December 4, 2023 • 44 mins
Hey friends! In this episode of The Godbolt Life Podcast, Mark and I get real about common conflicts in marriage and unpack childhood coping mechanisms that often resurface unhelpfully. We share how rediscovering true identity is key to unity. Thank you for tuning in!
CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Introduction to Relationships
0:42 - Relationship Significance
6:11 - Age Five Developmental Crisis
11:47 - Trendy Choices vs. Right Decisions
14:25 - Qualities of a Good Man
19:58 - Childhood Impact on Adult Relationships
26:33 - John Chapter 3 Discussion
29:41 - Concept of Being Born Again
32:19 - Mind Renewal Strategies
34:36 - Challenges Facing Marriage
38:30 - Active Participation in Relationships
43:19 - Conclusion Remarks
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Introduction to Relationships
0:42 - Relationship Significance
6:11 - Age Five Developmental Crisis
11:47 - Trendy Choices vs. Right Decisions
14:25 - Qualities of a Good Man
19:58 - Childhood Impact on Adult Relationships
26:33 - John Chapter 3 Discussion
29:41 - Concept of Being Born Again
32:19 - Mind Renewal Strategies
34:36 - Challenges Facing Marriage
38:30 - Active Participation in Relationships
43:19 - Conclusion Remarks
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I didn't see putting election first,I didn't see affection. I didn't see
any of those things. But thenyou see the superficial fairy tale stuff and
your Disney and your shows and yourmovies. So then you're like, I
want that, And part of eventhe deep desire for that is because you
(00:20):
lack the truth. Over here,Welcome to the god Boat Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Mark Godboat withmy beautiful wife Jane Cowboy. We believe
that marriage God's way is the mostpowerful catalyst towards healing and holiness for you
and everybody after you. Welcome back, Welcome back, welcome back, happy,
(00:45):
whatever the day is for you thatyou were watching this or listening to
this. So we were waiting foreverything to get set up, and I
was talking to one of the ownersof the space and they just got engaged
and it started with just talking aboutworking with your significant other, doing business
(01:06):
with them, and how you know, we wouldn't want it any other way,
and how it's actually easier to doso, like there's trust there,
there's relationship, which is where theconversation took a really good detour on talking
about the importance of relationship. Andthey started to talk about how she was
(01:32):
and how they both grew up differently, and how in his home it was
like you know, Mario the Highway, there wasn't really relationship. There was
more so like this ranking order,and if you stepped outside of that ranking
order, then you would be reprimanded. So it teaches you, and I
came from a very similar background whereit teaches you, like, well,
(01:53):
once you get into a place ofauthority, then it's my way of the
highways. So that authority is actuallyremoving your choice, which is to remove
love. So it's just it iswhat it is, and you just deal
with it, and then you justwait until I can't wait to get my
own so then I can be theauthoritative and I can make the decisions and
(02:15):
all of those things, which worksfor you until you get with someone else.
As long as you're by yourself thatworks. Then enter the woman that
God created you foward and for youthat's not gonna fly, and it shouldn't
fly. We've talked, you know, plenty of times about how both of
(02:36):
our roles, both of our dominion, is very necessary. There's things that
my wife can't do that I cando, and there's things that I can
do that, she can't do Thosetwo become one when married for a reason.
So how they got to the pointthat they got to now was they
would fight and they would go youknow, total toad and he wasn't backing
(02:57):
down. Except well, she didn'tgrow up that way. She grew up
with her parents being married but beingmore friends and not with show affection and
all those things. He didn't want, you know, just to be essentially
roommates with children and with responsibility tiestogether, but you know, seemlarly not
really loving each other. She talkedabout how she doesn't know why she decided
(03:21):
to operate this way in this fight, but she decided that I'm not going
to fight with you. We're goingto have a conversation. We love each
other, let's act like it.And he didn't know what to do with
that. Sounds familiar. It soundsexactly like when they are telling me this
story, I'm like, whoa Andshe's like, yeah, you know,
(03:42):
I don't know why I did that, because like my folks didn't do that
because they you know, they theydidn't have a relationship, so it would
have just been like, you know, we're both both fighting and then somebody
just quits and like, that's justwhat it is, and you move forward
and you like it didn't happen,and that's you know. But when she
(04:05):
did that, he now was ina position to have to make a decision.
Do I continue to like fight tosince you trying to make you fight,
or do I, you know,stop and realize that the way that
(04:26):
I learned may not be the rightway, it may not be his way.
And instead of me continuing to godown that path of wrong. She
said this, most of the time, it's surprides you, especially for us
men, surprisese you, and thatpride has been built up since we were
(04:46):
kids. You're a man, Takepride in your work, take pride in
what you do. Don't show weakness, you man up and you five.
There's so much of that that wedon't realize how much we act actually take
into our relationships. That's not somethingthat you just turned off. And so
(05:06):
you have how you grew up andthat experience and what you saw and experience
with your parents and whether or notthey showed affection and whether or not they
had conversations and whether or not theyput their relationship first, which oftentimes I
know for us, for me.I didn't see that. I didn't see
(05:27):
putting an election. First, Ididn't see affection. I didn't see any
of those things. But then yousee the superficial, you know, fairy
tale stuff and your Disney and yourshows and your movies. So then you're
like, I want that. Andpart of even the deep desire for that
is because you lack the truth overhere. So then you see the opposite
(05:48):
extreme, you're like, oh,I want that, but the only tools
you have is the tools that you'vebeen taught, and you put those into
use and you don't get this outcome, and then it's like, oh,
shoot, now what And oftentimes wejust continue to, you know, try
to break that down with force,when the answer the whole time is love.
(06:10):
Let's say you and this what sayye? So the first thing that
actually popped up as you were talkingis I saw this clip and this psychologist's
researcher was speaking about the two crisisthat boys have or men have in life,
(06:31):
one being at five and one beingat fifteen. Now, I didn't
finish the video to hear about whathappens when you're fifteen, but I did
listen to the part about what happenswhen you're five. So when you said
you need to man up when you'refive, I was like, that's exactly
what boys go through, is thatwhen you turn five or around that age,
(06:57):
you are told that your ability oryou showing emotion differs now from how
a girl shows emotion. And eventhough prior to five, boys tend to
be a bit more emotionally charged thangirls do and at least or show it
more, five is the age whereit starts to shift. And his idea
(07:26):
was that it's because at that ageboys usually start school and there's more public
shame surrounding the idea of boys beingtoo emotional or too quote unquote feminine,
and they are met with these expectationsthat you don't operate or act out of
(07:47):
fear, and you don't operate oract out of emotion. Period. So
that age, that man up whenyou're five is a very real thing.
Some of his description of why andall that kind of stuff, that the
school stuff, I think made sense. But I think that a lot of
that leans on if you don't spenda lot of time with your children,
(08:13):
if you allow their exposure to outsidesources, whether that be at school,
teachers, other kids being more heavythan your interaction with them, which is
why I even think so many peoplenow are leaning towards like the homeschool route
and just making time with their childrenmore impactful and intentional. I think now
(08:39):
men who are fathers, who aremillennial fathers, spend way more time with
their children on average than our parents'generation did, And I think that shows
just how much we our generation wasexposed to things outside of our parents that
we realized, Hey, when Ibecome a parent, like, I don't
(09:01):
want to be like that. Iwant to spend time with my kids.
I want to actually be involved.I want to be the dad that's there.
