October 21, 2025 • 19 mins
In this powerful and emotional episode, Dr. John Oda reveals the hidden cost of performance pressure in youth sports.
You’ll hear the story of Marcus — a gifted 15-year-old basketball player — and his father, David, whose love for winning nearly cost them their bond. Through this heartfelt case study, Dr. Oda unpacks the psychology behind pressure, how it rewires a child’s nervous system, and how parents can transform “performance parenting” into “presence parenting.”
Using insights from The ODA Inner Command Method for Families, Dr. Oda shows how to replace fear with faith, critique with connection, and pressure with presence.
Because when a child feels unconditionally loved — they perform from peace, not for approval.
This episode is a must-listen for any parent, coach, or mentor who wants to raise confident, emotionally intelligent young athletes who play with passion, joy, and purpose — on and off the court.
🎧 “You don’t raise champions by pushing harder. You raise them by loving deeper.” – Dr. John Oda
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
You’ll hear the story of Marcus — a gifted 15-year-old basketball player — and his father, David, whose love for winning nearly cost them their bond. Through this heartfelt case study, Dr. Oda unpacks the psychology behind pressure, how it rewires a child’s nervous system, and how parents can transform “performance parenting” into “presence parenting.”
Using insights from The ODA Inner Command Method for Families, Dr. Oda shows how to replace fear with faith, critique with connection, and pressure with presence.
Because when a child feels unconditionally loved — they perform from peace, not for approval.
This episode is a must-listen for any parent, coach, or mentor who wants to raise confident, emotionally intelligent young athletes who play with passion, joy, and purpose — on and off the court.
🎧 “You don’t raise champions by pushing harder. You raise them by loving deeper.” – Dr. John Oda
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello, everybody welcomes to that doctor Corner with doctor John Old. Hello, guys,
I'm your host. So a little bit of something about me.
I have thirty eight years of working with parents and teens.
I'm an international best on author of three books. The
book I based this whole thing about is my book
I wrote about twenty years ago. I can't believe it
was that long. Is called connecting with your team right
(00:25):
in this program, I I take bits and pieces of
it figure out how I can give a parent a
breakthrough whatever that you're facing and with your team your preteen,
and even give parents some issues some some some problems,
some solutions with they're facing as a parent as well.
Today the focus is gonna be strictly on carecer playing sports,
(00:48):
cause I see this all the time. Now, a little
bit you know about my sports history. I did play
basketball when I was a a child, and I was
blessed to be in the little city called Michigan City, Indiana.
We had three mister basketballs in there, you know. We
had one in eighty one, Dan Pombizio and Delroy Brooks
in eighty four and Charles Making. So I've been being
(01:09):
from a basketball town. We had guys like Sean Kemp
you know who played you know who played right down
the road from us, and Scott Skiles. So we had
some of the best basketball I believe, for for a decade, right,
the Harding Brothers. I mean, we had so many of
the most phenomenal basketball players. You know that. Well we
have a big dog, you know, Glenn Robinson, big dog.
(01:31):
So I played with all the guys, right, So it
was a great thing. So when I decided to do this,
I thought about the pressure and in this it relates
back to my childhood, you know, when I was growing up,
not with me, but friends of mine who had issues
like this. And I'm gonna shore you the story, right,
and the name of the the story is called sports
(01:54):
pressure when winning breaks the bond. So let me give
you a little bit background about it. As I said,
you know, I grew up in the basketball city, right,
And we're gonna talk about basketball, right, because you know,
that's pretty much what it's all about. Because too often
(02:16):
your child wanna be the best of the best, but
sometimes they don't have the scale ships the talent. But
let me explain you what's going on, right, So we're
just gonna g come over with the name. Well we have.
There's this guy named Marcus, fifteen years old. He's a
gifted basketball player, six for six, six for seven, credible talent. Man.
(02:36):
His dreams is al used to make college basketball. But
now let me explain you about dad. His dad's David.
