September 24, 2025 • 43 mins
Create Your Character: The Lonely Road This episode explores the journey of self-discovery—navigating solitude, forging your own path, and embracing personal growth. From feeling lost to stepping into your true identity, we break down what it takes to create yourself, even when the road feels empty. 🎯 What You’ll Get: The challenges of walking your own path How solitude can lead to self-discovery The power of resilience and reinvention Real stories of transformation and growth 💥 Partnered with GFUEL – Use code RMTS at checkout for 20% off! 👉 Subscribe & Join the Journey – This season is all about real talk, growth, and carving your own way forward. Like, share, and subscribe! 💬 Let’s Talk – Have you ever felt alone on your journey? Share your story in the comments—we’re in this together. 🔗 Follow for More: Stay inspired daily @HotloadsZac on X.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back, boys to the lonely Road. We're here to
join you on your journey to heal and become a
better human. I back kJ as always make sure to
use code R and TSG fuel for twenty percent off.
And obviously on this Irish day, this Irish week, Yes,
I wanted to be a smart ass. And I think
(00:22):
it's funny. I've had a really good day if I
feel really good. And I think a lot of that
is to do with trying to change things and growing
and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.
And we were sitting here just brainstorming topics on what
we wanted to talk about, because it wasn't like one
of those weeks where it's like this needs to be
talked about now, right, And obviously, with kJ doing lots
(00:45):
of changes recently and meet the whole entire fucking life
changing day by day, it feels it feels like everything
kind of is going, not even in a circle, but
like such a linear line where it's like, Okay, you
can change things, you can affect things right now, but
there's not much effect to the way your life is going.
(01:06):
So I think talking about changing your life or feeling boring.
Bored with life is kind of like a great fucking
topic for right now, because there's so many ways to
just feel like you're in the fucking doubts of bullshit
and you know, feeling like nothing's changing. Yeah, and damn,
that's it's fucking hard.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
That's stagnant, the stagnant, uncomfortable feeling of just being stuck
somewhere and not moving forward, and of no, like you're
not in control of the situation. So you have to
relinquish that control in your life. That's very prevalent is
that you can only do so much. You have to wait. Yeah,
(01:51):
it's a lot of a lot of waiting, and that
can be.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Very realizing what that timeline is, regardless of if it's
your timeline or some else's timeline or even an entire
other entities timeline. You have to realize whose timeline it is,
what your stuff is that's on the timeline, and how
you have to fucking accomplish it, because some days it
gets really, really fucking and really weird to kind of
(02:15):
put the pieces together and understand.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh, for sure, you kind of got to sift through
the puzzle pieces and find out which ones you can
put together and which ones you have to wait for,
like you know, I mean you put together. The way
I start a puzzle is I put together the outside first,
and that I work my way in as I see
as I move the puzzle pieces to different parts depending
on what colors there are. So it's hard to sort
(02:41):
out those pieces so that you can make sense of
it all. And also while you're making sense of it all,
you have to be able to relinquish what you know,
do what you can, and do everything you can to
move forward, but also have the humility and the wherewithal
(03:02):
too to know when to just let it be and wait.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And it's such a surreal kind of feeling exactly what
that is.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
With my ADHD. If it's something that's in somebody else's control,
I almost want to strangle it. And I struggle with
YouTube and TikTok with that as well, because it's like
I knows the content this year, so I want to
strangle it because it's like, you guys need to see it.
You guys need to see it all now, and the
fact that it doesn't get seen now frustrates the piss
(03:36):
out of me. Or like peaks and valleys, of what
that viewership is will almost make me fucking just strangle
it because it's like, oh, just put it out there
and it'll be seen as like that's so so blinded.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, yeah, it's not that easy for sure.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
It's it's weird because it's like I I like doing
that with everything. Like I was going through text messages
and stuff for court and it's like, Okay, you're giving
me too much, and I'm like, nope, I'd rather give
all context and you use whatever you want to use
than sit there and not give enough. It's like I
have to give everything because if I forget one thing
(04:17):
that I want to give, I will forget everything you
want me to give. And it's just like I'd rather
give too much. I'd rather give too much.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, as long as what you're giving is solid like
evidence and fact based stuff, because you can absolutely give.
Because I feel like that's happening on the other end
of the spectrum is that it's getting too emotional and
it's seeping out where she's trying not to make it
(04:45):
seep out, but it's seeping out because the mask tends
to melt off and under pressure.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It's so surreal to kind of look at it in
that way and be like, okay, so how do I
how do I make myself so I don't strangle something?
And it's almost like I have to make myself so busy,
or at least make myself feel busy, even if that's
just sitting you're playing fucking video games like a fucking idiot.
I have to make myself feel like I'm busy enough
(05:15):
to where okay, I can do this for an hour.
I could do that for an hour and then just
segment everything I have to fucking do, even if it's
relaxing and kind of segmenting myself that way that it's
like I have to do that for fucking everything, because
it just becomes so regimented that it makes it so
much easier to kind of handle and put together. And
it's really interesting to kind of look at that.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Yeah, it is. I've never really thought of it that way.
Like I guess when I'm having a really hard time
with life and I'm going through it on those days,
I have to take it little by little, so I
guess I can see, you know, the segmenting up. And
that's when I do segment things up, is when I'm
really having a hard time. But usually my days just
(05:58):
basically flow, you know, I have.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You get used to that normal. This is what I do,
This is what I do. This is what I do.
Because like if you change an hour, two hours out
of your day and say, okay, that's a completely different day. Yeah,
it's a completely different day. Those two hours are a
big chunk of your day when you don't change all
of it ever, So I'm sure that that definitely impacts
it if you think about it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Nop. Yeah, absolutely else another piece of the big puzzle.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yeah, Well it's interesting because I'm sure that a lot
of you guys want to change something about yourself or
you want to fix something about yourself, and that's why
you're here. Like, we don't expect you to listen for
fucking five years and never fucking leave us. We want
you to grow and keep going and suggest us to
the people in your life that you know are hurting
or need help at that time or need a voice.
And you're like, well, whatever I'm saying came from these people,
(06:52):
so listen to them and maybe that they could help you.
We don't want you to be here for forever, so
change and fix the things that you got to fix.
And move forward. And it's it's weird when you're in
a time to change. It's weird when you're bored with
life and you just want to kind of articulate what
you want to do and shift the way that that
(07:13):
light is hitting you or your life in that aspect.
And it's really kind of interesting just to shift it
in that way and go from like, oh, well, I
don't I stop showering every day and it's like, no, Zach,
you have to hold yourself accountable, get up, stop allowing
yourself to be depressed, change it, fix it and put
it back together.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yep. Yeah, Or I need to.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Get up and do something. Oh I need to get
up and do this or do that. And it's shifting
your life in that way can impact and change everything
if you just see what the fuck you need to do.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, for sure, people are not alone, like you may
think that they're the only one that's going through something
of like this, you know, or something so dark, or
you not remembering to brush your teeth or you know,
shower you should you. When you get into depression, you
definitely are not taking care of yourself like you should yourself.
(08:07):
You know, self care habits go down the drain, you
know sometimes, And it's interesting because I feel like you know,
with our stories and the way we bounce ideas off
each other. And I think it's an inspiration for others
to grow and want to make a change if they
don't like what they see and know they're not alone
(08:29):
and people, other regular people are wanting to change as well.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
It's hard to hold yourself accountable for your bullshit. Almost yeah,
you look at the mirror and you're like, oh, well,
I don't like the person I becoming. I don't like
the husband I am. I don't like the dad I am.
I don't like the wife that I am, or I'm
not the wife I want to be or the husband
I want to be. It's like, okay, so break that
down to a level of okay, so what is a
(08:56):
wife or a husband, or a significant other or a
dad or mom that you want to be? What puts
those puzzle pieces together? Have a conversation with those people
around you, say okay, well this is how I'm feeling.
