August 2, 2024 • 21 mins
Lilli Bewley is a Dating Coach for Finding Love with over 10 years of experience in personal development. She, herself, went from just surviving in life to thriving in love & purpose. Currently, she is helping single & successful women love to dating & find true love. Lilli is on a mission to educate people on how dating can be fun again after a divorce, even in their 30s & 40s & 50s, & even if they've been single for forever. We have the ability to create magnetic energy in our dating lives even if we have to perform & be high achievers in other parts of our lives. Her signature Quiz, The Feminine Dating Archetype Quiz, will show women their blocks to love & help them find their true love match.
The Feminine Dating Archetype Quiz - www.datingarchetype.com The LOVE Method for Finding Epic Love Workbook - http://www.findepiclove.com/
Check out Lilli’s program that’s open now called DATING U: The School for Magnetic Relationships. She’s offering a special gift for the Heal Thrive Dream community where you can enroll in DATING U with 2 MONTHS free.
Click link and enter code KAREN to try DATING U for 2 months & opt out whenever you'd like. http://www.lillibewley.com/datingu
Website: https://www.lillibewley.com/
Connect with Lilli:
https://www.instagram.com/lillibewley/
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0XeC_SbpOFlvLQxOGpzM9ZYL6qnnwF4T
https://www.tiktok.com/@lillibewley?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
Join our supportive Facebook group community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthrivedream
Connect with me:
Gmail: healthrivedream@gmail.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthrivedream_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healthrivedream
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@traumarecoveryexpert
Twitter: https://twitter.com/healthrivedream
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenrobinson2022/
Website: https://www.healthrivedream.com/
Podcast: http://healthrivedreampodcast.com/abuse
Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
The Feminine Dating Archetype Quiz - www.datingarchetype.com The LOVE Method for Finding Epic Love Workbook - http://www.findepiclove.com/
Check out Lilli’s program that’s open now called DATING U: The School for Magnetic Relationships. She’s offering a special gift for the Heal Thrive Dream community where you can enroll in DATING U with 2 MONTHS free.
Click link and enter code KAREN to try DATING U for 2 months & opt out whenever you'd like. http://www.lillibewley.com/datingu
Website: https://www.lillibewley.com/
Connect with Lilli:
https://www.instagram.com/lillibewley/
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0XeC_SbpOFlvLQxOGpzM9ZYL6qnnwF4T
https://www.tiktok.com/@lillibewley?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
Join our supportive Facebook group community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/healthrivedream
Connect with me:
Gmail: healthrivedream@gmail.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthrivedream_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healthrivedream
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@traumarecoveryexpert
Twitter: https://twitter.com/healthrivedream
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenrobinson2022/
Website: https://www.healthrivedream.com/
Podcast: http://healthrivedreampodcast.com/abuse
Loved this episode? Leave us a comment below.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors
become healthy thrivers. Each month will feature a theme in
the trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote your recovery,
healing and learning how to build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello, Welcome to the Heal Thrive Dream Podcast. Today, our
guest is Lily. Really, I hope I said that right.
People know me for not getting the names right. Lily
is a dating coach for finding love. With over ten
years of experience and personal development, she herself went from
just surviving in life to thriving and love and purpose.
(00:51):
It's that beautiful. Currently, she is helping single and successful
women love dating and finding true love. Lily is on
a mission and to educate people on how dating can
be fun again after a divorce, even in their thirties,
forties and fifties, and even if they've been single forever.
(01:12):
We have the ability to create magnetic energy in our
dating lives, even if we have to perform and be
high achievers in other parts of our lives. Her signature quiz,
the Feminine Dating arch Type Quiz, will show women their
blocks to love and help them find their true love match.
(01:33):
So thank you Lily for being here today.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Thank you Karen. I'm so excited to drop in with
you and have this conversation with you today.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Awesome.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So let's get to it.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I know we both have very busy schedules today, so
we're going to be succinct and to the point as
much as we can.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
It's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So, as you are likely aware, in my audience is
a women who have survived various types of traumas. Do
you have a short trauma story that you could share
with us that have you been impacted by trauma?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh? Yes, I have been impacted by trauma, trauma that
I've inflicted on myself in some ways, and then trauma
that you know that have been in relationship relations with
other people, especially my my family of origin, my childhood,
and through a lot of my relationships, my romantic relationships
through the years as well. Thankfully, not the beautiful man
(02:30):
that I'm with right now, but definitely the man before
him and the man before him. I think the thing
that that really the connection I've discovered about this work
and about telling my story about the work that I
do with a lot of women. I work with men
one on one as well, but I work most mostly
(02:50):
with women. Is I was born with this like this
great big heart, this big heart. I was born with
this big heart, and I'm you know, at my core,
I'm loving, I'm caring, and I'm kind and through the
traumas that I experienced, especially you know, in childhood and
(03:11):
my family of origin. You know, I think my ACE
score is like an eight, you know that type of thing.
