November 8, 2023 • 29 mins
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike. Exturbo Mama do do Do Do
Do Do do Mama is old malgon. Luckies pay more millions of dollars more
than official parody prices for fine tobacco. Millions of dollars. That's a lot
of money, but the makers ofLucky Strike spend it for fine life,
(00:22):
naturally mild tobacco. So when youlight up a Lucky you're always sure of
real smoking enjoyment. Yes, whenyou're smoking the cigarette of fine tobacco,
you know you can expect enjoyment,and plenty of it. It's plain from
the first puff. There's never arough puff in the Lucky because ls MFT
ls MFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and that kind of tobacco always has
(00:47):
and always will mean real, deepdown smoking enjoyment for you. That's why
so many folks turn to Luckies allover the country, even the experts who
make their living in the tobacco business. Just to name one one of them,
there's mister L. Garland Griffin ofClarksville, Virginia. Recently, he
said, all in all, I'vesold over one hundred million pounds of tobacco,
and season after season, I've seenthe makers of Lucky Strike by fine
(01:11):
tobacco, the kind of tobacco fordownright good smoking. I've smoked Luckies regularly
for fourteen years. And that's notall for A recent survey shows more independent
tobacco auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemensmoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two
leading brands combined. Yes, alot of people smoke for enjoyment, and
(01:32):
they smoke Lucky Strike because there's moreenjoyment than a Lucky smoke em And you'll
find out today by a carton ofLucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring
Jack Benny with Mary Divson, PhilHarris, Rochester Downastate. Here is Trulie
(01:55):
Don Wilson, O. Ladies andgentlemen. Let's go out to Beverly Hills
to the Benny household. It's morningand Rochester is bringing Jack his breakfast.
(02:16):
Now, let's see if I haveeverything on the train, silverware, napkin,
the morning paper, and his favoritemagazine, True Confessions. They bringing
mister Benny's story in it. Whata title. I was ruined by Hollywood
Nightlife. He wrote that under hispen name Tulula. Hemingway ruined by Hollywood
(02:44):
nightlife. He must have been ruinedin the afternoon. He's sleeping at ten
o'clock. Well, I better bringhim his train and wake him up.
Look at him sleep there not acare in the world. Look at that
smile on his face. He mustbe having the same dream he has every
(03:07):
night. He thinks he just findsthe violin concert and Carnegie Hall and the
whole orange is the plauding and yellingbowls. Yep, that was it.
He took a bow and fell outof bed. Where am I? What
(03:29):
happened? You must have been dreaming? Boss? Here, I brought you
your breakfast. Oh good, good, oh boy, I'm gonna be this
morning. Let's see orange juice,oaked meal, bacon, and toast.
What do you wanna drink with yourtoast? Same as I've been having all
week? Just plain water. Boss. I don't think this one man campaign
of yours is gonna bring the priceof coffee back down. I can't understand
(03:54):
why it keeps going up in price. Well, mister belly is simple.
In school, I study the nationaleconomics in school. Yeah. Now,
in school, I learned to pronounceacond well let me explain this to you
here, let me explain to younow, Well, here we go.
(04:20):
Yeah, go ahead, explain itto me, Roger. Now, most
of the coffee comes from Brazil.In fact, Brazil's main exports are bananas,
coffee, and ten. So whatWell, Brazil starts off the international
trade by sending us bananas, forwhich we send them whining equipment. Then
(04:40):
they mind the ten and send theten to us, and we make ten
cans. Then we send them thecans. They filled them with corfee and
send them back to us. Andthere you are. Well, how does
that affect the price of coffee?I don't know. I quit school that
day, Rochester. I don't thinkyou know what you're talking about. I'll
(05:02):
answer it. Hello, I attalula Talula. I read it, Dad,
you do well, I'm just aboutto have breakfast. Now what do
you want, Jackson? I mayhave to misrehearsal Saturday. I've got to
go over twenty century Fox for retakeson the picture Walbash Avenue. So you
finish that in July. You've beendoing retakes on it for the past three
(05:25):
months. Well, it ain't exactlyretakes. You see, there's a scene
in the picture of me singing that'swhat I like about the South. Uh
huh. And because the foreign market, I've been down to the studio dubbing
in the lyrics in French, German, Spanish, Greek, Portuguese and Italian
Portuguese. Yes, you went toschool with Rochester, same Portuguese and Italian
(05:54):
Portuguese. Thetalan. I say,now you know something, Jackson. You've
been right all these years about whatthat song stinks in six different language.
Phil, don't tell me you're gettingsick of a too. Yeah, hey
Jackson, get a load of thisin French. Vetri voo pabek mad jallabona
lot to reckon all my cherv moma. You see Jackson in French,
(06:16):
you can't understand. I never understoodit in England. But anyway, Philler's
been a lot of publicity about WarbashAvenue. Isn't victor of matur in that
picture with you? Uh huh andBetty Grable? Yes, hey, Jackson,
Lyssifer. There's one scene in thepicture of just me and Betty at
the beach and those new French bathingsuits. They had to shoot that scene
(06:39):
over again too, daring. No, they want Betty to wear one too.
Last would be a shame, Phil, she'd liable to steal the scene
from you. Yeah, but thelast time I ever make a picture with
Grabel and matur why with her legsin his chest? I ain't worth a
turn up? Green what or aswe say in French tourne green eye.
