November 24, 2025 • 9 mins
Starting your week with a tough question from the mailbag: How do you handle parent meetings that feel consistently defensive or hostile? 🥊 We dive into actionable strategies to shift the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative, ensuring student success remains the shared goal. The key is leading with empathy and finding the source of the parent's frustration, which often isn't personal. Learn how to immediately disarm tension by explicitly stating a common objective and focusing conversations strictly on observable behavior, not interpretation or judgment. We discuss the powerful technique of using the "power of pause" from conflict resolution training to de-escalate heated moments. These difficult conversations are your greatest opportunity to model professionalism and achieve a collaborative breakthrough. Listen for personal strategies to master difficult conversations! Find out more about what we do: AWB Education - awbeducation.org Grundmeyer Leader Services - grundmeyerleadersearch.com Got a mailbag question? Reach out to us at adam@awbeducation.org
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Thank You for Listening!This has been an episode from The Edify Network—Where the Whole Education Community Listens and Learns. We are dedicated to supporting everyone invested in K-12 success: teachers, leaders, parents, and community advocates.Want to keep the conversation going?
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This episode includes AI-generated content.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Morning Boost, brought to you by AWB Education.
Here we amplify knowledge, widen reach, and broaden impact in education,
delivering your daily dose of professional development. This program is
sponsored by Grundmeyer Leader Services, where together we are transforming education,
one leader at a time. Now get ready to amplify
(00:25):
your day with your Morning Boost.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello everybody, very warm, welcome to all of you today
on your Morning Boost. Happy Monday, everybody. We are here
to start your week with some more actionable insights designed
just for you our dedicated educator. So I wish you
a very happy and productive Monday. Now, just to give
you a little glimpse into the future this week, because
this is a holiday week and because we here at
(00:52):
AWB Education want to make sure that you are also
turning off school and turning off work, we will not
have an episode Thursday or Friday this week due to
the holiday. So please don't think about work, don't look
for a little PD that morning. Spend some time with
your family, Spend some time with your friends, your loved ones,
(01:12):
or yourself in a book, whatever that is. Do something
that you have earned during all of this time that
you work hardcore every day as an educator doing everything
for our kids. So you have certainly earned it. You
need to take it. Please, please, please, please do so.
Now today we're going to open up the mail bag.
We've had a couple questions that have been sent to
(01:32):
us via social media or through email. You are welcome
to do that at any point in time, and when
we get a chance, we will try to read these
on the air and probably try to do that a
little bit more often. Do apologize. We haven't gotten to
this in a few episodes, so it's certainly one that
we need to get back to, and we're going to
do so today. So we're going to open up the
mail bag and I'm going to try to share some
(01:53):
personal strategies to try to answer some of these questions
that we have from our viewers. And today I think
we've got a really, really good So hang on here
for a second, let us run a couple commercials, and
then we will be back with our first mail bag
question of the week. Okay, so our first question comes
(02:18):
from Drake, an educator in Oregon, who writes, I have
a few parents who consistently approach every issue with defensiveness
and even hostility. How can I manage these meetings to
be less combative and more productive. Well, Drake, I wish
I could say that, well, you're only you're the only
(02:38):
person dealing with this, but that's just not the truth. Unfortunately,
we do this quite a bit as educators. We have
a lot of parents that kind of come into every
meeting with the gloves up, ready for battle. And I
get that there's probably a reason behind this, and I
think that's really good for us to understand that it
very well may not be personal. This just may be
something that is in bred in their minds before they
(03:01):
even walk into the door. Maybe their experience in school
was not a positive one, or maybe this has been
a common occurrence for you know, if you have a
student who's a little bit older, maybe this has been
their experience throughout school. Whatever that is, there certainly could
be a reason behind it. But the first thing is
that I just try to remind people that very likely
(03:22):
this is not personal, certainly not the first time or
second time or anything. And if it is, that's a
whole nother argument or a whole nother thing that we
can talk about and how to try to try to
build that bridge back with our parents. But I do
think that there are a few things that we can
do that we can, you know, help deal with situations
(03:43):
like this, And I really think a key is to
just kind of shift our mindset and really the parent's
mindset as well. To the best of our ability, we
want to try to get away from that adversarial, combatative
piece to one that's more collaborative and so thinking about
leading with empathy right away, think about where that parent
is coming from. What is the source of their frustration.
