when I hear
people in fitness, I'd be like, well, she's not gonna
(24:33):
be into me, because I'm not really her type of person.
I guess that was in my head. But the date itself,
like she was really really really lovely, really friendly, really nice,
but I just kind of felt we were on two
different waves lengths. We had a very nice chat and
wasn't rushed or anything, and we got along, but I
just felt like we weren't right for each other. I
(24:54):
guess I don't know a younger. I think I said
this to a younger me would have said like a
day too, because I fancied her like she's is beautiful
and a younger me would have wanted to see her again,
put an old me with like a little bit of like, ah,
you know, it's not really right at the court. There's
no point in trying, you know, going on.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Dragging it out, Yeah, just because and your first impression.
So when she walked in, were you.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah, they sat us upstairs, and I was looking and
then obviously like you know when someone walks up and
you can kind of tell if they're kind of looking
around too, and I was like, and we sat down
and we had like it was a lovely adult chase something.
You picked the place, really lovely spot for the first days.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah, what if that was a cafe? Yeah, well in Dublin.
I've actually never been there. I've heard of.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
It's a fancy Italian place that there's lovely little cakes
and coffees and stuff. So it's a really lovely place first. Yeah.
So yeah, so she sat down and we're just kind
of like, I guess that part is I'm a bit
like it's naturally easy to chat to someone, you know,
but it's how do you chat to someone and kind
of suss there goold click for each other without using
the staple crutch that I would usually use, which is
you know, having a recompine a few Yeah, yeah, that
(25:59):
was the that hour. I think she took a lunch
hour off her job. So then I walked back to
the listener. She went back to work, so she kind of,
you know, just fitted into her schedule pretty perfectly. Kind of.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
So you had a nice time. You were chatting away,
and then like what happened at the end.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
She said she would maybe drink once a month, which
is fine. I don't well, I don't know, I don't
drink that once was a week or whatever, and it said,
you know the way she kind of said, like, I'm
very careful how I drink because it throws off my
calorie intake that like that. That's just not me, Like
I'm way more chaotic with my lifestyle as opposed to
(26:34):
you know, I only drink once a month because of
the calories and stuff like It's yeah, it's just something
I would never even factor in. I wouldn't even think about,
you know. And I think she kind of felt the
same way. I don't know, Actually you never said how
she felt her every and I don't you know, I
don't you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Fairly similar when you replied about that it was a
lovely date and really nice people, good chats or whatever,
but probably just not not the best fit, more friendly
kind of thing. Yeah, which which was grand, and it's
nice that you had a nice time. I just thought,
I suppose I didn't know the level, Like I know
that you're great at the l hikes, so to me,
(27:10):
I would be like, you have a.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Good fitness level. And then when she said she'd be
into fitness, I didn't know to what degree she was
really into that fitness, you know. So but you we
both said that you wanted you know, you know, good
conversation and you both seem smart and liked music and
gigs and festivals and blah blah blah.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
So it's like and then unfortunately, yeah, and we had
a lot of we had a lot of common things
that we hit well, yeah, I don't know how, you
just kind of know, but you just kind of know.
There wasn't like the spark or the crack or something
there that made it like you know, when you're smiling
all the time, like a second ages or yeah, I
just didn't quite have that sort of No. I walked
(27:47):
us to Louise, gave her hope and say goodbye. That
was it. I didn't swoop in for any offer.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And there, you know, at two o'clock in the middle
of the day at the Lewis.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Yeah, exactly. You see, I had I had a couple
of dates before this where I guess it's such a
fine line because one of my friends loves the idea
of it, and other friends looks as horrible where the
day went kind of well, and then I'm just like, oh,
I can I kiss you? But asking can you kiss
someone is real kind of cringe. It's not as friends
of mine were saying, look like guys or girls and
it doesn't matter. They're just kind of saying like you
(28:16):
should infer it from the date and just go. You
should know whether it's something appropriate to go for or not,
basically how.
Speaker 5 (28:22):
The date went.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
So asking is just kind of like a kind of
a cowardly way to do it. I think.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, so a lot of people are into like, you know,
consent and whatever. I personally I don't like it. However,
my boyfriend actually the first time he went in to kill,
asked me could he go in for the kill? And no,
I fancy I liked him enough for it to be Okay,
I suppose I don't know, but I would be quite
happy for something to just pick up on the vibes
(28:48):
and go in for the kill. But I do respect
men who feel the need to ask because they don't
want to shove their face in your face.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
I have a friend who had a pretty her twenties
were probably not great, but the whole event stuff, And
she says to me, like asking, can I guess he
was the sexiest thing in the world. And then another
friend who thinks it's most disgusting, cringe hard. It's a
hard fucking balance to get right.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
You know, different strokes for different folks and all that.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
Yeah. So, but like I said, I think we both
were on the same page with each other, so we
you know, I don't feel like we're wasting each other's time.
