November 28, 2023 • 51 mins
"The Eddie Cantor Show," a prominent fixture in the old-time radio era, was an American radio program featuring the talented Eddie Cantor. Known for his unique blend of humor, music, and storytelling, Cantor's show was a hit with audiences during its run. The format typically included a mix of comedic monologues, musical numbers, and skits, showcasing Cantor's versatility as an entertainer. He often interacted with various guests and supporting cast members, adding a dynamic and engaging element to the show.Eddie Cantor, a celebrated vaudeville performer, brought his distinctive voice and charismatic personality to the radio waves. His style was lively and often incorporated elements of his Jewish heritage, which resonated with a wide audience. The show also featured popular music of the time, with Cantor sometimes performing songs himself or featuring guest musicians.The program was known for its family-friendly content and was part of the golden age of radio, a period when radio was a primary source of entertainment for American households. The Eddie Cantor Show's mix of humor, music, and occasional commentary on current events made it a beloved program and a significant part of radio history.
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(00:14):
Ladies and gentlemen, the makers ofIpanna for the smile of beauty and sal
Hapanaka for the smile of health.Present, it's time to smile with any
camera. Time to smile? Wherea dimple in your chin? Common things?
Common time to smile? What thewords after? There's a lot of
(00:38):
laughter. Now he's all of staris time time time, time, time,
time ta smile, and here heis. Many can do. Thank
(01:00):
you. Good evening, ladies,gentlemen. I want to thank you to
Harry von Zelf for being so kindto come here even though we're not on
the air tonight, and Harry hasgot to go now and make the comments
for some newsreels. So I thinkwe all to let him go and give
him a hand for his effort.As you know, ladies and gentlemen,
(01:22):
this is not being broadcast tonight.Certain gentlemen from Washington decide that they would
take over all of the networks tonight, and so that puts me out of
a job. But next week I'mgoing to the White House and so I
will take his place for Oh youdon't think I could do it? Huh?
(01:42):
Say you bring up five girls.You can do anything. I'll tell
you and ladies. Jeer. Ofcourse I shouldn't feel as happy I shouldn't
feel as jolly tonight as I'm feelingbecause of an incident would happen coming out
of the elevator here not fifteen totwenty minutes ago. I was coming out
of a little boy with his mother. They were going down. Oh.
We just bumped in and the kidsaid to me, said, missus camp,
(02:04):
would you mind giving me your youryour autography? I said, sure,
the pencil and autography. He turnedto his mother says, Mamma,
or me a quote I told youcan write. Well, that's no good,
you know. Of course I've hadI had things like that happened to
me all the time. For instance, this afternoon, we had a little
rehearsal here with the Orchancera for somesongs we're gonna do tonight. I went
over to do a little shopping atone of the department stores. I'm not
(02:27):
permitted to mention the name of thestore. Of course, we get nothing
from them, And besides, whyshould I get all the other stores sore
at Sex you know? So?Uh? I was in it some toys
for some grandchildren, which are havein California now and and standing in the
(02:49):
in the toy apart, mcgirl waswrapping up my packages and there was a
woman with a little kid in herarms. Oh kid couldn't been over two
years old. I wanted to carryhim around, and he kept staring at
me. If you see anything funnyin the paper, then we got let
me know where you're hey, Republican, get out. I know he's a
(03:16):
Republican because he's the back of abig corporation. Go ahead, will you.
Nobody's all right? This is ladies, gentlemen. I want you to
meet Jack. Jack. I wantyou to take a bow. Jack.
This is this is probably the mostversatile actor in all the radio. He
played all the parts anything you want, from a wardrobe tunk to little girl
(03:36):
Jack Smart. Come on, havea little call. He's got a little
call too. So you're saving yourselfsome time. You can go home and
go to bed. Good night,good night Jack. That's how we get
rid of all the actors. Youknow what I mean. Somebody says good
night to me, I'll leave myself. Well. Anyway, I was in
(03:58):
this toy department lady and this littlekid, this little kid in his mother's
arms, kept staring at me likethis, you know. And of course
I stared right back at him likethat. After all, I've got something
to stare with, you know.Finally curiosity got the best of me.
Poked his finger my eye. Ilet out the yell. You could hurt
me. In Cleveland, kid turnedhis mother said, mamma, buy me
that popeye. It squeaks and goingout, going out, going out of
(04:20):
Sex fifteen. And you know theyhad those revolving doors. And there was
a lady there, oh, quitewell dresed. I guess she didn't want
to wait for package. She hadall the bundles in a round me.
She said, Sonny, would youmind pushing the door me? Sonny,
I don't know what this you.Maybe it's this new two way stretch I'm
wearing, or something gives me thisyouth. I looked at I said,
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Sonny, I said, madam,i'd like to have you know. I'm
the father of five daughters. Shesaid, will you repeat that? I
said, not if I can helpit. Ha ha, It's always good.
You can tell her a thousand timesanyway. Now now we actually,
lady, even you can land.You can remember this is for nothing,
for Heaven's sakes, now, we'reactually going to start our show. I
(05:03):
think we start our show with alovely lady, one of the finest singers
of songs we haven't all of radiotoday. I think she's destined to become
the greatest singer in radio. Finefuture, Miss Dinah Shaw, come out,
Dinah, Dinah, do you likethis little dress? Ladies, gentlemen,
(05:25):
I want to tell you, whenDinah came to us four weeks ago,
I give my I don't think you'llfeel badly about my saying so Dinah,
I'm very proud of it. Ofcourse I hope you would be.
She had a brown dress. Itwasn't afraid, it was not very much
to it. And I looked atit. I said, Dinah, you
know you meet a lot of peoplewhile radio. I mean, you haven't
got sight, but there's thirteen tofourteen hundred people at these broadcasts, and
(05:46):
you want to have a nice address. She said, well, Miss Ken,
I can't afford it. So Itold her how she could get a
new dress. I said, ifyou will go home, if you will
go home, UH, just bringme your measurements. And she did.
She brought me her measurements, andLady Yemen, I give you my way.
You wouldn't believe this. I sewedevery stitch of this dress myself.
(06:12):
Of course, there are certain partsof it. Look, I'll tell you
what we do. Look. Shehas a number which she introduced on our
first broadcast four weeks ago, calledyes, my darling daughter, do you
remember that? Would you like tohear it? And before we start,
I think you should meet the conductorof our orchestra, Young Bobby Sherwood of
Cocomo, Indiana. This is akind of a romance between these two.
(06:35):
She can never get a quarter awayfrom Aura. No, uh, gonna
be good. Mama will scold me. Yeses, yes, yes, I
(06:55):
asked her, and this is whatshe told me. Yes, yes,
yes. Mother. May I goout dancing? Yes, my dialing daughter.
Mother, May I try romancing?Yes, my dialing daughter. What
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if there's a move, Mama,darling, and its shining on the water.
Mother, Must I keep phone dancing? Yes, my dialing daughter.
Even if he propos Mama darling,when the night is growing shorter? Mother,
what should be my answer? Yes, my darling daughter. Ah,
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Mama, Mama, oh mama.What if he should insist on on embrace
my mama? How can I keephim in his place. If his manner
becomes a shade and proper, andyour heart me lost, mother will be
(08:13):
exciting. Yes, my darling daughter, Mother, do I look in biting?
Yes? Daughter? If he holdsme tired, Mama, darling and
my niece just turned to water.Mother, Must I keep on dancing?
(08:33):
Yes, Madonna, daughter? Whatif he persis Mama dlling wing things?
He hadn't? Mother of what shouldbe? My sir? Yes, and
(08:54):
no, my daughter Dinah's gonna stay. She's gonna sing again. Dinah was
very cute, and it's good.I mean your memory. I didn't think
(09:15):
you remember it without the paper.You know, you know these broadcasts digument,
we have a whole script and weread. Of course tonight everybody's so
on that script away. Uh.And from what I know about the script,
that's a good thing. You know. At the rehearsal here today,
Dinah said that, mister Kanada,what are you doing? She calls me
mister Kenna. I mean, aftera while, of course we'll get a
little more. Uh. That's howit started with either, you know,
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she said, she's missus Canna,what are you doing this afternoon? After
rehearston, I said nothing at all. She said, would you like to
go over to Paramount? And bythe way, we did go over there.
One of the finest pictures I've everseen arise, my love. Have
you seen it? All right?I want to tell you that's all who
short? How can they do sucha big business and variety? Well,
anyway, you must see the picture. We went over there and were that
(10:01):
Clauda at Colbert. There are twowomen that I'm three women that I'm crazy
about on the screen. With twoyou'll agree with the third one you probably
won't agree, But I mean thatthat's why I like her. You know,
I love Betty Davis, and Ilove Clauda Colbert. And I've got
kind of a secret end for theDorothy Limore. I don't know what it
is. I don't know what itis. Without a strong my love would
(10:24):
never rat. And I'll tell youone thing about her. I have seen
her in every picture she made,and two pictures I went to see about
eleven times. Eleven you know,Hurricane, seven times for Hurricane and four
times for the other pictures. Withthat surround, they had such windstorms.
