May 19, 2023 • 49 mins
Welcome to The Family Balancing Act! Where restoring the heart and ART of motherhood starts with one conversation at a time. I'm Maureen Huntley, your host, board-certified Integrative holistic and functional medicine health coach, Emotional Freedom Technique practitioner, mom, grandmother, wife, and CEO of my family's home operations.
In this episode of The Family Balancing Act we'll be looking at the many ways money is used and our relationship to it. What is generational debt, how do we break up with that? How can we empower the next generation? Welcome my guest, Michelle Lucas! She is a Financial Coach and founder of Wallet Therapy, a virtual financial coaching business, loves helping individuals, families, and small business owners learn to confidently manage their money and establish long-term healthy relationships with money. Michelle uses her many years of experience supporting her clients with establishing a budget, debt payoff strategies, money mindset, credit repair, and understanding their numbers. She is very passionate about helping others reduce their money stress and learn more about themselves in the process.
Maureen Huntley, MS
https://maureenhuntley.com/ https://www.facebook.com/maureen.huntley?mibextid=LQQJ4d https://www.facebook.com/TheFamilyBalancingAct?mibextid=LQQJ4d https://www.instagram.com/mohuntley/ www.ctrnetwork.com/thefamilybalancingact
VIA Character Strengths *FREE assessment:
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Michelle Lucas
https://www.facebook.com/Mlwallettherapy/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-lucas-37944322a/?trk=public_profile_browsemap https://www.wallettherapy.net
If you miss any of our episodes, you can find us on Apple, Spotify, google, podbean, pandora, iheartradio podcast, CTR - Radio Network, and more.
Deep Breath ~ Exhale
It starts with you
Restoring the heart and ART of motherhood one conversation at a time.
In this episode of The Family Balancing Act we'll be looking at the many ways money is used and our relationship to it. What is generational debt, how do we break up with that? How can we empower the next generation? Welcome my guest, Michelle Lucas! She is a Financial Coach and founder of Wallet Therapy, a virtual financial coaching business, loves helping individuals, families, and small business owners learn to confidently manage their money and establish long-term healthy relationships with money. Michelle uses her many years of experience supporting her clients with establishing a budget, debt payoff strategies, money mindset, credit repair, and understanding their numbers. She is very passionate about helping others reduce their money stress and learn more about themselves in the process.
Maureen Huntley, MS
https://maureenhuntley.com/ https://www.facebook.com/maureen.huntley?mibextid=LQQJ4d https://www.facebook.com/TheFamilyBalancingAct?mibextid=LQQJ4d https://www.instagram.com/mohuntley/ www.ctrnetwork.com/thefamilybalancingact
VIA Character Strengths *FREE assessment:
http://maureenhuntley.pro.viasurvey.org
http://vitalhealthforlife.pro.viasurvey.org
Michelle Lucas
https://www.facebook.com/Mlwallettherapy/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-lucas-37944322a/?trk=public_profile_browsemap https://www.wallettherapy.net
If you miss any of our episodes, you can find us on Apple, Spotify, google, podbean, pandora, iheartradio podcast, CTR - Radio Network, and more.
Deep Breath ~ Exhale
It starts with you
Restoring the heart and ART of motherhood one conversation at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Welcome to where the screen door slamsand the coffee mug hits the table.
You're listening to The Family Balancing Actwith me Loureen Huntley, Mom, grandmother
and board certified Holistic and Functional Medicinehealth coach. Each episode will explore the
realities of your day to day familylife in this modern era of NonStop texts,
(00:27):
means and technology. After all,how do we keep ourselves saying,
hand our family healthy? I'll haveamazing guests and thought provoking discussions, and
we'll take a holistic look at familyhealth emotional, physical, mental, and
spiritual. Whether it's a micro perspectiveof family involving healthy snacks, teenagers with
(00:50):
an attitude, stressed out, husband'spartners, adult children, potty training,
eldercare, grandchildren, college breath,or a macro perspective of world events including
blue earthquakes, the brainwashing, media, finances, and oh so much more.
We'll find a way together. Sotake a deep, rapt exhale and
(01:11):
know that you're not alone. Bringon the Family Balancing Act. Welcome to
(01:46):
the Family Balancing Act, where restoringthe heart and art of motherhood starts with
one conversation at a time. I'mMaureen Huntley, your host, board certified
integrative, holistic and functional medicine coach, emotional freedom technique practitioner, mom,
grandmother, wife and CEO of myfamily's home operations. So let's talk money.
(02:13):
What is it, how do youuse it? And the power it
has over us. Michelle Lucas ismy guest on today's episode of The Family
Balancing Act. She is a financialcoach and founder of Wallet Therapy Great Name,
a virtual financial coaching business. Moneymoney, money, money, cold,
(02:39):
hardcash or is it digital? Moneyis a commodity accepted by general consent
as a medium for economic exchange.It is the medium in which prices and
values are expressed. It circulates fromperson to person, from country to country,
(03:00):
facilitating trade, and it is theprincipal measure of wealth. March twenty
four, twenty three Definition Encyclopedia Britannica. Money allows us to meet our basic
needs right It buys us food andshelter, and it pays for things like
healthcare, things we need and meetingthese needs is just so essential And if
(03:27):
we don't have enough money to doso, our personal wellbeing and the wellbeing
of our family, and the wellbeingof community and as a whole suffers greatly.
So growing up, our families struggledfinancially and my parents were, as
my mother would exclaim, robbing Peterto pay Paul funny. My husband's name
(03:54):
is Paul. Well, I'll explainthat in a moment. But there are
times my mother would have me runto the Amp grocery store, which was
just right around the block from myhouse, and she'd have me by bananas.
Well, they would be the onesthat would be bruised and definitely a
(04:15):
few days old. And the bestpart though, was that they were ten
cents a bunch and that would beour dinner. Other times we had enough
to eat and there was nothing everwasted in our house. They were starving
children in Biafra and we'd need tosend them our leftovers if we didn't eat
(04:38):
all that was on our plate.Disclaimer, I mean rarely was there anything
left on our plates, and whatwas left and went to the dog.
My parents were struggling and just tryingto keep it all together. Well.
Growing up, my brothers and Iwould witness our mother crying and our they're
(05:00):
frustrated and angry as they shuffled throughthe piles of bills and the orange colored
late notices on the dining room table. Mom worked babysitting, cooking, and
in school jobs like cooking in thecafeteria and other little jobs which she was
always home when we got back fromschool. And Dad he had three jobs.
(05:26):
Monday through Sunday, he'd be outthe door at two thirty am and
back by six am. His jobwas to organize newspapers for the local paper
routes. His real jobs Monday throughFriday job was out the door from eight
thirty am to five pm, sometimeslater, and there was also the third
(05:47):
job was at the local hardware storeon Saturdays. We rarely saw him.
He was constantly on the treadmill oftrying to earn a buck. They both
worked so hard. And money doesn'tgrow on trees and the rich can't be
trusted would come out of my father'smouth at any time. This emotional toll
(06:11):
of living in lack, weary andstress it took out on our parents was
actually the training for my brothers andmy future. We were watching. We
learned how to live life, loveand all about what money is and how
it's used, the struggle to getit, the struggle to keep it,
(06:32):
the pain of not having it,but that was normal. That was our
normal, right, well, wekind of knew it wasn't. Both our
parents grew up in households that didn'thave two pennies to rub together together.
To quote both of them, they'dsay that, but they were fed,
(06:54):
clothed, and they had roofs overtheir head. My father with his Bible
in his hand and my mother withher rosary beads. Faith will get us
through, and it did. Butsome practical advice on budgeting and saying no
to impulse purchasing or just questioning thecost of something and not just trusting the
(07:16):
salesman that would have helped a wholelot. Now a bit about my husband
Paul. He will actually say herescued me, but actually I rescued him
also in many ways. But honestly, when I met him, he looked
good. He was funny, hewas smart, and he was a CPA
(07:41):
and a taxman, a guy whoknew how to work with money. It's
another perspective. I was like,I'm at love. So in this episode
of the Family Balancing Act, we'llbe looking at always money as you and
in our relationships and our relationship toit. What is the generational debt and
(08:07):
how do we break up with that? And what do we do when we
need to empower the next generation?So come on in, pull up a
chair, grab a tea, coffee, water, or maybe even a green
juice, because we have a lotto talk about with my guest, Michelle
Lucas. She is a financial coachand founder of wallet Therapy, a virtual
(08:31):
financial coaching business. She loves helpingindividuals, families, and small business owners.
Boy could I've used you long agolearn to confidently manage their money and
establish long term, healthy relationships ofmoney so important. Michelle uses her many
years of experience supporting her clients withestablishing a budget, debt payoff strategies,
(08:58):
money set, credit repair, andunderstanding their numbers. She is very passionate
about helping others reduce their money stressand learn more about themselves in the process.
I am so honored to have youhere today with me, Michelle.
(09:18):
Welcome to the Family Balancing Act.Thank you so much for having me.
I am so excited to be here. Let's see here. Oh awesome,
I'm just trying to fix my therewe are, hello, It's so It
really is so exciting to have youhere because this you know, as I
(09:43):
said in my little opening there,that you know I struggled, We struggled
with this. My household struggled withthis, and we thought we were the
only ones. And it was thisbig family secret, and sometimes the secret
had to expand to ask family membersto rescue my family from a financial disaster.
