March 19, 2024 • 25 mins
Laura Giles (LCSW) is a trauma specialist who believes that connection is the secret sauce to creating a meaningful life. Her holistic approach helps people move from surviving to thriving by building healthy relationships with themselves, others, and the planet.
Website: https://lauragiles.org/
Podcast: letitgonow.net
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Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
Website: https://lauragiles.org/
Podcast: letitgonow.net
Connect with Laura:
https://instagram.com/lauragiles804
https://twitter.com/lauragiles804
https://lauragiles.org/feed/
Join our supportive Facebook group community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthrivedream
Connect with me:
Gmail: healthrivedream@gmail.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthrivedream_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healthrivedream
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@traumarecoveryexpert
Twitter: https://twitter.com/healthrivedream
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenrobinson2022/
Website: https://www.healthrivedream.com/
Podcast: http://healthrivedreampodcast.com/abuse
Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors become healthy thrivers.
Each month will feature a theme inthe trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote
your recovery, healing and learning howto build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist. Hi there, Welcome to the Heal
(00:28):
Thrived Dream Podcast. Today, ourguest is Laura Giles. Did I say
that right? Laura? I freakedout the last minute. I hate getting
people's names wrong, but I'm sogood at it. Laura is a trauma
specialist who believes that connection is asecret sauce to creating a meaningful life.
(00:50):
Her holistic approach helps people move fromsurviving to thriving by building healthy relationships with
themselves, others, and the planet. Thank you, Laura for being with
us today. Thank you for havingme. It's a pleasure. Okay.
(01:10):
So I would like to start withthe thing that most of my guests and
my audience have in common, andI didn't remember from reading your bio the
longer bio if this was something thatyou discussed or not. But is there
a particular trauma from your past thatyou want to share with us today,
(01:32):
I think it's a common one,and that's bullying. When I was little,
I didn't even realize that I wasbullied. Honestly, I didn't know
that that's what it was until Iwas having a conversation with a friend of
mine who's a mental health professional,and we were just talking talking about our
childhood, and she says to me, that's bullying. You were bullied,
(01:53):
and I'm like, no, Iwasn't. She's like, I'm a bullying
coordinator, Yes, you were.And that's to me. I thought it
was just teasing. And I thinkone of the other things that made me
not realize that it was bullying isso I come from a really warm family,
(02:14):
grew up in a very connected neighborhood, so there was all this support
and groundedness built in. So really, as I was experiencing it, it
was something that happened, and thenwhen it was over, it was over.
It went back to my life.So it was a little blip in
my life and not it wasn't mywhole life. And I didn't really that
(02:35):
impacted me until much later. Soher saying that was bullying was the start
of me realizing how much it hadimpacted me. Yeah, is the reasons
they bullied you, Not that there'sever a good reason, but are the
issues that you're comfortable sharing. So, for example, I was bullied a
(02:58):
little bit for being chubby. Mybrother was bullied a little bit for wearing
glasses. Either of those. Wasit something else that you feel comfortable sharing?
Uh? Well, I think it'sit's animal nature to bully. Well,
I noticed because I live on afarm and all the animals do it,
and they do it it's to helpweed out the sickly and the you
(03:22):
know, so kids pick on youbecause you're different, and they'll find anything
to do that. And in mycase, there was two reasons. Really,
well, it's probably a bunch ofdifferent reasons now that I think about
it. But I was a tomboyand I really like to play with the
boys, and a lot of peoplesaid said that I was boy crazy,
and I just kind of accepted thattoo, Oh you're boy crazy, But
it really wasn't that. It wasjust I liked the activities that boys did
(03:45):
better than what girls did, andI like the things that boys talked about
and the girls didn't like that.I had all the boy attention even though
I'm talking like kindergarten kindergarten, andthe other was ethnicity. So we were
the only family in my neighborhood thatlooked like we did. There was nobody
else that looked even I mean,it was definitely you stick out, and
so I got picked on for thattoo. Okay, yeah, I agree
(04:11):
that bullying can be can really impactour lives, you know, some more
significantly than others. What kind ofimpact did the bullying have on your life?
Well, I have always been anintrovert, and I just thought I'm
an introvert. You know, there'snothing wrong with being an introvert, as
a bookworm, that kind of thing. And I think because I had so
(04:34):
much support and there wasn't anything negativeabout it, I just thought it was
my personality. But as I grewup and I became more connected, so
away from just my inner circle,as I started to grow out of the
impacts of bullying and started to trustpeople more, then I realized, oh,
(04:55):
you know what, that's from thebullying. Because I did not trust
people. I just thought that,So if you're in my inner circle,
I know you, I trust you. I didn't have any problems with relating
to you being warm and that kindof thing. But if you weren't,
then I'm going to sit back andkind of look at you for a long
time before I decide if you're safe. And like I said, I thought
(05:15):
that was just personality, And nowthat I'm on the other side of that,
I can see, No, thatwasn't just your personality. That was
fear and scarring from that childhood experience. So it's kind of these things you
don't know what you're missing into youor on the other side of it.
