July 29, 2025 • 24 mins
Enjoy "The Jack Benny Collection," a showcase of the best episodes from the legendary comedian's radio show. Experience the timeless humor, memorable characters, and witty scripts that made Jack Benny a household name. Perfect for fans of classic comedy and radio history, this collection offers a window into the golden age of entertainment.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Jay All.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston and
Phil Harris in his orchestra. The Orchestrope in a program
with Swing is here to Sway from Alibaba goes to Town.
We make quite a point of asking you to insist
(00:27):
on Jello by a name when you buy. And here
one of our listeners that I think will show you
why we do that. It's from missus Ah G. Chirr
of Lovington, Illinois. Here's what she says. Recently tried another
brand that was guaranteed to be as good as Jello
and founded a complete failure as to taste and quality.
I really want you to know I considered Jello and
only Jello. Well, missus Cheer is right, there is only
(00:51):
one Jello. And if you hear some other gelatin dessert
called it jello, you know that is incorrect. Well, the
name Jello is a trademark, the property of the General Foods,
and that name tells you that you're getting the real thing,
the one and only genuine Jello with the delicious, extra
rich fruit flavor. So if you want Jello's rich fruit
goodness and tempting beauty, don't accept any substitutes. Look for
(01:16):
the big red letters on the box. They spell Jello.
(01:46):
I will swing with here dis Way, played by Phil
Harris and his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring
you a man who owns a watch comma, a violin comma,
and an automobile. Question mark, Jack Fenny.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jolo again, this is
a Jack Benny talkie. And Don, When you said automobile,
question mark, I presume you were alluding to my Maxwell,
were you not?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yes, Jack, I'm afraid I was well done.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
You can have your little fun. It's all right, Maxie
and I can take it.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I have.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
I love every rattle and this dear little Cassie.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Well, did you drive it down tonight?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Jack? Yes, Don, I drove. Everything was fine. Mary was
with me and I had no trouble at all. Did
I marry not with me?
Speaker 5 (02:34):
You didn't.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I'm talking.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
What about that flat tire?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You had? Flat tire? Say you could hardly feel it?
Leave me anyway? My tires, our tires were awfully pinned.
What what happened?
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Jack ran over a marshmallow and got a punkture?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Well, no wonder it was toasted. You forgot mentioned man,
Why didn't you change the tire?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Jack?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Because I haven't any tools, Phil, That's why you haven't
got any tools. No, I gave him to my sister
for a charm bracelet. Well that's a novel gift.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
How does she like it?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
All?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Fine? But she can't get her arm off the floor?
Speaker 6 (03:18):
Jack?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Are you still keeping up the payments on that car?
Speaker 4 (03:21):
What's that done?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
He was laughing. I didn't like you. Might as well
wait for a laugh, you know, kid.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
What I said, Jack is are you still keeping up
the payments on that car?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Well? I uh tell him what happened yesterday, Jack? Oh
it was nothing. What was it, Barry?
Speaker 5 (03:38):
Well, we were riding down Wilship Boulevard and Jack nearly fainted?
Why the car broke down right in front of the
finance company?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, I was going there anyway, then why did you
get out and run.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
The pause?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
That's why? Gosh, I don't know what's the matter with you, fellows.
You're always picking Jaz Thanks Henny. If you think he
was the only dead beat in the world, that's telling him.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You said it.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Oh, quiet, got more important things through to night than
to discuss me.
Speaker 7 (04:14):
You said it.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
So now, ladies, and gentlemen. As we announced last week, we.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Hi you fuck.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Oh hello Andy, Well glad to see Andy. You haven't
been around for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well fuck, we've been pretty busy getting ready for the holiday.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Oh, Thursday is Thanksgiving. I almost forgot. Well, Ma didn't
hear buck. Here's a turkey she sent.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Over for you.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
A turkey.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
See, I was wondering what you had in that basket.
I mean look, Oh it's a live one. Thanks Andy,
You're welcome. She has a tough looking bird. How will
I kill it?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Well, don't use an act.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
We tried it four times. Oh yes, I see those
notches on its neck. No kidding, Annie's a turkey reading
that dumb it's top it chaser.
Speaker 8 (05:11):
Boom, clear out of the barn.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I'm all fine. Present to give me. If I can't
eat it, what am I going to do with it?
It'll make you a doing good watchdog. Say there's an idea. Yeah,
tie it to your car. You won't have to lock it.
