Jack reads I Was Betrayed

The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The Jack Belly Program presented by LuckyStrike Exturble American Friends. For your own,
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(00:26):
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(00:50):
and you'll agree there's never a roughpuff in a Lucky Next time you buy
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so fully packed, so free andeasy on the draw. The Lucky

(01:10):
Strike Program starring Jack Benny with MaryLivingston, Hilaris Rochester, Dennis Day of
the Sportsman Quartet and yours truly donwell, ladies and gentlemen. At the

(01:30):
end of every Lucky strike program,Jack and the cast go through a little
ritual. So let's go back tolast Sunday immediately after the shawl and watch
what happens. Okay, okay,kay, okay, okay, that's all.
That's all. We're off the air. That clows the curtains. Gee,

(01:52):
that was a great show, Jack, Yes, Jack, I think
that was one of the best programsyou ever did. Boy, you got
a lot of laughs. Mister BennyJackson, you were sensational today. Thanks
fellow, Okay, kids, onetwo, forte pratode, there's no weekend?

(02:12):
Oh thanks, thanks and fellas.Did you notice the way? All
right? Jack? We said youwere great. We sang the song.
I'll give us our checks and letus go. Okay, okay, and
kids, I want to compliment youon the shoulder day. Nobody made a
mistake. It's a good thing wedidn't. Last week the quartet made a
little mistake and you locked them inthe closet and made them sing the commercial
five hundred times. Well at least, Yeah, come on, give us

(02:32):
our checks. Okay, here's yoursmarried, Thanks Don, Thanks Dennis,
Thanks and Phil. I'm happy thatthis week I don't have to pay you
in cash. I can give youa check like the others. Yeah,
it took me a long time,but I finally learned how to adorse him
who showed your how Phil who showedyour house? Remway, he's great on

(02:53):
checks. He can sign anybody's name, but Phil Phil, that's forgery.
Oh, Jacks, muh forgesby issuch a hard word. We call it
playful penmanship. Oh fine, anyway, fell I hope you're saving your money.
I buy annudies with my paychecks.Well that's very smart of you,

(03:15):
Dennis. I know with those annudies, I can retire on an income of
a thousand dollars a month, nokidding. Yeah, they start paying off
on them one hundred and twenty,one hundred and twenty. Oh that's good,
Dennis. The money'll come in justwhen you need it. Yeah.
I'll probably only have one show then. Well of all this, So,

(03:37):
Denny, that's ridiculous. Nobody livesto be one hundred and twenty. Hey
Jackson, huh throw me that leadagain. I got an answer that'll make
CBS buy me. They'll forget itas long as Rexall pays you and Bromo
sel so you're happy, believe me. She I wish I could go home.

(03:57):
Now what I wish I could gohome? Why can't you, Dennis?
My parents did it again? Didwhat moved away without telling me?
Oh? Well you'll find them,you always do. Jack. I think
I'll be running along too. Oh, Mary, I wanted to ask you,
if you have nothing to do tomorrownight, would you like to come
over to my house and watch sometelevision. Oh I'd love to, Jack,

(04:18):
But that's the night that all thegirls I used to work with hold
their annual reunion. Oh, yes, you have that reunion every year.
What does that? You girls callyourself the mary Maids of the May Company.
Well, I hope you enjoy yourself. Oh I always do have a
good time there. And I'll getto see my old girlfriend Ruby Wagner again.
Gosh, how I envy her?Why what's she doing now? She's

(04:39):
still at the May Company. Look, Mary, if you'd rather be back
at the May Company, then youJack. I didn't mean that. I
meant that I envy Ruby because oneday a customer came over to her counter.
They fell in love, got married. Now they have twelve children.
She married a customer and has twelvechildren. Just think he came in to
spend eighty nine cents and look theygot. Yeah, well, Mary,

(05:02):
everyone has gone. Come on,let's go out of the studio. They're
putting out the lights. Now,you know that's reading an amazing story about
your girlfriend Ruby doesn't seem possible.Oh oh, what's the matter, Jack,
I forgot something. Wait here,Mary, I'll be right back.
Yeah. I wish they weren't soquick about turning off these lights. Now

(05:24):
let's see which door is it?Oh? Here it is? And unlet's
tell us say their TV sucky.Thank there's more. Yes, Okay,
fellas, you can come out ofthe closet. Now, let's allus say
tv'sucky. Thanks more for yes,Sirrey, Hey, fellas, you've been
punished enough for what you've done.Let's allie send the TV's lucky yester.

