Filthy John: Aine’s Story

In this final installment of Filthy John, Aine takes the spotlight to share her experience with John. She opens up about his drug addiction, compulsive lying, and the growing concern she holds for his young daughter. The rest of the women return one last time to recount some truly jaw-dropping stories about John and we learn that John has just discovered the existence of this series - and he’s not happy, surprise surprise.

This episode brings the series to a close with raw honesty, solidarity, and a stark reminder of the lasting impact of abuse.

Trigger warning: This episode discusses emotional and physical abuse, coercive control, and threats of violence.

If you’ve been affected by anything in this series, support is available. Contact Women’s Aid on 1800 341 900 or the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre on 1800 77 88 88. Both helplines are free and available 24/7.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-dating-orange-podcast--5898530/support.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
You meet a man. He's funny, attentive, he actually listens
to you. You go on a date and you get
home with sore cheeks from laughing. He says all the
right things, wants the same things. It feels easy and rare.
Dates turn into a relationship and you think this is
exactly what you've been looking for. Now imagine discovering that

(00:25):
everything he told you was a lie, and you're only
one of many women that he has on the go.
This is the story of Filthy John, a compulsive liar,
a manipulator, a man with a serious drug problem, a
habit of stealing, and a dangerous temper. On the surface,
he was hilarious, affectionate, the perfect man. But behind the scenes,

(00:47):
he was creating chaos in multiple women's lives, lying to them,
mirroring their personalities, love bombing, stealing, vanishing, reappearing, and slowly
wrecking their sense of reality. These women didn't just overlap,
their lives became tangled in the most bizarre ways. In
this podcast, you'll hear from four of them, four women

(01:09):
brave enough to sit down and tell their story. There
are more, but some of them are still too scared
to speak. This is a story about manipulation, survival, and
the power that comes when women start comparing notes. Anya
was the first person John entered into a relationship with
after things ended with the mother of his child. They

(01:32):
met on a dating app and their first date was
on the seventh of November twenty nineteen. Before they had
even met in person, the communication had already become intense,
constant chatting that quickly moved to long phone calls and
WhatsApp messages. Their calls often lasted for hours. A week
after connecting online, they had their first date.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Normally in my experience, not that it's vast or anything.
Generally chaps probably pay for whatever on the first date,
and in my case, I'd offered, which was no big deal.
It didn't occur to me until afterwards and I said no, no,
I pain. It was yeah, okay, no problem. So anyway,
the first date and it was as anticipated. Hadn't built
up expectations right, and he seemed to be who he

(02:13):
appeared to be. Thought he was quite attractive bloke. He
was very funny. The main characteristic I think of John
is that he was and is very funny. He shared
a lot of his detail his personal stuff in advance
of the date. I knew everything there was to know
about his mother, of his child, his child party. I

(02:34):
was the first person he dated. After that relationship broke down.
His daughter was I don't know, eight months old or something.
He was given full custody of his daughter. He went
to live in a beach, in a house on a
beach in ross Lair. I have worked in advocacy and
different things. I've worked in family law, and it's incredibly unusual.

(02:55):
I was immediately asking, that's very unusual that you would
get my father would get full costody. There must be
a very bad backstory there.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
What John told Donya about his ex partner was shocking.
He painted a picture of pure neglect. He claimed that
she would host drinking sessions in the family home and
that during one of them, a child, a cousin of
his daughter, fell out of bed and broke his arm
as no one had been checking the children. He spoke
of her drinking, infidelity, and an overall lack of care
for their child. He also told Donya in detail about

(03:26):
a court case, describing how the judge, in his words,
tore his ex apart on the stand for being a
terrible mother. And that she walked away distraught. John said
he had tried to save the relationship, but claimed the
infidelity was relentless that he had stopped counting after twelve affairs.
He warned her, if you don't stop, I'll send your
private messages to your family. He had access to her

(03:48):
phone and told Anya. He followed through on that threat,
sending the messages to her entire family on Christmas Day
via a WhatsApp group.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
He just dumped all of this onto her families WhatsApp group,
which you know, when he told me that, I was horrified,
though I wasn't really bothered by the behavior. I didn't
think anything justified that, and I didn't think, you know,
the family needed to be made familiar with all of that,
you know, assuming you know, I was under the impression

(04:18):
it was true at the time, so I was pretty
horrified at it. But in reflection, I think I was
told that in case, just in future future time, I
think it was subliminal or you know, just dropped in
the conversation so that maybe if I ever considered stepping
out on him or whatever, as that he wasn't diverse

(04:39):
to doing something like that to get me back. I
don't know, but there was tons of that kind of
a story. So I did believe then that he had
full access to his to his daughter.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
At the start, the relationship was everything on you wanted, connection, companionship,
even talk of marriage. She never thought she would marry again,
but with John at felt different. He had never been
married and it meant something to him. He had great
qualities fun, warmth, love, and in the beginning they outweighed
the lies. But as time went on the balance shifted.

(05:12):
The good stop being enough.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
There were red flags really from the start, but I
had no experience of some of these behaviors at all before,
so it took a while, I think, for them to register.
For example, we went down to my family or in
Limerick and we went to my sister's fortieth birthday party
and it was a family meet. There was a lot
of people out. It was big neil and drinks and

(05:36):
cap says and all the rest of it. We were
all paying afterwards, and John just said to me, oh,
I left my card at home, would you mind getting
that for me. I'll pay you back, And yeah, sure,
no problem. We met family in Calear village one time
for lunch. The relationship moved very fast, and it was
I had a lot on and a lot of friends,
have a lot of families, and I'll be up and
down to Limerick all the time. Just in short, I've
patriotically everything. And it was always he always said, it

(05:58):
sounds you know, how do you fall for that?

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Onya?