You know, Andy, this day has been riven me about
that Maxwell of mine. But it doesn't phaze me. Slams
off the radio. He does what your Paul got against
(05:35):
the Maxwell. He courted more in one. Oh I'm sorry, Andy,
I didn't mean to revive any unpleasant memories. And we
I am glad you got here early, because tonight we're
going to do a big play. We've got to get
started on it right away.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Are we all set tellers?
Speaker 9 (05:50):
All right?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Boy, let's settle down.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
As we announced last week for our feature attraction, tonight,
we are going to present our version of Columbia Pictures
phenomenal success that Frank hap reproduction Lost Horizon. Now now
in our version of Lost Horizon, All right, boy.
Speaker 7 (06:20):
That's enough.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
In our version, we will all portray our own characters.
That is, I will be Jack Benny, Mary will be Merry,
and Don will be Jello. Won't you done dud enough
to eat?
Speaker 9 (06:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Mary poured some whipped cream over down.
Speaker 5 (06:33):
And put him in a dish while I use the
road balls.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Yeah, that's a good idea. Hey, but this, of course, Andy,
what what character would you like to play?
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Well, I'd like to wrastle with Ronald Coleman's part.
Speaker 10 (06:53):
Oh you would, I'd like to rattle with Colemans.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
And our folks in our play Lost Horizon.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I've turned off.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Now will you put that thing down?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Okay, done that, sound man. Let's get on with our play.
Speaker 9 (07:14):
By the way, Jack, what has lost horizon means?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well? Mary, it's a well, it's a sort of a
Oh don do you know what lost horizon means to who?
To who?
Speaker 6 (07:26):
To you?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
That's to who? Well, I don't know. Don't ask me.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Well, I want to find out. I'm going to ask Kenny.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Kenny.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Oh, nothing, Kenny, go ahead and ask him Mary. He'll
make him feel.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
Good, all right, say Kenny, what has lost horizon means?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Lost horizon is symbolic of the utopia that we Mortels
are forever seeking in our eternal quest for happiness.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Why Kenny? What was that?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Kenny fainted?
Speaker 9 (07:57):
Wait?
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Get a glass of water, Kenny, Kenny?
Speaker 9 (08:00):
Wait, Bil Henny, Henny?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Where's yeld Yellow?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Sex relations?
Speaker 9 (09:55):
Who quiet?
Speaker 8 (09:57):
Yet?
Speaker 11 (09:58):
Take it easy?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Ya?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
This is the Beny Program starring Jack Jello with Very Strawberry.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
This is the last number of Iris and Babo Buck
Maxwell rides again.
Speaker 11 (10:35):
Mister Beny, Miss Yes, what is it?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I am here to grant your wishnees, your troubled mind,
to take your way to a place where there is
nothing but happiness. I will give you peace and relaxation.
Who are you?
Speaker 10 (10:57):
My name is Chang Chang. I am here to help you,
my son.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
See mister Chang seeing I see in a picture last
night called Lost Horizon. Yes, by the way, how did
you like me in it? I thought you were swell?
How did you like me? An artists and models?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
I am here to help you, my son. Oh, come
with me, and we will turn you to the land
of eternal.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Youth, never lasting bliss. See can I don't free paradise?
Were all the three gosh l come and spot of
the universe. If you're a real estate man, I'll scream.
You're not my son, You're not. I am taking you
to ngre La, Shangri La. Come with me. Wait shall
we go on my Maxwell your Maxwell.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Book?
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Mister Shang?
Speaker 11 (12:01):
What happened?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Where are we are in Shangri La? My son? He's
upon its majestic beauty. Behold its shimmering splendor.
Speaker 12 (12:10):
His your eyes upon its peaceful tranquility.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Oh this is so beautiful, so wonderful, ain't it the nuts? Oh?
How romantic this place is, how charming?
Speaker 8 (12:33):
How utterly?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Uh, you ain't seen nothing yet? See I can't give.
Everybody looks so youthful, eternal youth. That is the secret
of Shangri La. Oh look look at that beautiful young
girl coming towards me. That is my wife. She's three
hundred and eighty five years old. Three hundred and eighty five,
My were a nice figure and such broad shoulders. Yes,
(12:55):
she just had her hips lifted. Oh, I see come here,
my dear, I want you to meet mister Benny. Hello
you here? Hello is a change. Gee, I can't believe
that you're three hundred and eighty five.
Speaker 5 (13:11):
My husband is three hundred and ninety and this is.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Our son Clambake. Clambake, what a name. He doesn't like
it either, Say hello to mister Benny.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Hello, I'm three hundred and twelve stripped or with your clothes?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Eye?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Do you know what's a chang? I think I'm gonna
like it here? Everyone likes it here, my boy or
in Shangri law, every wish comes ruth. Isn't that amazing? Say?
