August 18, 2025 • 35 mins
(00:00:00) We read Reddit r/AITA stories: Unveiling Secrets and Setting Boundaries
(00:00:15) Intro
(00:01:12) AITA for demanding my friend pay back the money I loaned her for her trip because she's now posting about a luxury vacat
(00:07:57) AITA for laughing at what my co-worker said when I thought it was a joke?
(00:14:43) AITA because I stopped answering the phone?
(00:26:07) AITA for exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses Grindr during Thanksgiving dinner?
(00:34:41) Ending
On the 3rd episode of The Joevelocity Show, Joe is joined by his guest Hakeem as we discuss some more stories from the r/AITA Subreddit:
• AITA for demanding my friend pay back the money I loaned her for her trip because she's now posting about a luxury vacation?
We start off with a lively discussion about the complexities of lending money to friends, featuring a story where someone is struggling to get back $2,000 loaned to a friend for an emergency. We explore the frustrations and challenges of seeing that friend post about a luxury vacation without paying back the loan. Joe and Hakeem debate whether asking for repayment makes someone an "asshole" and share insights on handling loans among friends, including the wisdom of treating such loans as gifts to avoid disappointment. There's a consensus that setting clear expectations and having written agreements can prevent misunderstandings. We also touch on personal experiences with family loans and the importance of managing expectations when lending money.
• AITA for laughing at what my co-worker said when I thought it was a joke?
Next, we examine a workplace incident where a manager, Joe, insists on employees responding with "yes" instead of "sure" to demonstrate compliance with orders. We explore the dynamics between Joe, another manager, and their employee, Ryan, questioning if Joe's approach is unnecessarily rigid. The conversation touches on the nuances of workplace communication and authority, suggesting that Joe might be overreacting and should perhaps lighten up. We also discuss broader issues of micromanagement, with anecdotes highlighting absurd management practices, such as excessive logging of bathroom breaks. These stories underscore the importance of fostering a respectful and understanding work environment rather than one that imposes unnecessary control, suggesting that micromanagement can lead to dissatisfaction and a desire to seek employment elsewhere.
• AITA because I stopped answering the phone?
We explore the complexities of managing friendships where one person may be overly dependent emotionally. We discuss the challenges of being seen as an emotional support object and the importance of setting boundaries to maintain personal well-being. We also reflect on how life events, such as job loss, can lead to emotional unraveling and how therapy can serve as a beneficial tool for self-care. Sharing personal experiences, Hakeem highlight the value of finding the right therapist and how engaging in therapy can offer valuable insights and support. Ultimately, the chapter underscores the importance of recognizing when professional help is needed and the difficulties in taking the first step toward seeking therapy.
• And in the Moment of Conclusion, AITA for exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses Grindr during Thanksgiving dinner?
Finally, we navigate a compelling dilemma faced by an 18-year-old who discovers his homophobic uncle on Grindr, a gay hookup app, and the subsequent fallout during a tense Thanksgiving dinner. The story highlights themes of hypocrisy, family dynamics, and the complex choices we face when confronting prejudice. We discuss whether the young man was justified in exposing his uncle's secret, considering the persistent homophobic abuse he endured. The conversation also touches on the implications for the uncle's marriage and the wider family, raising questions about morality and the appropriate ways to handle such situations. Ultimately, we ponder if the act of exposing the uncle was warranted or if it might have been better to handle it privately.
Subscribe to The Joevelocity Show on your favorite podcast app and never miss an episode—new episodes drop every Monday.
Need more Joevelocity in your life? Visit joevelocity.com for access to all our sites and content.
(00:00:15) Intro
(00:01:12) AITA for demanding my friend pay back the money I loaned her for her trip because she's now posting about a luxury vacat
(00:07:57) AITA for laughing at what my co-worker said when I thought it was a joke?
(00:14:43) AITA because I stopped answering the phone?
(00:26:07) AITA for exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses Grindr during Thanksgiving dinner?
(00:34:41) Ending
On the 3rd episode of The Joevelocity Show, Joe is joined by his guest Hakeem as we discuss some more stories from the r/AITA Subreddit:
• AITA for demanding my friend pay back the money I loaned her for her trip because she's now posting about a luxury vacation?
We start off with a lively discussion about the complexities of lending money to friends, featuring a story where someone is struggling to get back $2,000 loaned to a friend for an emergency. We explore the frustrations and challenges of seeing that friend post about a luxury vacation without paying back the loan. Joe and Hakeem debate whether asking for repayment makes someone an "asshole" and share insights on handling loans among friends, including the wisdom of treating such loans as gifts to avoid disappointment. There's a consensus that setting clear expectations and having written agreements can prevent misunderstandings. We also touch on personal experiences with family loans and the importance of managing expectations when lending money.
• AITA for laughing at what my co-worker said when I thought it was a joke?
Next, we examine a workplace incident where a manager, Joe, insists on employees responding with "yes" instead of "sure" to demonstrate compliance with orders. We explore the dynamics between Joe, another manager, and their employee, Ryan, questioning if Joe's approach is unnecessarily rigid. The conversation touches on the nuances of workplace communication and authority, suggesting that Joe might be overreacting and should perhaps lighten up. We also discuss broader issues of micromanagement, with anecdotes highlighting absurd management practices, such as excessive logging of bathroom breaks. These stories underscore the importance of fostering a respectful and understanding work environment rather than one that imposes unnecessary control, suggesting that micromanagement can lead to dissatisfaction and a desire to seek employment elsewhere.
• AITA because I stopped answering the phone?
We explore the complexities of managing friendships where one person may be overly dependent emotionally. We discuss the challenges of being seen as an emotional support object and the importance of setting boundaries to maintain personal well-being. We also reflect on how life events, such as job loss, can lead to emotional unraveling and how therapy can serve as a beneficial tool for self-care. Sharing personal experiences, Hakeem highlight the value of finding the right therapist and how engaging in therapy can offer valuable insights and support. Ultimately, the chapter underscores the importance of recognizing when professional help is needed and the difficulties in taking the first step toward seeking therapy.
• And in the Moment of Conclusion, AITA for exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses Grindr during Thanksgiving dinner?
Finally, we navigate a compelling dilemma faced by an 18-year-old who discovers his homophobic uncle on Grindr, a gay hookup app, and the subsequent fallout during a tense Thanksgiving dinner. The story highlights themes of hypocrisy, family dynamics, and the complex choices we face when confronting prejudice. We discuss whether the young man was justified in exposing his uncle's secret, considering the persistent homophobic abuse he endured. The conversation also touches on the implications for the uncle's marriage and the wider family, raising questions about morality and the appropriate ways to handle such situations. Ultimately, we ponder if the act of exposing the uncle was warranted or if it might have been better to handle it privately.
Subscribe to The Joevelocity Show on your favorite podcast app and never miss an episode—new episodes drop every Monday.
Need more Joevelocity in your life? Visit joevelocity.com for access to all our sites and content.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Like therapy, but louder and less helpful. This is the
Joe Velocity Show.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome back again to the Joe Velosity Show. I'm here
again with Hakeem.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Yay go get your there we go, because I was
about to try to get it ain't work.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I get a few things in there too, right, And also, does.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
We like applause?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Maybe some of us?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
That's probably what my brain will be doing after these conversations.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Right right, right, Actually no, my my brain usually does
us whenever I listen to one of these conversations.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah, I hate you. I hate you so much.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Ah well, anyways, let's go ahead here and without further ado,
let's go ahead and get into the stories. So the
first story is am I the asshole for demanding my
friend paid back the money a loander for her trip
because she's now posting about a luxury vacation. Hell yeah,
(01:19):
So last year, my friend Sarah needed two thousand dollars
for emergency and I lent a terr because I wanted
to help. She said she'd pay me back in six months.
Well it's been over a year and I still haven't
seen a dime. Every time I asked, she said she
was tight on money. It would pay me when she could.
