October 29, 2023 • 25 mins
Welcome to The Godbolt Life Podcast where we, Mark and Jade, dive deep into how marriage God's way can be a powerful catalyst for healing and holiness. In this episode, we share our personal journey as a couple and how we've learned to overcome anxiety and insecurity through faith and God's guidance. We open up about our struggles and triumphs, and the importance of spiritual leadership in a household.
We want to express our gratitude to all those who have supported and encouraged us along the way, and we hope our story will inspire you to find healing and growth in your marriage. If you're seeking a Godly, righteous marriage that honors the kingdom, this video is for you!
Don't forget to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of the Godbolt Life podcast.
Connect with us on social media and visit our website for more content that will uplift and inspire you on your journey to a God-centered marriage. Thank you for joining us, and we can't wait to share more with you in the next episode!
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
We want to express our gratitude to all those who have supported and encouraged us along the way, and we hope our story will inspire you to find healing and growth in your marriage. If you're seeking a Godly, righteous marriage that honors the kingdom, this video is for you!
Don't forget to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of the Godbolt Life podcast.
Connect with us on social media and visit our website for more content that will uplift and inspire you on your journey to a God-centered marriage. Thank you for joining us, and we can't wait to share more with you in the next episode!
Tune in every Sunday at 3pm CST for new episodes!
Follow Us:
Tiktok @THEGODBOLTLIFEPODCAST @JADEGODBOLT @MARKGODBOLT
Instagram @THEGODBOLTLIFE @JADEGODBOLT @MARKZGODBOLT
Wanna Chat? Email us directly at Team@thegodboltlife.com
Want To Work With Us? Contact our management team at Jade@wearekomodo.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Whether you have your father in yourlife or not, your a heavenly father,
and he can teach us these lessonsthat he's been teaching me like the
last since I left Snike a man, my life, who I am just
everything is an it's all him.These are lessons that like now I can
(00:22):
teach Micah and I can teach Himjain a way that's healthy. That they
can see what patience looks like,with being present looks like from a man
being meek, what that truly means, How to truly walk in that and
operate in that, turning all ofthat over to the Father and allowing him
to work and just being obedient andbeing repentant and not being afraid to fail,
(00:46):
but operating encourage As your wife,I appreciate you so much. Welcome
to the god Boat Life Podcast.I'm your host, Mark Godboat with my
beautiful wife, Jade Godboat. Webelieve that marriage God's way is the most
powerful catalyst towards healing and holiness foryou and everybody after you. And because
(01:11):
you've been walking through these seasons whereGod has been like you know, work
on your service, work on yourpatients, work on being present. It's
also been teaching me how to receivethose lessons from you, because you are
the spiritual leader of our household.Right, So, as you're walking with
the Father and these things I amwitnessing one and two, you're establishing that
(01:37):
it is part of this walk,part of this life, to continue to
learn, to continue to grow,and to then share it with other people.
And so you share with me,and then I share with our children.
You also share with our children aswell. But that order is there
from the get go in our household, and then it just seeps out to
(02:00):
our community, to people we interactwith. And that's all starting with you
as my husband, as the leaderof our household. And I don't think
that we could have appreciated back thenall of why God takes you through those
lessons, and also that they willcontinue because you're not perfect in the sense
(02:27):
that you are without flaw, Butwith all of those lessons you have become
more complete like our Father is complete. And I can honestly say that you
don't run to things the way youused to. You don't run to poorn,
you don't run to clothes, youdon't run to culture. You don't
run to women. Other women.The only place you run to is literally
(02:52):
the Father or me, And nowyou have righteous men around you who are
also there. And so what's amazingto me is that when you finally don't
need anybody's approval for how you're supposedto be, how you're supposed to live,
God brought men around you because Ithink deep down you always desired deep
(03:17):
relationship with other men, and theenemy has really tried to poison and taint
your ability to have relationship with women, with men, even with children,
even with our oldest ari but relationshipif you can lock in and really start
(03:44):
to invest time and energy and effortand say yes to an intimate relationship with
the father as a man, asa husband, as a father, Like
we are literally proof and evidence ofwhat that can do you And you've done
(04:05):
that and you continue to do that, and it's not something you do for
one season. It just continues andour lives are so fruitful for that.