(07:02):
Don't worry about it. Fill.You can misrehearsal if you want to.
Thanks a lot, Jackson, it'sawfully nice of you too. Oh excuse
me, Phil, Well, didn'tyou tell me last week you around the
water wagon? Yeah? How comeyou just hiccup? I transcribed that one
for release at this more convenient time. Good Bye to Lowe. Oh what
(07:25):
a guy? Hey, Rochester,with any other phone calls from me before
I woke up? Yes, sirBarber, my barber, What did you
want? He said, I youdidn't call for it in thirty days.
He's gonna sell it. I don'tcare. It's an old one. Now,
Rochester, I'll finish my breakfast,answered the door, will all slip
into some clothes. Yes, comein, come in, oh a Rochester,
(07:50):
well home, Miss Limbson, comeon in, mister Benny. Yeah,
he's getting dressed. Oh, bythe way, miss Limbson. We
haven't seen you all week. Wherehave you been? Right after last Sunday's
broadcast? I drove down to PalmSprings. Oh, you've been out in
the desert. Yeah, I wentthere to cool off Ms Levings. But
you didn't have to go all theway to Palm Springs. Why didn't you
(08:11):
come over here and use mister Banney'sswimming pool. My season ticket expired on
Labor Day? Well for you eata man in a djustment maybe? Oh?
Hello, Mary, glad to beback in Palm Springs. Frankly,
no jacket's too hot here. Oh, everybody's worried about her here. It's
(08:31):
not hot, It isn't it causeI drove or I saw a tongue coming
down the street with a dog hangingout. Mary, you've been watching Milton
Burl again and it's kind of early. Have you had your breakfast? Yeah?
I bet I could stand a cupof coffee? Okay, Oh Rochester,
bring this Livingston a couple? Mary, how about some tea? Uh?
(08:56):
No, thanks, milk, No, I just want to cup of
Oh I get at the price ofcoffee gone up so high? You're drinking
water? Yeah, how'd you knowfigures. Well, if you've been reading
the papers lately, you'll know thatcoffee you say, Jack, that reminds
me. Did you see the newsitem from London? From London, Yes,
(09:16):
the one about Princess Margaret. Oh, yes, I read it.
I hope it was a lucky Say. What's that magazine you got there?
Uh? Copy of True Confessions?Uh? Jack, is a story in
here by Tulula Hemingway that will breakyour heart? Yes, yes, I
read it. How all those thingscould happen to one girl in thirty nine
(09:39):
years, I'll never know. Well, some people live, exciting live,
you don't marry. In that sameissue, there's some other stories the mail
just kids, good, good,many letters, Uh, two for you,
one for me and ten for Talula. I will just put'em on
the table. Mary speaking about theheat, Jack, What you didn't have
(10:01):
that operation? I'd punch your rightin the nose. Look Mary, the
Warner Brothers bought the story for JoanCrawford. That's all it counts. Rochester
handing my letters here? You arethings? Uh? Oh, what's the
matter from mister Kerns of the ColonialYacht Company trying to frighten me into buying
that yacht for fifty thousand dollars.Well, Jack, this is liably more
serious than you think. They canmake it pay or drag you into court.
(10:22):
No, Mary, they wouldn't see. I don't know see. Maybe
they would. I think they would. Boss mister Kern called YESTERDA said if
you didn't receive the money by theday, he was gonna send the lawyer
over to save you. Lawyer,lawyer. I got frightened every time of
hm. Well, I might asgonna answer, that's funny. There's nobody
(10:56):
here. Hold on, mister BennyDennis. When nobody answered the door,
I came in through the window.Oh oh, well, good to see
you kid. What's wrong with him? Nothing, Dennis. He was expecting
(11:16):
a lawyer. A lawyer. Who'she suing nobody? I'm being sued?
Geez, that's a switch. Andhear you talk. You think I'm always
suing somebody? Well, you suedme once. When did I ever sue
you? That Sunday night when Iwent to the movies and didn't listen to
your repeat broadcast. I didn't sueyou. I warned you, Dennis,
this is serious. Jack's gonna besued for fifty thousand dollars. Oh,
(11:39):
I can lend you fifty thousand dollars, mister Benny. Oh, stop being
silly, and you haven't got thatkind of money? Oh yes I have.
My uncle died and left it tome. Your uncle left you fifty
thousand dollars. He left me hisprinting press too, Dannis. Your uncle
must have been a counterfeitter. Letme see some of that money. Here's
(12:00):
a five dollar bill. I cando it. Mary. Look instead of
Lincoln, he's got a picture ofa log cabin. Dennis, Lincoln's in
the cabin. What it's cold outside? You don't marry? It's hard to
(12:22):
believe that. A minute ago,I was glad to see him. Now,
look, Dennis, I've got enoughtrouble. Do me a favor,
will you? Well? What isit? Sit down kid? Okay?
Are you comfortable? Yeah? Good? Now you work for me, don't
you? Dennis? Uh huh?What does your contract require you to do
on my program? Songs and funnysings? Well, we'll forget the funny
(12:46):
sayings and let me hear what you'regonna sing on the program. It won't
get any laughs. I don't wantto just sing your song. Okay,
(13:09):
I touch your hand, and myarms grossedraw like a pair of hers that
burst with all my eyes. Lookdown at your long head, and I
(13:30):
hold the world in my embry yonderlandspring time? Are you offer then,
starl? Are you warmer than wind? Not the can you gave me?
