July 27, 2025 • 30 mins
Enjoy "The Jack Benny Collection," a showcase of the best episodes from the legendary comedian's radio show. Experience the timeless humor, memorable characters, and witty scripts that made Jack Benny a household name. Perfect for fans of classic comedy and radio history, this collection offers a window into the golden age of entertainment.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, The Jellal Program, Sorrying Jack Benny with Johnny Green,
the Orchestra, the Orchestrofinson Program with Don't say a word.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Just as one of the strongest influences in our lives.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I think is color.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Black and white is fine for an etching, but we
all need bright colors to keep our spirits up. But
it comes to colors, that's where Jello shine. It's the
liveliest gaess desert. You can find sunshiny orange, shimmering green,
the deep rich tones of rose and crimson. Six different
colors from which to choose everyone, lovely, clear and chloy.
And when it comes to taste, ah, that's where.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Jello shines again.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Or it's packed, crammed full, delicious, real fruit flavor. Flavor
is truly luscious as the fresh ripe fruit itself. No
other gelatin dessert an equal Jello's extra rich flavor. So
don't accept any substitutes. Insist on the one and only
genuine Jello.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring to you Jack Benny.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I guess fine way to introduce a lot of hope.
But anyway, once all I say to you, you again
acton the s don't mind if I.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Make a little suggestion that I do. You know, after all,
I've known you a long time. I mean, I don't
think you should be offended.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
No, No, go right ahead, don pay no a dance
in to my doubled up fits.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
And what is that?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Well you've been saying jelo again so often that it's
getting just a bit monotonous. Now can't we make some
kind of a change in this program?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I don't know what you mean, don How well, why
don't me you introduce me? You take the commercial and
give me the opening build up?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
That's a silly well, it can't be any worse than
it has been, so why not Wh're not trying on?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know, I'll take your lines, you take mine, all right, Don,
but you'll see every man to his own racket. Hey
Green to take the finish of your first number again?
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Hm? That was Johnny Green playing the lost chord and
I and now we bring to you our master of
ceremony that stage and screensar Jack Benny Jelo again.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
This is Jack Benny, the funny man of this program.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
How am I doing? My Don? That's a great idea,
and I'll take your part. Tell me Jack, how did
you do with the Stanley Peter or Pittsburgh last week?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Well, I'll tell you that I'm not wonderful week. My
jokes kills him.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
And when I finished my violin soul, the audience cheers.
Well Jack, the way you played Lade Love and Bloom,
they should hear.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yes, oh yeah, Well one thing we turned away five
thousand people is a cute cute idea, isn't it switching parle?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yes, and then well, well if it isn't. Kenny Baker,
how are you, Kenny?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
I'm married.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
You're playing Kenny's Park tonight? Oh, how are you, Kenny?
Speaker 7 (04:33):
He's a thrill?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Well, Kenny, I see you finally bought yourself a suit
of Eastern clothes.
Speaker 7 (04:41):
Yes, I got two pair of hands for this, and.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Those jokes don't fit.
Speaker 7 (04:44):
You'll marry now, but the pants to.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Say, Kenny? Yes, Jack, how do you like you?
Speaker 8 (04:52):
York?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Now?
Speaker 7 (04:53):
Y see the sixth Day bicycle race last week?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Even Kenny must all right, Well he went to see
the sixth day misca race. Who won it?
Speaker 7 (05:03):
I don't know. I only stayed five days.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
And speaking of the sixth day race, let me tell
you about Jello with a sixth daylicious yet not yet done?
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Oh pardon man, Well see you later, sellers.
Speaker 7 (05:15):
I've got a date to look out.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Of the window. Okay, Kenny, Hello dak As the program
started to well if it isn't very livy might be
a good idea. But Mary needs a shave. Oh uh, Mary,
here's Don Wilson. Hello Mary, Hello, tet. Want to hear
a palmer rope? Done?
Speaker 8 (05:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
All right, man? Maybe Jack will listen here. It is
entitled spring Spring is nearly here? Old Spring is nearly here,
birdie singing everywhere? People changing underwear?
Speaker 6 (05:46):
So have a care, Oh, have a care because spring
is nearly here?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
How's that? Kenny?
Speaker 7 (05:51):
One of us is rotten?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
And speaking of spring, why not spring over to your
nearest grocer and ask for the big red letters? Yeah? Please?
Well ah, Jack, after all, people are dying to know
what program this is.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Now?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
You know how it feels to be interrupted your money?
I realize that. Well anyway, tonight, folks, see who's at
the door?
Speaker 7 (06:11):
Can he come in? Hello boy? Sorry I'm a little
late tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Well, well, Johnny Green, how are you great?
Speaker 7 (06:21):
I've got a lot of swell number Jack, I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Gone, Hey, wait a minute. That isn't me.
Speaker 6 (06:26):
I need the orchestra here, and I won't stand for this.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
But Johnny, we're just changing the program around just for
a novely. He gets tired doing the same thing every week. Well,
go ahead, you keep out of this. Wilson flight didn't
say anything?