Then out of nowhere, she posted about this crazy luxury
ballet trip, his resources, private villas, the whole deal. I
(01:42):
was kind of shocked, like, if she could afford that,
why no payment? A messaged herk kept the children and
just said, Hey, I see you're enjoying BALI can you
talk about the two thousand dollars you on me? Feels
like gonna be taken for granted. She flipped, called me
petty and jealous, says she had no right to say anything,
and then blocked me. So am I he asked for
ast my money back when she's clearly spending it on
(02:03):
luxury stuff.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Of course, Well, no, you're not the fo not at all.
Get your money.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
But I will tell you they tell you don't loan
out money if you have any plans of getting it back.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
That's the only thing I've learned via If.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
You're going to loan out money, you need to loan
it and the hopes that they give it back to you.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
But with the knowing that it's possible that it's.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Not right in this case that I was kind of like,
you know what I mean, it's probably the only way
I ever learned out money is if it was a gift.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Like, are we sure the money that we loaned her
went to whatever emergency she went to? Or are you
assuming that because she's also on vacation that maybe that
two thousand and did go to whatever she needed it
for and now allowed you how to have a little
extra to go on vacation or not.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It sounds like when it came time to pay the piper.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
However you did, you did specifically say you would give
it back in six months, and it's been a year,
So you can't be mad at me for ass a
form of money like when you said what you would
do and now you've not lived up to it. She
was just waiting to have like an argument or something
so that she could block, so that she could use
that as the way.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Well I blocked you, so I don't owe you nothing.
Now nobody you still me.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I don't think it works that way.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
And if your friend was smart enough, hopefully you put
it at least at the very least in a text.
Right that way, you had have pirth that this person
said they were gonna pay you back.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
The commenters I think agreed with us there where it's
just kind of like, yeah, not the asshole. Tell her.
If she doesn't pay you back in the next two weeks,
you're taking her the small claims court and don't ever
learn money again without a signed agreement. I hate what
what like that's come to.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
It's just I want to know what kind of friends
you got that you could just pull on two thousand
and two.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Baby, I'm the type of friend.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Baby, I can only you about fifty fifty about as
much as I want to give out in the hopes
that I'm not gonna get it back.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Can can I borrow five dollars off you? That always
makes me laugh because that's like an ongoing joke on Snapchat,
you know. It's kind of like whenever do you see
like those stories, He's always like, can I borrow five
dollars off you?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I'm just saying, I don't know, Yes, get your money
to you, don't loan the money back out no more.
I guess you don't need to be friends with that
person no more. Anyway, let it go.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Another person said, welcome, I've been there with family. I
don't call you and call him loans. I just say
you're one time, get money out of me. Event this
and don't ask me again. I think it just made
things easier. I expect them to tem back, but I'm
also not a payday loan. Then the third one goes
on and say I'll do one loan, then never get
into him paid back. I was treated as a gift
in my head, so there aren't any hard feelings when
(04:58):
it doesn't get paid back. But I only have one
to loom with any given person.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
M hmm, yeah, that's yeah. If I'm being honest, I am.
I am currently out somebody from a family member, but
I'm not how long has it been. It's been over
a year. It's probably been almost two years now. There's
been no like deadline or anything like that. No, I'm
not going to bring it up either because I already
(05:24):
gave it out in the known that I may not
get it back, so I'm not pressed about it. If
it comes back to me, great, yeah, and I would
be grateful and thankful, But because of who the person is,
I'm not gonna be petty or spiteful or anything about it.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Now.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
If it was like a friend friend, somebody who like
isn't like family family, but I don't see as like
a serious friend or anything like that. Then yeah, I'm
probably gonna hand him for it a little bit. But
I mean souation right now, know that, because I know
that I'm owed money from said person, I just won't
(06:04):
be loaning any money to that person.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Again until you get your money to get the runny back.
But yeah, I'm usually I mean for a while there,
I was kind of on the other side of the equation.
I'm wondering the money, you know. But I would never
go to them there, because you know, I never felt
right taking money from other people. You know, It's like
I'd rather go broke take the money.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
It is rare that I asked anybody for anything, yeah,
let alone for money. I don't even call home and
ask my mother for money. Uh huh, I could. She
ain't got it, but if she had it, she found
a way to get it and would give it.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
But I'm not gonna do that to her.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, And if it's like one of those cases there,
I've never gone more than like a week or two
without paying somebody backs. I ever had to borrow money
off people, because I remember one time my car booted.
This is like years and years and years ago there,
and I.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Just one time I borrow some money when my car
got told yeah one time.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, because you just need a lot of money at
once there and just you need it fast and so
in this case then you know so.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
Because what you're not gonna do is toell my car
and hold it for two and three days talking about
it's seventy five to one hundred and twenty five hours
a day or what not.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
The faster you can get it back, I mean, the
better off you'll be.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And I literally get paid in two days.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah, I'm gonna need the ball about a one hundred
and fifty from you real quick.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Let me go and grab this off of.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Here, let me borrow that, and I'll pay you back
in two days with interest.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
You know. Oh that's nice of you. Man.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Well two days of interest is not gonna be too much,
but you.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Know, you know it just you said, oh, you're just
saying you get interest. You get interest if I pay
you back later than what I said.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I was, Okay, well fair enough, then I guess right. Yeah,
But anyways, we're gonna go ahead here and get on
to the second story. So the second story is am
I the asshole for laughing at what my coworker said
I thought was a joke myself. Another manager, Joe go
figure at a workplace, both of us approximately the same
(08:12):
age and men were talking with one of our employees,
Ryan about the plans for next week. Joe has a
dry sense of humor and says a lot of jokes deadpan.
As we were wrapping up, Joe told Ryan to do
a task for him and Ryan responded sure. Joe then said,
with a straight face, no, don't say short, you say yes.
I thought that was kind of a weird joke and
laughed a little. Ryan just said yes and went about
(08:34):
his day. After this, Joe asked me why I laughed,
and I said I thought he was making a little
joke about him being picky with responses. Joe said, it's
not picky, explaining that I told him to do something.
It's the command from his manager, not a request. By
saying sure, he's trying it like his request that he
has discretion on his part. By saying yes, he's showing
that he understands he needs to follow orders. He then
(08:55):
told me it was rude for me to laugh at
what he said in front of our employee. I sort
of see where it's coming from with that. Sure it
sounds more casual, but it seems super uptating in its
part to react that way. I didn't apologize for laughing
at what he said, and I feel like I.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Owe him one.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Don't tell me I can't laugh because what I know
is the way that you said that. What I wouldn't
do is probably take that I don't. I don't care
how much I need this job or whatever. What you
won't do is if I say sure, I'm gonna do it,
then yes, I will get around to it. If it's
something that you need me to do right now, just
tell me that it's urgent. You don't have to demand
(09:33):
that I say yes.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
You don't. I could say yes and still take my time.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Right or still not do it even if you said yes.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah. You know.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Now, is this somebody that maybe doesn't like taking direction
from you or something?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I guess Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Then if that's the case, if this person doesn't really
like taking direction from you, then I can understand why
you being a little salty. But maybe that's a work
dynamic or something that Sean figure out.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
We don't. We don't know the work down your nets
between those two there, so we don't know whether he
isn't in the past have been kind of flipping him
out stuff.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
You know.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
It sounds like a joke to me, like, oh, you
need to say yes instead of sure.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Sounds like I would probably laugh.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Too, because, like I said, what we also went across
my head was I know you ain't talking to me
like that, right, I didn't be I didn't even do anything.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Sounds like Joe needs a chill pill.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So the next time that you have to do something
for Joe or whatever, I would say sure, just to
see if he said that's great, Sure, I'll.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Get to it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I'd probably be more likely to say sure, you know, because.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Because I make you man now, I'm definitely gonna say sure, sure, sure, yeah,
Sure I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Sure Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I think comments agree with us there not the asshole
Joe is. Though it's not a command. Ryan has a choice.
