Re Broadcast: Brenda owner of Gen X Creations

Re broadcast of Brenda , owner of Gen X creations

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
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Speaker 2 (00:36):
Hi. I'm Caitlin Russell. Welcome to the Healing Like Podcast.
I am a psychic intuitive who's been reading tarot cards
for over twenty five years. I'm also Reiki certified. Join
me as I read cards, share intuitive messages, promote healing,
and much much more. Hi everyone, it's Caitlin from the

(01:04):
Healing Light Podcast. I am your host. Before we get
to my wonderful guest, I want to thank you all
for listening. I want to say a big thank you
to the Paranormal Buzz Radio team, Shae, deb Alison and Rebecca.

(01:25):
I also want to say thank you to Spreaker for
having me. The Healing Light podcast can be found on Spreaker,
Amazon Prime, Spotify, iHeartRadio many many more soon Apple, so
Apple will be to come. There's new episodes that drop

(01:47):
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(02:12):
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(02:36):
Now I am. I'm very excited. This is a first
for me. My guest tonight is a totally bad ass woman,
my friend Brenda of gen X Creations. And what I
want to talk about, and this is what The Healing
Light is all about, is healing, yah, you know, talk

(03:01):
about recovering and how we do all that. And so
I know that Brenda, you know, has really worked really
hard on herself to be where she is today. So
I wanted us to talk about healing, surviving and also
thriving after a divorce or a breakup or even you know,

(03:25):
if you are unfortunately a widow, then you know, how
do you survive that as well? So welcome Brenda to
the Healing Like Podcast.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Thank you, thank you for having me. I'm super excited
to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, looking forward to this topic. I've been wanting to
cover this for a while, so I wanted to dive
into it. I've had I've gone through a few breakups
and I survived them, I'm happy to say, but it
was a really rough period in my life and I

(04:00):
realized how much I changed from those the past to
the present. So let's start off with you. I mean,
how do you feel when you were the younger of
you in relationships or married and then where you are now?

(04:21):
And you know, kind of take us through briefly your
past and your divorce and how you feel where you
are now.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Sure, so this is my second divorce. A lot of
people don't know that I was married very young at
nineteen and divorced by the age of twenty four. I
would say, unfortunately it was you know, a lot of
domestic violence. And I had my daughter when I was

(04:50):
nineteen almost twenty, so I had to think of her
and leave that relationship, and that relationship really step forth.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
So much.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
How can I put so much negativity within myself as
a person, as a mom, as a woman. You know,
it took me many, many years to heal. Today I
can finally talk about things and be honest about things,
and it doesn't affect me. But it took me a
very long time to heal from those things because I

(05:26):
never grew up that way. My mom and dad were
married for thirty three years. They never so much as
shouted at each other, you know, so nobody put hands
on my mom, you know what I mean. So it
was very hard for me to understand why it was happening.
I guess that's the younger version of me. Why is
this happening when I didn't grow up that way. I
didn't see these things. Lots of sorry, these lots of

(05:49):
two years, you know, And I kept taking that person
back because feel better for worse right, That's what I
was taught in Latin a Catholic household. You're America better
for rears used. Stick with that person. Fast forward, you know,
I finally after five six years divorced, left and things
like that. Now I'm a single mom, losing my daughter,

(06:09):
working two jobs, trying to just be on my feet.
And I dated here and there, dated my son's father
and never got married or anything. That was just very
back and forth, back and forth, you know, and like
that relationship. I finally came out very late in life.

(06:33):
So when I came out, I was with my son's father,
and I had to finally tell myself, this is why
you're so miserable. This is why you keep choosing your
own people because you're not yourself. You're not being too
to who you are. So I finally came out late
in life and things like that, and I've been the

(06:54):
happiest I've ever been because I'm being true to myself.
At my ex wife now, we spent thirteen years together,
and I think, going back and looking at it now,
if I could do things differently, I wouldn't have married
this person. I think we just got into things way

(07:18):
too fast. Yeah, okay, you know, and you know you
do things spontaneously because you love that person, you think
you're in love with that person, and you know, it
just happens I believe she was meant to be in
my life for a period, and I was meant to
be in her life for a period of time. And
our time ended. But there was a lot of trauma

(07:42):
that she recreated after I tried to hear for so long.
She brought all PTSD back to me. The one thing
that I've learned and is very hard, because I don't
trust people. So if I trust you enough to tell
you something about my past, I'm hoping that you would
never say it, or that you would never try to

(08:06):
make something feel like that part of my trauma, you know,
or bring it up or anything.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Like that to me.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
And she did that a lot.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
Oh wow, Yeah she did that. So it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
It wasn't a good divorce. It wasn't. It was very hard.
I let go when I when I stopped feeling for somebody,
I check out completely. When you say I'm done, there's
nothing that person can do. I'm done. And I think
she had a very hard time with that, you know.

