Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Lonely Road. We are on the path
to heal and become a better human, and we're trying
to join you and make you a better human as well.
Many of you know me for my job or my
other podcasts RNTs or Real Men Talk Shit. This is
going to be a very, very different show. We will
be going on a deep dive to grief and mental health,
(00:22):
whether it's stats and stories, We're trying to explore everything
at a crazy level of being in depth. After healing
with trauma I'm currently dealing with, I looked at my
girlfriend and I told her I wanted to use this
pain and struggle to help others who are dealing with
the same level of pain and grief that we're dealing with.
So have this money that this podcast makes will be
(00:42):
given to charity or someone else in need and the
problems that we speak on. We are also brought to
you by our sponsor g Fuel. Use code RMTS to
check out for twenty percent off What's going on kJ.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, it's me KJP. Some of you my name may
know me from the TikTok. It's much different me on
this show. As some of you have already seen how's
it going. Today's each not too bad.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
It's been a it's been a somber day. We just
we just finished the last episode of the episode you
guys saw last week and stuff like that. Today is
a month now that my son passed. So it's been
not the craziest most outgoing day today, but you know,
it's still trying to get stuff done, trying to accomplish something.
(01:32):
That way, it doesn't feel like it's a it's a
disconnected day.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, Chew, and you and Breed took the time to
do what you needed to do as far as your
grief is concerned, and you're doing the cast now, so
that's helping you exactly good. So, uh, you know, I'll
tell you Episode one was challenging for more than run
reason for me other than being nervous because it was
(01:57):
my first podcast. I'm used to short form content. But
an hour or so prior of filming, I found out
a high school friend that I was back in touch
with recently just passed away, and it shook me. But
it was our first podcast, and I had given my
(02:21):
word that I would record that night. And since I've
been on myself betterment path the last few years, That's
one of the big things that I've been trying to
make different about myself is when I say I'm going
to do something, I want to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's one of the biggest things as a person, Like
if you set yourself up to have validity to your
word of I'm going to do this, it kind of
holds you accountable to yourself, and that's it. You're not
being held accountable to the other person. Yeah, you might
let them down, but you're holding yourself accountable to I'm
going to do this, And that works so much easier
(03:00):
because then you're holding yourself accountable.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
It feels better. It's it's hard to get after getting
out of the habit of doing that because I was
once that person and then I fell into this pit
and hole and quicksand and dug my way out of that.
But it's it's much better feeling to be accountable to yourself,
but also to be accountable to someone that I gave
(03:25):
my word to and I don't want to break that word.
And if there's something that comes up in life. We
all know things come up. We've talked about that before.
Last episode was a pure example of that. You know,
your kids came in the middle of the episode. We
can't film when your kids are there. It's okay, you know,
so we had to swin it up. It's all right,
life happens, But it was. It was definitely. It was
(03:51):
definitely a challenge for me, and I was proud of
myself for coming out the other side.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Of that was Yeah, And honestly, whether it was your
first episode as a podcast or not, you killed it.
We have little technical things that you kind of didn't
fully grasp yet, and we fix them literally when we
started tonight. Hey, move your phone away from your microphone.
It'll pick everything up. Your microphone's like a big ass butthole.
It just sucks everything in. Just move it away and
(04:19):
it'll be fine. And yeah, your problems stupid little things
like that that you just kind of don't grasp it first,
and you're like, okay, I got to change these little things.
And I think everybody will kind of see that you
weren't fully comfortable on top of having a drastic thing
happened right away that should kind of help the way
(04:39):
that that episode looked at. It was your first and
that's huge, and you had a lost right beforehand, and
that's huge too.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's interesting. It's interesting to know, like, well, I guess
not no, but it's just interesting how you feel when
when a friend or an acquaintance or someone that you
consider a friend passes. You know, it's that second third
degree grief, you know what I mean. It's tough. It's
(05:11):
tough to I've had a lot of those, about half
of the half of the deaths that I've dealt with,
and there's been a lot. I've actually listed them out
because I wasn't wasn't really in the Holy Cow from
like my first recollection was seven or eight years old,
(05:39):
cousin passed, grandmother passed shortly after that, and then like
till eighteen, graduated from high school, about twenty there were
about twenty people, ten of which were probably first or degree.
(06:00):
So I had a lot of death in the first
twenty years of my life, and then after that there's
been probably about the same friends and family included. It's
just interesting to me, the grief cycle being what it is,
but being a second or third degree death, like you're
(06:21):
not their family, you're not their closest relatives, but you
did have a relationship with that person, you know, and
you want to honor that person, but you don't want
to be.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You don't want to take the light from the people
who need it right now. Yeah, and that's kind of
the weirdest place to be. Like, I remember when I
was in high school, one of my friends named Erica.
I guess she was in a house fire before I moved,
and I moved, and she was one of the first
people that kind of like, her personality just got me
and like, after being in a house fire, you could
(06:56):
understand where that person is kind of going to be
seated and you know, chain of people and stuff like that.
She wasn't one of the most popular people, but her
personality was fucking hilarious. She was funny. She ended up
passing do her to a car accident when we were
in high school together. She was leaving summer school and
got hit right in front of the high school and
(07:21):
it shook everybody. It's like, do you let that dictate
and determine everything for the rest of the time that
you're in school though, And that's just I never agreed
with that, and that's kind of always been hard to grasp.