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Who said you did?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Then? What are you talking about?
Speaker 8 (06:39):
Play?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Who started this?
Speaker 5 (06:40):
Anyhow?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Hop Kenedy over there? He thinks he's Johnny Green.
Speaker 9 (06:43):
Oh that god, play Jack?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
That that wasn't topping any plain. We saw the thief
and the motion picture. Follow the plea And now, folks,
we are going back to our original characters, and tonight
we are going to offer something instructive. This is a
week when you pay your income tax, when you walk
right up to Uncle Sam and say, here, buddy, my
dime is your dime. I know that many of you
(09:17):
listeners are a little confused with the blank you have
to fill out, so we will try to help you.
That's the least we can do. And now we take
you to the income tax office, which is not unlike
a bank, only the paying teller is missing. All right, music, John,
happy days are here again. Ms Livingston, what are the
(09:40):
expections here?
Speaker 8 (09:41):
So far.
Speaker 7 (09:41):
Let me see you seventy nine.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
That's two hundred and eighty dollars behind last year. I
know what the trouble is. This office looks terrible. I'd
effect people to come in and pay their tax and
are dump like this. Put them flowers on my desk,
dust off that picture of George Washington's and bring in
a few easy cares. Make the customers want to come
in here. That did. Maybe now we'll do some business.
(10:04):
Good morning. I'd like to pay my incometact. What did
I tell him? It was Livingston? Well, sir, this is
the place. What's your name? Johnny Green? Occupation Auchestra leader?
Were you born in this country?
Speaker 8 (10:15):
No?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
What orchestra leader was? Now, mister Green? What was your
gross income for nineteen thirty five three hundred and twenty
five thousand, eight hundred and forty two dollars or nine cents?
I see? And what was your net? Twelve dollars? I
suppose you took everything off that you're entitled to everything
(10:38):
but my shirt. Oh, and I won't be long now.
Did you have any bad investments last year? Mister Green? Yes,
I've been on Max Fair to beat Joe Lewis any dependents,
Max Fair, Oh, Miss Livingston? What is he ois? So far?
Speaker 7 (10:55):
Eighty five cents?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Oh fine, I'll pay just a minute. Now are you married?
You know you're about twenty five hundred dollars for a wife.
If I had one, i'd sell. I see, well, here's
your eighty five cents. Oh it's such a small amount.
I'll talk you think double or nothing? All right? Head
tells you lou last. It isn't the first time the
(11:17):
government took it on the chin. Goodbye along my fellow, wasn't,
Miss Livingston? Come in hell? How do you do, sir? Exclusively? Please?
I'd like to pay my innes roma text, Well, you
couldn't find a better place. What's your name?
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Tempy and journey a part of my gino?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
How do you spell?
Speaker 5 (11:39):
Lad?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You're no spelling, You're just put them down?
Speaker 10 (11:43):
How much are you, mister Rushington doing in DJs?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
What business are you in? I'm sifting a dead base.
You can ride a six day bicycle rider, Miss Livingston.
I'll just put down a padler, say g Sampy, how
much you make the last year?
Speaker 7 (11:59):
All right?
Speaker 10 (11:59):
Push the read running around about the sea, counter bands
and then I come up a here are you married?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes? How many children have you got? How many flavories
you got?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Sick?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
That's what I got, shies, strawberry, raspberry, cherry orange, leaving
a lion?
Speaker 10 (12:13):
No, tony, but qually three more Rosemarian sends to me.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Those are nicers. And what was your total income? Live?
Fifteen one hundred dollars? Three many chicks and.
Speaker 11 (12:29):
A love and a cough.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I want to deal with this living son.
Speaker 7 (12:33):
Let's see fifteen hundred buy six children? Add one loving cuss?
How much have you got now?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Driven a dollars?
Speaker 7 (12:40):
That's funny, it's just what you are us.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Thank you for five? Hey wait a minute, you owe
us seven dollars? All right, I'm not leaving the country yet,
manam well, that's at least a promise. All right, who's next?
Cop roll? Well say top row? You want the statter
neat at Derby? That was one hundred and four thousand dollars,
wasn't it? Come my nod goes. Don't deny it, don't deny?
(13:12):
What were your expenses? For your expense? I sye icy
way us why you owe us twenty six thousand dollars dollars?
He wouldn't even wait what a day Friday Bright Here,
sir Kenny Baker, Danny Baker, what's your occupation? A singer
(13:32):
in a comedian's time left? We're just we're just trying
to collect down the singing down the stall. Did you
want your you will come back yet? Did I?
Speaker 6 (13:42):
I filed it and filed this night? Can this?
Speaker 8 (13:44):
I can this?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
And I can't get our do a big suntry like
this thing? And he sings, uh much? Do we collect
this living son? Yeah?
Speaker 8 (13:52):
Yeah, there may be trouble.
Speaker 12 (14:14):
But while there's moonlight and music and love and Roman,
let's pat the music and die before the fiddlers have played,
before the acust.
Speaker 11 (14:34):
To pay the bills.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And while we still have the town, let's face music
and die.
