November 19, 2023 • 39 mins
Hey, beautiful souls! It's Jade here, and in today’s heartfelt episode of The Godbolt Life Podcast, "Let's Talk About S3x, Baby". Mark and I open up about our personal and transformative journey towards rediscovering the sanctity of intimacy in our marriage, God's way. 🙏💕
This discussion marks a significant milestone for us—it's been almost two years since Mark has embraced a porn-free life and which led us into an unexpected sex fast. This is not just about abstaining; it's about healing, growing, and connecting on a much deeper level.
You'll hear our candid experiences and the profound lessons we've learned about what it truly means to serve each other in marriage. We are incredibly grateful for the strength and wisdom Christ has granted us, and we hope that by sharing our story, we might inspire or comfort others walking a similar path. 🤗
If our conversation resonates with you, or you're looking for that spark of hope in your own journey of marital intimacy, don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell so you won't miss out on any future episodes that may light your way.
Stay connected with us off-screen too! Follow our socials for daily encouragement and snippets of The Godbolt Life. Until next time, sending you all our love and prayers for a marriage filled with true intimacy and God's endless grace. 💒✨
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
This discussion marks a significant milestone for us—it's been almost two years since Mark has embraced a porn-free life and which led us into an unexpected sex fast. This is not just about abstaining; it's about healing, growing, and connecting on a much deeper level.
You'll hear our candid experiences and the profound lessons we've learned about what it truly means to serve each other in marriage. We are incredibly grateful for the strength and wisdom Christ has granted us, and we hope that by sharing our story, we might inspire or comfort others walking a similar path. 🤗
If our conversation resonates with you, or you're looking for that spark of hope in your own journey of marital intimacy, don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell so you won't miss out on any future episodes that may light your way.
Stay connected with us off-screen too! Follow our socials for daily encouragement and snippets of The Godbolt Life. Until next time, sending you all our love and prayers for a marriage filled with true intimacy and God's endless grace. 💒✨
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What I didn't realize was so muchof what I expected out of you sexually
came from an unhealed place, theobvious of you know, the porn,
and that was like coming up ona year of being porn free. While
things were different, things still weren'tin a fully healthy place sexually. I
(00:27):
have this viewpoint of everything sexual beingsinful because that's the life that I lived
before, and everything that is surroundingsex and about sex is actually about you,
not about me. I'm not allowedto be engaged and desiring. I'm
(00:48):
just supposed to be there serving youand who told you to Welcome to the
god Boat Life Podcast. I'm yourhost, Mark Godboat with my beautiful wife
Jane Cowboat. We believe that marriageis the most powerful catalyst towards healing and
holiness for you and everybody after you. This has really felt very I think
(01:12):
I said this before, but itcontinues to stand out to me like this
is just it's felt very intimate.Oftentimes, these really are conversations that we're
having just laying in the bed,and speaking of conversations that we've had laying
(01:34):
in the bed, and we talkedabout like or we asked what we were
going to talk about or you askedme and I'm like, I don't know,
really continuing to show how led allof this truly is. But something
that literally just hit me to talkabout. We have not talked about sex
(01:57):
and not just sex, but intimacyand where we came from to where we
are? You know where you shouldstart? Where should I start the sex
fast? Oh that's crazy? Yeah, okay, so check this out.
(02:20):
I'm coming up on two years pornfree. I wish I had yes?
Can I just get a crowd handclap, all the yes, dreams,
all of it? Yeah, Like, did y'all hear what this man just
(02:40):
said? Two years free? Crazy? Corn free? To be where we're
getting. But this is very muchso like this is about marriage, I
know. But sometimes the platforms bepulling content down because you say certain words,
(03:02):
and that's one of them. Yes, I have seen I have seen
people use alternative words like corn justin case. So two years corn free?
No, that's a lie at lovemissing corn. Okay, It's been
(03:23):
a journey, It's been a reallyamazing journey. This was last year.
It was right before we had MJ. So Christ was very he was he
was very intentional in telling us thatwe needed to un learn, that we
(03:46):
needed to you know, format theSD card, We needed to forget what
we thought we knew. And thennot just forgetting, but then you have
to repent. What I didn't realizewas so much of what I expected out
of you sexually came from an unhealedplace. So it's like the obvious of
(04:14):
you know, the porn, andthat was like coming up on a year
of being porn free. While thingswere different, things still weren't in a
fully healthy place sexually. Because nowthat that was finally gone, now it
needs to be cleaned. Now ifthat needs to be repentance for when it
(04:41):
wasn't cleaned, because it was neverintended to be defiled. So one day,
you know, I'm driving some fromsomewhere and I'm convicted to abstaining from
sex. And I knew it wasn'tfor me because that's the last thing that
I would want to do or wantedto do. But at first I was
(05:04):
like, this can be me.I mean, this is crazy, So
I asked for confirmation. Then Ishared with you what came to me.
And I don't own my body.I'm married, so I had to make
sure that that was okay with you, and you signed off on it,
(05:27):
and so it began, and Ididn't know what to expect. One of
the confirmations I got during that seasonwas that I had for years at this
point, since I was nine yearsold counting when I started to ejaculate,
that I had not had sex.It had just always been a part of
(05:51):
me, seemingly so even though wewent through the six months of our premier
or counseling no sex, I waswatching porn. So this was, like,
unbeknownst to me, the first timein over twenty years that I've gone
a significant amount of time without ejaculating. So what a time that was.
(06:18):
And one of the big things thatcame out of that was what intimacy truly
is. Even though this is yourtwo of marriage, it still felt very
much so like a renewing of ourintimacy in a very like non traditional way,
(06:43):
because I can't I mean, I'msure, I'm sure this has happened
before. I've never heard of it, but that's where we started. So
what say ye to? That's whatsay ye to? That? How was
that for you? Like? Youknow it? We've we honestly, we
didn't talk about this as much asI thought we would even afterwards, just
(07:04):
because we kind of just you know, went into things and then we had
a new barn, so it's notgoing on. But now that the dust
has settled in that we've also beenable to see results. Yeah, yeah,
I think that. When you initiallybrought it to me, I was
shocked because I was like, wait, what, this definitely can't be him,
(07:26):
because he would never I have tofight you off. And at the
time, I'm eight months pregnant,so I wasn't necessarily mad about it because
I was like, we got twotoddlers, I'm pregnant. I'm good not
(07:48):
being touched on for a little bit, you know. And some women are
different. Some women get super inthe mood when they're pregnant and just like
love it. I have been theopposite with every pregnancy, like all three
of them. I have not beenvery much so like wanting to have sex,
but I do because that's part ofour marriage and our way of being
(08:09):
intimate intimate with one another, andso and God loves it, and God
loves when we have sex in ourmarriage. Yes, and so I actually
had gone been going through my ownand you know this, but I'm sharing
it with them. And I mightmay have touched on this before in previous
episodes, I can't remember. ButI also felt like I had to go
(08:33):
through a season of not feeling likeI had to have sex with you,
but wanting to because that wasn't thecase for a long time ever since you
know, you admitted to cheating onme before we got married. We were
(08:56):
intimate then, so it was likewe were a boyfriend and girlfriend, but
like, you cheated on me,So I felt types of ways about that,
right, But it was all insin. So it's like what sin
is better than the other, youknow, or worse than the other,
You having sex with other women oryou having sex with sex with me.
