Nate “The Snake” Ray — Shedding Skins: Adoption, Addiction, Jiu-Jitsu & Fatherhood - The Front Porch Chronicles

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back Front Porch Chronicles. I'm your host, Clinton, folksche
this is where we have raw stories, real struggle resilience.
Today we got a gown. I've known him for a while.
I'm glad he finally got on. It is Nate Ray.
I'm sure you probably know him on Instagram as Nate

(00:24):
the Nate Mma. Thank you so much, bro for coming on.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
I appreciate it you having it.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
It's been a long it's been a long long time.
Like you said, it's been way too long. We definitely
need to get together. So let's take it all the
way back. Where are you originally from? So?

Speaker 3 (00:42):
I was originally born in Long Beach, California, and I
spent the first six months of my life there and
then I was actually adopted by my grandmother at six
months old, and she moved to me and three of
my siblings and three of my cousins out to Lake
Also in Or to re raise a family.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
My oldest daughter was born in the LBC. But that's
super dope. How did taking it back to speaking of
your childhood, how would you describe growing up in your.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
House Lord of the Flies?

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Like I said, I was adopted by my grandparents at
six months, so they adopted me and three other of
my siblings, and then literally within a two week spand
got another phone call for another one of my grandmother
she had two daughters, so my biological mom and then
my aunt. So she got the first call for one
of her daughter, her oldest daughter, and then two weeks

(01:43):
later her youngest daughter had three kids that were going
into foster care again, so they're like, hey, like, do you.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Want three more?

Speaker 3 (01:50):
And it was actually crazy because at the time my
grandmother was about a month shy of retiring, just right
off in the sunset, and then gets these phone calls
from from the state and hey, we got your grandbabies,
and she said she didn't hesitate, she was like, yeah,
let's let's get it.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
And she moved. She used to have a real nice
house in Newport Beach. She was she adopted all of us, She.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
Bought some land and moved us all out to Lake
Elsinar and we were raised up in the hills of Elsinar.
So it was I had a great upbringing. But I
will say it was like my grandparents worked. They didn't retire,
they went back to work and they would be gone
from like three am till about six pm every day,
so within that time gap from getting home.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
From school, it was definitely like Lord of the Flies.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
There, savage, savage.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
And I wouldn't have these the other way.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Are you Are you cool with your biological parents now
or how did that so?

Speaker 3 (02:43):
My biological dad, unfortunately, he passed when I was six.
I never really got to have a relationship with him, unfortunately.
And then my biological mom, she was just caught up
in the attic lifestyle. She had a real heard upbringing herself.
I actually didn't learn about her upbringing until I was
like almost thirty. Though my whole life, I always thought

(03:04):
she was just, you know, some crazy addict. But she
has a very crazy interesting story herself that pushed her
towards you know, all addiction, all of it. It's it
comes from somewhere, you know, it's very rare that it's
just a complete random thing. So but yeah, I didn't
really have much of a relationship with her. She was
in and out of my life basically. She passed away

(03:26):
about two years ago, about June. But I in my
you know, it's really hard when I would say, tell
about like age eleven, I always wanted her to be
in my life. And then I comprehended that. You know,
she she has this problem with drugs. I comprehended it
from a young age. She's got this issue. This issue

(03:47):
is what's stopping her from being a mom. And that's okay.
Some of my other siblings didn't handle it quite the same.
They kind of had a little vendetta towards her. And
I always did my best to just let her. You know,
I always called her mom. I always treated her with respect.
She actually homeless for a while out in Long Beach.
She used to stay right next to the four or
five freeway, and when I would go out there, I'd
always like, go and try to track her down, and

(04:08):
you know, try to on her birthday or you know,
any holiday or something to go and try to see
my mom. But we had the best relationship we could
have had given the circumstances. And I hold nothing but
love in my heart for that lady.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
For sure, Maria, that's powerful. Two things that you said
that resonated. Number One is the emotional intelligence of you
to know that it wasn't you. We all go through things,

(04:42):
a lot of people, and it drives me insane when
people talk about, you know, addictions, and there's not just addictions.
I think everybody has per se addictions, whether it be
working out, whether it be eating, whether it be whatever.
And I think you hit the nail on the head,
is it's something from that. People don't just wake up

(05:03):
and want to overheat, underheat. People don't just wait to
do all of those things. It's one of those things
that they're running from something and until somebody chooses to
fully heal, and some people never do. And that's okay.
One of the biggest things that I've learned is, like
you is to let go. My dad very similar alcoholic,

(05:24):
was very abusive all of those things, and people ask me,
do you and I'm like, I don't hold any it
will because if I did, it would only hinder me
from evolving. And for a long time I wondered why
my dad didn't choose to do what I did and
that's break the generational curses. But then I learned it

(05:45):
wasn't me. He probably and I'm sure he did the
best that he could within his situation. But I had
to cut ties eventually because from my own sanity, I
couldn't continue on that hamp your wheel because like you said,
it's one of those things that sometimes things don't change

(06:06):
and they're not going to change, and you have to
be okay.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
With that to accept it.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
And that's so so good on you to be able
to accept that, because this mindset that I have didn't
just come overnight, like it was years. You know, I
used to my mom used to always promise, I'm gonna
be there for Christmas, be there for Christmas, and she would,
you know, show up two days before Christmas, I'm gonna
I'm here, I'm here dig Christmas day, come Christmas morning,
Mom's gone.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Like it was. It was a lot of build up
that that.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
You know, there was so much at one time resentment, like,
but it was more towards myself. Like I was a
you know, kids overthink things. So I was like, well,
maybe if I was better at this, mom would be here,
maybe my dad would be involved. And it didn't help.
I have all my siblings are half brothers. Yeah, and
none of us I don't have the same dad or mom.
We're all half so like everybody knew who their dad

(06:56):
was and had a relationship with their dad. Like, so
it was like eights Dad's not around and Mom doesn't
come around because of this. You know, my brothers would
torment me a little bit with that. So I used
to have like a major like I would say issues
with you know, like what did I do wrong? And
then it was that was actually crazy my grandmother were

(07:17):
we were outside of a seven eleven and there's some
attict there and I was just like the guy was
just he was on a sick one and you know,
you're doing what addicts do and just you know, being
kind of spassy and doing that, and I didn't comprehend
what was going on, and she just, you know, she
explained like, hey, you know, that's somebody's baby that you know,
just fell down the wrong path, and that's still a