He's allowed to say no if he wants to make
him fired, but it's still part of his choice.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Honestly, if I was running and the sort of micromanagement
would have me on indeed the next day, who needs
a shit from obviously a minimum wage job, and I
would suck it up until I can get out of there.
The other comments are pretty funny too. I got hired
as a senior consultant making six figures. When I got hired,
my manager told me to log my brakes, including bathroom
and excel. And I simply said, no, I'm good at
(11:21):
my job. I won't get my work done. I'm not
playing that game. It wasn't brought up again. I mean,
I'm sorry, if you're making six figures a year, that's
the last thing they should be doing to you there is,
you know, micromanaging you. I mean unless they want you
to quit, right. I was ready to say, sounds like yeah,
it sounds like you don't have me quit if you
(11:42):
stay on my back like that. Yeah, And I'm glad
that he was like, Nope, not doing it there, and
they didn't bring it up again there. And then the
last one's pretty interesting. The restrooms at a radio station
near where I lived for a while had fitted locks
where you had to check out the key and essentially
log time in and out of the restroom. This brilliant
idea was backed up to be a strong suggestion of
(12:03):
three bathroom breaks per day. This policy lasted one week.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
How are you going to tell me how many times
I can go to.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
The bath until the female DJ from the Am Curve
brought it up in a discrimination lawsuit that you know,
as she was pregnant. The legal team for that corporation
that a face palm, fired a manager, the locks and
logs came off the bathrooms for everyone. Best part, pregnant
djspuilled the beans on the air because she just didn't
give a fuck. I mean, having worked in media myself, yeah,
(12:35):
I mean that sounds something stupid they would do there,
you know, because it was just kind of like, Okay,
you know, why are you trying to get your employees
to hate you? You know, what purpose does that have there?
You know, if you're trying to get them to work more,
demeaning them and making them feel less than human, I
don't think is the way to do it, not at all.
(12:57):
So but AnyWho, AnyWho, that's growth. Yes, AnyWho, I guess
we're coming up towards break time, So we're gonna go
ahead here and we're gonna take a break and we'll
be right back with more of the Joe Vlassi Show
after this.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
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Speaker 2 (14:31):
And welcome back to the Jube Blusted Show the Dulca Sun.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
We're back. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Anyways, We're go ahead here and get on to the
third story. Am I the asshole? Because I stopped answering
the phone? This kind of reminds me of the first
story that we ever did. But anyways, we'll go ahead
here and read this one. Hi forty five female have
been friends with someone who's also forty five female for
over thirty years. We've been through a lot together and
or connection deeply. But over the past five or so years,
(15:03):
things have shifted, and not in a healthy way. So
she only communicates my phone. I don't mean quick catchups,
I mean hours long calls. I feel more emotional baggage situations.
Every time I see her name pop up on the screen,
I get a sinking feeling. I dread picking up. But
if ignore her, she keeps calling or leaves long voicemails
(15:24):
asking if I'm mad at her. The con never calls
is always almost the same, how other people have wronged her,
how unfair life is, how she's struggling. I tried to
be a supportive friend, but there's no balance. It's never
a two way conversation. There's never a genuine interest in
how I'm doing, just a one way emotional unload. It's
(15:44):
reached a point where she's sobbed uncontrollably on the phone,
begging me to leave my husband and come live with
her because she doesn't want to be alone, and for
some ungodly reason, thought I would actually agree to the
divorce my husband of twelve years. I know how that
sounds so crazy, why to honestly little un hinge I
tried to set boundaries, gently steering the conversation towards healthier topics,
(16:05):
and even take a long pauses of communication. Nothing changes.
I repeatedly suggested to her that seek professional help therapy.
I've shared I've gone to therapy for years now and
how it's helped my relationships, mental wellness, etc. But she
flatly tells me she doesn't want to. I should also
add that we do not live remotely close to each other,
(16:26):
so we don't get a chance to spend your typical
girlfriend time together for long. More context, when we both
attended a mutual friends baby Shire recently, she is noticeably
cleaning to me. She was insistent on going to the
bathroom with me and even stepping out to my car
for a brief moment. Put her in this strange panic
looking to me, to the point that other friends noticed
her behavior and asked me about it. I said, I
(16:47):
just didn't notice it when I actually was feeling very
uncomfortable the entire time. I realize this may sound like
I'm adding to the story. I can assume you I'm
turning this down. What has transpired over the past three years.
I could write novels about similar disturber behavior and the
phone calls. Oh my god, this post is all righty
too long. So Draine demotionally expent and guilty all at once.
She's not a bad person, She's just stuck. So am
(17:10):
I the asshole for not answering her calls?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
No, I don't think she's the asshole for I answered
my calls.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Why you are the asshole for not answer and her
calls is that is your friend, and your friend just
wants to hear from you, And unfortunately your friend just
doesn't have anything nice, lighthearted to talk about. It's always
a heavy answers and it's just the type of friend
she is.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I disagree with you there, and I'll read the first
comment and we'll go from there. You're not her free therapist.
You're not her free trauma dumping recipient. You can done
what you can by suggesting she's professional help. Now it's
time for you to take care of your mental health
by disengaging.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
I mean, all right, fine, yes you are not the
asshole I mean truthfully, but you just need to set
up some boundaries then, right that. I know, like, look,
I can't be this emotional support for you right now.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
This needs to be given. Ever. Yeah, this needs to
be on targ give and take situation. This can't be
you know, you're just going to talk and talk and
talk and be there be a wall and it's always
going to be about you know, the same ship over
and over and over again. Like I said, this kind
of reminds me of that first story that we talked
about in the first show. Yeah, it's very similar to
that there. It's just kind of like, you know, it
(18:27):
seems like a lot of these people are just kind
of like you know, they have they're so in their
head that they can't see past themselves, you know, and
realize other people have issues and feelings too that they
want to talk about, but they can't get a word
in edgewise, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
I mean, has their relationship always been that type of way?
Because if that's the case, then that's just the type
of so because the type of relationship I have bought
to the table and now you realize it does not
work for you anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It seems like in the past five years from what
they said in the story here, is that it's been
going downhill. And I've seen that with other people that
I know there where.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
It's kind of like, you know, you could just be
outgrowing your friend, that's all.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah. I think sometimes, you know, sometimes it comes to
a natural conclusion, you know, and maybe that's it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Thirty years is a long time.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I can understand why I'm not wanting to throw that away.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, but I said, I think the second comment kind
of gives us some clarification here. Not only are you
not the asshole, this might be a relationship that you
might want, and completely asking me to leave your husband,
remember that that happened. I'm not asking you to leave
your husband of twelve years for her. That's insanely selfish
of her, right like ha ha, No, No, everything he
(19:42):
describes done so suffocating. You're not her friend. She's treating
you like an emotional support object. Is if you only
exist for her own comfort. The only way I can
see this friendship being saved if you said a series
of strict boundaries. But even then, you know, it's just
it's just yeah. I mean, I mean it's just like,
you know, I feel like I think we've all had
(20:04):
this situation before where it's kind of like you have
those situations where you know, people just suck the life
out of you.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
I mean, is it that or are you just not
a type of person that likes to even be on
the phone in general? So like just the factah that
she calls you so much, you can be like, look,
I don't even like being on the phone. Can you
just like type it up sending in an email?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I respond, base, Well, that's kind of funny you mentioned
that there, because I actually had a somebody messaged me
something here one time. I guess they were having some issues.
I'm not going to go into them or anything like
that here, but let me go ahead here and see
if I can find it in my phone here, And yeah,
(20:51):
it's just one of those cases here it is. Take
a look at us here, look at my phone real quick.
Oh yeah, no, don't look how long this messages? Don't
send me a dissertation, lemby you throw it backwards. Okay,
this is another message. I mean, we could write a book.
That's what's going on here.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Point if you're going to type all of that, you
might as well send that in a voice note.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Well, then I talked to this person on the phone.
It's just kind of like, you know, I mean, it's
just boy, No, I didn't know where to start at.
