November 14, 2023 • 30 mins
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike Sir ex Turbomalist all Americans. Scientific
tests prove Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. Scientific
tests proved Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. That
(00:22):
fact is verified by an independent consultinglaboratory with more than fifteen years experience in
cigarette research. Report from the consultinglaboratory stated, based on our analytical findings,
it is our opinion that Lucky Strikecigarettes are the mildest of the six
major brands tested, and no wonder. Lucky Strike cigarettes have been proved milder
(00:43):
for years. Lucky Strike has conducteda unique and vast program in research in
quality controls and manufacturing methods, andtoday tomorrow always ls MFT, ls MFT
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, finelight, nature, trually mild tobacco with
smoothness and mildness and never a roughpuff. So light up a Lucky Prove
(01:07):
to yourself what scientific tests prove LuckyStrike is milder than any other principal brand
of cigarette. Let your own tasteand throat be the judge or smoothness and
mildness. There's never a rough puffand a Lucky Strike from Palm Springs,
(01:33):
California, The Lucky Strike Program starringJack Benny with Mary Levingston, Kila Harris,
Rochester, Donna Staying yours Really,Don wasn't yes, ladies and gentlemen,
(01:55):
here we are in Palm Springs andthe start of our show always in
this desert, the resort incognito.He put starch in his tupei so it
would look like cactus. And herehe is, Jack Bunny. Thank you,
(02:16):
thank you, thank you. Helloagain. This is Jack Bunny talking.
And Don hasn't been exciting here inPalm Springs these last few days,
especially yesterday when everybody was dressed upin their western outfits and they had that
big parade down the main street.I felt so proud sitting up on that
horse. Well, Jack, Isaw you in the parade. And there's
one thing that puzzles me. Whatwas that done? That was a beautiful
(02:37):
Palomino when you were riding, Butwhy were you sitting out him backwards backwards?
Well? How do you like that? I lost my glasses, got
on the horse, and nobody toldme. Isn't that awful. Well,
that's ridiculous. Glasses are no glasses. Anybody can tell when they're riding a
horse backwards? Couldn't you see thehorse's tail? That was his tail?
(03:00):
I thought he had long eyelashing.Now let's change the subject. The sensor
is a nervous wreck. Say,don worry you. Everybody Hi you do?
(03:20):
Hello? Hello? Mary? Well, if it doesn't hop along backwards,
nobody told you anyway, Mary,I was in the parade and that's
all it matters. But Jack,even your costume didn't make sense. What
(03:40):
are you talking about? I thoughtit was very clever. It was a
Western motif with a subtle touch ofpalm springs. Only you would give it
that subtle touch. What who elsewould wear a ten dollar hat spurs in
a sun suit? Mary? Foryour information, I borrowed that sunsuit from
the Queen of the Desert Circus.She was just my size. But Jack,
(04:01):
you're a man. You shouldn't haveworn the trunks. Why did you
read that? Right? That right? But we'll never get off the air
(04:29):
tonight. But Jack, you're aman. You should have just worn the
trunks. Why did you wear thetop? I wear the top. I
had to have some place to keepmy guns. Anyway, the parade is
over, so let's drop the subject. Okay, okay, Murray, where
are you living? Oh, I'mat the bonn Air Village, the bonn
(04:49):
Air That's a very nice place.Where are you staying? Done? I'm
over Deep well rams Deep, welldone. Why didn't you tell me?
That's right next to the Palm SpringsBiltmore. Oh are you living at the
bi me? Well? No,you see down I have a place at
the far end of Palm Canyon Drive. It's called the La Cantata Decaza Lacina
(05:12):
de Castile Canyada. That's a veryunusual name. Lo Cantata de Casta Lakita
de Castilla Canada. Yeah, whatdoes it mean? That's Spanish. But
don't wash your dishes in the swimmingpool. There was this in the swimming
pool. Some job that one yougot right? Mary? Look at Why
(05:38):
do you all? Jack? Don'tget mad? Here? Have a date
you can keep your dates. That'sall I've had since I got down here.
Dates, date states. It's allthey sell here. No matter what
kind of a story you go into, they sell dates. You're not kidding.
This morning I was walking down thestreet and saw a sign that said
Palm Springs Maternity Hospital and Date Shop. Maternity Hospital and Date Shop, and
(06:01):
their slogan is cheaper by the dozen. Well, it don't surprise me.