Yeah, I didn't learn these lessonsas a kid, And as we're talking,
I just heard, like, youknow, these are the lessons that
(04:27):
we are supposed to be teaching ourchildren. And whether you have your father
in your life or not, youhave a heavingly father, and he can
teach us these lessons. And he'sbeen teaching me like the last since I
loved Snike, a man, mylife, who I am just everything is
(04:49):
an it's all him. And sohe's been teaching me all these different things,
these different lessons to where it's like, wow, that's like I wouldn't
have chosen any of this for myself, Like none of it I wouldn't have
do you would have even been ableto comprehend the life we live now at
(05:14):
all. And when you look atall of these lessons, like these are
lessons that like now I can teachMicah and I can teach MJ in a
way that's healthy, that they cansee what patience looks like, with being
present looks like from a man beingmeek, what that truly means, how
(05:34):
to truly walk in that and operatein that. And yeah, it's it's
from where I came from and whatI thought my inadequacies were to turning all
of that over to the father andallowing him to work and just being obedient
and being repentant and not being afraidto fail but operating encourage And yeah,
(06:00):
it's just it's been a journey thatI couldn't ever imagine well as your wife.
I appreciate you so much and Ithank you for embracing these seasons of
service, of being present, ofpatience. It's funny because in each one
(06:25):
of these seasons, while you're learningit, you're vocalizing it, right,
And so I even now for me, like you know, anxiety was a
very big struggle for me, itstill is. It's a daily walk for
me to like, you know,not go too far ahead in my thinking
and my visualizing of the future andwhat's to come and all those kinds of
(06:48):
things. But in my head,I just have you saying like, be
present, be present, be present, and I'm like, shut up,
stop telling me to be present.But it's like that's a lesson I needed
too. So it's like, howbeautiful is it that God uses the safe
space of our marriage to teach yousomething you definitely need, but something that
(07:14):
I need just as much. AndHe knows to teach you a certain way
for it to stick, and thenhe knows to teach me in a certain
way for it to stick. Knowingthat as a wife who loves her husband
and wants to follow you wherever yougo, to have you be the one
(07:35):
that teaches me how to be present, for you to be the one that
teaches me how to serve, foryou to be the one to teach me
how to be more patient. That'sonly because the father is very aware of
how we both need to be specificallytaught and specifically catered to, and he
(07:57):
does that without it being this,you know, these catastrophic situations happening all
the time. It's not always goingto be like after this big fight.
We then realized that it hasn't.Even what we've learned is like it over
the last you know, two years, three years almost three years of marriage.
(08:20):
It doesn't have to be a catastrophicfight. And if it's a catastrophic
fight, we've talked about how that, you know, led to you learning
what love truly is, and likehow that looks in action, right,
But that's not God's preference, right, So, like now we have very
(08:41):
few, very few fights like thatbecause it doesn't it doesn't if I'm doing
what I'm supposed to be doing.And I've actually learned this in all of
our catastrophic fights that if I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing, it
never gets to that yeah, nomatter what you're doing. Yeah, because
(09:01):
even now I can see, Okay, it's getting too far. Let me
pull back, let me give hera hug, let me do something,
because it's wild. I used tothink that because I had that, that
you were supposed to have that too, And now realizing that as we were
designed to lead, we have thatso that we can see what's going on
(09:24):
with the access the situation. Thenwe can know what to do through the
from the Holy Spirit to defuse thesituation and to redirect that boat. Like
we need to go in a differentdirection because I kid you not, babe,
Like I don't have that muscle inme. I just don't because I'm
all feeling right, your feelings madeflesh like women are. That is who
(09:46):
we are in our femininity. Weare so emotional because we're so spiritual and
we can pick up on things.And even when you're in a funk and
you don't think I know you ina funk, but I know you're in
a funk. It's because I canpick up on it. But thing is,
our hearts and our emotions can deceiveus at times because it's like we
(10:09):
can't pull ourselves back and I thinkthat because of just how I've grown up
and situations I've been in. Iget to a place where either if it's
a catastrophic fight, I think you'regonna leave me and I'm gonna be alone,
like I have that it's like myfirst place that I go, or
(10:33):
the other direction that I go islike I will I don't know, feel
like I'm gonna get thrown away.Maybe that's the same thing as the first
one, but really it's this feelinglike I know now, but as I've
healed, I know that now.So even when like my flesh wants to
(10:54):
go in that same cycle of likegetting all rouled up and like I can't
hold pull myself back, You're thereand you have this ability to like diffuse
redirect that I need. And that'sthe beautiful things. Like we help each
other. It's not just me helpingyou do whatever you want to do,
it's you also help me, like, you know, kind of come back
(11:18):
regain focus. And you know,I have these moments where I'm you know,
struggling with my anxiety or I'm likejust literally like I don't always believe
that my high intense emotions are myfault. I think a lot of times
they are attacks on me. Thereare attacks on us because the enemy knows
(11:43):
that I if I'm out here withoutGod's hand on me, I've been into
something or thinking certain ways or whatever, and I haven't been repentant, and
i haven't been on my stuff,and I've left a door even a crack
open. He's trying to get toyou, and he's trying to get to
me. So even if it's noteven anything on me, he's trying to
get to you always. And you'remore solid in that than even I am,
(12:07):
because you're quicker to say you're sorry, and you're quicker to repent than
I am. And so it's like, even in the smallest ways of just
you know, falling back into oldways of thinking, even I open that
door for the enemy to allow orto tempt my flesh into going back into
(12:28):
an anxious state, going back intoan angry state. And when that used
to be my default when things gottense. Now it's really rare for me.
