November 5, 2023 • 52 mins
Welcome to another episode of the Godbolt Life Podcast. In "Becoming a Wife: The Scary Change That Transformed My Life," hosts Mark and Jade delve deep into understanding your purpose beyond worldly positions and roles. They challenge the concept of code-switching and encourage listeners to focus on their transformation in Christ.
Shedding light on their personal journeys, they share their insights on the importance of being in touch with your healing needs, growth, and embracing change. Jade candidly shares her journey of becoming a wife and how that impacted her spiritual growth.
Mark shares his perspective on leading with spiritual guidance, and together, they explore the interconnectedness of marriage, healing, and holiness. They invite you to embrace this journey towards a purpose-centered life in Christ.
Don't forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you never miss an episode of The Godbolt Life Podcast. Connect with us on our social media platforms where we can continue these conversations!
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
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Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
Shedding light on their personal journeys, they share their insights on the importance of being in touch with your healing needs, growth, and embracing change. Jade candidly shares her journey of becoming a wife and how that impacted her spiritual growth.
Mark shares his perspective on leading with spiritual guidance, and together, they explore the interconnectedness of marriage, healing, and holiness. They invite you to embrace this journey towards a purpose-centered life in Christ.
Don't forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you never miss an episode of The Godbolt Life Podcast. Connect with us on our social media platforms where we can continue these conversations!
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok
@THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST
@JADEGODBOLT
@MARKGODBOLT
@THEGODBOLTLIFE
@JADEGODBOLT
@MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
My purpose is centered and sits insideof who Christ has made me to be.
It's this idea that what you doat work, who you are to
your kids, who you are toyour husband, who you are to strangers,
should not be different. The ideais that you're the same person in
all these roles and all these hatsthat you wear. And what I realized
(00:24):
was I was kind of different dependingon who I was talking to. Because
we're taught to code switch. We'retaught to, you know, adjust to
the room, and you know,make sure you act like you've been somewhere.
You know, when you go somewhereand act like da da da da
da. And it's like, well, what if we did not act?
(00:47):
Instead, we focused our pursuits onbeing. If you focus on being,
then you have the space to beaware of what needs healing, what needs
to be changed, what needs growth, and what is ready to be poured
out into other people. But ifyou don't have that awareness of who you
are and you're only focused on well, I'm a wife, i'm a mom,
(01:14):
I'm a corporate America queen. That'swho I am. That's not who
you are. These worldly positions arenot who we are and that separation in
that mindset shift has been huge forme in every position that I operate in,
(01:34):
including being a wife. Welcome tothe god Boat Life Podcast. I'm
your host, Mark Godboat with mybeautiful wife Jane Cowboat. We believe that
marriage, God's way is the mostpowerful catalyst towards healing and holiness for you
and everybody after you. We're backs. We are back. Okay, Well,
(01:59):
so we're going to talk about you. We're going to talk about wives.
So how would you describe withffery?Is that what it is? I
don't even know. I don't evenknow. How would you describe being a
wife? Being a rib being thefeelings of my heart made flesh. I
(02:22):
would describe my experience being a wifein this season as a season of learning
how to submit and learning how tobe more intentional about when, how why
I say certain things to you,or how I bring things up to your
(02:46):
knowledge, or how I assess thesituation. And it's been a lot of
removing myself from being the decision makerand automatically taking the wheel and learning how
to take a step back from that. And that started with me being obedient
(03:10):
to the father and learning what itmeant to be a daughter. So in
your episode, you said something tothe tune of you're learning how to be
a son. And much like inthat episode, you were expressing different seasons
and the different lessons God was teachingyou in those seasons, and I expressed,
(03:31):
how while you're walking through those seasons, it's also helping me grow in
the same areas watching you, witnessingyou, and then being the first line
of experimentation slash use what you've learned. I'm the first line that receives whatever
(03:53):
you've gotten from God and receives whateverlessons you're learning. So even in this
it's been learning how to be adaughter as well, and unlearning this sense
of independence that I've built up forso long, and finding peace knowing that
(04:15):
I don't have to have all theanswers. And yet when I do have
a lot of answers, when Ido know what's right or what's wrong in
a situation, it doesn't mean Ishould always voice that I should only be
doing the will of my Father regardlessof what's right or wrong quote unquote in
(04:39):
a situation, because it's always sosubjective, and even in times when I'm
doing something right or wrong, youdon't always respond to me with this authoritative
that's right or that's wrong, becausethat's not how the father treats you,
and that's not how the father treatsme, and so inevitably you don't treat
(05:03):
me that way. So I havehad to do the reconciliation within myself to
not treat myself like that. Iused to be very critical and very it's
either this or that, and veryhard on myself about being able to be
(05:24):
what I'm supposed to be in amoment, checking off all the boxes,
crossing every t and dotting every eyewith whatever it is, because I have
such a high expectation of myself inall things that I think. I'm coming
out of a season where I feltdeeply that I was doing everything wrong and
that I wasn't a good wife,because partly I wasn't a good wife,
(05:48):
but it was also this inner communicationthat I had that told me that I
wasn't a good wife and I wouldnever grow to be better. So it
was like always hindering me of beingopen to this idea of change, and
(06:09):
change being this scary thing for mefor a long time to now being something
that I have to manually embrace knowingthat that's the good thing. Life breeds
change. So if I'm living lifeand if I'm going towards light, going
towards life, then change is goingto occur. And as a person as
(06:34):
a woman, and also as awife and a mom too, But we're
talking about wifehood in this moment.So when you was talking something that came
up for me, my mind goinggoing to a football analogy of how I
played wide receiver, and that's offense. The person that is playing cornerback is
(06:58):
on defense and they don't know theplay. Like they may have an idea
because they've watched film and maybe it'slike, well normally that person does this
when they do this, but theystill don't know. So your job is
to if you're playing man coverage,I got that man, you have to
mirror or to the best of yourability, mirror what that person is doing,
(07:24):
making it harder to play than theoffensive guy that you're mirroring wide receiver.
So I said that to say,like, as a wife who has
submitted to a husband who is alsosubmitted to the father, there may be
something going on that your husband gotfrom the father that you don't have all
(07:47):
the information for because men established,women expand, so you don't have all
the information, but you know thatthis is the way that we're supposed to
go, So you you oftentimes arefollowing my lead, and as you know,
sometimes it's even crazy for me becauseI don't fully understand it. But
(08:09):
then you get to that next layerof like, Okay, this don't go
with what I think we're supposed todo, but it also don't go where
he thinks that he should normally do. But this came from the father.
So how is it following the leadof someone who's following the lead, Because
(08:30):
that's also very different than I'm surelike what you're used to, especially with
your past being most of the timetop of command, the only one,
the main one. Like how isit? And then it's also in your
DNA because Mama read it the sameway and her twin is the same way,
So it's like you've gotten it honest, Like how getting to their place
(08:54):
of following a follower? That's crazy? Following a follower, Like that's what
being a wife is in most suspect, How is that? How do you
deal with that? Give us someexamples of how you've dealt with that.
I'm not really remembering like specific examples. I think more I can speak to
(09:18):
the feelings that I get and howI process the feelings now versus before.
I have always felt empowered when I'min a position to take control or to
make decisions. I like feeling empowered. I like feeling like I can affect
change in a situation. And whatbeing a wife, a lot of it
(09:43):
has been for me not getting myempowermant from that place. That's hard.
It's hard to not desire to feellike you are the change agent in the
way that you were before marriage andin the way that you see other people
(10:07):
being able to be change agents elsewhere. So it's like being very aware of
what I'm watching or what I'm comparingmyself to. In this season, I
was even having inner dialogue. Earlier, I was scrolling on Instagram and seeing
(10:28):
people that do what I do onsocial media, being in a place that
years ago I wanted to be inand sometimes to this day I still want
to be in. I say thisall the time, like, if it
was me, just me, I'djust be a beauty creator and I'd come
out with my own product and I'drun that race. That's the race I
(10:48):
would choose for myself. I wouldnot have chosen this race for myself.