You know, there's so much going on in here.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
It's kind of.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
If it is going to be super long, or your
paragraphs have now shifted. You can't even see the beginning
of whatever you were saying. Maybe it's too long. I mean,
it's send it in a voice note.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, And it's just kind of like, you know what
it's like. Yes, I can listen, but I'm not an expert,
you know, in situations here, with a lot of these
cases here, you know, I mean.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I'll pretend to be an expert all day, but I
can tell you one thing. Don't take my advice for
real now.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, I mean I can tell you what that kind
of situation, but you know.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
With two grains in thought, if you will.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Right, So, the last comment here said not the asshole
at all. She is not a friend. She's an emotional vampire.
You can start your calls with, HI, a lot going
on right now, I don't have a few minutes of talk.
Then make an excuse to cut the call short after
ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Or so they do that.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah, I've had cases where they'll call me at work
and it's just kind of like, you know, you need
to hold on for a second, I need to take
a phone call.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I need to do my job, you know kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
So, so, yeah, you can interrupt and take over the
whole conversation and make it about you, so she just
realizes other people also have lives and problems and things
going on. You can explain to her that you're not
her therapist and she really should get one of those.
You can do all that, and she still won't value
you for anything other than emotional support being because she
literally doesn't understand what friendship is. You've had those kind
(22:44):
of cases there where it's kind of like, you know,
I had a friend of mine who lost their job
a year ago and is just kind of like the
had some other bad things happened to them, and things
just kind of gradually went downhill with them. There was
kind of like I have a feeling that without their
job they kind of lost their sense of purpose. You know,
probably so, and thus in that case, I think basically
(23:04):
what I witnessed over the next year was kind of
like like an unraveling of their self, you know. So
it's one of those things there where Unfortunately, I think
this happens to good people sometimes they're you know, I mean,
and that's is not the only friend I was talking
about that big long message. I think it happened to
my other friend there. They seem like they had it
pretty well together there, but it just seems like certain
(23:25):
events just cause kind of things unravel and it's kind
of like in those cases there, I think therapy would
be really good.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Life is life, and okay, therapy, it's probably what a
lot of us need, yea. Yet again, at least you
need an outside source. Somebody talked to I am, what
about two sessions in the therapy?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Oh so you're saying, yeah, yeah, and how's that going?
Speaker 3 (23:51):
And I love it.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
It is taking me a while in a long time
to find someone who I feel like I'm finally gelling
with and I'm actually interested in seeing how the process
actually works and if it will actually be sort of
beneficial to me, Like.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
So like, yeah, I think everybody could benefit.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
But you know, I currently don't see anybody right now,
but I really should.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
I mean, we all say it.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
At some point you've always you said to yourself, I
should probably go talk to somebody.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I should probably go see something.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
If you've ever had that thought in your mind, go
go see them, go go go. It's hard, I will say,
it is hard to find somebody. It's hard to actually
get started. But once you finally gets somebody that you
actually like or whatever, you'll figure out. You'll figure it
out from there. But yeah, this situation, she needs to
(24:49):
definitely talk to somebody.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Problem is what therapy is is that I'm not sure
if I will be able to trust the other person.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
You know, well, if I trust was supposed to be
a part of it, then I must trust this person
because I told them everything already.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
It's only been too.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
You've unloaded on them a lot, right. Yeah, it's also
one of those things there too. It's kind of like,
you know, I've kind of had the bond with somebody first.
It's kind of I don't know, Maybe it's just the
way I am, Maybe because I'm demisexual, you know, which
means I only like fall in love with people that
I have a close emotional connection with kind of thing. So,
(25:31):
but yeah, it's one of those cases there too. With
even the type of relationship I would have with the
therapist there.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
I'm right, we need to scratch all the all the
men out there so that I would have therapist fall
in love with any of them.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Oh, anyways, we're gonna go ahead here and get on
with the last story here. The last story is and
I'm sensing a theme here and by the asshold for
exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses grinder thoring
Thanksgiving dinner.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
I'm to dinner. No, who grind a Thanksgiving dinner?
Speaker 4 (26:24):
If you're eating Thanksgiving dinner and on grind, but you
must be planning on top of it.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
No, no, no, I think you're missing the point slightly here.
Let me read the story. I'm eighteen and gay and
I've been out since I was twelve. My uncle is
extremely homophobic, and whenever he is in my presence, he
never wastes an opportunity to tell me that I'm going
to hell. My parents seem to be completely okay with
this and tells me they're simply old and stuck in
(26:49):
his ways and I need to learn how to deal
with it. Because he's family. My parents decided to invite
him and my wife to our Thanksgiving dinner last week,
despite my playing with them not to do so, unbeknownst
to my parents nor anyone else. About a month ago,
I was browsing on Grinder when I came across my
uncle's profile. For those who don't know, Grinder is a
gay hookup app. I opened it and screenshoted his profile
(27:11):
with all his pictures and immediately blocked him. I had
no idea what I was gonna do with this back then,
so I just kept the screenshots. Boy, you can see
where this is coming. Fast forward with the Thanksgiving When
my uncle and his wife came over, it started out
fairly smoothly, so I was hopeful that it wasn't going
to turn nasty. But then during dinner he started going
(27:31):
on a homophobic brant, although not about me specifically. I
asked him to police stop, but he continued to argue
and told me that what I'm going against the Bible
and then I'm going to hell. Oh my god. It
sounds like, yeah, he's a one way you know, like
obviously is like his one track of mind in this
you know already I hate Well, it gets worse. At
(27:52):
one point he told me to shut up, and is
that my wits end with him, and I fit a
military range. I pulled out my phone with the screenshots
and asked him to explain what this is actually saying
the screenshots of the Grinder profile. His face suddenly turned
pale and his wife started crying. They left immediately after.
Oh yeah, man. Predictably, he and his wife are now
(28:14):
in the process again divorced. My parents are now mad
at me, seeing that my nieces and nephews will now
grow up without a stable family because of me. I
stepped back of them, reminding them that it was him
who backed me into a corner and then I had
no other choice. They also demanded that I stopped using Grinder,
so I lied to them and said, I'm not using
it anymore. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I swear that's what.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
What that guy's saying?
Speaker 3 (28:45):
You know this one. It's always the loud ones. See.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
I think that people should pay attention to the people
who are the loudest, and then the people who are
the loudest and against whatever, Especially when you get in
a homosexuality, it's always somebody.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Who is wow.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
Talk about some gave people this, gave people that, and
then next thing you know they secretly or on grinder
getting their rocks all. So like the the the hypocrisy
in it, it is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Are you the asshole? No? But should you have done that? No?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
And I would say all the commenters also agree with
you there. They basically say that everybay sucks here.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Did he deserve it? Yeah? Kind of.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
So basically one of them said, I'm gonna go with
everybody sucks here. Here's why your uncle sucks. He's a
hypocrite and a liar. So we have that part there.
Your parent should have had your back for sure. Honestly,
it was just your uncle and the crosshair. I would
have said blast away, but it sounds like, think you
need to do this before Thanksgiving. You should have contacted
the ant and let her know as soon as you
(30:07):
found out, And honestly sounds like you were preparing for this.
Your gand cousins deserved to find out in a different
way than this, and it sounds like he had a
chance before Thanksgiving, So you were the asshole to your aunt.
I hope that everything works out and hopefully he leaves
you the hell alone.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I mean, I wasn't necessarily planning this. I just you
know had these here for my own collection in case
of an emergency, is why I have these screenshots.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
And things right and just?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
And it would have probably been a situation where I
wouldn't even have blasted these at the dinner table or
whatnot had he not kept going on. Now in his mind,
original plan would have been would to have been to
pull him to the side at some point and the
dinner after he said all of these homophobic things, and
(30:55):
then I would kindly go to him with the screenshot
and just go, is this you right? And then and
then if you want this to stay on my phone
and not to your wife.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Oh wait, so you're saying blackmailon not even blackmail.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
I mean, it probably is gonna sound like I'm blackmailing you, okay,
but I'm willing to delete this and to act like
none of this has ever happened. If you would be
as so kind as to back up off of me. Yeah,
homophobic talk that you've been talking, because clearly you are
the one lie I'm just living out loud, So stop
(31:37):
it right now, or else I will go down to
your wife.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Now what that'll do to you?
