The Dr. Meleeka Clary Show - w/ Guest Kristin Szczerbik

The topic discussing will be how using positive psychology towards influencing one’s behavior regarding Mental Illness, Depression and Anxiety.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:16):
It was an interesting moment for me at the time
because I really wasn't seeking someone or anyone I should say.
I just hope if I did meet someone that they
would be a positive person to meet.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Everything he was saying and doing was making me fall
in love with him.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
Fighting over custody a lot of people quit, but when
that's just how it got to be, but she keeps
on fighting ninety takes a lot of out.

Speaker 4 (01:01):
Got that dollar, Bay, you.

Speaker 5 (01:03):
Like your inmature card shot the characters.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
Objection with any of this evidence of this partner, I.

Speaker 5 (01:11):
Say to you, for fifteen thousand dollars, I would like
to see myself.

Speaker 6 (01:16):
This is all about a tire, a poor point born
into about five.

Speaker 7 (01:23):
You know what you're lies? Like, God surprise, I'm gonna supply.
Why do you know what your lies?

Speaker 4 (01:30):
I'm going to supply? Got a supply said?

Speaker 7 (01:33):
This is not Jack?

Speaker 8 (01:34):
That no.

Speaker 7 (01:38):
Dollar again? Yah? Pay no Jock.

Speaker 4 (01:40):
That something.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
You're trying to have a judge for. I'll shake you
from her for thousands of dollars for coming to court.

Speaker 7 (01:52):
How much money since we came in to keep paying
you and your fellow Jess. You can't child, I'm gonna Survival.

Speaker 5 (02:15):
Welcome to the Doctor Malika Claire Show on the Boat
and Brave TV Network. Well we're come in, lie yes,
ye are you know? People? I just got off being
a cold, well having a cold, I should say, so
I'm getting better, but you know that's funny weather. So
I have to say thank you guys for getting me

(02:37):
up this morning and be able to say I love
it to my loved ones because you know, we just
don't know, Like I always have to be grateful because
one day at a time, one step at a time,
but we don't we just don't know what's going to
go on. So and it's been a hard week, you know,
I you know, a loss of friends. You know mom,

(02:58):
she was like a mom to me and I really,
you know, very broken about that. So I have to
go to a phenerality. But she lived long life and
I love her and I will always miss her. You know,
we all wish we could get to eighty. You know,
I'm trying to get to the next year, and just
to know you got to eighty years was you know,

(03:20):
just wonderful. And I'm definitely gonna miss her because you know,
she was a I won't to say a bright light
because she showed I call her Mama Nee, so I'll
just say that, and she had like a bright light
about her. She lived her best life. I mean, whatever

(03:40):
she wanted to do, she did it, traveling the whole
thing family, and I would definitely miss her because she
showed what living was about and enjoyment and living for yourself.
She showed me that too, because I think I started
cruising when she started it with her daughter, and I
was like, oh, that sounds okay. I canna take my

(04:02):
kids to cruising many many years ago. And I just
love her bright light because she showed change. And so
I'm gonna miss her very much, very much. She's definitely
gonna be missed. But as you say, when you miss people,
you talk about them and enjoyful things they have contribute

(04:22):
to life. And especially she holds a warm moment and
just a feeling in my heart. So with that being said,
I try, like I said, I try to not take
a day for granted, and I even you know, I
try to implement that to my kids and my children,
but you know, we all just live life. Some people
don't think about it like that. They think they have

(04:45):
a lot of time and it's not always the case,
so I try not to take advantage just that time.
And it's hard because you know, some people, you're moving
and shaking, you're doing this, you're doing that, and you
have time for the little stuff time. But I'm gonna say, somebody,
you just gotta make time for those little things because
one day you're not gonna be able to do those

(05:06):
little things you like to do, like smile, say I
love you to someone, or hear someone's laugh. Those are
the little things. So people, we need to appreciate those
little things. I know, we have bigger goals and we
want this, we want that, we want to be there,
we want to be there, and sometimes we just have
to look around us and just show gratitude for what's

(05:27):
around us. I'm like, oh, okay, I gotta to see
this snow, even though I like this, though this do gold,
but you know, I would love to see it because
the alternative may be different and I won't be seeing anything,
so I don't know, you know what I mean, So
there you go. So I'm just grateful for that. You know.

(05:49):
I always have guests on my show and we talk
about a lot of challenges and things what people go through.
But you know one day. One thing I'm always going
to say, there's always a challenge that you never really master.
Challenges you just don't know when it's going to come up.
You don't know how you're going to always deal with it.

(06:11):
But I try to deal with things in my life.
You know, positively, no one's perfect, So let's put that
on the table. There's no perfect person. We all are
human beings and we all go through things. Either if
you have family issues you know, or friends or personal relationships,

(06:32):
or just anything with yourself that you don't like, You're
still going to go through it. But here's the thing
is how you get through it. And I'm always going
to try to, you know, explain this to you. I
don't know it all. I mean, I am a clinical
psychologist to study behaviors, that's my main thing. But I
also realize that I'm a human being too, and I

(06:56):
have emotions and I have these things that I go through,
so I have to learn from them just like you.
And I think that what helps me when a situation
happens to me is that of my control, I always
have to stand back, step back and say, hey, what
happened here? You know, I don't know if I could

(07:19):
just fix it at that point in time, because it
has another it has to do with another human being,
so it's not always I can fix it. Sometimes I
have to step back, relax, think about it, you know,
get whatever I need to get out, of course, because
I don't want to hold that in. And I think
that is so important to tell you. If you're going

(07:42):
through any situation or anything. Like I said, it doesn't
matter what it is, you can get it out, talk
to friends, keep on explaining things, letting people know how
you feel. So you don't keep that inside because that's
going to eat you up. But you may not can't
change your situation because it has something to do with

(08:04):
another person. And until they want change or something with them,
you know, connect you with them or bring you guys together,
you may have to wait on that. So but right now,
let it all out, take a break, voice how you feel,
don't keep that in, and I'm gonna come back because

(08:25):
we have an amazing guest today. She's been in my
show numerous of times. But I just want to keep
on letting you know you're not alone because I'm also
a person too, and all that note, I'm going to
take a brief commercial, and I'll be right back with
the Doctor Malika Cleary's show on the Bold and Brave
TV Network. Don't go nowhere if them, We'll be right back. Hello.

