August 7, 2025 • 41 mins
I always thought it was poor form how Irish lads spoke to South Americans, so say hello to Ana from Brazil and Lucia from Venezuela to chat about what it’s really like dating in Ireland as a South American woman.
Lucia’s been here five years and has been on over 50 dates — all with Irish or European men. Ana’s been here three and shares her experience of a 1.5-year relationship with an Irish man who struggled with addiction.
We look at culture differences, red flags, and what it’s like being treated like a sexy fantasy, or...... like you’re just after a visa.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-dating-orange-podcast--5898530/support.
Lucia’s been here five years and has been on over 50 dates — all with Irish or European men. Ana’s been here three and shares her experience of a 1.5-year relationship with an Irish man who struggled with addiction.
We look at culture differences, red flags, and what it’s like being treated like a sexy fantasy, or...... like you’re just after a visa.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-dating-orange-podcast--5898530/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, and welcome back to the Dating Orange Podcast. So
I'm looking into this topic now that I've been thinking
about for a few years or that's kind of like
popped into my head one that I think needs to
be talked about, and it's the South American woman's experience
of dating in Ireland. So time and time again, I've
come across posts and comments from Brazilian women saying the
(00:30):
same thing, that Irish men over sexualize them straight off
the bat, and that they're seen as exotic, sexy and fun,
but not somebody that you would bring home to the mother.
And I know this myself, like it's not just anonymous
online chatter. I remember working in a startup a good
(00:51):
few years ago, and you know, it was very much
like a male dominated kind of a space and all
the lads that we're talking about what they'd be up to,
and one fella in particular would say that he would
hit up the Brazilians because he had a higher rate
of getting sex off them, and he would, you know,
be at home and ask them to come over. What's
(01:12):
funny about that fella is I actually saw him on
Are We Dating the Same Guy? Where a load of
women were abusing him saying that, you know, he was
just a dirty dog fucking just out for the ride.
But there was a lot of Brazilian women in those
comments saying that he invited them over to the house,
and you know that as soon as the deed was done,
(01:33):
he was just very he was gone. He was done
with them, very disrespectful, you know, and that's just like
shite behavior. But I have a bit of respect for
the woman. Okay if it's just a sexual thing, but like,
just be a good person, you know. And then somebody
else was this kind of I don't know, on and
off again situationship type thing that I had going with
this fellow who said that that he loved having sex
(01:56):
with the Brazilians because they were gorgeous and the way
that they had sex was so much better than Irish women,
but he would never bring her back to Longford to
meet parts.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So in this.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Episode, I'll be reading out a few of these women's comments,
with names and any identifiable details changed so that you
can hear directly from the source how it feels to
be put in that box. And then I'm sitting down
with two brilliant Brazilian women who have been living in
Ireland for years, and they'll tell us their experiences with
what it's really like to date here, the good, the bad,
(02:27):
and the alcoholism. So first post, do you ever feel
like Irish, Europeans and foreigners in general treat you according
to some stupid stereotype that we Brazilian women are overly
sexual or easy and not girlfriend material. I can't deal
with this anymore. I feel awful and my self esteem
(02:49):
can't take any more hits. I feel lonely and I'm
looking for a serious relationship. But anytime I meet somebody
I think is nice, the guy turns out that they're
either expecting only sex and right away because they think
that's how we all are culturally, or they use me
to show off to his mates due to my nationality,
as if I'm not even there. Twice it's happened that
(03:09):
a guy is introducing me to his friends and then
they mention in a suggestive way that I'm Brazilian and
they all start cheering or teasing as if I'm not
even a person, or hearing them, getting kind of tired
and losing hope in men in general, honestly.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
One one person's comments to that was, I see women
from any country being given the same treatment. It is
not only because you are Brazilian. It is the men
that you are connecting with that are not looking for
a serious relationship, and because of this, they will use
any background information to push the sex subject to the conversation.
If you were Chinese, they would say they heard that
(03:46):
you'd do a great happy ending massage.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
If you were.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Irish, they would say they hear you love in naked
night with great company and a few beers. If you
or any other country, they will find something sexual from
the country to talk about. Sootyping is not the problem here.
The real problem is to find and connect with men
that are looking for a relationship. If you were not
lucky to find one online, you need to go to classes, meetups, groups, churches,
(04:10):
meet people in real life that have the same interest
and values, so then you will see that the stereotype
is not a big problem if you were around like
minded people. A different post from another woman was basically
a screenshot of her conversation where she is talking to
a fella let's call him John, and she's saying, how
(04:30):
are you doing? He said, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Where are you located?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
And she said, I'm in Ball's Bridge and you and
he said, I'm in Wexford. Where are you from And
she said, I'm from Brazil. I live in Ballsbridge and
he said cool Latino and she said Latina Americana. Haha,
are you irish? He said, Latina's the best. Ah, yes,
I'm irish. She said, really, I didn't know, ha ha.
(04:54):
Why are we the best? And he said best looking
and the best body shape curve? Aha, like you. And
her caption to that screenshot was maybe the way the
European women in the group can see it's not drama
and how European men see Latina women. A few months ago,
there was a post here about a Brazilian girl who
(05:16):
was upset about a guy saying he loved Latinas, and
almost everyone said that they didn't see any harm in
what the man had said. I just continued the conversation
with this guy because I knew what his response would be,
and then I could show it to you. We are
nothing more than a body for most Europeans. And then
the comments underneath that. One Brazilian lady said always like that,
(05:37):
I block them all. Another Brazilian lady said, every day
I just block them. Another lady said, Unfortunately, sometimes I
lie about my nationality because I don't want to hear
that kind of comment. It is so sad how men
change the way they talk to us after seeing our nationality.
Somebody else said, as a Latina myself, I can testify
to that, but also needs to be pointed out that
(05:59):
some genuinely come from a place of curiosity and wonder,
same as we would see European in our countries. Some
are creeps, but some are just very fascinated.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
So it's a.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Matter to see the bigger picture. But definitely the ones
that come right off the bat with the curves, fiery
and hot in bed is an automatic red flag regardless. Unfortunately,
it's very prevalent as soon as you say Latina. Another
post from a different lady, Girls, I am Latin, American Brazilian,
and I have noticed that men immediately invite me to
(06:29):
their house offer to spend the night with me. In
the first conversation, they already make it clear that they
want to have sex. Has this happened to you always,
because it happens to me all the time. So I
have the impression that because I am Brazilian, unfortunately we
are famous, they think that this is okay. I feel
bad about it. Sometimes the chatting is flowing well, and
when they start with this conversation, I stop talking, especially
(06:52):
when they say I've never had sex with a Brazilian woman,
I'd like to try it with you. I'm seriously thinking
about leaving the dates on the apps and in person.
At work, a guest started saying that he wanted to
kiss me there going on a date, I know what
kind of date with me? After I innocently said that
I am from Brazil, they always ask is it usual?
(07:14):
And one of the comments of that was, hey, I'm
Costa Rican. And seventy percent of the guys used to
start with sexy mammasita latina girl, a bad Spanish phrase, flames, flames,
flames or any variant, and yes, almost every guy was like,
I've never been with the latina before. I've heard that
you are so passionate. Show me how it is done
(07:35):
where you come from, et cetera, et cetera. I've met
some people that are indeed into the culture, food and
music and are lovely, but it is rare. Sometimes even
starts nice and then you notice how the interests turned
into a kink. Also met guys that made terrible jokes
like if I lived on a tree back home, or
if we still use horses instead of cars's transportation jokes
(07:55):
on them. I've literally seen horses here in Ireland, even
more than in Costa Rica. But yes, most of them
are just into the checklist on their list. It's sort
of a kink or want to just drink in the
Never have I ever been with a Latina before next
time they are playing drinking games. I do believe all
guys are like this, but I do compare with other friends,
dating life and consult with Irish friends, and it definitely
(08:18):
is terribly worse with latinas. I feel there's also this
kind of temporarily that they like and are after, like
they believe we might just be here for a short
period of time, so we are not a real commitment
because also the next question used to be and for
how long are you staying?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But don't give up.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I swear I wanted to stop dates since I truly
believe we have so much more to offer than a
Sophia Virgara fantasy. And I ended up meeting a really
nice guy, but it took me enough failures and he
is not Irish. No issues at all with Irish guys.