You know, David was you know, you know, he was
mister basketball. You know, this guy was the best, the
best of the best. You know, he didn't make Pro
but man, he was great. You know, David wanted Marcus
to play in the Pros cause he didn't play in
(02:57):
the Pros. But that's what he wanted Marcus to play
in the Pro. Man, every practice turns into a performance review. Man,
Daby was was just critiquing them every game. It became
a test. He was comparing them. You know, you're you're great.
But when I was your age, I did this and
when you when you were when I was fifteen, I
had I you come to see me right, And you know,
(03:20):
every ride home felt like he was walking on the
next show. I was like, man, what can I do?
I can't even be myself. You know, everybody would compare
Marcus to be his dad. Hey, man, you know when
your dad was fifteen man, he was doing forty points
a game. You know, he was listening, he was lading
and all these crazy things to people that he had
to face. You know, Deaby would say, Hey, no, son,
(03:41):
you know you're not shooting enough, you'm aggressive enough. You
don't want the ball, You're not hungry enough. You know,
I said, do you want it? You know why I
must spend all this money on AAU and all this stuff,
and you're not really doing what you need to be doing.
But in my back of my market, Daby was comparing him,
and he was his was that age. Man. Every year
(04:03):
is different. I remember when I was growing up. My
brother was great in basketball, Joe, I mean a phenomenal
basketball player, good looking, smart, great grades. I always used
to be compared every day. You're not like your brother.
Your brother did this, your brother did that, Jesus Marian Joseph.
So Marcus I can relate to him, right, And then
what I would do like Marcus did out not quiet.
(04:26):
I didn't say much but but but but you know,
but inside Marcus man he was breaking. So after one tournament, right,
you know, his priming tournament, and you know, you know,
you know they're up the other team was up at
one point two seconds ago. Marcus got filed right. Uh,
(04:49):
Marcus missed both free throws cast him that game, and
David was just his dad was just rates for how
can you miss two simple free FROs? Marcus was sitting
alone in the locker room, head buried, hands down, and
(05:12):
then David approached Marcus. You know what in Westbury? You know,
Marcus approached his dad in Westbury? You know, dad, do
you love me when I lose? And David FROs That
(05:32):
single question revealed the truth that pressure hides the pain
of conditional love. So here's here's the psychology. Part of
me is coming up right. When a child feels pressure
from a parent, their nervous system goes into survival mode.
(05:58):
They start playing express and joy. They start playing just
to avoid rejection. That's all ports. That's how sports. Sometimes
an then build of confidence is being destroyed. This isn't
(06:20):
about bad parenting. It's about unconsciously modeling. Parents project their
own unhealed expectations. As I said, David was a great
basketball player, you know mster basketball. He had high hopes,
(06:41):
but he got in the wrong crowd. He didn't do
what he had to do. He started doing the stuff
that they shouldn't be doing as a basketball player. You know.
So David was living his life through his son Marcus.
Marcus I thought, I honest was he was a better
basketball player than his walls. I mean I saw mult
of 'em. Thought market is a lot better he was.
(07:03):
You know what I mean? You know when we played
back forty years ago and fifty years ago, we're completely
different players as these players playing right now. The thing
that they wish they achieved to their child, he wanted
he was, honestly, see, man, David should have went to
the pros, should have went to the pros. David was,
(07:26):
he was a bad boy. But david problem was he
was easily influenced. And David knew that. I mean, you know,
the drugs, the drinking, you can't do that playing basketball,
especially at that high level. And that's what he did.
But on my psycholoptical had again, what the child here
(07:49):
is I only I'm only I'm I'm I'm only enough
when I'm winning. Then that belief doesn't just affect basketball,
it follows them through their relationships, their career, and their adulthood.
(08:13):
When I saw that, I had to interrupt the pattern.
