Amberlee Cuaresma’s story is one of survival, strength, and raw truth. She grew up in a world of violence and trauma, raised in a Hells Angel household where survival meant impossible choices no child should face. Despite everything, she rose above—becoming a certified victims advocate and self-defense instructor, using her pain to empower others. But life dealt her another devastating blow. Last year, Amberlee faced the unimaginable when she walked in to find her 22-year-old son had taken his own life. This conversation is about resilience, the weight of grief, and the fight to keep going when the world has tried to break you. It’s not just about Amberlee’s past—it’s about her courage to stand in the present and keep moving forward. If you’ve ever felt like your story was too broken to be redeemed, Amberlee’s testimony will remind you that even in the darkest chapters, there’s still light.
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🎧 Front Porch Chronicles — real conversations on healing, growth, fatherhood, and fighting through it. ▶️ Full Episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thefrontporchchronicles
🤝 Collabs / Booking: (949) 933-4349 • thefrontporchchronicles1@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm like, I don't think you're ready for life with me.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I I'm always ready.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Welcome back front porch chronicles where the real conversations cut
past the surface.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Today I'm sitting down with Emberlee, a self defense instructor
and certified victim's advocate, showing up for people, not just
teaching them physically, but helping them reclaim their Thank you
for joining me. I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Thank you for having me. I greatly appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I'll follow you on your journey on social media. I
always you get me motivated. Some days I'm like, you
know what, I don't feel like working out today, Man,
I'll watch one of your videos doing the jumping jacks. No, like, bro,
I'm going I'm getting up and getting out, So let's
hop into it. Take me back, what before teaching self
defense and doing the advocacy, what was life like for you?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Life was a lot like me living it through my sons.
You know, I started the whole self defense realm bringing
my sons into Brazilian jiu jitsu Gracie baja because of bullying,
and you know, I had to get them into something.
And I'll tell you. That's been the best experience I've
ever had in my life is training Brazilian jiu jitsu
with my kids and the self defense aspect of it,
(01:19):
and that's really what got me into it, and it's
been a journey since then, and I resort to it
every single time. I tell people like may and mixed
martial arts, it's it's therapy for me. It's been therapy
for me, and it's been a great blessing that I've
my sons have had and they've adapted it to their
lives and I'm just grateful for it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
What what was it that made you say I want
to dedicate my life to helping people.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
What was it that was the motivating.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Well, the motivating factor is just my life. I've had
a traumatic life, traumatic childhood and growing up and learning
how to navigate gate through all the challenges and the trauma.
And when I found jiu jitsu, when I found when
I found the self defense and being able to advocate
for people that have been through violent experiences, I felt
(02:12):
it gratified me and it just helped me. It helped
me get through my challenges and knowing that I'm able
to take what I've learned from the experiences that I've
been through and able to help somebody else. That's what
drives me. That's what drives me every day is knowing that, like, hey,
what I've been through sucks, and I don't want everybody,
I don't want to ever go through that again. But
can I learn the lesson and can I teach somebody
(02:33):
else to help them go through maybe what they're going through.
And that's what drives me every day, And that's what
keeps me fighting for that every single day.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You know, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I tell people all the time similar I had a
very traumatic experience throughout life, and as bad as it sucks,
the gratification I get from people saying, hey, you help
me by sharing your story the same thing. Like it
sucks because like I don't want to be I don't
(03:03):
want to talk about being sexually assaulted as a kid.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Talk about like all of this stuff. But knowing that
every time I help somebody else, that seven year old kid,
inner child smiles because all the people that said he
would never be anything, all the people that said all
of those things, he smiles knowing that he's helping other
(03:28):
people change their lives. So I feel that in my
whole chance and I think that's why we kind of
always have gotten.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Along thinking about that.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
What does the day to day look like with victim's advocacy.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I'll just tell you from my own personal experience dealing
with severe PTSD, and you know, I'm still healing. You know,
I lost my son last year, and it's a journey.
It's a constant healing journey. And I come acros I
meet people and like through social media and all the
things that I do, I come across just marvelous people
that want to tell me their story and I can
(04:04):
relate to and the things that I've been through. And
as I come across those people, the day to day
things is I have my own rituals, I have my things.
I have my personal affirmation messages that I tell myself.
I wake up every day and I look in the
mirror and I tell myself that you're beautiful, You're resilient,
you are strong, you can make it through this. You've
been through so much in your life and you're still
(04:25):
here today, and there's a reason why you're here. And
as I telled myself those messages, I remember that there's
somebody out there that can be right at the realm
of where I was before I felt like there was
nothing and if I could just reach out to that
one person that could just say, like, I understand, I
understand what you're going through, and I'm telling you it
sucks right now to go what you're going through, but
(04:45):
there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
There's a light at the end of this tunnel, and
those are like personal messages. There's so many things that
go throughout my day to help me keep my mind
mentally positive. And that's what my advocacy is for. It's
for to let you know, hey, there's an outlet to
what you're feeling right now, whether it's on the bag
and you're hitting the bag, the myths, whatever it is,
(05:06):
you're letting out that anger, or you're doing it through
breathing and meditation. You're letting that good energy in and
you're trying to get that fad energy out. And that's
what I try to emulate. I try to emulate that
to everybody, and that's that's what my journey is about.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
A lot of people think about self defense and they
think about fighting that what are some of the overlook
parts of advocacy that you keep.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Some of the overlook parts is feeling like the victim.
You know a lot of people. I think one of
the biggest things I have with my clients is getting
past the why is this happening to me? And this
I'm a victim and all these things are happening to me,
and you know, you get stuck in that negative cycle
to where all you see is negativity throughout your day.
So one of the first things I try to teach
(05:51):
people is, yeah, she's gonna happen to you, happen to you.
But if you don't know how to say, hey, I
got knocked down, but like, I'm not going to stay here.
This sucks. What I'm going through really sucks. And if
I can learn the lesson that I need to learn,
and I can apply that lesson to my life. And
what's even better is if I can help somebody else
through this lesson that I'm learning that I need to
(06:12):
learn so that I can move on. That's what it's
all about, is learning from the sucky situations that you
go through to teach somebody else and teach somebody else
to how to get out of that victim mentality, because
I think that's the hardest things for us through life
is when I get knocked down and I know I
call it the sucker punch, I'm like, Okay, here comes
a sucker punch. Am I going to just lay there
(06:33):
on the floor? Or Am I going to pull up
the bootstraps? Am I going to tie up those bootsteps
and say, like I have to, I have to do this.
I'm here for a reason. I was left here for
a reason, and if it's to inspire others, if it's
to motivate you, if it's to help you through your situation,
then that's what I'm here for. And I really apply
that to my life and really made that part of
my life's goal. And that's what victim victim's advocates the
(06:56):
advocacy is about, is to get out of the victim's mindset.
Say I've been through shit and I've been knocked down,
but I'm not going to let it keep me down.
I'm going to get up and I'm going to make
something of my life and I'm not gonna let it
say I'm not going to ask the question why me?
I'm going to learn that lesson so I can apply
it in my life. So I can never be in
this situation again.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And that's for such a long time. I was stuck.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
In the why me, like I question in everything I question,
like even my spirituality, like God, why me?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Why do I? Death, chaos, all of it? Why Me?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
But I've learned kind of like you said, I can't
focus and ruminate in that because when you do is
when you just continue.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I call it the hamster wheel. And yes, you just.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Keep going round and round and round, and you can
plaint fingers and you can blame and you can whatever.
But it's actually looking in the mirror and saying, I
am the master of my domain and I have to
own my shit. If I can't own my shit, then
how do I expect to be a good you know, father,
(08:10):
like anything to anybody?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Until you do.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And and that's that's the hardest part is doing that.
But once you do that, it completely shifts the way
that you look at things.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Like I have a lot of people that you know,
they come to my they come to my lives, and
they come to you know, just meeting me in general.
People meet me and often I have people say like wow,
like okay, so you know I had a ceiling fan incident, right,
Like I chopped my face with a ceiling fan. So
I'm walking around with two black guys a broken nose
and like and it was so funny because we're like,
(08:45):
blink twice if you don't feel safe at home, And
I'm like, if you only knew if anybody try to
do this to my face, Like I feel sorry for
that person. But it was interesting because I got so
much attention from it, and as I was working on
the energy to try to make you understand that like
this was self inflicted. Nobody's doing this to me, but
like it made me think like, like what would somebody
(09:06):
else be going through that maybe this is happening to
them on this basis and just seemium and to see
the light that I have and they're like, how are
you so bright spirited? And how are you like with
two black eyes? I'm like, you know what, because I
have to look at myself in the face every day
and I have to tell myself like you got this,
you got this, Like nobody else is going to tell
you got this but you. Because people can give you
(09:27):
all these inspirational messages and tell you all these things,
but the one that has to believe it is you,
because you're not going to get it through no matter
what anybody else tells you. You have to believe it
in yourself. And I really learned how to adapt that
message to my life and everything I do, and it emulates,
it emulates in my energy when I'm out in public.