(08:39):
But it finally happened, and things like that, and we
finally got divorced. During my divorce process, I met my
fiance now, so I met her. I started my divorce
in twenty twenty. I should have left in twenty seventeen,
because that's when I kind of felt the love of fading.
But you always want to make things work for whatever reason,

(09:01):
you know. Interestally, I think if I would have let
it go that early, I would have felt like I
just filled another marriage, you know, So I guess I
didn't want to do that, so I tried to make
it work. But anyway, in twenty twenty, that's when I
asked for the divorce. We were already basically living separate
lives kind of like you know, it's like roommates. I

(09:24):
was working from home. Twenty twenty one is when I
met my fiance, and I wasn't looking. I was like,
I'm going to stay single, and I'm I'm not moving
in with anybody. I'm not doing nothing. I have nothing
to do with that. And you know, she came along
and she was a friend and she knew my situation,

(09:46):
and I was always honest with her. I never lied
to her about anything, and she really took the chance
and stuck around. Because sometimes when you're saying that you're
getting a divorce but you still live with your ex,
a lot of times you get back together. Know or
things happen, and so you as the other person on
the other side and the outside, you're taking a risk
by being with this person. But I never like to her.

(10:09):
So fast forward to now, we live together, we are engaged.
I'm happier than I've ever been. She's an amazing, amazing soul.
She has really worked hard and been very consistent in
showing me that she loves me every day, that I

(10:29):
can trust her, that I'm not my past. You know,
we don't. We have adult conversations. Our communication is top tier.
That's something I didn't really have in my past relationships.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
You know.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
We have uncomfortable conversations, you know, and that's a beautiful
thing to have. We don't judge each other. She doesn't
judge my past and judge hers because that was the past.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
You know.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
So this time around, we're taking it slow. You know
a lot of people think, oh my god, you just
got the worst and you already engaged. You know, we've
we've been she's been here for a few years, and
we're taking slow and just day by day.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
But yeah, that's that's awesome. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. You know,
I can I can still relate and I'm sure a
lot of a lot of other women. Can you know
you're young When I met my long term partner ex
you know, my ex I was. I was twenty four

(11:35):
years old, you know. And what did we know back then, Brenda,
we didn't know. I mean, my exposure was toxic parents
my you know, and I was. It was a lot
of emotional verbal abuse with me. So I had trauma

(11:57):
from that. So what did I know what a relationship
whip was? What did I know about love and respect?
Now you, on the other hand, your parents here, they
are loving, caring for each other, thirty three years together,
you know, over thirty years together. So your expectations are

(12:19):
this is how you know I'm going to be. And
I just I would think, correct me if I'm wrong,
that you're just so young and inexperience and expecting something
different that maybe you miss those those red flags that
were there. Yeah, And you know, I want to say

(12:42):
to people when they say miss missing red flags, that
is not a fault. Nothing that happened to you is
your is your fault, you know, especially when it comes
to abuse, any type of any type of abuse, you know,
it's not your fault. You know, that's the other person.

(13:05):
So be kind to yourself in that end. So when
you when you realized that, you know, you had your
first marriage and you're you're so young and had the
abuse in it, and then you you know, you do

(13:26):
your same thing, you know, being single all that, and
then when you which just reminds me the same thing.
I I, uh, you know, before I met my wife,
I was like, Okay, I'm done. I can be single
forever and nobody has to. I can do whatever I want.
You know, I can do whatever I want, say what

(13:47):
I want. You know, I pay me my own bills.
You know all that. But when you think about you
know what I what I heard from you is I
should have left her sooner. And I thought the same thing.
I was with my ex for fourteen years, fourteen years,

(14:09):
and really we should have been broken up, like within
six months, honestly, And you know, I just you might
already know this, and I'm not trying to tell you
something you don't already know, but you know, we just
we don't know until we know, you know, And and
I I am I am absolutely absolutely hate when people

(14:33):
thinks say happened things happen for a reason. Do not
tell me that bullshit, because that is not true. However,
when something traumatic happens to you and you tell me
if I'm if you agree, you learn from it, you
grow from it, and it makes you more empathetic, makes

(14:59):
you kinder, smarter. I think it's made me smarter, you know,
and especially as you get older. Right, would you agree?

