September 8, 2023 • 20 mins
This is an introduction to the upcoming season of Connecting with Your Teen. This session gives parents resources to have practical communication skills
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Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
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Bonding the Family Together
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If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hello everybody. My name is ActorJohn. Know that, and thank you
so much for joining me today.Welcome to the Doctor's Corner, and welcome
back. So I know I've beengone, been gone for about the lessons
may matter of fact, and Iknow that right now. And you guys
have some breaks over. Schools backin again, at least goes back in
in California, all right. Alltheir parents are coming into the gym,
(00:24):
so your preteens, teens are backin school again. So if you guys
had a great summer, congratulations.If some of you guys saw some of
the behaviors come up right down whenschool have been in building sessions for the
last couple of weeks. This iswhy I'm doing the show. I'm explaining
to the reason why I'm doing theshow. I've been doing this mental athelt
since nineteen eighty seven. I've beenworking with auto lessons and teens for thirty
(00:46):
six years. I wrote a bookeighteen years ago called Connecting with Your Teams.
So if you see my cover ofa book, that is my book.
And this year I decided to bringthe book back. And the reason
why I wanted to bring it back, I believe it's a the most.
It's a foundational book of my eighteenyears experience inside of Mattel's Field. Worked
(01:11):
with over at at the time,over a hundreds of my thousand kids parents
and I saw and I modeled families, and I've also was a big lead
inside this book was a lady calledNancy Atkinson. We worked together in mattels
Field. Phenomenal woman and she helpedme craft the seven techniques that I have
(01:34):
just found out recently that she passedaway. God rest her soul. Uh,
the most wonderful, loveliest person thatI've ever met in my whole winter,
our life. Very very sharing.So so for the Atkinson family,
bless you guys. Uh, youryour mother was amazing, and thank you
for litting your mother to the world. So so a much love on that
woman. So I wanted to comeout with a program now and and and
(01:57):
when I was looking at my pattern, when I was doing the show,
I would probably do it, youknow, once every couple weeks. I
decided now to do it at leastthree times per week, come up with
the show and come up with strategies, come up with tools to help parents
because parents need help. See,when I was growing up right, we
didn't have social media. We didn'thave all that crazy stuff siktok or Instagram
(02:21):
or all this crazy stuff that's goingon Facebook. Uh, I didn't have
Facebook until I mean, I didn'thave was it. The first social media
that I had was MySpace. Thatwas back when I was in my thirties.
So you know, I'm sure I'mmy age right now, right,
I didn't have was it? What'sit? Uh? Facebook and two oh
nine, you know, so thatwas just you know recently, you know,
(02:42):
you know, ten fifteen, aboutfifteen years ago. So so we
just are starting all this crazy stuffthat's called social media bullying. We had,
but not what's going on right nowwith these kids right now. So
so my number one goal is togive parents tools and strategies and everything else.
And the reason why I'm doing allthe guys, if you guys listened
to my previous shows, h butI'll tell you again. As a child,
(03:05):
went to a private school in NoSaint Mary's and missconsidered Indiana a private
school, a Catholic school, andI remember first grade, the teacher wanted
to Nune, wanted to see mymom and dad, and my dad,
of course worked two jobs but youknow, Mom always come anywhere she worked
on she she was a midnight nurse. She came to see him and I
wanted to leave, and she said, no, no, John, you
can stay. And I say,no big deal. I'm thinking the fund
playing with little animals. I'm thinkingthis was like yesterday, but it wasn't.
(03:29):
It was years ago. So tomake a long story, sure,
she said it. Hey, missusOlda, your son is great black couple,
cute little guy. And of courseI said I know that much.
She says, but you know,since he still her, we think he
would never finish eighth grade and he'sretired. It. We have a school
right down the street called Gardfood andhe should go there. Now, I'd
(03:50):
imagine my mother big go after right, black strong woman. Mom said,
didn't listen to me. If Johngoes, they all go. So I'm
eight up ten. So we hadpeople in our grade school was was high
school. She said, much asto calm down and calm down. Of
course you know his money, no, right, you know, Mom said,
calm down, calm down. Youknow your kids. John can stay.
But as stipulations speech therapy. Youknow, mister Anderson was a nice
(04:11):
guy. He said when you meetsomebody, uh, tell him about your
stuttered. I was embarrassing stuttered.I don't want to tell anybody that all
my friends didn't stutter. I'm thinkingthat I was cursed. I thought God
cursed me somehow, in some way, that I did something wrong that God
could curse me. And but thisis how kids think, you know.
