November 14, 2023 • 29 mins
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike exturv no no no no no no
no no no no. Hold Malcolm, you'll find there's never a rough puff
at a Lucky Strike, just real, deep down smoking enjoyment because ls MFT,
Yes, ls MFT, Lucky Strikemeans fine tobacco and find tobacco and
(00:23):
smooth smoking go hand in hand.Now, find tobacco like this costs more,
and at the tobacco auctions, LuckyStrike pays more millions of dollars more
than official parody prices for truly finelight leap this mellow ripe Lucky Strike tobacco
gives you a milder, more enjoyablesmoke from first puff to last with never
(00:45):
a rough puff. And veteran tobaccomen can see Lucky Strike consistently selected by
fine light, naturally mild tobacco.Just listen to the words of an independent
tobacco auctioneer, mister Al Rodgers ofRobertsonville, North Carolina. Recently, he
said, experienced buyers know what tolook for when they're buying tobacco, and
year after year I've seen the buyersfor Lucky Strike by fine prime ripe tobacco.
(01:10):
That's just right for mild good smoking. I've smoked Lucky's for ten years,
So friends, smoke the smoke tobaccoexpert, smoke Lucky Strike. You'll
get more far more real, deepdown smoking enjoyment with never a rough cup.
Yes, make your next carton LuckyStrike. The Lucky Strike Program starring
(01:38):
Jack Bunny with Mary Levys until IrisRochester, Donna saying a sports for partner
and you're toting donal Ladies and gentlemen. This may come as a surprise all
(02:00):
of our listeners, but before thisprogram goes on the air, it is
rehearsed. Let us turn back theclock a couple of hours and sit in
on today's rehearsal in studio. BOkay, kids, let's start Mary here,
Phil here, Don here, Dennis, Dennis down. That kid always
(02:20):
late, Well now I'll have todo it again. You know, Jackson,
I think you've got a lot ofnerve finding us a half a buck
each time we're late for rehearsal.Bill, you have no complaint. Not
only does it teach most of uspromptness, but the fines I collect go
to a worthy cause. That's right, Phil, Jack joints. All the
money to the SFAA TTA What's up? Society for Agents and Tongue tied to
(02:40):
back auctionaires. It's my favorite charity. We have our country home at Goldsboro,
North Carolina. The kid's still nothere. Maybe my watch is slow?
What time you got married? Why? That's my watch in my dressing
room? Has anyone here got awatch? I have? Jackson? Well,
what time is it? Phil?The little hand is on the two
(03:04):
and the big hands on the floor. Oh, Bill, can't you tell
time? Oh? I'm sorry,Jackson? I answered that way from force
to habit. I always tell mykids where the big hand is and the
little hand is. No, whydo you tell them that way so they
can tell me what time it is? Well, marry, you asked him?
(03:25):
Next time? You know? Everybody? Dennis, you're late? I
know here. Thank you speed.He'll certainly appreciate this. Now, Dennis,
why weren't you on time? Well? I was out very late last
night. I went to a drivein movie. Oh, drive in?
What picture did you see? Dennis? I didn't see the picture. Oh
(03:47):
you went with a girl? Eh? Kid, No, I parked my
car the wrong way. All thestupid say that reminds me. Dennis.
(04:13):
Two weeks ago, when you wenteast to play that benefit, you sent
Mary a letter in which you saidthat you were in Philadelphia, the birthplace
of Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Well, since then, I've had hundreds of
letters from people telling me that BenjaminFranklin was not born in Philadelphia. He
was born in Boston. No,no, mister Benny, he was born
in Philadelphia. Look for your information, kid. Benjamin Franklin was born in
Boston, Massachusetts. He threw hiskite in Philadelphia. And what do you
(04:36):
got to say to that? Geez, what a long string? Dennis.
The next time you go away,don't write letters, will you? Now?
Come on, kids, ID liketo finish rehearsing because Rochester is waiting
for me in my dressing room.I want to relax before the show.
(04:58):
So everybody, the Boss Shore hasbeen rehearsing a long time. He may
want to take a nap before theprogram. I got his couchs ready.
I got his new General Electric blanketplugged in too. I didn't think they'd
send him one. Now, let'ssee. I think that's better. Boy?
(05:18):
Am I tired? Oh? Boss? Tough? Rehearsal today? Yeah,
everybody complaining feel as sensitive if youmentioned as drinking. Mary doesn't want
me to joke about our sister babe, and our dentist doesn't like me to
joke about his being dumb. Yee, it'll be tough for you to get
laughs at all. Oh, it'snot that bad. There are other topics.
You know. We can still talkabout how cheap I am. You
know that's that's always funny. Notto me, Rochester, you can stop
(05:46):
with that. That's only something wekid about on the radio. I pay
you a nice weekly salary. Idon't know. I'm the only man in
the world who can cash his Paigecheck on the street car. Look,
Rochester when I walk to my seat, I don't jingle a bit, Rochester.
I'm in no mood for discussions now. I'd like to relax a while.
(06:09):
Well, if you're throw a me, can I leave now? I've
got a big evening plan with mygirlfriend, Susie. Susie e thing.
You've been going to study with herfor a long time. He was really
like her, I do, Ido? He must be very pretty?
Yes? Yes? Are you gonnamarry her? On? What a wild?
(06:33):
Well? You can take the nightoff what's the big evening you've got
playing Rochester. Well, first I'mgonna take her to dinner and then to
the movies, and been to aclub for a little dancing, and then
about midnight we're going to her apartmentto watch some television programs. Well,
that sounds like a good time withSusie there. It won't have been in
Rochester. There are no television programson after midnight. Yeah, okay,
(07:06):
okay, go ahead, I'm gonnalie down the rest. Awhile huh.