I want to be the dad that'shaving the conversations. I want to
be the dad that is present,right, And so I think that it's
very interesting that we're having even thisconversation because I think about our sons,
and I think about the type offather that you are to them, and
(09:24):
the way that you are a husbandto me, and how you really do
make it a point to show affectionto me in front of them, Like
to somebody else or other people,maybe that feels a little bit too intentional,
but for us, it's on purposebecause we want our children to know
that mommy and Daddy didn't just youknow, have them and create a home
(09:46):
for us, but they loved eachother and they showed it. And this
is an example for what you shoulddesire when you grow up and to know
this reminds me of what we readthe other day about well, children should
grow up knowing and being excited aboutthe fact that for one person, they
(10:07):
are going to be seen as attractive, and they are going to be romantically
wanted and desired by that one person, whoever they're created for, and whoever,
like me as a woman, whoeverI am meant for, I'm the
rib for. They should grow upexpecting that, they should grow up expecting
(10:28):
to be sought after by this oneperson who loves them and adores them and
just can't get enough of them.Not this concept of what do I need
to look like to be desirable?What do I need to act like to
be attractive? How should I dressin order for people to think that I'm
pretty? All of those things,which is all drawn from a majority,
(10:50):
not from you being uniquely who Godcreated you, right, And so we
talked about that, like, oh, you know, be you from the
very surface part of those things notrealizing that like, by me trying to
look and follow the majority, Iam doing the opposite of what would need
(11:11):
to be done for me to beunique and walk in that. You can't
really do both. You cannot.You can't look around. Yeah, you
can't follow trends and also walk yourown path. You can't do that because
you only have a set amount ofenergy and focus to spend. So if
(11:31):
your focus and spend is over hereon what's trendy and what's popular right now,
what everybody else is doing, thenyou are neglecting this very specific and
very unique call for you as aperson. And it's funny actually, So
we were watching the show the otherday, a dating show. What I
(11:52):
noticed was a lot of the womenare very trendy. They are dressing the
way that you expect them to dressas being like hot, young and single.
Maybe not young, but hot andsingle, okay, because this is
not a young crowd. It's likea crowd of like thirties forties singles and
(12:16):
looking for love. And the womenthat have just you know, the wigs
that are popular right now, andthe makeup that looks super spot on and
just all those things they are strugglingin the show to find true connection and
companionship, while this one other womanwho isn't as trendy as them, who
(12:45):
may not be as quote unquote beautifulto like the societal standard, who also
has two children at home, andit's very forthcoming about the fact that she
has two children that are very muchso part of her package, and she's
looking for a husband that's going tobe able to not just be a husband,
but also a leader of their homeand a father to her children.
(13:07):
She has multiple connections, She hasmultiple men singling her out and saying that's
a good woman. Her kind heartedness, she's got this nurturing sense about her.
She feels solid, she feels safe, and she's soft. And it's
(13:30):
like how many of us as womentry to look a certain way, act
a certain way, thinking that that'swhat men want, thinking that whoever my
husband is, this is what he'sgonna want, when in all actuality,
you are doing the very thing thatis going to have him miss you because
(13:52):
you're not actually exhibiting who you areinternally and uniquely, and so you may
attract some men, but they're notthe man that's supposed to be attracted to
you because he can't see past allthis stuff on you to see who you
really are. And I think thatsome people can say there's a balance,
(14:15):
and I think that there is abalance, but the balance has to heavily
lean towards you being and on ajourney towards being more of who God created
you to be. Yeah, andmen are under sad way in all the
ways like men are. It's kindof wild that there is is starting to
like not be a difference where youcan't really tell them apart because you have
(14:39):
both sides that are whatever they considerto be a good man or a good
woman literally as broad as that canpossibly be. It's like, I'm going
to do that. So I'm goingto have the gym routine, I'm going
to have the business. I'm goingthrough. You have the brands, I'm
(15:01):
going to have the car. I'mgoing to have the house. And when
all of those things are set,now I'm ready for a woman. And
that's not the way it works.That hasn't worked. I don't think we
realize how far we go into athing and how much it's going to literally
(15:22):
affect everything else. So by thetime I get all of these things and
what is taking me, and whoI've had to become to get there nowhere
on that journey was my wife.So now I'm looking for someone that fits
this thing in my head that I'vecreated. They had nothing to do with
(15:46):
my purpose, has nothing to dowith her, because then on the other
side, she's trying to fit thetype of woman that those guys normally attract.
It's almost like going to a websitewith all these clothes and then going
through the filters and you're clicking allthese filters and then it's giving you,
you know, twenty options out ofthe two thousand, and it's like,
(16:06):
Okay, based on your filters,this is what you have to work with.
Huh Right. It's like it's literallyso not the way you're supposed to
find your person at all. It'snot a individual road. You do the
things you want to do or youfeel led to do whatever. Okay,
you want this career, you wantthis sort of financial stability, and then
(16:32):
when you have those things, thewoman will just fit into whatever. That's
not how it's supposed to be.It's supposed to be you are who you
are, and you person for thatfor you exactly, regardless of these tangible
physical things that you acquire along theway, because what that woman is supposed
(16:53):
to do is come into your lifeand expand everything that you desire that is
on you to do in life.So that's why for men, it's so
important for you to have a focusand a purpose in mind that is from
God, because whatever you do,whether it's for God or not, the
woman that you bring into your lifeas your rib as your wife, will
(17:15):
expand. So if you are focusedon the career, the cars, the
financial goals, and all of thosethings, you're going to attract a woman
who is also focused on physical things. She wants the bags, she wants,
(17:36):
the beauty maintenance weekly okay, theexpensive treatments, the surgeries, those
are the things that she will desirebecause that's what you've established is what your
life is. So if she wantsthose things too, she's going to expand
all those things. And that's whyshe's even attracted to you, is because
(17:57):
that's what you're setting the tone asflip that and you say, yeah,
I am passionate about my career,I'm passionate about the goals that I have
for my life. But at theend of the day, I want a
woman to know that I love hermore than all this stuff. I want
(18:18):
to build a family that at theend of the day, yes, I'm
working to get all these things,but it's also that my family can be
able to have a comfortable lifestyle sothat we can all be who we've been
called to be, and we canestablish ourselves, as you know, a
family that strives after what we're supposedto strive after. But also we care
(18:40):
about the things that don't cost anything. We care about love, we care
about compassion, we care about thethings that are not tangible. And so
if you establish those things as theman you say, yeah, we can
go on a trip to Mexico andstay at the best places and do all
the things. But if they allalternative is we're fighting the whole time,
(19:03):
or the alternative is, well,if I gotta work one hundred hours,
I gotta work one hundred hours,Yes, then what is really the point?
Because I'm trying to afford extravagant vacationsso that I can escape my current
reality. So you are working yourtail off all this time, all these
(19:23):
days, missing out on life sothat you could have one moment of quote
unquote bliss that is very temporary it'sspending a five hundred dollar a T shirt
on filth because what right, it'sit's the appearance on the from far away.