But if I do go there,it's like, Okay, something is
off. And you always know,I would say, most of the time,
you know, holding spirit usually putsit on you like okay, something
(12:50):
is up. And let me helpher calm down and let's figure out that's
actually something that I've been going backto repent for because that just lets me
know that, like I missed,I wasn't where I was supposed to be,
even in that one degree that ledto that. So I have to
(13:11):
go back and repent even for that, because yeah, I should know,
Like you're attached to me, it'slike having an element in your body you
didn't know. It's like, no, you should have been able to feel
that something was going on. Soif you couldn't, that means you were
distracted by something else. Yeah,And I mean it's it's you know,
it's fair we miss things sometimes,but I think that it's just our goal
(13:35):
is to always be on the samepage. And especially because you know we
are one, it's like we needto be aware of our body, we
need to be aware of our spirit. We need to be aware of like
how we're moving and how we're goingand through these different seasons you've had recently
of growth as a person but alsoas a husband. It's it's filtered through
(13:58):
onto me and to our children aswell. And I think that that's really
incredible to be a witness of andalso experience with you, and something that
I genuinely hope that more married couples, if they're not already experiencing it,
that they start to, because Ithink that that's where so much of our
(14:20):
healing is. Because even when Ithink about our issues before that are now
not really issues anymore, it wasalways for me, it was always a
fear of being thrown away, andI would get scared and if we're arguing
about something or whatever we're going throughsomething that the end result of it would
(14:46):
be you don't want to be withme no more and you're going to leave.
And so for me, that's notjust with you. Clearly, that's
a you know, something that stemmedfrom my childhood for multiple things, and
it as a lie that I wouldget abandoned, that the enemy planted in
me a long time ago, thatI wasn't worthy of someone sticking around for
(15:07):
me, that I wasn't worthy oflove beyond like my issues, right,
and yet God has used our marriageto be the place where I finally can
heal from that in a real way. Okay, got someone to read,
So I just read this and it'sbeen pining on me. May each one
(15:31):
take delight and approval from the other, and be diligent to perform their repentance.
And may they be gentle and patientin all of their words one to
another. For improvement must flow easilybetween her husband and wife, and it
should be viewed with respect, itbeing the most important benefit from their fellowship
(15:56):
together. Support one another in adversityand then hardships and draw together when in
the midst of the spirit of difficulty, be diligent to gain understanding and how
to safeguard one another from temptation andadversity and from that which applies upon fears
(16:17):
or frailties or insecurities. Magnify strengthsin one another, and nourish and uphold
each other in the face of weakness. So it's like marriage is literally this
cocoon for us to grow into whoGod created us to be, so that
we can be vulnerable, so thatwe can be open, so that we
(16:40):
can be literally before each other,and then He can work through the other
to help us through all those fearsand those insecurities and all of that stuff.
So that's why even communication, youknow, through all this, loving
each other through all this, youeven get into a space where you can
share what you just said, becauseyou didn't share that with me, for
(17:02):
you until after marriage. So likeclearly you felt that for a very long
time, but it was when notjust marriage, but when you felt safe
within our marriage that you could sharethose things and that I could heal to
share what's going on as well andto have the capacity to love me through.
(17:26):
Yeah, because that's the other partof it is that husbands have to
love their wives regardless of how wetreat you, what we're going through.