Here's the paper if you wanna read. Thanks so long, Rochester, good
bye. Well let's see. Iwonder what's on the theatrical page. Hm.
(07:29):
Get that picture of oh bruh?Is that a punging neckline wearing my
glasses? Mm? It's Alan Laddwith his shirt off. Say, here's
a New York review of Bob Hope'slatest picture, The Great Lover. Yeah,
(07:50):
I played a part from that.I see what it said. Bob
Hopes flip humor bubbles along through thisbright comedy, which features you Randa Fleming
as his leading lady. His Flemingmakes a suitable foil for Hope's side splitting
comedy Jack Benny also makes a briefappearance in the Great Lover, and his
performance is continued on page eleven,Column three. One of the worst catastrophes
(08:22):
that ever hit this country. Ohoh oh, that's column five. That's
five. Here's here's column three.Hm, it says refer to column five
(08:46):
for this, I had to puton my glasses. Come in, yeack,
it's nothing important. I just wantto tell you that I was going
across the street for a passage ofLucky. I'd be back there, okay,
Mary, and my sweet little Elliblupone. See. It was nice
of Alice to send it to me. I'm glad I didn't sit phill.
(09:13):
CBS is so busy on Sundays,the carters and hello Mary, huh y,
terrone, car well, Terne,what are you doing here? I
(09:33):
just came down to rehearse the show, you know, one of those dramatic
things. Gosh, I haven't seenyou since Jack and I ran into you
in Europe. That's right, Mary, and say, wasn't it thrilling?
The way Jack went over at theLondon Palladium. Other people applauded and laughed
at his jokes, the way theycheered and clamored for Encore after Encore.
Uh, but Ty, you didn'tarrive in London until the gage was over.
How did you know Jack was sucha big hit? Oh? He
(09:56):
told me. That's Jack, allright. He always gets around to us,
gets around to it well. Whenhe bumped into the Entropalgar Square,
the first words out of his mouthwere, what a sensation he was?
The first word. Didn't he evensay hello? Ty? Oh, he
didn't know it was me. Hewas stopping people at random. I know
(10:22):
what you mean. One day heran into Danny's say and they both talked
so fast they bit each other.You know, I'm second thought. I
don't blame Jack for being proud.After all, when the King and Queen
come to your opening night, youknow it's King and Queen. Jack told
you the King and Queen came tohis opening. Why was he lying?
(10:45):
Was he lying? Well? That'sthe Wait a minute, it could have
been the King and Queen. Therewere two people in the audience. You
know, I don't care what yousay about Jack eylight him. I guess
to say, Ty, Jack isin his dressing room, would you marry?
(11:05):
Yeah? What is the don Idecided to go out for a sandwich
would you like to Well, toolong, Ty, I didn't know you
were back from Europe. I gotback two weeks ago. Don. In
fact, we were just talking aboutit. You know. When I was
in Europe, I ran into Marryand Jack. I know they told me.
Oh, say, Don, didJack tell you about the time I
met him in London? Oh?I did? Well, Don this I've
got to tell you time, Marry. It's too good to keep now,
(11:26):
Don. The first time I metJack was at the Savoy Hotel. I
came downstairs one morning, stepped intothe lobby and there was Jack talking to
the man behind the desk. Yes, sir, I'll be very happy to
(11:46):
exchange your American money into pounds.Are you a guest at this hotel's?
Yes, yes i am. Thename is Benny Jack Benny. Which suite
do you occupy? Well, Idon't have a suite. Well watch your
room. Well, see my roomdoesn't have one. You see. Can
you tell me what flawed it's on? Well that's that hard to say.
(12:09):
You see. Oh, you're theeccentric chef who lives in the elevator.
Well that's just for the day.See they promised me a room. It's
so crowded, you know. Anyway, all I want to do is exchange
some American money for English pounds.Very good, sir. How much money
would you like to exchange? Well, let me see, I may be
(12:30):
here two more weeks. I've beenhere eleven days and I spent six dollars.
I mean I I've been here sixdays and I spend eleven dollars.
See for a minute that you thoughtI was cheat, and I wouldn't blame
you. Really, you know,sir, it's hard to believe that you
(12:52):
and the Marshall pan come from thesame country. Yes, yes, anyway,
I think I order exchange enough moneyto last me until that Yeah huh
why tarroll troll power that you shouldhave caught me at the Palladium. I
was the greatest sensation that ever appearedat that theater. The audience children clamored
(13:16):
for OnCore after cut bot tie Ty, Were you one of the people I
talked to? Talk to the Taylorstill trying to get the wrinkles out of
my lapel. So I was enthusiastic, But excuse me a minute. Time,
I want to exchange the money.Oh, go right to a jack.
I'm I'm tired anyway, I'll sitdown tired. Yes, you see,
I live on the ninth floor.So what's that got to do with
(13:39):
it? Well, your room wasout of order and I had to walk
down. I must have hung mypajamas on the lever again. Have you
made up your mind? Sir?How much money would you like to exchange?
Well? Yeah, I have beenlooking all over for you. It's
not well, Mary, what areyou doing here? I thought you were
(14:01):
in Italy making your picture Prince ofFoxes. Oh I finished that last week?