(19:44):
It's the appearance that like, oh, that's glittering, but then you
get close enough to it and there'sa stench yep, that is happening,
that is rotten from the inside out. And so so it's who come out
of that because that was me?That was me. Like I remember thinking,
(20:12):
like for number one, after work, work, work, because that's
what I saw, Like, Isaw men who worked, who hustle,
who grinded by any means necessary.That was the number one thing over marriages,
over over, you know, beingfathers. It was like I gotta
(20:33):
get to the bag. That wasthe number one thing. So I grew
up that way. I started tooperate in that. And I always say,
and well, add to that,not having my biological father in my
life, there was also that voidswhere I'm like, I'm thinking that he's
(20:56):
this coming of the earth, soI can't be like him. So I
desire kids because I see all thefairy tale stuff and I'm watching all the
kids' movies that God for white pickingfence and all of these things so I
know that I'm going to be ahusband. I know that I'm going to
be a father. However, Idon't want to be I have a clip
down. I don't want to belike my dad, and anything that you
(21:18):
try not to be you become,it cannot be. I don't want to
be like them. So I'm goingto do this. You just end up
on the same destination. You justtook a different route. And here's the
thing. When you're a child,you can't help but come to that conclusion
because your frame of reference and exposureis so limited that that seems like as
(21:45):
a child, your only way ofunderstanding and coping and moving on. So,
yeah, when you're young, you'rea kid. Important to see the
right way at a young age becauseyou are designed to like get that and
then that sticks. Yeah, notto get to a place to where I've
seen the wrong thing, and nowI have to try to control or delete
(22:07):
that so that I can actually dosomething different and put something new there,
or it be my responsibility as achild to find something else, which we
do because I did that too,Like I started to look for all of
these different traits that I thought wasthe way to this dream in my head.
I try to look for that andother men, which you know I
(22:29):
would get it sometimes, but itwould also come with other things that I
wasn't supposed to be getting too.So you have all this responsibility, this
weight that it's on you, andthat would culminate into me bringing all of
that in with you. But here'sthe thing. With all that being said,
(22:56):
this is why healing is so important. You can come into marriage with
all of that, you can bein relationships with all of that, but
at any point that you realize that, oh wow, I've been building my
life based off of a childish perspective. And I'm not saying childish in a
negative way. I'm literally saying childishperspective. Childish is actually a good thing
(23:19):
because that implies that you are teachableand yet at the same time naive.
We are supposed to be naive tothings, yes, but when we are
still thinking with a childlike mind,an unhealed, a hurt child mindset as
(23:45):
an adult, that's where we notonly cause issues for ourselves, we cause
issue for other people. So alot of I think issues and marriages,
especially like young marriages, are Istill have this trauma in me, this
mentality in me that I got togo get it. This is the way
(24:06):
I'm supposed to be a man,this is the way I'm supposed to be
a husband, when there was noroom for me to actually grow into this
role or actually take into account whatmy actual wife contributes to me and what
my role means. Because that's theother piece, is like you grow up
having this mindset that I'm not goingto be like them, so I'm gonna
(24:29):
go do this instead. That hasnothing to do with the other person that's
involved, because you haven't met them. For most of the time that you're
building up this idea of who yougoing to be in marriage or as a
dad or as a mom. Youdon't even know the other counterpart to you
yet. And then when you meetthem, you expect them to just accept
(24:53):
this mentality and this story that you'vebuilt for yourself, not realize that they've
done the exact same thing for thesame amount of time. For years and
years and years, they've had amentality and an idea of who they were
going to be in marriage and whatthey were going to do and what they
weren't going to do and all ofthose things. And when we marry people,
(25:15):
and we have these very strong beliefsand these very strong ideas of what
our marriage is supposed to be,and then we get married and then they
clash. People think, well,we're not supposed to be married, and
our counter to that is maybe youare. It's just that those two ideologies
(25:38):
that you grew up with based offof a means to cope with an uncomfortable
maybe feeling abandoned or feeling you know, hurt, pain, whatever it is
from your childhood, those mentalities andthose ideas that you built up and supported
and believed all these years are finallycoming to an end. So there is
(26:03):
a death happening. There is asense of times up and now how do
you move on if that's not partof who you are or how you operate.
And I think that is what's reallyhappening for a lot of people.
I think that's what happened with us, was that when we would start having
these fights all the time, itwas like our two ideologies of what marriage
(26:29):
was supposed to be were clashing becausethey were both wrong. My mind goes
here, it's been going there fora while, actually for months or so
in the time at the time thatwe're filming this. It's only right that
this would come up. John threescripture. Of course it is. There
(26:52):
was a man of the Pharisees namedNicodemus, a ruler of the Jews.
And actually, I want to gointo a different I want to go in
to where I have the strongs becauseI think that there will be something that
is really cool. Okay, wow, So one really cool thing with the
(27:15):
Strongs that I love is that Isay, when you're reading the Bible and
there's a name, that name isthere for a reason. There's not a
name, then that there's not aname for a reason, so put your
name there. But if there's aname, if you look up that name,
there's a reason why the name isthere. Nicodemus means conqueror. So
(27:40):
not only was he very smart,very knowledgeable, like extreme, he was
a lawyer of the Pharisees, verystudious, you know, know it all,
got all the degrees of hold.Not on top of that, he
was a conqueror. Who doesn't wanta man that's really smart and can fight?
Like everybody want that like that that'sthe thing, right, Yeah,
(28:04):
But the thing about that combination isyou can't be those things without pride.
Nope. So the same came toJesus by night and said, unto him,
Rabbi, we know that thou arta teacher, come from God.
(28:25):
We being the rest of the Pharisees, all the smart man. For no
man can do these miracles that thoudoest, except God be with him.
Jesus answered and said, unto him, verily, verily, I say unto
THEE, except a man be bornagain, he cannot see the Kingdom of
God. Nicodemus said, unto him, how can a man be born when
(28:47):
he is old? Can you enterthe second time into his mother's womb and
be born? Jesus answered, veryverily, I say, unto THEE.
Except a man be born of waterand of the spirit, he cannot enter
into the Kingdom of God. Thatwhich is born of flesh is flesh,
and that which is born of spiritis spirit. Marvel not that I said
(29:11):
unto THEE. He must be bornagain. The wind bloweth where it listeth,
and thou hearest the sound thereof,but canst not tell whence it cometh
and whether it goeth. So iseveryone that is born of the spirit.
He just told one of the smartest, most respected men there, he just
(29:33):
gave him something that he couldn't solveor that he could not make sense of.
Just as a little snippet of whathe's trying to get him to understand.
I read that because most men aimto be a Nicodemus, we want
to have all the accolades. Weare trained to be the smartest, to
be the most powerful conqueror in theroom. But in order to be who
(29:57):
God has called us to be,we cannot be. We have to be
the opposite of that. So it'svery hard for us to humble ourselves because
we've been built in pride for twentythirty forty fifty sixty seventy years. So
the way you get back to evenin marriage, back to where you were
always supposed to be, be bornagain. Forget what I thought I knew,
(30:22):
humble myself. I don't know now, God, can you show me
not bringing in everything that I've beentaught, not the way my daddy did
it and what my mama said,in all these different things that has to
go. That's not to say thatthere won't be times after the fact as
you're growing that you don't remember somethingthat happened to put to what God has
(30:45):
shown you, but my foundation can'tbe that they weren't privy to baptism during
this time, that's all ask you. Yeah, John the Baptist was the
first to bring that forward. Thesescenes were doing baptisms, but this wasn't
something that was popular. There's atemple. Yeah, so when John the
(31:06):
Baptist is doing this, they wouldcome to like, even Pharisees. So
if he's the one of the leadersof the Pharisees, he either went to
see for himself or people were comingback to bring word to him of the
interactions with John who was doing thisbaptizing, So he's like, you know,
check that there. But also spiritually, being born again means now I
(31:32):
am learning from here on out ofhis spirit. Yeah, we are born
pure, but most of us didn'tgrow up with parents operating in righteousness.
