November 14, 2023 • 30 mins
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike Sir Ex turbois Almerican. Scientific tests
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarette. Scientific tests
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarettes. That fact
(00:23):
is verified by an independent consulting laboratorywith more than fifteen years experience in cigarette
research. The report from the consultinglaboratory stated, based on our analytical findings,
it is our opinion that Lucky Strikecigarettes are the mildest of the six
major brands tested and no wonder LuckyStrike cigarette have been proved milder for years.
(00:45):
Lucky Strike has conducted a unique andvast program in research in quality controls
and manufacturing methods, and today tomorrowalways ls MFT, ls MFT Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco, fine light,naturally mild tobacco with smoothness and mildness and
never a rough puff. So lightup a Lucky Prove to yourself what scientific
(01:11):
tests prove Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. Let
your own taste and throat be thejudge for smoothness and mildness. There's never
a rough puff and a Lucky Strikefrom Palm Springs, California, A Lucky
(01:34):
Strike program starring Jack Benny with BarryLemoson Coilaharis, Rochester Downder stand yours throly
Don. Well, yes, herewe are spending our second week in Palm
(01:57):
Springs. So let's go out andis at the place where Jack Benny is
staying, the Cantata de Casta Lakitade Castille, Canata. At the moment,
our little star is drinking in therays of the morning sun while Rochester
is rubbing him with oil. Iwhat a wonderful day for a sunbath a
Rochester, it is turn on theboss. I want to get some oil
(02:20):
on your back. Man. Okay, be careful you don't get any of
my trunks. Ah, this isthe life, oh Rochester. What is
it? Boss? Own nothing?Rochester? Yes? Oh, oh,
never mind, come on, boss, what is it? I'm really built
(02:43):
an if you say so, sir, well, I guess I'm greased up
enough. I think I'll just layout here on the sun deck. Boss.
(03:04):
You know, it isn't every placewhere you can step out of your
room and get right up on thesun deck, boss. Yeah, this
thing you're lying on is a pingpong table. It isn't a sun deck.
No, why do you think theyhave that net across the middle?
I thought the other side was forwomen. I've been peeking through the holes
(03:25):
for nothing. Oh look, Rochester, here comes miss Livingston. Oh yes,
hello, Miss Livingston. Hello Rochester, hijack. Hello Mary, I'm
glad you dropped over. So thisis a Contadada castle like Kennedy Castilla Kanata.
Mary, you don't have to sayit like that. This is a
very nice place. You know.I'm paying three dollars a day for my
room. Three dollars. Well,Mary, I felt the same way,
(03:47):
But then this is the height ofthe season. Anyway, it's worth it,
you know. This place overlooks thebeautiful palm Springs builtmore Jack, you're
very smart, Thank you. That'sbetter than paying biltmore prices and overlook the
dump you're living in. What doyou mean, dumb? Come on in,
(04:09):
I'll show you my room. Comeon, come on in, Mary,
Jack. I can't see a thing, it's so dark in here.
Well, they finally fix that holein the room, Rochester, get a
match and light the lamb. Yes, sir, that's better. You see,
Marry, This room is nice inline. Wait a minute, Wait
(04:29):
a minute, what's this lawnmower,wheelbarrow, rake and garden hose doing in
the corner. Well, you see, Marry, The raid on this room
is really four dollars. But theydon't have a tool shed. And they
said they would make an adjustment ifI let them keep their garden tools in
here. Well, at least theykeep you well supplied with towels. This
is the loner room too, Rochester. Nobody asked you come in. Oh,
(04:55):
pardon me, I didn't know yourhad company. I just want to
get the lawnmower. Oh it's rightthere in the corner. Thank you.
One two, three four five onetwo Rochester? What are you doing?
I cut my toes every time heleaves. Well, I don't blame you,
(05:24):
Jack. Of all the places inPalm Springs, you had to get
stuck, Mary, forget. Ididn't get stuck with anything. This is
a very nice Hey, there's atelephone call for y Okay, excuse me,
Mary, I'll be back in aminute. The pola just down the
hall, dumb dumb dumb dumb dundot dun in then Nickelodeon. All I
want is loving you and money,money, my dum dumb dum. Oh.
(05:50):
Oh, here's the phone. Hello, is this jack Benny. Yes,
one moment please, we have aperson to person call from Los Angeles.
Go ahead, I Jackson, Philand I thought you were in Palm
Springs. What are you doing inLos Angeles? I wasn't Palm Springs,
but I had to hurry back homewhen I found out I forgot something.
Oh what did you forget Alice?Alice? How in the world could you
(06:13):
forget her? Well, the daywe were supposed to drive down to the
Springs, I was a little careless. I wasn't watching. What do you
mean, Well, I was sittingin the car after she put the luggage
Jim, and I thought she gotin two. Well tell me, Phil,
when did you first realize you'd forgottenAlice. Well, as soon as
I got the Palm Springs, Iwent to the racket club, had dinner,
and when the waiter handed me thecheck, I knew she was miss
(06:45):
Oh and Jackson, let me tellyou something. When I got home,
she was furious. And what didshe do? She was so mad at
me? She put Rudy Valley's pictureback on the piano. Well, I
don't blame her one with the megaphoneyet. Well, look, Phil,
I hope you'll be back in timefor rehearsal. You see, we're having
al Jolson on the program this week, and your orchestra will have to accompany.