Oh well, Ty, tell mesomething about it? Is it a
costume picture? Wait a minute,Mary, I've been on the Prince of
Foxes for six months. It washard work, and now that I've finally
finished the picture, I'd like toget a little relaxation. But no,
whenever I meet people, that's allthey want me to talk about. Oh
(14:22):
Mary, I hope you don't thinkI'm rude. Right, Ty, You're
not rude, You're modest. Iwish more stars were like you. And
Jack Jack, Yes, when hefinished his last picture, he didn't want
to talk about it either. SayTy try, will you step over here
(14:45):
a minute and help me out?Oh? Sure, Jack, Tye,
I gave the man one hundred andfifty dollars in American money, and look
what he gave me. Is thisright? That's quite right, sir,
I gave you thirty six pounds twentyshootings, four half crowns, three sixteens
a tops of tons an, Butlook I figured it up, and I
should have got forty two pounds,twenty shillings, four half crowns, three
sixpence a topence, a threepence ina fortnt. I mean I hate that?
(15:16):
Isn't isn't that right? Time?Well it would have been a few
days ago, Jack, But thecurrency is fluctuating, so by waiting until
the day to make your exchange,you've lost six pounds eight pounds he lost
too worrying about it. Yeah,well, Jack, I've gotta run upstairs
and pack. I'm going to Paristonight. But see, why don't you
two come along with me? Ohthat'd be wonderful. Let's go, Jack.
(15:41):
Wait a minute, Mary, wecan't leave London until we see the
Arch of Triumph. Jack, that'sin Paris. Oh oh oh, well,
now what are we waiting for?Come on, let's go sweep him.
(16:06):
Well, show me comis we missyou. You know, Mary,
this is one of the finest nightclubsin Paris. I know, and I
love the atmosphere. Say this iswonderful champagne. You know, and you
haven't touched a drop. M Ty. I'm still worried about Das. How
(16:29):
he could have missed the plane isbeyond me. Oh, he'll probably take
the next one. Anyway. Ileft to note at the hotel so he'll
know where we are. Hey,this my casey? Please? Is it?
But your well? Micheur? Thisreason Shanon Concrete? See come on
Tellivo you see many speak. Don'tget a comodromageous reason, Jean Concrete.
(16:53):
Oh I'm sorry, Mary, Michelle, tell me Miss Livingston. Mary.
This this is the girl I metthe last time I was here. Her
name is Michelle. How do youdo it? Is a pleasure? How
you speak English? Have you beento America only for two weeks? I
have won it on a French cryprogram. Lend it a Kiron. You
(17:25):
never pell in, Michelle. You'renot intruding. In fact, we'd like
you to stay. When Miss Livingston'sescort arrives, we'll have a foursome.
Will you join us? Good?Good? Oh? Mary, marry TALLI
it's Joe. I told you heget here. I got to know that
the hotel tag came right over.Jesus the beautiful nightclub. This is really
(17:47):
gay, peri. Oh, Jack, I want you to meet a friend
of torone. Yes, Jack,Michelle, this is Jack. Benny O
Chan talk to me so well?Woo? I mean? Is I'm glad
to meet me? Or sit down, Jack and have a glass of champagne?
(18:10):
Thank you? You know Jack,Mary was worried about you. It
only takes forty minutes to fly acrossthe channel. Did you miss the other
plane too? No, I decidednot to take a plane. Oh oh,
then the boat was delayed. WellI you see I didn't take the
boat either. All right, Jack, wipe off the grease and sit down.
(18:34):
Oh Mary, stop making things up, Father Micheur. Yes, if
you lows you about to commenced,perhaps you would like to order on the
bucket of champagne. Oh yes,yes, please just a minute, waiter,
is this champaign important? Jack?You never ask a question like that
in France. It's insulting. Well, I want to know what we're getting,
Waiter, what kind of champagnes?If you got shot down twenty eight.
(18:55):
Uh huh better right, sick twentynot bame twenty seven. He they
won again? Yah? Any campaignthey have here is good. So are
there one? Okay, okay?Waiter? How much is chardon twelve bunded?
(19:18):
Frank? But we'll take it?Married what it's too darn well?
What are you ma about? Now? You see how that waiter shook the
bottle when he opened it. Sowhat that bottle is costing twelve hundred francs?
When you fake champagne that makes bubble? Bubbles are air? If you
(19:41):
want air, I can open it? Jack quiet? Is any ready to
start the floor show? Oh?Yeah? And no, ladies and gentlemen,
oh the fuck show. They're themost in your Pusly presents a new
act which is fifteen the country andas being handed over by Puffy the a
man Allo also rapple to us fromy press, shata get your yellow so
(20:10):
the play the press? Who's yourkey? Laughing to the people as the
bird present at bay do too,Patty, pat lucky lucky and at day
not too Patty, Pato, goyour DNA don t dot day, I
(20:33):
think onto Patty my smoking bana sayingmy sound. He prays, coot them
return met lucky bluggy. We wewe resy your recording because you're Tomte was
(21:03):
not pay more? Aymar, Yes, we turn around in bernment folly facts
so easy, yunk, no nuckylucky. Oh, I was wonderful,
(21:33):
wonderful. Yet they laid your Yetthey laid your Jack, Jack, I
thought you liked him. I do, well, then why are you yelling
throw them out? The last time? I take a French lesson from Hildegard.
(22:00):
Uh, let's have some to datJack. I'm a little hungry,
So my Mary, Michelle, areyou hungry me? What would you like
to eat? Uh? Huh,you say, bijer crackers. You'll do
someone? You made your humpty bine? What's that? Bagels and rocks?