Who's that man standing over there with those five boys?
Eddie canta Ah Shangri La. Wait a minute, am I
seeing things? Can that be Andy Devine coming forward us? Yes,
(13:54):
that's him? Hello, Andy, Hi, Buck, Why Andy, that doesn't
sound like you. Well, I'll tell you.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Buck, every time I come to Sangrela.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
My broke clears up on my voice, says it's clear
as a bell. But that's the most unbelievable thing here,
say Buck, remember what I used to sound like this?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
High your back?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yes, I do, but I'm all right.
Speaker 8 (14:18):
Now, get together, boys, tell him with.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
A change, such a change, it is no miracle. Ice hungry.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
You see this fountain here?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Yeah? Yeah, anyone who anyone's need iFly acquires a voice
of souber told you mean if I drank a glass
of water from miss fountain, my voice would improve. Yes,
and I could sting even better than Kenny Baker as
good will be enough and just take half a glass here.
Oh boy, pan, this tastes good.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Mean me, me, me, me, me listen, mister Chang, thank.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
You, thank you, thank you, everybody. Congratulations, my boy, it
was springing. Oh, mister Chang, these compliments. I really don't
deserve them, I'll say, you don't. Why Kenny, what are
you doing in shangri law?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Is that where I am?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Yes, Kenny, sandwich, ham sandwich. That's all you can wish for?
All right, put mustard on it.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
One am coming up? Smear it.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Isn't that wonderful? Hi you Jack, old boy? How do
you like it here? Phil?
Speaker 4 (15:50):
She is good to see you, mister Chang.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
You know Phil Harris? Don't you sure? He comes down
here every weekend? Never told me? Are you having a
good time?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Phil?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Am? I you know Jack? I was at the lunch
with the cutest little girl. What a honey? Cute that Phil?
How did you happen to meet her? She went to
school with my grandmother, No kidding?
Speaker 4 (16:13):
Has she got a friend?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah? But I got rid of him.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
Oh so I'm Jack. Goodbye?
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Come my boy. It is growing late, and I have
promised to present you to the Hi Lama. He is
nine hundred years old. Nine hundred years old.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
No, we have impressed once a week.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Well, I'd love to meet him. Say is that him
standing over there addressing that crowd?
Speaker 13 (16:36):
No?
Speaker 12 (16:36):
That is one of our famous hortors, A multitude of
these every word?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Shall we roh? Late?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And so, my friends, what can I say to you? Jello?
Is the fine is the most economical of all? Jealous
and desserts? Is there anything more tempting than six delicious flavors.
Speaker 13 (16:53):
Hey, yay?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Is there anything more appetizing than strawberry raspberry cherry our
age seven in live yayay, thank you Shandra Lalians.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
See, there's one fellow who hasn't changed silence.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Before us is the Palace of the High Lama.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Oh what a magnificent building. It's even more beautiful than
Grauman's Chinese. Brawman's Chinese.
Speaker 12 (17:22):
Why, it's more beautiful than the tars mahal By moonlighters.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh let me look again, kazooks, you're.
Speaker 6 (17:29):
Right, wires.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
The High Lama approaches to greet us. He prepares nine
hundred years old. He must be all dried up. Yes,
don't light me matches around it. Oh boy, I'm nervous.
He will not harm you, my son.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Behold the High Lama, Your excellency, I beg to present Jack.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Hey, your excellency.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Hello time?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Why why Schlapperman?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Quiet?
Speaker 13 (18:21):
Quiet?
Speaker 7 (18:21):
I'm a lama, now.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
A lama?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (18:25):
And I thought I was joining the elks.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
You know, slap He is hard of believe it? Are
you really nine hundred years old? You said it?
Speaker 7 (18:35):
I've been in the march of time so long, I
got bunions.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Oh tell me tell me, slap, how are you doing here?
Speaker 7 (18:46):
Oh? Jack, you boy and my making money? Everybody here
lives to be three hundred years old, four hundred, five hundred.
There's no limit, I tell you, Jack, I'm cleaning.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Out by What do you do?
Speaker 7 (18:55):
I tell birthday candles.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Birthday pansies. You must be making a fortune today. Is
your wife here? Would you?
Speaker 7 (19:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (19:04):
She sos mess. Well, I'm glad you're so successful.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Tell me, slap.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Who's the head man around here? You or your wife?
Speaker 7 (19:11):
Well? I wear the fence, but somebody hell a health
to help me out with than you know.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
A thousand pardons your experency.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I must leave you now, mister Benny.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Oh will I see you again, mister Chang.
