July 30, 2025 • 40 mins
Join myself and Irish writer, poet, and mental health advocate Daragh Fleming - who tells us about the time he got SEXTORTED (technical term, intimate image abuse or image-based sexual abuse) by a Nigerian gang of all people!
Instead of spiralling and curling up under the duvet (which, fair), Daragh decided to go public with the story - not for clout, but to help others avoid the same trap and the brutal mental health spiral that can come with it. Once a mental health advocate, always a mental health advocate. It’s raw, honest, and somehow still funny.
We also chat about the time he went on a date in Barcelona with a Venezuelan doctor who robbed his favourite shirt.
There’s blackmail, Twitter virality, trolls and a rogue medical professional who has no respect for an Irishman's H&M shirt. Enjoy lads and lassies!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-dating-orange-podcast--5898530/support.
Instead of spiralling and curling up under the duvet (which, fair), Daragh decided to go public with the story - not for clout, but to help others avoid the same trap and the brutal mental health spiral that can come with it. Once a mental health advocate, always a mental health advocate. It’s raw, honest, and somehow still funny.
We also chat about the time he went on a date in Barcelona with a Venezuelan doctor who robbed his favourite shirt.
There’s blackmail, Twitter virality, trolls and a rogue medical professional who has no respect for an Irishman's H&M shirt. Enjoy lads and lassies!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-dating-orange-podcast--5898530/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Sexploitation, intimate image views, and blackmail specifically via dating apps.
So something that happens to a lot of men online,
but I feel like you don't hear about it too
much about what happens to the men. So Darren Fleming, author,
freelance writer and mental health advocate from Cork, thanks a
million for joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Happy to be here talking about me Mickey again.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Also, I'm gonna just maybe let you warm up a
little bit and chat away to us about your background
and your mental health advocacy before we launch into the
Mickey chat.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah, fair, fair, Oh yeah, So I'm Darren Fleming from Cork.
Recently thirty, which is a bit traumatizing. I've been yeah,
writing my whole life, four books published, fifty ones coming
out in March. I've been doing mental health work since
I was twenty, started with a blog called Thoughts Too Big,
(01:05):
which is still running ten years down the line. Again mad,
I have a podcast with that, and yeah, basically, like
the reason I got into any of the writing slash
mental health work is my best friend took us own
life when I was seventeen, and then I doubt my
own depression after that because that was like obviously a
(01:27):
live shattering moment. And then once I came out of
that depression, I started doing work in mental health, and
my theory was that, like, right, really, I don't have
a qualification beyond my undergraduate degree in psychology to actually
give people therapy. But I thought that, like, the main
issue I saw was that people weren't talking about mental health.
(01:49):
We were all very good at encouraging other people to
talk about their mental health, but we weren't talking about it.
So people will be like, oh, like, you can talk
to me if you want to, but then they'd never
actually talk about their mental health, and they kind of
felt like a paradox. So I basically just openly journaled
online talking about anything that affected me in the week
previous once a week for ten years, and it's just
(02:13):
to normalize that conversation so that when big things do
come up, such as being sex started, for example, which
is an absolutely horrible experience, that you have the ability
to talk about it because you're used to talking about
your emotions on like a weekly basis.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Do you find yeah, That's what I'm going to ask you.
Did you find that your experience with mental health like
prepares you to deal with this.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I think one of the main things is that like
I was, because I think this happens a lot to
teenagers and kind of younger adults. Not that I'm like old,
but I was in my late twenties, so I think
that gave me a little bit of maturity. But equally,
when it happened, I wasn't like afraid to talk about it.
(02:55):
I wasn't like, oh, I have to deal with this
on my own, which is would make things like infinitely
worse because you'd build things up in your head and
it would compend. So I knew straight away just to
be like, I need to talk to my family and
my friends about this, because this is, like, you know,
deeply upsetting, and I had a lot of panic and
streight around it. So I guess, yeah, just I hadn't
really thought about it, But I suppose from from talking
(03:18):
about mental health generally so often, it definitely like made
it easier to talk about.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
How long ago was it?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Now, this would have been August July August of twenty
twenty three, so it's not that long ago either. Like
I mean, I was twenty eight, and I suppose I'll
just get into the story. So I was living back
in Cork, hadn't really been dating, was probably feeling like
(03:45):
a bit lonely so and like, I usually don't have
dating apps, so I read downloaded dating apps. Hinge in
particular was the one I was using and just matched
a few people, was talking to different people whatever, as
you do, and then I was talking to this one girl,
what was her name, Tracy?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Uh? Yeah, Irish signed you thought she.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Was out, yeah from Cork, like and we looked initially
we were just talking on a hinge and just having
a conversation and she's telling me, like, you know, the
usual like where she went to school, and she went
to UCC and she studied marketing and all this kind
of and we're just having a conversation and all felt
very normal, and she just talked, you know, the slang
she used would have been like Cork slang. It looked
like came into everything.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
See nothing suspicious, No.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
And then I suppose like two or three weeks in
to like that, because I generally don't have like notifications
on any of my apps, so I kind of kept
leaving days past before messaging. So I was like, com here,
do you want to just go onto something else, because
like I'm useless that I don't have notifications on. So
she was like, yeah, sure, just add me on Snapchat, which,
(04:50):
like to me at the time, was strange but not uncommon.
I feel like when I was younger, Snapchat was very
much the thing you'd use, and I was like, okay,
a bit old for using snapchats talk to someone. But
she was like a couple of years younger than me,
so I was like grand. Whatever. So then we started
chatting on Snapchat again, just like her, sending selfies a
(05:13):
few videos on What was weird about this is like
in one of the videos she said my name, so
like it wasn't like just selfies taken from someone else,
like these were actually being paid, Yeah, which is in
hindsight terrifying. And then yeah, so then we made plans
to meet up, Say, if it was Friday now, we
planned to meet up the next Wednesday, next time we
(05:35):
were both available. So that was grand. And then that evening,
I suppose, with the plans confirmed, she kind of started
making a bit more like sexualized, like sending kind of
more cheesy pictures. Yeah, rauchi chat, raunjie pictures, all that
kind of stuff. I'm sure I got involved as well
as we've seen now on TV, which is daft but anyway,
(06:00):
so yes, so then that was grand. We just that
was Friday night, chatting over the weekend, and then on
Monday morning, I woke up to a Snapchat like a
text blue thing, and I opened it and I said
are you ready? From her account said yeah, are you ready?
And I honestly like, because I wasn't like suspicious of
(06:22):
anything like I thought it was all like, there was
no red flags. I thought she was asking me if
I was ready for the date?
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Who was I To be honest, I would have thought
that as well.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, And I was like, oh, it's Monday, you're a
bit eager, like Today's not a Wednesday. And I was
like absolutely yeah. And then that's when so she'd used
because you know on snapchat of your screenshot that tells
you yeah. So she'd use a second phone to take
pictures of the of the pictures I sent, and then
she also sent screenshots of anyone I was friends with
(06:52):
on Facebook who had my second name, I e. The
people she taught were my family members, and I was like,
what the fuck is going on? Like, and she was like,
you have ten seconds to tell me stop or I'm
going to send you to all these people. And then
she's very condescendingly started typing out the numbers like ten
so nine eight, and I was like stop obviously, and
(07:13):
then she started ringing me on Snapchat like immediately, and
I was like at this point like panicking, like deep panic,
like I was freaking the fuck out. I picked up
the phone. I was like, what what the fuck's going
on here? Like and it wasn't a woman, who was
a man, and he was like, you have really good
(07:35):
jobs and good money in Ireland. We don't have that Nigeria.
I want some of that money. And I was like,
come here, you have you obviously you haven't done your research,
like I don't. Writers don't make that much money. And
he was like, oh, I've seen your LinkedIn. I know
you you have a job fus yeah, really creepy like
(07:57):
and I was like all right, like like I don't know.
And he was like, you have to send me two
tas in euro in bitcoin and he was like do
you have bitcoin? And I was like I neither have
two tsand euro or bitcoin, and then he got angry.
He's like why don't you have bitcoin? And he started
going on then a bit I had to download some
app and as he started saying, now I hung up
with them, he rang me straight back and he was like,
(08:19):
why did you hang up with me? And I was like, oh,
I thought her conversation that ended. Sorry, and he's like, okay,
just don't hang up with me again, and he started
going on a bit this app again, and I was like, look, man,
I'm not going to give you money, so if you
need to send these pictures, send them. I'll let my
man know there come And so she doesn't look at them,
and I just hung up on them.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
You made this decision, and like how long it all
happened with this is within like one minute and you said,
well fuck it, I'm not sending them.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, because I knew, like because I read it like
of certain things online, not just like sex extortion, but
like a general understanding that if you send the scammer
money and they're like, if you just send me this slumpsum,
I'll leave you alone. Like that's neghver the case. You
send them the money, and then they asked for more
money and more money because they have you on the hook.
So I was like, that's this is just I'm not
(09:05):
going to send money and there's nothing else I can do.