I think we both had a really nice time, great chat,
we did get we did get along the music front
and all that sort of stuff. But just yeah, I
think I feel like, yeah, someone would be heavily into fitness.
I guess I'm just probably the wrong fit for it,
to be honest, you know, I feel like i'd probably
be I'd probably be way more attracted to her than
she would be to me. You know, I'm just just
(29:34):
sheer pragmatically, I'm not saying this, and you know I'm pretty,
I'm pretty confident individual. Yeah, two very different categories.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
You know, Jesus is not to me, but I get it.
I do get it. And right, give me an update
on the love life. Now we'll finish it up with this.
How are you getting on?
Speaker 4 (29:52):
Well, I was seeing someone for a while and then
it was well, we took it very, very very slow.
So after three months we decided to go for us.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
So boyfriend and girlfriend Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
So she was just fairly serious. So she was going
real real stuff really slow because she's kind of the
way she praises. She didn't want to carry the baggage
of you know, that that bad relationship into something new,
and I was kind of hadn't had one for a
long time, so I was very eager to jump into
one when I found out with the right person. But again,
that wasn't it. That wasn't it in their special that
it was just like my housemates had a friend and
she was like, I'm going for dinner with this friend.
(30:24):
You know, dress nice and come with me. So the
organic is so lovely and so rare and hard to
get the old year.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Oh that is such a you got very lucky there.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, yeah, I made an instant connection, so congratulations. Still
early days, but so far it's been really lovely.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Ex fact sake, like I always wanted to meet somebody
in real life. All of my ex boyfriends I had
met them in real life, and then I was just
flat out there fifty plus dates completely through acts, not
one of them I had met through in real life.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But obviously it can be done. You just need friends
that are going to can be It is just it
is just harder.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
It's definitely harder. Like this was the year I was like, okay,
look I'm get off the apps, you know, and reaching
out to you, I guess was one of the very
easy thing to do as well, because I can reach
out to you and be like, hey, can you organize
and do all the hard work, whereas the other hard
work is going on fucking singles hikes and do that
sort of stuff, which I find very intimidating. I find
well out of my comfort zone. And I didn't quite
make it to that level yet. The singles hiking or
(31:25):
like the speaking and stuff. Oh yeah, no, no, Jesus Christ. No,
but like, just yeah, that stuff for me, I just
would have been a little bit too uncomfortable, I think.
But this not happened the way it happened. I think
I would have kept advocating for myself. You have to
just be bravocating. You're not going to this this Yeah,
this old romantic, fucking teenage mobile romantic vision I had
(31:47):
where You're going to sit there and the perfect person
is gonna knock at your door. No, you have to
you have to want. If you want this, you need
to change, change your circumstances to try and make it happen.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I think exactly. But like, if you're not yourself out there,
you know somebody is not going to break into your
sitting room, you know you need to I suppose put
yourself in as many situations as possible to meet people.
Speaker 4 (32:08):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely so now and again I got lucky
and the way this kind of worked out, I guess, yeah.
I think this was the year where I was going
to really not just sit around and mope and be
sad and wanted to be in a relationship. I was like, well,
desires who wanted to be a relationship and trying to
be a relationship or trying to meet people and see
where they go, where it goes, you know. Yeah, But
now that being said, like two of my friends, three
of my friends are married and they met through the apps.
(32:29):
Three so three of my buddies are literally married to
their Tinger partners. So but now I don't know. I
don't know if the heat of the apps on because
these are all they met like five plus years ago.
So part of me feels like the apps are dying
my death, and I wonder it's that real or notough,
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Well, people do like the The apps do work for
some people, but I suppose other people just lose hope.
But anyway, I'm happy for you and best to look
to you in your new relationships.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
Cheers and thanks for setting up.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So now we have Lucia with us. Lucia Tank so
much for coming on to talk to us, and thanks
so much for agreeing to be match made.