And but my mother said something thoughI would never forget it. She said,
(04:32):
son, you're not returned. You'rea genius. And your father stuttered,
your grandfather stuttered, and they overcameit, and so will you.
Wow. Yes, that's what Iwanted here. That was my quest.
(04:56):
My quest was trying to find strategies, find them, trying to find ways
just to get over to get overit. But back to the reason why,
the reason why I like parenting andworking with teenagers. It's like going
to a metamorphosis, right, It'sgoing from a calipillar to a butterfly.
My drive and my passion is atransformation. Every time I see a parent,
(05:20):
every time I see a teen Iknow I can turn them around.
Well, I doubt it's no bigdealt doing this story, and especially now
ever, doing this so long,it's easy that's fun and it's rewarding beyond
all means. So I decided thatlistened to me. I got my book
(05:41):
out and if and you guys wannato order it's I'm kindo. I'm doing
a special for two dollars and ninetynine scent. That's all I'm gonna give
it to it because I want themasses to get it. I want people
to say, my god, youknow, this book is phenomenal. This
book is great. I learned somuch from this. I learned so much
from its concepts, from his strategies, and I can apply it now on
me with my kid. So theoutcome that I have right now is to
(06:06):
give back, to give back parents, because you guys need it, right
And it's not because and the reasonwhy I say you need it because we
have so much stuff going on.We have too new moving parts. We
have social media, we have thebullying. Bully's been around, but we
still have bullying bullying now on socialmedia. We have a lot of different
(06:27):
things taking place. So it's myjob is to navigate parents through this huge
challenge, come up with a strategyin a way that's a one one for
everybody. So today of the show, guys, is of course it's back
to school. You know, asa parent, what behaviors are you seeing
(06:48):
right now and from your school fromyour kid? Not imagine you guys have
been in school for one or twobut one or two weeks you dropped the
kid off or the bust pick'emup or they drive themselves? How who?
Howld they takes place? Now?As a parent, do you know
your child's favorite teacher? Yeah,if they've been talking about it. Do
(07:10):
you have conversation with your child?Do you actually speak to him and talk
to him now when you talk tohim? Right? Is a TV on
or is your TV off? Doyou give your child full attention? See,
he's the biggest thing about it,right. A lot of parents that
say, I want to connect withmy kid. I want to connect with
them, right, But how doyou want to connect with them on your
terms or else on their terms?Do you know what the cover they like?
(07:34):
Do you know what's your favorite sports? And the seth And the reason
why I'm saying this because a lotof parents don't know this. They have
no clue what's taking place of Johnny? Here it goes they had Johnny for
nine months, put him in thestomach. But after that nothing took place.
They don't tip, they don't connectwhy it never gained report with them,
(07:54):
report is responsiveness. Do you knowyour do you know your teen or
preteena teacher? Do you know theteacher that they don't like? Do you
know the kid that they just don'tvibe with? Right? Do you know?
And here he goes when I wasgoing to school, Right, I
went to school back Cheese and theStone Ages. Right, Uh, you
(08:15):
know, I went back to school. I graduated school in nineteen eighty three.
So, uh, this year wasforty years that I went to the
reunion and it was amazing, interesting, but amazing. A lot of the
people we had goals and dreams,and a lot of them didn't live their
goals and dreams they had, youknow, they just life just took them
to the next level. But growingup, here's what I did find out.
(08:35):
There's a lot of kids that Iwent to school with. They had
it, man, they had we'retalking about these guys was mister basketball?
Right? They were self esteem conferenceas what I thought were forty years later.
I didn't see that person. Isaw a completely different person. I
didn't see that allstar. I didn'tsee the conference. I didn't see the
self esteem. I was a latebloomer. I did not really bloom until
(08:58):
like my late twenties, right,and think, and I'm so happy that
I didn't bloom, you know whenI was thirteen twelve as years old.
Right, So everything that I hadI had to acquire it, the confidence
and self esteem. And now whatI do is I teach this to kids.
I enhance parenting skills. And it'snot parenting skills, it's communication.
(09:20):
How do I communicate with my kid? If I cannot communicate with my kid,
it's gonna be a challenge. Right, So here it goes growing up.