I want to clarify that, and I really want to
believe it is an individual's problem rather than all men
in a country problem. And I indeed a couple of
(09:00):
really nice guys, so it's not all. But also notice
that romantically wise, the culture is very different with Irish people,
and I was finding it a hard time, Like most
of my failures were Irish guys. I found it really
hard to understand what they wanted. Again, this is contributed
to them as an individual rather than a whole country,
but it was the majority. I actually felt so sad
(09:21):
for those women when I was reading those comments, because
I was like, why would you even bother? Like you're
living in this country and every time you chat to
an Irish fella, the conversation gets weird. Like I know that,
I know that we talk to Irish men as Irish women,
and we have loads of weird conversations as well, but
it's not a case where we're talking to Irish fellas
(09:42):
and feel like immediately the conversation is going to take
a left turn and they're talking about how they want
to have sex with us and try us out and
and our curves and this, that and the other, like
it's just sick, like constant, like God loved them anyway.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Next, we're gonna hear from two bersil.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
This is Anna and Lucia.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
So thank you so much ladies for joining me. We
have Anna and Lou. Anna is from Brazil, Lou is
from Venezuela. And you're twenty seven and lou thirty two.
And tell me about your experiences girls.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
How long are you in Ireland?
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Yeah? So I came to Ireland ten years ago, it's
going to be eleven years in December actually, and I
came mainly to study English and I really liked the country.
The situation in my country wasn't in the best at
the moment, so I decided to stay and found every
time better job. So yeah, that's my journey here so far.
(10:45):
I came with my ex, which later on became my husband.
We married here in Ireland and we divorced five years
ago and I've been dating ever since.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Right, so you've been dating for five years in Ireland?
And Anna, how long are you here? Tell me how
long are you're dating here?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I have been living in Dublin about three years now,
around three years, and I came as lul like just
studying English. But to be honest, I have been already
here once in twenty sixteen because my sister used to
live here, so I just like it. And as Lou,
(11:24):
the situation in my country is not as cool they
as here, I can get a better opportunity. And then
I came here as a student and after three months
I got my work visa.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Okay, so you're here now to say three years?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
About three years? Yeah, but three years now okay? And
have you been dacing in that time? Yes?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yes, from like the beginning, to be honest, in three years,
like the eighty one of the year I was with
guy and and then after I'm single, just on dating
apps and forever just single.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
And what do you think, Lucia, Like, do you think
that irishmen are just fockers? Would you say that they're
just fuckers? What do you think?
Speaker 5 (12:18):
No? No, I wouldn't say all of them are just fuckers.
I will say health and hals. You find everything a
little bing, so you find everything a little b But
also depends on like what guys are you going for? Not,
because I've been in both sides, like go for the
really good looking guys like the proper folk boy looking guy. Yeah,
(12:40):
in fact, they are for boys. But there are all
the guys that maybe they are not as good looking,
but they will treat you better. And even dated guys
that they were really good looking and they treat me
really well, but they had all the problems and the
relationship didn't didn't settle in.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
I guess, And what are you going for? Girls like
and Lucia you go first?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Are you going for Irish men?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
A mixture of Irish.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
And South American?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Do you like all over worldwide?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Men?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
What are you going for here?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
And no, I wouldn't date anyone from South America? Mostly
Irish guys, French, Italian and yeah kind of not.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
I don't think they are focers.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
I really like.
Speaker 6 (13:30):
I had a bad experience because my acts used to.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Have some addictions.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
So and I got a new irishm he was Irish.
Speaker 7 (13:43):
Yes, I think like I'm not like putting every every
Irish man in the same bag, but I think here
it's a little bit more common.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Rather in Brazil, like the men's are a little bit
it addictive to or gambling or alcohol.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
So I think this is a little bit Yeah, I
agree with that cocaine, alcohol and gambling are a big
thing like horse gamblings, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Like Brasilia. Man a drink, for example, every single day.
It's rare or difficult. We only drink over the weekend.
It's not like, of course, not a lot, but it's
not really the same as here.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
But there is a drinking in Ireland.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Like I remember when I was on the Apps and
I would kind of ask men certain questions because I
really really didn't want another man who gambled. And my
ex used to gamble like hundreds, and on one occasion
he gambled away four thousand euro in one night, and
(14:53):
I thought to myself, I do not want another stupid man.
And I used to kind of like if somebody was
going out to watch a football much, I'd be like, oh,
are you putting on a few bets, just so I
could judge if they have a bit of a gambling
thing as well. That's a good one, thank you. I
will take that.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
One for me now.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, Like I don't really ask them in the first
like in the first few men stage, because I think,
of course.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
They will lie like as well, yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
They get scared.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I don't know if you were very straight at the
point they will they will get very get scared.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Oh the way, it happens to me a lot. It
happens to me a lot because I'm very direct and
I don't like I'm very assertive on my communication. I'm
very direct and iditize. They usually freaked out with me.
They're like they get scared. And we were talking about
the drinking. Yeah, and I wanted to ask you Anna.
In my country, for example, people don't drink to get wasted.
(15:55):
They drink to have a good time, to have a chat,
and we kind of have a top. Of course there
is people who get wasted aso, and the culture is
more drinking to have a good time, not to get wasted.
But I find here the guys will drink until they
don't know who they are.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, same in Brazil, like we just like get a
drink for this social like to get and not for
like cat.
Speaker 8 (16:23):
Dronky and your experiences on the apps since you've been here,
do you find you said that like you can't be
too direct or you scare the men away?
Speaker 4 (16:35):
What have you? What was your experience been with messages
from men on the apps when they find out that
you're not Irish and that you're South American. Do they
act a certain way?
Speaker 5 (16:48):
You always get them the pitch emoji, that's for sure,
or the sweat the sweat teeth face emoji, that one
that is like red sweaty, that emotic.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's so disgusting. But yeah, you get that a lot.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And I hate when they say, oh, you are hot.
Speaker 9 (17:09):
Of course I know that I have you like say
that like straight away because the same in the same
way that I don't ask them about like oh.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
Do you use to gambling or do you how much
do you drink? You have a car? Yeah, yeah, homos
you are or something like that. Yeah, it will be
very indiscorrect. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Yeah, And I think Lachi they are pijacked by La Chinians,
like yeah, it loves when added pole dance.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
So if I say pull dance, does it?
Speaker 4 (17:48):
And so when they I'll ask, you know you pull dance.
You've been pulled dancing for about two years now, is
that right?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
And do you have pictures of your pull dancing on
tender No?
Speaker 5 (17:59):
I I did have one, and I took it off
because of the comments that I will get. Guys who
will ask me if I was a stripper, if I
can do a lob dance for them or things like that.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Not everybody, of course.
Speaker 5 (18:16):
And I will usually catch what kind of guy it is,
because you can sexualize yourself. The guys don't need to
sexualize you back.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
You know.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
They can be modest, they can be still, it can
treat you nicely, but most of them will objectify you. Firstly,
that's the first thing. You use a piece of meat.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
That's really nice.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I always I am used to do like I'm sorry
now I'm getting.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
Nervous, but I used to followize as well. And I
usually have a picture and they but they also say
like silly stocks and I just remove it because I
know who I am.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So I did you just go on to get this
kind of comment?
