EP190: Healing Generational Trauma with Dr. Kelly Bohnoff

Amidst the world’s current trauma, Dr. Kelly Bohnhoff stands as an empathetic guide. With a history of childhood adversity and sex trafficking, coupled with over 35 years of expertise as a Registered Nurse (RN), Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and co-founder of Josephine’s Clinic, a non-profit serving those who have experienced human trafficking and violence, she unveils her own spiritual awakening. In her new book, What’s Going on With My Family? A Roadmap to Healing Trauma, Unlocking Your Hidden Power, and Remembering What Is Sacred,

Dr. Kelly unveils the dormant power and sacred nature within every traumatized family, waiting to be rediscovered. Through her profound insights and practical tools, she offers a transformative roadmap based on Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey to help families heal trauma forever. Honored in 2016 by the American Health Council, Dr. Kelly’s legacy embodies a lifetime of invaluable contributions to the field. This isn’t just a book; it’s a beacon of hope in the shadows of trauma, inviting readers to embark on a journey of profound self-discovery and empowerment that will forever reshape their family’s destiny and generations to come.

A new book, "What's Going on With My Family? A Roadmap to Healing Trauma, Unlocking Your Hidden Power, and Remembering What Is Sacred": https://amzn.to/41apEHT

Website: http://www.onesacredfamily.com/

Connect with Dr. Kelly
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onesacredfamily/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-bohnhoff/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/bohnhoff_kelly

Join our supportive group community:
Https://HealingFromTraumaTogether.com/
www.facebook.com/groups/healthrivedream

Connect with me:
Gmail: [e-mail]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthrivedream_
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healthrivedream
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@traumarecoveryexpert
Twitter: https://twitter.com/healthrivedream
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenrobinson2022/
Website: Https://HealThriveDream.com/
Podcast: Http://HealThriveDreamPodcast.com/blog

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Heel Thrived Dream Podcast, where trauma survivors
become healthy thrivers. Each month will feature a theme in
the trauma recovery and empowerment field to promote your recovery,
healing and learning how to build dreams. Here's your host,
Karen Robinson, transformational coach and therapist.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, and welcome to the Heal Thrive Dream Podcast. Today,
our guest is doctor Kelly bon Haf. I always trip
up on names. Everybody knows that, so I hope I
said that we practice. From early childhood, Kelly bone Haf

(00:42):
experienced a deep devotion to vulnerable children, teens, adults, and families.
As an adult, she continues to help them by sharing
her knowledge of the power that each of us feels
or has not only to heal ourselves, but also are children, relationships, families,

(01:05):
and the world. She communicates this information through inspiring messages
of unconditional love, hope, healing and transformation to any person, couple,
in family experiencing the pain and suffering of family trauma

(01:26):
and the drama that manifests in their daily lives. So,
doctor Kelly, thank you for being here today.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
Thank you so much. Karen. It's a joy to be here.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
So in your bio, I obviously couldn't read a really
long bio because I'd be talking for a long long
time about all your compliments and the things that you've
done in your life. Tell us a little bit about
you as a professional.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah. So I ended up getting a master's degree in
marriage and family therapy and community health nursing, and my
PhD is in psychological foundations of education. But actually that's
just an umbrella term for I was a researcher, a status.
I'm interested in patterns and themes and ideas around family

(02:18):
and what was going on. And so I did finish
that degree in the late nineties and my professional life unfolded.
And then later on I started a five oh one
c three called Josephine's Clinic with a student. We co
founded that for eight years, which helped victims of human
trafficking as adults to find basic care and needs when

(02:43):
living on the street and going to the emergency room
wasn't a place where they felt safe or supported or loved.
And so in those eight years it was such an honor,
and I learned so much about the themes around suffering,
particularly around trafficking and that was something that I had
experiences in my own childhood.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Wow, no, thank you for that. And I know that
you also have a book out. Maybe we could just
wait a little bit before talking about the book, because
we want people to know about that and where to
get it and all that. Is it safe to say
that your childhood maybe inspired the work that you're doing now?

