July 26, 2025 • 29 mins
Enjoy "The Jack Benny Collection," a showcase of the best episodes from the legendary comedian's radio show. Experience the timeless humor, memorable characters, and witty scripts that made Jack Benny a household name. Perfect for fans of classic comedy and radio history, this collection offers a window into the golden age of entertainment.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Jack Benny program.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Quality of product is essential to continuing success.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
No no, no, no, no, no no moon and not
any no no, no no no.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Noon American, Let that historic champ remind you that year in,
year out, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. It takes fine
tobacco to make a fine cigarette, and las mft Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco
in a cigarette. It's the tobacco that counts. And season
after season, at market after market, independent tobacco experts, auctioneers,
(00:33):
buyers and warehousemen can see the makers of Lucky Strike
consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally
mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco, no doubt about it.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so
free and easy on the draw.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
At an automated anyday moment nine automated at fifty nine
I Americans.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
The luckys Prick programs starring Jack Benny with Mary lavacent
Bill Harris, Rochester devastated.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
You're truly done.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Welcome now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you out to
Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills, where we find Jack
and Rochester in the garage. I can't understand where the
(01:42):
car won't start? Fried again, Rochester, Yes, sir, fride again Rochester. Okay,
(02:14):
try it again, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Wayt's put the door back on.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
Okay, Wow, that's more like it, Rochester.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Rochester didn't start.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
No, but the door stayed on.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh good, Gordon. I can't I can't understand what's wrong.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Maybe the most is worn out.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh no, that's impossible, as phenometer only says eighty eight
thousand miles.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Oh come now, boss, we've pushed his brother.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Now, well you better go up, go in the house
and call mister Harrison telling them to pick me up
on his way to the studio.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
Oh I did that before he came out to the garage.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Oh, then you knew there was something wrong with the Rochester.
Did you use my car last night? Well, Rochester, I
just found a Bobby Pin on the front seat. Yeah,
what are you laughing at?
Speaker 7 (03:26):
That's only two of us.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Yeah, it ain't mine.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Listen mine either, Rochter. You used my car last night
to take your girl out.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
How did it go?
Speaker 7 (03:38):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Very good, very good.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That's funny, and today it won't even start. Oh you
mean the car, Yes, the car.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
How did it go? Oh fine, boss, fine, until I
lost the tire off the punt wheel.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You lost the tire. Why don't you come back home?
Speaker 5 (03:57):
The rim got caught in the trolley car tracks and
I had to go the way to Pasadena before I
can make.
Speaker 7 (04:01):
A left turn Hasadena. Yeah, all the way fast.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
We got starved back in the middle.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Of this panic laws lane for read you and your girl?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Eh, what happened?
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Nothing? We prefer Mr Holland drive.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Roster in the future. When you want to go out
joy riding, borrow your friend's car. You know what I mean, Sam,
You loan it to you one before.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Sam ain't got that car anymore. He's got two motorcycles.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Now traded his car in a No, he's back into
a bus though. Oh my goodness, did Sam get hurt.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
No, but if he hadn't leaned over to put down
the window, he'd have been twinned.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Well, look, Rochester, there's no use working with this in
Okick Jackson, I'm here, be right where you fell. So long, Rochester.
I'll see after the broadcast. Yes, I'm sorry to take
you out of your way.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
Filled.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I couldn't get my car started. You know, Jackson, when
you bought that Car's too bad you didn't wait.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Just one more year.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
They came out with a wonderful improvement.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah, what was it?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
The Pony Express?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
All right?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
All right, come on, let's get.
Speaker 7 (05:12):
To the studio.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Hey, this car really runs nice.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
You don't mean Jackson, nothing but the best for Harris.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh boy, what a fancy dashboard. What are all those
buttons for?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
That's the radio. I pushed this button, get Australia. I
pushed this button and get London this button, China, this
button France and on up to eight country.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
See my radio. I've only got three buttons Anaheim, Azusa,
and I can only get Anaheim when I'm in Azusa.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
How do you get Kukamanga short waves?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I got a wonderful program from there too, John's other
smudge Pot. I never missed it. Oh boy, Phil, this
is really a swell car. Imason Coss Phil thirty five
hundred dollars thirty five hundred dollars. Gee, I wish I
(06:12):
had two shows. I fell feil a traffic light has change.