I mean, you don't understand how many how many people
(09:49):
are just like what, wait, you've been through what? And
I'm like, yes, I could give you a whole story,
but I'm just telling you that today that there's not
a thing that you could go through in your life
that you say that you can't but go through because
God's gonna put you through your challenges. And you know
that he picks us his strongest warriors, and like, you know,
you gotta sometimes flex and say like, okay, I am
the strongest warrior.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I guess yeah, that's that's one of those things. I
actually was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and
he's dealing with his kid, and his kid's older and
he's like this this, and I'm like, dude, you can
tell them to your blue in the face, but until
a person actually in their mind sees it or goes
(10:31):
through it, they're not gonna learn to pick and.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Choose your battles.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And one of the things that I've learned is with
my kids, I foster a environment where I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Tell them what to do. I say, hey, this is
what I would do.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
And some people, like my brother. It's funny because my brother, now,
I raised my brother. He's thirty five years old, and
my brother now I'll be like, you're such a pussy,
and I'm like what, He's like, you used to rip,
and I'm like, dude, as you grow and you evolve,
and as I've healed, it's allowed me to project and
(11:09):
be those things.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That I wanted and needed as a kid.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It was to be able to be comfortable, to be
able to be at peace, not to have to worry,
not to have to stress, not to feel like that
I had to fit inside this box for my parents
to potentially love me. You know, what do you think
is the hardest transformation when you deal with advocacy. Do
(11:37):
you think it's the physical skills of learning self defense
or do you think it's the mental shift that is one.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Is the mental shift? You know, because I can teach
people how to punch a bag, I can teach them
like how to do meditative breathing to help them through
those panic attacks and the things like that. But what
you can't each somebody, and what I've learned in especially
in victims' advocacy is just an example, as people come
to you and they you know, when I was doing
(12:08):
the women's self fence class on a big scale, I
would have people come to me and they wanted help, right,
They wanted help. They knew they weren't a bad situation.
They wanted to get out, but they couldn't get out
of the victim's mentality to say like, hey, I want
to make a change in my life. So you get
stuck with like for me, I'm like I want to
help you. I want to help you so bad, but
there's like a change that you have to make in
your own mind. It's not something that I can do
(12:29):
for you. And it kind of goes back to what
you're saying, like you have to learn it for yourself
to realize, like this is the change I need to make. Right,
So we all have that little thing that we have
to learn from our own experiences on our own being
stubborn and like a mule, and I like to learn,
like I have to get in the hit in the
face this many times before I realize I'm gonna slip,
(12:49):
I'm gonna dodge that, I'm coming straight to my face,
you know. And it's hard being a mother. It's really hard. Okay,
being a mother of five book boys has been a
struggle for me. But I think that's one of the
biggest lessons for me, and going into the victim's advocacy
realm is understanding that everybody's going to have their own
their own timing. I would say, the timing when they
(13:11):
realize that this is the lesson that's coming to them
and this is what I need to do to learn
that lesson. And I don't want to get hit in
the face with the hammer every single time I walk
through that door. And I guess that's the biggest struggle,
but it's also my biggest challenge, and it's it's the
thing that I love most because I can have them like,
look at me, and I can give them a little
bit of my life and be like, look, this is
the way I did it, and let me just give
(13:32):
you the rundown of how it went for me. And
if you choose to go that way, and I'm telling
you that this is what's going to happen. Then I understand.
I have to understand and accept that that's the way
you're going to learn. That is the way you're going
to learn. And I will be there to pick you
up when you fall down. I will be there to
pick you up, to lift you up, to let you
know that, like we all do this at our own.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
That was one of the best things I ever did,
is to let go of that mentality of thinking.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And it comes from trying.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Like we feel like if we love somebody more than
they're going to love us back. We feel like that
if we do more for them, then they'll eventually like,
but that's you have to learn.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I say all the time, not my monkey, not my zoos.
I'll give you a hand like and I'll listen and
I'll be here for you. But I'm telling you this
is what I see through my experience. It's your battle.
You do it whatever way you want to.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Much it's letting go when you know you have to
let go. I think that's a hard part is knowing
when you have to say, this is your part of
your battle, and I will pop back in when you're
done with that part. But it's the letting go and
understanding like because you've been there. You've been there, You've
been through the struggle, and you know what it's like
to say like, oh my gosh, there's nobody here help help,
(14:51):
and you know that they're about to go through that,
and you're just like, I'm trying to help you, and
I'm trying to tell you what it is, but you
just don't want to listen, so like you're going to
just go through what I just went through.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Do you think that that it's the hardest part of your.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Work, hardest per Have you had situations where because here's
the thing, some people will never This is one of
the things that I've learned.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I had a conversation I haven't spoken to my father
in probably five years, and somebody said, you know, do
you and I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
He did a lot of meanful things to me, but
I don't have.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
I walked away from that situation with forgiveness because he
did probably the best that he could do. But people
ask me like, do you think you'll ever I don't think.
I think some people are just so set in not
looking in that mirror that we talked about that they're
they're incapable.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
God is good and God is.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Powerful and pressing on somebody's throat at time.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
They will rebuke and they will refuse.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Have you had anybody that you just there was you
had to let go of this situation?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yes, there was people that that I've tried to help,
you know, and I've even gotten myself into you know,
legal and you know, dangerous situations to try to help
a person and trying to do the whole explanation of like, hey,
this is the situation, this is what I see, this
is you know, I'm talking like twenty years of experience
of what I see is going on with you, and
this is the way it's going, and this is a
(16:33):
dangerous person, and you need to remove yourself. And I
got to a point where, you know, I caught myself
putting myself in dangerous situations for this person who was
not going to make the choice to remove themselves from
the situation, you know. And I finally had to tell
the person. I finally had to tell her. I was like, hey, like,
I'm trying everything to help you out, but there comes
a point in time in my life where I have
(16:56):
to look what's best for me too, and I have
to protect my own safe, in my own peace of
mind to know that there's just some people that that
they're just not going to make that decision and you
can't sway them either way, and you can just you
have to tell yourself that I've done everything I can
to help this person and it has to be on
their own terms. And I can't be a part of
(17:17):
that because it's beyond my emotional capacity to help that
person and I can't let it disturb my peace in
my life. And as much as I want to help them,
because believe me, I want to help the world. I
want to help the world. That's why I started my
organization is I want to help everybody. But part of
that is understanding I have to help myself first, and
I have to know what my capacity level is to
(17:37):
help somebody, and when they just don't want to help themselves,
I have to be willing to let go.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
And it's like, look, it's like Kenny Rogers said, no
one to hold them and no one to fault them exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was like, fault you in, you in for this.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Moment, not my monkey without my zero. What is the
most rewarding thing, firm.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
The most rewarding thing I can say, is just seeing
the smiles and you know, I'm an EmPATH, and so
like I feel people's energy and knowing from the moment
that I speak to somebody and just give them a
little piece of advice of something like you don't even think.
The thing about advocacy is you don't realize that the
little information that you have or the little wisdom that
(18:25):
you have that you can give to somebody else can
change their life because it's something that they've never heard before,
or they've never seen anybody like you. They've never seen
any bed this's gone through so much trauma and hardship
and see you this they're smiling and giving them the
energy that you're giving them. It's knowing that they felt
my energy and knowing that it's helping them whatever it is.
If it's that the positive affirmation messages that I tell them, yes,
(18:48):
I do speak to the mirror and I say it
every day, and my little corny tagline about loving yourself
as much when you fail as you do when you succeed.
If it's those little things, those are the things that
give me joy. Those are the things that let me
know that I'm on the right path, that what I'm
doing is what I'm here to do. And you know,
it's a lot. It's a lot just to see and
feel the energy from somebody else who was down, just
(19:10):
like I don't know how I would pick them up.
And they're here, and they're here and they're fighting, and
they're fighting every day and they're doing the things they
need to do and I can see them going on
the right path. That's that's what gives me joy. That's
what gives me joy my day.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
As a woman in this space. What you need advantages?
Do you feel you brain?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
It's the caregiver energy part of me. You know, I'm
a mother and so I'm very empathetic, so I can
being an EmPATH is huge because regardless of what you're
telling me. And that was one of the skills that
I had when when people would come to my when
come to UFC and they wanted to start my women's
self defense courses, and it was always like, Okay, why
do you want to join? And I already knew because
(19:52):
I could feel their energy and they're just like okay,
I just want to like and then they would break
down praying and I was just like, okay, I knew
that was coming because I felt from the minute you
walked in this door. And for me being a woman
and being able to be that sounding board for somebody,
because it does. You know, I'm not trying to say anything,
but women are more caregiving, they're more you know, they're
(20:13):
more supportive, like where you don't have to feel judged
to feel weak. You know, whether it's a man or
a woman, it's like you could feel weak in front
of me, and I'm still going to support you and
I'm going to give you all the support that I can.