Speaker 2 (06:01):
And this is some of my concern and even sharing
all of this stuff, it's like, how big an idiot
can one person be? I believe he and me have
asked myself that question one hundred times since. But he
always had a really good compelling story, but absolutely world
class at these kind of stories and compelling in the
detail and all the rest, but always would have some

(06:23):
sort of evidence to support whatever it is he was saying.
So that was kind of the financially aspect of it.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
About five months into the relationships, things were strained mostly
around money. John rarely paid his way, often leaving Anya
to cover everything. But he wasn't just letting her down.
He was making promises to her family members that he
couldn't keep.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
And you know, he'd promised to do things for my
family because he's very good at what he does in
terms of his employment. He's actually, you know, very talented,
and he would promise to do things for people, and God,
I wouldn't. If I committed to doing something for somebody,
I would never not do it. I might be fucking
tardy about doing it, but I mean I would never
not do it. And he regularly didn't do it. I

(07:09):
would be absolutely mortified because you know, it was a
reflection on me. He did that regularly, let me down regularly. God,
you'd be here for the rest of the night if
I had to go to the litany of you know,
those Birdays holidays, the holidays, because it was COVID, were
only domestic holidays. But I would had paid for one entirely.

(07:29):
So he was like, oh, the next one, next one
I would definitely pay for. I was like, great too,
that'd be wonderful. And the following summer we went to
another holiday and we were in two. We were in Mayo,
I think Sligo and Doney Gaul. By the time we
were in the second place, he had lost his money.
It was all cash because he did work in a
cash business, I suppose, and he lost it. So when
we came back, I was like, you know, that is

(07:51):
just I don't even know if I fucking believe it.
I actually don't believe it. But he'd lost other things
as well, you see, so that's what made it compelling.
I think he lost all of his contact lenses of
some when he couldn't pay for the second holiday we
were due to go to Christmas. To go to Netherlands
for Christmas that year over to my daughter and I said, okay,
by way of recommence, you booked the flights. So he

(08:12):
did that and that was it. It showed me and
I spoken and he did that, and maybe say September,
and as it was coming closer and closer in December,
I was like, I need to be thinking about my
flights and what time are we flying at and all
the rest of it. And anyway push comes to show,
won't label the point no flights were booked. I had
to book a fly three days. I was so lucky.
And it was the only reason I got a flight

(08:34):
was it was a stupid time to go because Netherlands
was in complete lockdown. My daughter lived over there at
the time, she was in finished university over there, and
she it was in complete lockdown. So why anybody would
have fown over there unless you were visiting somebody like that?
The trauma and drama of that was just unnatural. Like
I I've never had never been away from my daughter

(08:57):
for one Christmas since she was born, and I was
potentially facing that. I mean, it was so fucking traumatic
at the time, but anyway, it didn't happen. It was
It was fine.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
But then finances weren't the main issue anymore. John started
to disappear, and this was something on You couldn't ignore.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
The relationship with John anyway. And then COVID hit. It
was March twenty twenty lockdown and he essentially locked down
here with me. I couldn't work obviously for a lot
of it. He couldn't. I work in a sector where
there was no There was no lockdown for me. We
were essential services, so I was at work every day.

(09:35):
He would be here. It was up and down as
things lifted and stuff, but nothing very significant. All meals
and cooking and all that kind of crack was my responsibility.
And it wasn't until I think the first time when
he went on the missing list. It was Easter. I
think that year it was Good Friday and he hadn't
brought me an Easter egg and we came back to

(09:55):
the house and he went, I sawe are you up to?
And he said, I'm going to get buy you and
Easter egg. I said, don't bother by me. And he's
to be so ridiculous, and anyway they'd be sold out.
You're not going to get an Easter egg anywhere on
Good Friday anyway. Off you end. That was at half
past six, A couple of hours later. I was started
thinking taking a phenomenal length of time for an Easter
egg anyway, So I started bringing him and nothing. And

(10:15):
at nine o'clock I got a missed call and no,
I didn't get a miss call. I got a call
from John. So I answered the phone, but it was
clearly a bum dial. He was in his car. You
could hear music gone, and he's clearly talking to somebody,
and he made some joke. He's one of these people
that does you know, have a line of jokes, and
you know everyone hears the same joke at some point,
and he was talking about it was it was the

(10:37):
Pointer Sisters on the radio, it's raining men or something,
and he made some standard joke that I can't remember now,
but I remember thinking, oh God, that poor personals isn't
to that joke as well, and it was it was
a girl. And I heard Ketamine in the conversation and
I was calling him, you know, I was calling calling
out his name, but obviously he couldn't hear me. And
I think I listened to about nine minutes of that
conversation before it was like, there's no point he's going

(11:00):
to hear me. Nine minutes and I could hear the
laughing and the backwards and forwards and anyway. Hung up.
He turned up at two o'clock in the morning, walked in.
I was up. I was like, we are having rang
people and all the.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Rest of it.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
And I was like, where where you? He told me
he fell asleep in the car outside Tescos.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
He went.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
He went to Testcos to buy me knees to egg
and he was so exhausted from all of this long
work that he'd been doing, the long hours of work
he'd been doing over a couple of days, that he
just fell asleep in the car and woke up. I
was like, John, I had a call from you. You
bundal me. I heard and I repeated it and absolutely
not just point blank to o me, No, I don't

(11:43):
know what you're talking about. It wasn't me. I was I,
and I think I showed it to him on my
phone and everything, and he was like, I have no
recollection on you, no recollection of that. That's me how
he got out of it. But he got out of it,
or it could have been. We would have had a
fight over it, actually, and maybe no none talking for
a couple of days and whatever. But in any case,
that was the first time that was easter he disappeared.

