The Lapsed Fan: The Unwrappening 2025 Day 9

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of The Lapsed Fan. This Unwrappening twenty twenty
five boss brought to you by our new friends at
livit Well.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
If you listen, if you're going to be if you're
going to join us with the Unwrappening, you better live
it right and you better want it Yes. Livit Folks
was built on a simple idea, put the most proven
performance ingredients in one system at the right doses, so
you don't need a shell full of supplements to train
at a high level this holiday season, or maybe to
work off those holiday pounds. That's a good point. You

(00:30):
need to work off those off those off the turkey,
Off the turkey sandwiches number one, the sandwiches you gotta
or work off that pumpkin pie. You gotta work off
that mincemeat pie coming up Christmas time. Yeah, a lot
to work off the New Year champagne as well. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Instead of piecing together pre workouts creating electrolytes and amino
acids from different brands, TLF proved Livit Yes brings together
the ingredients with the strongest research behind them for building
muscle and proving endurance, supporting hydration and maintaining energy. Motherfucker
activate from livit sets the tone before training with clinically
supported ingredients for focus, blood flow, endurance, and sustained energy.

(01:07):
We know something about flow, don't mean absolutely, and I'm
not talking about progressive. We know that we know about flow,
We know about flow, and we know about endurance and
going for the long haul. Recover from livit delivers what
your body relies on afterward, essential amino acids, creating electrolytes
and carbohydrates so you can rebuild muscles, stay hydrated, and

(01:29):
actually benefit from the work you put in. It's a complete,
clean system designed by doctors and former wrestlers, ladies and
gentlemen who wanted formulas based on real evidence, not trends.
If you're looking for performance and you want to do
it in a way that's TLF approved this holiday season
for the workout freak in your life, you're looking for performance,
you're looking for recovery, and you're looking for value in
one place. Live it l I V gives you all

(01:53):
of it in one system. So here's what you do,
Solar System members. As part of giving back to your
co chairs and spreading the love of TLF approved, moved
and sponsored products on to your immediate circle, Your dearest
and nearest. Visit live it Nation l I v I
T nation dot com. Use the promo code lapsed and
you'll get five percent off of your order. That's livitnation
dot com. Promo code lapsed for five percent off your order.

(02:16):
Let him know the co chairman sent you. This holiday season.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
It's the Lapsed Fan Wrestling Podcast with Jack Encarnac e
O and JP Sorrow.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
We've got an exciting Christmas program lined up produced folks.
We've been a little boys here. Every name. It's an
artificial tree, so I did artificial job at trimming. Kindness
is only excusion player in ability to adjust hollow the
reindeer the Lapsed Fan for the Million Dollar Man. Send

(02:56):
it Claus and say it's not.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
So To the Left Christmas Show twenty twenty five, The
laps Fan continues the most beloved of holiday podcast provisions
with the unwrapping part four bos What do we have next?

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Well, it's flimsy and I would normally think that it
was a magazine, but now I'm mortified that it's more script.
It's from Glenn Doza, Glenn car So Brother Illinois. I
don't know. Well, we're gonna find out what this is.

(03:41):
I'll tell you this has been one thing we've learned.
It's the fact that this is the hardest unwrapping we've
ever had to fucking jay No. For some reason, it's
like everything's triple reinforced. Every box that was a card
first before we did chairman, chairman, chairman suplex and look.

(04:13):
Loose leaf paper, loose leaf notebook paper. Now this is
the way a fucking note should begin. Merry Christmas to
my two favorite anus pluggers. You know. So it was
around June first when I found this stupid thing. Silly me,
I thought the Bronker's death would be the most do

(04:36):
you know who the bronker is? Oh, Terry Bronk. Yes,
it would be the most notable wrastling death to hit
us this year. I had asked myself what kind of
a weirdo would buy such a thing, But I not
only bought it, but also gave it as a gift
which will likely go directly into JP's fire. So there
you have it. Thank you again for another fantastic year

(04:57):
of TLF. I wait each week with breath for the
next installment of the Complete hul Cogan. As you eagerly
rip into the Holksure's truth while simultaneously ripping into our
collective assholes exactly correct. The amount of gape I experienced
weekly is frankly shameful. I hope Mama Sorrow is not
in the room while you read these again this year.

(05:18):
But if she is, yes, you're lucky this year. She
should be very proud of the way you enter us,
wreck our hole and leave us aching for it. I
should wish you was. I might just have her read
it anyway, you know, I might. I might just next
time she and I record for I might just have
her read that for wrestle Mamiaye for Wrestle Mamia available
on the moat Deer. By the way, for those patron's
unaware this holiday season, we'll be uh give me the

(05:41):
gift that counts the moat deer.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
What is that?