And I think for a woman that's a little bit
easier because you know, people are more apt to talk
to somebody, especially like me, who's when I tell them
that all that I've been through and I'm a victim's
(20:34):
advocate because I was a victim myself, But that would
be the biggest I would say. The thing that I
have that goes for me is number one, I have
a good smile, and I just emulate the energy. Make
sure that I check my energy every day, so no
matter who I'm interacting with, I want to make sure
it's that thing that I always say is I want
the energy to be reciprocated, right, So whatever energy I'm
(20:57):
emulating is the energy I want to be given back
to me. So regardless of whatever energy is coming back
to me at the time, I want them to have
that positive energy. And I don't know if that has
to do with me being a woman or whatever, but
that is one of the advantages that I've used is
making sure that my energy is right. And I realized
that I am pretty and I have a good smile,
and people just attract to that. So I just got
(21:17):
to like give it to them, like here, this is me.
You could be here with me, think.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I think, because you've been through trauma and you have
a very nurturing soul, I could see like I could
sit down and just tell you all of my stuff.
So I can only imagine other people in that in
that space being able to be comfortable. You know, you
(21:41):
show up strong for other people, and I know that
comes from surviving deep personal battles. What have been some
of the storms that have been toughest that have shaped
the way that you show up today?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Well aside from growing up through Hell's angels being at
my house all day and you know there's gonna be
some cussoers in here. But like the one.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Message I remember this it is what it is. I've
dropped a couple two. It's good.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So my mom's message to me growing up was, hey, girl,
in life, you're gonna have to fight, fuck or show
your tits. And I'm like, thinking about that, I'm like, well,
there's two things that I don't want to do, so
I'm definitely gonna fight.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So I had to learn that that was the first
and foremost thing. And humility, you know, and realizing, you know,
the loss of my son and you know, I call
it the sucker punch, and this is the challenge in
the battle I did with every single day, and I
tell people that you can go through the hardest challenges
and still make it through a day. Is the humility
to realize that there's gonna be days where not okay,
(22:48):
you're not okay, and you have a whole support team.
You have a support group, you have people that love
you and care about you, and don't feel ashamed, don't
feel scared, don't feel like you're letting them down. You're
reaching out to them because you're not okay. And I
think that's the biggest thing that we forget is we
have love around us. We have our support system around us.
We have family, my son's my son's here every day,
(23:09):
like my son, my youngest son, like me and him
going live, and we just get crazy. And I think
I forget about that sometimes, But I remind myself when
I think about the positive things I have to appreciate
in life to keep me moving towards the positive things
that I want to keep on enjoying. And we forget
about that sometimes because we get so lost in the
negativity and the sadness that we go through. And don't
(23:31):
get me wrong, finding my son unalive was the hardest,
the biggest struggle that I've ever been through my entire life.
Like you know, today, I call it a sucker punch
day because I watched a stupid show last night and
then showed a guy like you know, and I'm like,
can you please? I told my son. I was like,
turn it off. I can't watch this and it just
played too long and boom. I was sent into a
(23:52):
trigger and then I caught myself like not sleeping, woke
up and I was like, oh my gosh, and I
was sobbing. I woke up sobbing today and I was like,
I don't I'm gonna make it to this day, remember
telling myself. I don't know how many of this. Okay,
you're telling yourself all these messages that you tell yourself
every day to make it through every day. But there
are the days. There's days that nothing works. There's days
where like I need someone to freaking just give me
(24:14):
a hug and tell me it's gonna be okay. I
need someone to tell me I'm gonna be okay, that
I'm strong and I'm beautiful because I say it in
the mirror every day, But why can't somebody else tell
me that?
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
So that's what that's what you.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Are amazing, geez. I could only I could only imagine
that scenario and how difficult that was. And that is
thank you for sharing sharing your journey because I know
(24:49):
how hard it is. I'm over here tears in my
eyes seeing you. I'm gonna impact as well, so I
can feel it from you and everything's gonna be okay.
I know that's easy to say, and I know people
are gonna say that, and I know that doesn't per
se help, but it does.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It does more than you ever know. And if I
could get a message out there, and sometimes we think
like someone's been through such a traumatic experience that my
little message to you to tell you it is gonna
be okay. It doesn't help, but it freaking does. It
does so much right here, and like to hear it,
like you you think, like a lot of people just
don't think like to hear that that it means anything,
(25:33):
but it does. It does just to hear, oh my gosh,
they said it, I'm gonna be okay, I'll be okay,
And it is that. It's very much that. Like if
anybody knows if they're going through healing and trauma and
something is as as big as I've been through losing
my son. It's the little things that you don't think
mean anything. You mean a lot. Someone coming by your
Instagram is saying, hey, I was just thinking about you. Hey,
(25:54):
I was just seeing me go go into my videos.
I like at the videos because most people that know me,
they know I'm in the struggle and you know, like
you coming there and giving me your inspiration every day,
that means so much. And even if you don't think
that means something, keep doing it. Keep doing it for
those people that even if you think it's not meaning
anything to them, because it may just be that one
(26:14):
message that they needed for that day. It may have
just been that one thing that they needed to hear.
And if I could have just had that one message
to my son to prevent him from doing what he did,
Like that's the biggest skills that I did with every
day is because there wasn't someone there to tell him
that he was loving. He should have been here and
including me, And so that's like the biggest struggle. But
(26:35):
your messages and the support and the love we need
that we need that when we're hearing.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I want to tell you something. I'm going to be
real with you. Your son knew that he was loved
by you. Could see.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I remember watching videos of you in the past, not
just since, but even before, with him dancing with you, guys, singing,
with all of those things.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I want to tell you something. Do not ever second.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Guess or doubt yourself for thinking that he didn't know
he was loved by you, Because he did know that.
He knew that in his heart and he knew that
in his soul. Don't put that on yourself. Because he
knew you could see it, You could tell it. I
never met him, but I could see it. I can feel.
(27:24):
I read people, and I could see, he knew how
loved by you he was.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And you know what, I'm so glad you say that
because that is the thing that drives me every day
because I at the end of the day, I can
sit back and know, like you know, I look at
all the past, and you know, it's part of the
grieving process is you go through the guilt and I
should have done this, should have, should have what it
could have, should have what it could have. And what
saves me is going back to the videos and looking
at everything that I did and understanding that I did
(27:54):
the best I could as a mother with what I had.
I did the best that I could as a mother
with what I had.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Whether what you had or what you didn't have, you
did an amazing job.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Again, I'm going to keep honing on it. He knew
how much you loved him.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
You spent time, you spent money, you spent energy, you
spent your soul with him.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Don't ever second guess or doubt that you're going to.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But don't, because I want to tell you it ruminated
and it was there, and I'm going to tell you
one hundred percent the truth.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I always have, and that is the truth.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
How do you find balance between caring for yourself and
pouring into others.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
I have to learn boundaries. I have to learn boundaries,
and I have to learn when to say, you know,
because I have a lot of people, especially since I've
been doing the Lives, and people reaching out to me
and needing my attention and my energy, and I have
to learn when I am a limit, I have to say, like, okay,
you know what I care about you. I want to
help you, but like right now, like this is this
(29:05):
is my capacity right now, So this is as much
as I can do. So it's first of all, setting
my boundaries up up front, especially when I'm going to
go help somebody and knowing that I'm going through my
own battles myself, and knowing how much of it myself
I can give before it starts to it starts to
affect me, you know, because you can get lost and
trying to help somebody, and especially if somebody is going
(29:27):
through a lot and they're going through a trauma that's
like what you've been through and you've had to pull
yourself out of, but you're trying to teach them to
pull themselves out of it, and you can get lost
in that. You can get lost in trying to help
somebody and then detrimenting your own personal healing. So I
think that's what I've learned is letting people know up
ahead in the front line is like saying, I'm here
(29:47):
to help you, but here's my boundary. If I tell you, like,
this is as much as I can do, that's as
much as I can do. You know, I'm healing myself.
I'm going through my own battles and I'm going to
give you as much energy as I can and I'm
going to feel it and you need it. But this
is as much as I can give. So setting boundaries
has been It's actually been a challenge for me because
you know, being through all the trauma I've been through
(30:08):
in my life, that's been a hard thing for me.
But it's also been something that's been one of the
biggest the best things that I've learned is understanding that
I have boundaries and I have to let people know
that so they don't take more than I know I
can give.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
You know, telling that up front, that's the people be like, okay,
well this and I'm like, okay, well what is like
this is what I what does that entail?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
But I need to know what I can commit to
and what I can and if I cannot commit to it.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Before I would stress myself out because I'm like, oh, well,
I said I was gonna do it, so I'm gonna
cut my hand off. And I'm like now, I'm like, look,
I love you. This is what I can give. If
that's not good enough, I'm sorry. If it is, let's
roll with it. But that's all I can do. What
would you want family who've gone through similar things to
(31:03):
you to.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Listen to your kids and listen to them, not just
to listen to them, listen to them with your soul,
because I think that's what I missed the most with
with Zay was, you know, getting caught up in all
the diagnosis is because you know, he was diagnosed with
schizophrenia and you know, instead of listening to him, I
was listening to the doctors and listening to all this stuff.