It is very good? I know, I know they serve that in Hollywood
(22:22):
too, at Zee Brown Chapaul.Say wait a minute, kid, why
don't we eat someplace else? I'dlike to see all the night clubs and
parents, I really would. Theywere about a tie. Where should we
go? Oh? There are lotsof places, Oh, Jack, Before
we leave here, let's at leasthave one dance? Why not, monchety,
Come on man, Michelle I'll geton new uhcaret uh, Girn speak
(22:49):
to me in English that he's doingall long? Sure, sure, Michelle,
it's still early. And mister Bennywould like to go to some other
night club. Now where would yousuggest, Girn? I wouldn't know.
It's very much going to another nightclub with you, and I would enjoy
very much taking me. That's theyoung lady. Miss Livingstone may set on
Benny Ron Grey Ramkee V and youBenny and Coude de Piero pant alone.
(23:15):
But Michelle, I I've known himfor a long time. I I can't
kick him in the pants. Seeyou left fair right back? You left
fair? No? No, no, no you he would kick back?
Oh we dc Well, Mitchell,where where do we go from here?
(23:45):
Jah? That's Michelle? Oh ohyeah, yeah, I'm sorry. There
are a lot of good clubs intown. Jack. Let's get the check
in okay, Oh wait there Thatt'shold hey, bub give me the check
please you Michelle. It is threethousand, six seventy five proun Frank,
how much is that in English pounds? A mechieur? I can have accept
(24:06):
English pounds, but you can exchangethem with your many jail. Then here
is by the dish. Thank you, I'll be right back here. See
that Michelle is pretty. She makesher own look like nothing. Oh pardon
me? Are you the manager?We miss here? I'd like to change
this English money into frank so wemiss here. How much English money have
you got? Well? In England? I got thirty six pounds twenty shillings,
(24:30):
four half crowns, three sixpence,a topens of three pens and a
hay penny. But I spent there'snot nothing what you spent? What have
you got now? Now? Thirtyfive pounds twenty five shillings, four half
crowns, three sixpence, a topensof threepence and a half a can agrees,
I mean hay penny? Will youexchange it? Please? Uh?
We miss here. Now for eachshilling we give forty five fouc twenty five
(24:53):
for each sixpence, and five frogfor the toupens and tumperts of the hippenny,
which means you are getting there equivalentof nine hundred pound here you are
not so fast, oh tie,I mean mother trouble again? Jack?
Yes, he wants to give meonly nine hundred francs a pound. But
you know how to speak French.Ty talk to him. Okay, Jack,
(25:14):
Monsieur these am i monsieur de change. Jack, you better take the
nine hundred francs. No, no, t I keep arguing with him,
Monsieur. Jeanette bones Perker, who'sat Melonette? May he see soon?
Is that he's more on it allfor fat talks here, Monsieur Jack,
take the nine hundred francs. No, no, try I do some more.
(25:36):
Go ahead, just refreshint monsieur.And when I meet Quarkill they talked
down. Monsieur. Now the frequentwe don't need is soft hawk. Jack,
keep talking time. You're doing fine, but Jack, this isn't helping
any Take my advice and accept theseven hundred francs seven hundred. While we
were arguing, the rate went down. All right, mister, I'll take
(26:00):
the frank here you while Jack,here's the waiter. Pam, Okay,
here our waiter three thousand, sixhundred and seventy five francs. And here's
a tip for you, melship coolmischell, thank you, come on here.
But Jack, Jack, you gavehim five hundred francs. That's a
very generous tip. You wanna knowsomething. I was really only going to
(26:22):
give him five, but since we'rehere in France, I didn't have the
gall Oh boy, what a joe? Oh Toron? Did you kick him?
No? I was I could notraise this. All right, all
(26:47):
right, let's go Paris government.Our nation was founded by man of faith
in God. America's religious institutions havestrengthened the American life and helped to keep
it free. Attendance of churches andsynagogues build tomorrow and spiritual character of the
(27:07):
individual and the community. Find yourselfthrough faith. Come to church this week.
Thank you. Bach will be backin just a moment. The first
search turble no no no, no, no, no, no, no
no no, old malgan ls MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Tobacco
(27:30):
that smokes, smooth and mild.That's why there's never a rough puff and
a lucky Yes. Friends, Eachand every lucky strike contains tobacco that's life,
ripe and mellow. Now find tobaccolike this costs more, and at
the tobacco auctions, luckies pay millionsof dollars more than official parody prices for
the kind of tobacco they know willgive you a smoother, finer smoke with
(27:52):
never a rough puff. So whynot smoke the cigarette that gives you more
enjoyment with every puff, every packLucky Strike. Yes, next time you
buy cigarettes, remember Lucky Strike givesyou more smoothness, more mildness, with
never a rough puff to spoil yoursmoking enjoyment. So make your next carton
Lucky Strike. So round, sofirm, so fully packed, so free
(28:15):
and easy on the draw? Wasthat? Can I come into your dressing
room? Jack? Sure, comeon in, Mary. We did so
long. You were just going outfor a pack of Lucky Well. I
ran into Tron Power in the halland we had a nice talk. Oh,
(28:36):
Mary, why didn't you tell meTarne was here? I would have
asked him to be a guest onmy program, you know, and then
we could Nah. He probably wanttoo much money. You remember how cheap
he was over in France. Ohexcuse me a minute. When you marry,
ladies and gentlemen, I want tothank Taron Power for meeting me out
(28:56):
in the halls. For the courtesyof twentieth Century Fox, producers of Tie's
latest picture, Prince of Foxes TheNight Folks. Textually, Jack Will have
as a special guest, Frank Lahee, football coach of Notre Day. We
go to hear dentist Day in aDay in the Life of Dannis Day.