(10:05):
So nobody was supposed to know.And then as I started to grow
up and get out in the world, I was doing the same exact thing,
the same thing because that's how Ilearned. And I had debt and
I'd hide it and I didn't wantanybody to know. And even up until
the last days before my parents passedaway, and they both passed within months
(10:30):
of each other, they were hidingbills under cushions in the living room.
It like they never were able tobreak the cycle. And I see,
you know, with our family andit's extended family also has the stuff going
on. And I'm grateful I'm marriedwho I'm married, but I still have
(10:52):
a lot of these tendencies. Soso I thank you so much for sharing
your story. I feel like oneof the first steps is to become aware
of why you have certain emotions.Towards money or maybe you know the first
time you can think about money andyou know, how old were you,
(11:13):
what did that look like, whatwas the scenario, what was the situation?
And a lot of times I thinkoftentimes we see our parents as stressed
out when it comes to money,when it comes to bills, never really
kind of sitting down and handling itright and teaching us how to do it.
We just see them stressed out like, oh, we can't afford this,
or you know, mom, Iwant to go on this field trip.
(11:35):
I need the spike, and it'slike, oh, we can't have
that. But rather than you know, talking about how we can change that
mindset and maybe in front of ourchildren, showing them how we kind of
handle that situation and how we rectifyit and plan accordingly, I don't think
that's oftentimes showed. It's it's moreof the stressors or you know, in
(11:56):
the moment, you know you're stressedout and our parents react and as understandable,
but it's also important to show themhow you resolve that too, because
they're going to take that and learnfrom that as they grow. So where
have you found you've improved your moneyrelationship after identifying kind of similar scenarios or
situations that happened in your past.Wow, that's a big question. I
(12:22):
for myself, I've noticed that thatnot, you know, pulling myself back
and not purchasing everything I see insight. Now, my parents didn't really
fully do that, but when Christmascame, it took them the next nine
months to pay off whatever they gotus for Christmas. And mind you,
it wasn't an overabundance of stuff.It might be something we actually needed,
(12:48):
like a bicycle, but it wasa big deal for them because they struggled.
So I am so blessed that Inever really had to struggle in that
way. But I still as tosay, face it with not going overboard
on things I don't really need andreally looking at and asking myself the question,
(13:15):
what purpose is that? Why amI? Why is this need calling
me? Why do I feel orhow is this showing up for me?
Yes, these feelings of lack,and I think a lot of it has
to do in my own personal storyaround lack, this whole, this emptiness
of not being filled up. Whenyou don't feel filled up, you try
(13:37):
to find other things stuff to fillup a hole and just keep feeling it
up so so I can feel morelove, more acceptance, whatever. Wherever
you're feeling deficient. Wherever I'm feelingdeficient, sometimes it is that I'm feeling
a lack of love and nobody's appreciatingme. I'm a mother of four and
(14:00):
a grandmother and I have like,hello, I just made dinner for the
eighth night in a row, andeverybody leaves me in the kitchen then to
clean up. So that's you know, so what do I do? I'll
show them. I'll go and youknow, buy something for myself and take
myself out for a day or amorning and do a spa thing. But
(14:22):
really, who am I hurting?I'm hurting my husband and I not,
I mean not, And that's avery trivial thing, and he's not going
to see it as I'm hurting him. But I'm not honoring our relationship and
my relationship with money, right,but take it back. But you recognizing
(14:46):
that, and I feel like,you know, subconsciously, a lot of
people will just you know, samesituation, same scenario, and just go
out and do it. But whereyou're sitting back and you're realizing and you're
asking yourself, you're in tune withyourself and you're reflecting on why is this,
Oh, it's because I've been cookingmeals for nine straight days and having
(15:07):
to clean up and not So youcan identify it and then kind of work
on that and really express that andthen gauge where the root of the problem
is. A lot of times peoplefeel or don't can't pinpoint where it is
because there's so much in the cycle. There's so much in that hamster wheel
of just going, going, going, going, going, and a lot
(15:28):
of times it's they just keep goinguntil they're burnt out, until they go
and splurret. But identifying that isthe first step, because when you start
to feel those emotions come up again, you can pause and you can say,
where is this really coming from?Is buying XYC online going to help
me succeed in the future that Iwant to have in the lifestyle I want
(15:50):
to have in the life I wantto have, Or am I really hurting
myself? Is there a different conversationI need to have with my family about
how I'm feeling? Is that atopic of discus And it allows you to
kind of sit back and reflect andtake a moment to figure out is this
going to hurt me in the longrun? Am I benefiting from this?
But I think you expressing and sharingyour story, you can tell that you
(16:14):
can identify where the route is comingfrom, where those emotions are getting picked
up. And I think that's sopowerful sometimes is you know, I tell
people, especially what the impulse spendingis to take a pause. Right,
there's this tip called the forty eighthour rule. If it's not on your
girl's realist, especially Target. Right, people can go into Target, it's
like everything's right there. You wantto spend, yes, exactly, you
(16:38):
want to go in and spend onehundred dollars. You come out spending three
fifty and it's like, how right. So I tell a lot of times
my clients is accept and adopt thatforty eight hour rule. If it's not
on your list, it'll be therein forty eight hours. Probably most of
the time. In forty hours,you completely forget that you wanted that thing.
That wasn't something that's going to benefityour life. If that's not on
(17:00):
the list, that's not something that'sa part of your plan or will really
add value, but maybe more stress, And then ask yourself why, like
you said, like is this somethingthat's going to help me move forward in
life and help me, you know, progress emotionally and physically. Or is
it just something kind of like aband aid over something. Um So,
(17:22):
I like, yeah, yeah,that's perfect. Another one. As you're
talking about this and I want wewant to get to I want to get
to your story because I think yourstory is your story is fantastic. I
just wanted to say an add onto that is, um, Amazon,
like Amazon is the the whole ofof of you know, the abyss,
(17:45):
you know, like you lost inthat that that life sucking thing called Amazon.
And I do it probably look atit maybe three times a week because
they'll think, oh, I needthis, and I can get this at
you know, I can buy bulkand get it for lesson. I don't
have to go. They're not sellingit at Costco or wherever else. I'm
trying to function, you know,keep everything, all the wheels on the
(18:08):
bus here going. But what Ido is I take and I put stuff
into the shopping cart and I leaveit for two days. The forty eight
hour rule. But I didn't evenrealize that it was a it was a
rule until you said, oh mygosh, that's great because then when I
go back, I go, Idon't eat that exactly who put this in
(18:30):
here? You know, it'll belike some sort of you know, hair
fluffing thing or you know, youknow, yeah, new mass scara,
you know, or under eye coverup or something that you know, like
a whole or a foot false eyelashes. I'm not buying false eyelas. Let's
get some better mask scar and that'sgoing to be from here. Yeah.
(18:53):
Yeah, but it's the craziest,craziest thing. But this you were on
Towerget You're great? Can you tellour listeners your story? I'm like,
how'd you get into doing this?Like? What was it? Sir?
So I can't really pinpoint exactly whatit was, to be honest with you.
(19:14):
Ever since I was a young child, I used to sit with family
members. I know this is goingto sound like crazy, but I really
did. I used to sit withthem and go over their finances, their
expenses, their income, and Ireally just love making things make sense to
say, Okay, this is whereit needs to go on such a such
day. I just love doing that. And growing up we didn't have a
(19:37):
lot. I didn't have a lot. I have been homeless many times.
I you know, we've lived inshelters. I didn't really see a structure
or a safety and a foundation.And I knew i'd liked working and helping
people manage their money and their finances. I just, I don't know,
I just it gave me so muchpassion when doing it. I went to
(19:59):
school for fine. I have abachelor's degree in business administration, a minor
finance and psychology. So I lovehow the two coincide together. Yeah.
So I went on to work foryou know, corporate finance for a number
of years in the trades, butI really wanted to help people. I
didn't want to help kind of theyou know, the rich with their funds
(20:23):
get richer. I really wanted tohelp people with the basics, with the
management, because a lot of peopledidn't understand that. I then have over
ten years in as a paralegal whereI worked with a lot of people who
were dealing with foreclosures, evictions,debt, collections, wage garnishments, student
loan debt, you know, allof the above, and I'm like,
(20:45):
I keep getting back to help peoplewith their finances. I just I love
it and I really just need todo that. And now in college,
I ended up having a lot ofstudent loan debt. I ended up having
some medical issues, was in alot of medical debt. And I remember
one time I didn't even have fivedollars to, you know, get to
(21:07):
work, and my credit cards weremaxed out, and I was like,
something isn't right, like my managementskills, even though I'm going to school
for finance, I need to reevaluate. And so when I had my son,
it was really my first child,it was really an eye opener,
like I really need to get ontop of this. I don't want to
keep spinning the wheel. I don'twant to be in debt anymore. I
(21:29):
don't have to be. I don'thave to conform to the societal norms and
everything I've seen in the past.It really started with a decision I always
did to my clients. First,you make the decision that you want something
to change, that you want betterfor your life, that you're saying it
doesn't have to be this way.And I can now say that I'm credit
card debt free and medical debt free, and I have been for a number
(21:52):
of years. And so I justknow that if I can do it,
and where I come from in alot of times we just need the support.