So I hung up and I blocked his account. Then
you tried to add me on loads of different Snapchat
accounts which were all different girls, which is again like,
so this was just a big racket, like, and I
blocked all of those. Then I rang my mother and
I was like, I can't talk about it now in
(09:26):
detail because I'm just really overwhelmed. But if someone sends
you a picture message on Facebook and you don't know
that person, don't open it because it's probably gonna be
my penis and you're not gonna want to see that.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And she was like, well, I asked, now, sorry the
picture was it? Like, was your face in it? Were
you identify?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Ever? I mean, there was more than one picture, and
my face was in one of them. I think I
can't really remember, to be honest with Like, if it was.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Just a picture of a dick, it could have been
anybody's dick, do you know.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I suppose on my thigh as well, I have like tattoos,
so like, even if the thigh was in the background,
I mean, not everyone would know they were my tattoos,
but like certain people will know. But anyway, I was like,
just don't open it, and she was like okay, fair
enough for you, okay, And I was like, yeah, I'm fine.
I just need to can do and I'll call you
back later. In that time, he'd fin my Instagram and
(10:18):
he'd added me on a few different accounts. I went
into a message request and he'd like try to ring
me a few times, and in one of them he'd
tried to ring me and then he was like, I'll
reduce the price to five hundred YARDL be a good
man and this with peace. Don't make me ruin your life.
And I was like, how are you making this like
(10:39):
my fault?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Like like three quarters off?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I know. I remember I was on we'll talk about
the tweeting a second. I was on news talk and
I said that. I was like, in fairness, that's a
good DiscId, And that's the same bit they used for
all their coverage over it, like they were like like
two times the five hundred that's a good DiscId.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Because he was just after it, but fair enough, he's
going to keep asking you.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, exactly, and I just ignored him, blocked all those accounts,
and I'd say it. Within like three or four hours,
he stopped messaging and must have moved on to the
next person, like because he knew he wasn't getting anything
out of me. And I kept tabs on the the
family members he'd like signaled out or singled out, and
(11:26):
I got onto one of my cousins and I was like, look,
this is really embarrassing, but this after happened to me,
could you let me know? And he was a guy, like,
so I was like, could you let me know if
someone actually sends you these pictures just so I know
that they're being sent or whether it was just like
an empty thread and they were never sent. But like, again,
I didn't know that was going to be the case.
So I'd say an hour or two after, you know,
(11:48):
the initial calls, and I was like reeling from panic.
I kind of calmed down and I was like, in
my head, the worst part of it was that like, Okay,
the picture's out of my hands, have any control over
those anymore. But my fear was that like they'd be
leaked and I wouldn't know about it, and then there'd
be be center in grew chats and people would think
(12:09):
that I didn't know when it was kind of like
behind my back and all this, so I made the
decision to tweet about it. I just so people knew
that I knew what was going on. And I was like,
someone's trying to blackmail my nudes for two thousand and euro.
Obviously I'm not going to pay that. So if you
see my nudes, enjoy them.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, I have hear. I'm currently being blackmailed by someone
who has naked images of me and is asking me
for two thousand euro in order to prevent them being posted,
which I'm obviously not going to do. So if you
see images of me somewhere, enjoyed them, I guess yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Like that, like and like, and I think like I
did consciously make it funny because I was like, at
least if people know that I see the humor in it,
that kind of disarms everything. Yeah, but I didn't expect
that the tweet to like blow up. It was more
just like self protection. But then after that, obviously I
had the added pressure of like journalists getting onto me,
(13:04):
and some of them are really nice, like really lovely,
and there was a lot of like you know, duty
of care going on. And those were the journalists I
eventually talked to, well some some people were just looking
at me like a piece of meat, like I was
just a commodity to be used for a story. Like
I remember, I'm not going to name them, but like
one particular morning TV show in Ireland got onto me
(13:29):
and they're like, oh, would you like to come on
the show. We think it'd be a great story to
be on TV. We'll have a great time. And I
was like, I have a good beat re read the room,
like I've just had the worst week in my life
and it's easy to laugh about it now. But like honestly, it.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Was like enough now, I'd say, he's hardly going to
send them out.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Now, Yeah, exactly, like so so, but and then so
I talked to some journalists and I tried to bring
the humor into it because I was looking at it
from like a mental health lens as well. And I
know in particular, like teenagers this happens to sam some
of them take their own lives because they really think
it's the end of their life, like they're not gonna
(14:06):
come back from something like that. Yeah, I and I knew,
like you know, and I was in like a I
suppose a unique position that I work for myself, and
I work with mental health charities, so like none of
them were gonna like, like you know, cancel contracts because
of something happening to me. Like it wasn't like I
did anything cancelable or something like that. You know, it
(14:30):
wasn't like something that I did. I was a victim of,
you know, sexual assault online, so I knew that was safe.
And I was like, look if I talk about this
and show that, like, Okay, it does suck and there's
a lot of pressure and there's a lot of panic,
any stress, but like your life goes on, it'll be
fine that that in turn would like help people get
(14:50):
through it. And after I went on radio and all
that kind of crack and there was a few TikTok videos,
the amount of people who reached out being like this
is happening to me, and I wouldn't know what to
do if I didn't hear you. This is happening to
her son, This happened to her daughter, This has happened
to me right now. And I paid money like loads
of different stories, like way more people than I would
have imagined, because I suppose before it happened to me,
(15:12):
I didn't ever really think about it. But it happened
so odd.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I never hear about it really, And then I brought
this up recently to my stepman and then she said
that actually her one of her friend's son who is
now I know what happen happened to everybody obviously, but
he was vulnerable, I would say, and he actually he
just didn't think about sent loads of pictures face in it, quote,
(15:37):
totally identifiable, and then they had gotten on to him,
but he he didn't know what to do, and then
the parents. He kind of was acting a bit dodgy
to the parents, but the parents knew that something was
going on. Then eventually had to go through his phone
and saw what was going on, brought him down to
the garden station and the guards said that they get
(15:58):
three or four people in three or four fellas in
I think they said each week, and this was in Tipperary,
and two basically file reports that they were being scammed.
Is this what do you call it? Sexploited?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, sexploits. I think sexplotation is a really funny word.
It hands too much fun for what it is, like,
it's just fun to say. It's just like it's such
a it's such a marketing word. Like you know, it's
like s exploitation, but yeah, like I mean sexploitation scam.
I think the official term is intimate image sexual abuse.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Those ads are flat out now lately on the telly
and like it's great. You know that the two guides
are in the garden station. Did you see it? And
then your man is like, I was only just threatening
it now, I know that's like that. It's slightly different
because those ads are aimed at real people like x's
and whatever, just people that you meet online as opposed
to these are scammers in a different country.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I'm gonna read out.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
A story here and yours was and I Jerry and scammer.
I believe that this one, this was more Eastern European
scammers here. So actually, this fellow who shared this story,
he's actually a TikToker, but did not did not want
(17:18):
to share it with his voice because he'd be recognized.
So he's a bit I think he'd be a bit
embarrassed about the whole situation, but was happy to share
the story. And actually I put this up on my
TikTok a while ago I male twenty six mass with
a female twenty three on hinge. She was good looking,
but there was some red flags. I ignored it because
I'm an idiot and I assumed that people were what
they said. First, she said she was from Dublin but
(17:39):
living outside and almost every day was in a different
place and spoken a semi in semi broken English. I
just assumed she was from a different country and probably
traveling around. From the get go, she was fairly forward,
telling me she just wants casual things and that she
wanted me to come over and what have you. I'll
be honest, my ego took over and I thought she
was just really into me. She then said she was
taking a shower almost every day. She showed me this,
(17:59):
and after two or three days I picked up that
this could be sexual in nature. I'm not great at
social awareness, so I said some cheesy responses. She said
to contact her on Snapchat. I had to redownload Snapchat
because I deleted it years ago, but hey, I'll redownload
it and to see a sexy lady the shower. She
then wanted pictures of me. I was trying not to
send any because I don't like the idea of it,
and I never sent one before. I know nobody would
(18:20):
believe that, but it's true. But I did because again, Hey,
a sexy lady in the shower. So I sent two pictures,
and then she wanted one with my eyes. She was
very insistent about that, and I found it odd. But
it's not that weird. Maybe she just likes eyes, I thought.
She then said she wanted a full body naked one.
I sent one that was as tame as it could
have been, and she was sending pictures to me too.
(18:40):
That's when she said she's getting out of the shower,
but to add her on Instagram. Up until that point,
I thought this was relatively normal. Again, I'd like to
say I'm an idiot. About an hour later, I started
getting calls on Snapchat offer. This is when shit hit
the fan. I missed her first few because I was
making dinner. She'd texts something like silly boy, don't miss
the next one. So I picked it up, expecting the
sexy lady, Hello my friend, A man in a Middle
(19:02):
Eastern accent said, Confused, I asked, what the fuck is
going on? Turns out they recorded everything on Snapchat, found
my Instagram followers and were saying they'll send the videos
to them, all targeting family members first unless I give
them fifteen hundred juro. I told them I don't have
fifteen hundred. All I had was five hundred in my bank,
which was the truth, because I get paid in cash.