I figure once maybe, but nothingI got. Nothing goes right on justice,
(10:45):
calm Justice, Serene and now lady, I'm gonna have Bobby Sherwood and
the orchestra do an arrangement that BobbySherwood made himself. Besides being a very
youthful conductor, he's one of thefinest arranges we have in the whole the
radio world. And it's only aminute. It's really a minute, you
(11:05):
kind of like a minute and thirtyfive seconds of Blueberry Hill, Blueberry Hill.
(13:05):
Very nice. It's a good,hot arrangement Bobby. You know last
week that Bobby had to leave earlyon Wednesday for that conscription business, you
know, and I went with Hesaid, come along with me. I
said, no, they're liab willtake me. I'm a kid, you
know. And I saw what hetold him. Oh gosh, I don't
(13:26):
know how he tried to get aask him if he had any dependence.
He says, yes, two bookmaker, six pinball machines and a buick.
How do you like that? That'shis dependence. But I want to
tell you one thing about this BobbySherwood. You know, in all the
years we've been around bands and everything, I've had rubenov you know, for
how many years I had rubenop andBy the way, he's out now learning
to play the violin. He's comingback, you know, does Bobby.
(13:46):
Never have I met a man inmy life who is as tight as this
Sherwood. Oh how he hates tospend that You a young boy, I
should be liberal. Give it out. It'll come back to you. For
instance, we had we had ahersel on Monday for our script, you
know, and it got to beabout one o'clock. I said, Bobby,
have a little lunch. He said, don't mind if I do.
That's what he said, don't mindif I do. You know something would
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I had lunch because I took thecheck, you know, Monday and Monday
night we had dinner together. Igrabbed the check again last night again dinner.
Never remove take the check. Todayafter rehearser went downstairs. He had
a drug store drug or how muchcan you spend the drug? You know
what I mean? Cup of coffee, a sandwich. Check, it lay
between us. We wait, Idon't touch it. He doesn't a deadlock,
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you know. Finally I started tograb a check. I said,
I said, please, Bo it'sno, no, no, it says
no. It's four days in sessions. He says today let's toss for it.
How do you like a man likethat? Would you believe that?
I think I'd like to sing asong? Shall I sing a song?
(14:52):
Here is a song that I didon the air last week as a revival.
We had a little situation in ourshow, but I first introduced it
about a year ago on the radios. Call ladies in love with you.
Let's have it allright. If there'sa gleam in her eye each time she
straightens your tithe, you'll know theladies in love with you. And if
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she'll dress for a date without thatwaiting you hate, well, then the
ladies in love with you. Andwhen your friends ask you over to join
their table, but she picks afar away booth for two, well,
sir, here's just how it stands. You've got romance on your hands.
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Because the lady is in love.The ladies in love because potatoes are cheaper.
Tomatoes are cheaper now the time offall in love. Why the butcher,
the baker, your candlestick maker gavetheir price a down Woodshu And Sunday
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night, when you take her tosee that movie and she says, balcony
seats will do well, Sarah here'sjust how it stands. You got romance
on your hands. It cost theladies and love will you thank you?
(16:19):
You know, ladies glemen. Ofcourse, if we were broadcasting now,
it would be nine to fifteen here, but six fifteen on the coast.
And of course next week when webroadcast, we have two broadcasts, it
gets to be at this hour,be nine fifteen. But you can figure
out the time for yourself. Ifyou happen to be out of town,
you can watch and tell you thetime. Mister Guffy, of all the
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pills, why they gotta go outand buy a watch? And Tucci,
you wouldn't buy a watch for yourmoney? Got your carry a watch?
Big man? You don't carry awatch? Huh No, listen a little
both, Wait a minute. Therecomes a time, comes a time when
a man feels he just doesn't wantto carry a watch with him at all.
Why don't just say it, I'ma picktop. I didn't say you,
did I say, Helen, I'ma crook? I steal a watch?
(17:02):
Go on tell me no, Iwon't know. You're not a crook,
You're not a thiefan you never stoleanything in your whole life or I
spent five years in sing sing fornothing? Huh? Did I know you
were in sings? You knew Iwas innocent. Now you're letting on that
I actually shot the cash here andthat oh I shot a man? Huh?
Go I start a rumor? Hellup, people, I shot a
guy. I haven't opened my puss. What are you talking about? Who
(17:23):
you did not? I'll take anote. You did not shoot the man.
I missed him. Huh. Ican't shoot straight? Who said you
could? Fine thing? It's badenough? I got a guffy. Whill
you do me a favorite? Look? Don't bother me. We are not
on the air. Now. Thereare other people on the networks, other
people. Maybe there's political speeches.You want to go and bother them?
Say you want me to go aggravatethe president? Huh? Nobody? No,
(17:45):
man isn't having a enough? Don'taggle? Will you do me?
Stay away from mister Roseveld. What'swrong with Roosevelt? Wa? Wa wa?
Wait a minute to cock the Democrat? Look, play with it?
Nothing, nothing is wrong with me. Mister rosevel is all right? Oh
missus Roosevelt isn't Huh? Did Isay she isn't? I like missus rose
(18:07):
I'm crazy. I love missus Roselinething, married man with five kids,
crazy about the president's wife. Whydo you take me literally? Why do
I gotta take you? Huh?He gets all the money and I gotta
take him. No, you're takingme literally? I mean I like I'm
an odden follower. I'm a greatfollower of Missus Rosevelt. And you don't
get all worn out changing trains everyday? Huh? Who mentioned did I
mention trade? I wouldn't mention trade. Why should I know? Don't talk
(18:30):
about the trains for the No railroad? Sure stop the training, no more
trail. How do you like thatguy? My poor brother? After four
years, he finally got a littlejob a brickman on the railroad. Now
Candor wants to throw him out ofwork. Who wants to throw the man
out of work? Don't I hopehe works three hundred and sixty five days
in the years SHO didn't even haveone day off. Huh. Let him
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take the time off. Look it, Thanksgiving day is coming along. Let
him take off Thanksgiving only day hegets double over time. He lays them
all railroad just because the higher roadyou want on the railroad I am not
against railroads, Guffy. Don't please, don't aggravate me, Guffy. I
like trains every chance I get inthe world. I ride on nothing but
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trains all the time. You wantto put the buses out of business.
It's a little trick quad buses inCalifornia. My kids go to school every
morning by bus. Who cheap tobuy it out of a beach? How
would you? I'm not bragging.I happen to have four automobiles. I
got a Chrysler and a Buick anda Cadillac another sound sure? What do
you carry? If Ford stars Ford, Walt Starve. He's got millions and
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millions and millions of dollars. Lookat those eyes. Millions. How one
millionaire can be jealous of another?I haven't. I am not jealous of
mister Ford. Mister Ford has gotnothing that I want, nothing that I
(20:03):
want nothing. He's got a boy. So what so I happen to have
a grandson. How do you like? I've got a grandson. You got
a grands yes, even that youhad to get by remote control. Anybody
(20:33):
got any buy carb NETI soda?What's the matter? Go ahead? The
matter with Challi Pattica and I don'twant you people to think, ladies and
gentlemen that, just because you're theguests here tonight of Bristol Meyers, that
the minute this show is over,you run right out and buy ipan a
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toothpaste to this. You don't haveto do that. I mean, you
really don't have to, because let'slet's figure out what would happen if you
all made up your minds that theminute this is over you're gonna buy something.
There's a drug store on the cornerof fiftieth Street and sixty Avenue.
There are thirteen hundred people here.Everybody rushes in there. The clerk he's
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been there since nine o'clock in themorning. He is tired out. You
all coming you on. He becomesconfused, he makes the wrong change it.
Promise me you won't buy it tonight. And you have heard Harry Vonzel
speak about the great virtues of ipanor toothpaste. And it's true. You
(21:34):
don't have to take literally everything hesaid, because let's not kid ours.
We're all grown ups here. Alltoothpastes are all right. All toothpaste alas
happens to be a little bit better, and how much better do you think
it? How much better do youthink of it? Why do you think
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would happen if you didn't use ipan, if used some other toothpaste? Nothing
much? In about three months yourwhole joe gets twisted and everybody looks like
the rich brothers. You know.That's all Bobby? Have you got that
that star dust thing? Here isa Here is a new Here is a
new arrangement, ladies and gentlemen,that Bobby has made and with the assistance
(22:19):
of Edgar Fairchild. And by theway, ladyman, I want you to
meet one of the finest composers,probably the greatest pianist in radio. My
very good friend Edgar Fairchild had tocome up the number that perennial favorite star
(22:41):
Dust Star Mo Mamory double Bob,she must amer. The Union makes you
(25:04):
do that. Now you know twonumbers they get five minutes. Nah now,
lads, now, ladies, gentlemen, I'd like to have Diner.
