November 27, 2025 • 12 mins
Podcast Episode Title: How to Get Along With Loved Ones During the Holidays
Description:
In this powerful holiday episode, Dr. John Oda reveals how to bring peace, harmony, and understanding back into your family dynamics—especially during the most emotionally charged time of the year. You’ll discover the exact rapport-building tools used in high-level leadership psychology and learn how to apply them with your loved ones, even the ones who trigger you the most.
Dr. Oda breaks down practical, easy-to-use techniques like pacing and leading, emotional mirroring, advanced rapport-building skills, and conflict diffusion strategies that work instantly. These tools will help you create deeper connection, prevent arguments before they start, and turn the holidays into a time of joy, bonding, and genuine transformation.
Whether you're dealing with difficult relatives, sensitive conversations, or old emotional patterns, this episode gives you everything you need to navigate family gatherings with confidence, compassion, and leadership.
CTA:
If you want a private Family Breakthrough Session to strengthen communication and healing in your home, DM the word FAMILY. I take only 3 families per month.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Description:
In this powerful holiday episode, Dr. John Oda reveals how to bring peace, harmony, and understanding back into your family dynamics—especially during the most emotionally charged time of the year. You’ll discover the exact rapport-building tools used in high-level leadership psychology and learn how to apply them with your loved ones, even the ones who trigger you the most.
Dr. Oda breaks down practical, easy-to-use techniques like pacing and leading, emotional mirroring, advanced rapport-building skills, and conflict diffusion strategies that work instantly. These tools will help you create deeper connection, prevent arguments before they start, and turn the holidays into a time of joy, bonding, and genuine transformation.
Whether you're dealing with difficult relatives, sensitive conversations, or old emotional patterns, this episode gives you everything you need to navigate family gatherings with confidence, compassion, and leadership.
CTA:
If you want a private Family Breakthrough Session to strengthen communication and healing in your home, DM the word FAMILY. I take only 3 families per month.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-doctor-s-corner-with-dr-john-oda--5470834/support.
Dr. John Oda has spent 38 years helping teens and parents strengthen communication, overcome struggles, and build thriving families. Download a free 23-minute deep dive from his book *Connecting with Your Teen: Send an email to info@drjohnoda.com for your download.
Articles, Books, and Podcasts
https://drjohnoda.com/pr-media
Bonding the Family Together
:https://family.pnbcgroup.com/
If your teen is playing sports and wants that extra edge
https://sports.pnbcgroup.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Doctor's Corner. Guys. This is our doctor
John Ota. I am your host today. A little something
about me. I am the author of Connecting with Your Teen.
The book came out in jes two thousand and six,
almost nineteen years old. Uh. I have been in working
(00:22):
in this house field with parenting teens for the past
thirty eight years, parenting teens specifically twenty three years. I'm
a b I'm a best selling author. So my number
one outcome and my goal is to teach parents skill
sets and tools quick to a point so you as
(00:46):
I can actually apply. Alright, if you guys like this,
give me a five star, six star, seventh star, and
as they mentioned also as birthstep Feather five together, pass
it on to some of your friends who actually need
some some tools, some strategies. So what I decided to
do is I decided to do it every day, but
like for about eighty twelve minutes, give you guys some
(01:07):
powerful tools, some powerful tips. It's actually changed the quality
of your life still, as you guys realize. Guys, today's Thanksgiving, Guys,
Happy Thanksgiving. I am so thankful, thank you for all
you guys listening to me today. If it's morning and
eating at nighttime, whatever, but thank you or thank you,
so today she doesn't be a little special too. I'm
(01:28):
gonna talk about how to get along with loved ones
during the holiday season, and this is the one everyone
can use. So what makes me being the expert I
believe is I was been a practical psychologist all my life.
I come from a family of ten, I'm eight of
ten and I got was it maybe a couple about
(01:50):
one hundred or so easter and nephews. So I understand
about big families and big gatherings and everything big. But
what I've also done, I've also worked in them at Healthfield,
and I taught communications and how on how parents can
get along with their kids and vice versa. Right, So
this dans under a little special. Its gonna be fun
as well. It's gonna be what I call the three e's,
(02:11):
so the entertainment, educational, and exciteing. So let's start with
the program. So, how do you get along with family
members during things given? Now, I'm not sure about you.