It's not talked about. People don'ttalk about finances. People hide,
you know, behind closed doors abouttheir finances. There's so much shame,
there's so much emotion time with money. So I want to make it more
By learning about people's stories and talkingabout it. You can take pieces from
(22:17):
how other people manage their money andmaybe that'll benefit you and you can also
help other people in the same token. So I really just want to make
talking about money, you know,something that's not as taboo, or something
that's more common and more received,right, so people don't have to suffer
in silence, because I don't wantanyone to suffer in silence. There's a
(22:37):
way to really take control of yourfinances and feel empowered and really use money
as a tool to live the lifethat you want to live. Because money
is a tool, it doesn't haveto control. You have the power and
remembering that always you have the power, and if you don't tell your money
where to go, it'll decide foryou. So it's in your control.
That is just target. Girl.You have beautiful what you said, and
(23:03):
as you're speaking, I could seeyou know, people talk about money,
but they're the wealthy. They willboast. Some people boast about it,
some don't, but they, youknow, I will. They'll be in
a circle of people who'll be talkingabout what funds they have or oh,
you know you should check out youknow, fidelity over this, you know,
(23:25):
like they'll have the Vanguard or whatyou know. They'll just be discussing
their different funds or you know,their four own case or whatever, you
know, whatever, and whereas alot of people can't even begin to think
about they're putting their money into afund or having any kind of retirement set
(23:47):
aside. They're just and that's howmy parents are just living day today and
struggling to you know. My motherwould take and hide money when she'd get
it, you know, when shedid her little job, she'd pull out
like a couple of dollars here andthere, so she'd have a little backup
stack. And thank god she did, because there were times that that was
(24:07):
really needed to get to help themout. But that shouldn't be so.
So when you had your son andyou realize this enough enough of this,
how did you take that step forward? What was your first step beyond going
I've had it, I'm doing something, what was your next step? So
(24:29):
it was actually around the time,like right before I had him, I
was living in an apartment. Iwas a single woman, and I'm like,
I, you know, I'm livingin an apartment. I you know,
I have this debt, but Idon't have kids yet. What am
I doing? Where's my money?Why do I not have a cash flow?
What am I doing? So thefirst thing I did was, like
(24:51):
I said, I made the decision. Then I researched, I looked things
up. I pretty much created myown financial literacy course. I was listening
to pod casts. I was takingin any information I could now. Some
information was great information, but notfor me right. And that's why I
love financial coaching for me because whenI work with my clients, I am
(25:12):
not there to tell them what theyneed to do. I do not shame
them anything. I'm here to listenand listen to their stories of why they
are the way they want and helpthem achieve their goals and have a healthy
relationship with money. Because how theymanage their money it's going to be different
than how I manage it. Andthat's not right or wrong, but it's
helping you and guiding you and providingthat support to really get to where you
(25:33):
want to have that positive, longterm, healthy relationship, because that's what
it is. Money in your relationship, which is life long. So it's
always going to need some grace,right, attention and just understanding with that.
And it's going to always change,you know, depending on whatever happens
in life, different life events.Right, you're going to fault. But
(25:56):
I like to say to my clients, at least with this better relationship,
you can fall with some kneepads on, so you get up quicker and you
know what to do. Right,You're not falling and you're caving into the
ground and you're out for months.Right. I like to really help them
have that foundation where when they haveto make financial decisions they can trust themselves,
because I find that a lot ofmy clients, especially single mothers,
(26:19):
do not trust themselves at all withmoney. They don't think they can even
handle it, and then they avoidit. So I like to really build
up their confidence and teach them someskills that really work for them in their
lifestyle so they can really have abetter relationship and really help their future and
their kids, because everything they dois teaching their kids. They're as they're
(26:42):
going through this process right of workingwith you there. Hopefully they're teaching their
kids also. But I loved howyou said the relationship you keep and I
read this online too, on yourwebsite, which is really great. You've
got great information on there. Umwhere it's like almost like another it's like
(27:04):
a person, it's like an entityyou you are in relationship with it.
It is. It's not a person. It doesn't it's not doesn't have a
soul necessarily, but it's emotional andit's energetic. Yes, so honoring that
energy as a real thing and notthis like pieces of paper or whatever or
(27:26):
digital however people are functioning now.Um, it's it's real. Yeah,
so cool, Yeah, it is. I just yeah, when you think
about it, and I never reallythought about it that way. And actually,
as we're speaking, I have thisgiant kind of a a goal slash
(27:51):
streamboard in front of me, andin the smack dab in the middle of
it is a someone holding hundred dollarbills, you know, like a fan,
And it's just to remind me thatthat it's real, that it's that
it's there and it's to be dealtwith. Then it need to pay your
bills and you can do wonderful thingsand help people with this. Also,
you can you can pay it forwardhelp others with money. But it's it's
(28:18):
to be dealt with. Yes,That's why I say it is a tool,
right because if if helping others andif that's something that's important to you,
you can use that money. Now, money can also be used as
a tool to maybe have, youknow, a home for you and your
children that you want, or maybeget you out of a situation that you
(28:41):
no longer have to be in.So how can we use that? How
can we take what you have?Because money is used you know in society,
that's just our way of trade,right as we use money for services
and things and products, and sohow can we use that to really live
a fulfilling life and help those aroundus if that's something that's important to you.
(29:04):
And that's great because another way Iwas thinking of using money. And
we know when we get like agift card from somebody, and that's just
a card that says there's twenty fivedollars on it or whatever, but that's
actually money, and to view itas that and to be grateful for it
(29:25):
because it's money. But even likegifts people give us, it took money
to get them, and to havethe gratitude around that and not to throw
it away, you know, likehave a throwaway attitude, even food that
somebody places in front of us becausewe've gone to their house for dinner,
for a meal. I don't alwaysthink this way, but our conversation is
(29:51):
having me go ding ding ding inmy head, going right, that's right,
that is money, that is andhaving gratitude for it and to not,
as my father would say, youknow, it was like some evil
thing that the rich people dealt with, and when you look at it that
way, we didn't move forward.My family didn't move forward from that because
(30:11):
we saw it as like a itwas you know, evil, And that's
what I was about to say.Having that mindset is something that can hold
you back from even allowing yourself toreally even just get control where you feel
like you're not riding that hamster wheeland spinning and just the stress, but
(30:32):
rather just having more peace when itcomes to your financial situation because you know,
no, I've got this, I'mmore in control. I know my
bills are paid. And that's alsobeing in tune with who you are.
You know who you are. Areyou a greedy person or are you an
evil person? No? Right,you just do you want to have peace,
(30:55):
you don't want to be stressed out. And what you touched on earlier.
It's kind of the idea of insteadof saying, oh, I have
to pay my bills this month,I get to pay my bills so I
can have this wonderful home over myhead. I have. Wow, I
have the privilege and honor to dothis. I get to okay, and
kind of just a small little shiftwhen you say oh I have to do
(31:15):
this or I have to I getthe opportunity to do this. Wow,
that's gratitude, and I have it, and I can do it, even
if it's not the full amount topay, even if it's just a little
portion. It's it's stepping into takingresponsibility. Yeah, and gratitude. I
(31:36):
signed checks now, I well Ihardly signed checks anymore anyway. But when
I have, I are right.Thank you. I love that just to
say thank you to the person whodid the you know, clean something for
me, or did you know afavor or whatever I needed something dropped off
(31:59):
all right, thank you? BecauseI think it's important to be grateful for
everything right, and money is it? So how do we get our children
to pay attention to this? Howdo you Where do you begin in teaching
kids? And I know it alllike starting very young. At what age
would you say would you begin?I mean as early as possible. I
(32:25):
think even just when you're speaking aboutmoney out loud, be aware of whatever
you're saying. They're taking it inand they're going to really kind of build
their habits and foundation around that.So even in that example that we said,
wow, I have the privilege topay for this, you know,
being grateful for the money and reallylooking at it that way. But one
(32:47):
tip by like is sitting with yourchildren and asking them what their wants are,
what are their desires? Really makethem feel like you care about what
they want and what they can have, and then great a plan with them.
Okay, so this is what youwant, Let's look it up,
let's get a picture of it,maybe create a vision board. Then say
(33:08):
okay, here are some things thatwe can do to help you save money
to get something that you love somuch? Right, can we maybe try
to you know, start I don'tknow if they still do lemonade stands,
but I would like leon stands,go clean your neighbors house. Yeah,
like go help your neighbor or maybeif you do chores and start incorporating that,
(33:30):
and then you know, if they'remaking money and finding ways to make
money, show them how to budget, show them how to really manage their
money, and start introducing them onsaving and how they can use their money
as a tool, and also providingthat cushions for maybe later goals that they
may have or things that they wantin the future. So just kind of
(33:50):
being in tune with what they wantand then creating, you know, an
atmosphere for them to feel comfortable andcreate and and to really come up with
a plan of how they can createtheir own money. They're going to be
so excited about that. That's great. And teaching them how to save also
along with like getting something that youreally want and or even I've seen things
(34:14):
like people doing like family trips andhaving a family trip jar or whatever.