Speaker 14 (19:23):
Oh, I go as mister curiously as I came like
a shadow in the potterst like the wind in the night.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Who well, that didn't sound like wind, but had gonna
laughed anywhere.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
Dangle la lah hangle la lah shangl ala.
Speaker 7 (19:55):
Here comes my daughter. I won't you to me though, Hello,
my little iron's blossom. Hello, this is my daughter, Mary Lama.
Go ahead, shake come off with mister Vannie.
Speaker 14 (20:06):
Hello, mister Danny, Well Mary lambas so you look just
like a Mary I know back home?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
How old are you?
Speaker 5 (20:12):
One hundred and sixteen and never been kissed?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
One hundred and sixteen? So young?
Speaker 7 (20:17):
Yes, and already she wants to get married.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
I'll have to puddle along.
Speaker 7 (20:22):
Now it's time for my dancing lessons.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Dancing lesson, Yes.
Speaker 7 (20:25):
I'm learning for Susicue.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I've been him some role feeling. Whoa whoa? Well, miss Lammer,
your father is pretty active for a man's age.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Go on.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
Every time he sneezes, we have to pick him on?
Speaker 9 (20:40):
There he goes again.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
You don't marry?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
You don't mind if I.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Call you that?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Do you?
Speaker 13 (20:45):
No?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
Let me kow you around the palace ground, your gardens
and waterfalls sallow me.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Geez. I've often imagined a place and beautiful as this. God.
Speaker 9 (20:58):
It's like a ferry at the flatiola zooming in the sunlight.
And they snap dragons, aren't they lovely?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
And look at these tiger lilies. I think I'll pluck one. Wow,
they ought to be muzzled.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Say who's your gardener? Anyways?
Speaker 5 (21:21):
Frank box, and right here where I spend many happy hours,
let us carry a while by this waterfall.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Waterfalls rather small isn't it?
Speaker 9 (21:38):
Well?
Speaker 5 (21:38):
It eight Niagara, but it's wet. Why don't you think
it dips in a lovely pools?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
What with my clothes?
Speaker 9 (21:44):
They can stand it too?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
All right, I think I will look out now.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
I'm gonna jump in here though.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
One for the money, two for the show, three to
get ready, and four to re.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
He The water so cool, it's he too.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Gee.
Speaker 7 (22:03):
Oh I forgot.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I can't swim.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
I'm drinking.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I'm thinking, Mary, Harry, save me.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I'm drowning.
Speaker 13 (22:09):
Hell, Hell, Hell, Jack, Jack, wake up?
Speaker 9 (22:14):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Mary?
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Where am I?
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Wake up?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Jack?
Speaker 7 (22:18):
You're in my apartment?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Oh Mary, I just had the most wonderful feeling, and
all of a sudden I thought I was drowning.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
You're telling me get your head out of the goldfish ball? Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yes, play Phil, give me a towel.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
Mary.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Here's one more thing to be thankful for this year,
something new and delicious to eat. It's a new kind
of salad, cranberry and orange salad. Lovely to look at,
mighty good to taste, and so easy to make. Here's
all you have to do. There's all one package of
orange jello and one and three fourths cups of hot
water chillun will slightly thickened, then pulled in one chopped orange,
(23:08):
two cups of chopped raw cranberries, and three tablespoons of
sugar unmold on. Let us serve with real mayonnaise, and
you have a grand Thanksgiving salad, A shimmering mold of
orange jello, bright with colors of real oranges and fresh cranberries.
And what of flavor, bland, crisp and tangy you shoot
the season? Really a swell combination. Be sure to make
(23:29):
this new salad, and be specially sure to make it
with genuine jello. What jello brings you that delicious, extra
rich fruit flavor that can't be popped? Ask your grocer
for jello.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
That was the lost number of the Lost Horizon in
the New Jello series. And well with you again next
week at the same time. I hope you all enjoyed
our play tonight night.
Speaker 13 (23:54):
Fack.
Speaker 14 (23:55):
I don't think much of that shangdrill idea.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Why Andy, wouldn't you like to have your voice clear
and beautiful all the time?
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Guys, No, I wouldn't be able to get any work.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I never thought of that, But as far as I'm concerned.
I wish there really was a place like Kangarlow where
you could lay around and relax. Don't you marry I'll
take Tom Spring. Oh that's right, it's much closer. Yeah,
good night Ball.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
James Si Horizon for allowing us to present our snattire
for great master thiefs. Kenny Baker appears on the Jellow
Programs for courtesy of Mervin Lewai Production. This is a
National Broadcasting covenant
Jay All.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston and
Phil Harris in his orchestra. The Orchestrope in a program
with Swing is here to Sway from Alibaba goes to Town.