I know that was one of the hardest times. So
sometimes you have uncles come by, your aunties come by,
who you just just don't vibe with they don't connect,
or else they're gossiping, or else their back by. They
(02:34):
know they're doing some crazy stuff you don't want to
be around, but for your kid's sake, you do it anyway.
And am I talking to somebody? Okay, great greade, great
so And here's and here's what I'm telling you to
is to do what I do with my family members. Right.
You know, I'm not going home this year. I live
in California. I live in the Midwest, back in Indiana.
So in Indiana, if it's past the twenty third of November,
(02:58):
I don't go home because it normally rains, snow and
have a blizzard maybe once out of a hundred years
it it doesn't happen like that. This year. It's like
they're like, you know, twenty thirty blows there. Whin. Uh.
My skin's a little bit too uh. My little blood's
little bit too thin for that these days. But I
do love the Middlewest if you're from there. So back
to the little story, right, So what I do with
(03:19):
my siblings and families and aunties and uncles and all
the things I see first ones who are all coming in, right,
and what I do I rank them and here's where
I rank them. I rank them. Who can I get
along with with five or ten minutes without fighting? And
mean fighting means they bring up stuffs, they bring up
the past, they bring up they're just gossip and I
don't wanna be there. Right. I believe that, Uh if
a family is like a garden, right, we plant seeds
(03:40):
and we have a harvest. But sometimes in our harvest
we have wheats and sweeds could sometimes be these negative people. Right,
So I figure out who gonna be around for five
or ten minutes? Right? Who can I be around for
a couple hours, a half day a day and more
than a day, cause I know me, it's home between
four or five days, right, go home, kss them, love
(04:01):
them right now. When my mom and dad was live,
I would go home no matter what. And so mom
and dad passed away. Dad passed away eleven years ago,
Mama passed away seven years ago. I don't go home
as much, but I think I should. But as a family,
we did have Thanksgiving on Sunday. That was pretty cool.
We all met on zoom and we all talked to
that and so that was a really good thing about it.
(04:22):
So that's my family thing that I'm doing, especially with
the siblings. So but what I tell everybody is, at first,
you need to figure out who you can stay around
the long period of time. Some of my siblings, I swear,
I give them, kiss them, hug them, love you. You guys
are looking great? Oh great, you lose weight? Beautiful. I'll
move on because here's what I do know. I know
after about four or five minutes, they're gonna bring some
(04:44):
stuff up or start fighting, or they want to have
that significance and they want to put you down. And
I'm sixty one years young. I'm not gonna take that.
So I know who I am. That's the other thing.
Know who you are. And since I'm not that type
of person, I walk away and give them a kiss
and leave. Right. But when I have to ask you, guys, right,
(05:08):
parents are out there, how do you gain rapport with people? So?
How other people like you? A lot of people trust you?
And how long do you think it takes to gain
rapport with the person? I saw? I hear somebody say
two hours, three hours a day. All right, I'm teaching
to gain rapport with the person in a couple of minutes.
It's gonna be pretty quick and nowt me do this
at a seminar. I want to do it a seminar.
(05:30):
I do it for about three or four hours. You're
more of a role playing thing. But I'm gonna give
you guys the gist of it. Right. The way to
gain rapport is you have to enter their world. It's
all about them. So what you have to do, ladies
and gentlemen, you have to listen, right, Listen to three things.
The words they use the most, because you want to
(05:51):
speak to them subconsciously. Right, their tone, temple in tonality
if they speak and so when you're talking really really fast,
you're not gonna be in report. And third, by not least,
the physiology, the way they move their body, the way
they smile, the way their boundaries is right. So what
takes place is when I'm speaking to somebody, right, I'm
(06:11):
looking at the words they use most now that they
have a colorful language, and I don't for that time
I acquire a colorful language. Because the reason why I
do that, when you speaking to them back in their
same language, they're gonna think, oh my god, this guy
got a backbone like ooh ding ding ding me. The
outcome is you want them to be the soul mad.