I didn't know that it could bethat my life could be so much bigger
and more connected than it is thanit was then. Okay, so the
(05:41):
main thing that the bullying impacted foryou was your desire or ability to connect
with others. It made you kindof leary, like you weren't sure if
you could trust. Was this justfriendships? Was this romantic partners, was
this coworkers? Or was it justeverybody? It's kind of weird. My
story is really different, I thinkbecause I had such a good, strong
(06:04):
family relationship, Because it didn't reallyit's just weird. Like, for example,
I had this really strong family unit, had the strong neighborhood, and
I wanted to bring that with meeverywhere I went, so strange for an
introvert. But when I went towork in corporate I was the one that
(06:26):
was planning all the corporate parties.I was like, Hey, everybody,
let's get together, which was sostrange because here I'm this person that I
don't trust people, I don't likepeople, and yet I'm trying to bring
my family with me everywhere I go, or trying to create that family space
everywhere I go. So it wasreally introverted, and yet there was this
other, already warm, connected pieceof me that wanted to share it with
(06:48):
everybody else too. So it's kindof like, if I'm in control of
the warmth and the togetherness, I'mgood. But if you're in control of
it, then it's not good.Got it. You had to be the
driver. You're like, I'm drivingthis bus or the bus is not moving,
that's okay, Yeah, got it. Yeah, Well that actually doesn't
(07:11):
surprise me because that's actually one ofthe symptoms of anxiety is needing you feel
more in control. When you feelmore controlled, the anxiety can kind of
come down, So it makes senseto me. Yeah, Now would you
say maybe it's both of these.But would you say it was the bullying
that helped you decide to be asocial worker or was it the warm family
(07:34):
that you had? A combo?Tell me why you are a social worker?
Well, I didn't have any ideawhat I wanted to do, and
I started school a little later thanstraight out of high school, and I
felt like time was running out.You need to do this thing. Just
get in there to figure it out, which is what I did. And
(07:55):
when I went to my first psychologyclass, I was like, oh my
god, people actually make sense andit just made such a difference for me
because it just seems so random,like why are these people acting this way?
Again, I think it was because, like in my bubble, people
were respectful, they had healthy boundaries, you know, they were warm,
(08:16):
and then there was these people whodidn't. And once I understood the psychology
of it, then I really justwas hungry for more and it made my
connections better. So all along mylife there was these building blocks of connection,
connection, connection, connection, Here'show it can be better, and
here's how you can help other peopledo that, and it's just built to
the point where it is now andit's huge now. Yeah, So I
(08:43):
don't know about you. Like Iknow that being a social work can be
really heavy with some of the storiesand how we try to help people heal.
However, I just loved being asocial worker. I would if I
had to go back to the bigbeginning of my career, I would still
pick the same career path. Whatabout you, Yeah, same same,
(09:07):
even though I've worked in trauma sincethe very beginning, and I worked in
domestic violence, I've worked in rapecrisis. I've worked in a prison,
a maximum security prison, worked ina psych hospital. So I've seen like
the most critical pieces of you know, human psychology, and I think it's
really rewarding because for me, it'swhen people are their most vulnerable and therefore
(09:31):
the most honest and lovely. Soeven though you're in a common in this
time, I think it's it's areally good time to connect with somebody and
just to have a meaningful exchange.Yeah. Yeah, crisis is the time
that we see transformation. Yeah.So yeah, that's a really good point.
Okay, Well, I think that'sreally interesting that you two would keep
(09:58):
the same curve because I know alot of social work can burn out,
Like what has stopped you from burningout boundaries, I think. So when
somebody's in crisis, I'm with them, but I'm not taking it on.
There's only been like one time,I think, with a domestic violence case,
(10:18):
and this I worked in the court, so this person was not getting
a fair shake and it was keepingme up. I was like, what
what can we do for her?And I was just really overly involved.
I don't typically do that. Maybethat's a function of my personality as well.
I'm as ij we're kind of,you know, not like that.
So I'm involved, but I'm notoverly involved, and I know the limits
(10:41):
of my power. So you canonly do what you can do. Yeah,
say more about boundaries, how theyhave helped you not take on too
much emotionally. Well. So whenI was in undergrad, there were a
lot of people, so you probablyremember probably the same experience for you first
day of class. Everybody's introducing themselveswhat brought you to psychology or whatever your
(11:05):
major is, And was one ofthe last people to speak, and everybody's
like, oh, I want tohelp people, and I can't believe I'm
telling you this, But that was, as I said, pa starting and
one of the things that really reallyfascinated me was past life therapy and I
(11:26):
wanted to do that. Now,you don't have to be a therapist at
all to do past life therapy,but I wanted to have a full range
of skills. And I said thateverybody looked at me like I had three
heads, and my teacher was kindof smirking, and that kind of set
the tone for that class because Iwas definitely the freak in that class because
(11:50):
I didn't say I'm here to helppeople. I mean, I was there
to help people, but it wasreally more just a fascination with the transformation
process. I want to be involvedwith that because I just love when that
happens, when that light comes onin people. It's beautiful to witness it.