We make quite a point of asking you to insist
(00:27):
on Jello by a name when you buy. And here
one of our listeners that I think will show you
why we do that. It's from missus Ah G. Chirr
of Lovington, Illinois. Here's what she says. Recently tried another
brand that was guaranteed to be as good as Jello
and founded a complete failure as to taste and quality.
I really want you to know I considered Jello and
only Jello. Well, missus Cheer is right, there is only
(00:51):
one Jello. And if you hear some other gelatin dessert
called it jello, you know that is incorrect. Well, the
name Jello is a trademark, the property of the General Foods,
and that name tells you that you're getting the real thing,
the one and only genuine Jello with the delicious, extra
rich fruit flavor. So if you want Jello's rich fruit
goodness and tempting beauty, don't accept any substitutes. Look for
(01:16):
the big red letters on the box. They spell Jello.
(01:46):
I will swing with here dis Way, played by Phil
Harris and his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring
you a man who owns a watch comma, a violin comma,
and an automobile. Question mark, Jack Fenny.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jolo again, this is
a Jack Benny talkie. And Don, When you said automobile,
question mark, I presume you were alluding to my Maxwell,
were you not?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yes, Jack, I'm afraid I was well done.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
You can have your little fun. It's all right, Maxie
and I can take it.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
I have.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
I love every rattle and this dear little Cassie.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Well, did you drive it down tonight?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Jack? Yes, Don, I drove. Everything was fine. Mary was
with me and I had no trouble at all. Did
I marry not with me?
Speaker 5 (02:34):
You didn't.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I'm talking.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
What about that flat tire?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
You had? Flat tire? Say you could hardly feel it?
Leave me anyway? My tires, our tires were awfully pinned.
What what happened?
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Jack ran over a marshmallow and got a punkture?
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Well, no wonder it was toasted. You forgot mentioned man,
Why didn't you change the tire?
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Jack?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Because I haven't any tools, Phil, That's why you haven't
got any tools. No, I gave him to my sister
for a charm bracelet. Well that's a novel gift.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
How does she like it?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
All?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Fine? But she can't get her arm off the floor?
Speaker 6 (03:18):
Jack?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Are you still keeping up the payments on that car?
Speaker 4 (03:21):
What's that done?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
He was laughing. I didn't like you. Might as well
wait for a laugh, you know, kid.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
What I said, Jack is are you still keeping up
the payments on that car?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Well? I uh tell him what happened yesterday, Jack? Oh
it was nothing. What was it, Barry?
Speaker 5 (03:38):
Well, we were riding down Wilship Boulevard and Jack nearly fainted?
Why the car broke down right in front of the
finance company?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, I was going there anyway, then why did you
get out and run.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
The pause?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
That's why? Gosh, I don't know what's the matter with you, fellows.
You're always picking Jaz Thanks Henny. If you think he
was the only dead beat in the world, that's telling him.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You said it.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Oh, quiet, got more important things through to night than
to discuss me.
Speaker 7 (04:14):
You said it.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
So now, ladies, and gentlemen. As we announced last week, we.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Hi you fuck.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Oh hello Andy, Well glad to see Andy. You haven't
been around for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Well fuck, we've been pretty busy getting ready for the holiday.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Oh, Thursday is Thanksgiving. I almost forgot. Well, Ma didn't
hear buck. Here's a turkey she sent.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Over for you.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
A turkey.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
See, I was wondering what you had in that basket.
I mean look, Oh it's a live one. Thanks Andy,
You're welcome. She has a tough looking bird. How will
I kill it?
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Well, don't use an act.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
We tried it four times. Oh yes, I see those
notches on its neck. No kidding, Annie's a turkey reading
that dumb it's top it chaser.
Speaker 8 (05:11):
Boom, clear out of the barn.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I'm all fine. Present to give me. If I can't
eat it, what am I going to do with it?
It'll make you a doing good watchdog. Say there's an idea. Yeah,
tie it to your car. You won't have to lock it.
You know, Andy, this day has been riven me about
that Maxwell of mine. But it doesn't phaze me. Slams
off the radio. He does what your Paul got against
(05:35):
the Maxwell. He courted more in one. Oh I'm sorry, Andy,
I didn't mean to revive any unpleasant memories. And we
I am glad you got here early, because tonight we're
going to do a big play. We've got to get
started on it right away.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Are we all set tellers?
