December 10, 2022 • 47 mins
Disclaimer, this point of view is one rooted in an understanding that God, the Father, created all things - including marriage.
Creators always include an operating manual. In our case, it’s that BOOK! Aka The Word of God. Marriage is included in this manual, but we did not start off this way. It was rough. We can’t help but wonder if others are experiencing the same malfunction. Not only did we have to change course, but I, Mark, had to lead. Or more simply put, I had to go first. Our views of marriage changed and so did our view of life. Are you using the view of God, or someone else’s?
Questions
1. Which manual are you following?
2. Do men really have to go first?
3. Are you aiming for #relationshipgoals?
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Follow + Support Jade
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Follow + Support Mark
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Mark's Ministry For Men
www.thememoformen.com
Instagram: @TheMemoForMen
Creators always include an operating manual. In our case, it’s that BOOK! Aka The Word of God. Marriage is included in this manual, but we did not start off this way. It was rough. We can’t help but wonder if others are experiencing the same malfunction. Not only did we have to change course, but I, Mark, had to lead. Or more simply put, I had to go first. Our views of marriage changed and so did our view of life. Are you using the view of God, or someone else’s?
Questions
1. Which manual are you following?
2. Do men really have to go first?
3. Are you aiming for #relationshipgoals?
Follow + Support The Godbolt Life
Website: https://thegodboltlife.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegodboltlife/
Facebook: https://ne-np.facebook.com/watch/thegodboltlife/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheGodboltLife
Follow + Support Jade
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jadegodbolt/?hl=en
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jadegodbolt
Twitter: https://twitter.com/jadegodbolt?lang=en
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/JadeGodbolt/
Follow + Support Mark
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markzgodbolt/?hl=en
Twitter: https://twitter.com/markzgodbolt
Mark's Ministry For Men
www.thememoformen.com
Instagram: @TheMemoForMen
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What's good, y'all. It's Markand Jade God both here. We're just
a couple of millennials who met atthe peak of our careers as a beauty
influencer and a corporate cool kid whodecided that life wasn't enough without God.
Our platform and this show are allabout how our journey to healing and how
following after Jesus really changed us andour marriage forever. We aren't your traditional
(00:24):
churchgoers, and we appreciate that aboutourselves. Through our testimonies, we hope
that you find relief, comfort,revelation, and most importantly, the spirit
of God. Let's get into thisepisode. Let's talk playing today, because
I feel like there's a lot ofpeople breaking up. I feel like I
keep seeing people announcing divorces and thennot only announcing divorces, but I think
(00:49):
of like even like somebody like Tiamariwho just like announced not too long ago.
I always get it. I don'tknow if it's like Tao Maori.
I mean, forgive me if I'msaying that ain't wrong, but yeah,
yeah, like now it's I seea lot of like her content because she's
(01:11):
always done like incredible content, likeespecially on social media. Like, and
I feel like recently as she's beenmore vocal in public about this like divorce,
like she's very much so like talkingabout her self care and like choosing
herself and like worrying about herself now. So it's this let's bring it to
us because I think when we talkabout us and especially sharing like even some
(01:38):
of our marritable realizations, Like me, you both read what was a deficients
five together during a fight separately,Yeah, and then we came together to
talk about what we essentially uncovered revelationor so it's uncovering, right, It's
(01:59):
something that was once covered and nowit's like uncovered. So thats to reveal
what was beneath it. So wespeak to the context of from a believer,
God created marriage. Yeah, andif God created marriage, that means
there's a pamphlet. A creator alwaysincludes a pamphlet so that there's an understanding
(02:23):
of how to operate it, yea, And not even from a standpoint of
like how not to operate it.It's specifically like this is how you do
it, followed this, and ifyou follow this, I don't even need
to talk to you about what couldbecome Like for example, like even saying
that, Wow, it's while Ithink about when Jesus talked about divorce and
(02:47):
the Israelites were trying to like kindof make him stumble, and He's like,
well, mostes only gave you thechoice or divorce because of your hard
hearts. But my father still doesn'tlike it. Why because if you follow
marriage the where the Creator intended,we don't even have to talk about divorce
because you follow the instruction of Theseinstructions were complete, needing nothing you have
(03:13):
to add, tune or I'll takeaway follow this in it. And so
I said that to say, Ithink that let's start with what we thought
marriage was and what we uncovered throughour relationship with the Father of what marriage
actually is. I think through thatwe check off all the boxes, not
(03:36):
just for others, but also justlike even if you are a nonbeliever,
some of these things I think willthought to make sense, and the divorces
will also make sense, because mostdivorces come from either you didn't start operating
marriage where the Father intended, ordown the line you did not continue operating
(03:57):
the way the Creator intended for master. Well, I feel like I didn't
necessarily have a very specific idea orperspective of marriage before I was married,
I'm more so obviously anyone who's notmarried can only judge marriage based on what
they see and what people do,So I only had the context of seeing
(04:19):
how people operated in their marriages tobasically figure out what I thought about marriage.
So like, a lot of whatI think people associate marriage with is
like what you do for a personor what someone is supposed to do for
you. So like, even inthe context of like you know Proverb thirty
(04:41):
one and like what that woman issupposed to represent, a lot of times
in the past I felt like itwas so much focused on like what the
woman is supposed to do, notnecessarily about who she is. And I
know in prop thirty one it doesdescribe like the characteristics of that woman,
But a lot of times when weread that, or when I was around
(05:04):
people that read that, or whenI read that, I'll include myself here,
like my attention went to, Okay, what are the things that she
does? Like what do her actionslook like? And basically using that as
kind of like a filter of likehow close am I mimicking like this Proverb's
thirty one woman? Or even lookingat like Ephesians five, and that moment
(05:29):
of like when we were in thatfight and we read Ephesians five and I
had to like step away and takeit all in. And I was legitimately
like, if I would have knownthis was the expectation before getting married,
I would not have married you.And I went to marry nobody because I
did not associate myself with the characteristicsof a wife in a real way.
(05:58):
And that was when I had tomake a decision on whether or not,
in that moment, if I wasgoing to operate in the function that God
was calling me to as a wife, or was I going to stay the
same way that I was at thattime. So let's start there, right.
So we quote Margot a lot onhis podcast. One of the things
(06:20):
that he talks about is like titlesversus appointment. So what we see is,
whether we realize we're seeing it ornot, we see a wife a
husband, see the titles. Oftentimeswe're not even paying attention to how I
(06:43):
become that. We're just focused on, oh, well, now I'm a
wife, switch and I'm supposed todo this that and the thay yea.
Oftentimes, because of what we've seen, even if it's from a place of
what I what I don't want that, so I'm running the opposite of that.
Yeah, And it's like we haven'teven went to the book yet to
(07:05):
understand. But I think that that'sokay. Well pause, because I think
this speaks to a larger like conceptand way of understanding the world. Is
like you could make this same argumentor like process of logic for you know,
(07:27):
titles at your job, like titlesin your family, and like,
like we're very backwards. The appointmentshould inform the title. It shouldn't start
with the title. Now I'm tryingto act like something that I'm not right,
but that is the point. Yeah, But that right there, we
have to like make a put apin in that because that right there,
(07:49):
that concept of look at the appointmentand the function of that role before you
look at the title. You knowwhat, when I think about that,
even where you just said, thatis the blueprint in most spaces that we
would deem to be successful. Forexample, when you a job application,
(08:16):
a corporation is going to give youthe job description. This is what we
expect. Yeah, before you signed, before you even apply to the job,
you have a job description. Soif you can't do those things,
you shouldn't apply for that, right. So oftentimes in marriage, we're not
giving them. We're not giving ajob description. And even if you are,
(08:41):
you have to question, well,what's the source? Because if this
source came from anywhere, but they'recreator, they created the job. It's
like we're applying for a job atNike, but the job description came from
a farmer. Right, held up, you didn't make this so well,
like why are you creating a jobdescription for something that you didn't create?
