November 14, 2023 • 29 mins
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series, which ran for more than three decades and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.[1] He played one role throughout his radio and television career, a caricature of himself as a minimally talented musician and penny-pincher who was the butt of all the jokes. The show's producer, Hilliard Marks, was the brother of Benny's wife, Mary Livingstone.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Jack Benny program transcribe presented byLucky Strike exturbo old the milcan. There's
never a rough puff in the Luckybecause ls MFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco,
and in a cigarette, it's thetobacco that counts. Yes, at
(00:20):
the tobacco auctions, Luckies pay moremillions of dollars more than official parody prices
to get ripe, light, naturallymild tobacco that guarantees more real, deep
down smoking enjoyment for you. Puffafter puff with never a rough puff.
And remember that the tobacco experts menwho can see the makers of Lucky Strike
consistently select and buy that fine tobacco, choose Luckies for their own personal smoking
(00:45):
enjoyment. Yes, a recent surveyshows that more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers,
buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strikeregularly than the next two leading brands
combined. So take a tip fromthe experts and smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco. Go Lucky Strike with everypuff, every pack. You'll get more
real, deep down smoking enjoyment.Puff after puff with never a rough puff.
(01:08):
Yes, light up a Lucky andenjoy a smoother, milder, truly
finer cigarette. Make your next cartonLucky Strike The Lucky Strike Program starring Jack
Benny, with Mary Levingston, PhilHarris Rochester, Dennis Day of the Sportsman's
(01:30):
Quartet, and yours truly Don Wilson. Happy New Year everyone, Yes,
this is New Year's Day and we'regoing to take you to the home of
Mary Livingston and Beverly Hills. Atthe moment, Mary and her maid Pauline
(01:53):
are straightening up the house after lastnight's celebration. Now, Pauline, when
you finish with a living starting theden please yes, now, Genus Livingston,
that was a wonderful party, yousure are a swell hosting. Well
thanks, Do you really think myguests had a good time? Oh?
Yes, especially Dennis Day. I'llbet he never drank champagne before. You're
(02:15):
right, Pauline. He took onedrink, grabbed a bottle of cats the
porter on his head and yelled,Hey, look at me, I'm red
skelting. He really was cute,though he might have been cute then,
but when he caught me under themistletoe, he was a mean wootle kid.
Well, at least everybody had alot of fun. Yeah, and
you can thank your sister Babe forthat. She was a life of the
(02:37):
party. Yeah, she's really acard. That was quite a gag coming
to a New Year's e party dressedin overalls. That was no gag.
She had to go to work atone o'clock. That's a shame having to
work on a holiday. Holiday orno holiday, smudgepots have to be lit.
(02:57):
But Babe was a lot of fun, and so was Harris. Say
you know what, I don't rememberseeing mister Harris leave. Oh he never
did leave, Pauline, he didn't. Where is he? You're standing on
him? Oh, Miss Livingston,the way you tease me. Now,
go ahead, Pauline, take thoseglasses out of the kitchen. Yes,
n'am. You know it's a shamethat mister Benny wasn't at your party last
(03:20):
night, was he? No?No, he was all right. Well,
I know you invited him. Whydidn't he come. Well, it's
a long story, Pauline. Itall started yesterday evening at CBS. After
our usual rehearsal, the entire castgathered in Jack's dressing room to wish each
other a happy New Year. Well, kids, here we are at the
(03:47):
end of another year, and itbrings a warm glow to my heart having
all of you who have been withme so many years gathered here in my
dressing room. Jack That's sweet.I feel that I'm a very fortunate man
to have such capable people and suchtrue friends. Oh Jackson, not only
are we bound together in friendship,but the quality of your individual performances has
(04:12):
been a personal demonstration of your loyaltyto me. Well thanks, Jack,
So do you my associates as wellas friends. I just want to say
in all sincerity that I'm proud ofeach and every one of you. Last
year, a Hoopo was down hespitting our eye. Danis. Now this
(04:36):
is a serious moment, and Imeant every word of it. Well,
I think we better break this upand get started for Livy's party. Want
to drive over with me, Jackson? Phil Jackson not coming to my party?
Why that's right, Phil. Youkids will have to get along without
little Jackie. I gotta date myself. I got a date all myself up
date, yes, sir. Infact, I'm going to pick her up
in about half an hour. Hell, so that's why you came to rehearsal.
(04:59):
The top that white tied tails.Yep, I look kind of classy,
don't I feel classy? You looklike the head pot man in the
forest lawn flower shop. All right, Phil, all right, say mister
Benny, who you got this datewith? Oh she's a girl that I
met just recently. Her name isGloria. Gloria. Do we know her?
(05:23):
What she looked like? Jackson?I know mark question. I know
you're all curious, but I'm nottalking. Oh so the old man is
Stephan? Up? Phil, I'mnot an old man. You keep saying
that all the time. And youknow my age as well as I do.
Weller, Weller, this is aword. Weller Jackson. If you
(05:54):
think I'm hard to understand, nowcatch me at midnight. Well that's when
I'm my wellest. Well, there'sno use trying to be sentimental around this
game. Hey, Dennis, howabout singing your number before we leave?
Yes, Dennis, sing something lively? What would you like to hear?