I see it, I see it, watch it on again.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Oh, Massa, Look who's sitting in that car, Jack Dennis?
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Real?
Speaker 8 (06:31):
Isn't that a coincidence? Three weeks ago we were standing
here and he drove.
Speaker 9 (06:35):
I didn't too, Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Isn't he a handsome.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
Massa?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
What are you crying about?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Well?
Speaker 8 (06:44):
I can't hilp it. When mister Benny was in vaudeville,
he was my husband's favorite comedian.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Well that's nothing to cry about.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I was thinking of my husband.
Speaker 8 (06:53):
He's been dead for forty years.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
Martha.
Speaker 8 (07:04):
I've just noticed you was sitting next to mister Denny,
who look rails botch that my coat and button my
shoes If it isn't him.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Hawks and turn a breeze.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
What a thrill.
Speaker 8 (07:21):
Let's go over to the car and ask them per autographs?
Oh no, Emily, do you think we're trying to pick
them up?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, gee, those two old ladies are sweet, you don't
feel I saw them at the football game yesterday.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh did you go, Jackson? There was such a mob
out there. How'd you ever park your car?
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:42):
I didn't take my car. With such a nice day,
I decided to swim. Lady was downstream that it's a
(09:16):
pity to say good Night's played by the orchestra. Now, ladies, okay, Don, okay,
we're here. I'm sorry we were late, but I couldn't
get my car started, and then we got held up
in traffic.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Well that's all right, jack.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
We filled in with a couple of orchestra numbers, good, good, dumb.
But who led the band?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Frankie?
Speaker 7 (09:30):
Frankie?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
What does he know about music?
Speaker 5 (09:33):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 7 (09:33):
Jackson?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Frankie's a natural.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
He was born with a banjo on his knee. It
was Yeah, they had to operate on him before they
could get his Tamson.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Keep that up and you'll be another Carmen Lombardo filter.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I'll settle for anybody, now, Don, Mary is still in
Palm Springs, so when we do our play tonight, we'll.
Speaker 7 (09:58):
Have to move.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Hello that Hello Phield, Are you a kid?
Speaker 7 (10:01):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Don?
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Hello, Dennis, Hello Mary. I guess she's mad at me, Dennis,
He's not mad at Mary. Isn't here, she's in Palm
spring Oh, now, Don, Well, if.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
She isn't mad.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Why doesn't she call me up?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
She has no reason to call Dennis, take my word
for it. If Mary we're here, she'd say hello to you.
Oh yeah, well I wouldn't even answer her. All right,
all right, don't answer now, don Yes, Jack, As you know,
two weeks ago we were going to do our version
of The Killers, but we had to postpone it until
the night.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Who does she think she is? Anyway?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Dennis, I told you Mary's in Palm Springs. Now will
you please forget it?
Speaker 7 (10:45):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Say Jack? Before you told me about the play tonight,
do you mind if I talk to you about a
very delicate subject? Delicate subject?
Speaker 5 (10:53):
What is it?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Don? The coartet is here ready to do the commercial?
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Don?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Look, Don, I want to talk to you a minute.
Not an anger, look, kid, but don just a nice
friendly chat. Sit down, Sit down, Don, Well, there isn't
any chair here. We sit on the quartet.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Go ahead, get up.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
You're hurting them now, Don. Let's get one thing straight.
The quartet is true Finnish.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
Listen. Jack gives them one more chance.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And if you don't like what they've prepared for today,
I'll never bother you again. Don Look, come on, boys,
he'll trovatar. I don't want he'll trova ls m F
t ls mft John means climb the bacle. Yes, lucky
strike means climb the bacle.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Don il trovatar.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Help on treat you take all.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That doesn't fast.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Let me look let's ls l s l SP don
you well down, Don boys don fellows boys.
Speaker 7 (12:13):
Don look down.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Let's say find.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
No good.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Believe he does.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Say hear that?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Applause, Jack, they were sitting station on Don. I don't
care to pay applause. All night has no place on
this progress. All right, Jackson, listen to this.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Don.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I've had my boys holiday for straight holiday for.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
My don you and all right, I ll.
Speaker 7 (13:18):
O you, I do r S E B you and
I okay for you.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a r F way, Don.
Speaker 7 (13:45):
Don done.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
I've had enough.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I can't send it any longer. Where's that contract here?
Speaker 7 (13:53):
It is there?