They said this can't be true because they target people
based on their wealth. I told them if they did,
(19:24):
they'd done a very bad job.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
They hung up.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
When I started panicking like mad, they rang back again.
This time it was an Eastern European lady and she
told me she needs fifteen hundred drills. Everybody on Instagram
gets the video. This is when I hit upon a
great idea. I started getting really upset and lying. I
told him I had a six son who needed treatment
and if they take the money, he won't get Christmas presents. Really,
what I was doing was trying to find out everything
I could about them and stalls so I could delete
(19:47):
contacts and apps. At this stage, I didn't know what
access they had, so by this stage I had no
contacts and unfollowed close family members. I then tried bargaining
and got them to one thousand and said I'll need
time to get the money. I rang my mate, who's
the type of guy you'd bring it? If you were
in jail or in this case being dick pic extortant.
He convinced me to not pay anything and blocked them
on everything they could see me on, but kept them
(20:08):
on Snapchat. As I installed the banking app, they told
me to My aim here was to stall them for
as long as possible. The money was to be sent
to Morocco, but phone area codes were from la. I
assumed it was Belarus because of the mix of Middle
Eastern and Russian accents, and the lady on the line
kept telling me how she's just doing a job and
how she didn't care if I got the money because
(20:28):
she gets none of it anyway, and it all goes
to the big boss, who does nothing and is currently
on holiday in Dubai. I think she wanted me to
do sorry for whoile attempted to rob me. I stalled
for so long. They sent me videos of them, sending
the video to all of my contacts, one of whom
was my mate I was calling, who got nothing. I
then message people online awkward fucking message. I'll tell you
that none of whom got the video. I then messaged
(20:51):
people they specifically showed me of them sending messages to
none of whom got anything. So all in all, I
didn't have to pay fifteen hundred for a picture of
my own day. None of my cousins seen it again.
Very awkward conversation, and I've learned to never again take
a dick pic and next time I see a pretty
lady to remember it could be a gang of Russian
and Middle Eastern people trying to extort money out of me.
I don't know why they didn't send the pictures, because
(21:12):
they just knew I didn't have the money or believe
the lies I was saying about no Christmas from my
imaginary son, so they didn't want to waste their time
and moved on to the next poor fool. Very similar.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, he is a great knowledge of geography as well,
to be fair.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, what does that mean? What does that mean? I
didn't get that if that totally went over my head.
What is say phone area code was from.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
La but then he assumed there from Belarus due to
the mixture of accents, Like that's a very fascinate like
just basing off my own experience and how much panic
I was feeling and how I couldn't think he was
on he was on his game was incredible yeah, he did.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
We have a fair place from deleted everything. But can
I ask, like I say, before you did this, would
you have had much knowledge on this situation before? Have
you ever heard of it? Like just totally knew and
you were like, fucus, this is safe for me to do.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I'll just do it, you know, like I'd heard of
it well in the context that the ads are in, like, uh,
you know, an X trying to get revenge that type
of thing, but never heard of like scam based on it,
like because it's obviously like a scam firm where they're
just moving on to the next person if they're not
getting money easily, like and I guess I did think
(22:30):
about it afterwards, and it kind of rings true to
his as well, where they didn't send the pictures. And
my thinking is that like the power of it is
really in the threat, because say, if they threaten a
thousand people and only three them pay or for them pay,
but they still leak the pictures of all one thousand
people and that happens continuously, then we're all gonna know
(22:52):
like multiple people who've had nudes leaked, and the power
the trek goes away and people will stop paying.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
No, yeah, so I wonder is that from what they're
thinking of maybe they just can't be asked.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
And also it's really hard now. Twitter's dire for now
because you can just post porn on Twitter now, but
like anything on by meta, if you post explicit images,
they're taking down immediately, so they could never post them publicly.
It would only ever be a true private message. And
then you know there's barriers to messaging if you don't
follow the account and all that kind of stuff. So
(23:25):
I think it's actually quite difficult to follow through on
the threat.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You got a good bit of victim blaming as well.
I've heard you.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, I remember the the editor in chief of the
Irish Medical Times, which is like a weirdly like high
profile person to be doing this, was just like openly
victim blaming me on Twitter. I'm sure I was just giving.
I was just taking the piss out of him, Like
he was like, why would you send pictures of yourself
(23:53):
like that? That's so stupid, and I was like, well,
it's because I'm hot, man, That's why I did it.
It's like rinselom and but he was being really nasty.
But like people like Sharon Lambert and Ian who's the
CEO of spun Out, like we're in my corner and
just like quote tweeting him and getting all their followers
to jump on, so like there was mostly support, but
(24:15):
I guess there's a negativity bias whereas like, so bad.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Those kind of people who just want to share on
people like you know that you've made a mistake and
obviously the fucking you had, the serious fear after it
for a long time and your nerves, like you paid
for it, So why do people feel the need to make.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
It And even there was people like saying that I
made it up for Clout and I was like, I
would if I wanted to Clay, that'd make up something
way less stressful than this situation, Like why would I
ever make this up?
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Make it look then too, and then letting people openly
judge it first like yeah, yeah, such.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
A weird just not very well thought out the idea
of why I did that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But at the moment, I'm posting these stories from women
who are dealing with the same fellow who's a scammer,
a date and scammer, and there's loads so basically like
he he apparently like from talking to the women like
they're all they all seem to have like a good
head on their shoulders, like they knew that this was
fucking weird. But then like he was saying, his card
(25:17):
broke in his pocket or it got skimmed and it's
been canceled, and he showed them him transferring money into
their accounts and it all looked very legit. And one
girl in particular worked in the bank and she said, yeah,
like I saw him do it, and and so I
ended up like on each date he would probably get
two or three hundred duo off of these women because
(25:40):
they thought that he had paid them back. But every
video I put up about it, like women and men,
well the mo it's actually mainly women. I'd say, They're like, God,
how can you be so stupid? What kind of women
are out here giving men money? And then the men
are like the men are like, oh and I can't
even get a date. Do you know what this world
cautloads and scammon?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Way, Yeah, it's interesting because like as well, when I
post a bit on TikTok and weirdly like on Twitter,
would I just find it surprising that there were women
victim blaming And I was like, if I if I,
if I was a woman, you wouldn't be saying any
of this stuff. You know, like there is a kind
(26:22):
of a double standard where it's like, oh, men deserve
what they get and you'd be treated think that. Yeah, yeah,
obviously not. And I was like, again, not all women, Yeah,
no women, but no in the grand scheme of the comments,
like i'd say, ninety seven percent were like supportive and
hoping I was okay and checking in, and then there
(26:44):
was just like the outliers where they're kind of horrible
victim blaming.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
You could have done what everybody else did and just
said nothing, and then it would happen to somebody else
and they would just pay or be petrified or god forbid,
would kill themsels over it if they were thought there
was genuinely no way out. But because you made the
videos and fair play to you, you know, people are
aware of us and hopefully just won't fucking do it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Hopefully anyway, like don Lucy Kennedy's documentary a bit scamming,
but like it comes up and like it's not that
I don't want to talk about it, but I also
don't want it because I'm you know, a writer as well,
and I don't want me to be associated with this
for the rest of my life or people only asking
me to do things because of that. But at the
same time, like in terms of the mental health work,
(27:32):
I just thought it was like important to talk about it,
even though it was like it's embarrassing and it was
deeply uncomfortable to be that public that soon after, but
I was like, you know, taking myself out of the equation,
this will do more good than bad if I talk
about it, because, as you said, hopefully it'll help someone
get through a similar situation or ideally avoid it altogether.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Have you deleted the ass now?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I did? I did I have? I think I have
hint I have Raya as well. I got invited to
John Reya. I was just interested and see what that's about.
But it's much of the same. I don't really no,
like i'd say, different people, so like some people have
seen that was like I saw this girl on Tinder,
but like, yeah, more kind of like influencery people, which
(28:23):
wouldn't be my Yeah, I wouldn't be my bag really anyway.
So but yeah, still like notifications off, I don't really
don't really use them. I'm just couldn't be arsed orally.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
And you're in Barcelona now and.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, it's great. Like it's as we were saying beforehand,
like just nice to be here. And I do come
back to Ireland quite a bit and it's not too
far away. It's too hour flight. I can fly straight
at Cork, so handy.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
But Dayton's not really a priority. You're just kind of
this is just something that you just you know, download
the app and have a crack out and then kind
of whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah, like I think I am, like ironically, even though
I got scammed for nudes, I do prefer meeting people
in real life because I feel I find like you
know when you're going like obviously even talking to someone
on Tinder or whatever, and you set up a date
like you're going in without any real connection. Where I say,
if you meet someone on a night and you're like, oh,
(29:22):
that person's really cool, and then you set up a
date and it's like, well, I know what I'm I
know who I'm meeting today or what their personality is like.
