July 25, 2025 • 28 mins
Enjoy "The Jack Benny Collection," a showcase of the best episodes from the legendary comedian's radio show. Experience the timeless humor, memorable characters, and witty scripts that made Jack Benny a household name. Perfect for fans of classic comedy and radio history, this collection offers a window into the golden age of entertainment.
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Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Jack Benny Program presented by Lucky Strikes Any Men,
nom American.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Lucky Strike Burst again with Tobacco Man Furst again with
Tobacco Man.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the
next two leading brands combined. Yes, more than the next
two leading brands combined.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey
which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who
really know tobacco auctioneers, fires and warehousemen.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, light
up a Lucky Light up a really fine cigarette, and
puff by puff you will see ls MFT ls MFT.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so
fully packed, so free and easy on the draw.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So smoke the smoke.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike. Furst again with Tobacco Man
Lucky Strike.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Weun New York City.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
The Luckyes Price Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day's Bully.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Donald, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
This is our last broadcast.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Of this season.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
We've had thirty nine strenuous weeks of radio, and on
the shoulders of the start of our jall fell.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
The task of carrying this burden.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
So, without further ado, we bring you a very tiresome
comedian at tire, Jack Benny.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Betty talking and Don.
You're right, has been a very grueling season work. Nothing
could work. I tell you, Don, I'm so tired right now,
I can hardly keep my big blue eyes open. I'm
really all in.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Well, Jack, I know it's been a tough season, but
I can't understand why you should.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Be that tired. After all, you're only thirty nine.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, look, Don, it's hard for a man of your
age to realize how tired you can get.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
How old are you thirty eight?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Well, yes, wait, fifteen years till you're thirty nine. Purse,
the burden you're carrying is not on your shoulders, and
how you got a pair of pants to fit your
burden is beyond me.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Oh, I'll wait a minute, Jack, I wish you'd stop
joking about my being fat. It's embarrassing people on the
street point at me. Why taxi drivers won't even stop
for me?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I can't understand that. Down New York taxi drivers are
known for their courtesy and politeness. I take the fellow
who drove me from the station of my hotel. When
I got out, he was so shy he wouldn't even
ask me for the fare. He just grabbed me by
the ankles, turned me upside down and shot me. Can
you imagine that? Oh my goodness, Jack, why did you
say nothing? I had my money in my mouth. Anyway,
(03:12):
I will say this cab driver is very efficient. He
picked me up at the station, droves straight to the
Sherry Netherlands hotel.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Oh do you live there?
Speaker 6 (03:18):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
He does you know these cab drivers? Well, look who's here? Hello? Mary?
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Hi Jack, Hello everybody?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Well Mary here we are finishing another season, another thirty
nine weeks that you've worked for me. How do you
feel hungry? What do you mean hungry? What you pay me?
Speaker 7 (03:43):
I can't even open a window at the automat all?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Right, all right, you and your joke's automatic. I saw
you at the store club last night.
Speaker 8 (03:50):
I was telling cigarette selling cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
How'd you do not that?
Speaker 7 (03:56):
I was first again with tobacco man.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That's pretty good. You know you can use that routine
at the Palladium Theater in London. Just think Mary. Pretty
soon we'll be on the high seas on our way
to England. I know.
Speaker 8 (04:06):
And Jack, before we go, you'll have all your clothes cleane.
That chips are going on, it's kind of big. You
won't be able to lean over the side do your laundry.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I'm glad you didn't stop too long there. I'll find
it well. I'm the Mary. I try to reach you yesterday.
I try to reach you, Yesterda.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
Where were you such a babe in the polyclinic hospital?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
See? I didn't know if babe was sick.
Speaker 9 (04:29):
She's not.
Speaker 7 (04:29):
She's a janitor there, Honey.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I knew she could do it. I can't understand how
murch lets her come here? Telegram project Benny here, boy,
I'll take it. Here's a tip for you, oh boy
a nickel. Now I can live at the Cherry Netherlands.
Speaker 7 (04:48):
Jack, who's a telegram?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Wall? I open it? Mary? H oh? Here, Mary, you
opened it. I haven't had my weedies today? What did
they say?
Speaker 7 (05:01):
Dear Jack?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
I understand you're going to England next Wednesday. Wish I
had gone last Thursday. Signed Joe Walcott.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Is't that nice? He wired me as soon as he
came to that was really all right, Jackson, They've waited
long enough, So stand aside, Dad, let him see me,
let him well, well, here we are finishing another season,
another thirty nine weeks that you worked for me. How
(05:38):
do you feel thirsty?
Speaker 5 (05:40):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Fine, Mary's hungry and you're a Thursday. Hey, Jackson, were
you at the Lewis Walcott fight at the Yankee Stadium
Friday night? Sure, Belle, I was sitting right up from
Did you hear the big reception I got when I
came in? Everybody jumped to their feet and cheered and yelled. Really,
phil when'd you come in at two minutes and fifty
six seconds of the eleventh round? Haven't say delivered? Hearing
the fight? Yoursey? Joe Walcott was staggering all over the place?