I'm sure your audience knows what an A score is, right,
I'm assuming.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Likely so, But it would be great if you give
it two minute explanation.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Just in case. Yeah, well, I'm not an expert on this.
I didn't I didn't come up with this this rubric.
But ACES adverse childhood experiences. You can google it, but
it's essentially asked. It's kind of a little bit of
a quiz, an eye opener, if you must put it
that way, about the environment that you grew up in
as a child, and the higher the ACE score, essentially,
(03:48):
the more trauma that you experience. So it's anywhere from
like you know, had a parent that was in jail
or incarcerated, was frequently physically or sexually abused, you know,
those types of things. I don't have it in front
of me, but so yeahs at the high score is ten.
So it's safe to say that the environment that I
grew up and was not safe at all for a child,
(04:10):
or for anyone at that for that matter. But what
I've realized through my healing journey is that, like I
had this beautiful open heart right and obviously I survived,
I'm here now, I'm thriving. I've gotten through like a
lot of the final kind of patterns that I was
seeing in relationship and in myself and my nervous system,
all of the things. Not by I'm at not the
(04:32):
end of the road by any means, but I'm continuing
to walk down this healing path. But what I realized
with all the trauma is that it never gave me
the ability to listen to myself, to listen to my intuition,
to listen to what was right for me, especially when
it came to relationships. So what happened throughout the years
and throughout my my development was that I kind of
(04:56):
anyone that came to me, whether that be men, whether
that be jobs, whether that be friends, I kind of
just let them in to my heart without knowing if
they really should should be there. Like I didn't really
gain the skills of discernment, of intuition, of saying yes
and saying no because of the environment that I grew
(05:18):
up in. Like I said, I was really just in
survival mode, So there's no way for me to learn
who I was, learn how to listen to my intuition.
And that carried on through adulthood until I started to
do my healing work and really start to tune into
myself and my body and my intuition. So that's kind
of how I connect what I've been through to today.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, that's that's really beautiful. We always have our intuition,
but as survivors we learn early we get the message
like that what we want, what we need is not
going to happen and it's not okay. That's what we
see in childhood, and we just carry that forth until
we stop and really tune into that intuition. Like you said,
(06:06):
how did you know when and how did you know
to do that? Like what was extra healing for you
as you were recovering.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I don't know about extra healing, but I like to
tell this story kind of my dark night of the soul. Really,
like my breaking point was I was in like my
late twenties early thirties, and I had done everything that
society had told me and my parents had told me
to do to be happy everything, you know. I I
(06:37):
have my master's degree, I was making six figures. I
had the job, My resume was banging. I had the car,
I had the house. I had even the boyfriend, right
and I was living with him at the time. And
I was so that the outward projection of myself to
the outside and what was really happening inside of me
was a stark contrast. I was really dying inside. I
(07:02):
kept it together obviously, you know, and I was bubbly
and all that stuff, but I was really just like
really going down the road of emotional and physical and
spiritual death, so much so that it came to a head.
One evening, I was with my boyfriend and we got
into a fight, and I remember going into my room
(07:22):
and or our room and sitting on the bed and
really just crying my eyes out because I didn't understand.
I was so confused and so frustrated because again, like
I had done all the steps, like I'm I'm I
was an action taker. You know, I'm an A plus student,
I'm a go getter. You know, I'm an independent boss bitch,
whatever the you know, whatever it is that society has
(07:45):
rewarded me for for decades, I was that woman. And
it came to a head that night, and you know,
trigger warning everyone. I was so unhappy. I was so
distraught and so confused. I was just crying on the bed, bawling.
That's a thought popped in my head, the first like
(08:07):
suicidal ideation that I'd ever had, that a gun was
in the drawer next to me. And so I pulled out,
you know, opened the dorawer, I pulled out the gun.
I picked it up. I remember like how it felt.