Speaker 4 (31:44):
And I don't know how your safety is involved in
your family life and all of that.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
You got to weigh those options too.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
However, I think it was one of those cases there,
like some people say it's not the asshole. I'm sorry
that the poster was not the asshole. If it is
in the closet using grinder kid usually not being in
a homeophobic dick at the time, it would be different.
You still being wrong, but yeah, you would have to
be the anshole for adding him. But given the years
of abuse that you endured from him, you're absolutely find
(32:10):
the useless nothing to make an end. I don't believe
you're trying to wreck our family just to make the
verbal assault. And the consequences aren't his plate, not yours.
I agree that person has said your uncle got is
just dessert, So sorry your aunt and the kids. It
was going to come out no pun intended visually anyways.
There and then the last person was also like, everybody
(32:31):
sucks here. It's not okay to out people is not straight.
In this case, you're adding a cheater. The fact that
he is a cheater outweigh is the fact that he
is not straight. That's why I think your outburst is
not that bad. He's been pushing you for years. He's
doing it in front of her family and his children,
showing them that such behavior is okay. Becka. However, in
my opinion, you should have talked to him one on one.
(32:52):
Is someone who knows his struggles. Honestly, you could ignored him.
Just talk to his wife. She deserves to know that
she was being cheated on, not making her marriage problems
into a share for the whole entire family. Yelling after
our family dinner was a bit of an ass foolish move, though,
so I can understand that it was kind of like, yeah,
the way that it happened.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Probably so.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
But they probably also the type of uncle that's probably
the boogie ones of the family to try to act
like they're better than anybody in the family anyway. So
to have their bubble bursted a little bit was probably
you know, a little satisfying on the.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I mean yeah, on his part, But he's also eighteen
there too. It's kind of like, you know, what the
implications of the.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Thing there which you're really lying you're probably sixteen seventeen
on the grinder and you shouldn't be, so you might
want to.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Go ahead and get up off of that.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
But it's also one of those cases there too, where
I don't think he thought through all the you know,
implications of this here where it's going to obviously affect,
you know, the relationship that he has with his aunt,
with you know, nephews and nieces and everything there. Now,
it's just it's turned it into a very complicated situation things.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
Truthfully, if my uncle was acting that way and that
was his wife and kids and stuff like that, honestly,
I probably wouldn't talk to that whole s out of
the family.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
But do you think that it would happen in that
kind of case there where it would be out of
like that.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you because you're agging it on,
because you might know that I know something that you
know that I know, but yet because it's the possibility
that you've come across my grind as well.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, so you know that I know something.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I think it was a classic case a fuck around
and find out and you know, the poster found out
and you know, the the uncle fucked the riot literally
But anyways, believe it or not, we come to the
end of another show. So I know, thanks for being
here again. I appreciate it absolutely, Thanks for having me,
(34:51):
and once again, thanks for checking out the jiw Velocity
Show is always we hope you enjoyed the show and
make sure you subscribe to using your favorite podcast apposue
don't miss an episode. New episodes drop every Monday. For
access to our websites, visit us at joe velocity dot com.
Thanks for listening it. We'll see you next week. I
have a good one, ye
Like therapy, but louder and less helpful. This is the
Joe Velocity Show.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome back again to the Joe Velosity Show. I'm here
again with Hakeem.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Yay go get your there we go, because I was
about to try to get it ain't work.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I get a few things in there too, right, And also, does.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
We like applause?
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Maybe some of us?
Speaker 4 (00:41):
That's probably what my brain will be doing after these conversations.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Right right, right, Actually no, my my brain usually does
us whenever I listen to one of these conversations.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah, I hate you. I hate you so much.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Ah well, anyways, let's go ahead here and without further ado,
let's go ahead and get into the stories. So the
first story is am I the asshole for demanding my
friend paid back the money a loander for her trip
because she's now posting about a luxury vacation. Hell yeah,
(01:19):
So last year, my friend Sarah needed two thousand dollars
for emergency and I lent a terr because I wanted
to help. She said she'd pay me back in six months.
Well it's been over a year and I still haven't
seen a dime. Every time I asked, she said she
was tight on money. It would pay me when she could.
Then out of nowhere, she posted about this crazy luxury
ballet trip, his resources, private villas, the whole deal. I
(01:42):
was kind of shocked, like, if she could afford that,
why no payment? A messaged herk kept the children and
just said, Hey, I see you're enjoying BALI can you
talk about the two thousand dollars you on me? Feels
like gonna be taken for granted. She flipped, called me
petty and jealous, says she had no right to say anything,
and then blocked me. So am I he asked for
ast my money back when she's clearly spending it on
(02:03):
luxury stuff.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Of course, Well, no, you're not the fo not at all.
Get your money.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
But I will tell you they tell you don't loan
out money if you have any plans of getting it back.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
That's the only thing I've learned via If.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
You're going to loan out money, you need to loan
it and the hopes that they give it back to you.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
But with the knowing that it's possible that it's.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Not right in this case that I was kind of like,
you know what I mean, it's probably the only way
I ever learned out money is if it was a gift.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Like, are we sure the money that we loaned her
went to whatever emergency she went to? Or are you
assuming that because she's also on vacation that maybe that
two thousand and did go to whatever she needed it
for and now allowed you how to have a little
extra to go on vacation or not.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It sounds like when it came time to pay the piper.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
However you did, you did specifically say you would give
it back in six months, and it's been a year,
So you can't be mad at me for ass a
form of money like when you said what you would
do and now you've not lived up to it. She
was just waiting to have like an argument or something
so that she could block, so that she could use
that as the way.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Well I blocked you, so I don't owe you nothing.
Now nobody you still me.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I don't think it works that way.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
And if your friend was smart enough, hopefully you put
it at least at the very least in a text.
Right that way, you had have pirth that this person
said they were gonna pay you back.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
The commenters I think agreed with us there where it's
just kind of like, yeah, not the asshole. Tell her.
If she doesn't pay you back in the next two weeks,
you're taking her the small claims court and don't ever
learn money again without a signed agreement. I hate what
what like that's come to.
Speaker 4 (03:53):
It's just I want to know what kind of friends
you got that you could just pull on two thousand
and two.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Baby, I'm the type of friend.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Baby, I can only you about fifty fifty about as
much as I want to give out in the hopes
that I'm not gonna get it back.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Can can I borrow five dollars off you? That always
makes me laugh because that's like an ongoing joke on Snapchat,
you know. It's kind of like whenever do you see
like those stories, He's always like, can I borrow five
dollars off you?
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I'm just saying, I don't know, Yes, get your money
to you, don't loan the money back out no more.
I guess you don't need to be friends with that
person no more. Anyway, let it go.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Another person said, welcome, I've been there with family. I
don't call you and call him loans. I just say
you're one time, get money out of me. Event this
and don't ask me again. I think it just made
things easier. I expect them to tem back, but I'm
also not a payday loan. Then the third one goes
on and say I'll do one loan, then never get
into him paid back. I was treated as a gift
in my head, so there aren't any hard feelings when
(04:58):
it doesn't get paid back. But I only have one
to loom with any given person.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
M hmm, yeah, that's yeah. If I'm being honest, I am.
I am currently out somebody from a family member, but
I'm not how long has it been. It's been over
a year. It's probably been almost two years now. There's
been no like deadline or anything like that. No, I'm
not going to bring it up either because I already
(05:24):
gave it out in the known that I may not
get it back, so I'm not pressed about it. If
it comes back to me, great, yeah, and I would
be grateful and thankful, But because of who the person is,
I'm not gonna be petty or spiteful or anything about it.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Now.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
If it was like a friend friend, somebody who like
isn't like family family, but I don't see as like
a serious friend or anything like that. Then yeah, I'm
probably gonna hand him for it a little bit. But
I mean souation right now, know that, because I know
that I'm owed money from said person, I just won't
(06:04):
be loaning any money to that person.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Again until you get your money to get the runny back.