(07:37):
human being. Don't think anything different of them. And then
she said that, and then like literally a couple hours later,
I was like, hey, is my mom an addict? And
that's when it was like her bringing that to light.
And that's why I could. I always have respect for
my mom. And I called my grandmother. I call her mom,
just so you know, that's the only mom I knew,
my biological mom. I would call her mom when I

(07:58):
would talk to her, but other people her name is
Suzanne's I'd seard to her Susan just so there's no confusion.
But my grandmother, she just explained that to me, and
then I put two and two together and that's what
helped me in and I was like, all right, so
this is you know, this is what addiction is. And
I'm very thankful for it because when I was in
high school and certain kids were partying with certain stuff,
I was staying away from that stuff because I knew

(08:21):
the repercussions to it. Like when I you know, I'm
from such a party generation, being you know, the early
two thousands. I graduated twenty ten, so like that was
American pie generation. They say, you know, everybody was going
really hard with the party scene, and I knew certain
things were a level above the normal, and I tried
to always avoid those things because I was I always

(08:43):
say this and people will say it's strange, but I
was fortunate enough to know what addiction was from a
young age.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
I think that I don't think that strange. And kudos
to your grandmother because for explaining, because a lot of
times we end up hurting kids because we're not truthful
with them, and most of the time we carried those
burdens and those thoughts and those things, and we feel

(09:08):
like it's us. And so that's where it becomes one
of these things like it's look at now. I'm older.
I'm forty seven years old, and so I look at
things now in a little bit different light as you know,
back in the day, you know, we would hear these
stories about people, you know, heed this or heed that

(09:31):
or whatever. I look at things now from the standpoint
of how did they get there and without judgment or
without playing that into a mindset, right, because every person
got to where they are from decisions, and I agree
with that, but also sometimes people take the path because

(09:53):
for me, I didn't even know stuff that happened to
me as a kid because it was so traumatic until
I start going to a specific therapy and then once
I unearthed those things, I was able to kind of
navigate and adapt. But for a long time I wondered
why me, why my dad didn't care, or why my
dad treated me like this, or why. But as I

(10:15):
started to pick up more emotional intelligence, I learned it
wasn't me. It was burdens and things that he was carrying,
and it wasn't fair for him to pass that down,
but he did. So the only thing that I can do.
I can't change those things. What I can do is
take those things and learn from those things and pass

(10:36):
down to my kids all of those things that I
wanted needed and give those things to them so that
hopefully that generation that they're in they passed that down
and kind of go from there. Let me ask you
a question, is there a memory from those early years
that really sticks with you still today?

Speaker 3 (10:57):
For me, always from those early days, I would say
that that conversation and that like epiphany that I had,
like realizing like all right, you know, Susan's got this addiction,
she has this issue. That's why she's not coming around.
And I think that was a big, like pivotal moment
of my own young life, like understanding like all right,

(11:19):
and the thing for me what was.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
It was actually funny.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
I gotten a big argument with a group of friends
not long after that because they were making fun of
a homeless guy and I it was just like, you know,
that's somebody's baby, because that's what my mom said to me.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know that that's and that's all. That's the that's
the truth.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
You know, every addict, you see, every homeless person, every
asshole you see, every negative person, every you know, every
bad person you encounter, they all have a story, like
you're saying, there's all something that happened that put them there.
So it's not on us to I can't necessarily judge
their actions now because I wasn't the ones that were
dealt that card, that the cards that they were dealt,

(11:57):
you know, like, so it's not it's not.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
On me to be judge mental.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
I could do my best to try to understand it,
but I'm never going to be negative on it, and
you know, talk down to people or addictions, this or
that and other than like, you know, how can I
help this guy or that guy? You know, poor poor baby,
you know that's what I see. You know, poor poor fellat,
poor poor lady. You know, that's someone's daughter, that's someone's son.
So having that happened, you know that realization at a

(12:22):
young age. It really I was never an asshole growing up.
I've always if you grew up with me and went
to school, I've always been friends with everybody. I've always
just tried to pay it forward and literally treat people
the way I want to be treated. And I've never
one thing about me. When I was in high school,
I was just a social butterfly. I was friends with
every clique you could think of. And I think that
has to boil down with like knowing, like I just

(12:44):
never passed judgment on anybody, like and I could say
I learned that from learning what addiction was from a
young age.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Wow, I feel you. That's yeah, more people like that
in this world is kind of what we needed. You know.
People always say, oh, I don't know. It's kind of
like how we were talking about fighting. Oh, I don't
know why I don't. I'm not gonna help them because
they're just gonna keep doing this, this and this, and
it's like they keep choosing if they do choose. But again,

(13:13):
you don't know the scars that people bare. So kudos
to you for living that. I know I didn't just
because I felt like I was always running from stuff
as a kid. Right. I didn't want people to know
the things that happened to me because if people knew
the things that happened to me, they would judge me

(13:34):
or condemn me. This is what goes on in my line.
I say all the time, it's the devil's playground, right,
And That's why I've been through so much stuff was
because a lot of times, honestly, I put myself in
situations because I didn't care, because for me, it was

(13:55):
easier for me to act a certain way than to
people to know who I was underneath all of that exterior.
And even today, I steal it's a defense mechanism for me.
I embrace people feeling like I'm a certain way because
for me, it's easier for me to weed through people

(14:17):
that are going to actually care about and love and
protect me, and I can give them that back. The
ones that truly know me are like, bro, they know
I would literally give the shirt off my back. I
literally will ride or die. But you know, looking back,
do you feel like those early battles or things that

(14:39):
you went through left something that you're still carrying?