Speaker 8 (14:48):
We'll be without trouble.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Follel a different.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Tune and the baby. While there's live.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
Musy and love man Roma.
Speaker 8 (15:23):
Let's face the music and die.
Speaker 11 (15:30):
Let's face the must.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Let's face the music and dons from follow the Fleet,
sung by Kenny Baker of California. The States has sent
us oranges and now and then a lemon. Well, thanks
for calling me an orange jack.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
Don't mind him, Kenny, He's always kidding.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Oh I know, it's just a scheme to mention two
of our flavors.
Speaker 7 (16:08):
You're right, Kenny, I'm with you.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
Oh well, thanks, it's very sweet of you. Say what
are you doing tonight?
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:14):
Oh nothing?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Why do you like Chinese food?
Speaker 5 (16:16):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I love it? Not me. I'm going to a dance tonight.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
So long.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Three million men in New York and I'm talking to him.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
What's the matter? Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:29):
Oh nothing? Do you like tiny food?
Speaker 11 (16:31):
Jack?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Certainly?
Speaker 7 (16:32):
Why Kenny's going to a dance?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
What's funny about that? I don't know?
Speaker 7 (16:37):
They laugh from Kenny Setter.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Say, Kenny, you know I noticed you look kind of sad.
Tonight's the what's the matter with you? Oh? I don't know, Jack,
I'm homesick. You know, New York is the loneliest place
in the world. If you don't know anyone. Why, Kenny?
I thought you were having a great time here.
Speaker 8 (16:54):
All I do is.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
Look at tall buildings.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
See Jack, you're so familiar with New York. I wish
you show me around. Why. Certainly, Kenny, you should have
mentioned this before. I didn't know you felt that. We
haven't just been to Granted Village or Grant's Tomb or
the Central Park zoo. Oh, the zoo. See, I've never
been to the zoo.
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'd like to see a wild animal.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Why haven't you seen any animals in California? Just the
MGM lions. Well that's too bad. You've just got to
see the zoo. I'll take you right now, come on,
marry you too. Done they play something, Johnny, we get back.
We're gone the zoo.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
That was let yourself Go from Falla the fleets played
by my orficer, with yours Trulie at the piano. And
now I'll tune you into the central park too, where
we find the rest of our gangs.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
The line must be happy chicken for dinner. But here
we are, Danny, don't get your arms to ney of
those pages. Gee, this is swell. I never saw so
many animals of my life.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
Say what are those?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Were the trees throwing out their heads? Not trees, horns, horns?
Those are elk.
Speaker 7 (20:05):
Oh gosh, we call they crowd each other's fighting to
pay their dues.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Oh look look here's a monkey cage. They aren't they juice?
Speaker 7 (20:15):
Are they monkey jack?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Sure you they night?
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
What does that sign means? Habitat South Africa? Habitat? Well,
that's where they come from. They they are marvelous, how
they hang by their tails in the.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Sun, redtails and the sunset.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Quiet, Mary, don't be an animal cracker. I waited for that, brother,
Say Kendy, right around on this side to see some
of the honest animals in the world.
Speaker 6 (20:48):
Oh, will you see I'd like to see an algebra.
Speaker 7 (20:51):
An algebra I by some wild arithmetic.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
See what's that? That's Wilson's domestic animal. No commercial happen
that radio programs? Pop gon, get your peanuts and popcorn here.
Speaker 7 (21:07):
Say yeah, let's get some pinus and see the elephants.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Hey boy, give me a bag. How much is that
seven cents? Seven cents for a back of peanuts. Yeah,
there's a two center puzzle on the bag. It's just
a little racket. Eye got nice, fellow. I think we
ought to get someone to show us around and see
the place. Right. Let's call one of the attendants.
Speaker 7 (21:25):
Yeah, oh, you're in the uniform when you show us around.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Sure, that's what I'm here for. We have our trains
of animals cover.
Speaker 10 (21:32):
There's the hippopotamus and the fact one is his wife,
the hippopotamuss.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Gee, he's gone an awful big mouth.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
Yes, or here's semester of ceremonies.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Around here is around deer here here, but there's the jewet.
There is a giraffe.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Have to his teddy elevant and says, run him.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
That's all.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
We'll see him after the strike is over. All right,
all right, you have to take this club and this
club and over the back.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
Fat.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Hey, what are you hitting that giraffe for? I'm trying
to rabick a camelot of him?
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Hey, yeah, keeper, we want to set an elephant, brother.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Yeah, we want to feed him some peanut.
Speaker 10 (22:12):
Oh the elephants because they went no elephant, that's funny.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
They were there just minutes ago. I hope you don't
think we have him. Hey, Kenny, you didn't take an elephant,
did yes? No, Jay, come on, no, who gets a telephant?
Tell it right here? No, if the bunch of crooked
the joso, oh what here they are? It's your partners.