(12:04):
Then all was reasonably okay. There was the worst kind
of disappearing act. It could have been the following year.
He went to home one time and then there was
no contact. So I was trying to contact him and nothing,
and then I got worried, so I start I rang
his dad. His dad didn't know where he was, his sister,
his friend Gary, nobody knew where he was. And what

(12:25):
really annoys me to this day is all of those
people know his history and the history that I was
not aware of at the time, and I said to
those people, I'm really worried. This is not like John
to be out of contact with this length of time.
It's quite the opposite. Actually, you could get twenty foure
calls a day from John. Every time he had a
new salt he tended share with you, and I said,
I'm really concerned he's dead in a ditch somewhere. I'm

(12:46):
going to be calling the guards if I can't track
him down. And nobody stopped me. They were all, whh gosh, Yeah,
I don't know. I really haven't. I haven't seen him.
I don't know where he is. Anyway. He was gone
for thirty six hours and I did call the guards.
He eventually resurfaced because he was somewhere with a friend
of his in Wexford and they knocked on this friend's door.
I think John was known to the guards, and I

(13:07):
think kind of when the right guard heard the name
and all the rest of it, he knew where to look.
So my next contact with John going, what on earth
do you do? What the fuck?

Speaker 3 (13:16):
Actually?

Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think what he said, you don't call them the guards,
and I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
John.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
He came back after that and I made him do
a drug test because he lied to me, kept saying
he's not He told me his history with drugs, and
I was like, the only thing that can explain these
weird behaviors and disappearances and drugs, and there was no
other real signs for me in terms of paraphernalia and stuff.
I didn't see any of that. So he did do
a test and the test came back positive, and he

(13:44):
still had an explanation for that. It was some other
medication that interferes with it. It was just just a nightmare.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
Really.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
It was amphetamines. I don't know any more than that.
It was positive for amphetamines.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Anya remembers heading off on a short trip with friends.
Had dropped her to the airport in her own car.
He had been promising to change to get things back
on track, but his actions were telling a different story.
He had a habit of collecting her in the car
would be on its last legs, no petrol in it
at all. Every time. The first thing they had to
do was go to the petrol station. Before she left.

(14:18):
Anya had tried to set a clear boundary. She told John,
I can't sustain this, not just the financial side of things,
but the lies, the uncertainty. The very last thing she
said to him was do not collect me with the
car empty.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
Well, anyway, he was dropped me to the airport and
I said to him, look, you know this is going
to be you making amends now, so don't turn up
to collect me in about my car and fumes. He
turned up to collect me and met me in the airport.
He was there. The first thing I had to do
was pay for his short term parking. So I got
into the car, car and fumes. I just didn't talk

(14:55):
all the way home. Oh what's wrong with you? I
know this crap on ament. This is I'm pretty much
now at this point, and there's no effort made whatsoever.
So it wasn't long after that. He literally days days
after that, he was out of contact for a few hours.
When I say a few hours is about ten hours.

(15:15):
That is nothing for normal civilians. That is huge for John. Huge.
So I sent him a text and I said, I
had this conversation totally, what will happen, It's now happened.
You know, relationship is over. So you know, he was
all I used to get calls in the middle of

(15:35):
the night, suicidal threats and all the rest of it
for a while afterwards, devastation and all the rest of it.
And I was very sympathetic to it. I sound very
dismissive of it now, but only it's only because I
know the history with other people and all the rest
of it. At this point, at the point I really
reacted and I responded to it. I rang his father
one night, no it was the morning, but very early morning,
about five o'clock in the morning, maybe because I saw

(15:57):
this literary of texts and it this is it. You
won't hear from me again, and then nothing. So I
rang his dad and had his dad check his bedroom
and he was there so from November twenty nineteen, and
I broke up with him in March twenty twenty two
and really had moved on romantically. Never utiually lost contact

(16:18):
with him, but romantically. By the time that relationship ended,
I was so relieved. I have never felt such a
sense of relief in my whole life. Ever, still haven't
no matter what happens to me, I'll never be as
relieved as I was when that relationship end. And I
was grateful, and I'm still grateful to this day that
I managed to get out of it. But I felt
guilty initially, so I kept up the contact and then

(16:39):
eventually he met Monica. His life seemed to turn around
with Monica, so I was prepared to, you know, kind
of not let him back in, but never really you know,
severed contact. He'd obviously be out of contact with me
because we had no reason to be in contact, but
you'd always resurface, and I never, you know, refused it
because he seemed to have turned a corner. Eventually he

(17:02):
moved on.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
He moved on to Teresa, not her real name, but
I had to change it because this woman is terrified
of John. But yes, John moved on, though he never
told Anya that to her, he was still deep in
his heartbreak, calling, texting, crying and pleading, and slipping in
updates about his life. One of those updates was that

(17:26):
he had rekindled a friendship with an old school friend
and became close to his wife, Teresa. They had a
daughter the same age as his, and he told Donya
he spent a lot of time at their place. He
said they got on great, that he'd even crashed there sometimes.
Anya heard plenty about Teresa and about her little girl too. Then,
about a month after they broke up, Onya received a

(17:47):
message on Facebook. It was from Teresa, the one John
had mentioned so often. She said she was trying to
get in touch with him, that she hadn't heard from
him in a while and was worried. Anya, recognizing her
name but never thinking there was an romantic going on, replied,
don't worry. That's something he does. You'll be hearing from
him soon.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
That was that, but I was at work the following morning.
I've got another text message from her asking me to
wring her. So I rang her. She said, look, she said,
it's three days now and haven't heard from him, and
I'm just really really worried. And I said, look, I have,
you know, experience of this. This happens, but he will
resurface and you shouldn't worry about it. And then she

(18:27):
started crying, and I was like, you're in a romantic
relationship with him. She said, I am, yeah, and I'm
dreadfully sorry. I said, he used to mention you, but
he never told me you were in a romantic relationship,
and she said yeah, and she was just utterly devastated.
So I think I spoke to her that evening at