You want them to think that you are the soul mad.
You gotta think in the exact same way. The tone
(06:34):
tip of toonadi. If they speaking slow, I speak low,
they speak loud like I know they do. I speak loud, right,
because you're gonna gain more rapport. It's a cool thing. Body.
If they're a touchy person, they touch you, if you
touch them back, you're gonna have instant rapport, right. And
physiology part. You know their body language if they move
(06:56):
their hands when they're speaking to describe something, and when
you start speaking your head. Let me tell you. Let's
go backwards. Guys, I said matching and mirror certain things.
I did not say mimic. They go ooh, I don't
want you to go ooooh, lad's mimic. We're not going there, right,
So that's the first phase. Let's go to the second phase.
(07:16):
This is a DVADS communication skill. Right. How many in
here are married? Okay, the guys, Congratulations, has been married
for thirty years. Congratulations, Bob, you've been married for seventeen. Oh,
Sue have been married for fifty dear, what is your secret? Congrats? Congrats?
Here it goes if if you're a significant other would
say I love you? But how would that make you feel?
(07:40):
In most cases, when you say the word but it
makes a person feel defensive. They want to fight. And
when you say the word, but you negate everything you
say in front of it. Right, So what you say
the word is and of your loved ones say I
love you and and make you feel a little bit better, right, beautiful.
(08:04):
But when he is what we call the agreement phrase,
and write this down, he says, I love you, and
I respect you, I appreciate you, and I agree with you.
Those are the Those are the three agreement phrases. That's
Reprobton skills. And I imagine you're talking about political stuff.
(08:27):
It's it'll come up and someone's against you. And then
you say, you know, I respect what you have to say.
And now when you say and I don't want you
to be passive passive, I guess I want you to
be assertive. Stay what's on your mind, but in assertive way.
Now what they're gonna hear is, oh my god, Susie
respects me, Susie appreciates me, Susie even agree with me. Wow,
(08:53):
I have a question for you. How can you get mad.
You can't the agreement phrase. So I use this when
I do my seminars. We talk about political stuff, cause
that's fun, when we talk about abortion, which is fun,
and it cause you know, and we go back and forth.
Them they use it, and guess what happened? They can't argue.
So let's go backwards. When I'm around my siblings and
(09:18):
a lot of them, I use the agreement phrase. The
reason why I don't wanna fight 'em. I know if
I fight them where it's gonna go. And the sad
thing about it, I'm not eight nine ten years old.
I'm sixty one years young, right, and I got limits.
But what I do do extremely well. I know how
to communicate. So let's do backwards. First, you need to
(09:44):
figure out, let's do a rewind. First, you need to
figure out how many minutes or hours you can stay
with that person, right, that's the first thing. Second thing,
you need to gain r rapport the way in three ways?
How to gain it words, tone, tipotonality. And that's at
least to the agreement phrase. I respect and I appreciate it,
and I agree and right, and if you would do
(10:06):
this right, your connections would be better. And if you
don't like that person, make it short, make it just
make it short. So here what you guys do right,
go home. If you have kids, right list, have them
listen to this right and have them practices. Cause when
they started practicing the communication p right now, they can
(10:26):
communicate extremely well. Cause when somebody appreciate me, or respects me,
or even agree I'm part of me, it's hard to argue.
So I hope this helped out. I hope this is
gonna make your guys go wow, okay, great, cool. So
here's his lab guys. As you guys know, I'm author
of a book i'm'll offer three books to be honest
(10:48):
with you, and it was on the national best seller
that's where the God said blessing for that. I'm coming
out with a new planner and this planner is off
the hook, guys, it is is. I love it. I
mix uh bibical or spirituality with the garden principle with neurosciences.
(11:09):
So i'm'a make one also for parents, yes, as well
as for teenagers right to get their goals, to get
what they have to get done in life and how
to actually create it. So that's coming out soon. Do
you guys really need someone really to uh you teen?
Or you need some help in your relationships? Or do
you guys know the schools out now? You know it's
it's Thanksgiving time? Schools out? What you can do of Johnny?