Speaker 5 (33:04):
I thank you so much for making me part of
the experiment. I had such a great time, and for
making this cult today as well.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Brilliant See where can you tell me a little bit
about yourself? Where are you from? What age are you.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
Well, I'm from Venezuela and I live in Ireland for
ten years now and I'm thirty two years old. I
work in it. Yeah, I've been single five years and
dating on dating apps and of dating apps as well,
so that's a bit of my single experience.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
You said you like pale, pale white. I thought that
was that was interesting. So you don't you wouldn't date
like You're obviously quite tanned being from Venezuela, but you
wouldn't go for You're not interested in tanned men. You
like the pale men.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
I don't mind it. I guess it depends on chemistry
and first impressions and stuff, but I will usually go
for more pale men.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Yeah. Now I set you up and I thought, now,
on paper, it was good. I know you were very
into your fitness. You do a lot of you're in
the gym a loss, you also do pole dancing, and
I thought when I had match made you, he's quite
interested in he does quite a lot of hiking. And
then I thought that you like to get out and
about and go for nice walks as well, so I
(34:23):
thought maybe that would be good. But I think maybe
you were a bit mismatched.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
There in the end.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Yeah, yeah, I think that was quite a problem there.
And he's a really nice guy. I had such a
great time. He was lovely. But it's just in terms
of yeah, physical activity, I'm like, I work out two
three hours a day and in I have a bodicomposition
that's very mostly I don't know, it is hard to
(34:50):
find me a good match, to be honest.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
And would you find many men in the gym or
when you're doing these like did you do you do
a bodybuilding or something like that?
Speaker 5 (35:01):
No, I don't do bodybuilding. Bottom, my muscles are very
well defined because of all dancing and because I work
with a lot of strength conditioning. I work out the gym,
but it's mostly like like a second help for my
man's sport. That's all dancing.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I get you, okay, And you've had no luck with
finding you know, a man maybe in the gym that
would They don't happy like you.
Speaker 5 (35:27):
No, they don't talk to you. Guys don't talk to
you anymore, not outside, not in the gym. I don't know.
Maybe because I'm too focused on doing my stuff and
I always have my airports on. I don't know. Maybe
I'm not open to be approached that that could be
a reason that.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Yeah, I hear that a lot. That you know, people
don't meet each other in real life anymore. Nobody's approaching anybody.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
Listen. The other day I was in Belfast for a weekend,
and I was sitting in a bar waiting for someone
for like forty five minutes by myself, having a drink,
But forty five minutes a lady there on her churches
by herself. Nobody approached me. In my country, that's very different.
I will say you.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Would definitely get approached in Venezuela.
Speaker 5 (36:13):
Oh yeah, even in Spain, I think you will get approached.
I don't know. Things are changing here. Maybe before it
wasn't like that. Like when I arrived, people approach the outside,
but at least to me, it doesn't happen anymore. Maybe
I don't know, I look too serious or something.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
I don't know. Maybe it OVID people got so nervous,
and then, you know, I don't know, people just don't
have the Men don't have the confidence anymore to approach
a woman. Yeah, I don't know the guy I met.
All of my previous boyfriends in real life, well like
in a bar. Now people seems to just be meeting
on Tinder or hinge.
Speaker 5 (36:47):
Yeah, that's the thing as well. Why would you approach
someone when you can just hide behind the screen and
you don't have to make a tone of effort and
I don't know, maybe expose yourself to being rejected. F's tough,
and I know that's that's one thing men carry on
with with the rejection on a daily basis.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, well, true, I would like to have the burden
of having to approach somebody on my shoulders. I know
that men generally thought that they should do it. I
certainly have never approached somebody and asked them out. I
don't think I'd like the rejection. So yeah, I do understand.
Speaker 5 (37:23):
It's been different. Yeah, since COVID probably and having the
dating upstairs so easily as well. It makes it just
the lazy way.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Well it is, Yes, it is definitely. And tell me
more about your days. So you met in Dolt.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Yeah it wasn't indulto sicily was. Yeah, we went to
have a coffee and a cake and we have really
good chats about music and about our hobbies and interests.
I think there was no chemistry between us, most mostly
like a friendly chemistry. Probably more not romantical, but we
(38:00):
have a great time.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
Like it was.
Speaker 5 (38:03):
He had commitments afterwards on me too, so it was
a short date, but we have a good time. In
my opinion, he was very decent, a gentleman. He treat
me very well, and the conversation was nice and flowing.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
Well, there was no chemistry, but at least you know,
you know, it's nice. I suppose to go on dates
that you can come out and say, well, there was
nothing there, but there are good people out there, you know,
nice people you have a nice time with. Because I
know a lot of people go on dates where I
think maybe weird things happen, and it cannot make you
(38:39):
think is there any good people out there?