But yeah, I'm usually I mean for a while there,
I was kind of on the other side of the equation.
I'm wondering the money, you know. But I would never
go to them there, because you know, I never felt
right taking money from other people. You know, It's like
I'd rather go broke take the money.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
It is rare that I asked anybody for anything, yeah,
let alone for money. I don't even call home and
ask my mother for money. Uh huh, I could. She
ain't got it, but if she had it, she found
a way to get it and would give it.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
But I'm not gonna do that to her.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, And if it's like one of those cases there,
I've never gone more than like a week or two
without paying somebody backs. I ever had to borrow money
off people, because I remember one time my car booted.
This is like years and years and years ago there,
and I.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Just one time I borrow some money when my car
got told yeah one time.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, because you just need a lot of money at
once there and just you need it fast and so
in this case then you know so.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
Because what you're not gonna do is toell my car
and hold it for two and three days talking about
it's seventy five to one hundred and twenty five hours
a day or what not.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
The faster you can get it back, I mean, the
better off you'll be.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And I literally get paid in two days.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Yeah, I'm gonna need the ball about a one hundred
and fifty from you real quick.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Let me go and grab this off of.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Here, let me borrow that, and I'll pay you back
in two days with interest.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
You know. Oh that's nice of you. Man.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Well two days of interest is not gonna be too much,
but you.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Know, you know it just you said, oh, you're just
saying you get interest. You get interest if I pay
you back later than what I said.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I was, Okay, well fair enough, then I guess right. Yeah,
But anyways, we're gonna go ahead here and get on
to the second story. So the second story is am
I the asshole for laughing at what my coworker said
I thought was a joke myself. Another manager, Joe go
figure at a workplace, both of us approximately the same
(08:12):
age and men were talking with one of our employees,
Ryan about the plans for next week. Joe has a
dry sense of humor and says a lot of jokes deadpan.
As we were wrapping up, Joe told Ryan to do
a task for him and Ryan responded sure. Joe then said,
with a straight face, no, don't say short, you say yes.
I thought that was kind of a weird joke and
laughed a little. Ryan just said yes and went about
(08:34):
his day. After this, Joe asked me why I laughed,
and I said I thought he was making a little
joke about him being picky with responses. Joe said, it's
not picky, explaining that I told him to do something.
It's the command from his manager, not a request. By
saying sure, he's trying it like his request that he
has discretion on his part. By saying yes, he's showing
that he understands he needs to follow orders. He then
(08:55):
told me it was rude for me to laugh at
what he said in front of our employee. I sort
of see where it's coming from with that. Sure it
sounds more casual, but it seems super uptating in its
part to react that way. I didn't apologize for laughing
at what he said, and I feel like I.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Owe him one.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Don't tell me I can't laugh because what I know
is the way that you said that. What I wouldn't
do is probably take that I don't. I don't care
how much I need this job or whatever. What you
won't do is if I say sure, I'm gonna do it,
then yes, I will get around to it. If it's
something that you need me to do right now, just
tell me that it's urgent. You don't have to demand
(09:33):
that I say yes.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
You don't. I could say yes and still take my time.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Right or still not do it even if you said yes.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah. You know.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Now, is this somebody that maybe doesn't like taking direction
from you or something?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I guess Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Then if that's the case, if this person doesn't really
like taking direction from you, then I can understand why
you being a little salty. But maybe that's a work
dynamic or something that Sean figure out.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
We don't. We don't know the work down your nets
between those two there, so we don't know whether he
isn't in the past have been kind of flipping him
out stuff.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
You know.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
It sounds like a joke to me, like, oh, you
need to say yes instead of sure.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Sounds like I would probably laugh.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Too, because, like I said, what we also went across
my head was I know you ain't talking to me
like that, right, I didn't be I didn't even do anything.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Sounds like Joe needs a chill pill.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
You know.
Speaker 4 (10:27):
So the next time that you have to do something
for Joe or whatever, I would say sure, just to
see if he said that's great, Sure, I'll.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Get to it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I'd probably be more likely to say sure, you know, because.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Because I make you man now, I'm definitely gonna say sure, sure, sure, yeah,
Sure I got it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Sure Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
I think comments agree with us there not the asshole
Joe is. Though it's not a command. Ryan has a choice.
He's allowed to say no if he wants to make
him fired, but it's still part of his choice.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Honestly, if I was running and the sort of micromanagement
would have me on indeed the next day, who needs
a shit from obviously a minimum wage job, and I
would suck it up until I can get out of there.
The other comments are pretty funny too. I got hired
as a senior consultant making six figures. When I got hired,
my manager told me to log my brakes, including bathroom
and excel. And I simply said, no, I'm good at
(11:21):
my job. I won't get my work done. I'm not
playing that game. It wasn't brought up again. I mean,
I'm sorry, if you're making six figures a year, that's
the last thing they should be doing to you there is,
you know, micromanaging you. I mean unless they want you
to quit, right. I was ready to say, sounds like yeah,
it sounds like you don't have me quit if you
(11:42):
stay on my back like that. Yeah, And I'm glad
that he was like, Nope, not doing it there, and
they didn't bring it up again there. And then the
last one's pretty interesting. The restrooms at a radio station
near where I lived for a while had fitted locks
where you had to check out the key and essentially
log time in and out of the restroom. This brilliant
idea was backed up to be a strong suggestion of
(12:03):
three bathroom breaks per day. This policy lasted one week.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
How are you going to tell me how many times
I can go to.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
The bath until the female DJ from the Am Curve
brought it up in a discrimination lawsuit that you know,
as she was pregnant. The legal team for that corporation
that a face palm, fired a manager, the locks and
logs came off the bathrooms for everyone. Best part, pregnant
djspuilled the beans on the air because she just didn't
give a fuck. I mean, having worked in media myself, yeah,
(12:35):
I mean that sounds something stupid they would do there,
you know, because it was just kind of like, Okay,
you know, why are you trying to get your employees
to hate you? You know, what purpose does that have there?
You know, if you're trying to get them to work more,
demeaning them and making them feel less than human, I
don't think is the way to do it, not at all.
(12:57):
So but AnyWho, AnyWho, that's growth. Yes, AnyWho, I guess
we're coming up towards break time, So we're gonna go
ahead here and we're gonna take a break and we'll
be right back with more of the Joe Vlassi Show
after this.
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Speaker 2 (14:31):
And welcome back to the Jube Blusted Show the Dulca Sun.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
We're back. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Anyways, We're go ahead here and get on to the
third story. Am I the asshole? Because I stopped answering
the phone? This kind of reminds me of the first
story that we ever did. But anyways, we'll go ahead
here and read this one. Hi forty five female have
been friends with someone who's also forty five female for
over thirty years. We've been through a lot together and
or connection deeply. But over the past five or so years,
(15:03):
things have shifted, and not in a healthy way. So
she only communicates my phone. I don't mean quick catchups,
I mean hours long calls. I feel more emotional baggage situations.
Every time I see her name pop up on the screen,
I get a sinking feeling. I dread picking up. But
if ignore her, she keeps calling or leaves long voicemails
(15:24):
asking if I'm mad at her. The con never calls
is always almost the same, how other people have wronged her,
how unfair life is, how she's struggling. I tried to
be a supportive friend, but there's no balance. It's never
a two way conversation. There's never a genuine interest in
how I'm doing, just a one way emotional unload. It's
(15:44):
reached a point where she's sobbed uncontrollably on the phone,
begging me to leave my husband and come live with
her because she doesn't want to be alone, and for
some ungodly reason, thought I would actually agree to the
divorce my husband of twelve years. I know how that
sounds so crazy, why to honestly little un hinge I
tried to set boundaries, gently steering the conversation towards healthier topics,
(16:05):
and even take a long pauses of communication. Nothing changes.