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Of course, based on my experience, it's so interesting to
me as life unfolds. I'm in my early sixties now,
but as planned, my family and I parachuted in so
my parents and myself is the oldest, and I had
three siblings, and when I was little, it felt as
if we were all in this sharp tank of energy,

(03:46):
is the way I referred to it in the book,
just this heavy energy of fear and overwhelm and because
through the spiritual lens, we came in with amnesia, not
remembering what we had chosen to learn and to liven
ourselves through. I had three particular impressions when I was
a little girl that were very important that really began

(04:10):
the trajectory of my life as a human being but
also as a professional. The first was to keep my
mother healthy. The second was to keep my father happy,
and the third was to keep my siblings safe. And
because I picked up those ideas which were inherited from
ancestral trauma, along with three very important themes that I

(04:32):
noticed many of the children and teens and couples and
families that I've had the honor of being with over
the last thirty eight years those ideas where I was unlovable, unworthy,
and not enough. And I noticed that many of us
pick up those ideas along the way, put them in

(04:52):
our pockets and carry them around with us, trying to
navigate the world from the outside in external cues rather
than from the inside out. So of course my mother's health,
mental and physical health led me into nursing this idea
of trying to keep my father happy, to keep things

(05:13):
stable and security to the home, and keep sibling safe.
That was where the marriage and family therapy interest came in,
and of course national certifications in trauma. And so I've
spent my entire life trying to answer one question, which
is why are children being hurt by those who have

(05:35):
the opportunity to love them and keep them safe? And
so I've learned and lived through so much in my lifetime,
and as I was finally I hit the wall at
the end of the twenty twenty with the pandemic, and
when I did, I had a complete breakdown mentally, emotionally, physically,
and spiritually, where I wakened to the idea which I

(05:59):
did not know, that we are energy. And as I
recognized that I didn't have a family life, my family
is life itself and that third mind, body spirit, now
everything made sense, and the book is written called What's
going On with My Family? A Roadmap to healing drama,

(06:23):
unlocking your hidden power, and remembering what is sacred, is
based now on a holistic mind, body, and spirit perspective,
which is we are souls and we are here to
end the cycle of suffering which I've noticed humanity is
addicted to. We have an addiction to suffering, but it

(06:43):
comes with it comes to us in kind of this
ancestral eons and eons of countless generations of humanity that
have been attempting to try and awaken and remember who
they truly are, which is sacred worthy of unconditional love, devotion,
and reverence. And so my journey, the hero's journey, which

(07:07):
we're all on, I kind of realize now it feels
like we're kind of the navy seals of the universe,
that every family on the Earth is this beautiful constellation,
combination and configuration of soul that have a hidden power,
and that hidden power is resilience, wisdom, and the men.
I was able to understand that as I turned back

(07:30):
into the direction of my own family's trauma and the
generations of trauma, of physical, emotional, sexual abuse and abandonment
and neglect and all of that that once I turned
into it from an inner chetic perspective, from a compassionate
witness or neutral zones perspective, wis when our family actually

(07:51):
began to heal. So it's an exciting time to be
alive on earth because families can heal themselves and within
if they choose. Once they know that they are addicted
to suffering and that their energy and that there is
an easy and simple way to heal. Now, our family

(08:12):
didn't remember that we were traumatized or it was you know,
trauma is normalized in many families, and so I'm just
bringing a little more light to the question what's going
on with my family? For those who are in seeing
our families from and more empowered.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Ok, Okay, thank you for that. As you know, my
listeners are trauma survivors, so we're serving many of the
same people. What about your personal trauma, either in childhood

(08:53):
or as an adult. Are you comfortable with sharing today?
You know, without going into great detail, we don't need
a lot of details, but we have all types of
survivors listening, Like who do you think would connect with
you the most? Like what's been one of the harder
traumas in your lifetime?

Speaker 3 (09:12):
I think one of the things that particularly if those
of us who had an opportunity to explore the energy
of adversity in childhood. So we're exploring that energy, we're
trying to understand how deep it is, how heavy it is,
and then alchemizing that energy. I think for me, we've

(09:33):
been referred to as a wounded healer at times, this
kind of type of wounded child, wounded healer, divine child,
some of these kinds of archetypes. And one of the
things that was so feeling and helpful for me was
to begin to ask different questions that are of a
more compassionate inquiry. So, for instance, I began to ask myself,

(09:56):
not why did this happen? I asked. I wonder when
I picked up the idea that everyone else's well being
was more important than my own, because I believe that
many of us get into this cycle and pattern where
to survive, we've had to let go of our inner

(10:18):
guidance system, our still small voice, in order to survive.
And so we have put, in my case, the needs
of my mother, my father, and my siblings into the
front seat, if you will. And so I lived my
life just trying to juggle Is everyone happy? You know?
Am I being the perfect older daughter? You know? And

(10:40):
so I lost tract of myself, my true self, very
very young. And so that one question, when did everyone
else's needs become more important than my own? Was very
powerful for me. And when I did my life review
while I'm still here embodied that, I realized that. And

(11:00):
it happened so young I didn't realize I was in
the pattern. So that pattern happened with friendships, it happened
in my marriage, it happened with my older children. I've
got two granddaughters now, and everyone in my life, you know,
how can I serve you? So one of the things
I would encourage listeners and audience to consider is ask