Speaker 10 (06:03):
Or was I why?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I hope Walcott fell better the next morning than I did.
I'm sure he did.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
They fell. I haven't seen you since you came in
from Cleveland. Where have you been, Dad?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
To stop off from Philadelphia to catch my vote at
the Republican Convention? You philed you cast your vote, and
certainly I was chairman of the delegation from Joe Watt Dennis.
Speaker 11 (06:33):
You can't give him those words, Why do you keep
putting them in the house.
Speaker 7 (06:48):
Yes, you think the convention was exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
The convention, I'm sure was. Those Republicans must be pretty
sure of getting into the White House. They nominated Dewey
Warren and poor Piano Movie. And you know, kid, it's
quite an honor to us California. We have our governor
nominated for vice president. I'm pretty thrilled because just two
years ago, Earl Warren was a guest on my program. Yeah,
Jack Net Governor Warren is really a good looking guy,
(07:12):
any he sure is Bill. He's very popular too. Yeah,
what a guy. I have some beautiful smileful of charment personality.
But if he can lead a bandit be another Phil
Harris Hodia like that Tay Till. What is a Livy
Jiff Walcott?
Speaker 7 (07:29):
Ted was as big as your as Lewis would have
hit it in the first round.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Mary, I could kiss you for.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
That, Thanks Jack, But I'm still hungry.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Well, I'll get you a sandwich when we get to London.
No use having one here. We may have a rough boyet.
Oh play don Yes, Jack, I've had a request to
repeat the saber dance on my violin it's a quartet here.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Yes, certainly arm a sportsman.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Oh yes, I didn't see him. Hello fellas, Hello fellas boys,
I said, hello, don don squeezed them? When okay, waill
I get my violin handed to me? Will you marry?
All right?
Speaker 7 (08:05):
But I'll hate myself in the morning, never mind.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Giving me all right, boys, let's go. Let's saber dance.
You better try lucky they are made? Don you better?
Speaker 11 (08:25):
You?
Speaker 6 (08:25):
Better?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
You the sager reason you would like you.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Better?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Hurry hurry You're the wanner to worry. Hurry. If I
am very hurry up, try.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Oh old and your lucky more.
Speaker 10 (08:55):
Then you will see what.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You don't know?
Speaker 6 (09:34):
What am it?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
If you thought about and hurry now like by a part.
Speaker 9 (09:37):
And that the start of money, that would be your
favorite friend.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I have of a lad.
Speaker 8 (09:48):
Balance balance, That my balance.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
A balan important thing?
Speaker 9 (10:08):
You think it?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
Why?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Why that was wonderful? I was never better? I mean
you were good too in there. You know I wish
you were going to England with me. Hey, Jaxon, while
we're over London, I'm gonna buy one of them English
squeet you mean a suit? Yeah, and I ain't gonna
take us any old English student in London. I'm gonna
pick a dilly. Oh, Harris. I'll bet Milton Berl's got
that written down already, hutting down. It's got it on
(10:51):
television right now, and not only that, as soon as
we get on. Hello, Dennis, well that is here. We
are finishing another season, another thirty nine weeks. You've been
working for me? How do you feel? That's a cherry?
Another one? Why?
Speaker 9 (11:15):
sEH?
Speaker 12 (11:15):
I read the wrong line, Dennis.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Dennis, I haven't seen you since we got to town,
even having a good time.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
Boy, I'll say gee, I really like New York. The
people here are so friendly and so trusting, trusting. What
do you mean, kid, Well, last night a fellow stopped
me on the street and he wanted to borrow five dollars.
And when I gave it to him, you didn't even
ask me my name.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I have him, say, Dennis, if he didn't get your name,
how will you know who to return it to. Well,
he's stuck with the money. Let him worry about it,
Denni's kid, come here a minutus, Huh. I want to
feel your head, Steve. It's ripe enough to pick.
Speaker 7 (11:54):
Yet, Dennis. I want to thank you for taking me
to the Fike Fride. And I was only one that.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Asked me, that is you take married to the fight?
Speaker 6 (12:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 12 (12:03):
You what excitement at the end of the eleventh round
when the police all gathered around, picked him off the
floor and carried him back to the see.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Joe Walcott, No, Phil Harris, Oh yes, yes Phil, See.
I was so proud. He's my friend. Ys. That is
everybody here in the studio is anxious to hear your song.
(12:29):
How about it? Okay, how holy kid come in?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Well?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, well, mister kitso Lo, mister oh my, oh, mister Kissell,
how do you happen to be in New York?
Speaker 13 (12:47):
I came here last week to go through our weaving.
Our courson of mine got married.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh well, congratulations. If you have a good time at
the wedding. It was a big party.
Speaker 13 (13:00):
Your wine flowed like celery tonic, salary tonic. That's a
vegetarian champaigne. And then right after the ceremony was over,
I was.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
You west in line to kiss the groom. The groom,
you're supposed to kiss the bride with her face. We
had trouble getting the groom to do it. Well, did
you meet a lot of your old friends there, every
body who I knew for years, even Tanginos bound. She's
working for it.