I had to step in cause I knew what the
path that was going down. And I understand David. I
I love David, I understand who he is alright, but
I wanted to explain to him. I says, man, here's
what your son is feeling right now. That says you
know and A in order for you do well, you
(08:34):
have to change your approach. Your approach is not working.
Your approach is not working. This approach worked forty fifty
years ago when we're playing right cause we didn't know
no better. This approach does not work for your son.
And since I was david friend that I could be
honest with him, man, and I I ask him a question,
one question that says, if your son never plays b
(08:55):
uh another game, which you still be proud of them?
And David started crying, he says, Phil up tears. He
says he was of course I would, cause he's my son.
And I said that, man, I said, here's what I
would do. Man. Then I want you to lead that
with pride, not with performance. I want you to be
(09:19):
a dad. Man. If he does great, doesn't make difference.
Maybe I mean he used to be a dad. Don't
base it on his performance. If he's doing great. Do
you love him? If he doesn't, you can feel it
by your actions, by your behaviors. Man, I said it
your kid is, I said David. So let's go backwards.
David's more visual persons to the point, he's direct, though
nine yards right. His kid's more kinestetic. He's he's into
(09:41):
his feelings. You know, you say something, someone says something
that you know, you know who cares about and loves,
and you say it really in a hurtful way. It's
going to hit us and hurt his feelings. So you
have to watch. And I told David you have to watch.
If your kid's a visual auditoriy kinesthetic, your kid is
kin is kinesthetic. That's a difference to it. That's a
different program. But I wanted to bring that up, you know,
(10:06):
so I said. Then I said, man, I says you
need to make a shift, bro from a performance parenting
to a present parent. And then I said, then I says,
when you change your approach, you change everything. I said,
(10:26):
do you trust me? He said yeah, I said it.
Then why don't you change your approach? Man? I'm'a tell
you how you should work with your kid. And if
you work with your kid, Man, it would be a
c it'd be a completely different Then David said, hey, man,
I change my approach. I I I I wanna be
connected with my kid, with my kid, he says, you know,
(10:47):
you know he he says, John, you know how my
dad was. Man, He said, that's why my dad trained me.
I asked him, I said, are you closer to your
dad right now? You know that's before he died. He
says no. I said, do you see the and you're
doing the same thing to Marcus right now. I said,
that's not the way the dis should work. Bro. I said, man,
(11:08):
you got a good kid. Man, don't blow it. And
of course you know I'm not gonna take up for
his dad. But you know, that's just how things was
back there, you know. You know, so man, I said that.
I said, we can make a change. You have enough
time to make a change. So David had a I said,
(11:30):
and then think about it. And he said, you know
what do you suggest that says he set up evaluate starting.
Courage said, I'm judging start start listening. Instead of saying
that you gotta win, you know, say that, Hey, I
love to watch you play, I said to courage him.
(11:53):
When when he's gonna walk on the X ye old man.
I said, hey, you know, hey, how how is your practice? Man?
What took place when he said that, you know, be
a dad man, you know, don't be how your dad was,
because as you know, that didn't work. Get it? He
says no. He says, then don't and then he did
(12:15):
that right, and the most amazing thing happened. Right two
weeks later, man Marcus scored twenty eight points. I mean,
he was phenomenal, not because he was pressured, but he
felt safe to be himself. So what I was teaching
(12:37):
Marcus was what I call the inner command method. I
was working with marxuis hard to get inside his own
how to get away away of all that, all of
that voices from his dad and everything else. But to
hear his voice, and I says, you know, you know,
(12:58):
I said, your voice become your child, of your inner
child voice. If if you speak fear to your child,
anxiety is gonna come up. If you speak faith, they'll
go to confidence. So before you push your child right,
pause and ask yourself, is this gonna Is this gonna
(13:18):
lead him to a wound? Or else? Is you learn
from wisdom? The goal is always isn't to raise a
perfect athlete. It's no substant to perfect athletes. It's is
to raise an emotional, intelligent human who knows their worth
and isn't tied up in the scoreboard. So I worked,
(13:39):
So I literally worked with Marcus. I gave Marcus a
couple sessions about mindsetting confidence, how to shoot the ball,
how to do the hold nine yards, to visualize the
old nine yards, and Marcus with a slight poetry emotion.