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, like full dancing the serious thing, and if you
if you are taking it seriously, like Lucia, I've seen
the pictures of your poll dancing and obviously, like you're
in the gym a lost and you take it very
seriously and it's a sport to you, but obviously, and
we'll just see that and just think, oh, sexy, maybe
she can dance for me. You know, this is all
(19:21):
they'll think about is not really respect.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
I will need a lot of I can dance for them,
but I need a lot of commitment and then showing
up for me, you know, before I can dance to
someone privately like it's I don't know.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I don't charge for it.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
I do it because I do it as a hobby,
as a sport, because I like it, and I don't
see it chansial or sexual, because I see the effort
that I put in every move I do, and it
requires a lot of strench, a lot of discipline, effort, consistency.
But I understand because we use minimum clothing when we're dancing,
(19:58):
I understand people will sexually.
Speaker 11 (20:00):
Al said, there are some positions that are very explicit,
and we need to have leads to clothing because we
need to griep from the skin onto the pole.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
So if I'm dressed, I will I will slide down
the pole, so I need to travel minimum clothing used
to grip on the pole.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Well, I guess it's a new sport.
Speaker 11 (20:21):
So as the charm goes on and more people are
open to it, it will be less sexual.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I guess it's very tough.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
To be honest, it's very difficult. It's not it at all,
but yeah, totally like they just like.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Judge I think.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
I mean, even my parents doesn't know because they will
jodge me. So I prefer to stay with my mind
like clear that I'm doing because I want to feel
back to myself.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
I want to see.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I like to see and say, oh this girl, yes, girls, yeah, exactly,
you got it.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
And tell me about your dates with Irish men. So like,
how many irishmen do you think you've been on dates
with since you moved here?
Speaker 5 (21:15):
From my tie, I'm saying your five years. So I've
been on a lots of dates. I don't know. I
couldn't even count, but I say more than fifty, I
guess in.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
But it's five years.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Of course I have taken videos that I don't date
at all, like I have taken eight months of dating apps,
or maybe I have taken dates in time of my
life where I'm just celebate. I date, but I just
don't don't get to sleep with anyone until I have
something more committed. And then I've had all the times
(21:51):
where I was more laid back and a bit more relaxed.
That was more at the beginning, when I was recently single,
but I was just on dates maybe not didn't date
in all these fifty guys probably thed like five of them.
Speaker 12 (22:06):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I think I like, I'm not used
to go for the age straight because like guys nowadays
just want to have sex and that's all.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
So I think I saved my time because my time
is very precious. So I think if I can get
through the message if they don't want just like having sex,
I mean only stand dates over three years like beside.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
My so like if you were looking for a hook
up and you were saying that you would only have
a hook up with from ass American.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
But yeah, Brazilian, it is fair because they they won't
judge you. They will go straight to the point there
is no misunderstanding. They will try you as a friend.
They don't think you're gonna fall in love with them.
Is easy if we do it with the South American
guy for sure.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yeah, I think the.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Message it's more clear when you're dating just for her
cup because I think they are like all the men's
like European men's think oh Brazilians or South America they
want to date with me because of the visa.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So now gus, I don't want to marry Visa. Sorry,
I know, sorry to frustrate you, but I do have
my visa, my word visa, and I'm proud to myself.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
I have to share my Italian passport sometimes to some guys.
Speaker 13 (23:43):
Oh really, but how come you're Italian? But why because
my dad is Italian? But why well, like I always
had to show a guy the pastor and also he
will believe me.
Speaker 8 (23:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Once even one guy even told me, oh, well, no,
it doesn't matter that you Italian passport because the Irish
passport is better. So I had to go and look
on Google for the better ranked passports. Oh, I'm showing Lily,
so it will.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Leave me alone.
Speaker 10 (24:11):
I'm like, I don't want to marry you.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
We relax.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, you you were both seeing Irish men.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
You both you know, had somewhat of long age relationships here.
Speaker 8 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
No, no, I haven't had any serious relationship.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
No, no, yeah you did that. I had one.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Yeah, I had one for a near and a near
and near in some months in near and a half maybe,
and but yeah he was addictive, so I go through
with lots of things. I happened him to go to
rehab and wow, yeah, yeah, it was very tough. We
(24:55):
are more like helpful, I think. I think we are
like when we like someone, we are very like we
try to do our best.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Think about what your parents would have wanted, or your
family and friends, what you want they wanted for you,
like to come over here and like find somebody nice,
have a good career, whatever, have a good social life.
But instead, for a year and a half you met
a fucked up irishman and had to help him get
to rehub. Like that is so tough for you.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
That's why I had fifty days and didn't commit to
any guy to me because it's not worth it.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm like, I'm not committing to a guy that has
these issues.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
But is that what I work on yourself?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I guess.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
It was very difficult because of course I talked about
this side, but at the same time that was in love.
So I think it was the beast thing. I met
him in the first train months that I came to Arland,
so it was like he was my family for a
year and a half and I got so well with
(26:02):
his family and everyone, So of course I think he
always gonna be someone that I really love it so
and I will now forget of course, I don't think
it's possible to change my feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And are you in contact or is this contact cause?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
And to him have birthday today because his birthday?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Because he did not answer me. But okay, I am
okay with that care of him, like you know, as
we have been for a long time. I really care
for him. I just want to see him get really
well and get out of this hope.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
There's a cultural difference that I can spot right there.
In for example, South Americans, we are very caring and
loving and we are not people that we will could
relationships all the sudden and never speak to you again
and give you like the silent treatment or cancel you.
Speaker 11 (27:06):
Many Irish guys have done that to me, like they
will just block me or never speak to me without
me doing anything, you know, like no explanation, nothing is
it is just the abrupt I will say.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
And even said, you do it happening relationships. But was
this irishman that you were seeing for like a few
weeks and months.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Like yeah, maybe we had a couple of dates, two
or three dates and they didn't want to meet anymore
and they just ghosted or I asked, is everything okay,
they say, yeah, everything is okay, but ghosted right after
or they told me no, listen, I don't want to
continue getting to know you, and they delete you from
(27:49):
all social medias. And I guess if Kate like caatebo
in norm under our culture, we are not like that.
For example, I had a relationship for eight years with
my ex and we broke up. Of course, at the
beginning we did not have any communication, but as the
years passed, we kind of forgive each other and we
(28:12):
are not friends, but we have a good relationship. Like
I could never just cancel him and no, I hate you,
I don't hold that resentment. Well, I find that here
is just abrooked, like they never when you ask and
you are you in contact with your ex? You have
a good relationship with your ex? None of them it
(28:32):
is like no, no exces blocked forever, never speak to
them again.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Well, I think that's a massive thread. Like if a
man is saying, you know when you're trying to get
to know him, and he's like, no, she's fucking crazy.
I hate her, She's a bitch, I have her blocks.
Speaker 8 (28:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
That's then Deck met Harley.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
Day to me will be one day and I said,
I don't want to see you anymore like my exes.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
I do actually don't talk to any of my exes,
but the last one that was five and a half years. Yeah, yeah,
I don't want to ever talk to him again. That's fine,
but once before that, you know, if I saw them,
I'd be like, you know, you know, yeah, to have
a problem with this, with saying hello or just being nice,
(29:14):
But I could never. I don't think they would reply
if I text them. Yeah, but we I think we are.
I think we are very attached.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
For example, in Brazil, it's it's normal, I say, even
if I'm not married, Okay, it's normal if I call
it my boyfriend's mother to modern in law, it's normal
to call this bird and here is not common because
here's only after you married. I mean, I mean you
(29:46):
were like if you were in a relationship, what's.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
The difference, Like, oh, I think irishmen would look at that,
Like if you if you've said that to an irishman
about like my mother in law when you were just
boyfriend and girlfriend, I think they'd probably think you were
crazy and obsessed with them.
Speaker 10 (30:01):
And then that would be the tea that you don't
need to say that they already think that. Sometimes you
don't need to say anything, and they will already think
that you're over heels for them.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
I had a couple more questions just about dates and
stuff with irishmen, like how do they act on dates
in comparison to Venezuela or Brazilian men.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
This year, for example, I find that most of Irish
guys will say eighty percent of them are very gentlemen.