(07:06):
M Sure, sure, we gotit. What do you think Jolie's
sing whatever he sings, Phil,I don't want the accompaniment to sound like
That's what I like about the South? All right? Now, wait a
minute, Jackon, Why don't youstop picking on my tone? Because I'm
sick of it, and I'm notthe only one. Every time you and
your boys sing it, Frankie Rimleyjust sits there with his mouth. Look,
Dad, if you left the Southunder the same conditions Ramley did,
(07:28):
you wouldn't sing about it either.You mean ye, Frankie had more feathers
on him than the wild goose.No kidding, Well, Jackson, I
can't make you laugh any longer.Alix has got the car packed again,
(07:48):
now and out you sweat it out. Alice has got the car all packed
again. So we're going back.Good Bye bye, goodbye fella. So
that Phil is an amazing guy.Fourteen years ago, no one ever heard
(08:09):
of him. Then he wrote onesong That's what I Like about the South,
and overnight he made millions of enemies. Mary. That was Mary,
Where are you right here? Infront of you? Oh? Yes?
Uh? When you you know,when you come in out of the light
here, it's hard to see.Uh. That was Phil on the phone.
Phil, what do you want?I don't know. I forgot to
(08:31):
ask him, say Jack, it'sso nice out. Why do we go
for a swimming the pool? Thepool? Yes, I'm sorry, Mary,
but the Cantata Dicasila Kennedy Castill Kenyatadoesn't have a swimming pool. No
swimming pool, No, but theyhave something just as good. See when
the temperature reaches one hundred and two, a bellboy comes around with a water
pistol and lets you have it.It's very refreshing, especially when they use
(08:56):
ice coals. Come in. Oh, you know, I hate to keep
the starving while you've got company.But I finished more on the lawn.
Now. I came in to geta sack of fertalizer. A sack of
fertilizer where you're sitting on her what, thanks, lady. You won't have
(09:20):
to stand long, I'll bring itback. So on, Jack, I'm
not gonna ask you how I canlive in this room. But let's go
outside. Okay, okay, youknow Mary, I wish we did.
Jack. Here comes the bellboy whereYes, it's a hundred to two.
(09:43):
You see, Mary is very refreshating. I wouldn't know I ducked it,
would you like a tall mister Bennie? Yes, thank you. Hey Jack,
isn't it down hacking his way throughthe sagebrush? Yeah? Yeah?
Where in the lobby? Oh yeah, down down out here? Oh?
Hello Jack, Hello, very Hiyou Dan. This is the craziest place
(10:05):
I've ever seen. As I camein the lobby, some screwball was trying
to shoot the goldface. Gold says, don't no, down, he was
just killing his gun. I'll explainit to you later. Well, I
see you've got the Sportsman quartet withyou. Hello, Fellas and Jack.
I want you to meet a younglady who's appearing here in Palm Springs at
the Dunes, Miss Connie Barlow.Yes, I know her. Hello Connie.
Hello Jack. Uh Connie. Maryand I heard you singing at the
(10:37):
Dune's Cafe the other night, andwe thought you were wonderful, yes,
Connie, But during your number wehad a difficult time hearing with all the
dishes rattling. Oh, were younear the kitchen? We were in the
kitchen. Jack forgot his wallet.Well, that could happen. A lot
of people leave their wallets in theirrooms. Jack left his in Walkegan,
Walk, Hegan, Walkkegan. You'rejust mad because you washed more dishes than
(11:00):
I did. Let's say Jack.The reason I asked miss Barlow to come
over was because I thought it wouldbe nice if she did the number with
the quartet. Well good, butwhat number they got prepared? Well?
Last week, Frank Lesser's song babyIt's Cold Outside won the Academy Award,
and we thought it would be anice touch if they'd sing it while we're
hearing Palm Springs, Baby it's coldoutside down. How can you sing it's
(11:20):
cold outside when we're in Palm Springs. The weather's so beautiful, I mean,
the sunshines all day. It doesn'tmake sense, Well, Jack,
we thought of that, so wechanged the lyrics to fit the location.
Oh, well, good, good, Connie, I'd love to hear it.
(11:41):
I really can't stand outside. I'vegotta go away outside. This evening
had been open, very nice,have some ny love the weird stuff.
Got to worry what your and father? We'll be pacing the floors that really
(12:07):
i'd better scurry, please don't well, maybe just a cigarette more, that's
what they're gotta go hard a lot, strive, lend me accur you will
lie. They really are great,but don't you see just one more now?
(12:31):
Sm But Darling, I'm must begoing at least I'm gonna say that
I try. I really can't rollsout. It's warmest f stop. I
(12:58):
simply must, Bucky strike, Ihate to you not you always lie.