So transitioning from just doing what Iwant to do because I feel good there,
my flesh feels good there, tounderstanding that my role is part of
(11:09):
a bigger plan of team. There'sother players at hand, and not being
the one that makes all the plays. In my world before I made I
was the quarterback. I was astar player, and as long as everybody
followed me, we won the game. And the way my life was set
(11:31):
up being an influencer, really beingable to be on my own terms for
the last what since twenty sixteen,not having a boss and not like you
know, doing whatever I wanted todo. I got very comfortable there,
and it's harder for me to submitto what you want to do or what
(11:54):
you say is the better option ina scenario when I think I know that
it ain't, and even sometimes feelinglike you have a different viewpoint that I
still think is wrong, simply submittingto you and making that manual decision like
(12:16):
yeah, I wouldn't choose this,and I still don't think this is right,
but God calls me to submit tohim and to follow him. So
even if I'm looking around and Isee a different outcome than what you're pointing
us towards, I have to believethat the act of following you is more
(12:39):
important than me being right in asituation. And when I spent so long
finding safety and being right, sometimesit feels unsafe to not be right or
to decide that I don't care whetherI'm right or wrong. But the focus
is following you. The focus isobedience to the Father. Because I'm more
(13:03):
aware now than I was before thatI think I know what the variables are
of the situation, but I reallydon't. And the more that I've broken
that down in me, the pride, the self glory, the independence.
I have learned that it's not hardto submit when you know that the person
(13:28):
you're following is submitted to Christ,submitted to God. And also that everything
I knew before is literally opposite inthe Kingdom. So if I think I'm
gonna still be able to be thatgirl that I was before in our marriage
is wrong. It's funny to gothere, because I was actually thinking about
(13:48):
that too as you was talking earlier. Oftentimes, were we at to make
the decisions that we're making, wedidn't get there because God put us there
or by following what he said todo. We got there by doing us
doing what the world told us todo to get said results. So then
(14:09):
we come into an understanding of histruth. And really the only way to
even get there is for us tounlearn what we thought we knew, which
also comes with the level of necessaryhumility because it takes I was just talking
to a friend earlier today about howlike it's truly tough when you can tell
(14:33):
that the only thing standing between thelife that people really desire to have and
where they are is the humility torepent for thinking that they knew better.
That's even one of the things thatI've noticed in you because early on,
I mean not even that early on, but even like maybe maybe even like
(14:58):
a year ago or less, Icould see the transition from when you were
going from like realizing that I gottasubmit, but still feeling like, but
I know better, so like I'mgonna submit, but I'm like checking you
to make sure that either you knowI'm submitting, or that you were dotting
(15:20):
all your eyes and doing those things, which was you transitioning into like unlearning,
because that's where you came from likeyou are one of the reasons why
you could be the I don't wantto say girl boss because it's such a
but one of the reasons why youcould be a girl boss is because you
were very strong in those qualities.But that came from both trusting yourself but
(15:45):
also not trusting others. So likenow you are put in a position as
a wife that you have to nottrust in yourself so that you can trust
in his spirit and then also trustyour husband, which is which was a
very new space. And I thinkthat you're like starting to get a hang
of it per se to where evenif you don't, you're you can admit
(16:10):
that and you can come back andsay like, yeah, like I had
a moment. I don't know ifyou made this announcement yet that you're going
hair back out. But like allof these things like are stemming from what
you're learning in terms of being awife, Like what else are you learning
that you're can apply like real stufftoo, of like I'm a wife now,
Like and not just that I'm awife now, but I'm actually like
(16:37):
putting that first in the way thatI move, like to me even spiritually,
Like you've grown so much you're you'redoing things behind the scenes that I
don't think people see because you arestill sharing content, but you're also doing
things behind the scene scenes that helpeven the content that you're making, and
there's a different spirit behind everything thatyou're doing. I think it's been a
(17:00):
lot of choosing to speak less,choosing to discern more, and not chasing
the excitement and the passion the waythat I used to. Because there's a
difference between like holy spirit, fireand your belly and you know you got
to go do something or you feelhim in you. I've felt that before,
(17:26):
so when I was feeling roused upby competition or influenced by a feeling
of I know I can do betterthan what she just did, when I
stopped chasing that feeling because I wasso used to chasing that. I used
(17:52):
to get a lot of satisfaction fromknowing that I was the best and believing
that shaping my contributions to everything thatI did based off of no one is
going to do better than me.You're not going to outwork me. You're
not going to be able to tellme that what I produced is not valuable.
(18:14):
You're not going to be able todo anything that tells me that what
I've done and what I'm capable ofis not exceptional. That's all pride.
It's all pride. And no oneever described pride to me in those terms
before, so I would have neversaw myself as being prideful. Was I
(18:36):
confident yes, leaning cocky yes,And I would admit that before too.
I had my moments where I washumble, and I was grateful and kind
and softened. But I think theway that the enemy has been able to
get to me has been in theenticing of you're better than her, so
(18:59):
go harder. He's always enticed mewith that and this idea that if I
can one up not even other people, because it eventually never it started to
become this imaginary person that I alwaysfelt like was doing better than me.
So I was always striving harder andharder and harder, trying to be more
(19:22):
creative, trying to get better atthis or that, in order to beat
this imaginary competition who was somehow alwaysone step ahead of me. And social
media, especially doing what I do, you have lots of examples of people
that seemingly are doing so much betterthan you, and I had to let
(19:48):
go of my agreement with those thingsand ways of being. So when I
feel that coming up in my fleshnow, sometimes I catch it before it
comes out, especially the habit ofit. And sometimes I don't like that
(20:11):
whole post that I did the otherday. Some people saw, some people
didn't. But long story short,I made this post about my past and
the things I had done in thepast, and I had this moment where
I was just like reminiscing about whoI was in a season where I was
saved and I was very successful andpeople were very supportive of me and a
(20:40):
lot I had a lot of opportunitiesall that stuff, but it was all
in my own vein. It wasall in my own power, and the
gifts were obviously from God, butI was using them to push my agenda
forward, not God's will for me. I couldn't even hear God if he
(21:00):
was trying to talk to me atthat time, because everything else is so
much louder around me, and Godwhispers. His voice is very gentle and
very soft, So He's not gonnascream at you unless you, you know,
really about to do something, becausethat would be it feels like a
(21:22):
scream, not not that's not whatI mean. It's more like for me,
it's like, don't go there.That sort of holy spirit world is
that. Don't go over there,you about to walk that way, don't
go that way, turned back,double check that you locked your door.
(21:44):
Things like that that feel like,oh, let me make sure I listen
to this. I could still hearthat at that time. But those are
just those those That's not the wayGod desires to talk to us all the
time. He doesn't want to haveto cut through all this other stuff just
to get to you. He wantsto be able to be in an intimate
(22:08):
relationship where I'm always available, I'malways ready to listen. And I wasn't
that back then. So I putup this post and people were, you
know, putting nice comments underneath itand all this kind of stuff, and
I started feeling this sense of likebeing back there well, and it is
(22:38):
I felt. I didn't say anything, like, I'm not on social media
as much anymore, but when Igo on for this thing that I see
is whatever the most recent thing thatyou posted, and I remember like seeing
it. I liked it because Iyou know, I like everything everything that
(22:59):
you share, but there was somethingoff about it. But I wasn't let
to say anything, so I justwas like, you know, okay,
kept it moving, don't. Ididn't come in nothing. I just I
just liked it and kept them moving, which is also normally that sound for
me because I try to engage witheverything that you share. But if I
don't understand it, because again,like you have choice, so like you
(23:23):
can share what you want to share. It's not up to me, so
like, yes, you still youare still a person to where you have
to make decisions for yourself. SoI don't you know, I don't monitor
what you do. I if I'mlet to say something, i'll say something.
Here's the thing. It wasn't wrongfor the post to go up.
(23:45):
It wasn't wrong for the people whocommented under it. None of that was
wrong. My conviction is my conviction. So I know how me and the
father operate and our personal relationship outsideof you, outside of anybody else.
And what I was doing was openingup a door that the enemy has been
(24:18):
waiting for me to open back up. Just for all the reasons why I
just said that, I used tobe the girl that fed off of knowing
I could do better than somebody else. I would never admit that to anybody
in past seasons. But nothing motivatedme more than that. Some things would
(24:40):
motivate me, but that feeling likewhat I had to bring was better than
what somebody else had to bring tothe table, that would push me a
little bit farther to get something doneor to pursue something that's no longer the
place I pull from been the placethat I've pulled from for a while.