I've got a lovely bunch of cocannutstell us an English fair one evening.
(06:27):
I was there when I heard ashowman shouting underneath a flare. I've got
to lovely bunch of cout canuts.Oh there they are standing in the row,
big one, small one sum asbig as you're read. Give at
christ ta plick at the wrist.That what the showman said. Well,
I've got to lovely bunch of coutcanuts. Every ball your throat will make
(06:50):
me rich. Oh there stands mewife, the id love me life,
sing and row label of all apenny appella. Right you are might bring
roll of all the very bay backomroll aboll of all roll a well the
ball, sing and roll a wellof all of any of the all right,
(07:15):
ladies and gentlemen, step right upand tig a chance. I've got
a level of vunch of coconuts.It's not gonna cost you threapons and tappens
for dow only a penny, andat the present right of exchange that's practically
nothing. So step right up,step right out. Oh I've got to
lovely bunch of coconuts. Oh,every boy, your throat will make me
(07:38):
rich. Oh theurse tells me whywe all love me life. Sing and
roll of any of the roll backomp roll a ball of all parrolla ball
of all sing and roll the ballof all of any air. Ah that
(08:16):
was wonderful, Dennis. And thenext time we hear you sing, it
will be nineteen fifty. All right, you walk over now, our kids,
our kids. Before we leave,I've got a little surprise for you.
It's right here in the dressing table. There. How's that, Jack,
(08:39):
a bottle of champagne. Yes,sir, I'm going to open it
and we'll drink a toast before weleave. Don hand me that towel so
I can wrap it around the bottle. There you are, Jack, don't
forget to loose them wires, Jackson, I have, I have, I
got married. This cork is labelof fly. This cork is awfully tight.
Let me try it, Jack.Oh, Don, I'll pull it
(09:00):
out with my teeth. I cando it. Yeah, Oka, h
h gosh, Jack, I neverthought you could, Jack, Jack.
Oh my goodness, he swallowed thecar. Jack, Jack. Don't get
(09:22):
excited, Murray, I'll pat himon the back. It's how well,
kids. Now that the champaign's open, we'll drink a toes. Mary,
here's a glass for you, DonDennis. Now where's Phil. He's over
by the water cooler. I'll beright with you. Jackson. Well,
(09:46):
well fell for Heaven's sake, whatare you drinking all that water for?
Jack's not got a long night aheadof me, and I want to get
them chasers out of the way.I knew you'd have a good reason.
All right, kids, here's toa very come in. Well if it
(10:07):
isn't Mel Bloy know you. Everybodyhappy to know you, Mel say,
Mel was awfully nice you to dropin. Well, thanks, mister Penny,
and I hope in the coming yearyou'll be able to use me on
your program. You know I didn'twork too much this season. Well it's
(10:28):
not my fault, met. Iuse you when I can. But after
all, how often can I hiresomeone just to imitate Al Jolson? You
see? It's hardly worth it.Yeah, but I got I got a
wife and six kids. Last weekI couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas
tree. No, yeah, mywife can't. My kids can't go to
(10:50):
school because they ain't got no shoes, and my wife was walking around in
rags and the reddest past due.Geez, things get any worse, I'll
have to sell my Cadillac. Oh. Well, in that case, I'll
do all I can. Mal comein fer everybody, Well, yes,
(11:20):
sir, Hey, mister Kittle isis sure nice here to come in and
see us on New Year's Eve?Yes, I just dropped you bye to
wish everybody's seasons. Greetings. So, mister Kittle, I'm having a party
at my house tonight. Would youlike to come? Oh? Bless you,
sleeping smooth, But to night I'mtaking my wife out formal and for
this occasion, I'm renting a car, renting a car. Where are you
(11:43):
taking her to? Simon's driving?Oh? Oh, mister Kitter, you're
joking. Yeah, Well, misterkits Well, I just over the bottle
of champagne. How about having adrink with that? Oh? Can't you?
And i'd like to propose that toldye, I toes go ahead,
(12:07):
mister Kitchel. Well, here's toJack Benny, who's just like good wine.
He improves as he ages, buthe stays thirty nine. I have
killed, mister Kitso and here's toyou. Yes, now, i'd like
(12:28):
to propose the toast to every memberof my cast. Mary, I'm gonna
start with you. I hold upyour glass. Mary, You've been on
my program almost eighteen years and andisn't that funny? There? There's so
much I want to say, butI don't know how to say it.
Well, you don't have to sayit, Jack, I know what you
mean. And Phil, Yeah,Dad, Well I want to drink to
(12:58):
you too. You've been with mefourteen years, and Phil, sometimes you've
ribbed me a little, but Ilove you and you've certainly gone a long
way. Thanks Jackson. You wantto know something, there's no one who
takes more pride in my being onyour program than my father. Your father.
Yep, he knew. It wasalways my ambition to be on your
(13:18):
show. And the day you signedme up, I went home, showed
my father the contracts and he lookedat me and said, congratulations. It
makes me happy to know that youfinally reached your goal. Son. Ah,
he said, goal Son, anyway, I thought you'd gone. Well,
(13:43):
don't get mad, mister Bunny.I just hung around because I want
you to hear a song I recordedfor Capitol Records. Man, you recorded
a song, yeah to Touchy GoodbyeOh Joelson again. Yeah, but this
is different. If you just listenedto it, you'd want to put it
on your program. Well, okay, man, let's hear it out here.