But but for a child to actuallysay I want this truck and to actually
save for it by doing little choresor doing whatever they can do, and
to then go go and get itwith their parents, or go and get
(34:35):
it with their caretaker, and justthe joy of actually having that exchange of
something for something. It's just energyexchange, which is that's so cool.
I can so see it. Yeah, yeah, And you know what the
thing is too, Sometimes you mayfind that your child staves up for something
like we talked about earlier, thatforty hour role. Then they'll say,
(34:59):
you know, I worked really hard. I don't think I really want to
spend my money on this item anymore. But that's showing how they're valuing that
money that they earned and the workthey put into that, and that's showing
them and that's going to help themin the future when making financial decisions,
is adding more of their values intotheir life and their decisions that they make.
So it really just starts there.That's so great. That is just
(35:24):
it's so great to actually teach thefuture, to teach these kids because you're
teaching their parents, you're teaching themothers or the families at the same time.
Do you have a success story ofany of your clients, obviously not
saying any names, but where they'vereally feel that they've they've really got a
(35:46):
better handle on what they're doing andwhere they're there. Yes, yes,
I have one that comes to mind. Instantly she came to me. She's
a single mother, she has anamazing child, and she came from a
very hard situation and she's not reallygetting help, and she removed herself and
(36:08):
she didn't have a budget in place. She started her own business. All
of our money was kind of intertwinedpersonal business. She just spent without a
plan and really not saving anything.And we worked together for six months and
we really just kind of went throughkind of how she views money, the
(36:30):
emotions that she has tied to money, and really created a management system that
works best for her. I helpedher with her business and budgeting and within
her business, within her personal life, having you know, what's important to
her, setting up a savings fundfor her child, and she completed the
program. I want to say abouta couple of months ago. Well,
(36:52):
she texted me a few weeks agoand she said, I just need to
tell you about my win. Ibudgeted for this desk for my new office
that I created for my business thatis thriving. And I went into the
store and I didn't overspend. Istayed right on track with my budget.
I didn't buy other items. Andfor her, this was absolutely huge.
(37:15):
It was huge for her to goin and then leave and say, I
did it. I'm doing it,and I'm changing my mindset in my relationship.
And she felt so empowered and soproud of herself. Like when I
see my clients feel so proud ofthemselves for the decisions that they're making with
their money, Oh my goodness,it's the best. So she wasn't proud
(37:35):
proud. I'm like, yeah,smiling ear to ear because I can feel
it. I can feel it.Yeah. I had my own story around
my own when I had a coldPress juice company, and I had and
it got to be pretty big,and it was in that it was in
the Northeast area, and my juiceswere sold all the way up to Boston,
(37:57):
all the way down through to Washington, d C. I was,
and all the grocery stores and itwas like thriving and going and but as
it and these are my deep darksecrets here, I'm I'm releasing. But
as it it carried on, Ikept using the excuse of I'm not being
supported emotionally on many levels, andthis is why it's not working. But
(38:22):
that's not the full story. Thefull story is that I wasn't managing it.
Well, I never managed anything thatlarge before in my life, and
it was overwhelming, and I hadseventeen employees and it was hard to manage
all that. I was doing itall when somebody didn't show up. I
(38:44):
was on the floor making the juicesalso, and I was, you know,
getting them to where they needed togo if the guy didn't show up
to get them to where they neededto go, or you know, getting
them to some stores when the machinebroke down or whatever. And there were
like a multitude of issues that wentalong with it, but I did not
(39:05):
take a good This is then mygoing back into my childhood, my going
back into my parents' stuff and notworking with the actual numbers, not wanting
to look at the actual numbers,are looking at the actual needs, but
looking at what was what I wouldsay the public would look at the bottles
(39:30):
and what was in the bottle becauseit was it was fantastic. People today
still reach out to me going,what do you mean you don't make this
anymore? Or where can I findsomething like it? Because what was in
it was gold? And how thewhole set it was gold, but it
was built on sand and it justkept washing away and in the end I
(39:52):
let it go and I sold offpieces of it, but it just and
I ultimately I'm relieved because it wasbefore COVID. Probably you know that was
not an easy time. But thatwas my baby, that was my child
number five and I miss it,but I don't miss it. And I
(40:12):
learned a lot about myself. Andthat's one of the things you mentioned on
your website is that you learn somuch about yourself. What would you say
you learn? People learn about themselves. You know, I by that A
lot of people just aren't looking tosee or ask themselves why I feel this
(40:37):
way. They're just I am thisway. I am bad with money.
I don't trust myself with money.I can't handle this. But it's like,
why do you feel that way?And is it true? Is it
true? Is it because we canlearn every day as humans, we can
grow and we can every day isan opportunity for us to learn and grow
(40:58):
as a person. It doesn't matterhow old you are, right and within
that that could just be something withinyourself that you're learning. So asking yourself
more questions, why why do Ifeel this way? Is this true?
And does it have to be thisway? And forgiveness, forgiving your past,
forgiving your parents, for understanding thatthey only knew what they knew and
(41:21):
they did the best they can,and forgiving yourself too, and really learning
to understand your numbers, because yournumbers are painting a picture of how you're
living your life and how you viewyourself and your worth too. Right,
So it's just h yeah, Soit's really just asking yourself those why questions
(41:42):
and knowing that you're worthy of havingthe life you want to live. You
don't have to explain why to anybody, but you are worthy of living the
life that you want to live.And that's okay, beautiful, Wow,
thank you. That's very clear anddeep because so many of us and on
(42:05):
so many levels it's not even withmoney, but on all levels, it's
how come this is showing up inmy life? And where did it come
from? And how do I feel? And what am I going to do
about it? And we can drownourselves in the self deprecation of failure,
(42:25):
but really there's no failure. It'sjust process. Yeah. Because I'm sure
you've you. I don't mean toput this on you. Have you dealt
with people who've gone through foreclosures andmajor debt where they just had to start
(42:46):
over. Yes, I have,and you know a lot of times it's
I'll have just a whole session isn'tnecessarily based off of a strategy plan,
but really just talking through it,talking through the emotions of it, and
(43:09):
really kind of how I work isI talk about how you feel in it,
maybe a little bit of the past, how that happened, but also
how would you like to feel whenyou're out of it, or what will
that look like for you, andwhat will that free up for you?
What kind of life will that bringyou? And then we'll work together to
(43:29):
fill in the in between, toget you there and to make you appreciate
and honor every step of this journeybecause it is beautiful and it's okay,
it's life. Right, Like yousaid, it's a process. We're going
to fall down. Yeah, Iwrite it right. It's messy, and
that's just the way it is.And the getting to the getting the vision
(43:50):
of what it is with at theend of this, it's not the end,
it's just the next step. It'sthe next big step. So often
and I find with my clients it'sthe getting to that that vision is hard
because they're so caught up and lookingat the stuff in front of them and
the stuff behind them, mostly thatthey can't see what's possible. Yes,
(44:17):
And it's really about flexing that dreammuscle, the dream. Yes, to
start doing that, and I too, I mean people we have that.
That's a hard thing to do,is to really dig in and go I
can dream the dream. And sometimesit's like you might mention it and then
(44:38):
you go, oh, I'm notworthy of that. No, I'm not
there. I'll never get there.I'll never get that. It's getting that
mindset you said, like kind ofgetting taking a big brush and washing it
out of that. Yeah. Andour heart and our and our gut,
and sometimes you have to tell yourselfenough, don't talk to me like that.
(44:58):
You know, never we talk toour friends that way. Exactly.
Your ideas suck you really, you'renever gonna get there. Like we would
never say that to our friends.We wouldn't even say it to somebody we
hate. Necessarily we just walk awayfrom them. But it's right, Why
are we talking to ourselves like that? You loser? You know? Why
(45:21):
not? But I do? Wedo? Yeah, But that's great,
just standing strong and say enough,stop it enough, Yeah, treat yourself
better. And for every time youif you listeners, for every time you
say something negative to yourself, tryto after you do that, say something
(45:45):
positive that you like about yourself.Please switch it, switch it. I
love it. Yeah, maybe doingthat some sort of emotion or having a
sticky note like stuck to something whereveryou go, the back of your fun.
Yeah, I think that these cartthese things around everywhere. That's a
good maybe sticking that out there,going switch it. Yes, yes,
(46:07):
you know, watch your words,talk to me nicely, being nice to
me. Yeah. Yeah. Everytime you pick up your phone and somebody
sees the back of that, they'regonna go like, Okay, I thought
I was being nice to you.It's it's for you. Yeah, a
(46:28):
conversation with me, yourself, Bookyourself, Like I hug myself sometimes,
Like sometimes I'm like I need ahug because we're so hard on ourselves.
Help yourself, love yourself, Tellyourself you're worthy, honestly of value.
You wear of value. And thereis no there's not enough money in this
(46:51):
world to cover your value. No, it doesn't matter how much you have.
It's it's a tool that doesn't differfind you, it doesn't define you.