(18:48):
least sometime fairly recent, and she shared her experience with him.
And when I was with John, he had taken me
to see I have my house. I owned my house.
He told me he owned his father house at the time.
He could never really move in full time here because
his daughter goes to school down and an expert, and
the trip when he had access would be too long

(19:09):
for her. So he was talking about building his own
house a bit closer to where I am, but obviously
very close to where his daughter goes to school. And
we went to see a sit in. Everything even looked
at plans. I think it wasn't going to be my
house or anything, but I would have moved there with him.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
John had also taken Teresa to see the same site
he once showed Anya, the one he claimed was his.
In reality, no one really knows who owns it, but
it certainly wasn't John. As Onya began to piece things together,
she realized Teresa's experience closely echoed her own, though in
some ways it was even more disturbing. A large sum
of money had gone missing from Teresa's home, and she

(19:48):
suspected John. He had managed to entrench himself in her life,
quickly offering help with things like her computer, which he
then took advantage of. They had been seeing each other
for only about three months when John suddenly disappeared. As
far as Anya knows, Freesa never heard from him again,
despite the fact he still had several of her belongings.
Anya also kept in contact with John for a while,

(20:11):
not out of choice, but because he still had things
of hers, including a laptop and a spare wheel from
her car. When she mentioned the spare wheel to John's father,
he said, there is no spare wheel for that car
here on you. John moved on to Moniga while he
was still with Teresa, leaving her devastated.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Curatively, I was at a massive loss, but mine happened
over two years, so I didn't really feel the loss,
but hers happened over a period of three months, so
it was significant loss financially that she had and other
I think not to mention the relationship that had been
established between the two girls because they were the same age.
They used to have sleepovers all the time. They had
grown very close, very quick, which was devastating to them

(20:51):
as well. So she was absolutely devastated. It was very
upsetting again because I'd moved on, and I was felt
such relief having moved on, but it was really upsetting
talking to her, incredibly nice girl. I don't know how
he manages it, because I'm friends with all of these
women now, they're they're just one nicer than the other, really,
and all very intelligent women, all very solvent, all very independent.

(21:16):
Clearly has a type not esthetically because quite different. I'm
significantly older than the others as well, and I don't
have a daughter at the same age. He'd moved on
to Monica, and I had to contact her to try
and get my wheel. It was just a lot of
our stuff.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
But that wasn't the last Facebook message on your received
from one of John's women.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
And then I got another Facebook message, and it was
from this girl called Monica saying, Hi ONNYA, my name
is Monica. I'm going out with John this length of time.
I understand your friend of his. She said, I just
have a few questions if you wouldn't mind. So I said,
I don't mind at all. Was talking to her when
even she rang me her concerns where she'd never funny.

(21:54):
Actually when her concerns are which I could allay that
they were, she should have been concerned about other things,
really if she hadn't met any members of his family.
So she was like, I hear all these stories, but
I don't meet any of these people, so I'm wondering,
is it real or whatever. So I know I've met
this family. They're all very real.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Anya also shared her concerns about drugs. She wanted to
make sure Monica was aware of this. Hoping to protect her,
Anya told Monica that it might be better for her
to speak directly with Teresa since there were some aspects
she hadn't experienced herself. Monica did just that, but John
became very upset with Anya over it. Anya had to
drive down to meet John to collect a laptop or

(22:30):
a hard drive that belonged to her, and he was
quite aggressive, shouting at her, demanding to know why she
had told Monica about Teresa. Anya didn't understand why he
was so angry.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
And I was like, why wouldn't I You know, these
are not secrets I wanted to keep. You know, these
ladies made contact with me, John, because you told them
about my existence. So what do you want me to
do when they make contact with me? Then maybe you
should consider not talking about me if you don't want
the things to happen. And he'd never told Monica that

(23:02):
I was romantic partner. I was far too old. Apparently
I was just a friend and the story was I
think that again, he was good friends with my husband,
and I had a grown up son that was in college,
and this grown up son had asked John to stay
in contact with me make sure I was okay. Why

(23:22):
my own husband couldn't have done that is mistrue to me,
but anyway, and other spurious things about me that weren't
true or no relevance to my real life. But anyway,
I don't know. He just loves a good story. So
that was Monica. I think that was really it. Then
for a while, for a long long time, until I

(23:46):
got another call from Monica, and I remember my daughter
was here. I said, oh my gosh, I want another
text from Monica. And she's like, oh, you know, I'm
not entirely sure you should be in contact with these
people because you just don't know, and blah blah blah.
But I mean, no, no, I want to see what's
going on. So when he was going out with Monica,
then Monica took him back. Once they had established relations,

(24:06):
then both of them would be in contact. Made if
John rang me for a chat or whatever. Oftentimes Monica
was besides him on the couch, and you know, really
nice girl got on very well with her. She was
past some of those behaviors, and he had because he
was so mad about her. And he was also telling
me about how mad about Monica he was because he

(24:27):
was still mad about her. He had joined he'd given
up drugs and made that very abundantly clear, and he
was going to counseling and he was also attending Narcotics
Synonymous meetings. So he'd ring regularly and tell me about
these happenings, and not necessarily huge detail about what I
was discussed, but just things that have been discussed, and

(24:48):
that Monica had made two very firm boundaries, put two
firm boundaries in place, and if he crossed either of them,
then their relationship was over. And he seemed to be
taking that really seriously. Those bounds he were no drugs
and no lies. That's it. And also Monica had a
little guard at the same age as as his daughter,
and those girls are continue to be very close.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Actually, while things seemed to be going well with Monica
and John, he was attending his counseling and NA classes regularly,
John suddenly reached out to Anya. He told her he
needed to get something off his chest.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
I need to show to you in person. I was like, okay,
and he said he'd been to counseling, and the counselor
as part of his progress, he should be making readress
to people that are important to him that he would
have hurt over recent times with his drug taking and
all the rest of it. So he said, you're one

(25:42):
of the people you know. I need to be honest.
I need to tell you the truth. And I said, okay,
and not truth. And he was struggling with a lot
of it.