Speaker 3 (14:44):
Man, definitely, And I noticed it. It was funny. It
was actually really crazy. It was a crazy, beautiful, powerful moment.
When my daughter was born, she'll be five November first,
and she was born at six or five am, six pounce,
five ounces, and when I first met her, we just
had such a powerful moment. And what was crazy was
after we had our moment, me and my daughter I

(15:07):
had another moment, and it was the moment of like, man,
like I can't believe my mom wasn't around for like
I want to like, why would she not want to
be around for this baby, you know, for me, you know,
like how could someone ever not want to be involved
with me? And that man, I was crying happy tears
in the hospital.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
And then I was like when I was by myself,
I was crying.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
I was balling like a baby because thinking about that,
because it was like and I was like, I felt
like that little kid again, like I happened that kid again.
And then I just it was crazy powerful. That was
That was just a moment where I definitely went back
to that you know, little eight year old Nate where
mom wasn't showing up for Christmas. And then, which is
is kind of not off topic, but a little off topic,

(15:51):
I found out the story about my biological mom. I
found out from one of my aunts. I actually found
out like two years after my daughter was born, my
biological mom was sexually assaulted and lasted for many years
by someone very close to the family and from middle
school to high school. And when she finally came out

(16:13):
to tell somebody and they were from an Ohio. They're
from a very small town in Ohio. The person doing
it happened to be the high school football star. You know,
it was going. It came out, and no one believed her.
Nobody believed her, not even not even my grandmother. Nobody
believed her, and it fucked with her, and it pushed
her towards a life of addiction and drugs, and she

(16:34):
was doing something to alleviate that pain that she went through.
I didn't just thought she was addicted to be you know,
I thought she fell into the party life. You know,
I didn't know that. I didn't comprehend the truth. You know,
but that's enough to break anybody. You have all that trauma,
real trauma like she was. She would be locked up
in a room for days at a time. She was

(16:55):
put through hell, literally living in hell, and no one
believed her. So like go through that, like I don't think.
I don't think anybody would really just bounce back from that.
You know, that's a that's a tough one. And so
that's what pushed her into her life of addiction. And
that's when I found that out. It made me, you know,
it brought it was really messed up, but it brought

(17:16):
a weird sense of peace to understand, like, all right,
this is the reason why, because I always questioned that.
But then it also like it really hurt me to like,
and I called my biological mom as soon as I
found out, and I didn't say anything to her that
I knew or anything.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
I just wanted.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
I just called her in the first things, and I
didn't talked her for a good minute at that time,
and the first things out of my mouth is just like, hey, mama,
bear like, I love you, I love I love you
to death and I'm so thankful that you gave birth
to me. And unfortunately I only had two more conversations
with her after after finding out, but each time I
talked to her, I made sure I let her know
how thankful I was, because you know, that lady could
have gotten an abortion. She could have she could have,

(17:52):
you know, done a lot of things. But I'm here
for a reason, and I'm here. I'm here because she
let me be here, and she she didn't, you know,
doing anything drastic. And lady lady with a strong a
strong woman in her own rights, that went through a lot.
And I'm thankful for.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
That man who yeah, It's a lot of people don't understand.
I was sexually assaulted as a kid, and I didn't know.
But once I went to therapy, my diction wasn't drugs
or alcohol or any of those things, because, like you said,
I knew that those were things that sent me down

(18:29):
a certain path. My dad was alcoholic, my mom was
a peel head. I knew what both of those paths
it did. But for me, I had this unhealed wound
of abandonment. I had this unhealed wound of being sexually
assaulted and never telling anybody for the fear of same thing.
Like your mom, I knew that people at that time

(18:52):
wouldn't believe me because I was a kid that was hyper.
I was ADA. You know, I was never diagnosed ADA,
but like I was hyper. I was, you know, a boy.
But you know today we say everybody's idioty or whatever.
I was just a boy like I liked to but
I was mischievous, and so I never thought anybody would

(19:14):
believe me, And so I learned to pull these things
into the back of my brain and i'd even realize.
But once I went to therapy, my therapist sat down
and this was like the lighting moment for me. She
was like, what does it make sense? And I'm like, well,
does what make sense? And I slept with God only
knows how many women, And for me that was my way.

(19:36):
I was taught at an early age to be over
sexualized because I was sexually assaulted on top of holding
in all that guild and resentment and whatever. And so
she said, what does it make sense? And I'm like, well,
does want to make sense? She was like, you know
you've slipt with all these women. You got, you know,
at least five kids by three different women. You know

(19:57):
you're a fighter, you do all of these things. You
were so consciously trying to prove your masculinity through what
we deem as masculine things. And so for your mom,
I can only imagine her having the courage to come
out and say it at a young, you know, younger age,

(20:18):
but then to be rejected and feel like that she
was less than. My heart goes out knowing that she
had to go through that, because I know number one
what it is to go through it, but number two
is to feel that rejection of people not believe in.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
So especially your your own parents.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
You know, your saving grace, your your protectors and everything
they'd be because I don't know how that couldn't break
anybody given through like the hell that she went through.
And it wasn't just you know, one time, it was years.
This happened for a total of seven years. So it
was she's living through this hell and then finally work
up the courage and just be shit on and and
know you're making this up, no you wish, and just

(21:05):
you know it was it was really I can only
imagine you know, a lot of people I think would
have gave up right then and there, and that lady
did try. She tried to live a normal life. She
did try, she did put effort in, and her demons
just let her rest.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
I had strong, beyond strong, beyond words from somebody who
has been there and done that. Strong beyond words. She
is and was who you know growing up? What was
it like for you trying to find your own place
kind of in this world?

Speaker 3 (21:37):
So for me, I always you know, I've been the
youngest of the boys, and I've always kind of been
trying to impress everybody in a sense, like trying to
impress the older siblings, trying to impress the parents.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I knew my dad was a professional.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Boxer when I was young, so I was like, all right,
like I gotta I gotta be a good athlete, like
I got to like, I got to you know, show
that I'm capable of doing this. And you know, I
really I've always been a good athlete. I've always been,
you know, the star of whatever team I've ever been on,
and that that was a big part of my childhood
is just trying to be good enough for everybody, just

(22:16):
trying to do enough to be like all right, like
get everyone's approval. And I knew always if I was
good at sports, I would get people's approval, so I
would just like for me, I played soccer very competitive
for seventeen years, and that was always my thing, like
let me, let me show myself through this, let me know.
And that's that was where I started making my friends,
and that is how I got recognition from people by

(22:37):
being good at that sports. That's some childhood stuff for sure.
I've always just wanted to impress people. And for me,
like I said, I was always impressed by my professional
boxer dad.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
So that's that's the shoes I've been trying to feel
like as you could say.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Wow, yeah, that you could see that similar. For me,
that was kind of my thing was for years and years,
I felt like, and it's almost like a drug within
itself for me, was I've won world championships, I've won
pan ams, I've won these things, and I was in
my heart and in my mind I was trying to

(23:13):
be good enough. But I was never gonna be good
enough in my mind. And you know, they say a
lot of times trauma and stuff like that builds into
your DNA, and I know for me, I still struggle
a lot with feeling worthy right. And a lot of
people are like, oh my god, but you've done this