That's the call on you. Sameway for us, it's like we're supposed
to submit to our husbands regardless ofwhat you're doing, how you're doing it.
(17:51):
We have a duty in that.And I think that people are quick
to lean on what women are supposedto do or what are either what wives
are supposed to do versus what thehusband's supposed to do and all of that.
In this context of our conversation,we're talking about within marriage. So
it is two people that have agreedto be with one another, focused on
(18:17):
one another, doing life with oneor another, forsaking all others, you
know. And so when we speakabout healing and relationship and what that's looked
like for us. If you aresomeone that desires marriage, a godly marriage,
a righteous marriage, a marriage thathonors the kingdom, then this is
(18:41):
the content for you. This isit. This is You don't need to
read a bunch of other books,you don't need to go to a bunch
of conferences. You can. Butmy point is this, we only got
confirmation after confirmation after confirmation of whatwe always knew innately, which was we
(19:04):
ain't supposed to be fighting all thetime, and I'm not supposed to be
feeling this dissension with you or divisionwith you. And there's something there.
There's a reason why I'm blocked fromfeeling genuine joy with you or peace with
you, or comfort with you,and vice versa. Whether it be stuff
(19:25):
that we've done to each other,stuff that we've done outside of our marriage,
stuff that's happened to us before ourmarriage. But inevitably, we need
to be able to address and becomeaware of where that thing that blocks me
from being a loving wife to you, the thing that blocks you from being
(19:48):
a loving husband to me. Weneed to figure out what that thing is
so that we can start walking onthe journey to heal. Whether you caused
it, somebody else caused it,whatever it may be. Because the thing
is, we can get so wrappedup in why am I the way that
I am? Why did this happen? Why? Why? Well, you
(20:10):
know what, sometimes we have tolet go of the why because that's not
even our job. God will focuson the why. God is very much
so well aware, way more thanyou as to why your life is set
up the way that it's set up. Really what we should be focused on
and how we got here, youand I is since we are aware of
(20:34):
the what, okay, so nowwhere are we going to go? Well?
And to that point, it's likethis, our only focus should be
a band of Father, no matterwhere you are in life, like stop
today, start a band. AndI did not say yes to God and
(21:02):
then immediately go to healing from fathertrauma or healing from pornography or healing from
it from It's like it, that'snot the way this went. It was
obey here, do this, dothis, do that, And time passed
(21:22):
and you look, it's like,dang, I didn't hear from that.
I ain't gonna do that, Andyou don't know how because he was doing
it. He was doing it.You ain't seen nobody do heart surgery on
themselves. You can't. You willmess more stuff up. Only he can.
(21:45):
And it's not going to look likey'all. None of this looked like
I thought it would look. Noneof this looked like the way I envision
having a family and all of thesethings. None of this looked like the
way I would have of drew itout, sketched it out, or any
of that I was. I wastelling you, I think it was like
(22:07):
last week or so, like,we don't realize how many small decisions make
big outcomes, both good and bad. Like it's not just before the action
ever came out. It started inyour heart as a seed, good or
bad. It wasn't just as sporadiclike no one just gets up and says
I'm gonna kill someone unless I Butnot still, that demon had to be
(22:34):
invited there. There has to bea covenant made with it so that it
could control you. So it stillstarted from something else, just like healing
can start with something as small asdag I did do that. I did
say that to her, But youknow what that's so that's such a good
point and such a good place forus to close out, is that the
(22:57):
situation, the cause of the hurt, the pain, the trauma, the
issues. All of that could havebeen in your control or out of your
control. But we know for afact that the healing is in your control,
whether you caused the issue, thesin, the drama, the problem
(23:19):
or not. And that's the control, the agency that we have, regardless
of our past, regardless of what'sbeen spoken over us, what we've been
committed to without our knowledge or agreement, all of those things. We choose
whether or not we heal. Wechoose whether or not we want to go
(23:41):
to the Father and ask him todo what he does. To that point,
I make this quick, not afew momentutes, but the prodigal sign
comes up in my head. Andas much as he'd done and as far
as he'd gone, he had toeventually make the choice to come back.
(24:06):
It wasn't God chasing after him,It wasn't God going to where he was.