I always get emotional when I talk about this, but
it was like heavy, and it was cold, and this
answer was an answer again that I had never really
popped into my sphere. And so I held it, you know,
(08:31):
for a minute, and then all of a sudden, I
got this like metaphorical tap on the shoulder. And I
always liked to say that this was a higher self
that I hadn't met or I had been. It had
been buried within me for decades, but I always like
to say my higher self and God. You know, I say, God,
you could say whatever word that you want. Conspired to
(08:53):
show me that there was a better way, and so
that was my That was the day that I had
to leave in something other than what was in front
of me, when I knew what my parents were giving
me an example of. And that was the day that
I guess, you know, you're asking kind of a monumental healing.
That was also very very healing because it was my
(09:14):
first really deep connection with myself. And from that point on,
I really just I started to learn. I started to
put myself in therapy. I didn't even know about books
about like codependency. I didn't even know about podcasts. I
didn't know that there was a whole different world available
to me until God day.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Oh Lily, I really appreciate you sharing that vulnerable story
because somebody today needed to hear that. It's real, Like
you could have easily just skipped over it and the
podcast would have been mistick, missing something the episode. So
I think that's huge. Anytime I get tapped by God,
(09:59):
I think that's a pretty big deal.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So yeah, for real.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that and how did
that or how did your healing recovery lead you to
your current work, because I'm guessing you didn't do this
work before or were you doing it before?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
No, on my previous time in the work world was
I worked for sports and entertainment companies. And again like
great resume doing the thing and about you know, I've
been in the development space for a while that I
hadn't didn't really start until that night, you know, it
(10:36):
was twenty I remember it was twenty seventeen. I remember
the is October seventeenth, is my birthday, twenty seventeen. And
so I started again like reading into podcasts or reading
in books, you know, really just started to learn. Twenty
eighteen is when I started my podcast. So I also
have a podcast. It's called the Lily Beauley Podcast. So
twenty eighteen was the day or the year that I
(10:57):
started my podcast. And I like there was a in
me because again you could imagine like walking down a
hallway with no doors, right, a dark bungee hallway with
no doors, and all of a sudden there's a door
to you know, to the right or whatever in front
of you. That's a big bright light. Like that's how
I felt I didn't even know a door existed, and
(11:20):
so there was a deep, deep need inside of me
to talk about the things that I was learning. And
so that's where all of this started. And what's really funny,
and of course, like this probably isn't funny to you, Karen,
but it's really this is how the healing work goes.
Sometimes healing is such a like a contrast to the
(11:41):
stuff that you experienced, and or it always is actually
a contrast to the stuff that's really painful for your
what you experienced time and time again, you know, in
your in your childhood, for example, So in my childhood,
it was not valued. My voice was not valued. I
didn't have the ability to speak up. I didn't have
the ability to create my own opinions. I didn't have
(12:02):
the ability to I'm getting to choose. I didn't have
the ability to to be authentic. I didn't have the
ability to talk about the real shit that was happening
in my life, right like the real stuff and this
pot you know again, like I have this new kind
of awakening and this I started this podcast, and the
(12:25):
just the action of doing the podcast was a complete
contrast to the environment that I grew up in, which
is a very hard yet healing experience. And so I've
had my podcast since then and the how I arrived today.
I work with dating and relationships women who want to
find love, who want epic love, who have probably failed
(12:46):
in the past, because what I started to realize in
my journey was like I got to this point where
I kind of knew everything, Like I knew my attachment style.
I knew I could probably diagnose myself, I could probably
diagnose my partner. But the patterns still repeat, was still
(13:06):
repeating the pattern of when I was dating, was I
was still attracting unavailable men. I was still frustrated, I
was still confused. I was still I always say, like
sacrifice my body, like have sex with them, when maybe
I really shouldn't have because it wasn't self honoring to me.
You know, no dig on whoever's listening to this, but
this is my story and that's when I really really
(13:28):
started to dig deep into this work. And how I
get help people is because patterns are something that happens
three or more times, and there's there's always a root
cause to behaviors and actions that are happy. We know this, right,
Like there's always a root cause that is happening and
dictating our behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs, and so that's how
I got into this work is really based off of
(13:49):
the healing and work that I did myself, and a
lot of women that I attract are like me, you know,
the feminine dating archetypes, which is one of my things.