It's like, do you treat this like your grandma? No,
so I can't be like this has to be the craziest,
(07:43):
heaviest thing on my heart always. You can't say, oh,
I'm gonna live for this person, because then who's going
to live for Zach? Not because I'm a selfish person,
but because I'm a human. Right A year later I
had a kid. Do I live for her? Still? When
I have a kid? Where do I have to live
(08:04):
for me and that kid?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh? Yeah, absolutely live for you and that kid. I
think it's Uh, it's interesting. When I was in high school,
we had I I guess that's saga started when I
was in seventh grade, a girl named Alison died. She
had leukemia, and it shook She was very popular. It
shook my whole school and every single year after that
(08:30):
at least one student passed away until I graduated. And
it was a situation. It was a situation. Yeah, it
was nuts, it was it was It was just it
was back to back to back to back, and this
school couldn't It felt like the school spirit couldn't recover completely.
(08:53):
And then another tragedy would happen, you know, and it
was interesting. We'd have gu grief counselors come, We'd be
given the day to roam the hallways and be with
our friends and grief and you know, basically how we
needed to They give us that day afterwards and then
getting back to the routine. And that's how it was
(09:15):
in my school, And it was kind of like a
bonding experience in my school. In my experience, I felt
like it was a bonding experience between me and my
group of friends and other groups friends. You know, there's
all clicks in high school and stuff, and you actually
talk to other people when these things happen, but then
(09:36):
after the fact, it kind of just goes back to
the clicks. It's just it's all very interesting where.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Death is like, no matter if it's a family member
or a friend, or happens in school or whatever. Everything
finds its level. Everything does, and it doesn't matter if
you're ready for it to or not. At some point,
everything fine, it's calm, Everything finds back where it is normal.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah. Yeah. I remember one particular death in high school.
This kid Eric, he drowned in Green Lake. He dove
and got caught down in the rocks and never came
back up. And I didn't know him personally. I saw
(10:25):
him walking around the hallways. We never spoke, but when
he passed. It was like a dagger to my chest,
and I just that's when I realized that I feel
things differently than other people, you know, because I was
I don't feel like I was feeling. I was feeling
(10:46):
sorrow and I was feeling empathy. But I didn't know
the kid enough to feel what I was feeling. M
And that's when I realized I wasn't feeling my own stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's one big death like that. I think it happened.
It either happened eleventh through twelfth grade year, and it
happened to this duo brothers, Austin and Dakota. And I
talked to Austin a bit like we weren't best friends.
(11:19):
We weren't like we talked. I was good with everybody,
so it's not like I was just I was good
with him. But they went swimming and Austin started drowning.
And he was the younger brother. He was in my
grade and Dakota was in the grade above us. And
his foot got caught on a rock or something like that,
and Dakota jumped in and saved him, and in saving him,
(11:44):
he killed himself. And it's it's weird. It's weird to
say it this way because I'm looking back, but I
can realize what the feeling was. Then the world changes
when somebody who's good disappears, Yeah, and you feel it,
(12:08):
And looking back at that, even though I didn't know
them to that level, I still felt it. Much like
when when Big J passed, you could feel it like
it's not just a grief right here, it is. Everything
feels off and then it finds its equal again, and
it's really weird to kind of grasp exactly what that
(12:31):
actually is.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, because it's not the same equal as it was before.
The equilibrium is different, you know, the energy is different. Everything,
everything's different.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And not even a bad different, not even a life
doesn't go on different, it's just different. It's I have
to grasp this now there's a change, and I don't
fully grasp it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah. Yeah, and it's it's it's particularly it's particularly confusing
when it's not your family and you're feeling such intense
feelings about it. You know, it's not you know, anybody
that you spend regular time with. You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I think that I think that, oh, sorry, go ahead, no,
you're go for it. I think the interesting part is
where this starts shading into like the confusion and delusion
that death creates, Like you could have a friend or
somebody that you know pass and then you know, that's
(13:42):
kind of just that happens. It makes you feel, it's
going to make you feel. It's logical for it to
make you feel. But why people sob and do candlelight
vigils for a star who passes. I don't understand that
somebody is so far disconnected from you. It's hard to
(14:02):
grasp and kind of realize that somebody's gone. Like I
don't know if it's just an ADHD thing, but like
if I stop seeing somebody for a bit, they don't
age in my mind, like they'll still be the same age.
Like if I stop seeing my daughter or my kid
for three four years, they're still going to be three
four years old because that's the last time I saw them. Yesha,
(14:28):
How how some people just you know, their life crashes
because Michael Jackson died. Grief is a weird thing when
you're circles disconnected.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah, it's definitely different for people who are not used
to it, you know, the shock of any kind of
death for people that aren't used to it. I've noticed
going through my life that the shock of death for
people that aren't used to it is quite it's quite alarming,
(15:03):
especially since I'm quite familiar, unfortunately with death and the
reactions compared to the reactions that I have. Sometimes I
feel like people that don't deal with it as much
have more of an elevated reaction because they're not used
(15:23):
to the first of all, you know, the first level
of no, the denial, no, this isn't happening, and then
the drop. Yeah, they don't know how to deal with that.
I don't know how to deal with that. I've been
dealing with it over and over and over and over
again my entire life. It's a tough thing to grasp
(15:45):
and if people and as a society unfortunately that for
the most part, idolizes or watches Hollywood, you know, that's
all that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
That's where it gets interesting to me, is like these
people become not because they care about you, but they
become almost like family because they're with you every single night.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, for some you know what I mean, And that's
they they fall in love with that character or fall
in love with that persona you know, not realize, you know,
and that's something that you know, it's just humanity attaching
themselves to humans being human attaching themselves to something, and
sometimes that's a TV show or a TV family. Yeah,
(16:35):
very interesting, very interesting. Indeed.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
So I have a question, and I don't mean this
to be disconnected or too harsh in how I say this,
but I think it's an interesting kind of point with
it being, you know, these connected deaths are two or
three circles removed, or you just got back in contact.