It was him realizing this, ain'tit. Like we all have that
innately in us to know, likeno, that there's something off about this,
and like we've come to like saythings like well, if I didn't
have the bad, then I'll takethe then I wouldn't appreciate the good,
(24:29):
so I may enjoy this season ofbad because it's God and it's like,
we don't have to experience that.All we have to do is stop where
we are and come back to stopwherever we are. I stopped where I
was at Nike and climbing and doingall these things. I stopped where I
was to turn around to something thatI honestly hadn't experienced before. But I
(24:53):
tried it. And it's the bestdecision that I've ever made, because even
in that decision, it led meto marry my Rip and having some beautiful
babies and having some beautiful babies andmany relationships and just all types of stuff.
(25:14):
So we got a whole season toget into it. Yes we do,
Yes we do. All right,y'all. Well, that's the end
of today's episode. We appreciate y'all, We love y'all, and we'll see
you in the next one. Thankyou so much for tuning in to this
episode of the Godbolt Life Podcast.We'd love to hear from you. Shoot
(25:36):
us a DM or leave us areview wherever you're listening. We really appreciate
having you with us on this journey.
Whether you have your father in yourlife or not, your a heavenly father,
and he can teach us these lessonsthat he's been teaching me like the
last since I left Snike a man, my life, who I am just
everything is an it's all him.These are lessons that like now I can
(00:22):
teach Micah and I can teach Himjain a way that's healthy. That they
can see what patience looks like,with being present looks like from a man
being meek, what that truly means, How to truly walk in that and
operate in that, turning all ofthat over to the Father and allowing him
to work and just being obedient andbeing repentant and not being afraid to fail,
(00:46):
but operating encourage As your wife,I appreciate you so much. Welcome
to the god Boat Life Podcast.I'm your host, Mark Godboat with my
beautiful wife, Jade Godboat. Webelieve that marriage God's way is the most
powerful catalyst towards healing and holiness foryou and everybody after you. And because
(01:11):
you've been walking through these seasons whereGod has been like you know, work
on your service, work on yourpatients, work on being present. It's
also been teaching me how to receivethose lessons from you, because you are
the spiritual leader of our household.Right, So, as you're walking with
the Father and these things I amwitnessing one and two, you're establishing that
(01:37):
it is part of this walk,part of this life, to continue to
learn, to continue to grow,and to then share it with other people.
And so you share with me,and then I share with our children.
You also share with our children aswell. But that order is there
from the get go in our household, and then it just seeps out to
(02:00):
our community, to people we interactwith. And that's all starting with you
as my husband, as the leaderof our household. And I don't think
that we could have appreciated back thenall of why God takes you through those
lessons, and also that they willcontinue because you're not perfect in the sense
(02:27):
that you are without flaw, Butwith all of those lessons you have become
more complete like our Father is complete. And I can honestly say that you
don't run to things the way youused to. You don't run to poorn,
you don't run to clothes, youdon't run to culture. You don't
run to women. Other women.The only place you run to is literally
(02:52):
the Father or me, And nowyou have righteous men around you who are
also there. And so what's amazingto me is that when you finally don't
need anybody's approval for how you're supposedto be, how you're supposed to live,
God brought men around you because Ithink deep down you always desired deep
(03:17):
relationship with other men, and theenemy has really tried to poison and taint
your ability to have relationship with women, with men, even with children,
even with our oldest ari but relationshipif you can lock in and really start
(03:44):
to invest time and energy and effortand say yes to an intimate relationship with
the father as a man, asa husband, as a father, Like
we are literally proof and evidence ofwhat that can do you And you've done
(04:05):
that and you continue to do that, and it's not something you do for
one season. It just continues andour lives are so fruitful for that.
Yeah, I didn't learn these lessonsas a kid, And as we're talking,
I just heard, like, youknow, these are the lessons that
(04:27):
we are supposed to be teaching ourchildren. And whether you have your father
in your life or not, youhave a heavingly father, and he can
teach us these lessons. And he'sbeen teaching me like the last since I
loved Snike, a man, mylife, who I am just everything is
(04:49):
an it's all him. And sohe's been teaching me all these different things,
these different lessons to where it's like, wow, that's like I wouldn't
have chosen any of this for myself, Like none of it I wouldn't have
do you would have even been ableto comprehend the life we live now at
(05:14):
all. And when you look atall of these lessons, like these are
lessons that like now I can teachMicah and I can teach MJ in a
way that's healthy, that they cansee what patience looks like, with being
present looks like from a man beingmeek, what that truly means, how
(05:34):
to truly walk in that and operatein that. And yeah, it's it's
from where I came from and whatI thought my inadequacies were to turning all
of that over to the father andallowing him to work and just being obedient
and being repentant and not being afraidto fail but operating encourage And yeah,
(06:00):
it's just it's been a journey thatI couldn't ever imagine well as your wife.