They always pay, They always are very kind, nice and
easy going on the first date, very respectful, and they
respect your personal space and I like that they usually
(30:50):
ask you if you if you like to kiss them
or if you want to get more close to them,
but they never invade your personal space. In the contrary
or well, in the opposite side, which South American guys,
my experience has been that they are also very gentleman, even.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
More than Irish, like they will be.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
Extremely overprotective of you when you're on a date. Both
the South Americans, they will not respect too much of.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Your personal space. They will not ask you if you
want to get a kiss. They will usually start coming
to you.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
You know, you're telling you the nice things you want
to hear, and well see last because you don't. Yeah,
he's like that.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Yeah, yes, I agree one hundred percent. Review like they
really not respect your personal space and for them for
us to be honest, it's normal if we would like
to kiss in the first date. I think Irish are
more I don't know, respectful, and they don't really do that.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
They definitely do, They definitely do.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just know people they do, but it's kind of
they are eight percent.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Yeah, they will ask, they will be gentlemen, they will
be kind. I think it's different because providence they just
go straight and sometimes you are not like attactings like oh,
like come.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
On, leave me alone.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
It might days you're invading it. And you were talking
about like ghosting and things like that, and how they
just Irish men would just block you or whatever after
a few dates, and like would South American men do
that or would they like let you down easy? What
did they do? I think yeah, I think that maybe
(32:43):
they will string you along.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
A bit more. And the thing is when when the
Irish guys or Europeans in general, they try to string
you alone, you know they are stringing you alone with
the South American you want notice they will follow along
with the thing they will follow along as long as
they can get and get on with it, you know,
until you don't stop the situation that will continue seeing you,
(33:06):
they will continue going on that with you andrey more.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
But the eye points are European guys.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
They will just.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Maybe like stock ghosts you until you realize, but they
are not gonna continue seeing you or reaching out to
you if you reach out to them. They I would
rather people you'd be honest with themselves, because I don't know.
I'm single, and if I'm dating someone and I don't
(33:35):
like this person, and this person is texting me every
day and I don't want to talk to them, I
will not play alone. I will just tell them listen,
I'm not interested in continue talking to you, and don't
say I don't have this annoying person texting me every
day that I don't want to told you.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
Well, guys, they just extremely alone.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
No, I'm still interested, but they don't show any initiative
or or any interest anymore, or they don't know for
any date, so you just assume that they lost interest.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
I don't know why it's so hard for people to
be honest.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
Because they don't know as to themselves.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
I don't know what's hard, Like what's the problem of
being straight to the point, like, look, I just want
how do you think it's Look, I just want I
want something, Certainly, I don't I don't really know what's
the problem with being like very clear, like if you
if you are saying like both of like both of
(34:31):
people are single, so if they want just having sex,
have a good time, but that's okay, Like that's not
the problem. But I think nowadays, I think nowadays nobody
knows what they want. So I think that's the problem,
Like they want to be on chain their own hinge anyway,
and both they don't know what they want. They don't
(34:54):
know if they want that serile, seriously think or they
want just like fun they and they are not clear
what they want.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
So it's you've.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Profiles, you know, they're like, you know, would love to
find a nice lady to settle down and have a
family with. And then it says like looking for casual
but it's all a mixture of things. Or I remember
coming across one man who said that he was like
it was something stupid, like I trained in connelingis or
(35:28):
you should see how lick the yogurt top and like
how he licks out licks the top of the yogurt,
and then it was like looking for a serious relationship,
and I'm like, how that your bio about licking and
you're looking for it.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
That's that's their common things. That's the limitations of their brain.
That's how much their brain allows them to That's like lately,
that's what I say to myself. If a person is
not being honest with me, it's because of the to
begin with, they are not being honest to themselves. If
(36:09):
a person is not telling me what they want, it's
because they're insecure. Maybe they like me a lot, they
want to get under my plants, but they don't want
me to reject them, so they want to show me
whatever I want to see, and then when they get
what they want, they can just move on to the
next one. So I think it's just lack of values
that there is in people nowadays. It's not only about
(36:31):
Irish men. I find this happening too.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
With men from everywhere. Like my friends are.
Speaker 11 (36:37):
Telling me, say my single friends, I don't they South
Americans go, my friends do, and they tell me it's
the same situation.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Say you said this twice, why you don't they tell
me Americ because I'm traumatized, baby. No, no, it's not
because of that. I traumatize each country.
Speaker 5 (36:58):
Yeah no, I I was in our relationship with the
Venezuelan guy for eight years and I was just it's
just a matter of attraction.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I just find him, like maybe bail guys more attractive.
Speaker 5 (37:14):
But I'm not close. I just haven't found someone. I
dated one Brazilian guy actually in a long time ago
for a couple of months and it was all right.
But I don't know, I just haven't found someone that
I felt attracted to and that it just worked. That
is South American, It's true, but.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
Our cheap is if you want to really just get fun,
South Americans are very good.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yeah, yeah, I know, because we understand each other easier.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
I think I've never gone out with the South American
I actually only days. Irishman. I can tend you some
friend if you want to try.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Boyfriend?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, sorry, sorry, where were you last year? And that
could have been in them a go. I have a
Brazilian friend actually called Anna as well, and I had
told her that my type was, you know, I like
brown hair and a beard, and what's so? I said,
brown hair, beard, and I said, like brown eyes preferably,
(38:21):
and she was like, that's Brazilian men. I know loads
of Brazilian men.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I can set you for it.
Speaker 5 (38:27):
Does I like blonde blue eyes?
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Green eye? You know it's totally opposite.
Speaker 5 (38:32):
So I already imagine in my kid with blue eyes
brown cute.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Well, there's loads of blue eyed men here. You're in
lok So and I'll just finish it up here and
tell me what's your your plans for the future and dating?
Are you gonna You're gonna stick with your Irish men
and stay on the apps? Anna, what's the plan?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yeah, we have to say in the abs, don't you
We got the one? So yeah, in the future. Really
hope one day I get married. Hey, but not part
of the fact that it's not because of the reports,
but just because, like you, I want to see like
my family growing, you know, like have kids, give my
(39:17):
my parents granddaughters and grandfather. I know that's beauty in
my own family.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And Lucia, what's your plan?
Speaker 5 (39:31):
I don't know if I want a family At the moment.
I'm just exploring myself a little bit and focused on
sports and I'm just still on the dating not so
I have them. Sometimes I post them and I don't
talk to anyone and I don't go on any dates
for weeks, And then sometimes I feel love to meeting
someone and I go on a date. But I have
(39:53):
a very strong feature of what I want right now
and who I want to commit to, and if I
don't see that happening, I just put it off there.
I'm not gonna waste any more of my time and energy.
I go on a day to maybe two to see
if I if this person is someone that I want
to continue getting to know too. And if it's not
(40:14):
the case, then that said, I put it off there
and continue with my life. But I don't want to
put all my eggs in the dating ass basket.
Speaker 11 (40:23):
I want to try him doing all the things, you know,
maybe taking a CrossFit glass, I'm talking to people, maybe
going for a round, maybe doing something else to try
to get to know people outside.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yeah, and what about life a man obserging you in
real life?
Speaker 5 (40:38):
Oh no, no?
Speaker 4 (40:39):
And what about you? Anna you get a man.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Coming up to you?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
To be honest, last two weeks I got like some
some Irish guy look at me on the lowist and
then he looked at me and hope, look to his
phone and just like give me the sign to come
over to him. And I just give the sign to
him saying no and look to the seat beside me
(41:03):
and look to the beside me, and then he come
over and he sat down beside me, and then I
give my number and then we started to shouting, oh yeah,
very proud. But then just like we just end up
the conversation because he just wanted to catch up things.