(09:07):
Well, But that goes back tojust when you're specifically talking about marriage,
why it's so important that you havereal conversations with the person that you're trying
to marry, because if y'all don'teven agree on the source of facts the
(09:28):
marriage, like who decided what marriageis and how are we describing the roles
of wife or husband? If wecan't agree on that before we get married,
then we may not need to getmarried, we may not need to
be in a relationship because if andit's one thing, and that's because I
(09:50):
feel like if we would have hadthis conversation, or say, if you
would have brought me something before wewere married, I don't know, if
I would have been receptive to it, I would have been very stubborn,
because I'm talking about like the personthat I was at that time. I
would have been very stubborn. Iwould have been very like offended that you
felt like I needed a job descriptionto be a wife, when in all
(10:13):
actuality, it was my own pridethat was like holding me to like this
idea of like, well, whateverI decide, oh, wife is,
that's what a wife is going tobe. Now to that point right there
before there's a job description. Ifyou or me used me, if I
(10:33):
was operated as a believer even beforebeing a husband, you bring it to
me what the word of God saysabout what a husband is, wouldn't mess
with me? Why because I'm alreadyalive. You're already you're already like bought
in. Yeah, so that's why, Yeah, I work on me well
before marriage is even on the table. Yeah, so that when when our
(10:58):
process because this wasn't that is notbecause that makes it. That makes so
much sense, And I feel likeanother reason why, oh you know what
that reminds me of? Actually,it reminds me of um whenever I was
reading Relationship Goals and Mike talk talksabout like, you know, singleness being
(11:18):
a time to basically like work onyour relationship with Christ and like you're you're
you're basically your faith walk and howcrucial that is. And when I read
that, I did not understand whathe was talking about. I was not
living what he was talking about.And I think I read that when did
(11:39):
we read that book? Because wewrote it at the same time. This
is before we got married, butwe were engaged, or we at least
had a baby together and we justmoved. Okay, so it was right
literally right before we got marriednything.So yeah, anyway, but in that
season, and so to think thatwe were literally we had already finished our
(12:03):
premarital counseling, so like we've alreadygotten through what some people would have said,
you know, you need to figureout your faithfut before you can even
decide to get married and before youcan even go to marriage counseling or development.
Like that's God's preference. Yeah,because that's also why we went through.
Like I think about our marriage now, and I think that is perfect
(12:26):
from the context of how God seeksperfect like complete, not in need of
anything. Yeah, And I feellike that honestly since that conversation about Ephesians
five, because early on a lotof the issues we were having was because
we always needed a tiebreaker, whichshould be the word of God for believers.
(12:46):
Yeah, so if I'm submitted toanything. I think actually during that
same conversation, probably Phijian's five,when we both said, like resoundingly,
it's not about me loving Jade.It's about me loving the God that's in
Jade. It's not about me beingobedient or dying for Jade. It's about
(13:07):
me dying for the God that's inja. Jade represents that for me.
Yeah, especially in marriage, becauseonce you're married, that is your person,
whether or not. Yeah, likeyou guys are one flesh period,
God one flesh. Yes, soI think early on we didn't have that
so yes, prematter counseling check.However, there was still a lot of
(13:31):
us in the way trying to dothings the way we wanted to do it.
To your point, well, Iwant to be the wife that I
want to be. Yeah, yeah, but that ain't the way this works.
The creator has a way of Hedidn't say insert your own description there,
that's already something there. Yeah.Well, and that's so we have
to submit to each other and tothat. So early on we always needed
(13:54):
a mediator because the Word of Godwas not a mediator. Yeah. Now
the Word of God is a mediator. So when we go to pray,
pray about each other, what haveyou, we'll directed back to the word
yeah, versus us putting our ownstuff in when and saying this is how
I feel, so this is whatyou should do. Honestly. Though,
to be honest, I think anotherpoint that needs to be made here,
(14:15):
and I feel like this may bea debate amongst us, maybe not even
amongst us, but I feel likeamongst our listeners, is I genuinely believe
that you had to go first,like you had to give well your personal
walk with God right before I did, because so much of your example was
(14:39):
part of helping me get my stufftogether. Like I would not have known
genuinely, I would not have understoodor known what it was like to submit
to Christ and then submit to youif I didn't understand how you were already
(15:00):
submitting yourself to Christ and what thatexample actually looked like from like a personal
perspective, because we always jump towives submit to your husband's but it's like,
well, the husband before that happens, the husband is supposed to be
submitted to Christ. So if thehusband is not submitted to Christ, the
man is not submitted to Christ,then how am I, as a woman,
(15:22):
as a wife, supposed to knowthe order and the process and like
what that looks like day in andday out of being a wife submitting to
her husband. If I don't evenas a person, me as a woman,
know how to submit myself to Christ. And coming from a perspective of
(15:43):
like I considered myself a Christian myentire life. I got baptized in twenty
fifteen and also when I was akid, but really like consensually in fifteen,
But I really haven't been walking withChrist and like really submitting myself and
(16:06):
spiritually maturing until maybe three or fouryears ago. But it was all after
you started that. So I thinkabout all the women who are like message
you, message me, like,hey, how do I like get my
boyfriend or get my husband? Liketapped in, like how do I get
(16:27):
him? You know, more likeinvolved and like wanting to like grow spiritually
and blah blah blah. And that'salways kind of like a hard question,
not a hard question, but likeI know that most of the time people
aren't gonna like my answer because likemy answer is, you can't make a
(16:48):
man do nothing and to pray thathis heart is drawn that way, that
God does something to draw him thatway, because he may be drawn.
God may you use you as awife or a girlfriend to do it,
but he may not. So areyou gonna be okay if you're not like
(17:12):
actively doing something like you taking himto church, you're sending him to scriptures.
If you're not doing that, doyou still believe that God is doing
something to pull him towards him?So a few five horn says verse like
(17:32):
ten ten eleven, bless all thepeacemakers, for they shall be called the
chidren of God. Miss say,what does that have to do with this
peacemakers? Right? So to me, men can't be peacemakers, but women
are incredible peacemakers, Like they havethe power to change the whole dynamic,
(17:59):
to aft the feelings of a roomof people of a person. So if
your first thing is making peace,that means I'm not bugging him, I'm
not forcing him, I'm not pushinghim. Yeah, you shall be called
a children of God. Children aredependent on their parents. So I'm not
(18:26):
worried about how my bears are goingto get paid as a kid and my
daddy's house. Yeah, I'm notworried about the argument that happens amongst other
adults because I'm with my daddy.So my daddy has me taken care of.
So we want to be a childbecause our father can thence that being
to do it. But if I'mtrying to play the role of adult as
(18:51):
a kid, that don't measure well. Right. So I said that to
say, as children as children ofGod, because you're a peacemaker, that
leaves space for God to do whatonly God can do in the heart of
a man. Yeah, in theheart of a husband. Yeah, because
that's what happened for me. Youhad nothing to do with me coming to
(19:15):
God. God dealt with me individually, which then influenced you. Yeah.
So and when I pressed it gotworse. Yeah. When I became a
peacemaker, that meant Mark is gettingout of the way so that my father
(19:36):
can do what a father does forhis children. So you know what just
came to me. So the otherside of that practically right, because like
today I wanted to speak simply andlike, no, no, no,
I'm saying, like specifically for womenwho may be trying to find ways to
(19:59):
get their husband or get their likefuture husband or the person that they wit
or whatever, to be more inspiredto like grow in their faith, focusing
on you and focusing on your spiritualwalk Like this is no, but you've
heard me say this. I'm specificallytalking to a women right now. We
(20:22):
are powerful beyond our understanding when weget our faith and our spirituality right.
There's a reason why we have thisintuition in us that just comes innately with
being a woman. We have thisspecial accessibility to spiritual things that help us
(20:48):
maneuver through the world and through life. And God uses women in a very
special way to do that, tohelp his men, to help his sons
get to where he's desiring to getthem too. Right, So when I
think about, you know, yourfaith journey, and like what really got
you started and things like that,and like God, you know, Holy
(21:10):
Spirit meeting you in the car thatday and you confessing to cheating, and
then the way that I responded toyou by not you know, throwing you
away and canceling you, and youknow all this other stuff not meeting you
with hate, but meeting you withlove, even though meeting you with peace.