How do you feel in that situation? How do I
put these pieces back together in a way that is
acceptable to you? What makes me better? How am I
better in this situation or that situation and figure it out.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, I feel like at the base of it, although
before you get to that step, you have to do
the self inventory. You know, you have to absolutely find
out what year about. And if you don't know who
you are in certain situations or on certain you know,
topics or things that you go through in life, things
(09:41):
that affect your life. Take an inventory on those things
because you're going to find that as you get older,
they may not align with other beliefs that you have,
they may be contradictory. And you don't want to be
a flimsy person. You want to be able to be
a strong backbone and stand tall for what you believe
(10:04):
in before you can radiate that outwards and you know,
ask others view. I feel like it needs to innately
start with yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, And I remember saying this on h RMTS at
some point. I don't remember if it was last week,
maybe it was a week before, but I said it
starts with something that Jordan Peterson said is you have
to be ballsy enough and accept the world and yourself
enough that you can sit on your bed, you can
(10:35):
look at the fucking mirror and say what is wrong
with me what the fuck is wrong with me? And
you know you might not fucking like the answer. Oh yeah,
don't fucking do it. No, you're ready to fucking change it.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You're probably not gonna like the answer. Let's just say
that first out front, because I didn't like the answer.
I was like no. And then something happens and you're like,
oh yeah, yeah, and then you end up tracing that
back to the last time, and then the last time,
and then you trace it back to the route and
you're like, holy crap.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, whether that's childhood or relationships. You look back at
yourself and you're like, okay, so what fucking caused this?
What disconnect made me shift so far from what my
center was before and what my morality is or whatever
that is. How the fuck do I fix this in
a way that is acceptable?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
And that becomes so distorted and so warped if you
don't look out at yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It does, but it needs to be acceptable for you,
you know, first and foremost, and you have to be
real with yourself about what your reality really is, like,
what you really believe, what you really think, and be
(11:55):
ready to stand on that and back it up. And
it's a hard thing to do sometimes, especially when it's
against the grain, when it's against what people find socially acceptable.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And what that socially acceptable thing is changes depending on
who's leading who's you know, So don't think that you
know this. This changing your life or fixing yourself or
fixing your life, or whatever the fuck you want to
call it, is just based off of the people who
are in power, the people that are around us, or
the people that are around you. You have to look
(12:35):
at this. It's a intrinsic story within you. How do
you fix yourself back to the way that you are
supposed to be?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
How do you make the best version of you out
of the person that you are now.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And then let it radiate out to your family and
loved ones.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Is it fixing the fact that you haven't put down
a bottle in you know, six seven years, or is
it you know, realizing that you got to shower every day,
or that you have to get up and get out
of your bedroom because you haven't seen anybody in six months.
There's so many different things that you could change today.
I sure effect you for years. Yeah, you have to
(13:12):
be tired of your bullshit enough to accept that you're
doing wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yeah, accountability do you have to be able to could
be a behavior that a loved one finds offensive and
you don't think it's offensive, but taking that into consideration,
being able to look inwards and saying, even though I
may not find that offensive, the person that I love
or somebody that i'm that i'm close with a relationship
(13:37):
that i'm close with, finds that thing offensive. Do I
want to make them feel that way? Do I want
to have them feel that way? And then if you
want that relationship to continue, change that behavior moving forward.
I'm not saying everything about you has to change, but
that's the nature of compromise.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, And I actually don't even agree with that. With
that sought process is I don't think you compromise with yourself. No,
like with who you should be and who you are
and the things that you want to be. You don't
compromise with those.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Oh, I'm not saying compromise with who you are.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I just that's how I took it. I was like,
I don't even think you'd do that, because, like, if
you compromise with who you are, you might look in
the mirror back in four or five years and you're like,
I don't fucking like who I am.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
No, that's exactly down to.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Be this person and you know you don't want to
be it anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
No, that's not what I meant at all. That's it was.
It was more I don't That's why I feel like
you have to go inside yourself first and find out
what you want, stand on that cement that, and then
move outwards. I absolutely say that.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, I'm unmedicated today, so like ADHD mind is just.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
No, no, no, That's why I'm explaining it. You know, it's
just outwardly. Uh. Then you can go outwardly and find
out if you you know, if there's a problem in
a relationship and there's a behavior that you need to change,
you can take your accountability for that and change behaviors.
But after you have dealt with the internal cementing of
(15:15):
who you are and what you're standing on.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, I think I think first and foremost. And it
goes with what we were talking about before this. It's
like the first thing you do is you fix the
inner ground that you are. You don't okay, so if
you go to the gym, that obviously affects your mental
health and makes it better and does this, it does that.
(15:39):
But you're not working on you physically first. You're working
on your mental health of being able to hold yourself
accountable and do it. Because if you go for a
week and then you fall off the fucking bandwagon, you're
just gonna feel like shit again. So you have to
hold yourself accountable enough to understand that you have to
fucking do it. It's not it's not, you know step one.
Step one is holding yourself acountable and realizing what the
(16:01):
fuck you want to change?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah, no, realizing that you need change. A lot of
people are just like I don't need therapy or I
don't need to change. Well, you should probably take a
deeper look in because there's probably not many humans on
earth that could not use a little introspection and a
little bit of self betterment in there in some part
(16:27):
of their lives.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
And if you are one of those people that say, oh,
I don't want therapy, I don't agree with it, I
don't you can you get therapy from your fucking friends.
The thing is, yeah, is you don't want two fucking things.
You don't want somebody who's going to sit there and
say that you're right all the time. You want somebody
that's going to disagree with you, is going to push
(16:50):
your fucking buttons, is going to sit here and say
when you're doing right and when you're doing wrong. And
you don't want somebody that's going to sugarcoat something.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
For sure, you don't want to a neckor chamber.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
If you can't do either of those things, go get
yourself on one of those mental health lists, buddy, because
you fucking need it, yep.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
And if you know you don't, you don't trust it
or whatever. Start with reading books about the things that
may be an issue. If anger is an issue, or
if drinking is an issue, or if you know, yelling
is an issue, or if outbursts are an issue, or
whatever the issue may be, you you can find literature
(17:34):
on it. And if you don't read books on download,
you know podcasts all over the place that will help
you do whatever it's it's wanting. First, you have first,
you first, and foremost. You have to want any kind
(17:55):
of change.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You got to realize it, and then you gotta want it,
and you gotta then figure out to fucking plan on
how to do it.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And you can't be disheartened by the fact that there's
fucking shit wrong with you. There's fucking shit wrong with everybody.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
And if you can't look at yourself and say, hey,
they're shit wrong with me, and you can't listen to
other people say that they're shit wrong with you, then
realize there is a term for that. Yeah, and it's narcissism.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah. I mean, if somebody tells you something and you
hear it's someone a loved one in your life tells
you something more than one time, and it's a repetitive
thing and it keeps happening, that may be something that
you might want to look into. Not saying it's always
the case. I'm just saying it might be something that
(18:47):
you might want to turn around and look inwards about.
And if you can't do that, you very well might
be the problem.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, And that is such a weird thing to look
at and be like, Okay, I wasn't the problem here,
I wasn't the problem there. I was a problem here.
I was a problem in this situation, in that situation,
And these are the reasons why you might not even
be the cause of the problem that you were the
problem in it. Could have been a retaliation, it could
(19:17):
have been a reaction, it could have been anything. But
the thing is is you have to realize why you
reacted and why you're the problem in those situations, figure
out if you accept it, and if you don't accept it,
you own your fucking shit. I did that, it didn't
like how I reacted, and fucking change it. If you
can't change the impulse, and fucking work on fixing it.
