September 4, 2025 • 23 mins
Bullying in 2025 doesn’t just happen in the hallways—it follows our kids into their bedrooms, their phones, and their minds.
In this episode of *The Doctor’s Corner*, Dr. John Oda takes you inside the hidden scars of teen bullying today. From shocking real-world stories of teens attacked and filmed, to heartbreaking cases of body-shaming that left kids unable to walk, this episode reveals how deeply bullying cuts—and what parents can do about it.
You’ll hear powerful questions parents can ask their teens to open doors that silence has kept shut:
✨ ‘Has anyone said something online that made you uncomfortable?’
✨ ‘Do you ever feel like people laugh at you instead of with you?’
✨ ‘If today was a chapter in your story, would it be comedy, drama, or action—and why?’
These aren’t just questions; they’re conversation starters that create breakthroughs between parents and teens.
Dr. Oda also shares practical tools from his 38 years of experience—showing you how to replace fear with resilience, silence with trust, and pain with purpose.
If you’re ready to protect your teen, empower their voice, and build stronger family connections, this episode is your roadmap.
🎁 Special Gift: Download your free chapter of *Connecting With Your Teen* at DrJohnOdaOfficial.com/teen and get tools Dr. Oda has used with over 100,000 families worldwide.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
In this episode of *The Doctor’s Corner*, Dr. John Oda takes you inside the hidden scars of teen bullying today. From shocking real-world stories of teens attacked and filmed, to heartbreaking cases of body-shaming that left kids unable to walk, this episode reveals how deeply bullying cuts—and what parents can do about it.
You’ll hear powerful questions parents can ask their teens to open doors that silence has kept shut:
✨ ‘Has anyone said something online that made you uncomfortable?’
✨ ‘Do you ever feel like people laugh at you instead of with you?’
✨ ‘If today was a chapter in your story, would it be comedy, drama, or action—and why?’
These aren’t just questions; they’re conversation starters that create breakthroughs between parents and teens.
Dr. Oda also shares practical tools from his 38 years of experience—showing you how to replace fear with resilience, silence with trust, and pain with purpose.
If you’re ready to protect your teen, empower their voice, and build stronger family connections, this episode is your roadmap.
🎁 Special Gift: Download your free chapter of *Connecting With Your Teen* at DrJohnOdaOfficial.com/teen and get tools Dr. Oda has used with over 100,000 families worldwide.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, Welcome to the Doctor's Corner with doctor John Oda. Guys,
I'm jazz today for today's class. I'm gonna speak I'm
Bullying twenty twenty five. Right, But before I start, let
me do the name saying of who I am. My
name is doctor John Oda. I've been into this mentales
field for the past thirty eight years, so I do
(00:23):
mental health and neurosciences. I created neuroscience called neuro family conditioning.
It's a little bit different from just the traditional mental
health which which does a great job, but it takes
a little bit longer time. This one is rapid speed
and I've been knowing it for like the last thirty
some odd years. To pretty jazz about that and had
phenomenal results and ninety percent of success rate. I am
(00:46):
an Amazon International bestselling author of my last three books.
I wrote a book called you see the cover of
this podcast, Connecting with Your Teen. I wrote that almost
twenty years ago, a matter of fact, nineteen to be exactly.
I wrote something called Lifester Garden and talked about my
father and his garden. I'm from a little place called
(01:06):
Michigan City, Indiana, forty five miles west of Chicago and
about twenty miles west of Gary. And then my last
book is Life to Garden Present Unlimited Business Growth. It
talks about business and strategies as well as mental health.
So I always try to add mental health and neuroscientists
and everything that I actually do. I have ninety percent
(01:26):
success rate I've been working with I've mainly worked in
like Michigan City, Indiana, Chicago, and I worked pretty much
forth the DCFS, the courts. Literally most of the kids
that I worked with was more at risk kids. What
I believe that all kids are at risk, more of
like low income and I did work with a lot
(01:48):
of fluent families as well. But what I found out
that all kids are at risk. The kids who have money.
I used to live in northwestern Indiana. When the kids
have money, like they would go to Chicago and get
hair on, you know, and that was a higher rate
of hair on. Now not living everyline in California, they
go to La you know, it's you know, it's forty
(02:08):
five about forty miles north right and they get the
same thing. The heron or the math throws whatever takes place, right.
So I believe that all kids are at risk. So,
you know, so when people say at risk kids, I
believe they're all at risk. So let me explain to
you about the class that I'm doing right now, right,
or the session that I'm doing right now. It's called
(02:29):
Bullion Bully in twenty twenty five. And the reason why
I had picked us I was I was looking at
the movie a couple of days ago, right, was watching
the movie, and I saw this lady and her son
being bullied. You know, she come from a poor family,
and you know she wanted to marry rich, and the
rich people just bullying her and slapping her and doing
all these crazy things to her as well as her kid.