I'd like to have Dina do anumber which she would have done tonight had
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we been on the air. Notbeing on the air, she'll do it
just the same, called down inArgentinaway. You want to play down in
Argentinaway? And she does this.Really keep the music very soft, boy,
so they can hear. Now we'renot on the air for the very
soft I hear. Why hear asoft kids underneath the pampa smooth. When
(25:59):
you sing a happy tune and youkiss your case goodbye, you'll find your
life will begin the very moment you'rein Argentina. If you're romantic senior,
then you will surely adore Argentina.You'll be as gay as can be if
(26:22):
you will learn to see see likeAlaven for mister Shure. As you learn,
then you will never return to Manhattan. When you hear Yodah homel Oh,
you'll see a kiss and then ifshe should say Maniana, it's just
to let you know you're gonna meetagain. How about an old castanet that
(26:47):
you will never forget Argentina, wherethere are rumbles and tangles to tickle your
spine, moonlight and music and orchidsin wine. You want to stay down
Argentina way. When you hear Yodayamo, you'll steal a kiss, and then
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and then and then and then Manana. It's just to let you know that
you're gonna meet again. That anold castanet that you will never forgive Argentina.
Where there are rumbles and tangles totickle your spine, moonlight and music
(27:29):
and orchids and wine. You wantto stay Argentineina, Wait, Argentina.
(28:03):
See if we were on the airnow, if we were on the air
now, it'd just be about gettingoff. Look how quickly in that half
hour past? You know, reallyvery nice, because you're a pleasant company.
That's what does it. You reallyhave been very nice here, lady
gentlemen. But we're going to stayhere just as long as you will.
We'll really know how to go.I really mean that, you know,
because at midnight we have to comeback and do this again. We really
(28:29):
have to, because we give outtwo sets of tickets, one at nine
o'clock for the eastern broadcast, whichgoes up to about Denver, and then
at twelve o'clock midnight from Colorado upand down the West coast. So I
think it's one of the nicest thingsI can ever remember anyone doing. And
that is Bristol Mayas calling me onthe phone on Monday and saying that inasmuch
(28:52):
as the President is going to takeup our time, we ought to give
some kind of a show here inthe studio because a lot of people will
be coming from Jersey and from Brooklynand from the Brons, from all places.
Really, and we should not say, as other people might say.
It says, No, you know, I think it's very nice. I
think it's very nice, don't youreally? Now you don't have to rush
(29:21):
right out to buy ipana and saladpadiga for that. You really don't have
to, because we got boys comingup and selling it right here, right
now, in the ten of thecommunity. You know. I spoke to
Rudy Valley on the phone at sixo'clock this evening. He's in California.
He sent me a song that hewanted me to do on the air next
(29:41):
Wednesday. I was going to doit tonight and there certain parts of song
I want change. She's working outwith several boys and well, I said
to Rudy, I said, youknow, I'm not going to be on
the air. He said, whatare you sick? You know, because
the last time I was sick,last time I was off the air.
Rather, it was a night Iwas terribly sick. I don't know whether
you remember. The year before last. It was the first night ever missed
in radio because of illness, andRudy Valley took my place that night.
(30:03):
He's only felt I could call on. And you know, he's very nice.
A lot of people say, oh, that Rudy vibe. He snobbed,
he's stuck up with he wants tofight all the time. He he's
not offensive, he's always on thedefensive. Somebody makes a remark, you
know he's a sissy or something,you know, and oh, you should
see the guy. I mean,really he fights, you know, he
(30:25):
gives, oh gives out a goodthing, you know, being he's really
a swing singer. Oh, yes, and all you should see why I
I I used to go with himto the Roosevelt Hotel. Here they have
a little gymnasium, health club,you know. And you should see the
guy. Really very deceiving, buta lovely chess, lovely chess tattooed.
(30:48):
You should see what he's got.Heady Lamar and technicolor, the whole business
said. And I said to RudyValley, I said, I never knew
Hedy Lamar had a dimple. Hesaid, this dimple was there before Hetty
Lamar. He really had a Andlady, don't explain it to him.
He'll know, he'll know, buthe's a very nice fellow. This time,
(31:10):
when I was sick, ladies,jem and I've told this to many
people, but it's really true.At the time I was sick, the
doctors didn't know what was actually wrongwith me. They didn't know what was
really wrong with me. Because nowadaysthere are no doctors. They're all specialists.
You know. You go to adoctor, you know, you said,
doctor, my eye hurt something withmy eye. He says, what
eyes? And my left eyes said, I'm sorry, I'm a right eye
(31:30):
spect you got to go right,oh yeah to it. So this doctor
that I have, one of thefinest doctors, not only in New York
in this country, Joseph Diamond.He's sixteen East eighty thirty Street. Tell
him I sent you because at theend of the month, I get whoever
is sick. So he sent upa girl from his laboratory to take a
blood test to me. They youknow what they do. They give you
(31:52):
a little jab with the thing andthen put it on a favors from your
finger, you know, and theycouldn't make it out of so the next
day again she went you know thething, they went through all my fingers
finally went to below such blood thatthey took from I think she was keeping
an anemic friend somewhere, as youknow. And I found out, ladies,
she was selling it the skin inthe ennis, you know. So
(32:15):
so finally came the day came,the day of the broadcast, and I
felt heart broken. The first timein eight years, I missed the show.
I said, doctor, He said, Eddie, you can. You'd
really take a chance. It's aterrific chance. You're got a fever of
one hundred and four. We don'tknow where it's coming from. If we
knew where, oh sure you couldlaugh. She would have one hundred and
(32:37):
four. I would send you upsome matza balls. But they made it,
and you'd have one hundred and five. So Rudy Valley took my and
I'll never forget it. I waslying in bed. I had a little
portable radio right by my bedside,and when Rudy Valley got the whole audience
to sing, I love to spendthis, you know, I wanted to
tell. I cried, I reallydid. The tears streamed down my face.
(33:00):
I was lying there thinking, herewas Rudy Valley getting the check which
I would have got had I beenable to go. Well, I'm sentimental
that way, you know, andshow you the type of a guy this
Rudy Valley is. The last timehe was here, which only a few
weeks ago, was broadcasting. Weplayed a benefit performance together, played a
benefit performance together at Madison Square Garden, had a terrific show. And I
(33:22):
was living out of the country.Rudy Valley says, Hey, it's one
o'clock in the morning. Why goout in the country. You gotta get
up aided tomorrow. Why don't youcome to my apartment? And Lady Gimen
is such an apartment that I finallywent. You have never seen one hundred
and fifteenth Central parkware, all donein the most exquisite stuff. Sometime if
you're around the neighborhood, I wantyou to go up and see Rudy Valley's
apartment, the most exquisite tapestries onthe wall. You should see the tapestries
(33:47):
on the wall and the garbage onthe floor. You have never And we
had something to eat. We hadsomething to eat. We brought us some
things from the frigid there. Coldchicken I loved, I mean old chicken.
You must never eat when there's anybodyaround. You know what I mean.
You grab a hole of a polka, you know, you give it
that thing. You know, youdon't have to worry about who you see.
(34:09):
And then he brought out something todrink, a think called vodka.
Do you ever drink that vodka?Oh? Two drinks a hollo hooray for
Hitley. Oh oh thing, youhave an inside hotfoot. That's what you
get with that vodka. So itgot to be about three o'clock in the
morning, and I said, Rudy, I've got to go to bed.
(34:30):
I've really, I'm all, I'vegot to go to He's eddy. Before
you go to sleep, I'd liketo show you my collection of pajamas.
And such a collection of pajamas,I give you my word, you have
never seen one pair. One pairof pajamas he got when he was out
in California. Bullocks wheelchair, onehundred and twenty five dollars Chinese silk hand
(34:53):
embroidered. Here he had a dragonembroidered. It was pretty dirty. He
must have been dragging on the floorthere for months, you know. Then
he showed me six pair, sixpair that he bought in sacks and he
showed me a dozen pair he gotfrom Paris, and six pair he got
from the All and all of themust to show me three dozen pair of
shows and finally went to sleep inhis underwear. How do you like a
(35:15):
mammou? And what kind of underweardo you think of? Rudy Valley wears,
I can tell you. Can youimagine where a little short work?
