Chapter 17 - The Gambler

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Chapter seventeen. It is a yearand eight months since I last looked at
these notes of mine. I doso now only because, being overwhelmed with
depression, I wish to distract mymind by reading them through at random.
I left them off at the pointwhere I was just going to Hamburg a

(00:21):
god. With what a light heart? Comparatively speaking, did I write the
concluding lines, Though it may benot so much with a light heart as
with a measure of self confidence andunquenchable hope. At that time had I
any doubts of myself? Yet?Behold me now, scarcely a year and
a half have passed. Yet Iam in a worse position than the meanest

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beggar. But what is a beggara fig for beggary? I have ruined
myself, that is all. Noris there anything with which I can compare
myself. There is no moral whichit would be of any use for you
to read to me at the presentmoment. Nothing could well be more incongruous
than a moral. Oh, youself satisfied persons, who, in your

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unctuous pride are forever ready to mouthyour maxims. If only you knew how
fully I myself comprehend the sordidness ofmy present state. You would not trouble
to wag your tongues at me.What could you say to me that I
do not already know well wherein liesmy difficulty. It lies in the fact

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that, by a single turn ofa roulette wheel everything for me has become
changed. Yet, had things befallenotherwise, these moralists would have been among
the first. Yes, I feelpersuaded of it to approach me with friendly
jests and congratulations. Yes, theywould never have turned from me as they
are doing now A fig for allof them. What am I? I

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am zero? Nothing? What shallI be Tomorrow? I may be risen
from the dead and have begun lifeanew. For still I may discover the
man in myself, if only mymanhood has not become utterly shattered. I
went, i say, to Hamburg, but afterwards went also to Roulettenburg,

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as well as to Spa and Baden, in which latter place, for a
time I acted as valet to acertain rascal of a privy councilor by name
Heinz, who until lately was alsomy master. Here. Yes, for
five months I lived my life withlackeys, That was just after I had
come out of Roulettenburg prison, whereI had lain for a small debt which

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I owed out of that prison Iwas bailed by whom by mister Astley,
by Paulina, I do not knowat all events. The debt was paid
to the tune of two hundred dollars, and I sallied forth a free man.
But what was I to do withmyself in my dilemma? I had

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course to this Hinz, who wasa young scapegrace and the sort of man
who could speak and write three languages. At first I acted as his secretary
at a salary of thirty gulden amonth, but afterwards I became his lackey.
For the reason that he could notafford to keep a secretary, only
an unpaid servant. I had nothingelse to turn to, so I remained

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with him and allowed myself to becomehis flunkey. But by stinting myself in
meat and drink, I saved duringmy five months of service some seventy gulden,
and one evening, when we wereat Baden, I told him that
I wished to resign my post,and then hastened to betake myself to roulette.

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Oh, how my heart beat asI did so. No, it
was not the money that I valued. What I wanted was to make all
this mob of Hinz's hotel proprietors andfine ladies a baden talk about me,
recount my story, wonder at me, extol my doings, and worship my
winnings. True, these were childishfancies and aspirations. But who knows but

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that I might meet Paulina and beable to tell her everything and see her
look of surprise at the fact thatI had overcome so many adverse strokes of
fortune. No, I had nodesire for money for its own sake,
for I was perfectly well aware thatI should only squander it upon some new
blanche and spend another three weeks inParis after buying a pair of horses,

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which had cost sixteen thousand francs.No, I never believed myself to be
a hoarder. In fact, Iknew only too well that I was a
spendthrift, and already with a sortof fear, a sort of sinking in
my heart. I could hear thecries of the croupiers trante et un rouge,
impere epas court noir pere a monk. How greedily I gazed upon the

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gaming table with its scattered Louis door, ten gulden pieces and tollars, upon
the streams of gold as they issuedfrom the croupier's hands and piled themselves up
into heaps of gold, scintillating asfire upon the ell long rolls of silver
lying round the croupier. Even ata distance of two rooms, I could