(25:03):
But when I made that post,God convicted me because the enemy is waiting
for me to go back to aplace where he can have access to me,
and not just ask access to me, but access to what and who
I'm connected to. So he wantscontrol of my platform. He wants control
(25:29):
of this family, our marriage,our children. He doesn't want us to
continue on this path towards righteousness wherethere is no room for competition, because
I'm not competing with anyone like Ithink you know bringing that up right,
(25:52):
because this is where it comes tomy mind as it comes as it pertains
some marriage in the way that wecome to understand marriage the world's way,
and I say the world's way becausewe believe, I believe, we believe
that God created marriage, so marriageis what he says. However, there
are people who operate marriage the waythat they think or the way that they
(26:15):
grew up seeing or what have you. And there's this either you have a
husband and wife operating separately, oryou have a husband and wife who they
there's the struggle of like, well, I'm the head and you and you
(26:37):
should listen to me, but thenI'm not submitted. So it's just like
off kilter. And it's so importantfor us to understand that, like there
is no competition even in marriage,Like best case scenario, we're working together,
like you have things and God hasgiven you a space of dominion that
he hasn't given me. Go backto the beginning, man and woman were
(27:00):
given dominion. So Adams naming andEva's joining. And that's very important to
note here because oftentimes, especially whenwe're talking about like you were, you
know, president of this sorority anddoing all these things and all these followers
(27:22):
and all of this, and thenyou had me doing my Nike stuff and
you had, you know, seemilarlytwo alphas coming together. And even at
first, I know for me itwas like okay, well I'm supposed to
lead. And then when you.Even when you accepted that, it was
like, yeah, you're supposed tolead, so lead, and both of
(27:45):
those are the wrong way to approachit versus submitting all of it and realizing
that yes, does a lead,but your position don't compete with leadership.
It actually as to it so thatwe can both grow into where each God
has, where God has for eachone of us, and for what He
(28:07):
has for us together. And there'sa humbling that comes with that, because
I think that I've been having tohumble myself and it's been very uncomfortable.
I don't like it. I really, in my flesh do not want to
do it. But I have thissense of belief, faith and commitment that
(28:36):
I've always had in me. Soanytime I say yes to something and I
believe in it, you can't ripme from it. I'm there. And
the enemy has used different things throughoutmy life to try to keep me from
getting to this place where I takethat same gift or giftings and put it
(28:59):
towards God. So yes, Iwas always like a natural leader in everything
I've done since I was a kid, I have always had this spirit of
influence. Whether I liked it ornot, I could not get it off
of me. When I was fourteenyears old being catfished on the internet.
(29:22):
I hated it. I hated thatfor some reason I would attract people,
and because I didn't have spiritual languageto understand some of these things that were
happening with me, with people aroundme, what these things were. I
(29:42):
just tried to make up explanations inmy own head based off of what I'd
been exposed to in the world asto why things were the way that they
were. And it's not until morerecently where I'm starting to underst that you
(30:03):
cannot change God's plan for you.He created you with very specific assignments throughout
your life, and if you're someonewho's searching for their purpose, go to
the creator because your purpose is notgoing to be a specific occupation. Yeah,
(30:26):
Jesus was a carpenter, or hisfather was a carpenter, and he
was supposed to be. In today'sworld, somebody would think that my purpose
is to be in this occupation,is to be a carpenter. But that's
not your purpose. Your purpose hasnothing to do with a title you hold
(30:49):
an occupation you carry, because thosethings change throughout your life. It's what's
been built into you. What's yourwhat's your inkling in every space you go
to do you always lean into justhelping and serving others? Do you always
(31:11):
lean into somehow being the leader inevery group that you enter in, whether
people like it or not. Andit's not the whole Like you like to
be the center of attention, solike you want to be the leader every
time. No, it's the whenthings are falling apart somehow some way.
People always come to you for advice. People always say, well, why
(31:33):
don't we just Jade, can youjust like put it together for us and
like get it? Like people arealways going to know in their inner being,
Like what are those things that youhave the tendency of just doing well?
That's where your purpose is centered around, not these jobs, occupations,
(31:55):
roles we play, even being awife. Being a wife is not my
purpose. I operate in my purpose, in my position as a wife.
My purpose is centered and sits insideof who Christ has made me to be.
It's this idea that what you doat work, who you are to
(32:15):
your kids, who you are toyour husband, who you are to strangers
should not be different. The ideais that you're the same person in all
these roles and all these hats thatyou wear. And what I realized was
I was kind of different depending onwho I was talking to. Because we're
(32:36):
taught to code switch. We're taughtto, you know, adjust to the
room, and you know, makesure you act like you've been somewhere.
You know, when you go somewhereand act like da da da da da.
And it's like, well, whatif we did not act? Instead,
we focused our pursuits on being.If you focus on being, then
(33:00):
you have the space to be awareof what needs healing, what needs to
be changed, what needs growth,and what is ready to be poured out
into other people. But if youdon't have that awareness of who you are
and you're only focused on well,I'm a wife, I'm a mom,
(33:21):
I'm a corporate America queen. That'swho I am. That's not who you
are. These worldly positions are notwho we are. And that separation,
in that mindset shift has been hugefor me in every position that I operate
in, including being a wife.It sounds like you are discovering what it
(33:47):
means for a woman to be present, which is part of your dominion,
because without you being able to bepresent, you can't tell oh, what
is needed so that you could beused for that, which is what your
purpose is. Your purpose to yourpoint is not in what your title is,
(34:12):
what your manner is. So whoare you not? Who are you
here or there? Who are you? And that person being the same person
no matter like you become more usablethat way, where it's like, wherever
this person goes, God is likeI can send my loving kindness with her
(34:36):
no matter what room she's in,no matter what the situation is, I
can send her places because I knowthat I'm going into that place thanks to
that vessel. So in you beingable to understand that, then it's okay,
cool. How do I stand thatplace? What that means? I
got to be president. I can'tbe out there. I can't be worried
(34:59):
about what someone else is doing ornot doing. I have to be able
to be present so whether or notthey're doing what they're supposed to be doing
or not. I e. Myhusband is having an off day. So
instead of me being the one that's, you know, demoralizing him for having
(35:21):
an off day, I'm present enoughto sense that something is off, so
I can deal with the Hey,what's wrong with you what's on your mind?
Those types of questions you ask methat literally cut to the core.
(35:43):
I mean, I'm even thinking aboutthis conversation, and I believe that mind
went Mine was very different when youwere interviewing me than now, because you
are better at those questions, atlike getting right to the core. Like
(36:04):
I really do believe that women that'spart of their dominion, the oneness in
all things. So if something isoff, it's like, oh, I
know what that something is. I'mgoing right to that source. Hey,
something wrong, what's up? Let'sget this scruad away, because I can
see that it's changing everything and thehumility that that takes to take to take
(36:29):
there. I worked at McDonald's time. I was like sixteen or fifteen to
like nineteen something like that. Yeah, yeah, and on and off,
and there was this woman that workedthere. She had a mental illness,
but she would work there and itwas like her happy place. Her family
(36:50):
will say that this is where Michellefeels like her best. And she was
on fries and the over times thatlike she would be asked to get off
of fries and go maybe watching tablesor what have you, or go carry
out or drift through order, andshe was always so happy to do whatever
(37:13):
her role was. And I knewpeople, including myself, that certain places
like I don't want to be andyou're gonna be able to tell I don't
want to be here. It's theway you put me versus oh, Remarcus
and that's body he's grabbing ba.But Michelle was always like wherever you put
her, she was doing. Shewas just killing. And it's crazy to
(37:37):
think about now, but like asa woman, that was so needed in
this place where you had you know, men singularly in charge and trying to
do these things and going about itin their ways. When it's like whenever
you have a bunch of men inthe space, that oneness laxed because we
(37:57):
all have our own thing word tryingto get to and all this when like
when a woman enters the space andunderstands the dominion that God created her with,
it joins everything, and the humilityneeded to do that is few and
far far in between. So thankyou for that because it helps us go
(38:24):
and it's just as important as anythingthat I could ever do. Like,
without that, we'd have more daysthan we have, and really it's not
even days at this point. It'slike moments where like I'm off and it's
shaping the environment, and then youcome and you say because even I remember
(38:52):
in twenty twenty, we just movedback to Dalla and I was having a
situation with my family where I wasjust getting frustrated with them not understanding the
(39:14):
direction that I was choosing to goas a pertained to my faith, and
I didn't realize how my body languageand how I operated affected the some of
the parts. And you not evenbeing spiritually where you are now, but
(39:35):
you had a moment where you wereshared with me how I did not understand
my influence but I needed to asa pertain to leadership because I was just
acting like it's just me, solike I'm gonna do what I want and
how I feel all those things,not realizing that like, yo, whether
(39:58):
you want, whether you want tobe not, You're a leader. People
see you as that, so youhave to operate a certain way. So
fast forward to now when things areoffering a home, you feel it.