Either way, you weren't married,so I was just in that had my
(09:18):
own set of issues and sin attachedand pain and hurt and all that kind
of stuff, right, And we'vetalked a lot about that. But what
I wanted to get to was evenwith me, you know, lost my
virginity when I was seventeen, soI was out here too and didn't see
anything wrong with primaral sex for thelongest time, and really didn't understand why
(09:45):
certain people kept themselves pure, andif you did, I thought you were
lame. Like you know, Iwas that person as well. And so
coming out of all of that andnow being in a marriage and trying to
seek after holiness in our bedroom,it wasn't clicking for me, and so
a lot of it was like,Okay, I actually have to like get
(10:07):
myself ready to actually do this becauseI have this viewpoint of everything sexual being
sinful because that's the life that Ilived before, and everything that is around
surrounding sex and about sex is actuallyabout you, not about me. I'm
(10:28):
not allowed to be engaged and desiring. I'm just supposed to be there serving
you. And who told you that. There's a lot of a lot of
sources, okay, from just people'sperspectives, and that's not where I want
to go. But that's but that'simportant to note though, because I also
(10:50):
feel like prior to one of thethings, we hadn't fully gotten to all
the results yet. But this isa great place to start them because we
weren't talking about these things no Priorto No, it was kind of just
like, well, you're married,so now you can so do it right,
(11:11):
And everybody knew that we were beforewe were America, we had a
child, so yes, But it'sone of those things to where yes,
like there is a level of freedomattached to it that like, okay,
now there is no longer this likestigma. I'm doing something I shouldn't be
(11:31):
doing, but it hurts so goodtight vibes. So we don't realize even
in that how much we're still bringingin because like, that's not the way
I would have you. But ifthat's the way you've already accepted in your
mind without me, then without useven talking about that, are you sharing
(11:54):
that? Then it's I can't speaktruth to that lie because I don't even
know the lies there, and alot of that even too is spending time
in prayer about it, talking toother women about it, other wives about
it, because it's not just alie that you can speak truth to if
I tell you, I don't evenbelieve that it is a lie. In
(12:18):
my mind for the longest time,like I was operating as if it was
the truth, because I genuinely believedthat if I was to operate in me
desiring X, Y and Z inthe bedroom, that made me a who.
So okay, okay, So that'swhere I was pulling from was like
(12:41):
in my past when I was moreaggressive, when I was more forthcoming with
men about this or that. Inthat realm, I part of that was
something operating in me that wasn't me. Part of that promiscuity was not me.
But now that we're on the otherside of it. Back then,
(13:05):
I could not allow myself to evenhave a conversation with what does Jade like
and what does Jade want to do? And to be quite honest, I'm
still kind of in that place,but not as intense as it was then.
But that break allowed me the spaceto confront the lie of that and
(13:31):
also heal and believe that I wasn'twho I was before and that those experiences
did taint my ability to operate inour intimacy in our marriage, but that
(13:52):
being what it is, I wasfinally in a place where I could repent
clearly about it. And because asthe other part of this was, if
I wasn't feeling shame about my past, I was feeling anxiety about showing up
for you. It was either orand then you blanket having babies back to
(14:13):
back over all of it. Soif it wasn't those two things, it
was physically I just wasn't into it, So it was pick your poison in
the whole scenario. But it wasalways something blocking me from being able to
fully be engaged. And I thinkthat genuinely y'all as men, don't mean
to not be considerate because you justcannot understand. But for women in childbearing
(14:41):
years, where we are having babies, breastfeeding, pregnant, our bodies are
going through all these changes, andfor me to have that experience back to
back three times, it shocked mywhole system. So not only am I
getting literally a brain rewire every timeI have a baby, because that's what
(15:03):
happens. It's like software update.There's another person that needs you to be
their mommy on the planet. Yes, but right No, but it changes
you, is my point. Soas I'm learning this new version of myself
after each baby, I don't there'snot a lot of time between those times.
(15:24):
So I say that to say thatwhen it comes to being intimate with
you and feeling like I'm desirable andattractive, that's actually a task on my
mind that I have to do thatwhen I'm by myself, because I'm trying
(15:46):
to get myself ready and like makesure I'm prepared and make sure I'm feeling
good and in the mood I haveanxiety. So I started to feel so
much anxiety every single night we wouldgo to bed because I'm wondering, Okay,
he's going on to have sex andI and I really don't want to,
(16:06):
but I know I'm supposed to,and God told me literally, the
only way that it gets better isif I do it, because if I
avoid, then I'm in disobedience becausesex is part of marriage and I am
not supposed to deny you, denymyself that experience. So it's one of
those things where I had to pushthrough my fear, which was a lie.
(16:30):
I had to push through the anxieties, which were also real feelings but
predicated on lies of not being worthy, of not being enough, of not
being able to satisfy, of whateverall the other stuff was. But as
I began in that season actually tostart running back and saying in my mind
(16:52):
and my spirit and my prayer life, like, okay, Lord, I
had been praying over my body tolike desire you in that way, like
I'm like, Lord, help mewant to have sex with my husband,
like very flat out plainly, Andthat's the prayer that I would say a
lot of nights, and that fastcame out of time, when for me
(17:17):
it was relief because I thought,I don't have to fight through that anxiety
every night anymore. I can actuallybreathe. And because that anxiety was removed,
I was able to actually see theselies, these fears for what they
were, so that, like Isaid, that I could repent, so
(17:38):
that I could let go of theshame, so I could give everything to
God and actually have a sense offreedom and clear slate in our marriage.