I grew up in the family often. I'm eight of ten,
of course, you know, youknow, the I got married, everything
else, and the outcome wasn't havekids. And by the grace of God,
we didn't have kids. And nowand it's it's a blessing. Then
(09:43):
I'm like, wow, what's wrong? And also so the X could have
babies. But I am an uncleabout one hundred and twenty two times,
I'm an uncle, a great uncle, a great great uncle. And everyone
says, well, John, howcan you write a book on parenting?
I said, well, it wasnow not in parenting, it's not communication,
all right, communicate extremely effectively,right, So, and that's the
(10:07):
biggest difference to me, it's communication. Everybody had their own different parenting styles.
You could be or you know,from Asia, or you can be
from you know, Japan or Europe. Right, you can be from France,
you can be from America, youcan be and let's make it black
folks raised the kids completely different thanwhite people, as well as Asian and
Latino in the whole nine yards Jewish, and the list goes, and then
(10:28):
the list takes place my number onegoing the number one key is to teach
you couldnmit communications, how to connectwith your kid team about their communication.
Your parenting style is not really aparenting style, it's it is communication.
When my mom and dad died andGod bless her soul, all of the
(10:48):
silvers thought that we were the favoritekid. We had a fight up all
things, and I was starting laughand I'm like, okay, guys,
cause calmed down. And to me, that's great parenting because when every kid
think that they are the favorite,it's a great parenting skill to have.
And to me, it was notparented. It was communication. They spent
time and they communicated with us.They understood our our strong points are weak
(11:11):
points and they mentioned and they andthey closed that gap. Now fast forward
to today. Is the way thatwe was brought up back in the day.
Are we raising our kids the exactsame way? And I have to
say probably not. Back in theday, are you spending time what's your
(11:33):
kid? Well, if you say, well, John, wait wait Stapp,
I gotta work. Okay, theyworked too, I can't do it
because of X. And I getthis. I stay in Orange County,
California, one of the richest counties, probably not be Richards, but one
of the Richard counties, right,And I live on earth Vine. We
got nothing but achieverserve everybody else there. And people are having homes one,
(11:58):
two or three million dollars. I'mjust basic, yes, and all that
costs crazy money. I get this, But I used spend in time with
your kid? Are you connecting withyour kid? Do you have that communication
bond that you can talk to yourkid in a way that they're not gonna
be offended? You're not gonna bea passive aggressive you? Is you is?
(12:22):
You're not gonna be aggressive, butyou're gonna be a sertif and then
you're gonna teach them how to dothe exact same thing. So work.
In my thirty six years in Him'shealth fold, I picked up out of
tools and strategies. I got certifiedin literally everything, guys, motivation of
interview, JBT, cognitive therapy,a neuro linguistic program man, worked about
every aspect of I even created myown science right. Everything I did why
(12:46):
because my number one goal is togive back and to turn these young adults
teenagers into leaders. These young kidsare our future, right, So my
biggest thing about it, if youlearn how to communicate with your kid right
now, your life would never bethe same. So here's what I decided
(13:11):
to say do. I decided todo a show for my parenting program on
Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Thisis a special one. You'll probably get
this on Friday, right, bydoing another one on Saturday. And on
the Mondays and Fridays to be likeabout eleven o'clock, you're actually had to
pop up inside the feed, andon Saturdays it'll probably be like two o'clock
(13:33):
something like that, right, Andto be an ongoing basis when the one
goals to give you guys tools andstrategies to help you out because it's a
challenge. And Lord knows, ifyou guys ever read in my book,
I had five case studies got wrenching. We had to I had to tone
them down tremendously, you know,based on books and everything, right,
But I've dealt with I've I've neverseen kids I used to work in Chicago.
(13:56):
I've never seen kids that challenging inmy whole entire life. But welcome
with that when I first started mademe realize that this stuff is easy.
It is if you understand the brand, if you understand the strategies, if
you understand how to connect with them, how to communicate with them in a
(14:16):
way of that they can learn andthey can take charge and they can move
forward. Your job become easy.That's my job is to teach your team
how to become leaders. And it'smy job also is to teach is to
teach parents how to enhanceers and tohence their communication skills. Because here's the
biggest challenge. We never had abook that says here's a parent in book
(14:37):
and here's how you should raise yourkids. And if you do x ry
and Z this will happen. Wenever had that. What we had to
do here, we had to figureout a strategy in a way that worked
and what didn't work. My thingabout it, I'm giving you guys a
learning curve. I've worked in thisa little for thirty sixteen years. I
worked in patient, I worked outof patient, I worked residential. I
(14:58):
saw what worked, saw what didn'twork. I saw that means that was
amazing. I don't know why they'rethere. I saw a family that was
just, oh my god, I'mwhy do you have kids? So I
took all that dad and all thatstrategy and came up with a proven system
that I've worked in the last twentyyears, a success record of ninety percent.