Now, you don't always come atme in the most gentle ways, but
(40:21):
your goal is always the same.It's like, hey, head of our
home, we need you to beon and if you're not on, we
can't be on. So instead ofme trying to be you, instead of
me trying to be husband, letme get my husband into the husband position
(40:45):
that he's supposed to be in.And I wish wives understand how powerful that
truly is. And that's why I'mnot gentle with you in those moments.
That's why I don't hoddle. That'swhy I don't sugarcoat, because do you
not understand how hard it is forme to take the passenger seat and to
(41:08):
do that on a regular basis.And so when I see you not functioning
in the position you are called to, I'm like, come on, you
better come on. Whatever it needsto happen. And sometimes most of the
time you just need a reminder.You don't need like a whole sit down
(41:35):
talk da da da da da.It don't even need to always be all
of that. Sometimes I have totell you, hey, your funk is
encapsulating the whole room. Not physically, but that spirit of mood is off.
(41:57):
And I see it effect, Ifeel it it like I'm so sensitive
to it that I go to ten, not ten. But I pick up
on it very quickly, and I'mlike, oh, no, that's got
to stop. That's got to stopright now. And I think that God
has equipped us in our marriage inthat way. This heightened sensitivity in me
(42:22):
to feelings, especially with you,because we don't have room to not be
on. You can't be who you'resupposed to be if I'm not there supporting
and watching out for you. That'snot me doing stuff for you. That's
(42:44):
not me sitting in your spot.That's me doing my role as your helper,
picking up on things that you can'tpick up on, observing, discerning,
praying, making sure things are readyfor you. And we're not even
talking about in a traditional gender roleperspective because you do the cooking, you
(43:07):
do a lot of the house making, but it so much of us is
like spiritual. But what's powerful aboutthat, though, is this. I
was listening to a Miles Mooro messageand it was talking about how he was
referencing a Time magazine article that waswritten in like not two thousand, I
(43:29):
believe, or something like that.That was speaking to how prior to World
War One, child rearing and allof those pamphlets and stuff that was sent
went to the father, went tothe husband, to the man because he
was home and he was, youknow, doing their homework, and you're
growing your food and you're out.So but now you know, fast forward,
(43:50):
because of you know, wars andtraditions and all these things, the
gender role changes. So because thegender role can change at any no based
on necessity, based on necessity,based on what's going on around you,
there's something that has to be static. There's something that can't change, and
that's the spiritual roles because those don'tchange. It's just a matter of how
(44:14):
you now navigate the new physical norm. But the spiritual side of things are
still the same. And I thinkunderstanding that that in itself comes over time
because I think that we speak differentlanguages. Well, it's the foundational thing,
Like, that's why the foundation hasto be the spiritual side everything,
(44:38):
the spiritual root, because then itdon't matter what roots or roots, it
don't matter what grows above it.It still needs a root. So long
as that foundation is said, anythinghappened in the world and we're still good
because our foundation is rock solid.And understanding that when our communication styles or
(45:01):
viewpoints conflict, that there must bea misfire somewhere, especially spiritually, because
I remember conflicts that we would have, arguments, we would have where I'd
be sitting there and I felt likeyou were literally speaking a different language.
It was like we were talking toeach other, but I could not tell
(45:22):
you what you were saying. Idid not understand. You get so wrapped
up in going back and forth thatyou don't even know why what are we
even finding about at this point.There's so many things that are coming up
that there's no clear what is thepoint of this conversation. And a little
bit of that was my you know, quitting on you prematurely emotionally because I
(45:47):
have a shorter emotional bandwidth I think, than you have, which is also
I think not I mean, itdepends on the type of people, but
a lot of people will assume,oh, women are super emotional and men
are logistic, logistical, and youknow, blah blah blah. But I
would argue that in our relationship it'skind of flipped a little bit based on
(46:12):
well, I think again foundationally,like going back to the beginning, and
that's one of the ways that Iknow that I've grown, and you know,
that's one of the ways that youcould know that you've healed. Because
men are not supposed to not beable to feel. We are actually supposed
to be able to feel. Ourdominion comes in still being able to feel
(46:37):
it, but keep going. Whereaswomen can feel and stay, we help
them by helping them to keep going. They help us to tap into our
feelings. So like, the moreI've healed, the more I've come to
like be able to speak about myfeelings and acknowledge my feelings in a way
that of being healed I just couldn't. And a spiritual they're not created them,
(47:02):
right, They're not just physical.You can be triggered emotionally by a
physical thing, but if you're feelingan emotion like anger or frustration or sorrow
or any happiness, all of thesethings, there's a spirit behind it.
(47:23):
And so when you don't pay attentionto your feelings, which I was,
I was a girl that was like, oh, I don't like it.
I'm just gonna put it in theback of my mind, not deal with
it. I'm just gonna keep carryingthis baggage that I got. I've been
carrying since I was five, andda da da da, And I'm good
unless you open up that bag andthen you realize there's ten more bags inside
(47:45):
that bag, and it's just thingskeep coming out and you don't realize that,
like, hold on, wait asecond, why are so many things
coming out of this one suitcase?Is because that's been my stash point.
So I get it with this ideathat like feel and emotions are hard to
work through and distinguish and separate outbecause it comes with the awareness that even
(48:10):
the negative is real. I thinkpart of us tries to make the negative
fake or make the negative not realso that we can cope and we can
move on from it. But makingthe negative feelings or emotions fake is to
not approach them in reality. Andif you're not approaching them in reality,
(48:34):
then they sit there spiritually while physicallyyou may just be going about your life
or your thing. But my pointis it's still there. Whether there's physical
evidence in your opinion or not,they're still there. And so the hard
part is when you do make thedecision to say, Okay, I'm going
(48:55):
to start like unpacking my things.And it's painful. And I think we
spent a good portion of our marriageup until this point because we in what
we're working our way Towards year four, we spent the greater portion of our
first three years of marriage unpacking allof those bags and not understanding how really
(49:20):
deep they went. And I thinkjust in this season, we're finally coming
to a place where we're realizing,Okay, I think all this stuff is
out. I think we're done unpacking. So if we're done unpacking, now
(49:40):
we got to go help some otherpeople unpack. Well, not not even
that, we have to go helpsome other people impack. When you hear
about these athletes to go off anddo these great things whatever, you talk
to their fathers, their fathers willsay, I knew when you were ready,
before you knew that you were ready. So it's matter of not now
(50:01):
that I've learned all these things,let me go and find who I'm going
to fix. It's allow I'm afather to now He's sending people around you,
and this is kind of coming allthe way back for a circle,
not for you to be somebody different, but for them to be able to
(50:21):
see who you actually are, andlike that's where we are now. Of
like yeah, like now that's thepower of testimony, that's the power of
sharing, that's the power of beingthe same person, being just being j
godboat, not being corporate J gotBoat and family J got Boat and wife
(50:43):
Jacob. But no, I'm beingJay got Bolt and within j god Boat.
God has put the capacity to bewhoever he needs her to be based
on where He puts her, andthat's what we're doing now. Well as
Jay Gop would say, that soundslike a great stopping point. Guys,
(51:07):
why are you talking like that?Because you get like very like soft when
it's time to like close out.You're like, yeah, so that's a
good stopping point. Wow do youwalk you to say? All right,
y'all buy Lena, that's not me. I'm just I'm showing you you you
(51:29):
because don't impersonate me, go aheadand be whoa No. Thank y'all so
much for tuning in. This wasanother banger, all about my baby and
about you too, somewhat but focusedon you said this brilliantly on Instagram.