And this is a year two ofour marriage. But it didn't matter when
or how it happened. God desiredit to happen then, so I was
(18:03):
ready for it. But honestly,I think in the beginning you thought that
it was for me because I wasabout to have the baby, and like
we wouldn't be able to have sexfor the first six eight weeks anyway,
So like I think whenever you firsttold me it, you definitely weren't sure
as to why we were doing it, but you definitely leaned on it being
(18:25):
more about me. But I don'tthink that at that time you could have
understood the depth of why it wasfor me. But also why it was
for you too. And I thinklike that's the beautiful part of the fast
was it was just as much foryou as it was for me in totally
different ways that we did not understandwhen we first got the word to do
(18:48):
it at all. But after thefact, it was like, Okay,
this made sense, Like God didsomething in us within this time period where
we abstained. And I mean grantedwe were gonna abstain for a large chunk
of that time anyway, because wewere having a baby different, but you
(19:11):
know, that's six weeks is thechunk of three months when you really think
about it. I'm just trying tofocus on the positive, okay. Anyway,
what I am saying is I alsobelieve that part of the fruitfulness of
(19:34):
that fast. And you tell meif I'm wrong or off, but I
really believe that our ability to beon one page with that not compromise our
emotional intimacy. We actually got heavieron the emotional intimacy side because we weren't
(19:56):
physically intimate, so we talked alot more. We already talked a lot
of child but we talked a lotmore. We still found ways to touch
on each other whether that be massagesor just hugging kisses, stuff like that,
where we were still physically embracing oneanother, and yet spiritually we were
(20:18):
very in tune with one another andwith God. And then we have this
incredible home birth with just you andme where we literally gave birth to our
son in the middle of our livingroom with no one else there except our
two other babies sleep in the room, and our dog, and the fireplace
(20:44):
going, worship music going. Andyou literally delivered our son with no other
guide but the Holy Spirit. Hiscord was wrapped around his neck, and
you were so spiritually in tune thatyou handled the entire thing so calmly,
(21:07):
so peacefully, yet so exactly howit was supposed to go. You knew
exactly what to do. You've neverdone that before by yourself. But yet
from the video clip that I sawand from living it with you, it's
like God was operating through you.God the Holy Spirit was our midwife working
(21:30):
through your hands, working through you. And I'm not saying that without the
past we couldn't have done that,But I think us just being spiritually heightened,
just establish something powerful in our householdduring that season. Yeah, like
that was huge being spiritually in aplace to where like I could hear clearly
(21:55):
and had already been trained to obeyand have faith. It's like on the
journey, he knew that there wasgoing to be a part of the journey.
I didn't, but he clearly knew. Going back to you know,
everything physical having a spiritual root.And sometimes we can look at things the
physical thing and not be able tosee the spiritual thing. And everything that
(22:22):
God created can be twisted hints witchcraftor sorcery. So even something as beautiful
as marriage and as sex, andas child rearing and whatever else. Like
I can use a stone to throwsomeone to kill them, I can also
use a stone to cook food onto write on all of those things.
(22:45):
Right, so as good as sexis, and God created sex in Eden,
so it was perfect. It hadbeen twisted for us. And it
wasn't just a matter of snap ourfingers and it's no longer twisted. This
was more so a very spiritual thing. And because we bought into that,
(23:11):
because I bought into that, nothingwavering. It wasn't a you know,
well, you know, God didn'treally say do this or I'm having second
thoughts about this. It was like, no, we're going to do this
and I'm not going to do this, Like, oh I can't have sex?
What was me? Or oh Ican't have sex, Let me go
back to porn because I have tofeel this. It was like, no,
(23:37):
I want to obey, and biggerthan that, what is my word
to my family if it can't bethat? So and leaning on him,
well, not going to sex withme or porn or whatever as a means
to release anything or relieve anything.Going to him and denying your flesh even
(24:04):
temporarily built up faith, built upendurance to persevere. And I think that
there's so many men that can hearthis and be like, ain't no way
I could do that. Ain't noway? Oh well that was me at
a point. But during this seasonalso there was just a hidened call to
(24:32):
obedience, where not that I wasbeing asked to obey more, but it
was like a lot of things thatI had based my identity on, so
it was my image. It washow many women I've been with all of
these things that's now being pulled downso that they can be built up the
(24:56):
way he intended. And in somany things, repentance is to turn so
what does that look like sexually toturn from what I thought that was.
So no matter who you are,as it pertains to any addiction that you're
(25:17):
in, there has to be astopping point, a healing point, a
purge before you can go back tolife as normal or as usual or as
a new normal for you. Thiswas no different. And because of that
obedience and because of the importance ofhow you obey as well, because yeah,
(25:41):
I could have you know fuls withthe whole time, but we embraced
it well and then we can keepgoing the level of intimacy that we've reached
because we got to understand each othermore. We got to experience each other
in a very different way because Imean we've been sexually active since very early
(26:04):
on in our relationship. Outside ofthat, like I said, six months
premater tool, which I was stillwatching porn, and it's like, this
was our clean foundation. This wasour results of being cleansed with the living
water that we got a chance toexperience. And what's been built on top
of that has been literally from him. Even y'all, there were times before
(26:27):
this that we tried bringing things inour bedroom, you know, different lubricants
and stuff, we had a littlewhip. I don't think we ever used
it, but we had one vibratedlike work, though it just wasn't our
vibe. And I think that,you know, some may disagree with this,
but sex God's way doesn't require anythingoutside of outside of what He's given
(26:55):
us. That's one thousand percent unlessyou have a medical condition or something one
thousand percent like it really doesn't.And and but it's the result of saying,
I want to serve you. Andit's hard to serve, truly serve
somebody with a pure heart and serveself. Those two things cannot happen at
(27:19):
the same time. So going backto an early I'm part of the season
where we talked about two wills battlingat the same time and the tension that
it creates and that and even nowapplying that to our intimate life, that's
what was going on. God wantsme to serve my wife even in this
way, and I want to makesure I get mine. And those two
(27:42):
things are attention that you know,maybe I felt that I was the only
one feeling that attention, but youwere feeling that attension in a different way,
and something had to give, andme letting go of mind didn't mean
that now I just know how towalk in this thing. I has to
(28:02):
learn that I learned to lead inthat way to where Babe, If I
have to stop for a season sothat I can relearn this thing so that
I can serve you the way hedesires for me to serve you, then
that's worth it for an hour forever, I have forever to be intimate with
you in the way that He's calledme to. But if I can't stop
(28:25):
to learn, what does that sayabout my reason? What does that say
about whether or not I actually loveyou? For you to feel like you
have a choice, do you feellike you have a choice now? Like
that's without that season. I meanwhether we want to go to the birth,
(28:48):
whether we want to go to justwhere we are now and the way
that we view intimacy now and thepackage that it is and what that really
means, means to serve your spousein that way, all of that is
elevated. I was talking to someof my friends, I'm like, man,
like, you know, married peoplereally righteously married people don't talk about
(29:12):
how amazing sex is the way hecreated it to be, because it goes
beyond the physical. It actually makesthe physical much smaller than what it's positioned
to us, as like we arefed that it is physical. It's physical.