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hear the chink of that money,so much so that I nearly fell into
convulsions. Ah The evening when Itook those seventy gulden to the gaming table
was a memorable one for me.I began by staking ten gulden upon pass
for pas I had always had asort of predilection, yet I lost my
stake upon it. This left mewith sixty gulden in silver. After a

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moment's thought, I selected zero,beginning by staking five gulden at a time.
Twice I lost, but the thirdround suddenly brought up the desired coups.
I could almost have died with joyas I received my one hundred and
seventy five gulden. Indeed, Ihave been less pleased when in former times
I have won a hundred thousand gulden, losing no time. I stay another

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hundred gulden upon the Red, andone two hundred upon the Red, and
one four hundred upon the Black,and one eight hundred upon Monk and one.
Thus, with the addition of theremainder of my original capital, I
found myself possessed within five minutes ofseventeen hundred gulden. Ah At such moments

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one forgets both one's self and one'sformer failures. This I had gained by
risking my very life. I haddared so to risk and behold again I
was a member of mankind. Iwent and hired a room. I shut
myself up in it, and satcounting my money until three o'clock in the
morning. To think that when Iawoke on the morrow, I was no

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lackey, I decided to leave atonce for Hamburg. There I should neither
have to serve as a footman norto lie in prison. Half an hour
before starting, I went and ventureda couple of stakes no more, with
the result that in all I lostfifteen hundred florins. Nevertheless, I proceeded
to Hamburg, and have now beenthere for a month of course, I

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am living in constant trepidation, playingfor the smallest of stakes, and always
looking out for something, calculating standingwhole days by the gaming tables to watch
the play, even seeing that playin my dreams, yet seeming the while
to be in some way stiffening,to be growing caked, as it were
in Mire. But I must concludemy notes, which I finish under the

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impression of a recent encounter with misterAstley. I had not seen him since
we parted at Roulettenburg, and nowwe met quite by accident. At the
time, I was walking in thepublic gardens and meditating upon the fact that
not only had I still some fiftyolden in my possession, but also I
had fully paid up my hotel billthree days ago. Consequently, I was

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in a position to try my luckagain at Roulette, and if I want
anything, I should be able tocontinue my play, whereas if I lost
what I now possessed, I shouldonce more have to accept a Lackey's place,
provided that in the alternative I failedto discover a Russian family which stood
in need of a tutor. Plungedin these reflections, I started on my

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daily walk through the park and foresttowards a neighboring principality. Sometimes, on
such occasions I spent four hours onthe way and would return to Hamburg tired
and hungry. But on this particularoccasion I had scarcely left the gardens for
the park when I caught sight ofAstley seated on a bench. As soon
as he perceived me, he calledme by name, and I went and

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sat down beside him. But onnoticing that he seemed a little stiff in
his manner, I hastened to moderatethe expression of joy which the sight of
him had called forth You here,He said, Well, I had an
idea that I should meet you.Do not trouble to tell me anything,
for I know all, yes,all, in fact, your whole life

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during the past twenty months within myknowledge, how closely you watched the doings
of your old friends. I replied, that does you infinite credit? But
stop a moment. You have remindedme of something. Was it you who
bailed me out of Roulettenburg prison whenI was lying there for a debt of
two hundred gulden? Someone did so? Oh, dear, No, though

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I knew all the time that youwere lying there. Perhaps you could tell
me who did bail me out?No, I'm afraid I could not.
What a strange thing, for Iknow no Russians at all here, so
it cannot have been a Russian whobefriended me. In Russia, we orthodox
folk do go bail for one another. But in this case I thought it

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must have been done by some Englishstranger who was not conversant with the ways
of the country. Mister Astley seemedto listen to me with a sort of
surprise. Evidently he had expected tosee me looking more crushed and broken than
I was. Well, he said, not very pleasantly. I am none
the less glad to find that youretain your old independence of spirit as well

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as your buoyancy, which means thatyou are vexed at not having found me
more abased and humiliated than I am, I retorted with a smile. Astley
was not quick to understand this,but presently did so and laughed. Your
remarks please me, as they alwaysdid, he continued, in those words,