You know, you can only havesome own transformations, but if you
(12:11):
can be with other people when they'redoing it, then you can do it
all the time. And most ofthe people that I was in school with
did burn out, I think,because if you're coming from rescuing space,
you're going to get burnt out,You're going to get overly involved, You're
going to not say no when youneed to say no. And that's really
(12:31):
not been a problem for me.I don't want people to crash and burn.
But I can let you crash andburn if that means that you'll stop
doing what you're doing and try somethingelse. And I can allow you to
have your own destiny and follow whatyou want to do, even if I
don't think it's the right thing,because maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong.
(12:52):
So I don't push an agenda.I'm here to support. I can
say no, And I think thoseboundaries are critical if you're going to be
a helper. Yeah. Yeah,I have done a lot of wrestling with
boundaries over the years. Still wantn'tchange my career path boundaries, boundaries.
(13:13):
You know, sometimes I'm really reallygood with it, and sometimes I'm like,
they get in my way. Iwant to be able to help people
the way I want to help,and sometimes that's carefully thinking through boundaries,
and other times I break all therules and do what makes sense to me.
It's rough, it's really rough.Yeah. I mean relationships are rough
because there is this give and take, and you know, if you think
(13:37):
you know better, it's hard towatch somebody crash and burn, right right,
Yeah, Yeah, But I don'thave any misconceptions about being a personal
savior for people. I know that'snot my role, but I do believe
people can heal themselves if they havethe right guy, the right therapist to
kind of walk that path with them. So I really enjoy that part of
(14:01):
my work. And it sounds likeyou do too. I do. Yeah,
yeah, So tell me what kindof are you doing therapy right now?
Is that what you're doing with yourclients and it's trauma based? Is
there a certain modality that you prefer, is it eclectic? How do it?
Would you describe what you're doing.I use a lot of somatic techniques.
(14:22):
I use a lot of I don'tknow what you would call it,
but symbolism, metaphor that kind ofthing. Don't do talk therapy. I
mean, we might do some talktherapy as we're on the other side of
it and the release has already happenedto just kind of integrate it and understand
what happened. But most of itis symbolic. It's the language of spirit
(14:43):
in my belief, and the languageof energy, because I think when we
start to think about stuff, thenthe story solidifies itself. You know,
you're kind of arguing for the traumaor the effect, and if you can
bypass the language thing, then Matt, it can happen by going through the
body bye, by just going withthe metaphors. And a lot of times
(15:05):
people don't even know what they're doing, but if they're willing to go through
the process, they're just like,oh my god, that was so much
easier than I thought it was goingto be. Why did I know?
I know? I have what's calledVIP days where I work with clients for
a longer session, up to fivehours at a time, and we do
(15:26):
a deep dive and they're always surprisedthat it. It's not easy, but
it's easier than what they anticipated.Like they live through it. They think
they're going to dive through. It'sso painful, right, but it's so
freeing to kind of release and releaseand release absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
And do you offer workshops classes likehow do you are you able to reach
(15:48):
more than one to one or doyou only do one to one? Uh
No? I do do retreats andintensives as well, and I do like
the the longer term. You cando a lot in milieu therapy, which
I think, you know, weall live in real life. I think
you got to take that out toreal life anyway. So it makes it
(16:11):
for me to work in that way. And like, if you're going to
do something like hypnosis, which wasthe first thing that I was ever trained
in, the thing that I've donethe longest, my opinion, you really
do need a longer time than thetherapeutic hour. Yeah, so I like
to do that too. It's coolthat you're doing that. I wonder if
(16:33):
insurance companies came up with a therapeutichour. It feels like we just get
started in the time zone. Yeah, people just started to get warm.
Yeah. And it's really much harderwhen it's every other week or every three
weeks. It's like it's hard toget traction. Yeah. So if I
have a listener, or we havea listener who is looking for a retreat
(16:56):
where they can do some trauma healing, why I pick yours over someone Else's
what makes your retreat experience unique orspecial? Thanks for asking. It's really
not a trauma retreat at all.It's just one of the things that I
kind of stumbled on too. SoI started the retreat thing twenty years ago
(17:18):
separate from therapy, and to me, in my mind, they were always
very separate things. But they arereally therapeutic, and I was just thinking,
oh, we're having a good time, you know. So they're spiritual
tours, and I always go tospiritual places, places with histories of miracles
or really good energy, and Iwas thinking it was just the location.
(17:42):
So it took me a while tostumble upon the fact that no, this
is a safe space. We aremining our boundaries. We are living honestly,
and we're very present in this spacewith each other, in this space
with nature, and it's a fullbody connection. So we don't do we
(18:03):
can do. I mean I alwaysoffer I can do rituals easily. You
know, there's all kinds of thingswe can do in that space, and
typically people don't want it or needit because there's nothing. It's just so
full and so I have everything Ineed. That to do more is kind
of over the top. Sometimes nowI can't say that that's never true.