And how I determined my success recordis a ninety out of a couple
(15:22):
of hundred thousand kids. Ninety percentof my kids graduated college. It could
be grades, it could be tradeschool, could it could be a four
year degree where I have a commercialpilot. I have social workers, I
have nurses, I have mds afewanresources to people. I had literally every
aspect of it, because when theycame in there, they came in there
(15:43):
broken my job and my strategy wasalways to have them go through a metamorphosis,
and we all go through one.But I know they're going through a
metamorphosis. But when they come outon that, on that next side,
they think differently, they act differently, They believe in themselves, they have
confidence, they have goals, andthey have leadership skills. As a parent,
(16:04):
a parent will learn how to communicate. There's not a parenting style.
It's not a parenting book. It'sconnected. It's communication. How do I
communicate with my child? So I'llso so I can lead them to that
next level and I can become abetter parent when I do live this beautiful
(16:25):
heart that everyone thinks that I like. If I must have been the favorite,
I see some when I have someparenting classes and some family sessions,
it's obvious of the parent don't likethem, obvious. And if I can
see it, what the heck canthe kids see? So there it goes,
Guys, I'm going on, butI'm excited. I'm passionate. This
(16:48):
is this to me, it's fun. So here it goes. I have
a book, the same book.I took it out about eighteen years ago.
I didn't even change it all.The only thing I change was the
techniques and the back of the page, the services of that we actually provide.
The rest of the book is thesame. Haven't changed because I believe
the book is the foundation of ofof how TOO is communicate effectively efficiently.
(17:15):
What's your teenager? Right? Sothe books on Kindle it's two dollars and
ninety nine cents. That's it,no more, no less. The books
a great read. It's a greatstrategy. This can totally change your life.
Be back on the show on Saturday. You'll see you get this on
Friday's about I'm gonna put this upright now. So it was so you
(17:37):
could probably get a Friday morning.But my number one goal is either you
guys three days or week with me. Some days you're gonna be just questions
and answers. Case taxis you guysgoing to write on end I'm gonna answer
your questions, not a problem.And my sites being built right now is
doctor johnn Er dot org could giveit about another two weeks it to be
up and that's gonna be a gearto parenting teenager programs which are really believing
(18:02):
totally right, as well as parentingprograms as well. But it's gonna be
in resources, right, and thenyou would meet my group of married men
that I actually work with. Iwork with a jurnman named Carl Scott and
been working with tell him you haveabout fifty plus years in the men's house
fille and he trained me back inthe day. I have doctor Horton,
he's a clinical psychologist. He's alsowill be in the show and also on
(18:26):
the website. And doctor Scott Conway, now that's not to Conway is interesting,
right. He has fifty seven booksout based on leadership, around of
fund parenting, on everything you canactually imagine he he uh, doctor Conway
is attorney. He's my attorney mathfact, my business attorney. And he
is also a martial arts and heand he is a grandmaster in martial arts.
(18:48):
So I have a lot of differentdiversity and a lot of different styles.
But the outcome that I have foreverything is to make sure that our
parents get what they need and getthe resources so they can move to that
next level. Now here's what Ihere's what leading guys with. Can you
imagine you take these resources, youtake the book, you take everything else.
(19:11):
Could you imagine a year from knownyour child is amazing? Your communication
is amazing and how would that lifebe with normal struggle, black school problems
or anything else. Because even onthe website, we have a program that
we teach our kids how to study, how to memory, and that's by
(19:33):
doctor Conway. So we have alot of different programs for the kids,
for the parents to make you guysbecome true leaders, especially kids, true
leaders, a transformation of leadership.So anyway, listen to me. I
can go on and down, asyou guys know, I can talk,
but I won't. I will comeback on Saturday with the topic right now.