Do you feel less guilt than you would have if
(17:01):
you never reached back out to your friend who just passed.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Well, honestly, that was one thing I think I did right.
All the time people say, you know, we always talk
about we don't You don't humans in general don't give
flowers until it's too late, and then they give them
at the grave. Right, yep. Well, with all this death
(17:29):
that's happened in my life, I figured that there's something
good that has to come from it. So, in going
through my own grief with this podcast, Your Grief Helping
with this podcast, I felt that it's it's only right
(17:55):
to take the thing that pains me the most, the
thing that vibrates my cord the most, which is death,
and learn from it, So instead of waiting to give flowers,
I gave them while he was alive. We had a
conversation the week before he passed, and it was a
(18:18):
very over a week text message, Facebook over over like
a week or so. We've been having this conversation and
he was the kind of guy who he wasn't always
the most stand up character. We all have times in
our life where we fall, well, he did, but we
(18:41):
were talking about how we weren't going to allow that
to hold us back from becoming the genuine person we
started out as before life fucked us. So he was
in the process as I you are in the process
of unfucking yourself. And I feel like I caught myself
(19:08):
early enough in my journey before he passed to be
able to give him the flowers for that. And also
one of the things I appreciated the most about him
was not only that he was able to look in
word and turn his life around for the better, but
(19:33):
that he wasn't afraid to show his heart or tell
another the effect that they had on the world and
on him. You know. He he reminded me often how
alike he thought him and I were in that respect.
He was one to remind and he would reach out,
(19:55):
not just me. If I looked on his Facebook page
and I can't, I can't go there because it just
I can't. But when you go there, you see one
one common thread, and that common thread is thank you
(20:18):
for always reaching out. Thank you for always being my cheerleader.
So he I felt like I did that right. I
felt like I was able to catch myself in my
learning process quick enough before he looked past that. I
was able to give him flowers for them for not
(20:39):
only for changing his outlook in life, but for reaching
out to people and continuing to reach out to them
when they maybe didn't give a huge response or just
reacted because I did. Once in a while I would
(20:59):
just be like, hey, Bob, what's up? Or thanks for
the happy birthday, or whatever the case was. And it
didn't always turn into conversation, but he would always reach
out again, and I admired that about him. So one
thing that I'm going to take from his death is
(21:20):
not to live for him, because that's not on me.
That's not for me, that's for his children, it's for
his grandchild. But what is for me is to number one,
follow my passion, which is helping people, and it lit
(21:41):
another fire onto me for this podcast, because that's what
I'm here for. Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I just really felt, I just really felt.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Let's just it's just that I really felt about this one,
and I really felt like I did this one, this
one right. I didn't have that guilt with this one
that i'd had in the past, that thing you were
talking about to circle back.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I think that that point is the biggest part and
the hardest thing to kind of grasp as a human
or somebody who's pulled away at some point to better
themselves or like say, hey, I can't I can't do
you right now, My life can't be you right now.
(22:44):
Is unless it's one of the five people in the
world that you can't stand that's done everything wrong and
it's hurt you. Every single one of those people, you
can circle back and pick up the phone and I
don't know, call me to quote Eminem, because it doesn't
(23:05):
matter if we don't talk anymore, it doesn't matter if
we barely keep in touch at all. Tomorrow could be
the end. Tomorrow could be the day I die. This
episode may never see the light of day, but they
will because in the end, who exactly knows exactly what's
(23:26):
going to happen tomorrow. Everything could crash today. And if
you don't give the flowers and you don't fix the relationships,
and you just don't say, hey, it's not just about
me and my feelings and whatever I'm feeling today. What's
so bad about reaching out to a friend and just saying, hey,
(23:47):
but I care, even if you can't have any more
of a conversation than that. You know, I'm an ADHD dipshit.
And guess what, ninety percent of the time, you know
how many times I'm like fuck, I shout a message
to that person and then three days later they're like,
I was thinking about you too, I sent you a message,
(24:08):
and it's like, ah, damn, I feel like an asshole.
It sucks. It sucks because that's exactly what my grandma
does to me all the fucking time. I was thinking
about you today and I didn't send the message because
I was afraid I was gonna bother you. I'm like, no,
Grandma fucking called me. My life is hectic and I
don't pick up the phone as much as I should.
(24:32):
But you know, three weeks ago, when we're starting to
go through the bouts, of hell. I picked up the
phone because I couldn't. I stopped talking to my grandparents
because my grandpa started downturning. He told me that he
was starting to lose feeling in his hands, and he
couldn't paint as much, and his sciatica was acting up,
(24:53):
so he just he couldn't sleep and he was just
getting worse. He gave me my flowers and told me
that I'm the best man that he's ever created, and
he's thankful for what I've become. And after that point,
I couldn't keep picking up the phone because I didn't
(25:15):
want to watch him decline. I didn't want my kids
to watch him decline. Not because that's all I wanted
out of the situation, but as a whole. That's how
I wanted to remember him. We lost Joshua, and I
messaged my grandma. I was like, hey, Grandma, I just
want to stop by and see you guys. Is that okay?
(25:37):
She created an entire dinner and was calm with Ava,
and I didn't expect her to be and let her
ask all of the questions about every single teddy bear
that's in the house and everything, just understanding she's a baby.
When she doesn't understand everybody else's kids. And instead of
(26:00):
making it this big thing that I didn't pick up
the phone, it was like I never left. You know,
they've told me so openly and so honestly, don't speak
about me online, and I've told them openly and honestly,
I don't fucking care. I'm going to continually talk about
(26:21):
you online because I don't. Life is not forever, But
what is forever are these memories that you've built, And that,
to me, is the biggest part. Not everybody's like me.