(21:33):
But even though I didn't know thatI was operating in a fruit of
the spirit, I was. Soeven when we don't understand how being kind
in a moment when the person istelling us something that's maybe personally hurtful,
or operating as a peacemaker works isbecause no matter if you know one scripture
(21:59):
or thousands, if you're operating ina fruit of the spirit, peace,
love, joy, kindness, gentleness, self control, then God can use
you. God is using you inthat moment. So if you can create
an environment for that person, whetherit be your spouse or anyone anyone,
(22:19):
if you create an environment of peace, joy, love, comfort and allow
the Holy Spirit and God to workthrough that, that is you doing way
more than you could ever possibly do. By sending somebody something you think that
they should read, or telling themto go to some church that you think
(22:41):
that they should go to. Peoplemay never read the Bible, but they're
reading you. That's a great pointand that goes for men as well,
because what you were exuding, likeyou said, was the Holy Spirit operating
through you, even though you didn'trealize it. Yeah, and that was
big for me because even me confessingwas me saying, God, I trust
(23:07):
you. So if that's my perfectyou, we're operating in a spirit right
there is you are made control becausebefore that I was from troling the situation
because of the dishonesty, the controlbasically Wherelinquish did. And that really changed
the entire scope of our relationship andI believe it started to build a foundation
(23:30):
that we're still on because we bothwerelinquished control. Yeah, so that the
creator could do what the creator does. Yea. So fast forward to like,
you know, marriage again, Isay that it's perfect because we have
to stop doing that. Yeah.So, if anything, we've leaned more
into it and now we have someof the most uncomfortable conversations with each other
(23:52):
because we're operating in love because weunderstand what we're here for. Yeah.
The picture that's posted about marriage fromthe world from culture is not what marriages.
It's not. Those are business relationships. Those are um quote unquote power
(24:15):
couple for their power. But thereality is we don't have enough power to
sustain it. So it always falls, yeah, every single time. Yeah,
So we're not rooted him. Sothe point of marriage is for him
(24:36):
to get glory. It's for ourLike, yes, we're building something,
but we're not the one powering it. We're just simply being obedient and we're
not choosing what we're building, andwe're not the building. We don't have
a goal, but it is we'regoing to be a power couple. That
was not our goal. No,we didn't have a goal. No,
(24:56):
we didn't even you talking about havinga goal. We didn't even have the
how are we going to function tomorrowin our relationship, in our marriage,
let alone somebody's relationship goals? Okay, like, let's be realistic. It's
the people who you know are dreamingabout some fantasy world where you aren't in
(25:22):
a relationship, but you want tobe somebody's relationship goals. You want to
get whatever that person has, butyou don't have a clue as to really
what it's rooted in or how they'reoperating and where they're getting that quote unquote
power for that power couple from.And again this goes back to why you
have to be really tapped in withGod in your own personal relationship, because
(25:47):
when you are tapped in, God'sgoing to give you that gifted discernment to
be able to say, Okay,I know the difference between the couples that
are out there that are actually doingthis the right way, that are actually
healthy and I can tell by theirfruit versus these other people who I don't
know. Like they look good,they sound good, but for some reason,
(26:10):
something about it just feels like it'stoo good to be true quote unquote.
But it's like because it probably istoo good to be true, it
probably looks too put together and towhatever, and not to say that you
can't look good and actually be authenticallygood. That's not what I'm saying.
But are Yeah, you can be. There are couples that can be.
(26:33):
But that's not the goal. That'sthe result. That's the result. It's
not the goal by the man leading, getting in his rightful place, being
the example that God created him tobe, being the establisher. Give us
a breakdown, real quick, twoseconds. The difference between them. So
(26:55):
to second, establishing expander men establishedman is the main to establish. Man
will say you are a bookshelf,you are a building, you are that,
you are a house. A womanexpands whatever it is that's been established.
(27:15):
So if you're establishing trust in truth, she'll expand on that, if
you're establishing love and honesty, she'llexpand on that, if you're establishing lies
and dishonesty and control the manipulation,she will expand on that. Hey,
are you enjoying the show so far? We'd love to hear what you think.
(27:37):
Give us a review wherever you're listening, and definitely hopping our dms on
social media. We love hearing howthis show is leaving an impact on your
hearts and your minds. Now,let's get back to the show. Listen.
That's establishing, whether you realize itor not. Let me say something
real quick, because I feel likeI've talked to my younger sister Madison about
(27:59):
this more recently as she's been navigatingher season of singleness and wanting to be
in a real relationship and wants marriage, but isn't dating anyone right now.
She's twenty four, and she's beendating guys here and there and had her
you know, ups and downs inthat in that process. And it I
(28:22):
told her, I was like,you know, from my own experiences through
dating and just being with guys andstuff like that, like the worst ones
are the ones that sound good,look good, but behind closed doors,
are still manipulative, still lying.And I don't want to say that,
(28:45):
but it was that was you AndI would have never believed that about you
when I was with you in thebeginning because to me, you were just
like this night in shining armor,like perfect, and I established it,
right, I had been established soI'm good at it. Yeah, Like
when you are establishing the same thingfor a long time, you become good
(29:07):
at it. Yeah, So thenI was. I had spent years establishing
that I was good at it.Now I spend time establishing miss and guess
what, Yeah, I'm good atit too. Yeah. It goes both
ways. Yeah. We don't haveto establish wickedness. You don't have to,
Yeah, but we do. Wecan't establish righteousness. You become good
at that too. Yeah. There'sthis stigma that self righteous people say that
(29:32):
you can't be righteous, and it'slike, that's not biblical. It almost
scares you do not even want totry to try to be righteous because everybody,
well, you can't do that,but I can be it. You
will gladly label me a sinner.How can I'll be on the other side
of that, you can. It'sabout what you established, Like quite literally.
So when my life changed to whereI started to establish the other end
(29:56):
of that spectrum, then the thepyramid is termed the right side, which
if you're video, If y'all haven'tseen that video that Mark fid about,
listen Holy Spirit did through Mark Okayabout the pyramid being flipped such a good
(30:18):
message because it's so true in somany ways, and it's something that shows
the so many different ways. Itshows that when you are working on your
own will up this ladder of lifetowards a goal, not only are you
(30:40):
out of step with God because youhave placed yourself in his position, but
it is something that continues to getmore and more limited, more and more
closed in and capsized versus when youflip that pyramid over and you have God
(31:02):
at the tip, and then everythingcontinues to expand and expand and expand and
expand there's no limit Like that confessionwas the new tip of my pyramid because
to what you described, I knewwhat in thought of me. I remember
(31:27):
you're watching the yall Tea shows andyou start talking about Manchina or not.
I would be like, I,babe, don't don't talk about them like
that. You don't know what they'regoing through dealing withood because I it was
the guilt. The guilt was screaminglisten all of mine. But that's how
it be, and I knew,Like that's the thing, y'all. Like,
(31:52):
ladies, we be knowing. Wemay not know what specific details or
what the thing is. When youare like growing as a person, your
your ability to intuitively discern what's happeningaround you also grows, whether you know
it or not. We actually pause, what that's your dominion. We can't
(32:17):
even help it. That's a gift, whether you're using it for God or
not. Yeah. Yeah, factslike, yes, your dominion is an
expansion and that expansion comes the abilityto make everything that has been expanded feel
one oneness. Yeah it's charity,Like, yeah, that's what you do.
(32:38):
So it's not just I put abookshef over there in a lot of
it or whatever. It's about thecollective of that becoming one and feel like
it's intuitive. So if something isoff, you feel it, Yeah,
with your your whole beating. It'sa part of it. Yeah. So
like something was off clearly, Yeahyou didn't know what it was, but
(33:00):
it's like, yo, this ain'tquite yeah, it's cool, but it
ain't quite what it feels like itshould be, right. And at that
point, you know, that's whenI could have been like, what is
it? What is it? Whatis it's? Something? Feels off?