(14:05):
Here? Than laughter? Are yousweeter than you? Are you in Gland?
Love? How are you to me? And when you're you? And
(14:30):
in pain? My arms and stillmy hot and no younger than spring time?
Am Iland? Laughter? Am Iin Glandma A very good Dennis,
(15:31):
A beautiful song. It'll it'll beswell on the program. I'm getting any
to laugh though I don't want anything, you know, once in a while,
Dennis, it's good to have aprogram that's nice and relaxing, you
know, where the audience just sitsthere quietly, like Fred Allen's program used
to be. Thank you now,Dennis, y Jack Jack? Look who's
(15:56):
coming up the wall? Where?Oh my goodness, mister Kurr from the
yacht company. What are you gonnado? I don't know. Rochester,
you answered the door. I'll hidein the closet. Okay, Rochester,
he's in the closet. Answer thedoor, yes, ma'am. How do
you do. I'm mister Kerns ofthe Colonial Yacht Company. May I see
(16:18):
mister Benny. Mister who mister BennyBenny? Yes, Jack Benny, Star
of Stage, Screen and Radio.Ooh uh, Jack, what happened when
he said star of Stage, Screenand Radio. I took a bow and
bump my head on the door.Oh there you are, mister Benny.
(16:47):
Yes, look here, mister Kurns, I told you before I'm not gonna
buy that yacht, and you're wastingyour time trying to sell it to me,
so you might as well return mythousand dollars deposit. Oh wait a
minute, Jack, huh, howdo you know you wouldn't like owning a
yacht? A lot of stars inHollywood have them. Mary Gerry Cooper has
a yacht. Oh he's richer thanI am. Humphrey Bogart has a yacht.
(17:07):
Well, he's richer than i amtoo. Well. Errol Flynn isn't
richer. No, but he's younger. Now, mister Kurns, I don't
think there's any Just a minute,mister Benny, missus Livingston gave me an
excellent idea. Now, perhaps ifyou took a little cruise on this yacht.
(17:29):
It might help you make up yourmind, you know, sort of
a demonstration. We'll go to Catalina. Well this will place you under no
obligation at all. Well, good, good, but we'll have to hurry.
I told the captain to take herout in an hour. Well that's
fine, come on, Mary,Hey, Dennis, you can go with
us. Let's go. Mister Kurnswill have a wonderful no obligation time.
(17:49):
Dennis, Dennis, get your hatnow, who's that? That's when we're
in a hurry? Well, hello, Jay, oh you don I brought
the sports from Spuortet over because wehave no idea for a commercial, and
we thought that maybe I haven't gottime for that. Now we're all going
(18:10):
for no obligation cruise on a yacht. Now, maybe I'll think of an
idea. But jack, Jack,you just gave us one. What an
idea? What an idea for acommercial? What are you talking about?
Going out on the yard, onthe ocean, on the high seat.
We have no time for that.Now we gotta leave. Boys, get
away from the doors, lonely,just take a minute. But down I
don't have it. Boys, fellas, get away from that door. Well,
(18:30):
John, I haven't got over thebounty name spoil my whole. I
missed the boat. Thanks fellas.That was find the back of you think
(18:52):
every man is pumping on the lundy. There's nothing lucky when you're out And
I heard it all right now,I know you know every time I boys,
Well, I gotta go. Waita minute, Wait a minute,
(19:15):
Well us, I gotta go wayWhy don don mule train don If the
(19:45):
yacht sailed without us, it'll beyour fall. Now, don't worry,
mister Benny. They won't leave withoutme. They won't. Oh well,
then come on, we'll go,John, even though I'm mad at Did
you want to join us? Right? Yes? Jack? Thanks Rochester,
Rochester, We're going on and noobligation cruise. Now, I'll see you
when I get back. You won'tsee any boss, but you can hear
me. I'll be on with AmosonAndy. Rocher. You're gonna be on
(20:06):
the Amos Andy program today. Yeah, we're gonna have caught me if I
have to go out and learn it. Come on, mister Kurrs, let's
get out on that yacht. Well, we'll be out on the yacht in
just a minute. Oh I hopeyou don't mind riding in this tender.
(20:27):
The seed is kind of rock.Well, it can't get too rough for
me. You know. During theFirst World War, I used to be
on the navy, really on ourside. Yes, I was a great
lace. Uh, mister Kanes,can't it go a little faster? No,
(20:48):
we have to take it a littleslow here in the inner harbor because
of all these little boats. Gee, there are a lot of well,
mister Benny, look loosing that boatover there where, right over here on
the side. Oh, yes you. Oh hello, mister mister Corso,
(21:10):
mister kitsel imagine me running into youway out here. Woo. You will
always find me here on my dayoff. I love to go fishing.
Well, well, well, areyou catching any fish? Look in my
bescuit? I got a pickerel inthe middle with a halibit on time.
(21:33):
Oh, mister Kitsil, that's cute. Well, mister Benny, we better
get going now, okay. Oh, by the way, mister Kenseler,
what are you using for bait?Sour cream and onions? Sour cream and
onions. Haha. When I catcha herring, I wanted to be ready.