Speaker 13 (13:35):
You should excuse the expression.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Well, mister Kissel, I'm awfully glad you dropped in.
Speaker 13 (13:42):
Thank you, mister Bennian. Here I brought you a farewell
presence for your boatery. I heard that made us specially
for you.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, let's say it now. Isn't that cute? A long
bagel that spells out bonvoy yards, thank you very much.
Mist should kill thank you, thank you, goodbye. It's not
(14:10):
funny how I run into mister kits literly every place
I go. Now, come on, then, it's a time for
your song. What's it gonna be?
Speaker 12 (14:15):
It's a lot of eyes. I recorded forty a victor
called sleep my Child.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Swell go right ahead.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Every night a young little mother sing.
Speaker 9 (14:45):
Tenerly. She clings for her lady when he saw from
her he is like an.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
Angel as she looks up go and she sings this
song of.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Fool that will not.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Sleep my chob Oh, your daddy's horror away, sleep my child.
We'll be back with him some day. He is trying
(15:35):
song to find album.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That cake for you and me.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
Where we still may share some happiness and live life. Sleep,
my child. We must try to keep from you.
Speaker 9 (16:01):
All the pain.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
And the sadness. We even prove you will have your
hand long in some.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
Fine land where you be.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Long, leave mine, mine, lady, a.
Speaker 9 (16:48):
Mine.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
We'll be back with him some day you will have
in some mine land where you be.
Speaker 9 (17:18):
Mine time.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
That was a really wonderful number, dannas you is, and
you sang it beautifully, and philis the first time I've
heard the orchestra. It sounds so nice. I'll take it.
It's probably Rochester.
Speaker 7 (18:07):
Hello, Hello, this is the operator. I have a long
distance call for Jack Benny in New York City.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Long distance? Where's it from? Harlem? That's what I thought?
Put him on? Hello almost Rochester. Well it's come on
time you call Rochester. I haven't heard from you since
(18:33):
we arrived in New York.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I'm sorry, boss, But Monday night when I got to Harlem,
that was.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
A big party, celebrating, told those victory Monday night. Wait
a minute, Rochester, it wasn't ntil Friday night that Lewis
beat Walcott. We're still celebrating this, we always smelling. But
that was ten years ago. Why are they holding the
party now. It was postponed on accounter range.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
A.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Rochester, I hope it's not a wild party. What are
you having to I don't know, but I'm calling from
the chandelier. That's what I thought. Now, Rochester, I hope
you pack everything in my trunk that I need. You know,
while I'm in London, I'm going to participate in the
Olympic Game. You are, yes, sir, Well, hope you wear Boss.
(19:19):
I hope you're with you do Yeah, America hasn't had
a Tilly Went champion at you, Rochester. I'm not going
to London just to Tittaly looking for your information. I'm
gonna throw the discuss. You're gonna what the who throw
the discus? Throwing the discuss is an ancient Roman sport
that was popular during the days of Nero.
Speaker 11 (19:38):
I thought you were playing the fiddle then, Rochester.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
When I leave, I hope you'll be down to the
doctor to see me off. Oh I will, Boss, I will, Goodbye, Rochester.
I'm I'm gonna miss Rochester too, but just think, kids,
in a little while will be out on the Atlantic Ocean.
Come in. Pardon me. I was looking for the washroom,
(20:10):
but this will do. Why Brad, Wow, Jack, I really
dropped into Let me look at you. You're looking as well.
I've never seen you have such rosy colored bags under
(20:31):
your look Jack, I dropped in. That pained expression on
your face. You look like a hen trying to lay
a basketball. I'm getting mine in furs, all right, Jack
and Rachel, your face looks like a convertible with the
top halfway down. You know. Now, sit down, little man.
(20:55):
You must be tired after that. Bob Hope an outburst.
Ladies and gentlemen, please tune in your radio is an
hour from now when this nature boy of the gay
nineties is a guest on my program without his writers,
Benny with Without his writers, you can't tell Benny from
(21:18):
mister Hutch. I'll wait a minute, Fred, what man he
should talk about? The way I look? Benny's hairline has
received so far he cambs his eyebrows to keep up
his morale. Fred, I have seen more fuzz on a
harvest moon. I'd hate to be drowning and have someone
(21:39):
throw me a line like that. Yeah, simm Facebook, what
(22:01):
did you come barging in her for? Anyway? Well, Frankly,
I didn't drop in here to see you.
Speaker 10 (22:05):
Jack.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's Mary. I'd like to talk to you.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Hello Mary, Hello Fred, what is it you wanted?
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Well, Mary, you could do me a great favor. I came,
are you Frederick? Longtime?
Speaker 5 (22:13):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
See? Well if it isn't Phil Harris Hollywood's answer to look, Ma,
I'm drinking. There's Dennis Day. Hello Dennis. Look Fred, we're
doing a program. Now, what do you want to see
Mary about it?
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yes, Fred, what is it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Well? Mary? Every now and then Portland likes to take
a couple of weeks off my program, and I thought,
you know, I thought a hungry girl like you might
like to take her place.