I could have berated you about it. But everything happens on purpose, right,
(33:21):
So like for me in those seats, in those moments, in that
time, I just shrugged it offlike okay, whatever, like I'm just
gonna let it go, because atthe end of the day, there wasn't
anything I could have done to makeyou be honest, because it wouldn't have
been real. It would have beenme battling you for control of a situation
(33:42):
versus allowing you to have the timeto whenever you felt called to whatever,
whenever you finally felt you know itwas time to confess that you did it
on your own dominion and like youdid it and it was on you in
your heart. And that's the thing, Like men need that, men need
to feel like they have dominion overtheir own decisions. And as a woman,
(34:06):
I can't force you into doing anythingand then expect something to be genuine
Like I can't expect you to genuinelywant to do something I low key forced
you or low key manipulating you todo because in my opinion, there's a
lot of like conversations in what itmeans to be a wife and kind of
(34:28):
like getting your husband to do whatthey want, getting your husband to do
what you want them to do,and like manipulation. And it's like it's
not just men who manipulate. Womenmanipulate too. We are actually also very
gifted a manipulation. We can getvery creative with manipulation, not even just
manipulating other people, but we canmanipulate ourselves into believing lies that shape our
(34:52):
reality about a current situation, acurrent relationship because, believe me, in
past relationships, I convinced myself thatI was dating somebody that didn't exist,
like I would paint a picture ofa person and believe that that was who
they were and ignore the things thatthey actually were that didn't fit the picture
(35:15):
that I painted of them, ignoringthe fruit. And that's why God desires
us to operate in fruits of hisspirit, which are truth. Truth is
a fruit of the spirit. Andthat doesn't just look like being honest when
I want to, It looks likebeing honest when I know that the thing
(35:37):
that I'm being honest about is goingto deeply hurt the person that I love.
Yeah, because everything that you built, that pyramid, that mark pyramid,
swag Bowlt. We're gonna call theswag BOWLT and that by stick of
girls. So when the reference backto the video you did about flipping the
(36:02):
pyramid upside down, we have toblow these pyramids up, so like you
had to blow up swag Bolt andknowing that like blowing up swag Bolt was
going to have uncontrolled circumstances, andI had to do the same thing with
the Curls in my own way.And that is the courage that you have
(36:29):
to have. But the courage doesn'thave to just be your own courage in
your own might. Faith of amustard seed. You have to believe that
if you are partnering with God,you can accomplish whatever is in front of
you. So I may do something. You just need a little bit.
(36:51):
You just need a little bit.It's not about how much faith you have,
It's about where's your family, Yeah, because it's gonna be somewhere.
Ye. Faith, God built usto be faithful to something. Yeah.
Like just because you say your faithdon't mean mean medicine, God. Yeah,
because you could have faith in yourself. You could be an atheist and
be like I don't believe in nothing. I just believe in whatever I think.
(37:13):
You can say God and still havefaith in your career. Yeah.
Like so it's like the Muscan seeds. It's more about where it is your
faith. Yeah, your faith inyourself, is your faith in your job,
is your faith in your in yourown but is your faith in your
marriage. It's your faith in yourmarriage and your faith in your husband,
your faith in your wife. Like, no one can be in that place.
(37:36):
It has to be God you.It has to be in order for
things to really go the way thatGod desires it to go for us,
and like what His will is forus in our lives and like to tap
into like what you're supposed to evendo on this planet. Like I feel
like people always talk about purpose andlike I feel like every time I see
(37:57):
someone on like a podcast or likeon a handle or something, and they're
like, you know, how didyou know that this was your purpose in
life? Or how did you howdo you you know? Why do you
do what you do? Or whatever? Or what what advice would you give
somebody and they're they're always like,well, when you figure out what your
purpose is, you just know thatyou got it. And it's like we
all talking about purpose and such onesided ways that it's like, if I'm
(38:28):
the one deciding what my purpose is, is that really my purpose? Because
how did I create the purpose formyself before? While being created already?
Like so too many times we thinkthat we have all purpose so we don't
see for it. Yeah right,I've already I've already decided that this is
(38:50):
what it is. And God islike, no, I didn't. I
didn't need where you get that phone? Because I didn't tell you that.
Yeah, I've already decided that thisis why I'm supposed to marry. Where
you get that phone? I didn'ttell you I've already decided that this is
how I'm supposed to get married.Where did you get that from? I
didn't tell you that we are ProMEDwith all of those things you talked before
(39:10):
about how you almost got married beforemeeting me, engage round before meeting me.
Yea, did God tell you that? No, not at all?
Us about to do a destination weddingsomewhere? Did God tell us that that's
what we wanted. That's what wewanted. So when we decided to blow
(39:31):
up our pyramids, what we didn'trealize was now that when you put God
as at first piece, everything isdefined gravity at this point. So you
don't even feel confident in yourself tolay no bricks because in our minds that
(39:52):
brick is not gonna hold up.So every book that I'm laying wants God
is a foundation, is faith becausenone of this is supposed to work facts,
none of this is supposed to worklike this. So at this point
I'm just like God said put thebrick. Okay, I'll put the brick.
It stayed up. Wow, Becauseif I would have did that in
(40:14):
any other expert in my life,that falls off. Yeah. But because
God is the cornerstone, Cross isthe cornerstone. Now every brick is accounting
for every brick I was told tolay. And the experience is in saying
that. People don't understand it.People don't understand how fruitful. I was
(40:36):
talking to a guy my Damn todayand he was like, yeah, man,
m Jay said that you left Nikeand you need your brand anymore?
Like do you consider yourself a manastreet? Like how you even paying your building
and stuff. I'm like, Godis providing our pyramid looks weird compared to
all the pyramids around, but that'show it's supposed to be, right the
(41:00):
light. Yeah, people should seeyour good works, to see your fruit
and glorify your father in heaven.Imagine you're walking through as pyramids anywhere,
all differ color, glorier ones,rainbow ones. You got all types of
pyramids right, All of a sudden, you run across one that's upside down.
(41:23):
Even though there are pyramids over herethat's doing all types of other stuff,
digital ones, there's pyramids in themetaverse that upside down one is still
gonna stand out because it's like,how is that even possible? How we're
not talking about an outside one thatlooks pretty and it's just a pretty pyramid.
(41:43):
No, no, no, no, this is blowing my mind.
I can see because you painted thatthat color. I mean you got that
from that story. But think aboutit, But think about that makes sense?
What was it like when they sawa burning bush? What was it
like when they were in a partingscene dry land or man or a cloud
(42:09):
talking or a donkey talking, ora baby talking like an infant talking water
turning into wine, Peter walking onwater. These are all things that defy
our logic. Science is wrong comparedto my Science says that my pyramid will
(42:34):
not stay up. That's what sciencesays. Man tells me that's impossible.
Man won't even try. But Iwas. I was dumb enough to blow
my pyramid. And now people areinspired by upside of our pyramid, so
they come to us, They cometo this podcast. So they just trying
to see how God. That's theonly way that goes for marriage, that's
(43:01):
for child rear, that goes forever. If you are following God's blueprint of
marriage, it can't fail because yourmarriage failing means that his blueprint is a
lie. Let God be the truthin every man be a liar. We're
(43:22):
following that blueprint. I love mywife. I give up my life for
her. She loves and respects me. We're all submitted to Christ. Period.
So there's times when I need tobe checked and I'm checked with that
(43:43):
book. Dang, I do needto go repent to my wife. Dang,
my tone was off. I knewthe chance that head. Babe,
I need to talk to you aboutsomething and it might hurt and it's hard.
Thank you for loving me through it, Thank you for not judging me
(44:05):
through it. Are these are thetop. You cannot tell me that these
conversations are happening and people are gettingdivorced, like no, And that's the
craziest part to me. Is thatnot crazy in a like, oh my
gosh, that's like terrible from acompassionate place, from a real empathetic place.
(44:30):
It makes me feel sad. Sadisn't even the right word. It's
not even compelling enough. But itgives me deep remorse when I think about
the relationships, the marriages, buteven like the real relationships, like we
know some close relationships that are nolonger going towards marriage anymore because they just
(44:55):
couldn't get it right and they justcouldn't come to a place where where they
could make it work anymore for multiplereasons. Not saying that it was even
the will of God for them toget married in the future, but just
saying, like, we see relationshipsand marriages failing constantly. And that's really
(45:15):
what I was, you know,speaking to in the very beginning of this
episode, was just like I feellike and I talked about this in a
video that I posted on TikTok too, like I just feel like I see
marriages and relationships failing all around us. And with that even being said,
(45:37):
I can understand how hard it couldbe and is because we've been there too,
when you're not in the best placein your relationship, you're going through
a tough season, and everything aroundyou is telling you you're better off single,
like you're better off loving yourself.So we got a visitor with us
(46:01):
now, which is the queue toclose this episode out your passion, my
daddy a PASTI cool and you knowwhat I'm here for, all right,
y'all, So let us know whatyour thoughts are off of this episode.