(02:52):
I said, wait a minute, no, no, I said, no,
if this lady can take us at thirty maybe forty
years old, young lady, if she can take this thing,
how does kids deal with bullion? And then I had
to really think about it. It's okay. When I was
growing up, non, most of you guys know, some of
you guys don't. I come from a family of ten.
I'm eight of ten, right, so I didn't really have
(03:12):
any billion and I had a growth spurt, uh and
from fifth to sixth heread, I went from five to
one to six five right. So I had this really
huge gr growth spurt, and I had a brother that's
eighteen months apart, so I didn't really have much bullion.
And then of course, you know, all my buildings were
you know, and family members. I didn't really have the
bullion that I've seen in my career. Right. And then
I was reading this story about you know, this one
(03:34):
girl was bullied cyber bullion you know, uh, you know,
and you know, and she was a body shamed x
Y and Z cham suicide. And the first things that
the first question that I asked about everything about bullying,
about everything else, is the parents gaining rapport with the kids,
(03:59):
or is the parents asking better questions with the kids? Right?
Because my biggest thing about it is if they don't
ask questions for the kids, open end questions, you're not
gonna know. And I believe that sometimes a lot of
times in that situation, some situations, sometimes the kids do
(04:19):
tell mom, hey, mom, you know, let's see Johnny's picking
on me, you know. And then of course, you know,
mom and dad say, well, do x Y and Z right,
but they don't give them a game plan, they don't
really take it serious, or else they go back to
when they got bullied, you know, thirty forty fifty years ago,
and said this is how I handle it. Well, guys,
this is not you know, back in the seventies or eighties.
(04:39):
You know, this is twenty twenty five. They answer a
little bit different. Kids a little bit different when I
was back in the day, you know, sixty one years young, right.
But when I was back in the day, you know,
in the in the seventies and you know, being bullied
and stuff, right, we were not as smart as these
kids are right now because we didn't have the Internet.
I don't think the Internet came out till maybe geez,
(05:01):
maybe late nineties, ninety five or ninety six, right, so
you know, for a long period of time, we didn't
have the Internet. Now, what happens with your kids teenagers? Right?
They got internet right now. So the question that appens
for if not communicating with them is going to be
a challenge. In the case one time back in Chicago
when I was working there, the parents can talk to
(05:24):
their kids. So what happened was the parents had some
other adult talk to the kids, right. But the biggest
challenge about that is the adult had other other sickness
that he had to deal with the adult took advantage
of the kid. Why because the parents can talk and
(05:46):
I see so much in my thirty eight US career
that parents is not asking the right questions, Like, for example,
you can ask hey, you know, hey, Johnny, what's the
best part of your day or what was the hardest
part of your day? Or Johnny, who did you spend
time with today at lunch or between class's figure out
(06:08):
who Johnny's hanging out with? Or Betty? Yet did you
notice anyone being treated unfairly out of your day today?
So I have a question for parents out there now,
think about this. How many times have you asked your kid? Right,
what's going on? What's taking place, what's happening in the
school place, what's happening you know? You know, hey, you know,
(06:33):
have anyone said anything you know online about school that
made you feel little bit uncomfortable? See, here's the biggest
thing about it, right. So, when that little girl died
and you know, parents got all mad and upset because,
you know, because all these kids was bullying her, the
first thing that jumped in my mind is is the
(06:53):
parents asking questions when the parents see that they're that
Sue is not acting right and things are taking place,
we ask them better questions. Because you don't ask better questions,
you'll never know. Or if you ask questions, you kids
say yes or no, and you don't dig a little
bit deeper, it's gonna be a challenge, right. Or if
(07:15):
you don't have rapport with your kids, if you don't
have rappoor with your kids. Guys, and I told this
many of my shows, you have ra poor with your kids.
The bully will because we're gonna be scared of them.
The gang banger will, the drug dealither will it's a
sex traffing person will. I've seen many girls little go
(07:37):
on dates with these guys and they think to fifteen
or sixteen to turn out to be thirty two. Ride
parents are not speaking. Parents are not talking. The parents
are not communicating. Our job as being a parent, an
uncle and an aunt to communicate to talk because once
you talk, people know what's going on. Or else you
(08:02):
can ask your kids, hey, you know, hey, Johnny, you know,
have you seen other kids being teased or hurt? How
does that make you feel? Now Johnny's talking to you.
Now you know what's going on at school. Now you
know what's taking place now as a parent, you can say, Okay,
we see what's going on. If there's a pattern going on,
(08:23):
let's see how we can interrupt the pattern and talk
to the teacher, talk to the to principle to figure
out how we can actually make this actually take place
in house. It's happening, but I don't see that stuff
or you can see this. Hey, you know, hey, Johnny,
is somebody being mean to others? You know what do
(08:43):
you usually do? And most kids hate to say because
I see it in adults when someone's being mean, you
know what they do? They ignore it. They don't want
to be involved, They don't want to take the stand,
they want to be invisible. Right. And if you have
(09:03):
a bully, and if he's bullying somebody else, guys, trust me,
trust us. You gonna trust a person where they're at.