(04:06):
Is it that their child has had moments in the
past where this has been a very common occurrence, or
maybe this is even just a source of embarrassment for
the parents. So we really want to lean on that
empathy side to try to open that door for a
real conversation about getting to some goal setting so those
goals themselves. We want to be collaborative. We want this
(04:27):
to be a team effort for the kiddo. This is
not just us telling a parent what their kid did
wrong or what the punishment is going to be. The
end result here is education. We are here to educate
all children, whether that's in academics or behavior or life's
goals or whatever that is. We are here to form
a collaborative team to try to educate our kids to
(04:47):
be better the day they walk out the door. So
one way I do this is to try to begin
conversations by acknowledging the parents' concerns and then explicitly stating
what the shared objective is. So I might say something like,
I know you want the best for your child, and
that's what we want to This helps to immediately disarm
the situation by trying to create this foundation of a
(05:09):
common ground that we're trying to get to. I remember
working with a colleague some years ago who dealt with
a frequently angry parent, and they began every single meeting with, hey,
thank you for taking the time to come in 'run
the same team here, or I really I can't wait
to hear your perspective on this, and we're going to
work together to find a solution for this student's name.
And I remember hearing these little statements that came from
(05:31):
my colleague, and what it was doing was just going
right after that emotion and trying to break down that
wall that parents were coming in with. And to be honest,
it was pretty effective, especially after a few times where
that parent started to understand that this person is here
for me, not against me. A next strategy here is
to focus on observable behavior, not interpretation. When we're discussing
(05:55):
the student, I always try to make sure I strick
to factual, observable behaviors and really avoid language that implies
something like a character flaw or suggests that I'm psychoanalyzing
the child. I mean, this is just going to prevent
the parent from feeling judged when we talk about facts
that we have seen. So for instance, this could be
instead of saying something like your child is disruptive and
(06:18):
lazy in class, I would instead say, you know, I've
observed your child they have difficulties starting independent work. Last
week when I was in class, there were three instances
where he called out instead of raising his hand as
the teacher's expectations were things like this, give some real
true data that helps the parent understand the why behind
(06:39):
this situation and it's not just my opinion. Now. Lastly,
here I would also rely on that heavy power of pause.
So when a parent comes in heated, sometimes our best
response is really not to argue, certainly not to defend,
but just pause reflect back on what you hear. This
technique often cited in conflict resolution training. You'll see this
(07:02):
in a lot of areas, but it shows that you're listening,
and it can also powerfully de escalate the tension, give
parents the ability to get that off their chest and
then take a breath themselves. I believe strategies like this
they really help us. Remember the words of former US
Secretary of Education Arnie Duncan once noted that every great
school has parents who are active and engaged. When schools
(07:25):
and parents work together, children do better in school. We
really truly need to work together to be able to
facilitate a working relationship even when it's challenging, because in
the end, our goal is still the same goal. We
want to see their child succeed. All right. To quickly
(07:51):
recap that advice for you, Drake and for all of
us that are dealing with difficult parent conversations, I would
really focus on a few things. I would focus on
leading with empathy, stating a shared goal, and keep our
commitment to focusing on student success. When we stick to
discussing those observable behaviors, keeping that conversation factual, it really
(08:12):
helps us avoid that non judgmental conversation that can just
derail a true team meeting. These difficult conversations are often
the most important ones because these are opportunities for us
to model the very professionalism and grace we expect from
our colleagues and need from our parents. We have the
ability to turn a moment of potential crisis into this
(08:34):
true collaborative breakthrough. It's not easy, and it's not one
that we're going to get right every single time, that
is for sure. Just don't underestimate your strength and your
ability to be able to lead teams through these moments.
Thanks for listening, Drake. Thank you for sending in your question.
