August 7, 2025 • 20 mins
Enjoy "The Jack Benny Collection," a showcase of the best episodes from the legendary comedian's radio show. Experience the timeless humor, memorable characters, and witty scripts that made Jack Benny a household name. Perfect for fans of classic comedy and radio history, this collection offers a window into the golden age of entertainment.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
And now I've been introducing that cultor painter and the Tibblers.
Mister Jack, Benny, hello again, this is Jack. Denny Kisling
are talking, and say, listen, Wilson, let's get a couple.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Of things raight down with you. I don't like those
introductions to keep getting me. No you don't.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
No, I mean I didn't like that word kiddler. No,
give me that dictionary minute.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Let me see.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Chisler is is here. It is Kisler, a parasite, a
person with no morals.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh well, that's all right, Wilson. I thought you were
accusing me of carving statues. You know, I got it.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
No, you know, Wilson, you and I have been together
five weeks now, and I can't tell who's a comedian
on this program. No, Redy, I'm afraid this show isn't
big enough for both of us.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
But I think Jack, where do you want your mail? Trim?
I got him that time vote today? Yes, at that?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I like you down, even though you wouldn't give a
dime to see Venus de Milo play Giano.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh I didn't know you played. But don't get me wrong, Jack.
You know I paid the.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Tax to fair over tonight the meter was sixty cents and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I paid it. Say what are you thinking about it? Good?
Meter is worth sixty pence you know.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
And by the way, Jack, before I forget it, thanks
for those two passes.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You've got me for a central part. Oh don't mention it.
Don you know?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Anytime you want to walk down.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Sif that and you let me know, I can take si.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, say, by the way, Wilson, what nationality are
you anyway?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Well, my mother was Virisa and my father Scott.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Oh you have Scotch and Irish blood. Oh no, I
remember when we went to dinner.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Together the other night.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Your Irish blood wanted to pick up the tick and
your Scott's blood interfered.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I remember that. Oh sorry, oh Mary, you look tired.
Where have you been? I just came him the dance
dance four hours and I hate it. I thought you
liked dancing. No, all it is is a lot of
hugging with music. Well married, didn't you enjoy yourself? No?
You know how I hate music.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Oh yeah, yeah, I can imagine me say I went
to a dance last night myself. You know one of
those places, you know, there's ten cents a.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Dance and how much did you make? No, Mary, listen
to wait a minute the girl, The girl.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Gets the ten dancing. Ah, what's your favorite dance?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Mary? Well, I don't like Waltz's talk crops, chocolate, Van
Allen raspberry, the last one of the nice dance? Yeah, let'sten?
Hello fest Did I bring mars on you? No, Parker?
And then I'll wait around? Oh, hello Frank? What are
you doing here? So zoons? I just can't from a dance? Well,
last fips. Our routine is talk.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Uh, I went kind of a dance the ten cents
a dance, but it only cost me a nickel. Why
I dropped boma to them one leg? See, I don't
get the point? Is that funny? Very funny?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Mary jack Man, I gathered from your conversation that you
are discussing foot before. That's don denter again. Hold you
know Don as an arts the leader. You should know
all the dancers. What are the latest dancers?
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Well, I should say that the him Sham Kimmy and
the uptown Lowdown.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I like to Tatyoka. Better do about patiokaoa. Yes, it's
a great dance and make twelve putting too? Oh? She
reads Carryoka, have it your own way, your little cut
of stay Wilson. Well, Eliza, you ever dance? Oh occasionally?
Well Don then marry You asked him what the favorite dances?
(03:38):
I haven't got the heart, so I want your favorite
dance cut.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
The General fire Guide with an I'm Skibb's movement of
the Sire of Safety press runs less hair than any
other fire and gives your car up perfect rhythm.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Here I have played.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That was carry governm the most and takes you're flying
Don Aiel played by Don Destter and.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
His blowout proof of his Oh boy, am I hot
to night? Well here's a challenger and maybe time ten
collect that'll cool? Y'all say, how can that be from?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Well, well, it's my old friend Sam Friedman and Louisville, Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And here's what he says. Big crowd here for Kentucky
Derby Hotels all Phil, what a mob.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
They came by plane, railroad and thousands rolled in by.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Uh what's this will tonight? Can't make it out here?