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I see the clever, triumphant,and above all things cynical friend of
former days. Only Russians have thefaculty of combining within themselves so many opposite
qualities. Yes, most men loveto see their best friend in abasement,
For generally it is on such abasement that friendship has founded. All thinking
persons know that ancient truth. Yeton the present occasion, I assure you

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I am sincerely glad to see thatyou are not cast down. Tell me,
are you never going to give upgambling? Damn the gambling? Yes,
I should certainly have given it up. Were it not that that you
are losing? I thought, so, you need not tell me any more.
I know how things stand, foryou have said that last in despair,

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and therefore truthfully have you no otheremployment than gambling? No? None,
whatever? Astley gave me a searchingglance. At that time it was
ages since I at last looked ata paper or turned the pages of a
book. You are growing blaise,he said. You have not only renounced
life, with its interests and socialties, but the duties of a citizen

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and a man. You have notonly renounced the friends whom I know you
to have had, and every aimin life but that of winning money.
But you have also renounced your memory. Though I can remember you in the
strong ardent period of your life,I feel persuaded that you have now forgotten
every better feeling of that period,that your present dreams and aspirations of subsistence

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do not rise above pair impair rougenoir, the twelve middle numbers, and
so forth. Enough, mister Astley, I cried, with some irritation,
almost in anger. Kindly, donot recall to me any more recollections.
For I can remember things for myselfonly for a time. Have I put
them out of my head only untilI shall have rehabilitated myself. Am I

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keeping my memory dulled? When thathour shall come, you will see me
arise from the dead. Then youwill have to be here another ten years,
he replied. Should I then bealive, I will remind you here
on this very bench of what Ihave just said. In fact, I
will bet you a wager that Ishall do so. Say no more,

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I interrupted, impatiently, and toshow you that I have not wholly forgotten
the past. May I inquire whereMademoiselle Polina is. If it was not
you who bailed me out of prison, it must have been she. Yet
never have I heard a word concernher. No, I do not think
it was she. At the presentmoment, she is in Switzerland, and
you will do me a favor byceasing to ask me these questions about her.

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Vastly said this with a firm andeven an angry air, which means
that she has dealt you a seriouswound. I burst out with an involuntary
sneer. Mademoiselle Polina, he continued, is the best of all possible living
beings. But I repeat that Ishall thank you to cease questioning me about

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her. You never really knew her, and her name on your lips is
an offense to my moral feeling.Indeed, on what subject, then have
I a better right to speak toyou than on this? With it are
bound up all your recollections and mine. However, do not be alarmed.
I have no wish to probe toofar into your private your secret affairs.

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My interest to Mademoiselle Polina does notextend beyond her outward circumstances and surroundings.
About you could tell me in twowords, well, on condition that the
matter shall end there, I willtell you that for a long time Mademoiselle
Polina was ill, and still is. So my mother and sister entertained her

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for a while at their home inthe north of England, and thereafter Mademoiselle
Poline's grandmother. You remember, themad old woman died and left Mademoiselle Polina
a personal legacy of seven thousand poundssterling. That was about six months ago.
And now Mademoiselle is traveling with mysister's family. My sister having since
married. Mademoiselle's little brother and sisteralso benefited by the grandmother's will and are

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now being educated in London. Asfor the General, he died in Paris
last month of a stroke. MademoiselleBlanche did well by him, for she
succeeded in having transferred to herself allthat he received from the grandmother. That
I think concludes all that I haveto tell. And Debriey, is he
too traveling in Switzerland? No,nor do I know where he is.