If they're gonna bully you, they're gonna bully somebody else.
And if you're gonna watch them bully Johnny or Sue,
eventually eventually they're gonna bully you. So the question I
(09:24):
have parents, no, I want you to think about this.
How do you handle bullies? At do you? Are you
speaking to your kids about this or else you can
ask your kids and you know, uh, do you ever
feel like people are laughing at you instead of with you?
(09:47):
What a great question. But you know what I found
out in my thirty eight years, guys, here's what I
found out. A lot of parents don't speak to their kids.
A lot of parents. They work, They do what they
gotta get, They buy them crap, they buy them stuff.
They connect with them that way, but they don't know
what's going on with Johnny and the ones that do
(10:08):
talk to him and everything else, they're not really being
bullied that much. Why because they because they have communication,
they're talking. Parents are out there. Listen, Tommy, if you
can't speak to Johnny or speak to Sue, to speak
to your child or what's going on and ask them
the right questions. You'll never know or you're gonna ask
(10:30):
ask your kid. Hey, I have a question for you.
I'm curious about something. So who do you trust the
most at school? What a great question. Now they're gonna
talk to you, Well, you know I trust Frank or
else you know I trust Peter? Well, why do you
trust Peter? Or why do you trust Frank? Figure out
(10:51):
what you're saying now, and you're entering their world. You're communicating,
you're talking to them. They're feeling more comfortable because now
and you're asking the right questions. Just a thought, or girls,
are there any kids you avoid because of how they
(11:12):
treat others? What's some beautiful questions? And they go, yeah,
you know. And I got this guy named Jeff Man.
He picks on everybody. I don't want to be around him.
Asking that question, now you know who's gonna be the
troublemakers or or who they feel the troublemakers are known
as a parent. You can navigate yourself through that and
(11:34):
figure out what's actually taking place. Does that make sense
or else? Now for cyber billion, we can ask questions like,
you know, what is the funniest or the most surprising
thing you saw online today? Figure out? Again, you're asking
questions from let them talk and then I say, well,
(11:56):
they say, the kids a Lulu. Well you didn't watch TikTok,
Instagram or anything else. No. Well, if I look at
your feet, i'm gonna see that you watched it. Right. Oh, okay,
listen to me when I'm talking to you, Johnny, Frank, Sue,
I want to communicate with you. I want to talk right,
and here goes. Then and then if you can't talk
us to the problem, I would just take your phone
away and then maybe the next time I we talk,
(12:19):
you can communicate. If not listen to me? Are you
paying the phone bill? Well, no you are, so when
I'm speaking to you, I still want a communication. This
yes and no, stuff is not gonna work. But here goes.
But your parents have to have boundaries yourself, and sometimes
you have boundaries with your kids at all. Or a
next question, I love this one. Here goes. Do you
(12:40):
ever see people post things online that is hurtful to others?
Beautiful thing? Or if someone sends you something mean or embarrassing?
What you so comfortable telling me? So I had this, Uh,
(13:04):
this case had to be about last year. Matter of fact,
this little young girl was in a bowling team, but
she was working with she was dealing with all men
right about thirteen, fourteen year olgo pretty good bowler, right?
You know what happened was a lot of her, a
lot of her friends that the guys were sex texting her, right,
sening her, sending them dick, I mean sending them penis
(13:26):
pics the whole nine yards. Right, So what happened was
the parents looked at her phone. You know, I'm telling them,
you know, you need to look at the kid phone,
figured out what apps are downloaded the whole nine yards
and found out what's taking place. So of course, you know,
I said, we need to confront this issue. Figure out
what's going on taking place. We found out that this
has been going on for a year a year. But
(13:49):
here's the biggest thing about it, and write this down.
The parents didn't ask questions. Let me explain you about
twenty twenty five kids, right these these these interesting kids.
If you don't ask, they're not going to tell at all.
So you don't ask, you are just going blind right now.
And if you're going blind right now, you're not knowing
(14:11):
what's going on. Now. Here's a sad thing about it.
Was luckily we caught her out in time, is because
she was just gonna give in and meet four or
five guys alone, and that would have been interesting. Again, parents,
if we're not gonna speak, if we're not gonna talk,
(14:34):
if we're not gonna ask the right questions, how can
we know what's going on with our child? Another question
that I would ask, So, what would you do if
you saw somebody being bullied. That's a great question. I
would love some of these kids. I swirl on my
(14:55):
god something. I live in Irvine, right, California, and most
people I see, it's just at the gym because I'm
at the gym for you know, at least three hours
a day, right, you know, and unless I'm out of time,
but then I go others gyms. Right. But knowing some
of these kids, man, these kids are like, oh my god,
they are The bullying is interesting and sometimes to look
(15:19):
at the parents, I'm like, you guys are not saying
nothing about it. You're not confront of the situation. Because
here's the thing about it. If you don't confront bullying,
bullion's not gonna go away. Bullions gonna keep on doing
right because this is just what they do. Right. So,
as a parent, when you see bullion, or when you
ask if somebody's being being bullied, what do you respond?