So whatever you're tough first, that'swhat you are holding on to. That
is your Bible. Then when yougrow up and you start to hear different
things and understand different things, youcan't just grasp onto that stuff because now
(31:56):
you are mixing clean water with thedirty cup, which will contaminate the clean
water. So you have to beborn again, which is what he is
saying, which is shown by megetting baptized now, it's showing that I'm
under a new covenant, that I'mdoing things a different way than what I
(32:19):
used to do before. However,people stop there. They don't realize that
physically, I have to start torenew my mind. I have to literally
forget what I thought I knew,so that then there's space for me to
be laid by the spirit, notto just forget and then there'd be just
empty void. I need to fillthat with spiritual things. What you're saying
(32:43):
is very true, is that asa babe, you are going to have
to start from scratch and be learninghow to walk, talk, eat everything
from the heavenly Father, from Christtoo. So that is beautiful. That
is the need that he wants uson. So in verses, he says
that which is born of flesh isflesh, and that which is born of
(33:07):
spirit is spirit. Prior to ourlatest walk, we were born of flesh.
Even even to bring us already backfor a circle. When the gentleman
is like, yeah, I learnedthis way and this is how I grew
up, and this is what wasin my home, and I was stern
in that he didn't even realize.I don't think he did. The spiritual
(33:29):
implications of him receiving that love fromhis fiance then stopping and changing course.
In order to do that, therehas to be a humbling, because that
is me forsaking what I thought Iknew. That is me admitting, yeah,
that that I learned wasn't the wayright. And also perfect love cast
(33:52):
I fear the love that she showedto him even made it comfortable for this
man to take off his armor,put down his weapon, his strategy.
I feel like every everybody tries togive a man the is it men of
war? Books they called men ofWar, book Out of War. I
(34:14):
feel like there's like these like threeor four books that I feel like every
man tries to give other men,and it's just continuing to hamper us.
Because when when the rubber meets theroad, if we really want to experience
marriage the way God always intended forus to experience it, we have to
put all that stuff down, allof it. And you know what's interesting,
(34:37):
there's also a lot of conversation andnarrative that marriage is a battle and
that you have to come in readyto defend and to fight and all of
those things. And the thing is, though, when you hear that out
of order, when you hear thatout of contact, next, you think
(35:00):
that going into marriage means a fightwithin it, when it's actually your marriage
is the weapon against the fight outsideof it. Yep. So how do
you shift your perspective and knowing thatI'm not supposed to be fighting you,
(35:22):
I'm not supposed to be fighting youwith That's what she literally said in those
words. She was like, Idon't know what came over me, but
I just knew I'm not supposed tobe fighting you. Like, That's not
what this is supposed to be about. And we get so confused because we
see all these other people having maritalissues or talking about how hard marriage is
(35:46):
and talking about how like the waron marriage ain't just like again, we
really tend to think that the depictionof Satan that Hollywood has shown us,
that he's run around in the redsuit or a pitchfork and a tail,
we really assume that, not realizingthat the war on marriage is in shows.
(36:08):
It's in showing these dysfunctional shows,it's in showing these marital therapy sessions,
it's in showing just all of theluke warmness that is shown pertaining to
marriage is warfare because you're people like, uh, I can do better single.
(36:29):
I don't want that, No,it's not terrible, but I can
be happier over here, I canbe happier with the same sex. And
it's like, that's not what Godcreated marriage to be. But that's what
you see so much in the media, and even when there are podcasts and
shows and all this stuff, there'sso much dysfunction in the realm of marriage
(36:52):
that the ones that do get thescreen time are ones that you're like,
s thank make it because they don'teven like each other and they don't even
wicked constr right, so they willto your point that the war on marriage
is not between husband and wife.The war on marriage is everything outside of
(37:16):
it, showing you and telling youthat it ain't worth it, showing you
and telling you that you're going tobe happier by yourself, showing you and
telling you that operating in love withina marriage with an imperfect person ain't worth
it, when which means that isonly making stronger all these feelings I grew
(37:37):
up with, all the examples thatI've seen. Yep, that's just making
that stronger. That is feeding flesh. So crisis that which is born of
spirit, spirit be born again.That way, everything that goes in you
is of my spirit, and thenyou're a spirit. But as long as
(38:00):
you try to put a god Tshirt over filthiness, it's not gonna work,
no matter what you do, nomatter how much therapy, no mind,
it's not going to work because we'vebeen fashioned, we've been taught to
(38:21):
be other than our father. Sohe's saying, we can't now y'all be
born again, Like Nicko Dim wastalking about miracles and who we know,
like you, you can't even likethe what we experienced in our marriage.
When I was the old me,I couldn't have fathomed this. This is
(38:43):
better than the best view that Ihad of marriage. Then if I would
have had the fairy tale that Ithought it wasn't then this is even better
than that. I could not havethis without being born again, without being
out of his spirit. It isimpossible. It's like this. There are
a lot of people standing on thesideline, standing outside the stadium with a
(39:07):
god T shirt on, while thereis all the merch, while there is
a whole game going on inside thatstadium with players on the field with God
jerseys on and Satan jerseys on,and you don't even understand that the barrier
(39:29):
between you going from outside the stadiumto end the game is a choice.
God wants you in the game,not just sporting the team, but actually
playing for the team, because whatyou really don't understand is when you're putting
that God T shirt on top offilth, it means you might be wearing
(39:52):
team God, but you actually arefollowing and honoring and living for playing for
the other team. Funny story togo to that. So I was watching
the pregame for college football for something. People right, that was a guy
that they put the camera on thatjust bought pouring mayo all over hisself.
(40:17):
What like I'm talking about. Iguess he told the producer I'm going to
do it. It was like oneof the live pregame shows. I guess
he told the producer, I'm goingto do this, put the camera on
me, let me know. Andas soon as they did it, he
had two guys just pour he wasnick put mayo all over him. I
was like, why would somebody dothat? And then it hit me when
(40:42):
you just made that a knowledge wasincredible. By the way, the people
that are in the game, noone that's playing in that football game would
do that. Nope, they wouldn'teven think about doing that. Oftentimes,
the radical fans how very little incommon with those actually playing the game,
(41:08):
very little. It's the reason whyyou're not playing the game. There are
people who are fast, who dothey and they still don't play the game
because there's something. There's a differentlevel of commitment, there's a different level
(41:29):
of discipline, there's a different levelof buy in, there's a different lifestyle
that you have to live. Sothose who are actually doing marriage the way
God created marriage to be done,versus those who are just wearing the T
shirts going to the game, justgoing to the game, guess what,
(41:53):
and at any moment can change teams. It's different. So get in the
game. Get in the game.Up. You're in the game because also
the game, the people playing game, didn't make the rules. You're submitted.
(42:19):
You following a play, you're submittedto what the coaches and the owners
and all you're submitted and all youworried about. They'll say, Hey,
like you asked me brought I'm justdoing my job. I'm doing. I'm
just obeying what my father said.He's given me every he's given me the
(42:39):
speed, he's given me everything Ineed. All I gotta do is actually
obey all the other stuff. Idon't even have the time to put mail
on me and then clean it offright to ask the people around me,
hey, can you hold this mail? And when the camera come over here,
(43:00):
I need you to make sure thatthe mayo hits me in my face
and continue until the mayo is empty. Like to even do all of that,
what else could you have done?Get in the game, Get in
the game, run the play,aka be obedient to our father. Time
(43:21):
running out? Got yall, it'sprobably gonna shut us off at any minute.