It's so much fun. Was actually a download from God
about like my experience and the experience that of their
clients we're having. So it's like, I don't know, it's
it's so it's just so beautiful. I'm just so really
grateful to be here and do this.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
So, if I'm hearing you correctly, you attract a lot
of women who've been unlucky in love, probably toxic relationships
in their past, history of abuse as well, and so
you're able to help them because of your personal and
professional experience at this point.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah's accurate. Absolutely, Yeah, And I think it's really those
women who have tried everything on their own. I'm sure
it might be very similar with you, Karen, But if
you have tried everything on their on their own, they've
listened to the podcast, they've read the books, and maybe
even you know, have had other coaches or the therapists
that really haven't been able to get kind of to
(14:49):
that route. Not saying I can do that one hundred
percent of the time, but I definitely help heal like
the deeper layers that are in there. It's just I
don't know, it's just my gift. But yeah, those like
those women who really want to stop repeating those patterns,
but are really they want epic love and magnetic love.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yes, so beautiful, What a service you.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Offer.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
My epic love happened very interesting. I kissed a lot
of frogs, first married a few of them. And then
my download from God is like you teach people this
all the time, the red, the yellow, the green flags.
So I dug out the book I recommend everybody else.
(15:35):
It's Relationships for Dummies. I think, Okay, it talks about
their flags, and I just made a less Okay, this
is what's not worked for me. Red flags, these are
possible yellow flags, and here's my green flags. And then
I met my husband on match dot com and because
of my flag system and not in deciding not to
(15:59):
date anyone that did not honor or fit into those,
no matter how attractive they were, no matter how funny,
whatever like they had to. It was the first time
I actually used my brain and not just my heart
like we were taught a young girls like you follow
your heart and whoever you love, you should marry. And
(16:21):
that was not working for me because I could love
very easily all the wrong people. And so when I
followed the system, that's how I met my husband. We
met a match dot com when we were a ninety
eight percent match.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Oh amazing. Oh I love that. I love that so much,
you know, I love years now. Oh, it's so good.
I think you bring up like a good point, right,
And the what I heard you say is that you were,
you know, you're kind of actively doing this work. And
I don't know if it was the same for you, Karen,
but I also did the same. But it was still
(16:55):
really really hard for me to like follow through, to
stay with my boundaries because of that that like that
that patterning you know that we've had probably for decades.
What I always always like to say is that if
someone is seeing, you know, unhealthy patterns in their dating
life or even in their relationship or whatever, is I
think what the good news is is that your patterns
(17:18):
aren't you. They're really just They're really just parts of
you that are really just begging to be healed, begging
to be healed. So I like to say that because
a lot of times people, you know, we don't we
don't do this consciously, but sub consciously we make meeting,
you know, of our patterns, like I'm unlovable, there's no hope.
(17:38):
I mean, one of the last things I had to heal,
and you know, I welcomed in my epic love about
a year ago, the most amazing man I've ever met
in my life, which is insane, am I Parts of
me still are like is this real? I don't know.
I don't believe it yet, you know, And and it's
going to take probably a while for that to happen.
But it's really just parts of us that are kind
(17:59):
of just speaking up and being like, hey, Lily, hey Karen,
like let's you know, it's time to heal them, right
and yeah, and so yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Knowing our worth, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It is. I think that the biggest act of self
love is to I think one of the biggest acts
of self love that I follow by this role myself
is to put ourselves in situations like healing containers coaching
therapy with you, with me with other people that feel
not totally totally scary, but maybe just a little bit scary,
(18:35):
like just maybe just a little bit scary. And I
feel like that, that's like that's my north star, you
know for things how I make decisions about about, you know,
things for myself, like healing things for myself.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, I call that stretching just a little bit out
of your comfort zone. And that's how I describe therapy.
A lot is doing that stretch, Like if it's a
therapy super easy, it may not be healing, Like it's
got to feel like a strategy, got to grow and try,
and it is. It is scary, like you said, but
(19:08):
that's where we the courage comes in and healing comes in.
So for anyone listening that really feels like feels your
your heart, your healing heart and energy and they want
to work with you, Lily, what's the best way to
reach out to you? Thank you well, thank you for
this time.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
You're amazing. So a few things, like I said, I
have the feminine dating archetype quiz, which is my signature quiz.
This whole collaboration between the universe and my experience and
then also all the hundreds of coaching hours with my
clients and it'll show you your blocks to love and
it'll help you find your true love match. And that's
(19:48):
at dating archetype dot com. I also have an offer
for your listeners. Would that be okay?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Okay? So I have one of my programs is called
Dating You. It's the School for my Neetic Relationships and
that's where we go into the deeper level root cause
patterns we work on. Last month we worked on Forgiveness.
