Episode Transcript
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(00:16):
Ah, Eddie. Wait, Eddie, why did you get that ride?
It happened? Don't worry. Itisn't habit with me. They told me
horseback ride my appetite, and Ilost my appetite for horseback riders. The
sad say that. Don't take it, get down, tell me all about
it. Sit down. No,no, I can't better what I'm saying.
(00:36):
And I'm a pup. I seeif you ever getting you see it?
Thet talk like that, Eddie.You look let a horse bow that
You're the last room up in thewrong way. I'm up in the wrong
way. How do you not happen? And besides, it wasn't you.
Oh, I see now you're ridingin there. You might have a too
high stoat. He said, youcame down. I shot up in the
(01:03):
syrup and I sat down and gotcallous. Eddie, you know it's very
plain. If you must have takena cable roll, why didn't you ride
in a bridle path the bridal pair, I said that was only from marriage
couple. You know better than that, Eddie. You know I'm sure the
riding mass mustage, yes, andone hundred places. I can still see
whatever you want. I think Iknow your year, no spirit, no
(01:26):
dance. You got to put somethinginto that set ecu me, don't worry.
I put everything I had into it. Person Eddie horse horse is like
a dog man's best friends, faithful, friendly. The horse is like a
dog maybe to me, but Ihe'd like the devil to come home and
have a horse numbered in my lastAnd another thing that Yeah, female horse
(01:48):
is at her best because he's welldro tell me was her name carriage?
Oh yeah, you also have arye brows. Talk to payman away with
a man of cure some horsey daddy. I gave up. I'm s I
did g What was your names ofit? I don't know, Jimmy,
I said do that and she went. I said whoa. When she stopped,
I said reverse. She didn't knowwhat I'm talking about. The It
(02:12):
just occurred to me. Maybe Iknow what was wrong? Was you raised
that horse? You can't see whynot? You start with a pop,
sings under the can, wound upin a gallup. Jimmy, we started
with a candle, went into agallup and wound up in a bed.
Thank you made downs with me andwent to sleep. I couldn't God.
I took tenderly eating kinderly. Isaid, like I speak to wide,
I said, you hat sht up? Eddie? Time the home. Now
(02:35):
I've got it. You didn't havea horse. You had a mule.
I know how a jack ass,asked Jimmy. If you don't know who
does you had? Yah, that'sthe person here. Yeah, get over
it. You know what happens.Well I left the line there, Jimmy.
(02:55):
I took a text a tack tothe studio and here I am,
and my happy that I'm not abad man. You know, a horse
follows at the end of the earth. No log a minute, what's the
one? What's the noise? Youmean? Right? What's the no on?
Eddie? Eddie looks, But there'sa horse in the studio for a
(03:20):
hide, me said, he that'smy man, my nightmare though you said
he try as a man who camehere, whether he's got a gun in
his head? Done? Yeah,I'm from the profession of crooded animal go
under a wrest what for heaven's sake? So what what all for? Abusing
a poor dumb animal? You meanthat horse? No, not the horse,
though farwell, watch you about alittle pet? You need not all
(03:49):
father time will never harm. Yourtomb still remains after you rolled. Baby.
You don't have to be all youngand you therefol just to do this.
To be beautiful, young man,be dipoles one of the love.
(04:15):
Don't say to you he's a littlepowder a young man beautifolds. If you
want to be loved, if yourwife and the side all the bad off,
make it off, the heel offof there when you sing anywhere with
your hat off, have a permanentway in your take care of all those
(04:38):
times, and you know we're beingsomeone Bob young and er pols. If
you want to be loved young andbeautiful, get the beautiful young man beautiful
if you watch, yes, indeedyou ride and happy, say in the
(05:00):
baby shot of telephones, he's youngand beautiful. If you wanna be loved
using the little schools, the kindand the eve any more, I know
if when the boses lips, seewhen it gifts you in the min you
let him to hold your tide,let him get a with a peniless night
(05:23):
and young and beautiful. If youwanna presenting ed hander as auction, are
(05:48):
my friend, my friends here weare the second day of this commend to
talk to him and if any ofmoney you think you will see it yesterday,
wait until I get through today.And he tried to get better prices,
will it le? It's a pleasureto sell yall at any size.