(14:09):
Come by nor Cry, let shootthe train, Let me away from
you know what to tell um doand make me give men do it all
over again, watch for the manline of affair. If you don't get
(14:31):
a lot of any labor, stopright, come on, puff in no
way back you call me Donkeys foundthe serman by tackle, pup up everyone
(14:56):
ony, all that fine and light, the fact of we all at dark,
smoke and lucky good bye. Ohthat was very good, mal Mal
(15:33):
And you're right. I think Iuse that number on my program. Oh
thanks, mister Fanny the by everybodyyou know kids. He really did a
great imitation of Joe Saw. Doyou like the way he imitated the sportsman
court That that kid's clever. Hesure is. Now what was I saying
before Mel did his song? Youwere drinking a toast all of us?
Oh yes, Don, you're next, All up your glass done Don.
(15:58):
As the year comes to a close, I want you to know that my
association with you is a very happyone. You're not only a fine announcer,
but a gentleman, a scholar anda friend. Well, thank you,
Jack, Don. How long you'veyou been with Jack? Nine years?
Nine years? No, no,Don, you've been with me sixteen.
(16:18):
Oh you're counting the seven years youhad me auditioning me. You gotta
you know, you gotta count everything. Anyway, don here's to you,
good luck and now Dennis. Yes, sir, Dennis, you've been with
me almost eleven years. I rememberthe day you first came on my program.
(16:41):
You were young, you were naive, but you had a beautiful singing
voice. And as the years wentby, your voice became more matured,
more beautiful than ever. And thensuddenly you're blossomed out, and now now
you're a star in your own right. My show is better than yours,
(17:17):
Dennis, Dennis, look at me, sir, turn away again. I
know it's my own. It ismy own fault. Jack I've got her
on home now and get things readyfor my party tonight. Okay, Mary,
jack are you sure you don't wantto join us? No, no,
(17:37):
Mary, not tonight. In fact, I'm gonna pick my girl up
in about ten minutes, Jackson,why don't you bring her over to the
Livy's house. No, no,my plans are all made. Gloria and
I are gonna have cocktails at Cerro's, dinner at Romanov's, and then dance
in the New Year at the Macambo. Yes, sir, well, run
along kids, have a good timeat the party, and don't worry about
me. Well, answered Jack.Hello, Yes he's here. Who's calling?
(18:02):
Oh, jackets for you? It'sGloria. Gloria, give me that
phone. Hello, Gloria, I'malready and raring to go. I'll pick
you up in about why you can't, But Gloria, I've got reservations and
(18:23):
everything, and I'm all dressed.But look, of course I believe you.
But gee, it's New Year's Eve. You gotta go. Oh now,
now, look, Gloria, isn'tthere some way you can make it?
Oh? Well, if you youcan, I guess you just can't.
(18:48):
So long then goodbye? Well whatare you all staring at? Gloria
had a very good excuse, andshe's nuts about me too. Well she
is, Jack, As long asyour date is off, how about coming
over to my party? Yeah,Jackson, come on, we gonna have
(19:11):
a lot of fun. No,thanks, I don't feel like going anything.
Oh, come on, Jack,don't be so stubborn. I'm not
stubborn. I just don't feel likegoing, Jackson. Sometimes you actually like
they'll they'll leave him alone. Uh, Jack, the party is at my
house, and if you change yourmind and want to come. I'd love
to have you. Thanks Mary,but I'm going home. Where's my top,
hat and gloves? Oh? Herethey are? Happy New Year?
(19:34):
Everybody? Are you here? Jack? So long? Gee? I wish
Jack hasn't walked out like that.It makes me feel awful. Yeah,
it's no fun for him being aloneon New Year's Eve. Well maybe he
feel worse in a crowd. Iforgot my king here it is? That's
(20:02):
so long? Happy know your misterBenny? Huh oh? Happy new your
Mike? Is your rehearsal over?Yeah? No, you're shipping over there?
No, I'm just going home,you know. New Year's Eve is
just another night to me. Agood night, Mike, see you tomorrow.
(20:25):
Good night, mister Bennet, andhave a New Year. Happy new
your Mike? Happy there were happy? No you? Hey? You in
(20:52):
a monkey suit? Why don't youwatch the where you're going? I'm sorry
it was my fault. Well watchit, Bud. Maybe on this side
of the street. Rube huh hremember me? I met you in the
store while I was doing my ChristmasShepherd. I was looking for my wife.
Oh yeah yeah, yeah, sayRue, your coat's ripped up the
(21:17):
back. No, no, thoseare tails. Oh he's dressed like this
on New Year's Eve? Well,ain't you the dandy? Please, I'm
a no mood to talk to you. Now. This is New Year's Eve,
and I know, I know that'swhy I'm down here in the city.
I aim to do a little celebratingmyself. Good. Yeah, at
the stroke of twelve, I'm gonnatake a drink, go a horn,
and catch the bus back to Calabasas. Fine. Fine, if you want
(21:48):
to join me, you're welcome.I got a little snort here in my
back pocket. No thanks, I'mgoing home. Goodbye, okay, Rue,
Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Wonderway he keeps calling me Rue.