If you have anything that you wantme to actually talk about, that
(19:56):
uh that you want to hear aboutthat you have in questions about guys right
in, I will literally answer allthe questions. I'll do a show on
it. And if I don't knowabout I do research on it and then
not I will find somebody or else. I'll even bring one of my uh
my teammates on it and we cando a show one anyway, guys,
take care, God blessed is thereto make this day, this month,
(20:19):
this week, magnificent wife or not
Hello everybody. My name is ActorJohn. Know that, and thank you
so much for joining me today.Welcome to the Doctor's Corner, and welcome
back. So I know I've beengone, been gone for about the lessons
may matter of fact, and Iknow that right now. And you guys
have some breaks over. Schools backin again, at least goes back in
in California, all right. Alltheir parents are coming into the gym,
(00:24):
so your preteens, teens are backin school again. So if you guys
had a great summer, congratulations.If some of you guys saw some of
the behaviors come up right down whenschool have been in building sessions for the
last couple of weeks. This iswhy I'm doing the show. I'm explaining
to the reason why I'm doing theshow. I've been doing this mental athelt
since nineteen eighty seven. I've beenworking with auto lessons and teens for thirty
(00:46):
six years. I wrote a bookeighteen years ago called Connecting with Your Teams.
So if you see my cover ofa book, that is my book.
And this year I decided to bringthe book back. And the reason
why I wanted to bring it back, I believe it's a the most.
It's a foundational book of my eighteenyears experience inside of Mattel's Field. Worked
(01:11):
with over at at the time,over a hundreds of my thousand kids parents
and I saw and I modeled families, and I've also was a big lead
inside this book was a lady calledNancy Atkinson. We worked together in mattels
Field. Phenomenal woman and she helpedme craft the seven techniques that I have
(01:34):
just found out recently that she passedaway. God rest her soul. Uh,
the most wonderful, loveliest person thatI've ever met in my whole winter,
our life. Very very sharing.So so for the Atkinson family,
bless you guys. Uh, youryour mother was amazing, and thank you
for litting your mother to the world. So so a much love on that
woman. So I wanted to comeout with a program now and and and
(01:57):
when I was looking at my pattern, when I was doing the show,
I would probably do it, youknow, once every couple weeks. I
decided now to do it at leastthree times per week, come up with
the show and come up with strategies, come up with tools to help parents
because parents need help. See,when I was growing up right, we
didn't have social media. We didn'thave all that crazy stuff siktok or Instagram
(02:21):
or all this crazy stuff that's goingon Facebook. Uh, I didn't have
Facebook until I mean, I didn'thave was it. The first social media
that I had was MySpace. Thatwas back when I was in my thirties.
So you know, I'm sure I'mmy age right now, right,
I didn't have was it? What'sit? Uh? Facebook and two oh
nine, you know, so thatwas just you know recently, you know,
(02:42):
you know, ten fifteen, aboutfifteen years ago. So so we
just are starting all this crazy stuffthat's called social media bullying. We had,
but not what's going on right nowwith these kids right now. So
so my number one goal is togive parents tools and strategies and everything else.
And the reason why I'm doing allthe guys, if you guys listened
to my previous shows, h butI'll tell you again. As a child,
(03:05):
went to a private school in NoSaint Mary's and missconsidered Indiana a private
school, a Catholic school, andI remember first grade, the teacher wanted
to Nune, wanted to see mymom and dad, and my dad,
of course worked two jobs but youknow, Mom always come anywhere she worked
on she she was a midnight nurse. She came to see him and I
wanted to leave, and she said, no, no, John, you
can stay. And I say,no big deal. I'm thinking the fund
playing with little animals. I'm thinkingthis was like yesterday, but it wasn't.
(03:29):
It was years ago. So tomake a long story, sure,
she said it. Hey, missusOlda, your son is great black couple,
cute little guy. And of courseI said I know that much.
She says, but you know,since he still her, we think he
would never finish eighth grade and he'sretired. It. We have a school
right down the street called Gardfood andhe should go there. Now, I'd
(03:50):
imagine my mother big go after right, black strong woman. Mom said,
didn't listen to me. If Johngoes, they all go. So I'm
eight up ten. So we hadpeople in our grade school was was high
school. She said, much asto calm down and calm down. Of
course you know his money, no, right, you know, Mom said,
calm down, calm down. Youknow your kids. John can stay.
But as stipulations speech therapy. Youknow, mister Anderson was a nice
(04:11):
guy. He said when you meetsomebody, uh, tell him about your
stuttered. I was embarrassing stuttered.I don't want to tell anybody that all
my friends didn't stutter. I'm thinkingthat I was cursed. I thought God
cursed me somehow, in some way, that I did something wrong that God
could curse me. And but thisis how kids think, you know.