How you feel about it? Doyou agree with us? Do you have
(46:24):
some more insights to add? We'dlove to hear your thoughts. Don't forget
y'all, leave us a review,share this episode, share the podcast in
general. But we love to seeyou know, y'all engaging and just getting
something out of this this show,because we really do it just to serve
(46:44):
and to show up and to sharein ways that you know are very vulnerable
for us and very you know,we don't want to tell y'all all our
business but God told us to dothis, so here we are. So
yeah, we're always gonna be asreal as we possibly can be because we
know that, like relationships are hard, marriage is hard, and sometimes you
(47:07):
need to see transparent and healthy relationshipto even be able to have hope that
you can have that too in yourown way, but also be that if
you do have that, you're notalone. So yeah, right yet,
all right, see'all in the nextepisode. Bye.
What's good, y'all. It's Markand Jade God both here. We're just
a couple of millennials who met atthe peak of our careers as a beauty
influencer and a corporate cool kid whodecided that life wasn't enough without God.
Our platform and this show are allabout how our journey to healing and how
following after Jesus really changed us andour marriage forever. We aren't your traditional
(00:24):
churchgoers, and we appreciate that aboutourselves. Through our testimonies, we hope
that you find relief, comfort,revelation, and most importantly, the spirit
of God. Let's get into thisepisode. Let's talk playing today, because
I feel like there's a lot ofpeople breaking up. I feel like I
keep seeing people announcing divorces and thennot only announcing divorces, but I think
(00:49):
of like even like somebody like Tiamariwho just like announced not too long ago.
I always get it. I don'tknow if it's like Tao Maori.
I mean, forgive me if I'msaying that ain't wrong, but yeah,
yeah, like now it's I seea lot of like her content because she's
(01:11):
always done like incredible content, likeespecially on social media. Like, and
I feel like recently as she's beenmore vocal in public about this like divorce,
like she's very much so like talkingabout her self care and like choosing
herself and like worrying about herself now. So it's this let's bring it to
us because I think when we talkabout us and especially sharing like even some
(01:38):
of our marritable realizations, Like me, you both read what was a deficients
five together during a fight separately,Yeah, and then we came together to
talk about what we essentially uncovered revelationor so it's uncovering, right, It's
(01:59):
something that was once covered and nowit's like uncovered. So thats to reveal
what was beneath it. So wespeak to the context of from a believer,
God created marriage. Yeah, andif God created marriage, that means
there's a pamphlet. A creator alwaysincludes a pamphlet so that there's an understanding
(02:23):
of how to operate it, yea, And not even from a standpoint of
like how not to operate it.It's specifically like this is how you do
it, followed this, and ifyou follow this, I don't even need
to talk to you about what couldbecome Like for example, like even saying
that, Wow, it's while Ithink about when Jesus talked about divorce and
(02:47):
the Israelites were trying to like kindof make him stumble, and He's like,
well, mostes only gave you thechoice or divorce because of your hard
hearts. But my father still doesn'tlike it. Why because if you follow
marriage the where the Creator intended,we don't even have to talk about divorce
because you follow the instruction of Theseinstructions were complete, needing nothing you have
(03:13):
to add, tune or I'll takeaway follow this in it. And so
I said that to say, Ithink that let's start with what we thought
marriage was and what we uncovered throughour relationship with the Father of what marriage
actually is. I think through thatwe check off all the boxes, not
(03:36):
just for others, but also justlike even if you are a nonbeliever,
some of these things I think willthought to make sense, and the divorces
will also make sense, because mostdivorces come from either you didn't start operating
marriage where the Father intended, ordown the line you did not continue operating
(03:57):
the way the Creator intended for master. Well, I feel like I didn't
necessarily have a very specific idea orperspective of marriage before I was married,
I'm more so obviously anyone who's notmarried can only judge marriage based on what
they see and what people do,So I only had the context of seeing
(04:19):
how people operated in their marriages tobasically figure out what I thought about marriage.
So like, a lot of whatI think people associate marriage with is
like what you do for a personor what someone is supposed to do for
you. So like, even inthe context of like you know Proverb thirty
(04:41):
one and like what that woman issupposed to represent, a lot of times
in the past I felt like itwas so much focused on like what the
woman is supposed to do, notnecessarily about who she is. And I
know in prop thirty one it doesdescribe like the characteristics of that woman,
But a lot of times when weread that, or when I was around
(05:04):
people that read that, or whenI read that, I'll include myself here,
like my attention went to, Okay, what are the things that she
does? Like what do her actionslook like? And basically using that as
kind of like a filter of likehow close am I mimicking like this Proverb's
thirty one woman? Or even lookingat like Ephesians five, and that moment
(05:29):
of like when we were in thatfight and we read Ephesians five and I
had to like step away and takeit all in. And I was legitimately
like, if I would have knownthis was the expectation before getting married,
I would not have married you.And I went to marry nobody because I
did not associate myself with the characteristicsof a wife in a real way.
(05:58):
And that was when I had tomake a decision on whether or not,
in that moment, if I wasgoing to operate in the function that God
was calling me to as a wife, or was I going to stay the
same way that I was at thattime. So let's start there, right.
So we quote Margot a lot onhis podcast. One of the things
(06:20):
that he talks about is like titlesversus appointment. So what we see is,
whether we realize we're seeing it ornot, we see a wife a
husband, see the titles. Oftentimeswe're not even paying attention to how I
(06:43):
become that. We're just focused on, oh, well, now I'm a
wife, switch and I'm supposed todo this that and the thay yea.
Oftentimes, because of what we've seen, even if it's from a place of
what I what I don't want that, so I'm running the opposite of that.
Yeah, And it's like we haven'teven went to the book yet to
(07:05):
understand. But I think that that'sokay. Well pause, because I think
this speaks to a larger like conceptand way of understanding the world. Is
like you could make this same argumentor like process of logic for you know,
(07:27):
titles at your job, like titlesin your family, and like,
like we're very backwards. The appointmentshould inform the title. It shouldn't start
with the title. Now I'm tryingto act like something that I'm not right,
but that is the point. Yeah, But that right there, we
have to like make a put apin in that because that right there,
(07:49):
that concept of look at the appointmentand the function of that role before you
look at the title. You knowwhat, when I think about that,
even where you just said, thatis the blueprint in most spaces that we
would deem to be successful. Forexample, when you a job application,
(08:16):
a corporation is going to give youthe job description. This is what we
expect. Yeah, before you signed, before you even apply to the job,
you have a job description. Soif you can't do those things,
you shouldn't apply for that, right. So oftentimes in marriage, we're not
giving them. We're not giving ajob description. And even if you are,
(08:41):
you have to question, well,what's the source? Because if this
source came from anywhere, but they'recreator, they created the job. It's
like we're applying for a job atNike, but the job description came from
a farmer. Right, held up, you didn't make this so well,
like why are you creating a jobdescription for something that you didn't create?
(09:07):
Well, But that goes back tojust when you're specifically talking about marriage,
why it's so important that you havereal conversations with the person that you're trying
to marry, because if y'all don'teven agree on the source of facts the
(09:28):
marriage, like who decided what marriageis and how are we describing the roles
of wife or husband? If wecan't agree on that before we get married,
then we may not need to getmarried, we may not need to
be in a relationship because if andit's one thing, and that's because I
(09:50):
feel like if we would have hadthis conversation, or say, if you
would have brought me something before wewere married, I don't know, if
I would have been receptive to it, I would have been very stubborn,
because I'm talking about like the personthat I was at that time. I
would have been very stubborn. Iwould have been very like offended that you
felt like I needed a job descriptionto be a wife, when in all
(10:13):
actuality, it was my own pridethat was like holding me to like this
idea of like, well, whateverI decide, oh, wife is,
that's what a wife is going tobe. Now to that point right there
before there's a job description. Ifyou or me used me, if I
(10:33):
was operated as a believer even beforebeing a husband, you bring it to
me what the word of God saysabout what a husband is, wouldn't mess
with me? Why because I'm alreadyalive. You're already you're already like bought
in. Yeah, so that's why, Yeah, I work on me well
before marriage is even on the table. Yeah, so that when when our
(10:58):
process because this wasn't that is notbecause that makes it. That makes so
much sense, And I feel likeanother reason why, oh you know what
that reminds me of? Actually,it reminds me of um whenever I was
reading Relationship Goals and Mike talk talksabout like, you know, singleness being
(11:18):
a time to basically like work onyour relationship with Christ and like you're you're
you're basically your faith walk and howcrucial that is. And when I read
that, I did not understand whathe was talking about. I was not
living what he was talking about.And I think I read that when did
(11:39):
we read that book? Because wewrote it at the same time. This
is before we got married, butwe were engaged, or we at least
had a baby together and we justmoved. Okay, so it was right
literally right before we got marriednything.So yeah, anyway, but in that
season, and so to think thatwe were literally we had already finished our
(12:03):
premarital counseling, so like we've alreadygotten through what some people would have said,
you know, you need to figureout your faithfut before you can even
decide to get married and before youcan even go to marriage counseling or development.