But I also work with David want him to be
a dad, not how his dad was, because I remember
growing up he didn't like that. No one liked that.
(14:01):
Marcus a special kid. Man. Marcus is still doing extremely well.
He's a special kid and he got he can grow,
and he's gonna make mistakes, of course, and there's nothing
wrong with making a mistake, right unless it's not too big. Right. So,
(14:21):
because you want your child to feel unconditional off, they
perform from peace, not from approval. So I thought, David,
this here goes man, here's a challenge for this week.
The next time that your child step inside the court,
(14:42):
don't start with the critique. Start with a connection game
report with them. Say a son I'm proud of you
of how you showed up, and I love watching you
give you best. That single shift will prepare years of
hidden pressure. And you know, this is what's called the
(15:04):
ODA and the command method for families, helping parents lead
from love and not fear, helping teens rise above the connection,
not being ridiculed, because the moment you heal the parent,
(15:24):
your child feel free. So my biggest thing about it is,
do you guys have kids that in sports like and
all they play sports, they're playing high school sports. They
want to go to the next level, all right, And
through my childhood I played sports all my life. You know,
(15:46):
I I was decent. You know, I had a couple
of knee injuries. But Daddy was always there. He always
and I remember Dad worked two jobs and he had
to come on his lunch break and on the second
job to see me play. And he didn't critique me.
You know, he's said, the son, you played good. I
didn't think I played so well, but he thought he
you know, he he didn't frusure me, you know, and
I was eight of ten, so he he knew what
(16:07):
he had to to get down. He had me developed man, right,
and when I started doing. I start working with athletes
and professional teams and everything else. Why give him some
feedback in some strategies because I do sports his performance
all the time. I worked with written down two Division
one baseball players. You know, I worked to a little
(16:30):
bit some up NBA basketball players as well. But I
work on the mindset physical party. They got that already.
It's mindset. Son. This kid today, he was pretty much
an outstanding best baseball player back in Irvine and he
stopped playing. He said, I said, why the coach? So
you don't play basketball. You don't play baseball for the coach.
You played for yourself, so then you want to play pro.
(16:51):
At one time he said, yeah, why'd you stop? I said, Man,
let me help you get back? Is get back that
drive again? The most gaues it's all mental physically then
you're there physically. It can't do much mentally. It's anything
that you played college professional is all eighty percent mental. Now,
(17:12):
if you don't have that mental edge, you're not gonna win.
So we do have a sports program that we work
with the kids on and we work with literally every
area from life coaching. Uh, they can tell us about
issues from schools, you know, if they're making bees or
c's or b's, they can make it a U, a's
or b's. Right, we got them. We got even for
them to create their own business. Right when they create
(17:34):
their own business. Now they're yeah, they're playing sports. Found
they create their own business, and if they're locally a superstar,
they can still make money. But we wanna teach 'em
business skills right now as a young adult. And this
is the way that you know, I did I bridge
the gaps of actually teaching the youth because honest with you,
if I had the U nil or I can create
(17:55):
my own brand and make money from them, I would
have It would been a difference. So we a would
have looked at what I did as a business. But
now I'm gonna take more pride in it cause now
you have their planning sports. But now they have a
business as well. They're learning about business. So you guys,
if you guys, if parents don't they want to go
further fast, we we w we do this for you know,
(18:15):
I e eighth grade out up right, you know, but
eighth grade, high school, college, semi pros and even pros.
We we we we work with as professional teams as
well as well as you know baseball teams and everything else, basketball,
any sports. It's sports and sports, right, But what I
work out more of us as a mindset because as
an athlete, you know that's this is what we do.