(26:42):
Not everybody has a fucking idetic memory of one hundred
and fifty stories of their entire childhood. They can remember fifteen.
But you want to know who's gonna love hearing every
single one of those stories that I can remember that
that you don't want me to tell my kids they're kids.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I love you guys so fucking much, and it saddens
me to watch you guys decline. But I picked up
the phone. I dealt with the ship, and although me
and my axe have a lot of fucking hell, I
wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for her. She
(27:27):
didn't tell me to pick up the phone. And make
sure that the person that you know was my dad
was okay. I wouldn't have done it. I was too afraid.
I was too afraid to know that I wasn't cared about.
(27:48):
But I wanted them to know that they were. They
had two great grandchildren that were wondering where I came
From day one, they removed everybody else out of their
life and made sure that I was comfortable in it
because I was what mattered. Don't make the same mistake
(28:15):
I did, and wait until the end that the person
fucking matters, make them fucking matter.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Do it now? Do it now, give the flowers, now,
say the things, say all the things. It's okay to
be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
It's hard to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's extremely hard to be vulnerable. But if you're not
vulnerable and you're not authentic, then you're not genuine. Then
you're living in an NPC existence. In my opinion, Yeah,
(29:00):
you want to know.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
It's crazy. And this is where it gets crazy to
me is that Saturday was the first time Ava saw
them after being a baby. Last time she saw them,
she was a newborn in the middle of COVID. They
saw her outside and they held her for the first
(29:22):
time and everything else. Everybody had to have masks on
because she had lung problems and we were so afraid.
You all know the entire thing that Ava talked about
all of last weekend. When could I see Grandpa Candy
and Grandma Candy again? You don't have to wait, because
(29:47):
the people that matter to you might matter to somebody
else too, And you seeing and you showing that everybody
else cares, it can be a step in the right
direction for everybody. You know, my grandma, My grandma always
told both you and my mom, Zach's going to be
the only one that can unite everybody. The fucked up
(30:12):
thing is. It's true. I got thrown to the wolves,
and I came back giving every single person their flowers,
every single one, because regardless of how much hell my
life was, there's not a single person that is in
(30:36):
my life currently that doesn't know how I feel.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Everybody has a level of hell that they've gone through
in their lives, and you're all looking for the reason
or looking for a purpose why you're on this earth,
and I'm finding that the best outlet for me is
just helping people while going through my own Maybe yeah,
(31:04):
maybe sharing my experience with grief and how it's been
instrumental and hoping to absolutely transform me into a much
more patient and kind human. I feel like I'm back
to factory reset, and it it feels unfamiliar. It feels familiar,
(31:35):
but it feels it feels good. It feels good to
be less reactive and more past three years grounded, they've.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Gotten so many flowers, so many flowers. Honestly, I probably
don't even deserve about how good of a dad I am,
how amazing of a person I am because of the
things I want to do, Messages from people that I've
never even met, and I've touched their lives to the
point where they felt like it's okay to get through today,
(32:10):
because I would rather cut myself so that way everybody
else is okay. I can never put into words what
those Zach, I was always here, Zach, I loved you
more than I could ever put in words. I didn't
walk away because of you. All of those things are
(32:32):
not things that it's easy to grasp and feel. It's
hard because I don't have all of the friends that
passed away that you have. I don't. I got pulled
away from everybody at fifteen years old, and that circle
got smaller and smaller every single year. But I had
(32:58):
a weird experience with it because now I feel like
I have such a gated amount of time with everybody,
even myself.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Yeah, there's you lost yourself for quite some quite some time.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Well, not only that, when you live with suicidal ideation
from the time you're four. You have a neck surgery
at twenty seven, and you're told that there's a twenty
percent chance you die on the table and nobody knows
it's a different life altering path, that everything feels different
(33:40):
when you wake up. There's a chance that baby that
is my entire fucking world never met me because I
die on that table and I was the only one
that took care of her for the first two years
(34:00):
of her entire life. Those flowers, man, they they changed
how I saw the world. They showed me that this
world isn't so jagged and it can be smooth if
(34:25):
you focus on what the fuck is going.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
On rather than all the outside noise.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
And it's damn near impossible to do. But if you're
able to unFocus what the fuck everybody wants you to
focus on and just see what you're doing to the world,
it becomes a hell of a lot easier.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
The power of discernment, my friend, it's alf betterman doing
things differently than you did before to get a different result.
It's the key to a better existence. This has got
to be something better than being stuck in the ruts
(35:10):
in the cycle of guilt.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
So if there's one thing that I can say to
the people that I've spoken to specifically this week and
Bree who's spoken to Zach this week about being in
that cycle of guilt and stuck who may be stuck.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
In one particular stage pretty deeply. When you're ready to
move forward, you will.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
And there's always two questions that precede it. What can
I do for you? And what do I need?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
A lot of the times, it's giving yourself what you
need so that you can do what you need to do.
You have to fuel the battery before you can give
out the light.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
And there are some people that are just the light.
There are some people that enlighten every single fucking thing
around them, and you'll be fucking confused on how easy
it is for them.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
They're few and far between, They're very few and far between.
But if they're in your life, treat them right, treat
them well. Everybody's going through their own path.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I don't mean to be egotistical as I say this,
but it's something that just, you know, it clicks. As
people remove me, they struggle, I come back. That light
helps a hell of a lot. I don't know if
(37:00):
it's it's me as a person, if it's do you know,
just life differences or what it seems like everybody does
better when I'm around.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
I think it's a frequency thing. I think there's frequencies
that people are on, and if you're on the same
frequency with people, then they can be pillars for you.