(29:17):
Stay tuned for the Ammis Nanda Showwhich follows immediately. This is CBS,
the Columbia broadcasting system
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike exturv no no no no no no
no no no no. Hold Malcolm, you'll find there's never a rough puff
at a Lucky Strike, just real, deep down smoking enjoyment because ls MFT,
Yes, ls MFT, Lucky Strikemeans fine tobacco and find tobacco and
(00:23):
smooth smoking go hand in hand.Now, find tobacco like this costs more,
and at the tobacco auctions, LuckyStrike pays more millions of dollars more
than official parody prices for truly finelight leap this mellow ripe Lucky Strike tobacco
gives you a milder, more enjoyablesmoke from first puff to last with never
(00:45):
a rough puff. And veteran tobaccomen can see Lucky Strike consistently selected by
fine light, naturally mild tobacco.Just listen to the words of an independent
tobacco auctioneer, mister Al Rodgers ofRobertsonville, North Carolina. Recently, he
said, experienced buyers know what tolook for when they're buying tobacco, and
year after year I've seen the buyersfor Lucky Strike by fine prime ripe tobacco.
(01:10):
That's just right for mild good smoking. I've smoked Lucky's for ten years,
So friends, smoke the smoke tobaccoexpert, smoke Lucky Strike. You'll
get more far more real, deepdown smoking enjoyment with never a rough cup.
Yes, make your next carton LuckyStrike. The Lucky Strike Program starring
(01:38):
Jack Bunny with Mary Levys until IrisRochester, Donna saying a sports for partner
and you're toting donal Ladies and gentlemen. This may come as a surprise all
(02:00):
of our listeners, but before thisprogram goes on the air, it is
rehearsed. Let us turn back theclock a couple of hours and sit in
on today's rehearsal in studio. BOkay, kids, let's start Mary here,
Phil here, Don here, Dennis, Dennis down. That kid always
(02:20):
late, Well now I'll have todo it again. You know, Jackson,
I think you've got a lot ofnerve finding us a half a buck
each time we're late for rehearsal.Bill, you have no complaint. Not
only does it teach most of uspromptness, but the fines I collect go
to a worthy cause. That's right, Phil, Jack joints. All the
money to the SFAA TTA What's up? Society for Agents and Tongue tied to
(02:40):
back auctionaires. It's my favorite charity. We have our country home at Goldsboro,
North Carolina. The kid's still nothere. Maybe my watch is slow?
What time you got married? Why? That's my watch in my dressing
room? Has anyone here got awatch? I have? Jackson? Well,
what time is it? Phil?The little hand is on the two
(03:04):
and the big hands on the floor. Oh, Bill, can't you tell
time? Oh? I'm sorry,Jackson? I answered that way from force
to habit. I always tell mykids where the big hand is and the
little hand is. No, whydo you tell them that way so they
can tell me what time it is? Well, marry, you asked him?
(03:25):
Next time? You know? Everybody? Dennis, you're late? I
know here. Thank you speed.He'll certainly appreciate this. Now, Dennis,
why weren't you on time? Well? I was out very late last
night. I went to a drivein movie. Oh, drive in?
What picture did you see? Dennis? I didn't see the picture. Oh
(03:47):
you went with a girl? Eh? Kid, No, I parked my
car the wrong way. All thestupid say that reminds me. Dennis.
(04:13):
Two weeks ago, when you wenteast to play that benefit, you sent
Mary a letter in which you saidthat you were in Philadelphia, the birthplace
of Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Well, since then, I've had hundreds of
letters from people telling me that BenjaminFranklin was not born in Philadelphia. He
was born in Boston. No,no, mister Benny, he was born
in Philadelphia. Look for your information, kid. Benjamin Franklin was born in
Boston, Massachusetts. He threw hiskite in Philadelphia. And what do you
(04:36):
got to say to that? Geez, what a long string? Dennis.
The next time you go away,don't write letters, will you? Now?
Come on, kids, ID liketo finish rehearsing because Rochester is waiting
for me in my dressing room.I want to relax before the show.
(04:58):
So everybody, the Boss Shore hasbeen rehearsing a long time. He may
want to take a nap before theprogram. I got his couchs ready.
I got his new General Electric blanketplugged in too. I didn't think they'd
send him one. Now, let'ssee. I think that's better. Boy?
(05:18):
Am I tired? Oh? Boss? Tough? Rehearsal today? Yeah,
everybody complaining feel as sensitive if youmentioned as drinking. Mary doesn't want
me to joke about our sister babe, and our dentist doesn't like me to
joke about his being dumb. Yee, it'll be tough for you to get
laughs at all. Oh, it'snot that bad. There are other topics.
You know. We can still talkabout how cheap I am. You
know that's that's always funny. Notto me, Rochester, you can stop
(05:46):
with that. That's only something wekid about on the radio. I pay
you a nice weekly salary. Idon't know. I'm the only man in
the world who can cash his Paigecheck on the street car. Look,
Rochester when I walk to my seat, I don't jingle a bit, Rochester.
I'm in no mood for discussions now. I'd like to relax a while.
(06:09):
Well, if you're throw a me, can I leave now? I've
got a big evening plan with mygirlfriend, Susie. Susie e thing.
You've been going to study with herfor a long time. He was really
like her, I do, Ido? He must be very pretty?
Yes? Yes? Are you gonnamarry her? On? What a wild?
(06:33):
Well? You can take the nightoff what's the big evening you've got
playing Rochester. Well, first I'mgonna take her to dinner and then to
the movies, and been to aclub for a little dancing, and then
about midnight we're going to her apartmentto watch some television programs. Well,
that sounds like a good time withSusie there. It won't have been in
Rochester. There are no television programson after midnight. Yeah, okay,
(07:06):
okay, go ahead, I'm gonnalie down the rest. Awhile huh.