I'll leave with regret. That's thefast round. So darling, if you
get load, remember all those luckyvio thigh know what I like. Let's
(13:31):
look along very god down. Thatwas really very good, and Connie,
(13:58):
you did an excellent job and changingthe lyrics. I mean, it does
get warm out here, it suredoes right now. I bet it's ninety
five in the shade. Ninety five. I'll bet it's one hundred. You'll
both roll what it's one? Two? Oh? He is your towel,
(14:26):
Mista Betty, thank you? Wouldyou like another show? That's no no,
no, not not right now.Maybe later. Oh here dumps another
gest you. Oh, for heaven'ssake, bell boy, that isn't a
guest. That was Dennis day.Dennis, Dennis speak to me? Where
(14:50):
do I get this goldfish out ofmy mouth? Here? Dennis, here's
my towel. Thanks. Hey,I haven't seen you all week, kid?
What have you been doing a lotof things? Five o'clock this morning,
all the people at my hotel goton horses and we rode way out
in the desert for a breakfast ride. A breakfast ride. Oh, that
must have been a lot of fun, some fun. All I had to
eat was cactus. Cactus. Igot lost. Hm. Imagine eating cactus.
(15:18):
It tastes awful. But you don'tneed any toothpicks. I never thought
of that. Oh, John,Here come the fellows around your program last
week, the wa La horror treeall Hm. I wonder what they want
here? Keno s bogging for buggingDennis, Dennis, you understand? And
(15:43):
what did what do they say?Oh? H he says they want to
be paid for last week. Idon't know a whord is Spanish? And
I could have told you that Mary, Please, I said my name is
Thomas. Then never Familia. Look, Fellas Maniana, I told you i'd
(16:07):
pay your maniana. Now, whydon't you go home? It's thrown the
camels, so you said, mother, get em you know, no,
vamos no there now? And Istopped raising all this fuss. I told
you i'd pay your pronto pronto,jack Pronto means now, Oh, Fellas
Maniana, maniana, I'll go homein eighty ohs no, bandy, Wait
(16:33):
a little laugh is over? Waita minute? What did you What did
you say? Answer? Senor Benny, I'm pastor. See come on,
so rio another comrano? What whatdo they say? Dennis? They said
they like to get their hands onthe guy who said this was the land
of opportunity. Now, Fellas,look, well you go away and leave
(16:56):
me alone. I'll take care ofyour maniana. I've heard of Jackson.
You ain't heard nothing yet. Well, Al Joe, Hello, Mary,
(17:18):
Hello, Al Hello Dennis Hello As, Say Al, I I know you're
gonna be on my program, Butwhat brings you over here today? Well,
Jack, I thought we ought toget some things settled first. Oh
you mean about the songs you're gonnasing? No, about the money you're
gonna pay. Huh, you heardme, Jack, money mamyana mayana.
(17:47):
Wellas be quiet, eighty yos.Don't find out what that means. Now,
Look, al, don't you thinkit? It's a little undignified.
Look, you haven't even been onmy program yet, and here you are
asking me for money. Jack.Look, I don't mean this program.
I mean the time I appeared onyour show two years ago. You remember
two years ago. That's the longestmaniana I've ever seen. All Right,
(18:12):
all right, now, all aslong as you're gonna be on my program
sunday, tell me what numbers you'regonna sing so that I'll be able to
wait a minute, wait a minute. That's the reason I came over here.
I'm willing to be on your show, but I'm not gonna sing.
Why not? Well, I've takenenough ridicule, especially from the guy on
your show. That fella melt Blank. What do you mean? Now?
(18:33):
Look, Jack, I don't mindpeople doing jokes about my age or my
picture to Larry Parks, I don'tmind people imitating me. But this fella
mel blank keeps inferring that when I'msinging a song, I keep going Yeah.
But now let's face it, youdo, don't you? Man?
(19:00):
From me? Johnson? That's singing? But Al, I saw your picture.
Joelson sings again, and when yousang, you went at least twenty
times. Did you see the pictureafter dinner? Yes, I had indigestion.
Oh well, that could happen toanybody anyway. Al, I'm sure,
(19:22):
I'm sure you know what you're talkingabout. So I apologize for anything.
Mel blank did it won't happen again? Good? If you'll just step
into my room, we'll discuss thesongs you're gonna do on the program.
Okay, Jack, Holy smoke?What a room? It looks like a
cave. Well, all, well, I can understand a man wanted to
(19:45):
ruugh it? What do you dowhen the bear comes home? What it
has? Twin beds? All stop? Now, Al, look at Al.
What do you think you'll do foryour first song? Well, Jack,
I've got a brand new number thatI think, I really think you're
(20:06):
gonna like it. It's called RememberMother's Day. Remember Mother's Day. But
our Mother's Day is until next month. This is April. Why don't you
sing? April showers? April showers? How does it go? How does
a dog? How does it go, and April's oh don't be funny?