I am for the nice elephant. Johnny nat Wilson must
(22:37):
have been standing in front of him them.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
Here, Jumbo, here's some penis. Hey, I kiss.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You don't want them? Imagine an elephant not wanting penis,
so then why not? Jellow, it's tempting, jealous of dessert
in the world. Come on, come on, Kenny, we'll go
around and see the birds. See the birds. See the birds. Yeah,
I like birds.
Speaker 7 (22:59):
And show him the one.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You got it?
Speaker 7 (23:00):
One, you got it? Looked the State Theater last night.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I need the one with feathers. Well, there we are, there,
we are not so close, Kenny. That's a woodpecker. Oh
that's all right, I got my hat off. Look at
that one, Kenny. That's a store you know, the bird
that brings the babies. That one looked all broken down.
Speaker 7 (23:25):
That's the one that brought the queen Chatholic.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
He was retired on a pension. Oh look at that.
Look at that bird over there. Hello, Hello, Polly wants
the cracker. Polly wants the cracker. He won't talk. Must
be Freddy Allen's bird.
Speaker 5 (23:49):
It even looks like him.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Polly wants. Polly wants the cracker. Come on, I'll give
you ten dollars more than Freddy Pagea. Come I Polly
wants some jell owberry. I know that would get her. Hey, Jack,
I want to see some wild animals. All right, Kenny,
(24:11):
follow me. I'm sorry, but I'd have to turn you
on to a number. Keeper. That's one thing I don't
like his wild animals. Okay, thanks, well.
Speaker 8 (24:18):
I'm to keep it here.
Speaker 10 (24:19):
Anything I can do for you, don stalks, delions please,
we walked.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I got some visitors here from out of time. We
like to see the different wild animals. I got anything,
but you want looks, he looks. Here's the lion. Here's
the lions that brought back thing book alive. Say something, Leo.
I'm glad, but I'm glad, but I'm knowing you. I
like that getty, that getty right Jack, But I'd like
(24:48):
to see some raccoons. They go, Keeper, have you got
any paper? Have you got any uh gaber, have you
got any raccoons? Yes?
Speaker 10 (24:59):
I could show you something very nice here. Try this
on and if you like it, I'll take out the animal. No,
I don't like raccoon on, Kenny, make him look too Calitias.
Think you have you got something in tiger?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
No, but I got something else that drives here. Steal
this piece of good Hey, what is it? Azora clothing?
Thowt that's up to you. Now. Look, you said ben, hey,
but you I got a nice piece of porcupine with
your ski and you love to porcupine. I'm a die.
The pork you can have for nothing, but you'll laugh.
Don't left to charge you for the pine. He listen,
Danny Rubin, don't you think we're overdoing you this. It's
(25:34):
your program, but it's my animals. Fans, you'd like to
see something more? It comes this way.
Speaker 7 (25:38):
Oh wait a minute, I'd like to see something in me.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I'll let you miss my advice.
Speaker 8 (25:42):
What kay is she?
Speaker 10 (25:43):
In?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Very quiet?
Speaker 10 (25:46):
Jack, ask you if he's gone in wild pig fell
in this case, I'll have to find you over to
the other keep her well, here's the pig now and
raising the next kid on fifteen of the finest moon.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Kids you ever seen.
Speaker 10 (26:00):
On Believe me, and those litterles devil can do everything
but speak. They can your Hey, hey, come on, let
me out of here.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
The w's that big one in front? That's the head
monkey is not used to the case yet.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
Yeah, don't look like Johnny Green in his voice is.
Speaker 10 (26:15):
The best I've seen yet. Hey, listen, I'm gonna sut
it enough on this program. Come on, open up this cage.
I better leave this place.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Get no, he let me out of here, Let me
out of here. Can't you tell me from a monkey?
I'll be darn if I can. You'll have to prove it,
play John.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
When I was a kid, I look forward all week
long the Sunday Night supper. I was allowed to ask
in a few pals, and my mother always had some
swell surprise for us. Well, I still think there's something
gay and informal about Sunday Night supper for everybody, growing ups.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
And youngsters alike.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So here's the suggestion for next Sunday that.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Will make it a special occasion. Sunday Night Pudding is called,
and you make it like this.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Dissolve a package of strawberry jello in warm water, chill
until slightly thinking. Then add half a cup of chopped
walnut meats and one cup of chopped cakes, and the
chill firm, served.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
With whipped cream and whipped cream and whippe.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
You have a great dessert because strawberry jelous.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Rich, as delicious, as delicious as real.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Rite for to use genuine jello. Look for those letters
on the package. They spell Jello.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
This is the last number in the twenty fourth program
in the New Jellow series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Night.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I'll see all of my Washington friends at Low Spots,
where Mary and I opened a week's engagement starting next Friday.
Speaker 7 (29:33):
Okay, Jack, I thought we were out of the zoo.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
We are married.
Speaker 7 (29:36):
Well you just said low.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Spots, little zoo. Mary. Good night, folks. Let you love
and bloom and from she loves me not.