(51:52):
Af you a few days ago.You said, when you see me,
you see him, When you seehim, you see me. I was
like, Okay, then let themknow how marror just our post. There
go. We'll see y'all next time. Gobble Life Podcast signing up. Thank
(52:14):
you so much for tuning in tothis episode of the Godblet Life podcast.
We'd love to hear from you.Shoot us a DM or leave us a
review. Wherever you're listening, Wereally appreciate having you with us on this journey.
My purpose is centered and sits insideof who Christ has made me to be.
It's this idea that what you doat work, who you are to
your kids, who you are toyour husband, who you are to strangers,
should not be different. The ideais that you're the same person in
all these roles and all these hatsthat you wear. And what I realized
(00:24):
was I was kind of different dependingon who I was talking to. Because
we're taught to code switch. We'retaught to, you know, adjust to
the room, and you know,make sure you act like you've been somewhere.
You know, when you go somewhereand act like da da da da
da. And it's like, well, what if we did not act?
(00:47):
Instead, we focused our pursuits onbeing. If you focus on being,
then you have the space to beaware of what needs healing, what needs
to be changed, what needs growth, and what is ready to be poured
out into other people. But ifyou don't have that awareness of who you
are and you're only focused on well, I'm a wife, i'm a mom,
(01:14):
I'm a corporate America queen. That'swho I am. That's not who
you are. These worldly positions arenot who we are and that separation in
that mindset shift has been huge forme in every position that I operate in,
(01:34):
including being a wife. Welcome tothe god Boat Life Podcast. I'm
your host, Mark Godboat with mybeautiful wife Jane Cowboat. We believe that
marriage, God's way is the mostpowerful catalyst towards healing and holiness for you
and everybody after you. We're backs. We are back. Okay, Well,
(01:59):
so we're going to talk about you. We're going to talk about wives.
So how would you describe withffery?Is that what it is? I
don't even know. I don't evenknow. How would you describe being a
wife? Being a rib being thefeelings of my heart made flesh. I
(02:22):
would describe my experience being a wifein this season as a season of learning
how to submit and learning how tobe more intentional about when, how why
I say certain things to you,or how I bring things up to your
(02:46):
knowledge, or how I assess thesituation. And it's been a lot of
removing myself from being the decision makerand automatically taking the wheel and learning how
to take a step back from that. And that started with me being obedient
(03:10):
to the father and learning what itmeant to be a daughter. So in
your episode, you said something tothe tune of you're learning how to be
a son. And much like inthat episode, you were expressing different seasons
and the different lessons God was teachingyou in those seasons, and I expressed,
(03:31):
how while you're walking through those seasons, it's also helping me grow in
the same areas watching you, witnessingyou, and then being the first line
of experimentation slash use what you've learned. I'm the first line that receives whatever
(03:53):
you've gotten from God and receives whateverlessons you're learning. So even in this
it's been learning how to be adaughter as well, and unlearning this sense
of independence that I've built up forso long, and finding peace knowing that
(04:15):
I don't have to have all theanswers. And yet when I do have
a lot of answers, when Ido know what's right or what's wrong in
a situation, it doesn't mean Ishould always voice that I should only be
doing the will of my Father regardlessof what's right or wrong quote unquote in
(04:39):
a situation, because it's always sosubjective, and even in times when I'm
doing something right or wrong, youdon't always respond to me with this authoritative
that's right or that's wrong, becausethat's not how the father treats you,
and that's not how the father treatsme, and so inevitably you don't treat
(05:03):
me that way. So I havehad to do the reconciliation within myself to
not treat myself like that. Iused to be very critical and very it's
either this or that, and veryhard on myself about being able to be
(05:24):
what I'm supposed to be in amoment, checking off all the boxes,
crossing every t and dotting every eyewith whatever it is, because I have
such a high expectation of myself inall things that I think. I'm coming
out of a season where I feltdeeply that I was doing everything wrong and
that I wasn't a good wife,because partly I wasn't a good wife,
(05:48):
but it was also this inner communicationthat I had that told me that I
wasn't a good wife and I wouldnever grow to be better. So it
was like always hindering me of beingopen to this idea of change, and
(06:09):
change being this scary thing for mefor a long time to now being something
that I have to manually embrace knowingthat that's the good thing. Life breeds
change. So if I'm living lifeand if I'm going towards light, going
towards life, then change is goingto occur. And as a person as
(06:34):
a woman, and also as awife and a mom too, But we're
talking about wifehood in this moment.So when you was talking something that came
up for me, my mind goinggoing to a football analogy of how I
played wide receiver, and that's offense. The person that is playing cornerback is
(06:58):
on defense and they don't know theplay. Like they may have an idea
because they've watched film and maybe it'slike, well normally that person does this
when they do this, but theystill don't know. So your job is
to if you're playing man coverage,I got that man, you have to
mirror or to the best of yourability, mirror what that person is doing,
(07:24):
making it harder to play than theoffensive guy that you're mirroring wide receiver.
So I said that to say,like, as a wife who has
submitted to a husband who is alsosubmitted to the father, there may be
something going on that your husband gotfrom the father that you don't have all
(07:47):
the information for because men established,women expand, so you don't have all
the information, but you know thatthis is the way that we're supposed to
go, So you you oftentimes arefollowing my lead, and as you know,
sometimes it's even crazy for me becauseI don't fully understand it. But
(08:09):
then you get to that next layerof like, Okay, this don't go
with what I think we're supposed todo, but it also don't go where
he thinks that he should normally do. But this came from the father.
So how is it following the leadof someone who's following the lead, Because
(08:30):
that's also very different than I'm surelike what you're used to, especially with
your past being most of the timetop of command, the only one,
the main one. Like how isit? And then it's also in your
DNA because Mama read it the sameway and her twin is the same way,
So it's like you've gotten it honest, Like how getting to their place
(08:54):
of following a follower? That's crazy? Following a follower, Like that's what
being a wife is in most suspect, How is that? How do you
deal with that? Give us someexamples of how you've dealt with that.
I'm not really remembering like specific examples. I think more I can speak to
(09:18):
the feelings that I get and howI process the feelings now versus before.
I have always felt empowered when I'min a position to take control or to
make decisions. I like feeling empowered. I like feeling like I can affect
change in a situation. And whatbeing a wife, a lot of it
(09:43):
has been for me not getting myempowermant from that place. That's hard.
It's hard to not desire to feellike you are the change agent in the
way that you were before marriage andin the way that you see other people
(10:07):
being able to be change agents elsewhere. So it's like being very aware of
what I'm watching or what I'm comparingmyself to. In this season, I
was even having inner dialogue. Earlier, I was scrolling on Instagram and seeing
(10:28):
people that do what I do onsocial media, being in a place that
years ago I wanted to be inand sometimes to this day I still want
to be in. I say thisall the time, like, if it
was me, just me, I'djust be a beauty creator and I'd come
out with my own product and I'drun that race. That's the race I
(10:48):
would choose for myself. I wouldnot have chosen this race for myself.
So transitioning from just doing what Iwant to do because I feel good there,
my flesh feels good there, tounderstanding that my role is part of
(11:09):
a bigger plan of team. There'sother players at hand, and not being
the one that makes all the plays. In my world before I made I
was the quarterback. I was astar player, and as long as everybody
followed me, we won the game. And the way my life was set
(11:31):
up being an influencer, really beingable to be on my own terms for
the last what since twenty sixteen,not having a boss and not like you
know, doing whatever I wanted todo. I got very comfortable there,
and it's harder for me to submitto what you want to do or what
(11:54):
you say is the better option ina scenario when I think I know that
it ain't, and even sometimes feelinglike you have a different viewpoint that I
still think is wrong, simply submittingto you and making that manual decision like
(12:16):
yeah, I wouldn't choose this,and I still don't think this is right,
but God calls me to submit tohim and to follow him. So
even if I'm looking around and Isee a different outcome than what you're pointing
us towards, I have to believethat the act of following you is more
(12:39):
important than me being right in asituation. And when I spent so long
finding safety and being right, sometimesit feels unsafe to not be right or
to decide that I don't care whetherI'm right or wrong. But the focus
is following you. The focus isobedience to the Father. Because I'm more
(13:03):
aware now than I was before thatI think I know what the variables are
of the situation, but I reallydon't. And the more that I've broken
that down in me, the pride, the self glory, the independence.