Speaker 3 (15:09):
So I have stages, right, I think that for me. Yes,
you I have grown. I have grown a lot, I am,
but I am less empathetic.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Because my wall.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
And I'll tell you why. Because my wall went up
for much a long time after my first marriage, right,
and anybody that came in and tried what, No, there
was just this big wall. Then comes my ex wife
and she kind of made it okay for me to
break down that wall. And so I learned to trust again,

(15:54):
you know. And I never got therapy, so that I
feel like that was a big part of why I couldn't.
Not that you let go because write trauma's trauma, and
that sticks with you forever. But you try to move
on from it and look, like you said, and look
from it and be better for yourself or your mental health,

(16:16):
for you, for whoever's with And I never got that
So my therapy was going to the beach. Didn't matter
what kind of weather it was. I would go to
the beach and I would have a journal in hand
and I would cry and scream and write and just write.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
And write and write and write. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
So that was my therapy and that helped me a lot,
you know, deal with things. So it didn't this time around,
this last relationship, when I kind of was when it
was made okay for me to kind of break down
my walls and I expressed all my my trauma and

(16:56):
all these things that happened, and this person assured me
that they would protect me and not that I need
that because I'm very like, I'm an autohol, so you know,
I'm very like a control freak, like you don't.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Need to do things for me. It's okay, I got.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
This, like I you know.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
So she again she tried to, you know, make me
trust her and make me believe that, you know, everything
was fine. She would never judge me. But then I
saw little things here and there that I was like, hmmm,
and they were not red completely maybe dark pink going
into the.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
Red right right, yeah, yeah, And I was like, let me.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
Lip that in the bud real quick, and so we
would have these conversations about what I didn't like and
then she would hear me and leave it alone. So
to me, that was okay because she's listening to me
and she's not letting the things happen again. Right, And
later on in the US, it just started happening more
and more and more, and I was like, Okay, your
insecurities need to stop. You need to stop throwing in

(17:57):
my past. But it was just it got very hands
were never laid.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
On me.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
One time, but that's another conversation. But it was more emotional.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
It was more verbal, right, Yeah, you know, I've never
been physically abused by in a relationship, thank God, but
definitely emotionally and verbally and the way I feel. But

(18:35):
I can speak to when I was a kid, you know,
I was you know, physically abused and mentally and verbally.
That to me, that emotional abuse and verbal abuse even
digs deeper. It Really it's very cruel to your your soul,
you know, because physical is bad. Absolutely the heel. You know,

(19:01):
it's very hard with the brain to have that that healing.
That's why I always say, you know, it's a lifelong
price process. Well, I ever, will we ever be one
hundred percent? No? But like you said, can we move
forward from where we were? Absolutely? You know. I mean
it took me years and it took you years. I

(19:24):
mean we'll get to your your business in a minute.
But you know we're both ten exters. And also you
have to remember too, we're from that generation of you know,
we were left on our own. We were like pharal kids.
You know you there is you know you got a

(19:44):
straight knee, go rub some dirt on it, you know,
walk it off, walking off?

Speaker 3 (19:51):
You know why you white people back outside?

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Get out of sleep? Why are you Why are you
saying snap out of it? You know, get I got
told a snap out of it? Yes, I think that
that plays into it as well. And you know it
just does all that psychological damage. And I hear you
about being controlled. You know you want to that's part

(20:18):
of trauma as well. We need to be because in
our other situations we had no control, you know, right,
And I feel and I'm sure you do too, that
it's you know, bad breakups are are bad breakups as well.

(20:38):
When you're married, there is something like I got I
got married in February very happy, happily, but you know
so so I'm not you know, I'm not really that
far into it, but you know, I would. I think
to me, when you marry someone, it just feels different

(21:00):
than calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend or even your fiance.
Is a marriage and that is a legal document. But
it's also like, okay, we are a unit now, you know,
and when you divorce, if I'm understanding you correctly, or

(21:27):
tell me if i'm if you feel the same way,
you know, that is like a huge Oh my god,
I feel like a failure because we're married, you know
what I mean. Now we have a divorce, and there's
so much stigma over divorced to this day.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Absolutely. You know a lot of people, especially in our generation,
they I know a lot of people in our generation
that have been with their partners for over ten, fifteen
years and they are getting divorced and or separated whatever.
And I think you just come to a point, like
you said earlier, you know, when when you're done, You