(11:31):
What you can do of Sue? How can you relate
to 'em? If your relationship is not the greatest? Right?
And as I mentioned, the garden principle is right. Uh,
imagine your family is a garden and you have crops, right,
and there's great harvest, but what comes in is weeds. Right.
And when the weeds come in, y, you know you
can pull the weeds out, but still have to do
(11:51):
It's like cause that's your kid or it could be
your loved ones. How do you do that? So the
question I have is when you guys have those issues,
contact me, you guys and DM me. And my official
website is doctor Johnaldo dot Nutt. I'm doing this so
for thirty eight years and and if you look at
my website, I got phenomenal results for the people because
(12:11):
I love what I do. It's fun. It's it's not
work to me, it's play. So anyway, guys, thank you, guys,
I have to leave you guys, some three things and
once you just take write this down. I love you,
I thank you, and I appreciate you. First, I love
you for taking time to listen to me for the
last twelve thirteen minutes, right, I thank you for writing
down feedback and strategies. This can completely totally change your life.
(12:33):
And I appreciate you that. Y, you're gonna pass this
podcast on to somebody else who needs it, who can
we're gonna listen to it and who canna actually thrive?
And again, guys, happy things given and happy holidays until
next time, taking your blessings by for you now.
Welcome to the Doctor's Corner. Guys. This is our doctor
John Ota. I am your host today. A little something
about me. I am the author of Connecting with Your Teen.
The book came out in jes two thousand and six,
almost nineteen years old. Uh. I have been in working
(00:22):
in this house field with parenting teens for the past
thirty eight years, parenting teens specifically twenty three years. I'm
a b I'm a best selling author. So my number
one outcome and my goal is to teach parents skill
sets and tools quick to a point so you as
(00:46):
I can actually apply. Alright, if you guys like this,
give me a five star, six star, seventh star, and
as they mentioned also as birthstep Feather five together, pass
it on to some of your friends who actually need
some some tools, some strategies. So what I decided to
do is I decided to do it every day, but
like for about eighty twelve minutes, give you guys some
(01:07):
powerful tools, some powerful tips. It's actually changed the quality
of your life still, as you guys realize. Guys, today's Thanksgiving, Guys,
Happy Thanksgiving. I am so thankful, thank you for all
you guys listening to me today. If it's morning and
eating at nighttime, whatever, but thank you or thank you,
so today she doesn't be a little special too. I'm
(01:28):
gonna talk about how to get along with loved ones
during the holiday season, and this is the one everyone
can use. So what makes me being the expert I
believe is I was been a practical psychologist all my life.
I come from a family of ten, I'm eight of
ten and I got was it maybe a couple about
(01:50):
one hundred or so easter and nephews. So I understand
about big families and big gatherings and everything big. But
what I've also done, I've also worked in them at Healthfield,
and I taught communications and how on how parents can
get along with their kids and vice versa. Right, So
this dans under a little special. Its gonna be fun
as well. It's gonna be what I call the three e's,
(02:11):
so the entertainment, educational, and exciteing. So let's start with
the program. So, how do you get along with family
members during things given? Now, I'm not sure about you.
I know that was one of the hardest times. So
sometimes you have uncles come by, your aunties come by,
who you just just don't vibe with they don't connect,
or else they're gossiping, or else their back by. They
(02:34):
know they're doing some crazy stuff you don't want to
be around, but for your kid's sake, you do it anyway.
And am I talking to somebody? Okay, great greade, great
so And here's and here's what I'm telling you to
is to do what I do with my family members. Right.
You know, I'm not going home this year. I live
in California. I live in the Midwest, back in Indiana.
So in Indiana, if it's past the twenty third of November,
(02:58):
I don't go home because it normally rains, snow and
have a blizzard maybe once out of a hundred years
it it doesn't happen like that. This year. It's like
they're like, you know, twenty thirty blows there. Whin. Uh.