If you're not on the same frequency with people, they
can be pillars on top of you. So it's all
(37:37):
about the frequency that you have with someone. And if
you are a high frequency person and people are meeting
you at that frequency, then I can understand where it
would feel that way.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I just it feels. It feels so different from where
I was washing things crumble in certain situations, helping people
build themselves back up, watching everything change for people. You're
still I'm allowed to talk, You're still going to go
through that weird.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's going to ebb and flow throughout life. But at
least you can start to get a grasp on it,
start to get some ground underneath you, so you're not
spinning your wheels.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
That's my job.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
That's what this is about. It's about moving forward, it's
about getting out of that cycle. It's about moving past
the guilt that it takes to actually escape the grief cycle,
the deep grief.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Honestly, whether you're dealing with depression, you can't get past
what the fuck just happened to you. You can't get
past shit that happened in your childhood, and your best
friend passed away six years ago and you still can't
figure it out. What doesn't matter. You are still valuable.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
You are valuable.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Tell every single person around you how much they matter
to you. Every single person around you cares, So stand
up and realize that it's okay. It's okay to be
not okay, and it's even better to be okay.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
And it's okay to make yourself okay. And that person
cared a lot about you and they want to want
you to be okay. So what I've chosen to do
is take the good part of the person that passed.
So in George's case, that's my friend that just passed.
I'm going to take something that's very hard for me
(39:46):
to do because I'm have a hard time with rejection.
And I'm going to reach out to people regardless of
whether I get answers, whether I get one line answers,
whether I get thanks for reaching out, whatever it is.
If I'm thinking about the person, I'm going to make
the text I'm going to reach out, I'm going to
(40:07):
do the things I'm going to say it. I'm going
to make myself more vulnerable still keeping my healthy voters.
That's what I'm going to move forward with in his honor,
because it's not mine to live for him, but it
is going to benefit my life to keep his shining
(40:28):
in mind. And I that's the way I'm going to
do it exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
So I think everybody, everybody should. I understand, you have value.
The person that passed or the person that is no
longer next to you has value. But give them the
flowers that you want to give them before you're no
longer able to because you giving them at a podium.
I remember, and I know we're going to have an
(40:56):
in depth episode on this, but you know it clicks.
I wanted to speak at big J's funeral. I had
things I had to say, but you know, I told
her every single time I saw her that she was
my grandma and I loved her to death. It doesn't
matter if I'm speaking to a room full of people
(41:18):
about how much she meant to me. It doesn't Staying
at a pine box saying this matters and that matters
and I care doesn't fucking matter. Because if those words mattered,
I would have said them beforehand. Because if you don't
say them, you're gonna regret. And what you don't want
(41:41):
to do is you don't want to live a life
full of regret, because it doesn't matter if that person
answers you were not, get the flowers out, if the
person doesn't care, the person doesn't care, But say them
before you regret.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
It, and you will. You will have that regret. If
you don't, We'll.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
See you next time. Guys, use code rmts to check
out and gee if you'll and subscribe like the video
and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Have a great night. Pick up to yourself.
Welcome to the Lonely Road. We are on the path
to heal and become a better human, and we're trying
to join you and make you a better human as well.
Many of you know me for my job or my
other podcasts RNTs or Real Men Talk Shit. This is
going to be a very, very different show. We will
be going on a deep dive to grief and mental health,
(00:22):
whether it's stats and stories, We're trying to explore everything
at a crazy level of being in depth. After healing
with trauma I'm currently dealing with, I looked at my
girlfriend and I told her I wanted to use this
pain and struggle to help others who are dealing with
the same level of pain and grief that we're dealing with.
So have this money that this podcast makes will be
(00:42):
given to charity or someone else in need and the
problems that we speak on. We are also brought to
you by our sponsor g Fuel. Use code RMTS to
check out for twenty percent off What's going on kJ.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hey, it's me KJP. Some of you my name may
know me from the TikTok. It's much different me on
this show. As some of you have already seen how's
it going. Today's each not too bad.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
It's been a it's been a somber day. We just
we just finished the last episode of the episode you
guys saw last week and stuff like that. Today is
a month now that my son passed. So it's been
not the craziest most outgoing day today, but you know,
it's still trying to get stuff done, trying to accomplish something.
(01:32):
That way, it doesn't feel like it's a it's a
disconnected day.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, Chew, and you and Breed took the time to
do what you needed to do as far as your
grief is concerned, and you're doing the cast now, so
that's helping you exactly good. So, uh, you know, I'll
tell you Episode one was challenging for more than run
reason for me other than being nervous because it was
(01:57):
my first podcast. I'm used to short form content. But
an hour or so prior of filming, I found out
a high school friend that I was back in touch
with recently just passed away, and it shook me. But
it was our first podcast, and I had given my
(02:21):
word that I would record that night. And since I've
been on myself betterment path the last few years, That's
one of the big things that I've been trying to
make different about myself is when I say I'm going
to do something, I want to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's one of the biggest things as a person, Like
if you set yourself up to have validity to your
word of I'm going to do this, it kind of
holds you accountable to yourself, and that's it. You're not
being held accountable to the other person. Yeah, you might
let them down, but you're holding yourself accountable to I'm
going to do this, And that works so much easier
(03:00):
because then you're holding yourself accountable.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
It feels better. It's it's hard to get after getting
out of the habit of doing that because I was
once that person and then I fell into this pit
and hole and quicksand and dug my way out of that.