Speaker 9 (05:50):
All right?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Boy, let's settle down.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
As we announced last week for our feature attraction, tonight,
we are going to present our version of Columbia Pictures
phenomenal success that Frank hap reproduction Lost Horizon. Now now
in our version of Lost Horizon, All right, boy.
Speaker 7 (06:20):
That's enough.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
In our version, we will all portray our own characters.
That is, I will be Jack Benny, Mary will be Merry,
and Don will be Jello. Won't you done dud enough
to eat?
Speaker 9 (06:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Mary poured some whipped cream over down.
Speaker 5 (06:33):
And put him in a dish while I use the
road balls.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Yeah, that's a good idea. Hey, but this, of course, Andy,
what what character would you like to play?
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Well, I'd like to wrastle with Ronald Coleman's part.
Speaker 10 (06:53):
Oh you would, I'd like to rattle with Colemans.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
And our folks in our play Lost Horizon.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I've turned off.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Now will you put that thing down?
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Okay, done that, sound man. Let's get on with our play.
Speaker 9 (07:14):
By the way, Jack, what has lost horizon means?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Well? Mary, it's a well, it's a sort of a
Oh don do you know what lost horizon means to who?
To who?
Speaker 6 (07:26):
To you?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
That's to who? Well, I don't know. Don't ask me.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Well, I want to find out. I'm going to ask Kenny.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Kenny.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Oh, nothing, Kenny, go ahead and ask him Mary. He'll
make him feel.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
Good, all right, say Kenny, what has lost horizon means?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Lost horizon is symbolic of the utopia that we Mortels
are forever seeking in our eternal quest for happiness.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Why Kenny? What was that?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Kenny fainted?
Speaker 9 (07:57):
Wait?
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Get a glass of water, Kenny, Kenny?
Speaker 9 (08:00):
Wait, Bil Henny, Henny?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Where's yeld Yellow?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Sex relations?
Speaker 9 (09:55):
Who quiet?
Speaker 8 (09:57):
Yet?
Speaker 11 (09:58):
Take it easy?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Ya?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
This is the Beny Program starring Jack Jello with Very Strawberry.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
This is the last number of Iris and Babo Buck
Maxwell rides again.
Speaker 11 (10:35):
Mister Beny, Miss Yes, what is it?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
I am here to grant your wishnees, your troubled mind,
to take your way to a place where there is
nothing but happiness. I will give you peace and relaxation.
Who are you?
Speaker 10 (10:57):
My name is Chang Chang. I am here to help you,
my son.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
See mister Chang seeing I see in a picture last
night called Lost Horizon. Yes, by the way, how did
you like me in it? I thought you were swell?
How did you like me? An artists and models?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
I am here to help you, my son. Oh, come
with me, and we will turn you to the land
of eternal.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Youth, never lasting bliss. See can I don't free paradise?
Were all the three gosh l come and spot of
the universe. If you're a real estate man, I'll scream.
You're not my son, You're not. I am taking you
to ngre La, Shangri La. Come with me. Wait shall
we go on my Maxwell your Maxwell.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Book?
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Mister Shang?
Speaker 11 (12:01):
What happened?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Where are we are in Shangri La? My son? He's
upon its majestic beauty. Behold its shimmering splendor.
Speaker 12 (12:10):
His your eyes upon its peaceful tranquility.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Oh this is so beautiful, so wonderful, ain't it the nuts? Oh?
How romantic this place is, how charming?
Speaker 8 (12:33):
How utterly?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Uh, you ain't seen nothing yet? See I can't give.
Everybody looks so youthful, eternal youth. That is the secret
of Shangri La. Oh look look at that beautiful young
girl coming towards me. That is my wife. She's three
hundred and eighty five years old. Three hundred and eighty five,
My were a nice figure and such broad shoulders. Yes,
(12:55):
she just had her hips lifted. Oh, I see come here,
my dear, I want you to meet mister Benny. Hello
you here? Hello is a change. Gee, I can't believe
that you're three hundred and eighty five.
Speaker 5 (13:11):
My husband is three hundred and ninety and this is.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Our son Clambake. Clambake, what a name. He doesn't like
it either, Say hello to mister Benny.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Hello, I'm three hundred and twelve stripped or with your clothes?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Eye?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Do you know what's a chang? I think I'm gonna
like it here? Everyone likes it here, my boy or
in Shangri law, every wish comes ruth. Isn't that amazing? Say?
Who's that man standing over there with those five boys?