(20:26):
How does it go? Jack?Look? Even though Mother's Day isn't the
next month, I just made arecording of it, and really I like
to sing it. After all,I am a mammy singer. Okayl if
you're that sentimental, go ahead.There are many Sundays in the but the
(20:53):
best one comes in May. Andthough it's true there are fifty two,
there's none like Mother's Days. Sendher a bunch of roses. Mom loves
roses, making an extra large bouquete. Send her a bunch of roses,
(21:21):
red red roses. Remember Mother's Day? Why didn't you write a letter?
Are still better? Hop on atrain without delay? Maybe a few caresses
best expresses love on Mother's Day.And if you're too far away, she'll
(21:48):
be there on that day. Followup. She'll be home when she answers
the ring. You'll be proud ofthe king with a queen on the phone.
Follow it up with roses. Momloves roses. And to make everything
(22:11):
okay, send a million kisses,weet kisses. Remember mother? Du ow
(22:48):
Ow that was delightful, really reallygreat. Oh it was wonderful, al
thrilling? Was it? Dennis,that's singing dinners. No listen, o'meala
was swell? Oh? Thanks Jack, Thanks, and I hope you're noticed
(23:10):
that not once, not once inthe whole song. Can I go?
I know all? And again Iapologize. Now, did you bring the
musical arrangements for the songs you're gonnado on the show? Yes? I
did, Jack, but I onlybrought enough for sixteen encres. Sixteen encres.
Yeah, we may have a coldaudience. Well I wouldn't worry about
it. I'm sure I'll get it. Mister Benny. Yes, it's a
(23:37):
hundred and two. We're out ofwater. What would you like a towel
or a cookie? Neither and getout of here. Well, getting back
to my program, what are yougonna do for your second number? How
(24:00):
about one of my old ones?You know? Like? Uh, well,
let me see. Oh yeah totouchy goodbye. He put me to
your bad yesterday I heard a loversigh good bye your may seven times he
got aboard his terrain and seven timeshere head back, get kids in love
(24:23):
again and tell us good too,Touchy goodbye, toot turkey, don't cry
that you could train that has meaway from you now words can tello Saturdays,
me gets me to the end.There, do it over again.
(24:45):
Watch for the mail. I'll neverfail. If you don't get a letter,
then you'll know one in jail.Don't cry tout it, don't cry.
Goodbye, touchy, goodbye. Hitsme try and then no, marrow
(25:15):
marry, he said, up themind? Are we going and get I
don't know. No, I didn'tget him. Yeah, my my my,
why Okay, hell, hell yousaid it? I did it.
(25:48):
I didn't watch all through the numberyou kept going. Come in hell,
Yeah, he's up there a bear. How do you like that? I
thought I made up a joke,said to turn down the other bed ladies
(26:18):
and gentlemen. Carelessness is the greatestsingle cause of forest fires, fires that
destroy approximately thirty million acres of timberlandyearly, and most of these fires started
because someone was careless with a lightedmatch, a campfire, a burning cigarette.
Be on guard constantly against fire,Be careful, be cautious, prevent
(26:40):
fires. Thank you. That willbe back in just the moment. But
first, this exturble. No dodo do do do do do no no
no no no no. My Moini'sold milken. Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike
is my than any other principal brandof cigarettes. Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike
(27:04):
is milder than any other principal brandof cigarettes. That fact is verified by
an independent consulting laboratory with more thanfifteen years experience in cigarette research. The
report from the consulting laboratory stated,based on our analytical findings, it is
our opinion that Lucky Strike cigarettes arethe mildest of the six major brands tested
(27:26):
ls MFT, ls MFT. LuckyStrike means fine tobacco. That's why with
every Lucky you get the rich tasteof fine light, naturally mild tobacco,
Yes, smoothness and mildness with nevera rough puff. Just listen to the
words of mister Edward M. Rodgersfor ten years, an independent tobacco auctioneer
(27:48):
from Reedsville, North Carolina. Recentlyhe said, I know fine tobacco,
and year after year, at auctionafter auction, I've seen American good ripe,
smooth leaf, the kind of tobaccothat's hard to beat for smoking quality.
I smoke Lucky's myself been a Luckyfan twelve years, So smoke a
(28:11):
Lucky prove to yourself. What scientifictests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any
other principal brand of cigarettes. Letyour own taste and throat be the judge
for smoothness and mildness. There's nevera rough puff and a Lucky Strike so
round, so firm, so fullypacked, so free and easy on the
(28:32):
draw. Ladies and gentlemen, Iwant to thank Al Jolson for dropping by
today and next Sunday we'll be broadcastingfrom Hollywood. Say mister Benny, what
is the dinner? The cactus Ihad for breakfast this morning wasn't very nourishing.
(28:56):
I'm hungry. Have you got anythingto eat? Something to eat?