(08:46):
All three Corners of the Sption movie is now available
on Prime video.

Speaker 9 (08:54):
How about that?

Speaker 5 (08:56):
Actober fourteen, three birthday. I am going to release this
and you guys could go ahead and help me do
just that. Go see that movie. Thank you for all
the support and not giving up on me. Go see
that Three Corners of Deception. Release me from all the

(09:20):
pain and everything I've been through. Go see the movie.

Speaker 8 (09:25):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (09:25):
I love you all. Thank you for all of the support.

Speaker 8 (09:30):
Go see that movie Prime video, Prime Video.

Speaker 7 (09:35):
Howbout that?

Speaker 5 (09:37):
God bless you all.

Speaker 8 (09:39):
I love you all.

Speaker 5 (09:41):
It was really hard for me to do that movie
sometimes because at that time, because ten years ago is
what I went through, it wasn't then, so I had
to take Even they say you play yourself, it's not
really always easy to play yourself. You have to play
yourself ten years ago when you're I was just comboblated

(10:01):
and you felt betrayaled.

Speaker 8 (10:03):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (10:04):
You felt like you know, life was just not it
and you know, not in my situation, and it's based
on true events and you know, unfortunately it's about judicial deception,
but it's also about romance and drama and divorced. It's
something that just went to a different way, but as
I changed it and went into a movie. But what's

(10:25):
interesting about this situation people don't understand. It's a flow
technique for me. That was my release to finish this movie. Sir,

(11:00):
Welcome Back to the Dark and Malika Clary show on
the voted Brave TV Network. Well, what coming, love? I
have to laugh because my engineer is so funny. He's
talking about the basketball game. I haven't been tuning in
because I've been a little busy lately. I have to
let him know. So I ain't even going to talk

(11:23):
all the trash that he's been talking. But you already know,
so I figured I just tell him that say that,
So what by you know what I was trying to
say before coming back to that moment, that moment of
you know, dealing with things in your life that you

(11:47):
have no control of. That's the best way to say it.
You want somebody to do something, they don't want to
do it. You're having a tuggle war with them to
get them to do it. Sometime it could be a
family member, and sometime it's not. It's a person that
you're in a relationship with. You either could be patient

(12:09):
and wait or you just couldn't, you know, kind of
like give them some space or take some space for yourself.
And you know, I think today which I like I said,
I have amazing guests, and we're going to talk about
some things that's on my mind too. You know, she
is a criminal lawyer and family lawyer, and you know

(12:34):
she's been on my platform. We've talked about juveniles and
you know, family and family law, and we're going to
continue on talking about juveniles as well. We'll probably mix
it up a little bit more of some of the questions.
And I'm glad today we're going to talk about juveniles
and how they are in a criminal system or judicial system,
I will say, because there's things that I know we

(12:58):
talk about kids, and I know that that's like, oh
my goodness, what do you do as a parent. And
I remember when I was going through a lot of
things with my children, you know, my two daughters, you know,
when they were in there, I want to say terrible twos,
but it's really terrible sixteen seventy going to eighteen. I've

(13:18):
did it all, and I'm just like, I know, I'm
still in that moment in my family and I go
through things. There's no perfect way to raise a child.
I will say this to you before I've been bringing on,
so there's no perfect way. We all try to do
the best we can, and that's all we can do

(13:40):
is do the best. Sometime we need to pull back
and give some space, and you know, to our little
know it all children, because I went through right daughters,
and I'm glad they are adults doing their own thing.
I'm so proud of them, but I am gonna say
it broke me mentally just to get them through, and

(14:01):
I got a little bit more so I still got
to be patient with my other child. But it's still
a lot. And I know how family members feel like,
why this new generation don't respect their parents, or why
do they do this, why they don't do that, Why
don't listen? You know, that's going to be a battle

(14:22):
for us all because we all have growing pains as
adults too. And I go back to when I was
sixteen seventeen, I didn't want to listen to my parents
I want to do whatever I want to do, you know, snap,
crackle and pop, and seriously I did. But here's the
thing that I also want to tell people. When you
are being a parent and you are trying to help

(14:45):
your loved one go through their identity crisis or growing pains,
you know, you reflect on what you've been through and
that should give you a little bit of wisdom and
how to deal with them. You know, I always tell people,
take what you like out of your grown when you
was being raised, from your upbringing, and then you know,

(15:09):
leave all the stuff out. And that's what I did.
I took out what I liked about my upbringing, and
I try to raise my children and those norms of
what I consider norms, and I do what I do,
and I think it's great. It works for me. But
I will tell you every child is different and they

(15:30):
all got different personalities. But here's the saying. This is
when I'm right there with you, we together, friends, Never
blame yourself for trying to help your child understand what
direction to go in your life. Discipline is disciplined, you know,
as long as you ain't mentally and beating them and

(15:51):
doing all the things, you're just trying to say, hey,
don't do that because I wouldn't do that. That's for
your good me discipline. It's helping them survive and make
good decisions in the future, and you're gonna need that.
So when I bring my guests, we will talk about juveniles.
And we're not talking about in a criminal system, you
know bad like, oh, you shouldn't utilize that. We're not

(16:12):
talking about counseling that you shouldn't utilize. We're talking about
you have to put your big pants on and be
the parent and forget your friend. You're not a friend.
It's such a friend. You got to be a parent.
And it might hurt you internally and emotionally sometimes because
you can't believe you gotta do this. But if you
don't do certain things, then what are you doing nothing?