But yeah, y'all, I'm anotherbanger. She's gonna say that on
every episode was probably just another banger. Five five all right, We love
y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in. Yes, we'll see y'all the next
one. All right, Thank youso much for tuning in to this episode
(43:45):
of the Godbolt Life Podcast. We'dlove to hear from you. Shoot us
a DM or leave us a reviewwherever you're listening. We really appreciate having
you with us on this journey
I didn't see putting election first,I didn't see affection. I didn't see
any of those things. But thenyou see the superficial fairy tale stuff and
your Disney and your shows and yourmovies. So then you're like, I
want that, And part of eventhe deep desire for that is because you
(00:20):
lack the truth. Over here,Welcome to the god Boat Life Podcast.
I'm your host, Mark Godboat withmy beautiful wife Jane Cowboy. We believe
that marriage God's way is the mostpowerful catalyst towards healing and holiness for you
and everybody after you. Welcome back, Welcome back, welcome back, happy,
(00:45):
whatever the day is for you thatyou were watching this or listening to
this. So we were waiting foreverything to get set up, and I
was talking to one of the ownersof the space and they just got engaged
and it started with just talking aboutworking with your significant other, doing business
(01:06):
with them, and how you know, we wouldn't want it any other way,
and how it's actually easier to doso, like there's trust there,
there's relationship, which is where theconversation took a really good detour on talking
about the importance of relationship. Andthey started to talk about how she was
(01:32):
and how they both grew up differently, and how in his home it was
like you know, Mario the Highway, there wasn't really relationship. There was
more so like this ranking order,and if you stepped outside of that ranking
order, then you would be reprimanded. So it teaches you, and I
came from a very similar background whereit teaches you, like, well,
(01:53):
once you get into a place ofauthority, then it's my way of the
highways. So that authority is actuallyremoving your choice, which is to remove
love. So it's just it iswhat it is, and you just deal
with it, and then you justwait until I can't wait to get my
own so then I can be theauthoritative and I can make the decisions and
(02:15):
all of those things, which worksfor you until you get with someone else.
As long as you're by yourself thatworks. Then enter the woman that
God created you foward and for youthat's not gonna fly, and it shouldn't
fly. We've talked, you know, plenty of times about how both of
(02:36):
our roles, both of our dominion, is very necessary. There's things that
my wife can't do that I cando, and there's things that I can
do that, she can't do Thosetwo become one when married for a reason.
So how they got to the pointthat they got to now was they
would fight and they would go youknow, total toad and he wasn't backing
(02:57):
down. Except well, she didn'tgrow up that way. She grew up
with her parents being married but beingmore friends and not with show affection and
all those things. He didn't want, you know, just to be essentially
roommates with children and with responsibility tiestogether, but you know, seemlarly not
really loving each other. She talkedabout how she doesn't know why she decided
(03:21):
to operate this way in this fight, but she decided that I'm not going
to fight with you. We're goingto have a conversation. We love each
other, let's act like it.And he didn't know what to do with
that. Sounds familiar. It soundsexactly like when they are telling me this
story, I'm like, whoa Andshe's like, yeah, you know,
(03:42):
I don't know why I did that, because like my folks didn't do that
because they you know, they theydidn't have a relationship, so it would
have just been like, you know, we're both both fighting and then somebody
just quits and like, that's justwhat it is, and you move forward
and you like it didn't happen,and that's you know. But when she
(04:05):
did that, he now was ina position to have to make a decision.
Do I continue to like fight tosince you trying to make you fight,
or do I, you know,stop and realize that the way that
(04:26):
I learned may not be the rightway, it may not be his way.
And instead of me continuing to godown that path of wrong. She
said this, most of the time, it's surprides you, especially for us
men, surprisese you, and thatpride has been built up since we were
(04:46):
kids. You're a man, Takepride in your work, take pride in
what you do. Don't show weakness, you man up and you five.
There's so much of that that wedon't realize how much we act actually take
into our relationships. That's not somethingthat you just turned off. And so
(05:06):
you have how you grew up andthat experience and what you saw and experience
with your parents and whether or notthey showed affection and whether or not they
had conversations and whether or not theyput their relationship first, which oftentimes I
know for us, for me.I didn't see that. I didn't see
(05:27):
putting an election. First, Ididn't see affection. I didn't see any
of those things. But then yousee the superficial, you know, fairy
tale stuff and your Disney and yourshows and your movies. So then you're
like, I want that. Andpart of even the deep desire for that
is because you lack the truth overhere. So then you see the opposite
(05:48):
extreme, you're like, oh,I want that, but the only tools
you have is the tools that you'vebeen taught, and you put those into
use and you don't get this outcome, and then it's like, oh,
shoot, now what And oftentimes wejust continue to, you know, try
to break that down with force,when the answer the whole time is love.
(06:10):
Let's say you and this what sayye? So the first thing that
actually popped up as you were talkingis I saw this clip and this psychologist's
researcher was speaking about the two crisisthat boys have or men have in life,
(06:31):
one being at five and one beingat fifteen. Now, I didn't
finish the video to hear about whathappens when you're fifteen, but I did
listen to the part about what happenswhen you're five. So when you said
you need to man up when you'refive, I was like, that's exactly
what boys go through, is thatwhen you turn five or around that age,
(06:57):
you are told that your ability oryou showing emotion differs now from how
a girl shows emotion. And eventhough prior to five, boys tend to
be a bit more emotionally charged thangirls do and at least or show it
more, five is the age whereit starts to shift. And his idea
(07:26):
was that it's because at that ageboys usually start school and there's more public
shame surrounding the idea of boys beingtoo emotional or too quote unquote feminine,
and they are met with these expectationsthat you don't operate or act out of
(07:47):
fear, and you don't operate oract out of emotion. Period. So
that age, that man up whenyou're five is a very real thing.
Some of his description of why andall that kind of stuff, that the
school stuff, I think made sense. But I think that a lot of
that leans on if you don't spenda lot of time with your children,
(08:13):
if you allow their exposure to outsidesources, whether that be at school,
teachers, other kids being more heavythan your interaction with them, which is
why I even think so many peoplenow are leaning towards like the homeschool route
and just making time with their childrenmore impactful and intentional. I think now
(08:39):
men who are fathers, who aremillennial fathers, spend way more time with
their children on average than our parents'generation did, And I think that shows
just how much we our generation wasexposed to things outside of our parents that
we realized, Hey, when Ibecome a parent, like, I don't
(09:01):
want to be like that. Iwant to spend time with my kids.
I want to actually be involved.I want to be the dad that's there.