Speaker 7 (22:41):
Well, thanks, d But I don't think I could take apartments.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Well, yes you could. Why don't you try? Just try
reading a line or two. Wait a minute, Well, I
don't want my program sounding like yours. I had three
answers to that, mister Benny. Two of them the censor
took out, and the third one I wouldn't dare tell
without an ailwik on the premises.
Speaker 7 (23:06):
Oh Jack, I'll just imitate Portland for a second. It
won't sound like Fred's program.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well go ahead, Mary, all.
Speaker 7 (23:11):
Right, Oh, mister Allen, mister.
Speaker 14 (23:15):
Allan, what is it port I'm from the salt to
beat soft Freddie Tenorble, I'm not wrong, Denner Hody, Bob.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Look, Fred, will you please let me run my own show?
This is worse than last week when Bob Hope drops,
not worse than last week. Now we use up so
much time. My program was cut off the air ten
seconds too soon. I thought it was cut off thirty
minutes too late.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Oh wait a minute, Jack, don't get excited. And Fred,
as much as I'd like to substitute for Portland, I
couldn't you see? Jack has me signed to exclusive contract.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Well, Mary, that's nothing to worry about. Contracts can be broken.
Let me see yours.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
Well, Fred, I'd rather not. I'm too modest.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
What has modesty got to do with your contract.
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Tattooed on my back?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
You're down right anyway, Mayor. You're on your exclusive contract
to me if you go on Fred's program. I'm not
going to take you to Europe.
Speaker 7 (24:12):
All right, Jack, I won't you know Fred.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
That we're going to appear at the Palladium in London. Yeah,
and then we're going to tour the continent. We're even
going to Germany. Good, that'll teach him the start was
over that I'm going to ignore entirely, as I hoped
the audience will.
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Jack stop arguing, Why don't you too kiss and make up?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Well, all right, Mary, I'm willing, or if you're willing,
you have to kiss me. Look what I'm stuck with anyway,
I'm leaving for England suit so I won't have to
see you for a while. Well, I can't imagine you
spending the money to go to Europe. What are you
talking about? I always spend money. I even went to
see the Lewis Walcott fight. I know I saw you
coming out of that newsreel theater. What you spend money?
(24:54):
Why the last time you opened your wallet? Washington said
to Lincoln, pull down the shade, abe the light killing me.
Listen now, another crack like that, and I'll punch you
so hard. I'll straighten out your wrinkles and make your
face four feet square. I've seen that material and that
in a four dollars shit? Why you refugee from the
old worse than mine?
Speaker 10 (25:15):
I just read it?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Go ahead? Why why'd you hear this one? Do you
think mine is a stinker? Listen to this one?
Speaker 7 (25:21):
Go ahead?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Why you refugee from the old folks home. You want
the rest of it. If you had enough strength to
double up your fish, you'd be too tired to swing it.
I give you an idea, and that's what yourth and
you better shut up, or I'll put your lip down
and hook itto your belt. Buck, I'm walking you, hellam,
(25:45):
you better get off while I still have all my temper.
Now careful now, Benny, you're liable to blow your top
and you paid eight bucks for it.
Speaker 10 (25:57):
About time throw them out.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Don't bother Mary, I'm leaving anywhere. Well, I'm beating. I'm
telling you right now, I'm not appearing on your program tonight,
and you won't get paid. What times rehearse? Eight o'clock.
Speaker 10 (26:06):
I'll visa come by by Jack.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You know Mary, he's a sweet guy.
Speaker 10 (26:19):
Play Zach will be back in tentle minutes, but first at.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Heaven.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Lucky Strike Urst again with Tobacco Man. Urst again with
Tobacco Man.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
As a recent impartial survey reveals more independent tobacco experts
smoke Lucky Strike regularly. I'm the next two leading brands combined.
Yes more, I'm the next two leading brands combined. Lucky
Strike Urst again with tobacco man. That's what the survey shows.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Now listen to a statement recently made by mister James
Maynard Tally, tobacco warehouseman from Durham, North Carolina, from what.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
He knows, from what he sees.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
This is what he said, season half the season, I've
seen good ripe, mild tobacco bought by the makers of
Lucky Strike. I've smoked Lucky's eighteen years. They give me
a mile mellow smoke. So take a tip from the
experts and for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment.
Light up a Lucky Light up a really fine cigarette
and puff fipuck.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
You'll see ls mft lsmft.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and in a cigarette, it's
the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke. Tobacco experts.
Smoke Lucky Strike.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Hurst again with tobacco Man, Lucky.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Strike, ladies and gentlemen on behalf of my cash, my riders,
everybody associated with my program. I want to thank all
of you who have been listening to us for nine
on the sixteen years. We'll see you again in the fall.