No, oh, he'd be great. And he wears what you call him
French long doors? Right now thatyou know, those were a flap over
here? You know any male?You know? I don't want you to
(35:40):
think I'm knocking. Because I loveRudy Valley. I think I'll sing again.
What have we got here, Oliver? Here is a would you hold
my gun? Here's a song thatI've been singing, Lady Jemma for too
many years, but I so enjoysinging. It gives me such a great
(36:01):
cake. I hope you feel thesame way about it. Called dust off
the old Piano, We go,Oh, sus zena dust off the old
piano. My hands are rich,and for those keys, our troubles will
go winging. The moment we startsinging all our favorite melodies, we'll get
(36:28):
the gang around that used to hangaround. And when the neighbors hear a
singing Sally delf again about Rudy Valley, Oh sus Zenna, I left you
sing Sopranna, dust off the allpiano tour, the lie go rab me
fossol la te doo. That's thescale everybody ought to know how to play
(36:52):
from do to do. There isnothing finer than a mine a strain.
It's the kind of mellody gets alot of sympathy. Accord and sea is
beautiful. I heard somebody say it. According Gee is wonderful, according to
(37:13):
the way they play it. Allsuits zannat off the old piano. My
hands are rich and for those keys. It's been so many many ages since
we last turned the pages of ourfavorite Mellow Dys. We'll get the gang
around that used to hang around,And when the neighbors here are singing Penna,
(37:38):
they'll forget about Canada. Tanna,oh sous Zanna, take off your
own bandanna, dust off the oldpiano. J lie. Oh my god,
(38:13):
I give her a nickel. Youknow, ladies and gentlemen, In
the last three or four years,I've had a good fortune to be invited
to many universities throughout the country.Say tell me something about the boys leaving?
Can they stay here? How long? All right, Johnny, thank
you. I want you to meet, ladies, gentlemen, one of my
(38:36):
very good friends, very fine violin this and the man who makes it
possible for us to have this orchestra, Johnny Augustine, Johnny, get up.
You have to do that, youknow, they send an extra bill.
Well, anyway, here, goingaround to the various universities, I've
been speaking to the youth of thiscountry, and it's most important that we
(38:59):
do speak to them, because ifyou don't speak them to do something about
what we've done to their country,you know, because we all guys,
we kind of move on, youknow, these fellows inherit this whole business,
you know everything. So anyway,after these talks, somebody usually comes
up to me says, can Iwish you'd told us something about radio,
what happens when so and so goesdown, or what happens in Hollywood?
(39:20):
About this person and so. Inthe past a few seasons, I've asked
the audience at the broadcast to askme questions about things that are on their
mind that perhaps I could answer andI'd like to take about ten minutes,
maybe seven or eight minutes to doit tonight. Leadier man, If you
have any questions that you'd like toask me from where you are, I'll
(39:42):
consider no question too personal. I'lltry to answer anything that you want me
to answer, and I promise notto make sport of you. So if
you have anything on your mind,just raise your hands so I know where
you're seated, and we'll try tohave some fun. This is not a
quiz or anything, you know,because I'm not I'm no Cliffson Fatima.
Gosh, I'm not even an noscullar. Yes, sir, Oh, you're
(40:07):
going back a long way. Whatdid you say? Oh? No,
no, the stage. But I'lltell you what I'll do if you like.
Before the show is over, I'llsing a couple of the old zick
for songs and we'll run up anddown here. We'll do that for you,
Yes, I promise, before webefore we quit, I'll do that
for yourself. Uh. Who hasa question, Yes, sir, oh,
(40:34):
if you know anybody who is interested, it's the longest wide elephant that
anybody el Yes, sir, that'sright. I think you are right,
sir, I think you're right,sir, but I don't think that this
(40:55):
is the time and the place togo into a a discussion of what goes
on. Politics are a peculiar thing, especially on the American scene, and
yet I would much prefer to haveour kind of politics with all of the
smearing that we do, because allwe smear is with mud, and then
(41:20):
politics on the other side is blood. You know. So I think we've
already early, are yes? Miss? Oh? Oh God, I shouldn't
tell he killed that. No,we will have, we will have.
(41:42):
We will have Harry Vonziel's lady friendwith us next next Wednesday, a girl
that's really hotter about Benzelle. AndI can tell you, yes, sir,
if you were, if you wereusing if you were using squips toothpaste,
(42:07):
because I was on the program,you must have made a mistake the
first time, because I was onthe Peppico program. So you've made two
mistakes, one using squibs and secondtalking about it. And now you can
square the whole thing by going outtonight and buying a tube of ipana.
You know what I mean? Becauseeven I changed my mind, you know.
(42:31):
Yeah? Who uh, why didyou say? I didn't hear you.
I can't hear you. Who isthe baby up there? It's Bobby
show as little baby right right inthe women. Can we throw a spotlight?
Can we throw a spotlight on theclients booth up there? Can you?
(42:52):
Can you move the spotlight over tothe clients booth? Or can't you
here? Here's the baby? Hey? Yah? One child? An amateur?
(43:12):
Who else has a question? Yes, ma'am? When will who?
When will I come back to thelegitimate stage? Well, I'll tell you
just as soon as I find avehicle, some play, some musical show
that excites me sufficiently right now,So taking up with this radio and seeing
the Dinah shore gets a new Youknow, it's so much work connected with
(43:36):
us famous, But if something comesalong, I'll be back. You bet
who else? Yes, ma'am?May you please have my autograph? You
may have my autograph, but I'lltell you what you do. If you
will drop me a note and giveme your name and your address and send
it here to NBC, I'll sendyou an autograph picture, so you have
(43:59):
both the autog and my puss.And anytime you don't eat your spinach,
your mother will show you the pictureand run, you believe me? Where
else? Yes, ma'am? Whathappened to Bobby Breen? Bobby Breen,
unfortunately right now is between voices.He's in Hollywood. He gets up in
(44:28):
the morning and he says, mother, I'd like to have some conflict.
You know, he's a tenant.He comes back, he says, who
do you think bothers me today?You know? So until his voice make
up its mind where it wants togo uptown or downtown, you can't do
a thing with him anyone else,yes, ma'am. Or I most likely
make my next picture in January.I'm going to the coast in January and
(44:50):
make a picture because it's been awfullyhard. People walk up and down the
street. I go to Union Square, I go to Columbus Cycle people are
box says, he said, whatdo you need this country? Small pictures?
By I hear them speeches all thetime. I have to go back.
There's a terrific demand from either sheneeds a coat? Who, yes,
(45:14):
ma'am, how old is my grandson? My grandson was a year last
Saturday, that's right, year last. He took a train, came here
by himself to this smart kid meta girl on the way of what happened
(45:36):
with who else? Yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am, Yes, sir,
huh speak up, Speak up,young man? Oh yes, yes.
Do you tell him not to worry? I'll pay him. She's home,
(46:15):
She's home. Who else, yes, ma'am. Oh, I don't
know until he grows up to beas good as Harry Potts. Yes,
ma'am, yes, oh, yes, oh yes. In fact, I'll
be there this Sunday, the campthat this gentleman refers to as a camp
(46:39):
that I was sent to when Iwas ten or eleven years old up but
Cold Springs, New York, andthe past few years we've been instrumental in
sending quite a few thousand boys upthere. It's very really one of the
finest boys camps in this country.Who else wants to know what? Yes,
sir, No, I don't thinkI will. I cannot be at
(47:01):
the Nordek Club and at the campat the same time, because until you
can arrange some kind of a scheme, you know what I mean, I
cannot be there. Who yes,ma'am. Do I have a stand in
over? Oh? Yes. Youknow, when there are certain things that
(47:21):
are dangerous to do, you alwaysbring a stand in For instance, I
had to play a scene with HettyLamont have two fellas in my place.
I couldn't. I would die.Well, I'll tell you what we do,
Bobby, I wanna. I wantto. I want to answer the
request by this gentleman over here,and I want you to play me two
choruses from some of the zig Feldsongs. I've had the choruses. I'm
(47:43):
Marck in the book The Boys YouGot Him nineteen twenty with a nice tempo.
Here's the two songs I think youremember from zick Fel. Days we
go, Margie, I'm alwaysting meoff you. I'll tell the world I
love you. Don't forget your promiseto me. Beasi. I thought the
(48:08):
home and ringing every little thing forMagie. You've been my inspiration days I
never blew. And after roll ofsaid and done, there is really only
one. Oh Margie, Margie,it's you. If you knus oh,
(48:40):
oh my goodness, I sassy.I had a mustache ud as a pup.