(16:34):
You setting them and fail in the future if you
don't do it now while you have a little bit
power and I say a little bit of power, because
when they're under certain ages, that's when you got a
little bit of power. If you don't see it and
you don't acknowledge it, that's that's one thing. But if
you see it, then you acknowledge it, then it's up
to you to try to do what you gotta do

(16:55):
because I believe in I'm Christian, but I'm working in
progress too. I'm not perfect too. But in the Bible
says if a child needs discipline, then you discipline as
the parents, so you can give them hope in the
future to make good decisions and in their life. It's
a hope to know that they can change to be good.

(17:17):
And that's something that I wake up and do. I pray.
Prayer to me is wonderful. It's got me through a
lot of things. And when I even dealing with my
children as they adults now, except my other one he's younger.
You know, I pray I still because sometimes you got
to take the body here, the flesh out, because when

(17:41):
you can't see each other, then you got to pray
to some spiritual belief that hopefully the situation could meet.
And that's how I look at it, because I've been
through a lot of things and one thing I will
tell you, I'm not a perfect parent, but I'll be
darn if I'm not going to give it my best,
because that's what I do. I give it my best

(18:02):
and say, hey, that was my best, that was one
of my greatest, and you got it. I don't give out.
I didn't give up without a fight. That's one thing
that I think parents need to start doing. Don't give up.
Don't give up, you know because but but let them
know you're gonna bring tough too. Don't walk all over

(18:23):
you either, because you got to show them that they
got to survive out there in this world and make
good sound decisions. No one's perfect, but you gotta set
them up straight. So with that being said, and when
I get back, I'll bring my amazing guests back on
right now, I'll be right back with the doctor Milika
Claryshell and do not go nowhere, because we'll be right back.

(18:48):
It was because of me having a voice and saying
something about what had happened to me, because I can't
believe it. I can't believe that these individuals put their
good name and their reputation on the line just to
hurt somebody because they spoke up. Yes see, that's what

(19:11):
happens when you speak up. I get it, but I'm
not fearful because of that. Even though I went through
a lot and still go through a lot of things,
I got God on my side, and I feel like
if that is not enough, then I don't know what
it is. Because I'm still standing and I'm still telling
my story and I'm gonna keep on telling stories. And
that is why I like film, Because film you're being

(19:35):
able to express things that you went through and experiences
and people.

Speaker 8 (19:41):
You know, you'd be amazed what you can do.

Speaker 5 (19:45):
Hello, A three Corners of Deception movie is now available
on Prime video?

Speaker 9 (19:54):
How about that?

Speaker 5 (19:56):
October fourteen, twenty twenty three, on my fifty I am
going to release this and you guys could go ahead
and help me do just that. Go see that movie.
Thank you for all the support and not giving up
on me. Go see that Three Corners of Deception release

(20:18):
me from all the pain and everything I've been through.
Go see the movie. Thank you, I love you all.
Thank you for all of the support. Go see that
movie Prime video, Prime Video.

Speaker 7 (20:34):
How about that?

Speaker 5 (20:37):
God bless you all. I love you all. Welcome back

(21:01):
to the Doctor Malika Claire Show on the Boat and
Brave TV Network. But we're come in love. Yes sign,
I am back. All right people, that's my speece to today.
But like I said, going here with a positive attitude
of listening to what we got to say. Because it's
not something that want. I'll say that, you know, parents

(21:23):
need to listen to it. I know this is like
that tough love and things that even me, I'm I'm
sitting here listening to myself on things too, and so
on that note, I'm going to bring in and welcome
kristin attorney Kristen, come on to Jenny Kristen.

Speaker 8 (21:41):
It does.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
I've been here. Oh yes, thank you.

Speaker 10 (21:47):
Dot.

Speaker 5 (21:47):
You're looking modless as usual.

Speaker 9 (21:49):
Thank you, thank you much. You're beautiful with your hair,
thanks and beautiful picture. Beautiful, Well, thank you.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
I try.

Speaker 5 (22:00):
Say, God didn't give no son out here, but I'm
sure it's gonna try to bring it.

Speaker 9 (22:07):
Wake up.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
You know what with the bond did I actually you
know then booth I was eyes open, yeah, I was
like so yeah, I'm very grateful for that. Thank you,
Thank you, my dear. You know, and we talked about you.

(22:32):
You heard my speech, you know, basically my introduction and
and and we all go through our tough moments in life.
That's what makes us real. We're not we're not like
perfect tools here, you know. And we talked about juveniles
and I have to say, yeah, this topic is it's

(22:53):
like dear, because we talk about rehabilitation, we talk about
how do we help them make good decisions? But let's
talk about we talk about how we do that, But
what is does the power do the parent always have?
And I think we talked a little bit about the power,
but here's the power. Do the parents take the power?