(05:47):
Hey, boys, you've sungered morethan five hundred two. Un, let's
allie send their TV sucky. Yes, sir. Hey, Oh my goodness
must have affected their minds. I'mgoing they're following me. Stop following me.
It's wait a minute. Wait aminute, boy, wait a minute,

(06:10):
wait a matter. Why now,boys don't follow me anymore? Go
on home. Your wives haven't seenyou for a week. I'd fire those
guys, but I'd only have toget them another job. I'm their agent,

(06:32):
and they're such good they're such goodclients. They think because they're a
quartet they have to pay me fortypercent. Come on, Mary, Uh,
what'd you forget? Jack? Itwas nothing? Come on, Well,
there's Rochester waiting in my car.Mary, I'll drive you home.
Oh Jack, I don't want togo home yet. I'd like to have

(06:55):
dinner in town. You would,Yeah, I'm in the mood for a
nice big steak smothered with mushrooms andfresh fried onions. Yeah, how about
the brown Derby? Oh wonderful.Okay, I'll drop you off. Now,
come on, let's Oh gee,I forgot my umbrella. And the
start of the rain. It isn'training. I spit in your eye,

(07:20):
Marry all. Goodbye, Jack.I'll see you later. But Marry you
don't have I guess he's so hungryshe couldn't wait ready for me to drive
you home. Bars, Yes,Rochester, what are you sitting there?
Holding that wisp? Room for?As soon as you get in the car,
I'll brush you off, brush meoff. Yeah, the doors are
stuck. You'll have to crawl fromunderneath. That's ridiculous. For the doors

(07:43):
are struck, I'll I'll just climbover. I got one left over.
See, these doors are higher thanI thought. Now to get the others.
Are you in boss, Yeah?Ki, the seats are cold.

(08:07):
Let's start the car, Rochester,Yes, sir, well, I'm sick

(08:35):
and tired of this, you know, Rochester, I got a good mind
to complain to the Cadillac company,the Cadillac company. Yes. Plus,
we only got one of the hubcatsfrom them. Oh, yes, and
we picked that up at the sceneof an accident. Rochester. I didn't
steal that hubcat. No, butI'll never forget how you dig it with
that man in the ambulance. Allright, all right, now try that

(08:56):
motor again. Yes, and thisis uh, Rochester. Where did we

(09:18):
get this motor? Broadway at ninthEastern Columbia Broadway at ninth It was laying
in the street. What same accident? Oh? Yes, Rochester, try
and get this car started. Willyou thank Heaven? Now, Rochester for

(09:41):
a change, go out Hollywood Boulevard. Yes, you know, this is
one of the first nights this weekthat the weather has been so mild.
What was that sounded like a policewhistle? Rochester? Right, did you
see that? Two men just ranout of that bank. They jumping that
big black sedan. They're speeding away. Wow, they must be going eighty

(10:03):
miles an hour. And look lookat that policeman. He's running towards us.
What is it, officer? Quick? Follow that car? Why follow
that car? Oh? Officer,come now, look, I'm an officer

(10:26):
of the law. When I jumpon your running board and say follow that
car, I want you to doit. Well, then get your other
foot off the ground. You're holdinghis back. Stop wasting time and do
it like cot Cot who said thatI did. We're making a picture here
on Hollywood Boulevard, a picture offfor heaven. Say what's the name of
it? The whistle blows at midnight? Rochester. Let's get out of here.