I want to thank allan for lousing up my program,
and I hope you'll tune into our summer replacement, a
new and exciting quiz program called Let's Talk Hollywood. The
show will feature George Murphy and Edith Quinn and I
(28:08):
guess then thes The the National Broadcasting Company
The Jack Benny Program presented by Lucky Strikes Any Men,
nom American.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Lucky Strike Burst again with Tobacco Man Furst again with
Tobacco Man.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
More independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the
next two leading brands combined. Yes, more than the next
two leading brands combined.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
There you have the findings of a recent impartial survey
which reveals the personal smoking preference of the men who
really know tobacco auctioneers, fires and warehousemen.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, light
up a Lucky Light up a really fine cigarette, and
puff by puff you will see ls MFT ls MFT.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so
fully packed, so free and easy on the draw.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
So smoke the smoke.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike. Furst again with Tobacco Man
Lucky Strike.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Weun New York City.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
The Luckyes Price Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day's Bully.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Donald, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
This is our last broadcast.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Of this season.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
We've had thirty nine strenuous weeks of radio, and on
the shoulders of the start of our jall fell.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
The task of carrying this burden.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
So, without further ado, we bring you a very tiresome
comedian at tire, Jack Benny.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Betty talking and Don.
You're right, has been a very grueling season work. Nothing
could work. I tell you, Don, I'm so tired right now,
I can hardly keep my big blue eyes open. I'm
really all in.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Well, Jack, I know it's been a tough season, but
I can't understand why you should.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Be that tired. After all, you're only thirty nine.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, look, Don, it's hard for a man of your
age to realize how tired you can get.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
How old are you thirty eight?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Well, yes, wait, fifteen years till you're thirty nine. Purse,
the burden you're carrying is not on your shoulders, and
how you got a pair of pants to fit your
burden is beyond me.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Oh, I'll wait a minute, Jack, I wish you'd stop
joking about my being fat. It's embarrassing people on the
street point at me. Why taxi drivers won't even stop
for me?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I can't understand that. Down New York taxi drivers are
known for their courtesy and politeness. I take the fellow
who drove me from the station of my hotel. When
I got out, he was so shy he wouldn't even
ask me for the fare. He just grabbed me by
the ankles, turned me upside down and shot me. Can
you imagine that? Oh my goodness, Jack, why did you
say nothing? I had my money in my mouth. Anyway,
(03:12):
I will say this cab driver is very efficient. He
picked me up at the station, droves straight to the
Sherry Netherlands hotel.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Oh do you live there?
Speaker 6 (03:18):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
He does you know these cab drivers? Well, look who's here? Hello? Mary?
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Hi Jack, Hello everybody?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Well Mary here we are finishing another season, another thirty
nine weeks that you've worked for me. How do you
feel hungry? What do you mean hungry? What you pay me?
Speaker 7 (03:43):
I can't even open a window at the automat all?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Right, all right, you and your joke's automatic. I saw
you at the store club last night.
Speaker 8 (03:50):
I was telling cigarette selling cigarettes.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
How'd you do not that?
Speaker 7 (03:56):
I was first again with tobacco man.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That's pretty good. You know you can use that routine
at the Palladium Theater in London. Just think Mary. Pretty
soon we'll be on the high seas on our way
to England. I know.
Speaker 8 (04:06):
And Jack, before we go, you'll have all your clothes cleane.
That chips are going on, it's kind of big. You
won't be able to lean over the side do your laundry.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I'm glad you didn't stop too long there. I'll find
it well. I'm the Mary. I try to reach you yesterday.
I try to reach you, Yesterda.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
Where were you such a babe in the polyclinic hospital?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
See? I didn't know if babe was sick.
Speaker 9 (04:29):
She's not.
Speaker 7 (04:29):
She's a janitor there, Honey.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I knew she could do it. I can't understand how
murch lets her come here? Telegram project Benny here, boy,
I'll take it. Here's a tip for you, oh boy
a nickel. Now I can live at the Cherry Netherlands.
Speaker 7 (04:48):
Jack, who's a telegram?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Wall? I open it? Mary? H oh? Here, Mary, you
opened it. I haven't had my weedies today? What did
they say?
Speaker 7 (05:01):
Dear Jack?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
I understand you're going to England next Wednesday. Wish I
had gone last Thursday. Signed Joe Walcott.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Is't that nice? He wired me as soon as he
came to that was really all right, Jackson, They've waited
long enough, So stand aside, Dad, let him see me,
let him well, well, here we are finishing another season,
another thirty nine weeks that you worked for me. How
(05:38):
do you feel thirsty?
Speaker 5 (05:40):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Fine, Mary's hungry and you're a Thursday. Hey, Jackson, were
you at the Lewis Walcott fight at the Yankee Stadium
Friday night? Sure, Belle, I was sitting right up from
Did you hear the big reception I got when I
came in? Everybody jumped to their feet and cheered and yelled. Really,
phil when'd you come in at two minutes and fifty
six seconds of the eleventh round? Haven't say delivered? Hearing
the fight? Yoursey? Joe Walcott was staggering all over the place?
Speaker 10 (06:03):
Or was I why?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I hope Walcott fell better the next morning than I did.
I'm sure he did.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
They fell. I haven't seen you since you came in
from Cleveland. Where have you been, Dad?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
To stop off from Philadelphia to catch my vote at
the Republican Convention? You philed you cast your vote, and
certainly I was chairman of the delegation from Joe Watt Dennis.