He was kind of friendly, though, and I better hail a cab
now he is kind of cold.I I'll stop in here and get a
cup of coffee first with the Eatrinshirt. Good evening. Would you like
(22:15):
a nice table right here by thewindy No? No thanks, I'm all
alone. I'll just I'll just saidat the counter. Oh, please come
sit by the window. I likeeverybody see how nice my customer is dress.
No, no thanks, some someother time, all right, If
you'd like to sit at counter door, right, go ahead, thank you?
Say you know I got a speciallytwo dollars dinner tonight steak, nice
potatoes, string beans, and fordessert nice separate fire. Well, if
(22:41):
you sit by the window, Igive it to you free. No,
no thanks, I'll just have acup of coffee at the counter. I
don't know if I just want coffeeor yeah, I guess coffee is enough.
Well, coffee. Please? Wouldyou like a sandwich or some toast
(23:03):
with it? No thanks? Justcoffee? What a little quam with it?
No? No, just black coffee? Okay, giuse your coffee.
Thanks. Gee, I'm sorry abouttonight. That's all right, Gloria,
(23:45):
forget it, Gloria, but honestJack, maymy promise you'd work for me
tonight. Maymie, Maymie all thetime. It's Mamie, but let me
know before the last minute. I'msorry. I see you're wearing my corsage
and on that greasy uniform. YetI don't want this coffee. I'm going
home. I'll be three at threeo'clock. Three o'clock, I'll be snoring.
(24:07):
Goodbye. Always blames everything. I'mmaimy. Mami did maybe you did
that? Oh taxi taxi. Hereyou are, driver, Thank you.
(24:33):
Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Who's that? It's May, Rochester.
Boss, I'm coming home so early. I thought you were going out
tonight and celebrate. I was,but things didn't work out. Say,
Rochester, I thought you were goingout tonight. Oh I am, I
(24:56):
am? I had you better hurry. It's almost midnight, boss. On
Central, we have no father timelingers till we get rolling. Really,
sometimes we roll right into February.Well, you can leave whenever you want
to, Rochester. But what doyou want to do, boss, Oh,
I'll just sit by the fire andread a book and go to bed.
(25:18):
Oh Boss, I hate to seeyou all along on New Year's Eve.
Yeah that's all right. No,it ain't all right. I'm gonna
stay home and and I'm gonna beright here with you. Oh, Rochester,
you don't have to do that,Sure, Boss, we'll briek the
New Year together. Well, hey, we might have fun at that.
Have we got any horns in thehouse, No, we sold them.
(25:41):
We've got some Ohio State pennis left. We can wave those. No.
No, they don't make any noise. Look, Rochester, it's almost midnight.
You better run along. No,sir, I'm staying right here with
you, all right. If youinsist, I'll get a can of beer
out the ice box and we'll drinkto the New Year. No, no,
Rochester, if you're willing to stayhome with me on New Year's Eve,
(26:02):
we're gonna do this thing right.We're gonna open a bottle of champagne.
We're gonna open the what We're gonnaopen a bottle of champagne. There's
a cold one of the ice box. Now hurry up, yes, sir,
see it was nice in Rochester tostay. Maybe it won't be Gee's
midnight already, Rochester. Hurry,hurry out, coming, boss coming.
(26:25):
Here's a champagne, boy, we'llopen it, open it up. Here,
here's a glass boss, good,good, poor some men that swell.
I fill up yours there. Well. Happy New Year, Rochester.
Happy to your boss. And Ihope we'll be together for many more.
(26:45):
I hope so. And here's toit showed old the Queen's Bee for God,
and then we're brought to min showare for God and care. Food
(27:22):
packages have been improved and increased withmore meats and facts that mean health to
hungry children and families. Overseas twentytwo and one a half pounds of life
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(27:45):
that will be back in a moment. But first six table ley do do
Do Do Do Do Do Do donsHoly Milican ls m F T ls m
F T Yes, Lucky strike meansfine tobacco, ripe, light tobacco that
always smokes, smooth and mild.That's why there's never a rough puff in
(28:07):
a Lucky. Now find tobacco likethis costs more, and at the tobacco
auctions, luckies pay more millions ofdollars more than official parody prices for light
mellow leaf that gives you a smoother, milder, altogether finer cigarette every puff
of the way, no doubt aboutit. Friends, Luckies give you more,
more smoothness and mildness, more real, deep down smoking enjoyment. So
(28:30):
light up a Lucky and enjoy themellow taste of truly fine tobacco from first
puff to last. There's never arough puff in a Lucky. Good reason
to make your next cart and luckystrike, so round, so firm,
so fully packed, so free andeasy on the draw, ladies and gentlemen.
(28:52):
To all my listeners everywhere, avery happy and prosperous new Year from
me Jack Mammy, and from meMary Livingstone, and from me Don Wilson,
from me dynast Dae, from meRochester, and from I Bill Harris.
He's not grammatical, folks, buthe's sincere. Good night all They
sure to hear Dennis day in theday and the life of dennist Day.