Speaker 4 (25:49):
Now.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
He was mortified. He could tell he was absolutely mortified.
But one of the things he told me was that
he'd been on drugs. He'd taken drugs every day of
our relationship, every day. I was flabbergasted. I couldn't understand
processing it. I remember it actually hurt my brain because
I was thinking Jesus. Anywhere we went, he drove my car.

(26:09):
His daughter was regularly with us because he had her
every second weekend, I think because he arrangement and on
a Wednesday, but he had her more often, you know,
oftentimes on holidays he had her for longer and oftentimes
he swap or whatever. I had a good and I
would say close relationship with his daughter. She was very sweet.

(26:29):
She was four years of age when I met her first.
They are doats at four years of age. All I
want you to do is play with them.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
After originally telling Anya he had full custody of his
daughter because the mother was unfit, John came out with
a new story. Just two weeks into dating. He had
said he received a letter from his ex claiming she'd
turned her life around and wanted access. When Anya suggested
going back to court, he refused, saying I want control

(26:55):
so I can pull access if she slips again. He
also claimed she had bought him out of the family
home and that he had one hundred and fifty K
sitting in a credit Union account. Like many of John's stories,
it sounded convincing.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
He even went into that credit union account because at
one point there was some issue with money doing something
or other and he couldn't access it, so actually drove
to the credit union with him, sat in the car
while he went inside and dealt with whatever he'd dealt
to it. He must have just walked in and walked
around the room a couple of times and came back out.
It's fucking mental. I mean the level of stuff that

(27:29):
he used to do. Truth of it is that he
didn't stop taking drugs. She did her level best to
support him through, you know, coming off them, or she
never participated in it herself alleged. Apparently he's on them
since he was about twelve years of age. And I
believe that because of a very unhappy circumstance in his family,

(27:51):
which that has been confirmed by other family members, led
to that, and he's just not been able to deal
with it. Since they wanted to buy a house together
and he's self employed. I think she's in finance somewhere somehow,
and she knew obviously a lot of people know, but
she could manage it. He needed two years worth of
proper accounts to go forward to get a mortgage. She

(28:14):
organized that, She moved into the dad's home, sorted everything
out for two years until they were in a position
where they could get their mortgage. And they did get
the mortgage, and he was working very hard, and you know,
he seemed to be doing really quite well. But when
she was pregnant with their daughter, he disappeared off somewhere
and I can't remember how she figured it out, but
she found out where she was. How did she figure

(28:36):
that out, I can't remember. And she drove to the
estate where this other girl lived and saw his car,
but couldn't identify the house, so she came home.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Everything John said about the mother of his child was
a lie, twisted truths that masked his own behavior. In reality,
it was his infidelity that ended their relationship. He had
projected everything he had done onto her, painting her as
the problem, but the truth was clear. She had full
custody and he had none, only access.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
To his father and he were in business together. It
was their business, so John would probably it's very technology based,
and obviously his dad would be in his seventies, so
that wouldn't be his skill set. John incredibly good at
technology and an incredit great, very creative, very very lucrative business.

(29:30):
If he did it and dedicated himself to it, he
would have pots of money. The dad told me at
one time when one of their best years, it's their
turner of what was half a million. That's not an exaggeration,
so and I meant turnover, no profit. But he could
be incredibly successful if he just concentrated on doing that.

(29:52):
But he's just I don't know. I think he's a
pathological liar. There's definitely I don't know I'm qualified to
say whether it's a personality disorder or whether it's mental
health or but there's something very wrong there. He just
he just does not seem able to because I mean,
he could have had an amazing life with Monica. They're girls,

(30:14):
were the same age, they were incredibly compatible. But why
he felt the need to be in other relationships at
the same time is an absolute mystery to me. He
was regularly anyway keep me updated about the relationship with Monica,
and then Christmas just gone. He told me that he'd
broken up with her. Christmas Eves, they were around at
her Monica's brother's place, and he went to take a

(30:37):
picture on Monica and her daughter on Monica's phone and
he saw a text come in from Monica's boss at work.
Come he would have been familiar with, and it was,
you know, some salacious text. So he knew that she
was carrying on with his chap. So he broke up

(30:57):
with her on the spot on Christmas Day. That's when
she made Monica. In January then it must have been
she made contact with me and just said, you know, Anya,
another couple of questions, if you wouldn't mind, I was like, yeah,
no problem, rang up and then she just shared all
of this with me. So it was the level, the lengths,
the level, the numbers. It's very hard to process, very

(31:21):
hard to fathom what Monica did when she discovered these
these chats on her on his phone and recorded them.
She had joined the Facebook page are we Official? Are
we dating? The same guy? Put up her story, and
other girls came along. They were familiar, they had either
similar experiences or dated him, So she reached out to

(31:44):
them and you know, they talked and a few of
them were due to meet and then didn't meet as
a result of reading you know what they read on
that Facebook page. So she's already saved people. Some of
the drama I would call mikes. But there's some of
the girls's utter devastation. Some of the you know, experiences

(32:07):
they've had are you know, just horrifect, Like there's assaults
in there, There's masses of financial you know, theft of money,
of property, and I suppose one of the really thing
that stands out in my mind is his daughter, you
know what I mean, all those places that she's been

(32:29):
introduced to, all these people, Bill's relationships with these people,
because a lot of these girls I think have daughters
similar so Bill's relationships and then they find out there
was I think when Monica was going out with him
in twenty three, there was about four other women going
out with him as well, and serious, significant relationships there
were in his We don't know how he managed, because