Speaker 4 (41:25):
Anyway. I said to you, I'm not an easy woman
for European.
Speaker 5 (41:30):
Sorry,
Hello, and welcome back to the Dating Orange Podcast. So
I'm looking into this topic now that I've been thinking
about for a few years or that's kind of like
popped into my head one that I think needs to
be talked about, and it's the South American woman's experience
of dating in Ireland. So time and time again, I've
come across posts and comments from Brazilian women saying the
(00:30):
same thing, that Irish men over sexualize them straight off
the bat, and that they're seen as exotic, sexy and fun,
but not somebody that you would bring home to the mother.
And I know this myself, like it's not just anonymous
online chatter. I remember working in a startup a good
(00:51):
few years ago, and you know, it was very much
like a male dominated kind of a space and all
the lads that we're talking about what they'd be up to,
and one fella in particular would say that he would
hit up the Brazilians because he had a higher rate
of getting sex off them, and he would, you know,
be at home and ask them to come over. What's
(01:12):
funny about that fella is I actually saw him on
Are We Dating the Same Guy? Where a load of
women were abusing him saying that, you know, he was
just a dirty dog fucking just out for the ride.
But there was a lot of Brazilian women in those
comments saying that he invited them over to the house,
and you know that as soon as the deed was done,
(01:33):
he was just very he was gone. He was done
with them, very disrespectful, you know, and that's just like
shite behavior. But I have a bit of respect for
the woman. Okay if it's just a sexual thing, but like,
just be a good person, you know. And then somebody
else was this kind of I don't know, on and
off again situationship type thing that I had going with
this fellow who said that that he loved having sex
(01:56):
with the Brazilians because they were gorgeous and the way
that they had sex was so much better than Irish women,
but he would never bring her back to Longford to
meet parts.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
So in this.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Episode, I'll be reading out a few of these women's comments,
with names and any identifiable details changed so that you
can hear directly from the source how it feels to
be put in that box. And then I'm sitting down
with two brilliant Brazilian women who have been living in
Ireland for years, and they'll tell us their experiences with
what it's really like to date here, the good, the bad,
(02:27):
and the alcoholism. So first post, do you ever feel
like Irish, Europeans and foreigners in general treat you according
to some stupid stereotype that we Brazilian women are overly
sexual or easy and not girlfriend material. I can't deal
with this anymore. I feel awful and my self esteem
(02:49):
can't take any more hits. I feel lonely and I'm
looking for a serious relationship. But anytime I meet somebody
I think is nice, the guy turns out that they're
either expecting only sex and right away because they think
that's how we all are culturally, or they use me
to show off to his mates due to my nationality,
as if I'm not even there. Twice it's happened that
(03:09):
a guy is introducing me to his friends and then
they mention in a suggestive way that I'm Brazilian and
they all start cheering or teasing as if I'm not
even a person, or hearing them, getting kind of tired
and losing hope in men in general, honestly.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
So.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
One one person's comments to that was, I see women
from any country being given the same treatment. It is
not only because you are Brazilian. It is the men
that you are connecting with that are not looking for
a serious relationship, and because of this, they will use
any background information to push the sex subject to the conversation.
If you were Chinese, they would say they heard that
(03:46):
you'd do a great happy ending massage.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
If you were.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Irish, they would say they hear you love in naked
night with great company and a few beers. If you
or any other country, they will find something sexual from
the country to talk about. Sootyping is not the problem here.
The real problem is to find and connect with men
that are looking for a relationship. If you were not
lucky to find one online, you need to go to classes, meetups, groups, churches,
(04:10):
meet people in real life that have the same interest
and values, so then you will see that the stereotype
is not a big problem if you were around like
minded people. A different post from another woman was basically
a screenshot of her conversation where she is talking to
a fella let's call him John, and she's saying, how
(04:30):
are you doing? He said, I'm good.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Where are you located?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
And she said, I'm in Ball's Bridge and you and
he said, I'm in Wexford. Where are you from And
she said, I'm from Brazil. I live in Ballsbridge and
he said cool Latino and she said Latina Americana. Haha,
are you irish? He said, Latina's the best. Ah, yes,
I'm irish. She said, really, I didn't know, ha ha.
(04:54):
Why are we the best? And he said best looking
and the best body shape curve? Aha, like you. And
her caption to that screenshot was maybe the way the
European women in the group can see it's not drama
and how European men see Latina women. A few months ago,
there was a post here about a Brazilian girl who
(05:16):
was upset about a guy saying he loved Latinas, and
almost everyone said that they didn't see any harm in
what the man had said. I just continued the conversation
with this guy because I knew what his response would be,
and then I could show it to you. We are
nothing more than a body for most Europeans. And then
the comments underneath that. One Brazilian lady said always like that,
(05:37):
I block them all. Another Brazilian lady said, every day
I just block them. Another lady said, Unfortunately, sometimes I
lie about my nationality because I don't want to hear
that kind of comment. It is so sad how men
change the way they talk to us after seeing our nationality.
Somebody else said, as a Latina myself, I can testify
to that, but also needs to be pointed out that
(05:59):
some genuinely come from a place of curiosity and wonder,
same as we would see European in our countries. Some
are creeps, but some are just very fascinated.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
So it's a.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Matter to see the bigger picture. But definitely the ones
that come right off the bat with the curves, fiery
and hot in bed is an automatic red flag regardless. Unfortunately,
it's very prevalent as soon as you say Latina. Another
post from a different lady, Girls, I am Latin, American Brazilian,
and I have noticed that men immediately invite me to
(06:29):
their house offer to spend the night with me. In
the first conversation, they already make it clear that they
want to have sex. Has this happened to you always,
because it happens to me all the time. So I
have the impression that because I am Brazilian, unfortunately we
are famous, they think that this is okay. I feel
bad about it. Sometimes the chatting is flowing well, and
when they start with this conversation, I stop talking, especially
(06:52):
when they say I've never had sex with a Brazilian woman,
I'd like to try it with you. I'm seriously thinking
about leaving the dates on the apps and in person.
At work, a guest started saying that he wanted to
kiss me there going on a date, I know what
kind of date with me? After I innocently said that
I am from Brazil, they always ask is it usual?
(07:14):
And one of the comments of that was, hey, I'm
Costa Rican. And seventy percent of the guys used to
start with sexy mammasita latina girl, a bad Spanish phrase, flames, flames,
flames or any variant, and yes, almost every guy was like,
I've never been with the latina before. I've heard that
you are so passionate. Show me how it is done
(07:35):
where you come from, et cetera, et cetera. I've met
some people that are indeed into the culture, food and
music and are lovely, but it is rare. Sometimes even
starts nice and then you notice how the interests turned
into a kink. Also met guys that made terrible jokes
like if I lived on a tree back home, or
if we still use horses instead of cars's transportation jokes
(07:55):
on them. I've literally seen horses here in Ireland, even
more than in Costa Rica. But yes, most of them
are just into the checklist on their list. It's sort
of a kink or want to just drink in the
Never have I ever been with a Latina before next
time they are playing drinking games. I do believe all
guys are like this, but I do compare with other friends,
dating life and consult with Irish friends, and it definitely
(08:18):
is terribly worse with latinas. I feel there's also this
kind of temporarily that they like and are after, like
they believe we might just be here for a short
period of time, so we are not a real commitment
because also the next question used to be and for
how long are you staying?
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But don't give up.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I swear I wanted to stop dates since I truly
believe we have so much more to offer than a
Sophia Virgara fantasy. And I ended up meeting a really
nice guy, but it took me enough failures and he
is not Irish. No issues at all with Irish guys.