But it's it's much better feeling to be accountable to yourself,
but also to be accountable to someone that I gave
(03:25):
my word to and I don't want to break that word.
And if there's something that comes up in life. We
all know things come up. We've talked about that before.
Last episode was a pure example of that. You know,
your kids came in the middle of the episode. We
can't film when your kids are there. It's okay, you know,
so we had to swin it up. It's all right,
life happens, But it was. It was definitely. It was
(03:51):
definitely a challenge for me, and I was proud of
myself for coming out the other side.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Of that was Yeah, And honestly, whether it was your
first episode as a podcast or not, you killed it.
We have little technical things that you kind of didn't
fully grasp yet, and we fix them literally when we
started tonight. Hey, move your phone away from your microphone.
It'll pick everything up. Your microphone's like a big ass butthole.
It just sucks everything in. Just move it away and
(04:19):
it'll be fine. And yeah, your problems stupid little things
like that that you just kind of don't grasp it first,
and you're like, okay, I got to change these little things.
And I think everybody will kind of see that you
weren't fully comfortable on top of having a drastic thing
happened right away that should kind of help the way
(04:39):
that that episode looked at. It was your first and
that's huge, and you had a lost right beforehand, and
that's huge too.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
It's interesting. It's interesting to know, like, well, I guess
not no, but it's just interesting how you feel when
when a friend or an acquaintance or someone that you
consider a friend passes. You know, it's that second third
degree grief, you know what I mean. It's tough. It's
(05:11):
tough to I've had a lot of those, about half
of the half of the deaths that I've dealt with,
and there's been a lot. I've actually listed them out
because I wasn't wasn't really in the Holy Cow from
like my first recollection was seven or eight years old,
(05:39):
cousin passed, grandmother passed shortly after that, and then like
till eighteen, graduated from high school, about twenty there were
about twenty people, ten of which were probably first or degree.
(06:00):
So I had a lot of death in the first
twenty years of my life, and then after that there's
been probably about the same friends and family included. It's
just interesting to me, the grief cycle being what it is,
but being a second or third degree death, like you're
(06:21):
not their family, you're not their closest relatives, but you
did have a relationship with that person, you know, and
you want to honor that person, but you don't want
to be.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You don't want to take the light from the people
who need it right now. Yeah, and that's kind of
the weirdest place to be. Like, I remember when I
was in high school, one of my friends named Erica.
I guess she was in a house fire before I moved,
and I moved, and she was one of the first
people that kind of like, her personality just got me
and like, after being in a house fire, you could
(06:56):
understand where that person is kind of going to be
seated and you know, chain of people and stuff like that.
She wasn't one of the most popular people, but her
personality was fucking hilarious. She was funny. She ended up
passing do her to a car accident when we were
in high school together. She was leaving summer school and
got hit right in front of the high school and
(07:21):
it shook everybody. It's like, do you let that dictate
and determine everything for the rest of the time that
you're in school though, And that's just I never agreed
with that, and that's kind of always been hard to grasp.
It's like, do you treat this like your grandma? No,
so I can't be like this has to be the craziest,
(07:43):
heaviest thing on my heart always. You can't say, oh,
I'm gonna live for this person, because then who's going
to live for Zach? Not because I'm a selfish person,
but because I'm a human. Right A year later I
had a kid. Do I live for her? Still? When
I have a kid? Where do I have to live
(08:04):
for me and that kid?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Oh? Yeah, absolutely live for you and that kid. I
think it's Uh, it's interesting. When I was in high school,
we had I I guess that's saga started when I
was in seventh grade, a girl named Alison died. She
had leukemia, and it shook She was very popular. It
shook my whole school and every single year after that
(08:30):
at least one student passed away until I graduated. And
it was a situation. It was a situation. Yeah, it
was nuts, it was it was It was just it
was back to back to back to back, and this
school couldn't It felt like the school spirit couldn't recover completely.
(08:53):
And then another tragedy would happen, you know, and it
was interesting. We'd have gu grief counselors come, We'd be
given the day to roam the hallways and be with
our friends and grief and you know, basically how we
needed to They give us that day afterwards and then
getting back to the routine. And that's how it was
(09:15):
in my school, And it was kind of like a
bonding experience in my school. In my experience, I felt
like it was a bonding experience between me and my
group of friends and other groups friends. You know, there's
all clicks in high school and stuff, and you actually
talk to other people when these things happen, but then
(09:36):
after the fact, it kind of just goes back to
the clicks. It's just it's all very interesting where.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Death is like, no matter if it's a family member
or a friend, or happens in school or whatever. Everything
finds its level. Everything does, and it doesn't matter if
you're ready for it to or not. At some point,
everything fine, it's calm, Everything finds back where it is normal.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah. Yeah. I remember one particular death in high school.
This kid Eric, he drowned in Green Lake. He dove
and got caught down in the rocks and never came
back up. And I didn't know him personally. I saw
(10:25):
him walking around the hallways. We never spoke, but when
he passed. It was like a dagger to my chest,
and I just that's when I realized that I feel
things differently than other people, you know, because I was
I don't feel like I was feeling. I was feeling
(10:46):
sorrow and I was feeling empathy. But I didn't know
the kid enough to feel what I was feeling. M
And that's when I realized I wasn't feeling my own stuff.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
There's one big death like that. I think it happened.
It either happened eleventh through twelfth grade year, and it
happened to this duo brothers, Austin and Dakota. And I
talked to Austin a bit like we weren't best friends.
(11:19):
We weren't like we talked. I was good with everybody,
so it's not like I was just I was good
with him. But they went swimming and Austin started drowning.