So I definitely prefer that. There's just some I don't know,
there's an added layer of like or maybe a lack
of connection and an adult layer of like superficiality. And
then in Barcelona particularly it's a very casual city, like
(29:45):
it's kind of hard to get anyone who's interested in
something like monogamous and long term. It's pretty.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I didn't know that's where you were going with that.
Oh right, okay, that's interesting. But a lot of people
they're all meeting each other in real life.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Over there, are they? I mean no, I imagine not.
People are definitely using apps as well, but it's like
people are more like outgoing I guess because like the
Irish disposition, especially for lads, I suppose is like being
a bear with women and never talk to them.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I think, like that's your juice covid. Like beforehand, I
I got all of my boyfriends I think through.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Nightclubs or like the pub and like them. And then.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, that would just was not happening anymore. I actually
got what I'm going out with my boyfriend a year
and met him through the dating Orange Instagram page.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
In the end, No, I have met a few people
that have dated for like, you know, a couple of
months here and there. True, like yeah, them sliding into
my dms or like them seeing TikTok's that kind of stuff,
which is interesting when I start. When I started doing TikTok,
I never really thought of it as a place to
find dates.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But do you have any any funky day stories to
share with us?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I mean, I don't know if you saw the story
bait so a bit the Venezuelan Doctor.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
No, no, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
This was kind of a running series of videos during
the summer. So I went out a date with a
Venezuelan doctor. She's beautiful, didn't have much English, and my
Spanish is terrible, but her English is better than my Spanish.
So we made it work. It was touching gold. We
made it work, and we'd ended up hanging out for
like what do we initially met. We're just gonna go
(31:29):
for coffee and see we gone with the language where
we ended up ended up getting on really well. So
we spent like seven or eight hours together and got
dinner that night and she was getting cold and I
was wearing like a T shirt with like a kind
of heavy shirt over it, and I was like, oh,
I'm not cold, you can just wear the shirt whatever.
And she was like, I really like the shirt and
I was like, yeah, it's a nice shirt. And then
she ended up going home, and she I was like,
(31:50):
I'll just take the shirt and give it back to
me next time the needs whatever. And then a bit
a week later we're meant to meet up again and
at the end of the day. Then a few days
after she was like really into me. But then I
think that started fading and her previous kind of hesitancy
because the language started coming up again. She was like, look,
(32:12):
you're really nice, had a great time, but the language
thing is just it's too difficult. And I was like fair.
I was like, yeah, fair enough, totally understand. It was
really nice to meet you. And then I was like, also,
would I be able to get my shirt back, because
like we'd only got on one day, so like, you know,
I'd like my shirt back, and she's like, oh, I god,
I completely forgot. Yeah, no problem. And then I spent
(32:33):
the summer chasing this woman via text, being like, oh,
let me know if you're in the city this weekend,
I can get my shirt back off of you. And
she had loads of excuses and eventually just stop replying
to me and I never got my shirt back.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Oh my god, where was the better be the good one?
Speaker 2 (32:51):
For the Honestly, I think it was hajing. Member. I
know my mother bought it for me, and I really
liked the shirt. It was more like principle. I was like,
we you've only spent eight hours agether, you do not
deserve to own my shirt. And yeah, she kept making one.
One week again though, she was like, I'm coming to
Barcelona on Saturday, and I was like, god, Grant, can
you bring my shirt? So and she was, because she
(33:12):
lives a bit outside the city, not too fair and
she was like, oh, well, I'm going running in Barcelona
and I'm not going to run in your shirt. And
I was like, okay, but you're the one who texted
me saying you're coming to Barcelona, but you're not going
to bring my like all this kind of weird stuff.
And then yeah, a few times after, I think in August,
I text her like maybe like once every two weeks
or so, being like, hey, just you know, at this
(33:34):
point posted to me like I don't care, I'll pay
for posts, just send me my shirt.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And she just never about She was telling on all
her friends that you were a fucking wado. Why why
doesn't leave me alone? Right? No, it'd be the same
when I was like seventeen, I was walking back from
a house party with this fella and he was dropped
me to my house on his walk and he had
a substantial walk to go to his house. So I
(33:59):
went in and I got him. This was big American
Eagle time, right, So I gave him my favorite American
Eagle hoody. And he was hanging around the town for
the weekend and I was I was like, Chris grandall,
get off your around the weekend. I sent him multiple messages.
He was like, yeah, no bother, I'll be in town.
And then I even got my friends to text him.
(34:20):
I was obsessed, but I say it must have been
I must have made eight attempts and in the end
I just fucking said, all right, p to my American
egle hoody.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
And American Eagle was expensive and really popular, so I
understand creating into that, but like my my, I say,
my shirt cost thirty earl. It was like a green
cord thing, but it was more to principle. I was like,
you do not get to keep this, Like I'm sorry,
not a chat.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, I know that would have I know, I guess
it would wreck my idea.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
But yeah, that was weird. Other than not like not
much weird dating stories I do. I get a lot
of I don't know why this is, but TikTok is
more so than anywhere else. Happens on Instagram too. The
internet just assumes I'm gay. Oh, and I think the
(35:07):
only thing I could think of was because I'm a
man talking about my emotions and doing poetry, and people
are like, there's no way astraight man can do this.
I get lots and lots and lots of d ms
from gay men looking for hookups and dates and stuff,
and some of them are really sweet, some of them
are really really nice, and some of them are just
like I remember I got one one time and it
was just a word threeesome question mark, and I was like,
(35:31):
this is what women have to deal with all the time,
just men being men, Like that's guys.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I don't think I would never. I wouldn't say you
give off any sort of like gay vibe.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I appreciate that, but like when when it's when it happens,
I'm like, maybe I am, maybe I'm not, it doesn't
really like it doesn't like.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Did the Fellas be like, oh I thought you were gay? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Yeah, yeah, they'll be asking me that they kind of
start off quite smooth. They're like, oh, I really like
the last post poem whatever, and I'm like, oh, thanks
very much. And they're like, do you use dating apps?
And I'll be like, oh, yeah, maybe like Hinge and
Tinder and stuff. And then they're just like what about
Grinder And I'm like, oh, well, I'm not gay, so
I wouldn't use that, and they're like, oh, that's a shame.
I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Like.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
One guy one time was like, oh, well, if you
ever change your mind, I'd love to take you for
a drink. And I was like, I don't think this
is something I can change my mind a bit. I
have control over there.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
And I saw that I was googling Darren Fleming before this,
and I see that you got you have a troll?
Is it that's coming after you all the time?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Fair? Ever since that was that on news Talk, maybe
ever since I did that interview, they've disappeared.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And that was because you were sticking up for women.
There was something going on at that time.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
And yeah, so the initial thing was like, yeah, I
tried to basically because you know, it was like a
woman got like murdered, which is awful and then but
there was you know, and then there's the discourse where
like people are very angry and then men are being
like it's not all men, which is like deeply unhelpful.
And I just like wrote an analogy and like, if you
(37:05):
got pitten by a dog one time, you of course
would know that not all dogs will bite you, but
you'd be wary of every dog you pass in case
it does. Like that's basically the premise of why women
are afraid of men, super simple. And then yeah, this
one person girl from Cork was just really angry because
that tweet went viral and she was like, Oh, we're
(37:26):
in the middle of like a women's issue and this
man is like taking over the conversation and making it
about him. And I was like, what the fuck is
going on here?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Like women also give out about men who don't stand
up against other lives, like where are the men you
know you against?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah? Yeah, so and then yeah, and that was like Jesus,
that was twenty twenty. And then it was just like
for several years just like yeah, just trolling me and
being horrible and.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Making new accounts, you're blocking them up?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
They were yeah. Or then like and the reason I
find found out is because like maybe another tweet went
viral and it could have been around of time with
the sex or some thing actually, and I noticed that,
like anyone who said something horrible to me, her her
real account liked all those tweets, and I was going
(38:16):
on and then I like, look, yeah, I found it.
There was like links between her and a load of
these like burner accounts, and I was like, what the
fuck's going on? Like, and I'd never like met this person.
I didn't like she is a real person, like because
I have friends who know her, and I was asking about.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Oh my god, what friends that know where?
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah, what a fucking weirdo, Like yeah, terrifying.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
People.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
But I like, I think as I got older, I
used to like take it very like I'd be very
angry and be like these are all losers, like, but
as I got older, I was I kind of realized,
like these people are just especially someone like that who's
like a like verified real person obviously dealing with a
lot of like pain and unhappiness and is like projecting
(38:58):
and making other people feel bad as a result of that.