Let's see you, Greg, General's fires are fling. That was
my Faul Poltons. That telegram all about Joe.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It's my old friend Sam. You know the fellow that
gives me a tip every year on the Derby. He's
right on the ground, you know, get this, He says,
I've been watching the workouts and I don't see how
Cavalcade can lose. However, Matda Harry will take all the
honors if Sir Thomas doesn't beat him, and I wouldn't
be a bit surprised if Sage and Byrne wins the race.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
How's that for a sipfella.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
He also says that a Grarian speedmore and singing wood
might upset the dope.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And there's a horse called Bazaar that also has four legs.
Don't forget to play these horses as.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
They can't lose your pale sands. Well, we can't go wrong, fellas.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Then he gave me so many good horses, I don't
know which to play, say best, Bester. Who who do
you like in the Derby? Well? I like travel Taes?
Why don why I saw the picture? It's very good.
Well that's a good hunt. Are you going to bet
on them? Who's riding an old cowards? A great jockey?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
See? And he also rolled design for Livy you know, uh, Mary, Mary,
who do you like in the Derby, John Bester, I
think he looks cute in the Derby. Marry Mary, When
would you stop.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Telling you old Joe don best he stopped wearing old Derby.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Oh look about Hardy's got on now?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
He doesn't know aways wear it man, he's just breaking
it in for his combone. You know it's O Parker.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Who do you like in the Derby? I like singing?
What now? You singers certainly stick together, don't you, kay? Jack?
What all those life of jet their names?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Mary say?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Cavalcade is named after a Pictuerius sos Matda Harry, and
Sergeant Burne is named after a police dougan.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And bagar, Well you know what a bagar is? Yeah,
every woman wears wine. Well that's where they get their names.
And what aut there telegrams? Jack? Aren't you going to
make a bet? Hey? I haven't missed a Derby yet.
Give me that phone?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Hello, hello operator, give me circle seven nine nine seven?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh? Oh hello is this you Tom? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
This is Jack Benny. I wanna place a bet on
the Derby. What do you want two dollars on cavalcase?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Oh? Play to show? Okay? Oh well? Steve roading to
the tens you say, Jack, I'd like to take half
of your bet. Okay, best so you think they have?
That makes it a dollar a piece. If you say,
can I get in another two? Jack cure Parker, you
can have half a mind. That'll be fifty cents a piece.
And daver can you sad din about there? Okay? Mary
(07:14):
say daghy? Do you make that best?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Circle seven nine ninety seven? Oh, we'll give me that
storm ay best for you must have a tit on something.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I think so little operator give me circle seven nine
nine seven?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right? Said? Oh is this you Tom? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
This is John Wilson, General Tyres Freight Place. I'm shaw okay,
who's riding him?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All the smarter the builder? Okay, Tom? Goodbye? Hey, I
hope your jockey is non scared. We all made out
the singing work.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I mean, Frank Parker will send comtails to two and
the most takes you murder of.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
The vanity play matter, Harry, I mean, don say, Jack, Jack,
what are you so nervous about? What's the matter with you?
And you know I got forty cents on a state
let's see that racing form? Will get.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
That was Parl Parker singing cocktails for two from the
most picture Murder in the Vanities, and now, Ladies and gentlemen,
last week, if you remember, we started our new series
of plays with that sturring melodrama The Lure of the City,
and the following day The Daily Moon gave us one
and two fifth stars, which is equivalent to one hundred
and thirty eight in gaulf.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
And and here's what Damon.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Lunyon said about our last play, quote the Yanks with
Ruth from the lineup and QUOTSEETI at short could be
on top at.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
The end of the season.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And here's what Admiral Byrd said about our plays, quote
I second remain at the South Pole another year, and
it is quite cold today regards to my friends.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, anyway, ladies and gentlemen, we have many more of
these testimonials too, numerous series.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So tonight, by popular demand, we are safe be that
imorro or remark was melodrama the hills of old Kentucky
or Indiana, or for that matter, any place where there's
a hill, because after all the hills the hill.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
You know, we have the original all star cast.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Here tonight who first appeared in misplay at the Old
Dju theater. Many of you old timers will remember how
after the first performance this cast was hit over the
head with the Pulitzer Prize. Jim Walton he called the
plot of this drama all the Diggleberry carried down a.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Hundred year old feud with the Van Swipp.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
This went on for years and years, and whenever a
diddleberry frost the path of a vand Swipp or vice versa,
another knock was added to the guns of the Saviser.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Incidentally, Folks, I played a part of old man Van Swiz.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Now he will play my daughter Elvire. And Don Wilson,
who is quite a big fellow, will play one of
the hills.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah maybe you gad and see hill the Platt well
the more hills, Alaria. Let's get ready, Don play something
while we put on our boots. You know, I.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Was a while billy that be played by Don Desser
and his mountaineers.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Your arison's for small, don you don't you don't get
the Bob Donald. And now for our dramatic.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Offering the hills of old Kentucky or Indiana or anyway.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Certain music done. He came around thing, rolling down around
and rolling down down.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And did she slip, she didn't pause her higher worm onism, and.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
He Tappy, that was awful. Besides, Dona's tired of living.