And he was the younger brother. He was in my
grade and Dakota was in the grade above us. And
his foot got caught on a rock or something like that,
and Dakota jumped in and saved him, and in saving him,
(11:44):
he killed himself. And it's it's weird. It's weird to
say it this way because I'm looking back, but I
can realize what the feeling was. Then the world changes
when somebody who's good disappears, Yeah, and you feel it,
(12:08):
And looking back at that, even though I didn't know
them to that level, I still felt it. Much like
when when Big J passed, you could feel it like
it's not just a grief right here, it is. Everything
feels off and then it finds its equal again, and
it's really weird to kind of grasp exactly what that
(12:31):
actually is.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, because it's not the same equal as it was before.
The equilibrium is different, you know, the energy is different. Everything,
everything's different.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And not even a bad different, not even a life
doesn't go on different, it's just different. It's I have
to grasp this now there's a change, and I don't
fully grasp it.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah. Yeah, and it's it's it's particularly it's particularly confusing
when it's not your family and you're feeling such intense
feelings about it. You know, it's not you know, anybody
that you spend regular time with. You know, it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I think that I think that, oh, sorry, go ahead, no,
you're go for it. I think the interesting part is
where this starts shading into like the confusion and delusion
that death creates, Like you could have a friend or
somebody that you know pass and then you know, that's
(13:42):
kind of just that happens. It makes you feel, it's
going to make you feel. It's logical for it to
make you feel. But why people sob and do candlelight
vigils for a star who passes. I don't understand that
somebody is so far disconnected from you. It's hard to
(14:02):
grasp and kind of realize that somebody's gone. Like I
don't know if it's just an ADHD thing, but like
if I stop seeing somebody for a bit, they don't
age in my mind, like they'll still be the same age.
Like if I stop seeing my daughter or my kid
for three four years, they're still going to be three
four years old because that's the last time I saw them. Yesha,
(14:28):
How how some people just you know, their life crashes
because Michael Jackson died. Grief is a weird thing when
you're circles disconnected.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Yeah, it's definitely different for people who are not used
to it, you know, the shock of any kind of
death for people that aren't used to it. I've noticed
going through my life that the shock of death for
people that aren't used to it is quite it's quite alarming,
(15:03):
especially since I'm quite familiar, unfortunately with death and the
reactions compared to the reactions that I have. Sometimes I
feel like people that don't deal with it as much
have more of an elevated reaction because they're not used
(15:23):
to the first of all, you know, the first level
of no, the denial, no, this isn't happening, and then
the drop. Yeah, they don't know how to deal with that.
I don't know how to deal with that. I've been
dealing with it over and over and over and over
again my entire life. It's a tough thing to grasp
(15:45):
and if people and as a society unfortunately that for
the most part, idolizes or watches Hollywood, you know, that's
all that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
That's where it gets interesting to me, is like these
people become not because they care about you, but they
become almost like family because they're with you every single night.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, for some you know what I mean, And that's
they they fall in love with that character or fall
in love with that persona you know, not realize, you know,
and that's something that you know, it's just humanity attaching
themselves to humans being human attaching themselves to something, and
sometimes that's a TV show or a TV family. Yeah,
(16:35):
very interesting, very interesting. Indeed.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
So I have a question, and I don't mean this
to be disconnected or too harsh in how I say this,
but I think it's an interesting kind of point with
it being, you know, these connected deaths are two or
three circles removed, or you just got back in contact.
Do you feel less guilt than you would have if
(17:01):
you never reached back out to your friend who just passed.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Well, honestly, that was one thing I think I did right.
All the time people say, you know, we always talk
about we don't You don't humans in general don't give
flowers until it's too late, and then they give them
at the grave. Right, yep. Well, with all this death
(17:29):
that's happened in my life, I figured that there's something
good that has to come from it. So, in going
through my own grief with this podcast, Your Grief Helping
with this podcast, I felt that it's it's only right
(17:55):
to take the thing that pains me the most, the
thing that vibrates my cord the most, which is death,
and learn from it, So instead of waiting to give flowers,
I gave them while he was alive. We had a
conversation the week before he passed, and it was a
(18:18):
very over a week text message, Facebook over over like
a week or so. We've been having this conversation and
he was the kind of guy who he wasn't always
the most stand up character. We all have times in
our life where we fall, well, he did, but we
(18:41):
were talking about how we weren't going to allow that
to hold us back from becoming the genuine person we
started out as before life fucked us. So he was
in the process as I you are in the process
of unfucking yourself. And I feel like I caught myself
(19:08):
early enough in my journey before he passed to be
able to give him the flowers for that. And also
one of the things I appreciated the most about him
was not only that he was able to look in
word and turn his life around for the better, but
(19:33):
that he wasn't afraid to show his heart or tell
another the effect that they had on the world and
on him. You know. He he reminded me often how
alike he thought him and I were in that respect.
He was one to remind and he would reach out,
(19:55):
not just me. If I looked on his Facebook page
and I can't, I can't go there because it just
I can't. But when you go there, you see one
one common thread, and that common thread is thank you
(20:18):
for always reaching out. Thank you for always being my cheerleader.
So he I felt like I did that right. I
felt like I was able to catch myself in my
learning process quick enough before he looked past that. I
was able to give him flowers for them for not
(20:39):
only for changing his outlook in life, but for reaching
out to people and continuing to reach out to them
when they maybe didn't give a huge response or just
reacted because I did. Once in a while I would
(20:59):
just be like, hey, Bob, what's up? Or thanks for
the happy birthday, or whatever the case was. And it
didn't always turn into conversation, but he would always reach
out again, and I admired that about him. So one
thing that I'm going to take from his death is
(21:20):
not to live for him, because that's not on me.