Get away him. This is Eddieseller paintings. First, ladies and gentlemen,
I have here a rare painting.This is a genuine whistler. He's
(06:10):
get five hundred dollars for a whistler? All right? Five? All right
out here? Five hundreds right here? Anymore? So only wants for five
hundred going right? So a genuinewhistler to a gentleman for five hundred dollars.
Hey, wait a minute, thisis a picture of a commar Well,
ain't got a whistler? GT?Right, I don't where? Why
don't say? I suppose if Ishow you a picture of a rooster,
you'd expected to lay a Hey,I five pay five hundred bucks for a
(06:32):
roaster? It would have to layeg in our best Eddy selloup piano.
Next. All right, ladies andgentlemen, take a look at his grand
piano. The original cost for twentyfive hundred dollars. We're let it go
for a thousand. Who'll take it? Oh? Who are you. I'm
from the finance. You take it? Okay? This to take it away?
(06:53):
Jimmy, would you give me giveme something to sell that you read
your own to heaven it? Wouldyou do that? All right? That
he's here, sell a silverware?Next is lock twenty seven the Pinoner's Assautman
sill thirty silver Where you're atall?What an Assautland Hotel, asked of the
riots rolling over story? Do Ihear one hundred dollars for software? Do
I hear seventy five? Make yousixteen? I'll give you fifteen dollars?
(07:15):
Did I hear fifteen? Up?You've got a lot of name fifteen dollars
for two hundred and sixty three piecesof silbar where it's insult the nobli.
Don't tell me your reading. Expectto get the step for fifteen dollars.
Wind up fifteen up sold for fifteendollars. Really healthy? Yeah? How
do you sell that bread table?I'm like you to by that hand.
You know nine has to pay aweek, coming has to play all lady
(07:36):
from the South where madam Madam justsent you old anautica. When you see
it, takes a good look atthis, it's not an ordinary bridge table.
It's a novelty novelty novels. Areyou sure Ruvenough hasn't got a wife?
Well looking, no, no,madam, this is a novelty table.
(08:00):
Is six so that when your opponentgets a good hand of business,
moll slam the legs, collapse inthe cart, fall on the floor.
Honey, right, how did thatdollar? Take it? Two and a
half, And I'll throw in thismarvelous tibbet to care with a nice soft
seat guarantee to put any tippets tothe sleep in five minutes. Now,
please please on the table and youcan hold onto yes, all right,
(08:22):
that he don't waste any time yoursmadam taking away? No, don't cries
you he's a lamb at him?Well, yeah, don't cry you're crazy.
And gentlemen, or face editions,the face editions to ever get into
a radio announces home and one authorsfirst, we have drowning an honest wheels
(08:46):
come bun here taken bound the leather, nice chriss bacon and a complete set
of dickens by the others, andget the dickens for nothing, And imagine
on one shelf alone, Bobby burnsup at Longfellow because he's wittier than Poles.
And he says, Henry, you'redriving uscar wild o show own nuts,
(09:09):
mister Danton. Can you see there? Dollars for the last tour?
I consider fifty dollars? Rock me? I'm on why one book alone's voice?
I'd look at it? A specialbook and titles how to become a
radio announcer in two parts, makeit three parts? And our big six,
kay, make it seventy five?And our show in the rubenof of
Omakayam. That's whitey five if you'reseventy five ers big And also included these
(09:33):
collection, ladies and gentlemen are theloves of Casanova. Do I hear aley
Casanova's love for eighty dollars? Whyany one of his loves his voice?
Angy moth? There is five eightyfive bids? Why here a hundred?
Make a hundred, and I'll includethe Life of Rolls the Winter? Who'll
take the Life has rolled the windowfor one hundred dollars? I'm will?
Who are you our boss? Mammy? Yeah? If you want to say
(09:58):
him? Many camps have yet readyyou mind? I say, Andrew,
I want to beat I'm not lovelyof the bed. That's no Mommy,
that's Wallington. Get under the way, never by now walking off his family
Airloder's antiques badly all right, Ladiesand gentlemen, to look at this family
treasure, the same identical bed that'sbeen in the Warrington family for a century.
(10:20):
Even the women, real Irish women. The lining hasn't been changed in
one hundred years. Oh Louis,lou let's get it vas from this out.