(15:42):
Figure out? Figure out if your kid is passive, passive, aggressive,
or certain of So let me break them down. A
passive person will see somebody bullying, They're not gonna see anything.
Past aggressive person see somebody bullion, They're not going to
say anything unless it's to them. Then they were slashed
(16:04):
back after they turned it back, and an assert of
person will speak out, but use ice statements and be
firm and be straight and communicate extremely well. How does
kids handle bullion? Or what's the next question you can
ask the kid? You know, if someone hurts your feeling?
(16:29):
How could you support? How could I support you? As
a parent? Beautiful questions? What's the question I have? Is
these questions that I'm asking. No, I'm be honest with you.
How many are you parents are using these questions any
of the questions? Maybe ten, could be thirty, possibly fifty,
(16:52):
But I doubt it. And I tell you why I
doubt it. When the kids are a young age, you know, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
and you know, like, guess what, man, you know they're talking, talking, talking,
when they get pascariana aged kids don't want to get hugged.
Kid kids don't want to be bothered, and guess what happened?
Parents shut down? No, we can't shut down. We got
(17:12):
to still communicate. We've got to still figure out what
where Johnny's doing, what Sue's doing whenever he's taking place,
because we need to really understand what's actually happening. The
next one's a huge good A good question. I like
this one. Who at school do you think it's safe
(17:33):
to talk to when there's a problem. Here's what I've
heard a lot of times. Yeah, doctor, or I talk
to my teacher, they don't do anything. And I talked
to the the principal, he don't do anything. But I
talked to the counselor, he don't do anything. So who
do I talk to your parents? So the parents are
(17:54):
going on and convey it to him a nice way,
and then have the parents contact the is the is
the teacher, the principal, or the council. But do you
need but they need to feel safe to talk to
about what's going on, because he's here's what's gonna take place.
A lot of kids, they don't want to be a snitch.
You know, I say, I don't wanna be a snitch, John,
Doctor John, I want to be a snitch. Got you
(18:15):
want to be a snitch? To me, it's not being
a snitch. If someone is bullying you, it's not being
a snitch. If you see Sue's being bullied because you
know she is dressed poorly right because her parents don't
have much money, and people are teasing her and bullying her,
and for you, you're looking at it and laughing about it
opposed of actually finding out of how you can help
her out and support her. But these things have to
(18:38):
be taught in the family. And sometimes we overlook bullying
and saything about the bully had been going on ever
since the beginning of the freaking world, right, So it's
not it's nothing new, I think right now we're just
highlighting even more. So here's what I have to ask parents, right,
how do you deal with bullying? You know, I wrote
(19:02):
a book called Lee of Garden Presents unmumm to Business
or Growth, right, And in that book we write a
chapter on culture, right, but I'm gonna use the chapter
on this one. Right. We talked about three types of
people that we have. Now I want you guys to
think about which one is your kids? Right. We have
(19:23):
the victim, right, you know what the victim is, poor me.
We have the villain, who's pretty much of the freaking bully, right,
and then we had the hero. The hero makes it
better than what it is. Right. So you if you
have to look and imagine who is your kid or
(19:44):
better think about it. Well, these tools that you have. Now,
who do you want them to become? So anyway, So
that's my section on bullying because I see a lot
of parents who don't ask questions. I see a lot
of kids who get bullied a lot, and nothing's being said.
(20:08):
Why cause parents are not talking. Listen to me, parents
out there, First and foremost, I loved you guys. I
have uh, I have ninety sel siblings I come from.
I have a total of a hundred and twenty two
niches to nephews right wa When I was around him
every time, I also ask you's. I asked these questions
cause I wanted to know. I wanna know what's taking
(20:29):
place right because I don't. First, I didn't want them
to bully anybody else, and I don't want I didn't
want them to feel like they're bullied, cause if they
feel bullied, they do the most craziest thing. I I
remarriage to work in the juvie and this one kid
was being bullied and he was telling, you know, you know,
his dad's dad's working a lot, mom worked a lot,
(20:50):
and he didn't have anyone to talk to. Guess what
the kid did if you say bought a gun to school.
You're absolutely right. You brought it done to school and
he was gonna show this boy. So he brought the
gun to Shore school to show this kid that he
means business. Well guess what happened. Yep, they were tossing
(21:13):
around the gun. The gun went off and the kid
got shot. So the kid had to go to Julie.
And that's how I met him because we worked for
residential and the kid stayed there his fourteen years old,
stayed there to eighteen years old, then went to prison
a right over. Why because he was bullied, he felt threatened,
he had a gun. And the reason why I'm telling
(21:37):
you these stories parents, I don't want you. I don't
want your kids to have to deal with that stuff.