(18:25):
Sometimes we've had some really really profoundrituals that's too to retreat to go.
We did this thing by the fire, but it was spontaneous. It was
just like, let's have a fire. We have to have a fire tonight.
One of the participants said, AndI want to do this and I
facilitated. It was beautiful, butit was spontaneously. It wasn't contrived,
(18:47):
it wasn't planned, it wasn't Okay, now we're going to do this and
now we're going to do that,which is how the retreats evolve. It's
just how are we going to bein this space? And it's very therapeutic
because it's kind of like this situationwhere I didn't know how connected I could
be because my little space was safe. I didn't really want to need anything
else. And when people experience that, they're just like, oh, this
(19:11):
is what safety feels like day today. This is what safety feels like
when I'm waking up in the morning, this is what safety feels like when
I'm with strangers, and it's strangein land and then they start to yearn
for it. So it is therapeutic. It's not therapy, but I think
it gives somebody a real tangible thingto say, this is what I'm striving
(19:32):
for, this is what I'm workingfor, this is what I'm trying to
create in my life. Yeah,it does sound super healing, so you
know, I'm guessing clients. Ifelt, look, this is a great
time for them to just unplug andbe with like minded people to work on
themselves and maybe their spirituality. Forexample, how has the running the True
(19:53):
Retreats been healing for you as someonethat was bullied in your past? So
it's it's been really expansive for mebecause it's kind of an extension again,
like my whole life, I've beendoing this thing of taking my family with
me, but you're my family,even though you're a stranger, you know.
And so as I do that withmore and more and more and more
people, then it's just gotten easierto be like, okay, people are
(20:15):
okay, and so my inner circlehas become It's still small, it's still
an inner circle, but it's waybigger than I ever would have imagined before.
And it's much easier for me towarm up to people than it was
before. Awesome. Now, haveyou written a book about this experience or
(20:37):
are you thinking about that? No? And I'll tell you why, because
it's the kind of thing that isso personal and whenever I try to talk
about it with people, there arethings that I can share in things that
they will get, but really theonly people they truly get it are the
ones that were there because it's sowhen I say that I work in this
(20:57):
like this symbolic matter of fracle realm, I think that there's a place that
we go where there are no wordsand it's just kind of a knowing and
maybe a look or something like that. We may use some words to talk
about some things, but it's kindof a heart connection that there's really no
words for that. So the peoplethat can only truly understand it are the
ones that were there. And soI have tried to talk about it and
(21:21):
I can share little bits and piecesabout it on my tour website that there's
some blog posts where there's snippets ofthis is what this moment was like,
this is what this day was like. But don't I don't think I don't
have this feel to put that ina book. Yeah, you're not the
first person to say that to me. Actually you're the second. It's only
two people so far, and Ithink you guys probably are similar in how
(21:45):
you heal. So that's very that'svery fascinating too, that the experience is
beyond words. Yeah, yeah,very interesting. Okay, So tell us
about your website, like the URLand what you offer people if they work
with you. Are you able tosee clients in different states? I know
(22:08):
you can have retreats. Are youa coach as well as a therapist?
Like, how do you see people? Yes? So my sego travel site
is my name largelst me and theway that I see the most people is
through my community and that's let ItGo Now, let It Go Now dot
(22:29):
org and that is kind of avirtual version of the thing that I'm talking
about. It's like a place whereyou can practice being vulnerable, being seen,
being safe. There's also an academywhere you can if you are coming
from a trauma background that is notgoing to you can't just pop in and
be like, oh, here Iam. You know, there's some work
you gotta do. You got tofeel safe before you can do that.
(22:52):
Number one always is safety, andthen you've got to have some skills.
And then it helps to know whoyou are so that you can show up,
because a lot to show up witha mask, and then you know,
when people like you for your mask, then it can be hard to
take that mask off. So there'sways of learning that and then how to
connect healthy relationships. Those are skillstoo, and then to the piece about
how to connect with plants, animals, minerals, the universe, the spirit.
(23:18):
I think everything has a foundation.Like Maslow's hierarchy, it's like a
triangle, and if your base isreally strong, then the top kind of
takes care of itself. So that'swhere most of my people meet. And
then I do see clients in Virginiaat largeuse dot net So that's all my
name somewhere awesome in what county inVirginia are you? And I'm in Fluvanna
(23:45):
County? Okay, I'm in FairfaxCounty, Oh, Virginia. Yeah.
I didn't realize when we start tucking, you're in Virginia. That's so cool.
That's really cool. Well, Idon't know how far we are apart,
but maybe we can get coffee,I think that. Yeah, and
refer people to each other. That'sawesome. Yeah. So Laura, I'm
(24:07):
so happy you were here today.I think that you are such a gift
to your community, my community.So I'm very thankful you're here, and
I want you to think about youknow, there's maybe someone listening that's having
a really hard day, you know, when this is aired and they're struggling.