I really appreciate that one. It's an excellent question and
a good one to get our week started. Otherwise, Boosters again,
(08:57):
thank you for listening. Back again tomorrow with some more
on your Morning Boost. So until that time, thanks for listening.
We'll talk with you again tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
That concludes another episode of your Morning Boost. We hope
today's daily dose of professional development helps you amplify knowledge,
widen reach, and broaden impact. Your Morning Boost is an
AWB Education production brought to you with the generous support
of Grundmeyer Leader Services. Join us again tomorrow for more.
(09:27):
Until then, keep boosting your impact
Welcome to your Morning Boost, brought to you by AWB Education.
Here we amplify knowledge, widen reach, and broaden impact in education,
delivering your daily dose of professional development. This program is
sponsored by Grundmeyer Leader Services, where together we are transforming education,
one leader at a time. Now get ready to amplify
(00:25):
your day with your Morning Boost.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello everybody, very warm, welcome to all of you today
on your Morning Boost. Happy Monday, everybody. We are here
to start your week with some more actionable insights designed
just for you our dedicated educator. So I wish you
a very happy and productive Monday. Now, just to give
you a little glimpse into the future this week, because
this is a holiday week and because we here at
(00:52):
AWB Education want to make sure that you are also
turning off school and turning off work, we will not
have an episode Thursday or Friday this week due to
the holiday. So please don't think about work, don't look
for a little PD that morning. Spend some time with
your family, Spend some time with your friends, your loved ones,
(01:12):
or yourself in a book, whatever that is. Do something
that you have earned during all of this time that
you work hardcore every day as an educator doing everything
for our kids. So you have certainly earned it. You
need to take it. Please, please, please, please do so.
Now today we're going to open up the mail bag.
We've had a couple questions that have been sent to
(01:32):
us via social media or through email. You are welcome
to do that at any point in time, and when
we get a chance, we will try to read these
on the air and probably try to do that a
little bit more often. Do apologize. We haven't gotten to
this in a few episodes, so it's certainly one that
we need to get back to, and we're going to
do so today. So we're going to open up the
mail bag and I'm going to try to share some
(01:53):
personal strategies to try to answer some of these questions
that we have from our viewers. And today I think
we've got a really, really good So hang on here
for a second, let us run a couple commercials, and
then we will be back with our first mail bag
question of the week. Okay, so our first question comes
(02:18):
from Drake, an educator in Oregon, who writes, I have
a few parents who consistently approach every issue with defensiveness
and even hostility. How can I manage these meetings to
be less combative and more productive. Well, Drake, I wish
I could say that, well, you're only you're the only
(02:38):
person dealing with this, but that's just not the truth. Unfortunately,
we do this quite a bit as educators. We have
a lot of parents that kind of come into every
meeting with the gloves up, ready for battle. And I
get that there's probably a reason behind this, and I
think that's really good for us to understand that it
very well may not be personal. This just may be
something that is in bred in their minds before they
(03:01):
even walk into the door. Maybe their experience in school
was not a positive one, or maybe this has been
a common occurrence for you know, if you have a
student who's a little bit older, maybe this has been
their experience throughout school. Whatever that is, there certainly could
be a reason behind it. But the first thing is
that I just try to remind people that very likely
(03:22):
this is not personal, certainly not the first time or
second time or anything. And if it is, that's a
whole nother argument or a whole nother thing that we
can talk about and how to try to try to
build that bridge back with our parents. But I do
think that there are a few things that we can
do that we can, you know, help deal with situations
(03:43):
like this, And I really think a key is to
just kind of shift our mindset and really the parent's
mindset as well. To the best of our ability, we
want to try to get away from that adversarial, combatative
piece to one that's more collaborative and so thinking about
leading with empathy right away, think about where that parent
is coming from. What is the source of their frustration.