(22:05):
just know when you like, you know, it's not just
one little thing. It could be a lot of things
that just you can't do it anymore, or it could
just be one day you just wake up and you're like,
I don't I'm in love with this person, Like what
am I doing? Like I don't want to waste that
person's time, and I don't want to waste my time
because like you know, and so I wish I would

(22:26):
have done it sooner because I feel like I wasted
both of our time. You know, she could have been
doing something else, I could.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Have been doing. I hear you on that. Absolutely we
were going on in separate ways.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
So but you know, lesson learned, and now it's my fiance.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Now.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
She's very patient and she gives me my space when needed,
and she lets me know that it's okay to still
be angry over my past, but don't hold on to
it because then that I am sabotaging myself, my relationship
and my future.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah. So you know, you go from being with someone
for years and years and years, you're an established unit.
You know, you both have mutual friends together. You know
you might you might still be in contact with with
her family, you know what I mean? And how did
you how did you cope with that? Like the whole Okay,

(23:25):
now we're together, now we're apart. I mean, do you
did you have mutual friends and family that you still like,
you had nothing wrong with an aunt or an uncle.
Now you're so.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
I never met any of her friends.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Oh okay, you met all of mine.

Speaker 3 (23:51):
She was based out of New York and she moved
to Boston to see with me, so she met all
of my friends. So wherever I went, you know, she went,
unless I went, like on a girl strip or something
like that. And I always used to tell her to
make friends, like it's so important for you to have
your own personality, be your own person because you just

(24:12):
never know. And maybe I was already calling it out
and I just didn't notice that I was calling it out,
you know what I mean, Because I was like, you know,
if something happens between us, then you don't have anybody
to turn to, because my friends are your friends, you
know what I mean. And kind sometimes they get do
get biased, and they're like, well, you know, we've known
her first or whatever, but she never did. She she

(24:34):
never did. So that was kind of hard because when
the divorce started. Mind you, you know me, I'm a
very private person. I don't put none of my personal
business out on social media because it's my business. So
when we first divorced, she decided that she wanted to
put it out there on social media. Oh yeah, so

(24:57):
she put it on Instagram and kind of the people
closest to me were the ones that already kind of
knew what was going on. And then of course, you know,
people that are seeing it on social media are like
calling me up or texting me and is this true?
But but it's and it was like, what are you?
What are you doing? So I don't know if you
did it at a spite anger I have know yet,

(25:20):
but it was definitely not easy, and I lost a
few friends because I don't know if sometimes people just
don't want to get in it. And that's fine me,
I'm not. I would never ask anybody to choose ever
or pick side. I'd never But in the same token,
if you've known me way longer, first before I even

(25:41):
had this person as a unit as a partner, and
now you stop talking to me, but you're kind of
believing what they're saying about at least reaching out to
me and be like, hey, what's really going on?

Speaker 2 (25:51):
You know?

Speaker 3 (25:51):
So I had a few people like that that I
thought were really close friends and they did that, and
I was like, you know what, I need to just
stay to myself.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah, you know, uh yeah, full disclosure. You know, Brenda,
you and I have known each other. We met through
mutual friends, and I've known you in your ex for
years and I had no idea what was going on,
you know, with your marriage, no clue. But and I,

(26:20):
you know, I was your ex and I were friends
on social media. But when I when I heard when
you told me, and I would actually see some of
those videos and I remember you telling I think I
I think I told you about that, and you tell
me you know what the real deal was, and I

(26:43):
was like done, Okay, I am done. You know. So
I just wanted to put full disclosure out there. But
I have blocked this this person, and I have nothing
to do with them anymore. So you know, you and
I am. I'm so glad we maintained a friendship at
this so, uh you know, So here you are now,

(27:05):
you know you're at the point where, okay, the divorce
is done. Now where do you go from here? So
how do you climb out of that? How do you
rebuild from really? You just I mean you're you're starting
over with nothing, and how do you rebuild your life?
And you know, I want you to talk to you about.

(27:26):
We'll get to gen X Creations in a minute. But
how do you climb up from that? What did you do?

Speaker 3 (27:34):
It has not been easy until today. You know, I
thought that I was never going to get out of
that relationship. You know, we we bought a house together.
So the good thing about having that house is that
the basement was my office. I worked from home. The
basement was my office and my business, Gene's Creations. So
whenever I needed to get away, I would just go downstairs.