The Chamber of Commerce is gonna getyou to take dates even if they have
to. Okay, Jackson, standinside, Here comes hair is the knees
and fries fell tell then a dad, Ladies and gentlemen. I do hope
(06:27):
you'll excuse my appearance. But I'vebeen swimming every day and my hair is
a messy. You don't have toapologize for anything, because here in Palm
Springs you're supposed to let yourself go. Have you been relaxing, I've been
relaxing, Jackson. Last night ateleven thirty, I was limp as a
rag. I know, pel,I know. When I passed the Chee
Chee, they were trying to closethe place, but your head was in
(06:50):
the door. Then when you cameout to put a nickel in the parking
meter and asked me if I'd liketo dance? Oh is that you in
the sun suit? Yes? Whatare you laughing at? I gave your
phone number to Rimley. Oh fine, say Phil. There sure has been
(07:14):
a lot of excitement around here thelast few days. Hasn't that you set
a level? You know? ThisCircus Week is a big thing in Palm
Springs. I read the people comehere from all over the world, all
over the world. Sure it wasin this morning's paper. I got the
clipping right here. It says thatduring Circus Week there are people here from
France, India and Asia. France, India and Asia. Let me see
that clipping. Oh that's Fresno,Indio and Azusa hel What are you going
(07:50):
to learn to read? All right? Jackson? All right, so I
made a little mistake at least Idon't ride a horse backwards. Oh you
don't. Well, what would youdo if you lost your glasses? I'd
drink it right out of them.That goes for all of you. I
(08:11):
don't want any more silly talk here, mister Benny. Hello, Dennis,
Dennis, is about time you gothere? Where have you been? Oh?
I was out in the hall tryingto make a phone call and the
funniest thing happen. What was it? I put a nickel on the phone,
couldn't get my party and a datecame back. What how they got
(08:35):
a buffalo on one side of it. I'll never know. They have ways,
Dennis, believe me. Now,look, kid, we have a
long show to do, so let'shave your song. Okay. Oh by
the way, mister Benny, doyou see the parade yesterday? Yes?
Yes, Oh boy, what's stuntsand tricks? I know, I know.
Let's have your song. An oldman was writing backwards, Dennis.
(09:00):
That man riding backwards with mister Benning, Oh sink, kid, you lest
you better, brother, is likea lovely dune away, my foolish,
(09:35):
Oh, wh ever, constant,take my foolish. There's a line between
law and fascination. What's hard tosee on any things such as these,
(10:03):
or they all in the very samesensation when you're lost in the magic cover
me much too close to mine?You ware, my foolish, but you
(10:33):
our regal lips for mine, whenleft a fire. For for this time,
it isn't fascination or a dream willfad and fallopon. It's law.
(11:00):
All this time is long, myfoolish, hall sure our reader lifts combined,
(11:26):
then let the higher. For thistime it is a fascination or a
dream that well paid and bore up. It's long. This time is long,
(11:52):
my fly I was Denna's day singingMy Foolish Heart from a picture of
(12:20):
the same name. And now that'sa silly title for a picture of the
same name. That's not the title. And now, oh Jack, what
does it Mary? I've a meaningto tell you. I bought a copy
of Quick Magazine this morning, andthere's a story in it about you Quick
Magazine in this week's issue. Yes, mister Bennie, and your picture's on
(12:41):
the cover. My picture too.Gee, how do I love Dennis?
Why don't you spend the diamond findout? I'm gonna buy one, Dennis,
but I can't leave in the middleof a broadcast. Oh isn't it
over yet? No? And thatreminds me. We're still waiting for Bob
(13:03):
Hope. He's our guest star.I wonder where he can be. Maybe
he's playing golf. I don't carewhat he's doing. He's supposed to be
here. I'm gonna send Rochester outto look for him. Or Rochester,
Rochester, you want me, misterBenny, Yes, Rochester. Mister Hope
(13:28):
hasn't arrived yet. Will you goout and look for him. I don't
think I ought to leave now,boys? Why not? Well, just
making that lemonade, like it toldme to him, I'm waiting for the
audience to come out. Well,let that go for the time being,
because just a minute, jest,Rochester, do you mean mister Benny's making
you sell lemonade to the people afterthe show? Yes, ma'am, I've
got fifty gallons out there. Wellthat's a new one, Jack, How
(13:50):
do you know they'll be thirsty?Oh, mister Benny made sure that when
the people came in. What didhe do? He locked the door and
shut the windows, start the showand turned off the air conditioness, Rochester.
And if that doesn't do it,hard goes the heat. Never mind
(14:13):
that. And I look, Rochester, Bob Hope hasn't shown up yet,
and I'm worried about it. Iwant you to go out and see if
you can find him. Boss,that's a mighty big job, you know.
Mister Hope gets a round awful fast. Don't worry about that, Rochester.
You can catch him. I don'tknow. Mister Penley couldn't catch him.
And he's got better base than Ihave. All right, off,
(14:33):
I go out and see if youcan find him. Okay, Boss,
say Jack, I didn't know Bobwas going to be with us today.
How'd that happen? Well? Itold him I was going to be in
Palm Springs, So hey, maybethat's him. Now, come in,
mister Blenney, Yes, it's justa minute. Come in, dobbyin.
That's mister Penny there. Say waita minute, what's this? This is
(14:58):
the horse you rode the He didn'tget to see it. Damn? Oh
wayam moe? He really? Hereally has got long eye lash. Yesn't.
Thanks very much. You're welcome free. You know, radio is amazing.