And but my mother said something thoughI would never forget it. She said,
(04:32):
son, you're not returned. You'rea genius. And your father stuttered,
your grandfather stuttered, and they overcameit, and so will you.
Wow. Yes, that's what Iwanted here. That was my quest.
(04:56):
My quest was trying to find strategies, find them, trying to find ways
just to get over to get overit. But back to the reason why,
the reason why I like parenting andworking with teenagers. It's like going
to a metamorphosis, right, It'sgoing from a calipillar to a butterfly.
My drive and my passion is atransformation. Every time I see a parent,
(05:20):
every time I see a teen Iknow I can turn them around.
Well, I doubt it's no bigdealt doing this story, and especially now
ever, doing this so long,it's easy that's fun and it's rewarding beyond
all means. So I decided thatlistened to me. I got my book
(05:41):
out and if and you guys wannato order it's I'm kindo. I'm doing
a special for two dollars and ninetynine scent. That's all I'm gonna give
it to it because I want themasses to get it. I want people
to say, my god, youknow, this book is phenomenal. This
book is great. I learned somuch from this. I learned so much
from its concepts, from his strategies, and I can apply it now on
me with my kid. So theoutcome that I have right now is to
(06:06):
give back, to give back parents, because you guys need it, right
And it's not because and the reasonwhy I say you need it because we
have so much stuff going on.We have too new moving parts. We
have social media, we have thebullying. Bully's been around, but we
still have bullying bullying now on socialmedia. We have a lot of different
(06:27):
things taking place. So it's myjob is to navigate parents through this huge
challenge, come up with a strategyin a way that's a one one for
everybody. So today of the show, guys, is of course it's back
to school. You know, asa parent, what behaviors are you seeing
(06:48):
right now and from your school fromyour kid? Not imagine you guys have
been in school for one or twobut one or two weeks you dropped the
kid off or the bust pick'emup or they drive themselves? How who?
Howld they takes place? Now?As a parent, do you know
your child's favorite teacher? Yeah,if they've been talking about it. Do
(07:10):
you have conversation with your child?Do you actually speak to him and talk
to him now when you talk tohim? Right? Is a TV on
or is your TV off? Doyou give your child full attention? See,
he's the biggest thing about it,right. A lot of parents that
say, I want to connect withmy kid. I want to connect with
them, right, But how doyou want to connect with them on your
terms or else on their terms?Do you know what the cover they like?
(07:34):
Do you know what's your favorite sports? And the seth And the reason
why I'm saying this because a lotof parents don't know this. They have
no clue what's taking place of Johnny? Here it goes they had Johnny for
nine months, put him in thestomach. But after that nothing took place.
They don't tip, they don't connectwhy it never gained report with them,
(07:54):
report is responsiveness. Do you knowyour do you know your teen or
preteena teacher? Do you know theteacher that they don't like? Do you
know the kid that they just don'tvibe with? Right? Do you know?
And here he goes when I wasgoing to school, Right, I
went to school back Cheese and theStone Ages. Right, Uh, you
(08:15):
know, I went back to school. I graduated school in nineteen eighty three.
So, uh, this year wasforty years that I went to the
reunion and it was amazing, interesting, but amazing. A lot of the
people we had goals and dreams,and a lot of them didn't live their
goals and dreams they had, youknow, they just life just took them
to the next level. But growingup, here's what I did find out.
(08:35):
There's a lot of kids that Iwent to school with. They had
it, man, they had we'retalking about these guys was mister basketball?
Right? They were self esteem conferenceas what I thought were forty years later.
I didn't see that person. Isaw a completely different person. I
didn't see that allstar. I didn'tsee the conference. I didn't see the
self esteem. I was a latebloomer. I did not really bloom until
(08:58):
like my late twenties, right,and think, and I'm so happy that
I didn't bloom, you know whenI was thirteen twelve as years old.
Right, So everything that I hadI had to acquire it, the confidence
and self esteem. And now whatI do is I teach this to kids.
I enhance parenting skills. And it'snot parenting skills, it's communication.
(09:20):
How do I communicate with my kid? If I cannot communicate with my kid,
it's gonna be a challenge. Right, So here it goes growing up.