(23:16):
That's the thing. Do you utilize your power before eighteen?
Because I and I have to use myself as the example.
You know, counseling is always important for me. I always
want my kid to get counseling, even myself. You know,
I'm a psychologist, but not always my kids want to
listen to me. You know, I would have to get

(23:36):
something for somebody else to listen to, so they're like,
you know, it takes you out of the equation and
put somebody else in. So it wouldn't be like, well, mom,
you're this and you're that. I'm like, well, that person
is looking at both of us, so let's communicate and
you have to be I want to say strong, to say, hey,

(23:58):
we need to do this together as a family, you know,
and what is your top thoughts because in the judicial system,
you have you have children, but you have these I
want to say terrible Too's, but they could be sixty seventeen.
I went through it ten to eleven, sprint maybe ten

(24:19):
to thirteen, and it stopped and then it picked up
sixteen to eighteen. That those type of years is like
critical because the teenager's going through a lot of things.
But if you have behavior issues, they could be they
could be left to the system in certain things. So
what are some of those painful things that you can

(24:40):
remember And you might have some other stories of your
own you can remember that was tough as even being
a parent to deal with certain things when it comes
to the criminal aspect of it, or a child just
doesn't want to listen.

Speaker 11 (24:55):
I did not, So I think the key word that
you said there is and power struggle. A lot of
times between a parent and child, it is about a
power struggle and not just where you're arguing and fighting,
but as you try to teach the child, and that
changes and phases over life. Look, every moment with our
children is precious. Time is fleeting. We want to appreciate

(25:18):
and honor and love every moment that we have, but
we also are still parents and we need to teach
them how to fly and to be out there and
to Sunday, be on their own and be parents. So
when you're talking about the as you're calling the terrible two,
but older, so that the preteen teen time when they
start to grow more challenging. Again, it's actually a natural phase.

(25:39):
So as the children grow, they have to learn how
to be independent. So at that age they're testing. Just
like when they were little, maybe they were testing if
they can touch this or do that, it was more tangible.
Now it's they're testing the rules and the limits because
they want to be independent. And somehow there's this transition
between where over them and telling them what to do

(26:02):
and in charge to now they're an adult on their own,
So there is this natural transition where they start to
challenge because they want to know how to do that
and we're there to guide them.

Speaker 9 (26:12):
Some of the hard part comes in.

Speaker 11 (26:15):
Not only just even when parents are still together in
the same household, but it becomes more difficult if there
is a fractured family and you have different parents and
different parenting styles, and we've talked about this, and then
parents just want to feed into and be the friend
in favor of the child. With many ways can do
a disservice to the child. Because they need to learn

(26:37):
how to be independent, but in a positive way. And
so if you have parents in different parenting styles not
backing each other up and in that way, it can
be difficult.

Speaker 9 (26:47):
And you know, I've seen it.

Speaker 11 (26:50):
Over the years where a parent with wonderful intentions, loving
intentions trying to properly discipline the child isn't getting the
support of the other parent and they just want to
throw hands and the air. It sometimes not the child,
but just the situation becomes so frustrating and they don't
know what to do. And like you said earlier, sometimes

(27:10):
that is when you take that step back. Okay, I'm
gonna take a step back. I'm going to process. I'm
going to lean on my my friends, my other family,
other people, my mentors to seek out some input. How
I'm gonna come back and get back to the situation.
And it's okay to stay strong in your position with
the child. It's okay if the child is mad at

(27:31):
you for a little bit. But let's get real when
we're talking about custody situations, what is the biggest fear
if I discipline my child, If my child isn't mad
at me, they're gonna say and they're older, they're gonna say, I'm.

Speaker 9 (27:43):
Gonna live with the other parent, and that fear is
in the back of the person's head.

Speaker 11 (27:48):
And so then that becomes the battle. Do I continue
to parent how I should parent if we were still together,
or do I give in to that? And even your
brain says.

Speaker 9 (28:00):
Don't give into that. Continue to parents. Your heart is
I might lose my child.

Speaker 11 (28:06):
And that's especially as moms, and I say especially since
I'm a mom and your mom, so we feel that.

Speaker 9 (28:13):
Fully from my perspective, I'm sure.

Speaker 8 (28:15):
That really I'm a mom.

Speaker 9 (28:18):
So that's where that difficulty comes in.

Speaker 11 (28:22):
And you know, I've I've raised all my children, I've
I've worked in juvenile I've worked with children for many, many,
many years and all different aspects, mentoring, in the community, coaching,
all of those things and those I'm sorry, you're you're you.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
Know what, because we're I love where you're going, because
I really love this. This is like food for thought
because we need this, parents are needing this. But we're
gonna take a brief commercial, but we are definitely going
to be right back. We're going to take a brief commercial.
We'll be right back with the doctor Malika Claire's show
on the Bold and Brave TV Newport with amazing and

(28:58):
beautiful attorney Chris Dad. It was really hard for me
to do that movie sometimes because at that time, because
ten years ago is what I went through, it wasn't then.
So I had to take Even they say you play yourself,
it's not really always easy to play yourself. You have

(29:18):
to play yourself ten years ago when your mind was
just comboblated and you felt betrayed, you know what I mean.
You felt like, you know, life was just not it
and you know, not in my situation. And it's based
on true events and you know, unfortunately it's about judicial deception,
but it's also about romance and drama and divorced. It's

(29:39):
something that just went to a different way, but as
I changed it and went into a movie. But what's
interesting about this situation people don't understand. It's a flow technique.
For me, that was my release to finish this movie.

Speaker 8 (29:55):
It was because of.

Speaker 5 (29:56):
Me having a voice and saying something about had happened
to me because I can't believe it. I can't believe
that these individuals put their good name and their reputation
on the line just to hurt somebody because they spoke up.

(30:18):
Yes see, that's what happens when you speak up.

Speaker 8 (30:21):
I get it.

Speaker 5 (30:21):
But I'm not fearful because of that. Even though I
went through a lot and still go through a lot
of things, I got God on my side, and I
feel like, if that is not enough, then I don't
know what it is. Because I'm still standing and I'm
still telling my story and I'm gonna keep on telling stories.
And that is why I like film, Because film you're

(30:42):
be able to express things that you went through and
experiences and people.