It's a tool to help you orguide you, and you can use
that and research and find no informationon ways it'll best work for you and
what you want to contribute to theworld. So, yeah, that you
(47:15):
have said tool many times during ourconversation, and I think that that is
such an important takeaway, is thatit is a tool, it's and it
is there for your using and totrust it and love yourself up through this
process. So before we close,I just want to make sure our listeners
(47:39):
know where to find you, Michelle, because you are You're incredible. It's
great. I can see why yourclients love you and want to work with
you and do the work because theyknow you've been there and they trust.
(48:00):
So I highly recommend you take thisdown. But it will also be in
our in the description the show description. So but Michelle, where can they
find you? So my website iswallet therapy dot net or you can find
me on Instagram at wallet Underscore Therapy. I do have if anyone wants to
(48:22):
chat or reach out, I dohave a free twenty minute call with me.
We can talk about some of theexperiences that you have with money.
A completely non judgmental, trustworthy zoneof just communicating back and forth to maybe
help you on your journey. Soif any of you would like to reach
out or just follow Instagram for anytips or my website, please I'm here
(48:45):
to help everyone, so don't hesitateto reach out to me. Are you
again? Are amazing and I amso very grateful. I know we ping
back and forth. I found Michelle. I think it was Instagram or Facebook
or something, and I just lovewhat you had said from the very beginning.
(49:06):
And I'm so grateful that you cameon because you never know, you
never know who's going to be like, hey, come on my podcast,
but I'm sorrateful you did so thankyou very much. And I would like
to say to our listeners to hearon the Family Balancing Act is just to
close your eyes for a moment,but not if you're driving, and just
(49:29):
take a deep breath all the waydown and exhale and know that you're not
alone here on the Family Balancing Act. Thank you so much, Thank you,
Michelle, Thank you
Welcome to where the screen door slamsand the coffee mug hits the table.
You're listening to The Family Balancing Actwith me Loureen Huntley, Mom, grandmother
and board certified Holistic and Functional Medicinehealth coach. Each episode will explore the
realities of your day to day familylife in this modern era of NonStop texts,
(00:27):
means and technology. After all,how do we keep ourselves saying,
hand our family healthy? I'll haveamazing guests and thought provoking discussions, and
we'll take a holistic look at familyhealth emotional, physical, mental, and
spiritual. Whether it's a micro perspectiveof family involving healthy snacks, teenagers with
(00:50):
an attitude, stressed out, husband'spartners, adult children, potty training,
eldercare, grandchildren, college breath,or a macro perspective of world events including
blue earthquakes, the brainwashing, media, finances, and oh so much more.
We'll find a way together. Sotake a deep, rapt exhale and
(01:11):
know that you're not alone. Bringon the Family Balancing Act. Welcome to
(01:46):
the Family Balancing Act, where restoringthe heart and art of motherhood starts with
one conversation at a time. I'mMaureen Huntley, your host, board certified
integrative, holistic and functional medicine coach, emotional freedom technique practitioner, mom,
grandmother, wife and CEO of myfamily's home operations. So let's talk money.
(02:13):
What is it, how do youuse it? And the power it
has over us. Michelle Lucas ismy guest on today's episode of The Family
Balancing Act. She is a financialcoach and founder of Wallet Therapy Great Name,
a virtual financial coaching business. Moneymoney, money, money, cold,
(02:39):
hardcash or is it digital? Moneyis a commodity accepted by general consent
as a medium for economic exchange.It is the medium in which prices and
values are expressed. It circulates fromperson to person, from country to country,
(03:00):
facilitating trade, and it is theprincipal measure of wealth. March twenty
four, twenty three Definition Encyclopedia Britannica. Money allows us to meet our basic
needs right It buys us food andshelter, and it pays for things like
healthcare, things we need and meetingthese needs is just so essential And if
(03:27):
we don't have enough money to doso, our personal wellbeing and the wellbeing
of our family, and the wellbeingof community and as a whole suffers greatly.
So growing up, our families struggledfinancially and my parents were, as
my mother would exclaim, robbing Peterto pay Paul funny. My husband's name
(03:54):
is Paul. Well, I'll explainthat in a moment. But there are
times my mother would have me runto the Amp grocery store, which was
just right around the block from myhouse, and she'd have me by bananas.
Well, they would be the onesthat would be bruised and definitely a
(04:15):
few days old. And the bestpart though, was that they were ten
cents a bunch and that would beour dinner. Other times we had enough
to eat and there was nothing everwasted in our house. They were starving
children in Biafra and we'd need tosend them our leftovers if we didn't eat
(04:38):
all that was on our plate.Disclaimer, I mean rarely was there anything
left on our plates, and whatwas left and went to the dog.
My parents were struggling and just tryingto keep it all together. Well.
Growing up, my brothers and Iwould witness our mother crying and our they're
(05:00):
frustrated and angry as they shuffled throughthe piles of bills and the orange colored
late notices on the dining room table. Mom worked babysitting, cooking, and
in school jobs like cooking in thecafeteria and other little jobs which she was
always home when we got back fromschool. And Dad he had three jobs.
(05:26):
Monday through Sunday, he'd be outthe door at two thirty am and
back by six am. His jobwas to organize newspapers for the local paper
routes. His real jobs Monday throughFriday job was out the door from eight
thirty am to five pm, sometimeslater, and there was also the third
(05:47):
job was at the local hardware storeon Saturdays. We rarely saw him.
He was constantly on the treadmill oftrying to earn a buck. They both
worked so hard. And money doesn'tgrow on trees and the rich can't be
trusted would come out of my father'smouth at any time. This emotional toll
(06:11):
of living in lack, weary andstress it took out on our parents was
actually the training for my brothers andmy future. We were watching. We
learned how to live life, loveand all about what money is and how
it's used, the struggle to getit, the struggle to keep it,
(06:32):
the pain of not having it,but that was normal. That was our
normal, right, well, wekind of knew it wasn't. Both our
parents grew up in households that didn'thave two pennies to rub together together.
To quote both of them, they'dsay that, but they were fed,
(06:54):
clothed, and they had roofs overtheir head. My father with his Bible
in his hand and my mother withher rosary beads. Faith will get us
through, and it did. Butsome practical advice on budgeting and saying no
to impulse purchasing or just questioning thecost of something and not just trusting the
(07:16):
salesman that would have helped a wholelot. Now a bit about my husband
Paul. He will actually say herescued me, but actually I rescued him
also in many ways. But honestly, when I met him, he looked
good. He was funny, hewas smart, and he was a CPA
(07:41):
and a taxman, a guy whoknew how to work with money. It's
another perspective. I was like,I'm at love. So in this episode
of the Family Balancing Act, we'llbe looking at always money as you and
in our relationships and our relationship toit. What is the generational debt and
(08:07):
how do we break up with that? And what do we do when we
need to empower the next generation?So come on in, pull up a
chair, grab a tea, coffee, water, or maybe even a green
juice, because we have a lotto talk about with my guest, Michelle
Lucas. She is a financial coachand founder of wallet Therapy, a virtual
(08:31):
financial coaching business. She loves helpingindividuals, families, and small business owners.
Boy could I've used you long agolearn to confidently manage their money and
establish long term, healthy relationships ofmoney so important. Michelle uses her many
years of experience supporting her clients withestablishing a budget, debt payoff strategies,
(08:58):
money set, credit repair, andunderstanding their numbers. She is very passionate
about helping others reduce their money stressand learn more about themselves in the process.
I am so honored to have youhere today with me, Michelle.
(09:18):
Welcome to the Family Balancing Act.Thank you so much for having me.
I am so excited to be here. Let's see here. Oh awesome,
I'm just trying to fix my therewe are, hello, It's so It
really is so exciting to have youhere because this you know, as I
(09:43):
said in my little opening there,that you know I struggled, We struggled
with this. My household struggled withthis, and we thought we were the
only ones. And it was thisbig family secret, and sometimes the secret
had to expand to ask family membersto rescue my family from a financial disaster.
(10:05):
So nobody was supposed to know.And then as I started to grow
up and get out in the world, I was doing the same exact thing,
the same thing because that's how Ilearned. And I had debt and
I'd hide it and I didn't wantanybody to know. And even up until
the last days before my parents passedaway, and they both passed within months
(10:30):
of each other, they were hidingbills under cushions in the living room.
It like they never were able tobreak the cycle. And I see,
you know, with our family andit's extended family also has the stuff going
on. And I'm grateful I'm marriedwho I'm married, but I still have
(10:52):
a lot of these tendencies. Soso I thank you so much for sharing
your story. I feel like oneof the first steps is to become aware
of why you have certain emotions.Towards money or maybe you know the first
time you can think about money andyou know, how old were you,
(11:13):
what did that look like, whatwas the scenario, what was the situation?
And a lot of times I thinkoftentimes we see our parents as stressed
out when it comes to money,when it comes to bills, never really
kind of sitting down and handling itright and teaching us how to do it.
We just see them stressed out like, oh, we can't afford this,
or you know, mom, Iwant to go on this field trip.