Yeah? Sure here kid? Banana? No no, I said, banana,
not manyana. Now go home.He's sure to hear Dennis Day and
(29:30):
the Day and the Life of DennisDay. Thank you nam Astana show,
which follows immediately. This is SI, asked the Columbia Broadcasting System
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike Sir Ex turbois Almerican. Scientific tests
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarette. Scientific tests
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarettes. That fact
(00:23):
is verified by an independent consulting laboratorywith more than fifteen years experience in cigarette
research. The report from the consultinglaboratory stated, based on our analytical findings,
it is our opinion that Lucky Strikecigarettes are the mildest of the six
major brands tested and no wonder LuckyStrike cigarette have been proved milder for years.
(00:45):
Lucky Strike has conducted a unique andvast program in research in quality controls
and manufacturing methods, and today tomorrowalways ls MFT, ls MFT Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco, fine light,naturally mild tobacco with smoothness and mildness and
never a rough puff. So lightup a Lucky Prove to yourself what scientific
(01:11):
tests prove Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. Let
your own taste and throat be thejudge for smoothness and mildness. There's never
a rough puff and a Lucky Strikefrom Palm Springs, California, A Lucky
(01:34):
Strike program starring Jack Benny with BarryLemoson Coilaharis, Rochester Downder stand yours throly
Don. Well, yes, herewe are spending our second week in Palm
(01:57):
Springs. So let's go out andis at the place where Jack Benny is
staying, the Cantata de Casta Lakitade Castille, Canata. At the moment,
our little star is drinking in therays of the morning sun while Rochester
is rubbing him with oil. Iwhat a wonderful day for a sunbath a
Rochester, it is turn on theboss. I want to get some oil
(02:20):
on your back. Man. Okay, be careful you don't get any of
my trunks. Ah, this isthe life, oh Rochester. What is
it? Boss? Own nothing?Rochester? Yes? Oh, oh,
never mind, come on, boss, what is it? I'm really built
(02:43):
an if you say so, sir, well, I guess I'm greased up
enough. I think I'll just layout here on the sun deck. Boss.
(03:04):
You know, it isn't every placewhere you can step out of your
room and get right up on thesun deck, boss. Yeah, this
thing you're lying on is a pingpong table. It isn't a sun deck.
No, why do you think theyhave that net across the middle?
I thought the other side was forwomen. I've been peeking through the holes
(03:25):
for nothing. Oh look, Rochester, here comes miss Livingston. Oh yes,
hello, Miss Livingston. Hello Rochester, hijack. Hello Mary, I'm
glad you dropped over. So thisis a Contadada castle like Kennedy Castilla Kanata.
Mary, you don't have to sayit like that. This is a
very nice place. You know.I'm paying three dollars a day for my
room. Three dollars. Well,Mary, I felt the same way,
(03:47):
But then this is the height ofthe season. Anyway, it's worth it,
you know. This place overlooks thebeautiful palm Springs builtmore Jack, you're
very smart, Thank you. That'sbetter than paying biltmore prices and overlook the
dump you're living in. What doyou mean, dumb? Come on in,
(04:09):
I'll show you my room. Comeon, come on in, Mary,
Jack. I can't see a thing, it's so dark in here.
Well, they finally fix that holein the room, Rochester, get a
match and light the lamb. Yes, sir, that's better. You see,
Marry, This room is nice inline. Wait a minute, Wait
(04:29):
a minute, what's this lawnmower,wheelbarrow, rake and garden hose doing in
the corner. Well, you see, Marry, The raid on this room
is really four dollars. But theydon't have a tool shed. And they
said they would make an adjustment ifI let them keep their garden tools in
here. Well, at least theykeep you well supplied with towels. This
is the loner room too, Rochester. Nobody asked you come in. Oh,
(04:55):
pardon me, I didn't know yourhad company. I just want to
get the lawnmower. Oh it's rightthere in the corner. Thank you.
One two, three four five onetwo Rochester? What are you doing?
I cut my toes every time heleaves. Well, I don't blame you,
(05:24):
Jack. Of all the places inPalm Springs, you had to get
stuck, Mary, forget. Ididn't get stuck with anything. This is
a very nice Hey, there's atelephone call for y Okay, excuse me,
Mary, I'll be back in aminute. The pola just down the
hall, dumb dumb dumb dumb dundot dun in then Nickelodeon. All I
want is loving you and money,money, my dum dumb dum. Oh.
(05:50):
Oh, here's the phone. Hello, is this jack Benny. Yes,
one moment please, we have aperson to person call from Los Angeles.
Go ahead, I Jackson, Philand I thought you were in Palm
Springs. What are you doing inLos Angeles? I wasn't Palm Springs,
but I had to hurry back homewhen I found out I forgot something.
Oh what did you forget Alice?Alice? How in the world could you
(06:13):
forget her? Well, the daywe were supposed to drive down to the
Springs, I was a little careless. I wasn't watching. What do you
mean, Well, I was sittingin the car after she put the luggage
Jim, and I thought she gotin two. Well tell me, Phil,
when did you first realize you'd forgottenAlice. Well, as soon as
I got the Palm Springs, Iwent to the racket club, had dinner,
and when the waiter handed me thecheck, I knew she was miss
(06:45):
Oh and Jackson, let me tellyou something. When I got home,
she was furious. And what didshe do? She was so mad at
me? She put Rudy Valley's pictureback on the piano. Well, I
don't blame her one with the megaphoneyet. Well, look, Phil,
I hope you'll be back in timefor rehearsal. You see, we're having
al Jolson on the program this week, and your orchestra will have to accompany.