(21:57):
Oh I see. Welcome by misterkitten and good luck you find me
from all places of meeting, misterKitson, mister Benny, you better sit
down. We're going out of thebreakwater now, Oh, mister Kurns.
Is that the yacht out there?Yes, that's it. Oh John's look
(22:18):
at those beautiful lines. Now,folks, when we pull up to the
landing platform, please follow my instructure. I know it's the Kurns. I
know when transferring from one ship toanother you have to go along with the
swell of the wave and jump whenboth vessels are spent their thrust a port
and are just starting their return tostarboard. Thank you, Admiral Yamamoto.
(22:41):
I told you I was on ourside, and you're gonna stop being funny.
That's the way we used to doit in the navy. All right,
folks, here we are at thelanding platform. Get in line and
when I say three, jump,all right. Miss Livingston one two three,
(23:02):
Thank you, mister Dave one twothree, Thank you, mister Benny
one two three, very very helpme who helped you when you were in
(23:37):
the navy. I didn't before Ijumped in on purpose. When I buy
a yach I want to see whatit looks like underneath? Well, how
does it look? I don't know. I lost my glasses right here,
I take my hand. I don'tbe occupies. It's wet clothes. I'm
liably catch cold. Here. Well, now here, we are all aboard.
I guess we can proceed to Catalina. Oh, by the way,
(24:00):
mister Benny, i'd like you tomeet our captain, the captain. Yes,
captain, this is mister Benny.Oh do you do? Captain?
Your face looks familiar. Haven't Iseen you before? You might have I
used to be an usher at NBC. Oh, yes, yes, if
(24:23):
they fired us both the same day. Remember, Wait a minute, captain,
I wasn't get underway, all right, Captain, full speed ahead,
I said, Well, we're onour way. Jack isn't it wonderful out
here on the ocean? Yes?I know nothing I love better than no
obligation crew. Just look how bluethe water is, Say Dennis, isn't
(24:48):
this Dennis? Mary? Where'd thatkid go? I don't know he was
to hear? Just Oh, forheaven's sake, look, Jackie's way up
on top of the mask, ontop of the mask. Dennis Banner's come
down here, mister Christian. Isee you swinging from the highest yard on
the Denner's come down off that mask. Jack. The engine are going at
(25:12):
full speed, but we're not evenmoving. Gee, that's right, mister
Wilson. You're standing too far forward. The propellers are out of the water.
Round step back to the middle ofthe ship. Now we're going Dinner's
the fast fare you. I loveus. Swamp the Deckord, sell you
(25:34):
to the airport. There's come down. It's pretty dangerous for him to be
up there on the mask. Iknow. Say, I got on to
you. How to get him down? Don you run from side to side
and rock the boat down on makeDennessee sick. Hen be glad to come,
but got to get that kid downbefore he hurts himself. I'll go
ahead, run from side to side. Okay, Pastor does back. Now
(25:56):
you gotta rocky, keep it updone, keep it rocking. He'll have
to come down. Oh this isfun. Keep it up down, keep
rocking the boat, keep it rockinguntil he until he until God, don
(26:18):
stop rocking. Don gone stops rocking. Somebody slow down the brook now,
don't stop rocking. Oh I feeloff. Marry marry don Captain captain,
you don't look at me. I'msick as a dog. What I'm pap
(26:45):
by the tailor mann, Captain,turn this thing around. I want to
go hold. Last year, nearlyeleven Cloudsand Americans died in fires, and
most of these fires could have beenprevented. Be sure you do your part
(27:07):
in helping prevent fires. Be carefulwith lighted matches and cigarettes. Obey all
fire regulations, take care, beware, prevent fires. Thank you, got
to tobacco, got the MoMA.The first ls MFT ls MFT Lucky strike
means fine tobacco now, friends,That's tremendously important to you, because you
smoke for one reason, enjoyment.And ls MFT is your guarantee that every
(27:33):
single Lucky Strike you smoke contains trulyfine tobacco that's kind and gentle. And
to get this fine tobacco, luckiespay millions of dollars more than official parity
prices. Yes, at the tobaccooptions. The buyers for Lucky Strike go
after miles mellowly with your cigaretted.Mama is old Americans. So remember in
(27:56):
a cigarette, it's the tobacco thatcounts, and you can always count on
the fact that Lucky Strike means finetobacco, tobacco that gives you much more
real, deep down smoking enjoyment.There's never a rough puff in a Lucky
So friends, light up the cigarettethat's famous for fine tobacco. Lucky Strike,
so round, so firm, sofully pecked, so free and easy
(28:19):
on the draw. You'll agree there'sno finer cigarette in all the world than
Lucky Strike. Hello, Boss,how was the hot trip? Pretty good?
Rochester? But wait a minute,I thought you were going to be
on the Name of and Andy program. I am awesome and leave right now.
(28:40):
Come on, I'll go over withyou. I'll get it. Hello,
No, no, no, butmister and missus Ronald Coleman are going
to be on my program next week. Listen in thank you and goodbye.
Who wasn't Boss a wrong number?But I thought i'd tell him anyway.