(19:42):
And then it goes to working on the psychology of it,
the brain, chemistry, the physical shit. And I think that's
at the point where I am, and it's a very
very interesting place. So I'm not going to say exactly
what some of the things are that I'm going to do,
because who the fuck knows if it's even logical, But uh, personally,
(20:04):
I'm going to change a few things about myself and
see exactly what I can do. I'm going to include
a few things in some of the things that I
do every day and see if I can physically see
a change. Currently, I've stopped taking my anxiety medication. I've
stopped beating all breads and refined grains because I don't
(20:25):
know exactly what's going on with my gut or what
the fuck is going on because I'm having problems with
Joshua intestinal shit and possible silly acts disease or a
red allergy or something, and I just needed to break
it down to what I'm used to see if I
can genuinely figure out exactly what's going on. But I
also I think I'm gonna start working on trying to
figure out exactly how to try and put my brain
(20:50):
back together because I feel so.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I feel so.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Scrambled, and like I was watching this video last night
about a famous person's like physical trauma and a whole
bunch of other things that were going on with him,
and he was talking about how they teach you to
heal from concussions and stuff like that, or like if
you take this, and this, sometimes this, sometimes even things
(21:17):
like chocolate can help you like regain the neurochemistry and
the physical problems with your brain. It was like, Okay,
so I wonder if those things affect ADHD and PTSD
and the problems that you know, mental illness creates in
your brain, because obviously your brain isn't all a physical problem,
(21:41):
Like yeah, you fall, You're going to disconnect some of
those neurons and stuff like that, but there's still damage
there that's not realized. It could be done by your emotions,
it could have been done by like all of the
different little things that you do. Whether it affects your
brain chemistry, affects your emotional state, affect your reaction time,
(22:01):
your impulse, whatever that is. There's a million things that
your brains control, so affecting the way that it able
to regrow can genuinely impact how you're able to feel
as a human tomorrow. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go
down this road and try and figure out exactly what
kind of science experiment I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna
(22:23):
I'm gonna figure this shit out, and I'm gonna turn
myself into a fucking test tube, and we're gonna see
if I can put myself back together in a better place.
Because there are some days where I feel like I
am so fucking there and I have all of the
thought processing power of somebody that you know has all
of those degrees on their wall. And then there are
some days where I feel like I'm a knuckle dragger
and I absolutely can't put it up together. So you know,
(22:49):
I'm right here along with you guys, like I want to.
I want to change myself and see if I'm able
to exactly how to do this. So at some point,
if I actually do see a positive impact on this,
I'm going to go through and I'm gonna show you
guys exactly what I did. But and I'm interested. I'm
interested because, like when I was consuming a whole bunch
of energy drinks and stuff like that every day, I
(23:12):
was doing rather good mentally, but mental health wise, I
was very bad. I healed my I've healed my mental health.
Now I've cut out almost all sugar in my entire
diet again. And now I'm going to see exactly what
the top level of human I can be. Is can
I heal my fucking PTSD physically? Like I've healed as
(23:34):
much of the emotional trauma and situations that I can.
But is there like neuro chemistry shit in my brain
that obviously nobody can see without an MRI or something
like that or CT scan that you can't see on
the outside. Is there things like memory loss or things
like that that I can regain and help and change
(23:56):
that I can affect right now? And if I can
affect that right now, and I can affect that in
a month or a month and a half. Imagine what
I am then. I don't know. I think it's an interesting,
you know, thought experiment.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, for sure, if you're feeling you know, mixed up
and scrambled, I think that definitely the first thing to
do is recognize that, and now you need to figure
out the change that you need to make. And I
think that you're you know, figuring out your path. I
think that's great. You need to you need to do
(24:31):
something if you're feeling scrambled, that's for sure, because that's
not a comfortable feeling at all.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well, it's you know, fifteen years worth of being scrambled.
It's fifteen years of not realizing and feeling what real
life is.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
So it's like, okay, so now all of my reactions impulses,
every every genuine reaction I'm supposed to have to, every
single outcome in every single situation is shaken a little bit. Yeah,
I have twenty twenty five years of being told that
I'm arrogant and egotistical and too intelligent, and then I
probably should calm down. So now it's like, okay, let's
(25:11):
put this all back together in a better fucking package.
Because what am I if I if I better these things?
What am I if I don't have the traumatic responses
of CPTSD or PTSD? How many people could we help?
If I am right and I'm on the right path?
And you know this, this thought based science actually is
(25:33):
like physical science that you could do and replicate in
multiple people. How many people could we help? Then? But
if I wouldn't do it to myself, then there's your
reason for any of you guys to be like, oh, well,
Zach makes sense. Sack's somewhat smart, he's a dipshit online.
Now I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna look at myself
(25:53):
and be internal about it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a correlation. I feel. It's
what you put into your body and what the output is.
Input is directly related to output in that sense, I feel.
So if there's something that you can do to enhance
or repair something that's going on, then that's gold. You know,
(26:19):
if you can find the person with the gold, because
if it exists, it's there.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Well, he said that, he said this amazing thing that
he was told by by physical doctors and mental health
specialists when you're talking about yeah, he's I talked to
my doctor about it too. But his name's Travis Pastrana.
He's a X Games writer and he's broken like every
single bone in his body, and he's like, you know,
(26:46):
I broke every single one of these bones in my body.
I did it this way, I affected this, I did that.
And you know, the worst things I dealt with were concussions.
It wasn't me breaking my foot, it wasn't almost getting
my leg amputated. It was the brain chemistry just not
fucking being right, not feeling okay enough to fix this
(27:08):
or fix that, and having emotional reactions to everything. And
it's like, okay, So I'm finally feeling like I'm coming
out of having emotional reactions to everything. Like That's what
PTSD is is every single situation, you feel like you
have to emotionally react and not just like bring it
back and look at it logically and react in the
way that you're supposed to. And I'm finally starting to
(27:30):
do that with every situation instead of just the ones
where I could force myself to, So like, I'm I'm
altering this in real time and healing it in real time.
So now I'm like, okay, So the physical situations of
these situations may not be the same as a concussion,
It may not be the same as like a physical trauma,
but obviously the like brain only injures in so many
(27:52):
different ways. So if I do these certain things, will
it impact me in a positive light or in a
positive way and kind of put those things back together
in a more positive way to where it isn't an
emotional reaction always, to where I can heal those reactions
and like maybe the actual physicality of my brain and
(28:13):
that shit. And also there's positive out positive outlooks on
things like Alzheimer's and dementia and diabetes too. I believe
he said if you look at these things in that way,
so all of those things are positive as well, oh.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
For sure, because it's going to directly affect your you know,
your physical health as well. If you're you know, dictating
what you know goes in your body, well.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
It's just so much easier to hold yourself accountable when
you're realizing what you're doing right, or realizing what you're
taking or realize, like the more you become regimented and
stuff like that, and you're hyper aware as much easier
to kind of just realize in real time exactly what's
going on.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Right, right, guys? Right? I was? I I find that
I have done that with caffeine. I've cut down, you
know how I used to drink coffee. I've cut down
my coffee to just a couple cups a day, cups
like regular sized cups, regular sized cups like coffee cups, mugs.
(29:17):
So it's just it's it's interesting to me because I'm
feeling much less on edge, a much less shaky in
my chest, much much more calm, and it's nice.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
There's weird pseudoscience behind that too, is like where that
caffeine comes from. Whether it's coffee, whether it's soda, whether
it's energy drinks or things like gfuel, all of those
individually will make you feel different. You can consume a
caffeine pill and you will feel completely different than drinking
four cups of coffee back to.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Back to back or Sure. Caffeine pills make me feel
completely different. It's like a full body caffeine.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
And you just feel you feel buzzy, and you're like,
oh God, everything's working at top efficiency your life. I
don't know if all the band aids and duc dapes,
gonna hold this, but I'm going.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Right now here, I am here we go.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But and that's that's the interesting thing is like, if
you feel like you can't put your thoughts together until
you have aff a cup of coffee, replace that with
a sugar free soda and see if you have the
same feeling. Do you feel better in the morning without
that sugar, without that problem in the morning, you consume
a whole bowl of cereal in the morning or donut
(30:41):
with your coffee, change all of it and see each
little thing on how it impacts you and how it
affects you in whatever way that you're looking at life.
Because the things that you could change in your life
is everything, including the socks and under your underwear you're
wearing right now. That's how many things in your life
you can change. You can change every single fucking thing.
(31:04):
Guess what they could have a positive or negative impact.