Speaker 3 (13:56):
That's step that, Jack, I'll blame you if you feel
that way about the court.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
That's that's the best thing to do.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Pair's the contract, their contract, that was yours. Why I
guess I'll hold him from it.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Or you.
Speaker 10 (14:25):
For me for am It's for a horm It's play.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
We found my finding each other.
Speaker 10 (14:52):
For I'm your.
Speaker 9 (15:00):
Your mind, and ah happy anything, What a lovely worldless
(15:21):
world will be with the world of loving.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
How are you.
Speaker 7 (15:31):
Me?
Speaker 10 (15:33):
Ah, I'm your.
Speaker 9 (15:46):
Your mind.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
And the happy.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
World world will be with the world.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
Barmy for.
Speaker 7 (16:22):
More.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Oh that was for you, for me forevermore, sung by
(16:56):
Dennis Day, very good, Dennis.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Oh Mary, what was that?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm giving her one more chance.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Oh, go sit down tonight, for I'm not on the quartet.
Find a chair. I wish Mary was here, and I
was in Palm Springs, And now I wouldn't say hello
to you either. Quiet and now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
(17:28):
as our feasture attraction, we're going to do our version
of Mark Hellinger's thrilling, exciting universal International picture, the famous Hemingway.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Story, The Chillers.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
This is the story of two gunmen who walk into
a little lunch room looking for a guy called the Swede.
It's midnight and the lunch room is deserted except for
one lonely customer.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Well, I think I'll have a bite, eat and then
go home.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
And I wish I could close up and go home myself.
This place is quieter than a coal mine. Kind of
a dreary night too.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, say Charlie, don't the sweet usually dropped in about this.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Time hasn't been in now for two or three weeks.
Understand he's sick in bed.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Oh a democrat?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Huh yeah, and listened to used to stay here for hours,
just sitting by the jukebox, listening to the Missouri Wall.
Now what did you have to eat?
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
How would you like some squaw baked in wine?
Speaker 6 (18:54):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You got any hamhock stewdent bourbon?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Now we're all out of hamhocks.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Good, just bring me the jews, okay, say Curly.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Next week when you come here, you will know this joint.
It's gonna be real ritzy. New curtains and drapes and
rugs on the floor, nice new lamp sheets and everything.
This lunch room is gonna beautiful. Well, it's about time.
This joint looks like the sweat band out of the
Brown Derby. Now don't worry, I'm gonna fix everything.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
In fact, I've already hired.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
The interior decorators. Say Curly, hurry up and finish eating
when you had such a nasty night. I want to
close up and go home.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I'll be throwing them at it.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
How about a napkin? Use the drapes. I'm getting new ones, Yes, sir,
I can just see the way this place is gonna hmm,
what's the matter, Charlie. Look out the window. Two guys
just tipped off the curb and are crossing the street.
(20:00):
I've never seen him before.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, they look kind of tough. Hey, I'm getting out
of here.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
No, no, no, don't go. I don't want to be
here alone. One of those guys, it looks like Edward g.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Robinson.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Hey, look they're coming this way. Yeah what uh? We
(20:45):
will be gentlemen, I say we will be gentlemen. Gentlemen,
Well it be.
Speaker 7 (20:56):
What you're shaken for.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Blue Eyes, I ain't call in here.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
I'm getting ready to close up, gentlemen, So if you
want something to eat, you better order it a slugger.
Speaker 5 (21:23):
What is it, Eddie? Blue Eyes is in a hurry.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Everybody ought to slow them down.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yeah down now, Look, gentlemen, I don't want no trouble.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
Well you have.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
You can have some ham and eggs, or some corn
beef hash or a mixed green salad.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Ouch I don't like salad.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I'm looking miss. I want to close up this joint,
so you better order get out of here, because if
you don't, I'll call the police.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Do you hear that slugger blue eyes is going to
call the police?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I want to move out of you, and I'll fill
yourself full of hole.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
You look like a chist.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Sweet slandwich.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
That Swiss tea.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Don't tell me how to get a laugh?
Speaker 5 (22:27):
What that amusing slugger?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yes, I'll see here, mister.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
I want to ask you a question. Would you pull
a luck?
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Right? Boy?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I asked the questions around here. See, you just answer
to them and do as I tell you.
Speaker 7 (22:50):
See.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
If not, you'll get hurt. See I get me something
to eat, see and be quick about it.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
Look look where I shot up.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
I wait a minute, I don't have to stand for this.