(29:15):
Stay tuned for the undis many.Charlotte follows immediately inspired there's a CBS the
Columbia Broadcasting Session
The Jack Benny program transcribe presented byLucky Strike exturbo old the milcan. There's
never a rough puff in the Luckybecause ls MFT Lucky Strike means fine tobacco,
and in a cigarette, it's thetobacco that counts. Yes, at
(00:20):
the tobacco auctions, Luckies pay moremillions of dollars more than official parody prices
to get ripe, light, naturallymild tobacco that guarantees more real, deep
down smoking enjoyment for you. Puffafter puff with never a rough puff.
And remember that the tobacco experts menwho can see the makers of Lucky Strike
consistently select and buy that fine tobacco, choose Luckies for their own personal smoking
(00:45):
enjoyment. Yes, a recent surveyshows that more independent tobacco experts, auctioneers,
buyers, and warehousemen smoke Lucky Strikeregularly than the next two leading brands
combined. So take a tip fromthe experts and smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco. Go Lucky Strike with everypuff, every pack. You'll get more
real, deep down smoking enjoyment.Puff after puff with never a rough puff.
(01:08):
Yes, light up a Lucky andenjoy a smoother, milder, truly
finer cigarette. Make your next cartonLucky Strike The Lucky Strike Program starring Jack
Benny, with Mary Levingston, PhilHarris Rochester, Dennis Day of the Sportsman's
(01:30):
Quartet, and yours truly Don Wilson. Happy New Year everyone, Yes,
this is New Year's Day and we'regoing to take you to the home of
Mary Livingston and Beverly Hills. Atthe moment, Mary and her maid Pauline
(01:53):
are straightening up the house after lastnight's celebration. Now, Pauline, when
you finish with a living starting theden please yes, now, Genus Livingston,
that was a wonderful party, yousure are a swell hosting. Well
thanks, Do you really think myguests had a good time? Oh?
Yes, especially Dennis Day. I'llbet he never drank champagne before. You're
(02:15):
right, Pauline. He took onedrink, grabbed a bottle of cats the
porter on his head and yelled,Hey, look at me, I'm red
skelting. He really was cute,though he might have been cute then,
but when he caught me under themistletoe, he was a mean wootle kid.
Well, at least everybody had alot of fun. Yeah, and
you can thank your sister Babe forthat. She was a life of the
(02:37):
party. Yeah, she's really acard. That was quite a gag coming
to a New Year's e party dressedin overalls. That was no gag.
She had to go to work atone o'clock. That's a shame having to
work on a holiday. Holiday orno holiday, smudgepots have to be lit.
(02:57):
But Babe was a lot of fun, and so was Harris. Say
you know what, I don't rememberseeing mister Harris leave. Oh he never
did leave, Pauline, he didn't. Where is he? You're standing on
him? Oh, Miss Livingston,the way you tease me. Now,
go ahead, Pauline, take thoseglasses out of the kitchen. Yes,
n'am. You know it's a shamethat mister Benny wasn't at your party last
(03:20):
night, was he? No?No, he was all right. Well,
I know you invited him. Whydidn't he come. Well, it's
a long story, Pauline. Itall started yesterday evening at CBS. After
our usual rehearsal, the entire castgathered in Jack's dressing room to wish each
other a happy New Year. Well, kids, here we are at the
(03:47):
end of another year, and itbrings a warm glow to my heart having
all of you who have been withme so many years gathered here in my
dressing room. Jack That's sweet.I feel that I'm a very fortunate man
to have such capable people and suchtrue friends. Oh Jackson, not only
are we bound together in friendship,but the quality of your individual performances has
(04:12):
been a personal demonstration of your loyaltyto me. Well thanks, Jack,
So do you my associates as wellas friends. I just want to say
in all sincerity that I'm proud ofeach and every one of you. Last
year, a Hoopo was down hespitting our eye. Danis. Now this
(04:36):
is a serious moment, and Imeant every word of it. Well,
I think we better break this upand get started for Livy's party. Want
to drive over with me, Jackson? Phil Jackson not coming to my party?
Why that's right, Phil. Youkids will have to get along without
little Jackie. I gotta date myself. I got a date all myself up
date, yes, sir. Infact, I'm going to pick her up
in about half an hour. Hell, so that's why you came to rehearsal.
(04:59):
The top that white tied tails.Yep, I look kind of classy,
don't I feel classy? You looklike the head pot man in the
forest lawn flower shop. All right, Phil, all right, say mister
Benny, who you got this datewith? Oh she's a girl that I
met just recently. Her name isGloria. Gloria. Do we know her?
(05:23):
What she looked like? Jackson?I know mark question. I know
you're all curious, but I'm nottalking. Oh so the old man is
Stephan? Up? Phil, I'mnot an old man. You keep saying
that all the time. And youknow my age as well as I do.
Weller, Weller, this is aword. Weller Jackson. If you
(05:54):
think I'm hard to understand, nowcatch me at midnight. Well that's when
I'm my wellest. Well, there'sno use trying to be sentimental around this
game. Hey, Dennis, howabout singing your number before we leave?
Yes, Dennis, sing something lively? What would you like to hear?
I've got a lovely bunch of cocannutstell us an English fair one evening.