My skin's a little bit too uh. My little blood's
little bit too thin for that these days. But I
do love the Middlewest if you're from there. So back
to the little story, right, So what I do with
(03:19):
my siblings and families and aunties and uncles and all
the things I see first ones who are all coming in, right,
and what I do I rank them and here's where
I rank them. I rank them. Who can I get
along with with five or ten minutes without fighting? And
mean fighting means they bring up stuffs, they bring up
the past, they bring up they're just gossip and I
don't wanna be there. Right. I believe that, Uh if
a family is like a garden, right, we plant seeds
(03:40):
and we have a harvest. But sometimes in our harvest
we have wheats and sweeds could sometimes be these negative people. Right,
So I figure out who gonna be around for five
or ten minutes? Right? Who can I be around for
a couple hours, a half day a day and more
than a day, cause I know me, it's home between
four or five days, right, go home, kss them, love
(04:01):
them right now. When my mom and dad was live,
I would go home no matter what. And so mom
and dad passed away. Dad passed away eleven years ago,
Mama passed away seven years ago. I don't go home
as much, but I think I should. But as a family,
we did have Thanksgiving on Sunday. That was pretty cool.
We all met on zoom and we all talked to
that and so that was a really good thing about it.
(04:22):
So that's my family thing that I'm doing, especially with
the siblings. So but what I tell everybody is, at first,
you need to figure out who you can stay around
the long period of time. Some of my siblings, I swear,
I give them, kiss them, hug them, love you. You guys
are looking great? Oh great, you lose weight? Beautiful. I'll
move on because here's what I do know. I know
after about four or five minutes, they're gonna bring some
(04:44):
stuff up or start fighting, or they want to have
that significance and they want to put you down. And
I'm sixty one years young. I'm not gonna take that.
So I know who I am. That's the other thing.
Know who you are. And since I'm not that type
of person, I walk away and give them a kiss
and leave. Right. But when I have to ask you, guys, right,
(05:08):
parents are out there, how do you gain rapport with people? So?
How other people like you? A lot of people trust you?
And how long do you think it takes to gain
rapport with the person? I saw? I hear somebody say
two hours, three hours a day. All right, I'm teaching
to gain rapport with the person in a couple of minutes.
It's gonna be pretty quick and nowt me do this
at a seminar. I want to do it a seminar.
(05:30):
I do it for about three or four hours. You're
more of a role playing thing. But I'm gonna give
you guys the gist of it. Right. The way to
gain rapport is you have to enter their world. It's
all about them. So what you have to do, ladies
and gentlemen, you have to listen, right, Listen to three things.
The words they use the most, because you want to
(05:51):
speak to them subconsciously. Right, their tone, temple in tonality
if they speak and so when you're talking really really fast,
you're not gonna be in report. And third, by not least,
the physiology, the way they move their body, the way
they smile, the way their boundaries is right. So what
takes place is when I'm speaking to somebody, right, I'm
(06:11):
looking at the words they use most now that they
have a colorful language, and I don't for that time
I acquire a colorful language. Because the reason why I
do that, when you speaking to them back in their
same language, they're gonna think, oh my god, this guy
got a backbone like ooh ding ding ding me. The
outcome is you want them to be the soul mad.
You want them to think that you are the soul mad.
You gotta think in the exact same way. The tone
(06:34):
tip of toonadi. If they speaking slow, I speak low,
they speak loud like I know they do. I speak loud, right,
because you're gonna gain more rapport. It's a cool thing. Body.
If they're a touchy person, they touch you, if you
touch them back, you're gonna have instant rapport, right. And
physiology part. You know their body language if they move
(06:56):
their hands when they're speaking to describe something, and when
you start speaking your head. Let me tell you. Let's
go backwards. Guys, I said matching and mirror certain things.
I did not say mimic. They go ooh, I don't
want you to go ooooh, lad's mimic. We're not going there, right,
So that's the first phase. Let's go to the second phase.
(07:16):
This is a DVADS communication skill. Right. How many in
here are married? Okay, the guys, Congratulations, has been married
for thirty years. Congratulations, Bob, you've been married for seventeen. Oh,
Sue have been married for fifty dear, what is your secret? Congrats? Congrats?
Here it goes if if you're a significant other would
say I love you? But how would that make you feel?
(07:40):
In most cases, when you say the word but it
makes a person feel defensive. They want to fight. And
when you say the word, but you negate everything you
say in front of it. Right, So what you say
the word is and of your loved ones say I
love you and and make you feel a little bit better, right, beautiful.