Like that's God's preference. Yeah,because that's also why we went through.
Like I think about our marriage now, and I think that is perfect
(12:26):
from the context of how God seeksperfect like complete, not in need of
anything. Yeah, And I feellike that honestly since that conversation about Ephesians
five, because early on a lotof the issues we were having was because
we always needed a tiebreaker, whichshould be the word of God for believers.
(12:46):
Yeah, so if I'm submitted toanything. I think actually during that
same conversation, probably Phijian's five,when we both said, like resoundingly,
it's not about me loving Jade.It's about me loving the God that's in
Jade. It's not about me beingobedient or dying for Jade. It's about
(13:07):
me dying for the God that's inja. Jade represents that for me.
Yeah, especially in marriage, becauseonce you're married, that is your person,
whether or not. Yeah, likeyou guys are one flesh period,
God one flesh. Yes, soI think early on we didn't have that
so yes, prematter counseling check.However, there was still a lot of
(13:31):
us in the way trying to dothings the way we wanted to do it.
To your point, well, Iwant to be the wife that I
want to be. Yeah, yeah, but that ain't the way this works.
The creator has a way of Hedidn't say insert your own description there,
that's already something there. Yeah.Well, and that's so we have
to submit to each other and tothat. So early on we always needed
(13:54):
a mediator because the Word of Godwas not a mediator. Yeah. Now
the Word of God is a mediator. So when we go to pray,
pray about each other, what haveyou, we'll directed back to the word
yeah, versus us putting our ownstuff in when and saying this is how
I feel, so this is whatyou should do. Honestly. Though,
to be honest, I think anotherpoint that needs to be made here,
(14:15):
and I feel like this may bea debate amongst us, maybe not even
amongst us, but I feel likeamongst our listeners, is I genuinely believe
that you had to go first,like you had to give well your personal
walk with God right before I did, because so much of your example was
(14:39):
part of helping me get my stufftogether. Like I would not have known
genuinely, I would not have understoodor known what it was like to submit
to Christ and then submit to youif I didn't understand how you were already
(15:00):
submitting yourself to Christ and what thatexample actually looked like from like a personal
perspective, because we always jump towives submit to your husband's but it's like,
well, the husband before that happens, the husband is supposed to be
submitted to Christ. So if thehusband is not submitted to Christ, the
man is not submitted to Christ,then how am I, as a woman,
(15:22):
as a wife, supposed to knowthe order and the process and like
what that looks like day in andday out of being a wife submitting to
her husband. If I don't evenas a person, me as a woman,
know how to submit myself to Christ. And coming from a perspective of
(15:43):
like I considered myself a Christian myentire life. I got baptized in twenty
fifteen and also when I was akid, but really like consensually in fifteen,
But I really haven't been walking withChrist and like really submitting myself and
(16:06):
spiritually maturing until maybe three or fouryears ago. But it was all after
you started that. So I thinkabout all the women who are like message
you, message me, like,hey, how do I like get my
boyfriend or get my husband? Liketapped in, like how do I get
(16:27):
him? You know, more likeinvolved and like wanting to like grow spiritually
and blah blah blah. And that'salways kind of like a hard question,
not a hard question, but likeI know that most of the time people
aren't gonna like my answer because likemy answer is, you can't make a
(16:48):
man do nothing and to pray thathis heart is drawn that way, that
God does something to draw him thatway, because he may be drawn.
God may you use you as awife or a girlfriend to do it,
but he may not. So areyou gonna be okay if you're not like
(17:12):
actively doing something like you taking himto church, you're sending him to scriptures.
If you're not doing that, doyou still believe that God is doing
something to pull him towards him?So a few five horn says verse like
(17:32):
ten ten eleven, bless all thepeacemakers, for they shall be called the
chidren of God. Miss say,what does that have to do with this
peacemakers? Right? So to me, men can't be peacemakers, but women
are incredible peacemakers, Like they havethe power to change the whole dynamic,
(17:59):
to aft the feelings of a roomof people of a person. So if
your first thing is making peace,that means I'm not bugging him, I'm
not forcing him, I'm not pushinghim. Yeah, you shall be called
a children of God. Children aredependent on their parents. So I'm not
(18:26):
worried about how my bears are goingto get paid as a kid and my
daddy's house. Yeah, I'm notworried about the argument that happens amongst other
adults because I'm with my daddy.So my daddy has me taken care of.
So we want to be a childbecause our father can thence that being
to do it. But if I'mtrying to play the role of adult as
(18:51):
a kid, that don't measure well. Right. So I said that to
say, as children as children ofGod, because you're a peacemaker, that
leaves space for God to do whatonly God can do in the heart of
a man. Yeah, in theheart of a husband. Yeah, because
that's what happened for me. Youhad nothing to do with me coming to
(19:15):
God. God dealt with me individually, which then influenced you. Yeah.
So and when I pressed it gotworse. Yeah. When I became a
peacemaker, that meant Mark is gettingout of the way so that my father
(19:36):
can do what a father does forhis children. So you know what just
came to me. So the otherside of that practically right, because like
today I wanted to speak simply andlike, no, no, no,
I'm saying, like specifically for womenwho may be trying to find ways to
(19:59):
get their husband or get their likefuture husband or the person that they wit
or whatever, to be more inspiredto like grow in their faith, focusing
on you and focusing on your spiritualwalk Like this is no, but you've
heard me say this. I'm specificallytalking to a women right now. We
(20:22):
are powerful beyond our understanding when weget our faith and our spirituality right.
There's a reason why we have thisintuition in us that just comes innately with
being a woman. We have thisspecial accessibility to spiritual things that help us
(20:48):
maneuver through the world and through life. And God uses women in a very
special way to do that, tohelp his men, to help his sons
get to where he's desiring to getthem too. Right, So when I
think about, you know, yourfaith journey, and like what really got
you started and things like that,and like God, you know, Holy
(21:10):
Spirit meeting you in the car thatday and you confessing to cheating, and
then the way that I responded toyou by not you know, throwing you
away and canceling you, and youknow all this other stuff not meeting you
with hate, but meeting you withlove, even though meeting you with peace.
(21:33):
But even though I didn't know thatI was operating in a fruit of
the spirit, I was. Soeven when we don't understand how being kind
in a moment when the person istelling us something that's maybe personally hurtful,
or operating as a peacemaker works isbecause no matter if you know one scripture
(21:59):
or thousands, if you're operating ina fruit of the spirit, peace,
love, joy, kindness, gentleness, self control, then God can use
you. God is using you inthat moment. So if you can create
an environment for that person, whetherit be your spouse or anyone anyone,
(22:19):
if you create an environment of peace, joy, love, comfort and allow
the Holy Spirit and God to workthrough that, that is you doing way
more than you could ever possibly do. By sending somebody something you think that
they should read, or telling themto go to some church that you think
(22:41):
that they should go to. Peoplemay never read the Bible, but they're
reading you. That's a great pointand that goes for men as well,
because what you were exuding, likeyou said, was the Holy Spirit operating
through you, even though you didn'trealize it. Yeah, and that was
big for me because even me confessingwas me saying, God, I trust
(23:07):
you. So if that's my perfectyou, we're operating in a spirit right
there is you are made control becausebefore that I was from troling the situation
because of the dishonesty, the controlbasically Wherelinquish did. And that really changed
the entire scope of our relationship andI believe it started to build a foundation
(23:30):
that we're still on because we bothwerelinquished control. Yeah, so that the
creator could do what the creator does. Yea. So fast forward to like,
you know, marriage again, Isay that it's perfect because we have
to stop doing that. Yeah.So, if anything, we've leaned more
into it and now we have someof the most uncomfortable conversations with each other
(23:52):
because we're operating in love because weunderstand what we're here for. Yeah.