If I'm a citizen, I pay my taxes, I got
my rights and you can. You can't come in here
and push me around.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Oh I can't.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Huh No, you wait a minute. What are you reaching
your back pocket for? Yes, my handkerchief, your handkerchief. Yeah,
you must have a bad cold.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Yeah, I just took those shots for it. Oh, wait,
you cheat that up and you'll be anonna pell Harris.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
How look will you fellas? Wait a minute, now, I
know who you guys are. You're the killers. You're looking
for the swede.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Heah, that slugger, bride boy. Thanks, we're looking for the swede,
but it ain't.
Speaker 10 (23:54):
We ben looking for no sweet.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Now, bride boy, when looking for a no swede.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
We came in here to talk to you me.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You we're like, you're gonna get this dump rey decorated.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yes I am. But what's that got to do with you?
Speaker 7 (24:12):
Well?
Speaker 3 (24:12):
We want to know something.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
What who are you getting your chance from? Yeah? And
I stuck lying for you Drake.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I'm not gonna have him, Lyne.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Unless I'm bright.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Boy, you're gonna have Drake.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
So you're gonna have.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Them lying, you're getting them from us.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
See, I can't get him from you. I'm buying all
my curtains and Drakes from Johnson and Company right on
the corner.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Johnson ain't fair anymore.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You mean to say that?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
What's that Johnson?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
He just passed by.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
See, rumors are flying and Philock Johnson.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
You guys can't fight me. I'm buying my curtains rapes
and chins from anybody I like. See and I gut
in your hand and scare me either. See I don't
even think you can shoot straight.
Speaker 7 (25:13):
Oh I can't.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Huh See that are all plates up there?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Yeah, I'll watch this.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
And a plate next to it, and a plate on
the other side.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Ha, you're miss.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
H I put a curve on that one.
Speaker 7 (25:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Well I'm not a prettier. Now you took three shots
before and three shots now. You're out of bullet.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
No, I ain't bright boy. This is an ever sharp gun.
It's got a six month supply of lead.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I could have known with that deep pocket clip. Hey
you know the gun I have only shoot six times.
Speaker 7 (25:57):
Look here show you.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
See.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Hey, that's a pretty nice gun you got there.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You're dying right it is? Come on now, ip with
your hand, pull me.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Oh you want to shut it out?
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Huh?
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Well take that.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You missed me white, Now you take this.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
Oh oh you got me, slugger, you got me.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I'm dying, slugger.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
I knew that day would come.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I knew I couldn't get away with him. Everything's getting
darg I can't see I'm dying, slugger.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
They finally got me. Me, little Caesar.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Goodbye, Slugger.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
I'm dying. I'm dying, dying.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
We'll fall down your big hand. Maybe this will help.
Oh how do you like that?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
He sat on the quartest. Hurry, let's go help.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Jack will be back in just a minute. But first,
here is my good friend, mister l A.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Speed Raid. Hey, pfessor, my mood.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I hated any man my moon, not any manue no, no, no,
my moon.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
American common Sands will tell you in a cigarette, it's
the tobacco that counts. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Mister George Alfred Webster, independent tobacco warehouseman of Durham, North Carolina,
has seen millions of pounds of tobacco bought and sold
at auction. Andy said, at market after market, at auction
after auction, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by
fine tobacco, tobacco that makes one grand smoke. I've smoked
Lucky Is myself for twenty nine years, year in, year out.
(28:20):
Independent tobacco experts like mister Webster, men who spend their
lives buying, selling, and handling tobacco, can see the makers
of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light,
that naturally mild tobacco, fine life, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so remember las MFT. Lucky
(28:41):
strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real, deep
down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of
fine tobacco Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed,
so free and easy on the draw, ladies and jam
I want to thank Edward G. Robinson for appearing with
(29:02):
us tonight for the courtesy of the Failure Productions, producers
of that soon to be released picture The Red House.
We'll be with you next Sunday at the same time.