(24:30):
Do you have any words of wisdomor encouragement for them, I would
just say that we all have alight inside of us, and if you
can find that light and just letit shine. I've never seen that let
anybody down, and I know there'ssome people who can't find it. I
promise you it is there. Itis there. Oh that's really beautiful.
(24:52):
Thank you all right, Well,thank you everyone for listening, and thanks
to Laura for being here today.Thank you, thank you for listening in
today. Please join us next week, same day and time. Also,
I would love for you to checkout my website heel thrivedream dot com
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors become healthy thrivers.
Each month will feature a theme inthe trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote
your recovery, healing and learning howto build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist. Hi there, Welcome to the Heal
(00:28):
Thrived Dream Podcast. Today, ourguest is Laura Giles. Did I say
that right? Laura? I freakedout the last minute. I hate getting
people's names wrong, but I'm sogood at it. Laura is a trauma
specialist who believes that connection is asecret sauce to creating a meaningful life.
(00:50):
Her holistic approach helps people move fromsurviving to thriving by building healthy relationships with
themselves, others, and the planet. Thank you, Laura for being with
us today. Thank you for havingme. It's a pleasure. Okay.
(01:10):
So I would like to start withthe thing that most of my guests and
my audience have in common, andI didn't remember from reading your bio the
longer bio if this was something thatyou discussed or not. But is there
a particular trauma from your past thatyou want to share with us today,
(01:32):
I think it's a common one,and that's bullying. When I was little,
I didn't even realize that I wasbullied. Honestly, I didn't know
that that's what it was until Iwas having a conversation with a friend of
mine who's a mental health professional,and we were just talking talking about our
childhood, and she says to me, that's bullying. You were bullied,
(01:53):
and I'm like, no, Iwasn't. She's like, I'm a bullying
coordinator, Yes, you were.And that's to me. I thought it
was just teasing. And I thinkone of the other things that made me
not realize that it was bullying isso I come from a really warm family,
(02:14):
grew up in a very connected neighborhood, so there was all this support
and groundedness built in. So really, as I was experiencing it, it
was something that happened, and thenwhen it was over, it was over.
It went back to my life.So it was a little blip in
my life and not it wasn't mywhole life. And I didn't really that
(02:35):
impacted me until much later. Soher saying that was bullying was the start
of me realizing how much it hadimpacted me. Yeah, is the reasons
they bullied you, Not that there'sever a good reason, but are the
issues that you're comfortable sharing. So, for example, I was bullied a
(02:58):
little bit for being chubby. Mybrother was bullied a little bit for wearing
glasses. Either of those. Wasit something else that you feel comfortable sharing?
Uh? Well, I think it'sit's animal nature to bully. Well,
I noticed because I live on afarm and all the animals do it,
and they do it it's to helpweed out the sickly and the you
(03:22):
know, so kids pick on youbecause you're different, and they'll find anything
to do that. And in mycase, there was two reasons. Really,
well, it's probably a bunch ofdifferent reasons now that I think about
it. But I was a tomboyand I really like to play with the
boys, and a lot of peoplesaid said that I was boy crazy,
and I just kind of accepted thattoo, Oh you're boy crazy, But
it really wasn't that. It wasjust I liked the activities that boys did
(03:45):
better than what girls did, andI like the things that boys talked about
and the girls didn't like that.I had all the boy attention even though
I'm talking like kindergarten kindergarten, andthe other was ethnicity. So we were
the only family in my neighborhood thatlooked like we did. There was nobody
else that looked even I mean,it was definitely you stick out, and
so I got picked on for thattoo. Okay, yeah, I agree
(04:11):
that bullying can be can really impactour lives, you know, some more
significantly than others. What kind ofimpact did the bullying have on your life?
Well, I have always been anintrovert, and I just thought I'm
an introvert. You know, there'snothing wrong with being an introvert, as
a bookworm, that kind of thing. And I think because I had so
(04:34):
much support and there wasn't anything negativeabout it, I just thought it was
my personality. But as I grewup and I became more connected, so
away from just my inner circle,as I started to grow out of the
impacts of bullying and started to trustpeople more, then I realized, oh,
(04:55):
you know what, that's from thebullying. Because I did not trust
people. I just thought that,So if you're in my inner circle,
I know you, I trust you. I didn't have any problems with relating
to you being warm and that kindof thing. But if you weren't,
then I'm going to sit back andkind of look at you for a long
time before I decide if you're safe. And like I said, I thought
(05:15):
that was just personality, And nowthat I'm on the other side of that,
I can see, No, thatwasn't just your personality. That was
fear and scarring from that childhood experience. So it's kind of these things you
don't know what you're missing into youor on the other side of it.