The picture that's posted about marriage fromthe world from culture is not what marriages.
It's not. Those are business relationships. Those are um quote unquote power
(24:15):
couple for their power. But thereality is we don't have enough power to
sustain it. So it always falls, yeah, every single time. Yeah,
So we're not rooted him. Sothe point of marriage is for him
(24:36):
to get glory. It's for ourLike, yes, we're building something,
but we're not the one powering it. We're just simply being obedient and we're
not choosing what we're building, andwe're not the building. We don't have
a goal, but it is we'regoing to be a power couple. That
was not our goal. No,we didn't have a goal. No,
(24:56):
we didn't even you talking about havinga goal. We didn't even have the
how are we going to function tomorrowin our relationship, in our marriage,
let alone somebody's relationship goals? Okay, like, let's be realistic. It's
the people who you know are dreamingabout some fantasy world where you aren't in
(25:22):
a relationship, but you want tobe somebody's relationship goals. You want to
get whatever that person has, butyou don't have a clue as to really
what it's rooted in or how they'reoperating and where they're getting that quote unquote
power for that power couple from.And again this goes back to why you
have to be really tapped in withGod in your own personal relationship, because
(25:47):
when you are tapped in, God'sgoing to give you that gifted discernment to
be able to say, Okay,I know the difference between the couples that
are out there that are actually doingthis the right way, that are actually
healthy and I can tell by theirfruit versus these other people who I don't
know. Like they look good,they sound good, but for some reason,
(26:10):
something about it just feels like it'stoo good to be true quote unquote.
But it's like because it probably istoo good to be true, it
probably looks too put together and towhatever, and not to say that you
can't look good and actually be authenticallygood. That's not what I'm saying.
But are Yeah, you can be. There are couples that can be.
(26:33):
But that's not the goal. That'sthe result. That's the result. It's
not the goal by the man leading, getting in his rightful place, being
the example that God created him tobe, being the establisher. Give us
a breakdown, real quick, twoseconds. The difference between them. So
(26:55):
to second, establishing expander men establishedman is the main to establish. Man
will say you are a bookshelf,you are a building, you are that,
you are a house. A womanexpands whatever it is that's been established.
(27:15):
So if you're establishing trust in truth, she'll expand on that, if
you're establishing love and honesty, she'llexpand on that, if you're establishing lies
and dishonesty and control the manipulation,she will expand on that. Hey,
are you enjoying the show so far? We'd love to hear what you think.
(27:37):
Give us a review wherever you're listening, and definitely hopping our dms on
social media. We love hearing howthis show is leaving an impact on your
hearts and your minds. Now,let's get back to the show. Listen.
That's establishing, whether you realize itor not. Let me say something
real quick, because I feel likeI've talked to my younger sister Madison about
(27:59):
this more recently as she's been navigatingher season of singleness and wanting to be
in a real relationship and wants marriage, but isn't dating anyone right now.
She's twenty four, and she's beendating guys here and there and had her
you know, ups and downs inthat in that process. And it I
(28:22):
told her, I was like,you know, from my own experiences through
dating and just being with guys andstuff like that, like the worst ones
are the ones that sound good,look good, but behind closed doors,
are still manipulative, still lying.And I don't want to say that,
(28:45):
but it was that was you AndI would have never believed that about you
when I was with you in thebeginning because to me, you were just
like this night in shining armor,like perfect, and I established it,
right, I had been established soI'm good at it. Yeah, Like
when you are establishing the same thingfor a long time, you become good
(29:07):
at it. Yeah, So thenI was. I had spent years establishing
that I was good at it.Now I spend time establishing miss and guess
what, Yeah, I'm good atit too. Yeah. It goes both
ways. Yeah. We don't haveto establish wickedness. You don't have to,
Yeah, but we do. Wecan't establish righteousness. You become good
at that too. Yeah. There'sthis stigma that self righteous people say that
(29:32):
you can't be righteous, and it'slike, that's not biblical. It almost
scares you do not even want totry to try to be righteous because everybody,
well, you can't do that,but I can be it. You
will gladly label me a sinner.How can I'll be on the other side
of that, you can. It'sabout what you established, Like quite literally.
So when my life changed to whereI started to establish the other end
(29:56):
of that spectrum, then the thepyramid is termed the right side, which
if you're video, If y'all haven'tseen that video that Mark fid about,
listen Holy Spirit did through Mark Okayabout the pyramid being flipped such a good
(30:18):
message because it's so true in somany ways, and it's something that shows
the so many different ways. Itshows that when you are working on your
own will up this ladder of lifetowards a goal, not only are you
(30:40):
out of step with God because youhave placed yourself in his position, but
it is something that continues to getmore and more limited, more and more
closed in and capsized versus when youflip that pyramid over and you have God
(31:02):
at the tip, and then everythingcontinues to expand and expand and expand and
expand there's no limit Like that confessionwas the new tip of my pyramid because
to what you described, I knewwhat in thought of me. I remember
(31:27):
you're watching the yall Tea shows andyou start talking about Manchina or not.
I would be like, I,babe, don't don't talk about them like
that. You don't know what they'regoing through dealing withood because I it was
the guilt. The guilt was screaminglisten all of mine. But that's how
it be, and I knew,Like that's the thing, y'all. Like,
(31:52):
ladies, we be knowing. Wemay not know what specific details or
what the thing is. When youare like growing as a person, your
your ability to intuitively discern what's happeningaround you also grows, whether you know
it or not. We actually pause, what that's your dominion. We can't
(32:17):
even help it. That's a gift, whether you're using it for God or
not. Yeah. Yeah, factslike, yes, your dominion is an
expansion and that expansion comes the abilityto make everything that has been expanded feel
one oneness. Yeah it's charity,Like, yeah, that's what you do.
(32:38):
So it's not just I put abookshef over there in a lot of
it or whatever. It's about thecollective of that becoming one and feel like
it's intuitive. So if something isoff, you feel it, Yeah,
with your your whole beating. It'sa part of it. Yeah. So
like something was off clearly, Yeahyou didn't know what it was, but
(33:00):
it's like, yo, this ain'tquite yeah, it's cool, but it
ain't quite what it feels like itshould be, right. And at that
point, you know, that's whenI could have been like, what is
it? What is it? Whatis it's? Something? Feels off?
I could have berated you about it. But everything happens on purpose, right,
(33:21):
So like for me in those seats, in those moments, in that
time, I just shrugged it offlike okay, whatever, like I'm just
gonna let it go, because atthe end of the day, there wasn't
anything I could have done to makeyou be honest, because it wouldn't have
been real. It would have beenme battling you for control of a situation
(33:42):
versus allowing you to have the timeto whenever you felt called to whatever,
whenever you finally felt you know itwas time to confess that you did it
on your own dominion and like youdid it and it was on you in
your heart. And that's the thing, Like men need that, men need
to feel like they have dominion overtheir own decisions. And as a woman,
(34:06):
I can't force you into doing anythingand then expect something to be genuine
Like I can't expect you to genuinelywant to do something I low key forced
you or low key manipulating you todo because in my opinion, there's a
lot of like conversations in what itmeans to be a wife and kind of
(34:28):
like getting your husband to do whatthey want, getting your husband to do
what you want them to do,and like manipulation. And it's like it's
not just men who manipulate. Womenmanipulate too. We are actually also very
gifted a manipulation. We can getvery creative with manipulation, not even just
manipulating other people, but we canmanipulate ourselves into believing lies that shape our
(34:52):
reality about a current situation, acurrent relationship because, believe me, in
past relationships, I convinced myself thatI was dating somebody that didn't exist,
like I would paint a picture ofa person and believe that that was who
they were and ignore the things thatthey actually were that didn't fit the picture
(35:15):
that I painted of them, ignoringthe fruit. And that's why God desires
us to operate in fruits of hisspirit, which are truth. Truth is
a fruit of the spirit. Andthat doesn't just look like being honest when
I want to, It looks likebeing honest when I know that the thing
(35:37):
that I'm being honest about is goingto deeply hurt the person that I love.