(04:06):
Is it that their child has had moments in the
past where this has been a very common occurrence, or
maybe this is even just a source of embarrassment for
the parents. So we really want to lean on that
empathy side to try to open that door for a
real conversation about getting to some goal setting so those
goals themselves. We want to be collaborative. We want this
(04:27):
to be a team effort for the kiddo. This is
not just us telling a parent what their kid did
wrong or what the punishment is going to be. The
end result here is education. We are here to educate
all children, whether that's in academics or behavior or life's
goals or whatever that is. We are here to form
a collaborative team to try to educate our kids to
(04:47):
be better the day they walk out the door. So
one way I do this is to try to begin
conversations by acknowledging the parents' concerns and then explicitly stating
what the shared objective is. So I might say something like,
I know you want the best for your child, and
that's what we want to This helps to immediately disarm
the situation by trying to create this foundation of a
(05:09):
common ground that we're trying to get to. I remember
working with a colleague some years ago who dealt with
a frequently angry parent, and they began every single meeting with, hey,
thank you for taking the time to come in 'run
the same team here, or I really I can't wait
to hear your perspective on this, and we're going to
work together to find a solution for this student's name.
And I remember hearing these little statements that came from
(05:31):
my colleague, and what it was doing was just going
right after that emotion and trying to break down that
wall that parents were coming in with. And to be honest,
it was pretty effective, especially after a few times where
that parent started to understand that this person is here
for me, not against me. A next strategy here is
to focus on observable behavior, not interpretation. When we're discussing
(05:55):
the student, I always try to make sure I strick
to factual, observable behaviors and really avoid language that implies
something like a character flaw or suggests that I'm psychoanalyzing
the child. I mean, this is just going to prevent
the parent from feeling judged when we talk about facts
that we have seen. So for instance, this could be
instead of saying something like your child is disruptive and
(06:18):
lazy in class, I would instead say, you know, I've
observed your child they have difficulties starting independent work. Last
week when I was in class, there were three instances
where he called out instead of raising his hand as
the teacher's expectations were things like this, give some real
true data that helps the parent understand the why behind
(06:39):
this situation and it's not just my opinion. Now. Lastly,
here I would also rely on that heavy power of pause.
So when a parent comes in heated, sometimes our best
response is really not to argue, certainly not to defend,
but just pause reflect back on what you hear. This
technique often cited in conflict resolution training. You'll see this
(07:02):
in a lot of areas, but it shows that you're listening,
and it can also powerfully de escalate the tension, give
parents the ability to get that off their chest and
then take a breath themselves. I believe strategies like this
they really help us. Remember the words of former US
Secretary of Education Arnie Duncan once noted that every great
school has parents who are active and engaged. When schools
(07:25):
and parents work together, children do better in school. We
really truly need to work together to be able to
facilitate a working relationship even when it's challenging, because in
the end, our goal is still the same goal. We
want to see their child succeed. All right. To quickly
(07:51):
recap that advice for you, Drake and for all of
us that are dealing with difficult parent conversations, I would
really focus on a few things. I would focus on
leading with empathy, stating a shared goal, and keep our
commitment to focusing on student success. When we stick to
discussing those observable behaviors, keeping that conversation factual, it really
(08:12):
helps us avoid that non judgmental conversation that can just
derail a true team meeting. These difficult conversations are often
the most important ones because these are opportunities for us
to model the very professionalism and grace we expect from
our colleagues and need from our parents. We have the
ability to turn a moment of potential crisis into this
(08:34):
true collaborative breakthrough. It's not easy, and it's not one
that we're going to get right every single time, that
is for sure. Just don't underestimate your strength and your
ability to be able to lead teams through these moments.
Thanks for listening, Drake. Thank you for sending in your question.
I really appreciate that one. It's an excellent question and
a good one to get our week started. Otherwise, Boosters again,
(08:57):
thank you for listening. Back again tomorrow with some more
on your Morning Boost. So until that time, thanks for listening.
We'll talk with you again tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
That concludes another episode of your Morning Boost. We hope
today's daily dose of professional development helps you amplify knowledge,
widen reach, and broaden impact. Your Morning Boost is an
AWB Education production brought to you with the generous support
of Grundmeyer Leader Services. Join us again tomorrow for more.
(09:27):
Until then, keep boosting your impact
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