Speaker 5 (29:58):
This is the National Broadcasting something
Okay, The Jellal Program, Sorrying Jack Benny with Johnny Green,
the Orchestra, the Orchestrofinson Program with Don't say a word.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Just as one of the strongest influences in our lives.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
I think is color.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Black and white is fine for an etching, but we
all need bright colors to keep our spirits up. But
it comes to colors, that's where Jello shine. It's the
liveliest gaess desert. You can find sunshiny orange, shimmering green,
the deep rich tones of rose and crimson. Six different
colors from which to choose everyone, lovely, clear and chloy.
And when it comes to taste, ah, that's where.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Jello shines again.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Or it's packed, crammed full, delicious, real fruit flavor. Flavor
is truly luscious as the fresh ripe fruit itself. No
other gelatin dessert an equal Jello's extra rich flavor. So
don't accept any substitutes. Insist on the one and only
genuine Jello.
Speaker 4 (02:34):
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring to you Jack Benny.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I guess fine way to introduce a lot of hope.
But anyway, once all I say to you, you again
acton the s don't mind if I.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Make a little suggestion that I do. You know, after all,
I've known you a long time. I mean, I don't
think you should be offended.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
No, No, go right ahead, don pay no a dance
in to my doubled up fits.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
And what is that?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Well you've been saying jelo again so often that it's
getting just a bit monotonous. Now can't we make some
kind of a change in this program?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I don't know what you mean, don How well, why
don't me you introduce me? You take the commercial and
give me the opening build up?
Speaker 1 (03:21):
That's a silly well, it can't be any worse than
it has been, so why not Wh're not trying on?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know, I'll take your lines, you take mine, all right, Don,
but you'll see every man to his own racket. Hey
Green to take the finish of your first number again?
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Hm? That was Johnny Green playing the lost chord and
I and now we bring to you our master of
ceremony that stage and screensar Jack Benny Jelo again.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
This is Jack Benny, the funny man of this program.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
How am I doing? My Don? That's a great idea,
and I'll take your part. Tell me Jack, how did
you do with the Stanley Peter or Pittsburgh last week?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Well, I'll tell you that I'm not wonderful week. My
jokes kills him.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
And when I finished my violin soul, the audience cheers.
Well Jack, the way you played Lade Love and Bloom,
they should hear.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yes, oh yeah, Well one thing we turned away five
thousand people is a cute cute idea, isn't it switching parle?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yes, and then well, well if it isn't. Kenny Baker,
how are you, Kenny?
Speaker 7 (04:29):
I'm married.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
You're playing Kenny's Park tonight? Oh, how are you, Kenny?
Speaker 7 (04:33):
He's a thrill?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Well, Kenny, I see you finally bought yourself a suit
of Eastern clothes.
Speaker 7 (04:41):
Yes, I got two pair of hands for this, and.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Those jokes don't fit.
Speaker 7 (04:44):
You'll marry now, but the pants to.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Say, Kenny? Yes, Jack, how do you like you?
Speaker 8 (04:52):
York?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Now?
Speaker 7 (04:53):
Y see the sixth Day bicycle race last week?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Even Kenny must all right, Well he went to see
the sixth day misca race. Who won it?
Speaker 7 (05:03):
I don't know. I only stayed five days.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
And speaking of the sixth day race, let me tell
you about Jello with a sixth daylicious yet not yet done?
Speaker 9 (05:11):
Oh pardon man, Well see you later, sellers.
Speaker 7 (05:15):
I've got a date to look out.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Of the window. Okay, Kenny, Hello dak As the program
started to well if it isn't very livy might be
a good idea. But Mary needs a shave. Oh uh, Mary,
here's Don Wilson. Hello Mary, Hello, tet. Want to hear
a palmer rope? Done?
Speaker 8 (05:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (05:35):
All right, man? Maybe Jack will listen here. It is
entitled spring Spring is nearly here? Old Spring is nearly here,
birdie singing everywhere? People changing underwear?
Speaker 6 (05:46):
So have a care, Oh, have a care because spring
is nearly here?
Speaker 3 (05:50):
How's that? Kenny?
Speaker 7 (05:51):
One of us is rotten?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
And speaking of spring, why not spring over to your
nearest grocer and ask for the big red letters? Yeah? Please?
Well ah, Jack, after all, people are dying to know
what program this is.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Now?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
You know how it feels to be interrupted your money?
I realize that. Well anyway, tonight, folks, see who's at
the door?
Speaker 7 (06:11):
Can he come in? Hello boy? Sorry I'm a little
late tonight.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Well, well, Johnny Green, how are you great?
Speaker 7 (06:21):
I've got a lot of swell number Jack, I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Gone, Hey, wait a minute. That isn't me.
Speaker 6 (06:26):
I need the orchestra here, and I won't stand for this.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
But Johnny, we're just changing the program around just for
a novely. He gets tired doing the same thing every week. Well,
go ahead, you keep out of this. Wilson flight didn't
say anything?
Speaker 7 (06:37):
Who said you did?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Then? What are you talking about?
Speaker 8 (06:39):
Play?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Who started this?
Speaker 5 (06:40):
Anyhow?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
Hop Kenedy over there? He thinks he's Johnny Green.