(31:25):
So like, whatever it is and your family, just listen
to them and listen to it to try to understand
what they may be going through. Because I think that's
what I missed because I was always a working mom
trying to support my kids, trying to you know, always
on the go not really having five minutes to just
say like, Okay, I'm listening, but I'm not really listening
but listening to their messages to you and resonating with
what they're saying. Because if I truly would have done
(31:48):
that and acted on it, you know, I probably wouldn't
be in the situation. But I have to be in
this situation today to learn that that was truly what
I was missing. Missing from my relationships with them is
I was always on the go. I always got okay,
I'm listening to what you're saying, Okay, we gotta do
this jiu jitsu boom boom boom Okay. Jujitsu's gonna fix it.
This is gonna fix it, all right, this is what
we're doing, but never really listening to say I'm like, mom,
(32:09):
I'm not okay, I don't like this. I don't like that,
and just me thinking it's him growing up or going
through what he's going through. Okay, well, let me stop
for a minute and understand why you're saying these things
and not just saying, oh, the doctors are gonna say
you don't like the medication, So it's everybody's saying all
this stuff, like listen, to your kids, because a lot
of times they're telling you things how they're feeling and
(32:31):
what they're going through that we would just brush over
because we think kids it's just a normal thing of
growing up. And you know, statistically, kids from the ages
of thirteen to eighteen are the highest at risk for
what my son did. And it's because we don't talk
about mental wellness in schools. There's nothing in there in
(32:52):
the school just say like, hey, it's okay to feel
it's okay to not feel okay, and what do you
do when you don't feel okay? What do they do?
They buy the kids that don't feel okay because they
don't know how to talk about it because it's not
okay to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
You know, that's the school counselor who for.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
A five oh one, C three whatever, the the one
oh one plan is to put them to where they
can be on this special education plan. Which that's not
what they needed. They just needed the They just needed
the kids that were there bullying them to stop. And
then what are you doing about it? Nothing? Or is
there any like you know what I mean, there's nothing
that goes in the schools to say, hey, there's going
to be days when you feel like this, when you
(33:31):
feel like, hey, the hormone levels right where I feel
like if the world would be better without me, that's
the first thing the kids get in their head, right,
because I remember being a kid that age and having
those thoughts on my head and there was nothing in
the education, nothing in the system to help me through
those feelings. It's like you shouldn't feel that way. It's
like almost you know, that's the off that's you're not
supposed to talk about that, you know, and if.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
It's like yeah, right, and it's like you try to
get help and.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
You're the weirdo, yes, or you're the weirdo.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Those things and it's used against you within its like
I could have just done bad enough by myself exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
So that's what I fight for, like for me, is
to fight for especially at those age levels, because I
saw my son evolve through that, and I saw him
go through the school system with that and and nobody
there to help him. Like they're like, let me give
him this education plan, but that's not helping him. That's
not helping him walk down the walk down the hallways
where they're making fun of him and they're making him
(34:30):
feel like he shouldn't be here anymore, and he really
he literally comes home. I used to like take him
to school and he would throw up the minute he
would get out of the car, you know. Finally I
took him out of the school. So it's because the
school systems don't have a proper education on how how
to socially be a social How to be a social
freaking person.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (34:48):
How to like just how did you not be a
decent hurting the human being?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Thank you? Why are we not teaching that?
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Here's a decent human human class. This is what you
should do, and do exactly.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Just be just be just be nice, yeah, be nice?
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Like you tell for listeners that might feel vulnerable right now,
maybe they're walking alone at night, maybe they've experienced trauma.
What are a few self awareness self defense tips that
you would want them to know?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I would tell you, like from my experience is what's
always worked for me is you have to have that confidence. Okay,
I call it cockiness whatever, but like I could walk
down a dark alley and know that just my stance,
my posture, you know, and my energy alone will scare somebody.
And when you wanted to mess with me. It's worked
(35:45):
many times. But more so is the energy is have
your energy right regardless of what situation you're going into,
and to know that we're all going to be vulnerable
at times, but you should always be alert and aware.
You know, when I when I teach self defense, I
teach people, I teach you things from the situations that
I've been through because I've made stupid decisions like, well,
I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
So see what happened was.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
See what what happened was don't pump your gas with
your door open with your persitting there, because someone's gonna
probably go for it. It's always been a situation that
I've been like, well, that was a dumb decision. But
the biggest thing for me is is learn from those decisions.
Learn from those bad decisions that you made in your
life where you were just like, well that put me
in a bad situation. Okay, Now I got to learn
(36:30):
it so I could teach it to somebody else, so
that I've actually learned it myself, because you can't teach
it unless you learn it. So that's the biggest thing
for me, Yeah, is understanding that you know, life is
going to hit us. Life is going to hit us.
There's always going to be just things that are going
to hit you hard or things that are going to
come out you. And if you are aware of your
(36:52):
surroundings from your energy standpoint, because you can always feel
the energy of a situation, like I can always feel
with it's going to be bad or good. Even when
it turns out to be a good situation, I can
feel it right away. I'm like, okay, and beerly you
should or shouldn't get involved in this one, but okay,
you're gonna get involved. But this is what's gonna happen.
Let me just just get ready because you're gonna probably
(37:13):
have to like submit somebody at some point. And it's
just making your energy ready. It's making your energy ready
for whatever the hell is going to happen to you.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Always ready.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
What's the daily habit that you have that makes you
feel safer in your own skin?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Safer my own skin. So I have a ritual every
single day I do the minute I get out of bed.
I'm like a machine.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
I'm going to steal this if it's good, as long
as it.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Is as long as it is hurting anybody else.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
We're good. Yeah, yeah, I can't go. So I I
have a I'm handsome. I can't.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
So I have a ritual I go through every single day.
Every day I wake up, I go straight to my mirror.
As bad as I look, I don't care. I can
have my hair like this. I just look what eyelash on,
what eyelash off, and I go. I look in the mirror,
and I I give myself the personal positive affirmations, and
I tell myself every day that you are beautiful, you
(38:06):
are strong, You're resilient, you can make it to anything.
You've made it this far in life, and you are
still standing and you're here for a reason. So don't
let anything knock you down today because you freaking got this. Girl.
You've got this. That's my personal message I do, but
you have to actually do it. Like I tell people
(38:28):
this all the time, they're just like I don't understand,
like and so like I actually did it with my
neighbor because I was like, come here, this is what
I'm actually talking about. I want you to look at
yourself in the freaking mirror, and I want you to
say this message like you mean it, like if you're
telling it to somebody who else is not there, but
it's actually the person that you want to have that message,
but it's you, and you tell yourself that message every
freaking single day, even when you don't believe it, because
(38:50):
there's days I wake up and I'm like, I don't
believe the message, but I'm gonna freaking tell myself anyway,
and I'm gonna look at myself in the face, and
I'm gonna look at myself in the mirror what I
lash and all, and I'm gonna say, you're beautiful. You're
freaking beautiful, and you got this. Don't let anything take
you down. No, And most days is good. But aside
from that, I do a lot of meditative breathing. I've
learned meditative breathing helps a lot, So I do the
(39:13):
personal affirmations, meditative breathing, and I work out like an
insane person MMA and yoga shit out of somebody.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
We're gonna get to the end because people definitely need
to follow your journey because there's been days when I'm like,
you know what, I don't feel like doing it today,
and I'll see one of your videos.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
I'm like, damn, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
You know, if someone wants to take back their power.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Where should they start?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Right here? Right here, and right here, more here than here,
because your mind can tell you so many different things.
But until you believe it in here. Until I realized
that what I was fighting for advocacy, when I was
fighting for helping other people get through their struggles, until
I believed it here, It's never gonna be here. So
it starts here, and then you bring it here, then
(39:58):
you bring it out and you just you get the
videos like you see my videos, and I scare people.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
You don't scare.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
I want to thank you for sharing your heart and
your wisdom today, the work you're doing, and beyond just that,
the energy and the strength and the resilience that you project.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I don't know if you know this.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
And a lot of times when we come from trauma,
we don't think we do enough, but it is enough.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It's helped me time and time again.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
To see you pushing through with all that you've been through,
and it makes me days that I didn't want to
get up. I get up and say, hey, if she
can do this through everything she's been through, I can
do this. I'm going to steal the affirmation. But I
wanted to let you know number one. How grateful I
(40:58):
am that you came on today, but even bigger than
that for the person and the soul that you are
in helping people change their lives. Everybody go give her
a follow? Do you want to give your Instagram handle?