Eddie canta Ah Shangri La. Wait a minute, am I
seeing things? Can that be Andy Devine coming forward us? Yes,
(13:54):
that's him? Hello, Andy, Hi, Buck, Why Andy, that doesn't
sound like you. Well, I'll tell you.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Buck, every time I come to Sangrela.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
My broke clears up on my voice, says it's clear
as a bell. But that's the most unbelievable thing here,
say Buck, remember what I used to sound like this?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
High your back?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yes, I do, but I'm all right.
Speaker 8 (14:18):
Now, get together, boys, tell him with.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
A change, such a change, it is no miracle. Ice hungry.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
You see this fountain here?
Speaker 3 (14:33):
Yeah? Yeah, anyone who anyone's need iFly acquires a voice
of souber told you mean if I drank a glass
of water from miss fountain, my voice would improve. Yes,
and I could sting even better than Kenny Baker as
good will be enough and just take half a glass here.
Oh boy, pan, this tastes good.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Mean me, me, me, me, me listen, mister Chang, thank.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
You, thank you, thank you, everybody. Congratulations, my boy, it
was springing. Oh, mister Chang, these compliments. I really don't
deserve them, I'll say, you don't. Why Kenny, what are
you doing in shangri law?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Is that where I am?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Yes, Kenny, sandwich, ham sandwich. That's all you can wish for?
All right, put mustard on it.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
One am coming up? Smear it.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
Isn't that wonderful? Hi you Jack, old boy? How do
you like it here? Phil?
Speaker 4 (15:50):
She is good to see you, mister Chang.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
You know Phil Harris? Don't you sure? He comes down
here every weekend? Never told me? Are you having a
good time?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Phil?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Am? I you know Jack? I was at the lunch
with the cutest little girl. What a honey? Cute that Phil?
How did you happen to meet her? She went to
school with my grandmother, No kidding?
Speaker 4 (16:13):
Has she got a friend?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah? But I got rid of him.
Speaker 4 (16:17):
Oh so I'm Jack. Goodbye?
Speaker 3 (16:19):
Come my boy. It is growing late, and I have
promised to present you to the Hi Lama. He is
nine hundred years old. Nine hundred years old.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
No, we have impressed once a week.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Well, I'd love to meet him. Say is that him
standing over there addressing that crowd?
Speaker 13 (16:36):
No?
Speaker 12 (16:36):
That is one of our famous hortors, A multitude of
these every word?
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Shall we roh? Late?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
And so, my friends, what can I say to you? Jello?
Is the fine is the most economical of all? Jealous
and desserts? Is there anything more tempting than six delicious flavors.
Speaker 13 (16:53):
Hey, yay?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Is there anything more appetizing than strawberry raspberry cherry our
age seven in live yayay, thank you Shandra Lalians.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
See, there's one fellow who hasn't changed silence.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
Before us is the Palace of the High Lama.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Oh what a magnificent building. It's even more beautiful than
Grauman's Chinese. Brawman's Chinese.
Speaker 12 (17:22):
Why, it's more beautiful than the tars mahal By moonlighters.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh let me look again, kazooks, you're.
Speaker 6 (17:29):
Right, wires.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
The High Lama approaches to greet us. He prepares nine
hundred years old. He must be all dried up. Yes,
don't light me matches around it. Oh boy, I'm nervous.
He will not harm you, my son.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Behold the High Lama, Your excellency, I beg to present Jack.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Hey, your excellency.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Hello time?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Why why Schlapperman?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Quiet?
Speaker 13 (18:21):
Quiet?
Speaker 7 (18:21):
I'm a lama, now.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
A lama?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (18:25):
And I thought I was joining the elks.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
You know, slap He is hard of believe it? Are
you really nine hundred years old? You said it?
Speaker 7 (18:35):
I've been in the march of time so long, I
got bunions.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Oh tell me tell me, slap, how are you doing here?
Speaker 7 (18:46):
Oh? Jack, you boy and my making money? Everybody here
lives to be three hundred years old, four hundred, five hundred.
There's no limit, I tell you, Jack, I'm cleaning.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Out by What do you do?
Speaker 7 (18:55):
I tell birthday candles.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
Birthday pansies. You must be making a fortune today. Is
your wife here? Would you?
Speaker 7 (19:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (19:04):
She sos mess. Well, I'm glad you're so successful.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Tell me, slap.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Who's the head man around here? You or your wife?
Speaker 7 (19:11):
Well? I wear the fence, but somebody hell a health
to help me out with than you know.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
A thousand pardons your experency.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I must leave you now, mister Benny.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Oh will I see you again, mister Chang.
Speaker 14 (19:23):
Oh, I go as mister curiously as I came like
a shadow in the potterst like the wind in the night.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Who well, that didn't sound like wind, but had gonna
laughed anywhere.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
Dangle la lah hangle la lah shangl ala.