We're on Forgiveness one oh two. But it's a subscription
based program with a lot of community support and coach
coaching support from myself and my team. I have a
(20:17):
code that's Karen for two months free for your listeners,
So if they want to, yeah, if they want to
come in and try it out, I'd love to have
them and just kind of check around and see if
it's right for them. But it's really for those women
who are just kind of ready for something better, honestly,
So yeah, I'd love to have anyone in. If you
would like to send them a.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Way, beautiful, I would love to do that. So listeners
that will be in the show notes if you're driving,
don't crush the car. Yeah, trying to get the info down.
It will be in the show notes, the code and everything. Wellly,
thank you so much for being here today. I suspect
we could have talked for a couple of hours. I
know I have more questions, but that's okay. We can
(20:57):
always keep in touch over email and I can share
in your show notes anything amazing. Oh well, let me
ask one more thing though, like, have you written a book?
You've got to write a book. I think you should
write a book.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Oh you know that whole thing. There are a few
in the works, but I do have a I have
a workbook out on Amazon, and I don't really plug
that much because it's before I really got into dating.
But it's it's heal your anxiety and receive limitless love.
And that was like a little work got through that
put out. But I'm working on the big stuff, working
on the big stuff. I'll keep us posted so we
(21:31):
can add it to the show notes later. Oh you're
so sweet.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Thank you, Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Thank you for listening in today. Please join us next week,
same day and time. Also, I would love for you
to check out my website. He'll Thrive, dream dot com,
Welcome to the Heal Thrived Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors
become healthy thrivers. Each month will feature a theme in
the trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote your recovery,
healing and learning how to build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hello, Welcome to the Heal Thrive Dream Podcast. Today, our
guest is Lily. Really, I hope I said that right.
People know me for not getting the names right. Lily
is a dating coach for finding love. With over ten
years of experience and personal development, she herself went from
just surviving in life to thriving and love and purpose.
(00:51):
It's that beautiful. Currently, she is helping single and successful
women love dating and finding true love. Lily is on
a mission and to educate people on how dating can
be fun again after a divorce, even in their thirties,
forties and fifties, and even if they've been single forever.
(01:12):
We have the ability to create magnetic energy in our
dating lives, even if we have to perform and be
high achievers in other parts of our lives. Her signature quiz,
the Feminine Dating arch Type Quiz, will show women their
blocks to love and help them find their true love match.
(01:33):
So thank you Lily for being here today.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
Thank you Karen. I'm so excited to drop in with
you and have this conversation with you today.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Awesome.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
So let's get to it.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I know we both have very busy schedules today, so
we're going to be succinct and to the point as
much as we can.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
It's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
So, as you are likely aware, in my audience is
a women who have survived various types of traumas. Do
you have a short trauma story that you could share
with us that have you been impacted by trauma?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Oh? Yes, I have been impacted by trauma, trauma that
I've inflicted on myself in some ways, and then trauma
that you know that have been in relationship relations with
other people, especially my my family of origin, my childhood,
and through a lot of my relationships, my romantic relationships
through the years as well. Thankfully, not the beautiful man
(02:30):
that I'm with right now, but definitely the man before
him and the man before him. I think the thing
that that really the connection I've discovered about this work
and about telling my story about the work that I
do with a lot of women. I work with men
one on one as well, but I work most mostly
(02:50):
with women. Is I was born with this like this
great big heart, this big heart. I was born with
this big heart, and I'm you know, at my core,
I'm loving, I'm caring, and I'm kind and through the
traumas that I experienced, especially you know, in childhood and
(03:11):
my family of origin. You know, I think my ACE
score is like an eight, you know that type of thing.
I'm sure your audience knows what an A score is, right,
I'm assuming.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Likely so, But it would be great if you give
it two minute explanation.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Just in case. Yeah, well, I'm not an expert on this.
I didn't I didn't come up with this this rubric.
But ACES adverse childhood experiences. You can google it, but
it's essentially asked. It's kind of a little bit of
a quiz, an eye opener, if you must put it
that way, about the environment that you grew up in
as a child, and the higher the ACE score, essentially,
(03:48):
the more trauma that you experience. So it's anywhere from
like you know, had a parent that was in jail
or incarcerated, was frequently physically or sexually abused, you know,
those types of things. I don't have it in front
of me, but so yeahs at the high score is ten.