Susie kissed me and she burned thedunting up. If you used to
the kind of I'm not I'm notthe least bit winded. I could think
(49:17):
you're having very nice ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate your coming, even though
you knew you weren't going to geta broadcast. I hope that the members
of the Company Boys in New York, as myself, have pleased you,
and I hope you're listening again nextWednesday. Good night, God bless you
(49:39):
each Wednesday with you as grand tofriends. I'm sorry, I'm telling you
just how I feel. I hopeyou feel that way. Let's make a
(50:09):
date for next Wednesday night. I'mhere to stay. Twill be my delight
to see again ring again the thingsyou want me to I love to spend
(50:39):
Wednesday. Will you a
Ladies and gentlemen, the makers ofIpanna for the smile of beauty and sal
Hapanaka for the smile of health.Present, it's time to smile with any
camera. Time to smile? Wherea dimple in your chin? Common things?
Common time to smile? What thewords after? There's a lot of
(00:38):
laughter. Now he's all of staris time time time, time, time,
time ta smile, and here heis. Many can do. Thank
(01:00):
you. Good evening, ladies,gentlemen. I want to thank you to
Harry von Zelf for being so kindto come here even though we're not on
the air tonight, and Harry hasgot to go now and make the comments
for some newsreels. So I thinkwe all to let him go and give
him a hand for his effort.As you know, ladies and gentlemen,
(01:22):
this is not being broadcast tonight.Certain gentlemen from Washington decide that they would
take over all of the networks tonight, and so that puts me out of
a job. But next week I'mgoing to the White House and so I
will take his place for Oh youdon't think I could do it? Huh?
(01:42):
Say you bring up five girls.You can do anything. I'll tell
you and ladies. Jeer. Ofcourse I shouldn't feel as happy I shouldn't
feel as jolly tonight as I'm feelingbecause of an incident would happen coming out
of the elevator here not fifteen totwenty minutes ago. I was coming out
of a little boy with his mother. They were going down. Oh.
We just bumped in and the kidsaid to me, said, missus camp,
(02:04):
would you mind giving me your youryour autography? I said, sure,
the pencil and autography. He turnedto his mother says, Mamma,
or me a quote I told youcan write. Well, that's no good,
you know. Of course I've hadI had things like that happened to
me all the time. For instance, this afternoon, we had a little
rehearsal here with the Orchancera for somesongs we're gonna do tonight. I went
over to do a little shopping atone of the department stores. I'm not
(02:27):
permitted to mention the name of thestore. Of course, we get nothing
from them, And besides, whyshould I get all the other stores sore
at Sex you know? So?Uh? I was in it some toys
for some grandchildren, which are havein California now and and standing in the
(02:49):
in the toy apart, mcgirl waswrapping up my packages and there was a
woman with a little kid in herarms. Oh kid couldn't been over two
years old. I wanted to carryhim around, and he kept staring at
me. If you see anything funnyin the paper, then we got let
me know where you're hey, Republican, get out. I know he's a
(03:16):
Republican because he's the back of abig corporation. Go ahead, will you.
Nobody's all right? This is ladies, gentlemen. I want you to
meet Jack. Jack. I wantyou to take a bow. Jack.
This is this is probably the mostversatile actor in all the radio. He
played all the parts anything you want, from a wardrobe tunk to little girl
(03:36):
Jack Smart. Come on, havea little call. He's got a little
call too. So you're saving yourselfsome time. You can go home and
go to bed. Good night,good night Jack. That's how we get
rid of all the actors. Youknow what I mean. Somebody says good
night to me, I'll leave myself. Well. Anyway, I was in
(03:58):
this toy department lady and this littlekid, this little kid in his mother's
arms, kept staring at me likethis, you know. And of course
I stared right back at him likethat. After all, I've got something
to stare with, you know.Finally curiosity got the best of me.
Poked his finger my eye. Ilet out the yell. You could hurt
me. In Cleveland, kid turnedhis mother said, mamma, buy me
that popeye. It squeaks and goingout, going out, going out of
(04:20):
Sex fifteen. And you know theyhad those revolving doors. And there was
a lady there, oh, quitewell dresed. I guess she didn't want
to wait for package. She hadall the bundles in a round me.
She said, Sonny, would youmind pushing the door me? Sonny,
I don't know what this you.Maybe it's this new two way stretch I'm
wearing, or something gives me thisyouth. I looked at I said,
(04:40):
Sonny, I said, madam,i'd like to have you know. I'm
the father of five daughters. Shesaid, will you repeat that? I
said, not if I can helpit. Ha ha, It's always good.
You can tell her a thousand timesanyway. Now now we actually,
lady, even you can land.You can remember this is for nothing,
for Heaven's sakes, now, we'reactually going to start our show. I
(05:03):
think we start our show with alovely lady, one of the finest singers
of songs we haven't all of radiotoday. I think she's destined to become
the greatest singer in radio. Finefuture, Miss Dinah Shaw, come out,
Dinah, Dinah, do you likethis little dress? Ladies, gentlemen,
(05:25):
I want to tell you, whenDinah came to us four weeks ago,
I give my I don't think you'llfeel badly about my saying so Dinah,
I'm very proud of it. Ofcourse I hope you would be.
She had a brown dress. Itwasn't afraid, it was not very much
to it. And I looked atit. I said, Dinah, you
know you meet a lot of peoplewhile radio. I mean, you haven't
got sight, but there's thirteen tofourteen hundred people at these broadcasts, and
(05:46):
you want to have a nice address. She said, well, Miss Ken,
I can't afford it. So Itold her how she could get a
new dress. I said, ifyou will go home, if you will
go home, UH, just bringme your measurements. And she did.
She brought me her measurements, andLady Yemen, I give you my way.
You wouldn't believe this. I sewedevery stitch of this dress myself.
(06:12):
Of course, there are certain partsof it. Look, I'll tell you
what we do. Look. Shehas a number which she introduced on our
first broadcast four weeks ago, calledyes, my darling daughter, do you
remember that? Would you like tohear it? And before we start,
I think you should meet the conductorof our orchestra, Young Bobby Sherwood of
Cocomo, Indiana. This is akind of a romance between these two.
(06:35):
She can never get a quarter awayfrom Aura. No, uh, gonna
be good. Mama will scold me. Yeses, yes, yes, I
(06:55):
asked her, and this is whatshe told me. Yes, yes,
yes. Mother. May I goout dancing? Yes, my dialing daughter.
Mother, May I try romancing?Yes, my dialing daughter. What
(07:18):
if there's a move, Mama,darling, and its shining on the water.
Mother, Must I keep phone dancing? Yes, my dialing daughter.
Even if he propos Mama darling,when the night is growing shorter? Mother,
what should be my answer? Yes, my darling daughter. Ah,
(07:46):
Mama, Mama, oh mama.What if he should insist on on embrace
my mama? How can I keephim in his place. If his manner
becomes a shade and proper, andyour heart me lost, mother will be
(08:13):
exciting. Yes, my darling daughter, Mother, do I look in biting?
Yes? Daughter? If he holdsme tired, Mama, darling and
my niece just turned to water.Mother, Must I keep on dancing?
(08:33):
Yes, Madonna, daughter? Whatif he persis Mama dlling wing things?
He hadn't? Mother of what shouldbe? My sir? Yes, and
(08:54):
no, my daughter Dinah's gonna stay. She's gonna sing again. Dinah was
very cute, and it's good.I mean your memory. I didn't think
(09:15):
you remember it without the paper.You know, you know these broadcasts digument,
we have a whole script and weread. Of course tonight everybody's so
on that script away. Uh.And from what I know about the script,
that's a good thing. You know. At the rehearsal here today,
Dinah said that, mister Kanada,what are you doing? She calls me
mister Kenna. I mean, aftera while, of course we'll get a
little more. Uh. That's howit started with either, you know,
(09:41):
she said, she's missus Canna,what are you doing this afternoon? After
rehearston, I said nothing at all. She said, would you like to
go over to Paramount? And bythe way, we did go over there.
One of the finest pictures I've everseen arise, my love. Have
you seen it? All right?I want to tell you that's all who
short? How can they do sucha big business and variety? Well,
anyway, you must see the picture. We went over there and were that
(10:01):
Clauda at Colbert. There are twowomen that I'm three women that I'm crazy
about on the screen. With twoyou'll agree with the third one you probably
won't agree, But I mean thatthat's why I like her. You know,
I love Betty Davis, and Ilove Clauda Colbert. And I've got
kind of a secret end for theDorothy Limore. I don't know what it
is. I don't know what itis. Without a strong my love would
(10:24):
never rat. And I'll tell youone thing about her. I have seen
her in every picture she made,and two pictures I went to see about
eleven times. Eleven you know,Hurricane, seven times for Hurricane and four
times for the other pictures. Withthat surround, they had such windstorms.