Because like I remember when I found it, I went
on to her Twitter page, which has gone. Now I
think she got booted from Twitter, but all her tweets
were just these like toxic, horrible just like just giving
people shit all day every day on Twitter. And I
was like, that can't be a good way to live,
(39:18):
like and i'fel really bad for.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Her to have some serious issues themselves and have hate
their own lives that they feel the need to go
on and share on everythys wise words, it is a
good way to look at it.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Well, sometimes they just say the wrong thing at the
wrong time, and here just yeah, the anger comes.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Like yeah, like I was saying that fucking ice skating
video where I'm just slagging my boyfriend, like my he
slags me over not being able to dance, like every
time we go are in a dancing situation. Like look, Grant,
I put up one video slagging him over his ice
skating and I get absolutely destroyed. I keep showing him
the messages that I'm getting, and he just he just
(39:58):
can't He's not he's not that big in social media
like I am. He can't understand, yeah, that people are
reacting this kind of way. But I'm making a point
like not to take down the video because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Oh, don't definitely don't like if anyone is in the
position to be allowed to take the piss out of him,
it is his girlfriend black. That's it. You're allowed to
do that, right.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
We'll leave it there. Thank you so much. That was
very insightful and hopefully people will listen to this now
and you know, think twice about
Sexploitation, intimate image views, and blackmail specifically via dating apps.
So something that happens to a lot of men online,
but I feel like you don't hear about it too
much about what happens to the men. So Darren Fleming, author,
freelance writer and mental health advocate from Cork, thanks a
million for joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Happy to be here talking about me Mickey again.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Also, I'm gonna just maybe let you warm up a
little bit and chat away to us about your background
and your mental health advocacy before we launch into the
Mickey chat.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah, fair, fair, Oh yeah, So I'm Darren Fleming from Cork.
Recently thirty, which is a bit traumatizing. I've been yeah,
writing my whole life, four books published, fifty ones coming
out in March. I've been doing mental health work since
I was twenty, started with a blog called Thoughts Too Big,
(01:05):
which is still running ten years down the line. Again mad,
I have a podcast with that, and yeah, basically, like
the reason I got into any of the writing slash
mental health work is my best friend took us own
life when I was seventeen, and then I doubt my
own depression after that because that was like obviously a
(01:27):
live shattering moment. And then once I came out of
that depression, I started doing work in mental health, and
my theory was that, like, right, really, I don't have
a qualification beyond my undergraduate degree in psychology to actually
give people therapy. But I thought that, like, the main
issue I saw was that people weren't talking about mental health.
(01:49):
We were all very good at encouraging other people to
talk about their mental health, but we weren't talking about it.
So people will be like, oh, like, you can talk
to me if you want to, but then they'd never
actually talk about their mental health, and they kind of
felt like a paradox. So I basically just openly journaled
online talking about anything that affected me in the week
previous once a week for ten years, and it's just
(02:13):
to normalize that conversation so that when big things do
come up, such as being sex started, for example, which
is an absolutely horrible experience, that you have the ability
to talk about it because you're used to talking about
your emotions on like a weekly basis.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Do you find yeah, That's what I'm going to ask you.
Did you find that your experience with mental health like
prepares you to deal with this.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I think one of the main things is that like
I was, because I think this happens a lot to
teenagers and kind of younger adults. Not that I'm like old,
but I was in my late twenties, so I think
that gave me a little bit of maturity. But equally,
when it happened, I wasn't like afraid to talk about it.
(02:55):
I wasn't like, oh, I have to deal with this
on my own, which is would make things like infinitely
worse because you'd build things up in your head and
it would compend. So I knew straight away just to
be like, I need to talk to my family and
my friends about this, because this is, like, you know,
deeply upsetting, and I had a lot of panic and
streight around it. So I guess, yeah, just I hadn't
really thought about it, But I suppose from from talking
(03:18):
about mental health generally so often, it definitely like made
it easier to talk about.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
How long ago was it?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Now, this would have been August July August of twenty
twenty three, so it's not that long ago either. Like
I mean, I was twenty eight, and I suppose I'll
just get into the story. So I was living back
in Cork, hadn't really been dating, was probably feeling like
(03:45):
a bit lonely so and like, I usually don't have
dating apps, so I read downloaded dating apps. Hinge in
particular was the one I was using and just matched
a few people, was talking to different people whatever, as
you do, and then I was talking to this one girl,
what was her name, Tracy?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Uh? Yeah, Irish signed you thought she.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Was out, yeah from Cork, like and we looked initially
we were just talking on a hinge and just having
a conversation and she's telling me, like, you know, the
usual like where she went to school, and she went
to UCC and she studied marketing and all this kind
of and we're just having a conversation and all felt
very normal, and she just talked, you know, the slang
she used would have been like Cork slang. It looked
like came into everything.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
See nothing suspicious, No.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
And then I suppose like two or three weeks in
to like that, because I generally don't have like notifications
on any of my apps, so I kind of kept
leaving days past before messaging. So I was like, com here,
do you want to just go onto something else, because
like I'm useless that I don't have notifications on. So
she was like, yeah, sure, just add me on Snapchat, which,
(04:50):
like to me at the time, was strange but not uncommon.
I feel like when I was younger, Snapchat was very
much the thing you'd use, and I was like, okay,
a bit old for using snapchats talk to someone. But
she was like a couple of years younger than me,
so I was like grand. Whatever. So then we started
chatting on Snapchat again, just like her, sending selfies a
(05:13):
few videos on What was weird about this is like
in one of the videos she said my name, so
like it wasn't like just selfies taken from someone else,
like these were actually being paid, Yeah, which is in
hindsight terrifying. And then yeah, so then we made plans
to meet up, Say, if it was Friday now, we
planned to meet up the next Wednesday, next time we
(05:35):
were both available. So that was grand. And then that evening,
I suppose, with the plans confirmed, she kind of started
making a bit more like sexualized, like sending kind of
more cheesy pictures. Yeah, rauchi chat, raunjie pictures, all that
kind of stuff. I'm sure I got involved as well
as we've seen now on TV, which is daft but anyway,
(06:00):
so yes, so then that was grand. We just that
was Friday night, chatting over the weekend, and then on
Monday morning, I woke up to a Snapchat like a
text blue thing, and I opened it and I said
are you ready? From her account said yeah, are you ready?
And I honestly like, because I wasn't like suspicious of
(06:22):
anything like I thought it was all like, there was
no red flags. I thought she was asking me if
I was ready for the date?
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Who was I To be honest, I would have thought
that as well.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, And I was like, oh, it's Monday, you're a
bit eager, like Today's not a Wednesday. And I was
like absolutely yeah. And then that's when so she'd used
because you know on snapchat of your screenshot that tells
you yeah. So she'd use a second phone to take
pictures of the of the pictures I sent, and then
she also sent screenshots of anyone I was friends with
(06:52):
on Facebook who had my second name, I e. The
people she taught were my family members, and I was like,
what the fuck is going on? Like, and she was like,
you have ten seconds to tell me stop or I'm
going to send you to all these people. And then
she's very condescendingly started typing out the numbers like ten
so nine eight, and I was like stop obviously, and
(07:13):
then she started ringing me on Snapchat like immediately, and
I was like at this point like panicking, like deep panic,
like I was freaking the fuck out. I picked up
the phone. I was like, what what the fuck's going
on here? Like and it wasn't a woman, who was
a man, and he was like, you have really good
(07:35):
jobs and good money in Ireland. We don't have that Nigeria.
I want some of that money. And I was like,
come here, you have you obviously you haven't done your research,
like I don't. Writers don't make that much money. And
he was like, oh, I've seen your LinkedIn. I know
you you have a job fus yeah, really creepy like
(07:57):
and I was like all right, like like I don't know.
And he was like, you have to send me two
tas in euro in bitcoin and he was like do
you have bitcoin? And I was like I neither have
two tsand euro or bitcoin, and then he got angry.
He's like why don't you have bitcoin? And he started
going on then a bit I had to download some
app and as he started saying, now I hung up
with them, he rang me straight back and he was like,
(08:19):
why did you hang up with me? And I was like, oh,
I thought her conversation that ended. Sorry, and he's like, okay,
just don't hang up with me again, and he started
going on a bit this app again, and I was like, look, man,
I'm not going to give you money, so if you
need to send these pictures, send them. I'll let my
man know there come And so she doesn't look at them,
and I just hung up on them.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
You made this decision, and like how long it all
happened with this is within like one minute and you said,
well fuck it, I'm not sending them.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, because I knew, like because I read it like
of certain things online, not just like sex extortion, but
like a general understanding that if you send the scammer
money and they're like, if you just send me this slumpsum,
I'll leave you alone. Like that's neghver the case. You
send them the money, and then they asked for more
money and more money because they have you on the hook.
So I was like, that's this is just I'm not
(09:05):
going to send money and there's nothing else I can do.
So I hung up and I blocked his account. Then
you tried to add me on loads of different Snapchat
accounts which were all different girls, which is again like,
so this was just a big racket, like, and I
blocked all of those. Then I rang my mother and
I was like, I can't talk about it now in
(09:26):
detail because I'm just really overwhelmed. But if someone sends
you a picture message on Facebook and you don't know
that person, don't open it because it's probably gonna be
my penis and you're not gonna want to see that.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And she was like, well, I asked, now, sorry the
picture was it? Like, was your face in it? Were
you identify?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Ever? I mean, there was more than one picture, and
my face was in one of them. I think I
can't really remember, to be honest with Like, if it was.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Just a picture of a dick, it could have been
anybody's dick, do you know.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I suppose on my thigh as well, I have like tattoos,
so like, even if the thigh was in the background,
I mean, not everyone would know they were my tattoos,
but like certain people will know. But anyway, I was like,
just don't open it, and she was like okay, fair
enough for you, okay, And I was like, yeah, I'm fine.