I grew up in the family often. I'm eight of ten,
of course, you know, youknow, the I got married, everything
else, and the outcome wasn't havekids. And by the grace of God,
we didn't have kids. And nowand it's it's a blessing. Then
(09:43):
I'm like, wow, what's wrong? And also so the X could have
babies. But I am an uncleabout one hundred and twenty two times,
I'm an uncle, a great uncle, a great great uncle. And everyone
says, well, John, howcan you write a book on parenting?
I said, well, it wasnow not in parenting, it's not communication,
all right, communicate extremely effectively,right, So, and that's the
(10:07):
biggest difference to me, it's communication. Everybody had their own different parenting styles.
You could be or you know,from Asia, or you can be
from you know, Japan or Europe. Right, you can be from France,
you can be from America, youcan be and let's make it black
folks raised the kids completely different thanwhite people, as well as Asian and
Latino in the whole nine yards Jewish, and the list goes, and then
(10:28):
the list takes place my number onegoing the number one key is to teach
you couldnmit communications, how to connectwith your kid team about their communication.
Your parenting style is not really aparenting style, it's it is communication.
When my mom and dad died andGod bless her soul, all of the
(10:48):
silvers thought that we were the favoritekid. We had a fight up all
things, and I was starting laughand I'm like, okay, guys,
cause calmed down. And to me, that's great parenting because when every kid
think that they are the favorite,it's a great parenting skill to have.
And to me, it was notparented. It was communication. They spent
time and they communicated with us.They understood our our strong points are weak
(11:11):
points and they mentioned and they andthey closed that gap. Now fast forward
to today. Is the way thatwe was brought up back in the day.
Are we raising our kids the exactsame way? And I have to
say probably not. Back in theday, are you spending time what's your
(11:33):
kid? Well, if you say, well, John, wait wait Stapp,
I gotta work. Okay, theyworked too, I can't do it
because of X. And I getthis. I stay in Orange County,
California, one of the richest counties, probably not be Richards, but one
of the Richard counties, right,And I live on earth Vine. We
got nothing but achieverserve everybody else there. And people are having homes one,
(11:58):
two or three million dollars. I'mjust basic, yes, and all that
costs crazy money. I get this, But I used spend in time with
your kid? Are you connecting withyour kid? Do you have that communication
bond that you can talk to yourkid in a way that they're not gonna
be offended? You're not gonna bea passive aggressive you? Is you is?
(12:22):
You're not gonna be aggressive, butyou're gonna be a sertif and then
you're gonna teach them how to dothe exact same thing. So work.
In my thirty six years in Him'shealth fold, I picked up out of
tools and strategies. I got certifiedin literally everything, guys, motivation of
interview, JBT, cognitive therapy,a neuro linguistic program man, worked about
every aspect of I even created myown science right. Everything I did why
(12:46):
because my number one goal is togive back and to turn these young adults
teenagers into leaders. These young kidsare our future, right, So my
biggest thing about it, if youlearn how to communicate with your kid right
now, your life would never bethe same. So here's what I decided
(13:11):
to say do. I decided todo a show for my parenting program on
Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Thisis a special one. You'll probably get
this on Friday, right, bydoing another one on Saturday. And on
the Mondays and Fridays to be likeabout eleven o'clock, you're actually had to
pop up inside the feed, andon Saturdays it'll probably be like two o'clock
(13:33):
something like that, right, Andto be an ongoing basis when the one
goals to give you guys tools andstrategies to help you out because it's a
challenge. And Lord knows, ifyou guys ever read in my book,
I had five case studies got wrenching. We had to I had to tone
them down tremendously, you know,based on books and everything, right,
But I've dealt with I've I've neverseen kids I used to work in Chicago.
(13:56):
I've never seen kids that challenging inmy whole entire life. But welcome
with that when I first started mademe realize that this stuff is easy.
It is if you understand the brand, if you understand the strategies, if
you understand how to connect with them, how to communicate with them in a
(14:16):
way of that they can learn andthey can take charge and they can move
forward. Your job become easy.That's my job is to teach your team
how to become leaders. And it'smy job also is to teach is to
teach parents how to enhanceers and tohence their communication skills. Because here's the
biggest challenge. We never had abook that says here's a parent in book
(14:37):
and here's how you should raise yourkids. And if you do x ry
and Z this will happen. Wenever had that. What we had to
do here, we had to figureout a strategy in a way that worked
and what didn't work. My thingabout it, I'm giving you guys a
learning curve. I've worked in thisa little for thirty sixteen years. I
worked in patient, I worked outof patient, I worked residential. I
(14:58):
saw what worked, saw what didn'twork. I saw that means that was
amazing. I don't know why they'rethere. I saw a family that was
just, oh my god, I'mwhy do you have kids? So I
took all that dad and all thatstrategy and came up with a proven system
that I've worked in the last twentyyears, a success record of ninety percent.