That's a lot, a lot of stuff to deal with.
And then as a parent, if we have better question
than everything, while I actually look phenomenally well, does this
make sense? Syria goes, guys, move man, this has been
(21:57):
a long one anyway, So he goes. If you if
you like what I just mentioned everything else, give me
a five stars, six stars. Tend to start five and
above is great. I did write a book Cloud Connecting
with your team so you can get it online, or
we have a deep dive program that I have that
is on If you send me your your life, the
(22:22):
name and your email address, I can send it to
send an info at doctor John Oda dot com and
I can send you the seventeen minute brief than about it.
If you have any subjects that you want me to cover,
I will actually cover them as well. That's not a problem.
If your kids are in sports, we do have what
(22:42):
we call it and I put it it's on a link,
a sports performance program that can help them with our
sports and grades the whole nine. This is really a
cool program as well. As we have a program called
Bonding the Family Together that's not just for the kid,
that's for the whole family together, all the kids together
or working on a team. And I have a strong
and happy family. So anyway, guys, thank you guys so much.
(23:04):
You guys have until the next time. They're to make
this day, this month, this week magnificent and bye for now.
Hello, Welcome to the Doctor's Corner with doctor John Oda. Guys,
I'm jazz today for today's class. I'm gonna speak I'm
Bullying twenty twenty five. Right, But before I start, let
me do the name saying of who I am. My
name is doctor John Oda. I've been into this mentales
field for the past thirty eight years, so I do
(00:23):
mental health and neurosciences. I created neuroscience called neuro family conditioning.
It's a little bit different from just the traditional mental
health which which does a great job, but it takes
a little bit longer time. This one is rapid speed
and I've been knowing it for like the last thirty
some odd years. To pretty jazz about that and had
phenomenal results and ninety percent of success rate. I am
(00:46):
an Amazon International bestselling author of my last three books.
I wrote a book called you see the cover of
this podcast, Connecting with Your Teen. I wrote that almost
twenty years ago, a matter of fact, nineteen to be exactly.
I wrote something called Lifester Garden and talked about my
father and his garden. I'm from a little place called
(01:06):
Michigan City, Indiana, forty five miles west of Chicago and
about twenty miles west of Gary. And then my last
book is Life to Garden Present Unlimited Business Growth. It
talks about business and strategies as well as mental health.
So I always try to add mental health and neuroscientists
and everything that I actually do. I have ninety percent
(01:26):
success rate I've been working with I've mainly worked in
like Michigan City, Indiana, Chicago, and I worked pretty much
forth the DCFS, the courts. Literally most of the kids
that I worked with was more at risk kids. What
I believe that all kids are at risk, more of
like low income and I did work with a lot
(01:48):
of fluent families as well. But what I found out
that all kids are at risk. The kids who have money.
I used to live in northwestern Indiana. When the kids
have money, like they would go to Chicago and get
hair on, you know, and that was a higher rate
of hair on. Now not living everyline in California, they
go to La you know, it's you know, it's forty
(02:08):
five about forty miles north right and they get the
same thing. The heron or the math throws whatever takes place, right.
So I believe that all kids are at risk. So,
you know, so when people say at risk kids, I
believe they're all at risk. So let me explain to
you about the class that I'm doing right now, right,
or the session that I'm doing right now. It's called
(02:29):
Bullion Bully in twenty twenty five. And the reason why
I had picked us I was I was looking at
the movie a couple of days ago, right, was watching
the movie, and I saw this lady and her son
being bullied. You know, she come from a poor family,
and you know she wanted to marry rich, and the
rich people just bullying her and slapping her and doing
all these crazy things to her as well as her kid.
(02:52):
I said, wait a minute, no, no, I said, no,
if this lady can take us at thirty maybe forty
years old, young lady, if she can take this thing,
how does kids deal with bullion? And then I had
to really think about it. It's okay. When I was
growing up, non, most of you guys know, some of
you guys don't. I come from a family of ten.
I'm eight of ten, right, so I didn't really have
(03:12):
any billion and I had a growth spurt, uh and
from fifth to sixth heread, I went from five to
one to six five right. So I had this really
huge gr growth spurt, and I had a brother that's
eighteen months apart, so I didn't really have much bullion.
And then of course, you know, all my buildings were
you know, and family members. I didn't really have the
bullion that I've seen in my career. Right. And then
I was reading this story about you know, this one
(03:34):
girl was bullied cyber bullion you know, uh, you know,
and you know, and she was a body shamed x
Y and Z cham suicide. And the first things that
the first question that I asked about everything about bullying,
about everything else, is the parents gaining rapport with the kids,
(03:59):
or is the parents asking better questions with the kids? Right?