Speaker 7 (19:55):
Here comes my daughter. I won't you to me though, Hello,
my little iron's blossom. Hello, this is my daughter, Mary Lama.
Go ahead, shake come off with mister Vannie.
Speaker 14 (20:06):
Hello, mister Danny, Well Mary lambas so you look just
like a Mary I know back home?
Speaker 3 (20:11):
How old are you?
Speaker 5 (20:12):
One hundred and sixteen and never been kissed?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
One hundred and sixteen? So young?
Speaker 7 (20:17):
Yes, and already she wants to get married.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
I'll have to puddle along.
Speaker 7 (20:22):
Now it's time for my dancing lessons.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Dancing lesson, Yes.
Speaker 7 (20:25):
I'm learning for Susicue.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
I've been him some role feeling. Whoa whoa? Well, miss Lammer,
your father is pretty active for a man's age.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Go on.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
Every time he sneezes, we have to pick him on?
Speaker 9 (20:40):
There he goes again.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
You don't marry?
Speaker 4 (20:44):
You don't mind if I.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Call you that?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Do you?
Speaker 13 (20:45):
No?
Speaker 5 (20:46):
Let me kow you around the palace ground, your gardens
and waterfalls sallow me.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Geez. I've often imagined a place and beautiful as this. God.
Speaker 9 (20:58):
It's like a ferry at the flatiola zooming in the sunlight.
And they snap dragons, aren't they lovely?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
And look at these tiger lilies. I think I'll pluck one. Wow,
they ought to be muzzled.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Say who's your gardener? Anyways?
Speaker 5 (21:21):
Frank box, and right here where I spend many happy hours,
let us carry a while by this waterfall.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Waterfalls rather small isn't it?
Speaker 9 (21:38):
Well?
Speaker 5 (21:38):
It eight Niagara, but it's wet. Why don't you think
it dips in a lovely pools?
Speaker 3 (21:43):
What with my clothes?
Speaker 9 (21:44):
They can stand it too?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
All right, I think I will look out now.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
I'm gonna jump in here though.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
One for the money, two for the show, three to
get ready, and four to re.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
He The water so cool, it's he too.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Gee.
Speaker 7 (22:03):
Oh I forgot.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I can't swim.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
I'm drinking.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
I'm thinking, Mary, Harry, save me.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
I'm drowning.
Speaker 13 (22:09):
Hell, Hell, Hell, Jack, Jack, wake up?
Speaker 9 (22:14):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Mary?
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Where am I?
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Wake up?
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Jack?
Speaker 7 (22:18):
You're in my apartment?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Oh Mary, I just had the most wonderful feeling, and
all of a sudden I thought I was drowning.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
You're telling me get your head out of the goldfish ball? Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yes, play Phil, give me a towel.
Speaker 13 (22:31):
Mary.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Here's one more thing to be thankful for this year,
something new and delicious to eat. It's a new kind
of salad, cranberry and orange salad. Lovely to look at,
mighty good to taste, and so easy to make. Here's
all you have to do. There's all one package of
orange jello and one and three fourths cups of hot
water chillun will slightly thickened, then pulled in one chopped orange,
(23:08):
two cups of chopped raw cranberries, and three tablespoons of
sugar unmold on. Let us serve with real mayonnaise, and
you have a grand Thanksgiving salad, A shimmering mold of
orange jello, bright with colors of real oranges and fresh cranberries.
And what of flavor, bland, crisp and tangy you shoot
the season? Really a swell combination. Be sure to make
(23:29):
this new salad, and be specially sure to make it
with genuine jello. What jello brings you that delicious, extra
rich fruit flavor that can't be popped? Ask your grocer
for jello.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
That was the lost number of the Lost Horizon in
the New Jello series. And well with you again next
week at the same time. I hope you all enjoyed
our play tonight night.
Speaker 13 (23:54):
Fack.
Speaker 14 (23:55):
I don't think much of that shangdrill idea.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Why Andy, wouldn't you like to have your voice clear
and beautiful all the time?
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Guys, No, I wouldn't be able to get any work.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I never thought of that, But as far as I'm concerned.
I wish there really was a place like Kangarlow where
you could lay around and relax. Don't you marry I'll
take Tom Spring. Oh that's right, it's much closer. Yeah,
good night Ball.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
James Si Horizon for allowing us to present our snattire
for great master thiefs. Kenny Baker appears on the Jellow
Programs for courtesy of Mervin Lewai Production. This is a
National Broadcasting covenant
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