Speaker 8 (30:48):
You know, you'd be amazed what you can do.

Speaker 5 (30:58):
Welcome Back to the Dark, a Mili Get Clarity show
on the voted Braid TV network where we're.

Speaker 8 (31:03):
Come in love.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
Yes we are all right, Come on, attorney Chris say,
come on and yeah you go. Welcome back, right, dear,
welcome back.

Speaker 4 (31:17):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (31:17):
You know, before we went on commercial, we was talking about,
you know, the power struggles too, and you know you're
a mom. I'm a mom, and we talk about this
now you was going into yeah my children are older,
but you I went through some horror stories and it's like,
what do you do? And I think it's because and
I come from the psychologist's aspect of these emotions. They

(31:39):
emotions build up because when you start thinking about it,
you're like, that's my kid. You know, what's up with you?
Why are you? You know you still want to talk
a little bit of lingo? Why are you tramping right now?

Speaker 12 (31:50):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (31:51):
What's wrong with you? Get it through your head? Mommy,
love you? What's wrong? Why are you acted this way?
Stop it? What's going through with your in your body?

Speaker 11 (31:59):
What?

Speaker 8 (31:59):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (32:00):
So you go through that, and even being the mom,
you know, you're just like, what am I gonna do?
You know? And I know a lot of people can
you know they feel the same kind of power, you know,
feeling that we're feeling. They can empathize what we're talking
about because it's not easy. It's not and yours is

(32:23):
all out the houses. I definitely know it wasn't easy,
you know. And I just think it's like, you know,
you go through that. And when I say you go
through your challenges with them. It could be a female
or male, and it doesn't matter. Every personality is different.
But you're gonna go through some mess and sometimes you
just want to say I'm done, I'm good. Now I

(32:46):
even did that. I fight fight, But I told you
people prayer, so prayer to me, prayer, and I can
say whatever I want to do, but my action is
like prayer, prayer, prayer, Just pray about it and ask
for goddenship. And this is why I really wanted to
comment to you about you said about the cold parent.

(33:07):
If you don't got a cold parent in your life,
that's helping, and they're kind of adding to the problem.
That's double trouble because you got this battle, even if
it's custody or anything related to that, you got to
battle the other parent to be like, hey, don't you
think that's Oh, that's not okay for that person to
do that, the child shouldn't do that. But they're buddying

(33:31):
up like a buddy system, and you're like, what what
is going on here? What Am I the only villain
here to see that this is a problem. But you're not.
It's just because other person's in their own feelings and
in their own emotions, they're not looking at being a
great parent. They're looking at being Hey, I'm cool, I'm

(33:52):
the cool parent. I had enough of the cool parent.
That's all I'm saying. I'm not down with the cool parent.
Why because being a whole parent set your child out
there to be adulta fail.

Speaker 11 (34:06):
And the reality is, even if it's not a family
that has been separated by divorce or some other situation,
there there can still be that same dynamic where there
is the parent that's trying to be the friend and
then the other parents that's typically the disciplinarium.

Speaker 9 (34:24):
That's not that unusual, and even in.

Speaker 11 (34:27):
That case that can cause some issues, but the underlying
problem there still is exacerbated then when you have families
that are a part because then it becomes, as we've
talked about before, it becomes AMMO potentially if someone wants
to look at that in that way.

Speaker 8 (34:46):
In a case, and.

Speaker 11 (34:48):
If my kids are watching, you were all perfect, he
never did anything wrong.

Speaker 5 (34:57):
They were really to it too. If my kids are watching,
you're not perfect. You have done things wrong, and we
got through it and I'm still working on the last one.
And I love you and I'm praying I'm gonna put
that out there. I'm not perfect. I put it out there.

Speaker 9 (35:27):
Yeah, my kids know better. Uh yeah, then uh you know.

Speaker 11 (35:33):
I think one of the biggest things that was being
on the same page and not being afraid to be
the parents, and also not being afraid to step aside
and listening more to your child as well. But there
are times where you just have to be the parent.

Speaker 7 (35:49):
And no.

Speaker 11 (35:52):
Our parents used to say, this is harder for me
than it is for you when you get in trouble
as kids.

Speaker 9 (35:59):
But it is true, it really really is, as there's
so much emotion.

Speaker 11 (36:05):
Behind it that But I do understand that concept now.
That was said to me when I when I was younger.
Oh gosh, does that mean I'm my parents?

Speaker 13 (36:15):
Now?

Speaker 9 (36:15):
Maybe I don't know.

Speaker 5 (36:17):
I mean, you know what we reflect back how we were,
and I'm gonna tell you I was af I was interested. Now,
don't get me wrong. My parents did what they were doing.
But I was a trouble you know. I was like,
now you're gonna tell me what to do, I'm out
of here. I run away here do that. But I
had I was more like, and I will say, it's

(36:40):
not really benefit. I was a key latch kid, so
it left I was really left to make a lot
of decisions. As I was praying. I wish I did
have somebody discipline me and say you can't do that
all the time. But you know when it two, when
four people or three people or whatever running is then
you left like okay, they really did run. They're like,

(37:02):
screw that, you do yourself, And I'm like, oh, really,
I wasn't really serious. I don't think so, but you know,
and so me coming from that point of view, it's
like saying I wasn't gonna raise my kids that way.
I mean, I took what I wanted, and I took
that I thought that was beneficial to them and their growth,

(37:23):
but I also kept out the other part that said no, no, no,
I don't think that's good, you know. I mean, though
it led me to be really independent early, so I
really didn't have time to screw up.