(15:22):
Radio, radio is really amazing.A horse knows enough to show up
on time, but not hope.Well, as long as he isn't here
yet, down, we might aswell do the commercial. Where's the Sportsman
Quartet? Well? Jack, don'tyou remember back in Hollywood you had a
discussion with them about their expenses?Oh? Yes, they won't be here
now then what are we gonna do? Don Well? Jack, you're very
(15:43):
fortunate. You've heard the Guadalajara Trioat the Dollhouse, haven't you the Guadalajara
Trio? Yes, well, throughan interpreter. They agreed to come over
and sing on the program today throughan interpreter. Yes, so see the
boys don't speak a word of English. Well, how are they going to
do the commercial? Well? Ishowed them ackage of Lucky Strikes, which
they smoke too, and they knowexactly what I want. Well, good,
(16:03):
are the boys here? Yeah,come on in, fellas, Fellas,
this is Senor Jack Benny Mercy.Bit cool? Now don what song
have they prepared? Oh? Excuseme a minute. Hello, hello,
mister Benny was Rochester? Or haveyou found mister Hope yet? No,
but I've got a line on him. When he left your rehearsal, he
(16:26):
went to the golf course and playedtwo and a half holes of golf two
and a half hole? Yeah,PLoud gathered on the third fairway and he
did a personal offense. Oh,well did mister Hope? Did mister Hope
leave the golf course? Then?Yeah? From there he went to the
dunes for somebody. Then he stoppedat the income tax office. Then he
(16:48):
wait, wait a minute, waita minute, rochesters, the income tax
office is closed on Sunday. Forhim, they keep it open. Oh
yeah, well keep looking, Rochester, you gotta find them. Okay,
alright, don let's have the GuadalajaraTrio. What number they gonna sing kissak
kissa kissan. Good. Take itboys, Take it boys, Dennis,
you speak Spanish, don't you?What's he senor? Well, uh well,
(17:14):
tell them to start their song,and you're convincing a thank you,
thank you see him Pricket the PreOgig boom to see him Premier respond he
(17:41):
sa heisa, he's don I don'thear any commercial yet, YESI person lousy
he you this Spirando he too sosmall kaalaki so pa cec yet that million
(18:06):
went the amble Ben Sango ben sangle. It's only seventy call me cez very
good, Hello, very good ylonely he you this is Branco he do
(18:30):
so smoke and lucky around so faircec. Yeah, that mellion will be
ample Ben Sando, ben Sandle.You'll never find a rap nor love in
(18:52):
lucky yay, person loves me.He oh this is Birando, he too
so smoke god lucky thing easy.That was kisakisakisa sung by the Guadalajara Trio
(19:29):
and very good boys, Dennis,tell them they were very good with Yes,
senors, and thanks for appearing onour program. Boys. It was
really a pleasure listening to you andI want to locus. What what do
they say, Dennis. One guysaid they were going to be paid for
singing here tonight, and the othertwo said he was crazy. Oh look,
(19:56):
I'll pay him. Tell him I'llsee him tomorrow, can see my
fellas. Tell him in Spanish,I can tell him in England. Anyway,
boys, you were swell, swell. I can't understand, Bob Hope.
The program is half over it.Boys, I said you were swell.
I'll see you tomorrow. Eighty oldseighty ohs Maniana. I told Bob
(20:22):
a thousand times. We go onat four o'clock the horse. I only
had to tell ones. You thinkthat's hello? Hello, boss, this
is Rochester again. How are youdoing? You found mister Hope yet?
No, Boss, and I've lookedall over it. That's young Boss,
that's mister Hope. He just wentby. Well good, maybe you can
(20:42):
what was that? His car istrying to jetch up with it, geez.
I think you're in luck, Boss, he's heading your direction. Well,
I hope you can miss it.H ain't that? I'm sorry,
Bob? Well, Bob, I'mglad you please, I'll take it.
(21:12):
Thank you. How do you do? How do you do, gentlemen.
This is Bob Palm Springs Cowboy Hopesaying I've been out horseback riding on the
desert where the colors turn every huein front orange, pink and golden,
in the rear black and blue.Yes, this is western weeke and I
(21:41):
went on one of those sunride breakfastrides this morning. You know what a
breakfast ride is. That's where everybodygets up a dawn and picks a horse
to sleep on. Now, Bob, please please, no autograms. They
gave They gave me a nice horsetoday was so sway back, they call
him, and you had to stepdown onto him. We left six footprints
(22:03):
as we went along. What ahorse. And he got tired of running.
He just pulled up his legs androck. Boh, we have stuff.
Were the have no time for you. But the weather, Bob,
don't add live. You're getting fivecents a word. Married didn't. I'm
(22:27):
only I'm a gas blue. Igot more here, you know. But
the weather. The weather is wonderfulhere. The afternoons are so warm you
can get a bad taste of sunburn. Just holding home enough fuel oil to
get through the night. Strange letteringsay, and listening, and this sun
(23:02):
makes you so lazy. The rattlesnakesdon't even rattle, They just reach over
and turn on a cougat record.Yes, so they have a nice wind
that comes up there every so often. Nice win. I don't even know
why Sinatra bought a house here.He spends most of his time walking back
from Indio. This is my profor the tailor. Please, Frankie has
(23:29):
to be careful of the sun.The other day, got a freckle on
his chest and three ribs caved in. And they're so proud of the healthy
climate down here. If someone dies, they don't bury him. They just
prop him up in the cheechy bar. And people think he's waiting for his
third zombie Bob, Bob, Oh, are you still here? Of course
I'm here. This is my program. Really, which one of you lumber
(23:49):
Rabner? I'll guessed a minute,Look, Bob, I've been waiting.