Here's the paper if you wanna read. Thanks so long, Rochester, good
bye. Well let's see. Iwonder what's on the theatrical page. Hm.
(07:29):
Get that picture of oh bruh?Is that a punging neckline wearing my
glasses? Mm? It's Alan Laddwith his shirt off. Say, here's
a New York review of Bob Hope'slatest picture, The Great Lover. Yeah,
(07:50):
I played a part from that.I see what it said. Bob
Hopes flip humor bubbles along through thisbright comedy, which features you Randa Fleming
as his leading lady. His Flemingmakes a suitable foil for Hope's side splitting
comedy Jack Benny also makes a briefappearance in the Great Lover, and his
performance is continued on page eleven,Column three. One of the worst catastrophes
(08:22):
that ever hit this country. Ohoh oh, that's column five. That's
five. Here's here's column three.Hm, it says refer to column five
(08:46):
for this, I had to puton my glasses. Come in, yeack,
it's nothing important. I just wantto tell you that I was going
across the street for a passage ofLucky. I'd be back there, okay,
Mary, and my sweet little Elliblupone. See. It was nice
of Alice to send it to me. I'm glad I didn't sit phill.
(09:13):
CBS is so busy on Sundays,the carters and hello Mary, huh y,
terrone, car well, Terne,what are you doing here? I
(09:33):
just came down to rehearse the show, you know, one of those dramatic
things. Gosh, I haven't seenyou since Jack and I ran into you
in Europe. That's right, Mary, and say, wasn't it thrilling?
The way Jack went over at theLondon Palladium. Other people applauded and laughed
at his jokes, the way theycheered and clamored for Encore after Encore.
Uh, but Ty, you didn'tarrive in London until the gage was over.
How did you know Jack was sucha big hit? Oh? He
(09:56):
told me. That's Jack, allright. He always gets around to us,
gets around to it well. Whenhe bumped into the Entropalgar Square,
the first words out of his mouthwere, what a sensation he was?
The first word. Didn't he evensay hello? Ty? Oh, he
didn't know it was me. Hewas stopping people at random. I know
(10:22):
what you mean. One day heran into Danny's say and they both talked
so fast they bit each other.You know, I'm second thought. I
don't blame Jack for being proud.After all, when the King and Queen
come to your opening night, youknow it's King and Queen. Jack told
you the King and Queen came tohis opening. Why was he lying?
(10:45):
Was he lying? Well? That'sthe Wait a minute, it could have
been the King and Queen. Therewere two people in the audience. You
know, I don't care what yousay about Jack eylight him. I guess
to say, Ty, Jack isin his dressing room, would you marry?
(11:05):
Yeah? What is the don Idecided to go out for a sandwich
would you like to Well, toolong, Ty, I didn't know you
were back from Europe. I gotback two weeks ago. Don. In
fact, we were just talking aboutit. You know. When I was
in Europe, I ran into Marryand Jack. I know they told me.
Oh, say, Don, didJack tell you about the time I
met him in London? Oh?I did? Well, Don this I've
got to tell you time, Marry. It's too good to keep now,
(11:26):
Don. The first time I metJack was at the Savoy Hotel. I
came downstairs one morning, stepped intothe lobby and there was Jack talking to
the man behind the desk. Yes, sir, I'll be very happy to
(11:46):
exchange your American money into pounds.Are you a guest at this hotel's?
Yes, yes i am. Thename is Benny Jack Benny. Which suite
do you occupy? Well, Idon't have a suite. Well watch your
room. Well, see my roomdoesn't have one. You see. Can
you tell me what flawed it's on? Well that's that hard to say.
(12:09):
You see. Oh, you're theeccentric chef who lives in the elevator.
Well that's just for the day.See they promised me a room. It's
so crowded, you know. Anyway, all I want to do is exchange
some American money for English pounds.Very good, sir. How much money
would you like to exchange? Well, let me see, I may be
(12:30):
here two more weeks. I've beenhere eleven days and I spent six dollars.
I mean I I've been here sixdays and I spend eleven dollars.
See for a minute that you thoughtI was cheat, and I wouldn't blame
you. Really, you know,sir, it's hard to believe that you
(12:52):
and the Marshall pan come from thesame country. Yes, yes, anyway,
I think I order exchange enough moneyto last me until that Yeah huh
why tarroll troll power that you shouldhave caught me at the Palladium. I
was the greatest sensation that ever appearedat that theater. The audience children clamored
(13:16):
for OnCore after cut bot tie Ty, Were you one of the people I
talked to? Talk to the Taylorstill trying to get the wrinkles out of
my lapel. So I was enthusiastic, But excuse me a minute. Time,
I want to exchange the money.Oh, go right to a jack.
I'm I'm tired anyway, I'll sitdown tired. Yes, you see,
I live on the ninth floor.So what's that got to do with
(13:39):
it? Well, your room wasout of order and I had to walk
down. I must have hung mypajamas on the lever again. Have you
made up your mind? Sir?How much money would you like to exchange?
Well? Yeah, I have beenlooking all over for you. It's
not well, Mary, what areyou doing here? I thought you were
(14:01):
in Italy making your picture Prince ofFoxes. Oh I finished that last week?