(18:38):
So anyway, guys, thank you so much. It heads up,
We do have a business podcast as well, if you
guys know about it, and the business podcast is called
the Doctor John Odam Method. We talk about business strategies
and business ideas as well, right, so it's really cool
concepts as well. And of course we have our team
and parents in one. So do me a favorite, give
me five stars, six stars, pastors to somebody else who
(18:59):
needs to hear it. Right, But if your kid play sports,
you don't. You don't. You don't need the one who
yelled the biggest or yell yell the loudest, or make
your kid embarrassed. Man, be there for him, support him,
you know, and guide them. Man, And when he loses
his mind, don't critique him. Please don't critique him. So
I'll make you play the great game or what do
(19:20):
you think he needs to improve on? So until next time,
you take care of bustings, and you guys, have a
bust day. Are there to make this day, this week,
this month magnificent life for now,
Hello, everybody welcomes to that doctor Corner with doctor John Old. Hello, guys,
I'm your host. So a little bit of something about me.
I have thirty eight years of working with parents and teens.
I'm an international best on author of three books. The
book I based this whole thing about is my book
I wrote about twenty years ago. I can't believe it
was that long. Is called connecting with your team right
(00:25):
in this program, I I take bits and pieces of
it figure out how I can give a parent a
breakthrough whatever that you're facing and with your team your preteen,
and even give parents some issues some some some problems,
some solutions with they're facing as a parent as well.
Today the focus is gonna be strictly on carecer playing sports,
(00:48):
cause I see this all the time. Now, a little
bit you know about my sports history. I did play
basketball when I was a a child, and I was
blessed to be in the little city called Michigan City, Indiana.
We had three mister basketballs in there, you know. We
had one in eighty one, Dan Pombizio and Delroy Brooks
in eighty four and Charles Making. So I've been being
(01:09):
from a basketball town. We had guys like Sean Kemp
you know who played you know who played right down
the road from us, and Scott Skiles. So we had
some of the best basketball I believe, for for a decade, right,
the Harding Brothers. I mean, we had so many of
the most phenomenal basketball players. You know that. Well we
have a big dog, you know, Glenn Robinson, big dog.
(01:31):
So I played with all the guys, right, So it
was a great thing. So when I decided to do this,
I thought about the pressure and in this it relates
back to my childhood, you know, when I was growing up,
not with me, but friends of mine who had issues
like this. And I'm gonna shore you the story, right,
and the name of the the story is called sports
(01:54):
pressure when winning breaks the bond. So let me give
you a little bit background about it. As I said,
you know, I grew up in the basketball city, right,
And we're gonna talk about basketball, right, because you know,
that's pretty much what it's all about. Because too often
(02:16):
your child wanna be the best of the best, but
sometimes they don't have the scale ships the talent. But
let me explain you what's going on, right, So we're
just gonna g come over with the name. Well we have.
There's this guy named Marcus, fifteen years old. He's a
gifted basketball player, six for six, six for seven, credible talent. Man.
(02:36):
His dreams is al used to make college basketball. But
now let me explain you about dad. His dad's David.
You know, David was you know, you know, he was
mister basketball. You know, this guy was the best, the
best of the best. You know, he didn't make Pro
but man, he was great. You know, David wanted Marcus
to play in the Pros cause he didn't play in
(02:57):
the Pros. But that's what he wanted Marcus to play
in the Pro. Man, every practice turns into a performance review. Man,
Daby was was just critiquing them every game. It became
a test. He was comparing them. You know, you're you're great.
But when I was your age, I did this and
when you when you were when I was fifteen, I
had I you come to see me right, And you know,
(03:20):
every ride home felt like he was walking on the
next show. I was like, man, what can I do?