So it's safe to say that the environment that I
grew up and was not safe at all for a child,
(04:10):
or for anyone at that for that matter. But what
I've realized through my healing journey is that, like I
had this beautiful open heart right and obviously I survived,
I'm here now, I'm thriving. I've gotten through like a
lot of the final kind of patterns that I was
seeing in relationship and in myself and my nervous system,
all of the things. Not by I'm at not the
(04:32):
end of the road by any means, but I'm continuing
to walk down this healing path. But what I realized
with all the trauma is that it never gave me
the ability to listen to myself, to listen to my intuition,
to listen to what was right for me, especially when
it came to relationships. So what happened throughout the years
and throughout my my development was that I kind of
(04:56):
anyone that came to me, whether that be men, whether
that be jobs, whether that be friends, I kind of
just let them in to my heart without knowing if
they really should should be there. Like I didn't really
gain the skills of discernment, of intuition, of saying yes
and saying no because of the environment that I grew
(05:18):
up in. Like I said, I was really just in
survival mode, So there's no way for me to learn
who I was, learn how to listen to my intuition.
And that carried on through adulthood until I started to
do my healing work and really start to tune into
myself and my body and my intuition. So that's kind
of how I connect what I've been through to today.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Yeah, that's that's really beautiful. We always have our intuition,
but as survivors we learn early we get the message
like that what we want, what we need is not
going to happen and it's not okay. That's what we
see in childhood, and we just carry that forth until
we stop and really tune into that intuition. Like you said,
(06:06):
how did you know when and how did you know
to do that? Like what was extra healing for you
as you were recovering.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I don't know about extra healing, but I like to
tell this story kind of my dark night of the soul. Really,
like my breaking point was I was in like my
late twenties early thirties, and I had done everything that
society had told me and my parents had told me
to do to be happy everything, you know. I I
(06:37):
have my master's degree, I was making six figures. I
had the job, My resume was banging. I had the car,
I had the house. I had even the boyfriend, right
and I was living with him at the time. And
I was so that the outward projection of myself to
the outside and what was really happening inside of me
was a stark contrast. I was really dying inside. I
(07:02):
kept it together obviously, you know, and I was bubbly
and all that stuff, but I was really just like
really going down the road of emotional and physical and
spiritual death, so much so that it came to a head.
One evening, I was with my boyfriend and we got
into a fight, and I remember going into my room
(07:22):
and or our room and sitting on the bed and
really just crying my eyes out because I didn't understand.
I was so confused and so frustrated because again, like
I had done all the steps, like I'm I'm I
was an action taker. You know, I'm an A plus student,
I'm a go getter. You know, I'm an independent boss bitch,
whatever the you know, whatever it is that society has
(07:45):
rewarded me for for decades, I was that woman. And
it came to a head that night, and you know,
trigger warning everyone. I was so unhappy. I was so
distraught and so confused. I was just crying on the bed, bawling.
That's a thought popped in my head, the first like
(08:07):
suicidal ideation that I'd ever had, that a gun was
in the drawer next to me. And so I pulled out,
you know, opened the dorawer, I pulled out the gun.
I picked it up. I remember like how it felt.
I always get emotional when I talk about this, but
it was like heavy, and it was cold, and this
answer was an answer again that I had never really
popped into my sphere. And so I held it, you know,
(08:31):
for a minute, and then all of a sudden, I
got this like metaphorical tap on the shoulder. And I
always liked to say that this was a higher self
that I hadn't met or I had been. It had
been buried within me for decades, but I always like
to say my higher self and God. You know, I say, God,
you could say whatever word that you want. Conspired to
(08:53):
show me that there was a better way, and so
that was my That was the day that I had
to leave in something other than what was in front
of me, when I knew what my parents were giving
me an example of. And that was the day that
I guess, you know, you're asking kind of a monumental healing.
That was also very very healing because it was my
(09:14):
first really deep connection with myself. And from that point on,
I really just I started to learn. I started to
put myself in therapy. I didn't even know about books
about like codependency. I didn't even know about podcasts. I
didn't know that there was a whole different world available
to me until God day.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Oh Lily, I really appreciate you sharing that vulnerable story
because somebody today needed to hear that. It's real, Like
you could have easily just skipped over it and the
podcast would have been mistick, missing something the episode. So
I think that's huge. Anytime I get tapped by God,
(09:59):
I think that's a pretty big deal.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So yeah, for real.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that and how did
that or how did your healing recovery lead you to
your current work, because I'm guessing you didn't do this
work before or were you doing it before?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
No, on my previous time in the work world was
I worked for sports and entertainment companies. And again like
great resume doing the thing and about you know, I've
been in the development space for a while that I
hadn't didn't really start until that night, you know, it
(10:36):
was twenty I remember it was twenty seventeen. I remember
the is October seventeenth, is my birthday, twenty seventeen. And
so I started again like reading into podcasts or reading
in books, you know, really just started to learn. Twenty
eighteen is when I started my podcast. So I also
have a podcast. It's called the Lily Beauley Podcast. So
twenty eighteen was the day or the year that I
(10:57):
started my podcast. And I like there was a in
me because again you could imagine like walking down a
hallway with no doors, right, a dark bungee hallway with
no doors, and all of a sudden there's a door
to you know, to the right or whatever in front
of you. That's a big bright light. Like that's how
I felt I didn't even know a door existed, and
(11:20):
so there was a deep, deep need inside of me
to talk about the things that I was learning. And
so that's where all of this started. And what's really funny,
and of course, like this probably isn't funny to you, Karen,
but it's really this is how the healing work goes.