Speaker 9 (06:43):
Oh that god, play Jack?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
That that wasn't topping any plain. We saw the thief
and the motion picture. Follow the plea And now, folks,
we are going back to our original characters, and tonight
we are going to offer something instructive. This is a
week when you pay your income tax, when you walk
right up to Uncle Sam and say, here, buddy, my
dime is your dime. I know that many of you
(09:17):
listeners are a little confused with the blank you have
to fill out, so we will try to help you.
That's the least we can do. And now we take
you to the income tax office, which is not unlike
a bank, only the paying teller is missing. All right, music, John,
happy days are here again. Ms Livingston, what are the
(09:40):
expections here?
Speaker 8 (09:41):
So far.
Speaker 7 (09:41):
Let me see you seventy nine.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
That's two hundred and eighty dollars behind last year. I
know what the trouble is. This office looks terrible. I'd
effect people to come in and pay their tax and
are dump like this. Put them flowers on my desk,
dust off that picture of George Washington's and bring in
a few easy cares. Make the customers want to come
in here. That did. Maybe now we'll do some business.
(10:04):
Good morning. I'd like to pay my incometact. What did
I tell him? It was Livingston? Well, sir, this is
the place. What's your name? Johnny Green? Occupation Auchestra leader?
Were you born in this country?
Speaker 8 (10:15):
No?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
What orchestra leader was? Now, mister Green? What was your
gross income for nineteen thirty five three hundred and twenty
five thousand, eight hundred and forty two dollars or nine cents?
I see? And what was your net? Twelve dollars? I
suppose you took everything off that you're entitled to everything
(10:38):
but my shirt. Oh, and I won't be long now.
Did you have any bad investments last year? Mister Green? Yes,
I've been on Max Fair to beat Joe Lewis any dependents,
Max Fair, Oh, Miss Livingston? What is he ois? So far?
Speaker 7 (10:55):
Eighty five cents?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Oh fine, I'll pay just a minute. Now are you married?
You know you're about twenty five hundred dollars for a wife.
If I had one, i'd sell. I see, well, here's
your eighty five cents. Oh it's such a small amount.
I'll talk you think double or nothing? All right? Head
tells you lou last. It isn't the first time the
(11:17):
government took it on the chin. Goodbye along my fellow, wasn't,
Miss Livingston? Come in hell? How do you do, sir? Exclusively? Please?
I'd like to pay my innes roma text, Well, you
couldn't find a better place. What's your name?
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Tempy and journey a part of my gino?
Speaker 3 (11:38):
How do you spell?
Speaker 5 (11:39):
Lad?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You're no spelling, You're just put them down?
Speaker 10 (11:43):
How much are you, mister Rushington doing in DJs?
Speaker 3 (11:46):
What business are you in? I'm sifting a dead base.
You can ride a six day bicycle rider, Miss Livingston.
I'll just put down a padler, say g Sampy, how
much you make the last year?
Speaker 7 (11:59):
All right?
Speaker 10 (11:59):
Push the read running around about the sea, counter bands
and then I come up a here are you married?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yes? How many children have you got? How many flavories
you got?
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Sick?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
That's what I got, shies, strawberry, raspberry, cherry orange, leaving
a lion?
Speaker 10 (12:13):
No, tony, but qually three more Rosemarian sends to me.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Those are nicers. And what was your total income? Live?
Fifteen one hundred dollars? Three many chicks and.
Speaker 11 (12:29):
A love and a cough.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I want to deal with this living son.
Speaker 7 (12:33):
Let's see fifteen hundred buy six children? Add one loving cuss?
How much have you got now?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Driven a dollars?
Speaker 7 (12:40):
That's funny, it's just what you are us.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Thank you for five? Hey wait a minute, you owe
us seven dollars? All right, I'm not leaving the country yet,
manam well, that's at least a promise. All right, who's next?
Cop roll? Well say top row? You want the statter
neat at Derby? That was one hundred and four thousand dollars,
wasn't it? Come my nod goes. Don't deny it, don't deny?
(13:12):
What were your expenses? For your expense? I sye icy
way us why you owe us twenty six thousand dollars dollars?
He wouldn't even wait what a day Friday Bright Here,
sir Kenny Baker, Danny Baker, what's your occupation? A singer
(13:32):
in a comedian's time left? We're just we're just trying
to collect down the singing down the stall. Did you
want your you will come back yet? Did I?
Speaker 6 (13:42):
I filed it and filed this night? Can this?
Speaker 8 (13:44):
I can this?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
And I can't get our do a big suntry like
this thing? And he sings, uh much? Do we collect
this living son? Yeah?
Speaker 8 (13:52):
Yeah, there may be trouble.
Speaker 12 (14:14):
But while there's moonlight and music and love and Roman,
let's pat the music and die before the fiddlers have played,
before the acust.
Speaker 11 (14:34):
To pay the bills.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And while we still have the town, let's face music
and die.
Speaker 8 (14:48):
We'll be without trouble.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Follel a different.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Tune and the baby. While there's live.
Speaker 6 (15:15):
Musy and love man Roma.