(29:04):
He's sure to hear dentist day ina Day in the Life of dnnas DAYE
say, utiful, the am hismany sharmick Foma's immediately with Rochester, they
says, c asked the Columbia Roecaster
The Jack Benny program presented by LuckyStrike. Exturbo Mama do do Do Do
Do Do do Mama is old malgon. Luckies pay more millions of dollars more
than official parody prices for fine tobacco. Millions of dollars. That's a lot
of money, but the makers ofLucky Strike spend it for fine life,
(00:22):
naturally mild tobacco. So when youlight up a Lucky you're always sure of
real smoking enjoyment. Yes, whenyou're smoking the cigarette of fine tobacco,
you know you can expect enjoyment,and plenty of it. It's plain from
the first puff. There's never arough puff in the Lucky because ls MFT
ls MFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and that kind of tobacco always has
(00:47):
and always will mean real, deepdown smoking enjoyment for you. That's why
so many folks turn to Luckies allover the country, even the experts who
make their living in the tobacco business. Just to name one one of them,
there's mister L. Garland Griffin ofClarksville, Virginia. Recently, he
said, all in all, I'vesold over one hundred million pounds of tobacco,
and season after season, I've seenthe makers of Lucky Strike by fine
(01:11):
tobacco, the kind of tobacco fordownright good smoking. I've smoked Luckies regularly
for fourteen years. And that's notall for A recent survey shows more independent
tobacco auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemensmoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two
leading brands combined. Yes, alot of people smoke for enjoyment, and
(01:32):
they smoke Lucky Strike because there's moreenjoyment than a Lucky smoke em And you'll
find out today by a carton ofLucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring
Jack Benny with Mary Divson, PhilHarris, Rochester Downastate. Here is Trulie
(01:55):
Don Wilson, O. Ladies andgentlemen. Let's go out to Beverly Hills
to the Benny household. It's morningand Rochester is bringing Jack his breakfast.
(02:16):
Now, let's see if I haveeverything on the train, silverware, napkin,
the morning paper, and his favoritemagazine, True Confessions. They bringing
mister Benny's story in it. Whata title. I was ruined by Hollywood
Nightlife. He wrote that under hispen name Tulula. Hemingway ruined by Hollywood
(02:44):
nightlife. He must have been ruinedin the afternoon. He's sleeping at ten
o'clock. Well, I better bringhim his train and wake him up.
Look at him sleep there not acare in the world. Look at that
smile on his face. He mustbe having the same dream he has every
(03:07):
night. He thinks he just findsthe violin concert and Carnegie Hall and the
whole orange is the plauding and yellingbowls. Yep, that was it.
He took a bow and fell outof bed. Where am I? What
(03:29):
happened? You must have been dreaming? Boss? Here, I brought you
your breakfast. Oh good, good, oh boy, I'm gonna be this
morning. Let's see orange juice,oaked meal, bacon, and toast.
What do you wanna drink with yourtoast? Same as I've been having all
week? Just plain water. Boss. I don't think this one man campaign
of yours is gonna bring the priceof coffee back down. I can't understand
(03:54):
why it keeps going up in price. Well, mister belly is simple.
In school, I study the nationaleconomics in school. Yeah. Now,
in school, I learned to pronounceacond well let me explain this to you
here, let me explain to younow, Well, here we go.
(04:20):
Yeah, go ahead, explain itto me, Roger. Now, most
of the coffee comes from Brazil.In fact, Brazil's main exports are bananas,
coffee, and ten. So whatWell, Brazil starts off the international
trade by sending us bananas, forwhich we send them whining equipment. Then
(04:40):
they mind the ten and send theten to us, and we make ten
cans. Then we send them thecans. They filled them with corfee and
send them back to us. Andthere you are. Well, how does
that affect the price of coffee?I don't know. I quit school that
day, Rochester. I don't thinkyou know what you're talking about. I'll
(05:02):
answer it. Hello, I attalula Talula. I read it, Dad,
you do well, I'm just aboutto have breakfast. Now what do
you want, Jackson? I mayhave to misrehearsal Saturday. I've got to
go over twenty century Fox for retakeson the picture Walbash Avenue. So you
finish that in July. You've beendoing retakes on it for the past three
(05:25):
months. Well, it ain't exactlyretakes. You see, there's a scene
in the picture of me singing that'swhat I like about the South. Uh
huh. And because the foreign market, I've been down to the studio dubbing
in the lyrics in French, German, Spanish, Greek, Portuguese and Italian
Portuguese. Yes, you went toschool with Rochester, same Portuguese and Italian
(05:54):
Portuguese. Thetalan. I say,now you know something, Jackson. You've
been right all these years about whatthat song stinks in six different language.
Phil, don't tell me you're gettingsick of a too. Yeah, hey
Jackson, get a load of thisin French. Vetri voo pabek mad jallabona
lot to reckon all my cherv moma. You see Jackson in French,
(06:16):
you can't understand. I never understoodit in England. But anyway, Philler's
been a lot of publicity about WarbashAvenue. Isn't victor of matur in that
picture with you? Uh huh andBetty Grable? Yes, hey, Jackson,
Lyssifer. There's one scene in thepicture of just me and Betty at
the beach and those new French bathingsuits. They had to shoot that scene
(06:39):
over again too, daring. No, they want Betty to wear one too.
Last would be a shame, Phil, she'd liable to steal the scene
from you. Yeah, but thelast time I ever make a picture with
Grabel and matur why with her legsin his chest? I ain't worth a
turn up? Green what or aswe say in French tourne green eye.