(23:34):
and you've done that and do the same thing. It's
not no, bro, it's not the same thing at all.
And we want that love and admiration and stuff from
our parents, and sometimes we have to be okay with
not giving it. You know, I haven't talked to my
dad in years, and some stuff happened some months back

(23:56):
and kind of triggered me and whatever, and so you know,
I was talking to my therapist, and my therapist I
was like, Hey, I feel like I really want to
reach out and she was like, I want you to
sit back and think of what or why you want
to rather than what you want to. And I was
like crap, and it was me being triggered and that

(24:17):
kid coming out and saying, hey, please please be my dad.
But I had to sever kind of that tie. So
it's something I have to sever over and over and
over again because I have to understand that nothing I
ever do is going to change the next person mind,

(24:38):
no matter what I say, no matter what I do.
Until a person wholeheartedly makes up in their mind that
they're going to be or do different, it's not it's
not now you yet thinking back to younger, did emotions

(25:01):
like anger, fear, or even hurt show up kind of
in your life?

Speaker 3 (25:06):
So my grandmother she had cancer a total of three times,
once in the eighties and then twice when I was
actually alive. So she had a cancer scared when I
was in fourth grade. She beat it fairly quickly. I
mean it was scary. It was a nerve wracking time,
but she beat it flying colors. Everything was good, and

(25:26):
then she got cancer again going into my sophomore year
of high school. It's funny, I was such a mama's
boy until the moment I lost her. She passed when
I was fifteen, she got renal cancer, which kidney cancer
and then spread to her liver. I always like people
that known me for a long time, all my group

(25:47):
of friends that we've all been close, for instance, like
elementary school, so people that have known me, they have
like almost like an a AD and a BC, you.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Know, before her mom died.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
After mom died, After she died, I was in just
the lowest place you could be. I feel like the
worst place that I've ever been or will probably ever be, hopefully,
but you never know.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
That was, you know, the.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
Saving grace for me that saved me because I had
I always call them the dark ages. I had four
years from fifteen to nineteen before I found the martial
arts and.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Got into that.

Speaker 3 (26:22):
But I was four years of just in such a
battle and I was I wouldn't say I was suicidal,
because my mom would kick my ass if I killed myself.
But I was like doing things that were that a
lot of high risks. I was riding motorcycles, you know,
just getting into fistfights, you know, hanging out with the
wrong people at times, involving myself in situations that I

(26:44):
had no part of being in, and angry that was
the main thing. I was just an angry, angry human.
Why did the world take my mom? Why did the
world give me these cards?

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Why me? Why mean? Why me?

Speaker 3 (26:54):
And it's a very cliche story and I've told it before,
but I love always the shait.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
So my mom heard one.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Of her favorite things to do was wake up and
go to the back porch, not the front porch, to
go to the back porch to drink your coffee and
read her book in the morning and watch the sun rise.
That's what she would do pretty much every Saturday and Sunday.
And one day, I'm just pissed off. At four in
the morning, I go on my back porch. I didn't
even know what I didn't comprehend that it was something
about to rise, and I'm just pissed off. And the

(27:21):
sun started rising, and I swear I watched a flower
start blooming, and birds are chirping, squirrels are coming out.
There are just so much life that was going on
that was leaving me behind because I was so angry,
because I was so hurt, and I'm not kidding. At
that moment, I had like a major epiphany and I
realized I was like, I am getting left behind with this,

(27:42):
with this sadness, with this suppression, with this anger, like
I'm simply getting left behind and that's not the life
my mom would want me to live. So from that
moment it was for me, like, you know, I was
very fortunate to have a fucking powerful moment like that
and just be like, all right, I'm done with this,
Like I Am not going to be this angry person.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
I'm not.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
My mom didn't raise me to be this way.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
And I stopped a lot of the I got a
lot out of the situations that I was in. I
stopped hanging out with a certain crowd I was running with,
and I stopped not valuing my life and it all
and right around the same moment as right when I
found jiu jitsu and uh Gracie Baha Elsamer. When I
was going in there, they didn't comprehend like I was
such a broken kid, you know, you know Hector Hector Tapia, yeah,

(28:29):
in there, and he was such a saving grace for
me because he would just be cool. He was just
cool to me, and he would just talk to me
after training and you know, gave me time of day
and eventually gave me a compliment here and there, and
I was just like through the roof about it. And
they didn't know what broken kid just walked into their gym,
and and nor did I want them to know, you know,

(28:50):
running run, I don't want anybody to know.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I would leave there crying every day.

Speaker 3 (28:54):
I would show up there crying most days, like I
was just such an emotional wreck from losing my mom
and not you know, just trauma, just all the trauma.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Of life, you know.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
And jiu jitsu one of the things that I fell
in love with was like I didn't have time to
be sad.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
I had no time.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
Because I'll never forget the first time the first swept
I learned. First technique was the scissor sleep. Hector goes,
I don't normally let people spar after class, you know,
you got to be three stripes, but I'll roll with you.
And then he goes, I'm going to scissors sweep you,
and I'm going to do it at will. And I
didn't believe him because I'm the cocky, good athlete, you know.
And he went there and he sus swept me like

(29:35):
I think it was like twenty seven times, and I
was just like smiling after each one, and this is
a kid that for four years have just I've just
been angry, Like I've just been angry. The only time
I'm smiling is a fake smile when I'm fucking intoxicated,
you know. So like that was, I don't know, it's
such a natural high.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
For me, and it was.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
It was better than anything that I felt for a
long time. But it's a very A lot of people
say it, but I will say, like martial arts, especially
jiu jitsu, it was like my saving grace and what
helped me deal with with my major issues at the time,
and still to this day it helps me, you know
still to.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
That exact sent. I'm the exact send. I closed my
eyes like when I trained, and so like a lot
of people are like when you go through so much
like I've been through, and you've been through so much
chaos and so much trum and so much whatever. For me,
right this sounds really crazy, But for me getting potentially choked,

(30:36):
choked out or potentially whatever that is, that to me
then that is a calm and peaceful place for me.
And that sounds absurd, but it is quite honestly the truth.
You know, you said something you stepped into jiu jitsu.
When did mm A come from or blossom from you

(31:00):
starting to train jiu jitsu?