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yes, it's a Foxy Amberley underscore.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
GB Follow her, support her, and if you ever get
a chance to see her, you won't want to miss it.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
She has an energy and a.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
Vibe that is I can't even begin to put into words.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know, life gets heavy, but it's good.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
To know that we're not alone and we're stronger than
we think.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Thank you too much for time.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Keep showing up, keep choosing hope, and keep building the
kind of strength that can't be broken. I appreciate you
Amberlee for coming on. You're always welcome on the front porch.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Thank you so much. I appreciate you so much. I
love you some positives always.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
I talk to you all right. Bye bye
I'm like, I don't think you're ready for life with me.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I I'm always ready.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Welcome back front porch chronicles where the real conversations cut
past the surface.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Today I'm sitting down with Emberlee, a self defense instructor
and certified victim's advocate, showing up for people, not just
teaching them physically, but helping them reclaim their Thank you
for joining me. I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Thank you for having me. I greatly appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
I'll follow you on your journey on social media. I
always you get me motivated. Some days I'm like, you
know what, I don't feel like working out today, Man,
I'll watch one of your videos doing the jumping jacks. No, like, bro,
I'm going I'm getting up and getting out, So let's
hop into it. Take me back, what before teaching self
defense and doing the advocacy, what was life like for you?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Life was a lot like me living it through my sons.
You know, I started the whole self defense realm bringing
my sons into Brazilian jiu jitsu Gracie baja because of bullying,
and you know, I had to get them into something.
And I'll tell you. That's been the best experience I've
ever had in my life is training Brazilian jiu jitsu
with my kids and the self defense aspect of it,
(01:19):
and that's really what got me into it, and it's
been a journey since then, and I resort to it
every single time. I tell people like may and mixed
martial arts, it's it's therapy for me. It's been therapy
for me, and it's been a great blessing that I've
my sons have had and they've adapted it to their
lives and I'm just grateful for it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
What what was it that made you say I want
to dedicate my life to helping people.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
What was it that was the motivating.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Well, the motivating factor is just my life. I've had
a traumatic life, traumatic childhood and growing up and learning
how to navigate gate through all the challenges and the trauma.
And when I found jiu jitsu, when I found when
I found the self defense and being able to advocate
for people that have been through violent experiences, I felt
(02:12):
it gratified me and it just helped me. It helped
me get through my challenges and knowing that I'm able
to take what I've learned from the experiences that I've
been through and able to help somebody else. That's what
drives me. That's what drives me every day is knowing that, like, hey,
what I've been through sucks, and I don't want everybody,
I don't want to ever go through that again. But
can I learn the lesson and can I teach somebody
(02:33):
else to help them go through maybe what they're going through.
And that's what drives me every day, And that's what
keeps me fighting for that every single day.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
You know, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I tell people all the time similar I had a
very traumatic experience throughout life, and as bad as it sucks,
the gratification I get from people saying, hey, you help
me by sharing your story the same thing. Like it
sucks because like I don't want to be I don't
(03:03):
want to talk about being sexually assaulted as a kid.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Talk about like all of this stuff. But knowing that
every time I help somebody else, that seven year old kid,
inner child smiles because all the people that said he
would never be anything, all the people that said all
of those things, he smiles knowing that he's helping other
(03:28):
people change their lives. So I feel that in my
whole chance and I think that's why we kind of
always have gotten.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Along thinking about that.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
What does the day to day look like with victim's advocacy.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I'll just tell you from my own personal experience dealing
with severe PTSD, and you know, I'm still healing. You know,
I lost my son last year, and it's a journey.
It's a constant healing journey. And I come acros I
meet people and like through social media and all the
things that I do, I come across just marvelous people
that want to tell me their story and I can
(04:04):
relate to and the things that I've been through. And
as I come across those people, the day to day
things is I have my own rituals, I have my things.
I have my personal affirmation messages that I tell myself.
I wake up every day and I look in the
mirror and I tell myself that you're beautiful, You're resilient,
you are strong, you can make it through this. You've
been through so much in your life and you're still
(04:25):
here today, and there's a reason why you're here. And
as I telled myself those messages, I remember that there's
somebody out there that can be right at the realm
of where I was before I felt like there was
nothing and if I could just reach out to that
one person that could just say, like, I understand, I
understand what you're going through, and I'm telling you it
sucks right now to go what you're going through, but
(04:45):
there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
There's a light at the end of this tunnel, and
those are like personal messages. There's so many things that
go throughout my day to help me keep my mind
mentally positive. And that's what my advocacy is for. It's
for to let you know, hey, there's an outlet to
what you're feeling right now, whether it's on the bag
and you're hitting the bag, the myths, whatever it is,
(05:06):
you're letting out that anger, or you're doing it through
breathing and meditation. You're letting that good energy in and
you're trying to get that fad energy out. And that's
what I try to emulate. I try to emulate that
to everybody, and that's that's what my journey is about.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
A lot of people think about self defense and they
think about fighting that what are some of the overlook
parts of advocacy that you keep.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Some of the overlook parts is feeling like the victim.
You know a lot of people. I think one of
the biggest things I have with my clients is getting
past the why is this happening to me? And this
I'm a victim and all these things are happening to me,
and you know, you get stuck in that negative cycle
to where all you see is negativity throughout your day.
So one of the first things I try to teach
(05:51):
people is, yeah, she's gonna happen to you, happen to you.
But if you don't know how to say, hey, I
got knocked down, but like, I'm not going to stay here.
This sucks. What I'm going through really sucks. And if
I can learn the lesson that I need to learn,
and I can apply that lesson to my life. And
what's even better is if I can help somebody else
through this lesson that I'm learning that I need to
(06:12):
learn so that I can move on. That's what it's
all about, is learning from the sucky situations that you
go through to teach somebody else and teach somebody else
to how to get out of that victim mentality, because
I think that's the hardest things for us through life
is when I get knocked down and I know I
call it the sucker punch, I'm like, Okay, here comes
a sucker punch. Am I going to just lay there
(06:33):
on the floor? Or Am I going to pull up
the bootstraps? Am I going to tie up those bootsteps
and say, like I have to, I have to do this.
I'm here for a reason. I was left here for
a reason, and if it's to inspire others, if it's
to motivate you, if it's to help you through your situation,
then that's what I'm here for. And I really apply
that to my life and really made that part of
my life's goal. And that's what victim victim's advocates the
(06:56):
advocacy is about, is to get out of the victim's mindset.
Say I've been through shit and I've been knocked down,
but I'm not going to let it keep me down.
I'm going to get up and I'm going to make
something of my life and I'm not gonna let it
say I'm not going to ask the question why me?
I'm going to learn that lesson so I can apply
it in my life. So I can never be in
this situation again.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
And that's for such a long time. I was stuck.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
In the why me, like I question in everything I question,
like even my spirituality, like God, why me?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Why do I? Death, chaos, all of it? Why Me?
Speaker 3 (07:33):
But I've learned kind of like you said, I can't
focus and ruminate in that because when you do is
when you just continue.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
I call it the hamster wheel. And yes, you just.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Keep going round and round and round, and you can
plaint fingers and you can blame and you can whatever.
But it's actually looking in the mirror and saying, I
am the master of my domain and I have to
own my shit. If I can't own my shit, then
how do I expect to be a good you know, father,
(08:10):
like anything to anybody?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Until you do.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And and that's that's the hardest part is doing that.
But once you do that, it completely shifts the way
that you look at things.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Like I have a lot of people that you know,
they come to my they come to my lives, and
they come to you know, just meeting me in general.
People meet me and often I have people say like wow,
like okay, so you know I had a ceiling fan incident, right,
Like I chopped my face with a ceiling fan. So
I'm walking around with two black guys a broken nose
and like and it was so funny because we're like,
(08:45):
blink twice if you don't feel safe at home, And
I'm like, if you only knew if anybody try to
do this to my face, Like I feel sorry for
that person. But it was interesting because I got so
much attention from it, and as I was working on
the energy to try to make you understand that like
this was self inflicted. Nobody's doing this to me, but
like it made me think like, like what would somebody
(09:06):
else be going through that maybe this is happening to
them on this basis and just seemium and to see
the light that I have and they're like, how are
you so bright spirited? And how are you like with
two black eyes? I'm like, you know what, because I
have to look at myself in the face every day
and I have to tell myself like you got this,
you got this, Like nobody else is going to tell
you got this but you. Because people can give you
(09:27):
all these inspirational messages and tell you all these things,
but the one that has to believe it is you,
because you're not going to get it through no matter
what anybody else tells you. You have to believe it
in yourself. And I really learned how to adapt that
message to my life and everything I do, and it emulates,
it emulates in my energy when I'm out in public.