(07:02):
Don't worry about it. Fill.You can misrehearsal if you want to.
Thanks a lot, Jackson, it'sawfully nice of you too. Oh excuse
me, Phil, Well, didn'tyou tell me last week you around the
water wagon? Yeah? How comeyou just hiccup? I transcribed that one
for release at this more convenient time. Good Bye to Lowe. Oh what
(07:25):
a guy? Hey, Rochester,with any other phone calls from me before
I woke up? Yes, sirBarber, my barber, What did you
want? He said, I youdidn't call for it in thirty days.
He's gonna sell it. I don'tcare. It's an old one. Now,
Rochester, I'll finish my breakfast,answered the door, will all slip
into some clothes. Yes, comein, come in, oh a Rochester,
(07:50):
well home, Miss Limbson, comeon in, mister Benny. Yeah,
he's getting dressed. Oh, bythe way, miss Limbson. We
haven't seen you all week. Wherehave you been? Right after last Sunday's
broadcast? I drove down to PalmSprings. Oh, you've been out in
the desert. Yeah, I wentthere to cool off Ms Levings. But
you didn't have to go all theway to Palm Springs. Why didn't you
(08:11):
come over here and use mister Banney'sswimming pool. My season ticket expired on
Labor Day? Well for you eata man in a djustment maybe? Oh?
Hello, Mary, glad to beback in Palm Springs. Frankly,
no jacket's too hot here. Oh, everybody's worried about her here. It's
(08:31):
not hot, It isn't it causeI drove or I saw a tongue coming
down the street with a dog hangingout. Mary, you've been watching Milton
Burl again and it's kind of early. Have you had your breakfast? Yeah?
I bet I could stand a cupof coffee? Okay, Oh Rochester,
bring this Livingston a couple? Mary, how about some tea? Uh?
(08:56):
No, thanks, milk, No, I just want to cup of
Oh I get at the price ofcoffee gone up so high? You're drinking
water? Yeah, how'd you knowfigures. Well, if you've been reading
the papers lately, you'll know thatcoffee you say, Jack, that reminds
me. Did you see the newsitem from London? From London, Yes,
(09:16):
the one about Princess Margaret. Oh, yes, I read it.
I hope it was a lucky Say. What's that magazine you got there?
Uh? Copy of True Confessions?Uh? Jack, is a story in
here by Tulula Hemingway that will breakyour heart? Yes, yes, I
read it. How all those thingscould happen to one girl in thirty nine
(09:39):
years, I'll never know. Well, some people live, exciting live,
you don't marry. In that sameissue, there's some other stories the mail
just kids, good, good,many letters, Uh, two for you,
one for me and ten for Talula. I will just put'em on
the table. Mary speaking about theheat, Jack, What you didn't have
(10:01):
that operation? I'd punch your rightin the nose. Look Mary, the
Warner Brothers bought the story for JoanCrawford. That's all it counts. Rochester
handing my letters here? You arethings? Uh? Oh, what's the
matter from mister Kerns of the ColonialYacht Company trying to frighten me into buying
that yacht for fifty thousand dollars.Well, Jack, this is liably more
serious than you think. They canmake it pay or drag you into court.
(10:22):
No, Mary, they wouldn't see. I don't know see. Maybe
they would. I think they would. Boss mister Kern called YESTERDA said if
you didn't receive the money by theday, he was gonna send the lawyer
over to save you. Lawyer,lawyer. I got frightened every time of
hm. Well, I might asgonna answer, that's funny. There's nobody
(10:56):
here. Hold on, mister BennyDennis. When nobody answered the door,
I came in through the window.Oh oh, well, good to see
you kid. What's wrong with him? Nothing, Dennis. He was expecting
(11:16):
a lawyer. A lawyer. Who'she suing nobody? I'm being sued?
Geez, that's a switch. Andhear you talk. You think I'm always
suing somebody? Well, you suedme once. When did I ever sue
you? That Sunday night when Iwent to the movies and didn't listen to
your repeat broadcast. I didn't sueyou. I warned you, Dennis,
this is serious. Jack's gonna besued for fifty thousand dollars. Oh,
(11:39):
I can lend you fifty thousand dollars, mister Benny. Oh, stop being
silly, and you haven't got thatkind of money? Oh yes I have.
My uncle died and left it tome. Your uncle left you fifty
thousand dollars. He left me hisprinting press too, Dannis. Your uncle
must have been a counterfeitter. Letme see some of that money. Here's
(12:00):
a five dollar bill. I cando it. Mary. Look instead of
Lincoln, he's got a picture ofa log cabin. Dennis, Lincoln's in
the cabin. What it's cold outside? You don't marry? It's hard to
(12:22):
believe that. A minute ago,I was glad to see him. Now,
look, Dennis, I've got enoughtrouble. Do me a favor,
will you? Well? What isit? Sit down kid? Okay?
Are you comfortable? Yeah? Good? Now you work for me, don't
you? Dennis? Uh huh?What does your contract require you to do
on my program? Songs and funnysings? Well, we'll forget the funny
(12:46):
sayings and let me hear what you'regonna sing on the program. It won't
get any laughs. I don't wantto just sing your song. Okay,
(13:09):
I touch your hand, and myarms grossedraw like a pair of hers that
burst with all my eyes. Lookdown at your long head, and I
(13:30):
hold the world in my embry yonderlandspring time? Are you offer then,
starl? Are you warmer than wind? Not the can you gave me?