Speaker 3 (31:02):
So right around the same time, like I was already
a big UFC fan. I was the era of Chuck
Lidell and Tito Ortiz back in like two thousand and five,
two thousand and four, Like I got into it now,
I guess fairly a long time ago. You know that
I'm definitely not what the kids are calling the casual.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
For a long time.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
So when I found jiu jitsu, they started doing muay
Thai like at the gym about like two or three
months after I started doing jiu jitsu, and I was like,
all right, let's like let's put these two together. And
then that's when I started blossoming, like all right, like
what I want to do with a may Like this
is something I think I could I could thrive at it.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
I and I love it.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
And it was the same thing for me, like it
was weird, like when I'm getting beat up and manhandled.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
I was.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
I was a kid going in there.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
I used to call it the two hundred pound club
because I was one hundred and sixty pounds, six foot four,
little Q tip looking guy and I just get ragged
all in there, and I loved every minute of it,
and it was it was calming. The chaos was calming
for me, like it was just a weird. So I
could kind of relate to you in that sense like
it's just and still to this day, like I find
I find peace in the chaos, like it's just it's

(32:10):
something that that I love.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
So back to your question, Uh, it was. It was funny.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
So I started training both of them pretty much around
the same time, muay Thai in jiu jitsu, and then
I came to the conclusion I was like, muy Thai
is easier to learn than jiu jitsu. I need to
like buckle down in my jiu jitsu because I felt
like I wasn't developing quite the same as if I
was focusing on one soul thing. So I've done muy
Thai just as long as I've been doing jiu jitsu,

(32:35):
but I would just be like doing bad work like
stuff like that, like jiu jitsu.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Has always been the main focus.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
But yeah, I would say it was three months into
jiu jitsu when I was like, right, MMA is the
where I want to be.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
And then I was very fortunate.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
I got to train at headquarters at Gracie Baja headquarters,
and there's a few really great MMA legends that are
already trained there.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
You know, they're a good girl level.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, you know that level some UFC champions even, you know.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
So I went over there and seeing that, I was
like it was I could say, like Raphael like definitely
motivated me in a lot of ways because I'd be like, man,
this guy still puts the ge on, still putting the
gea on, still training, and like I had a good
conversation with him, and I was like, man, I want
to get into him, and may like I want to
do it, and he goes.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Brother, go do it. You could grapple, go do it.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
I was like, you know what, like.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
He's the most humble, honest guy that I know, and
hints why him and Philippe de Lemonica are good friends
and yeah, because cut from this same cloth, and I've
been very fortunate and blessed to have him as friends
slash brothers because they're too really really stand up guys.

Speaker 2 (33:52):
That sleeps incredible.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Man. Yeah. Do you feel like fighting was more discipline
for you therapy or kind of a mixture above.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
For me, I would definitely say just therapy. You know,
with sports.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
Growing up, I've always been like a pretty disciplined athlete
for the most part. Like I've always like put a
lot of time into whatever craft I'm doing. I was
a kid that would walk around with their soccer ball
in his household for years, just dribbling amongst you know,
my siblings and just kicking the same ball at the
wall for ten hours a day. You know, Like I've
always been very disciplined and committed to whatever sport that

(34:28):
I'm in. For me, it was definitely the just the therapy.
It was everything that I needed at the time when
I needed it. It was my really saving grace because
I was going nowhere fast in the situation that I
put myself into. And one thing I always tell people like,
no matter what life throws at you, no matter what
detour you may take off the mats, the mats are

(34:49):
always going to be there for you, and your team
is always going to be there. In the community of
jiu jitsu and martial arts, it is always going to
be there for you. One thing I love about it
is it really weeds out the bad apples. Like I've
met some of the best people I've known from martial arts.
And you know, John don Hurst says something that was cool.
It's like you get so many different walks of life

(35:09):
that would probably never interact on, you know, any other one.
I have personally trained with CEOs of freaking multimillion dollar companies,
and then I've trained with guys that are just rolling
out of bed with.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
The ball in their hand.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
You know.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
You know, I've trained with all different walks, and that's
the beauty of it is you get to experience all
these different people in their stories and and grind and
put in effort. And that's the one thing you learn
a lot from your training partners. You see, you see
a deeper side of them for real people that you're
grinding with and sparring with.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
And it's a it's a real cool, beautiful thing.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
And I'm so honored to be a part of jiu
jitsu and martial arts as a whole. I couldn't say
enough good things that it's done for me and I
could never see my life without it.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Same saying, you know the night, what's the behind the
name and how does it connect who you are? All right?

Speaker 3 (36:06):
So, because I know there's a story behind it. My
hero has always been and always will be Steve when out.
The earliest memories is me just being addicted to it,
the crocodile hunter and Mama she raised she rais on.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Five acres in the hills.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
You know, I like alsamar and that was one of
our pastimes, was going to find snakes, and that was
always been a big hobby of mine. And actually before I,
before I got into martial arts, I was actually gonna
go to school for to be a biologist and herpetologist,
which is a study of reptiles. Yeah, and I figured
like right it literally right around the time I started

(36:43):
jiu jitsu, is right around when I was about to
start going to school for that. And I was like,
you know what, like I got one body, I got
youthed is you know, I only get this youth for
so long. So I'm gonna try my hand at martial arts.
If I don't make it, I'll go back to school.
So I actually still do plan on going back to
school and getting my biology degree and herpetology and still

(37:03):
you know, doing stuff with wildlife and wildlife conservation. So yeah,
that was one of my hobbies was finding rattle snakes
and finding our native wildlife and that was a big
part of my life for many many years.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Wow. And to go back to the snake part is
almost like snake shd right and they let go of that.
This is me telling you something to yourself. That's shedding
that skin and evolving is what you did and what
you continue to do.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
And that I never thought of, bro.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
I love that. I love it always my mind because
I'm from chaos. Like my mind is always breaking things down.
It's like those if you've seen those gifts or whatever,
where the guy's sitting there and then you see all
these maths. I'm not good at math, but I'm good
at putting two and two together. And I feel like
for you, the snake was shedding bigger than this. You

(38:01):
know a lot of people think it's the scary whatever.
I think bigger than that is you shedding that old
version of you and revealing the person that you are.
And that's why you've always you know, had me on
your side and will just because of that.

Speaker 2 (38:20):
You know, I appreciate that, no doubt.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
You know you you're a father and you've been through
a lot of stuff as a child. How was it
holding your child's hand for the first time and how
did that change your man?