And he's here him, I don't see why I was here?
Who moves a pals paraslamp all past Kentucky? Oh, where
are we moving on? I'm there pathy.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Someday Lvyry, but not until the last So them Diddleberry's
are gone well all out, and says.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
These heather are pretty terrible for fancy on Qus.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
But we can't leave Alvyry, not until those Dittleberries are
wiped out.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Hee, Pappy, won't they all do that? It's not black
face Mary? Willbilly see happy? Why did they do that?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Long long stories, much before your time, doctor, was way
back in eighteen thirty when the first Diddleberry family moved
to these fars and annoyed.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
We on we on the ram van Cliff.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
We're here first headed by your great great grand pappy,
Old Lemuel van Square Well. One day old limb Caupai
Dittleberry are cheating at solitaire And that was the beginning
of the few and it's been a going on ever since.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
There are only five of us left and two of them,
so you can see it's pretty easy. And I ain't
gonna leave here till every diggleberry is buried. I reckon,
that's pretty long time. Carry's drugs a hundred years Shutsalbira.
That ain't nothing. We hate people up here in these
hills for nold Eason at all. It's just a rockets.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Well, Pappy, I reckon, I'm a going to trip down
to Jillie's down see a flicker picture?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, what picture is showing down there this week? Thank you?
Jex Qushman. Yeah, it's about time they gave us some
of that new stuff. And you better be pristle, pappy.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
While I'm a going as.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
The littleberry will get you, they better be careful. Mean goodbye, Elviry, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
It's happy and don't take any lead bus see gamroll
Now the mountain see Gammell and down the mountain. Ozah,
it's me Lamb I'm on in well if it ain't
deep Brest, what are you doing here?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Is he arm am mountain? William too, i'munt William. You
mean a hillbilly, don't you? Hull?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, if you want to use slang, you ought to
wear boots with that full dress suit. See well, I
didn't know I was coming here, Daisy, you never met
my old woman?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
At him? No, man, I want you to meet her.
Hey and he and he wants you to meet he
best there Fred, you know, And don't expect anything to eat,
cause you won't get anything. I don't want himything g
where and you're know Congrete, don't mind her deep she's
always a clown and she shut out Shoppy, always happy.
(15:42):
What's the matter, el Ryley. I was coming up the
hill and one of them, Dittleberry shopping. What did he say?
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Goal?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
He said you wasn't sit to sleep with your pig?
He did he? And what did you tell him? I
told him you've been sleeping with kicks all your life
and not one of them complains. And he wouldn't believe. Hey,
give me my rifle. I'll show him what I did.
Berry and in Sula van twiz.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Oh Poppy build there here in the summer and Trickier, Yes,
happy and there I kill her you uh now for.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Me, uh out of my way?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Oviral There they are an hour sitting on their porch.
The rants take back just sunk.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Take away from that window, Gal, they might return it.
They did a wirey hot on that old mare right
in the town. Get the rest of us van twist
walk Coppy.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
The horse is gone already, catch the next one into town.
Wait a minute, drummer, give her a chance to get.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
On the horse.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Okay, the bow, Poppy, the fine waid, advertise general tires here.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Indeed you guard that window.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Wherever you see a little berry pyre, Well, well it
was an old hat anyway, must be o'viire.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
You're coming back with the boys here they are, Poppy.
You clim and Jim, where's clim? He joined the littleberry.