Speaker 4 (37:33):
So here you go.

Speaker 5 (37:34):
If you go twenty years or thirty years later, if
I have an episode that i'm acting out from what
I didn't do my younger days, it's because I didn't
get an opportunity to be young because I was too
busy being older. And that's something we always have to
be careful as parents. You're giving your child what they
want doesn't always be the best thing because then they

(37:57):
grow up quicker, but then ten years later they get
to be this child again because they said I didn't.
I couldn't do that because I had to be you know, independent.
I had to work and take care of myself and
food because mom went that way, Dad went that way,
and here I am. See. Be careful kids, is what
you're looking for, because you may be one of parents

(38:18):
to be saying go ahead, being a bit. If you
want to do it, go do you. It's not always
good because I had that too, and some parts I
didn't care for and it did make me get into
a lot of mistress and I was just like I
had to make big grown up decisions at sixteen because
I was mouthing off and I didn't want to pay attention.
But then they did pay attention and said, okay, you're

(38:40):
grown by Felicia. I hate to say it, I'm gonna
tell the truth because that's the truth. But then it
came back when you know, things changed, but still these
are the years you're not going to get back. It's
being a child learning your way, but you know, as adults,
I know we're gonna go on break, but it's just

(39:01):
so much because you know, it gets you thinking. When
things happen, you start talking about your own upbringing and
what you did as a teenager, and of course we
all remember because we had something to say.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
And all that.

Speaker 5 (39:14):
No, I'll let you come and when we get back, Christen,
we will take a break brief commercial. Will be right
back with the Doctor, Malika Claire's show on the Bolt
and Brave TV Network. Don't go nowhere. If it would
be right back with amazing and beautiful, beautiful, I say,
Attorney Kristen, Oh, because you mentioned it said, you know,
I believe in God and I surrendered, and you know,

(39:36):
when someone is addicted to something, it's a challenge, it's
it's tough.

Speaker 8 (39:41):
What was that moment that you said, I can't do
it anymore?

Speaker 4 (39:46):
Well.

Speaker 14 (39:46):
In book number two, I talk about how I been
to prison. My prison number is fifty eight nine nine
thirty one. I had that number for the rest of
my life. It's just not a functional number. I talk
about how I was delivered from a homosexual lifestyle. I
talk about how I had a man that left them
for another man. I talk about how I had a
man that was HIV but never told me. But I'm

(40:07):
sitting here today, I don't have as HIV and I
have a lot of people always say your immune system.

Speaker 5 (40:12):
Was so strong. No, that was the blood of Jesus.

Speaker 4 (40:14):
That colored me.

Speaker 5 (40:16):
I'm a human being, but I'm not perfect and I
have my own flaws, but I'm working in progress.

Speaker 12 (40:22):
And if you're trying to change something, you're able.

Speaker 6 (40:25):
To do it.

Speaker 12 (40:26):
You have the power, you have the key to your
own success.

Speaker 5 (40:30):
And with that being said, I'm just glad that I'm
able to do this and share other people's testimonies. And
I'm so glad that there's many guests that I've already
had on the show that I have expressed their challenges
or what they've been going through or went through in
their life.

Speaker 12 (40:47):
And I say that it's because they're not perfect. So
it's good that they expressed that.

Speaker 5 (41:33):
Welcome back to the Doctor Milla Clary Show, all the
board and Brave TV Network will come in live, all right,
come on in here to Christine, come on see why
I gotta deal with And I think, yeah, he came

(41:53):
up me talking Mats Matt. When we go off commercial,
I have to say that you never see that movie
who is It? Media? And the girl says it's I
think it's t T Someday I forget her name, but
she says bying, so she does you have to see

(42:14):
if you ever see she's annoying. Her character is annoying,
but she says that. So Caleb, you already know what
I'm talking about, and oh gosh, she gotta love it.
This is what is so therapeutic. So so anyway you
could comment. I know we left on commercial and we
were just talking about all these things, but we're talking

(42:35):
about how we were, and it relates to how we
raise our children because we do know what they're going through.
Come on, who does it? June sixteen? Come on? So
you know, and you know, if you want to comment on,
you know how you were and how it helped you
get through to raise your children and in the judicial system,

(42:59):
make sure you keep them away. How do you avoid
try to keep them away from that as well, because
we're talking about behaviors.

Speaker 11 (43:07):
Well, for me in my parenting, of course, I was
a different child than a parent, and we all we
take things from our parents that we then incorporate into
our parenting and then maybe there's some things we want
to change. And I didn't corporate concepts from my parents
that I really appreciate that my parents have instilled in.

Speaker 9 (43:29):
Me, and that would be.

Speaker 11 (43:31):
Treating everyone in an equal way, which doesn't necessarily mean
that you're mirroring everybody has a blue shirt, it might
be something else, but you're demonstrating to them that the
equal love and the equal expectations that they're going to
get out of things, so that everybody, you know, feels

(43:52):
that love in the family.

Speaker 8 (43:53):
Some of the humor.

Speaker 11 (43:55):
For my dad with discipline, he would have lectures that
he would give us, and he would get sick of
lecturing us on the same thing by the time he
got to the third child, and he would start numbering
the lectures and.

Speaker 9 (44:07):
He did the same behavior. He would say.

Speaker 11 (44:10):
Lecture number one ninety two, and we all knew what
that meant, and we basically, you know, disciplined ourselves because
we knew exactly what he was going to tell us.

Speaker 10 (44:18):
And I have to admit I've done that my kids,
and hey, whatever worked, it could repeat yourself. They can
tell themselves what they need to be told, and then
so on that end, yes, But on the more serious end, I.