I have learned that it's not hardto submit when you know that the person
(13:28):
you're following is submitted to Christ,submitted to God. And also that everything
I knew before is literally opposite inthe Kingdom. So if I think I'm
gonna still be able to be thatgirl that I was before in our marriage
is wrong. It's funny to gothere, because I was actually thinking about
(13:48):
that too as you was talking earlier. Oftentimes, were we at to make
the decisions that we're making, wedidn't get there because God put us there
or by following what he said todo. We got there by doing us
doing what the world told us todo to get said results. So then
(14:09):
we come into an understanding of histruth. And really the only way to
even get there is for us tounlearn what we thought we knew, which
also comes with the level of necessaryhumility because it takes I was just talking
to a friend earlier today about howlike it's truly tough when you can tell
(14:33):
that the only thing standing between thelife that people really desire to have and
where they are is the humility torepent for thinking that they knew better.
That's even one of the things thatI've noticed in you because early on,
I mean not even that early on, but even like maybe maybe even like
(14:58):
a year ago or less, Icould see the transition from when you were
going from like realizing that I gottasubmit, but still feeling like, but
I know better, so like I'mgonna submit, but I'm like checking you
to make sure that either you knowI'm submitting, or that you were dotting
(15:20):
all your eyes and doing those things, which was you transitioning into like unlearning,
because that's where you came from likeyou are one of the reasons why
you could be the I don't wantto say girl boss because it's such a
but one of the reasons why youcould be a girl boss is because you
were very strong in those qualities.But that came from both trusting yourself but
(15:45):
also not trusting others. So likenow you are put in a position as
a wife that you have to nottrust in yourself so that you can trust
in his spirit and then also trustyour husband, which is which was a
very new space. And I thinkthat you're like starting to get a hang
of it per se to where evenif you don't, you're you can admit
(16:10):
that and you can come back andsay like, yeah, like I had
a moment. I don't know ifyou made this announcement yet that you're going
hair back out. But like allof these things like are stemming from what
you're learning in terms of being awife, Like what else are you learning
that you're can apply like real stufftoo, of like I'm a wife now,
Like and not just that I'm awife now, but I'm actually like
(16:37):
putting that first in the way thatI move, like to me even spiritually,
Like you've grown so much you're you'redoing things behind the scenes that I
don't think people see because you arestill sharing content, but you're also doing
things behind the scene scenes that helpeven the content that you're making, and
there's a different spirit behind everything thatyou're doing. I think it's been a
(17:00):
lot of choosing to speak less,choosing to discern more, and not chasing
the excitement and the passion the waythat I used to. Because there's a
difference between like holy spirit, fireand your belly and you know you got
to go do something or you feelhim in you. I've felt that before,
(17:26):
so when I was feeling roused upby competition or influenced by a feeling
of I know I can do betterthan what she just did, when I
stopped chasing that feeling because I wasso used to chasing that. I used
(17:52):
to get a lot of satisfaction fromknowing that I was the best and believing
that shaping my contributions to everything thatI did based off of no one is
going to do better than me.You're not going to outwork me. You're
not going to be able to tellme that what I produced is not valuable.
(18:14):
You're not going to be able todo anything that tells me that what
I've done and what I'm capable ofis not exceptional. That's all pride.
It's all pride. And no oneever described pride to me in those terms
before, so I would have neversaw myself as being prideful. Was I
(18:36):
confident yes, leaning cocky yes,And I would admit that before too.
I had my moments where I washumble, and I was grateful and kind
and softened. But I think theway that the enemy has been able to
get to me has been in theenticing of you're better than her, so
(18:59):
go harder. He's always enticed mewith that and this idea that if I
can one up not even other people, because it eventually never it started to
become this imaginary person that I alwaysfelt like was doing better than me.
So I was always striving harder andharder and harder, trying to be more
(19:22):
creative, trying to get better atthis or that, in order to beat
this imaginary competition who was somehow alwaysone step ahead of me. And social
media, especially doing what I do, you have lots of examples of people
that seemingly are doing so much betterthan you, and I had to let
(19:48):
go of my agreement with those thingsand ways of being. So when I
feel that coming up in my fleshnow, sometimes I catch it before it
comes out, especially the habit ofit. And sometimes I don't like that
(20:11):
whole post that I did the otherday. Some people saw, some people
didn't. But long story short,I made this post about my past and
the things I had done in thepast, and I had this moment where
I was just like reminiscing about whoI was in a season where I was
saved and I was very successful andpeople were very supportive of me and a
(20:40):
lot I had a lot of opportunitiesall that stuff, but it was all
in my own vein. It wasall in my own power, and the
gifts were obviously from God, butI was using them to push my agenda
forward, not God's will for me. I couldn't even hear God if he
(21:00):
was trying to talk to me atthat time, because everything else is so
much louder around me, and Godwhispers. His voice is very gentle and
very soft, So He's not gonnascream at you unless you, you know,
really about to do something, becausethat would be it feels like a
(21:22):
scream, not not that's not whatI mean. It's more like for me,
it's like, don't go there.That sort of holy spirit world is
that. Don't go over there,you about to walk that way, don't
go that way, turned back,double check that you locked your door.
(21:44):
Things like that that feel like,oh, let me make sure I listen
to this. I could still hearthat at that time. But those are
just those those That's not the wayGod desires to talk to us all the
time. He doesn't want to haveto cut through all this other stuff just
to get to you. He wantsto be able to be in an intimate
(22:08):
relationship where I'm always available, I'malways ready to listen. And I wasn't
that back then. So I putup this post and people were, you
know, putting nice comments underneath itand all this kind of stuff, and
I started feeling this sense of likebeing back there well, and it is
(22:38):
I felt. I didn't say anything, like, I'm not on social media
as much anymore, but when Igo on for this thing that I see
is whatever the most recent thing thatyou posted, and I remember like seeing
it. I liked it because Iyou know, I like everything everything that
(22:59):
you share, but there was somethingoff about it. But I wasn't let
to say anything, so I justwas like, you know, okay,
kept it moving, don't. Ididn't come in nothing. I just I
just liked it and kept them moving, which is also normally that sound for
me because I try to engage witheverything that you share. But if I
don't understand it, because again,like you have choice, so like you
(23:23):
can share what you want to share. It's not up to me, so
like, yes, you still youare still a person to where you have
to make decisions for yourself. SoI don't you know, I don't monitor
what you do. I if I'mlet to say something, i'll say something.
Here's the thing. It wasn't wrongfor the post to go up.
(23:45):
It wasn't wrong for the people whocommented under it. None of that was
wrong. My conviction is my conviction. So I know how me and the
father operate and our personal relationship outsideof you, outside of anybody else.
And what I was doing was openingup a door that the enemy has been
(24:18):
waiting for me to open back up. Just for all the reasons why I
just said that, I used tobe the girl that fed off of knowing
I could do better than somebody else. I would never admit that to anybody
in past seasons. But nothing motivatedme more than that. Some things would
(24:40):
motivate me, but that feeling likewhat I had to bring was better than
what somebody else had to bring tothe table, that would push me a
little bit farther to get something doneor to pursue something that's no longer the
place I pull from been the placethat I've pulled from for a while.