I can't even be myself. You know, everybody would compare
Marcus to be his dad. Hey, man, you know when
your dad was fifteen man, he was doing forty points
a game. You know, he was listening, he was lading
and all these crazy things to people that he had
to face. You know, Deaby would say, Hey, no, son,
(03:41):
you know you're not shooting enough, you'm aggressive enough. You
don't want the ball, You're not hungry enough. You know,
I said, do you want it? You know why I
must spend all this money on AAU and all this stuff,
and you're not really doing what you need to be doing.
But in my back of my market, Daby was comparing him,
and he was his was that age. Man. Every year
(04:03):
is different. I remember when I was growing up. My
brother was great in basketball, Joe, I mean a phenomenal
basketball player, good looking, smart, great grades. I always used
to be compared every day. You're not like your brother.
Your brother did this, your brother did that, Jesus Marian Joseph.
So Marcus I can relate to him, right, And then
what I would do like Marcus did out not quiet.
(04:26):
I didn't say much but but but but you know,
but inside Marcus man he was breaking. So after one tournament, right,
you know, his priming tournament, and you know, you know,
you know they're up the other team was up at
one point two seconds ago. Marcus got filed right. Uh,
(04:49):
Marcus missed both free throws cast him that game, and
David was just his dad was just rates for how
can you miss two simple free FROs? Marcus was sitting
alone in the locker room, head buried, hands down, and
(05:12):
then David approached Marcus. You know what in Westbury? You know,
Marcus approached his dad in Westbury? You know, dad, do
you love me when I lose? And David FROs That
(05:32):
single question revealed the truth that pressure hides the pain
of conditional love. So here's here's the psychology. Part of
me is coming up right. When a child feels pressure
from a parent, their nervous system goes into survival mode.
(05:58):
They start playing express and joy. They start playing just
to avoid rejection. That's all ports. That's how sports. Sometimes
an then build of confidence is being destroyed. This isn't
(06:20):
about bad parenting. It's about unconsciously modeling. Parents project their
own unhealed expectations. As I said, David was a great
basketball player, you know mster basketball. He had high hopes,
(06:41):
but he got in the wrong crowd. He didn't do
what he had to do. He started doing the stuff
that they shouldn't be doing as a basketball player. You know.
So David was living his life through his son Marcus.
Marcus I thought, I honest was he was a better
basketball player than his walls. I mean I saw mult
of 'em. Thought market is a lot better he was.
(07:03):
You know what I mean? You know when we played
back forty years ago and fifty years ago, we're completely
different players as these players playing right now. The thing
that they wish they achieved to their child, he wanted
he was, honestly, see, man, David should have went to
the pros, should have went to the pros. David was,
(07:26):
he was a bad boy. But david problem was he
was easily influenced. And David knew that. I mean, you know,
the drugs, the drinking, you can't do that playing basketball,
especially at that high level. And that's what he did.
But on my psycholoptical had again, what the child here
(07:49):
is I only I'm only I'm I'm I'm only enough
when I'm winning. Then that belief doesn't just affect basketball,
it follows them through their relationships, their career, and their adulthood.
(08:13):
When I saw that, I had to interrupt the pattern.
I had to step in cause I knew what the
path that was going down. And I understand David. I
I love David, I understand who he is alright, but
I wanted to explain to him. I says, man, here's
what your son is feeling right now. That says you
know and A in order for you do well, you
(08:34):
have to change your approach. Your approach is not working.
Your approach is not working. This approach worked forty fifty
years ago when we're playing right cause we didn't know
no better. This approach does not work for your son.
And since I was david friend that I could be
honest with him, man, and I I ask him a question,
one question that says, if your son never plays b
(08:55):
uh another game, which you still be proud of them?
And David started crying, he says, Phil up tears. He
says he was of course I would, cause he's my son.
And I said that, man, I said, here's what I
would do. Man. Then I want you to lead that
with pride, not with performance. I want you to be
(09:19):
a dad. Man. If he does great, doesn't make difference.
Maybe I mean he used to be a dad. Don't
base it on his performance. If he's doing great. Do
you love him? If he doesn't, you can feel it
by your actions, by your behaviors. Man, I said it
your kid is, I said David. So let's go backwards.