Speaker 2 (38:39):
So it was a very, very most powerful.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
Moment I've ever had in so my daughter, you know,
and mama's bellying and they're pregnant. You're talking to them
and they hear your voice and all this stuff. And
so we had an emergency ce section, and while her
mom was getting put back together, we got put in
a separate room for the measurements and you know, to
make sure she's healthy and everything. And I'm sitting I'm
sitting in the corner and my pediatricians there doing everything

(39:03):
and I'm bawling my eyes out and she's screaming her
head off. And then the doctor's like, hey, like, come
meet your daughter. And I go up and I go
to her ear and I and I go, hey, baby,
it's your dad. And she literally stopped crying, grabs my
finger and lets out a little smile and the doctor
is looking at me, he goes, Wow, that's something you
don't see every day.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
You got something special right here. And I'm just crying.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
I'm a regular, like I know I do. And that
was such a crazy way to and let this be known.
I didn't want to have kids. She was not planned.
It was not I never. I just I loved kids.
I trot kids jiu jitsu for years. I love them,
love them, got plenty of nieces and nephews, love all
you guys.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
But it was not never.

Speaker 3 (39:44):
I never wanted them and from the moment I met
her and now I want more.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
But it was.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Such a powerful moment that we had, and it's a
primal moment. It gave me like the kid that I
never No matter how happy I've been, I've always like
death is is coming for us.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
It's inevitable. You know.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
I never I don't want to die, but I was like,
you know it's going to happen. Now I'm walking on eggshells.
I'm not even speeded in my car like now I
like I want. I never wanted to be more alive
in my life than when I first met my daughter,
because now I was. It gave me a lot of
purpose and a lot of fulfillment of just when my
mom passed, I think she left a very big hole

(40:25):
in my heart and that that void will never be filled.
But my daughter did something else for my heart, and
it was it was incredible, just the amount of love
you could have for you know, technically you don't even
know them, and I'll die for it.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
At that moment.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
If I had to die for my daughter, I'd done
it ten thousand times. So I'm the proudest dad on
the planet, and I'm getting ready for my second one.
I'm having a son. I'll be born into November, so
I'm very.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Hopefully begin hopefully beginning, and it'll be my mom days
November four. So, oh, my daughter? Is my daughter really
scorpio babies? Yeah? Let me ask you. Let me ask
you said something that really made me think about you
not wanting to have kids beforehand. I've got a friend

(41:18):
of mine kind of similar to the situation, as in
he didn't per se want to have kids, but his
was because he was terrified of passing down any of
the stuff that happened to him. Do you think that
that played a role and you not wanting to have
kids originally?

Speaker 2 (41:38):
For sure?

Speaker 3 (41:39):
I think we live in such crazy times and this
world is insane and the society's bar has been dropping
so much. So not only did I not want you
know that's this is gonna sound terrible, but my daughter
won't know about my life, and hell, she's old enough

(42:01):
to understand it, like she won't know about the hardship
and the certain people that were involved in my life
and tell the timings right, you know. So in my mind,
twenty eight year old Nate, when he said he didn't
want to have kids, I was like, I don't want
any of my family to like, I don't want her
to know my history or them. I don't want them
to know my history. I don't want them to know
my past. I don't want them to know the ugly

(42:22):
people that have been in my life. I don't want
them to be around the ugly people.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
In the world.

Speaker 3 (42:27):
And then, you know, it changed when I had my daughter,
because now I realize, like a part of my job
as a parent is to do my best to make
her a good citizen, a good human being, a good
member of society, you know, just that we need more
good people and it's my duty now to do my
best ability to provide her with a good upbringing. And

(42:50):
this is a weird thing, and you can probably relate
to this, like navigating this, I got to show my
daughter adversity without putting her university, you know, Like, so
that's what I'm navigating now. So I'm not so afraid
of the world that she's in. I am now focused
on teaching her to navigate this crazy world. That's that's
my focus for my kids, to help them navigate themselves
through this wow and this wild thing.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
Yeah, you know. For me, I have five kids, my
oldest daughter. One of the biggest things that I regret,
and this is where like, we can't evolve till we
hold ourselves accountable, right, and we can't evolve until we're honest.
So one of the biggest things I did with my
oldest daughter that I regret, can't go back and change,

(43:32):
but was bringing my shit into being a parent, right,
because we're not taught how to be a parent. We're
not taught how to you know what's right or what's wrong.
We have to take our own things, and most of
the time those traits that we hated from our parents,

(43:53):
unfortunately get subconsciously passed over into us. And so one
of the things that I know I learned as a
parent going through therapy was not to be okay with
my kids feling. And that's the hardest part is because

(44:14):
I failed and I shouldn't say failed, but I fell
down very hard throughout my life over and over and
over and over again. So with my oldest daughter, I
felt like that by being controlling in the situation of
telling her what she should do, or trying to control

(44:35):
what she should do, or telling her what she should
not do and telling her that it would make her
be like, well, yeah, I'll do this, but I learned
that it only causes more chaos than it would to be.
Take my hand off of trying to navigate her and

(44:58):
understand that she needs to fail at things, she needs
to fall down, and that's okay. I think we as
people that have been through a lot of trauma, our
fear is that our kids are gonna go down that
path that we did. I learned luckily after her, you know,

(45:20):
and after all of that situation and whatever is to
let my kids so like a lot of times people
will look at me as a parent, like my brother laughs.
I raised my brother's thirty five years old and I've
taken care of him since he was six. And he laughs,
he doesn't laugh. He makes comments, but he's like, you're
such a pussy now, and I'm like, it's not really that.

(45:41):
He's like, you would beat my ass if you And
I'm like, you evolve and you live and you learn,
So like I let my kids at times do or
say things that they feel like is right at the time, right,
and not because I don't have control or not that
I don't am not trying to parent them or pass

(46:03):
down things that I think that are right. But I
have to understand that what I think is right, they
might not think is right and be okay with that. Yeah,
And that's it's hard. It's a hard, hard, hard thing
to do, especially when you've been through a lot of
trials and tribulations, a lot of chaos, a lot of trauma.
That's the hardest thing to do. It's not really fighting

(46:26):
the battles of my own internal it's what we project
out and put out into the world, and even more
so as a parent. So that's one of the things
that I've learned to do is.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
That I love that.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
So I have a funny, funny little story about that,
and I know you could totally relate.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
I'm sure.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
So my daughter is about like one year's one year
old and some change, and we're at the park and
we need to be somewhere at two o'clock.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
It's one forty five. It's a twenty minute drive to
where we're going.