(11:20):
creating that question for themselves. I was in a self
destructive pattern through many coping mechanisms, many addictions. To keep
the suffering in place, I used patrone, pastries and purchases
to keep myself balanced and those coping mechanisms. Once I
realized that they were kind of destroying my mental, emotional,

(11:44):
physical health and my spiritual connection, I moved into a
pattern which took me a while to feel comfortable and
to self devotion, so self honoring. Where does self love,
self trust, self care, self compassion, and self forgiveness come in?
I didn't know a thing about that, and I didn't

(12:05):
know what love felt like for me personally, and so
I didn't trust love at all. And in fact, I
would say my relationship to life itself was very wobbly
because very early in my life it felt to me
as life was coming at me. In other words, I
had to duck and die whatever the next trauma was

(12:30):
that was coming. And so for me, it was important
to heal the relationship to life itself. First, is life
for me? And then once that question was answered yes,
then I was able to move into a more in
depth know thyself, realizing I am life itself and so

(12:53):
we all love in action, and we're all getting an
opportunity to know thyself within a family that is trying
to know themselves, as for in my case, the six
of us.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Okay, so thank you. That was a beautiful way that
a lens of trying to make sense of the past
and your family dynamics. You mentioned earlier that you were
also a survivor of trafficking. Are you perfortable telling us
a little more about that?

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Right? So, as a what's called in psychology pied child,
I got it really excited. A girlfriend when I was
ten years old invited me to her house for a sleepover,
and because of all the chaos in my own home,
I thought, oh, this is going to be great. I'm
just going to go down the street and I'm going
to have a sleepover, and I'm super zyched about it. Well,

(13:50):
I wasn't connected to my own inner guidance system, which
I'm sure was raging at me, going, you do not
want to go down the street, you do not want
to go to the over. But I didn't listen, and
I had limited connection to my higher self at that time.
So I went on that overnight and what happened was

(14:11):
that the family themselves had been what I would call
discovering and folding, experiencing and just exploring this energetic dynamic
of trafficking, and I had this is of thing I
think human trafficking of children is misunderstood by the media.

(14:34):
That night what I referred to as caught in an
energetic net. They knew just by looking at me that
I would not tell anyone, because they coerced and scared
me to death. They said if I said anything, you know,
they would come for my siblings, or they would, you know,
tell my parents or whatever. But what really had me

(14:56):
kind of freezing in that particular experience was they threatened
to hurt the girls that were in front of me.
And for that reason, because I'm a protector in my psyche,
there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to protect another and
they inherently understood that. And so for two years, those

(15:18):
overnights were a place where occard And it wasn't until
the age of twelve that I moved away from that.
Our family moved away, but I held the secret of
that experience, and I wonder often what happened to the
other little girls. You know, I was in school with

(15:39):
many of those girls, and we would combine together as
a little tribe, you know, at lunch and other places.
No one knew were understood what we were going through,
but we did. And so from a perspective of spirituality
and energetics, part of the process of healing for me
was going into the higher state of awareness and asking

(16:02):
was that a karmic or soul contract. Was I healing
something from this lifetime. It really was about the kind
of this giving away my own inner authority or inner
power in other words, rather than walking out the door
in that moment once I understood there was something dangerous
going on here or trying to flee, I chose in

(16:26):
that moment, as any child would, to do what she
could to survive. And with the understanding I had that
version of little Kelly, she did an extraordinary job of
being brave and staying alive. And I believe in my
heart and I have learned from other past live progression

(16:46):
that I had this similar event in another lifetime where
I did not survive as a child, and I wanted
an opportunity in this lifetime to move through the same
energy and see if I could heal it and still
remember my sacred nature while at the same time bringing

(17:07):
this book into the world. In other words, for this
particular experience, rather than staying in a harmful psychic state
or victim mentality, I was able to move into a
harmonized state and a sovereign mentality understanding the intricate nature

(17:30):
of child trafficking, so I can speak deeply of the
subtle dynamics of this particular trauma, and I believe it's
been instrumental in helping me become free. So I have
transformed fear into freedom, and that one particular opportunity to

(17:51):
learn who I really am was extraordinarily important to me,
and I consider it a gift to be able to
heal from that and to help others who are ready
to do the same.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
So it's clear to me listen to you that you
are really far ahead in the healing journey if you've
done a lot of work and study. For the average listener, though,
I'm thinking they're not quite at all those steps, and
so what they will relate to the most, I believe