Hello, don Hello, Bob's goodto see you again. Hey, good
to see you too. Say down, I saw you in the prey yesterday
he and the parade. Wasn't someoneriding you backwards, Bob? That was
a palamino. I was riding himbackwards Palomino and that's a horse of another
(24:12):
color. Hey, how is that? Bob? Fine? Lum, how
do you do? I'll wait aminute. Why don't you hello? Hello?
Mary? Yeah? I heard youdid wonderful business at the Paramount Theater,
New York. Yeah, it wasgreat, Mary. And after that,
I made personal appearance in Syracuse,Cincinnata, Owensburg, Kentucky, Saint
(24:34):
Louis, Kansas City, and Denver. Really, and I'm also scheduled to
appear in Minneapolis, New York,Boston on Salt Lake City. Well,
gee, Bob, when do youexpect to be home. I'm booked there
Christmas week? Look, Bob,or have you something to say? Cover
boy? Cover? Cover boy?Yeah? I saw your picture on Quack.
(25:00):
That's quick, not quiet. Youlook like Donald Duck. Oh,
thank you, Abner. Now,as long as you're here, can I
play golf with you and your friendsagain tomorrow? Yeah? Yeah, kid,
you can play with us anytime youwant to. Dennis, you play
golf, uh huh. And misterHope says, I'm playing better all the
time yesterday. Let me carry twobigs. But Dennis, you're not carring
(25:23):
Jack. He's happy. Let himalone, Okay, say Bob, how
about you and I having a gameof golf tomorrow? Oh? Fine,
Jack? The usual wager? Yeah, that makes a nice interesting bet.
What do you usually play for?A writer or a hole? And I'll
tell you what, Bob, I'llget George Burns and Al Joelson will have
a foursome. Well, look,can't you get someone else instead of Joson?
He and I don't play golf togetheranymore? Why what happened? Well?
(25:45):
Look, Jack, would you playgolf of the man who whistles when
your tee off kicks the ball toimprove his lie and cheats on the score.
No, I certainly wouldn't. Wellneither will Joson. You see,
when you stick to the script,that isn't bad. Well in that case,
(26:07):
Bob, I don't blame you.Now, who's that? Hello?
What? Portland, Oregon calling?Bob Hope? Bob's for you? Holy
smoke, No wonder they're calling?Look what time it is? Huh?
Well it's for twenty seven. Ihave to be in Portland by a quarter
to five? Quarter in a fivewill Bob? That's ridiculous. You can't
make it. Oh yes, Ican come in, mister Hope. Yes,
(26:27):
you're flying sorceress. Ready, I'llbe like that. So on,
Mary, but Bob, so long, lum party, y'all like that.
(26:48):
Not only is he late getting here, but when he does show up,
he doesn't stay long enough. ThinkI don't know. I guess Jack.
Now wait a minute, fella's wait. I told you I take care of
you. Tomarra Manyana Manyana, pleasefollows Manyana lams Manyana. Oh, come
on, let's wush over to thematernity hospital. I want to get some
(27:11):
dates. Dak will be back inJosh for mamma, But first it is
exturbal hold. American scientific tests provedLucky Strike is milder than any other principal
(27:33):
brand of cigarettes. Scientific tests proveLucky Strike is milder than any other principal
brand of cigarettes. That fact isverified by an independent consulting laboratory with more
than fifteen years experience in cigarette research. The report from the consulting laboratory stated,
based on our analytical findings, itis our opinion that Lucky Strike cigarettes
(27:53):
are the mildest of the six majorbrands tested. Ls mft, LST.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. That'swhy with every Lucky you get the rich
taste of fine light, naturally mildtobacco. Yes, smoothness and mildness with
never a rough puff. So smokea Lucky Prove to yourself what scientific tests
(28:18):
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarette. Let your
own taste and throat be the judgefor smoothness and mildness. There's never a
rough puff in a Lucky Strike,so round, so firm, so fully
packed, so free and easy onthe draw. Ladies and gentlemen, I
(28:45):
want to thank Bob Hope for thisbrief encounter. He will soon be seen
in his new paramount picture called FancyPants from the Sun Suit of the same
name. You can open the doornow, Rochester Lemonade gets ice pul Lemonade
at twenty cents a class still Lemonade, Rochester, Stop that horse from drinking
out of the board. Come on, Mary in a spogget. But boys,
(29:07):
I told you Manjana Manana here,have a glass of lemonade. Ladies
and gentlemen, hundreds of thousands ofboys live in proud of neighborhoods and unattracted
balls in our cities. In towntheir free time is spent on the streets.