Speaker 3 (46:57):
We're late so I'm like, baby, we gotta go, we
gotta get out of here.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Has a major mountdown.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
And then I caught myself thinking like how my parents
were in a sense, I'm like.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
What are you crying for?

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Like there's nothing to be crying for.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
And then I caught myself and then I like had
another just crazy moment. I was like, this is the
worst thing she's ever been through. This is her terrible moment,
you know, the worst thing. We have to leave, leave
the park right now, this is the this is the
worst thing she's had happen in her life. So I'm
gonna give you some grace. I'm gonna let you have
your moment. We still gotta go, but it's fine. Maybe

(47:32):
have your moment. And that helped me out a lot
with just the rest of it. Like as soon as
I had that realization, it gave me because I see
so many parents get frustrated with their kids of her
certain situations, especially younger kids.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
It's like, well that kid, you know, the kid never been.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Through that situation. Give them some grace. You know, your
your baby's waking up with new senses some days. Give
them some grace. They're gonna cry, you know, it's just
like I have a great boss. My boss is a
guy named Jocko Willing, and I've had good conversations with him.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
And then one thing that he mentioned.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
We were sitting there all talking to a group of
us parents and he mentioned, he was just like, a
child should never be able to make you mad enough
that you're angry, you know, because they're still figuring, you know,
they're still figuring it out.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
They shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
You should have You should be in tune with.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Yourself enough to not let certain things a kid's gonna do,
a kid's gonna be a kid.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
Let the kid be a kid. You know, don't don't
sit there.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
And that was one thing for that kind of relate
to what you're saying for myself, Like I noticed, I
was like, I gotta let her, let her have her moment.
I gotta let him fall, We gotta let him learn.
I gotta let you play next to fire. If you
get burned, that's how you're gonna learn, you know, Like
I can't. If I sit there and shelter you and
do all this, I'm only going to hinder you. And
that's the opposite of everything that I want to do

(48:44):
with Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
And it, and it creates it. It creates a divibe
for you. Ultimately, we feel like it's bringing us closer
because in our mind we're like, oh, they'll realize that
I'm trying to do the best for them. But ultimately
it's just send down and we don't subcond I mean,
we don't consciously choose that. We don't, you know, But

(49:07):
that's not to make it right. I subconsciously projected my
shit onto my child. I have to own that, and
I have to say, hey, you know where I was
wrong for that, and you know, make amends best that
I can for that.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
You know, and I credit I credit you so much
for that because especially as men. You know, my grandfather
was an incredible man. He was he really was a
great father figure. But he was as stubborn as stubborn
gets and he was so set in his ways. And
it just hint it could hinder you as a person,
man or woman if you can't address why you act

(49:45):
the way you do. Why I handle this because we
all like it's created. I have a friend and she's
a psychologist and she's been doing this for a long time,
and one thing that she says, it's like, we hold
so much childhood stuff in with us, Like the first
six months or six years of your life will impact
you the rest of your life, whether you like it

(50:06):
or not, accept it or not.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
And they're just so much little seriously, so much respect
to you.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
Thank you to be able to address it and be
like this is that, you know, because there's men, there's
men that are high alphas, you know, hot, you know
all this stuff. It's a If you're not willing to
work on yourself and address why you are the way
you are, you're getting left behind.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
You know. It's funny. The more that I learn, the
more alpha is to be able to understand and have
emotional intelligence rather than just having the strength.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Then that's my whole fight style.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
You know, That's one is people don't understand that. Speaking
of fights, you just came off of a catchwaight fight.
You got another fight coming up September twenty six. Give
us some detail on that.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Yeah, So I just bought August twenty third. My original
opponent pulled out two days before the fight, so they
asked me if I could take.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
A new opponent at one eighty five. So I wait
class up.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
When I got the phone call, I was already at
one eighty five, so I said, yeah, no problem, I'm
in Vegas, but immediately went to and All you could
eat sushi. I got my sushi on ended up having
to cut five pounds because of it.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
It was well worth it.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
But yeah, I am contractor right now through tough enough.
The only organization I'll fight for is tough enough, and
hope for the UFC one day. I'm cool with the
people there, and the CEO, Jamie, he let me know,
he goes, Hey, the Athletic Commission in Nevada is a
little bit different than California. If you take any real damage,
you will get at least a sixty day suspension. If

(51:50):
you want to fight in your hometown of San Diego,
you better go in there and don't take any damage
and get done quickly. And by God grace, I was
able to go in there and showcase my jiu jitsu
and not take any damage and I finished that fight
in a little a little over a minute, So I
got I got cleared. I only got suspended for seven days,
which is mandatory. And Nevada and yeah we're fighting. I'm

(52:12):
getting ready to fight again. September twenty sixth, right here
in San Diego at the Observatory.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
In North Park. We send me the links, I get tickets.
I'm definitely going to beat down. I'm definitely gonna come
down there and rep for you. You know, when you
step in the cage, now, do you feel like it's
about you or do you feel like you're fighting for
your family too?

Speaker 3 (52:33):
So that's that's a you know, it's I would say
it's a weird fifty to fifty because it's something that
I want. It's something that I'm passionate about. Nobody's waken
me up in the morning to go train and put
myself through all this hard stuff, and you know, but
I will say it's it's for my family and the
people that I've believed in me for so long. When

(52:54):
I started this martial art journey, I had a lot
of people because I've always told people like, I'm going
to fight. Even ask Hector Tapio when I first went
to GV, I go, I want to do MM, I
want to do MMA. So I've had a lot of
naysayers and a lot of people saying that I wouldn't
get to where I'm at and be what I'm to
be a full time martial artist and doing these things,
but I've had a lot of people believe in me,

(53:16):
family and some of my closest friends. I definitely I
fight for my family, I fight for my children, and
I definitely in a selfish way, I definitely fight for myself.
I want to prove myself right and I want to
break the stigma that most fighters fall into brute force
alpha aggression anger like. I am not an angry fighter.