I just need to can do and I'll call you
back later. In that time, he'd fin my Instagram and
(10:18):
he'd added me on a few different accounts. I went
into a message request and he'd like try to ring
me a few times, and in one of them he'd
tried to ring me and then he was like, I'll
reduce the price to five hundred YARDL be a good
man and this with peace. Don't make me ruin your life.
And I was like, how are you making this like
(10:39):
my fault?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Like like three quarters off?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I know. I remember I was on we'll talk about
the tweeting a second. I was on news talk and
I said that. I was like, in fairness, that's a
good DiscId, And that's the same bit they used for
all their coverage over it, like they were like like
two times the five hundred that's a good DiscId.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Because he was just after it, but fair enough, he's
going to keep asking you.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Yeah, exactly, and I just ignored him, blocked all those accounts,
and I'd say it. Within like three or four hours,
he stopped messaging and must have moved on to the
next person, like because he knew he wasn't getting anything
out of me. And I kept tabs on the the
family members he'd like signaled out or singled out, and
(11:26):
I got onto one of my cousins and I was like, look,
this is really embarrassing, but this after happened to me,
could you let me know? And he was a guy, like,
so I was like, could you let me know if
someone actually sends you these pictures just so I know
that they're being sent or whether it was just like
an empty thread and they were never sent. But like, again,
I didn't know that was going to be the case.
So I'd say an hour or two after, you know,
(11:48):
the initial calls, and I was like reeling from panic.
I kind of calmed down and I was like, in
my head, the worst part of it was that like, Okay,
the picture's out of my hands, have any control over
those anymore. But my fear was that like they'd be
leaked and I wouldn't know about it, and then there'd
be be center in grew chats and people would think
(12:09):
that I didn't know when it was kind of like
behind my back and all this, so I made the
decision to tweet about it. I just so people knew
that I knew what was going on. And I was like,
someone's trying to blackmail my nudes for two thousand and euro.
Obviously I'm not going to pay that. So if you
see my nudes, enjoy them.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah, I have hear. I'm currently being blackmailed by someone
who has naked images of me and is asking me
for two thousand euro in order to prevent them being posted,
which I'm obviously not going to do. So if you
see images of me somewhere, enjoyed them, I guess yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Like that, like and like, and I think like I
did consciously make it funny because I was like, at
least if people know that I see the humor in it,
that kind of disarms everything. Yeah, but I didn't expect
that the tweet to like blow up. It was more
just like self protection. But then after that, obviously I
had the added pressure of like journalists getting onto me,
(13:04):
and some of them are really nice, like really lovely,
and there was a lot of like you know, duty
of care going on. And those were the journalists I
eventually talked to, well some some people were just looking
at me like a piece of meat, like I was
just a commodity to be used for a story. Like
I remember, I'm not going to name them, but like
one particular morning TV show in Ireland got onto me
(13:29):
and they're like, oh, would you like to come on
the show. We think it'd be a great story to
be on TV. We'll have a great time. And I
was like, I have a good beat re read the room,
like I've just had the worst week in my life
and it's easy to laugh about it now. But like honestly, it.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Was like enough now, I'd say, he's hardly going to
send them out.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Now, Yeah, exactly, like so so, but and then so
I talked to some journalists and I tried to bring
the humor into it because I was looking at it
from like a mental health lens as well. And I
know in particular, like teenagers this happens to sam some
of them take their own lives because they really think
it's the end of their life, like they're not gonna
(14:06):
come back from something like that. Yeah, I and I knew,
like you know, and I was in like a I
suppose a unique position that I work for myself, and
I work with mental health charities, so like none of
them were gonna like, like you know, cancel contracts because
of something happening to me. Like it wasn't like I
did anything cancelable or something like that. You know, it
(14:30):
wasn't like something that I did. I was a victim of,
you know, sexual assault online, so I knew that was safe.
And I was like, look if I talk about this
and show that, like, Okay, it does suck and there's
a lot of pressure and there's a lot of panic,
any stress, but like your life goes on, it'll be
fine that that in turn would like help people get
(14:50):
through it. And after I went on radio and all
that kind of crack and there was a few TikTok videos,
the amount of people who reached out being like this
is happening to me, and I wouldn't know what to
do if I didn't hear you. This is happening to
her son, This happened to her daughter, This has happened
to me right now. And I paid money like loads
of different stories, like way more people than I would
have imagined, because I suppose before it happened to me,
(15:12):
I didn't ever really think about it. But it happened
so odd.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I never hear about it really, And then I brought
this up recently to my stepman and then she said
that actually her one of her friend's son who is
now I know what happen happened to everybody obviously, but
he was vulnerable, I would say, and he actually he
just didn't think about sent loads of pictures face in it, quote,
(15:37):
totally identifiable, and then they had gotten on to him,
but he he didn't know what to do, and then
the parents. He kind of was acting a bit dodgy
to the parents, but the parents knew that something was
going on. Then eventually had to go through his phone
and saw what was going on, brought him down to
the garden station and the guards said that they get
(15:58):
three or four people in three or four fellas in
I think they said each week, and this was in Tipperary,
and two basically file reports that they were being scammed.
Is this what do you call it? Sexploited?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, sexploits. I think sexplotation is a really funny word.
It hands too much fun for what it is, like,
it's just fun to say. It's just like it's such
a it's such a marketing word. Like you know, it's
like s exploitation, but yeah, like I mean sexploitation scam.
I think the official term is intimate image sexual abuse.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Those ads are flat out now lately on the telly
and like it's great. You know that the two guides
are in the garden station. Did you see it? And
then your man is like, I was only just threatening
it now, I know that's like that. It's slightly different
because those ads are aimed at real people like x's
and whatever, just people that you meet online as opposed
to these are scammers in a different country.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I'm gonna read out.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
A story here and yours was and I Jerry and scammer.
I believe that this one, this was more Eastern European
scammers here. So actually, this fellow who shared this story,
he's actually a TikToker, but did not did not want
(17:18):
to share it with his voice because he'd be recognized.
So he's a bit I think he'd be a bit
embarrassed about the whole situation, but was happy to share
the story. And actually I put this up on my
TikTok a while ago I male twenty six mass with
a female twenty three on hinge. She was good looking,
but there was some red flags. I ignored it because
I'm an idiot and I assumed that people were what
they said. First, she said she was from Dublin but
(17:39):
living outside and almost every day was in a different
place and spoken a semi in semi broken English. I
just assumed she was from a different country and probably
traveling around. From the get go, she was fairly forward,
telling me she just wants casual things and that she
wanted me to come over and what have you. I'll
be honest, my ego took over and I thought she
was just really into me. She then said she was
taking a shower almost every day. She showed me this,
(17:59):
and after two or three days I picked up that
this could be sexual in nature. I'm not great at
social awareness, so I said some cheesy responses. She said
to contact her on Snapchat. I had to redownload Snapchat
because I deleted it years ago, but hey, I'll redownload
it and to see a sexy lady the shower. She
then wanted pictures of me. I was trying not to
send any because I don't like the idea of it,
and I never sent one before. I know nobody would
(18:20):
believe that, but it's true. But I did because again, Hey,
a sexy lady in the shower. So I sent two pictures,
and then she wanted one with my eyes. She was
very insistent about that, and I found it odd. But
it's not that weird. Maybe she just likes eyes, I thought.
She then said she wanted a full body naked one.
I sent one that was as tame as it could
have been, and she was sending pictures to me too.
(18:40):
That's when she said she's getting out of the shower,
but to add her on Instagram. Up until that point,
I thought this was relatively normal. Again, I'd like to
say I'm an idiot. About an hour later, I started
getting calls on Snapchat offer. This is when shit hit
the fan. I missed her first few because I was
making dinner. She'd texts something like silly boy, don't miss
the next one. So I picked it up, expecting the
sexy lady, Hello my friend, A man in a Middle
(19:02):
Eastern accent said, Confused, I asked, what the fuck is
going on? Turns out they recorded everything on Snapchat, found
my Instagram followers and were saying they'll send the videos
to them, all targeting family members first unless I give
them fifteen hundred juro. I told them I don't have
fifteen hundred. All I had was five hundred in my bank,
which was the truth, because I get paid in cash.
They said this can't be true because they target people
based on their wealth. I told them if they did,
(19:24):
they'd done a very bad job.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
They hung up.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
When I started panicking like mad, they rang back again.
This time it was an Eastern European lady and she
told me she needs fifteen hundred drills. Everybody on Instagram
gets the video. This is when I hit upon a
great idea. I started getting really upset and lying. I
told him I had a six son who needed treatment
and if they take the money, he won't get Christmas presents. Really,
what I was doing was trying to find out everything
I could about them and stalls so I could delete
(19:47):
contacts and apps. At this stage, I didn't know what
access they had, so by this stage I had no
contacts and unfollowed close family members. I then tried bargaining
and got them to one thousand and said I'll need
time to get the money. I rang my mate, who's
the type of guy you'd bring it? If you were
in jail or in this case being dick pic extortant.