Speaker 11 (44:35):
Think because you know, we did go through the as
you know, a separation as well, me and my husband,
who were together a very long time before we did that,
and we co parent.

Speaker 9 (44:47):
I say, present even.

Speaker 11 (44:49):
Though our children are grown, still co parent very very well.
We get along very well. We vowed never to have
any of that animosity that other people had, and I
think that went a long way for us to be
able to continue to raise our children together even though
we weren't in the same home. And I think that

(45:10):
also went a long way for their general overall mental health.

Speaker 8 (45:14):
But did we.

Speaker 11 (45:14):
Agree on everything, No, because you still see the same
reflection of parenting even if we were living in the
same house, because there were some parenting style differences, nothing damaging,
but just that does we just have some different styles
and that would you.

Speaker 9 (45:30):
Would still see that continue to continue on.

Speaker 11 (45:33):
And I think as long as the parents are supporting
each other that you can get through that. The biggest
issue comes along when the parents don't support each other.
The child knows that and can take advantage of that,
and that can absolutely be damaging to that child.

Speaker 5 (45:51):
Yeah, you know, I agree with you on that because
it's like, you know, I am from well, first of all,
I was. My upbringing is from a divorce parenting, okay,
And you know the interesting about it doing my upbringing
with my parents and them being divorced, they did pretty okay.

(46:14):
Maybe because they weren't far from each other in distance,
they did okay with not really playing. I couldn't really
play them against each other. And actually, to be honest
with you, I really didn't do it that way anyway.
I didn't do that. One parent had love for the
other parent, the other parent didn't have love for the
other parent, So I would say besides, they were just divorces.

(46:37):
I didn't really have that play the other parent against
each other. But because I am a divorcee, that is
challenging and my only marriage that i've been you know,
I have three children, but two by somebody else, and
I didn't go that. I didn't we didn't have that
my first I want to say my ex you know,
the children's father that I had two kids buy, we

(47:00):
didn't go through that. You know, maybe he was more
remote and was just left it up to me. That
could be why. But he had to say, but we
never really had a problem with that cold parent. I
can't say with my ex husband or anything, we have
that problem and I have, you know, unfortunately, I have

(47:20):
to learn how to deal whatever I gotta deal with.
Without knowing I got that support of discipline, and unfortunately
it's it's sad. So when I tell you guys, when
I tell you people, if you don't have the support,
not everybody's gonna have the support, But you have to
still do it even if you you still have to

(47:41):
try to discipline your child, even if you don't have
the support by the cold parent, and it still will
be that independent decision and you still got to be
as firm because at the end of the day, you're
not a buddy. You know You're not You're not your dog.
I'm not your homie, you know what I mean. I'm
your mom, I'm your parent, and you know it's important

(48:04):
for me to lead you on a path of success
within yourself. I'm gonna have to give it my good shot.
And so that's one thing I noticed for me. Yes,
I'm gonna have the problems. It would be lovely to
have the co parent really help out, but I can't
focus on if I'm not going to get that. I
have to focus on me trying to give that. And

(48:27):
if I have to be the better of the bunch,
then I have to be the better of the bunch.
And that's the thing that I have to let people
know that because sometime it is like that. You have
to take your feelings out and not you know, I
want to say, compare the two and just deal with
you gotta deal with that child and just say hey,

(48:50):
but you gotta be tough too, because that's where I'm at.
You know, everybody's different. You gotta be tough and you
got to say you know, you love them. You gotta
show that level. But then you got to give them
real and it real could be a little ugly, but
it's for their best. The real could be ugly. It's like,
you can't do that. If you do that, you're gonna
go to jail. You're gonna get arrested. Because behaviors get

(49:10):
you in trouble. So let's just make sure we understand
what behaviors are that you If you have a behavior issue,
that means you have an attitude, you don't want to listen,
you don't want to be disciplined, you want to do
whatever you want to do. That's a problem. You got
to ask yourself, you know, how can you get to
that point with your child? If they are going through that,
you need to get counseling. You need to find out

(49:32):
what they're thinking. And that's you know, I always would
recommend counseling. Like I said, I'm a psychologist, but that
doesn't mean I get to be a counselor in my
own situation because the person on the other side may
don't look at me that way. They're looking at me
as mom, and you're a villain right now. And because
you're a villain right now, I need somebody else to

(49:54):
put sit in the hoaziat so then I could observe
some counseling too. It's like, oh, do you know you
felt that way? You know what I mean, So you
gotta listen to it. You don't want to listen to it,
but you have to. Now I wanted to ask my
kids everything. But still, if you're going through the storm,

(50:14):
you're just going through it. And sometimes you don't have
a reason. And I know sometimes chosen don't have reason.
They just like I don't know, I don't know what's
going on somethimey, they don't. They got purity going through,
you know, like all types of things going through their body.
They're growing party parts that you know, and that's what
it is, it's growing pains. So with that being said,
it's just we gotta stand and stand firm and stay

(50:38):
in the fight and raise these children because we don't
want them off in this world. We want them to
be set up right, and we got to do our
best while we can. So I know, I'm gonna take
a free commercial show and I'll be right back. Went
to Doctor Milicka Claire's show on the Vollet and Brave
TV network. I'll be right back. I'll go nowhere.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
It was an interesting moment for me at the time,
cause I really wasn't seeking someone or anyone, I should say.
I just hope if I did meet someone that they
would be a positive person to meet.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
Everything he would sing and doing was making me fall
in love with him.

Speaker 7 (51:39):
Fighting over custody.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
A lot of people quit, but when that's just how
we got to be, but she keeps on fighting nine
and it takes a lot of.

Speaker 7 (51:48):
You.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
Drew All Drew a part in the characteration objection where any.