(29:34):
So if it's not a look,if it's not a place, if
it's not then it ain't it.And once we cleaned out that area of
our lives, it's better than Icould have ever imagined it to be.
And I remember hearing people that weremarried longer and say like, oh,
you know, the longer you're married, the sex is better, and so
(29:57):
I'll be okay, Well, soI could I gotta wait ten plus years
before we can have good sex.Alrighty, then well I guess point of
me my friend until we get tothat point, you know, maybe she'll
watch with me and learn some stuff. I mean, it's just it's so
false because it comes down to,well, are you ready to change?
(30:26):
Are you ready to give up whatyou thought you knew? Are you ready
to repent? Because if you are, this can be cut very short.
It doesn't have to be that.Yeah, and we've learned, We've learned
through many experiences including this one thatlike, you know, now year three,
I'm like, yeah, as manyas much as I used to talk
about the bodies I have and thecaliber women all of these things, Like
(30:52):
the intimacy that we share is headand shoulders above anything that I've ever experienced.
And I'm not just saying that becauseyou're my wife, Like I mean
that with everything in me. Andthat comes from us tapping into the spiritual
implications that our creator, our father, loving kindness created that with we've been
(31:18):
able to tap into that and it'sincredible. Yeah, it really is.
And I think that it's a giftto be able to start fresh even after
being married already and knowing that thatis possible, It's happened for us.
So you're, yeah, any itcan all be redeemed. He's a redeemer.
(31:41):
And so if you're you know,in a space in your marriage where
things aren't really rocking the way youwant them to rock, you know it
can be redeemed. But it startswith a humbling. It starts with the
realization of why do I have thetastes that I have? What is feeding
(32:02):
the taste, what is keeping thetaste alive? And y'all during this time,
like I'll speak for me because itwas also crazy that the Holy Spirit
put me on this put us onthis journey, but through me while in
you know, the first year afterno Pawn, because even to get to
(32:24):
that point, there were exercises,there were structure and discipline that I had
to follow through this process. Solike that, so and shows I couldn't
watch, and certain things I couldn'tlisten to, and even getting off of
social media and blocking certain things andjust all of these days. Yeah,
that was definitely part of the Yeah, that was part of the beginning of
it though. And people think thatthat is it, Like songs, you
(32:46):
can block the things and not watch. They think that that's enough, But
that's actually just the beginning, becauseyou literally cannot control your flesh, so
you need to remove the things thatyou can't fight again for a time or
forever, whatever you're led to do. But that's just the beginning of the
journey of coming out of that Iwant to say flesh, I would say
(33:10):
more so the spiritual covenance that Ilike, the pleasures that I've grown to
be comfortable with throughout the process ofmy life, like stuff that I've been
presented and then brought into and inmy trauma, in all of those things,
but all of that helped to walkthis thing out and the results were
(33:39):
you know what the results were,and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's like, do you really wantto be healed? You know,
for everybody's going to be different.It may not be as long as a
fasted I mean ostination and maybe whateverit is. But being in a position
(34:01):
to love the Father more than youlove your own pleasures and trusting that and
being obedient to him, he knowsbetter, He knows the outcome. He
knows the favorite outcome was best forme. And even if it don't make
(34:21):
sense because I was instructed to notshare with everyone, so I had my
small community that knew what we weredoing to stay in prayer for us and
just help me to remain accountable inall those things. But it was one
of the best decisions ever on thisjourney. It's like when you look at
some of those pillars that has helpedus to grow into this marriage. Honestly,
(34:46):
it's crazy because prior to this conversation, protes Is, It's been a
while since I thought about that becauseI've gotten so comfortable in our new norm
Yeah, so I was like,wow, I forgot that we actually did
that, and it wasn't that longago, and it wasn't that long ago,
but we did know that even backthen, like God is doing a
(35:07):
work in us, So eventually it'llbe time for us to share, you
know, what happened, how ithappened, the testimony of it all.
And I think the time was nowclearly because you asked me what to talk
about, and obviously I was like, I don't know, He's just gonna
be led as we've been and seewhat happens. And then sure enough I
(35:27):
sat down and what you said.But it was like pow sex came out
of nowhere. And for us,our journey is very I would say it's
unorthodox, but maybe not. Maybeit's just that we're sharing. Maybe more
people have you know, dealt withthis and tried this or or been told
(35:49):
to do this, and maybe youhaven't and you or maybe you've been told
to, and this is confirmation thatit works. But Christ did not emphasize
the importance of the unlearning, theimportance of being born again for no reason.
And sometimes we can kind of,you know, glimpse over the born
(36:13):
again part. He could have,you know, used so many different different
analogies or different ways to say it, but I believe that he said born
again to include all of us,and sex was one of those things that
I built my persona on and thatwas the epitome of me tearing it down
(36:36):
so that it could be rebuilt onhis character, on his love, on
the foundation of him, and discontinuingto grow fruit. It's amazing to not
have to have the plan and tobe in the position of just implementing,
(37:00):
because you know that when he's createdthe plan, it was created already knowing
what you were capable of. Soto not, you know, have to
first do the plan and then carryout the plane. It's like he really
does like lead us, y'all inall things. And it's weird to some
people. Some people you know,see and they can't imagine it. We
(37:21):
used to either driving from the driver'sseed or driving from the passenger seed,
one or the other, as ifwe don't have the option of just being
a passenger and enjoying the scenery,enjoying the experience of being with our father.