Yeah, because everything that you built, that pyramid, that mark pyramid,
swag Bowlt. We're gonna call theswag BOWLT and that by stick of
girls. So when the reference backto the video you did about flipping the
(36:02):
pyramid upside down, we have toblow these pyramids up, so like you
had to blow up swag Bolt andknowing that like blowing up swag Bolt was
going to have uncontrolled circumstances, andI had to do the same thing with
the Curls in my own way.And that is the courage that you have
(36:29):
to have. But the courage doesn'thave to just be your own courage in
your own might. Faith of amustard seed. You have to believe that
if you are partnering with God,you can accomplish whatever is in front of
you. So I may do something. You just need a little bit.
(36:51):
You just need a little bit.It's not about how much faith you have,
It's about where's your family, Yeah, because it's gonna be somewhere.
Ye. Faith, God built usto be faithful to something. Yeah.
Like just because you say your faithdon't mean mean medicine, God. Yeah,
because you could have faith in yourself. You could be an atheist and
be like I don't believe in nothing. I just believe in whatever I think.
(37:13):
You can say God and still havefaith in your career. Yeah.
Like so it's like the Muscan seeds. It's more about where it is your
faith. Yeah, your faith inyourself, is your faith in your job,
is your faith in your in yourown but is your faith in your
marriage. It's your faith in yourmarriage and your faith in your husband,
your faith in your wife. Like, no one can be in that place.
(37:36):
It has to be God you.It has to be in order for
things to really go the way thatGod desires it to go for us,
and like what His will is forus in our lives and like to tap
into like what you're supposed to evendo on this planet. Like I feel
like people always talk about purpose andlike I feel like every time I see
(37:57):
someone on like a podcast or likeon a handle or something, and they're
like, you know, how didyou know that this was your purpose in
life? Or how did you howdo you you know? Why do you
do what you do? Or whatever? Or what what advice would you give
somebody and they're they're always like,well, when you figure out what your
purpose is, you just know thatyou got it. And it's like we
all talking about purpose and such onesided ways that it's like, if I'm
(38:28):
the one deciding what my purpose is, is that really my purpose? Because
how did I create the purpose formyself before? While being created already?
Like so too many times we thinkthat we have all purpose so we don't
see for it. Yeah right,I've already I've already decided that this is
(38:50):
what it is. And God islike, no, I didn't. I
didn't need where you get that phone? Because I didn't tell you that.
Yeah, I've already decided that thisis why I'm supposed to marry. Where
you get that phone? I didn'ttell you I've already decided that this is
how I'm supposed to get married.Where did you get that from? I
didn't tell you that we are ProMEDwith all of those things you talked before
(39:10):
about how you almost got married beforemeeting me, engage round before meeting me.
Yea, did God tell you that? No, not at all?
Us about to do a destination weddingsomewhere? Did God tell us that that's
what we wanted. That's what wewanted. So when we decided to blow
(39:31):
up our pyramids, what we didn'trealize was now that when you put God
as at first piece, everything isdefined gravity at this point. So you
don't even feel confident in yourself tolay no bricks because in our minds that
(39:52):
brick is not gonna hold up.So every book that I'm laying wants God
is a foundation, is faith becausenone of this is supposed to work facts,
none of this is supposed to worklike this. So at this point
I'm just like God said put thebrick. Okay, I'll put the brick.
It stayed up. Wow, Becauseif I would have did that in
(40:14):
any other expert in my life,that falls off. Yeah. But because
God is the cornerstone, Cross isthe cornerstone. Now every brick is accounting
for every brick I was told tolay. And the experience is in saying
that. People don't understand it.People don't understand how fruitful. I was
(40:36):
talking to a guy my Damn todayand he was like, yeah, man,
m Jay said that you left Nikeand you need your brand anymore?
Like do you consider yourself a manastreet? Like how you even paying your building
and stuff. I'm like, Godis providing our pyramid looks weird compared to
all the pyramids around, but that'show it's supposed to be, right the
(41:00):
light. Yeah, people should seeyour good works, to see your fruit
and glorify your father in heaven.Imagine you're walking through as pyramids anywhere,
all differ color, glorier ones,rainbow ones. You got all types of
pyramids right, All of a sudden, you run across one that's upside down.
(41:23):
Even though there are pyramids over herethat's doing all types of other stuff,
digital ones, there's pyramids in themetaverse that upside down one is still
gonna stand out because it's like,how is that even possible? How we're
not talking about an outside one thatlooks pretty and it's just a pretty pyramid.
(41:43):
No, no, no, no, this is blowing my mind.
I can see because you painted thatthat color. I mean you got that
from that story. But think aboutit, But think about that makes sense?
What was it like when they sawa burning bush? What was it
like when they were in a partingscene dry land or man or a cloud
(42:09):
talking or a donkey talking, ora baby talking like an infant talking water
turning into wine, Peter walking onwater. These are all things that defy
our logic. Science is wrong comparedto my Science says that my pyramid will
(42:34):
not stay up. That's what sciencesays. Man tells me that's impossible.
Man won't even try. But Iwas. I was dumb enough to blow
my pyramid. And now people areinspired by upside of our pyramid, so
they come to us, They cometo this podcast. So they just trying
to see how God. That's theonly way that goes for marriage, that's
(43:01):
for child rear, that goes forever. If you are following God's blueprint of
marriage, it can't fail because yourmarriage failing means that his blueprint is a
lie. Let God be the truthin every man be a liar. We're
(43:22):
following that blueprint. I love mywife. I give up my life for
her. She loves and respects me. We're all submitted to Christ. Period.
So there's times when I need tobe checked and I'm checked with that
(43:43):
book. Dang, I do needto go repent to my wife. Dang,
my tone was off. I knewthe chance that head. Babe,
I need to talk to you aboutsomething and it might hurt and it's hard.
Thank you for loving me through it, Thank you for not judging me
(44:05):
through it. Are these are thetop. You cannot tell me that these
conversations are happening and people are gettingdivorced, like no, And that's the
craziest part to me. Is thatnot crazy in a like, oh my
gosh, that's like terrible from acompassionate place, from a real empathetic place.
(44:30):
It makes me feel sad. Sadisn't even the right word. It's
not even compelling enough. But itgives me deep remorse when I think about
the relationships, the marriages, buteven like the real relationships, like we
know some close relationships that are nolonger going towards marriage anymore because they just
(44:55):
couldn't get it right and they justcouldn't come to a place where where they
could make it work anymore for multiplereasons. Not saying that it was even
the will of God for them toget married in the future, but just
saying, like, we see relationshipsand marriages failing constantly. And that's really
(45:15):
what I was, you know,speaking to in the very beginning of this
episode, was just like I feellike and I talked about this in a
video that I posted on TikTok too, like I just feel like I see
marriages and relationships failing all around us. And with that even being said,
(45:37):
I can understand how hard it couldbe and is because we've been there too,
when you're not in the best placein your relationship, you're going through
a tough season, and everything aroundyou is telling you you're better off single,
like you're better off loving yourself.So we got a visitor with us
(46:01):
now, which is the queue toclose this episode out your passion, my
daddy a PASTI cool and you knowwhat I'm here for, all right,
y'all, So let us know whatyour thoughts are off of this episode.
How you feel about it? Doyou agree with us? Do you have
(46:24):
some more insights to add? We'dlove to hear your thoughts. Don't forget
y'all, leave us a review,share this episode, share the podcast in
general. But we love to seeyou know, y'all engaging and just getting
something out of this this show,because we really do it just to serve
(46:44):
and to show up and to sharein ways that you know are very vulnerable
for us and very you know,we don't want to tell y'all all our
business but God told us to dothis, so here we are. So
yeah, we're always gonna be asreal as we possibly can be because we
know that, like relationships are hard, marriage is hard, and sometimes you
(47:07):
need to see transparent and healthy relationshipto even be able to have hope that
you can have that too in yourown way, but also be that if
you do have that, you're notalone. So yeah, right yet,
all right, see'all in the nextepisode. Bye.
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