(29:30):
These boys need a chance to overcometheir handicap, and Boy's Puck provide
them with such an opportunity. Soplease support their local boys Puck. Remember
an investment in boys as an investmentin American's future. Thank you. This
is seb asked the Columbia Broadcasting countri
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike Sir ex Turbomalist all Americans. Scientific
tests prove Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. Scientific
tests proved Lucky Strike is milder thanany other principal brand of cigarettes. That
(00:22):
fact is verified by an independent consultinglaboratory with more than fifteen years experience in
cigarette research. Report from the consultinglaboratory stated, based on our analytical findings,
it is our opinion that Lucky Strikecigarettes are the mildest of the six
major brands tested, and no wonder. Lucky Strike cigarettes have been proved milder
(00:43):
for years. Lucky Strike has conducteda unique and vast program in research in
quality controls and manufacturing methods, andtoday tomorrow always ls MFT, ls MFT
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, finelight, nature, trually mild tobacco with
smoothness and mildness and never a roughpuff. So light up a Lucky Prove
(01:07):
to yourself what scientific tests prove LuckyStrike is milder than any other principal brand
of cigarette. Let your own tasteand throat be the judge or smoothness and
mildness. There's never a rough puffand a Lucky Strike from Palm Springs,
(01:33):
California, The Lucky Strike Program starringJack Benny with Mary Levingston, Kila Harris,
Rochester, Donna Staying yours Really,Don wasn't yes, ladies and gentlemen,
(01:55):
here we are in Palm Springs andthe start of our show always in
this desert, the resort incognito.He put starch in his tupei so it
would look like cactus. And herehe is, Jack Bunny. Thank you,
(02:16):
thank you, thank you. Helloagain. This is Jack Bunny talking.
And Don hasn't been exciting here inPalm Springs these last few days,
especially yesterday when everybody was dressed upin their western outfits and they had that
big parade down the main street.I felt so proud sitting up on that
horse. Well, Jack, Isaw you in the parade. And there's
one thing that puzzles me. Whatwas that done? That was a beautiful
(02:37):
Palomino when you were riding, Butwhy were you sitting out him backwards backwards?
Well? How do you like that? I lost my glasses, got
on the horse, and nobody toldme. Isn't that awful. Well,
that's ridiculous. Glasses are no glasses. Anybody can tell when they're riding a
horse backwards? Couldn't you see thehorse's tail? That was his tail?
(03:00):
I thought he had long eyelashing.Now let's change the subject. The sensor
is a nervous wreck. Say,don worry you. Everybody Hi you do?
(03:20):
Hello? Hello? Mary? Well, if it doesn't hop along backwards,
nobody told you anyway, Mary,I was in the parade and that's
all it matters. But Jack,even your costume didn't make sense. What
(03:40):
are you talking about? I thoughtit was very clever. It was a
Western motif with a subtle touch ofpalm springs. Only you would give it
that subtle touch. What who elsewould wear a ten dollar hat spurs in
a sun suit? Mary? Foryour information, I borrowed that sunsuit from
the Queen of the Desert Circus.She was just my size. But Jack,
(04:01):
you're a man. You shouldn't haveworn the trunks. Why did you
read that? Right? That right? But we'll never get off the air
(04:29):
tonight. But Jack, you're aman. You should have just worn the
trunks. Why did you wear thetop? I wear the top. I
had to have some place to keepmy guns. Anyway, the parade is
over, so let's drop the subject. Okay, okay, Murray, where
are you living? Oh, I'mat the bonn Air Village, the bonn
(04:49):
Air That's a very nice place.Where are you staying? Done? I'm
over Deep well rams Deep, welldone. Why didn't you tell me?
That's right next to the Palm SpringsBiltmore. Oh are you living at the
bi me? Well? No,you see down I have a place at
the far end of Palm Canyon Drive. It's called the La Cantata Decaza Lacina
(05:12):
de Castile Canyada. That's a veryunusual name. Lo Cantata de Casta Lakita
de Castilla Canada. Yeah, whatdoes it mean? That's Spanish. But
don't wash your dishes in the swimmingpool. There was this in the swimming
pool. Some job that one yougot right? Mary? Look at Why
(05:38):
do you all? Jack? Don'tget mad? Here? Have a date
you can keep your dates. That'sall I've had since I got down here.
Dates, date states. It's allthey sell here. No matter what
kind of a story you go into, they sell dates. You're not kidding.
This morning I was walking down thestreet and saw a sign that said
Palm Springs Maternity Hospital and Date Shop. Maternity Hospital and Date Shop, and
(06:01):
their slogan is cheaper by the dozen. Well, it don't surprise me.