Speaker 11 (06:33):
You can't give him those words, Why do you keep
putting them in the house.
Speaker 7 (06:48):
Yes, you think the convention was exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
The convention, I'm sure was. Those Republicans must be pretty
sure of getting into the White House. They nominated Dewey
Warren and poor Piano Movie. And you know, kid, it's
quite an honor to us California. We have our governor
nominated for vice president. I'm pretty thrilled because just two
years ago, Earl Warren was a guest on my program. Yeah,
Jack Net Governor Warren is really a good looking guy,
(07:12):
any he sure is Bill. He's very popular too. Yeah,
what a guy. I have some beautiful smileful of charment personality.
But if he can lead a bandit be another Phil
Harris Hodia like that Tay Till. What is a Livy
Jiff Walcott?
Speaker 7 (07:29):
Ted was as big as your as Lewis would have
hit it in the first round.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Mary, I could kiss you for.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
That, Thanks Jack, But I'm still hungry.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Well, I'll get you a sandwich when we get to London.
No use having one here. We may have a rough boyet.
Oh play don Yes, Jack, I've had a request to
repeat the saber dance on my violin it's a quartet here.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Yes, certainly arm a sportsman.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Oh yes, I didn't see him. Hello fellas, Hello fellas boys,
I said, hello, don don squeezed them? When okay, waill
I get my violin handed to me? Will you marry?
All right?
Speaker 7 (08:05):
But I'll hate myself in the morning, never mind.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Giving me all right, boys, let's go. Let's saber dance.
You better try lucky they are made? Don you better?
Speaker 11 (08:25):
You?
Speaker 6 (08:25):
Better?
Speaker 1 (08:26):
You the sager reason you would like you.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Better?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Hurry hurry You're the wanner to worry. Hurry. If I
am very hurry up, try.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Oh old and your lucky more.
Speaker 10 (08:55):
Then you will see what.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
You don't know?
Speaker 6 (09:34):
What am it?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
If you thought about and hurry now like by a part.
Speaker 9 (09:37):
And that the start of money, that would be your
favorite friend.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I have of a lad.
Speaker 8 (09:48):
Balance balance, That my balance.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
A balan important thing?
Speaker 9 (10:08):
You think it?
Speaker 6 (10:26):
Why?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Why that was wonderful? I was never better? I mean
you were good too in there. You know I wish
you were going to England with me. Hey, Jaxon, while
we're over London, I'm gonna buy one of them English
squeet you mean a suit? Yeah, and I ain't gonna
take us any old English student in London. I'm gonna
pick a dilly. Oh, Harris. I'll bet Milton Berl's got
that written down already, hutting down. It's got it on
(10:51):
television right now, and not only that, as soon as
we get on. Hello, Dennis, well that is here. We
are finishing another season, another thirty nine weeks. You've been
working for me? How do you feel? That's a cherry?
Another one? Why?
Speaker 9 (11:15):
sEH?
Speaker 12 (11:15):
I read the wrong line, Dennis.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Dennis, I haven't seen you since we got to town,
even having a good time.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
Boy, I'll say gee, I really like New York. The
people here are so friendly and so trusting, trusting. What
do you mean, kid, Well, last night a fellow stopped
me on the street and he wanted to borrow five dollars.
And when I gave it to him, you didn't even
ask me my name.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
I have him, say, Dennis, if he didn't get your name,
how will you know who to return it to. Well,
he's stuck with the money. Let him worry about it,
Denni's kid, come here a minutus, Huh. I want to
feel your head, Steve. It's ripe enough to pick.
Speaker 7 (11:54):
Yet, Dennis. I want to thank you for taking me
to the Fike Fride. And I was only one that.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Asked me, that is you take married to the fight?
Speaker 6 (12:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 12 (12:03):
You what excitement at the end of the eleventh round
when the police all gathered around, picked him off the
floor and carried him back to the see.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Joe Walcott, No, Phil Harris, Oh yes, yes Phil, See.
I was so proud. He's my friend. Ys. That is
everybody here in the studio is anxious to hear your song.
(12:29):
How about it? Okay, how holy kid come in?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Well?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Well, well, mister kitso Lo, mister oh my, oh, mister Kissell,
how do you happen to be in New York?
Speaker 13 (12:47):
I came here last week to go through our weaving.
Our courson of mine got married.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Oh well, congratulations. If you have a good time at
the wedding. It was a big party.
Speaker 13 (13:00):
Your wine flowed like celery tonic, salary tonic. That's a
vegetarian champaigne. And then right after the ceremony was over,
I was.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
You west in line to kiss the groom. The groom,
you're supposed to kiss the bride with her face. We
had trouble getting the groom to do it. Well, did
you meet a lot of your old friends there, every
body who I knew for years, even Tanginos bound. She's
working for it.
Speaker 13 (13:35):
You should excuse the expression.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Well, mister Kissel, I'm awfully glad you dropped in.