And anytime we do something like thiswhich is totally outside of ourselves,
(37:43):
we turn it over to him.I mean, we turned everything over to
him, but especially stuff like thisand it's tell some of my homies even
now that're like yo, some ofthe stuff that happens through us, I'm
just as like excited and experiencing itlike everybody else, because it's truly like
ain and I make this up.I didn't make this up and I didn't
(38:05):
choose this. This ain't my plan. I'm just being obedient and using what
he's put in us, going backto the so before, going off of
what he created us, and notbeing anything different, but just okay,
God, you put me here,so you put me here to be Mark,
put me here to be Jade.And that's what I'm going to focus
on, not the plan, notthe location that you're dropping me. But
(38:28):
like imagine if someone dropped the carepackage and then the care package was like
I don't want to care here,I'm gonna stand in this box. I'm
not gonna work for them. I'llwait until it's somebody else. Like,
no care packages are dropped with what'sin them being conducive to where they are.
So just be you. If yourointment be ointment, if you're you
(38:51):
know, love, be love,and that's all we gotta do. Thank
you so much for tuning in tothis episode of the God but like podcast,
we'd love to hear from you.Shoot us a DM or leave us
a review. Wherever you're listening,we really appreciate having you with us on
this journey.
What I didn't realize was so muchof what I expected out of you sexually
came from an unhealed place, theobvious of you know, the porn,
and that was like coming up ona year of being porn free. While
things were different, things still weren'tin a fully healthy place sexually. I
(00:27):
have this viewpoint of everything sexual beingsinful because that's the life that I lived
before, and everything that is surroundingsex and about sex is actually about you,
not about me. I'm not allowedto be engaged and desiring. I'm
(00:48):
just supposed to be there serving youand who told you to Welcome to the
god Boat Life Podcast. I'm yourhost, Mark Godboat with my beautiful wife
Jane Cowboat. We believe that marriageis the most powerful catalyst towards healing and
holiness for you and everybody after you. This has really felt very I think
(01:12):
I said this before, but itcontinues to stand out to me like this
is just it's felt very intimate.Oftentimes, these really are conversations that we're
having just laying in the bed,and speaking of conversations that we've had laying
(01:34):
in the bed, and we talkedabout like or we asked what we were
going to talk about or you askedme and I'm like, I don't know,
really continuing to show how led allof this truly is. But something
that literally just hit me to talkabout. We have not talked about sex
(01:57):
and not just sex, but intimacyand where we came from to where we
are? You know where you shouldstart? Where should I start the sex
fast? Oh that's crazy? Yeah, okay, so check this out.
(02:20):
I'm coming up on two years pornfree. I wish I had yes?
Can I just get a crowd handclap, all the yes, dreams,
all of it? Yeah, Like, did y'all hear what this man just
(02:40):
said? Two years free? Crazy? Corn free? To be where we're
getting. But this is very muchso like this is about marriage, I
know. But sometimes the platforms bepulling content down because you say certain words,
(03:02):
and that's one of them. Yes, I have seen I have seen
people use alternative words like corn justin case. So two years corn free?
No, that's a lie at lovemissing corn. Okay, It's been
(03:23):
a journey, It's been a reallyamazing journey. This was last year.
It was right before we had MJ. So Christ was very he was he
was very intentional in telling us thatwe needed to un learn, that we
(03:46):
needed to you know, format theSD card, We needed to forget what
we thought we knew. And thennot just forgetting, but then you have
to repent. What I didn't realizewas so much of what I expected out
of you sexually came from an unhealedplace. So it's like the obvious of
(04:14):
you know, the porn, andthat was like coming up on a year
of being porn free. While thingswere different, things still weren't in a
fully healthy place sexually. Because nowthat that was finally gone, now it
needs to be cleaned. Now ifthat needs to be repentance for when it
(04:41):
wasn't cleaned, because it was neverintended to be defiled. So one day,
you know, I'm driving some fromsomewhere and I'm convicted to abstaining from
sex. And I knew it wasn'tfor me because that's the last thing that
I would want to do or wantedto do. But at first I was
(05:04):
like, this can be me.I mean, this is crazy, So
I asked for confirmation. Then Ishared with you what came to me.
And I don't own my body.I'm married, so I had to make
sure that that was okay with you, and you signed off on it,
(05:27):
and so it began, and Ididn't know what to expect. One of
the confirmations I got during that seasonwas that I had for years at this
point, since I was nine yearsold counting when I started to ejaculate,
that I had not had sex.It had just always been a part of
(05:51):
me, seemingly so even though wewent through the six months of our premier
or counseling no sex, I waswatching porn. So this was, like,
unbeknownst to me, the first timein over twenty years that I've gone
a significant amount of time without ejaculating. So what a time that was.
(06:18):
And one of the big things thatcame out of that was what intimacy truly
is. Even though this is yourtwo of marriage, it still felt very
much so like a renewing of ourintimacy in a very like non traditional way,
(06:43):
because I can't I mean, I'msure, I'm sure this has happened
before. I've never heard of it, but that's where we started. So
what say ye to? That's whatsay ye to? That? How was
that for you? Like? Youknow it? We've we honestly, we
didn't talk about this as much asI thought we would even afterwards, just
(07:04):
because we kind of just you know, went into things and then we had
a new barn, so it's notgoing on. But now that the dust
has settled in that we've also beenable to see results. Yeah, yeah,
I think that. When you initiallybrought it to me, I was
shocked because I was like, wait, what, this definitely can't be him,
(07:26):
because he would never I have tofight you off. And at the
time, I'm eight months pregnant,so I wasn't necessarily mad about it because
I was like, we got twotoddlers, I'm pregnant. I'm good not
(07:48):
being touched on for a little bit, you know. And some women are
different. Some women get super inthe mood when they're pregnant and just like
love it. I have been theopposite with every pregnancy, like all three
of them. I have not beenvery much so like wanting to have sex,
but I do because that's part ofour marriage and our way of being
(08:09):
intimate intimate with one another, andso and God loves it, and God
loves when we have sex in ourmarriage. Yes, and so I actually
had gone been going through my ownand you know this, but I'm sharing
it with them. And I mightmay have touched on this before in previous
episodes, I can't remember. ButI also felt like I had to go
(08:33):
through a season of not feeling likeI had to have sex with you,
but wanting to because that wasn't thecase for a long time ever since you
know, you admitted to cheating onme before we got married. We were
(08:56):
intimate then, so it was likewe were a boyfriend and girlfriend, but
like, you cheated on me,So I felt types of ways about that,
right, But it was all insin. So it's like what sin
is better than the other, youknow, or worse than the other,
You having sex with other women oryou having sex with sex with me.