The Chamber of Commerce is gonna getyou to take dates even if they have
to. Okay, Jackson, standinside, Here comes hair is the knees
and fries fell tell then a dad, Ladies and gentlemen. I do hope
(06:27):
you'll excuse my appearance. But I'vebeen swimming every day and my hair is
a messy. You don't have toapologize for anything, because here in Palm
Springs you're supposed to let yourself go. Have you been relaxing, I've been
relaxing, Jackson. Last night ateleven thirty, I was limp as a
rag. I know, pel,I know. When I passed the Chee
Chee, they were trying to closethe place, but your head was in
(06:50):
the door. Then when you cameout to put a nickel in the parking
meter and asked me if I'd liketo dance? Oh is that you in
the sun suit? Yes? Whatare you laughing at? I gave your
phone number to Rimley. Oh fine, say Phil. There sure has been
(07:14):
a lot of excitement around here thelast few days. Hasn't that you set
a level? You know? ThisCircus Week is a big thing in Palm
Springs. I read the people comehere from all over the world, all
over the world. Sure it wasin this morning's paper. I got the
clipping right here. It says thatduring Circus Week there are people here from
France, India and Asia. France, India and Asia. Let me see
that clipping. Oh that's Fresno,Indio and Azusa hel What are you going
(07:50):
to learn to read? All right? Jackson? All right, so I
made a little mistake at least Idon't ride a horse backwards. Oh you
don't. Well, what would youdo if you lost your glasses? I'd
drink it right out of them.That goes for all of you. I
(08:11):
don't want any more silly talk here, mister Benny. Hello, Dennis,
Dennis, is about time you gothere? Where have you been? Oh?
I was out in the hall tryingto make a phone call and the
funniest thing happen. What was it? I put a nickel on the phone,
couldn't get my party and a datecame back. What how they got
(08:35):
a buffalo on one side of it. I'll never know. They have ways,
Dennis, believe me. Now,look, kid, we have a
long show to do, so let'shave your song. Okay. Oh by
the way, mister Benny, doyou see the parade yesterday? Yes?
Yes, Oh boy, what's stuntsand tricks? I know, I know.
Let's have your song. An oldman was writing backwards, Dennis.
(09:00):
That man riding backwards with mister Benning, Oh sink, kid, you lest
you better, brother, is likea lovely dune away, my foolish,
(09:35):
Oh, wh ever, constant,take my foolish. There's a line between
law and fascination. What's hard tosee on any things such as these,
(10:03):
or they all in the very samesensation when you're lost in the magic cover
me much too close to mine?You ware, my foolish, but you
(10:33):
our regal lips for mine, whenleft a fire. For for this time,
it isn't fascination or a dream willfad and fallopon. It's law.
(11:00):
All this time is long, myfoolish, hall sure our reader lifts combined,
(11:26):
then let the higher. For thistime it is a fascination or a
dream that well paid and bore up. It's long. This time is long,
(11:52):
my fly I was Denna's day singingMy Foolish Heart from a picture of
(12:20):
the same name. And now that'sa silly title for a picture of the
same name. That's not the title. And now, oh Jack, what
does it Mary? I've a meaningto tell you. I bought a copy
of Quick Magazine this morning, andthere's a story in it about you Quick
Magazine in this week's issue. Yes, mister Bennie, and your picture's on
(12:41):
the cover. My picture too.Gee, how do I love Dennis?
Why don't you spend the diamond findout? I'm gonna buy one, Dennis,
but I can't leave in the middleof a broadcast. Oh isn't it
over yet? No? And thatreminds me. We're still waiting for Bob
(13:03):
Hope. He's our guest star.I wonder where he can be. Maybe
he's playing golf. I don't carewhat he's doing. He's supposed to be
here. I'm gonna send Rochester outto look for him. Or Rochester,
Rochester, you want me, misterBenny, Yes, Rochester. Mister Hope
(13:28):
hasn't arrived yet. Will you goout and look for him. I don't
think I ought to leave now,boys? Why not? Well, just
making that lemonade, like it toldme to him, I'm waiting for the
audience to come out. Well,let that go for the time being,
because just a minute, jest,Rochester, do you mean mister Benny's making
you sell lemonade to the people afterthe show? Yes, ma'am, I've
got fifty gallons out there. Wellthat's a new one, Jack, How
(13:50):
do you know they'll be thirsty?Oh, mister Benny made sure that when
the people came in. What didhe do? He locked the door and
shut the windows, start the showand turned off the air conditioness, Rochester.
And if that doesn't do it,hard goes the heat. Never mind
(14:13):
that. And I look, Rochester, Bob Hope hasn't shown up yet,
and I'm worried about it. Iwant you to go out and see if
you can find him. Boss,that's a mighty big job, you know.
Mister Hope gets a round awful fast. Don't worry about that, Rochester.
You can catch him. I don'tknow. Mister Penley couldn't catch him.
And he's got better base than Ihave. All right, off,
(14:33):
I go out and see if youcan find him. Okay, Boss,
say Jack, I didn't know Bobwas going to be with us today.
How'd that happen? Well? Itold him I was going to be in
Palm Springs, So hey, maybethat's him. Now, come in,
mister Blenney, Yes, it's justa minute. Come in, dobbyin.
That's mister Penny there. Say waita minute, what's this? This is
(14:58):
the horse you rode the He didn'tget to see it. Damn? Oh
wayam moe? He really? Hereally has got long eye lash. Yesn't.
Thanks very much. You're welcome free. You know, radio is amazing.