(53:36):
I'll never fight angry. My style is calm, cool and
collect it. And I'm a big dork. I don't look
like the fighter, you know, and I want to I
want to let the nerdy kid that's a teenage kid
that's going through a hard day, you know, hardship and
living a hard life. I want him to know that
there's there's hope at the end of the tunnel. If
you focus on something and want it bad enough and

(53:57):
put the time and the effort into it, you could
do whatever you want. Because I was a kid that
was supposed to be on drugs and supposed to go
to jail after certain hardship that I went through, and
I was not supposed to be where I'm at by
any means. I wasn't supposed to have a loving wife
and a beautiful daughter and a beautiful son on the way.
I got siblings that are in jail right now. I

(54:18):
got close friends that are passed away. The odds weren't
in my favor, but I'm defying the odds. I don't
accept it. My mom taught me long ago, don't have
can't in your vocabulary, and I don't have can't in
my vocabulary. So I'm I don't believe there's a man
that could break me, and I want to be tested.
I just want to be tested, and I want to
prove myself right.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
I don't think that's I don't think it's selfish. I
think that we are tall something that is. I think
we're taught a lot of wrong things, to be honest,
but well, I digress. I think one of the things
is that we're taught that it's selfish to fight or
do things for ourselves. And I feel like for you,
I feel like that it didn't feel heard, didn't feel seen,

(55:02):
that wanted all of those things. I think it's okay
to fight for him. It's okay, you know what I mean.
I think I think that's that's the thing. You know,
when your kids grow up and they look back, not
just the cage, but it's the man. What do you
want them to say or see?

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Man, that's that Dad loved me. That dad, dad loved
me and supported me and whatever I did. That's the
main thing. I would love love for my kids to
be able to look back and say that that I
always love them and show them unconditional love, because that's
the real thing. There's love and then there's unconditional love.
And I unconditionally love my kids regardless regardless of whatever

(55:45):
life throws at them or whatever great bad, negative good, whatever,
I'm always going to be there for them unconditionally. So
I hope that's what they could relate The message later
in life is that Dad loved it unconditionally.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
That's it's been a Let me ask you this. For
people out there, you've been through a lot. I've kind
of been through a lot, but you've been through a lot.
For the people out there that are going through a
dark day, a dark time, a dark situation, what would
you say to them?

Speaker 2 (56:18):
I'll say this.

Speaker 3 (56:18):
I have wrote myself off and have so many times
been like, oh, it's the end of the world, this
is the final straw, this is this is it? There
is no tomorrow. And that's the beauty of life is
there is always a tomorrow. No matter what mistake you
made today.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
You could, you could.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
And this is easier said than done, but it's as
easy as saying I'm done putting myself through this stuff.
I'm done being this person, I'm done doing the same
bad habits. It could be in a switch, it could
be a new day. It could just like I said,
it just happened like that. It could be tomorrow. There's
always as long as you're breathing, you got fight in you,

(56:58):
you could always make a change for the better. And
your situation that you think is so terrible, some people
would even kill to be in that situation. And that's
one thing that really, truly, that is a terrible thing
to think like this I feel sometimes, But I was
always like, yeah, I got it bad, but someone's got
it worse. Someone's got it worse. We're very fortunate. We're

(57:18):
born in this beautiful country. We got clean food, clean water,
we got all this. We're very fortunate in so many ways.
And some people will, like I said, I have personally,
I've wrote myself off more times than I account like
tomorrow is not happening in this you know, the end
of the world. And I will say this, there's always tomorrow.
It does happen, and it's not in your situation. Your

(57:40):
situation will change, and sometimes it takes you take an
initiative to change it.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
You know, it's finally. One of the things I've learned,
or one of the things that I've said recently, is
you hit the nail on the head. There's always a tomorrow.
Whether we're here or not, there's still going to be
at tomorrow. And for me when the things that I've
wrote myself off ten million times, but I look at

(58:05):
my kids and I look at what me not being
here or what me not being around would do to them, right,
because if I'm not here, not only does me not
being here, Yeah that eventually my name will be forgotten,
that just is what it is, but my legacy will

(58:28):
always be passed down. I don't want my kids to
carry the burdens that I created. Again, that's not fair
to them. So even when I want to get up
and people all the time, people are like, oh, you're
so motivation or you're so this, I'm really most of
the time, ninety nine percent of the time, I really,
if it was just me, I wouldn't purse the care.

(58:50):
That sounds horrible, but that's just being real. I get up,
I pushed through. I go because I want my kids to,
like you, feel loved unconditionally, to know that they don't
have to buy my attention. They don't have to be
or do or fit in a box for me to

(59:11):
love them or to get attention. I'm going to be
there regardless, and that's what I want to pass down
to them rather than a lifelong bit of more trauma.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:24):
Yeah, you know. This episode wasn't about fights, but it
was about fights. It was about a fight of life,
of survival and stepping into purpose. You shared a lot
today that really could make me. I'm a fan of

(59:44):
the person that you are. I'm going to always be
a fan of the fighter. But the person that you
are and the things that you've been through and choosing
to be and do better is a very, very very
tough thing to do. So kudos to you and much
respect to you from making that choice to not only

(01:00:06):
do better for your family, but to do better for yourself.
And that Nate the kid is smiling knowing that you're
evolving and being the dad and the person that you are.
Everybody go follow this man on his social media snake,
the Nate Mma. I will be there in San Diego

(01:00:30):
on the twenty six cheering for him. If you need
anything to spit camp or anything, let me know, brother,
I'm always here. I really appreciate you, and you know
you're always welcome on the front porch. Keep fighting the
good fight, brother, and we appreciate you well.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
I appreciate you. I've always on your own.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
My old roommate here and the one who used to
train at HQ A lot, we always talk about you,
and we always like, just love to see what you're
doing with your life and with your podcast and everything
that you do real estate. No matter what you're doing,
you're just always killing. It's your injer Like you said earlier,
you know, ninety nine percent of time not in the
mood to do, not want to you know, motivations, that's uh,

(01:01:12):
that's discipline, and that's love for your family. So I
could I could appreciate that and respect you. I got
so much love and respect for you, brother, So thank
you for the platform. Yes, we'll have you in San Diego.
I'm gonna get you viped out. So don't worry about that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
I'm down. Like le Roy Brown, I will be there
and if you and your family ever need me, I'm
always here.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Likewise, brother, I appreciate you more than you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
Thank you,

All Episodes

Nate “The Snake” Ray — Shedding Skins: Adoption, Addiction, Jiu-Jitsu & Fatherhood

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

The Joe Rogan Experience

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Nate “The Snake” Ray — Shedding Skins: Adoption, Addiction, Jiu-Jitsu & Fatherhood