He convinced me to not pay anything and blocked them
on everything they could see me on, but kept them
(20:08):
on Snapchat. As I installed the banking app, they told
me to My aim here was to stall them for
as long as possible. The money was to be sent
to Morocco, but phone area codes were from la. I
assumed it was Belarus because of the mix of Middle
Eastern and Russian accents, and the lady on the line
kept telling me how she's just doing a job and
how she didn't care if I got the money because
(20:28):
she gets none of it anyway, and it all goes
to the big boss, who does nothing and is currently
on holiday in Dubai. I think she wanted me to
do sorry for whoile attempted to rob me. I stalled
for so long. They sent me videos of them, sending
the video to all of my contacts, one of whom
was my mate I was calling, who got nothing. I
then message people online awkward fucking message. I'll tell you
that none of whom got the video. I then messaged
(20:51):
people they specifically showed me of them sending messages to
none of whom got anything. So all in all, I
didn't have to pay fifteen hundred for a picture of
my own day. None of my cousins seen it again.
Very awkward conversation, and I've learned to never again take
a dick pic and next time I see a pretty
lady to remember it could be a gang of Russian
and Middle Eastern people trying to extort money out of me.
I don't know why they didn't send the pictures, because
(21:12):
they just knew I didn't have the money or believe
the lies I was saying about no Christmas from my
imaginary son, so they didn't want to waste their time
and moved on to the next poor fool. Very similar.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, he is a great knowledge of geography as well,
to be fair.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yeah, what does that mean? What does that mean? I
didn't get that if that totally went over my head.
What is say phone area code was from.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
La but then he assumed there from Belarus due to
the mixture of accents, Like that's a very fascinate like
just basing off my own experience and how much panic
I was feeling and how I couldn't think he was
on he was on his game was incredible yeah, he did.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
We have a fair place from deleted everything. But can
I ask, like I say, before you did this, would
you have had much knowledge on this situation before? Have
you ever heard of it? Like just totally knew and
you were like, fucus, this is safe for me to do.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
I'll just do it, you know, like I'd heard of
it well in the context that the ads are in, like, uh,
you know, an X trying to get revenge that type
of thing, but never heard of like scam based on it,
like because it's obviously like a scam firm where they're
just moving on to the next person if they're not
getting money easily, like and I guess I did think
(22:30):
about it afterwards, and it kind of rings true to
his as well, where they didn't send the pictures. And
my thinking is that like the power of it is
really in the threat, because say, if they threaten a
thousand people and only three them pay or for them pay,
but they still leak the pictures of all one thousand
people and that happens continuously, then we're all gonna know
(22:52):
like multiple people who've had nudes leaked, and the power
the trek goes away and people will stop paying.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
No, yeah, so I wonder is that from what they're
thinking of maybe they just can't be asked.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
And also it's really hard now. Twitter's dire for now
because you can just post porn on Twitter now, but
like anything on by meta, if you post explicit images,
they're taking down immediately, so they could never post them publicly.
It would only ever be a true private message. And
then you know there's barriers to messaging if you don't
follow the account and all that kind of stuff. So
(23:25):
I think it's actually quite difficult to follow through on
the threat.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You got a good bit of victim blaming as well.
I've heard you.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, I remember the the editor in chief of the
Irish Medical Times, which is like a weirdly like high
profile person to be doing this, was just like openly
victim blaming me on Twitter. I'm sure I was just giving.
I was just taking the piss out of him, Like
he was like, why would you send pictures of yourself
(23:53):
like that? That's so stupid, and I was like, well,
it's because I'm hot, man, That's why I did it.
It's like rinselom and but he was being really nasty.
But like people like Sharon Lambert and Ian who's the
CEO of spun Out, like we're in my corner and
just like quote tweeting him and getting all their followers
to jump on, so like there was mostly support, but
(24:15):
I guess there's a negativity bias whereas like, so bad.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Those kind of people who just want to share on
people like you know that you've made a mistake and
obviously the fucking you had, the serious fear after it
for a long time and your nerves, like you paid
for it, So why do people feel the need to make.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
It And even there was people like saying that I
made it up for Clout and I was like, I
would if I wanted to Clay, that'd make up something
way less stressful than this situation, Like why would I
ever make this up?
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Make it look then too, and then letting people openly
judge it first like yeah, yeah, such.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
A weird just not very well thought out the idea
of why I did that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
But at the moment, I'm posting these stories from women
who are dealing with the same fellow who's a scammer,
a date and scammer, and there's loads so basically like
he he apparently like from talking to the women like
they're all they all seem to have like a good
head on their shoulders, like they knew that this was
fucking weird. But then like he was saying, his card
(25:17):
broke in his pocket or it got skimmed and it's
been canceled, and he showed them him transferring money into
their accounts and it all looked very legit. And one
girl in particular worked in the bank and she said, yeah,
like I saw him do it, and and so I
ended up like on each date he would probably get
two or three hundred duo off of these women because
(25:40):
they thought that he had paid them back. But every
video I put up about it, like women and men,
well the mo it's actually mainly women. I'd say, They're like, God,
how can you be so stupid? What kind of women
are out here giving men money? And then the men
are like the men are like, oh and I can't
even get a date. Do you know what this world
cautloads and scammon?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Way, Yeah, it's interesting because like as well, when I
post a bit on TikTok and weirdly like on Twitter,
would I just find it surprising that there were women
victim blaming And I was like, if I if I,
if I was a woman, you wouldn't be saying any
of this stuff. You know, like there is a kind
(26:22):
of a double standard where it's like, oh, men deserve
what they get and you'd be treated think that. Yeah, yeah,
obviously not. And I was like, again, not all women, Yeah,
no women, but no in the grand scheme of the comments,
like i'd say, ninety seven percent were like supportive and
hoping I was okay and checking in, and then there
(26:44):
was just like the outliers where they're kind of horrible
victim blaming.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
You could have done what everybody else did and just
said nothing, and then it would happen to somebody else
and they would just pay or be petrified or god forbid,
would kill themsels over it if they were thought there
was genuinely no way out. But because you made the
videos and fair play to you, you know, people are
aware of us and hopefully just won't fucking do it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Hopefully anyway, like don Lucy Kennedy's documentary a bit scamming,
but like it comes up and like it's not that
I don't want to talk about it, but I also
don't want it because I'm you know, a writer as well,
and I don't want me to be associated with this
for the rest of my life or people only asking
me to do things because of that. But at the
same time, like in terms of the mental health work,
(27:32):
I just thought it was like important to talk about it,
even though it was like it's embarrassing and it was
deeply uncomfortable to be that public that soon after, but
I was like, you know, taking myself out of the equation,
this will do more good than bad if I talk
about it, because, as you said, hopefully it'll help someone
get through a similar situation or ideally avoid it altogether.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Have you deleted the ass now?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I did? I did I have? I think I have
hint I have Raya as well. I got invited to
John Reya. I was just interested and see what that's about.
But it's much of the same. I don't really no,
like i'd say, different people, so like some people have
seen that was like I saw this girl on Tinder,
but like, yeah, more kind of like influencery people, which
(28:23):
wouldn't be my Yeah, I wouldn't be my bag really anyway.
So but yeah, still like notifications off, I don't really
don't really use them. I'm just couldn't be arsed orally.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
And you're in Barcelona now and.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, it's great. Like it's as we were saying beforehand,
like just nice to be here. And I do come
back to Ireland quite a bit and it's not too
far away. It's too hour flight. I can fly straight
at Cork, so handy.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
But Dayton's not really a priority. You're just kind of
this is just something that you just you know, download
the app and have a crack out and then kind
of whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah, like I think I am, like ironically, even though
I got scammed for nudes, I do prefer meeting people
in real life because I feel I find like you
know when you're going like obviously even talking to someone
on Tinder or whatever, and you set up a date
like you're going in without any real connection. Where I say,
if you meet someone on a night and you're like, oh,
(29:22):
that person's really cool, and then you set up a
date and it's like, well, I know what I'm I
know who I'm meeting today or what their personality is like.
So I definitely prefer that. There's just some I don't know,
there's an added layer of like or maybe a lack
of connection and an adult layer of like superficiality. And
then in Barcelona particularly it's a very casual city, like
(29:45):
it's kind of hard to get anyone who's interested in
something like monogamous and long term. It's pretty.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I didn't know that's where you were going with that.
Oh right, okay, that's interesting. But a lot of people
they're all meeting each other in real life.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Over there, are they? I mean no, I imagine not.