Either way, you weren't married,so I was just in that had my
(09:18):
own set of issues and sin attachedand pain and hurt and all that kind
of stuff, right, And we'vetalked a lot about that. But what
I wanted to get to was evenwith me, you know, lost my
virginity when I was seventeen, soI was out here too and didn't see
anything wrong with primaral sex for thelongest time, and really didn't understand why
(09:45):
certain people kept themselves pure, andif you did, I thought you were
lame. Like you know, Iwas that person as well. And so
coming out of all of that andnow being in a marriage and trying to
seek after holiness in our bedroom,it wasn't clicking for me, and so
a lot of it was like,Okay, I actually have to like get
(10:07):
myself ready to actually do this becauseI have this viewpoint of everything sexual being
sinful because that's the life that Ilived before, and everything that is around
surrounding sex and about sex is actuallyabout you, not about me. I'm
(10:28):
not allowed to be engaged and desiring. I'm just supposed to be there serving
you. And who told you that. There's a lot of a lot of
sources, okay, from just people'sperspectives, and that's not where I want
to go. But that's but that'simportant to note though, because I also
(10:50):
feel like prior to one of thethings, we hadn't fully gotten to all
the results yet. But this isa great place to start them because we
weren't talking about these things no Priorto No, it was kind of just
like, well, you're married,so now you can so do it right,
(11:11):
And everybody knew that we were beforewe were America, we had a
child, so yes, But it'sone of those things to where yes,
like there is a level of freedomattached to it that like, okay,
now there is no longer this likestigma. I'm doing something I shouldn't be
(11:31):
doing, but it hurts so goodtight vibes. So we don't realize even
in that how much we're still bringingin because like, that's not the way
I would have you. But ifthat's the way you've already accepted in your
mind without me, then without useven talking about that, are you sharing
(11:54):
that? Then it's I can't speaktruth to that lie because I don't even
know the lies there, and alot of that even too is spending time
in prayer about it, talking toother women about it, other wives about
it, because it's not just alie that you can speak truth to if
I tell you, I don't evenbelieve that it is a lie. In
(12:18):
my mind for the longest time,like I was operating as if it was
the truth, because I genuinely believedthat if I was to operate in me
desiring X, Y and Z inthe bedroom, that made me a who.
So okay, okay, So that'swhere I was pulling from was like
(12:41):
in my past when I was moreaggressive, when I was more forthcoming with
men about this or that. Inthat realm, I part of that was
something operating in me that wasn't me. Part of that promiscuity was not me.
But now that we're on the otherside of it. Back then,
(13:05):
I could not allow myself to evenhave a conversation with what does Jade like
and what does Jade want to do? And to be quite honest, I'm
still kind of in that place,but not as intense as it was then.
But that break allowed me the spaceto confront the lie of that and
(13:31):
also heal and believe that I wasn'twho I was before and that those experiences
did taint my ability to operate inour intimacy in our marriage, but that
(13:52):
being what it is, I wasfinally in a place where I could repent
clearly about it. And because asthe other part of this was, if
I wasn't feeling shame about my past, I was feeling anxiety about showing up
for you. It was either orand then you blanket having babies back to
(14:13):
back over all of it. Soif it wasn't those two things, it
was physically I just wasn't into it, So it was pick your poison in
the whole scenario. But it wasalways something blocking me from being able to
fully be engaged. And I thinkthat genuinely y'all as men, don't mean
to not be considerate because you justcannot understand. But for women in childbearing
(14:41):
years, where we are having babies, breastfeeding, pregnant, our bodies are
going through all these changes, andfor me to have that experience back to
back three times, it shocked mywhole system. So not only am I
getting literally a brain rewire every timeI have a baby, because that's what
(15:03):
happens. It's like software update.There's another person that needs you to be
their mommy on the planet. Yes, but right No, but it changes
you, is my point. Soas I'm learning this new version of myself
after each baby, I don't there'snot a lot of time between those times.
(15:24):
So I say that to say thatwhen it comes to being intimate with
you and feeling like I'm desirable andattractive, that's actually a task on my
mind that I have to do thatwhen I'm by myself, because I'm trying
(15:46):
to get myself ready and like makesure I'm prepared and make sure I'm feeling
good and in the mood I haveanxiety. So I started to feel so
much anxiety every single night we wouldgo to bed because I'm wondering, Okay,
he's going on to have sex andI and I really don't want to,
(16:06):
but I know I'm supposed to,and God told me literally, the
only way that it gets better isif I do it, because if I
avoid, then I'm in disobedience becausesex is part of marriage and I am
not supposed to deny you, denymyself that experience. So it's one of
those things where I had to pushthrough my fear, which was a lie.
(16:30):
I had to push through the anxieties, which were also real feelings but
predicated on lies of not being worthy, of not being enough, of not
being able to satisfy, of whateverall the other stuff was. But as
I began in that season actually tostart running back and saying in my mind
(16:52):
and my spirit and my prayer life, like, okay, Lord, I
had been praying over my body tolike desire you in that way, like
I'm like, Lord, help mewant to have sex with my husband,
like very flat out plainly, Andthat's the prayer that I would say a
lot of nights, and that fastcame out of time, when for me
(17:17):
it was relief because I thought,I don't have to fight through that anxiety
every night anymore. I can actuallybreathe. And because that anxiety was removed,
I was able to actually see theselies, these fears for what they
were, so that, like Isaid, that I could repent, so
(17:38):
that I could let go of theshame, so I could give everything to
God and actually have a sense offreedom and clear slate in our marriage.