I didn't know that it could bethat my life could be so much bigger
and more connected than it is thanit was then. Okay, so the
(05:41):
main thing that the bullying impacted foryou was your desire or ability to connect
with others. It made you kindof leary, like you weren't sure if
you could trust. Was this justfriendships? Was this romantic partners, was
this coworkers? Or was it justeverybody? It's kind of weird. My
story is really different, I thinkbecause I had such a good, strong
(06:04):
family relationship, Because it didn't reallyit's just weird. Like, for example,
I had this really strong family unit, had the strong neighborhood, and
I wanted to bring that with meeverywhere I went, so strange for an
introvert. But when I went towork in corporate I was the one that
(06:26):
was planning all the corporate parties.I was like, Hey, everybody,
let's get together, which was sostrange because here I'm this person that I
don't trust people, I don't likepeople, and yet I'm trying to bring
my family with me everywhere I go, or trying to create that family space
everywhere I go. So it wasreally introverted, and yet there was this
other, already warm, connected pieceof me that wanted to share it with
(06:48):
everybody else too. So it's kindof like, if I'm in control of
the warmth and the togetherness, I'mgood. But if you're in control of
it, then it's not good.Got it. You had to be the
driver. You're like, I'm drivingthis bus or the bus is not moving,
that's okay, Yeah, got it. Yeah, Well that actually doesn't
(07:11):
surprise me because that's actually one ofthe symptoms of anxiety is needing you feel
more in control. When you feelmore controlled, the anxiety can kind of
come down, So it makes senseto me. Yeah, Now would you
say maybe it's both of these.But would you say it was the bullying
that helped you decide to be asocial worker or was it the warm family
(07:34):
that you had? A combo?Tell me why you are a social worker?
Well, I didn't have any ideawhat I wanted to do, and
I started school a little later thanstraight out of high school, and I
felt like time was running out.You need to do this thing. Just
get in there to figure it out, which is what I did. And
(07:55):
when I went to my first psychologyclass, I was like, oh my
god, people actually make sense andit just made such a difference for me
because it just seems so random,like why are these people acting this way?
Again, I think it was because, like in my bubble, people
were respectful, they had healthy boundaries, you know, they were warm,
(08:16):
and then there was these people whodidn't. And once I understood the psychology
of it, then I really justwas hungry for more and it made my
connections better. So all along mylife there was these building blocks of connection,
connection, connection, connection, Here'show it can be better, and
here's how you can help other peopledo that, and it's just built to
the point where it is now andit's huge now. Yeah, So I
(08:43):
don't know about you. Like Iknow that being a social work can be
really heavy with some of the storiesand how we try to help people heal.
However, I just loved being asocial worker. I would if I
had to go back to the bigbeginning of my career, I would still
pick the same career path. Whatabout you, Yeah, same same,
(09:07):
even though I've worked in trauma sincethe very beginning, and I worked in
domestic violence, I've worked in rapecrisis. I've worked in a prison,
a maximum security prison, worked ina psych hospital. So I've seen like
the most critical pieces of you know, human psychology, and I think it's
really rewarding because for me, it'swhen people are their most vulnerable and therefore
(09:31):
the most honest and lovely. Soeven though you're in a common in this
time, I think it's it's areally good time to connect with somebody and
just to have a meaningful exchange.Yeah. Yeah, crisis is the time
that we see transformation. Yeah.So yeah, that's a really good point.
Okay, Well, I think that'sreally interesting that you two would keep
(09:58):
the same curve because I know alot of social work can burn out,
Like what has stopped you from burningout boundaries, I think. So when
somebody's in crisis, I'm with them, but I'm not taking it on.
There's only been like one time,I think, with a domestic violence case,
(10:18):
and this I worked in the court, so this person was not getting
a fair shake and it was keepingme up. I was like, what
what can we do for her?And I was just really overly involved.
I don't typically do that. Maybethat's a function of my personality as well.
I'm as ij we're kind of,you know, not like that.
So I'm involved, but I'm notoverly involved, and I know the limits
(10:41):
of my power. So you canonly do what you can do. Yeah,
say more about boundaries, how theyhave helped you not take on too
much emotionally. Well. So whenI was in undergrad, there were a
lot of people, so you probablyremember probably the same experience for you first
day of class. Everybody's introducing themselveswhat brought you to psychology or whatever your
(11:05):
major is, And was one ofthe last people to speak, and everybody's
like, oh, I want tohelp people, and I can't believe I'm
telling you this, But that was, as I said, pa starting and
one of the things that really reallyfascinated me was past life therapy and I
(11:26):
wanted to do that. Now,you don't have to be a therapist at
all to do past life therapy,but I wanted to have a full range
of skills. And I said thateverybody looked at me like I had three
heads, and my teacher was kindof smirking, and that kind of set
the tone for that class because Iwas definitely the freak in that class because
(11:50):
I didn't say I'm here to helppeople. I mean, I was there
to help people, but it wasreally more just a fascination with the transformation
process. I want to be involvedwith that because I just love when that
happens, when that light comes onin people. It's beautiful to witness it.
You know, you can only havesome own transformations, but if you
(12:11):
can be with other people when they'redoing it, then you can do it
all the time. And most ofthe people that I was in school with
did burn out, I think,because if you're coming from rescuing space,
you're going to get burnt out,You're going to get overly involved, You're
going to not say no when youneed to say no. And that's really
(12:31):
not been a problem for me.I don't want people to crash and burn.