(11:35):
I need the spike, and it'slike, oh, we can't have
that. But rather than you know, talking about how we can change that
mindset and maybe in front of ourchildren, showing them how we kind of
handle that situation and how we rectifyit and plan accordingly, I don't think
that's oftentimes showed. It's it's moreof the stressors or you know, in
(11:56):
the moment, you know you're stressedout and our parents react and as understandable,
but it's also important to show themhow you resolve that too, because
they're going to take that and learnfrom that as they grow. So where
have you found you've improved your moneyrelationship after identifying kind of similar scenarios or
situations that happened in your past.Wow, that's a big question. I
(12:22):
for myself, I've noticed that thatnot, you know, pulling myself back
and not purchasing everything I see insight. Now, my parents didn't really
fully do that, but when Christmascame, it took them the next nine
months to pay off whatever they gotus for Christmas. And mind you,
it wasn't an overabundance of stuff.It might be something we actually needed,
(12:48):
like a bicycle, but it wasa big deal for them because they struggled.
So I am so blessed that Inever really had to struggle in that
way. But I still as tosay, face it with not going overboard
on things I don't really need andreally looking at and asking myself the question,
(13:15):
what purpose is that? Why amI? Why is this need calling
me? Why do I feel orhow is this showing up for me?
Yes, these feelings of lack,and I think a lot of it has
to do in my own personal storyaround lack, this whole, this emptiness
of not being filled up. Whenyou don't feel filled up, you try
(13:37):
to find other things stuff to fillup a hole and just keep feeling it
up so so I can feel morelove, more acceptance, whatever. Wherever
you're feeling deficient. Wherever I'm feelingdeficient, sometimes it is that I'm feeling
a lack of love and nobody's appreciatingme. I'm a mother of four and
(14:00):
a grandmother and I have like,hello, I just made dinner for the
eighth night in a row, andeverybody leaves me in the kitchen then to
clean up. So that's you know, so what do I do? I'll
show them. I'll go and youknow, buy something for myself and take
myself out for a day or amorning and do a spa thing. But
(14:22):
really, who am I hurting?I'm hurting my husband and I not,
I mean not, And that's avery trivial thing, and he's not going
to see it as I'm hurting him. But I'm not honoring our relationship and
my relationship with money, right,but take it back. But you recognizing
(14:46):
that, and I feel like,you know, subconsciously, a lot of
people will just you know, samesituation, same scenario, and just go
out and do it. But whereyou're sitting back and you're realizing and you're
asking yourself, you're in tune withyourself and you're reflecting on why is this,
Oh, it's because I've been cookingmeals for nine straight days and having
(15:07):
to clean up and not So youcan identify it and then kind of work
on that and really express that andthen gauge where the root of the problem
is. A lot of times peoplefeel or don't can't pinpoint where it is
because there's so much in the cycle. There's so much in that hamster wheel
of just going, going, going, going, going, and a lot
(15:28):
of times it's they just keep goinguntil they're burnt out, until they go
and splurret. But identifying that isthe first step, because when you start
to feel those emotions come up again, you can pause and you can say,
where is this really coming from?Is buying XYC online going to help
me succeed in the future that Iwant to have in the lifestyle I want
(15:50):
to have in the life I wantto have, Or am I really hurting
myself? Is there a different conversationI need to have with my family about
how I'm feeling? Is that atopic of discus And it allows you to
kind of sit back and reflect andtake a moment to figure out is this
going to hurt me in the longrun? Am I benefiting from this?
But I think you expressing and sharingyour story, you can tell that you
(16:14):
can identify where the route is comingfrom, where those emotions are getting picked
up. And I think that's sopowerful sometimes is you know, I tell
people, especially what the impulse spendingis to take a pause. Right,
there's this tip called the forty eighthour rule. If it's not on your
girl's realist, especially Target. Right, people can go into Target, it's
like everything's right there. You wantto spend, yes, exactly, you
(16:38):
want to go in and spend onehundred dollars. You come out spending three
fifty and it's like, how right. So I tell a lot of times
my clients is accept and adopt thatforty eight hour rule. If it's not
on your list, it'll be therein forty eight hours. Probably most of
the time. In forty hours,you completely forget that you wanted that thing.
That wasn't something that's going to benefityour life. If that's not on
(17:00):
the list, that's not something that'sa part of your plan or will really
add value, but maybe more stress, And then ask yourself why, like
you said, like is this somethingthat's going to help me move forward in
life and help me, you know, progress emotionally and physically. Or is
it just something kind of like aband aid over something. Um So,
(17:22):
I like, yeah, yeah,that's perfect. Another one. As you're
talking about this and I want wewant to get to I want to get
to your story because I think yourstory is your story is fantastic. I
just wanted to say an add onto that is, um, Amazon,
like Amazon is the the whole ofof of you know, the abyss,
(17:45):
you know, like you lost inthat that that life sucking thing called Amazon.
And I do it probably look atit maybe three times a week because
they'll think, oh, I needthis, and I can get this at
you know, I can buy bulkand get it for lesson. I don't
have to go. They're not sellingit at Costco or wherever else. I'm
trying to function, you know,keep everything, all the wheels on the
(18:08):
bus here going. But what Ido is I take and I put stuff
into the shopping cart and I leaveit for two days. The forty eight
hour rule. But I didn't evenrealize that it was a it was a
rule until you said, oh mygosh, that's great because then when I
go back, I go, Idon't eat that exactly who put this in
(18:30):
here? You know, it'll belike some sort of you know, hair
fluffing thing or you know, youknow, yeah, new mass scara,
you know, or under eye coverup or something that you know, like
a whole or a foot false eyelashes. I'm not buying false eyelas. Let's
get some better mask scar and that'sgoing to be from here. Yeah.
(18:53):
Yeah, but it's the craziest,craziest thing. But this you were on
Towerget You're great? Can you tellour listeners your story? I'm like,
how'd you get into doing this?Like? What was it? Sir?
So I can't really pinpoint exactly whatit was, to be honest with you.
(19:14):
Ever since I was a young child, I used to sit with family
members. I know this is goingto sound like crazy, but I really
did. I used to sit withthem and go over their finances, their
expenses, their income, and Ireally just love making things make sense to
say, Okay, this is whereit needs to go on such a such
day. I just love doing that. And growing up we didn't have a
(19:37):
lot. I didn't have a lot. I have been homeless many times.
I you know, we've lived inshelters. I didn't really see a structure
or a safety and a foundation.And I knew i'd liked working and helping
people manage their money and their finances. I just, I don't know,
I just it gave me so muchpassion when doing it. I went to
(19:59):
school for fine. I have abachelor's degree in business administration, a minor
finance and psychology. So I lovehow the two coincide together. Yeah.
So I went on to work foryou know, corporate finance for a number
of years in the trades, butI really wanted to help people. I
didn't want to help kind of theyou know, the rich with their funds
(20:23):
get richer. I really wanted tohelp people with the basics, with the
management, because a lot of peopledidn't understand that. I then have over
ten years in as a paralegal whereI worked with a lot of people who
were dealing with foreclosures, evictions,debt, collections, wage garnishments, student
loan debt, you know, allof the above, and I'm like,
(20:45):
I keep getting back to help peoplewith their finances. I just I love
it and I really just need todo that. And now in college,
I ended up having a lot ofstudent loan debt. I ended up having
some medical issues, was in alot of medical debt. And I remember
one time I didn't even have fivedollars to, you know, get to
(21:07):
work, and my credit cards weremaxed out, and I was like,
something isn't right, like my managementskills, even though I'm going to school
for finance, I need to reevaluate. And so when I had my son,
it was really my first child,it was really an eye opener,
like I really need to get ontop of this. I don't want to
keep spinning the wheel. I don'twant to be in debt anymore. I
(21:29):
don't have to be. I don'thave to conform to the societal norms and
everything I've seen in the past.It really started with a decision I always
did to my clients. First,you make the decision that you want something
to change, that you want betterfor your life, that you're saying it
doesn't have to be this way.And I can now say that I'm credit
card debt free and medical debt free, and I have been for a number
(21:52):
of years. And so I justknow that if I can do it,
and where I come from in alot of times we just need the support.
It's not talked about. People don'ttalk about finances. People hide,
you know, behind closed doors abouttheir finances. There's so much shame,
there's so much emotion time with money. So I want to make it more
By learning about people's stories and talkingabout it. You can take pieces from
(22:17):
how other people manage their money andmaybe that'll benefit you and you can also
help other people in the same token. So I really just want to make
talking about money, you know,something that's not as taboo, or something
that's more common and more received,right, so people don't have to suffer
in silence, because I don't wantanyone to suffer in silence. There's a
(22:37):
way to really take control of yourfinances and feel empowered and really use money
as a tool to live the lifethat you want to live. Because money
is a tool, it doesn't haveto control. You have the power and
remembering that always you have the power, and if you don't tell your money
where to go, it'll decide foryou. So it's in your control.
That is just target. Girl.You have beautiful what you said, and
(23:03):
as you're speaking, I could seeyou know, people talk about money,
but they're the wealthy. They willboast. Some people boast about it,
some don't, but they, youknow, I will. They'll be in
a circle of people who'll be talkingabout what funds they have or oh,
you know you should check out youknow, fidelity over this, you know,
(23:25):
like they'll have the Vanguard or whatyou know. They'll just be discussing
their different funds or you know,their four own case or whatever, you
know, whatever, and whereas alot of people can't even begin to think
about they're putting their money into afund or having any kind of retirement set
(23:47):
aside. They're just and that's howmy parents are just living day today and
struggling to you know. My motherwould take and hide money when she'd get
it, you know, when shedid her little job, she'd pull out
like a couple of dollars here andthere, so she'd have a little backup
stack. And thank god she did, because there were times that that was
(24:07):
really needed to get to help themout. But that shouldn't be so.