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Also, I warn you once morethat you had better avoid such hints and
ignoble suppositions, otherwise you will assuredlyhave to reckon with me. What in
spite of our old friendship, Yes, in spite of our old friendship,
then I beg your pardon a thousandtimes, mister Astley. I meant nothing

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offensive to Mademoiselle Polina for I havenothing of which to accuse her. Moreover,
the question of there being anything betweenthis Frenchman and this Russian lady is
not one which you and I needdiscuss nor even attempt to understand. If
replied Astley, you do not careto hear their names coupled together. May

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I ask you what you mean bythe expressions this Frenchman, this Russian lady,
and there being anything between them?Why do you call them so,
particularly a Frenchman and a Russian lady. Ah, I see you are interested,
mister ast but it is a long, long story and calls for a
lengthy preface. At the same time, the question is an important one,

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however ridiculous it may seem at thefirst glance. A Frenchman, mister Astley,
is merely a fine figure of aman. With this, You,
as a Britisher, may not agreewith it. I also, as a
Russian, may not agree out ofenvy. Yet possibly our good ladies are
of another opinion. For instance,one may look upon Racine as a broken

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down habaldehoy, perfumed individual. Onemay even be unable to read him,
and I too may think him thesame, as well as in some respects
a subject for ridicule. Yet abouthim, mister Astley, there is a
certain charm, and above all things, he is a great poet. Though
one might like to deny it.Yes, the Frenchman, the Parisian,

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as a national figure, was inprocess of developing into a figure of elegance
before we Russians had even ceased tobe bears. The Revolution bequeathed to the
French nobility its heritage. And nowevery whipper snapper of a Parisian may possess
manners, methods of expression, andeven thoughts that are above reproach and form,
while all the time he himself mayshare in that form, neither an

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initiative, nor in intellect, norin soul, his manners, and the
rest having come to him through inheritance, yes, taken by himself. The
Frenchman is frequently a fool of foolsand a villain of villains. Percontra,
there is no one in the worldmore worthy of confidence and respect than this
young Russian lady. Debrie might somask his face and play a part as

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easily to overcome her heart. Forhe has an imposing figure, mister Astley,
and this young lady might easily takethat figure for his real self,
for the natural form of his heartand soul, instead of the mere cloak
with which heredity has dowered him.And even though it may offend you,
I feel bound to say that themajority also of English people are uncouth and

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unrefined. Whereas we Russian folk canrecognize beauty wherever we see it and are
always eager to cultivate the same.But to distinguish beauty of sole and personal
originality, there is needed far moreindependence and freedom than is possessed by our
women, especially by our younger ladies. At all events. They need more

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experience. For instance, this MademoisellePaulina, pardon me, but the name
has passed my lips and I cannotwell recall. It is taking a very
long time to make up her mindto prefer you to Monsieur de Griey.
She may respect you, she maybecome your friend, she may open out
her heart to you. Yet overthat heart there will be reigning, that

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loathsome villain, that mean and pettyusurer de Griey. This will be due
to obstinacy and self love, tothe fact that de Griey once appeared to
her in the transfigured guise of amarquis, of a disenchanted and ruined liberal
who was doing his best to helpher family and the frivolous old general.
And although these transactions of his havesince been exposed, you will find that

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the exposure has made no impression uponher mind. Only give her the degrie
of former days, and she willask of you no more. The more
she may detest the present degrie,the more she will lament the degrie of
the past, even though the latternever existed. But in her own imagination,
you are a sugar refiner, misterAstley, are you not. Yes,

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I belong to the well known firmof Lovell and Company. Then see
here, on the one hand,you are a sugar refiner, while on
the other hand you are an apollobelvidere. But the two characters do not
mix with one another. I again, am not even a sugar refiner.
I am a mere roulette gambler whohas also served as a lackey. Of

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this fact, Mademoiselle Poline is probablywell aware, since she appears to have
an excellent force of police at herdisposal. You are saying this because you
are feeling bitter, said Astley,with cold indifference. Yet there is not
the least originality in your words.I agree, But therein lies the horror
of it all that how trepidation,playing, ever mean and farcical, my

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accusations may be, they are nonethelesstrue, But I am only wasting words.
Yes, you are, for youare only talking nonsense, exclaimed my
companion, his voice now trembling andhis eyes flashing fire. Are you aware,
he continued, that wretched, ignoble, petty, unfortunate man though you