Good Night, Mary, good night, Herman, Herman.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I met at Mary. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot good night.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
This is NDC, the National Broadcasting
The Jack Benny program.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Quality of product is essential to continuing success.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
No no, no, no, no, no no moon and not
any no no, no no no.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Noon American, Let that historic champ remind you that year in,
year out, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. It takes fine
tobacco to make a fine cigarette, and las mft Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco
in a cigarette. It's the tobacco that counts. And season
after season, at market after market, independent tobacco experts, auctioneers,
(00:33):
buyers and warehousemen can see the makers of Lucky Strike
consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally
mild tobacco, fine light, naturally mild tobacco, no doubt about it.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real,
deep down smoking enjoyment for you.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so
free and easy on the draw.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
At an automated anyday moment nine automated at fifty nine
I Americans.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
The luckys Prick programs starring Jack Benny with Mary lavacent
Bill Harris, Rochester devastated.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
You're truly done.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Welcome now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you out to
Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills, where we find Jack
and Rochester in the garage. I can't understand where the
(01:42):
car won't start? Fried again, Rochester, Yes, sir, fride again Rochester. Okay,
(02:14):
try it again, Rochester.
Speaker 5 (02:15):
Wayt's put the door back on.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
Okay, Wow, that's more like it, Rochester.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Rochester didn't start.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
No, but the door stayed on.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh good, Gordon. I can't I can't understand what's wrong.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Maybe the most is worn out.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh no, that's impossible, as phenometer only says eighty eight
thousand miles.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Oh come now, boss, we've pushed his brother.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Now, well you better go up, go in the house
and call mister Harrison telling them to pick me up
on his way to the studio.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
Oh I did that before he came out to the garage.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Oh, then you knew there was something wrong with the Rochester.
Did you use my car last night? Well, Rochester, I
just found a Bobby Pin on the front seat. Yeah,
what are you laughing at?
Speaker 7 (03:26):
That's only two of us.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Yeah, it ain't mine.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Listen mine either, Rochter. You used my car last night
to take your girl out.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
How did it go?
Speaker 7 (03:38):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Very good, very good.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
That's funny, and today it won't even start. Oh you
mean the car, Yes, the car.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
How did it go? Oh fine, boss, fine, until I
lost the tire off the punt wheel.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
You lost the tire. Why don't you come back home?
Speaker 5 (03:57):
The rim got caught in the trolley car tracks and
I had to go the way to Pasadena before I
can make.
Speaker 7 (04:01):
A left turn Hasadena. Yeah, all the way fast.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
We got starved back in the middle.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Of this panic laws lane for read you and your girl?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Eh, what happened?
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Nothing? We prefer Mr Holland drive.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Roster in the future. When you want to go out
joy riding, borrow your friend's car. You know what I mean, Sam,
You loan it to you one before.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
Sam ain't got that car anymore. He's got two motorcycles.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Now traded his car in a No, he's back into
a bus though. Oh my goodness, did Sam get hurt.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
No, but if he hadn't leaned over to put down
the window, he'd have been twinned.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Well, look, Rochester, there's no use working with this in
Okick Jackson, I'm here, be right where you fell. So long, Rochester.
I'll see after the broadcast. Yes, I'm sorry to take
you out of your way.
Speaker 7 (04:59):
Filled.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I couldn't get my car started. You know, Jackson, when
you bought that Car's too bad you didn't wait.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
Just one more year.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
They came out with a wonderful improvement.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yeah, what was it?
Speaker 1 (05:07):
The Pony Express?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
All right?
Speaker 3 (05:11):
All right, come on, let's get.
Speaker 7 (05:12):
To the studio.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Hey, this car really runs nice.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
You don't mean Jackson, nothing but the best for Harris.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Oh boy, what a fancy dashboard. What are all those
buttons for?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
That's the radio. I pushed this button, get Australia. I
pushed this button and get London this button, China, this
button France and on up to eight country.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
See my radio. I've only got three buttons Anaheim, Azusa,
and I can only get Anaheim when I'm in Azusa.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
How do you get Kukamanga short waves?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
I got a wonderful program from there too, John's other
smudge Pot. I never missed it. Oh boy, Phil, this
is really a swell car. Imason Coss Phil thirty five
hundred dollars thirty five hundred dollars. Gee, I wish I
(06:12):
had two shows. I fell feil a traffic light has change.
I see it, I see it, watch it on again.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Oh, Massa, Look who's sitting in that car, Jack Dennis?
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Real?
Speaker 8 (06:31):
Isn't that a coincidence? Three weeks ago we were standing
here and he drove.
Speaker 9 (06:35):
I didn't too, Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Isn't he a handsome.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
Massa?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
What are you crying about?