You could be happier just freeballing it every single day
in your life and nobody will fucking know.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
No, Nope, there are countless things that you can change
about yourself. You just need to recognize if it needs
changing because you don't want to again lose yourself. You
don't want to change who you are as a result
of this, but you might need to change a lot
(31:35):
of the things about who you are to be more
palatable to you and the world. You can't go popping
off at everything all the time, you know, you have
to have a certain amount of self control, as an example.
So it's just it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
WHOA, you're still here, all right, you're just screened, just
one blag You're good.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, So it's it's it's interesting the different things that
can be changed. But people, they they put themselves. I
feel they put themselves in a box. And they don't
like to be in boxes, but they keep themselves in
that box anyway, and not thinking they are They think
(32:21):
they're free, they think they're you know, adhd thought.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And you tell me if this explains it. We hate stereotypes.
Everybody fucking hates stereotypes. They're like, I don't fucking like stereotypes.
None of them fit me. I don't like it when
people put me in boxes. But you stereotype yourself every
single part of your life. When you walk through the
closed door, you say, hey, that's not a me thing.
(32:49):
You walk through the grocery store. I'm not a water drinker.
Why the fuck would I drink water? Water is fucking useless.
I would rather drink soda. You go to the fucking
you go to the fucking movies, and you're like, why
would I watch Curious George when Slasher Movie ninety five
is there? And you know, I love being on the
(33:10):
edge of my seat all the monster trucks are coming
in town. That sounds like some real redneck shit. Everybody
stereotypes themselves. Everybody puts themselves in a box because they
don't want to realize that whatever the other side does,
whatever this person does or that person does, might be
enjoyable to themselves too, But they're not looking at themselves
(33:31):
and being like, hey, we the fuck knows, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
I think people people pigeonhole themselves too much in life
by bye by labeling everything around them, not experiencing the things,
all of the things.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Do you feel like you did that with being lesbian
when you moved out to Utah, And like there was
an escalation that you were talking about during the like
you know, change Yourself episode that we were talking about,
where like you're looking inward and realizing that you're a
hell of a lot more Republican than what you've realized.
But that escalation that you had with being lesbian was
almost like you became the super gay of the stereotype.
(34:14):
So like it like multiplied you almost or multiply your
image of what a lesbian in Utah was supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I yeah, I really did fall into ideological uh normalities
if you will, of the LGBT community, so uh, and
they did not align with my self, my morals, my values,
(34:45):
you know, being American and loving my country wasn't okay
with that group of people. It makes me a BC
name and I'm not a name caller, you know. So
that kind of stuff came to a head and kind
of pushed me away and made me look more And
then I have people in my family who were Republican,
(35:08):
and I'm hearing that Republicans or this and that and
the other thing, and I say, well, my sister's not that.
So yes, I feel like I did pigeonhole myself, you know, by.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Easier when you like look at when you live, at
yourself and show yourself, Hey, this is how I looked
at myself. That might be a good way to show
exactly what we're talking about is like you did it
to yourself. Yeah, everybody does it to themselves.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Absolutely. I surrounded myself with a bunch of people that
were like me in one way, which I thought was
the most important way at the time, because I felt like,
I guess my younger self needed that acceptance. Coming from
a smaller town, in a smaller area. I just felt
like that was the type of acceptance that I was
(35:57):
looking for. But in reality, it absolutely was not. Uh
and it wasn't It wasn't aligned with my my inner
values at all. It's it's almost a complete turnaround of
opposite day from who I, you know, originally was before
(36:21):
all the sexuality stuff happened with me. And then that happened,
and it kind of opened up this whole new ideology
of you know, h empathy. It's all surrounds with empathy
and and kindness and and that's all fine and good,
(36:44):
but that's not the be all and all say all
of life. You cannot you cannot forego the safety and
values of other people to move forward an agenda for
a smaller group of people. So it was the things
that I started to put together that just were not
(37:05):
outligned with myself. So absolutely did I pinch it a
hole myself. Yeah, for a good fifteen years, I pitched
ahole myself, and that was quite the hole to climb
out of.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
And you even see it with people like people that
grew up in Section eight housing, people that grew up
in trailer parks and stuff like that. We're like, oh,
you can't take the kid out of the trailer park.
You can barely get out, you can barely change things.
It's like if you keep yourself in the same mindset
or the same thought process and you don't change anything
about your life, and you go to the gas station
every single day and you get the forty and you're like, oh, dude,
(37:39):
nothing's better than this, and you still sit on the
stoop every day. Yeah, nothing's ever going to change them.
You're still going to be in the same exact fucking
place when your friend that's making a million dollars comes
home next week, because guess what, he knows, you're still
going to be sitting there. You never pulled yourself out.
The only person that can pull you, the only person
(38:00):
that can change the things that you need to do
is you. That's exactly where it starts.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, it's got to. It's got to. You know. It
may start with somebody recognizing something about you that you
can't somebody that loves you, and they may tell you
in a sideways way because they really don't know how
to say it to you. But it's best if you
listen before the third, fourth, fifth time and it becomes
(38:25):
more than you know your your loved ones can handle.
Or it may be something small like your hairstyle or
the clothes that you wear, or how you wear your
facial hair. You know, it's just it could be anywhere
on that spectrum of life and things about you that
you can change if you don't like them. They don't
(38:48):
align the first align with your soul. That's what you
need to align with. You need to align with your soul,
with your values, what innately matters to you.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
If family matters, go down the fucking like, I don't know,
I see life in a really really weird fucking way.
You know, when you play the game the Sims, you're like,
this is the tree and the path that I want
to go down. Oh, I want to have a family,
Oh I want to be a billionaire. Whatever the fuck
that is. You just go down that one singular path.
(39:21):
I try and accomplish as many of the fucking past
as I want to fucking accomplish in life. So it's
like when I go back and I look at everything,
I'm like, Okay, well that I gotta change that. I
gotta change. Oh, I put that fucking stat in the
wrong fucking place. Let me put this in the right
place now. And it's just like I'm slowly realizing the
game of life is actually a fucking game. We're just
(39:42):
too dumb to realize that.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Oh yeah, it's just like one big simulation. You know.
You just got to learn how to play it.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
You gotta realize that it's there. You gotta realize that
life is every single thing that you want and more
is available to go get.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
The cliche of life is what you make it, Well,
it is stupid. It is what you make it. You
have to put in the effort. If you put in
the maximum out of effort, you will accomplish things. You know.
It's interesting. You have to look inwards though and take
(40:21):
that inventory, and that's where people have. I know, that's
where I had. That's what set me back was not
being able to turn around. And even after I figured
out that I had pigeonholed myself in where I did
not fit. It was really hard to look at myself
(40:46):
inwardly for all those things that did not align and
pluck them off the checklist one by one. And I'm
still doing it, you know.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Well, the crazy thing is is if it's traumatized, which
I'm not saying that was or wasn't. Like the statistic
is is that anytime that you do something that is traumatizing,
it takes just as much time, if not more, to
heal it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
So if you're in trauma for fifteen years, you're in
trauma for twenty five years, you have twenty five years
worth of time to go ahead and fucking fix this
because it's not going to just be done tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah, And you don't realize it, and you may rerunning
from it. If you don't deal with it, that's running
from it. You don't have to physically be running. And
if you're not dealing with it and trying to fix
what those scrambles are and try to align them back up,
then that's running from it, and that's just going to
catch up with you. And the momentum of that when
(41:47):
it hits is breath taking it.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Surreal. It throws you for a loop because everything that
you knew yesterday, the day before and everything else is
all supposed to come together and be this big, harmonious
fucking thing. But then you realize that you know, it's
just nothing is where you left it.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah, do with them, flip them upside down and create
a better you, the best version of you, then you
can possibly create exactly.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Listen all you, all you motherfuckers, Every single fucking person
that's listening to this, every single one of you is
playing the game of fucking life. Some people are playing Monopoly,
some some people are playing Life, some people are playing
you know, Samue Famuine Famie Family Simulator, and some people
are playing Change my diaper Today. If you don't like
(42:46):
the fucking game you're playing, pick up the fucking table
and throw it and stop using the mirror that's next
to it, because m there's way too many people of those.