I appreciate you so much and Ithank you for embracing these seasons of
service, of being present, ofpatience. It's funny because in each one
(06:25):
of these seasons, while you're learningit, you're vocalizing it, right,
And so I even now for me, like you know, anxiety was a
very big struggle for me, itstill is. It's a daily walk for
me to like, you know,not go too far ahead in my thinking
and my visualizing of the future andwhat's to come and all those kinds of
(06:48):
things. But in my head,I just have you saying like, be
present, be present, be present, and I'm like, shut up,
stop telling me to be present.But it's like that's a lesson I needed
too. So it's like, howbeautiful is it that God uses the safe
space of our marriage to teach yousomething you definitely need, but something that
(07:14):
I need just as much. AndHe knows to teach you a certain way
for it to stick, and thenhe knows to teach me in a certain
way for it to stick. Knowingthat as a wife who loves her husband
and wants to follow you wherever yougo, to have you be the one
(07:35):
that teaches me how to be present, for you to be the one that
teaches me how to serve, foryou to be the one to teach me
how to be more patient. That'sonly because the father is very aware of
how we both need to be specificallytaught and specifically catered to, and he
(07:57):
does that without it being this,you know, these catastrophic situations happening all
the time. It's not always goingto be like after this big fight.
We then realized that it hasn't.Even what we've learned is like it over
the last you know, two years, three years almost three years of marriage.
(08:20):
It doesn't have to be a catastrophicfight. And if it's a catastrophic
fight, we've talked about how that, you know, led to you learning
what love truly is, and likehow that looks in action, right,
But that's not God's preference, right, So, like now we have very
(08:41):
few, very few fights like thatbecause it doesn't it doesn't if I'm doing
what I'm supposed to be doing.And I've actually learned this in all of
our catastrophic fights that if I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing, it
never gets to that yeah, nomatter what you're doing. Yeah, because
(09:01):
even now I can see, Okay, it's getting too far. Let me
pull back, let me give hera hug, let me do something,
because it's wild. I used tothink that because I had that, that
you were supposed to have that too, And now realizing that as we were
designed to lead, we have thatso that we can see what's going on
(09:24):
with the access the situation. Thenwe can know what to do through the
from the Holy Spirit to defuse thesituation and to redirect that boat. Like
we need to go in a differentdirection because I kid you not, babe,
Like I don't have that muscle inme. I just don't because I'm
all feeling right, your feelings madeflesh like women are. That is who
(09:46):
we are in our femininity. Weare so emotional because we're so spiritual and
we can pick up on things.And even when you're in a funk and
you don't think I know you ina funk, but I know you're in
a funk. It's because I canpick up on it. But thing is,
our hearts and our emotions can deceiveus at times because it's like we
(10:09):
can't pull ourselves back and I thinkthat because of just how I've grown up
and situations I've been in. Iget to a place where either if it's
a catastrophic fight, I think you'regonna leave me and I'm gonna be alone,
like I have that it's like myfirst place that I go, or
(10:33):
the other direction that I go islike I will I don't know, feel
like I'm gonna get thrown away.Maybe that's the same thing as the first
one, but really it's this feelinglike I know now, but as I've
healed, I know that now.So even when like my flesh wants to
(10:54):
go in that same cycle of likegetting all rouled up and like I can't
hold pull myself back, You're thereand you have this ability to like diffuse
redirect that I need. And that'sthe beautiful things. Like we help each
other. It's not just me helpingyou do whatever you want to do,
it's you also help me, like, you know, kind of come back
(11:18):
regain focus. And you know,I have these moments where I'm you know,
struggling with my anxiety or I'm likejust literally like I don't always believe
that my high intense emotions are myfault. I think a lot of times
they are attacks on me. Thereare attacks on us because the enemy knows
(11:43):
that I if I'm out here withoutGod's hand on me, I've been into
something or thinking certain ways or whatever, and I haven't been repentant, and
i haven't been on my stuff,and I've left a door even a crack
open. He's trying to get toyou, and he's trying to get to
me. So even if it's noteven anything on me, he's trying to
get to you always. And you'remore solid in that than even I am,
(12:07):
because you're quicker to say you're sorry, and you're quicker to repent than
I am. And so it's like, even in the smallest ways of just
you know, falling back into oldways of thinking, even I open that
door for the enemy to allow orto tempt my flesh into going back into
(12:28):
an anxious state, going back intoan angry state. And when that used
to be my default when things gottense. Now it's really rare for me.