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Well?
Speaker 8 (06:44):
I can't hilp it. When mister Benny was in vaudeville,
he was my husband's favorite comedian.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Well that's nothing to cry about.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I was thinking of my husband.
Speaker 8 (06:53):
He's been dead for forty years.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
Martha.
Speaker 8 (07:04):
I've just noticed you was sitting next to mister Denny,
who look rails botch that my coat and button my
shoes If it isn't him.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Hawks and turn a breeze.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
What a thrill.
Speaker 8 (07:21):
Let's go over to the car and ask them per autographs?
Oh no, Emily, do you think we're trying to pick
them up?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Yeah, gee, those two old ladies are sweet, you don't
feel I saw them at the football game yesterday.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Oh did you go, Jackson? There was such a mob
out there. How'd you ever park your car?
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (07:42):
I didn't take my car. With such a nice day,
I decided to swim. Lady was downstream that it's a
(09:16):
pity to say good Night's played by the orchestra. Now, ladies, okay, Don, okay,
we're here. I'm sorry we were late, but I couldn't
get my car started, and then we got held up
in traffic.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Well that's all right, jack.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
We filled in with a couple of orchestra numbers, good, good, dumb.
But who led the band?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Frankie?
Speaker 7 (09:30):
Frankie?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
What does he know about music?
Speaker 5 (09:33):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 7 (09:33):
Jackson?
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Frankie's a natural.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
He was born with a banjo on his knee. It
was Yeah, they had to operate on him before they
could get his Tamson.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Keep that up and you'll be another Carmen Lombardo filter.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I'll settle for anybody, now, Don, Mary is still in
Palm Springs, so when we do our play tonight, we'll.
Speaker 7 (09:58):
Have to move.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Mister Benny.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Hello that Hello Phield, Are you a kid?
Speaker 7 (10:01):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Don?
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Hello, Dennis, Hello Mary. I guess she's mad at me, Dennis,
He's not mad at Mary. Isn't here, she's in Palm
spring Oh, now, Don, Well, if.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
She isn't mad.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Why doesn't she call me up?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
She has no reason to call Dennis, take my word
for it. If Mary we're here, she'd say hello to you.
Oh yeah, well I wouldn't even answer her. All right,
all right, don't answer now, don Yes, Jack, As you know,
two weeks ago we were going to do our version
of The Killers, but we had to postpone it until
the night.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Who does she think she is? Anyway?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Dennis, I told you Mary's in Palm Springs. Now will
you please forget it?
Speaker 7 (10:45):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Say Jack? Before you told me about the play tonight,
do you mind if I talk to you about a
very delicate subject? Delicate subject?
Speaker 5 (10:53):
What is it?
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Don? The coartet is here ready to do the commercial?
Speaker 4 (10:57):
Don?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Look, Don, I want to talk to you a minute.
Not an anger, look, kid, but don just a nice
friendly chat. Sit down, Sit down, Don, Well, there isn't
any chair here. We sit on the quartet.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
Go ahead, get up.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
You're hurting them now, Don. Let's get one thing straight.
The quartet is true Finnish.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
Listen. Jack gives them one more chance.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And if you don't like what they've prepared for today,
I'll never bother you again. Don Look, come on, boys,
he'll trovatar. I don't want he'll trova ls m F
t ls mft John means climb the bacle. Yes, lucky
strike means climb the bacle.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Don il trovatar.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Help on treat you take all.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That doesn't fast.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Let me look let's ls l s l SP don
you well down, Don boys don fellows boys.
Speaker 7 (12:13):
Don look down.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Let's say find.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
No good.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Believe he does.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Say hear that?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Applause, Jack, they were sitting station on Don. I don't
care to pay applause. All night has no place on
this progress. All right, Jackson, listen to this.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Don.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I've had my boys holiday for straight holiday for.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
My don you and all right, I ll.
Speaker 7 (13:18):
O you, I do r S E B you and
I okay for you.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a r F way, Don.
Speaker 7 (13:45):
Don done.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
I've had enough.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I can't send it any longer. Where's that contract here?
Speaker 7 (13:53):
It is there?
Speaker 3 (13:56):
That's step that, Jack, I'll blame you if you feel
that way about the court.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
That's that's the best thing to do.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Pair's the contract, their contract, that was yours. Why I
guess I'll hold him from it.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Or you.