Because my biggest thing about it is if they don't
ask questions for the kids, open end questions, you're not
gonna know. And I believe that sometimes a lot of
times in that situation, some situations, sometimes the kids do
(04:19):
tell mom, hey, mom, you know, let's see Johnny's picking
on me, you know. And then of course, you know,
mom and dad say, well, do x Y and Z right,
but they don't give them a game plan, they don't
really take it serious, or else they go back to
when they got bullied, you know, thirty forty fifty years ago,
and said this is how I handle it. Well, guys,
this is not you know, back in the seventies or eighties.
(04:39):
You know, this is twenty twenty five. They answer a
little bit different. Kids a little bit different when I
was back in the day, you know, sixty one years young, right.
But when I was back in the day, you know,
in the in the seventies and you know, being bullied
and stuff, right, we were not as smart as these
kids are right now because we didn't have the Internet.
I don't think the Internet came out till maybe geez,
(05:01):
maybe late nineties, ninety five or ninety six, right, so
you know, for a long period of time, we didn't
have the Internet. Now, what happens with your kids teenagers? Right?
They got internet right now. So the question that appens
for if not communicating with them is going to be
a challenge. In the case one time back in Chicago
when I was working there, the parents can talk to
(05:24):
their kids. So what happened was the parents had some
other adult talk to the kids, right. But the biggest
challenge about that is the adult had other other sickness
that he had to deal with the adult took advantage
of the kid. Why because the parents can talk and
(05:46):
I see so much in my thirty eight US career
that parents is not asking the right questions, Like, for example,
you can ask hey, you know, hey, Johnny, what's the
best part of your day or what was the hardest
part of your day? Or Johnny, who did you spend
time with today at lunch or between class's figure out
(06:08):
who Johnny's hanging out with? Or Betty? Yet did you
notice anyone being treated unfairly out of your day today?
So I have a question for parents out there now,
think about this. How many times have you asked your kid? Right,
what's going on? What's taking place, what's happening in the
school place, what's happening you know? You know, hey, you know,
(06:33):
have anyone said anything you know online about school that
made you feel little bit uncomfortable? See, here's the biggest
thing about it, right. So, when that little girl died
and you know, parents got all mad and upset because,
you know, because all these kids was bullying her, the
first thing that jumped in my mind is is the
(06:53):
parents asking questions when the parents see that they're that
Sue is not acting right and things are taking place,
we ask them better questions. Because you don't ask better questions,
you'll never know. Or if you ask questions, you kids
say yes or no, and you don't dig a little
bit deeper, it's gonna be a challenge, right. Or if
(07:15):
you don't have rapport with your kids, if you don't
have rappoor with your kids. Guys, and I told this
many of my shows, you have ra poor with your kids.
The bully will because we're gonna be scared of them.
The gang banger will, the drug dealither will it's a
sex traffing person will. I've seen many girls little go
(07:37):
on dates with these guys and they think to fifteen
or sixteen to turn out to be thirty two. Ride
parents are not speaking. Parents are not talking. The parents
are not communicating. Our job as being a parent, an
uncle and an aunt to communicate to talk because once
you talk, people know what's going on. Or else you
(08:02):
can ask your kids, hey, you know, hey, Johnny, you know,
have you seen other kids being teased or hurt? How
does that make you feel? Now Johnny's talking to you.
Now you know what's going on at school. Now you
know what's taking place now as a parent, you can say, Okay,
we see what's going on. If there's a pattern going on,
(08:23):
let's see how we can interrupt the pattern and talk
to the teacher, talk to the to principle to figure
out how we can actually make this actually take place
in house. It's happening, but I don't see that stuff
or you can see this. Hey, you know, hey, Johnny,
is somebody being mean to others? You know what do
(08:43):
you usually do? And most kids hate to say because
I see it in adults when someone's being mean, you
know what they do? They ignore it. They don't want
to be involved, They don't want to take the stand,
they want to be invisible. Right. And if you have
(09:03):
a bully, and if he's bullying somebody else, guys, trust me,
trust us. You gonna trust a person where they're at.
If they're gonna bully you, they're gonna bully somebody else.
And if you're gonna watch them bully Johnny or Sue,
eventually eventually they're gonna bully you. So the question I
(09:24):
have parents, no, I want you to think about this.
How do you handle bullies? At do you? Are you
speaking to your kids about this or else you can
ask your kids and you know, uh, do you ever
feel like people are laughing at you instead of with you?
(09:47):
What a great question. But you know what I found
out in my thirty eight years, guys, here's what I
found out. A lot of parents don't speak to their kids.
A lot of parents. They work, They do what they
gotta get, They buy them crap, they buy them stuff.
They connect with them that way, but they don't know
what's going on with Johnny and the ones that do
(10:08):
talk to him and everything else, they're not really being
bullied that much. Why because they because they have communication,
they're talking. Parents are out there. Listen, Tommy, if you
can't speak to Johnny or speak to Sue, to speak
to your child or what's going on and ask them
the right questions. You'll never know or you're gonna ask
(10:30):
ask your kid. Hey, I have a question for you.