(10:48):
I don't want to be even anextra in this one step on it.
I want to get home and havedinner. Well that was a very
good dinner, Rochester. Thanks boss, save us to Benny. While you
were having dinner, a messenger brokersto the door. What is it here
you are? Oh? Yes,it's a record that Dennis made of that

(11:11):
new song. Vividy bobbity boo fromWalt Disney's picture Cinderella. You want me
to hear it, I'm going tothe den Rochester and play it. Shall
I break a tooth pick and half? No, I bought some needles.
I've got a lovely bunch of cokeneys. See that song. I don't understand
it all, at least viberty bobbityboo makes sense that Dennis made a good

(11:35):
record of it. How I've gotto lovely bench account canats whoops wrong side?
Oh here it is bibbity bobbity boo. If your mind is in a

(11:56):
dinner and your heart is in hey, I'll haze your diither into the your
haze with the magic craze. Ifyou're chased around by trouble and you're followed
by a jinx, I'll jinx yourtrouble and trouble your jinx in less than
Cordy winks. Salagado Lamentchika, poolof bip de bobadi boo. Put them

(12:16):
together and what have you got?Pivity bobbedy boot Salagado lamentika boo, La
Pippi de bobadi boot. It'll domagic, Believe it. Or not bivity
bobbedy boo, salagado la memes Menchikaboo laroo. But the thingham above that
does the job is bivoty bobbedy boo, salagado la Michigan Doola bioba dooo.

(12:39):
Put them together? And what haveyou got? Pivity bobadi boo Now salaga
doo la memes Menchiga boo laroo.But the thingham above that does the job
is bio salagado la Michigan pool thebippit de bobadi boo put him together?
And what have you got? Ohbbity bobbity b bitty bobbity b bity bobby

(13:03):
boo. Hey, Dennis, didthat very well? Did you hear A
Rochester? Yes, sir? Areyou going to bed now? Boss?

(13:26):
No? No? I think I'llstay up a while and read a book.
Okay, let's see. I finishedCleveland Amory's new book Hometown very good
too. Here's one My Ten Yearsin Washington by Drear Pousen. Well,

(13:50):
I'll be darn there is a Drear. Yeah. I hope Don doesn't find
out. Say here's a good mystery. I was betrayed by Maximilian Q.
Langley, author of I was framed, I was deceived, I was double
crossed, and I was loust up. She certainly gets some great titles.

(14:18):
I think i'll read this one.I'll sit in that chair by the window.
Ah. Whoops, this seat iscold too. Yeah, this story
ought to be pretty good. Iwas betrayed. As the pale rays of

(14:50):
the dying moon filtered through the barsof my prison cell, I was told
that my last appeal had been denied, and I, Meredith Schneisenholder, was
betrayed. It's hard to believe thatI was once a very successful doctor.

(15:15):
I could boast of a fine practice, a brilliant assistant, a beautiful wife
who adored me, and two lovelychildren, Hogan and Sneak. I was
proud to be their par When I'mgetting ahead of my story, it all

(15:41):
started in my operating room. Iwas preparing a patient for an operation,
and my assistant, doctor Dennis Dasldorf, was helping me. As I was
about to start the operation, thepatient looked at me and nervously asked,
doctor, Doctor Snithenholder, I assurethis operation won't hurt hurt, No,

(16:03):
no, not at all. I'mso sensitive. Oh you you. It
might a little doctor daizeledor you haveall doctor schnethen Holder. Doctor, hand
me the scalpel and the scyfield.What's that the scalpel, it's a knife
with a long curved blade. Oh, dot, that's in the kitchen there.