I figure once maybe, but nothingI got. Nothing goes right on justice,
(10:45):
calm Justice, Serene and now lady, I'm gonna have Bobby Sherwood and
the orchestra do an arrangement that BobbySherwood made himself. Besides being a very
youthful conductor, he's one of thefinest arranges we have in the whole the
radio world. And it's only aminute. It's really a minute, you
(11:05):
kind of like a minute and thirtyfive seconds of Blueberry Hill, Blueberry Hill.
(13:05):
Very nice. It's a good,hot arrangement Bobby. You know last
week that Bobby had to leave earlyon Wednesday for that conscription business, you
know, and I went with Hesaid, come along with me. I
said, no, they're liab willtake me. I'm a kid, you
know. And I saw what hetold him. Oh gosh, I don't
(13:26):
know how he tried to get aask him if he had any dependence.
He says, yes, two bookmaker, six pinball machines and a buick.
How do you like that? That'shis dependence. But I want to
tell you one thing about this BobbySherwood. You know, in all the
years we've been around bands and everything, I've had rubenov you know, for
how many years I had rubenop andBy the way, he's out now learning
to play the violin. He's comingback, you know, does Bobby.
(13:46):
Never have I met a man inmy life who is as tight as this
Sherwood. Oh how he hates tospend that You a young boy, I
should be liberal. Give it out. It'll come back to you. For
instance, we had we had ahersel on Monday for our script, you
know, and it got to beabout one o'clock. I said, Bobby,
have a little lunch. He said, don't mind if I do.
That's what he said, don't mindif I do. You know something would
(14:07):
I had lunch because I took thecheck, you know, Monday and Monday
night we had dinner together. Igrabbed the check again last night again dinner.
Never remove take the check. Todayafter rehearser went downstairs. He had
a drug store drug or how muchcan you spend the drug? You know
what I mean? Cup of coffee, a sandwich. Check, it lay
between us. We wait, Idon't touch it. He doesn't a deadlock,
(14:31):
you know. Finally I started tograb a check. I said,
I said, please, Bo it'sno, no, no, it says
no. It's four days in sessions. He says today let's toss for it.
How do you like a man likethat? Would you believe that?
I think I'd like to sing asong? Shall I sing a song?
(14:52):
Here is a song that I didon the air last week as a revival.
We had a little situation in ourshow, but I first introduced it
about a year ago on the radios. Call ladies in love with you.
Let's have it allright. If there'sa gleam in her eye each time she
straightens your tithe, you'll know theladies in love with you. And if
(15:13):
she'll dress for a date without thatwaiting you hate, well, then the
ladies in love with you. Andwhen your friends ask you over to join
their table, but she picks afar away booth for two, well,
sir, here's just how it stands. You've got romance on your hands.
(15:33):
Because the lady is in love.The ladies in love because potatoes are cheaper.
Tomatoes are cheaper now the time offall in love. Why the butcher,
the baker, your candlestick maker gavetheir price a down Woodshu And Sunday
(15:54):
night, when you take her tosee that movie and she says, balcony
seats will do well, Sarah here'sjust how it stands. You got romance
on your hands. It cost theladies and love will you thank you?
(16:19):
You know, ladies glemen. Ofcourse, if we were broadcasting now,
it would be nine to fifteen here, but six fifteen on the coast.
And of course next week when webroadcast, we have two broadcasts, it
gets to be at this hour,be nine fifteen. But you can figure
out the time for yourself. Ifyou happen to be out of town,
you can watch and tell you thetime. Mister Guffy, of all the
(16:41):
pills, why they gotta go outand buy a watch? And Tucci,
you wouldn't buy a watch for yourmoney? Got your carry a watch?
Big man? You don't carry awatch? Huh No, listen a little
both, Wait a minute. Therecomes a time, comes a time when
a man feels he just doesn't wantto carry a watch with him at all.
Why don't just say it, I'ma picktop. I didn't say you,
did I say, Helen, I'ma crook? I steal a watch?
(17:02):
Go on tell me no, Iwon't know. You're not a crook,
You're not a thiefan you never stoleanything in your whole life or I
spent five years in sing sing fornothing? Huh? Did I know you
were in sings? You knew Iwas innocent. Now you're letting on that
I actually shot the cash here andthat oh I shot a man? Huh?
Go I start a rumor? Hellup, people, I shot a
guy. I haven't opened my puss. What are you talking about? Who
(17:23):
you did not? I'll take anote. You did not shoot the man.
I missed him. Huh. Ican't shoot straight? Who said you
could? Fine thing? It's badenough? I got a guffy. Whill
you do me a favorite? Look? Don't bother me. We are not
on the air. Now. Thereare other people on the networks, other
people. Maybe there's political speeches.You want to go and bother them?
Say you want me to go aggravatethe president? Huh? Nobody? No,
(17:45):
man isn't having a enough? Don'taggle? Will you do me?
Stay away from mister Roseveld. What'swrong with Roosevelt? Wa? Wa wa?
Wait a minute to cock the Democrat? Look, play with it?
Nothing, nothing is wrong with me. Mister rosevel is all right? Oh
missus Roosevelt isn't Huh? Did Isay she isn't? I like missus rose
(18:07):
I'm crazy. I love missus Roselinething, married man with five kids,
crazy about the president's wife. Whydo you take me literally? Why do
I gotta take you? Huh?He gets all the money and I gotta
take him. No, you're takingme literally? I mean I like I'm
an odden follower. I'm a greatfollower of Missus Rosevelt. And you don't
get all worn out changing trains everyday? Huh? Who mentioned did I
mention trade? I wouldn't mention trade. Why should I know? Don't talk
(18:30):
about the trains for the No railroad? Sure stop the training, no more
trail. How do you like thatguy? My poor brother? After four
years, he finally got a littlejob a brickman on the railroad. Now
Candor wants to throw him out ofwork. Who wants to throw the man
out of work? Don't I hopehe works three hundred and sixty five days
in the years SHO didn't even haveone day off. Huh. Let him
(18:55):
take the time off. Look it, Thanksgiving day is coming along. Let
him take off Thanksgiving only day hegets double over time. He lays them
all railroad just because the higher roadyou want on the railroad I am not
against railroads, Guffy. Don't please, don't aggravate me, Guffy. I
like trains every chance I get inthe world. I ride on nothing but
(19:18):
trains all the time. You wantto put the buses out of business.
It's a little trick quad buses inCalifornia. My kids go to school every
morning by bus. Who cheap tobuy it out of a beach? How
would you? I'm not bragging.I happen to have four automobiles. I
got a Chrysler and a Buick anda Cadillac another sound sure? What do
you carry? If Ford stars Ford, Walt Starve. He's got millions and
(19:42):
millions and millions of dollars. Lookat those eyes. Millions. How one
millionaire can be jealous of another?I haven't. I am not jealous of
mister Ford. Mister Ford has gotnothing that I want, nothing that I
(20:03):
want nothing. He's got a boy. So what so I happen to have
a grandson. How do you like? I've got a grandson. You got
a grands yes, even that youhad to get by remote control. Anybody
(20:33):
got any buy carb NETI soda?What's the matter? Go ahead? The
matter with Challi Pattica and I don'twant you people to think, ladies and
gentlemen that, just because you're theguests here tonight of Bristol Meyers, that
the minute this show is over,you run right out and buy ipan a
(20:53):
toothpaste to this. You don't haveto do that. I mean, you
really don't have to, because let'slet's figure out what would happen if you
all made up your minds that theminute this is over you're gonna buy something.
There's a drug store on the cornerof fiftieth Street and sixty Avenue.
There are thirteen hundred people here.Everybody rushes in there. The clerk he's
(21:14):
been there since nine o'clock in themorning. He is tired out. You
all coming you on. He becomesconfused, he makes the wrong change it.
Promise me you won't buy it tonight. And you have heard Harry Vonzel
speak about the great virtues of ipanor toothpaste. And it's true. You
(21:34):
don't have to take literally everything hesaid, because let's not kid ours.
We're all grown ups here. Alltoothpastes are all right. All toothpaste alas
happens to be a little bit better, and how much better do you think
it? How much better do youthink of it? Why do you think
(21:55):
would happen if you didn't use ipan, if used some other toothpaste? Nothing
much? In about three months yourwhole joe gets twisted and everybody looks like
the rich brothers. You know.That's all Bobby? Have you got that
that star dust thing? Here isa Here is a new Here is a
new arrangement, ladies and gentlemen,that Bobby has made and with the assistance
(22:19):
of Edgar Fairchild. And by theway, ladyman, I want you to
meet one of the finest composers,probably the greatest pianist in radio. My
very good friend Edgar Fairchild had tocome up the number that perennial favorite star
(22:41):
Dust Star Mo Mamory double Bob,she must amer. The Union makes you
(25:04):
do that. Now you know twonumbers they get five minutes. Nah now,
lads, now, ladies, gentlemen, I'd like to have Diner.