I mean, you don't understand how many how many people
(09:49):
are just like what, wait, you've been through what? And
I'm like, yes, I could give you a whole story,
but I'm just telling you that today that there's not
a thing that you could go through in your life
that you say that you can't but go through because
God's gonna put you through your challenges. And you know
that he picks us his strongest warriors, and like, you know,
you gotta sometimes flex and say like, okay, I am
the strongest warrior.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I guess yeah, that's that's one of those things. I
actually was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and
he's dealing with his kid, and his kid's older and
he's like this this, and I'm like, dude, you can
tell them to your blue in the face, but until
a person actually in their mind sees it or goes
(10:31):
through it, they're not gonna learn to pick and.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Choose your battles.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And one of the things that I've learned is with
my kids, I foster a environment where I don't.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Tell them what to do. I say, hey, this is
what I would do.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
And some people, like my brother. It's funny because my brother, now,
I raised my brother. He's thirty five years old, and
my brother now I'll be like, you're such a pussy,
and I'm like what, He's like, you used to rip,
and I'm like, dude, as you grow and you evolve,
and as I've healed, it's allowed me to project and
(11:09):
be those things.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
That I wanted and needed as a kid.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
It was to be able to be comfortable, to be
able to be at peace, not to have to worry,
not to have to stress, not to feel like that
I had to fit inside this box for my parents
to potentially love me. You know, what do you think
is the hardest transformation when you deal with advocacy. Do
(11:37):
you think it's the physical skills of learning self defense
or do you think it's the mental shift that is one.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Is the mental shift? You know, because I can teach
people how to punch a bag, I can teach them
like how to do meditative breathing to help them through
those panic attacks and the things like that. But what
you can't each somebody, and what I've learned in especially
in victims' advocacy is just an example, as people come
to you and they you know, when I was doing
(12:08):
the women's self fence class on a big scale, I
would have people come to me and they wanted help, right,
They wanted help. They knew they weren't a bad situation.
They wanted to get out, but they couldn't get out
of the victim's mentality to say like, hey, I want
to make a change in my life. So you get
stuck with like for me, I'm like I want to
help you. I want to help you so bad, but
there's like a change that you have to make in
your own mind. It's not something that I can do
(12:29):
for you. And it kind of goes back to what
you're saying, like you have to learn it for yourself
to realize, like this is the change I need to make. Right,
So we all have that little thing that we have
to learn from our own experiences on our own being
stubborn and like a mule, and I like to learn,
like I have to get in the hit in the
face this many times before I realize I'm gonna slip,
(12:49):
I'm gonna dodge that, I'm coming straight to my face,
you know. And it's hard being a mother. It's really hard. Okay,
being a mother of five book boys has been a
struggle for me. But I think that's one of the
biggest lessons for me, and going into the victim's advocacy
realm is understanding that everybody's going to have their own
their own timing. I would say, the timing when they
(13:11):
realize that this is the lesson that's coming to them
and this is what I need to do to learn
that lesson. And I don't want to get hit in
the face with the hammer every single time I walk
through that door. And I guess that's the biggest struggle,
but it's also my biggest challenge, and it's it's the
thing that I love most because I can have them like,
look at me, and I can give them a little
bit of my life and be like, look, this is
the way I did it, and let me just give
(13:32):
you the rundown of how it went for me. And
if you choose to go that way, and I'm telling
you that this is what's going to happen. Then I understand.
I have to understand and accept that that's the way
you're going to learn. That is the way you're going
to learn. And I will be there to pick you
up when you fall down. I will be there to
pick you up, to lift you up, to let you
know that, like we all do this at our own.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
That was one of the best things I ever did,
is to let go of that mentality of thinking.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And it comes from trying.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Like we feel like if we love somebody more than
they're going to love us back. We feel like that
if we do more for them, then they'll eventually like,
but that's you have to learn.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I say all the time, not my monkey, not my zoos.
I'll give you a hand like and I'll listen and
I'll be here for you. But I'm telling you this
is what I see through my experience. It's your battle.
You do it whatever way you want to.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Much it's letting go when you know you have to
let go. I think that's a hard part is knowing
when you have to say, this is your part of
your battle, and I will pop back in when you're
done with that part. But it's the letting go and
understanding like because you've been there. You've been there, You've
been through the struggle, and you know what it's like
to say like, oh my gosh, there's nobody here help help,
(14:51):
and you know that they're about to go through that,
and you're just like, I'm trying to help you, and
I'm trying to tell you what it is, but you
just don't want to listen, so like you're going to
just go through what I just went through.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Do you think that that it's the hardest part of your.
Speaker 4 (15:01):
Work, hardest per Have you had situations where because here's
the thing, some people will never This is one of
the things that I've learned.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I had a conversation I haven't spoken to my father
in probably five years, and somebody said, you know, do
you and I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
He did a lot of meanful things to me, but
I don't have.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
I walked away from that situation with forgiveness because he
did probably the best that he could do. But people
ask me like, do you think you'll ever I don't think.
I think some people are just so set in not
looking in that mirror that we talked about that they're
they're incapable.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
God is good and God is.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Powerful and pressing on somebody's throat at time.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
They will rebuke and they will refuse.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Have you had anybody that you just there was you
had to let go of this situation?
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yes, there was people that that I've tried to help,
you know, and I've even gotten myself into you know,
legal and you know, dangerous situations to try to help
a person and trying to do the whole explanation of like, hey,
this is the situation, this is what I see, this
is you know, I'm talking like twenty years of experience
of what I see is going on with you, and
this is the way it's going, and this is a
(16:33):
dangerous person, and you need to remove yourself. And I
got to a point where, you know, I caught myself
putting myself in dangerous situations for this person who was
not going to make the choice to remove themselves from
the situation, you know. And I finally had to tell
the person. I finally had to tell her. I was like, hey, like,
I'm trying everything to help you out, but there comes
a point in time in my life where I have
(16:56):
to look what's best for me too, and I have
to protect my own safe, in my own peace of
mind to know that there's just some people that that
they're just not going to make that decision and you
can't sway them either way, and you can just you
have to tell yourself that I've done everything I can
to help this person and it has to be on
their own terms. And I can't be a part of
(17:17):
that because it's beyond my emotional capacity to help that
person and I can't let it disturb my peace in
my life. And as much as I want to help them,
because believe me, I want to help the world. I
want to help the world. That's why I started my
organization is I want to help everybody. But part of
that is understanding I have to help myself first, and
I have to know what my capacity level is to
(17:37):
help somebody, and when they just don't want to help themselves,
I have to be willing to let go.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
And it's like, look, it's like Kenny Rogers said, no
one to hold them and no one to fault them exactly.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was like, fault you in, you in for this.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Moment, not my monkey without my zero. What is the
most rewarding thing, firm.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
The most rewarding thing I can say, is just seeing
the smiles and you know, I'm an EmPATH, and so
like I feel people's energy and knowing from the moment
that I speak to somebody and just give them a
little piece of advice of something like you don't even think.
The thing about advocacy is you don't realize that the
little information that you have or the little wisdom that
(18:25):
you have that you can give to somebody else can
change their life because it's something that they've never heard before,
or they've never seen anybody like you. They've never seen
any bed this's gone through so much trauma and hardship
and see you this they're smiling and giving them the
energy that you're giving them. It's knowing that they felt
my energy and knowing that it's helping them whatever it is.
If it's that the positive affirmation messages that I tell them, yes,
(18:48):
I do speak to the mirror and I say it
every day, and my little corny tagline about loving yourself
as much when you fail as you do when you succeed.
If it's those little things, those are the things that
give me joy. Those are the things that let me
know that I'm on the right path, that what I'm
doing is what I'm here to do. And you know,
it's a lot. It's a lot just to see and
feel the energy from somebody else who was down, just
(19:10):
like I don't know how I would pick them up.
And they're here, and they're here and they're fighting, and
they're fighting every day and they're doing the things they
need to do and I can see them going on
the right path. That's that's what gives me joy. That's
what gives me joy my day.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
As a woman in this space. What you need advantages?
Do you feel you brain?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
It's the caregiver energy part of me. You know, I'm
a mother and so I'm very empathetic, so I can
being an EmPATH is huge because regardless of what you're
telling me. And that was one of the skills that
I had when when people would come to my when
come to UFC and they wanted to start my women's
self defense courses, and it was always like, Okay, why
do you want to join? And I already knew because
(19:52):
I could feel their energy and they're just like okay,
I just want to like and then they would break
down praying and I was just like, okay, I knew
that was coming because I felt from the minute you
walked in this door. And for me being a woman
and being able to be that sounding board for somebody,
because it does. You know, I'm not trying to say anything,
but women are more caregiving, they're more you know, they're
(20:13):
more supportive, like where you don't have to feel judged
to feel weak. You know, whether it's a man or
a woman, it's like you could feel weak in front
of me, and I'm still going to support you and
I'm going to give you all the support that I can.
And I think for a woman that's a little bit
easier because you know, people are more apt to talk
to somebody, especially like me, who's when I tell them
that all that I've been through and I'm a victim's
(20:34):
advocate because I was a victim myself, But that would
be the biggest I would say. The thing that I
have that goes for me is number one, I have
a good smile, and I just emulate the energy. Make
sure that I check my energy every day, so no
matter who I'm interacting with, I want to make sure
it's that thing that I always say is I want
the energy to be reciprocated, right, So whatever energy I'm
(20:57):
emulating is the energy I want to be given back
to me. So regardless of whatever energy is coming back
to me at the time, I want them to have
that positive energy. And I don't know if that has
to do with me being a woman or whatever, but
that is one of the advantages that I've used is
making sure that my energy is right. And I realized
that I am pretty and I have a good smile,
and people just attract to that. So I just got
(21:17):
to like give it to them, like here, this is me.