Sometimes healing is such a like a contrast to the
(11:41):
stuff that you experienced, and or it always is actually
a contrast to the stuff that's really painful for your
what you experienced time and time again, you know, in
your in your childhood, for example, So in my childhood,
it was not valued. My voice was not valued. I
didn't have the ability to speak up. I didn't have
the ability to create my own opinions. I didn't have
(12:02):
the ability to I'm getting to choose. I didn't have
the ability to to be authentic. I didn't have the
ability to talk about the real shit that was happening
in my life, right like the real stuff and this
pot you know again, like I have this new kind
of awakening and this I started this podcast, and the
(12:25):
just the action of doing the podcast was a complete
contrast to the environment that I grew up in, which
is a very hard yet healing experience. And so I've
had my podcast since then and the how I arrived today.
I work with dating and relationships women who want to
find love, who want epic love, who have probably failed
(12:46):
in the past, because what I started to realize in
my journey was like I got to this point where
I kind of knew everything, Like I knew my attachment style.
I knew I could probably diagnose myself, I could probably
diagnose my partner. But the patterns still repeat, was still
(13:06):
repeating the pattern of when I was dating, was I
was still attracting unavailable men. I was still frustrated, I
was still confused. I was still I always say, like
sacrifice my body, like have sex with them, when maybe
I really shouldn't have because it wasn't self honoring to me.
You know, no dig on whoever's listening to this, but
this is my story and that's when I really really
(13:28):
started to dig deep into this work. And how I
get help people is because patterns are something that happens
three or more times, and there's there's always a root
cause to behaviors and actions that are happy. We know this, right,
Like there's always a root cause that is happening and
dictating our behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs, and so that's how
I got into this work is really based off of
(13:49):
the healing and work that I did myself, and a
lot of women that I attract are like me, you know,
the feminine dating archetypes, which is one of my things.
It's so much fun. Was actually a download from God
about like my experience and the experience that of their
clients we're having. So it's like, I don't know, it's
it's so it's just so beautiful. I'm just so really
grateful to be here and do this.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
So, if I'm hearing you correctly, you attract a lot
of women who've been unlucky in love, probably toxic relationships
in their past, history of abuse as well, and so
you're able to help them because of your personal and
professional experience at this point.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah's accurate. Absolutely, Yeah, And I think it's really those
women who have tried everything on their own. I'm sure
it might be very similar with you, Karen, But if
you have tried everything on their on their own, they've
listened to the podcast, they've read the books, and maybe
even you know, have had other coaches or the therapists
that really haven't been able to get kind of to
(14:49):
that route. Not saying I can do that one hundred
percent of the time, but I definitely help heal like
the deeper layers that are in there. It's just I
don't know, it's just my gift. But yeah, those like
those women who really want to stop repeating those patterns,
but are really they want epic love and magnetic love.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yes, so beautiful, What a service you.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Offer.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
My epic love happened very interesting. I kissed a lot
of frogs, first married a few of them. And then
my download from God is like you teach people this
all the time, the red, the yellow, the green flags.
So I dug out the book I recommend everybody else.
(15:35):
It's Relationships for Dummies. I think, Okay, it talks about
their flags, and I just made a less Okay, this
is what's not worked for me. Red flags, these are
possible yellow flags, and here's my green flags. And then
I met my husband on match dot com and because
of my flag system and not in deciding not to
(15:59):
date anyone that did not honor or fit into those,
no matter how attractive they were, no matter how funny,
whatever like they had to. It was the first time
I actually used my brain and not just my heart
like we were taught a young girls like you follow
your heart and whoever you love, you should marry. And
(16:21):
that was not working for me because I could love
very easily all the wrong people. And so when I
followed the system, that's how I met my husband. We
met a match dot com when we were a ninety
eight percent match.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Oh amazing. Oh I love that. I love that so much,
you know, I love years now. Oh, it's so good.