(32:50):
they all would have thought he was in their house
all the time, but clearly he wasn't, because he was
now Monica would have broken up with him a few
times and then got back together again. So I think
in the in between times he was obviously more available
to be with the others. But but his daughter was
in all of these places with these people and their families,

(33:12):
not just daughters of the same age, but the rest
of their families as well, and had relationships with all
of them which were then kind of, you know, severed
abruptly if any of the women found out anything or
sometimes he would finish them and that would be it.
And she did. She was here one time, I don't think,

(33:33):
because he used to bring it back to visit me
a few times after we'd broken up. She mentioned other
names to me.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
One of the things John told on you was that
the mother of his child had taken in her siblings
child her niece and raised her alongside of their own daughter.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
So a couple of times his daughter would refer to
her her first cousin as her sister, and I corrected
her because I thought she's confused or maybe she's making
up a little fantasy that maybe, you know, somebody else
will call her out on and we're embarrassing circumstances, so
I should probably clarify for her. And I would say
it to her, you know, I'd say, oh, I think

(34:09):
that's your cousin and maybe not your sister, and she no, no, no, no,
she's my sister. She'd been very you know, very emphatic
and looking at me as if I four heads now, patronizing,
fucking I don't think she is. I think she's your cousin.
And at one point she actually got upset, naturally, she
was like, she is my sister. She is my sister.

(34:31):
And I was like, okay, okay, okay. And I was
saying to John, I did you go to have to
was she counseling or something? And he was like, yeah, yeah,
don't worry about it. I manage it. I don't know
why she insists on saying that I don't know what
he achieved with that, I don't know why.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
When John finally had his come to Jesus moment, Anya
asked him bluntly, is her niece really her niece or
is she her daughter? He admitted the truth it was
actually his daughter's half sister. He couldn't explain why he
had lied with John. You got a lot of that
unnecessary lies with no clear reason behind them. It was frustrating,

(35:05):
a constant I don't know that wore you down. But
in the end it made no difference to Anya's life anymore.
They were no longer together and he was apparently doing
better with Monica, so she chose not to press the issue.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
When Monica had posted her story about John, you know,
people I was telling you people came and commented underneath
her post, and this girl came along and posted and said, oh, oh,
I had a day.

Speaker 5 (35:30):
You know.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
I dated John for a little bit or for a while,
and our first date, he brought me to a big
house in the country. They had a robomore. He was
going to repair that, and he told me that the
house was his, but he rented it out to his sister.
I wonder whose house that was, And Monica came on

(35:51):
underneath and went, I know whose house that was. It's
his ex girlfriends. So in twenty twenty three, he was
dating somebody and he brought them mike keys outside because
from my hand he lad But he brought this girl
to my house on a first date and subsequent dates
she said she'd had a bath in my house. I

(36:11):
didn't actually ask where she slept because I really didn't
want to know that piece of information. But yes, he
brought somebody here to my house without my knowledge, obviously
without might consent, masquerading as the house owner and renting
to his sister. So because of his drug activity, I
suppose you'd, for the want of a better word, which
I wouldn't have recognized, John did spend a good length
of time on occasions sleeping. He could be in bed

(36:34):
for you know, four or five days on the trot.
He'd get up, you know, when I came home from Mark,
but the rest of the time was just spent sleeping.
And on some of those occasions, you know, he'd have
his daughter for the weekend or during the week and
he couldn't get up with her to entertain her, so
I would do that. So there was a significant amount

(36:54):
of that, not all consecutively, over kind of over the
whole relationship, I suppose, And at a certain points, you know,
I was confused by it. It was like, what is There's
got to be something wrong with you, you know, needing
this amount of seep. And he'd be talking about this
really debilitating headache that he had, and I was like, John,
it's not normal to be living like this. You really

(37:16):
should go and get it seen to. So he did,
and of course because I kept following it up, so
it was a GP and then it was an MRI scan.
Other appointments said eventually this diagnosis. I actually was away
for the weekend. No no, he told me here and
I went away for the weekend with a friend of
mine in the UK, and I was so upset the
whole weekend because he told me he had this brain tumor.

(37:37):
And that went on for quite some time. Naturally enough,
it petered out like an awful lot of the other
stories that I would have been told, so basically, absolutely
no truth to it whatsoever. And it was a really
really cruel thing to do.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
I think people may wonder how these women stayed so long,
how they got drawn in and pulled back again and again.
Monica is all too aware. She lived it. She knows
exactly how she kept getting dragged back.

Speaker 4 (38:03):
In a sort of explanation of why certain women like
Linda and myself, or you know, there were a couple
of more women that there were in a longer relationships
that we lasted so long with him despite seeing on
the red flags and realizing the lies and noticing the
weird things. And in my case, it was like a

(38:26):
you know, a block and block gay game type of thing.
And every time I'd break up with him, he would
stay quiet for a few days, a week, maybe slightly longer,
and then he will start reaching out.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
Monica explained that it always started with a small message,
something innocent, like his daughter wants to see hers. Can
the girls meet up? He knew she would respond. He
used his daughter as the hook, knowing Monica wouldn't ignore
a message about the kids. They had been close, shared
the same sense of humor, were genuinely good mates. She
mourned the last of that friendship if she was honest,

(39:01):
but looking back, it was clear he used his daughter
as bait to get her back every time.

Speaker 4 (39:07):
And you have to keep in mind always that because
we got in the relationship with this man. We had
the kids involved, and like I'd always feel guilty that,
you know, when I broke up with things, it's no
them to have a best tis now and it's not
their fault that, you know, I made a bad life
choice and I got to got with their own man,

(39:28):
so I can't rely punish them from by separating them.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
So that's why we kind of stuck together. It was
like a co parenting without you know, having together any children.