(16:23):
I made my third ath damwich andyou it to slice the shalami or
wash it off and bring it in? Yes, hair doctor, here are
doctor schneithen hold it. What's that? You told me to wash it off
and bring it in the scalpel,not the salami. Stupid dot. Hand

(16:48):
me my rubber gloves. N goodness, doctor schneithen Holder. You're awfully nervous
today. Why shouldn't I be.I'm about to per form a very delicate
operation there's never been attempted before.All medical science is awaiting the result,
and this has volunteered. O,doctor, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna separate his bibody from hisbobbedy. What do you think of that?
Ooo? We'll call this operation bibbodybobbity boo. Let's turn them over

(17:15):
and see what's on the other side. Goo goo. The patient died,
but the operation made the hit paradeafter this incident, I decided I needed

(17:36):
more help in the office, soI put an ad in the paper for
a nurse. The next day,there were five applicants for the job.
I turned down the first four,but the fifth had trim ankles and lovely
slim lays. I stared at herfor five minutes, and when I looked
up I saw that she was prettytoo. Her name was Ginger Lamar,

(18:02):
and her voice was soft and sultry. Well, Doc, we'll talk as
soon as you get through looking.Oh, pardon me, I I was
just thinking about something. Tell me, miss Lamar. Tell me, miss
Lamar, do you have any experience? Come me dock clues. Now,

(18:23):
put your arms around me and kissme. Do I get the job?
Doc? Well, I wanted anurse, but you'll do it. When

(18:56):
can you come to work? I'vealready started. From the moment I met
Ginger, my life had more snapto it. Even though I was a
great surgeon, I couldn't cut thatone out of the script. There were

(19:19):
so many things about Ginger that Ilearned to appreciate. The way her dimple
showed when she smiled, her cutewalk, her gay laughter, and the
way she clenched her little fist whenshe slugged the rats and my sterilizes.
As the hours passed, I foundmyself falling deeper and deeper in love with
Ginger, until at the end ofthe first day I was hopelessly gone.

(19:42):
That night I took her home.Well, baby, this is where I
live. We can stand here inthe hall and talk, Ginger Dolly the
last we're alone. At last,I can tell you sat down there,
it's me my Ginger. Did youbring the stern out? Yeah? I

(20:03):
got it my purse, Well,get it up here quick. I want
to put the meat on the oldman's hungry in a couple of minutes,
Ma, darling, I want totell you how why you're old lady.
You're up here with that style.Orry your boy shall lady bum Ginger's boyfriend
will think we're a couple of crumbs. Stop yelling me. You pulled the

(20:27):
fool off my That was mother anddad. They sound like real folks,

(20:49):
Oh, Ginger, If we couldonly get married, I could do so
much for your parents. Take outtheir appendix or their tonsils or something.
That's a trouble, snisy, you'realready married, yeah, and what about
your two lovely children? Kramer andGonzales. That's Hogan and sneeve tingjer.
What do you want me to do? Well, if you want me Snyzy,

(21:11):
you're gonna have to ask your wifefor a divorce. A divorce.
How could I ask Cindy Lou fora divorce. Cindy Lou, the girl
who was responsible for my success.The girl will maybe go to college and
study anatomy, biology, surgery andcanasta. I want forty six dollars from

(21:36):
her on our honeymoon. But therewas no use. I was in love
with Ginger and Cindy would have tounderstand. That night, as we sat
at the dinner table eating, Isaid, Cindy Lou, I know this
will be a blow to you.Rather than make you unhappy, I'd cut
off my arm when she handed mea knife. I knew she was going

(21:59):
to be difficult, Cindy, Cindy, I'm trying to tell you I'm in
love with another woman. I'm askingyou for a divorce. Well, darling,
if you want a divorce, youcan have one. I do want
to stand in the way of yourhappiness. No, now, don't go
to pieces in the try to understand. But I do understand. Darling,

(22:22):
and I'll explain it to our twochildren, DiMaggio and Greenberg. That's Hogan
and Sneave. Now, Cindy,are you going to give me a divorce
or not? I told you yes, Please please, Cindy, let's not
argue. Be real. I feltlike a heel for what I had done

(22:44):
to my wife, but I hurriedback to see Ginger. She was at
the office waiting for me. Insteadof a nurse's uniform, she was wearing
a French bathing suit. It wasn'tconventional, but I did more business than
South Pacificy. I took one fellow'sappendix out eight times. I knew he'd

(23:07):
be back, so I put aswinging door on his right side. However,
I couldn't stand the straight I wantedDesperty to be alone with Ginger so
we could talk. And I tryto get rid of my assistant, doctor
Daizeldorf. Oh, doctor Daizeldorf,Yeah, did you burnt me? Darn?