I'm so cold, I can hardlysay your les. Beautiful legs,
Ladies and gentlemen, carved on ascholar mahogany. I've at you a don
ye to take me home, Louie. Look yere's the fiftieth time Louis the
fourteenth slept in this bed. Whatwould you get to sleep from Louis bed?
(10:41):
I would have give him this aday after all the yeah offered in
the world. Say, I don'thave no money. I talked to it.
What have I to offer? Abeautiful canopy that stretches halfway across the
bed, Ladies and gentlemen, thisbed has a unique attachment, a music
box. The lad you're to sleepset anybody by then if the saving girl
feels an app The music back playslame bones leaping in the hose. You'll
(11:11):
never get the house clean, abad will. And if an old maid
lies down on the bed you're here, will I ever be a why not
a man in my life? Whatto do about it? I'll put out
(11:33):
the life and go there and foran old married come in the place.
Don't know why we must not?You you and I saw me wherever as
soon as we both get together,we're fighting all the time. Age.
(12:00):
Yeah, we'll listen music fuck attachedfrom sit on prim beets for married couple.
Sure, but what let's play blame. It's better this way. You'll
agree those you I'm adoring. Ican't stand your snoring. Don't play you
(12:28):
out with my little baby todad Whatwould the music? Fuck? Play?
Baby? You just put it downand you'll hear tally in wonderland, Come
let me take your hands. Thewonders how looking well looking blame right there,
(13:00):
all your ill you paradise the soulhe is your heir, frowns in
wonderland. You set the man hada last thing? They watching the masttle
(13:20):
cries while tweedles can tweedle dumb arefighting and looks you set the captain love
mats or my Miami or my watchthe drinking though mass exciting. Humpty dumpy
dumber ll have to humpty dumping,Humpty dumpy Pa. Say to roy hunting
(13:46):
he comes to being on the Queenof heart. They've given royal commands that
you may play all day in wonderlandand wonder land. Come let me take
your no wonder pass looking no lookingbland. Right there was the sound that
(14:24):
couldn't accurd Toru man, we takeyour hand in wander there. Why I'll
(14:52):
tell you that got you? Whata pleasure? What a pleasures you made?
Want a pleasure? They want theidea of the diver's helmet and the
runnings rug in the fruit and besideswhere we're going, I'll need them.
We're going hunting tonight. I forwhat for joke Joe? Yeah, look
I need them here. Listen.How many jokes have I had since ide
been on the air? Oh?I should say about four? All told?
(15:16):
All that's good, that's good,that's good. That's your four all
tall, Yeah, that's good.That's right. Now. Look at I've
had four jokes and I've used themfor three years. Remember the one.
What I say, my brother sendme fifty dollars. But I couldn't use
the money because I said on theenvelope returning five days. You remember that
there are yeah, I remember thatone and all your others. We'll keep
(15:37):
quiet about. Well. Look giveme. If I can stay on the
air for three years with four jokes, can you imagine how long I could
keep it up with fifty jokes.I never thought of that. Any Where
you're going to get the listen.I ain't an apartment around the corner where
there's millions of jokes. Tell me, keep telling me the case and give
me slinking at somebody's home one ofthe police cashes. It's all I give
(15:58):
me. Were telling me that's beenAs for jokes, you see with me,
Jimmy, Yeah, quiet. Idon't like this, Eddie. I
don't like it at all. Thepolice to come Belan saying give me a
life. Look at all those millionsand millions. It looks to me they're
(16:22):
all classified too. Yeah. Look, looks the Italian jokes in the muscolaneous
department. There's some Scotch jokes.Yeah, they're so tight they won't even
give the answer. I look tome, the books books are mutis colony
jokes without an recover because you seeyour par rt. Yeah right, Eddie,
look right next to him, awhole shell full of hospital jokes,
yeah, without any appendence. Andlook look look at the way they're raising
(16:44):
to Eddie. Yeah. Why he'sgot Russian jokes next to Harry and dim
in the lawless and colin jails,next to millionaires, next to ginger Ale
and original jolts, next to impossible. Look at that, Jimmy, tell
me look looks at tell me lthe flute want to be give the night
roil? Oh yes, Harry nodhere be taser. That's what you're doing
(17:17):
here. Well, peep, wethought we'd tell you that. We thought
we didn't wanted to surprise your things. Is a surprise. Yes, I've
jump been off with Drail. Yeahyou know already. He's the lightliest man
in the world, the laziest manin the world. Yes, you know
he's so ladies, but he doesn'teven bother the night coff You know,
(17:40):
he's not put coffee grounds in hismustans and drink hot water offo heaven say
ult me. So if your sutme and in our three up the place
of pet. Maam I book mylive pet rob in the other row.