And this is a year two ofour marriage. But it didn't matter when
or how it happened. God desiredit to happen then, so I was
(18:03):
ready for it. But honestly,I think in the beginning you thought that
it was for me because I wasabout to have the baby, and like
we wouldn't be able to have sexfor the first six eight weeks anyway,
So like I think whenever you firsttold me it, you definitely weren't sure
as to why we were doing it, but you definitely leaned on it being
(18:25):
more about me. But I don'tthink that at that time you could have
understood the depth of why it wasfor me. But also why it was
for you too. And I thinklike that's the beautiful part of the fast
was it was just as much foryou as it was for me in totally
different ways that we did not understandwhen we first got the word to do
(18:48):
it at all. But after thefact, it was like, Okay,
this made sense, Like God didsomething in us within this time period where
we abstained. And I mean grantedwe were gonna abstain for a large chunk
of that time anyway, because wewere having a baby different, but you
(19:11):
know, that's six weeks is thechunk of three months when you really think
about it. I'm just trying tofocus on the positive, okay. Anyway,
what I am saying is I alsobelieve that part of the fruitfulness of
(19:34):
that fast. And you tell meif I'm wrong or off, but I
really believe that our ability to beon one page with that not compromise our
emotional intimacy. We actually got heavieron the emotional intimacy side because we weren't
(19:56):
physically intimate, so we talked alot more. We already talked a lot
of child but we talked a lotmore. We still found ways to touch
on each other whether that be massagesor just hugging kisses, stuff like that,
where we were still physically embracing oneanother, and yet spiritually we were
(20:18):
very in tune with one another andwith God. And then we have this
incredible home birth with just you andme where we literally gave birth to our
son in the middle of our livingroom with no one else there except our
two other babies sleep in the room, and our dog, and the fireplace
(20:44):
going, worship music going. Andyou literally delivered our son with no other
guide but the Holy Spirit. Hiscord was wrapped around his neck, and
you were so spiritually in tune thatyou handled the entire thing so calmly,
(21:07):
so peacefully, yet so exactly howit was supposed to go. You knew
exactly what to do. You've neverdone that before by yourself. But yet
from the video clip that I sawand from living it with you, it's
like God was operating through you.God the Holy Spirit was our midwife working
(21:30):
through your hands, working through you. And I'm not saying that without the
past we couldn't have done that,But I think us just being spiritually heightened,
just establish something powerful in our householdduring that season. Yeah, like
that was huge being spiritually in aplace to where like I could hear clearly
(21:55):
and had already been trained to obeyand have faith. It's like on the
journey, he knew that there wasgoing to be a part of the journey.
I didn't, but he clearly knew. Going back to you know,
everything physical having a spiritual root.And sometimes we can look at things the
physical thing and not be able tosee the spiritual thing. And everything that
(22:22):
God created can be twisted hints witchcraftor sorcery. So even something as beautiful
as marriage and as sex, andas child rearing and whatever else. Like
I can use a stone to throwsomeone to kill them, I can also
use a stone to cook food onto write on all of those things.
(22:45):
Right, so as good as sexis, and God created sex in Eden,
so it was perfect. It hadbeen twisted for us. And it
wasn't just a matter of snap ourfingers and it's no longer twisted. This
was more so a very spiritual thing. And because we bought into that,
(23:11):
because I bought into that, nothingwavering. It wasn't a you know,
well, you know, God didn'treally say do this or I'm having second
thoughts about this. It was like, no, we're going to do this
and I'm not going to do this, Like, oh I can't have sex?
What was me? Or oh Ican't have sex, Let me go
back to porn because I have tofeel this. It was like, no,
(23:37):
I want to obey, and biggerthan that, what is my word
to my family if it can't bethat? So and leaning on him,
well, not going to sex withme or porn or whatever as a means
to release anything or relieve anything.Going to him and denying your flesh even
(24:04):
temporarily built up faith, built upendurance to persevere. And I think that
there's so many men that can hearthis and be like, ain't no way
I could do that. Ain't noway? Oh well that was me at
a point. But during this seasonalso there was just a hidened call to
(24:32):
obedience, where not that I wasbeing asked to obey more, but it
was like a lot of things thatI had based my identity on, so
it was my image. It washow many women I've been with all of
these things that's now being pulled downso that they can be built up the
(24:56):
way he intended. And in somany things, repentance is to turn so
what does that look like sexually toturn from what I thought that was.
So no matter who you are,as it pertains to any addiction that you're
(25:17):
in, there has to be astopping point, a healing point, a
purge before you can go back tolife as normal or as usual or as
a new normal for you. Thiswas no different. And because of that
obedience and because of the importance ofhow you obey as well, because yeah,
(25:41):
I could have you know fuls withthe whole time, but we embraced
it well and then we can keepgoing the level of intimacy that we've reached
because we got to understand each othermore. We got to experience each other
in a very different way because Imean we've been sexually active since very early
(26:04):
on in our relationship. Outside ofthat, like I said, six months
premater tool, which I was stillwatching porn, and it's like, this
was our clean foundation. This wasour results of being cleansed with the living
water that we got a chance toexperience. And what's been built on top
of that has been literally from him. Even y'all, there were times before
(26:27):
this that we tried bringing things inour bedroom, you know, different lubricants
and stuff, we had a littlewhip. I don't think we ever used
it, but we had one vibratedlike work, though it just wasn't our
vibe. And I think that,you know, some may disagree with this,
but sex God's way doesn't require anythingoutside of outside of what He's given
(26:55):
us. That's one thousand percent unlessyou have a medical condition or something one
thousand percent like it really doesn't.And and but it's the result of saying,
I want to serve you. Andit's hard to serve, truly serve
somebody with a pure heart and serveself. Those two things cannot happen at
(27:19):
the same time. So going backto an early I'm part of the season
where we talked about two wills battlingat the same time and the tension that
it creates and that and even nowapplying that to our intimate life, that's
what was going on. God wantsme to serve my wife even in this
way, and I want to makesure I get mine. And those two
(27:42):
things are attention that you know,maybe I felt that I was the only
one feeling that attention, but youwere feeling that attension in a different way,
and something had to give, andme letting go of mind didn't mean
that now I just know how towalk in this thing. I has to
(28:02):
learn that I learned to lead inthat way to where Babe, If I
have to stop for a season sothat I can relearn this thing so that
I can serve you the way hedesires for me to serve you, then
that's worth it for an hour forever, I have forever to be intimate with
you in the way that He's calledme to. But if I can't stop
(28:25):
to learn, what does that sayabout my reason? What does that say
about whether or not I actually loveyou? For you to feel like you
have a choice, do you feellike you have a choice now? Like
that's without that season. I meanwhether we want to go to the birth,
(28:48):
whether we want to go to justwhere we are now and the way
that we view intimacy now and thepackage that it is and what that really
means, means to serve your spousein that way, all of that is
elevated. I was talking to someof my friends, I'm like, man,
like, you know, married peoplereally righteously married people don't talk about
(29:12):
how amazing sex is the way hecreated it to be, because it goes
beyond the physical. It actually makesthe physical much smaller than what it's positioned
to us, as like we arefed that it is physical. It's physical.
(29:34):
So if it's not a look,if it's not a place, if
it's not then it ain't it.And once we cleaned out that area of
our lives, it's better than Icould have ever imagined it to be.