Speaker 8 (15:23):
Let's face the music and die.
Speaker 11 (15:30):
Let's face the must.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Let's face the music and dons from follow the Fleet,
sung by Kenny Baker of California. The States has sent
us oranges and now and then a lemon. Well, thanks
for calling me an orange jack.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
Don't mind him, Kenny, He's always kidding.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
Oh I know, it's just a scheme to mention two
of our flavors.
Speaker 7 (16:08):
You're right, Kenny, I'm with you.
Speaker 6 (16:10):
Oh well, thanks, it's very sweet of you. Say what
are you doing tonight?
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:14):
Oh nothing?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Why do you like Chinese food?
Speaker 5 (16:16):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I love it? Not me. I'm going to a dance tonight.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
So long.
Speaker 7 (16:25):
Three million men in New York and I'm talking to him.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
What's the matter? Mary?
Speaker 7 (16:29):
Oh nothing? Do you like tiny food?
Speaker 11 (16:31):
Jack?
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Certainly?
Speaker 7 (16:32):
Why Kenny's going to a dance?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
What's funny about that? I don't know?
Speaker 7 (16:37):
They laugh from Kenny Setter.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
Say, Kenny, you know I noticed you look kind of sad.
Tonight's the what's the matter with you? Oh? I don't know, Jack,
I'm homesick. You know, New York is the loneliest place
in the world. If you don't know anyone. Why, Kenny?
I thought you were having a great time here.
Speaker 8 (16:54):
All I do is.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
Look at tall buildings.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
See Jack, you're so familiar with New York. I wish
you show me around. Why. Certainly, Kenny, you should have
mentioned this before. I didn't know you felt that. We
haven't just been to Granted Village or Grant's Tomb or
the Central Park zoo. Oh, the zoo. See, I've never
been to the zoo.
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'd like to see a wild animal.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Why haven't you seen any animals in California? Just the
MGM lions. Well that's too bad. You've just got to
see the zoo. I'll take you right now, come on,
marry you too. Done they play something, Johnny, we get back.
We're gone the zoo.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
That was let yourself Go from Falla the fleets played
by my orficer, with yours Trulie at the piano. And
now I'll tune you into the central park too, where
we find the rest of our gangs.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
The line must be happy chicken for dinner. But here
we are, Danny, don't get your arms to ney of
those pages. Gee, this is swell. I never saw so
many animals of my life.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
Say what are those?
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Were the trees throwing out their heads? Not trees, horns, horns?
Those are elk.
Speaker 7 (20:05):
Oh gosh, we call they crowd each other's fighting to
pay their dues.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Oh look look here's a monkey cage. They aren't they juice?
Speaker 7 (20:15):
Are they monkey jack?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Sure you they night?
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
What does that sign means? Habitat South Africa? Habitat? Well,
that's where they come from. They they are marvelous, how
they hang by their tails in the.
Speaker 7 (20:33):
Sun, redtails and the sunset.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Quiet, Mary, don't be an animal cracker. I waited for that, brother,
Say Kendy, right around on this side to see some
of the honest animals in the world.
Speaker 6 (20:48):
Oh, will you see I'd like to see an algebra.
Speaker 7 (20:51):
An algebra I by some wild arithmetic.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
See what's that? That's Wilson's domestic animal. No commercial happen
that radio programs? Pop gon, get your peanuts and popcorn here.
Speaker 7 (21:07):
Say yeah, let's get some pinus and see the elephants.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Hey boy, give me a bag. How much is that
seven cents? Seven cents for a back of peanuts. Yeah,
there's a two center puzzle on the bag. It's just
a little racket. Eye got nice, fellow. I think we
ought to get someone to show us around and see
the place. Right. Let's call one of the attendants.
Speaker 7 (21:25):
Yeah, oh, you're in the uniform when you show us around.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Sure, that's what I'm here for. We have our trains
of animals cover.
Speaker 10 (21:32):
There's the hippopotamus and the fact one is his wife,
the hippopotamuss.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Gee, he's gone an awful big mouth.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
Yes, or here's semester of ceremonies.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Around here is around deer here here, but there's the jewet.
There is a giraffe.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Have to his teddy elevant and says, run him.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
That's all.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
We'll see him after the strike is over. All right,
all right, you have to take this club and this
club and over the back.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
Fat.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Hey, what are you hitting that giraffe for? I'm trying
to rabick a camelot of him?
Speaker 7 (22:07):
Hey, yeah, keeper, we want to set an elephant, brother.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Yeah, we want to feed him some peanut.
Speaker 10 (22:12):
Oh the elephants because they went no elephant, that's funny.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
They were there just minutes ago. I hope you don't
think we have him. Hey, Kenny, you didn't take an elephant,
did yes? No, Jay, come on, no, who gets a telephant?
Tell it right here? No, if the bunch of crooked
the joso, oh what here they are? It's your partners.
I am for the nice elephant. Johnny nat Wilson must
(22:37):
have been standing in front of him them.