(07:06):
M Sure, sure, we gotit. What do you think Jolie's
sing whatever he sings, Phil,I don't want the accompaniment to sound like
That's what I like about the South? All right? Now, wait a
minute, Jackon, Why don't youstop picking on my tone? Because I'm
sick of it, and I'm notthe only one. Every time you and
your boys sing it, Frankie Rimleyjust sits there with his mouth. Look,
Dad, if you left the Southunder the same conditions Ramley did,
(07:28):
you wouldn't sing about it either.You mean ye, Frankie had more feathers
on him than the wild goose.No kidding, Well, Jackson, I
can't make you laugh any longer.Alix has got the car packed again,
(07:48):
now and out you sweat it out. Alice has got the car all packed
again. So we're going back.Good Bye bye, goodbye fella. So
that Phil is an amazing guy.Fourteen years ago, no one ever heard
(08:09):
of him. Then he wrote onesong That's what I Like about the South,
and overnight he made millions of enemies. Mary. That was Mary,
Where are you right here? Infront of you? Oh? Yes?
Uh? When you you know,when you come in out of the light
here, it's hard to see.Uh. That was Phil on the phone.
Phil, what do you want?I don't know. I forgot to
(08:31):
ask him, say Jack, it'sso nice out. Why do we go
for a swimming the pool? Thepool? Yes, I'm sorry, Mary,
but the Cantata Dicasila Kennedy Castill Kenyatadoesn't have a swimming pool. No
swimming pool, No, but theyhave something just as good. See when
the temperature reaches one hundred and two, a bellboy comes around with a water
pistol and lets you have it.It's very refreshing, especially when they use
(08:56):
ice coals. Come in. Oh, you know, I hate to keep
the starving while you've got company.But I finished more on the lawn.
Now. I came in to geta sack of fertalizer. A sack of
fertilizer where you're sitting on her what, thanks, lady. You won't have
(09:20):
to stand long, I'll bring itback. So on, Jack, I'm
not gonna ask you how I canlive in this room. But let's go
outside. Okay, okay, youknow Mary, I wish we did.
Jack. Here comes the bellboy whereYes, it's a hundred to two.
(09:43):
You see, Mary is very refreshating. I wouldn't know I ducked it,
would you like a tall mister Bennie? Yes, thank you. Hey Jack,
isn't it down hacking his way throughthe sagebrush? Yeah? Yeah?
Where in the lobby? Oh yeah, down down out here? Oh?
Hello Jack, Hello, very Hiyou Dan. This is the craziest place
(10:05):
I've ever seen. As I camein the lobby, some screwball was trying
to shoot the goldface. Gold says, don't no, down, he was
just killing his gun. I'll explainit to you later. Well, I
see you've got the Sportsman quartet withyou. Hello, Fellas and Jack.
I want you to meet a younglady who's appearing here in Palm Springs at
the Dunes, Miss Connie Barlow.Yes, I know her. Hello Connie.
Hello Jack. Uh Connie. Maryand I heard you singing at the
(10:37):
Dune's Cafe the other night, andwe thought you were wonderful, yes,
Connie, But during your number wehad a difficult time hearing with all the
dishes rattling. Oh, were younear the kitchen? We were in the
kitchen. Jack forgot his wallet.Well, that could happen. A lot
of people leave their wallets in theirrooms. Jack left his in Walkegan,
Walk, Hegan, Walkkegan. You'rejust mad because you washed more dishes than
(11:00):
I did. Let's say Jack.The reason I asked miss Barlow to come
over was because I thought it wouldbe nice if she did the number with
the quartet. Well good, butwhat number they got prepared? Well?
Last week, Frank Lesser's song babyIt's Cold Outside won the Academy Award,
and we thought it would be anice touch if they'd sing it while we're
hearing Palm Springs, Baby it's coldoutside down. How can you sing it's
(11:20):
cold outside when we're in Palm Springs. The weather's so beautiful, I mean,
the sunshines all day. It doesn'tmake sense, Well, Jack,
we thought of that, so wechanged the lyrics to fit the location.
Oh, well, good, good, Connie, I'd love to hear it.
(11:41):
I really can't stand outside. I'vegotta go away outside. This evening
had been open, very nice,have some ny love the weird stuff.
Got to worry what your and father? We'll be pacing the floors that really
(12:07):
i'd better scurry, please don't well, maybe just a cigarette more, that's
what they're gotta go hard a lot, strive, lend me accur you will
lie. They really are great,but don't you see just one more now?
(12:31):
Sm But Darling, I'm must begoing at least I'm gonna say that
I try. I really can't rollsout. It's warmest f stop. I
(12:58):
simply must, Bucky strike, Ihate to you not you always lie.