(18:00):
Beef. You don't mean to saythat you keep a rabbit in the house
already. I can't let him out. Why this is growing hair? All?
For goodness, that's doing. Iain't here, I'll say so,
hey, do you remembered the rabbitI told you for two to a chief?
(18:22):
I remember. Now you can haveall twenty of them back to the
same price. Come on, Eddie, come on, let's get out of
here. Oh that's all right,you'll think. I'll sit to my heart
suddy. You mean, for goodnesssake, be quiet, be quiet you
(18:45):
need We're going to get some jokesin this place. Wait a minute about
for that man, but kind offall Oh they are y. No,
I'm not here, Baron, SoI'm happy a night there. I'm sorry,
Eddie, I'm awfully sorry. Iwoke m up. If he cancer?
What are you doing here? TellBarren to a boy pra the procrastination
(19:07):
and due to imperative necessity for immediatehilarious criticism, to provoke the gilations laughter,
and to stick all the visibilities ofthe populace, we have answered your
dormatile. There are Brest barn.Yeah, wrestle Eddie's got a dwell joke?
Who's going to trade with you?Yes? You see, my brother
(19:29):
send me sixty dollars, but Icouldn't use it. Becall on the envelope
it said return in five days.I know that one. I can see
we read the same jog. Please, I never en. You don't make
up my own No, all you'vegot to do is put your tell in
the proper frame of mine. Ona job comes through, no kidding two
of us. I got it.You have a joke about a cow?
(19:52):
I god, you see it's duringthe war, my cockle or your probably
Yeah, he didn't go he saidthat and the part he said yes one
day while he was making a car? What happened a bog just come along?
Or said you blacker? Buy?Aren't you at the protest? And
what? And what if you go? Say my cousin? Who got what
(20:15):
is? Because everything at that endI made up. I made up that
job by using whoa you must beolder than you. Look, why don't
you try it any I think Iwill just just make a sound and come
to all right thought? Did youmean it work? I got one?
(20:40):
What did I tell you? Yougot a joke about a kid. No,
no, no, I got oneabout a husband who talked in his
sleep. You make a noise likea ticking, or you get a joke
about a husband, but you seehis husband and so him tack that he
tackles in his sleep. Eddie,Yeah, that's not speaking anymore house No,
(21:03):
no, no, I guess you'reright, Jim mean, this time
will be on the level. We'llknock on the door and go right in
and then when they're not looking,maybe we can kill something. Eddie's Gracey
Allen say, it's just Jos andI recognize you anywhere when I want to
tell you I should enjoyed your WiFiand that's just your forty esure? What
(21:23):
is he talking about my WiFi?Important? Cancer is the name? I
came to ask you about some gloves? Ready? What would you yesterday?
As leaders, Sam, I'm betterreaders, yes, Gracy, I think
so. But what mister Kada meansis you see he only has four jokes.
So look his brother sent him fiftydollar. He couldn't use it.
(21:44):
Yeah, welsome good Jackie. Yousisty Dallas to my appy, said,
is operation Gracie. The man's Tellya joke, Yeah, you think your
apan tell him, Miss Allen,you seem to be laboring under a misapprehension
in the NT or a behore play. You're absolutely non compassmenty. You know
(22:07):
it's so hard to do this.Well, boys, it were nights of
you to call. What can wedo for you? Nothing, George,
We just remember an important engagement ina place where you couldn't possibly hear,
Gracy Allen. Well wait a minute, I'll get my hat and coat and
go with you. All right,Well it is so far the evening's been
(22:33):
a dismal savior. We didn't evenget one joke sat there for you.
See, no, Jimmy, lookwhere did you get all those books?