(06:27):
I was there when I heard ashowman shouting underneath a flare. I've got
to lovely bunch of cout canuts.Oh there they are standing in the row,
big one, small one sum asbig as you're read. Give at
christ ta plick at the wrist.That what the showman said. Well,
I've got to lovely bunch of coutcanuts. Every ball your throat will make
(06:50):
me rich. Oh there stands mewife, the id love me life,
sing and row label of all apenny appella. Right you are might bring
roll of all the very bay backomroll aboll of all roll a well the
ball, sing and roll a wellof all of any of the all right,
(07:15):
ladies and gentlemen, step right upand tig a chance. I've got
a level of vunch of coconuts.It's not gonna cost you threapons and tappens
for dow only a penny, andat the present right of exchange that's practically
nothing. So step right up,step right out. Oh I've got to
lovely bunch of coconuts. Oh,every boy, your throat will make me
(07:38):
rich. Oh theurse tells me whywe all love me life. Sing and
roll of any of the roll backomp roll a ball of all parrolla ball
of all sing and roll the ballof all of any air. Ah that
(08:16):
was wonderful, Dennis. And thenext time we hear you sing, it
will be nineteen fifty. All right, you walk over now, our kids,
our kids. Before we leave,I've got a little surprise for you.
It's right here in the dressing table. There. How's that, Jack,
(08:39):
a bottle of champagne. Yes,sir, I'm going to open it
and we'll drink a toast before weleave. Don hand me that towel so
I can wrap it around the bottle. There you are, Jack, don't
forget to loose them wires, Jackson, I have, I have, I
got married. This cork is labelof fly. This cork is awfully tight.
Let me try it, Jack.Oh, Don, I'll pull it
(09:00):
out with my teeth. I cando it. Yeah, Oka, h
h gosh, Jack, I neverthought you could, Jack, Jack.
Oh my goodness, he swallowed thecar. Jack, Jack. Don't get
(09:22):
excited, Murray, I'll pat himon the back. It's how well,
kids. Now that the champaign's open, we'll drink a toes. Mary,
here's a glass for you, DonDennis. Now where's Phil. He's over
by the water cooler. I'll beright with you. Jackson. Well,
(09:46):
well fell for Heaven's sake, whatare you drinking all that water for?
Jack's not got a long night aheadof me, and I want to get
them chasers out of the way.I knew you'd have a good reason.
All right, kids, here's toa very come in. Well if it
(10:07):
isn't Mel Bloy know you. Everybodyhappy to know you, Mel say,
Mel was awfully nice you to dropin. Well, thanks, mister Penny,
and I hope in the coming yearyou'll be able to use me on
your program. You know I didn'twork too much this season. Well it's
(10:28):
not my fault, met. Iuse you when I can. But after
all, how often can I hiresomeone just to imitate Al Jolson? You
see? It's hardly worth it.Yeah, but I got I got a
wife and six kids. Last weekI couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas
tree. No, yeah, mywife can't. My kids can't go to
(10:50):
school because they ain't got no shoes, and my wife was walking around in
rags and the reddest past due.Geez, things get any worse, I'll
have to sell my Cadillac. Oh. Well, in that case, I'll
do all I can. Mal comein fer everybody, Well, yes,
(11:20):
sir, Hey, mister Kittle isis sure nice here to come in and
see us on New Year's Eve?Yes, I just dropped you bye to
wish everybody's seasons. Greetings. So, mister Kittle, I'm having a party
at my house tonight. Would youlike to come? Oh? Bless you,
sleeping smooth, But to night I'mtaking my wife out formal and for
this occasion, I'm renting a car, renting a car. Where are you
(11:43):
taking her to? Simon's driving?Oh? Oh, mister Kitter, you're
joking. Yeah, Well, misterkits Well, I just over the bottle
of champagne. How about having adrink with that? Oh? Can't you?
And i'd like to propose that toldye, I toes go ahead,
(12:07):
mister Kitchel. Well, here's toJack Benny, who's just like good wine.
He improves as he ages, buthe stays thirty nine. I have
killed, mister Kitso and here's toyou. Yes, now, i'd like
(12:28):
to propose the toast to every memberof my cast. Mary, I'm gonna
start with you. I hold upyour glass. Mary, You've been on
my program almost eighteen years and andisn't that funny? There? There's so
much I want to say, butI don't know how to say it.
Well, you don't have to sayit, Jack, I know what you
mean. And Phil, Yeah,Dad, Well I want to drink to
(12:58):
you too. You've been with mefourteen years, and Phil, sometimes you've
ribbed me a little, but Ilove you and you've certainly gone a long
way. Thanks Jackson. You wantto know something, there's no one who
takes more pride in my being onyour program than my father. Your father.
Yep, he knew. It wasalways my ambition to be on your
(13:18):
show. And the day you signedme up, I went home, showed
my father the contracts and he lookedat me and said, congratulations. It
makes me happy to know that youfinally reached your goal. Son. Ah,
he said, goal Son, anyway, I thought you'd gone. Well,
(13:43):
don't get mad, mister Bunny.I just hung around because I want
you to hear a song I recordedfor Capitol Records. Man, you recorded
a song, yeah to Touchy GoodbyeOh Joelson again. Yeah, but this
is different. If you just listenedto it, you'd want to put it
on your program. Well, okay, man, let's hear it out here.