But if I do go there,it's like, Okay, something is
off. And you always know,I would say, most of the time,
you know, holding spirit usually putsit on you like okay, something
(12:50):
is up. And let me helpher calm down and let's figure out that's
actually something that I've been going backto repent for because that just lets me
know that, like I missed,I wasn't where I was supposed to be,
even in that one degree that ledto that. So I have to
(13:11):
go back and repent even for that, because yeah, I should know,
Like you're attached to me, it'slike having an element in your body you
didn't know. It's like, no, you should have been able to feel
that something was going on. Soif you couldn't, that means you were
distracted by something else. Yeah,And I mean it's it's you know,
it's fair we miss things sometimes,but I think that it's just our goal
(13:35):
is to always be on the samepage. And especially because you know we
are one, it's like we needto be aware of our body, we
need to be aware of our spirit. We need to be aware of like
how we're moving and how we're goingand through these different seasons you've had recently
of growth as a person but alsoas a husband. It's it's filtered through
(13:58):
onto me and to our children aswell. And I think that that's really
incredible to be a witness of andalso experience with you, and something that
I genuinely hope that more married couples, if they're not already experiencing it,
that they start to, because Ithink that that's where so much of our
(14:20):
healing is. Because even when Ithink about our issues before that are now
not really issues anymore, it wasalways for me, it was always a
fear of being thrown away, andI would get scared and if we're arguing
about something or whatever we're going throughsomething that the end result of it would
(14:46):
be you don't want to be withme no more and you're going to leave.
And so for me, that's notjust with you. Clearly, that's
a you know, something that stemmedfrom my childhood for multiple things, and
it as a lie that I wouldget abandoned, that the enemy planted in
me a long time ago, thatI wasn't worthy of someone sticking around for
(15:07):
me, that I wasn't worthy oflove beyond like my issues, right,
and yet God has used our marriageto be the place where I finally can
heal from that in a real way. Okay, got someone to read,
So I just read this and it'sbeen pining on me. May each one
(15:31):
take delight and approval from the other, and be diligent to perform their repentance.
And may they be gentle and patientin all of their words one to
another. For improvement must flow easilybetween her husband and wife, and it
should be viewed with respect, itbeing the most important benefit from their fellowship
(15:56):
together. Support one another in adversityand then hardships and draw together when in
the midst of the spirit of difficulty, be diligent to gain understanding and how
to safeguard one another from temptation andadversity and from that which applies upon fears
(16:17):
or frailties or insecurities. Magnify strengthsin one another, and nourish and uphold
each other in the face of weakness. So it's like marriage is literally this
cocoon for us to grow into whoGod created us to be, so that
we can be vulnerable, so thatwe can be open, so that we
(16:40):
can be literally before each other,and then He can work through the other
to help us through all those fearsand those insecurities and all of that stuff.
So that's why even communication, youknow, through all this, loving
each other through all this, youeven get into a space where you can
share what you just said, becauseyou didn't share that with me, for
(17:02):
you until after marriage. So likeclearly you felt that for a very long
time, but it was when notjust marriage, but when you felt safe
within our marriage that you could sharethose things and that I could heal to
share what's going on as well andto have the capacity to love me through.
(17:26):
Yeah, because that's the other partof it is that husbands have to
love their wives regardless of how wetreat you, what we're going through.
That's the call on you. Sameway for us, it's like we're supposed
to submit to our husbands regardless ofwhat you're doing, how you're doing it.
(17:51):
We have a duty in that.And I think that people are quick
to lean on what women are supposedto do or what are either what wives
are supposed to do versus what thehusband's supposed to do and all of that.
In this context of our conversation,we're talking about within marriage. So
it is two people that have agreedto be with one another, focused on
(18:17):
one another, doing life with oneor another, forsaking all others, you
know. And so when we speakabout healing and relationship and what that's looked
like for us. If you aresomeone that desires marriage, a godly marriage,
a righteous marriage, a marriage thathonors the kingdom, then this is
(18:41):
the content for you. This isit. This is You don't need to
read a bunch of other books,you don't need to go to a bunch
of conferences. You can. Butmy point is this, we only got
confirmation after confirmation after confirmation of whatwe always knew innately, which was we
(19:04):
ain't supposed to be fighting all thetime, and I'm not supposed to be
feeling this dissension with you or divisionwith you. And there's something there.