But I can let you crash andburn if that means that you'll stop
doing what you're doing and try somethingelse. And I can allow you to
have your own destiny and follow whatyou want to do, even if I
don't think it's the right thing,because maybe you're right, maybe I'm wrong.
(12:52):
So I don't push an agenda.I'm here to support. I can
say no, And I think thoseboundaries are critical if you're going to be
a helper. Yeah. Yeah,I have done a lot of wrestling with
boundaries over the years. Still wantn'tchange my career path boundaries, boundaries.
(13:13):
You know, sometimes I'm really reallygood with it, and sometimes I'm like,
they get in my way. Iwant to be able to help people
the way I want to help,and sometimes that's carefully thinking through boundaries,
and other times I break all therules and do what makes sense to me.
It's rough, it's really rough.Yeah. I mean relationships are rough
because there is this give and take, and you know, if you think
(13:37):
you know better, it's hard towatch somebody crash and burn, right right,
Yeah, Yeah, But I don'thave any misconceptions about being a personal
savior for people. I know that'snot my role, but I do believe
people can heal themselves if they havethe right guy, the right therapist to
kind of walk that path with them. So I really enjoy that part of
(14:01):
my work. And it sounds likeyou do too. I do. Yeah,
yeah, So tell me what kindof are you doing therapy right now?
Is that what you're doing with yourclients and it's trauma based? Is
there a certain modality that you prefer, is it eclectic? How do it?
Would you describe what you're doing.I use a lot of somatic techniques.
(14:22):
I use a lot of I don'tknow what you would call it,
but symbolism, metaphor that kind ofthing. Don't do talk therapy. I
mean, we might do some talktherapy as we're on the other side of
it and the release has already happenedto just kind of integrate it and understand
what happened. But most of itis symbolic. It's the language of spirit
(14:43):
in my belief, and the languageof energy, because I think when we
start to think about stuff, thenthe story solidifies itself. You know,
you're kind of arguing for the traumaor the effect, and if you can
bypass the language thing, then Matt, it can happen by going through the
body bye, by just going withthe metaphors. And a lot of times
(15:05):
people don't even know what they're doing, but if they're willing to go through
the process, they're just like,oh my god, that was so much
easier than I thought it was goingto be. Why did I know?
I know? I have what's calledVIP days where I work with clients for
a longer session, up to fivehours at a time, and we do
(15:26):
a deep dive and they're always surprisedthat it. It's not easy, but
it's easier than what they anticipated.Like they live through it. They think
they're going to dive through. It'sso painful, right, but it's so
freeing to kind of release and releaseand release absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
And do you offer workshops classes likehow do you are you able to reach
(15:48):
more than one to one or doyou only do one to one? Uh
No? I do do retreats andintensives as well, and I do like
the the longer term. You cando a lot in milieu therapy, which
I think, you know, weall live in real life. I think
you got to take that out toreal life anyway. So it makes it
(16:11):
for me to work in that way. And like, if you're going to
do something like hypnosis, which wasthe first thing that I was ever trained
in, the thing that I've donethe longest, my opinion, you really
do need a longer time than thetherapeutic hour. Yeah, so I like
to do that too. It's coolthat you're doing that. I wonder if
(16:33):
insurance companies came up with a therapeutichour. It feels like we just get
started in the time zone. Yeah, people just started to get warm.
Yeah. And it's really much harderwhen it's every other week or every three
weeks. It's like it's hard toget traction. Yeah. So if I
have a listener, or we havea listener who is looking for a retreat
(16:56):
where they can do some trauma healing, why I pick yours over someone Else's
what makes your retreat experience unique orspecial? Thanks for asking. It's really
not a trauma retreat at all.It's just one of the things that I
kind of stumbled on too. SoI started the retreat thing twenty years ago
(17:18):
separate from therapy, and to me, in my mind, they were always
very separate things. But they arereally therapeutic, and I was just thinking,
oh, we're having a good time, you know. So they're spiritual
tours, and I always go tospiritual places, places with histories of miracles
or really good energy, and Iwas thinking it was just the location.
(17:42):
So it took me a while tostumble upon the fact that no, this
is a safe space. We aremining our boundaries. We are living honestly,
and we're very present in this spacewith each other, in this space
with nature, and it's a fullbody connection. So we don't do we
(18:03):
can do. I mean I alwaysoffer I can do rituals easily. You
know, there's all kinds of thingswe can do in that space, and
typically people don't want it or needit because there's nothing. It's just so
full and so I have everything Ineed. That to do more is kind
of over the top. Sometimes nowI can't say that that's never true.
(18:25):
Sometimes we've had some really really profoundrituals that's too to retreat to go.
We did this thing by the fire, but it was spontaneous. It was
just like, let's have a fire. We have to have a fire tonight.