Speaker 13 (13:42):
Thank you, mister Bennian. Here I brought you a farewell
presence for your boatery. I heard that made us specially
for you.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Well, let's say it now. Isn't that cute? A long
bagel that spells out bonvoy yards, thank you very much.
Mist should kill thank you, thank you, goodbye. It's not
(14:10):
funny how I run into mister kits literly every place
I go. Now, come on, then, it's a time for
your song. What's it gonna be?
Speaker 12 (14:15):
It's a lot of eyes. I recorded forty a victor
called sleep my Child.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Swell go right ahead.
Speaker 6 (14:37):
Every night a young little mother sing.
Speaker 9 (14:45):
Tenerly. She clings for her lady when he saw from
her he is like an.
Speaker 6 (14:56):
Angel as she looks up go and she sings this
song of.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Fool that will not.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Sleep my chob Oh, your daddy's horror away, sleep my child.
We'll be back with him some day. He is trying
(15:35):
song to find album.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
That cake for you and me.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
Where we still may share some happiness and live life. Sleep,
my child. We must try to keep from you.
Speaker 9 (16:01):
All the pain.
Speaker 6 (16:05):
And the sadness. We even prove you will have your
hand long in some.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
Fine land where you be.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Long, leave mine, mine, lady, a.
Speaker 9 (16:48):
Mine.
Speaker 6 (16:52):
We'll be back with him some day you will have
in some mine land where you be.
Speaker 9 (17:18):
Mine time.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
That was a really wonderful number, dannas you is, and
you sang it beautifully, and philis the first time I've
heard the orchestra. It sounds so nice. I'll take it.
It's probably Rochester.
Speaker 7 (18:07):
Hello, Hello, this is the operator. I have a long
distance call for Jack Benny in New York City.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Long distance? Where's it from? Harlem? That's what I thought?
Put him on? Hello almost Rochester. Well it's come on
time you call Rochester. I haven't heard from you since
(18:33):
we arrived in New York.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I'm sorry, boss, But Monday night when I got to Harlem,
that was.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
A big party, celebrating, told those victory Monday night. Wait
a minute, Rochester, it wasn't ntil Friday night that Lewis
beat Walcott. We're still celebrating this, we always smelling. But
that was ten years ago. Why are they holding the
party now. It was postponed on accounter range.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
A.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Rochester, I hope it's not a wild party. What are
you having to I don't know, but I'm calling from
the chandelier. That's what I thought. Now, Rochester, I hope
you pack everything in my trunk that I need. You know,
while I'm in London, I'm going to participate in the
Olympic Game. You are, yes, sir, Well, hope you wear Boss.
(19:19):
I hope you're with you do Yeah, America hasn't had
a Tilly Went champion at you, Rochester. I'm not going
to London just to Tittaly looking for your information. I'm
gonna throw the discuss. You're gonna what the who throw
the discus? Throwing the discuss is an ancient Roman sport
that was popular during the days of Nero.
Speaker 11 (19:38):
I thought you were playing the fiddle then, Rochester.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
When I leave, I hope you'll be down to the
doctor to see me off. Oh I will, Boss, I will, Goodbye, Rochester.
I'm I'm gonna miss Rochester too, but just think, kids,
in a little while will be out on the Atlantic Ocean.
Come in. Pardon me. I was looking for the washroom,
(20:10):
but this will do. Why Brad, Wow, Jack, I really
dropped into Let me look at you. You're looking as well.
I've never seen you have such rosy colored bags under
(20:31):
your look Jack, I dropped in. That pained expression on
your face. You look like a hen trying to lay
a basketball. I'm getting mine in furs, all right, Jack
and Rachel, your face looks like a convertible with the
top halfway down. You know. Now, sit down, little man.
(20:55):
You must be tired after that. Bob Hope an outburst.
Ladies and gentlemen, please tune in your radio is an
hour from now when this nature boy of the gay
nineties is a guest on my program without his writers,
Benny with Without his writers, you can't tell Benny from
(21:18):
mister Hutch. I'll wait a minute, Fred, what man he
should talk about? The way I look? Benny's hairline has
received so far he cambs his eyebrows to keep up
his morale. Fred, I have seen more fuzz on a
harvest moon. I'd hate to be drowning and have someone
(21:39):
throw me a line like that. Yeah, simm Facebook, what
(22:01):
did you come barging in her for? Anyway? Well, Frankly,
I didn't drop in here to see you.
Speaker 10 (22:05):
Jack.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's Mary. I'd like to talk to you.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Hello Mary, Hello Fred, what is it you wanted?
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Well, Mary, you could do me a great favor. I came,
are you Frederick? Longtime?
Speaker 5 (22:13):
No?
Speaker 1 (22:13):
See? Well if it isn't Phil Harris Hollywood's answer to look, Ma,
I'm drinking. There's Dennis Day. Hello Dennis. Look Fred, we're
doing a program. Now, what do you want to see
Mary about it?
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yes, Fred, what is it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Well? Mary? Every now and then Portland likes to take
a couple of weeks off my program, and I thought,
you know, I thought a hungry girl like you might
like to take her place.