(15:22):
Radio, radio is really amazing.A horse knows enough to show up
on time, but not hope.Well, as long as he isn't here
yet, down, we might aswell do the commercial. Where's the Sportsman
Quartet? Well? Jack, don'tyou remember back in Hollywood you had a
discussion with them about their expenses?Oh? Yes, they won't be here
now then what are we gonna do? Don Well? Jack, you're very
(15:43):
fortunate. You've heard the Guadalajara Trioat the Dollhouse, haven't you the Guadalajara
Trio? Yes, well, throughan interpreter. They agreed to come over
and sing on the program today throughan interpreter. Yes, so see the
boys don't speak a word of English. Well, how are they going to
do the commercial? Well? Ishowed them ackage of Lucky Strikes, which
they smoke too, and they knowexactly what I want. Well, good,
(16:03):
are the boys here? Yeah,come on in, fellas, Fellas,
this is Senor Jack Benny Mercy.Bit cool? Now don what song
have they prepared? Oh? Excuseme a minute. Hello, hello,
mister Benny was Rochester? Or haveyou found mister Hope yet? No,
but I've got a line on him. When he left your rehearsal, he
(16:26):
went to the golf course and playedtwo and a half holes of golf two
and a half hole? Yeah,PLoud gathered on the third fairway and he
did a personal offense. Oh,well did mister Hope? Did mister Hope
leave the golf course? Then?Yeah? From there he went to the
dunes for somebody. Then he stoppedat the income tax office. Then he
(16:48):
wait, wait a minute, waita minute, rochesters, the income tax
office is closed on Sunday. Forhim, they keep it open. Oh
yeah, well keep looking, Rochester, you gotta find them. Okay,
alright, don let's have the GuadalajaraTrio. What number they gonna sing kissak
kissa kissan. Good. Take itboys, Take it boys, Dennis,
you speak Spanish, don't you?What's he senor? Well, uh well,
(17:14):
tell them to start their song,and you're convincing a thank you,
thank you see him Pricket the PreOgig boom to see him Premier respond he
(17:41):
sa heisa, he's don I don'thear any commercial yet, YESI person lousy
he you this Spirando he too sosmall kaalaki so pa cec yet that million
(18:06):
went the amble Ben Sango ben sangle. It's only seventy call me cez very
good, Hello, very good ylonely he you this is Branco he do
(18:30):
so smoke and lucky around so faircec. Yeah, that mellion will be
ample Ben Sando, ben Sandle.You'll never find a rap nor love in
(18:52):
lucky yay, person loves me.He oh this is Birando, he too
so smoke god lucky thing easy.That was kisakisakisa sung by the Guadalajara Trio
(19:29):
and very good boys, Dennis,tell them they were very good with Yes,
senors, and thanks for appearing onour program. Boys. It was
really a pleasure listening to you andI want to locus. What what do
they say, Dennis. One guysaid they were going to be paid for
singing here tonight, and the othertwo said he was crazy. Oh look,
(19:56):
I'll pay him. Tell him I'llsee him tomorrow, can see my
fellas. Tell him in Spanish,I can tell him in England. Anyway,
boys, you were swell, swell. I can't understand, Bob Hope.
The program is half over it.Boys, I said you were swell.
I'll see you tomorrow. Eighty oldseighty ohs Maniana. I told Bob
(20:22):
a thousand times. We go onat four o'clock the horse. I only
had to tell ones. You thinkthat's hello? Hello, boss, this
is Rochester again. How are youdoing? You found mister Hope yet?
No, Boss, and I've lookedall over it. That's young Boss,
that's mister Hope. He just wentby. Well good, maybe you can
(20:42):
what was that? His car istrying to jetch up with it, geez.
I think you're in luck, Boss, he's heading your direction. Well,
I hope you can miss it.H ain't that? I'm sorry,
Bob? Well, Bob, I'mglad you please, I'll take it.
(21:12):
Thank you. How do you do? How do you do, gentlemen.
This is Bob Palm Springs Cowboy Hopesaying I've been out horseback riding on the
desert where the colors turn every huein front orange, pink and golden,
in the rear black and blue.Yes, this is western weeke and I
(21:41):
went on one of those sunride breakfastrides this morning. You know what a
breakfast ride is. That's where everybodygets up a dawn and picks a horse
to sleep on. Now, Bob, please please, no autograms. They
gave They gave me a nice horsetoday was so sway back, they call
him, and you had to stepdown onto him. We left six footprints
(22:03):
as we went along. What ahorse. And he got tired of running.
He just pulled up his legs androck. Boh, we have stuff.
Were the have no time for you. But the weather, Bob,
don't add live. You're getting fivecents a word. Married didn't. I'm
(22:27):
only I'm a gas blue. Igot more here, you know. But
the weather. The weather is wonderfulhere. The afternoons are so warm you
can get a bad taste of sunburn. Just holding home enough fuel oil to
get through the night. Strange letteringsay, and listening, and this sun
(23:02):
makes you so lazy. The rattlesnakesdon't even rattle, They just reach over
and turn on a cougat record.Yes, so they have a nice wind
that comes up there every so often. Nice win. I don't even know
why Sinatra bought a house here.He spends most of his time walking back
from Indio. This is my profor the tailor. Please, Frankie has
(23:29):
to be careful of the sun.The other day, got a freckle on
his chest and three ribs caved in. And they're so proud of the healthy
climate down here. If someone dies, they don't bury him. They just
prop him up in the cheechy bar. And people think he's waiting for his
third zombie Bob, Bob, Oh, are you still here? Of course
I'm here. This is my program. Really, which one of you lumber
(23:49):
Rabner? I'll guessed a minute,Look, Bob, I've been waiting.