I sold this one at Burns andAllen's house, and I sold this one
of curls. I put them ontomy coat when they weren't looking. See
wow, let's see what's in themay here? Here got this was absolutely
empty? Must be Gracy Allen's fiary. Never mind see someone this, Jimmy
(22:55):
doesn't look as if they're very many. Yes, but even if you will
help, Jimmy, what matter giveme a pay ed? What's the matter
with you? Look? Basically leathe play jokes. My brother send me
fifty dollars, but I couldn't simme. I stole the same word jokes
I've been using for years. Ohtheir daddy and mammy. Why they're he
(23:22):
from and sammy? On a moonlightnights you can find them all while they
are waiting the vangels, I seeup paybe what that there? There?
What that there? They is?While they keep playing a humming and swaying
ship, the truck ship, thelobbrary. Lease that some to carry the
(23:45):
top. No way what them chaplin? No long seeve im the coprom no
long go take your best down yourreal pel. But down to the levee,
I said to the levee and joinedthat super m brong. Hear that
(24:10):
music and prom simply Brace made waitingon the levee. Wait before the robbery,
I had watch them dot know,Lord, get you what you want
to see them stuff for no love, I want to take your sense down.
I set your renal pel, butdown to the levee. I set
(24:36):
to the levee and joined that supperroom brock want to listen to him?
Hear that mus again? Song fiftimplyGrace Brake make make wait, not the
lappy waiting for the robbery. Andhere's my nomination for the most popular song
(25:04):
of the week. Annie doesn't livehere anymore. You must be the one
he waited for. He said thatI would know you by the blue in
your eyes. Check it through thefancy vest and post it that tie you
answer, and that's description. SoI guess that you're the guy. Well,
(25:29):
Annie doesn't live here anymore. Anniedoesn't live here anymore. It's too
bad you didn't call before. Hejust bought a down the ties with ribbons
above brandy through the pretty head andlady style love. He really looks so
(25:51):
a louring and if waiting for yourlove, blah blah blah. But Annie
doesn't live here anymore, it wasbring There was romance in the air and
everything he for a loving heart toshare, and there were sees just as
lonely Anna's blue as he could be. That the reason Annie doesn't live here
(26:18):
anymore might have been not picture thatbe called. He was, though so
faithful, What a pitiful sight.The wait is for the letter that you
promised to write. A gentleman witha top hat called around the other night,
and and he doesn't live here anymore. Annie doesn't live here anymore.
(26:45):
Never saw her like that way before. There's so much to say. I
don't know where to begin. Nineteendays. He wondered just where you could
have been, She told me.In case you called, I should let
you come write in by blah blahblah blah. Annie doesn't live here anymore.
(27:06):
Annie doesn't live here anymore. Ijust found a letter in the draw.
This was meant for you, andlove and listened Somehow There were little
secrets that he tried to infer.I'll gladly give you the letter if it
makes you happy, say blah blah. But and he doesn't live here anymore.
(27:30):
Week by week we would sit aloneand wouldn't even speak, and her
telephone kept leading constantly. He atlast she realized to her between that the
reason Annie doesn't live here anymore.Many times I hide her face a flaw.
(27:56):
Then one night she dressed herself withelegance. Yeah you cold, and
stockings with those two little swings hesprings in the south with perfumes. And
she started down the stairs. Wecan go to the posto because they give
you a hufulity that jet. ButAnnie does does not live here any more,
(28:25):
Ernie one on us are you're doingin that night shown? Well,
jum me, didn't you know I'vebeen elected judge in the ninety seventies.
This the court? Come on,I'm late. I'm gonna get there.
Of course I know you're a latejudge. But why the night shown?
This is a night car Come on, ladies and gentlemen, the night We
are taking you to the court roomwhere Judge Canter presides. Order in the
car oder in the car one ofthis. The judge comes in and he
(28:48):
says, order in the course.What kind of the thing? All the
first day? He said? Thepeople versus Jack Emerick, Jack, you're
accused of entering the Bozola piano store. I'm saving a piano. What have
you to say, sir? Hoana, I did it in a moment of
weakness. You stole a piano ina moment the weakness. I suppose if
you'd have been feeling strong, you'dhave stolen the post office ten years Willy
(29:11):
smoke. Oh it's you boys,eh, Well, Miss Mercy Levy and
the Cassio. You have been chargedwith robbing a bank. I sent with
you for twenty years East. Butthere innisance. Yeah, conical? Whyat
quiet? And that's to you machineGuntique. You were arrested at the same
time, but demanded a separate trials. What have you to say to yourself?