David's more visual persons to the point, he's direct, though
nine yards right. His kid's more kinestetic. He's he's into
(09:41):
his feelings. You know, you say something, someone says something
that you know, you know who cares about and loves,
and you say it really in a hurtful way. It's
going to hit us and hurt his feelings. So you
have to watch. And I told David you have to watch.
If your kid's a visual auditoriy kinesthetic, your kid is
kin is kinesthetic. That's a difference to it. That's a
different program. But I wanted to bring that up, you know,
(10:06):
so I said. Then I said, man, I says you
need to make a shift, bro from a performance parenting
to a present parent. And then I said, then I says,
when you change your approach, you change everything. I said,
(10:26):
do you trust me? He said yeah, I said it.
Then why don't you change your approach? Man? I'm'a tell
you how you should work with your kid. And if
you work with your kid, Man, it would be a
c it'd be a completely different Then David said, hey, man,
I change my approach. I I I I wanna be
connected with my kid, with my kid, he says, you know,
(10:47):
you know he he says, John, you know how my
dad was. Man, He said, that's why my dad trained me.
I asked him, I said, are you closer to your
dad right now? You know that's before he died. He
says no. I said, do you see the and you're
doing the same thing to Marcus right now. I said,
that's not the way the dis should work. Bro. I said, man,
(11:08):
you got a good kid. Man, don't blow it. And
of course you know I'm not gonna take up for
his dad. But you know, that's just how things was
back there, you know. You know, so man, I said that.
I said, we can make a change. You have enough
time to make a change. So David had a I said,
(11:30):
and then think about it. And he said, you know
what do you suggest that says he set up evaluate starting.
Courage said, I'm judging start start listening. Instead of saying
that you gotta win, you know, say that, Hey, I
love to watch you play, I said to courage him.
(11:53):
When when he's gonna walk on the X ye old man.
I said, hey, you know, hey, how how is your practice? Man?
What took place when he said that, you know, be
a dad man, you know, don't be how your dad was,
because as you know, that didn't work. Get it? He
says no. He says, then don't and then he did
(12:15):
that right, and the most amazing thing happened. Right two
weeks later, man Marcus scored twenty eight points. I mean,
he was phenomenal, not because he was pressured, but he
felt safe to be himself. So what I was teaching
(12:37):
Marcus was what I call the inner command method. I
was working with marxuis hard to get inside his own
how to get away away of all that, all of
that voices from his dad and everything else. But to
hear his voice, and I says, you know, you know,
(12:58):
I said, your voice become your child, of your inner
child voice. If if you speak fear to your child,
anxiety is gonna come up. If you speak faith, they'll
go to confidence. So before you push your child right,
pause and ask yourself, is this gonna Is this gonna
(13:18):
lead him to a wound? Or else? Is you learn
from wisdom? The goal is always isn't to raise a
perfect athlete. It's no substant to perfect athletes. It's is
to raise an emotional, intelligent human who knows their worth
and isn't tied up in the scoreboard. So I worked,
(13:39):
So I literally worked with Marcus. I gave Marcus a
couple sessions about mindsetting confidence, how to shoot the ball,
how to do the hold nine yards, to visualize the
old nine yards, and Marcus with a slight poetry emotion.
But I also work with David want him to be
a dad, not how his dad was, because I remember
growing up he didn't like that. No one liked that.
(14:01):
Marcus a special kid. Man. Marcus is still doing extremely well.
He's a special kid and he got he can grow,
and he's gonna make mistakes, of course, and there's nothing
wrong with making a mistake, right unless it's not too big. Right. So,
(14:21):
because you want your child to feel unconditional off, they
perform from peace, not from approval. So I thought, David,
this here goes man, here's a challenge for this week.