Speaker 7 (22:41):
Well, thanks, d But I don't think I could take apartments.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Well, yes you could. Why don't you try? Just try
reading a line or two. Wait a minute, Well, I
don't want my program sounding like yours. I had three
answers to that, mister Benny. Two of them the censor
took out, and the third one I wouldn't dare tell
without an ailwik on the premises.
Speaker 7 (23:06):
Oh Jack, I'll just imitate Portland for a second. It
won't sound like Fred's program.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well go ahead, Mary, all.
Speaker 7 (23:11):
Right, Oh, mister Allen, mister.
Speaker 14 (23:15):
Allan, what is it port I'm from the salt to
beat soft Freddie Tenorble, I'm not wrong, Denner Hody, Bob.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Look, Fred, will you please let me run my own show?
This is worse than last week when Bob Hope drops,
not worse than last week. Now we use up so
much time. My program was cut off the air ten
seconds too soon. I thought it was cut off thirty
minutes too late.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Oh wait a minute, Jack, don't get excited. And Fred,
as much as I'd like to substitute for Portland, I
couldn't you see? Jack has me signed to exclusive contract.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Well, Mary, that's nothing to worry about. Contracts can be broken.
Let me see yours.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
Well, Fred, I'd rather not. I'm too modest.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
What has modesty got to do with your contract.
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Tattooed on my back?
Speaker 1 (24:07):
You're down right anyway, Mayor. You're on your exclusive contract
to me if you go on Fred's program. I'm not
going to take you to Europe.
Speaker 7 (24:12):
All right, Jack, I won't you know Fred.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
That we're going to appear at the Palladium in London. Yeah,
and then we're going to tour the continent. We're even
going to Germany. Good, that'll teach him the start was
over that I'm going to ignore entirely, as I hoped
the audience will.
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Jack stop arguing, Why don't you too kiss and make up?
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Well, all right, Mary, I'm willing, or if you're willing,
you have to kiss me. Look what I'm stuck with anyway,
I'm leaving for England suit so I won't have to
see you for a while. Well, I can't imagine you
spending the money to go to Europe. What are you
talking about? I always spend money. I even went to
see the Lewis Walcott fight. I know I saw you
coming out of that newsreel theater. What you spend money?
(24:54):
Why the last time you opened your wallet? Washington said
to Lincoln, pull down the shade, abe the light killing me.
Listen now, another crack like that, and I'll punch you
so hard. I'll straighten out your wrinkles and make your
face four feet square. I've seen that material and that
in a four dollars shit? Why you refugee from the
old worse than mine?
Speaker 10 (25:15):
I just read it?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Go ahead? Why why'd you hear this one? Do you
think mine is a stinker? Listen to this one?
Speaker 7 (25:21):
Go ahead?
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Why you refugee from the old folks home. You want
the rest of it. If you had enough strength to
double up your fish, you'd be too tired to swing it.
I give you an idea, and that's what yourth and
you better shut up, or I'll put your lip down
and hook itto your belt. Buck, I'm walking you, hellam,
(25:45):
you better get off while I still have all my temper.
Now careful now, Benny, you're liable to blow your top
and you paid eight bucks for it.
Speaker 10 (25:57):
About time throw them out.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Don't bother Mary, I'm leaving anywhere. Well, I'm beating. I'm
telling you right now, I'm not appearing on your program tonight,
and you won't get paid. What times rehearse? Eight o'clock.
Speaker 10 (26:06):
I'll visa come by by Jack.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
You know Mary, he's a sweet guy.
Speaker 10 (26:19):
Play Zach will be back in tentle minutes, but first at.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Heaven.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Lucky Strike Urst again with Tobacco Man. Urst again with
Tobacco Man.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
As a recent impartial survey reveals more independent tobacco experts
smoke Lucky Strike regularly. I'm the next two leading brands combined.
Yes more, I'm the next two leading brands combined. Lucky
Strike Urst again with tobacco man. That's what the survey shows.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Now listen to a statement recently made by mister James
Maynard Tally, tobacco warehouseman from Durham, North Carolina, from what.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
He knows, from what he sees.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
This is what he said, season half the season, I've
seen good ripe, mild tobacco bought by the makers of
Lucky Strike. I've smoked Lucky's eighteen years. They give me
a mile mellow smoke. So take a tip from the
experts and for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment.
Light up a Lucky Light up a really fine cigarette
and puff fipuck.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
You'll see ls mft lsmft.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and in a cigarette, it's
the tobacco that counts. So smoke the smoke. Tobacco experts.
Smoke Lucky Strike.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Hurst again with tobacco Man, Lucky.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Strike, ladies and gentlemen on behalf of my cash, my riders,
everybody associated with my program. I want to thank all
of you who have been listening to us for nine
on the sixteen years. We'll see you again in the fall.
I want to thank allan for lousing up my program,
and I hope you'll tune into our summer replacement, a
new and exciting quiz program called Let's Talk Hollywood. The
show will feature George Murphy and Edith Quinn and I
(28:08):
guess then thes The the National Broadcasting Company
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