Speaker 4 (38:42):
But there are?
Speaker 5 (38:43):
We know about that because dating is tough. Yeah, sometimes
you can encounter situations that leave you hopeless. But as
you say, it's good to have these these encounters where
you think, okay, maybe there is hope. Maybe this guy's
not for me, he's for maybe a friend of mine
or someone else. Book there is good guys out there.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Exactly, And how is the dating going for you now?
Are you do you have any dates lined up? Or
are you even using the apps? What's going on for you.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
Well, I'm there, I don't know them, and then they
lead them again. And sometimes I told to people go
at the moment, I don't know. I'm just focused on
my things and if someone nice with a good chat
comes along, then I might give it a chance. But
I'm not really open to find a relationship anymore. Like
(39:32):
I'm I'm looking towards all the kind of goals because
if it's been too much of trying, so I'd rather
focus on other other areas of my life.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I can be very exhausting. And also, you know, I
have a few Brazilian friends and they have commented on
dating and dating in Ireland and dating Irish men and
how Irish men immediately sexualize them.
Speaker 6 (39:58):
Would you find that, you say, imagine, I'm a poll dancer,
I'm Venezuela of Jesus, but like the target for sexualization
for sure, and.
Speaker 5 (40:08):
A lot of misconceptions as well, because they have a
lot of I guess judgments pre con yeah, like premid
judgments about who you are by by whatever they see
on your Instagram or the first few few chats that
you have with them, and they already have an idea
(40:28):
of you, and that's the way they will treach you
from their own That's why I coult situations in the
early stages always because I find that we might not
be a good match. They they have some preconception about
me without me showing them who I am was a person.
I'm like, this is not gonna work if I can't
be myself completely, you know, And I know you definitely.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
You've sent me a few pictures of yourself and like
you obvio there very mostly and you take your pole
dancing very seriously and you can see them sport like.
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, some people don't know that. There
is a lot of ignorance about it. And some guys
have told me, oh, well, are you a stripper or what?
Even if I was a stripper, was there what's the
problem about it?
Speaker 1 (41:15):
You know?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Yeah, a job, that was your job. But so then
when you're out trying to find a man today's then
it's you're okay to be disrespected, like, no, that's nuts.
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Yeah, yeah it happens sometimes, but not everybody is like that.
I have to say, there is a lot of respectful
men out there, and yeah, some Irish men can sexualize.
Should know all of them. Some of them as well.
Maybe they have a different culture than yours and they
just think that you're I don't know, maybe not as
(41:47):
familiar as they see Irish women, or they don't have
the same I don't know, religious beliefs or things in
that sense. When from my perspective Latino women, we are
very familiar and we have a lot of traditional background
and religious traditional backgrounds, so it might be different, but
(42:11):
at the same time we have our own culture and
traditions as well. Yeah, it doesn't mean we're more free
and more liberal, more sexual. Some people might be, but
you can generalize.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Do you find it easier today's South American men over
Irish men? Like you find that you're easier to deal with?
Speaker 5 (42:29):
I get asked this question a lot, and it is
easier today someone from Latin America or Spanish as speaker.
In general, I think it will be easier for them
to understand my context, my cultural context. It is superficial
to say, but once you see a person and speak
to them a little bit in your own language, you
can kind of know what social background they have or
(42:54):
economic background. You can know a little bit by pre judging,
you know, So I guess when I speak with someone
from my language, they could be more aware of my context.
Someone that doesn't speak my language would or doesn't know
so much about my future. Would you know if you
get what I mean?
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Yeah, no, I understand, I get you. Well, thank you
so much for forgiving us that explanation. I really hope
that you find find somebody nice and I will keep
an eye out and see if there's any nice nice
mostly men, nice pain men who are yes fit and
into the gym and are able to keep up with Lucia.
(43:36):
Let me know and maybe we will find somebody together.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
I'm always open. Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Thank you so much, Lucia s.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Maybe someday I'll get a second day going out with
this matchmaking my God. In the next episode in two
weeks time, I'll be talking to TikToker Casey Campion and
Lauren Murta too gas gals in their early twenties getting
a lot of attention on TikTok and God love them.
They have an awful track record with fellas from weirdose
to cheaters. They have had it all and you might
(44:06):
have even seen Casey's multi part viral videos on TikTok
where she's put her cheating next story on Blast, and
of course then we'll talk to another couple who I
set up on a blind date. If you'd like to collab,
if you have a story for the pod, anything at all,
Get in touch The Day in Orange at gmail dot
com Girma
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