I want to be the dad that'shaving the conversations. I want to
be the dad that is present,right, And so I think that it's
very interesting that we're having even thisconversation because I think about our sons,
and I think about the type offather that you are to them, and
(09:24):
the way that you are a husbandto me, and how you really do
make it a point to show affectionto me in front of them, Like
to somebody else or other people,maybe that feels a little bit too intentional,
but for us, it's on purposebecause we want our children to know
that mommy and Daddy didn't just youknow, have them and create a home
(09:46):
for us, but they loved eachother and they showed it. And this
is an example for what you shoulddesire when you grow up and to know
this reminds me of what we readthe other day about well, children should
grow up knowing and being excited aboutthe fact that for one person, they
(10:07):
are going to be seen as attractive, and they are going to be romantically
wanted and desired by that one person, whoever they're created for, and whoever,
like me as a woman, whoeverI am meant for, I'm the
rib for. They should grow upexpecting that, they should grow up expecting
(10:28):
to be sought after by this oneperson who loves them and adores them and
just can't get enough of them.Not this concept of what do I need
to look like to be desirable?What do I need to act like to
be attractive? How should I dressin order for people to think that I'm
pretty? All of those things,which is all drawn from a majority,
(10:50):
not from you being uniquely who Godcreated you, right, And so we
talked about that, like, oh, you know, be you from the
very surface part of those things notrealizing that like, by me trying to
look and follow the majority, Iam doing the opposite of what would need
(11:11):
to be done for me to beunique and walk in that. You can't
really do both. You cannot.You can't look around. Yeah, you
can't follow trends and also walk yourown path. You can't do that because
you only have a set amount ofenergy and focus to spend. So if
(11:31):
your focus and spend is over hereon what's trendy and what's popular right now,
what everybody else is doing, thenyou are neglecting this very specific and
very unique call for you as aperson. And it's funny actually, So
we were watching the show the otherday, a dating show. What I
(11:52):
noticed was a lot of the womenare very trendy. They are dressing the
way that you expect them to dressas being like hot, young and single.
Maybe not young, but hot andsingle, okay, because this is
not a young crowd. It's likea crowd of like thirties forties singles and
(12:16):
looking for love. And the womenthat have just you know, the wigs
that are popular right now, andthe makeup that looks super spot on and
just all those things they are strugglingin the show to find true connection and
companionship, while this one other womanwho isn't as trendy as them, who
(12:45):
may not be as quote unquote beautifulto like the societal standard, who also
has two children at home, andit's very forthcoming about the fact that she
has two children that are very muchso part of her package, and she's
looking for a husband that's going tobe able to not just be a husband,
but also a leader of their homeand a father to her children.
(13:07):
She has multiple connections, She hasmultiple men singling her out and saying that's
a good woman. Her kind heartedness, she's got this nurturing sense about her.
She feels solid, she feels safe, and she's soft. And it's
(13:30):
like how many of us as womentry to look a certain way, act
a certain way, thinking that that'swhat men want, thinking that whoever my
husband is, this is what he'sgonna want, when in all actuality,
you are doing the very thing thatis going to have him miss you because
(13:52):
you're not actually exhibiting who you areinternally and uniquely, and so you may
attract some men, but they're notthe man that's supposed to be attracted to
you because he can't see past allthis stuff on you to see who you
really are. And I think thatsome people can say there's a balance,
(14:15):
and I think that there is abalance, but the balance has to heavily
lean towards you being and on ajourney towards being more of who God created
you to be. Yeah, andmen are under sad way in all the
ways like men are. It's kindof wild that there is is starting to
like not be a difference where youcan't really tell them apart because you have
(14:39):
both sides that are whatever they considerto be a good man or a good
woman literally as broad as that canpossibly be. It's like, I'm going
to do that. So I'm goingto have the gym routine, I'm going
to have the business. I'm goingthrough. You have the brands, I'm
(15:01):
going to have the car. I'mgoing to have the house. And when
all of those things are set,now I'm ready for a woman. And
that's not the way it works.That hasn't worked. I don't think we
realize how far we go into athing and how much it's going to literally
(15:22):
affect everything else. So by thetime I get all of these things and
what is taking me, and whoI've had to become to get there nowhere
on that journey was my wife.So now I'm looking for someone that fits
this thing in my head that I'vecreated. They had nothing to do with
(15:46):
my purpose, has nothing to dowith her, because then on the other
side, she's trying to fit thetype of woman that those guys normally attract.
It's almost like going to a websitewith all these clothes and then going
through the filters and you're clicking allthese filters and then it's giving you,
you know, twenty options out ofthe two thousand, and it's like,
(16:06):
Okay, based on your filters,this is what you have to work with.
Huh Right. It's like it's literallyso not the way you're supposed to
find your person at all. It'snot a individual road. You do the
things you want to do or youfeel led to do whatever. Okay,
you want this career, you wantthis sort of financial stability, and then
(16:32):
when you have those things, thewoman will just fit into whatever. That's
not how it's supposed to be.It's supposed to be you are who you
are, and you person for thatfor you exactly, regardless of these tangible
physical things that you acquire along theway, because what that woman is supposed
(16:53):
to do is come into your lifeand expand everything that you desire that is
on you to do in life.So that's why for men, it's so
important for you to have a focusand a purpose in mind that is from
God, because whatever you do,whether it's for God or not, the
woman that you bring into your lifeas your rib as your wife, will
(17:15):
expand. So if you are focusedon the career, the cars, the
financial goals, and all of thosethings, you're going to attract a woman
who is also focused on physical things. She wants the bags, she wants,
(17:36):
the beauty maintenance weekly okay, theexpensive treatments, the surgeries, those
are the things that she will desirebecause that's what you've established is what your
life is. So if she wantsthose things too, she's going to expand
all those things. And that's whyshe's even attracted to you, is because
(17:57):
that's what you're setting the tone asflip that and you say, yeah,
I am passionate about my career,I'm passionate about the goals that I have
for my life. But at theend of the day, I want a
woman to know that I love hermore than all this stuff. I want
(18:18):
to build a family that at theend of the day, yes, I'm
working to get all these things,but it's also that my family can be
able to have a comfortable lifestyle sothat we can all be who we've been
called to be, and we canestablish ourselves, as you know, a
family that strives after what we're supposedto strive after. But also we care
(18:40):
about the things that don't cost anything. We care about love, we care
about compassion, we care about thethings that are not tangible. And so
if you establish those things as theman you say, yeah, we can
go on a trip to Mexico andstay at the best places and do all
the things. But if they allalternative is we're fighting the whole time,
(19:03):
or the alternative is, well,if I gotta work one hundred hours,
I gotta work one hundred hours,Yes, then what is really the point?
Because I'm trying to afford extravagant vacationsso that I can escape my current
reality. So you are working yourtail off all this time, all these
(19:23):
days, missing out on life sothat you could have one moment of quote
unquote bliss that is very temporary it'sspending a five hundred dollar a T shirt
on filth because what right, it'sit's the appearance on the from far away.
(19:44):
It's the appearance that like, oh, that's glittering, but then you
get close enough to it and there'sa stench yep, that is happening,
that is rotten from the inside out. And so so it's who come out
of that because that was me?That was me. Like I remember thinking,
(20:12):
like for number one, after work, work, work, because that's
what I saw, Like, Isaw men who worked, who hustle,
who grinded by any means necessary.That was the number one thing over marriages,
over over, you know, beingfathers. It was like I gotta
(20:33):
get to the bag. That wasthe number one thing. So I grew
up that way. I started tooperate in that. And I always say,
and well, add to that,not having my biological father in my
life, there was also that voidswhere I'm like, I'm thinking that he's
(20:56):
this coming of the earth, soI can't be like him. So I
desire kids because I see all thefairy tale stuff and I'm watching all the
kids' movies that God for white pickingfence and all of these things so I
know that I'm going to be ahusband. I know that I'm going to
be a father. However, Idon't want to be I have a clip
down. I don't want to belike my dad, and anything that you
(21:18):
try not to be you become,it cannot be. I don't want to
be like them. So I'm goingto do this. You just end up
on the same destination. You justtook a different route. And here's the
thing. When you're a child,you can't help but come to that conclusion
because your frame of reference and exposureis so limited that that seems like as
(21:45):
a child, your only way ofunderstanding and coping and moving on. So,
yeah, when you're young, you'rea kid. Important to see the
right way at a young age becauseyou are designed to like get that and
then that sticks. Yeah, notto get to a place to where I've
seen the wrong thing, and nowI have to try to control or delete
(22:07):
that so that I can actually dosomething different and put something new there,
or it be my responsibility as achild to find something else, which we
do because I did that too,Like I started to look for all of
these different traits that I thought wasthe way to this dream in my head.