There's a reason why I'm blocked fromfeeling genuine joy with you or peace with
you, or comfort with you,and vice versa. Whether it be stuff
(19:25):
that we've done to each other,stuff that we've done outside of our marriage,
stuff that's happened to us before ourmarriage. But inevitably, we need
to be able to address and becomeaware of where that thing that blocks me
from being a loving wife to you, the thing that blocks you from being
(19:48):
a loving husband to me. Weneed to figure out what that thing is
so that we can start walking onthe journey to heal. Whether you caused
it, somebody else caused it,whatever it may be. Because the thing
is, we can get so wrappedup in why am I the way that
I am? Why did this happen? Why? Why? Well, you
(20:10):
know what, sometimes we have tolet go of the why because that's not
even our job. God will focuson the why. God is very much
so well aware, way more thanyou as to why your life is set
up the way that it's set up. Really what we should be focused on
and how we got here, youand I is since we are aware of
(20:34):
the what, okay, so nowwhere are we going to go? Well?
And to that point, it's likethis, our only focus should be
a band of Father, no matterwhere you are in life, like stop
today, start a band. AndI did not say yes to God and
(21:02):
then immediately go to healing from fathertrauma or healing from pornography or healing from
it from It's like it, that'snot the way this went. It was
obey here, do this, dothis, do that, And time passed
(21:22):
and you look, it's like,dang, I didn't hear from that.
I ain't gonna do that, Andyou don't know how because he was doing
it. He was doing it.You ain't seen nobody do heart surgery on
themselves. You can't. You willmess more stuff up. Only he can.
(21:45):
And it's not going to look likey'all. None of this looked like
I thought it would look. Noneof this looked like the way I envision
having a family and all of thesethings. None of this looked like the
way I would have of drew itout, sketched it out, or any
of that I was. I wastelling you, I think it was like
(22:07):
last week or so, like,we don't realize how many small decisions make
big outcomes, both good and bad. Like it's not just before the action
ever came out. It started inyour heart as a seed, good or
bad. It wasn't just as sporadiclike no one just gets up and says
I'm gonna kill someone unless I Butnot still, that demon had to be
(22:34):
invited there. There has to bea covenant made with it so that it
could control you. So it stillstarted from something else, just like healing
can start with something as small asdag I did do that. I did
say that to her, But youknow what that's so that's such a good
point and such a good place forus to close out, is that the
(22:57):
situation, the cause of the hurt, the pain, the trauma, the
issues. All of that could havebeen in your control or out of your
control. But we know for afact that the healing is in your control,
whether you caused the issue, thesin, the drama, the problem
(23:19):
or not. And that's the control, the agency that we have, regardless
of our past, regardless of what'sbeen spoken over us, what we've been
committed to without our knowledge or agreement, all of those things. We choose
whether or not we heal. Wechoose whether or not we want to go
(23:41):
to the Father and ask him todo what he does. To that point,
I make this quick, not afew momentutes, but the prodigal sign
comes up in my head. Andas much as he'd done and as far
as he'd gone, he had toeventually make the choice to come back.
(24:06):
It wasn't God chasing after him,It wasn't God going to where he was.
It was him realizing this, ain'tit. Like we all have that
innately in us to know, likeno, that there's something off about this,
and like we've come to like saythings like well, if I didn't
have the bad, then I'll takethe then I wouldn't appreciate the good,
(24:29):
so I may enjoy this season ofbad because it's God and it's like,
we don't have to experience that.All we have to do is stop where
we are and come back to stopwherever we are. I stopped where I
was at Nike and climbing and doingall these things. I stopped where I
was to turn around to something thatI honestly hadn't experienced before. But I
(24:53):
tried it. And it's the bestdecision that I've ever made, because even
in that decision, it led meto marry my Rip and having some beautiful
babies and having some beautiful babies andmany relationships and just all types of stuff.
(25:14):
So we got a whole season toget into it. Yes we do,
Yes we do. All right,y'all. Well, that's the end
of today's episode. We appreciate y'all, We love y'all, and we'll see
you in the next one. Thankyou so much for tuning in to this
episode of the Godbolt Life Podcast.We'd love to hear from you. Shoot
(25:36):
us a DM or leave us areview wherever you're listening. We really appreciate
having you with us on this journey.
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