(25:03):
But when I made that post,God convicted me because the enemy is waiting
for me to go back to aplace where he can have access to me,
and not just ask access to me, but access to what and who
I'm connected to. So he wantscontrol of my platform. He wants control
(25:29):
of this family, our marriage,our children. He doesn't want us to
continue on this path towards righteousness wherethere is no room for competition, because
I'm not competing with anyone like Ithink you know bringing that up right,
(25:52):
because this is where it comes tomy mind as it comes as it pertains
some marriage in the way that wecome to understand marriage the world's way,
and I say the world's way becausewe believe, I believe, we believe
that God created marriage, so marriageis what he says. However, there
are people who operate marriage the waythat they think or the way that they
(26:15):
grew up seeing or what have you. And there's this either you have a
husband and wife operating separately, oryou have a husband and wife who they
there's the struggle of like, well, I'm the head and you and you
(26:37):
should listen to me, but thenI'm not submitted. So it's just like
off kilter. And it's so importantfor us to understand that, like there
is no competition even in marriage,Like best case scenario, we're working together,
like you have things and God hasgiven you a space of dominion that
he hasn't given me. Go backto the beginning, man and woman were
(27:00):
given dominion. So Adams naming andEva's joining. And that's very important to
note here because oftentimes, especially whenwe're talking about like you were, you
know, president of this sorority anddoing all these things and all these followers
(27:22):
and all of this, and thenyou had me doing my Nike stuff and
you had, you know, seemilarlytwo alphas coming together. And even at
first, I know for me itwas like okay, well I'm supposed to
lead. And then when you.Even when you accepted that, it was
like, yeah, you're supposed tolead, so lead, and both of
(27:45):
those are the wrong way to approachit versus submitting all of it and realizing
that yes, does a lead,but your position don't compete with leadership.
It actually as to it so thatwe can both grow into where each God
has, where God has for eachone of us, and for what He
(28:07):
has for us together. And there'sa humbling that comes with that, because
I think that I've been having tohumble myself and it's been very uncomfortable.
I don't like it. I really, in my flesh do not want to
do it. But I have thissense of belief, faith and commitment that
(28:36):
I've always had in me. Soanytime I say yes to something and I
believe in it, you can't ripme from it. I'm there. And
the enemy has used different things throughoutmy life to try to keep me from
getting to this place where I takethat same gift or giftings and put it
(28:59):
towards God. So yes, Iwas always like a natural leader in everything
I've done since I was a kid, I have always had this spirit of
influence. Whether I liked it ornot, I could not get it off
of me. When I was fourteenyears old being catfished on the internet.
(29:22):
I hated it. I hated thatfor some reason I would attract people,
and because I didn't have spiritual languageto understand some of these things that were
happening with me, with people aroundme, what these things were. I
(29:42):
just tried to make up explanations inmy own head based off of what I'd
been exposed to in the world asto why things were the way that they
were. And it's not until morerecently where I'm starting to underst that you
(30:03):
cannot change God's plan for you.He created you with very specific assignments throughout
your life, and if you're someonewho's searching for their purpose, go to
the creator because your purpose is notgoing to be a specific occupation. Yeah,
(30:26):
Jesus was a carpenter, or hisfather was a carpenter, and he
was supposed to be. In today'sworld, somebody would think that my purpose
is to be in this occupation,is to be a carpenter. But that's
not your purpose. Your purpose hasnothing to do with a title you hold
(30:49):
an occupation you carry, because thosethings change throughout your life. It's what's
been built into you. What's yourwhat's your inkling in every space you go
to do you always lean into justhelping and serving others? Do you always
(31:11):
lean into somehow being the leader inevery group that you enter in, whether
people like it or not. Andit's not the whole Like you like to
be the center of attention, solike you want to be the leader every
time. No, it's the whenthings are falling apart somehow some way.
People always come to you for advice. People always say, well, why
(31:33):
don't we just Jade, can youjust like put it together for us and
like get it? Like people arealways going to know in their inner being,
Like what are those things that youhave the tendency of just doing well?
That's where your purpose is centered around, not these jobs, occupations,
(31:55):
roles we play, even being awife. Being a wife is not my
purpose. I operate in my purpose, in my position as a wife.
My purpose is centered and sits insideof who Christ has made me to be.
It's this idea that what you doat work, who you are to
(32:15):
your kids, who you are toyour husband, who you are to strangers
should not be different. The ideais that you're the same person in all
these roles and all these hats thatyou wear. And what I realized was
I was kind of different depending onwho I was talking to. Because we're
(32:36):
taught to code switch. We're taughtto, you know, adjust to the
room, and you know, makesure you act like you've been somewhere.
You know, when you go somewhereand act like da da da da da.
And it's like, well, whatif we did not act? Instead,
we focused our pursuits on being.If you focus on being, then
(33:00):
you have the space to be awareof what needs healing, what needs to
be changed, what needs growth,and what is ready to be poured out
into other people. But if youdon't have that awareness of who you are
and you're only focused on well,I'm a wife, I'm a mom,
(33:21):
I'm a corporate America queen. That'swho I am. That's not who you
are. These worldly positions are notwho we are. And that separation,
in that mindset shift has been hugefor me in every position that I operate
in, including being a wife.It sounds like you are discovering what it
(33:47):
means for a woman to be present, which is part of your dominion,
because without you being able to bepresent, you can't tell oh, what
is needed so that you could beused for that, which is what your
purpose is. Your purpose to yourpoint is not in what your title is,
(34:12):
what your manner is. So whoare you not? Who are you
here or there? Who are you? And that person being the same person
no matter like you become more usablethat way, where it's like, wherever
this person goes, God is likeI can send my loving kindness with her
(34:36):
no matter what room she's in,no matter what the situation is, I
can send her places because I knowthat I'm going into that place thanks to
that vessel. So in you beingable to understand that, then it's okay,
cool. How do I stand thatplace? What that means? I
got to be president. I can'tbe out there. I can't be worried
(34:59):
about what someone else is doing ornot doing. I have to be able
to be present so whether or notthey're doing what they're supposed to be doing
or not. I e. Myhusband is having an off day. So
instead of me being the one that's, you know, demoralizing him for having
(35:21):
an off day, I'm present enoughto sense that something is off, so
I can deal with the Hey,what's wrong with you what's on your mind?
Those types of questions you ask methat literally cut to the core.
(35:43):
I mean, I'm even thinking aboutthis conversation, and I believe that mind
went Mine was very different when youwere interviewing me than now, because you
are better at those questions, atlike getting right to the core. Like
(36:04):
I really do believe that women that'spart of their dominion, the oneness in
all things. So if something isoff, it's like, oh, I
know what that something is. I'mgoing right to that source. Hey,
something wrong, what's up? Let'sget this scruad away, because I can
see that it's changing everything and thehumility that that takes to take to take
(36:29):
there. I worked at McDonald's time. I was like sixteen or fifteen to
like nineteen something like that. Yeah, yeah, and on and off,
and there was this woman that workedthere. She had a mental illness,
but she would work there and itwas like her happy place. Her family
(36:50):
will say that this is where Michellefeels like her best. And she was
on fries and the over times thatlike she would be asked to get off
of fries and go maybe watching tablesor what have you, or go carry
out or drift through order, andshe was always so happy to do whatever
(37:13):
her role was. And I knewpeople, including myself, that certain places
like I don't want to be andyou're gonna be able to tell I don't
want to be here. It's theway you put me versus oh, Remarcus
and that's body he's grabbing ba.But Michelle was always like wherever you put
her, she was doing. Shewas just killing. And it's crazy to
(37:37):
think about now, but like asa woman, that was so needed in
this place where you had you know, men singularly in charge and trying to
do these things and going about itin their ways. When it's like whenever
you have a bunch of men inthe space, that oneness laxed because we
(37:57):
all have our own thing word tryingto get to and all this when like
when a woman enters the space andunderstands the dominion that God created her with,
it joins everything, and the humilityneeded to do that is few and
far far in between. So thankyou for that because it helps us go
(38:24):
and it's just as important as anythingthat I could ever do. Like,
without that, we'd have more daysthan we have, and really it's not
even days at this point. It'slike moments where like I'm off and it's
shaping the environment, and then youcome and you say because even I remember
(38:52):
in twenty twenty, we just movedback to Dalla and I was having a
situation with my family where I wasjust getting frustrated with them not understanding the
(39:14):
direction that I was choosing to goas a pertained to my faith, and
I didn't realize how my body languageand how I operated affected the some of
the parts. And you not evenbeing spiritually where you are now, but
(39:35):
you had a moment where you wereshared with me how I did not understand
my influence but I needed to asa pertain to leadership because I was just
acting like it's just me, solike I'm gonna do what I want and
how I feel all those things,not realizing that like, yo, whether
(39:58):
you want, whether you want tobe not, You're a leader. People
see you as that, so youhave to operate a certain way. So
fast forward to now when things areoffering a home, you feel it.