We'll see you fucking next time. Keep hearing, keep walking,
Maybe we'll see somebody eventually. H
Welcome back, boys to the lonely Road. We're here to
join you on your journey to heal and become a
better human. I back kJ as always make sure to
use code R and TSG fuel for twenty percent off.
And obviously on this Irish day, this Irish week, Yes,
I wanted to be a smart ass. And I think
(00:22):
it's funny. I've had a really good day if I
feel really good. And I think a lot of that
is to do with trying to change things and growing
and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't.
And we were sitting here just brainstorming topics on what
we wanted to talk about, because it wasn't like one
of those weeks where it's like this needs to be
talked about now, right, And obviously, with kJ doing lots
(00:45):
of changes recently and meet the whole entire fucking life
changing day by day, it feels it feels like everything
kind of is going, not even in a circle, but
like such a linear line where it's like, Okay, you
can change things, you can affect things right now, but
there's not much effect to the way your life is going.
(01:06):
So I think talking about changing your life or feeling boring.
Bored with life is kind of like a great fucking
topic for right now, because there's so many ways to
just feel like you're in the fucking doubts of bullshit
and you know, feeling like nothing's changing. Yeah, and damn,
that's it's fucking hard.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
That's stagnant, the stagnant, uncomfortable feeling of just being stuck
somewhere and not moving forward, and of no, like you're
not in control of the situation. So you have to
relinquish that control in your life. That's very prevalent is
that you can only do so much. You have to wait. Yeah,
(01:51):
it's a lot of a lot of waiting, and that
can be.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Very realizing what that timeline is, regardless of if it's
your timeline or some else's timeline or even an entire
other entities timeline. You have to realize whose timeline it is,
what your stuff is that's on the timeline, and how
you have to fucking accomplish it, because some days it
gets really, really fucking and really weird to kind of
(02:15):
put the pieces together and understand.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh, for sure, you kind of got to sift through
the puzzle pieces and find out which ones you can
put together and which ones you have to wait for,
like you know, I mean you put together. The way
I start a puzzle is I put together the outside first,
and that I work my way in as I see
as I move the puzzle pieces to different parts depending
on what colors there are. So it's hard to sort
(02:41):
out those pieces so that you can make sense of
it all. And also while you're making sense of it all,
you have to be able to relinquish what you know,
do what you can, and do everything you can to
move forward, but also have the humility and the wherewithal
(03:02):
too to know when to just let it be and wait.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And it's such a surreal kind of feeling exactly what
that is.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
With my ADHD. If it's something that's in somebody else's control,
I almost want to strangle it. And I struggle with
YouTube and TikTok with that as well, because it's like
I knows the content this year, so I want to
strangle it because it's like, you guys need to see it.
You guys need to see it all now, and the
fact that it doesn't get seen now frustrates the piss
(03:36):
out of me. Or like peaks and valleys, of what
that viewership is will almost make me fucking just strangle
it because it's like, oh, just put it out there
and it'll be seen as like that's so so blinded.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, yeah, it's not that easy for sure.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
It's it's weird because it's like I I like doing
that with everything. Like I was going through text messages
and stuff for court and it's like, Okay, you're giving
me too much, and I'm like, nope, I'd rather give
all context and you use whatever you want to use
than sit there and not give enough. It's like I
have to give everything because if I forget one thing
(04:17):
that I want to give, I will forget everything you
want me to give. And it's just like I'd rather
give too much. I'd rather give too much.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, as long as what you're giving is solid like
evidence and fact based stuff, because you can absolutely give.
Because I feel like that's happening on the other end
of the spectrum is that it's getting too emotional and
it's seeping out where she's trying not to make it
(04:45):
seep out, but it's seeping out because the mask tends
to melt off and under pressure.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It's so surreal to kind of look at it in
that way and be like, okay, so how do I
how do I make myself so I don't strangle something?
And it's almost like I have to make myself so busy,
or at least make myself feel busy, even if that's
just sitting you're playing fucking video games like a fucking idiot.
I have to make myself feel like I'm busy enough
(05:15):
to where okay, I can do this for an hour.
I could do that for an hour and then just
segment everything I have to fucking do, even if it's
relaxing and kind of segmenting myself that way that it's
like I have to do that for fucking everything, because
it just becomes so regimented that it makes it so
much easier to kind of handle and put together. And
it's really interesting to kind of look at that.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Yeah, it is. I've never really thought of it that way.
Like I guess when I'm having a really hard time
with life and I'm going through it on those days,
I have to take it little by little, so I
guess I can see, you know, the segmenting up. And
that's when I do segment things up, is when I'm
really having a hard time. But usually my days just
(05:58):
basically flow, you know, I have.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
You get used to that normal. This is what I do,
This is what I do. This is what I do.
Because like if you change an hour, two hours out
of your day and say, okay, that's a completely different day. Yeah,
it's a completely different day. Those two hours are a
big chunk of your day when you don't change all
of it ever, So I'm sure that that definitely impacts
it if you think about it.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Nop. Yeah, absolutely else another piece of the big puzzle.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yeah, Well it's interesting because I'm sure that a lot
of you guys want to change something about yourself or
you want to fix something about yourself, and that's why
you're here. Like, we don't expect you to listen for
fucking five years and never fucking leave us. We want
you to grow and keep going and suggest us to
the people in your life that you know are hurting
or need help at that time or need a voice.
And you're like, well, whatever I'm saying came from these people,
(06:52):
so listen to them and maybe that they could help you.
We don't want you to be here for forever, so
change and fix the things that you got to fix.
And move forward. And it's it's weird when you're in
a time to change. It's weird when you're bored with
life and you just want to kind of articulate what
you want to do and shift the way that that
(07:13):
light is hitting you or your life in that aspect.
And it's really kind of interesting just to shift it
in that way and go from like, oh, well, I
don't I stop showering every day and it's like, no, Zach,
you have to hold yourself accountable, get up, stop allowing
yourself to be depressed, change it, fix it and put
it back together.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yep. Yeah, Or I need to.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Get up and do something. Oh I need to get
up and do this or do that. And it's shifting
your life in that way can impact and change everything
if you just see what the fuck you need to do.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, for sure, people are not alone, like you may
think that they're the only one that's going through something
of like this, you know, or something so dark, or
you not remembering to brush your teeth or you know,
shower you should you. When you get into depression, you
definitely are not taking care of yourself like you should yourself.
(08:07):
You know, self care habits go down the drain, you
know sometimes, And it's interesting because I feel like you know,
with our stories and the way we bounce ideas off
each other. And I think it's an inspiration for others
to grow and want to make a change if they
don't like what they see and know they're not alone
(08:29):
and people, other regular people are wanting to change as well.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
It's hard to hold yourself accountable for your bullshit. Almost yeah,
you look at the mirror and you're like, oh, well,
I don't like the person I becoming. I don't like
the husband I am. I don't like the dad I am.
I don't like the wife that I am, or I'm
not the wife I want to be or the husband
I want to be. It's like, okay, so break that
down to a level of okay, so what is a
(08:56):
wife or a husband, or a significant other or a
dad or mom that you want to be? What puts
those puzzle pieces together? Have a conversation with those people
around you, say okay, well this is how I'm feeling.