One of the participants said, AndI want to do this and I
facilitated. It was beautiful, butit was spontaneously. It wasn't contrived,
(18:47):
it wasn't planned, it wasn't Okay, now we're going to do this and
now we're going to do that,which is how the retreats evolve. It's
just how are we going to bein this space? And it's very therapeutic
because it's kind of like this situationwhere I didn't know how connected I could
be because my little space was safe. I didn't really want to need anything
else. And when people experience that, they're just like, oh, this
(19:11):
is what safety feels like day today. This is what safety feels like
when I'm waking up in the morning, this is what safety feels like when
I'm with strangers, and it's strangein land and then they start to yearn
for it. So it is therapeutic. It's not therapy, but I think
it gives somebody a real tangible thingto say, this is what I'm striving
(19:32):
for, this is what I'm workingfor, this is what I'm trying to
create in my life. Yeah,it does sound super healing, so you
know, I'm guessing clients. Ifelt, look, this is a great
time for them to just unplug andbe with like minded people to work on
themselves and maybe their spirituality. Forexample, how has the running the True
(19:53):
Retreats been healing for you as someonethat was bullied in your past? So
it's it's been really expansive for mebecause it's kind of an extension again,
like my whole life, I've beendoing this thing of taking my family with
me, but you're my family,even though you're a stranger, you know.
And so as I do that withmore and more and more and more
people, then it's just gotten easierto be like, okay, people are
(20:15):
okay, and so my inner circlehas become It's still small, it's still
an inner circle, but it's waybigger than I ever would have imagined before.
And it's much easier for me towarm up to people than it was
before. Awesome. Now, haveyou written a book about this experience or
(20:37):
are you thinking about that? No? And I'll tell you why, because
it's the kind of thing that isso personal and whenever I try to talk
about it with people, there arethings that I can share in things that
they will get, but really theonly people they truly get it are the
ones that were there because it's sowhen I say that I work in this
(20:57):
like this symbolic matter of fracle realm, I think that there's a place that
we go where there are no wordsand it's just kind of a knowing and
maybe a look or something like that. We may use some words to talk
about some things, but it's kindof a heart connection that there's really no
words for that. So the peoplethat can only truly understand it are the
ones that were there. And soI have tried to talk about it and
(21:21):
I can share little bits and piecesabout it on my tour website that there's
some blog posts where there's snippets ofthis is what this moment was like,
this is what this day was like. But don't I don't think I don't
have this feel to put that ina book. Yeah, you're not the
first person to say that to me. Actually you're the second. It's only
two people so far, and Ithink you guys probably are similar in how
(21:45):
you heal. So that's very that'svery fascinating too, that the experience is
beyond words. Yeah, yeah,very interesting. Okay, So tell us
about your website, like the URLand what you offer people if they work
with you. Are you able tosee clients in different states? I know
(22:08):
you can have retreats. Are youa coach as well as a therapist?
Like, how do you see people? Yes? So my sego travel site
is my name largelst me and theway that I see the most people is
through my community and that's let ItGo Now, let It Go Now dot
(22:29):
org and that is kind of avirtual version of the thing that I'm talking
about. It's like a place whereyou can practice being vulnerable, being seen,
being safe. There's also an academywhere you can if you are coming
from a trauma background that is notgoing to you can't just pop in and
be like, oh, here Iam. You know, there's some work
you gotta do. You got tofeel safe before you can do that.
(22:52):
Number one always is safety, andthen you've got to have some skills.
And then it helps to know whoyou are so that you can show up,
because a lot to show up witha mask, and then you know,
when people like you for your mask, then it can be hard to
take that mask off. So there'sways of learning that and then how to
connect healthy relationships. Those are skillstoo, and then to the piece about
how to connect with plants, animals, minerals, the universe, the spirit.
(23:18):
I think everything has a foundation.Like Maslow's hierarchy, it's like a
triangle, and if your base isreally strong, then the top kind of
takes care of itself. So that'swhere most of my people meet. And
then I do see clients in Virginiaat largeuse dot net So that's all my
name somewhere awesome in what county inVirginia are you? And I'm in Fluvanna
(23:45):
County? Okay, I'm in FairfaxCounty, Oh, Virginia. Yeah.
I didn't realize when we start tucking, you're in Virginia. That's so cool.
That's really cool. Well, Idon't know how far we are apart,
but maybe we can get coffee,I think that. Yeah, and
refer people to each other. That'sawesome. Yeah. So Laura, I'm
(24:07):
so happy you were here today.I think that you are such a gift
to your community, my community.So I'm very thankful you're here, and
I want you to think about youknow, there's maybe someone listening that's having
a really hard day, you know, when this is aired and they're struggling.
(24:30):
Do you have any words of wisdomor encouragement for them, I would
just say that we all have alight inside of us, and if you
can find that light and just letit shine. I've never seen that let
anybody down, and I know there'ssome people who can't find it. I
promise you it is there. Itis there. Oh that's really beautiful.
(24:52):
Thank you all right, Well,thank you everyone for listening, and thanks
to Laura for being here today.Thank you, thank you for listening in
today. Please join us next week, same day and time. Also,
I would love for you to checkout my website heel thrivedream dot com
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