And how I determined my success recordis a ninety out of a couple
(15:22):
of hundred thousand kids. Ninety percentof my kids graduated college. It could
be grades, it could be tradeschool, could it could be a four
year degree where I have a commercialpilot. I have social workers, I
have nurses, I have mds afewanresources to people. I had literally every
aspect of it, because when theycame in there, they came in there
(15:43):
broken my job and my strategy wasalways to have them go through a metamorphosis,
and we all go through one.But I know they're going through a
metamorphosis. But when they come outon that, on that next side,
they think differently, they act differently, They believe in themselves, they have
confidence, they have goals, andthey have leadership skills. As a parent,
(16:04):
a parent will learn how to communicate. There's not a parenting style.
It's not a parenting book. It'sconnected. It's communication. How do I
communicate with my child? So I'llso so I can lead them to that
next level and I can become abetter parent when I do live this beautiful
(16:25):
heart that everyone thinks that I like. If I must have been the favorite,
I see some when I have someparenting classes and some family sessions,
it's obvious of the parent don't likethem, obvious. And if I can
see it, what the heck canthe kids see? So there it goes,
Guys, I'm going on, butI'm excited. I'm passionate. This
(16:48):
is this to me, it's fun. So here it goes. I have
a book, the same book.I took it out about eighteen years ago.
I didn't even change it all.The only thing I change was the
techniques and the back of the page, the services of that we actually provide.
The rest of the book is thesame. Haven't changed because I believe
the book is the foundation of ofof how TOO is communicate effectively efficiently.
(17:15):
What's your teenager? Right? Sothe books on Kindle it's two dollars and
ninety nine cents. That's it,no more, no less. The books
a great read. It's a greatstrategy. This can totally change your life.
Be back on the show on Saturday. You'll see you get this on
Friday's about I'm gonna put this upright now. So it was so you
(17:37):
could probably get a Friday morning.But my number one goal is either you
guys three days or week with me. Some days you're gonna be just questions
and answers. Case taxis you guysgoing to write on end I'm gonna answer
your questions, not a problem.And my sites being built right now is
doctor johnn Er dot org could giveit about another two weeks it to be
up and that's gonna be a gearto parenting teenager programs which are really believing
(18:02):
totally right, as well as parentingprograms as well. But it's gonna be
in resources, right, and thenyou would meet my group of married men
that I actually work with. Iwork with a jurnman named Carl Scott and
been working with tell him you haveabout fifty plus years in the men's house
fille and he trained me back inthe day. I have doctor Horton,
he's a clinical psychologist. He's alsowill be in the show and also on
(18:26):
the website. And doctor Scott Conway, now that's not to Conway is interesting,
right. He has fifty seven booksout based on leadership, around of
fund parenting, on everything you canactually imagine he he uh, doctor Conway
is attorney. He's my attorney mathfact, my business attorney. And he
is also a martial arts and heand he is a grandmaster in martial arts.
(18:48):
So I have a lot of differentdiversity and a lot of different styles.
But the outcome that I have foreverything is to make sure that our
parents get what they need and getthe resources so they can move to that
next level. Now here's what Ihere's what leading guys with. Can you
imagine you take these resources, youtake the book, you take everything else.
(19:11):
Could you imagine a year from knownyour child is amazing? Your communication
is amazing and how would that lifebe with normal struggle, black school problems
or anything else. Because even onthe website, we have a program that
we teach our kids how to study, how to memory, and that's by
(19:33):
doctor Conway. So we have alot of different programs for the kids,
for the parents to make you guysbecome true leaders, especially kids, true
leaders, a transformation of leadership.So anyway, listen to me. I
can go on and down, asyou guys know, I can talk,
but I won't. I will comeback on Saturday with the topic right now.
If you have anything that you wantme to actually talk about, that
(19:56):
uh that you want to hear aboutthat you have in questions about guys right
in, I will literally answer allthe questions. I'll do a show on
it. And if I don't knowabout I do research on it and then
not I will find somebody or else. I'll even bring one of my uh
my teammates on it and we cando a show one anyway, guys,
take care, God blessed is thereto make this day, this month,
(20:19):
this week, magnificent wife or not
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