Speaker 10 (14:25):
For me for am It's for a horm It's play.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
We found my finding each other.
Speaker 10 (14:52):
For I'm your.
Speaker 9 (15:00):
Your mind, and ah happy anything, What a lovely worldless
(15:21):
world will be with the world of loving.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
How are you.
Speaker 7 (15:31):
Me?
Speaker 10 (15:33):
Ah, I'm your.
Speaker 9 (15:46):
Your mind.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
And the happy.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
World world will be with the world.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
Barmy for.
Speaker 7 (16:22):
More.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Oh that was for you, for me forevermore, sung by
(16:56):
Dennis Day, very good, Dennis.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Oh Mary, what was that?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm giving her one more chance.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Oh, go sit down tonight, for I'm not on the quartet.
Find a chair. I wish Mary was here, and I
was in Palm Springs, And now I wouldn't say hello
to you either. Quiet and now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
(17:28):
as our feasture attraction, we're going to do our version
of Mark Hellinger's thrilling, exciting universal International picture, the famous Hemingway.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Story, The Chillers.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
This is the story of two gunmen who walk into
a little lunch room looking for a guy called the Swede.
It's midnight and the lunch room is deserted except for
one lonely customer.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Well, I think I'll have a bite, eat and then
go home.
Speaker 3 (18:11):
And I wish I could close up and go home myself.
This place is quieter than a coal mine. Kind of
a dreary night too.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, say Charlie, don't the sweet usually dropped in about this.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Time hasn't been in now for two or three weeks.
Understand he's sick in bed.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Oh a democrat?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Huh yeah, and listened to used to stay here for hours,
just sitting by the jukebox, listening to the Missouri Wall.
Now what did you have to eat?
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
How would you like some squaw baked in wine?
Speaker 6 (18:54):
Nah?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You got any hamhock stewdent bourbon?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Now we're all out of hamhocks.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Good, just bring me the jews, okay, say Curly.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Next week when you come here, you will know this joint.
It's gonna be real ritzy. New curtains and drapes and
rugs on the floor, nice new lamp sheets and everything.
This lunch room is gonna beautiful. Well, it's about time.
This joint looks like the sweat band out of the
Brown Derby. Now don't worry, I'm gonna fix everything.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
In fact, I've already hired.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
The interior decorators. Say Curly, hurry up and finish eating
when you had such a nasty night. I want to
close up and go home.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I'll be throwing them at it.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
How about a napkin? Use the drapes. I'm getting new ones, Yes, sir,
I can just see the way this place is gonna hmm,
what's the matter, Charlie. Look out the window. Two guys
just tipped off the curb and are crossing the street.
(20:00):
I've never seen him before.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, they look kind of tough. Hey, I'm getting out
of here.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
No, no, no, don't go. I don't want to be
here alone. One of those guys, it looks like Edward g.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Robinson.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Hey, look they're coming this way. Yeah what uh? We
(20:45):
will be gentlemen, I say we will be gentlemen. Gentlemen,
Well it be.
Speaker 7 (20:56):
What you're shaken for.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Blue Eyes, I ain't call in here.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
I'm getting ready to close up, gentlemen, So if you
want something to eat, you better order it a slugger.
Speaker 5 (21:23):
What is it, Eddie? Blue Eyes is in a hurry.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Everybody ought to slow them down.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yeah down now, Look, gentlemen, I don't want no trouble.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
Well you have.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
You can have some ham and eggs, or some corn
beef hash or a mixed green salad.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Ouch I don't like salad.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
I'm looking miss. I want to close up this joint,
so you better order get out of here, because if
you don't, I'll call the police.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Do you hear that slugger blue eyes is going to
call the police?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yes, I am.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I want to move out of you, and I'll fill
yourself full of hole.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
You look like a chist.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
Sweet slandwich.
Speaker 5 (22:17):
That Swiss tea.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Don't tell me how to get a laugh?
Speaker 5 (22:27):
What that amusing slugger?
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yes, I'll see here, mister.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
I want to ask you a question. Would you pull
a luck?
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Right? Boy?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
I asked the questions around here. See, you just answer
to them and do as I tell you.
Speaker 7 (22:50):
See.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
If not, you'll get hurt. See I get me something
to eat, see and be quick about it.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
Look look where I shot up.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
I wait a minute, I don't have to stand for this.