Speaker 2 (05:44):
That's horrifying? From here? It kind of is Saboo versus
the three Little Pigs? What is this thing? Once upon
a time there lived a crazy camel named Saboo. Sabo
w rest all around the world. He did things in
the ring that others only dreamed. Others dreamed of. Triple

(06:10):
jump moon salts. I know I do because of this.
He was considered by many to be one of the
best ever, and many camels in Japan even called number one.
Sabo Samu cammel son. This is like a children's coloring right,
Sabu counted, sheep, Did I have skip a page? Maybe

(06:32):
I did? Oh? I did skip a page. I think
have you noticed as you've gotten older, as you've now
entered your forties and you are you locking your thumb
like your grandparents used to to turn pages? I found
turn pages one happy hump day. Yep, I get it.

(06:54):
Sab was driving his sweet Oasis camper to yet another
show in the middle of nowhere east ufu ouck. I
thinks what I got. It was a long tour of
many matches for Saboo. When he was very tired, I'm
getting sleepy, Sabu said to himself. Maybe I should look
for a place to take a nappy, and that's what
he did. Sabu looked and looked and looked. Finally he

(07:18):
saw a big sign that said rest stop and figured
that was the perfect stop for a rest. Right on,
let's stay here, Peppe, he said to his trusted dog,
where's the dog introduced? Isn't that the horse that Chamiguerrero
rode in w CW. Was it a dog? Is it?

(07:38):
It was like, oh, yeah, there was a horse. Pepe
was no pe pepe pepe Yeah, pepe Pepper was a peer.
Peppe wagged his tail and agreed. So Sabou pulled over,
pulled down the blinds. So he's guess he's in a campus.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I mean these are illustrations like children's coloring books have
a camel with Sabu's head on. This is I guess
you could make a custom coloring books.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
I guess so, and pulled up the sheets, the dirt sheets.
That'd be funny. Thing goes on here? Saboo counted sheep
and it wasn't long before he was fast asleep. He
dreamt of his lovely garden back at home. He dreamt
of Super Genie. He also dreamt of one day winning

(08:25):
the ECW title, the Extreme Camel Wrestling title. All of
a sudden, all of a sudden, Saboo was rudely woken
from all of his sweet dreams with a loud thump.
Peppy was barking, what's wrong, Peppy? That's what he sounds like.
It's fine, that sounds like. That's what it really sounds

(08:48):
like he threw up the curtain and just missing three
bacon wrapped bandits making off with his fresh spinner rims,
tires and all the scene. Stay here, boy, Sabu pulled
on his boots. He rushed outside to find his camper

(09:10):
on cinder blocks. He shook his head in sorrow. Now,
ain't this some shit? No tires? How am I gonna
get to the next show? Now? Great question? Oh my god.
Just beyond the tree, Sabu heard a squeal. He couldn't
believe his eyes. There he saw the culprits in the
distance and knew exactly what he had to do. Come

(09:32):
back here, you little, you little pigs. Sabu followed the
tire thieves down there, down the path to another sign
that read Welcome to Twisty Tailed Trailer Park. Ah, yes,
I forgot. That's where the three pigs lived in. That's
where Randy of the Ram Robinson lived in. Oh, that's true.

(09:52):
Just down the dirt road, he saw the smallest of
the three pigs disappear into a crappy trailer made of hay. Yes,
it was the home of Spaz, the human pork chop machine.
Sab ran on the porker's porch. He lit up one
of his favorite cigarettes for dramatic effect and knocked on

(10:13):
the door hard.

Speaker 3 (10:15):
He's lapsed. Fan Wrestling podcast with Jack A Seo and
Jpi Sirop Wrestling Podcast.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
Letty let me in. Not by the hair of my
chetty chin chin, not for nothing, flap for the piglet
say not for nothing? No okay, as you should be
not for nothing by the terror of my chetty chin chin.
This is dangerous if you can generate your own coloring
books like this, yes, last the piglet. Wearing a towel
around his neck, Sabo was blowing up and decided to

(10:56):
catch his breath the best way he knew how, smoking braake. Well,
I'll huff or I'll puff and I'll and give you
just five more minus alet me an or else. When
he was finished, he finally shook his head. Fuck this okay,
I warned you. Saboo jumped on a shrub, bounced off
a mailbox, and flew high up into the air way

(11:16):
up of the trailer triple jump. Then he bounced off
a power line to complete his trademark wrestling move, the
triple jump Moon Salt. Like the triple jump camel, salters,
he sounds like it to triple jump camel tooe maybe
hero what He came crashing down on the trailer, breaking
it right in half. Straw flew everywhere as Spaz ran
down the road. One dire is not gonna be enough

(11:38):
to get me to the show tonight, Sabou said, and
at that he was off to find the next one.
Spaz made his way to a big, double wide trailer
made of bamboo sticks. The homicidal camel Sidle Saboo Camelson
was hot on his tail at him until the door

(12:00):
slammed right in his face. Sabo looked up and saw
that the red door red home of Bam Bam pigolow.
Sabo knocked hard. Little pigs, little pigs, let me in
not find the hand of my double chitty chit chins.