I want to clarify that, and I really want to
believe it is an individual's problem rather than all men
in a country problem. And I indeed a couple of
(09:00):
really nice guys, so it's not all. But also notice
that romantically wise, the culture is very different with Irish people,
and I was finding it a hard time, Like most
of my failures were Irish guys. I found it really
hard to understand what they wanted. Again, this is contributed
to them as an individual rather than a whole country,
but it was the majority. I actually felt so sad
(09:21):
for those women when I was reading those comments, because
I was like, why would you even bother? Like you're
living in this country and every time you chat to
an Irish fella, the conversation gets weird. Like I know that,
I know that we talk to Irish men as Irish women,
and we have loads of weird conversations as well, but
it's not a case where we're talking to Irish fellas
(09:42):
and feel like immediately the conversation is going to take
a left turn and they're talking about how they want
to have sex with us and try us out and
and our curves and this, that and the other, like
it's just sick, like constant, like God loved them anyway.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Next, we're gonna hear from two bersil.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
This is Anna and Lucia.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
So thank you so much ladies for joining me. We
have Anna and Lou. Anna is from Brazil, Lou is
from Venezuela. And you're twenty seven and lou thirty two.
And tell me about your experiences girls.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
How long are you in Ireland?
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Yeah? So I came to Ireland ten years ago, it's
going to be eleven years in December actually, and I
came mainly to study English and I really liked the country.
The situation in my country wasn't in the best at
the moment, so I decided to stay and found every
time better job. So yeah, that's my journey here so far.
(10:45):
I came with my ex, which later on became my husband.
We married here in Ireland and we divorced five years
ago and I've been dating ever since.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Right, so you've been dating for five years in Ireland?
And Anna, how long are you here? Tell me how
long are you're dating here?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I have been living in Dublin about three years now,
around three years, and I came as lul like just
studying English. But to be honest, I have been already
here once in twenty sixteen because my sister used to
live here, so I just like it. And as Lou,
(11:24):
the situation in my country is not as cool they
as here, I can get a better opportunity. And then
I came here as a student and after three months
I got my work visa.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Okay, so you're here now to say three years?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:43):
About three years? Yeah, but three years now okay? And
have you been dacing in that time? Yes?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yes, from like the beginning, to be honest, in three years,
like the eighty one of the year I was with
guy and and then after I'm single, just on dating
apps and forever just single.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
And what do you think, Lucia, Like, do you think
that irishmen are just fockers? Would you say that they're
just fuckers? What do you think?
Speaker 5 (12:18):
No? No, I wouldn't say all of them are just fuckers.
I will say health and hals. You find everything a
little bing, so you find everything a little b But
also depends on like what guys are you going for? Not,
because I've been in both sides, like go for the
really good looking guys like the proper folk boy looking guy. Yeah,
(12:40):
in fact, they are for boys. But there are all
the guys that maybe they are not as good looking,
but they will treat you better. And even dated guys
that they were really good looking and they treat me
really well, but they had all the problems and the
relationship didn't didn't settle in.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
I guess, And what are you going for? Girls like
and Lucia you go first?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
Are you going for Irish men?
Speaker 4 (13:03):
A mixture of Irish.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
And South American?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Do you like all over worldwide?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Men?
Speaker 4 (13:08):
What are you going for here?
Speaker 5 (13:11):
And no, I wouldn't date anyone from South America? Mostly
Irish guys, French, Italian and yeah kind of not.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
I don't think they are focers.
Speaker 5 (13:27):
I really like.
Speaker 6 (13:30):
I had a bad experience because my acts used to.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Have some addictions.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
So and I got a new irishm he was Irish.
Speaker 7 (13:43):
Yes, I think like I'm not like putting every every
Irish man in the same bag, but I think here
it's a little bit more common.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Rather in Brazil, like the men's are a little bit
it addictive to or gambling or alcohol.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
So I think this is a little bit Yeah, I
agree with that cocaine, alcohol and gambling are a big
thing like horse gamblings, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Like Brasilia. Man a drink, for example, every single day.
It's rare or difficult. We only drink over the weekend.
It's not like, of course, not a lot, but it's
not really the same as here.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
But there is a drinking in Ireland.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Like I remember when I was on the Apps and
I would kind of ask men certain questions because I
really really didn't want another man who gambled. And my
ex used to gamble like hundreds, and on one occasion
he gambled away four thousand euro in one night, and
(14:53):
I thought to myself, I do not want another stupid man.
And I used to kind of like if somebody was
going out to watch a football much, I'd be like, oh,
are you putting on a few bets, just so I
could judge if they have a bit of a gambling
thing as well. That's a good one, thank you. I
will take that.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
One for me now.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Yeah, Like I don't really ask them in the first
like in the first few men stage, because I think,
of course.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
They will lie like as well, yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
They get scared.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I don't know if you were very straight at the
point they will they will get very get scared.
Speaker 5 (15:32):
Oh the way, it happens to me a lot. It
happens to me a lot because I'm very direct and
I don't like I'm very assertive on my communication. I'm
very direct and iditize. They usually freaked out with me.
They're like they get scared. And we were talking about
the drinking. Yeah, and I wanted to ask you Anna.
In my country, for example, people don't drink to get wasted.
(15:55):
They drink to have a good time, to have a chat,
and we kind of have a top. Of course there
is people who get wasted aso, and the culture is
more drinking to have a good time, not to get wasted.
But I find here the guys will drink until they
don't know who they are.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, same in Brazil, like we just like get a
drink for this social like to get and not for
like cat.
Speaker 8 (16:23):
Dronky and your experiences on the apps since you've been here,
do you find you said that like you can't be
too direct or you scare the men away?
Speaker 4 (16:35):
What have you? What was your experience been with messages
from men on the apps when they find out that
you're not Irish and that you're South American. Do they
act a certain way?
Speaker 5 (16:48):
You always get them the pitch emoji, that's for sure,
or the sweat the sweat teeth face emoji, that one
that is like red sweaty, that emotic.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's so disgusting. But yeah, you get that a lot.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
And I hate when they say, oh, you are hot.
Speaker 9 (17:09):
Of course I know that I have you like say
that like straight away because the same in the same
way that I don't ask them about like oh.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
Do you use to gambling or do you how much
do you drink? You have a car? Yeah, yeah, homos
you are or something like that. Yeah, it will be
very indiscorrect. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Yeah, And I think Lachi they are pijacked by La Chinians,
like yeah, it loves when added pole dance.
Speaker 5 (17:43):
So if I say pull dance, does it?
Speaker 4 (17:48):
And so when they I'll ask, you know you pull dance.
You've been pulled dancing for about two years now, is
that right?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
And do you have pictures of your pull dancing on
tender No?
Speaker 5 (17:59):
I I did have one, and I took it off
because of the comments that I will get. Guys who
will ask me if I was a stripper, if I
can do a lob dance for them or things like that.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Not everybody, of course.
Speaker 5 (18:16):
And I will usually catch what kind of guy it is,
because you can sexualize yourself. The guys don't need to
sexualize you back.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
You know.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
They can be modest, they can be still, it can
treat you nicely, but most of them will objectify you. Firstly,
that's the first thing. You use a piece of meat.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
That's really nice.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
I always I am used to do like I'm sorry
now I'm getting.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
Nervous, but I used to followize as well. And I
usually have a picture and they but they also say
like silly stocks and I just remove it because I
know who I am.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
So I did you just go on to get this
kind of comment?
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, like full dancing the serious thing, and if you
if you are taking it seriously, like Lucia, I've seen
the pictures of your poll dancing and obviously, like you're
in the gym a lost and you take it very
seriously and it's a sport to you, but obviously, and
we'll just see that and just think, oh, sexy, maybe
she can dance for me. You know, this is all
(19:21):
they'll think about is not really respect.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
I will need a lot of I can dance for them,
but I need a lot of commitment and then showing
up for me, you know, before I can dance to
someone privately like it's I don't know.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I don't charge for it.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
I do it because I do it as a hobby,
as a sport, because I like it, and I don't
see it chansial or sexual, because I see the effort
that I put in every move I do, and it
requires a lot of strench, a lot of discipline, effort, consistency.