You could be here with me, think.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I think, because you've been through trauma and you have
a very nurturing soul, I could see like I could
sit down and just tell you all of my stuff.
So I can only imagine other people in that in
that space being able to be comfortable. You know, you
(21:41):
show up strong for other people, and I know that
comes from surviving deep personal battles. What have been some
of the storms that have been toughest that have shaped
the way that you show up today?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Well aside from growing up through Hell's angels being at
my house all day and you know there's gonna be
some cussoers in here. But like the one.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Message I remember this it is what it is. I've
dropped a couple two. It's good.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
So my mom's message to me growing up was, hey, girl,
in life, you're gonna have to fight, fuck or show
your tits. And I'm like, thinking about that, I'm like, well,
there's two things that I don't want to do, so
I'm definitely gonna fight.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So I had to learn that that was the first
and foremost thing. And humility, you know, and realizing, you know,
the loss of my son and you know, I call
it the sucker punch, and this is the challenge in
the battle I did with every single day, and I
tell people that you can go through the hardest challenges
and still make it through a day. Is the humility
to realize that there's gonna be days where not okay,
(22:48):
you're not okay, and you have a whole support team.
You have a support group, you have people that love
you and care about you, and don't feel ashamed, don't
feel scared, don't feel like you're letting them down. You're
reaching out to them because you're not okay. And I
think that's the biggest thing that we forget is we
have love around us. We have our support system around us.
We have family, my son's my son's here every day,
(23:09):
like my son, my youngest son, like me and him
going live, and we just get crazy. And I think
I forget about that sometimes, But I remind myself when
I think about the positive things I have to appreciate
in life to keep me moving towards the positive things
that I want to keep on enjoying. And we forget
about that sometimes because we get so lost in the
negativity and the sadness that we go through. And don't
(23:31):
get me wrong, finding my son unalive was the hardest,
the biggest struggle that I've ever been through my entire life.
Like you know, today, I call it a sucker punch
day because I watched a stupid show last night and
then showed a guy like you know, and I'm like,
can you please? I told my son. I was like,
turn it off. I can't watch this and it just
played too long and boom. I was sent into a
(23:52):
trigger and then I caught myself like not sleeping, woke
up and I was like, oh my gosh, and I
was sobbing. I woke up sobbing today and I was like,
I don't I'm gonna make it to this day, remember
telling myself. I don't know how many of this. Okay,
you're telling yourself all these messages that you tell yourself
every day to make it through every day. But there
are the days. There's days that nothing works. There's days
where like I need someone to freaking just give me
(24:14):
a hug and tell me it's gonna be okay. I
need someone to tell me I'm gonna be okay, that
I'm strong and I'm beautiful because I say it in
the mirror every day, But why can't somebody else tell
me that?
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
So that's what that's what you.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Are amazing, geez. I could only I could only imagine
that scenario and how difficult that was. And that is
thank you for sharing sharing your journey because I know
(24:49):
how hard it is. I'm over here tears in my
eyes seeing you. I'm gonna impact as well, so I
can feel it from you and everything's gonna be okay.
I know that's easy to say, and I know people
are gonna say that, and I know that doesn't per
se help, but it does.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It does more than you ever know. And if I
could get a message out there, and sometimes we think
like someone's been through such a traumatic experience that my
little message to you to tell you it is gonna
be okay. It doesn't help, but it freaking does. It
does so much right here, and like to hear it,
like you you think, like a lot of people just
don't think like to hear that that it means anything,
(25:33):
but it does. It does just to hear, oh my gosh,
they said it, I'm gonna be okay, I'll be okay,
And it is that. It's very much that. Like if
anybody knows if they're going through healing and trauma and
something is as as big as I've been through losing
my son. It's the little things that you don't think
mean anything. You mean a lot. Someone coming by your
Instagram is saying, hey, I was just thinking about you. Hey,
(25:54):
I was just seeing me go go into my videos.
I like at the videos because most people that know me,
they know I'm in the struggle and you know, like
you coming there and giving me your inspiration every day,
that means so much. And even if you don't think
that means something, keep doing it. Keep doing it for
those people that even if you think it's not meaning
anything to them, because it may just be that one
(26:14):
message that they needed for that day. It may have
just been that one thing that they needed to hear.
And if I could have just had that one message
to my son to prevent him from doing what he did,
Like that's the biggest skills that I did with every
day is because there wasn't someone there to tell him
that he was loving. He should have been here and
including me, And so that's like the biggest struggle. But
(26:35):
your messages and the support and the love we need
that we need that when we're hearing.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
I want to tell you something. I'm going to be
real with you. Your son knew that he was loved
by you. Could see.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
I remember watching videos of you in the past, not
just since, but even before, with him dancing with you, guys, singing,
with all of those things.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I want to tell you something. Do not ever second.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Guess or doubt yourself for thinking that he didn't know
he was loved by you, Because he did know that.
He knew that in his heart and he knew that
in his soul. Don't put that on yourself. Because he
knew you could see it, You could tell it. I
never met him, but I could see it. I can feel.
(27:24):
I read people, and I could see, he knew how
loved by you he was.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And you know what, I'm so glad you say that
because that is the thing that drives me every day
because I at the end of the day, I can
sit back and know, like you know, I look at
all the past, and you know, it's part of the
grieving process is you go through the guilt and I
should have done this, should have, should have what it
could have, should have what it could have. And what
saves me is going back to the videos and looking
at everything that I did and understanding that I did
(27:54):
the best I could as a mother with what I had.
I did the best that I could as a mother
with what I had.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Whether what you had or what you didn't have, you
did an amazing job.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Again, I'm going to keep honing on it. He knew
how much you loved him.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
You spent time, you spent money, you spent energy, you
spent your soul with him.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Don't ever second guess or doubt that you're going to.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But don't, because I want to tell you it ruminated
and it was there, and I'm going to tell you
one hundred percent the truth.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I always have, and that is the truth.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
How do you find balance between caring for yourself and
pouring into others.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
I have to learn boundaries. I have to learn boundaries,
and I have to learn when to say, you know,
because I have a lot of people, especially since I've
been doing the Lives, and people reaching out to me
and needing my attention and my energy, and I have
to learn when I am a limit, I have to say, like, okay,
you know what I care about you. I want to
help you, but like right now, like this is this
(29:05):
is my capacity right now, So this is as much
as I can do. So it's first of all, setting
my boundaries up up front, especially when I'm going to
go help somebody and knowing that I'm going through my
own battles myself, and knowing how much of it myself
I can give before it starts to it starts to
affect me, you know, because you can get lost and
trying to help somebody, and especially if somebody is going
(29:27):
through a lot and they're going through a trauma that's
like what you've been through and you've had to pull
yourself out of, but you're trying to teach them to
pull themselves out of it, and you can get lost
in that. You can get lost in trying to help
somebody and then detrimenting your own personal healing. So I
think that's what I've learned is letting people know up
ahead in the front line is like saying, I'm here
(29:47):
to help you, but here's my boundary. If I tell you, like,
this is as much as I can do, that's as
much as I can do. You know, I'm healing myself.
I'm going through my own battles and I'm going to
give you as much energy as I can and I'm
going to feel it and you need it. But this
is as much as I can give. So setting boundaries
has been It's actually been a challenge for me because
you know, being through all the trauma I've been through
(30:08):
in my life, that's been a hard thing for me.
But it's also been something that's been one of the
biggest the best things that I've learned is understanding that
I have boundaries and I have to let people know
that so they don't take more than I know I
can give.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
You know, telling that up front, that's the people be like, okay,
well this and I'm like, okay, well what is like
this is what I what does that entail?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
But I need to know what I can commit to
and what I can and if I cannot commit to it.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Before I would stress myself out because I'm like, oh, well,
I said I was gonna do it, so I'm gonna
cut my hand off. And I'm like now, I'm like, look,
I love you. This is what I can give. If
that's not good enough, I'm sorry. If it is, let's
roll with it. But that's all I can do. What
would you want family who've gone through similar things to
(31:03):
you to.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Listen to your kids and listen to them, not just
to listen to them, listen to them with your soul,
because I think that's what I missed the most with
with Zay was, you know, getting caught up in all
the diagnosis is because you know, he was diagnosed with
schizophrenia and you know, instead of listening to him, I
was listening to the doctors and listening to all this stuff.