Speaker 4 (39:44):
It was a very dysfunctioning, kind of toxic family, and
we lasted for too long. But that's what that was.
That was the reason why we got together for so
many times, because he managed to get back in my
life the same way he uses her to get women
at the beginning, Like he doesn't have I don't know
if you mentioned it, but he doesn't have a full

(40:05):
cast day obviously, only every second weekend and once during
the week. But he tells everyone that, you know, he's
a full time dad, which is obviously a lie. So
I just wanted to explain just in case people think
that were completely crazy. We probably are a bit, but
he's just a master manipulator. And the gas lighting and
the love bombing and the bread crumbing. It was just

(40:27):
so perfectly spread out through a time that we didn't
really notice. I and honestly, I found out the meaning
of those worlds. I've heard actually of those terms only
a couple of months ago, when I broke up with
John for the final time. I've never heard about love bombing,
or bread crumbing or gas lighting before, so I suppose

(40:49):
we learned every day.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
In episode one, Monica shared how John had told her
he put down a large deposit on her dream sofa.
She was overjoyed, believing it was a genuine gesture. But
if you've been paying attention and you can probably guess
it never actually happened.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
So the sofa I meant that he bought for me
for Christmas, you know, at the beginning of here on
me then, and he told me, and come to the
shop if you're busy. I just gave the older a
thousand europe deposit for your sofa. You can here and
pick up the sofa, and so so I did as
I said. I was very emotional by job there. I
was still in shock. We found the perfect sofa for me,
and the owner told us that if we buy cash,

(41:24):
if you pay cash. It would be just you know,
to eighteen hundreds rather than twenty two hundred for with
the installments and as well if he paid already one
thousand euro, it just makes no sense to you know,
go itself.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Just you know, we can say to your quest.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
So that was granted. I went to the office.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
I don't know why.

Speaker 4 (41:40):
I asked the woman, do you want a deposit? And
he says, yeah, I'll take the posit. I said, okay,
how much is the word whatever? The five hundred you're
being absouce, Yeah, that's frine. So she took the deposit.
I paid, She took my phone number, and John was
paying the balance of the three hundred by doing some
work for the shots owner.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
He does the signage on the cars. You do a
sandwich on his van.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
I got a phone call today from a lady looking
for for money for the sofa because John never paid
for the sofa except a three hundred year that he worked.
So the sofa was the way I just got myself
a sofa today. Things like that he told me was
that he paid for my tattoo. I had a tattoo
booked and I knew it'll be probably was three to
four hundred quid because it was a biggish one. And

(42:26):
he said, oh, don't worry about it, it's only I'll
treat you too. I said, you will not because you
don't you know, I knew at that stage that he
did really have bunnies. It's no, no, don't be silly
like I'll be happy to don't worry about it started.
So he went to Gary and he sent me a
photograph of him in the tattoo shop, you know, in
the waiting room. He said, this is where I am.
It is the way you're doing so I'm taking care
of your birthday present. And I said, all right, but

(42:48):
that was I was absolutely over the moon. But we
came back home. I just I don't know, something was
telling me. There's just something not right. I ran the shop,
and thank god I did, because your man said, well,
you'll husband was here. He told me that he was
going to go and get cash, but he never came back.
So you know, you never paid, never paid. So I'm

(43:09):
so glad that it is doing the show because otherwise
I would have gone to the show handed one, with
no cash on me or any in because there was
no point. So this is the lies.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
He comes up with.

Speaker 6 (43:20):
One of the stories that he told me was that
he was like he was renowned DJ and he had
his own show on two FM, and he was really
good friends with Jenny Green and was invited to her
wedding and he couldn't go, And like we all believe
that story until Linda went to a gieg of Jenny

(43:40):
Green's and met her and asked her about John, and
she happened to preeze who John was.

Speaker 4 (43:47):
There's a couple of women on our group chat that
weren't in a relationship with him. There were just a
couple of dates. But I knew about them because he
would tell these clean shots of every single woman that
he went on the date with. Now, again, we weren't
there than as a couple. We were his friends both dating.
So I knew about two women for sure, and I
knew that she was getting on quite well with them.

(44:09):
So I reached out to one of them at a stage,
because that was my thing I could have. I was
finding people on you know who I reach out, who
will get some information from who top to So I
reached out to Martina, which she wants. He went only
one on one date with And this is the woman
that he accused me of kind of destroying his potential
relationship with and that's why he tried to smash my

(44:31):
face with the branch. But anyway, I reached out to
Martina and I was talking to Martina. I was just
telling her, you know the story, and she says to.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
Me, but anyway, how's your baby?

Speaker 3 (44:41):
What you do?

Speaker 2 (44:42):
What baby sixus?

Speaker 3 (44:45):
I still can't keep my friends through. I tell the sorry,
and she says because John contacted me. Well, she actually
reached out to Jong because he allD some money, but
he told her that were she asked about me. I
says that we're not together. We were to gear for
a while. Mother could have pregnant and I was kind
of play along that you know, I will be a
father of this child. But the child was born it

(45:07):
was black, so obviously I couldn't carry on this.

Speaker 4 (45:09):
Sorry, so he told poor Martina that I had a
black Baby's like ongoing joke.

Speaker 3 (45:14):
Now with our child group, you know that there's me happy.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Like the story speak comes up with.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
Onya wants it to be known this isn't about revenge,
though she knows someone will think it is. It's about
the damage John has done to countless women, and very
likely his own daughter. The trauma runs deep. Every woman
who's crossed paths with him has been left changed. Onya
knows her own experience pales in comparison to what others
have endured, but still she hasn't dated anyone since she

(45:42):
left him in March twenty two. She won't online date again.
Her only aim now is to stop others from going
through the same pain. This is a sentiment shared by
all of the ladies, including Kim.