Oh well, Ty, tell mesomething about it? Is it a
costume picture? Wait a minute,Mary, I've been on the Prince of
Foxes for six months. It washard work, and now that I've finally
finished the picture, I'd like toget a little relaxation. But no,
whenever I meet people, that's allthey want me to talk about. Oh
(14:22):
Mary, I hope you don't thinkI'm rude. Right, Ty, You're
not rude, You're modest. Iwish more stars were like you. And
Jack Jack, Yes, when hefinished his last picture, he didn't want
to talk about it either. SayTy try, will you step over here
(14:45):
a minute and help me out?Oh? Sure, Jack, Tye,
I gave the man one hundred andfifty dollars in American money, and look
what he gave me. Is thisright? That's quite right, sir,
I gave you thirty six pounds twentyshootings, four half crowns, three sixteens
a tops of tons an, Butlook I figured it up, and I
should have got forty two pounds,twenty shillings, four half crowns, three
sixpence a topence, a threepence ina fortnt. I mean I hate that?
(15:16):
Isn't isn't that right? Time?Well it would have been a few
days ago, Jack, But thecurrency is fluctuating, so by waiting until
the day to make your exchange,you've lost six pounds eight pounds he lost
too worrying about it. Yeah,well, Jack, I've gotta run upstairs
and pack. I'm going to Paristonight. But see, why don't you
two come along with me? Ohthat'd be wonderful. Let's go, Jack.
(15:41):
Wait a minute, Mary, wecan't leave London until we see the
Arch of Triumph. Jack, that'sin Paris. Oh oh oh, well,
now what are we waiting for?Come on, let's go sweep him.
(16:06):
Well, show me comis we missyou. You know, Mary,
this is one of the finest nightclubsin Paris. I know, and I
love the atmosphere. Say this iswonderful champagne. You know, and you
haven't touched a drop. M Ty. I'm still worried about Das. How
(16:29):
he could have missed the plane isbeyond me. Oh, he'll probably take
the next one. Anyway. Ileft to note at the hotel so he'll
know where we are. Hey,this my casey? Please? Is it?
But your well? Micheur? Thisreason Shanon Concrete? See come on
Tellivo you see many speak. Don'tget a comodromageous reason, Jean Concrete.
(16:53):
Oh I'm sorry, Mary, Michelle, tell me Miss Livingston. Mary.
This this is the girl I metthe last time I was here. Her
name is Michelle. How do youdo it? Is a pleasure? How
you speak English? Have you beento America only for two weeks? I
have won it on a French cryprogram. Lend it a Kiron. You
(17:25):
never pell in, Michelle. You'renot intruding. In fact, we'd like
you to stay. When Miss Livingston'sescort arrives, we'll have a foursome.
Will you join us? Good?Good? Oh? Mary, marry TALLI
it's Joe. I told you heget here. I got to know that
the hotel tag came right over.Jesus the beautiful nightclub. This is really
(17:47):
gay, peri. Oh, Jack, I want you to meet a friend
of torone. Yes, Jack,Michelle, this is Jack. Benny O
Chan talk to me so well?Woo? I mean? Is I'm glad
to meet me? Or sit down, Jack and have a glass of champagne?
(18:10):
Thank you? You know Jack,Mary was worried about you. It
only takes forty minutes to fly acrossthe channel. Did you miss the other
plane too? No, I decidednot to take a plane. Oh oh,
then the boat was delayed. WellI you see I didn't take the
boat either. All right, Jack, wipe off the grease and sit down.
(18:34):
Oh Mary, stop making things up, Father Micheur. Yes, if
you lows you about to commenced,perhaps you would like to order on the
bucket of champagne. Oh yes,yes, please just a minute, waiter,
is this champaign important? Jack?You never ask a question like that
in France. It's insulting. Well, I want to know what we're getting,
Waiter, what kind of champagnes?If you got shot down twenty eight.
(18:55):
Uh huh better right, sick twentynot bame twenty seven. He they
won again? Yah? Any campaignthey have here is good. So are
there one? Okay, okay?Waiter? How much is chardon twelve bunded?
(19:18):
Frank? But we'll take it?Married what it's too darn well?
What are you ma about? Now? You see how that waiter shook the
bottle when he opened it. Sowhat that bottle is costing twelve hundred francs?
When you fake champagne that makes bubble? Bubbles are air? If you
(19:41):
want air, I can open it? Jack quiet? Is any ready to
start the floor show? Oh?Yeah? And no, ladies and gentlemen,
oh the fuck show. They're themost in your Pusly presents a new
act which is fifteen the country andas being handed over by Puffy the a
man Allo also rapple to us fromy press, shata get your yellow so
(20:10):
the play the press? Who's yourkey? Laughing to the people as the
bird present at bay do too,Patty, pat lucky lucky and at day
not too Patty, Pato, goyour DNA don t dot day, I
(20:33):
think onto Patty my smoking bana sayingmy sound. He prays, coot them
return met lucky bluggy. We wewe resy your recording because you're Tomte was
(21:03):
not pay more? Aymar, Yes, we turn around in bernment folly facts
so easy, yunk, no nuckylucky. Oh, I was wonderful,
(21:33):
wonderful. Yet they laid your Yetthey laid your Jack, Jack, I
thought you liked him. I do, well, then why are you yelling
throw them out? The last time? I take a French lesson from Hildegard.
(22:00):
Uh, let's have some to datJack. I'm a little hungry,
So my Mary, Michelle, areyou hungry me? What would you like
to eat? Uh? Huh,you say, bijer crackers. You'll do
someone? You made your humpty bine? What's that? Bagels and rocks?