(27:56):
I had my space. She would come downstairs. I'd be like,
give me my space. I just need to be away
from my for my sanity. So it was very, very hard.
I honestly did not think many times that I was
ever going to get out of there. And you know,
the abuse continued. I have like a year and a
half's recording worth on my phone of just you know,

(28:20):
the things that she would say and how she would
try to put me downe and make me feel a
certain way, and you know, and it's just like, dude,
there's no love. Learn from it, accept it and let
it go.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
You know.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
Great, So but I'm still rebuilding, you know, but my
mindset is different. And more more positive person. And I
know that you know I'm going to get to where
I want to be soon.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
I just got to keep with it, all right. So
what would be your best word of advice or advisement
message to women who are going through a similar experience?
You know they've gone through a bad marriage, a bad

(29:05):
you know, engagement, whatever, bad breakup and where do they
go you know from here? What? What? What would you
like to give them, not for advice but guidance inspiration.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
I would say the biggest thing is to never shut
out your close circle because you need that support. You
really need that support. So really find out who your
true true friends are because when things happen, you're really
going to need them there. And be brave. Just the
first sign of a red flag, get out, just get out.

(29:44):
You have to be brave. That's the biggest thing. I
allowed people to kind of dim my light and make
me believe that I was someone that I really wasn't,
And so I didn't have my for my first relationship,
I didn't have my close friends because he made me
shut everybody out. So nobody ever know for this one.

(30:09):
My best friends wore my rock for sure, but they
always left it up to me to decide what I
was going to do. They never told me to leave,
they never They were just like, we want you safe,
we want to make sure that you're happy. So that's
what you need. You need that good support system in
your on your side because that makes everything much easier,
whether you lead the relationship or not. Just having someone
to listen to you and to not judge you and

(30:33):
just just be an ear you know when you need
to vent. That's very important.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I think people need to people
definitely women needed. Women need to hear that absolutely. So
what's then that a happier note? Tell me all about
gen x Creations. What is it? What do you what
do you do and all that.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
So I started my small business GenEx Creations during COVID,
and I went around so many different names for my business.
I started painting, so I do acrylic paints, I do pores.
I try to do portraits. You know, in high school
I took fashion and in college I took fashion so

(31:18):
that I love.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
I did not know that, okay cool.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
And so I started with that and then I was like,
you know what, I want to do something else, like
I love sayings on T shirts and cups and I
just love all that stuff. So I started youtubing a
lot of things and investing money on things, and I paint,
I make T shirts, hoodies, tumblers, you name it, I
make it. I will create, you know, anything that you

(31:46):
want me to create, or I will do my own thing.
And it's been kind of hard, you know, because you
don't when you move to a different place, like you
don't know anybody. So it's like word of mouth is
harder here when you don't know anybody you know. So
but I'm still trying, you know, I'm not going to
give that up. That's my passion. I love it. I'm
hoping in the future to have my own little store

(32:09):
so that I can have Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
Yeah, very cool. I'm very proud of you. Thank you now.
And actually you and I will message each other because
I I think I might need you to make something
for me. I just came up with this idea. But
we'll talk afterwards, all right. So if someone wants to
check out your your art, your cups, your shirts, everything,

(32:35):
how do they reach you?

Speaker 3 (32:38):
So right now, I'm still building my website so you
can go on to gen x Creations and Instagram it's
g and Underscore x Underscore Creations on Instagram, you can
DM me there. I'm also on TikTok and I have
my email address on TikTok as well, so I try
to do a little bit of both. But I'm definitely

(32:58):
working on.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
My website excellent. I am. I am huge, huge. I
can't even tell you on supporting women owned business, my
minority own business, LGBTQ business, black owned businesses, et cetera.
So I want everyone of my listeners out there to
go check out Brenda's products and her art and support her.

(33:23):
So thank you very much, Brenda for sharing your story
and getting it out there. I know it'll resonate with
a lot of women, you know. Yeah, I think I
believe nothink. I know that a lot of us who've
been through what you and I have been through. There's
there's so many, thousands of stories that are the same thing.

(33:47):
To know that you are not alone. There's help available.
Like Renda said, you know, rely on your I call
it my circle of support, my chosen family. I'm in therapy,
I'm with the right psychiatrist, you know, and Brenda, you
have a world of support with your wonderful fiance. So

(34:07):
that's it. So I want to thank everyone for listening
in tonight and once again my name is Caitlin green
Glass with the Healing Like podcast on Spreaker or really
anywhere you get your listening to your podcasts, and I
am every Tuesday night at seven pm Eastern Standard time. Again,

(34:29):
thank you for listening everyone, and have a wonderful evening.
Take care, Bye bye