How do you feel in that situation? How do I
put these pieces back together in a way that is
acceptable to you? What makes me better? How am I
better in this situation or that situation and figure it out.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, I feel like at the base of it, although
before you get to that step, you have to do
the self inventory. You know, you have to absolutely find
out what year about. And if you don't know who
you are in certain situations or on certain you know,
topics or things that you go through in life, things
(09:41):
that affect your life. Take an inventory on those things
because you're going to find that as you get older,
they may not align with other beliefs that you have,
they may be contradictory. And you don't want to be
a flimsy person. You want to be able to be
a strong backbone and stand tall for what you believe
(10:04):
in before you can radiate that outwards and you know,
ask others view. I feel like it needs to innately
start with yourself.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, And I remember saying this on h RMTS at
some point. I don't remember if it was last week,
maybe it was a week before, but I said it
starts with something that Jordan Peterson said is you have
to be ballsy enough and accept the world and yourself
enough that you can sit on your bed, you can
(10:35):
look at the fucking mirror and say what is wrong
with me what the fuck is wrong with me? And
you know you might not fucking like the answer. Oh yeah,
don't fucking do it. No, you're ready to fucking change it.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You're probably not gonna like the answer. Let's just say
that first out front, because I didn't like the answer.
I was like no. And then something happens and you're like,
oh yeah, yeah, and then you end up tracing that
back to the last time, and then the last time,
and then you trace it back to the route and
you're like, holy crap.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, whether that's childhood or relationships. You look back at
yourself and you're like, okay, so what fucking caused this?
What disconnect made me shift so far from what my
center was before and what my morality is or whatever
that is. How the fuck do I fix this in
a way that is acceptable?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
And that becomes so distorted and so warped if you
don't look out at yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It does, but it needs to be acceptable for you,
you know, first and foremost, and you have to be
real with yourself about what your reality really is, like,
what you really believe, what you really think, and be
(11:55):
ready to stand on that and back it up. And
it's a hard thing to do sometimes, especially when it's
against the grain, when it's against what people find socially acceptable.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
And what that socially acceptable thing is changes depending on
who's leading who's you know, So don't think that you
know this. This changing your life or fixing yourself or
fixing your life, or whatever the fuck you want to
call it, is just based off of the people who
are in power, the people that are around us, or
the people that are around you. You have to look
(12:35):
at this. It's a intrinsic story within you. How do
you fix yourself back to the way that you are
supposed to be?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (12:44):
How do you make the best version of you out
of the person that you are now.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And then let it radiate out to your family and
loved ones.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Is it fixing the fact that you haven't put down
a bottle in you know, six seven years, or is
it you know, realizing that you got to shower every day,
or that you have to get up and get out
of your bedroom because you haven't seen anybody in six months.
There's so many different things that you could change today.
I sure effect you for years. Yeah, you have to
(13:12):
be tired of your bullshit enough to accept that you're
doing wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yeah, accountability do you have to be able to could
be a behavior that a loved one finds offensive and
you don't think it's offensive, but taking that into consideration,
being able to look inwards and saying, even though I
may not find that offensive, the person that I love
or somebody that i'm that i'm close with a relationship
(13:37):
that i'm close with, finds that thing offensive. Do I
want to make them feel that way? Do I want
to have them feel that way? And then if you
want that relationship to continue, change that behavior moving forward.
I'm not saying everything about you has to change, but
that's the nature of compromise.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Yeah, And I actually don't even agree with that. With
that sought process is I don't think you compromise with yourself. No,
like with who you should be and who you are
and the things that you want to be. You don't
compromise with those.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Oh, I'm not saying compromise with who you are.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
I just that's how I took it. I was like,
I don't even think you'd do that, because, like, if
you compromise with who you are, you might look in
the mirror back in four or five years and you're like,
I don't fucking like who I am.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
No, that's exactly down to.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Be this person and you know you don't want to
be it anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
No, that's not what I meant at all. That's it was.
It was more I don't That's why I feel like
you have to go inside yourself first and find out
what you want, stand on that cement that, and then
move outwards. I absolutely say that.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, I'm unmedicated today, so like ADHD mind is just.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
No, no, no, That's why I'm explaining it. You know, it's
just outwardly. Uh. Then you can go outwardly and find
out if you you know, if there's a problem in
a relationship and there's a behavior that you need to change,
you can take your accountability for that and change behaviors.
But after you have dealt with the internal cementing of
(15:15):
who you are and what you're standing on.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, I think I think first and foremost. And it
goes with what we were talking about before this. It's
like the first thing you do is you fix the
inner ground that you are. You don't okay, so if
you go to the gym, that obviously affects your mental
health and makes it better and does this, it does that.
(15:39):
But you're not working on you physically first. You're working
on your mental health of being able to hold yourself
accountable and do it. Because if you go for a
week and then you fall off the fucking bandwagon, you're
just gonna feel like shit again. So you have to
hold yourself accountable enough to understand that you have to
fucking do it. It's not it's not, you know step one.
Step one is holding yourself acountable and realizing what the
(16:01):
fuck you want to change?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah, no, realizing that you need change. A lot of
people are just like I don't need therapy or I
don't need to change. Well, you should probably take a
deeper look in because there's probably not many humans on
earth that could not use a little introspection and a
little bit of self betterment in there in some part
(16:27):
of their lives.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
And if you are one of those people that say, oh,
I don't want therapy, I don't agree with it, I
don't you can you get therapy from your fucking friends.
The thing is, yeah, is you don't want two fucking things.
You don't want somebody who's going to sit there and
say that you're right all the time. You want somebody
that's going to disagree with you, is going to push
(16:50):
your fucking buttons, is going to sit here and say
when you're doing right and when you're doing wrong. And
you don't want somebody that's going to sugarcoat something.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
For sure, you don't want to a neckor chamber.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
If you can't do either of those things, go get
yourself on one of those mental health lists, buddy, because
you fucking need it, yep.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
And if you know you don't, you don't trust it
or whatever. Start with reading books about the things that
may be an issue. If anger is an issue, or
if drinking is an issue, or if you know, yelling
is an issue, or if outbursts are an issue, or
whatever the issue may be, you you can find literature
(17:34):
on it. And if you don't read books on download,
you know podcasts all over the place that will help
you do whatever it's it's wanting. First, you have first,
you first, and foremost. You have to want any kind
(17:55):
of change.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You got to realize it, and then you gotta want it,
and you gotta then figure out to fucking plan on
how to do it.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah, it's not going to be easy.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
And you can't be disheartened by the fact that there's
fucking shit wrong with you. There's fucking shit wrong with everybody.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
And if you can't look at yourself and say, hey,
they're shit wrong with me, and you can't listen to
other people say that they're shit wrong with you, then
realize there is a term for that. Yeah, and it's narcissism.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah. I mean, if somebody tells you something and you
hear it's someone a loved one in your life tells
you something more than one time, and it's a repetitive
thing and it keeps happening, that may be something that
you might want to look into. Not saying it's always
the case. I'm just saying it might be something that
(18:47):
you might want to turn around and look inwards about.
And if you can't do that, you very well might
be the problem.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, And that is such a weird thing to look
at and be like, Okay, I wasn't the problem here,
I wasn't the problem there. I was a problem here.
I was a problem in this situation, in that situation,
And these are the reasons why you might not even
be the cause of the problem that you were the
problem in it. Could have been a retaliation, it could
(19:17):
have been a reaction, it could have been anything. But
the thing is is you have to realize why you
reacted and why you're the problem in those situations, figure
out if you accept it, and if you don't accept it,
you own your fucking shit. I did that, it didn't
like how I reacted, and fucking change it. If you
can't change the impulse, and fucking work on fixing it.