It is very good? I know, I know they serve that in Hollywood
(22:22):
too, at Zee Brown Chapaul.Say wait a minute, kid, why
don't we eat someplace else? I'dlike to see all the night clubs and
parents, I really would. Theywere about a tie. Where should we
go? Oh? There are lotsof places, Oh, Jack, Before
we leave here, let's at leasthave one dance? Why not, monchety,
Come on man, Michelle I'll geton new uhcaret uh, Girn speak
(22:49):
to me in English that he's doingall long? Sure, sure, Michelle,
it's still early. And mister Bennywould like to go to some other
night club. Now where would yousuggest, Girn? I wouldn't know.
It's very much going to another nightclub with you, and I would enjoy
very much taking me. That's theyoung lady. Miss Livingstone may set on
Benny Ron Grey Ramkee V and youBenny and Coude de Piero pant alone.
(23:15):
But Michelle, I I've known himfor a long time. I I can't
kick him in the pants. Seeyou left fair right back? You left
fair? No? No, no, no you he would kick back?
Oh we dc Well, Mitchell,where where do we go from here?
(23:45):
Jah? That's Michelle? Oh ohyeah, yeah, I'm sorry. There
are a lot of good clubs intown. Jack. Let's get the check
in okay, Oh wait there Thatt'shold hey, bub give me the check
please you Michelle. It is threethousand, six seventy five proun Frank,
how much is that in English pounds? A mechieur? I can have accept
(24:06):
English pounds, but you can exchangethem with your many jail. Then here
is by the dish. Thank you, I'll be right back here. See
that Michelle is pretty. She makesher own look like nothing. Oh pardon
me? Are you the manager?We miss here? I'd like to change
this English money into frank so wemiss here. How much English money have
you got? Well? In England? I got thirty six pounds twenty shillings,
(24:30):
four half crowns, three sixpence,a topens of three pens and a
hay penny. But I spent there'snot nothing what you spent? What have
you got now? Now? Thirtyfive pounds twenty five shillings, four half
crowns, three sixpence, a topensof threepence and a half a can agrees,
I mean hay penny? Will youexchange it? Please? Uh?
We miss here. Now for eachshilling we give forty five fouc twenty five
(24:53):
for each sixpence, and five frogfor the toupens and tumperts of the hippenny,
which means you are getting there equivalentof nine hundred pound here you are
not so fast, oh tie,I mean mother trouble again? Jack?
Yes, he wants to give meonly nine hundred francs a pound. But
you know how to speak French.Ty talk to him. Okay, Jack,
(25:14):
Monsieur these am i monsieur de change. Jack, you better take the
nine hundred francs. No, no, t I keep arguing with him,
Monsieur. Jeanette bones Perker, who'sat Melonette? May he see soon?
Is that he's more on it allfor fat talks here, Monsieur Jack,
take the nine hundred francs. No, no, try I do some more.
(25:36):
Go ahead, just refreshint monsieur.And when I meet Quarkill they talked
down. Monsieur. Now the frequentwe don't need is soft hawk. Jack,
keep talking time. You're doing fine, but Jack, this isn't helping
any Take my advice and accept theseven hundred francs seven hundred. While we
were arguing, the rate went down. All right, mister, I'll take
(26:00):
the frank here you while Jack,here's the waiter. Pam, Okay,
here our waiter three thousand, sixhundred and seventy five francs. And here's
a tip for you, melship coolmischell, thank you, come on here.
But Jack, Jack, you gavehim five hundred francs. That's a
very generous tip. You wanna knowsomething. I was really only going to
(26:22):
give him five, but since we'rehere in France, I didn't have the
gall Oh boy, what a joe? Oh Toron? Did you kick him?
No? I was I could notraise this. All right, all
(26:47):
right, let's go Paris government.Our nation was founded by man of faith
in God. America's religious institutions havestrengthened the American life and helped to keep
it free. Attendance of churches andsynagogues build tomorrow and spiritual character of the
(27:07):
individual and the community. Find yourselfthrough faith. Come to church this week.
Thank you. Bach will be backin just a moment. The first
search turble no no no, no, no, no, no, no
no no, old malgan ls MFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Tobacco
(27:30):
that smokes, smooth and mild.That's why there's never a rough puff and
a lucky Yes. Friends, Eachand every lucky strike contains tobacco that's life,
ripe and mellow. Now find tobaccolike this costs more, and at
the tobacco auctions, luckies pay millionsof dollars more than official parody prices for
the kind of tobacco they know willgive you a smoother, finer smoke with
(27:52):
never a rough puff. So whynot smoke the cigarette that gives you more
enjoyment with every puff, every packLucky Strike. Yes, next time you
buy cigarettes, remember Lucky Strike givesyou more smoothness, more mildness, with
never a rough puff to spoil yoursmoking enjoyment. So make your next carton
Lucky Strike. So round, sofirm, so fully packed, so free
(28:15):
and easy on the draw? Wasthat? Can I come into your dressing
room? Jack? Sure, comeon in, Mary. We did so
long. You were just going outfor a pack of Lucky Well. I
ran into Tron Power in the halland we had a nice talk. Oh,
(28:36):
Mary, why didn't you tell meTarne was here? I would have
asked him to be a guest onmy program, you know, and then
we could Nah. He probably wanttoo much money. You remember how cheap
he was over in France. Ohexcuse me a minute. When you marry,
ladies and gentlemen, I want tothank Taron Power for meeting me out
(28:56):
in the halls. For the courtesyof twentieth Century Fox, producers of Tie's
latest picture, Prince of Foxes TheNight Folks. Textually, Jack Will have
as a special guest, Frank Lahee, football coach of Notre Day. We
go to hear dentist Day in aDay in the Life of Dannis Day.
(29:17):
Stay tuned for the Ammis Nanda Showwhich follows immediately. This is CBS,
the Columbia broadcasting system
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