(14:05):
Here? Than laughter? Are yousweeter than you? Are you in Gland?
Love? How are you to me? And when you're you? And
(14:30):
in pain? My arms and stillmy hot and no younger than spring time?
Am Iland? Laughter? Am Iin Glandma A very good Dennis,
(15:31):
A beautiful song. It'll it'll beswell on the program. I'm getting any
to laugh though I don't want anything, you know, once in a while,
Dennis, it's good to have aprogram that's nice and relaxing, you
know, where the audience just sitsthere quietly, like Fred Allen's program used
to be. Thank you now,Dennis, y Jack Jack? Look who's
(15:56):
coming up the wall? Where?Oh my goodness, mister Kurr from the
yacht company. What are you gonnado? I don't know. Rochester,
you answered the door. I'll hidein the closet. Okay, Rochester,
he's in the closet. Answer thedoor, yes, ma'am. How do
you do. I'm mister Kerns ofthe Colonial Yacht Company. May I see
(16:18):
mister Benny. Mister who mister BennyBenny? Yes, Jack Benny, Star
of Stage, Screen and Radio.Ooh uh, Jack, what happened when
he said star of Stage, Screenand Radio. I took a bow and
bump my head on the door.Oh there you are, mister Benny.
(16:47):
Yes, look here, mister Kurns, I told you before I'm not gonna
buy that yacht, and you're wastingyour time trying to sell it to me,
so you might as well return mythousand dollars deposit. Oh wait a
minute, Jack, huh, howdo you know you wouldn't like owning a
yacht? A lot of stars inHollywood have them. Mary Gerry Cooper has
a yacht. Oh he's richer thanI am. Humphrey Bogart has a yacht.
(17:07):
Well, he's richer than i amtoo. Well. Errol Flynn isn't
richer. No, but he's younger. Now, mister Kurns, I don't
think there's any Just a minute,mister Benny, missus Livingston gave me an
excellent idea. Now, perhaps ifyou took a little cruise on this yacht.
(17:29):
It might help you make up yourmind, you know, sort of
a demonstration. We'll go to Catalina. Well this will place you under no
obligation at all. Well, good, good, but we'll have to hurry.
I told the captain to take herout in an hour. Well that's
fine, come on, Mary,Hey, Dennis, you can go with
us. Let's go. Mister Kurnswill have a wonderful no obligation time.
(17:49):
Dennis, Dennis, get your hatnow, who's that? That's when we're
in a hurry? Well, hello, Jay, oh you don I brought
the sports from Spuortet over because wehave no idea for a commercial, and
we thought that maybe I haven't gottime for that. Now we're all going
(18:10):
for no obligation cruise on a yacht. Now, maybe I'll think of an
idea. But jack, Jack,you just gave us one. What an
idea? What an idea for acommercial? What are you talking about?
Going out on the yard, onthe ocean, on the high seat.
We have no time for that.Now we gotta leave. Boys, get
away from the doors, lonely,just take a minute. But down I
don't have it. Boys, fellas, get away from that door. Well,
(18:30):
John, I haven't got over thebounty name spoil my whole. I
missed the boat. Thanks fellas.That was find the back of you think
(18:52):
every man is pumping on the lundy. There's nothing lucky when you're out And
I heard it all right now,I know you know every time I boys,
Well, I gotta go. Waita minute, Wait a minute,
(19:15):
Well us, I gotta go wayWhy don don mule train don If the
(19:45):
yacht sailed without us, it'll beyour fall. Now, don't worry,
mister Benny. They won't leave withoutme. They won't. Oh well,
then come on, we'll go,John, even though I'm mad at Did
you want to join us? Right? Yes? Jack? Thanks Rochester,
Rochester, We're going on and noobligation cruise. Now, I'll see you
when I get back. You won'tsee any boss, but you can hear
me. I'll be on with AmosonAndy. Rocher. You're gonna be on
(20:06):
the Amos Andy program today. Yeah, we're gonna have caught me if I
have to go out and learn it. Come on, mister Kurrs, let's
get out on that yacht. Well, we'll be out on the yacht in
just a minute. Oh I hopeyou don't mind riding in this tender.
(20:27):
The seed is kind of rock.Well, it can't get too rough for
me. You know. During theFirst World War, I used to be
on the navy, really on ourside. Yes, I was a great
lace. Uh, mister Kanes,can't it go a little faster? No,
(20:48):
we have to take it a littleslow here in the inner harbor because
of all these little boats. Gee, there are a lot of well,
mister Benny, look loosing that boatover there where, right over here on
the side. Oh, yes you. Oh hello, mister mister Corso,
(21:10):
mister kitsel imagine me running into youway out here. Woo. You will
always find me here on my dayoff. I love to go fishing.
Well, well, well, areyou catching any fish? Look in my
bescuit? I got a pickerel inthe middle with a halibit on time.
(21:33):
Oh, mister Kitsil, that's cute. Well, mister Benny, we better
get going now, okay. Oh, by the way, mister Kenseler,
what are you using for bait?Sour cream and onions? Sour cream and
onions. Haha. When I catcha herring, I wanted to be ready.