I'd like to have Dina do anumber which she would have done tonight had
(25:25):
we been on the air. Notbeing on the air, she'll do it
just the same, called down inArgentinaway. You want to play down in
Argentinaway? And she does this.Really keep the music very soft, boy,
so they can hear. Now we'renot on the air for the very
soft I hear. Why hear asoft kids underneath the pampa smooth. When
(25:59):
you sing a happy tune and youkiss your case goodbye, you'll find your
life will begin the very moment you'rein Argentina. If you're romantic senior,
then you will surely adore Argentina.You'll be as gay as can be if
(26:22):
you will learn to see see likeAlaven for mister Shure. As you learn,
then you will never return to Manhattan. When you hear Yodah homel Oh,
you'll see a kiss and then ifshe should say Maniana, it's just
to let you know you're gonna meetagain. How about an old castanet that
(26:47):
you will never forget Argentina, wherethere are rumbles and tangles to tickle your
spine, moonlight and music and orchidsin wine. You want to stay down
Argentina way. When you hear Yodayamo, you'll steal a kiss, and then
(27:07):
and then and then and then Manana. It's just to let you know that
you're gonna meet again. That anold castanet that you will never forgive Argentina.
Where there are rumbles and tangles totickle your spine, moonlight and music
(27:29):
and orchids and wine. You wantto stay Argentineina, Wait, Argentina.
(28:03):
See if we were on the airnow, if we were on the air
now, it'd just be about gettingoff. Look how quickly in that half
hour past? You know, reallyvery nice, because you're a pleasant company.
That's what does it. You reallyhave been very nice here, lady
gentlemen. But we're going to stayhere just as long as you will.
We'll really know how to go.I really mean that, you know,
because at midnight we have to comeback and do this again. We really
(28:29):
have to, because we give outtwo sets of tickets, one at nine
o'clock for the eastern broadcast, whichgoes up to about Denver, and then
at twelve o'clock midnight from Colorado upand down the West coast. So I
think it's one of the nicest thingsI can ever remember anyone doing. And
that is Bristol Mayas calling me onthe phone on Monday and saying that inasmuch
(28:52):
as the President is going to takeup our time, we ought to give
some kind of a show here inthe studio because a lot of people will
be coming from Jersey and from Brooklynand from the Brons, from all places.
Really, and we should not say, as other people might say.
It says, No, you know, I think it's very nice. I
think it's very nice, don't youreally? Now you don't have to rush
(29:21):
right out to buy ipana and saladpadiga for that. You really don't have
to, because we got boys comingup and selling it right here, right
now, in the ten of thecommunity. You know. I spoke to
Rudy Valley on the phone at sixo'clock this evening. He's in California.
He sent me a song that hewanted me to do on the air next
(29:41):
Wednesday. I was going to doit tonight and there certain parts of song
I want change. She's working outwith several boys and well, I said
to Rudy, I said, youknow, I'm not going to be on
the air. He said, whatare you sick? You know, because
the last time I was sick,last time I was off the air.
Rather, it was a night Iwas terribly sick. I don't know whether
you remember. The year before last. It was the first night ever missed
in radio because of illness, andRudy Valley took my place that night.
(30:03):
He's only felt I could call on. And you know, he's very nice.
A lot of people say, oh, that Rudy vibe. He snobbed,
he's stuck up with he wants tofight all the time. He he's
not offensive, he's always on thedefensive. Somebody makes a remark, you
know he's a sissy or something,you know, and oh, you should
see the guy. I mean,really he fights, you know, he
(30:25):
gives, oh gives out a goodthing, you know, being he's really
a swing singer. Oh, yes, and all you should see why I
I I used to go with himto the Roosevelt Hotel. Here they have
a little gymnasium, health club,you know. And you should see the
guy. Really very deceiving, buta lovely chess, lovely chess tattooed.
(30:48):
You should see what he's got.Heady Lamar and technicolor, the whole business
said. And I said to RudyValley, I said, I never knew
Hedy Lamar had a dimple. Hesaid, this dimple was there before Hetty
Lamar. He really had a Andlady, don't explain it to him.
He'll know, he'll know, buthe's a very nice fellow. This time,
(31:10):
when I was sick, ladies,jem and I've told this to many
people, but it's really true.At the time I was sick, the
doctors didn't know what was actually wrongwith me. They didn't know what was
really wrong with me. Because nowadaysthere are no doctors. They're all specialists.
You know. You go to adoctor, you know, you said,
doctor, my eye hurt something withmy eye. He says, what
eyes? And my left eyes said, I'm sorry, I'm a right eye
(31:30):
spect you got to go right,oh yeah to it. So this doctor
that I have, one of thefinest doctors, not only in New York
in this country, Joseph Diamond.He's sixteen East eighty thirty Street. Tell
him I sent you because at theend of the month, I get whoever
is sick. So he sent upa girl from his laboratory to take a
blood test to me. They youknow what they do. They give you
(31:52):
a little jab with the thing andthen put it on a favors from your
finger, you know, and theycouldn't make it out of so the next
day again she went you know thething, they went through all my fingers
finally went to below such blood thatthey took from I think she was keeping
an anemic friend somewhere, as youknow. And I found out, ladies,
she was selling it the skin inthe ennis, you know. So
(32:15):
so finally came the day came,the day of the broadcast, and I
felt heart broken. The first timein eight years, I missed the show.
I said, doctor, He said, Eddie, you can. You'd
really take a chance. It's aterrific chance. You're got a fever of
one hundred and four. We don'tknow where it's coming from. If we
knew where, oh sure you couldlaugh. She would have one hundred and
(32:37):
four. I would send you upsome matza balls. But they made it,
and you'd have one hundred and five. So Rudy Valley took my and
I'll never forget it. I waslying in bed. I had a little
portable radio right by my bedside,and when Rudy Valley got the whole audience
to sing, I love to spendthis, you know, I wanted to
tell. I cried, I reallydid. The tears streamed down my face.
(33:00):
I was lying there thinking, herewas Rudy Valley getting the check which
I would have got had I beenable to go. Well, I'm sentimental
that way, you know, andshow you the type of a guy this
Rudy Valley is. The last timehe was here, which only a few
weeks ago, was broadcasting. Weplayed a benefit performance together, played a
benefit performance together at Madison Square Garden, had a terrific show. And I
(33:22):
was living out of the country.Rudy Valley says, Hey, it's one
o'clock in the morning. Why goout in the country. You gotta get
up aided tomorrow. Why don't youcome to my apartment? And Lady Gimen
is such an apartment that I finallywent. You have never seen one hundred
and fifteenth Central parkware, all donein the most exquisite stuff. Sometime if
you're around the neighborhood, I wantyou to go up and see Rudy Valley's
apartment, the most exquisite tapestries onthe wall. You should see the tapestries
(33:47):
on the wall and the garbage onthe floor. You have never And we
had something to eat. We hadsomething to eat. We brought us some
things from the frigid there. Coldchicken I loved, I mean old chicken.
You must never eat when there's anybodyaround. You know what I mean.
You grab a hole of a polka, you know, you give it
that thing. You know, youdon't have to worry about who you see.
(34:09):
And then he brought out something todrink, a think called vodka.
Do you ever drink that vodka?Oh? Two drinks a hollo hooray for
Hitley. Oh oh thing, youhave an inside hotfoot. That's what you
get with that vodka. So itgot to be about three o'clock in the
morning, and I said, Rudy, I've got to go to bed.
(34:30):
I've really, I'm all, I'vegot to go to He's eddy. Before
you go to sleep, I'd liketo show you my collection of pajamas.
And such a collection of pajamas,I give you my word, you have
never seen one pair. One pairof pajamas he got when he was out
in California. Bullocks wheelchair, onehundred and twenty five dollars Chinese silk hand
(34:53):
embroidered. Here he had a dragonembroidered. It was pretty dirty. He
must have been dragging on the floorthere for months, you know. Then
he showed me six pair, sixpair that he bought in sacks and he
showed me a dozen pair he gotfrom Paris, and six pair he got
from the All and all of themust to show me three dozen pair of
shows and finally went to sleep inhis underwear. How do you like a
(35:15):
mammou? And what kind of underweardo you think of? Rudy Valley wears,
I can tell you. Can youimagine where a little short work?
No, oh, he'd be great. And he wears what you call him
French long doors? Right now thatyou know, those were a flap over
here? You know any male?You know? I don't want you to
(35:40):
think I'm knocking. Because I loveRudy Valley. I think I'll sing again.