Speaker 6 (45:55):
None of us are doing this for revenge. If I
wanted to go and get revenge, God, I could go
in get it. But none of us are doing it
for revenge. We're doing it because I would never like
to see another woman put in the position that I
was put in. I would never like to see another
family like I'm lucky my daughter is older than the
two the two other ladies, and but he has he

(46:17):
he has a type, and that type has to have
a younger child. So not only is he impacting the
mum of the situation, he's also impacting the family life
and the children's lives. And this is why I think
that he's exceptionally dangerous. Monica contacted me. I actually thought

(46:40):
that Monica had seen me on ARV dating, but no,
so I had put up but I had put him
up for the second time.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
I had put him up on r WE dating. And
I remember this a lady.

Speaker 6 (46:53):
There was one hundred and thirty five messages by the
end of the conversation.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Can you can you sious picture? This sounds like somebody
that I know? And I was like, no, I won't
share a picture.

Speaker 6 (47:06):
But what I can do is I can describe his
WhatsApp photograph and if that.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Leg lets you think that it's the same person, then
so be it.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
So I did.

Speaker 6 (47:17):
So this lady was getting ready to meet him. This
is not maybe a Monday or Tuesday night. She was
getting ready to meet him on a Sunday night. He
was coming to her house to cook food for herself
and her daughter, and he was coming to her house
that week. So she had said, oh my god, and
she had read like what I.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
Had put in.

Speaker 6 (47:37):
Then another lady put a comment in and said, oh sorry.
The first lady had said, I actually haven't spoken to him.
I kind of met him for the first time and
started September, and then he fell off the radar and
he was gone for a while, and I said, well,
probably because I was in the mix, but I didn't
know about Linda Monica, and I said, I I was

(48:00):
obviously in the mixed then thinking you know, fair enough,
it was just me, and she said to me, yeah,
And he told me that he was really, really sorry
that he was suffering depression, that his dad had passed
away in October.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
I was like, no, his dad is very much alive.

Speaker 6 (48:15):
He told me that his mom had passed It gets
way better, and yes, we're talking, and then all the
while then there was another lady obviously reading the commentary,
and then she popped in and she said, excuse me
to interrupt, girls, My friend is also in a conversation.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
Also seeing this guy.

Speaker 7 (48:34):
He told her that his as she started talking to
him Christmas Day and he told her that he had
found his best friend a hanging on Christmas Eve.

Speaker 6 (48:47):
He was distraught, he wasn't able to work that would
she be able to tide him over with a thousand
euros and he would be able, he was so busy,
he'd be able to give it back to at the
end of January, but could she tie them over now
that girl was in the process of borrowing some money

(49:07):
from family and friends to give to him, and I
stopped that by having that post up.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
On R dating. I know some people say, oh, are
we dating? Oh it's full of you know women who
are this, that and the other. There are some goods.
So at that stage then I haven't even met Monica.

Speaker 6 (49:23):
Monica came in maybe a week later, or maybe two
weeks later, but all the while I was so scared
that he was going to find out. But sure the
damage was done some previous time, so it didn't really
you know, he was never going to get near me
ever again.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Since the podcast launched, John has found out about it
and responded with a string of vicious texts to Monica,
which she then forwarded to me too late.

Speaker 5 (49:51):
I don't care now, I'm fucking, very, very angry. Don't
even try to pretend you didn't know anything about this.
Don't even try.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
I'm not going to. Don't try to scare or to
intimidate me. I'm well past that.

Speaker 5 (50:07):
You think this is fucking funny.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Not funny at all. You were fucking with my life
for long enough. You've been using women and destroying our
lives like we're nothing. Enough is enough? Lucas is on call.
John is around and I have Guardie on speed dial.
I already spoke to them about my situation. Stay away
from me.

Speaker 5 (50:34):
I thought we were friends again. This is going to
mean and I won't see my daughter again. Do you
think I'm going to let that go?

Speaker 1 (50:45):
I think you should. It's all on you. You did this.
You were never my friend. I was simply a convenience
to you. All you ever told me were lies. There's
a life lesson for you. Don't fuck with women. You
underestimated me. I have learned from the master manipulator. Have
a taste of your own medicine. Eat it up. It's
very bitter.

Speaker 5 (51:15):
You think I shouldn't see my daughter again.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Not until you get professional help. You trained her to
lie for you. You've been using her to get women's
trust so they'd get in relationships with you. You've been introducing
her to all of those families, only to take that
away from her. What is this teaching her about relationships?
You've been damaging your daughter's mind for years. Do I
think you love her? Yes? Are you a good father?

(51:44):
Absolutely not.

Speaker 5 (51:52):
Maybe you shouldn't believing your daughter alone while you work.
That's illegal. I'm surprised it hasn't been reported by your
nosy neighbor across the street.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Wow. Parenting advice from you get a grip, don't even
go there. I mean it. When John realized he was
getting nowhere with Monica, the messages stopped, but he quickly
turned his attention to Anya, this time with threats. He

(52:32):
warned he would release her more intimate pictures, something which
is obviously illegal. The women he's been with so far
come from all over Dublin, Carlow, Waterford, Wexford, Kildare, Wicklow.
The southeast seems to be his hunting ground. John is
forty seven, blue eyes, shaved head, over six feet tall.

(52:52):
He claims six foot two, although whether you can trust
that is another matter. The women say he is tall
at least. John is definitely active on bumble Tender, Facebook,
dating and match. He's been spotted yet. Despite this, he
has a girlfriend who just got his name tattooed on
the back of her neck the other week. If you're dating,
be careful. Treat this podcast as a warning. Thank you

(53:20):
for listening to part four of Filthy John. Please like, subscribe,
and share. This is the final episode. If you've been
affected by any of the issues mentioned, Please note that
you're not alone. Support is available. Reach out to Women's
Aid or the Dublin Rape Crisis Center for help and guidance.