He must be paying them more money. Come on in, boy,
around around here? What's the murder them?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
You design again? Boys, there are five of us vanship
here and we can whip them. Well, we got us
stick together. Wait them want something to eat before you
start fighting? Yeah, we store any five five egg hi
eggs coming up?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Make that poor egg, Danny.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Well, the only tall of us van whips left, and
we got us stick together.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Watch that window, clem loop. You gut that door, and
if you want me, I'll be in Kansas City. Three eggs, Danny, Well,
there are three of us left, and we got us
stick together. How do you watch those eggs on toe
make it too all right, clem, You and I are
left all alone now, and we got us stick together.
(17:56):
You's hitted have he oo mm hmmm, Well it looks
as though I'll have to eat alone. They cut me, puppy,
They cut me pullo, clem, and don't worry about it.
I don't find us going suppy. There's only one thing
I regret. What's that? Son? Then I wasn't blow off
(18:18):
proof like the general tires got dirty? Rat, I'll showing
a shooting down all my tins.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I lend your vanceleton has got to stick together. Oh yes, Annie,
one egg and he doesn't live here anymore.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
An Oh, they got me, puppy, puppy, I'm a going elviry,
I'm a going.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Don't worry, puppy. All the eggs. New Generals of.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
The News Island sainty tread is America's modest fire. They
have the final touches style to any car.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Your new car deserves the.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Best, So why not let the general entire dealer arranged
to put.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Blowout proof generals on your new cars?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The additional cost islike you'll enjoy that feeling of security,
no matter how fast you drive. Remember, General is the
pattern of blowout proof fires and is told only by
the general tire dealer. If you're looking for real bargains,
you'll find.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Them there too, rank full of new and used tires
that have been a changed for blowout proof generals.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
What the last menumber of the hook program in the
new general fire theories? The dual Generalist, How all your
votes enjoyed our little cue tonight?
Speaker 3 (19:58):
I'm thinking of CUE A huge automobile owners who will
not agree that the General bullof troop file is the best.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
That money can buy. You can buy them. It is
your own general dostular. Yeah, thank you, Jack, You're welcome. Don,
I'm a talk on dry good night Bolt you announcer
(20:37):
John Wilson. This is the nice One Broadcasting Company.
And now I've been introducing that cultor painter and the Tibblers.
Mister Jack, Benny, hello again, this is Jack. Denny Kisling
are talking, and say, listen, Wilson, let's get a couple.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Of things raight down with you. I don't like those
introductions to keep getting me. No you don't.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
No, I mean I didn't like that word kiddler. No,
give me that dictionary minute.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Let me see.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Chisler is is here. It is Kisler, a parasite, a
person with no morals.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh well, that's all right, Wilson. I thought you were
accusing me of carving statues. You know, I got it.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
No, you know, Wilson, you and I have been together
five weeks now, and I can't tell who's a comedian
on this program. No, Redy, I'm afraid this show isn't
big enough for both of us.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
But I think Jack, where do you want your mail? Trim?
I got him that time vote today? Yes, at that?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I like you down, even though you wouldn't give a
dime to see Venus de Milo play Giano.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Oh I didn't know you played. But don't get me wrong, Jack.
You know I paid the.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Tax to fair over tonight the meter was sixty cents and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I paid it. Say what are you thinking about it? Good?
Meter is worth sixty pence you know.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
And by the way, Jack, before I forget it, thanks
for those two passes.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
You've got me for a central part. Oh don't mention it.
Don you know?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Anytime you want to walk down.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Sif that and you let me know, I can take si.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, say, by the way, Wilson, what nationality are
you anyway?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Well, my mother was Virisa and my father Scott.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Oh you have Scotch and Irish blood. Oh no, I
remember when we went to dinner.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Together the other night.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Your Irish blood wanted to pick up the tick and
your Scott's blood interfered.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I remember that. Oh sorry, oh Mary, you look tired.
Where have you been? I just came him the dance
dance four hours and I hate it. I thought you
liked dancing. No, all it is is a lot of
hugging with music. Well married, didn't you enjoy yourself? No?