So when you had your son andyou realize this enough enough of this,
how did you take that step forward? What was your first step beyond going
I've had it, I'm doing something, what was your next step? So
(24:29):
it was actually around the time,like right before I had him, I
was living in an apartment. Iwas a single woman, and I'm like,
I, you know, I'm livingin an apartment. I you know,
I have this debt, but Idon't have kids yet. What am
I doing? Where's my money?Why do I not have a cash flow?
What am I doing? So thefirst thing I did was, like
(24:51):
I said, I made the decision. Then I researched, I looked things
up. I pretty much created myown financial literacy course. I was listening
to pod casts. I was takingin any information I could now. Some
information was great information, but notfor me right. And that's why I
love financial coaching for me because whenI work with my clients, I am
(25:12):
not there to tell them what theyneed to do. I do not shame
them anything. I'm here to listenand listen to their stories of why they
are the way they want and helpthem achieve their goals and have a healthy
relationship with money. Because how theymanage their money it's going to be different
than how I manage it. Andthat's not right or wrong, but it's
helping you and guiding you and providingthat support to really get to where you
(25:33):
want to have that positive, longterm, healthy relationship, because that's what
it is. Money in your relationship, which is life long. So it's
always going to need some grace,right, attention and just understanding with that.
And it's going to always change,you know, depending on whatever happens
in life, different life events.Right, you're going to fault. But
(25:56):
I like to say to my clients, at least with this better relationship,
you can fall with some kneepads on, so you get up quicker and you
know what to do. Right,You're not falling and you're caving into the
ground and you're out for months.Right. I like to really help them
have that foundation where when they haveto make financial decisions they can trust themselves,
because I find that a lot ofmy clients, especially single mothers,
(26:19):
do not trust themselves at all withmoney. They don't think they can even
handle it, and then they avoidit. So I like to really build
up their confidence and teach them someskills that really work for them in their
lifestyle so they can really have abetter relationship and really help their future and
their kids, because everything they dois teaching their kids. They're as they're
(26:42):
going through this process right of workingwith you there. Hopefully they're teaching their
kids also. But I loved howyou said the relationship you keep and I
read this online too, on yourwebsite, which is really great. You've
got great information on there. Umwhere it's like almost like another it's like
(27:04):
a person, it's like an entityyou you are in relationship with it.
It is. It's not a person. It doesn't it's not doesn't have a
soul necessarily, but it's emotional andit's energetic. Yes, so honoring that
energy as a real thing and notthis like pieces of paper or whatever or
(27:26):
digital however people are functioning now.Um, it's it's real. Yeah,
so cool, Yeah, it is. I just yeah, when you think
about it, and I never reallythought about it that way. And actually,
as we're speaking, I have thisgiant kind of a a goal slash
(27:51):
streamboard in front of me, andin the smack dab in the middle of
it is a someone holding hundred dollarbills, you know, like a fan,
And it's just to remind me thatthat it's real, that it's that
it's there and it's to be dealtwith. Then it need to pay your
bills and you can do wonderful thingsand help people with this. Also,
you can you can pay it forwardhelp others with money. But it's it's
(28:18):
to be dealt with. Yes,That's why I say it is a tool,
right because if if helping others andif that's something that's important to you,
you can use that money. Now, money can also be used as
a tool to maybe have, youknow, a home for you and your
children that you want, or maybeget you out of a situation that you
(28:41):
no longer have to be in.So how can we use that? How
can we take what you have?Because money is used you know in society,
that's just our way of trade,right as we use money for services
and things and products, and sohow can we use that to really live
a fulfilling life and help those aroundus if that's something that's important to you.
(29:04):
And that's great because another way Iwas thinking of using money. And
we know when we get like agift card from somebody, and that's just
a card that says there's twenty fivedollars on it or whatever, but that's
actually money, and to view itas that and to be grateful for it
(29:25):
because it's money. But even likegifts people give us, it took money
to get them, and to havethe gratitude around that and not to throw
it away, you know, likehave a throwaway attitude, even food that
somebody places in front of us becausewe've gone to their house for dinner,
for a meal. I don't alwaysthink this way, but our conversation is
(29:51):
having me go ding ding ding inmy head, going right, that's right,
that is money, that is andhaving gratitude for it and to not,
as my father would say, youknow, it was like some evil
thing that the rich people dealt with, and when you look at it that
way, we didn't move forward.My family didn't move forward from that because
(30:11):
we saw it as like a itwas you know, evil, And that's
what I was about to say.Having that mindset is something that can hold
you back from even allowing yourself toreally even just get control where you feel
like you're not riding that hamster wheeland spinning and just the stress, but
(30:32):
rather just having more peace when itcomes to your financial situation because you know,
no, I've got this, I'mmore in control. I know my
bills are paid. And that's alsobeing in tune with who you are.
You know who you are. Areyou a greedy person or are you an
evil person? No? Right,you just do you want to have peace,
(30:55):
you don't want to be stressed out. And what you touched on earlier.
It's kind of the idea of insteadof saying, oh, I have
to pay my bills this month,I get to pay my bills so I
can have this wonderful home over myhead. I have. Wow, I
have the privilege and honor to dothis. I get to okay, and
kind of just a small little shiftwhen you say oh I have to do
(31:15):
this or I have to I getthe opportunity to do this. Wow,
that's gratitude, and I have it, and I can do it, even
if it's not the full amount topay, even if it's just a little
portion. It's it's stepping into takingresponsibility. Yeah, and gratitude. I
(31:36):
signed checks now, I well Ihardly signed checks anymore anyway. But when
I have, I are right.Thank you. I love that just to
say thank you to the person whodid the you know, clean something for
me, or did you know afavor or whatever I needed something dropped off
(31:59):
all right, thank you? BecauseI think it's important to be grateful for
everything right, and money is it? So how do we get our children
to pay attention to this? Howdo you Where do you begin in teaching
kids? And I know it alllike starting very young. At what age
would you say would you begin?I mean as early as possible. I
(32:25):
think even just when you're speaking aboutmoney out loud, be aware of whatever
you're saying. They're taking it inand they're going to really kind of build
their habits and foundation around that.So even in that example that we said,
wow, I have the privilege topay for this, you know,
being grateful for the money and reallylooking at it that way. But one
(32:47):
tip by like is sitting with yourchildren and asking them what their wants are,
what are their desires? Really makethem feel like you care about what
they want and what they can have, and then great a plan with them.
Okay, so this is what youwant, Let's look it up,
let's get a picture of it,maybe create a vision board. Then say
(33:08):
okay, here are some things thatwe can do to help you save money
to get something that you love somuch? Right, can we maybe try
to you know, start I don'tknow if they still do lemonade stands,
but I would like leon stands,go clean your neighbors house. Yeah,
like go help your neighbor or maybeif you do chores and start incorporating that,
(33:30):
and then you know, if they'remaking money and finding ways to make
money, show them how to budget, show them how to really manage their
money, and start introducing them onsaving and how they can use their money
as a tool, and also providingthat cushions for maybe later goals that they
may have or things that they wantin the future. So just kind of
(33:50):
being in tune with what they wantand then creating, you know, an
atmosphere for them to feel comfortable andcreate and and to really come up with
a plan of how they can createtheir own money. They're going to be
so excited about that. That's great. And teaching them how to save also
along with like getting something that youreally want and or even I've seen things
(34:14):
like people doing like family trips andhaving a family trip jar or whatever.
But but for a child to actuallysay I want this truck and to actually
save for it by doing little choresor doing whatever they can do, and
to then go go and get itwith their parents, or go and get
(34:35):
it with their caretaker, and justthe joy of actually having that exchange of
something for something. It's just energyexchange, which is that's so cool.
I can so see it. Yeah, yeah, And you know what the
thing is too, Sometimes you mayfind that your child staves up for something
like we talked about earlier, thatforty hour role. Then they'll say,
(34:59):
you know, I worked really hard. I don't think I really want to
spend my money on this item anymore. But that's showing how they're valuing that
money that they earned and the workthey put into that, and that's showing
them and that's going to help themin the future when making financial decisions,
is adding more of their values intotheir life and their decisions that they make.
So it really just starts there.That's so great. That is just
(35:24):
it's so great to actually teach thefuture, to teach these kids because you're
teaching their parents, you're teaching themothers or the families at the same time.
Do you have a success story ofany of your clients, obviously not
saying any names, but where they'vereally feel that they've they've really got a
(35:46):
better handle on what they're doing andwhere they're there. Yes, yes,
I have one that comes to mind. Instantly she came to me. She's
a single mother, she has anamazing child, and she came from a
very hard situation and she's not reallygetting help, and she removed herself and
(36:08):
she didn't have a budget in place. She started her own business. All
of our money was kind of intertwinedpersonal business. She just spent without a
plan and really not saving anything.And we worked together for six months and
we really just kind of went throughkind of how she views money, the
(36:30):
emotions that she has tied to money, and really created a management system that
works best for her. I helpedher with her business and budgeting and within
her business, within her personal life, having you know, what's important to
her, setting up a savings fundfor her child, and she completed the
program. I want to say abouta couple of months ago. Well,
(36:52):
she texted me a few weeks agoand she said, I just need to
tell you about my win. Ibudgeted for this desk for my new office
that I created for my business thatis thriving. And I went into the
store and I didn't overspend. Istayed right on track with my budget.