(18:29):
is maybe just you know, before that healing happened, before
you connected spiritually energetically to those ways of healing, What
did your symptoms look like? You know what were you
struggling with? Like, how can people listening to you that

(18:50):
are really struggling. I think if they can connect with
you that way, knowing what the hard points were for you,
it'll be easier for them to buy into the hope
of healing. So for example, like for example a survivors
children either excel at school because schools of safe place
and they just put their heart and soul into it,

(19:13):
and then other kids can't focus at the school. They're associating,
they're exhausted, you know, they're too sad, too anxious, whatever,
and they can't focus. It's like, you know things like that.
Can you relate to those kind of things? And because the.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Children and that, I yeah, that I spent thirty years
with just as a professional. As a person though, here
is what I've uncovered or discovered so far about this.
For me, trauma is any shock or distress to the mind, body,
and spirit. It can happen at any time, and the

(19:51):
way we respond or react to that trauma the very
first one, because traumas continue to echo in our life
lives due to the vibration of hurt and anguish from
that very first trauma, and we unintentionally keep drawing traumas
in because the universe doesn't speak human, it speaks vibration.

(20:14):
So what I would say is that every child, every
soul on this earth, is experiencing trauma, coping with trauma,
attempting to stay grounded on the earth in their own
unique way. So one of the things that is so

(20:35):
clear to me is that in our family and educational
systems specifically, we have a tendency and want to mold
children instead of allowing children to unfold naturally. And so
what I would say is that any symptom or sign

(20:55):
that is attached to the story itself of what has
happened in the past, I am unworthy, I am unlovable,
I am not enough, I am not safe in my body,
I am not safe in my mind. Because most of
the technology is distracting for children. Try and pull technology

(21:17):
away from a traumatized child, that is their virtual reality.
And so I for myself, as I really tried to
understand how did I respond to the trauma, I listed
those signs and symptoms and notice the patterns that were
unique to me, and I honored that we really have

(21:38):
to know thyself. So for every person listening I would
say you are a unique and universal expression of life. Now,
there are several common things that we all go through,
like the unworthy, unlovable, not enough. Our relationships with ourself
have a tendency not to be in the forefront. We
don't take very good care of our we want to

(22:01):
take care of everyone else. And so that is for
me a clear sign that there is something I call
it the ABC's alignment, balance and connection mind, body and spirit.
So I don't have to come very close to a
child or really anyone in the world these days, I
can feel their energy that is not aligned, balance, or

(22:24):
connected as a whole being. And it's usually because we've
picked up those particular ideas and we are programmed, you know,
we're entranced before the age of seven, where sponges as
children being up all kinds of interesting information. Right, so
we're entrance to kind of panitmatized by our environments. We're

(22:47):
i meshed emotionally, we're entangled energetically, we're entrapped in systems
that keep us distracted and afraid. Just look at the
news parents come in in their stressed further day, or
if you're in foster care seventeen times because you can't
hold a foster care placement right or you're an adopted family.

(23:09):
All of these beautiful mirrors, if you will are I
call it the cosmic game of clue. So these beautiful
clues around us if we're willing to see it. But
most of us sit in a routine that is status quo.
We want to do the same way every day, and

(23:30):
there's usually some sort of substance involved to help us
with our emotions. So for me, it was alcohol, opioids,
lots of yummy carbohydrates, and then that one click feature,
you know, buying things I didn't need. I don't remember
buying things, you know, just trying to stay busy, and
of course all of this streaming and all of that

(23:51):
kind of stuff. So I've just did a deep dive
on what a natural day and normal day, a typical
day was for me. I was shocked to notice what
my patterns actually were and how I was trying to
manage what I was calling my life, but really was
just standing in place waiting for the next shovel to

(24:13):
the face. You know. I just wondered that the traumas
to stop, and I couldn't figure out how to slow
the momentum of those experiences until I added energy into
the mix. And so once I did that, I now
all of it became very clear. From the moment of

(24:34):
my birth to this moment with you, Karen, I can
clearly see that families can heal with a holistic plan
and just a little bit of hope.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
It's beautiful. Yeah, I love that you shared some of
the I agree with you that we're all unique and
so or symptoms, they're not the same across the board.
There are some things that really we do see consistently
and you mentioned them, and that's the negative core beliefs

(25:07):
like I am useless, I have no worth, no value,
and it's amazing how long we cling to that. And
I think you know, I'm doing energy work now as well,
both personally and working on certification for it, because it
was my missing piece as well to heal myself and

(25:28):
to heal help you know, empowered the healing and others.
So anyway, what I loved about what you said, I
do see that commonality about the core beliefs. And also
it's certainly true that survivors really have struggled until they're
on their healing journey. It's not first major to.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Drake free and I have no impulse anymore. Amasy brought
it all together and so I that is the book
that I want to give her. One Remember, holistic means
I did need to tape for my medication, I did

(30:04):
need to have physical therapy. Everything worked together, and so
it's unique to you how you create your healing path.
What I will say is I am so thankful to
still be in this world to share this time with
you and to co create a message of hope to
people when I truly was at the very end of

(30:29):
wanting to be here.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
I'm glad you did not exit out. I also had
a period of life as a young younger girl with
wanting to end things. You know, you know, our suffering
sometimes can be really overwhelming. It's really important that we
find hope somewhere somehow, and for me it was at
that time of tapping into my spirituality is what helped me.