You know how I hate music.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Oh yeah, yeah, I can imagine me say I went
to a dance last night myself. You know one of
those places, you know, there's ten cents a.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Dance and how much did you make? No, Mary, listen
to wait a minute the girl, The girl.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Gets the ten dancing. Ah, what's your favorite dance?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Mary? Well, I don't like Waltz's talk crops, chocolate, Van
Allen raspberry, the last one of the nice dance? Yeah, let'sten?
Hello fest Did I bring mars on you? No, Parker?
And then I'll wait around? Oh, hello Frank? What are
you doing here? So zoons? I just can't from a dance? Well,
last fips. Our routine is talk.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Uh, I went kind of a dance the ten cents
a dance, but it only cost me a nickel. Why
I dropped boma to them one leg? See, I don't
get the point? Is that funny? Very funny?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Mary jack Man, I gathered from your conversation that you
are discussing foot before. That's don denter again. Hold you
know Don as an arts the leader. You should know
all the dancers. What are the latest dancers?
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Well, I should say that the him Sham Kimmy and
the uptown Lowdown.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I like to Tatyoka. Better do about patiokaoa. Yes, it's
a great dance and make twelve putting too? Oh? She
reads Carryoka, have it your own way, your little cut
of stay Wilson. Well, Eliza, you ever dance? Oh occasionally?
Well Don then marry You asked him what the favorite dances?
(03:38):
I haven't got the heart, so I want your favorite
dance cut.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
The General fire Guide with an I'm Skibb's movement of
the Sire of Safety press runs less hair than any
other fire and gives your car up perfect rhythm.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Here I have played.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That was carry governm the most and takes you're flying
Don Aiel played by Don Destter and.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
His blowout proof of his Oh boy, am I hot
to night? Well here's a challenger and maybe time ten
collect that'll cool? Y'all say, how can that be from?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Well, well, it's my old friend Sam Friedman and Louisville, Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And here's what he says. Big crowd here for Kentucky
Derby Hotels all Phil, what a mob.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
They came by plane, railroad and thousands rolled in by.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Uh what's this will tonight? Can't make it out here?
Let's see you, Greg, General's fires are fling. That was
my Faul Poltons. That telegram all about Joe.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
It's my old friend Sam. You know the fellow that
gives me a tip every year on the Derby. He's
right on the ground, you know, get this, He says,
I've been watching the workouts and I don't see how
Cavalcade can lose. However, Matda Harry will take all the
honors if Sir Thomas doesn't beat him, and I wouldn't
be a bit surprised if Sage and Byrne wins the race.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
How's that for a sipfella.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
He also says that a Grarian speedmore and singing wood
might upset the dope.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
And there's a horse called Bazaar that also has four legs.
Don't forget to play these horses as.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
They can't lose your pale sands. Well, we can't go wrong, fellas.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Then he gave me so many good horses, I don't
know which to play, say best, Bester. Who who do
you like in the Derby? Well? I like travel Taes?
Why don why I saw the picture? It's very good.
Well that's a good hunt. Are you going to bet
on them? Who's riding an old cowards? A great jockey?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
See? And he also rolled design for Livy you know, uh, Mary, Mary,
who do you like in the Derby, John Bester, I
think he looks cute in the Derby. Marry Mary, When
would you stop.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Telling you old Joe don best he stopped wearing old Derby.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Oh look about Hardy's got on now?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
He doesn't know aways wear it man, he's just breaking
it in for his combone. You know it's O Parker.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Who do you like in the Derby? I like singing?
What now? You singers certainly stick together, don't you, kay? Jack?
What all those life of jet their names?
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Well?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Mary say?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Cavalcade is named after a Pictuerius sos Matda Harry, and
Sergeant Burne is named after a police dougan.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And bagar, Well you know what a bagar is? Yeah,
every woman wears wine. Well that's where they get their names.
And what aut there telegrams? Jack? Aren't you going to
make a bet? Hey? I haven't missed a Derby yet.
Give me that phone?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Hello, hello operator, give me circle seven nine nine seven?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh? Oh hello is this you Tom? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
This is Jack Benny. I wanna place a bet on
the Derby. What do you want two dollars on cavalcase?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Oh? Play to show? Okay? Oh well? Steve roading to
the tens you say, Jack, I'd like to take half
of your bet. Okay, best so you think they have?
That makes it a dollar a piece. If you say,
can I get in another two? Jack cure Parker, you
can have half a mind. That'll be fifty cents a piece.