I try to look for that andother men, which you know I
(22:29):
would get it sometimes, but itwould also come with other things that I
wasn't supposed to be getting too.So you have all this responsibility, this
weight that it's on you, andthat would culminate into me bringing all of
that in with you. But here'sthe thing. With all that being said,
(22:56):
this is why healing is so important. You can come into marriage with
all of that, you can bein relationships with all of that, but
at any point that you realize that, oh wow, I've been building my
life based off of a childish perspective. And I'm not saying childish in a
negative way. I'm literally saying childishperspective. Childish is actually a good thing
(23:19):
because that implies that you are teachableand yet at the same time naive.
We are supposed to be naive tothings, yes, but when we are
still thinking with a childlike mind,an unhealed, a hurt child mindset as
(23:45):
an adult, that's where we notonly cause issues for ourselves, we cause
issue for other people. So alot of I think issues and marriages,
especially like young marriages, are Istill have this trauma in me, this
mentality in me that I got togo get it. This is the way
(24:06):
I'm supposed to be a man,this is the way I'm supposed to be
a husband, when there was noroom for me to actually grow into this
role or actually take into account whatmy actual wife contributes to me and what
my role means. Because that's theother piece, is like you grow up
having this mindset that I'm not goingto be like them, so I'm gonna
(24:29):
go do this instead. That hasnothing to do with the other person that's
involved, because you haven't met them. For most of the time that you're
building up this idea of who yougoing to be in marriage or as a
dad or as a mom. Youdon't even know the other counterpart to you
yet. And then when you meetthem, you expect them to just accept
(24:53):
this mentality and this story that you'vebuilt for yourself, not realize that they've
done the exact same thing for thesame amount of time. For years and
years and years, they've had amentality and an idea of who they were
going to be in marriage and whatthey were going to do and what they
weren't going to do and all ofthose things. And when we marry people,
(25:15):
and we have these very strong beliefsand these very strong ideas of what
our marriage is supposed to be,and then we get married and then they
clash. People think, well,we're not supposed to be married, and
our counter to that is maybe youare. It's just that those two ideologies
(25:38):
that you grew up with based offof a means to cope with an uncomfortable
maybe feeling abandoned or feeling you know, hurt, pain, whatever it is
from your childhood, those mentalities andthose ideas that you built up and supported
and believed all these years are finallycoming to an end. So there is
(26:03):
a death happening. There is asense of times up and now how do
you move on if that's not partof who you are or how you operate.
And I think that is what's reallyhappening for a lot of people.
I think that's what happened with us, was that when we would start having
these fights all the time, itwas like our two ideologies of what marriage
(26:29):
was supposed to be were clashing becausethey were both wrong. My mind goes
here, it's been going there fora while, actually for months or so
in the time at the time thatwe're filming this. It's only right that
this would come up. John threescripture. Of course it is. There
(26:52):
was a man of the Pharisees namedNicodemus, a ruler of the Jews.
And actually, I want to gointo a different I want to go in
to where I have the strongs becauseI think that there will be something that
is really cool. Okay, wow, So one really cool thing with the
(27:15):
Strongs that I love is that Isay, when you're reading the Bible and
there's a name, that name isthere for a reason. There's not a
name, then that there's not aname for a reason, so put your
name there. But if there's aname, if you look up that name,
there's a reason why the name isthere. Nicodemus means conqueror. So
(27:40):
not only was he very smart,very knowledgeable, like extreme, he was
a lawyer of the Pharisees, verystudious, you know, know it all,
got all the degrees of hold.Not on top of that, he
was a conqueror. Who doesn't wanta man that's really smart and can fight?
Like everybody want that like that that'sthe thing, right, Yeah,
(28:04):
But the thing about that combination isyou can't be those things without pride.
Nope. So the same came toJesus by night and said, unto him,
Rabbi, we know that thou arta teacher, come from God.
(28:25):
We being the rest of the Pharisees, all the smart man. For no
man can do these miracles that thoudoest, except God be with him.
Jesus answered and said, unto him, verily, verily, I say unto
THEE, except a man be bornagain, he cannot see the Kingdom of
God. Nicodemus said, unto him, how can a man be born when
(28:47):
he is old? Can you enterthe second time into his mother's womb and
be born? Jesus answered, veryverily, I say, unto THEE.
Except a man be born of waterand of the spirit, he cannot enter
into the Kingdom of God. Thatwhich is born of flesh is flesh,
and that which is born of spiritis spirit. Marvel not that I said
(29:11):
unto THEE. He must be bornagain. The wind bloweth where it listeth,
and thou hearest the sound thereof,but canst not tell whence it cometh
and whether it goeth. So iseveryone that is born of the spirit.
He just told one of the smartest, most respected men there, he just
(29:33):
gave him something that he couldn't solveor that he could not make sense of.
Just as a little snippet of whathe's trying to get him to understand.
I read that because most men aimto be a Nicodemus, we want
to have all the accolades. Weare trained to be the smartest, to
be the most powerful conqueror in theroom. But in order to be who
(29:57):
God has called us to be,we cannot be. We have to be
the opposite of that. So it'svery hard for us to humble ourselves because
we've been built in pride for twentythirty forty fifty sixty seventy years. So
the way you get back to evenin marriage, back to where you were
always supposed to be, be bornagain. Forget what I thought I knew,
(30:22):
humble myself. I don't know now, God, can you show me
not bringing in everything that I've beentaught, not the way my daddy did
it and what my mama said,in all these different things that has to
go. That's not to say thatthere won't be times after the fact as
you're growing that you don't remember somethingthat happened to put to what God has
(30:45):
shown you, but my foundation can'tbe that they weren't privy to baptism during
this time, that's all ask you. Yeah, John the Baptist was the
first to bring that forward. Thesescenes were doing baptisms, but this wasn't
something that was popular. There's atemple. Yeah, so when John the
(31:06):
Baptist is doing this, they wouldcome to like, even Pharisees. So
if he's the one of the leadersof the Pharisees, he either went to
see for himself or people were comingback to bring word to him of the
interactions with John who was doing thisbaptizing, So he's like, you know,
check that there. But also spiritually, being born again means now I
(31:32):
am learning from here on out ofhis spirit. Yeah, we are born
pure, but most of us didn'tgrow up with parents operating in righteousness.