I'll leave with regret. That's thefast round. So darling, if you
get load, remember all those luckyvio thigh know what I like. Let's
(13:31):
look along very god down. Thatwas really very good, and Connie,
(13:58):
you did an excellent job and changingthe lyrics. I mean, it does
get warm out here, it suredoes right now. I bet it's ninety
five in the shade. Ninety five. I'll bet it's one hundred. You'll
both roll what it's one? Two? Oh? He is your towel,
(14:26):
Mista Betty, thank you? Wouldyou like another show? That's no no,
no, not not right now.Maybe later. Oh here dumps another
gest you. Oh, for heaven'ssake, bell boy, that isn't a
guest. That was Dennis day.Dennis, Dennis speak to me? Where
(14:50):
do I get this goldfish out ofmy mouth? Here? Dennis, here's
my towel. Thanks. Hey,I haven't seen you all week, kid?
What have you been doing a lotof things? Five o'clock this morning,
all the people at my hotel goton horses and we rode way out
in the desert for a breakfast ride. A breakfast ride. Oh, that
must have been a lot of fun, some fun. All I had to
eat was cactus. Cactus. Igot lost. Hm. Imagine eating cactus.
(15:18):
It tastes awful. But you don'tneed any toothpicks. I never thought
of that. Oh, John,Here come the fellows around your program last
week, the wa La horror treeall Hm. I wonder what they want
here? Keno s bogging for buggingDennis, Dennis, you understand? And
(15:43):
what did what do they say?Oh? H he says they want to
be paid for last week. Idon't know a whord is Spanish? And
I could have told you that Mary, Please, I said my name is
Thomas. Then never Familia. Look, Fellas Maniana, I told you i'd
(16:07):
pay your maniana. Now, whydon't you go home? It's thrown the
camels, so you said, mother, get em you know, no,
vamos no there now? And Istopped raising all this fuss. I told
you i'd pay your pronto pronto,jack Pronto means now, Oh, Fellas
Maniana, maniana, I'll go homein eighty ohs no, bandy, Wait
(16:33):
a little laugh is over? Waita minute? What did you What did
you say? Answer? Senor Benny, I'm pastor. See come on,
so rio another comrano? What whatdo they say? Dennis? They said
they like to get their hands onthe guy who said this was the land
of opportunity. Now, Fellas,look, well you go away and leave
(16:56):
me alone. I'll take care ofyour maniana. I've heard of Jackson.
You ain't heard nothing yet. Well, Al Joe, Hello, Mary,
(17:18):
Hello, Al Hello Dennis Hello As, Say Al, I I know you're
gonna be on my program, Butwhat brings you over here today? Well,
Jack, I thought we ought toget some things settled first. Oh
you mean about the songs you're gonnasing? No, about the money you're
gonna pay. Huh, you heardme, Jack, money mamyana mayana.
(17:47):
Wellas be quiet, eighty yos.Don't find out what that means. Now,
Look, al, don't you thinkit? It's a little undignified.
Look, you haven't even been onmy program yet, and here you are
asking me for money. Jack.Look, I don't mean this program.
I mean the time I appeared onyour show two years ago. You remember
two years ago. That's the longestmaniana I've ever seen. All Right,
(18:12):
all right, now, all aslong as you're gonna be on my program
sunday, tell me what numbers you'regonna sing so that I'll be able to
wait a minute, wait a minute. That's the reason I came over here.
I'm willing to be on your show, but I'm not gonna sing.
Why not? Well, I've takenenough ridicule, especially from the guy on
your show. That fella melt Blank. What do you mean? Now?
(18:33):
Look, Jack, I don't mindpeople doing jokes about my age or my
picture to Larry Parks, I don'tmind people imitating me. But this fella
mel blank keeps inferring that when I'msinging a song, I keep going Yeah.
But now let's face it, youdo, don't you? Man?
(19:00):
From me? Johnson? That's singing? But Al, I saw your picture.
Joelson sings again, and when yousang, you went at least twenty
times. Did you see the pictureafter dinner? Yes, I had indigestion.
Oh well, that could happen toanybody anyway. Al, I'm sure,
(19:22):
I'm sure you know what you're talkingabout. So I apologize for anything.
Mel blank did it won't happen again? Good? If you'll just step
into my room, we'll discuss thesongs you're gonna do on the program.
Okay, Jack, Holy smoke?What a room? It looks like a
cave. Well, all, well, I can understand a man wanted to
(19:45):
ruugh it? What do you dowhen the bear comes home? What it
has? Twin beds? All stop? Now, Al, look at Al.
What do you think you'll do foryour first song? Well, Jack,
I've got a brand new number thatI think, I really think you're
(20:06):
gonna like it. It's called RememberMother's Day. Remember Mother's Day. But
our Mother's Day is until next month. This is April. Why don't you
sing? April showers? April showers? How does it go? How does
a dog? How does it go, and April's oh don't be funny?