And daver can you sad din about there? Okay? Mary
(07:14):
say daghy? Do you make that best?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Circle seven nine ninety seven? Oh, we'll give me that
storm ay best for you must have a tit on something.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I think so little operator give me circle seven nine
nine seven?
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Right? Said? Oh is this you Tom? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
This is John Wilson, General Tyres Freight Place. I'm shaw okay,
who's riding him?
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All the smarter the builder? Okay, Tom? Goodbye? Hey, I
hope your jockey is non scared. We all made out
the singing work.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I mean, Frank Parker will send comtails to two and
the most takes you murder of.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
The vanity play matter, Harry, I mean, don say, Jack, Jack,
what are you so nervous about? What's the matter with you?
And you know I got forty cents on a state
let's see that racing form? Will get.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
That was Parl Parker singing cocktails for two from the
most picture Murder in the Vanities, and now, Ladies and gentlemen,
last week, if you remember, we started our new series
of plays with that sturring melodrama The Lure of the City,
and the following day The Daily Moon gave us one
and two fifth stars, which is equivalent to one hundred
and thirty eight in gaulf.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
And and here's what Damon.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Lunyon said about our last play, quote the Yanks with
Ruth from the lineup and QUOTSEETI at short could be
on top at.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
The end of the season.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And here's what Admiral Byrd said about our plays, quote
I second remain at the South Pole another year, and
it is quite cold today regards to my friends.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Well, anyway, ladies and gentlemen, we have many more of
these testimonials too, numerous series.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
So tonight, by popular demand, we are safe be that
imorro or remark was melodrama the hills of old Kentucky
or Indiana, or for that matter, any place where there's
a hill, because after all the hills the hill.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
You know, we have the original all star cast.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Here tonight who first appeared in misplay at the Old
Dju theater. Many of you old timers will remember how
after the first performance this cast was hit over the
head with the Pulitzer Prize. Jim Walton he called the
plot of this drama all the Diggleberry carried down a.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Hundred year old feud with the Van Swipp.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
This went on for years and years, and whenever a
diddleberry frost the path of a vand Swipp or vice versa,
another knock was added to the guns of the Saviser.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Incidentally, Folks, I played a part of old man Van Swiz.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Now he will play my daughter Elvire. And Don Wilson,
who is quite a big fellow, will play one of
the hills.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah maybe you gad and see hill the Platt well
the more hills, Alaria. Let's get ready, Don play something
while we put on our boots. You know, I.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Was a while billy that be played by Don Desser
and his mountaineers.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Your arison's for small, don you don't you don't get
the Bob Donald. And now for our dramatic.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Offering the hills of old Kentucky or Indiana or anyway.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Certain music done. He came around thing, rolling down around
and rolling down down.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
And did she slip, she didn't pause her higher worm onism, and.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
He Tappy, that was awful. Besides, Dona's tired of living.
And he's here him, I don't see why I was here?
Who moves a pals paraslamp all past Kentucky? Oh, where
are we moving on? I'm there pathy.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Someday Lvyry, but not until the last So them Diddleberry's
are gone well all out, and says.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
These heather are pretty terrible for fancy on Qus.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
But we can't leave Alvyry, not until those Dittleberries are
wiped out.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Hee, Pappy, won't they all do that? It's not black
face Mary? Willbilly see happy? Why did they do that?
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Long long stories, much before your time, doctor, was way
back in eighteen thirty when the first Diddleberry family moved
to these fars and annoyed.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
We on we on the ram van Cliff.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
We're here first headed by your great great grand pappy,
Old Lemuel van Square Well. One day old limb Caupai
Dittleberry are cheating at solitaire And that was the beginning
of the few and it's been a going on ever since.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
There are only five of us left and two of them,
so you can see it's pretty easy. And I ain't
gonna leave here till every diggleberry is buried. I reckon,
that's pretty long time. Carry's drugs a hundred years Shutsalbira.
That ain't nothing. We hate people up here in these
hills for nold Eason at all. It's just a rockets.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Well, Pappy, I reckon, I'm a going to trip down
to Jillie's down see a flicker picture?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, what picture is showing down there this week? Thank you?