(12:20):
Bam Bam laughed the second larger pig with tattoos on
his head. I fucking can't with this shiit. Sabo took
another deep drag off his sig again. Oh halfing, I'll
buffo fuck this. Sabu grabbed a lawn chair and climbed
up the closest tree. Sabo crawled out of the highest

(12:41):
branch and jumped down onto a trailer with an Arabian facebuster.
Splinters flew everywhere. These illustrations are wild, They are wild.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Him doing like the the ladder behind the chair behind
his his feet and the leg dropped like an Arabian thing.
Arabian facebuster.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Bam bam, Piccolow and Spaz squealed in. They tore down
the road with their tails between their legs and toothpicks
in their backsides. I don't know where that comes from. Frankly, Sabo,
of course, was right behind them. Just before catching out.
The porkers made their escape into a giant brick house. Frustrated,

(13:19):
Saboo stepped onto the porch, clenching all his camel fingers
and all his camel toes. There it is little pigs,
little pigs. Let me in. The door swung open, and
there stood the biggest little pig he ever saw. Who

(13:44):
you call it? Little Sabo stopped. He looked up at
the at the giant pig, then over at the mailbox.
This was indeed the home of the pig show.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh my god, with the singlet that's funny, the show show.
It was brilliantly written. This supposed to be this is
really funny. Write this In the version of a child
child story, Spaz and Bam Bam Piccolow jumped out with
the pig show. The boars began to beat the wrestling camel,
hitting in with everything they could get their little piggy

(14:17):
fingers on as the butter roast beat the butter the
butter yep, as the butter roast as the butt roast
rather sorry butt roasts.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Okay, I guess it's funny too. Is much better. As
the butt roast beat down continued and other trailer park
pigs came out on the scene, including Pig Hayman and
the pig boss Man I get it. Yeah. Sabu tried

(14:49):
to fight back, but it was no use. There were
just too many. There was nowhere he could hide, and
no amount of camel flags yes yes, yes could save him.
Out of nowhere a trailer trash beer swilling swine named

(15:16):
the Sandham blindside of stab the Sandman Cane. He hit
our hero so hard that he immediately knocked him out.
When Sabu awoke, he found that he was While he
was unconscious, he had been hog tied by the hogs.
It's no use, he thought, as the meaty mob dragged
him off to a certain doom, I'm done for. Just

(15:36):
as those dirty pigs were about to throw him into
the lake, he heard splashing, thought, I skipped cash. Yes
it was Rob Van Dolphin. I'd look at him. RVD,

(16:03):
aka the Blowhole fin Show, jumped up on the dock.
His big tail knocked most of the pigs into the
water with one giant swoop. Then he spun around in
midair and hit the pig show with his patented finishing
maneuver splashing thunder. The pigs tried to fight, tried fighting back,
but this new tag team was just too much for them.

(16:25):
In the end, the unlikely pairing of Kamel and Dolphin
prevailed fucking camp with his shit. This is fucking this
is really cool. I'm looking at this artwork like this
is amazing. Thanks Rob Van Dolphin, Sabo said, as the
dust settled and the last swine fell. No problem, dude,
he said. After that, RVD helped Saboo put his tires

(16:46):
back on the Oasis mobile home camper. What time is
it four twenty, plenty of time to make it to
the next show. Thanks to you, Sabo said, Why are
you thinking of what I'm thinking, A little blaze and glaze. Wow,
the dolphin asked, they ate the greatest pulled pork dinner ever.

(17:09):
I lived happily ever after the end, I take a
look at this thing? Who sent this again? I don't
wait a minute with the.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
Written by Sabu and Kenny Casanova. So it's bedtime stories
w O h W dot com. We know that's walking
on hot waffles. You know Kenny Casanova, the author of
Sabo's Autobigraphy and many others. But it's just so wacky
and stupid. But it looks like a totally legit coloring.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah it does, it does it totally does. No big
show to call him Pam Pam pigelow bam bamigelow. And
that's us. We came up with that. Well we had
is this We have Hamham Hamham bigelowelo's we had Hamham
piccolow cool idea. Well that's very funny.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
For seeing anything like this, super cool and on the
back that it's got camel Saboo doing the one finger
pose with sausage links and many other forms of meat
hanging from the tree branch.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Unreal.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Well that's a fun one man and yeah, we did.
You know, it's so easy in the complete Holk cooaging
to forget about Saboo, Sid and Virgil. These tribute shows.
We did these one off tribute kind actually in the
last couple of years. We know Scott Funk, of course,
the lapsed Funk. I mean, I consider that even a
journey Mike Tyson, Steve Austin Michaels so much in the archive,

(18:36):
and uh, for some reason, I think anytime I ever
think about the Saboo tribute down, but I think about
that coloring book.

Speaker 2 (18:41):
I know it's exactly it, and I forgot we even
did a Savage.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
I'll tell you a lot brought you on the wrapping
with a bronkster had more to come under the tree
on the day Electristmas shows.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
A production of the Lab Entertainment Group. It's content is
intended for brevity use only we say hop say we
wanted the songs a