And I remember hearing people that weremarried longer and say like, oh,
you know, the longer you're married, the sex is better, and so
(29:57):
I'll be okay, Well, soI could I gotta wait ten plus years
before we can have good sex.Alrighty, then well I guess point of
me my friend until we get tothat point, you know, maybe she'll
watch with me and learn some stuff. I mean, it's just it's so
false because it comes down to,well, are you ready to change?
(30:26):
Are you ready to give up whatyou thought you knew? Are you ready
to repent? Because if you are, this can be cut very short.
It doesn't have to be that.Yeah, and we've learned, We've learned
through many experiences including this one thatlike, you know, now year three,
I'm like, yeah, as manyas much as I used to talk
about the bodies I have and thecaliber women all of these things, Like
(30:52):
the intimacy that we share is headand shoulders above anything that I've ever experienced.
And I'm not just saying that becauseyou're my wife, Like I mean
that with everything in me. Andthat comes from us tapping into the spiritual
implications that our creator, our father, loving kindness created that with we've been
(31:18):
able to tap into that and it'sincredible. Yeah, it really is.
And I think that it's a giftto be able to start fresh even after
being married already and knowing that thatis possible, It's happened for us.
So you're, yeah, any itcan all be redeemed. He's a redeemer.
(31:41):
And so if you're you know,in a space in your marriage where
things aren't really rocking the way youwant them to rock, you know it
can be redeemed. But it startswith a humbling. It starts with the
realization of why do I have thetastes that I have? What is feeding
(32:02):
the taste, what is keeping thetaste alive? And y'all during this time,
like I'll speak for me because itwas also crazy that the Holy Spirit
put me on this put us onthis journey, but through me while in
you know, the first year afterno Pawn, because even to get to
(32:24):
that point, there were exercises,there were structure and discipline that I had
to follow through this process. Solike that, so and shows I couldn't
watch, and certain things I couldn'tlisten to, and even getting off of
social media and blocking certain things andjust all of these days. Yeah,
that was definitely part of the Yeah, that was part of the beginning of
it though. And people think thatthat is it, Like songs, you
(32:46):
can block the things and not watch. They think that that's enough, But
that's actually just the beginning, becauseyou literally cannot control your flesh, so
you need to remove the things thatyou can't fight again for a time or
forever, whatever you're led to do. But that's just the beginning of the
journey of coming out of that Iwant to say flesh, I would say
(33:10):
more so the spiritual covenance that Ilike, the pleasures that I've grown to
be comfortable with throughout the process ofmy life, like stuff that I've been
presented and then brought into and inmy trauma, in all of those things,
but all of that helped to walkthis thing out and the results were
(33:39):
you know what the results were,and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's like, do you really wantto be healed? You know,
for everybody's going to be different.It may not be as long as a
fasted I mean ostination and maybe whateverit is. But being in a position
(34:01):
to love the Father more than youlove your own pleasures and trusting that and
being obedient to him, he knowsbetter, He knows the outcome. He
knows the favorite outcome was best forme. And even if it don't make
(34:21):
sense because I was instructed to notshare with everyone, so I had my
small community that knew what we weredoing to stay in prayer for us and
just help me to remain accountable inall those things. But it was one
of the best decisions ever on thisjourney. It's like when you look at
some of those pillars that has helpedus to grow into this marriage. Honestly,
(34:46):
it's crazy because prior to this conversation, protes Is, It's been a
while since I thought about that becauseI've gotten so comfortable in our new norm
Yeah, so I was like,wow, I forgot that we actually did
that, and it wasn't that longago, and it wasn't that long ago,
but we did know that even backthen, like God is doing a
(35:07):
work in us, So eventually it'llbe time for us to share, you
know, what happened, how ithappened, the testimony of it all.
And I think the time was nowclearly because you asked me what to talk
about, and obviously I was like, I don't know, He's just gonna
be led as we've been and seewhat happens. And then sure enough I
(35:27):
sat down and what you said.But it was like pow sex came out
of nowhere. And for us,our journey is very I would say it's
unorthodox, but maybe not. Maybeit's just that we're sharing. Maybe more
people have you know, dealt withthis and tried this or or been told
(35:49):
to do this, and maybe youhaven't and you or maybe you've been told
to, and this is confirmation thatit works. But Christ did not emphasize
the importance of the unlearning, theimportance of being born again for no reason.
And sometimes we can kind of,you know, glimpse over the born
(36:13):
again part. He could have,you know, used so many different different
analogies or different ways to say it, but I believe that he said born
again to include all of us,and sex was one of those things that
I built my persona on and thatwas the epitome of me tearing it down
(36:36):
so that it could be rebuilt onhis character, on his love, on
the foundation of him, and discontinuingto grow fruit. It's amazing to not
have to have the plan and tobe in the position of just implementing,
(37:00):
because you know that when he's createdthe plan, it was created already knowing
what you were capable of. Soto not, you know, have to
first do the plan and then carryout the plane. It's like he really
does like lead us, y'all inall things. And it's weird to some
people. Some people you know,see and they can't imagine it. We
(37:21):
used to either driving from the driver'sseed or driving from the passenger seed,
one or the other, as ifwe don't have the option of just being
a passenger and enjoying the scenery,enjoying the experience of being with our father.
And anytime we do something like thiswhich is totally outside of ourselves,
(37:43):
we turn it over to him.I mean, we turned everything over to
him, but especially stuff like thisand it's tell some of my homies even
now that're like yo, some ofthe stuff that happens through us, I'm
just as like excited and experiencing itlike everybody else, because it's truly like
ain and I make this up.I didn't make this up and I didn't
(38:05):
choose this. This ain't my plan. I'm just being obedient and using what
he's put in us, going backto the so before, going off of
what he created us, and notbeing anything different, but just okay,
God, you put me here,so you put me here to be Mark,
put me here to be Jade.And that's what I'm going to focus
on, not the plan, notthe location that you're dropping me. But
(38:28):
like imagine if someone dropped the carepackage and then the care package was like
I don't want to care here,I'm gonna stand in this box. I'm
not gonna work for them. I'llwait until it's somebody else. Like,
no care packages are dropped with what'sin them being conducive to where they are.
So just be you. If yourointment be ointment, if you're you
(38:51):
know, love, be love,and that's all we gotta do. Thank
you so much for tuning in tothis episode of the God but like podcast,
we'd love to hear from you.Shoot us a DM or leave us
a review. Wherever you're listening,we really appreciate having you with us on
this journey.
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