(23:30):
And I missed him. It's allright, Snizy. I told him
all about us. Oh, anddoctor Daizeledorf, you know that I'm gonna
leave my wife? Oh yeah,yeah, but what about your two lovely
children? Tapped on hotly. That'sHoven and snee Ginger. I can hardly

(23:52):
wait for the day when I cancall you mine and we'll be together always.
Have you told your wife? Itried to, but you took it
so hard I couldn't go through withit. I'll try again tonight. I
dreaded going home and breaking the newsto Sydney, but it had to be
done, and now I hurried outto the street, ran to the curb,
jumped down into my new Hudson,and drove home. When I got

(24:14):
home, I jumped up out ofmy new Hudson and went into the house.
Cindy was sitting in the living room. I could tell she was lonely
because she had blown up my rubberglove and was shaking hands with him.
I walked in and said, Cindy, I'm bad. Huh oh, there
you are, Yes, and stoppointing my finger at me, Cindy,

(24:37):
Cindy, this can't go on anylonger. I'm in love with another woman
and I want my freedom for goodnesssake. I told you last night you
can have it. I can't.Yes, and you can have the two
children in citation in Cold Town,it's Hogan and snee, Why can't you
remember? It was a relief toknow that Cindy would give me a divorce.

(24:59):
I want her to tell Ginger thegood news. I rushed out to
the street, ran to the curb, jumped down into my new Hudson,
and almost broke my neck. Someonehad stolen it as I ran all the
way back to the office, avoidingHollywood Boulevard where they were making a picture.
As I reached the door, Iheard voices. I stopped and listened.

(25:21):
Oh sweethearts, kiss me again andagain and again. Three more kisses
after leave put me down already again. I couldn't believe my ears. The
girl whom I gave up, Cindy, Hogan and Sneed was a cheat.
Doctor Daizeledorf, I trusted assistant todouble cross me. I opened the door
and walked in a look. Thedoctor's back, and he's got a gun.

(25:44):
S nice, he don't shoot,don't shoot. Yes, I killed
them both. If only my sonscould have been here to see me.
I had made a hole in one. As I looked at Ginger lying there

(26:06):
with the big bullet hole between hereyes, I wondered how I had ever
thought her attractive, And then Irealized I could never love anyone but Cindy
Loo. I rushed home to throwmyself at her feet and beg her forgiveness.
When I reached my house, CindyLoo was surprised to see me.
Hello, Cindy, I've come homehome to stay oh with you and Meredith.

(26:27):
I did expect you so soon,Cindy. Why are you acting so
nervous? So strange? Me strangeor well, I'm not nervous, Cindy.
You're hiding something from me. Isthere another man? No? No,
nobody? And why are you standingin front of that closet door.
I'm going no, no, Meredith, please, by the way, I
said, I'm going to open thatdoor. I opened the door and my

(26:48):
suspicion was confirmed. I broke outin a cold sweat. A blinding raid
swept over me. I saw red. And you just don't look right off

(27:11):
for having to say, Skelton,get out of here. Your show's not
on till late thirty nine o'clock onthe Pacific coast. What not? Only
that, I'm making a picture onHollywood Boulevard with hooking and sneak Wow,
I'll take this gone, I'll takeit on wake up. Wow, I'd
wake up. Huh Rochester, Rochester, you fell asleep while you were reading

(27:36):
that book. Oh see, Ihave the craziest dream. What are you
deal doing? I had the radioon listening to Rad Skelton. Oh well,
that explains a good night, Rochester. I'm going to beat you.
Not a moment, but purnt searchturbulene. Do do do do do do

(27:56):
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(29:07):
good night everybody. He showed tohear Danas day and a Day and the
Life of Doctor Dasel dard Bey tunedpremous nay, which follows immediately. This
is CBS for Columbia Broadcasting System.