People are definitely using apps as well, but it's like
people are more like outgoing I guess because like the
Irish disposition, especially for lads, I suppose is like being
a bear with women and never talk to them.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
I think, like that's your juice covid. Like beforehand, I
I got all of my boyfriends I think through.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Nightclubs or like the pub and like them. And then.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, that would just was not happening anymore. I actually
got what I'm going out with my boyfriend a year
and met him through the dating Orange Instagram page.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
In the end, No, I have met a few people
that have dated for like, you know, a couple of
months here and there. True, like yeah, them sliding into
my dms or like them seeing TikTok's that kind of stuff,
which is interesting when I start. When I started doing TikTok,
I never really thought of it as a place to
find dates.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
But do you have any any funky day stories to
share with us?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
I mean, I don't know if you saw the story
bait so a bit the Venezuelan Doctor.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
No, no, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
This was kind of a running series of videos during
the summer. So I went out a date with a
Venezuelan doctor. She's beautiful, didn't have much English, and my
Spanish is terrible, but her English is better than my Spanish.
So we made it work. It was touching gold. We
made it work, and we'd ended up hanging out for
like what do we initially met. We're just gonna go
(31:29):
for coffee and see we gone with the language where
we ended up ended up getting on really well. So
we spent like seven or eight hours together and got
dinner that night and she was getting cold and I
was wearing like a T shirt with like a kind
of heavy shirt over it, and I was like, oh,
I'm not cold, you can just wear the shirt whatever.
And she was like, I really like the shirt and
I was like, yeah, it's a nice shirt. And then
she ended up going home, and she I was like,
(31:50):
I'll just take the shirt and give it back to
me next time the needs whatever. And then a bit
a week later we're meant to meet up again and
at the end of the day. Then a few days
after she was like really into me. But then I
think that started fading and her previous kind of hesitancy
because the language started coming up again. She was like, look,
(32:12):
you're really nice, had a great time, but the language
thing is just it's too difficult. And I was like fair.
I was like, yeah, fair enough, totally understand. It was
really nice to meet you. And then I was like, also,
would I be able to get my shirt back, because
like we'd only got on one day, so like, you know,
I'd like my shirt back, and she's like, oh, I god,
I completely forgot. Yeah, no problem. And then I spent
(32:33):
the summer chasing this woman via text, being like, oh,
let me know if you're in the city this weekend,
I can get my shirt back off of you. And
she had loads of excuses and eventually just stop replying
to me and I never got my shirt back.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Oh my god, where was the better be the good one?
Speaker 2 (32:51):
For the Honestly, I think it was hajing. Member. I
know my mother bought it for me, and I really
liked the shirt. It was more like principle. I was like,
we you've only spent eight hours agether, you do not
deserve to own my shirt. And yeah, she kept making one.
One week again though, she was like, I'm coming to
Barcelona on Saturday, and I was like, god, Grant, can
you bring my shirt? So and she was, because she
(33:12):
lives a bit outside the city, not too fair and
she was like, oh, well, I'm going running in Barcelona
and I'm not going to run in your shirt. And
I was like, okay, but you're the one who texted
me saying you're coming to Barcelona, but you're not going
to bring my like all this kind of weird stuff.
And then yeah, a few times after, I think in August,
I text her like maybe like once every two weeks
or so, being like, hey, just you know, at this
(33:34):
point posted to me like I don't care, I'll pay
for posts, just send me my shirt.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And she just never about She was telling on all
her friends that you were a fucking wado. Why why
doesn't leave me alone? Right? No, it'd be the same
when I was like seventeen, I was walking back from
a house party with this fella and he was dropped
me to my house on his walk and he had
a substantial walk to go to his house. So I
(33:59):
went in and I got him. This was big American
Eagle time, right, So I gave him my favorite American
Eagle hoody. And he was hanging around the town for
the weekend and I was I was like, Chris grandall,
get off your around the weekend. I sent him multiple messages.
He was like, yeah, no bother, I'll be in town.
And then I even got my friends to text him.
(34:20):
I was obsessed, but I say it must have been
I must have made eight attempts and in the end
I just fucking said, all right, p to my American
egle hoody.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
And American Eagle was expensive and really popular, so I
understand creating into that, but like my my, I say,
my shirt cost thirty earl. It was like a green
cord thing, but it was more to principle. I was like,
you do not get to keep this, Like I'm sorry,
not a chat.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, I know that would have I know, I guess
it would wreck my idea.
Speaker 2 (34:47):
But yeah, that was weird. Other than not like not
much weird dating stories I do. I get a lot
of I don't know why this is, but TikTok is
more so than anywhere else. Happens on Instagram too. The
internet just assumes I'm gay. Oh, and I think the
(35:07):
only thing I could think of was because I'm a
man talking about my emotions and doing poetry, and people
are like, there's no way astraight man can do this.
I get lots and lots and lots of d ms
from gay men looking for hookups and dates and stuff,
and some of them are really sweet, some of them
are really really nice, and some of them are just
like I remember I got one one time and it
was just a word threeesome question mark, and I was like,
(35:31):
this is what women have to deal with all the time,
just men being men, Like that's guys.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I don't think I would never. I wouldn't say you
give off any sort of like gay vibe.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
I appreciate that, but like when when it's when it happens,
I'm like, maybe I am, maybe I'm not, it doesn't
really like it doesn't like.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
Did the Fellas be like, oh I thought you were gay? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Yeah, yeah, they'll be asking me that they kind of
start off quite smooth. They're like, oh, I really like
the last post poem whatever, and I'm like, oh, thanks
very much. And they're like, do you use dating apps?
And I'll be like, oh, yeah, maybe like Hinge and
Tinder and stuff. And then they're just like what about
Grinder And I'm like, oh, well, I'm not gay, so
I wouldn't use that, and they're like, oh, that's a shame.
I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
Like.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
One guy one time was like, oh, well, if you
ever change your mind, I'd love to take you for
a drink. And I was like, I don't think this
is something I can change my mind a bit. I
have control over there.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
And I saw that I was googling Darren Fleming before this,
and I see that you got you have a troll?
Is it that's coming after you all the time?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Fair? Ever since that was that on news Talk, maybe
ever since I did that interview, they've disappeared.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And that was because you were sticking up for women.
There was something going on at that time.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
And yeah, so the initial thing was like, yeah, I
tried to basically because you know, it was like a
woman got like murdered, which is awful and then but
there was you know, and then there's the discourse where
like people are very angry and then men are being
like it's not all men, which is like deeply unhelpful.
And I just like wrote an analogy and like, if you
(37:05):
got pitten by a dog one time, you of course
would know that not all dogs will bite you, but
you'd be wary of every dog you pass in case
it does. Like that's basically the premise of why women
are afraid of men, super simple. And then yeah, this
one person girl from Cork was just really angry because
that tweet went viral and she was like, Oh, we're
(37:26):
in the middle of like a women's issue and this
man is like taking over the conversation and making it
about him. And I was like, what the fuck is
going on here?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Like women also give out about men who don't stand
up against other lives, like where are the men you
know you against?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah? Yeah, so and then yeah, and that was like Jesus,
that was twenty twenty. And then it was just like
for several years just like yeah, just trolling me and
being horrible and.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Making new accounts, you're blocking them up?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
They were yeah. Or then like and the reason I
find found out is because like maybe another tweet went
viral and it could have been around of time with
the sex or some thing actually, and I noticed that,
like anyone who said something horrible to me, her her
real account liked all those tweets, and I was going
(38:16):
on and then I like, look, yeah, I found it.
There was like links between her and a load of
these like burner accounts, and I was like, what the
fuck's going on? Like, and I'd never like met this person.
I didn't like she is a real person, like because
I have friends who know her, and I was asking about.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Oh my god, what friends that know where?
Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah, what a fucking weirdo, Like yeah, terrifying.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
People.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
But I like, I think as I got older, I
used to like take it very like I'd be very
angry and be like these are all losers, like, but
as I got older, I was I kind of realized,
like these people are just especially someone like that who's
like a like verified real person obviously dealing with a
lot of like pain and unhappiness and is like projecting
(38:58):
and making other people feel bad as a result of that.
Because like I remember when I found it, I went
on to her Twitter page, which has gone. Now I
think she got booted from Twitter, but all her tweets
were just these like toxic, horrible just like just giving
people shit all day every day on Twitter. And I
was like, that can't be a good way to live,
(39:18):
like and i'fel really bad for.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Her to have some serious issues themselves and have hate
their own lives that they feel the need to go
on and share on everythys wise words, it is a
good way to look at it.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Well, sometimes they just say the wrong thing at the
wrong time, and here just yeah, the anger comes.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Like yeah, like I was saying that fucking ice skating
video where I'm just slagging my boyfriend, like my he
slags me over not being able to dance, like every
time we go are in a dancing situation. Like look, Grant,
I put up one video slagging him over his ice
skating and I get absolutely destroyed. I keep showing him
the messages that I'm getting, and he just he just
(39:58):
can't He's not he's not that big in social media
like I am. He can't understand, yeah, that people are
reacting this kind of way. But I'm making a point
like not to take down the video because I'm like.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Oh, don't definitely don't like if anyone is in the
position to be allowed to take the piss out of him,
it is his girlfriend black. That's it. You're allowed to
do that, right.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
We'll leave it there. Thank you so much. That was
very insightful and hopefully people will listen to this now
and you know, think twice about
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