(14:09):
Come by nor Cry, let shootthe train, Let me away from
you know what to tell um doand make me give men do it all
over again, watch for the manline of affair. If you don't get
(14:31):
a lot of any labor, stopright, come on, puff in no
way back you call me Donkeys foundthe serman by tackle, pup up everyone
(14:56):
ony, all that fine and light, the fact of we all at dark,
smoke and lucky good bye. Ohthat was very good, mal Mal
(15:33):
And you're right. I think Iuse that number on my program. Oh
thanks, mister Fanny the by everybodyyou know kids. He really did a
great imitation of Joe Saw. Doyou like the way he imitated the sportsman
court That that kid's clever. Hesure is. Now what was I saying
before Mel did his song? Youwere drinking a toast all of us?
Oh yes, Don, you're next, All up your glass done Don.
(15:58):
As the year comes to a close, I want you to know that my
association with you is a very happyone. You're not only a fine announcer,
but a gentleman, a scholar anda friend. Well, thank you,
Jack, Don. How long you'veyou been with Jack? Nine years?
Nine years? No, no,Don, you've been with me sixteen.
(16:18):
Oh you're counting the seven years youhad me auditioning me. You gotta
you know, you gotta count everything. Anyway, don here's to you,
good luck and now Dennis. Yes, sir, Dennis, you've been with
me almost eleven years. I rememberthe day you first came on my program.
(16:41):
You were young, you were naive, but you had a beautiful singing
voice. And as the years wentby, your voice became more matured,
more beautiful than ever. And thensuddenly you're blossomed out, and now now
you're a star in your own right. My show is better than yours,
(17:17):
Dennis, Dennis, look at me, sir, turn away again. I
know it's my own. It ismy own fault. Jack I've got her
on home now and get things readyfor my party tonight. Okay, Mary,
jack are you sure you don't wantto join us? No, no,
(17:37):
Mary, not tonight. In fact, I'm gonna pick my girl up
in about ten minutes, Jackson,why don't you bring her over to the
Livy's house. No, no,my plans are all made. Gloria and
I are gonna have cocktails at Cerro's, dinner at Romanov's, and then dance
in the New Year at the Macambo. Yes, sir, well, run
along kids, have a good timeat the party, and don't worry about
me. Well, answered Jack.Hello, Yes he's here. Who's calling?
(18:02):
Oh, jackets for you? It'sGloria. Gloria, give me that
phone. Hello, Gloria, I'malready and raring to go. I'll pick
you up in about why you can't, But Gloria, I've got reservations and
(18:23):
everything, and I'm all dressed.But look, of course I believe you.
But gee, it's New Year's Eve. You gotta go. Oh now,
now, look, Gloria, isn'tthere some way you can make it?
Oh? Well, if you youcan, I guess you just can't.
(18:48):
So long then goodbye? Well whatare you all staring at? Gloria
had a very good excuse, andshe's nuts about me too. Well she
is, Jack, As long asyour date is off, how about coming
over to my party? Yeah,Jackson, come on, we gonna have
(19:11):
a lot of fun. No,thanks, I don't feel like going anything.
Oh, come on, Jack,don't be so stubborn. I'm not
stubborn. I just don't feel likegoing, Jackson. Sometimes you actually like
they'll they'll leave him alone. Uh, Jack, the party is at my
house, and if you change yourmind and want to come. I'd love
to have you. Thanks Mary,but I'm going home. Where's my top,
hat and gloves? Oh? Herethey are? Happy New Year?
(19:34):
Everybody? Are you here? Jack? So long? Gee? I wish
Jack hasn't walked out like that.It makes me feel awful. Yeah,
it's no fun for him being aloneon New Year's Eve. Well maybe he
feel worse in a crowd. Iforgot my king here it is? That's
(20:02):
so long? Happy know your misterBenny? Huh oh? Happy new your
Mike? Is your rehearsal over?Yeah? No, you're shipping over there?
No, I'm just going home,you know. New Year's Eve is
just another night to me. Agood night, Mike, see you tomorrow.
(20:25):
Good night, mister Bennet, andhave a New Year. Happy new
your Mike? Happy there were happy? No you? Hey? You in
(20:52):
a monkey suit? Why don't youwatch the where you're going? I'm sorry
it was my fault. Well watchit, Bud. Maybe on this side
of the street. Rube huh hremember me? I met you in the
store while I was doing my ChristmasShepherd. I was looking for my wife.
Oh yeah yeah, yeah, sayRue, your coat's ripped up the
(21:17):
back. No, no, thoseare tails. Oh he's dressed like this
on New Year's Eve? Well,ain't you the dandy? Please, I'm
a no mood to talk to you. Now. This is New Year's Eve,
and I know, I know that'swhy I'm down here in the city.
I aim to do a little celebratingmyself. Good. Yeah, at
the stroke of twelve, I'm gonnatake a drink, go a horn,
and catch the bus back to Calabasas. Fine. Fine, if you want
(21:48):
to join me, you're welcome.I got a little snort here in my
back pocket. No thanks, I'mgoing home. Goodbye, okay, Rue,
Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Wonderway he keeps calling me Rue.