I think you bring up like a good point, right,
And the what I heard you say is that you were,
you know, you're kind of actively doing this work. And
I don't know if it was the same for you, Karen,
but I also did the same. But it was still
(16:55):
really really hard for me to like follow through, to
stay with my boundaries because of that that like that
that patterning you know that we've had probably for decades.
What I always always like to say is that if
someone is seeing, you know, unhealthy patterns in their dating
life or even in their relationship or whatever, is I
think what the good news is is that your patterns
(17:18):
aren't you. They're really just They're really just parts of
you that are really just begging to be healed, begging
to be healed. So I like to say that because
a lot of times people, you know, we don't we
don't do this consciously, but sub consciously we make meeting,
you know, of our patterns, like I'm unlovable, there's no hope.
(17:38):
I mean, one of the last things I had to heal,
and you know, I welcomed in my epic love about
a year ago, the most amazing man I've ever met
in my life, which is insane, am I Parts of
me still are like is this real? I don't know.
I don't believe it yet, you know, And and it's
going to take probably a while for that to happen.
But it's really just parts of us that are kind
(17:59):
of just speaking up and being like, hey, Lily, hey Karen,
like let's you know, it's time to heal them, right
and yeah, and so yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Knowing our worth, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
It is. I think that the biggest act of self
love is to I think one of the biggest acts
of self love that I follow by this role myself
is to put ourselves in situations like healing containers coaching
therapy with you, with me with other people that feel
not totally totally scary, but maybe just a little bit scary,
(18:35):
like just maybe just a little bit scary. And I
feel like that, that's like that's my north star, you
know for things how I make decisions about about, you know,
things for myself, like healing things for myself.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, I call that stretching just a little bit out
of your comfort zone. And that's how I describe therapy.
A lot is doing that stretch, Like if it's a
therapy super easy, it may not be healing, Like it's
got to feel like a strategy, got to grow and try,
and it is. It is scary, like you said, but
(19:08):
that's where we the courage comes in and healing comes in.
So for anyone listening that really feels like feels your
your heart, your healing heart and energy and they want
to work with you, Lily, what's the best way to
reach out to you? Thank you well, thank you for
this time.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
You're amazing. So a few things, like I said, I
have the feminine dating archetype quiz, which is my signature quiz.
This whole collaboration between the universe and my experience and
then also all the hundreds of coaching hours with my
clients and it'll show you your blocks to love and
it'll help you find your true love match. And that's
(19:48):
at dating archetype dot com. I also have an offer
for your listeners. Would that be okay?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Absolutely?
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Okay? So I have one of my programs is called
Dating You. It's the School for my Neetic Relationships and
that's where we go into the deeper level root cause
patterns we work on. Last month we worked on Forgiveness.
We're on Forgiveness one oh two. But it's a subscription
based program with a lot of community support and coach
coaching support from myself and my team. I have a
(20:17):
code that's Karen for two months free for your listeners,
So if they want to, yeah, if they want to
come in and try it out, I'd love to have
them and just kind of check around and see if
it's right for them. But it's really for those women
who are just kind of ready for something better, honestly,
So yeah, I'd love to have anyone in. If you
would like to send them a.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Way, beautiful, I would love to do that. So listeners
that will be in the show notes if you're driving,
don't crush the car. Yeah, trying to get the info down.
It will be in the show notes, the code and everything. Wellly,
thank you so much for being here today. I suspect
we could have talked for a couple of hours. I
know I have more questions, but that's okay. We can
(20:57):
always keep in touch over email and I can share
in your show notes anything amazing. Oh well, let me
ask one more thing though, like, have you written a book?
You've got to write a book. I think you should
write a book.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Oh you know that whole thing. There are a few
in the works, but I do have a I have
a workbook out on Amazon, and I don't really plug
that much because it's before I really got into dating.
But it's it's heal your anxiety and receive limitless love.
And that was like a little work got through that
put out. But I'm working on the big stuff, working
on the big stuff. I'll keep us posted so we
(21:31):
can add it to the show notes later. Oh you're
so sweet.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Thank you, Thank you for being here.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Thank you for listening in today. Please join us next week,
same day and time. Also, I would love for you
to check out my website. He'll Thrive, dream dot com,
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