Jex Qushman. Yeah, it's about time they gave us some
of that new stuff. And you better be pristle, pappy.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
While I'm a going as.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
The littleberry will get you, they better be careful. Mean goodbye, Elviry, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
It's happy and don't take any lead bus see gamroll
Now the mountain see Gammell and down the mountain. Ozah,
it's me Lamb I'm on in well if it ain't
deep Brest, what are you doing here?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Is he arm am mountain? William too, i'munt William. You
mean a hillbilly, don't you? Hull?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, if you want to use slang, you ought to
wear boots with that full dress suit. See well, I
didn't know I was coming here, Daisy, you never met
my old woman?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
At him? No, man, I want you to meet her.
Hey and he and he wants you to meet he
best there Fred, you know, And don't expect anything to eat,
cause you won't get anything. I don't want himything g
where and you're know Congrete, don't mind her deep she's
always a clown and she shut out Shoppy, always happy.
(15:42):
What's the matter, el Ryley. I was coming up the
hill and one of them, Dittleberry shopping. What did he say?
Speaker 4 (15:47):
Goal?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
He said you wasn't sit to sleep with your pig?
He did he? And what did you tell him? I
told him you've been sleeping with kicks all your life
and not one of them complains. And he wouldn't believe. Hey,
give me my rifle. I'll show him what I did.
Berry and in Sula van twiz.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Oh Poppy build there here in the summer and Trickier, Yes,
happy and there I kill her you uh now for.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Me, uh out of my way?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Oviral There they are an hour sitting on their porch.
The rants take back just sunk.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Take away from that window, Gal, they might return it.
They did a wirey hot on that old mare right
in the town. Get the rest of us van twist
walk Coppy.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
The horse is gone already, catch the next one into town.
Wait a minute, drummer, give her a chance to get.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
On the horse.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Okay, the bow, Poppy, the fine waid, advertise general tires here.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Indeed you guard that window.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Wherever you see a little berry pyre, Well, well it
was an old hat anyway, must be o'viire.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
You're coming back with the boys here they are, Poppy.
You clim and Jim, where's clim? He joined the littleberry.
He must be paying them more money. Come on in, boy,
around around here? What's the murder them?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
You design again? Boys, there are five of us vanship
here and we can whip them. Well, we got us
stick together. Wait them want something to eat before you
start fighting? Yeah, we store any five five egg hi
eggs coming up?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Make that poor egg, Danny.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Well, the only tall of us van whips left, and
we got us stick together.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Watch that window, clem loop. You gut that door, and
if you want me, I'll be in Kansas City. Three eggs, Danny, Well,
there are three of us left, and we got us
stick together. How do you watch those eggs on toe
make it too all right, clem, You and I are
left all alone now, and we got us stick together.
(17:56):
You's hitted have he oo mm hmmm, Well it looks
as though I'll have to eat alone. They cut me, puppy,
They cut me pullo, clem, and don't worry about it.
I don't find us going suppy. There's only one thing
I regret. What's that? Son? Then I wasn't blow off
(18:18):
proof like the general tires got dirty? Rat, I'll showing
a shooting down all my tins.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I lend your vanceleton has got to stick together. Oh yes, Annie,
one egg and he doesn't live here anymore.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
An Oh, they got me, puppy, puppy, I'm a going elviry,
I'm a going.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Don't worry, puppy. All the eggs. New Generals of.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
The News Island sainty tread is America's modest fire. They
have the final touches style to any car.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Your new car deserves the.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Best, So why not let the general entire dealer arranged
to put.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Blowout proof generals on your new cars?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The additional cost islike you'll enjoy that feeling of security,
no matter how fast you drive. Remember, General is the
pattern of blowout proof fires and is told only by
the general tire dealer. If you're looking for real bargains,
you'll find.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Them there too, rank full of new and used tires
that have been a changed for blowout proof generals.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
What the last menumber of the hook program in the
new general fire theories? The dual Generalist, How all your
votes enjoyed our little cue tonight?
Speaker 3 (19:58):
I'm thinking of CUE A huge automobile owners who will
not agree that the General bullof troop file is the best.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
That money can buy. You can buy them. It is
your own general dostular. Yeah, thank you, Jack, You're welcome. Don,
I'm a talk on dry good night Bolt you announcer
(20:37):
John Wilson. This is the nice One Broadcasting Company.
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