Speaker 8 (51:57):
I say to you predicting how a fight to see myself?

Speaker 6 (52:02):
This is all about a time a poor boy born
into about you know what you're lies?

Speaker 7 (52:10):
Like God support stand I'm going to survive a God
you fine?

Speaker 5 (52:15):
You know what your lies?

Speaker 4 (52:16):
I'm going to supply gotta surply saying I'm not jack that, no.

Speaker 7 (52:24):
Dollar, no jock yet out day.

Speaker 5 (52:29):
You're trying to have a judge r.

Speaker 7 (52:33):
I'll send you herth for thousands of dollars for coming
to court.

Speaker 5 (52:38):
How much money in the games to get paying you
and your fellow judges Genus woman one time stand.

Speaker 7 (52:44):
I'm gonna survive, but God of survived.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
You know what your lies I'm going supply.

Speaker 7 (52:49):
God surprise said, I'm going to supply a God surprise
you with your lies of God.

Speaker 4 (52:54):
Supply right.

Speaker 5 (53:05):
Welcome back to the Doctor Malika Claire Show on the
Voting Very TV network. Will come in love. See I'm
still trying to get that voice out there. All right, Christy,
come back in here. I welcome my dear Ah, Yes, welcome, welcome.
You know we always run out of time. I think
it's so important to get these things out. And you know,

(53:28):
we talk about juveniles, but I think we'll talk more.
But I know that I would want to leave people
with this note. If you're having those problems with your
terrible twos that I call but terrible teens, counseling is
always recommended because even though we're in the judicial system,
because they may lead into the judicial system. But that

(53:49):
doesn't mean they have to keep them. It means you
can get some counseling for your kid. I mean, we
all think we don't have the power, but you have power.
It might hurt you to do some things that you're like, oh,
I want to do that to my kid. You know what,
maybe scare techniques, whatever you got to do in ways
to say, hey, this will be reality. If you keep
it up, you may have to put your big pants on.

(54:10):
That's not what I'm saying, because you don't you want
them to walk a straight light line? Or how about this?
Make good sound decisions? You know, at least try. Then
you have to try to and that's hard, but do
whatever you can do. If you want to add something,
then you welcome to do so.

Speaker 11 (54:27):
Yes, you were talking before, and we talked a lot
about not having the support of the other parent when
the families are fractured provided but one thing you can
always lean on that you have a supportive I like
to think of if you have a community around you
that can support you, whether it's friends, other people to
talk to you.

Speaker 9 (54:44):
If you don't have that, you have your faith and support.
And the one thing I always think of that you
have support is that future child, and.

Speaker 11 (54:52):
You said that the child's looking at you like I
don't like you right now, but the reality is that
future child is what you're also hunting to.

Speaker 9 (55:00):
And so I was thinking, as a future child of
what you're gonna be like down the road. You'll appreciate this.

Speaker 5 (55:07):
I love what.

Speaker 4 (55:07):
Oh, I love it.

Speaker 5 (55:08):
I love that you said that. We were talking about
that too, like, and I was talking about both my
oldest daughters too, and I was like, do I When
I look at them, I'd be like, wow, what I
went through with you? And so you're right, I get
to see that in the older version. Still working on
my little team. I'm gonna get it, get it, let

(55:30):
me get it, get it. But I'm I'm in it
to the fight. So thank you again, Kristen for being
a guest. Amazing guest.

Speaker 8 (55:40):
You know.

Speaker 5 (55:40):
Basically, you know, I love when you give insight because
you come from different areas family law, family counsel and
stuff like that, you know, and the whole main idea
of sharing is caring and I love that. So thank
you again. Sure we're going to schedule you again, all right.
So with that being said, let me just go ahead.
Let you guys know I'll give you my contact information.

(56:02):
Make sure that you do keep on following me. I
love when you do, guys. I love everything you're doing.
Trust me, I really do. Keep on support and adopted
Luke the Cleary Show on voting Brave TV Network. You're
doing wonderful. Thank you so much. And the movie three
Cointerception is still available on Prime Videos, so please go
check that out. Still on there, and you can google

(56:24):
me and everything like that on all these different social medias.
You should find them all. But I always want to
let you know I'm not singling anyone out. I'm here
with you, You're here with me, and we're dealing with
life one step at a time. So I talk about
different challenges because I go to them too. I'm not

(56:45):
a perfect tool. Nobody's perfect, nobody's judging. We're doing the
best we can. I'm just giving you some insights how
to do it, and you know something to think about options.
Let's say that because people always think, especially pearents, always thinking, oh,
I'm a bad guy if I do that, Well, you
need to be the bad guy sometime because you're saving

(57:06):
that person from destroying their life and you're trying to
have them control their behavior, control their attitude, listen, and
whatever that takes for you to do. Be the bad guy.
But remember you're always going to be the parent and
when you are doing something good, to look out for
your child's future. There's no wrong in that. So I

(57:29):
will tell you that there's no wrong. So just deal
with it right now, take a step back, get a
little bit of firmness, and just think about it and
then act because you can do it. And on that note,
thank you again for tuning in to the Dark and
Malika Clary's show. I love you all, Thank you fans,
thank you family, thank you. I love you all, and

(57:51):
I want you to have a wonderful dead day and
the rest of today and the rest of the week
to come and enjoy. God bless you all.

Speaker 13 (58:02):
You've been watching the Doctor Melika Clary Show, tune in
next week as Doctor Malika will help you shift towards
a better life. But this show doesn't stop there. She'll
provide helpful tips regarding surviving the entertainment industry and the
judicial system with practical information Thursday, two pm Eastern here
on the Bowl Brave TV Network.