So whatever you're tough first, that'swhat you are holding on to. That
is your Bible. Then when yougrow up and you start to hear different
things and understand different things, youcan't just grasp onto that stuff because now
(31:56):
you are mixing clean water with thedirty cup, which will contaminate the clean
water. So you have to beborn again, which is what he is
saying, which is shown by megetting baptized now, it's showing that I'm
under a new covenant, that I'mdoing things a different way than what I
(32:19):
used to do before. However,people stop there. They don't realize that
physically, I have to start torenew my mind. I have to literally
forget what I thought I knew,so that then there's space for me to
be laid by the spirit, notto just forget and then there'd be just
empty void. I need to fillthat with spiritual things. What you're saying
(32:43):
is very true, is that asa babe, you are going to have
to start from scratch and be learninghow to walk, talk, eat everything
from the heavenly Father, from Christtoo. So that is beautiful. That
is the need that he wants uson. So in verses, he says
that which is born of flesh isflesh, and that which is born of
(33:07):
spirit is spirit. Prior to ourlatest walk, we were born of flesh.
Even even to bring us already backfor a circle. When the gentleman
is like, yeah, I learnedthis way and this is how I grew
up, and this is what wasin my home, and I was stern
in that he didn't even realize.I don't think he did. The spiritual
(33:29):
implications of him receiving that love fromhis fiance then stopping and changing course.
In order to do that, therehas to be a humbling, because that
is me forsaking what I thought Iknew. That is me admitting, yeah,
that that I learned wasn't the wayright. And also perfect love cast
(33:52):
I fear the love that she showedto him even made it comfortable for this
man to take off his armor,put down his weapon, his strategy.
I feel like every everybody tries togive a man the is it men of
war? Books they called men ofWar, book Out of War. I
(34:14):
feel like there's like these like threeor four books that I feel like every
man tries to give other men,and it's just continuing to hamper us.
Because when when the rubber meets theroad, if we really want to experience
marriage the way God always intended forus to experience it, we have to
put all that stuff down, allof it. And you know what's interesting,
(34:37):
there's also a lot of conversation andnarrative that marriage is a battle and
that you have to come in readyto defend and to fight and all of
those things. And the thing is, though, when you hear that out
of order, when you hear thatout of contact, next, you think
(35:00):
that going into marriage means a fightwithin it, when it's actually your marriage
is the weapon against the fight outsideof it. Yep. So how do
you shift your perspective and knowing thatI'm not supposed to be fighting you,
(35:22):
I'm not supposed to be fighting youwith That's what she literally said in those
words. She was like, Idon't know what came over me, but
I just knew I'm not supposed tobe fighting you. Like, That's not
what this is supposed to be about. And we get so confused because we
see all these other people having maritalissues or talking about how hard marriage is
(35:46):
and talking about how like the waron marriage ain't just like again, we
really tend to think that the depictionof Satan that Hollywood has shown us,
that he's run around in the redsuit or a pitchfork and a tail,
we really assume that, not realizingthat the war on marriage is in shows.
(36:08):
It's in showing these dysfunctional shows,it's in showing these marital therapy sessions,
it's in showing just all of theluke warmness that is shown pertaining to
marriage is warfare because you're people like, uh, I can do better single.
(36:29):
I don't want that, No,it's not terrible, but I can
be happier over here, I canbe happier with the same sex. And
it's like, that's not what Godcreated marriage to be. But that's what
you see so much in the media, and even when there are podcasts and
shows and all this stuff, there'sso much dysfunction in the realm of marriage
(36:52):
that the ones that do get thescreen time are ones that you're like,
s thank make it because they don'teven like each other and they don't even
wicked constr right, so they willto your point that the war on marriage
is not between husband and wife.The war on marriage is everything outside of
(37:16):
it, showing you and telling youthat it ain't worth it, showing you
and telling you that you're going tobe happier by yourself, showing you and
telling you that operating in love withina marriage with an imperfect person ain't worth
it, when which means that isonly making stronger all these feelings I grew
(37:37):
up with, all the examples thatI've seen. Yep, that's just making
that stronger. That is feeding flesh. So crisis that which is born of
spirit, spirit be born again.That way, everything that goes in you
is of my spirit, and thenyou're a spirit. But as long as
(38:00):
you try to put a god Tshirt over filthiness, it's not gonna work,
no matter what you do, nomatter how much therapy, no mind,
it's not going to work because we'vebeen fashioned, we've been taught to
(38:21):
be other than our father. Sohe's saying, we can't now y'all be
born again, Like Nicko Dim wastalking about miracles and who we know,
like you, you can't even likethe what we experienced in our marriage.
When I was the old me,I couldn't have fathomed this. This is
(38:43):
better than the best view that Ihad of marriage. Then if I would
have had the fairy tale that Ithought it wasn't then this is even better
than that. I could not havethis without being born again, without being
out of his spirit. It isimpossible. It's like this. There are
a lot of people standing on thesideline, standing outside the stadium with a
(39:07):
god T shirt on, while thereis all the merch, while there is
a whole game going on inside thatstadium with players on the field with God
jerseys on and Satan jerseys on,and you don't even understand that the barrier
(39:29):
between you going from outside the stadiumto end the game is a choice.
God wants you in the game,not just sporting the team, but actually
playing for the team, because whatyou really don't understand is when you're putting
that God T shirt on top offilth, it means you might be wearing
(39:52):
team God, but you actually arefollowing and honoring and living for playing for
the other team. Funny story togo to that. So I was watching
the pregame for college football for something. People right, that was a guy
that they put the camera on thatjust bought pouring mayo all over hisself.
(40:17):
What like I'm talking about. Iguess he told the producer I'm going to
do it. It was like oneof the live pregame shows. I guess
he told the producer, I'm goingto do this, put the camera on
me, let me know. Andas soon as they did it, he
had two guys just pour he wasnick put mayo all over him. I
was like, why would somebody dothat? And then it hit me when
(40:42):
you just made that a knowledge wasincredible. By the way, the people
that are in the game, noone that's playing in that football game would
do that. Nope, they wouldn'teven think about doing that. Oftentimes,
the radical fans how very little incommon with those actually playing the game,
(41:08):
very little. It's the reason whyyou're not playing the game. There are
people who are fast, who dothey and they still don't play the game
because there's something. There's a differentlevel of commitment, there's a different level
(41:29):
of discipline, there's a different levelof buy in, there's a different lifestyle
that you have to live. Sothose who are actually doing marriage the way
God created marriage to be done,versus those who are just wearing the T
shirts going to the game, justgoing to the game, guess what,
(41:53):
and at any moment can change teams. It's different. So get in the
game. Get in the game.Up. You're in the game because also
the game, the people playing game, didn't make the rules. You're submitted.
(42:19):
You following a play, you're submittedto what the coaches and the owners
and all you're submitted and all youworried about. They'll say, Hey,
like you asked me brought I'm justdoing my job. I'm doing. I'm
just obeying what my father said.He's given me every he's given me the
(42:39):
speed, he's given me everything Ineed. All I gotta do is actually
obey all the other stuff. Idon't even have the time to put mail
on me and then clean it offright to ask the people around me,
hey, can you hold this mail? And when the camera come over here,
(43:00):
I need you to make sure thatthe mayo hits me in my face
and continue until the mayo is empty. Like to even do all of that,
what else could you have done?Get in the game, Get in
the game, run the play,aka be obedient to our father. Time
(43:21):
running out? Got yall, it'sprobably gonna shut us off at any minute.
But yeah, y'all, I'm anotherbanger. She's gonna say that on
every episode was probably just another banger. Five five all right, We love
y'all. Thank y'all for tuning in. Yes, we'll see y'all the next
one. All right, Thank youso much for tuning in to this episode
(43:45):
of the Godbolt Life Podcast. We'dlove to hear from you. Shoot us
a DM or leave us a reviewwherever you're listening. We really appreciate having
you with us on this journey
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