But I understand because we use minimum clothing when we're dancing,
(19:58):
I understand people will sexually.
Speaker 11 (20:00):
Al said, there are some positions that are very explicit,
and we need to have leads to clothing because we
need to griep from the skin onto the pole.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
So if I'm dressed, I will I will slide down
the pole, so I need to travel minimum clothing used
to grip on the pole.
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Well, I guess it's a new sport.
Speaker 11 (20:21):
So as the charm goes on and more people are
open to it, it will be less sexual.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I guess it's very tough.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
To be honest, it's very difficult. It's not it at all,
but yeah, totally like they just like.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
Judge I think.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
I mean, even my parents doesn't know because they will
jodge me. So I prefer to stay with my mind
like clear that I'm doing because I want to feel
back to myself.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
I want to see.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
I like to see and say, oh this girl, yes, girls, yeah, exactly,
you got it.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
And tell me about your dates with Irish men. So like,
how many irishmen do you think you've been on dates
with since you moved here?
Speaker 5 (21:15):
From my tie, I'm saying your five years. So I've
been on a lots of dates. I don't know. I
couldn't even count, but I say more than fifty, I
guess in.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
But it's five years.
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Of course I have taken videos that I don't date
at all, like I have taken eight months of dating apps,
or maybe I have taken dates in time of my
life where I'm just celebate. I date, but I just
don't don't get to sleep with anyone until I have
something more committed. And then I've had all the times
(21:51):
where I was more laid back and a bit more relaxed.
That was more at the beginning, when I was recently single,
but I was just on dates maybe not didn't date
in all these fifty guys probably thed like five of them.
Speaker 12 (22:06):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I think I like, I'm not used
to go for the age straight because like guys nowadays
just want to have sex and that's all.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
So I think I saved my time because my time
is very precious. So I think if I can get
through the message if they don't want just like having sex,
I mean only stand dates over three years like beside.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
My so like if you were looking for a hook
up and you were saying that you would only have
a hook up with from ass American.
Speaker 5 (22:49):
But yeah, Brazilian, it is fair because they they won't
judge you. They will go straight to the point there
is no misunderstanding. They will try you as a friend.
They don't think you're gonna fall in love with them.
Is easy if we do it with the South American
guy for sure.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yeah, I think the.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
Message it's more clear when you're dating just for her
cup because I think they are like all the men's
like European men's think oh Brazilians or South America they
want to date with me because of the visa.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
So now gus, I don't want to marry Visa. Sorry,
I know, sorry to frustrate you, but I do have
my visa, my word visa, and I'm proud to myself.
Speaker 5 (23:39):
I have to share my Italian passport sometimes to some guys.
Speaker 13 (23:43):
Oh really, but how come you're Italian? But why because
my dad is Italian? But why well, like I always
had to show a guy the pastor and also he
will believe me.
Speaker 8 (23:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:55):
Once even one guy even told me, oh, well, no,
it doesn't matter that you Italian passport because the Irish
passport is better. So I had to go and look
on Google for the better ranked passports. Oh, I'm showing Lily,
so it will.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Leave me alone.
Speaker 10 (24:11):
I'm like, I don't want to marry you.
Speaker 4 (24:13):
We relax.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, you you were both seeing Irish men.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
You both you know, had somewhat of long age relationships here.
Speaker 8 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
No, no, I haven't had any serious relationship.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
No, no, yeah you did that. I had one.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Yeah, I had one for a near and a near
and near in some months in near and a half maybe,
and but yeah he was addictive, so I go through
with lots of things. I happened him to go to
rehab and wow, yeah, yeah, it was very tough. We
(24:55):
are more like helpful, I think. I think we are
like when we like someone, we are very like we
try to do our best.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
Think about what your parents would have wanted, or your
family and friends, what you want they wanted for you,
like to come over here and like find somebody nice,
have a good career, whatever, have a good social life.
But instead, for a year and a half you met
a fucked up irishman and had to help him get
to rehub. Like that is so tough for you.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
That's why I had fifty days and didn't commit to
any guy to me because it's not worth it.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm like, I'm not committing to a guy that has
these issues.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
But is that what I work on yourself?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I guess.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
It was very difficult because of course I talked about
this side, but at the same time that was in love.
So I think it was the beast thing. I met
him in the first train months that I came to Arland,
so it was like he was my family for a
year and a half and I got so well with
(26:02):
his family and everyone, So of course I think he
always gonna be someone that I really love it so
and I will now forget of course, I don't think
it's possible to change my feelings.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And are you in contact or is this contact cause?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
And to him have birthday today because his birthday?
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Because he did not answer me. But okay, I am
okay with that care of him, like you know, as
we have been for a long time. I really care
for him. I just want to see him get really
well and get out of this hope.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
There's a cultural difference that I can spot right there.
In for example, South Americans, we are very caring and
loving and we are not people that we will could
relationships all the sudden and never speak to you again
and give you like the silent treatment or cancel you.
Speaker 11 (27:06):
Many Irish guys have done that to me, like they
will just block me or never speak to me without
me doing anything, you know, like no explanation, nothing is
it is just the abrupt I will say.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
And even said, you do it happening relationships. But was
this irishman that you were seeing for like a few
weeks and months.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
Like yeah, maybe we had a couple of dates, two
or three dates and they didn't want to meet anymore
and they just ghosted or I asked, is everything okay,
they say, yeah, everything is okay, but ghosted right after
or they told me no, listen, I don't want to
continue getting to know you, and they delete you from
(27:49):
all social medias. And I guess if Kate like caatebo
in norm under our culture, we are not like that.
For example, I had a relationship for eight years with
my ex and we broke up. Of course, at the
beginning we did not have any communication, but as the
years passed, we kind of forgive each other and we
(28:12):
are not friends, but we have a good relationship. Like
I could never just cancel him and no, I hate you,
I don't hold that resentment. Well, I find that here
is just abrooked, like they never when you ask and
you are you in contact with your ex? You have
a good relationship with your ex? None of them it
(28:32):
is like no, no exces blocked forever, never speak to
them again.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
Well, I think that's a massive thread. Like if a
man is saying, you know when you're trying to get
to know him, and he's like, no, she's fucking crazy.
I hate her, She's a bitch, I have her blocks.
Speaker 8 (28:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
That's then Deck met Harley.
Speaker 5 (28:47):
Day to me will be one day and I said,
I don't want to see you anymore like my exes.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
I do actually don't talk to any of my exes,
but the last one that was five and a half years. Yeah, yeah,
I don't want to ever talk to him again. That's fine,
but once before that, you know, if I saw them,
I'd be like, you know, you know, yeah, to have
a problem with this, with saying hello or just being nice,
(29:14):
But I could never. I don't think they would reply
if I text them. Yeah, but we I think we are.
I think we are very attached.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
For example, in Brazil, it's it's normal, I say, even
if I'm not married, Okay, it's normal if I call
it my boyfriend's mother to modern in law, it's normal
to call this bird and here is not common because
here's only after you married. I mean, I mean you
(29:46):
were like if you were in a relationship, what's.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
The difference, Like, oh, I think irishmen would look at that,
Like if you if you've said that to an irishman
about like my mother in law when you were just
boyfriend and girlfriend, I think they'd probably think you were
crazy and obsessed with them.
Speaker 10 (30:01):
And then that would be the tea that you don't
need to say that they already think that. Sometimes you
don't need to say anything, and they will already think
that you're over heels for them.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
I had a couple more questions just about dates and
stuff with irishmen, like how do they act on dates
in comparison to Venezuela or Brazilian men.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
This year, for example, I find that most of Irish
guys will say eighty percent of them are very gentlemen.