If I'm a citizen, I pay my taxes, I got
my rights and you can. You can't come in here
and push me around.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Oh I can't.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Huh No, you wait a minute. What are you reaching
your back pocket for? Yes, my handkerchief, your handkerchief. Yeah,
you must have a bad cold.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
Yeah, I just took those shots for it. Oh, wait,
you cheat that up and you'll be anonna pell Harris.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
How look will you fellas? Wait a minute, now, I
know who you guys are. You're the killers. You're looking
for the swede.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Heah, that slugger, bride boy. Thanks, we're looking for the swede,
but it ain't.
Speaker 10 (23:54):
We ben looking for no sweet.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Now, bride boy, when looking for a no swede.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
We came in here to talk to you me.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
You we're like, you're gonna get this dump rey decorated.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yes I am. But what's that got to do with you?
Speaker 7 (24:12):
Well?
Speaker 3 (24:12):
We want to know something.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
What who are you getting your chance from? Yeah? And
I stuck lying for you Drake.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
I'm not gonna have him, Lyne.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Unless I'm bright.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
Boy, you're gonna have Drake.
Speaker 5 (24:36):
So you're gonna have.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Them lying, you're getting them from us.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
See, I can't get him from you. I'm buying all
my curtains and Drakes from Johnson and Company right on
the corner.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Johnson ain't fair anymore.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You mean to say that?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
What's that Johnson?
Speaker 3 (24:58):
He just passed by.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
See, rumors are flying and Philock Johnson.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
You guys can't fight me. I'm buying my curtains rapes
and chins from anybody I like. See and I gut
in your hand and scare me either. See I don't
even think you can shoot straight.
Speaker 7 (25:13):
Oh I can't.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Huh See that are all plates up there?
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Yeah, I'll watch this.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
And a plate next to it, and a plate on
the other side.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Ha, you're miss.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
H I put a curve on that one.
Speaker 7 (25:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Well I'm not a prettier. Now you took three shots
before and three shots now. You're out of bullet.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
No, I ain't bright boy. This is an ever sharp gun.
It's got a six month supply of lead.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I could have known with that deep pocket clip. Hey
you know the gun I have only shoot six times.
Speaker 7 (25:57):
Look here show you.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
See.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Hey, that's a pretty nice gun you got there.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You're dying right it is? Come on now, ip with
your hand, pull me.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Oh you want to shut it out?
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Huh?
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Well take that.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You missed me white, Now you take this.
Speaker 5 (26:26):
Oh oh you got me, slugger, you got me.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
I'm dying, slugger.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
I knew that day would come.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I knew I couldn't get away with him. Everything's getting
darg I can't see I'm dying, slugger.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
They finally got me. Me, little Caesar.
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Goodbye, Slugger.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
I'm dying. I'm dying, dying.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
We'll fall down your big hand. Maybe this will help.
Oh how do you like that?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
He sat on the quartest. Hurry, let's go help.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Jack will be back in just a minute. But first,
here is my good friend, mister l A.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
Speed Raid. Hey, pfessor, my mood.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
I hated any man my moon, not any manue no, no, no,
my moon.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
American common Sands will tell you in a cigarette, it's
the tobacco that counts. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Mister George Alfred Webster, independent tobacco warehouseman of Durham, North Carolina,
has seen millions of pounds of tobacco bought and sold
at auction. Andy said, at market after market, at auction
after auction, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike by
fine tobacco, tobacco that makes one grand smoke. I've smoked
Lucky Is myself for twenty nine years, year in, year out.
(28:20):
Independent tobacco experts like mister Webster, men who spend their
lives buying, selling, and handling tobacco, can see the makers
of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light,
that naturally mild tobacco, fine life, naturally mild tobacco. Yes,
lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so remember las MFT. Lucky
(28:41):
strike means fine tobacco, and fine tobacco means real, deep
down smoking enjoyment for you. So smoke that smoke of
fine tobacco Lucky Strike, so round, so firm, so fully packed,
so free and easy on the draw, ladies and jam
I want to thank Edward G. Robinson for appearing with
(29:02):
us tonight for the courtesy of the Failure Productions, producers
of that soon to be released picture The Red House.
We'll be with you next Sunday at the same time.
Good Night, Mary, good night, Herman, Herman.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I met at Mary. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot good night.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
This is NDC, the National Broadcasting
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