I'm curious about something. So who do you trust the
most at school? What a great question. Now they're gonna
talk to you, Well, you know I trust Frank or
else you know I trust Peter? Well, why do you
trust Peter? Or why do you trust Frank? Figure out
(10:51):
what you're saying now, and you're entering their world. You're communicating,
you're talking to them. They're feeling more comfortable because now
and you're asking the right questions. Just a thought, or girls,
are there any kids you avoid because of how they
(11:12):
treat others? What's some beautiful questions? And they go, yeah,
you know. And I got this guy named Jeff Man.
He picks on everybody. I don't want to be around him.
Asking that question, now you know who's gonna be the
troublemakers or or who they feel the troublemakers are known
as a parent. You can navigate yourself through that and
(11:34):
figure out what's actually taking place. Does that make sense
or else? Now for cyber billion, we can ask questions like,
you know, what is the funniest or the most surprising
thing you saw online today? Figure out? Again, you're asking
questions from let them talk and then I say, well,
(11:56):
they say, the kids a Lulu. Well you didn't watch TikTok,
Instagram or anything else. No. Well, if I look at
your feet, i'm gonna see that you watched it. Right. Oh, okay,
listen to me when I'm talking to you, Johnny, Frank, Sue,
I want to communicate with you. I want to talk right,
and here goes. Then and then if you can't talk
us to the problem, I would just take your phone
away and then maybe the next time I we talk,
(12:19):
you can communicate. If not listen to me? Are you
paying the phone bill? Well, no you are, so when
I'm speaking to you, I still want a communication. This
yes and no, stuff is not gonna work. But here goes.
But your parents have to have boundaries yourself, and sometimes
you have boundaries with your kids at all. Or a
next question, I love this one. Here goes. Do you
(12:40):
ever see people post things online that is hurtful to others?
Beautiful thing? Or if someone sends you something mean or embarrassing?
What you so comfortable telling me? So I had this, Uh,
(13:04):
this case had to be about last year. Matter of fact,
this little young girl was in a bowling team, but
she was working with she was dealing with all men
right about thirteen, fourteen year olgo pretty good bowler, right?
You know what happened was a lot of her, a
lot of her friends that the guys were sex texting her, right,
sening her, sending them dick, I mean sending them penis
(13:26):
pics the whole nine yards. Right, So what happened was
the parents looked at her phone. You know, I'm telling them,
you know, you need to look at the kid phone,
figured out what apps are downloaded the whole nine yards
and found out what's taking place. So of course, you know,
I said, we need to confront this issue. Figure out
what's going on taking place. We found out that this
has been going on for a year a year. But
(13:49):
here's the biggest thing about it, and write this down.
The parents didn't ask questions. Let me explain you about
twenty twenty five kids, right these these these interesting kids.
If you don't ask, they're not going to tell at all.
So you don't ask, you are just going blind right now.
And if you're going blind right now, you're not knowing
(14:11):
what's going on. Now. Here's a sad thing about it.
Was luckily we caught her out in time, is because
she was just gonna give in and meet four or
five guys alone, and that would have been interesting. Again, parents,
if we're not gonna speak, if we're not gonna talk,
(14:34):
if we're not gonna ask the right questions, how can
we know what's going on with our child? Another question
that I would ask, So, what would you do if
you saw somebody being bullied. That's a great question. I
would love some of these kids. I swirl on my
(14:55):
god something. I live in Irvine, right, California, and most
people I see, it's just at the gym because I'm
at the gym for you know, at least three hours
a day, right, you know, and unless I'm out of time,
but then I go others gyms. Right. But knowing some
of these kids, man, these kids are like, oh my god,
they are The bullying is interesting and sometimes to look
(15:19):
at the parents, I'm like, you guys are not saying
nothing about it. You're not confront of the situation. Because
here's the thing about it. If you don't confront bullying,
bullion's not gonna go away. Bullions gonna keep on doing
right because this is just what they do. Right. So,
as a parent, when you see bullion, or when you
ask if somebody's being being bullied, what do you respond?
(15:42):
Figure out? Figure out if your kid is passive, passive, aggressive,
or certain of So let me break them down. A
passive person will see somebody bullying, They're not gonna see anything.
Past aggressive person see somebody bullion, They're not going to
say anything unless it's to them. Then they were slashed
(16:04):
back after they turned it back, and an assert of
person will speak out, but use ice statements and be
firm and be straight and communicate extremely well. How does
kids handle bullion? Or what's the next question you can
ask the kid? You know, if someone hurts your feeling?
(16:29):
How could you support? How could I support you? As
a parent? Beautiful questions? What's the question I have? Is
these questions that I'm asking. No, I'm be honest with you.
How many are you parents are using these questions any
of the questions? Maybe ten, could be thirty, possibly fifty,
(16:52):
But I doubt it. And I tell you why I
doubt it. When the kids are a young age, you know, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
and you know, like, guess what, man, you know they're talking, talking, talking,
when they get pascariana aged kids don't want to get hugged.