Hello, don Hello, Bob's goodto see you again. Hey, good
to see you too. Say down, I saw you in the prey yesterday
he and the parade. Wasn't someoneriding you backwards, Bob? That was
a palamino. I was riding himbackwards Palomino and that's a horse of another
(24:12):
color. Hey, how is that? Bob? Fine? Lum, how
do you do? I'll wait aminute. Why don't you hello? Hello?
Mary? Yeah? I heard youdid wonderful business at the Paramount Theater,
New York. Yeah, it wasgreat, Mary. And after that,
I made personal appearance in Syracuse,Cincinnata, Owensburg, Kentucky, Saint
(24:34):
Louis, Kansas City, and Denver. Really, and I'm also scheduled to
appear in Minneapolis, New York,Boston on Salt Lake City. Well,
gee, Bob, when do youexpect to be home. I'm booked there
Christmas week? Look, Bob,or have you something to say? Cover
boy? Cover? Cover boy?Yeah? I saw your picture on Quack.
(25:00):
That's quick, not quiet. Youlook like Donald Duck. Oh,
thank you, Abner. Now,as long as you're here, can I
play golf with you and your friendsagain tomorrow? Yeah? Yeah, kid,
you can play with us anytime youwant to. Dennis, you play
golf, uh huh. And misterHope says, I'm playing better all the
time yesterday. Let me carry twobigs. But Dennis, you're not carring
(25:23):
Jack. He's happy. Let himalone, Okay, say Bob, how
about you and I having a gameof golf tomorrow? Oh? Fine,
Jack? The usual wager? Yeah, that makes a nice interesting bet.
What do you usually play for?A writer or a hole? And I'll
tell you what, Bob, I'llget George Burns and Al Joelson will have
a foursome. Well, look,can't you get someone else instead of Joson?
He and I don't play golf togetheranymore? Why what happened? Well?
(25:45):
Look, Jack, would you playgolf of the man who whistles when
your tee off kicks the ball toimprove his lie and cheats on the score.
No, I certainly wouldn't. Wellneither will Joson. You see,
when you stick to the script,that isn't bad. Well in that case,
(26:07):
Bob, I don't blame you.Now, who's that? Hello?
What? Portland, Oregon calling?Bob Hope? Bob's for you? Holy
smoke, No wonder they're calling?Look what time it is? Huh?
Well it's for twenty seven. Ihave to be in Portland by a quarter
to five? Quarter in a fivewill Bob? That's ridiculous. You can't
make it. Oh yes, Ican come in, mister Hope. Yes,
(26:27):
you're flying sorceress. Ready, I'llbe like that. So on,
Mary, but Bob, so long, lum party, y'all like that.
(26:48):
Not only is he late getting here, but when he does show up,
he doesn't stay long enough. ThinkI don't know. I guess Jack.
Now wait a minute, fella's wait. I told you I take care of
you. Tomarra Manyana Manyana, pleasefollows Manyana lams Manyana. Oh, come
on, let's wush over to thematernity hospital. I want to get some
(27:11):
dates. Dak will be back inJosh for mamma, But first it is
exturbal hold. American scientific tests provedLucky Strike is milder than any other principal
(27:33):
brand of cigarettes. Scientific tests proveLucky Strike is milder than any other principal
brand of cigarettes. That fact isverified by an independent consulting laboratory with more
than fifteen years experience in cigarette research. The report from the consulting laboratory stated,
based on our analytical findings, itis our opinion that Lucky Strike cigarettes
(27:53):
are the mildest of the six majorbrands tested. Ls mft, LST.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. That'swhy with every Lucky you get the rich
taste of fine light, naturally mildtobacco. Yes, smoothness and mildness with
never a rough puff. So smokea Lucky Prove to yourself what scientific tests
(28:18):
prove Lucky Strike is milder than anyother principal brand of cigarette. Let your
own taste and throat be the judgefor smoothness and mildness. There's never a
rough puff in a Lucky Strike,so round, so firm, so fully
packed, so free and easy onthe draw. Ladies and gentlemen, I
(28:45):
want to thank Bob Hope for thisbrief encounter. He will soon be seen
in his new paramount picture called FancyPants from the Sun Suit of the same
name. You can open the doornow, Rochester Lemonade gets ice pul Lemonade
at twenty cents a class still Lemonade, Rochester, Stop that horse from drinking
out of the board. Come on, Mary in a spogget. But boys,
(29:07):
I told you Manjana Manana here,have a glass of lemonade. Ladies
and gentlemen, hundreds of thousands ofboys live in proud of neighborhoods and unattracted
balls in our cities. In towntheir free time is spent on the streets.
(29:30):
These boys need a chance to overcometheir handicap, and Boy's Puck provide
them with such an opportunity. Soplease support their local boys Puck. Remember
an investment in boys as an investmentin American's future. Thank you. This
is seb asked the Columbia Broadcasting countri
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