I didn't buy other items. Andfor her, this was absolutely huge.
(37:15):
It was huge for her to goin and then leave and say, I
did it. I'm doing it,and I'm changing my mindset in my relationship.
And she felt so empowered and soproud of herself. Like when I
see my clients feel so proud ofthemselves for the decisions that they're making with
their money, Oh my goodness,it's the best. So she wasn't proud
(37:35):
proud. I'm like, yeah,smiling ear to ear because I can feel
it. I can feel it.Yeah. I had my own story around
my own when I had a coldPress juice company, and I had and
it got to be pretty big,and it was in that it was in
the Northeast area, and my juiceswere sold all the way up to Boston,
(37:57):
all the way down through to Washington, d C. I was,
and all the grocery stores and itwas like thriving and going and but as
it and these are my deep darksecrets here, I'm I'm releasing. But
as it it carried on, Ikept using the excuse of I'm not being
supported emotionally on many levels, andthis is why it's not working. But
(38:22):
that's not the full story. Thefull story is that I wasn't managing it.
Well, I never managed anything thatlarge before in my life, and
it was overwhelming, and I hadseventeen employees and it was hard to manage
all that. I was doing itall when somebody didn't show up. I
(38:44):
was on the floor making the juicesalso, and I was, you know,
getting them to where they needed togo if the guy didn't show up
to get them to where they neededto go, or you know, getting
them to some stores when the machinebroke down or whatever. And there were
like a multitude of issues that wentalong with it, but I did not
(39:05):
take a good This is then mygoing back into my childhood, my going
back into my parents' stuff and notworking with the actual numbers, not wanting
to look at the actual numbers,are looking at the actual needs, but
looking at what was what I wouldsay the public would look at the bottles
(39:30):
and what was in the bottle becauseit was it was fantastic. People today
still reach out to me going,what do you mean you don't make this
anymore? Or where can I findsomething like it? Because what was in
it was gold? And how thewhole set it was gold, but it
was built on sand and it justkept washing away and in the end I
(39:52):
let it go and I sold offpieces of it, but it just and
I ultimately I'm relieved because it wasbefore COVID. Probably you know that was
not an easy time. But thatwas my baby, that was my child
number five and I miss it,but I don't miss it. And I
(40:12):
learned a lot about myself. Andthat's one of the things you mentioned on
your website is that you learn somuch about yourself. What would you say
you learn? People learn about themselves. You know, I by that A
lot of people just aren't looking tosee or ask themselves why I feel this
(40:37):
way. They're just I am thisway. I am bad with money.
I don't trust myself with money.I can't handle this. But it's like,
why do you feel that way?And is it true? Is it
true? Is it because we canlearn every day as humans, we can
grow and we can every day isan opportunity for us to learn and grow
(40:58):
as a person. It doesn't matterhow old you are, right and within
that that could just be something withinyourself that you're learning. So asking yourself
more questions, why why do Ifeel this way? Is this true?
And does it have to be thisway? And forgiveness, forgiving your past,
forgiving your parents, for understanding thatthey only knew what they knew and
(41:21):
they did the best they can,and forgiving yourself too, and really learning
to understand your numbers, because yournumbers are painting a picture of how you're
living your life and how you viewyourself and your worth too. Right,
So it's just h yeah, Soit's really just asking yourself those why questions
(41:42):
and knowing that you're worthy of havingthe life you want to live. You
don't have to explain why to anybody, but you are worthy of living the
life that you want to live.And that's okay, beautiful, Wow,
thank you. That's very clear anddeep because so many of us and on
(42:05):
so many levels it's not even withmoney, but on all levels, it's
how come this is showing up inmy life? And where did it come
from? And how do I feel? And what am I going to do
about it? And we can drownourselves in the self deprecation of failure,
(42:25):
but really there's no failure. It'sjust process. Yeah. Because I'm sure
you've you. I don't mean toput this on you. Have you dealt
with people who've gone through foreclosures andmajor debt where they just had to start
(42:46):
over. Yes, I have,and you know a lot of times it's
I'll have just a whole session isn'tnecessarily based off of a strategy plan,
but really just talking through it,talking through the emotions of it, and
(43:09):
really kind of how I work isI talk about how you feel in it,
maybe a little bit of the past, how that happened, but also
how would you like to feel whenyou're out of it, or what will
that look like for you, andwhat will that free up for you?
What kind of life will that bringyou? And then we'll work together to
(43:29):
fill in the in between, toget you there and to make you appreciate
and honor every step of this journeybecause it is beautiful and it's okay,
it's life. Right, Like yousaid, it's a process. We're going
to fall down. Yeah, Iwrite it right. It's messy, and
that's just the way it is.And the getting to the getting the vision
(43:50):
of what it is with at theend of this, it's not the end,
it's just the next step. It'sthe next big step. So often
and I find with my clients it'sthe getting to that that vision is hard
because they're so caught up and lookingat the stuff in front of them and
the stuff behind them, mostly thatthey can't see what's possible. Yes,
(44:17):
And it's really about flexing that dreammuscle, the dream. Yes, to
start doing that, and I too, I mean people we have that.
That's a hard thing to do,is to really dig in and go I
can dream the dream. And sometimesit's like you might mention it and then
(44:38):
you go, oh, I'm notworthy of that. No, I'm not
there. I'll never get there.I'll never get that. It's getting that
mindset you said, like kind ofgetting taking a big brush and washing it
out of that. Yeah. Andour heart and our and our gut,
and sometimes you have to tell yourselfenough, don't talk to me like that.
(44:58):
You know, never we talk toour friends that way. Exactly.
Your ideas suck you really, you'renever gonna get there. Like we would
never say that to our friends.We wouldn't even say it to somebody we
hate. Necessarily we just walk awayfrom them. But it's right, Why
are we talking to ourselves like that? You loser? You know? Why
(45:21):
not? But I do? Wedo? Yeah, But that's great,
just standing strong and say enough,stop it enough, Yeah, treat yourself
better. And for every time youif you listeners, for every time you
say something negative to yourself, tryto after you do that, say something
(45:45):
positive that you like about yourself.Please switch it, switch it. I
love it. Yeah, maybe doingthat some sort of emotion or having a
sticky note like stuck to something whereveryou go, the back of your fun.
Yeah, I think that these cartthese things around everywhere. That's a
good maybe sticking that out there,going switch it. Yes, yes,
(46:07):
you know, watch your words,talk to me nicely, being nice to
me. Yeah. Yeah. Everytime you pick up your phone and somebody
sees the back of that, they'regonna go like, Okay, I thought
I was being nice to you.It's it's for you. Yeah, a
(46:28):
conversation with me, yourself, Bookyourself, Like I hug myself sometimes,
Like sometimes I'm like I need ahug because we're so hard on ourselves.
Help yourself, love yourself, Tellyourself you're worthy, honestly of value.
You wear of value. And thereis no there's not enough money in this
(46:51):
world to cover your value. No, it doesn't matter how much you have.
It's it's a tool that doesn't differfind you, it doesn't define you.
It's a tool to help you orguide you, and you can use
that and research and find no informationon ways it'll best work for you and
what you want to contribute to theworld. So, yeah, that you
(47:15):
have said tool many times during ourconversation, and I think that that is
such an important takeaway, is thatit is a tool, it's and it
is there for your using and totrust it and love yourself up through this
process. So before we close,I just want to make sure our listeners
(47:39):
know where to find you, Michelle, because you are You're incredible. It's
great. I can see why yourclients love you and want to work with
you and do the work because theyknow you've been there and they trust.
(48:00):
So I highly recommend you take thisdown. But it will also be in
our in the description the show description. So but Michelle, where can they
find you? So my website iswallet therapy dot net or you can find
me on Instagram at wallet Underscore Therapy. I do have if anyone wants to
(48:22):
chat or reach out, I dohave a free twenty minute call with me.
We can talk about some of theexperiences that you have with money.
A completely non judgmental, trustworthy zoneof just communicating back and forth to maybe
help you on your journey. Soif any of you would like to reach
out or just follow Instagram for anytips or my website, please I'm here
(48:45):
to help everyone, so don't hesitateto reach out to me. Are you
again? Are amazing and I amso very grateful. I know we ping
back and forth. I found Michelle. I think it was Instagram or Facebook
or something, and I just lovewhat you had said from the very beginning.
(49:06):
And I'm so grateful that you cameon because you never know, you
never know who's going to be like, hey, come on my podcast,
but I'm sorrateful you did so thankyou very much. And I would like
to say to our listeners to hearon the Family Balancing Act is just to
close your eyes for a moment,but not if you're driving, and just
(49:29):
take a deep breath all the waydown and exhale and know that you're not
alone here on the Family Balancing Act. Thank you so much, Thank you,
Michelle, Thank you
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