(30:57):
And I'm so thankful now that I'm to have into
the energy work as well, because it really is amazing
on how it can constantly if you're healing. So that's awesome.
So tell us a little bit on how you've taken
all these tools and what do you do with work
now that highlights or enhances this work say a little

(31:20):
more about that. I don't know if I asked the question.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
Very well, No, that's all right. So the book just
came out in March. So I describe myself as a
recovering caterpillar. I was so asleep and then i went
through the Crystalist and so I'm just out of the
Crystal List at this point. In my Little Wings, I'm
just getting used to those, and so I'm doing these
beautiful podcasts. And so the book talks about when I

(31:46):
was a little girl, I would I would run away
sometimes and I would lay on the ground and I
would look to the stars. And one of the exercises,
actually all the exercises depending on the chapter, it talks
about look to the stars, which is stillness, thankfulness, affirmations, reflections,
and showing up for yourself, your family, humanity, and the

(32:09):
natural world. And so through the book, I've been guided
now to I'm in the middle of creating a library
of about one hundred and fifty resources for families and
starting a YouTube channel to answer questions around these empowering
messages of how families can heal at a world in

(32:30):
a worldwide stage. So the days of community under bridges
in the jails, in the trap houses between all of
the individual and familiar one on one. I believe I
after thirty eight years of transitioning now into more of
this more global ability. So anyway, things are being created

(32:53):
right now in real time. And so for anyone who's
interested in the book and staying on deck with when
the YouTube channel will be starting in these resources, I
just send everyone right now to one Sacred Family dot
com and the book is what I have at the moment,
and I am such a gift to be getting this

(33:16):
beautiful download around this library and then the YouTube channel.
As someone who's been in her cities, I'm not really
great with technology, so I'm learning how to put everything
together in a way that families can get too easily
and they can grab what they need when they need it,
so buffet someone might be in their particular journey, It'll

(33:40):
be organized if they're wanting to heal trauma, if they're
wanting to unlock their hidden power of resilience, wisdom and genius,
or if they want to remember what is sacred, the
library will be organized in that way, and guided meditations
for families. That's the other thing. On YouTube, there wasn't
a lot of guided meditations for families at the family level,

(34:01):
and so those have been created and are already ready
and waiting to be uploaded into YouTube. So there's just
a lot going on at the moment.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
And beautiful stuff, incredible work. So thank you for all
that you're doing for families. It's really beautiful. Any final
wisdom you want to impart before we wrap up for today,
so maybe just picture someone that's really not feeling very well.

(34:32):
They haven't tapped into the healing you have, but how
would you recommend they get started? Maybe just getting your book.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
What I would say is there's a couple of things.
I'd like to leave an affirmation for those who individually
are are wanting just to be in a moment and
not feel awful. And then I'd like to share encouragement
to families selves who may be listening. So the affirmation

(35:02):
that was that powerful for me when I was really
struggling and still in pain and going through acupuncture treatments
and doing all that, so I would close my eyes.
So do you remember when we were in school, there'd
be this stop, drop and roll if someone was on fire,
and so it felt like to me I was on fire.
And what came to me was, oh, just stop, drop

(35:25):
and be, Stop and be still, drop into three deep breaths,
and be in the moment. So whenever I was really
in the ugly cry, stuck in the story, I would stop,
drop and be, and I would say and write over
and over again until I felt better. I am safe, secure, strong,

(35:53):
sacred and sovereign. And I'd say it over and over again,
and it really helped me, and then I put it
on my mirror. The other thing that I would encourage
with families is I encourage you by saying, within every
traumatized family, there lies a power, a sacred potential waiting

(36:20):
to be remembered and awakened.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Beautiful. Thank you doctor Kelly for being a guest with
us today.

Speaker 3 (36:31):
Thank you Karen, who was an honor.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Thank you for listening in to you for listening today.
Please next time, same day sometime. Love for you to
check out Love for you to check out my dream
Feel Thrive dream dot com.