I repeatedly suggested to her that seek professional help therapy.
I've shared I've gone to therapy for years now and
how it's helped my relationships, mental wellness, etc. But she
flatly tells me she doesn't want to. I should also
add that we do not live remotely close to each other,
(16:26):
so we don't get a chance to spend your typical
girlfriend time together for long. More context, when we both
attended a mutual friends baby Shire recently, she is noticeably
cleaning to me. She was insistent on going to the
bathroom with me and even stepping out to my car
for a brief moment. Put her in this strange panic
looking to me, to the point that other friends noticed
her behavior and asked me about it. I said, I
(16:47):
just didn't notice it when I actually was feeling very
uncomfortable the entire time. I realize this may sound like
I'm adding to the story. I can assume you I'm
turning this down. What has transpired over the past three years.
I could write novels about similar disturber behavior and the
phone calls. Oh my god, this post is all righty
too long. So Draine demotionally expent and guilty all at once.
She's not a bad person, She's just stuck. So am
(17:10):
I the asshole for not answering her calls?
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
No, I don't think she's the asshole for I answered
my calls.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Why you are the asshole for not answer and her
calls is that is your friend, and your friend just
wants to hear from you, And unfortunately your friend just
doesn't have anything nice, lighthearted to talk about. It's always
a heavy answers and it's just the type of friend
she is.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I disagree with you there, and I'll read the first
comment and we'll go from there. You're not her free therapist.
You're not her free trauma dumping recipient. You can done
what you can by suggesting she's professional help. Now it's
time for you to take care of your mental health
by disengaging.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
I mean, all right, fine, yes you are not the
asshole I mean truthfully, but you just need to set
up some boundaries then, right that. I know, like, look,
I can't be this emotional support for you right now.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
This needs to be given. Ever. Yeah, this needs to
be on targ give and take situation. This can't be
you know, you're just going to talk and talk and
talk and be there be a wall and it's always
going to be about you know, the same ship over
and over and over again. Like I said, this kind
of reminds me of that first story that we talked
about in the first show. Yeah, it's very similar to
that there. It's just kind of like, you know, it
(18:27):
seems like a lot of these people are just kind
of like you know, they have they're so in their
head that they can't see past themselves, you know, and
realize other people have issues and feelings too that they
want to talk about, but they can't get a word
in edgewise, you know.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
I mean, has their relationship always been that type of way?
Because if that's the case, then that's just the type
of so because the type of relationship I have bought
to the table and now you realize it does not
work for you anymore.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It seems like in the past five years from what
they said in the story here, is that it's been
going downhill. And I've seen that with other people that
I know there where.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
It's kind of like, you know, you could just be
outgrowing your friend, that's all.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah. I think sometimes, you know, sometimes it comes to
a natural conclusion, you know, and maybe that's it.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Thirty years is a long time.
Speaker 4 (19:15):
I can understand why I'm not wanting to throw that away.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, but I said, I think the second comment kind
of gives us some clarification here. Not only are you
not the asshole, this might be a relationship that you
might want, and completely asking me to leave your husband,
remember that that happened. I'm not asking you to leave
your husband of twelve years for her. That's insanely selfish
of her, right like ha ha, No, No, everything he
(19:42):
describes done so suffocating. You're not her friend. She's treating
you like an emotional support object. Is if you only
exist for her own comfort. The only way I can
see this friendship being saved if you said a series
of strict boundaries. But even then, you know, it's just
it's just yeah. I mean, I mean it's just like,
you know, I feel like I think we've all had
(20:04):
this situation before where it's kind of like you have
those situations where you know, people just suck the life
out of you.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
I mean, is it that or are you just not
a type of person that likes to even be on
the phone in general? So like just the factah that
she calls you so much, you can be like, look,
I don't even like being on the phone. Can you
just like type it up sending in an email?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I respond, base, Well, that's kind of funny you mentioned
that there, because I actually had a somebody messaged me
something here one time. I guess they were having some issues.
I'm not going to go into them or anything like
that here, but let me go ahead here and see
if I can find it in my phone here, And yeah,
(20:51):
it's just one of those cases here it is. Take
a look at us here, look at my phone real quick.
Oh yeah, no, don't look how long this messages? Don't
send me a dissertation, lemby you throw it backwards. Okay,
this is another message. I mean, we could write a book.
That's what's going on here.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Point if you're going to type all of that, you
might as well send that in a voice note.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Well, then I talked to this person on the phone.
It's just kind of like, you know, I mean, it's
just boy, No, I didn't know where to start at.
You know, there's so much going on in here.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
It's kind of.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
If it is going to be super long, or your
paragraphs have now shifted. You can't even see the beginning
of whatever you were saying. Maybe it's too long. I mean,
it's send it in a voice note.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, And it's just kind of like, you know what
it's like. Yes, I can listen, but I'm not an expert,
you know, in situations here, with a lot of these
cases here, you know, I mean.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
I'll pretend to be an expert all day, but I
can tell you one thing. Don't take my advice for
real now.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, I mean I can tell you what that kind
of situation, but you know.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
With two grains in thought, if you will.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Right, So, the last comment here said not the asshole
at all. She is not a friend. She's an emotional vampire.
You can start your calls with, HI, a lot going
on right now, I don't have a few minutes of talk.
Then make an excuse to cut the call short after
ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Or so they do that.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah, I've had cases where they'll call me at work
and it's just kind of like, you know, you need
to hold on for a second, I need to take
a phone call.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I need to do my job, you know kind of thing.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
So, so, yeah, you can interrupt and take over the
whole conversation and make it about you, so she just
realizes other people also have lives and problems and things
going on. You can explain to her that you're not
her therapist and she really should get one of those.
You can do all that, and she still won't value
you for anything other than emotional support being because she
literally doesn't understand what friendship is. You've had those kind
(22:44):
of cases there where it's kind of like, you know,
I had a friend of mine who lost their job
a year ago and is just kind of like the
had some other bad things happened to them, and things
just kind of gradually went downhill with them. There was
kind of like I have a feeling that without their
job they kind of lost their sense of purpose. You know,
probably so, and thus in that case, I think basically
(23:04):
what I witnessed over the next year was kind of
like like an unraveling of their self, you know. So
it's one of those things there where Unfortunately, I think
this happens to good people sometimes they're you know, I mean,
and that's is not the only friend I was talking
about that big long message. I think it happened to
my other friend there. They seem like they had it
pretty well together there, but it just seems like certain
(23:25):
events just cause kind of things unravel and it's kind
of like in those cases there, I think therapy would
be really good.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Life is life, and okay, therapy, it's probably what a
lot of us need, yea. Yet again, at least you
need an outside source. Somebody talked to I am, what
about two sessions in the therapy?
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Oh so you're saying, yeah, yeah, and how's that going?
Speaker 3 (23:51):
And I love it.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
It is taking me a while in a long time
to find someone who I feel like I'm finally gelling
with and I'm actually interested in seeing how the process
actually works and if it will actually be sort of
beneficial to me, Like.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
So like, yeah, I think everybody could benefit.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
But you know, I currently don't see anybody right now,
but I really should.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
I mean, we all say it.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
At some point you've always you said to yourself, I
should probably go talk to somebody.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I should probably go see something.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
If you've ever had that thought in your mind, go
go see them, go go go. It's hard, I will say,
it is hard to find somebody. It's hard to actually
get started. But once you finally gets somebody that you
actually like or whatever, you'll figure out. You'll figure it
out from there. But yeah, this situation, she needs to
(24:49):
definitely talk to somebody.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Problem is what therapy is is that I'm not sure
if I will be able to trust the other person.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
You know, well, if I trust was supposed to be
a part of it, then I must trust this person
because I told them everything already.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
It's only been too.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
You've unloaded on them a lot, right. Yeah, it's also
one of those things there too. It's kind of like,
you know, I've kind of had the bond with somebody first.