(08:04):
But when he is what we call the agreement phrase,
and write this down, he says, I love you, and
I respect you, I appreciate you, and I agree with you.
Those are the Those are the three agreement phrases. That's
Reprobton skills. And I imagine you're talking about political stuff.
(08:27):
It's it'll come up and someone's against you. And then
you say, you know, I respect what you have to say.
And now when you say and I don't want you
to be passive passive, I guess I want you to
be assertive. Stay what's on your mind, but in assertive way.
Now what they're gonna hear is, oh my god, Susie
respects me, Susie appreciates me, Susie even agree with me. Wow,
(08:53):
I have a question for you. How can you get mad.
You can't the agreement phrase. So I use this when
I do my seminars. We talk about political stuff, cause
that's fun, when we talk about abortion, which is fun,
and it cause you know, and we go back and forth.
Them they use it, and guess what happened? They can't argue.
So let's go backwards. When I'm around my siblings and
(09:18):
a lot of them, I use the agreement phrase. The
reason why I don't wanna fight 'em. I know if
I fight them where it's gonna go. And the sad
thing about it, I'm not eight nine ten years old.
I'm sixty one years young, right, and I got limits.
But what I do do extremely well. I know how
to communicate. So let's do backwards. First, you need to
(09:44):
figure out, let's do a rewind. First, you need to
figure out how many minutes or hours you can stay
with that person, right, that's the first thing. Second thing,
you need to gain r rapport the way in three ways?
How to gain it words, tone, tipotonality. And that's at
least to the agreement phrase. I respect and I appreciate it,
and I agree and right, and if you would do
(10:06):
this right, your connections would be better. And if you
don't like that person, make it short, make it just
make it short. So here what you guys do right,
go home. If you have kids, right list, have them
listen to this right and have them practices. Cause when
they started practicing the communication p right now, they can
(10:26):
communicate extremely well. Cause when somebody appreciate me, or respects me,
or even agree I'm part of me, it's hard to argue.
So I hope this helped out. I hope this is
gonna make your guys go wow, okay, great, cool. So
here's his lab guys. As you guys know, I'm author
of a book i'm'll offer three books to be honest
(10:48):
with you, and it was on the national best seller
that's where the God said blessing for that. I'm coming
out with a new planner and this planner is off
the hook, guys, it is is. I love it. I
mix uh bibical or spirituality with the garden principle with neurosciences.
(11:09):
So i'm'a make one also for parents, yes, as well
as for teenagers right to get their goals, to get
what they have to get done in life and how
to actually create it. So that's coming out soon. Do
you guys really need someone really to uh you teen?
Or you need some help in your relationships? Or do
you guys know the schools out now? You know it's
it's Thanksgiving time? Schools out? What you can do of Johnny?
(11:31):
What you can do of Sue? How can you relate
to 'em? If your relationship is not the greatest? Right?
And as I mentioned, the garden principle is right. Uh,
imagine your family is a garden and you have crops, right,
and there's great harvest, but what comes in is weeds. Right.
And when the weeds come in, y, you know you
can pull the weeds out, but still have to do
(11:51):
It's like cause that's your kid or it could be
your loved ones. How do you do that? So the
question I have is when you guys have those issues,
contact me, you guys and DM me. And my official
website is doctor Johnaldo dot Nutt. I'm doing this so
for thirty eight years and and if you look at
my website, I got phenomenal results for the people because
(12:11):
I love what I do. It's fun. It's it's not
work to me, it's play. So anyway, guys, thank you, guys,
I have to leave you guys, some three things and
once you just take write this down. I love you,
I thank you, and I appreciate you. First, I love
you for taking time to listen to me for the
last twelve thirteen minutes, right, I thank you for writing
down feedback and strategies. This can completely totally change your life.
(12:33):
And I appreciate you that. Y, you're gonna pass this
podcast on to somebody else who needs it, who can
we're gonna listen to it and who canna actually thrive?
And again, guys, happy things given and happy holidays until
next time, taking your blessings by for you now.
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