(19:42):
And then it goes to working on the psychology of it,
the brain, chemistry, the physical shit. And I think that's
at the point where I am, and it's a very
very interesting place. So I'm not going to say exactly
what some of the things are that I'm going to do,
because who the fuck knows if it's even logical, But uh, personally,
(20:04):
I'm going to change a few things about myself and
see exactly what I can do. I'm going to include
a few things in some of the things that I
do every day and see if I can physically see
a change. Currently, I've stopped taking my anxiety medication. I've
stopped beating all breads and refined grains because I don't
(20:25):
know exactly what's going on with my gut or what
the fuck is going on because I'm having problems with
Joshua intestinal shit and possible silly acts disease or a
red allergy or something, and I just needed to break
it down to what I'm used to see if I
can genuinely figure out exactly what's going on. But I
also I think I'm gonna start working on trying to
figure out exactly how to try and put my brain
(20:50):
back together because I feel so.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I feel so.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Scrambled, and like I was watching this video last night
about a famous person's like physical trauma and a whole
bunch of other things that were going on with him,
and he was talking about how they teach you to
heal from concussions and stuff like that, or like if
you take this, and this, sometimes this, sometimes even things
(21:17):
like chocolate can help you like regain the neurochemistry and
the physical problems with your brain. It was like, Okay,
so I wonder if those things affect ADHD and PTSD
and the problems that you know, mental illness creates in
your brain, because obviously your brain isn't all a physical problem,
(21:41):
Like yeah, you fall, You're going to disconnect some of
those neurons and stuff like that, but there's still damage
there that's not realized. It could be done by your emotions,
it could have been done by like all of the
different little things that you do. Whether it affects your
brain chemistry, affects your emotional state, affect your reaction time,
(22:01):
your impulse, whatever that is. There's a million things that
your brains control, so affecting the way that it able
to regrow can genuinely impact how you're able to feel
as a human tomorrow. So I'm gonna I'm gonna go
down this road and try and figure out exactly what
kind of science experiment I'm gonna do. But I'm gonna
(22:23):
I'm gonna figure this shit out, and I'm gonna turn
myself into a fucking test tube, and we're gonna see
if I can put myself back together in a better place.
Because there are some days where I feel like I
am so fucking there and I have all of the
thought processing power of somebody that you know has all
of those degrees on their wall. And then there are
some days where I feel like I'm a knuckle dragger
and I absolutely can't put it up together. So you know,
(22:49):
I'm right here along with you guys, like I want to.
I want to change myself and see if I'm able
to exactly how to do this. So at some point,
if I actually do see a positive impact on this,
I'm going to go through and I'm gonna show you
guys exactly what I did. But and I'm interested. I'm
interested because, like when I was consuming a whole bunch
of energy drinks and stuff like that every day, I
(23:12):
was doing rather good mentally, but mental health wise, I
was very bad. I healed my I've healed my mental health.
Now I've cut out almost all sugar in my entire
diet again. And now I'm going to see exactly what
the top level of human I can be. Is can
I heal my fucking PTSD physically? Like I've healed as
(23:34):
much of the emotional trauma and situations that I can.
But is there like neuro chemistry shit in my brain
that obviously nobody can see without an MRI or something
like that or CT scan that you can't see on
the outside. Is there things like memory loss or things
like that that I can regain and help and change
(23:56):
that I can affect right now? And if I can
affect that right now, and I can affect that in
a month or a month and a half. Imagine what
I am then. I don't know. I think it's an interesting,
you know, thought experiment.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, for sure, if you're feeling you know, mixed up
and scrambled, I think that definitely the first thing to
do is recognize that, and now you need to figure
out the change that you need to make. And I
think that you're you know, figuring out your path. I
think that's great. You need to you need to do
(24:31):
something if you're feeling scrambled, that's for sure, because that's
not a comfortable feeling at all.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well, it's you know, fifteen years worth of being scrambled.
It's fifteen years of not realizing and feeling what real
life is.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
So it's like, okay, so now all of my reactions impulses,
every every genuine reaction I'm supposed to have to, every
single outcome in every single situation is shaken a little bit. Yeah,
I have twenty twenty five years of being told that
I'm arrogant and egotistical and too intelligent, and then I
probably should calm down. So now it's like, okay, let's
(25:11):
put this all back together in a better fucking package.
Because what am I if I if I better these things?
What am I if I don't have the traumatic responses
of CPTSD or PTSD? How many people could we help?
If I am right and I'm on the right path?
And you know this, this thought based science actually is
(25:33):
like physical science that you could do and replicate in
multiple people. How many people could we help? Then? But
if I wouldn't do it to myself, then there's your
reason for any of you guys to be like, oh, well,
Zach makes sense. Sack's somewhat smart, he's a dipshit online.
Now I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna look at myself
(25:53):
and be internal about it.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a correlation. I feel. It's
what you put into your body and what the output is.
Input is directly related to output in that sense, I feel.
So if there's something that you can do to enhance
or repair something that's going on, then that's gold. You know,
(26:19):
if you can find the person with the gold, because
if it exists, it's there.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Well, he said that, he said this amazing thing that
he was told by by physical doctors and mental health
specialists when you're talking about yeah, he's I talked to
my doctor about it too. But his name's Travis Pastrana.
He's a X Games writer and he's broken like every
single bone in his body, and he's like, you know,
(26:46):
I broke every single one of these bones in my body.
I did it this way, I affected this, I did that.
And you know, the worst things I dealt with were concussions.
It wasn't me breaking my foot, it wasn't almost getting
my leg amputated. It was the brain chemistry just not
fucking being right, not feeling okay enough to fix this
(27:08):
or fix that, and having emotional reactions to everything. And
it's like, okay, So I'm finally feeling like I'm coming
out of having emotional reactions to everything. Like That's what
PTSD is is every single situation, you feel like you
have to emotionally react and not just like bring it
back and look at it logically and react in the
way that you're supposed to. And I'm finally starting to
(27:30):
do that with every situation instead of just the ones
where I could force myself to, So like, I'm I'm
altering this in real time and healing it in real time.
So now I'm like, okay, So the physical situations of
these situations may not be the same as a concussion,
It may not be the same as like a physical trauma,
but obviously the like brain only injures in so many
(27:52):
different ways. So if I do these certain things, will
it impact me in a positive light or in a
positive way and kind of put those things back together
in a more positive way to where it isn't an
emotional reaction always, to where I can heal those reactions
and like maybe the actual physicality of my brain and
(28:13):
that shit. And also there's positive out positive outlooks on
things like Alzheimer's and dementia and diabetes too. I believe
he said if you look at these things in that way,
so all of those things are positive as well, oh.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
For sure, because it's going to directly affect your you know,
your physical health as well. If you're you know, dictating
what you know goes in your body, well.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
It's just so much easier to hold yourself accountable when
you're realizing what you're doing right, or realizing what you're
taking or realize, like the more you become regimented and
stuff like that, and you're hyper aware as much easier
to kind of just realize in real time exactly what's
going on.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Right, right, guys? Right? I was? I I find that
I have done that with caffeine. I've cut down, you
know how I used to drink coffee. I've cut down
my coffee to just a couple cups a day, cups
like regular sized cups, regular sized cups like coffee cups, mugs.
(29:17):
So it's just it's it's interesting to me because I'm
feeling much less on edge, a much less shaky in
my chest, much much more calm, and it's nice.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
There's weird pseudoscience behind that too, is like where that
caffeine comes from. Whether it's coffee, whether it's soda, whether
it's energy drinks or things like gfuel, all of those
individually will make you feel different. You can consume a
caffeine pill and you will feel completely different than drinking
four cups of coffee back to.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Back to back or Sure. Caffeine pills make me feel
completely different. It's like a full body caffeine.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
And you just feel you feel buzzy, and you're like,
oh God, everything's working at top efficiency your life. I
don't know if all the band aids and duc dapes,
gonna hold this, but I'm going.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Right now here, I am here we go.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
But and that's that's the interesting thing is like, if
you feel like you can't put your thoughts together until
you have aff a cup of coffee, replace that with
a sugar free soda and see if you have the
same feeling. Do you feel better in the morning without
that sugar, without that problem in the morning, you consume
a whole bowl of cereal in the morning or donut
(30:41):
with your coffee, change all of it and see each
little thing on how it impacts you and how it
affects you in whatever way that you're looking at life.
Because the things that you could change in your life
is everything, including the socks and under your underwear you're
wearing right now. That's how many things in your life
you can change. You can change every single fucking thing.
(31:04):
Guess what they could have a positive or negative impact.
You could be happier just freeballing it every single day
in your life and nobody will fucking know.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
No, Nope, there are countless things that you can change
about yourself. You just need to recognize if it needs
changing because you don't want to again lose yourself. You
don't want to change who you are as a result
of this, but you might need to change a lot
(31:35):
of the things about who you are to be more
palatable to you and the world. You can't go popping
off at everything all the time, you know, you have
to have a certain amount of self control, as an example.