He was kind of friendly, though, and I better hail a cab
now he is kind of cold.I I'll stop in here and get a
cup of coffee first with the Eatrinshirt. Good evening. Would you like
(22:15):
a nice table right here by thewindy No? No thanks, I'm all
alone. I'll just I'll just saidat the counter. Oh, please come
sit by the window. I likeeverybody see how nice my customer is dress.
No, no thanks, some someother time, all right, If
you'd like to sit at counter door, right, go ahead, thank you?
Say you know I got a speciallytwo dollars dinner tonight steak, nice
potatoes, string beans, and fordessert nice separate fire. Well, if
(22:41):
you sit by the window, Igive it to you free. No,
no thanks, I'll just have acup of coffee at the counter. I
don't know if I just want coffeeor yeah, I guess coffee is enough.
Well, coffee. Please? Wouldyou like a sandwich or some toast
(23:03):
with it? No thanks? Justcoffee? What a little quam with it?
No? No, just black coffee? Okay, giuse your coffee.
Thanks. Gee, I'm sorry abouttonight. That's all right, Gloria,
(23:45):
forget it, Gloria, but honestJack, maymy promise you'd work for me
tonight. Maymie, Maymie all thetime. It's Mamie, but let me
know before the last minute. I'msorry. I see you're wearing my corsage
and on that greasy uniform. YetI don't want this coffee. I'm going
home. I'll be three at threeo'clock. Three o'clock, I'll be snoring.
(24:07):
Goodbye. Always blames everything. I'mmaimy. Mami did maybe you did
that? Oh taxi taxi. Hereyou are, driver, Thank you.
(24:33):
Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Who's that? It's May, Rochester.
Boss, I'm coming home so early. I thought you were going out
tonight and celebrate. I was,but things didn't work out. Say,
Rochester, I thought you were goingout tonight. Oh I am, I
(24:56):
am? I had you better hurry. It's almost midnight, boss. On
Central, we have no father timelingers till we get rolling. Really,
sometimes we roll right into February.Well, you can leave whenever you want
to, Rochester. But what doyou want to do, boss, Oh,
I'll just sit by the fire andread a book and go to bed.
(25:18):
Oh Boss, I hate to seeyou all along on New Year's Eve.
Yeah that's all right. No,it ain't all right. I'm gonna
stay home and and I'm gonna beright here with you. Oh, Rochester,
you don't have to do that,Sure, Boss, we'll briek the
New Year together. Well, hey, we might have fun at that.
Have we got any horns in thehouse, No, we sold them.
(25:41):
We've got some Ohio State pennis left. We can wave those. No.
No, they don't make any noise. Look, Rochester, it's almost midnight.
You better run along. No,sir, I'm staying right here with
you, all right. If youinsist, I'll get a can of beer
out the ice box and we'll drinkto the New Year. No, no,
Rochester, if you're willing to stayhome with me on New Year's Eve,
(26:02):
we're gonna do this thing right.We're gonna open a bottle of champagne.
We're gonna open the what We're gonnaopen a bottle of champagne. There's
a cold one of the ice box. Now hurry up, yes, sir,
see it was nice in Rochester tostay. Maybe it won't be Gee's
midnight already, Rochester. Hurry,hurry out, coming, boss coming.
(26:25):
Here's a champagne, boy, we'llopen it, open it up. Here,
here's a glass boss, good,good, poor some men that swell.
I fill up yours there. Well. Happy New Year, Rochester.
Happy to your boss. And Ihope we'll be together for many more.
(26:45):
I hope so. And here's toit showed old the Queen's Bee for God,
and then we're brought to min showare for God and care. Food
(27:22):
packages have been improved and increased withmore meats and facts that mean health to
hungry children and families. Overseas twentytwo and one a half pounds of life
giving food for ten dollars delivery guaranteed. Send your contribution to nonprofit Care Los
Angeles or New York that c ar E Care Los Angeles or New York
(27:45):
that will be back in a moment. But first six table ley do do
Do Do Do Do Do Do donsHoly Milican ls m F T ls m
F T Yes, Lucky strike meansfine tobacco, ripe, light tobacco that
always smokes, smooth and mild.That's why there's never a rough puff in
(28:07):
a Lucky. Now find tobacco likethis costs more, and at the tobacco
auctions, luckies pay more millions ofdollars more than official parody prices for light
mellow leaf that gives you a smoother, milder, altogether finer cigarette every puff
of the way, no doubt aboutit. Friends, Luckies give you more,
more smoothness and mildness, more real, deep down smoking enjoyment. So
(28:30):
light up a Lucky and enjoy themellow taste of truly fine tobacco from first
puff to last. There's never arough puff in a Lucky. Good reason
to make your next cart and luckystrike, so round, so firm,
so fully packed, so free andeasy on the draw, ladies and gentlemen.
(28:52):
To all my listeners everywhere, avery happy and prosperous new Year from
me Jack Mammy, and from meMary Livingstone, and from me Don Wilson,
from me dynast Dae, from meRochester, and from I Bill Harris.
He's not grammatical, folks, buthe's sincere. Good night all They
sure to hear Dennis day in theday and the life of dennist Day.
(29:15):
Stay tuned for the undis many.Charlotte follows immediately inspired there's a CBS the
Columbia Broadcasting Session
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