Now, you don't always come atme in the most gentle ways, but
(40:21):
your goal is always the same.It's like, hey, head of our
home, we need you to beon and if you're not on, we
can't be on. So instead ofme trying to be you, instead of
me trying to be husband, letme get my husband into the husband position
(40:45):
that he's supposed to be in.And I wish wives understand how powerful that
truly is. And that's why I'mnot gentle with you in those moments.
That's why I don't hoddle. That'swhy I don't sugarcoat, because do you
not understand how hard it is forme to take the passenger seat and to
(41:08):
do that on a regular basis.And so when I see you not functioning
in the position you are called to, I'm like, come on, you
better come on. Whatever it needsto happen. And sometimes most of the
time you just need a reminder.You don't need like a whole sit down
(41:35):
talk da da da da da.It don't even need to always be all
of that. Sometimes I have totell you, hey, your funk is
encapsulating the whole room. Not physically, but that spirit of mood is off.
(41:57):
And I see it effect, Ifeel it it like I'm so sensitive
to it that I go to ten, not ten. But I pick up
on it very quickly, and I'mlike, oh, no, that's got
to stop. That's got to stopright now. And I think that God
has equipped us in our marriage inthat way. This heightened sensitivity in me
(42:22):
to feelings, especially with you,because we don't have room to not be
on. You can't be who you'resupposed to be if I'm not there supporting
and watching out for you. That'snot me doing stuff for you. That's
(42:44):
not me sitting in your spot.That's me doing my role as your helper,
picking up on things that you can'tpick up on, observing, discerning,
praying, making sure things are readyfor you. And we're not even
talking about in a traditional gender roleperspective because you do the cooking, you
(43:07):
do a lot of the house making, but it so much of us is
like spiritual. But what's powerful aboutthat, though, is this. I
was listening to a Miles Mooro messageand it was talking about how he was
referencing a Time magazine article that waswritten in like not two thousand, I
(43:29):
believe, or something like that.That was speaking to how prior to World
War One, child rearing and allof those pamphlets and stuff that was sent
went to the father, went tothe husband, to the man because he
was home and he was, youknow, doing their homework, and you're
growing your food and you're out.So but now you know, fast forward,
(43:50):
because of you know, wars andtraditions and all these things, the
gender role changes. So because thegender role can change at any no based
on necessity, based on necessity,based on what's going on around you,
there's something that has to be static. There's something that can't change, and
that's the spiritual roles because those don'tchange. It's just a matter of how
(44:14):
you now navigate the new physical norm. But the spiritual side of things are
still the same. And I thinkunderstanding that that in itself comes over time
because I think that we speak differentlanguages. Well, it's the foundational thing,
Like, that's why the foundation hasto be the spiritual side everything,
(44:38):
the spiritual root, because then itdon't matter what roots or roots, it
don't matter what grows above it.It still needs a root. So long
as that foundation is said, anythinghappened in the world and we're still good
because our foundation is rock solid.And understanding that when our communication styles or
(45:01):
viewpoints conflict, that there must bea misfire somewhere, especially spiritually, because
I remember conflicts that we would have, arguments, we would have where I'd
be sitting there and I felt likeyou were literally speaking a different language.
It was like we were talking toeach other, but I could not tell
(45:22):
you what you were saying. Idid not understand. You get so wrapped
up in going back and forth thatyou don't even know why what are we
even finding about at this point.There's so many things that are coming up
that there's no clear what is thepoint of this conversation. And a little
bit of that was my you know, quitting on you prematurely emotionally because I
(45:47):
have a shorter emotional bandwidth I think, than you have, which is also
I think not I mean, itdepends on the type of people, but
a lot of people will assume,oh, women are super emotional and men
are logistic, logistical, and youknow, blah blah blah. But I
would argue that in our relationship it'skind of flipped a little bit based on
(46:12):
well, I think again foundationally,like going back to the beginning, and
that's one of the ways that Iknow that I've grown, and you know,
that's one of the ways that youcould know that you've healed. Because
men are not supposed to not beable to feel. We are actually supposed
to be able to feel. Ourdominion comes in still being able to feel
(46:37):
it, but keep going. Whereaswomen can feel and stay, we help
them by helping them to keep going. They help us to tap into our
feelings. So like, the moreI've healed, the more I've come to
like be able to speak about myfeelings and acknowledge my feelings in a way
that of being healed I just couldn't. And a spiritual they're not created them,
(47:02):
right, They're not just physical.You can be triggered emotionally by a
physical thing, but if you're feelingan emotion like anger or frustration or sorrow
or any happiness, all of thesethings, there's a spirit behind it.
(47:23):
And so when you don't pay attentionto your feelings, which I was,
I was a girl that was like, oh, I don't like it.
I'm just gonna put it in theback of my mind, not deal with
it. I'm just gonna keep carryingthis baggage that I got. I've been
carrying since I was five, andda da da da, And I'm good
unless you open up that bag andthen you realize there's ten more bags inside
(47:45):
that bag, and it's just thingskeep coming out and you don't realize that,
like, hold on, wait asecond, why are so many things
coming out of this one suitcase?Is because that's been my stash point.
So I get it with this ideathat like feel and emotions are hard to
work through and distinguish and separate outbecause it comes with the awareness that even
(48:10):
the negative is real. I thinkpart of us tries to make the negative
fake or make the negative not realso that we can cope and we can
move on from it. But makingthe negative feelings or emotions fake is to
not approach them in reality. Andif you're not approaching them in reality,
(48:34):
then they sit there spiritually while physicallyyou may just be going about your life
or your thing. But my pointis it's still there. Whether there's physical
evidence in your opinion or not,they're still there. And so the hard
part is when you do make thedecision to say, Okay, I'm going
(48:55):
to start like unpacking my things.And it's painful. And I think we
spent a good portion of our marriageup until this point because we in what
we're working our way Towards year four, we spent the greater portion of our
first three years of marriage unpacking allof those bags and not understanding how really
(49:20):
deep they went. And I thinkjust in this season, we're finally coming
to a place where we're realizing,Okay, I think all this stuff is
out. I think we're done unpacking. So if we're done unpacking, now
(49:40):
we got to go help some otherpeople unpack. Well, not not even
that, we have to go helpsome other people impack. When you hear
about these athletes to go off anddo these great things whatever, you talk
to their fathers, their fathers willsay, I knew when you were ready,
before you knew that you were ready. So it's matter of not now
(50:01):
that I've learned all these things,let me go and find who I'm going
to fix. It's allow I'm afather to now He's sending people around you,
and this is kind of coming allthe way back for a circle,
not for you to be somebody different, but for them to be able to
(50:21):
see who you actually are, andlike that's where we are now. Of
like yeah, like now that's thepower of testimony, that's the power of
sharing, that's the power of beingthe same person, being just being j
godboat, not being corporate J gotBoat and family J got Boat and wife
(50:43):
Jacob. But no, I'm beingJay got Bolt and within j god Boat.
God has put the capacity to bewhoever he needs her to be based
on where He puts her, andthat's what we're doing now. Well as
Jay Gop would say, that soundslike a great stopping point. Guys,
(51:07):
why are you talking like that?Because you get like very like soft when
it's time to like close out.You're like, yeah, so that's a
good stopping point. Wow do youwalk you to say? All right,
y'all buy Lena, that's not me. I'm just I'm showing you you you
(51:29):
because don't impersonate me, go aheadand be whoa No. Thank y'all so
much for tuning in. This wasanother banger, all about my baby and
about you too, somewhat but focusedon you said this brilliantly on Instagram.
(51:52):
Af you a few days ago.You said, when you see me,
you see him, When you seehim, you see me. I was
like, Okay, then let themknow how marror just our post. There
go. We'll see y'all next time. Gobble Life Podcast signing up. Thank
(52:14):
you so much for tuning in tothis episode of the Godblet Life podcast.
We'd love to hear from you.Shoot us a DM or leave us a
review. Wherever you're listening, Wereally appreciate having you with us on this journey.
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