So it's just it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
WHOA, you're still here, all right, you're just screened, just
one blag You're good.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, So it's it's it's interesting the different things that
can be changed. But people, they they put themselves. I
feel they put themselves in a box. And they don't
like to be in boxes, but they keep themselves in
that box anyway, and not thinking they are They think
(32:21):
they're free, they think they're you know, adhd thought.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And you tell me if this explains it. We hate stereotypes.
Everybody fucking hates stereotypes. They're like, I don't fucking like stereotypes.
None of them fit me. I don't like it when
people put me in boxes. But you stereotype yourself every
single part of your life. When you walk through the
closed door, you say, hey, that's not a me thing.
(32:49):
You walk through the grocery store. I'm not a water drinker.
Why the fuck would I drink water? Water is fucking useless.
I would rather drink soda. You go to the fucking
you go to the fucking movies, and you're like, why
would I watch Curious George when Slasher Movie ninety five
is there? And you know, I love being on the
(33:10):
edge of my seat all the monster trucks are coming
in town. That sounds like some real redneck shit. Everybody
stereotypes themselves. Everybody puts themselves in a box because they
don't want to realize that whatever the other side does,
whatever this person does or that person does, might be
enjoyable to themselves too, But they're not looking at themselves
(33:31):
and being like, hey, we the fuck knows, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
I think people people pigeonhole themselves too much in life
by bye by labeling everything around them, not experiencing the things,
all of the things.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Do you feel like you did that with being lesbian
when you moved out to Utah, And like there was
an escalation that you were talking about during the like
you know, change Yourself episode that we were talking about,
where like you're looking inward and realizing that you're a
hell of a lot more Republican than what you've realized.
But that escalation that you had with being lesbian was
almost like you became the super gay of the stereotype.
(34:14):
So like it like multiplied you almost or multiply your
image of what a lesbian in Utah was supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I yeah, I really did fall into ideological uh normalities
if you will, of the LGBT community, so uh, and
they did not align with my self, my morals, my values,
(34:45):
you know, being American and loving my country wasn't okay
with that group of people. It makes me a BC
name and I'm not a name caller, you know. So
that kind of stuff came to a head and kind
of pushed me away and made me look more And
then I have people in my family who were Republican,
(35:08):
and I'm hearing that Republicans or this and that and
the other thing, and I say, well, my sister's not that.
So yes, I feel like I did pigeonhole myself, you know, by.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Easier when you like look at when you live, at
yourself and show yourself, Hey, this is how I looked
at myself. That might be a good way to show
exactly what we're talking about is like you did it
to yourself. Yeah, everybody does it to themselves.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Absolutely. I surrounded myself with a bunch of people that
were like me in one way, which I thought was
the most important way at the time, because I felt like,
I guess my younger self needed that acceptance. Coming from
a smaller town, in a smaller area. I just felt
like that was the type of acceptance that I was
(35:57):
looking for. But in reality, it absolutely was not. Uh
and it wasn't It wasn't aligned with my my inner
values at all. It's it's almost a complete turnaround of
opposite day from who I, you know, originally was before
(36:21):
all the sexuality stuff happened with me. And then that happened,
and it kind of opened up this whole new ideology
of you know, h empathy. It's all surrounds with empathy
and and kindness and and that's all fine and good,
(36:44):
but that's not the be all and all say all
of life. You cannot you cannot forego the safety and
values of other people to move forward an agenda for
a smaller group of people. So it was the things
that I started to put together that just were not
(37:05):
outligned with myself. So absolutely did I pinch it a
hole myself. Yeah, for a good fifteen years, I pitched
ahole myself, and that was quite the hole to climb
out of.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
And you even see it with people like people that
grew up in Section eight housing, people that grew up
in trailer parks and stuff like that. We're like, oh,
you can't take the kid out of the trailer park.
You can barely get out, you can barely change things.
It's like if you keep yourself in the same mindset
or the same thought process and you don't change anything
about your life, and you go to the gas station
every single day and you get the forty and you're like, oh, dude,
(37:39):
nothing's better than this, and you still sit on the
stoop every day. Yeah, nothing's ever going to change them.
You're still going to be in the same exact fucking
place when your friend that's making a million dollars comes
home next week, because guess what, he knows, you're still
going to be sitting there. You never pulled yourself out.
The only person that can pull you, the only person
(38:00):
that can change the things that you need to do
is you. That's exactly where it starts.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, it's got to. It's got to. You know. It
may start with somebody recognizing something about you that you
can't somebody that loves you, and they may tell you
in a sideways way because they really don't know how
to say it to you. But it's best if you
listen before the third, fourth, fifth time and it becomes
(38:25):
more than you know your your loved ones can handle.
Or it may be something small like your hairstyle or
the clothes that you wear, or how you wear your
facial hair. You know, it's just it could be anywhere
on that spectrum of life and things about you that
you can change if you don't like them. They don't
(38:48):
align the first align with your soul. That's what you
need to align with. You need to align with your soul,
with your values, what innately matters to you.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
If family matters, go down the fucking like, I don't know,
I see life in a really really weird fucking way.
You know, when you play the game the Sims, you're like,
this is the tree and the path that I want
to go down. Oh, I want to have a family,
Oh I want to be a billionaire. Whatever the fuck
that is. You just go down that one singular path.
(39:21):
I try and accomplish as many of the fucking past
as I want to fucking accomplish in life. So it's
like when I go back and I look at everything,
I'm like, Okay, well that I gotta change that. I
gotta change. Oh, I put that fucking stat in the
wrong fucking place. Let me put this in the right
place now. And it's just like I'm slowly realizing the
game of life is actually a fucking game. We're just
(39:42):
too dumb to realize that.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Oh yeah, it's just like one big simulation. You know.
You just got to learn how to play it.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
You gotta realize that it's there. You gotta realize that
life is every single thing that you want and more
is available to go get.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
The cliche of life is what you make it, Well,
it is stupid. It is what you make it. You
have to put in the effort. If you put in
the maximum out of effort, you will accomplish things. You know.
It's interesting. You have to look inwards though and take
(40:21):
that inventory, and that's where people have. I know, that's
where I had. That's what set me back was not
being able to turn around. And even after I figured
out that I had pigeonholed myself in where I did
not fit. It was really hard to look at myself
(40:46):
inwardly for all those things that did not align and
pluck them off the checklist one by one. And I'm
still doing it, you know.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Well, the crazy thing is is if it's traumatized, which
I'm not saying that was or wasn't. Like the statistic
is is that anytime that you do something that is traumatizing,
it takes just as much time, if not more, to
heal it.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
So if you're in trauma for fifteen years, you're in
trauma for twenty five years, you have twenty five years
worth of time to go ahead and fucking fix this
because it's not going to just be done tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah, And you don't realize it, and you may rerunning
from it. If you don't deal with it, that's running
from it. You don't have to physically be running. And
if you're not dealing with it and trying to fix
what those scrambles are and try to align them back up,
then that's running from it, and that's just going to
catch up with you. And the momentum of that when
(41:47):
it hits is breath taking it.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Surreal. It throws you for a loop because everything that
you knew yesterday, the day before and everything else is
all supposed to come together and be this big, harmonious
fucking thing. But then you realize that you know, it's
just nothing is where you left it.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yeah, do with them, flip them upside down and create
a better you, the best version of you, then you
can possibly create exactly.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Listen all you, all you motherfuckers, Every single fucking person
that's listening to this, every single one of you is
playing the game of fucking life. Some people are playing Monopoly,
some some people are playing Life, some people are playing
you know, Samue Famuine Famie Family Simulator, and some people
are playing Change my diaper Today. If you don't like
(42:46):
the fucking game you're playing, pick up the fucking table
and throw it and stop using the mirror that's next
to it, because m there's way too many people of those.
We'll see you fucking next time. Keep hearing, keep walking,
Maybe we'll see somebody eventually. H
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.