Kid kids don't want to be bothered, and guess what happened?
Parents shut down? No, we can't shut down. We got
(17:12):
to still communicate. We've got to still figure out what
where Johnny's doing, what Sue's doing whenever he's taking place,
because we need to really understand what's actually happening. The
next one's a huge good A good question. I like
this one. Who at school do you think it's safe
(17:33):
to talk to when there's a problem. Here's what I've
heard a lot of times. Yeah, doctor, or I talk
to my teacher, they don't do anything. And I talked
to the the principal, he don't do anything. But I
talked to the counselor, he don't do anything. So who
do I talk to your parents? So the parents are
(17:54):
going on and convey it to him a nice way,
and then have the parents contact the is the is
the teacher, the principal, or the council. But do you
need but they need to feel safe to talk to
about what's going on, because he's here's what's gonna take place.
A lot of kids, they don't want to be a snitch.
You know, I say, I don't wanna be a snitch, John,
Doctor John, I want to be a snitch. Got you
(18:15):
want to be a snitch? To me, it's not being
a snitch. If someone is bullying you, it's not being
a snitch. If you see Sue's being bullied because you
know she is dressed poorly right because her parents don't
have much money, and people are teasing her and bullying her,
and for you, you're looking at it and laughing about it
opposed of actually finding out of how you can help
her out and support her. But these things have to
(18:38):
be taught in the family. And sometimes we overlook bullying
and saything about the bully had been going on ever
since the beginning of the freaking world, right, So it's
not it's nothing new, I think right now we're just
highlighting even more. So here's what I have to ask parents, right,
how do you deal with bullying? You know, I wrote
(19:02):
a book called Lee of Garden Presents unmumm to Business
or Growth, right, And in that book we write a
chapter on culture, right, but I'm gonna use the chapter
on this one. Right. We talked about three types of
people that we have. Now I want you guys to
think about which one is your kids? Right. We have
(19:23):
the victim, right, you know what the victim is, poor me.
We have the villain, who's pretty much of the freaking bully, right,
and then we had the hero. The hero makes it
better than what it is. Right. So you if you
have to look and imagine who is your kid or
(19:44):
better think about it. Well, these tools that you have. Now,
who do you want them to become? So anyway, So
that's my section on bullying because I see a lot
of parents who don't ask questions. I see a lot
of kids who get bullied a lot, and nothing's being said.
(20:08):
Why cause parents are not talking. Listen to me, parents
out there, First and foremost, I loved you guys. I
have uh, I have ninety sel siblings I come from.
I have a total of a hundred and twenty two
niches to nephews right wa When I was around him
every time, I also ask you's. I asked these questions
cause I wanted to know. I wanna know what's taking
(20:29):
place right because I don't. First, I didn't want them
to bully anybody else, and I don't want I didn't
want them to feel like they're bullied, cause if they
feel bullied, they do the most craziest thing. I I
remarriage to work in the juvie and this one kid
was being bullied and he was telling, you know, you know,
his dad's dad's working a lot, mom worked a lot,
(20:50):
and he didn't have anyone to talk to. Guess what
the kid did if you say bought a gun to school.
You're absolutely right. You brought it done to school and
he was gonna show this boy. So he brought the
gun to Shore school to show this kid that he
means business. Well guess what happened. Yep, they were tossing
(21:13):
around the gun. The gun went off and the kid
got shot. So the kid had to go to Julie.
And that's how I met him because we worked for
residential and the kid stayed there his fourteen years old,
stayed there to eighteen years old, then went to prison
a right over. Why because he was bullied, he felt threatened,
he had a gun. And the reason why I'm telling
(21:37):
you these stories parents, I don't want you. I don't
want your kids to have to deal with that stuff.
That's a lot, a lot of stuff to deal with.
And then as a parent, if we have better question
than everything, while I actually look phenomenally well, does this
make sense? Syria goes, guys, move man, this has been
(21:57):
a long one anyway, So he goes. If you if
you like what I just mentioned everything else, give me
a five stars, six stars. Tend to start five and
above is great. I did write a book Cloud Connecting
with your team so you can get it online, or
we have a deep dive program that I have that
is on If you send me your your life, the
(22:22):
name and your email address, I can send it to
send an info at doctor John Oda dot com and
I can send you the seventeen minute brief than about it.
If you have any subjects that you want me to cover,
I will actually cover them as well. That's not a problem.
If your kids are in sports, we do have what
(22:42):
we call it and I put it it's on a link,
a sports performance program that can help them with our
sports and grades the whole nine. This is really a
cool program as well. As we have a program called
Bonding the Family Together that's not just for the kid,
that's for the whole family together, all the kids together
or working on a team. And I have a strong
and happy family. So anyway, guys, thank you guys so much.
(23:04):
You guys have until the next time. They're to make
this day, this month, this week magnificent and bye for now.
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