(29:32):
I'm guilty, so okay, you'rethe charge. Way a minute,
your Hona a minute? What's thematter? Listen? You sent us four
horrenocent at jail. He pleased Hillyand you discharge him. Why is that?
That's your own protection? Why shouldI put a contest criminal in jail
with four honors next day? Comeon, James Harrison charged with attempted suicide?
(29:53):
Are you James Harrison? Yes?Sure, Anna Harrison. You look
like a pretty intelligent person. Nowtell me what made you try to do
away with yourself? You're on,I'm all rank danger. I'm forty six
years old, I have a wifeand street children, been out of work
for almost two years. I'm notgood than myself, not good than my
(30:15):
family. Isn't that's reason enough?No, my friend, that's not reason
it is man. Well, I'vebeen coming home there today, tired,
worn out from the constant search fora sense to make a living, as
seemed to faith my family. Nowwhat do they say that's it nothing,
not a word that's looking a eyesa tense since time has forty six years
(30:37):
old, I'm true forty six yearsold, and your true don't say that.
Suppose I was to tell you abouta man who was born in the
lost cabin in the Woodlands, andwhile still a youngster, lost not only
his mother and father, but hisbrother's as well. Alone in the world.
His one possession was the thing necessaryfor success, the will to hold
on keep going. And he wasthe forty five who went to Will and
(31:00):
a se the brigiant record as asoldier. Later in life, so hand
istaped by poor health at the ageof sixty two, not forty six Harrisons,
but at sixty two Andrew Jackson becamethe President of the United States.
Yeah, but he was follow youyou're fighting the battle of life, then
surrender You're Harrison. Henry Ford wasbroke at the age of forty did he
throw the wife flag No. Nineteenhundred and three. He borrowed the sum
(31:25):
of one thousand dollars from a mannamed James to the war and achieve the
brigant record as a soldier. Laterin life, So hand istaped by poor
health at the age of sixty two, not forty six Harrisons. But at
sixty two Andrew Jackson became the Presidentof the United States. Yeah, but
he was a follow you you're fightingthe battle of life, don't surrender,
(31:48):
Lore Harrison, Henry Ford was brokeat the age of forty Did he throw
the wife flag? No. Nineteenhundred and three. He borrowed the sum
of one thousand dollars from a mannamed James's cousins. For that one thousand
dollars investment, mister Cousins a throughthirty nine million dollars. So you can
imagine what mister Ford made. Yousay you're through at forty six? Why
Verdie Birdy composed I either sixty eight? Wagner finished his great opera Possible at
(32:13):
sixty nine. Listen, Harrison,I knew an actor who played one nice
tan, traveling from town to townyear in, year out, hoping,
fighting. But he didn't give up. He kept struggling, and at the
age of sixty four, he sawhis name and electric flights on Broadway,
translating and liking you see, Harrison, the difference between tailor and success was
(32:35):
just holding on a little longer.Maybe right, of course, I'm right
taking your life had a legacy toleave your wife and hear him. Being
a failure is not a crime,but being a coward. Don't let him
remember you for that. Harrison.Give me your address. I'll get you
a job somewhere. No thanks,You've given me more than a job.
(32:55):
Why you've taken ten years off myage. I'm not for six enough.
Right now I'll get a job.They can't look me, and I'll never
forget you, sir, God blessyou, Goodbye, good luck. Harrison
caught the journey to friend this hourwith you a friend to friends. I'm
(33:25):
sorry, I'm telling you just howlong. I hope you see that way
too. Let's make a date fornext Sunday night. I'm here at the
(33:49):
thing. Will be my de linefirsting again, bring again, say you
want me to? I love toSam with our rule next week. Another
(35:00):
Altation Sanborn Coffee Hour, directed byRubinov and starring Eddie Cannon. The makers
of Tation Sanborn dated Coffee What aCost among the first to sign the President's
re Employment Agreement. James Wallings hasspeaking good Night m D the national glodcasting company m