It's kind of I don't know, Maybe it's just the
way I am, Maybe because I'm demisexual, you know, which
means I only like fall in love with people that
I have a close emotional connection with kind of thing. So,
(25:31):
but yeah, it's one of those cases there too. With
even the type of relationship I would have with the
therapist there.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
I'm right, we need to scratch all the all the
men out there so that I would have therapist fall
in love with any of them.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Oh, anyways, we're gonna go ahead here and get on
with the last story here. The last story is and
I'm sensing a theme here and by the asshold for
exposing the fact that my homophobic uncle uses grinder thoring
Thanksgiving dinner.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
I'm to dinner. No, who grind a Thanksgiving dinner?
Speaker 4 (26:24):
If you're eating Thanksgiving dinner and on grind, but you
must be planning on top of it.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
No, no, no, I think you're missing the point slightly here.
Let me read the story. I'm eighteen and gay and
I've been out since I was twelve. My uncle is
extremely homophobic, and whenever he is in my presence, he
never wastes an opportunity to tell me that I'm going
to hell. My parents seem to be completely okay with
this and tells me they're simply old and stuck in
(26:49):
his ways and I need to learn how to deal
with it. Because he's family. My parents decided to invite
him and my wife to our Thanksgiving dinner last week,
despite my playing with them not to do so, unbeknownst
to my parents nor anyone else. About a month ago,
I was browsing on Grinder when I came across my
uncle's profile. For those who don't know, Grinder is a
gay hookup app. I opened it and screenshoted his profile
(27:11):
with all his pictures and immediately blocked him. I had
no idea what I was gonna do with this back then,
so I just kept the screenshots. Boy, you can see
where this is coming. Fast forward with the Thanksgiving When
my uncle and his wife came over, it started out
fairly smoothly, so I was hopeful that it wasn't going
to turn nasty. But then during dinner he started going
(27:31):
on a homophobic brant, although not about me specifically. I
asked him to police stop, but he continued to argue
and told me that what I'm going against the Bible
and then I'm going to hell. Oh my god. It
sounds like, yeah, he's a one way you know, like
obviously is like his one track of mind in this
you know already I hate Well, it gets worse. At
(27:52):
one point he told me to shut up, and is
that my wits end with him, and I fit a
military range. I pulled out my phone with the screenshots
and asked him to explain what this is actually saying
the screenshots of the Grinder profile. His face suddenly turned
pale and his wife started crying. They left immediately after.
Oh yeah, man. Predictably, he and his wife are now
(28:14):
in the process again divorced. My parents are now mad
at me, seeing that my nieces and nephews will now
grow up without a stable family because of me. I
stepped back of them, reminding them that it was him
who backed me into a corner and then I had
no other choice. They also demanded that I stopped using Grinder,
so I lied to them and said, I'm not using
it anymore. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I swear that's what.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
What that guy's saying?
Speaker 3 (28:45):
You know this one. It's always the loud ones. See.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
I think that people should pay attention to the people
who are the loudest, and then the people who are
the loudest and against whatever, Especially when you get in
a homosexuality, it's always somebody.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Who is wow.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
Talk about some gave people this, gave people that, and
then next thing you know they secretly or on grinder
getting their rocks all. So like the the the hypocrisy
in it, it is ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Are you the asshole? No? But should you have done that? No?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
And I would say all the commenters also agree with
you there. They basically say that everybay sucks here.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Did he deserve it? Yeah? Kind of.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
So basically one of them said, I'm gonna go with
everybody sucks here. Here's why your uncle sucks. He's a
hypocrite and a liar. So we have that part there.
Your parent should have had your back for sure. Honestly,
it was just your uncle and the crosshair. I would
have said blast away, but it sounds like, think you
need to do this before Thanksgiving. You should have contacted
the ant and let her know as soon as you
(30:07):
found out, And honestly sounds like you were preparing for this.
Your gand cousins deserved to find out in a different
way than this, and it sounds like he had a
chance before Thanksgiving, So you were the asshole to your aunt.
I hope that everything works out and hopefully he leaves
you the hell alone.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
I mean, I wasn't necessarily planning this. I just you
know had these here for my own collection in case
of an emergency, is why I have these screenshots.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
And things right and just?
Speaker 4 (30:35):
And it would have probably been a situation where I
wouldn't even have blasted these at the dinner table or
whatnot had he not kept going on. Now in his mind,
original plan would have been would to have been to
pull him to the side at some point and the
dinner after he said all of these homophobic things, and
(30:55):
then I would kindly go to him with the screenshot
and just go, is this you right? And then and
then if you want this to stay on my phone
and not to your wife.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Oh wait, so you're saying blackmailon not even blackmail.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
I mean, it probably is gonna sound like I'm blackmailing you, okay,
but I'm willing to delete this and to act like
none of this has ever happened. If you would be
as so kind as to back up off of me. Yeah,
homophobic talk that you've been talking, because clearly you are
the one lie I'm just living out loud, So stop
(31:37):
it right now, or else I will go down to
your wife.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Now what that'll do to you?
Speaker 4 (31:44):
And I don't know how your safety is involved in
your family life and all of that.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
You got to weigh those options too.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
However, I think it was one of those cases there,
like some people say it's not the asshole. I'm sorry
that the poster was not the asshole. If it is
in the closet using grinder kid usually not being in
a homeophobic dick at the time, it would be different.
You still being wrong, but yeah, you would have to
be the anshole for adding him. But given the years
of abuse that you endured from him, you're absolutely find
(32:10):
the useless nothing to make an end. I don't believe
you're trying to wreck our family just to make the
verbal assault. And the consequences aren't his plate, not yours.
I agree that person has said your uncle got is
just dessert, So sorry your aunt and the kids. It
was going to come out no pun intended visually anyways.
There and then the last person was also like, everybody
(32:31):
sucks here. It's not okay to out people is not straight.
In this case, you're adding a cheater. The fact that
he is a cheater outweigh is the fact that he
is not straight. That's why I think your outburst is
not that bad. He's been pushing you for years. He's
doing it in front of her family and his children,
showing them that such behavior is okay. Becka. However, in
my opinion, you should have talked to him one on one.
(32:52):
Is someone who knows his struggles. Honestly, you could ignored him.
Just talk to his wife. She deserves to know that
she was being cheated on, not making her marriage problems
into a share for the whole entire family. Yelling after
our family dinner was a bit of an ass foolish move, though,
so I can understand that it was kind of like, yeah,
the way that it happened.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Probably so.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
But they probably also the type of uncle that's probably
the boogie ones of the family to try to act
like they're better than anybody in the family anyway. So
to have their bubble bursted a little bit was probably
you know, a little satisfying on the.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I mean yeah, on his part, But he's also eighteen
there too. It's kind of like, you know, what the
implications of the.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Thing there which you're really lying you're probably sixteen seventeen
on the grinder and you shouldn't be, so you might
want to.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Go ahead and get up off of that.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
But it's also one of those cases there too, where
I don't think he thought through all the you know,
implications of this here where it's going to obviously affect,
you know, the relationship that he has with his aunt,
with you know, nephews and nieces and everything there. Now,
it's just it's turned it into a very complicated situation things.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
Truthfully, if my uncle was acting that way and that
was his wife and kids and stuff like that, honestly,
I probably wouldn't talk to that whole s out of
the family.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
But do you think that it would happen in that
kind of case there where it would be out of
like that.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you because you're agging it on,
because you might know that I know something that you
know that I know, but yet because it's the possibility
that you've come across my grind as well.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, so you know that I know something.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I think it was a classic case a fuck around
and find out and you know, the poster found out
and you know, the the uncle fucked the riot literally
But anyways, believe it or not, we come to the
end of another show. So I know, thanks for being
here again. I appreciate it absolutely, Thanks for having me,
(34:51):
and once again, thanks for checking out the jiw Velocity
Show is always we hope you enjoyed the show and
make sure you subscribe to using your favorite podcast apposue
don't miss an episode. New episodes drop every Monday. For
access to our websites, visit us at joe velocity dot com.
Thanks for listening it. We'll see you next week. I
have a good one, ye
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