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are. It was at her requestthat I came to Hamburg in order to
see you and to have a longserious talk with you, and to report
to her your feelings and thoughts andhopes. Yes, and your recollections of
her too. Indeed, is thatreally so? I cried, the tears
beginning to well for my eyes.Never before had this happened. Yes,

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poor unfortunate continued Askedley. She didlove you, and I may tell you
this now for the reason that nowyou are utterly lost. Even if I
were also to tell you that shestill loves you, you would none the
less have to remain where you are. Yes, you have ruined yourself beyond
redemption. Once upon a time youhad a certain amount of talent, and

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you were of a lively disposition,and your good looks were not to be
despised. You might even have beenuseful to your country, which needs men
like you. Yet you remained here, and your life is now over.
I am not blaming you for this. In my view, all Russians resemble
you, or are inclined to doso. If it is not roulette,
then it is something else. Theexceptions are very rare. Nor are you

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the first to learn what a taskmasteris yours, for Roulette is not exclusively
a Russian game. Hitherto you havehonorably preferred to serve as a lackey than
to act as a thief. Butwhat the future may have in store for
you, I tremble to think.Now goodbye. You are in want of
money. I suppose then take theseten louis d'Or more. I shall not

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give you, for you would onlygamble it away. Take care of these
coins and farewell once more. Takecare of them. No, mister Astley,
after all that has been said,I take care of them repeated.
My friend, I am certain youare still a gentleman, and therefore I
give you the money as one gentlemanmay give money to another. Also,

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if I could be certain that youwould leave both Hamburg and the gaming tables
and return to your own country,I would give you a thousand pounds down
to start life afresh. But Igive you ten louis d'Or instead of a
thousand pounds, for the reason thatat the present time a thousand pounds and
ten louis d'Or will be all thesame to you. You will lose the

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one as readily as you will theother. Take the money there for and
goodbye. Yes, I will takeit, if at the same time you
will embrace me with pleasure. Sowe parted on terms of sincere affection.
But he was wrong. If Iwas hard and undiscerning as regards Paulina and

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de Grier, he was hard andundiscerning as regards Russian people. Generally,
of myself, I say nothing yetyet words are only words. I need
to act above all things. Ineed to think of Switzerland tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Ah. But if only I couldset things right tomorrow and be born
again and rise again from the dead. But no I cannot. Yet I

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must show her what I can do, even if she should do no more
than learn that I can still playthe man. It would be worth it.
Today it is too late. Buttomorrow. Yet I have a presentiment
that things can never be otherwise.I have got fifteen Louis do my possession.
Although I began with fifteen Gulden.If I were to play carefully at
the start. But no, no, surely I am not such a fool

(24:08):
as that. Yet, why shouldI not rise from the dead. I
should require at first but to gocautiously and patiently, and the rest would
follow. I should require but toput a check upon my nature for one
hour, and my fortunes would bechanged entirely. Yes, my nature is
my weak point. I have onlyto remember what happened to me some months

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ago at Roulettenburg, before my finalruin. What a notable instance that was
of my capacity for resolution. Onthe occasion in question, I had lost
everything everything, Yet just as Iwas leaving the casino, I heard another
Gulden give a rattle in my pocket. Perhaps I shall need it for a
meal, I thought to myself.But a hundred paces further on I changed

(24:55):
my mind and returned that Goulden.I staked upon monk, And there is
something in the feeling that though oneis alone and in a foreign land,
and far from one's own home andfriends, and ignorant of whence one's next
meal is to come, one isnevertheless staking one's very last coin. Well,
I won the stake, and intwenty minutes had left the casino with

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a hundred and seventy gulden in mypocket. That is a fact, and
it shows what a last remaining guldencan do. But what if my heart
had failed me, or I hadshrunk from making up my mind? No
tomorrow all shall be ended. Endof Chapter seventeen and end of The Gambler

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by Fyodor Dostoyevsky