Speaker 7 (22:39):
Here, Jumbo, here's some penis. Hey, I kiss.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You don't want them? Imagine an elephant not wanting penis,
so then why not? Jellow, it's tempting, jealous of dessert
in the world. Come on, come on, Kenny, we'll go
around and see the birds. See the birds. See the birds. Yeah,
I like birds.
Speaker 7 (22:59):
And show him the one.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You got it?
Speaker 7 (23:00):
One, you got it? Looked the State Theater last night.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I need the one with feathers. Well, there we are, there,
we are not so close, Kenny. That's a woodpecker. Oh
that's all right, I got my hat off. Look at
that one, Kenny. That's a store you know, the bird
that brings the babies. That one looked all broken down.
Speaker 7 (23:25):
That's the one that brought the queen Chatholic.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
He was retired on a pension. Oh look at that.
Look at that bird over there. Hello, Hello, Polly wants
the cracker. Polly wants the cracker. He won't talk. Must
be Freddy Allen's bird.
Speaker 5 (23:49):
It even looks like him.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Polly wants. Polly wants the cracker. Come on, I'll give
you ten dollars more than Freddy Pagea. Come I Polly
wants some jell owberry. I know that would get her. Hey, Jack,
I want to see some wild animals. All right, Kenny,
(24:11):
follow me. I'm sorry, but I'd have to turn you
on to a number. Keeper. That's one thing I don't
like his wild animals. Okay, thanks, well.
Speaker 8 (24:18):
I'm to keep it here.
Speaker 10 (24:19):
Anything I can do for you, don stalks, delions please,
we walked.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I got some visitors here from out of time. We
like to see the different wild animals. I got anything,
but you want looks, he looks. Here's the lion. Here's
the lions that brought back thing book alive. Say something, Leo.
I'm glad, but I'm glad, but I'm knowing you. I
like that getty, that getty right Jack, But I'd like
(24:48):
to see some raccoons. They go, Keeper, have you got
any paper? Have you got any uh gaber, have you
got any raccoons? Yes?
Speaker 10 (24:59):
I could show you something very nice here. Try this
on and if you like it, I'll take out the animal. No,
I don't like raccoon on, Kenny, make him look too Calitias.
Think you have you got something in tiger?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
No, but I got something else that drives here. Steal
this piece of good Hey, what is it? Azora clothing?
Thowt that's up to you. Now. Look, you said ben, hey,
but you I got a nice piece of porcupine with
your ski and you love to porcupine. I'm a die.
The pork you can have for nothing, but you'll laugh.
Don't left to charge you for the pine. He listen,
Danny Rubin, don't you think we're overdoing you this. It's
(25:34):
your program, but it's my animals. Fans, you'd like to
see something more? It comes this way.
Speaker 7 (25:38):
Oh wait a minute, I'd like to see something in me.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
I'll let you miss my advice.
Speaker 8 (25:42):
What kay is she?
Speaker 10 (25:43):
In?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Very quiet?
Speaker 10 (25:46):
Jack, ask you if he's gone in wild pig fell
in this case, I'll have to find you over to
the other keep her well, here's the pig now and
raising the next kid on fifteen of the finest moon.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Kids you ever seen.
Speaker 10 (26:00):
On Believe me, and those litterles devil can do everything
but speak. They can your Hey, hey, come on, let
me out of here.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
The w's that big one in front? That's the head
monkey is not used to the case yet.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
Yeah, don't look like Johnny Green in his voice is.
Speaker 10 (26:15):
The best I've seen yet. Hey, listen, I'm gonna sut
it enough on this program. Come on, open up this cage.
I better leave this place.
Speaker 3 (26:21):
Get no, he let me out of here, Let me
out of here. Can't you tell me from a monkey?
I'll be darn if I can. You'll have to prove it,
play John.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
When I was a kid, I look forward all week
long the Sunday Night supper. I was allowed to ask
in a few pals, and my mother always had some
swell surprise for us. Well, I still think there's something
gay and informal about Sunday Night supper for everybody, growing ups.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
And youngsters alike.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
So here's the suggestion for next Sunday that.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Will make it a special occasion. Sunday Night Pudding is called,
and you make it like this.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Dissolve a package of strawberry jello in warm water, chill
until slightly thinking. Then add half a cup of chopped
walnut meats and one cup of chopped cakes, and the
chill firm, served.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
With whipped cream and whipped cream and whippe.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
You have a great dessert because strawberry jelous.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Rich, as delicious, as delicious as real.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Rite for to use genuine jello. Look for those letters
on the package. They spell Jello.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
This is the last number in the twenty fourth program
in the New Jellow series, and we'll be with you
again next Sunday.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Night.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
I'll see all of my Washington friends at Low Spots,
where Mary and I opened a week's engagement starting next Friday.
Speaker 7 (29:33):
Okay, Jack, I thought we were out of the zoo.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
We are married.
Speaker 7 (29:36):
Well you just said low.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Spots, little zoo. Mary. Good night, folks. Let you love
and bloom and from she loves me not.
Speaker 5 (29:58):
This is the National Broadcasting something
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