(20:26):
How does it go? Jack?Look? Even though Mother's Day isn't the
next month, I just made arecording of it, and really I like
to sing it. After all,I am a mammy singer. Okayl if
you're that sentimental, go ahead.There are many Sundays in the but the
(20:53):
best one comes in May. Andthough it's true there are fifty two,
there's none like Mother's Days. Sendher a bunch of roses. Mom loves
roses, making an extra large bouquete. Send her a bunch of roses,
(21:21):
red red roses. Remember Mother's Day? Why didn't you write a letter?
Are still better? Hop on atrain without delay? Maybe a few caresses
best expresses love on Mother's Day.And if you're too far away, she'll
(21:48):
be there on that day. Followup. She'll be home when she answers
the ring. You'll be proud ofthe king with a queen on the phone.
Follow it up with roses. Momloves roses. And to make everything
(22:11):
okay, send a million kisses,weet kisses. Remember mother? Du ow
(22:48):
Ow that was delightful, really reallygreat. Oh it was wonderful, al
thrilling? Was it? Dennis,that's singing dinners. No listen, o'meala
was swell? Oh? Thanks Jack, Thanks, and I hope you're noticed
(23:10):
that not once, not once inthe whole song. Can I go?
I know all? And again Iapologize. Now, did you bring the
musical arrangements for the songs you're gonnado on the show? Yes? I
did, Jack, but I onlybrought enough for sixteen encres. Sixteen encres.
Yeah, we may have a coldaudience. Well I wouldn't worry about
it. I'm sure I'll get it. Mister Benny. Yes, it's a
(23:37):
hundred and two. We're out ofwater. What would you like a towel
or a cookie? Neither and getout of here. Well, getting back
to my program, what are yougonna do for your second number? How
(24:00):
about one of my old ones?You know? Like? Uh, well,
let me see. Oh yeah totouchy goodbye. He put me to
your bad yesterday I heard a loversigh good bye your may seven times he
got aboard his terrain and seven timeshere head back, get kids in love
(24:23):
again and tell us good too,Touchy goodbye, toot turkey, don't cry
that you could train that has meaway from you now words can tello Saturdays,
me gets me to the end.There, do it over again.
(24:45):
Watch for the mail. I'll neverfail. If you don't get a letter,
then you'll know one in jail.Don't cry tout it, don't cry.
Goodbye, touchy, goodbye. Hitsme try and then no, marrow
(25:15):
marry, he said, up themind? Are we going and get I
don't know. No, I didn'tget him. Yeah, my my my,
why Okay, hell, hell yousaid it? I did it.
(25:48):
I didn't watch all through the numberyou kept going. Come in hell,
Yeah, he's up there a bear. How do you like that? I
thought I made up a joke,said to turn down the other bed ladies
(26:18):
and gentlemen. Carelessness is the greatestsingle cause of forest fires, fires that
destroy approximately thirty million acres of timberlandyearly, and most of these fires started
because someone was careless with a lightedmatch, a campfire, a burning cigarette.
Be on guard constantly against fire,Be careful, be cautious, prevent
(26:40):
fires. Thank you. That willbe back in just the moment. But
first, this exturble. No dodo do do do do do no no
no no no no. My Moini'sold milken. Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike
is my than any other principal brandof cigarettes. Scientific tests prove Lucky Strike
(27:04):
is milder than any other principal brandof cigarettes. That fact is verified by
an independent consulting laboratory with more thanfifteen years experience in cigarette research. The
report from the consulting laboratory stated,based on our analytical findings, it is
our opinion that Lucky Strike cigarettes arethe mildest of the six major brands tested
(27:26):
ls MFT, ls MFT. LuckyStrike means fine tobacco. That's why with
every Lucky you get the rich tasteof fine light, naturally mild tobacco,
Yes, smoothness and mildness with nevera rough puff. Just listen to the
words of mister Edward M. Rodgersfor ten years, an independent tobacco auctioneer
(27:48):
from Reedsville, North Carolina. Recentlyhe said, I know fine tobacco,
and year after year, at auctionafter auction, I've seen American good ripe,
smooth leaf, the kind of tobaccothat's hard to beat for smoking quality.
I smoke Lucky's myself been a Luckyfan twelve years, So smoke a
(28:11):
Lucky prove to yourself. What scientifictests prove Lucky Strike is milder than any
other principal brand of cigarettes. Letyour own taste and throat be the judge
for smoothness and mildness. There's nevera rough puff and a Lucky Strike so
round, so firm, so fullypacked, so free and easy on the
(28:32):
draw. Ladies and gentlemen, Iwant to thank Al Jolson for dropping by
today and next Sunday we'll be broadcastingfrom Hollywood. Say mister Benny, what
is the dinner? The cactus Ihad for breakfast this morning wasn't very nourishing.
(28:56):
I'm hungry. Have you got anythingto eat? Something to eat?
Yeah? Sure here kid? Banana? No no, I said, banana,
not manyana. Now go home.He's sure to hear Dennis Day and
(29:30):
the Day and the Life of DennisDay. Thank you nam Astana show,
which follows immediately. This is SI, asked the Columbia Broadcasting System
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