(31:25):
So like, whatever it is and your family, just listen
to them and listen to it to try to understand
what they may be going through. Because I think that's
what I missed because I was always a working mom
trying to support my kids, trying to you know, always
on the go not really having five minutes to just
say like, Okay, I'm listening, but I'm not really listening
but listening to their messages to you and resonating with
what they're saying. Because if I truly would have done
(31:48):
that and acted on it, you know, I probably wouldn't
be in the situation. But I have to be in
this situation today to learn that that was truly what
I was missing. Missing from my relationships with them is
I was always on the go. I always got okay,
I'm listening to what you're saying, Okay, we gotta do
this jiu jitsu boom boom boom Okay. Jujitsu's gonna fix it.
This is gonna fix it, all right, this is what
we're doing, but never really listening to say I'm like, mom,
(32:09):
I'm not okay, I don't like this. I don't like that,
and just me thinking it's him growing up or going
through what he's going through. Okay, well, let me stop
for a minute and understand why you're saying these things
and not just saying, oh, the doctors are gonna say
you don't like the medication, So it's everybody's saying all
this stuff, like listen, to your kids, because a lot
of times they're telling you things how they're feeling and
(32:31):
what they're going through that we would just brush over
because we think kids it's just a normal thing of
growing up. And you know, statistically, kids from the ages
of thirteen to eighteen are the highest at risk for
what my son did. And it's because we don't talk
about mental wellness in schools. There's nothing in there in
(32:52):
the school just say like, hey, it's okay to feel
it's okay to not feel okay, and what do you
do when you don't feel okay? What do they do?
They buy the kids that don't feel okay because they
don't know how to talk about it because it's not
okay to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
You know, that's the school counselor who for.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
A five oh one, C three whatever, the the one
oh one plan is to put them to where they
can be on this special education plan. Which that's not
what they needed. They just needed the They just needed
the kids that were there bullying them to stop. And
then what are you doing about it? Nothing? Or is
there any like you know what I mean, there's nothing
that goes in the schools to say, hey, there's going
to be days when you feel like this, when you
(33:31):
feel like, hey, the hormone levels right where I feel
like if the world would be better without me, that's
the first thing the kids get in their head, right,
because I remember being a kid that age and having
those thoughts on my head and there was nothing in
the education, nothing in the system to help me through
those feelings. It's like you shouldn't feel that way. It's
like almost you know, that's the off that's you're not
supposed to talk about that, you know, and if.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
It's like yeah, right, and it's like you try to
get help and.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
You're the weirdo, yes, or you're the weirdo.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Those things and it's used against you within its like
I could have just done bad enough by myself exactly.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
So that's what I fight for, like for me, is
to fight for especially at those age levels, because I
saw my son evolve through that, and I saw him
go through the school system with that and and nobody
there to help him. Like they're like, let me give
him this education plan, but that's not helping him. That's
not helping him walk down the walk down the hallways
where they're making fun of him and they're making him
(34:30):
feel like he shouldn't be here anymore, and he really
he literally comes home. I used to like take him
to school and he would throw up the minute he
would get out of the car, you know. Finally I
took him out of the school. So it's because the
school systems don't have a proper education on how how
to socially be a social How to be a social
freaking person.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (34:48):
How to like just how did you not be a
decent hurting the human being?
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Thank you? Why are we not teaching that?
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Right?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Here's a decent human human class. This is what you
should do, and do exactly.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Just be just be just be nice, yeah, be nice?
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Like you tell for listeners that might feel vulnerable right now,
maybe they're walking alone at night, maybe they've experienced trauma.
What are a few self awareness self defense tips that
you would want them to know?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
I would tell you, like from my experience is what's
always worked for me is you have to have that confidence. Okay,
I call it cockiness whatever, but like I could walk
down a dark alley and know that just my stance,
my posture, you know, and my energy alone will scare somebody.
And when you wanted to mess with me. It's worked
(35:45):
many times. But more so is the energy is have
your energy right regardless of what situation you're going into,
and to know that we're all going to be vulnerable
at times, but you should always be alert and aware.
You know, when I when I teach self defense, I
teach people, I teach you things from the situations that
I've been through because I've made stupid decisions like, well,
I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
So see what happened was.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
See what what happened was don't pump your gas with
your door open with your persitting there, because someone's gonna
probably go for it. It's always been a situation that
I've been like, well, that was a dumb decision. But
the biggest thing for me is is learn from those decisions.
Learn from those bad decisions that you made in your
life where you were just like, well that put me
in a bad situation. Okay, Now I got to learn
(36:30):
it so I could teach it to somebody else, so
that I've actually learned it myself, because you can't teach
it unless you learn it. So that's the biggest thing
for me, Yeah, is understanding that you know, life is
going to hit us. Life is going to hit us.
There's always going to be just things that are going
to hit you hard or things that are going to
come out you. And if you are aware of your
(36:52):
surroundings from your energy standpoint, because you can always feel
the energy of a situation, like I can always feel
with it's going to be bad or good. Even when
it turns out to be a good situation, I can
feel it right away. I'm like, okay, and beerly you
should or shouldn't get involved in this one, but okay,
you're gonna get involved. But this is what's gonna happen.
Let me just just get ready because you're gonna probably
(37:13):
have to like submit somebody at some point. And it's
just making your energy ready. It's making your energy ready
for whatever the hell is going to happen to you.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Always ready.
Speaker 3 (37:23):
What's the daily habit that you have that makes you
feel safer in your own skin?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Safer my own skin. So I have a ritual every
single day I do the minute I get out of bed.
I'm like a machine.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
I'm going to steal this if it's good, as long
as it.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
Is as long as it is hurting anybody else.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
We're good. Yeah, yeah, I can't go. So I I
have a I'm handsome. I can't.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
So I have a ritual I go through every single day.
Every day I wake up, I go straight to my mirror.
As bad as I look, I don't care. I can
have my hair like this. I just look what eyelash on,
what eyelash off, and I go. I look in the mirror,
and I I give myself the personal positive affirmations, and
I tell myself every day that you are beautiful, you
(38:06):
are strong, You're resilient, you can make it to anything.
You've made it this far in life, and you are
still standing and you're here for a reason. So don't
let anything knock you down today because you freaking got this. Girl.
You've got this. That's my personal message I do, but
you have to actually do it. Like I tell people
(38:28):
this all the time, they're just like I don't understand,
like and so like I actually did it with my
neighbor because I was like, come here, this is what
I'm actually talking about. I want you to look at
yourself in the freaking mirror, and I want you to
say this message like you mean it, like if you're
telling it to somebody who else is not there, but
it's actually the person that you want to have that message,
but it's you, and you tell yourself that message every
freaking single day, even when you don't believe it, because
(38:50):
there's days I wake up and I'm like, I don't
believe the message, but I'm gonna freaking tell myself anyway,
and I'm gonna look at myself in the face, and
I'm gonna look at myself in the mirror what I
lash and all, and I'm gonna say, you're beautiful. You're
freaking beautiful, and you got this. Don't let anything take
you down. No, And most days is good. But aside
from that, I do a lot of meditative breathing. I've
learned meditative breathing helps a lot, So I do the
(39:13):
personal affirmations, meditative breathing, and I work out like an
insane person MMA and yoga shit out of somebody.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
We're gonna get to the end because people definitely need
to follow your journey because there's been days when I'm like,
you know what, I don't feel like doing it today,
and I'll see one of your videos.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
I'm like, damn, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
You know, if someone wants to take back their power.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Where should they start?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Right here? Right here, and right here, more here than here,
because your mind can tell you so many different things.
But until you believe it in here. Until I realized
that what I was fighting for advocacy, when I was
fighting for helping other people get through their struggles, until
I believed it here, It's never gonna be here. So
it starts here, and then you bring it here, then
(39:58):
you bring it out and you just you get the
videos like you see my videos, and I scare people.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
You don't scare.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
I want to thank you for sharing your heart and
your wisdom today, the work you're doing, and beyond just that,
the energy and the strength and the resilience that you project.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I don't know if you know this.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
And a lot of times when we come from trauma,
we don't think we do enough, but it is enough.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It's helped me time and time again.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
To see you pushing through with all that you've been through,
and it makes me days that I didn't want to
get up. I get up and say, hey, if she
can do this through everything she's been through, I can
do this. I'm going to steal the affirmation. But I
wanted to let you know number one. How grateful I
(40:58):
am that you came on today, but even bigger than
that for the person and the soul that you are
in helping people change their lives. Everybody go give her
a follow? Do you want to give your Instagram handle?
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yes, it's a Foxy Amberley underscore.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
GB Follow her, support her, and if you ever get
a chance to see her, you won't want to miss it.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
She has an energy and a.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
Vibe that is I can't even begin to put into words.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
You know, life gets heavy, but it's good.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
To know that we're not alone and we're stronger than
we think.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Thank you too much for time.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Keep showing up, keep choosing hope, and keep building the
kind of strength that can't be broken. I appreciate you
Amberlee for coming on. You're always welcome on the front porch.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Thank you so much. I appreciate you so much. I
love you some positives always.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
I talk to you all right. Bye bye
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