The next time that your child step inside the court,
(14:42):
don't start with the critique. Start with a connection game
report with them. Say a son I'm proud of you
of how you showed up, and I love watching you
give you best. That single shift will prepare years of
hidden pressure. And you know, this is what's called the
(15:04):
ODA and the command method for families, helping parents lead
from love and not fear, helping teens rise above the connection,
not being ridiculed, because the moment you heal the parent,
(15:24):
your child feel free. So my biggest thing about it is,
do you guys have kids that in sports like and
all they play sports, they're playing high school sports. They
want to go to the next level, all right, And
through my childhood I played sports all my life. You know,
(15:46):
I I was decent. You know, I had a couple
of knee injuries. But Daddy was always there. He always
and I remember Dad worked two jobs and he had
to come on his lunch break and on the second
job to see me play. And he didn't critique me.
You know, he's said, the son, you played good. I
didn't think I played so well, but he thought he
you know, he he didn't frusure me, you know, and
I was eight of ten, so he he knew what
(16:07):
he had to to get down. He had me developed man, right,
and when I started doing. I start working with athletes
and professional teams and everything else. Why give him some
feedback in some strategies because I do sports his performance
all the time. I worked with written down two Division
one baseball players. You know, I worked to a little
(16:30):
bit some up NBA basketball players as well. But I
work on the mindset physical party. They got that already.
It's mindset. Son. This kid today, he was pretty much
an outstanding best baseball player back in Irvine and he
stopped playing. He said, I said, why the coach? So
you don't play basketball. You don't play baseball for the coach.
You played for yourself, so then you want to play pro.
(16:51):
At one time he said, yeah, why'd you stop? I said, Man,
let me help you get back? Is get back that
drive again? The most gaues it's all mental physically then
you're there physically. It can't do much mentally. It's anything
that you played college professional is all eighty percent mental. Now,
(17:12):
if you don't have that mental edge, you're not gonna win.
So we do have a sports program that we work
with the kids on and we work with literally every
area from life coaching. Uh, they can tell us about
issues from schools, you know, if they're making bees or
c's or b's, they can make it a U, a's
or b's. Right, we got them. We got even for
them to create their own business. Right when they create
(17:34):
their own business. Now they're yeah, they're playing sports. Found
they create their own business, and if they're locally a superstar,
they can still make money. But we wanna teach 'em
business skills right now as a young adult. And this
is the way that you know, I did I bridge
the gaps of actually teaching the youth because honest with you,
if I had the U nil or I can create
(17:55):
my own brand and make money from them, I would
have It would been a difference. So we a would
have looked at what I did as a business. But
now I'm gonna take more pride in it cause now
you have their planning sports. But now they have a
business as well. They're learning about business. So you guys,
if you guys, if parents don't they want to go
further fast, we we w we do this for you know,
(18:15):
I e eighth grade out up right, you know, but
eighth grade, high school, college, semi pros and even pros.
We we we we work with as professional teams as
well as well as you know baseball teams and everything else, basketball,
any sports. It's sports and sports, right, But what I
work out more of us as a mindset because as
an athlete, you know that's this is what we do.
(18:38):
So anyway, guys, thank you so much. It heads up,
We do have a business podcast as well, if you
guys know about it, and the business podcast is called
the Doctor John Odam Method. We talk about business strategies
and business ideas as well, right, so it's really cool
concepts as well. And of course we have our team
and parents in one. So do me a favorite, give
me five stars, six stars, pastors to somebody else who
(18:59):
needs to hear it. Right, But if your kid play sports,
you don't. You don't. You don't need the one who
yelled the biggest or yell yell the loudest, or make
your kid embarrassed. Man, be there for him, support him,
you know, and guide them. Man, And when he loses
his mind, don't critique him. Please don't critique him. So
I'll make you play the great game or what do
(19:20):
you think he needs to improve on? So until next time,
you take care of bustings, and you guys, have a
bust day. Are there to make this day, this week,
this month magnificent life for now,
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