What have we got here, Oliver? Here is a would you hold
my gun? Here's a song thatI've been singing, Lady Jemma for too
many years, but I so enjoysinging. It gives me such a great
(36:01):
cake. I hope you feel thesame way about it. Called dust off
the old Piano, We go,Oh, sus zena dust off the old
piano. My hands are rich,and for those keys, our troubles will
go winging. The moment we startsinging all our favorite melodies, we'll get
(36:28):
the gang around that used to hangaround. And when the neighbors hear a
singing Sally delf again about Rudy Valley, Oh sus Zenna, I left you
sing Sopranna, dust off the allpiano tour, the lie go rab me
fossol la te doo. That's thescale everybody ought to know how to play
(36:52):
from do to do. There isnothing finer than a mine a strain.
It's the kind of mellody gets alot of sympathy. Accord and sea is
beautiful. I heard somebody say it. According Gee is wonderful, according to
(37:13):
the way they play it. Allsuits zannat off the old piano. My
hands are rich and for those keys. It's been so many many ages since
we last turned the pages of ourfavorite Mellow Dys. We'll get the gang
around that used to hang around,And when the neighbors here are singing Penna,
(37:38):
they'll forget about Canada. Tanna,oh sous Zanna, take off your
own bandanna, dust off the oldpiano. J lie. Oh my god,
(38:13):
I give her a nickel. Youknow, ladies and gentlemen, In
the last three or four years,I've had a good fortune to be invited
to many universities throughout the country.Say tell me something about the boys leaving?
Can they stay here? How long? All right, Johnny, thank
you. I want you to meet, ladies, gentlemen, one of my
(38:36):
very good friends, very fine violin this and the man who makes it
possible for us to have this orchestra, Johnny Augustine, Johnny, get up.
You have to do that, youknow, they send an extra bill.
Well, anyway, here, goingaround to the various universities, I've
been speaking to the youth of thiscountry, and it's most important that we
(38:59):
do speak to them, because ifyou don't speak them to do something about
what we've done to their country,you know, because we all guys,
we kind of move on, youknow, these fellows inherit this whole business,
you know everything. So anyway,after these talks, somebody usually comes
up to me says, can Iwish you'd told us something about radio,
what happens when so and so goesdown, or what happens in Hollywood?
(39:20):
About this person and so. Inthe past a few seasons, I've asked
the audience at the broadcast to askme questions about things that are on their
mind that perhaps I could answer andI'd like to take about ten minutes,
maybe seven or eight minutes to doit tonight. Leadier man, If you
have any questions that you'd like toask me from where you are, I'll
(39:42):
consider no question too personal. I'lltry to answer anything that you want me
to answer, and I promise notto make sport of you. So if
you have anything on your mind,just raise your hands so I know where
you're seated, and we'll try tohave some fun. This is not a
quiz or anything, you know,because I'm not I'm no Cliffson Fatima.
Gosh, I'm not even an noscullar. Yes, sir, Oh, you're
(40:07):
going back a long way. Whatdid you say? Oh? No,
no, the stage. But I'lltell you what I'll do if you like.
Before the show is over, I'llsing a couple of the old zick
for songs and we'll run up anddown here. We'll do that for you,
Yes, I promise, before webefore we quit, I'll do that
for yourself. Uh. Who hasa question, Yes, sir, oh,
(40:34):
if you know anybody who is interested, it's the longest wide elephant that
anybody el Yes, sir, that'sright. I think you are right,
sir, I think you're right,sir, but I don't think that this
(40:55):
is the time and the place togo into a a discussion of what goes
on. Politics are a peculiar thing, especially on the American scene, and
yet I would much prefer to haveour kind of politics with all of the
smearing that we do, because allwe smear is with mud, and then
(41:20):
politics on the other side is blood. You know. So I think we've
already early, are yes? Miss? Oh? Oh God, I shouldn't
tell he killed that. No,we will have, we will have.
(41:42):
We will have Harry Vonziel's lady friendwith us next next Wednesday, a girl
that's really hotter about Benzelle. AndI can tell you, yes, sir,
if you were, if you wereusing if you were using squips toothpaste,
(42:07):
because I was on the program,you must have made a mistake the
first time, because I was onthe Peppico program. So you've made two
mistakes, one using squibs and secondtalking about it. And now you can
square the whole thing by going outtonight and buying a tube of ipana.
You know what I mean? Becauseeven I changed my mind, you know.
(42:31):
Yeah? Who uh, why didyou say? I didn't hear you.
I can't hear you. Who isthe baby up there? It's Bobby
show as little baby right right inthe women. Can we throw a spotlight?
Can we throw a spotlight on theclients booth up there? Can you?
(42:52):
Can you move the spotlight over tothe clients booth? Or can't you
here? Here's the baby? Hey? Yah? One child? An amateur?
(43:12):
Who else has a question? Yes, ma'am? When will who?
When will I come back to thelegitimate stage? Well, I'll tell you
just as soon as I find avehicle, some play, some musical show
that excites me sufficiently right now,So taking up with this radio and seeing
the Dinah shore gets a new Youknow, it's so much work connected with
(43:36):
us famous, But if something comesalong, I'll be back. You bet
who else? Yes, ma'am?May you please have my autograph? You
may have my autograph, but I'lltell you what you do. If you
will drop me a note and giveme your name and your address and send
it here to NBC, I'll sendyou an autograph picture, so you have
(43:59):
both the autog and my puss.And anytime you don't eat your spinach,
your mother will show you the pictureand run, you believe me? Where
else? Yes, ma'am? Whathappened to Bobby Breen? Bobby Breen,
unfortunately right now is between voices.He's in Hollywood. He gets up in
(44:28):
the morning and he says, mother, I'd like to have some conflict.
You know, he's a tenant.He comes back, he says, who
do you think bothers me today?You know? So until his voice make
up its mind where it wants togo uptown or downtown, you can't do
a thing with him anyone else,yes, ma'am. Or I most likely
make my next picture in January.I'm going to the coast in January and
(44:50):
make a picture because it's been awfullyhard. People walk up and down the
street. I go to Union Square, I go to Columbus Cycle people are
box says, he said, whatdo you need this country? Small pictures?
By I hear them speeches all thetime. I have to go back.
There's a terrific demand from either sheneeds a coat? Who, yes,
(45:14):
ma'am, how old is my grandson? My grandson was a year last
Saturday, that's right, year last. He took a train, came here
by himself to this smart kid meta girl on the way of what happened
(45:36):
with who else? Yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am, Yes, sir,
huh speak up, Speak up,young man? Oh yes, yes.
Do you tell him not to worry? I'll pay him. She's home,
(46:15):
She's home. Who else, yes, ma'am. Oh, I don't
know until he grows up to beas good as Harry Potts. Yes,
ma'am, yes, oh, yes, oh yes. In fact, I'll
be there this Sunday, the campthat this gentleman refers to as a camp
(46:39):
that I was sent to when Iwas ten or eleven years old up but
Cold Springs, New York, andthe past few years we've been instrumental in
sending quite a few thousand boys upthere. It's very really one of the
finest boys camps in this country.Who else wants to know what? Yes,
sir, No, I don't thinkI will. I cannot be at
(47:01):
the Nordek Club and at the campat the same time, because until you
can arrange some kind of a scheme, you know what I mean, I
cannot be there. Who yes,ma'am. Do I have a stand in
over? Oh? Yes. Youknow, when there are certain things that
(47:21):
are dangerous to do, you alwaysbring a stand in For instance, I
had to play a scene with HettyLamont have two fellas in my place.
I couldn't. I would die.Well, I'll tell you what we do,
Bobby, I wanna. I wantto. I want to answer the
request by this gentleman over here,and I want you to play me two
choruses from some of the zig Feldsongs. I've had the choruses. I'm
(47:43):
Marck in the book The Boys YouGot Him nineteen twenty with a nice tempo.
Here's the two songs I think youremember from zick Fel. Days we
go, Margie, I'm alwaysting meoff you. I'll tell the world I
love you. Don't forget your promiseto me. Beasi. I thought the
(48:08):
home and ringing every little thing forMagie. You've been my inspiration days I
never blew. And after roll ofsaid and done, there is really only
one. Oh Margie, Margie,it's you. If you knus oh,
(48:40):
oh my goodness, I sassy.I had a mustache ud as a pup.
Susie kissed me and she burned thedunting up. If you used to
the kind of I'm not I'm notthe least bit winded. I could think
(49:17):
you're having very nice ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate your coming, even though
you knew you weren't going to geta broadcast. I hope that the members
of the Company Boys in New York, as myself, have pleased you,
and I hope you're listening again nextWednesday. Good night, God bless you
(49:39):
each Wednesday with you as grand tofriends. I'm sorry, I'm telling you
just how I feel. I hopeyou feel that way. Let's make a
(50:09):
date for next Wednesday night. I'mhere to stay. Twill be my delight
to see again ring again the thingsyou want me to I love to spend
(50:39):
Wednesday. Will you a
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