They always pay, They always are very kind, nice and
easy going on the first date, very respectful, and they
respect your personal space and I like that they usually
(30:50):
ask you if you if you like to kiss them
or if you want to get more close to them,
but they never invade your personal space. In the contrary
or well, in the opposite side, which South American guys,
my experience has been that they are also very gentleman, even.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
More than Irish, like they will be.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
Extremely overprotective of you when you're on a date. Both
the South Americans, they will not respect too much of.
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Your personal space. They will not ask you if you
want to get a kiss. They will usually start coming
to you.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
You know, you're telling you the nice things you want
to hear, and well see last because you don't. Yeah,
he's like that.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Yeah, yes, I agree one hundred percent. Review like they
really not respect your personal space and for them for
us to be honest, it's normal if we would like
to kiss in the first date. I think Irish are
more I don't know, respectful, and they don't really do that.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
They definitely do, They definitely do.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just know people they do, but it's kind of
they are eight percent.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Yeah, they will ask, they will be gentlemen, they will
be kind. I think it's different because providence they just
go straight and sometimes you are not like attactings like oh,
like come.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
On, leave me alone.
Speaker 4 (32:20):
It might days you're invading it. And you were talking
about like ghosting and things like that, and how they
just Irish men would just block you or whatever after
a few dates, and like would South American men do
that or would they like let you down easy? What
did they do? I think yeah, I think that maybe
(32:43):
they will string you along.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
A bit more. And the thing is when when the
Irish guys or Europeans in general, they try to string
you alone, you know they are stringing you alone with
the South American you want notice they will follow along
with the thing they will follow along as long as
they can get and get on with it, you know,
until you don't stop the situation that will continue seeing you,
(33:06):
they will continue going on that with you andrey more.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
But the eye points are European guys.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
They will just.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Maybe like stock ghosts you until you realize, but they
are not gonna continue seeing you or reaching out to
you if you reach out to them. They I would
rather people you'd be honest with themselves, because I don't know.
I'm single, and if I'm dating someone and I don't
(33:35):
like this person, and this person is texting me every
day and I don't want to talk to them, I
will not play alone. I will just tell them listen,
I'm not interested in continue talking to you, and don't
say I don't have this annoying person texting me every
day that I don't want to told you.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
Well, guys, they just extremely alone.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
No, I'm still interested, but they don't show any initiative
or or any interest anymore, or they don't know for
any date, so you just assume that they lost interest.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
I don't know why it's so hard for people to
be honest.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
Because they don't know as to themselves.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
I don't know what's hard, Like what's the problem of
being straight to the point, like, look, I just want
how do you think it's Look, I just want I
want something, Certainly, I don't I don't really know what's
the problem with being like very clear, like if you
if you are saying like both of like both of
(34:31):
people are single, so if they want just having sex,
have a good time, but that's okay, Like that's not
the problem. But I think nowadays, I think nowadays nobody
knows what they want. So I think that's the problem,
Like they want to be on chain their own hinge anyway,
and both they don't know what they want. They don't
(34:54):
know if they want that serile, seriously think or they
want just like fun they and they are not clear
what they want.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
So it's you've.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Profiles, you know, they're like, you know, would love to
find a nice lady to settle down and have a
family with. And then it says like looking for casual
but it's all a mixture of things. Or I remember
coming across one man who said that he was like
it was something stupid, like I trained in connelingis or
(35:28):
you should see how lick the yogurt top and like
how he licks out licks the top of the yogurt,
and then it was like looking for a serious relationship,
and I'm like, how that your bio about licking and
you're looking for it.
Speaker 5 (35:46):
That's that's their common things. That's the limitations of their brain.
That's how much their brain allows them to That's like lately,
that's what I say to myself. If a person is
not being honest with me, it's because of the to
begin with, they are not being honest to themselves. If
(36:09):
a person is not telling me what they want, it's
because they're insecure. Maybe they like me a lot, they
want to get under my plants, but they don't want
me to reject them, so they want to show me
whatever I want to see, and then when they get
what they want, they can just move on to the
next one. So I think it's just lack of values
that there is in people nowadays. It's not only about
(36:31):
Irish men. I find this happening too.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
With men from everywhere. Like my friends are.
Speaker 11 (36:37):
Telling me, say my single friends, I don't they South
Americans go, my friends do, and they tell me it's
the same situation.
Speaker 4 (36:43):
Say you said this twice, why you don't they tell
me Americ because I'm traumatized, baby. No, no, it's not
because of that. I traumatize each country.
Speaker 5 (36:58):
Yeah no, I I was in our relationship with the
Venezuelan guy for eight years and I was just it's
just a matter of attraction.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
I just find him, like maybe bail guys more attractive.
Speaker 5 (37:14):
But I'm not close. I just haven't found someone. I
dated one Brazilian guy actually in a long time ago
for a couple of months and it was all right.
But I don't know, I just haven't found someone that
I felt attracted to and that it just worked. That
is South American, It's true, but.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
Our cheap is if you want to really just get fun,
South Americans are very good.
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yeah, yeah, I know, because we understand each other easier.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
I think I've never gone out with the South American
I actually only days. Irishman. I can tend you some
friend if you want to try.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Boyfriend?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, sorry, sorry, where were you last year? And that
could have been in them a go. I have a
Brazilian friend actually called Anna as well, and I had
told her that my type was, you know, I like
brown hair and a beard, and what's so? I said,
brown hair, beard, and I said, like brown eyes preferably,
(38:21):
and she was like, that's Brazilian men. I know loads
of Brazilian men.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I can set you for it.
Speaker 5 (38:27):
Does I like blonde blue eyes?
Speaker 4 (38:29):
Green eye? You know it's totally opposite.
Speaker 5 (38:32):
So I already imagine in my kid with blue eyes
brown cute.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Well, there's loads of blue eyed men here. You're in
lok So and I'll just finish it up here and
tell me what's your your plans for the future and dating?
Are you gonna You're gonna stick with your Irish men
and stay on the apps? Anna, what's the plan?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yeah, we have to say in the abs, don't you
We got the one? So yeah, in the future. Really
hope one day I get married. Hey, but not part
of the fact that it's not because of the reports,
but just because, like you, I want to see like
my family growing, you know, like have kids, give my
(39:17):
my parents granddaughters and grandfather. I know that's beauty in
my own family.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
And Lucia, what's your plan?
Speaker 5 (39:31):
I don't know if I want a family At the moment.
I'm just exploring myself a little bit and focused on
sports and I'm just still on the dating not so
I have them. Sometimes I post them and I don't
talk to anyone and I don't go on any dates
for weeks, And then sometimes I feel love to meeting
someone and I go on a date. But I have
(39:53):
a very strong feature of what I want right now
and who I want to commit to, and if I
don't see that happening, I just put it off there.
I'm not gonna waste any more of my time and energy.
I go on a day to maybe two to see
if I if this person is someone that I want
to continue getting to know too. And if it's not
(40:14):
the case, then that said, I put it off there
and continue with my life. But I don't want to
put all my eggs in the dating ass basket.
Speaker 11 (40:23):
I want to try him doing all the things, you know,
maybe taking a CrossFit glass, I'm talking to people, maybe
going for a round, maybe doing something else to try
to get to know people outside.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
Yeah, and what about life a man obserging you in
real life?
Speaker 5 (40:38):
Oh no, no?
Speaker 4 (40:39):
And what about you? Anna you get a man.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Coming up to you?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
To be honest, last two weeks I got like some
some Irish guy look at me on the lowist and
then he looked at me and hope, look to his
phone and just like give me the sign to come
over to him. And I just give the sign to
him saying no and look to the seat beside me
(41:03):
and look to the beside me, and then he come
over and he sat down beside me, and then I
give my number and then we started to shouting, oh yeah,
very proud. But then just like we just end up
the conversation because he just wanted to catch up things.
Speaker 4 (41:25):
Anyway. I said to you, I'm not an easy woman
for European.
Speaker 5 (41:30):
Sorry,
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