(21:57):
Oh I see. Welcome by misterkitten and good luck you find me
from all places of meeting, misterKitson, mister Benny, you better sit
down. We're going out of thebreakwater now, Oh, mister Kurns.
Is that the yacht out there?Yes, that's it. Oh John's look
(22:18):
at those beautiful lines. Now,folks, when we pull up to the
landing platform, please follow my instructure. I know it's the Kurns. I
know when transferring from one ship toanother you have to go along with the
swell of the wave and jump whenboth vessels are spent their thrust a port
and are just starting their return tostarboard. Thank you, Admiral Yamamoto.
(22:41):
I told you I was on ourside, and you're gonna stop being funny.
That's the way we used to doit in the navy. All right,
folks, here we are at thelanding platform. Get in line and
when I say three, jump,all right. Miss Livingston one two three,
(23:02):
Thank you, mister Dave one twothree, Thank you, mister Benny
one two three, very very helpme who helped you when you were in
(23:37):
the navy. I didn't before Ijumped in on purpose. When I buy
a yach I want to see whatit looks like underneath? Well, how
does it look? I don't know. I lost my glasses right here,
I take my hand. I don'tbe occupies. It's wet clothes. I'm
liably catch cold. Here. Well, now here, we are all aboard.
I guess we can proceed to Catalina. Oh, by the way,
(24:00):
mister Benny, i'd like you tomeet our captain, the captain. Yes,
captain, this is mister Benny.Oh do you do? Captain?
Your face looks familiar. Haven't Iseen you before? You might have I
used to be an usher at NBC. Oh, yes, yes, if
(24:23):
they fired us both the same day. Remember, Wait a minute, captain,
I wasn't get underway, all right, Captain, full speed ahead,
I said, Well, we're onour way. Jack isn't it wonderful out
here on the ocean? Yes?I know nothing I love better than no
obligation crew. Just look how bluethe water is, Say Dennis, isn't
(24:48):
this Dennis? Mary? Where'd thatkid go? I don't know he was
to hear? Just Oh, forheaven's sake, look, Jackie's way up
on top of the mask, ontop of the mask. Dennis Banner's come
down here, mister Christian. Isee you swinging from the highest yard on
the Denner's come down off that mask. Jack. The engine are going at
(25:12):
full speed, but we're not evenmoving. Gee, that's right, mister
Wilson. You're standing too far forward. The propellers are out of the water.
Round step back to the middle ofthe ship. Now we're going Dinner's
the fast fare you. I loveus. Swamp the Deckord, sell you
(25:34):
to the airport. There's come down. It's pretty dangerous for him to be
up there on the mask. Iknow. Say, I got on to
you. How to get him down? Don you run from side to side
and rock the boat down on makeDennessee sick. Hen be glad to come,
but got to get that kid downbefore he hurts himself. I'll go
ahead, run from side to side. Okay, Pastor does back. Now
(25:56):
you gotta rocky, keep it updone, keep it rocking. He'll have
to come down. Oh this isfun. Keep it up down, keep
rocking the boat, keep it rockinguntil he until he until God, don
(26:18):
stop rocking. Don gone stops rocking. Somebody slow down the brook now,
don't stop rocking. Oh I feeloff. Marry marry don Captain captain,
you don't look at me. I'msick as a dog. What I'm pap
(26:45):
by the tailor mann, Captain,turn this thing around. I want to
go hold. Last year, nearlyeleven Cloudsand Americans died in fires, and
most of these fires could have beenprevented. Be sure you do your part
(27:07):
in helping prevent fires. Be carefulwith lighted matches and cigarettes. Obey all
fire regulations, take care, beware, prevent fires. Thank you, got
to tobacco, got the MoMA.The first ls MFT ls MFT Lucky strike
means fine tobacco now, friends,That's tremendously important to you, because you
smoke for one reason, enjoyment.And ls MFT is your guarantee that every
(27:33):
single Lucky Strike you smoke contains trulyfine tobacco that's kind and gentle. And
to get this fine tobacco, luckiespay millions of dollars more than official parity
prices. Yes, at the tobaccooptions. The buyers for Lucky Strike go
after miles mellowly with your cigaretted.Mama is old Americans. So remember in
(27:56):
a cigarette, it's the tobacco thatcounts, and you can always count on
the fact that Lucky Strike means finetobacco, tobacco that gives you much more
real, deep down smoking enjoyment.There's never a rough puff in a Lucky
So friends, light up the cigarettethat's famous for fine tobacco. Lucky Strike,
so round, so firm, sofully pecked, so free and easy
(28:19):
on the draw. You'll agree there'sno finer cigarette in all the world than
Lucky Strike. Hello, Boss,how was the hot trip? Pretty good?
Rochester? But wait a minute,I thought you were going to be
on the Name of and Andy program. I am awesome and leave right now.
(28:40):
Come on, I'll go over withyou. I'll get it. Hello,
No, no, no, butmister and missus Ronald Coleman are going
to be on my program next week. Listen in thank you and goodbye.
Who wasn't Boss a wrong number?But I thought i'd tell him anyway.
(29:04):
He's sure to hear dentist day ina Day in the Life of dnnas DAYE
say, utiful, the am hismany sharmick Foma's immediately with Rochester, they
says, c asked the Columbia Roecaster
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