That's not for me, that's for his children, it's for
his grandchild. But what is for me is to number one,
follow my passion, which is helping people, and it lit
(21:41):
another fire onto me for this podcast, because that's what
I'm here for. Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I just really felt, I just really felt.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Let's just it's just that I really felt about this one,
and I really felt like I did this one, this
one right. I didn't have that guilt with this one
that i'd had in the past, that thing you were
talking about to circle back.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I think that that point is the biggest part and
the hardest thing to kind of grasp as a human
or somebody who's pulled away at some point to better
themselves or like say, hey, I can't I can't do
you right now, My life can't be you right now.
(22:44):
Is unless it's one of the five people in the
world that you can't stand that's done everything wrong and
it's hurt you. Every single one of those people, you
can circle back and pick up the phone and I
don't know, call me to quote Eminem, because it doesn't
(23:05):
matter if we don't talk anymore, it doesn't matter if
we barely keep in touch at all. Tomorrow could be
the end. Tomorrow could be the day I die. This
episode may never see the light of day, but they
will because in the end, who exactly knows exactly what's
(23:26):
going to happen tomorrow. Everything could crash today. And if
you don't give the flowers and you don't fix the relationships,
and you just don't say, hey, it's not just about
me and my feelings and whatever I'm feeling today. What's
so bad about reaching out to a friend and just saying, hey,
(23:47):
but I care, even if you can't have any more
of a conversation than that. You know, I'm an ADHD dipshit.
And guess what, ninety percent of the time, you know
how many times I'm like fuck, I shout a message
to that person and then three days later they're like,
I was thinking about you too, I sent you a message,
(24:08):
and it's like, ah, damn, I feel like an asshole.
It sucks. It sucks because that's exactly what my grandma
does to me all the fucking time. I was thinking
about you today and I didn't send the message because
I was afraid I was gonna bother you. I'm like, no,
Grandma fucking called me. My life is hectic and I
don't pick up the phone as much as I should.
(24:32):
But you know, three weeks ago, when we're starting to
go through the bouts, of hell. I picked up the
phone because I couldn't. I stopped talking to my grandparents
because my grandpa started downturning. He told me that he
was starting to lose feeling in his hands, and he
couldn't paint as much, and his sciatica was acting up,
(24:53):
so he just he couldn't sleep and he was just
getting worse. He gave me my flowers and told me
that I'm the best man that he's ever created, and
he's thankful for what I've become. And after that point,
I couldn't keep picking up the phone because I didn't
(25:15):
want to watch him decline. I didn't want my kids
to watch him decline. Not because that's all I wanted
out of the situation, but as a whole. That's how
I wanted to remember him. We lost Joshua, and I
messaged my grandma. I was like, hey, Grandma, I just
want to stop by and see you guys. Is that okay?
(25:37):
She created an entire dinner and was calm with Ava,
and I didn't expect her to be and let her
ask all of the questions about every single teddy bear
that's in the house and everything, just understanding she's a baby.
When she doesn't understand everybody else's kids. And instead of
(26:00):
making it this big thing that I didn't pick up
the phone, it was like I never left. You know,
they've told me so openly and so honestly, don't speak
about me online, and I've told them openly and honestly,
I don't fucking care. I'm going to continually talk about
(26:21):
you online because I don't. Life is not forever, But
what is forever are these memories that you've built, And that,
to me, is the biggest part. Not everybody's like me.
(26:42):
Not everybody has a fucking idetic memory of one hundred
and fifty stories of their entire childhood. They can remember fifteen.
But you want to know who's gonna love hearing every
single one of those stories that I can remember that
that you don't want me to tell my kids they're kids.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I love you guys so fucking much, and it saddens
me to watch you guys decline. But I picked up
the phone. I dealt with the ship, and although me
and my axe have a lot of fucking hell, I
wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for her. She
(27:27):
didn't tell me to pick up the phone. And make
sure that the person that you know was my dad
was okay. I wouldn't have done it. I was too afraid.
I was too afraid to know that I wasn't cared about.
(27:48):
But I wanted them to know that they were. They
had two great grandchildren that were wondering where I came
From day one, they removed everybody else out of their
life and made sure that I was comfortable in it
because I was what mattered. Don't make the same mistake
(28:15):
I did, and wait until the end that the person
fucking matters, make them fucking matter.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Do it now? Do it now, give the flowers, now,
say the things, say all the things. It's okay to
be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
It's hard to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
It's extremely hard to be vulnerable. But if you're not
vulnerable and you're not authentic, then you're not genuine. Then
you're living in an NPC existence. In my opinion, Yeah,
(29:00):
you want to know.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
It's crazy. And this is where it gets crazy to
me is that Saturday was the first time Ava saw
them after being a baby. Last time she saw them,
she was a newborn in the middle of COVID. They
saw her outside and they held her for the first
(29:22):
time and everything else. Everybody had to have masks on
because she had lung problems and we were so afraid.
You all know the entire thing that Ava talked about
all of last weekend. When could I see Grandpa Candy
and Grandma Candy again? You don't have to wait, because
(29:47):
the people that matter to you might matter to somebody
else too, And you seeing and you showing that everybody
else cares, it can be a step in the right
direction for everybody. You know, my grandma, My grandma always
told both you and my mom, Zach's going to be
the only one that can unite everybody. The fucked up
(30:12):
thing is. It's true. I got thrown to the wolves,
and I came back giving every single person their flowers,
every single one, because regardless of how much hell my
life was, there's not a single person that is in
(30:36):
my life currently that doesn't know how I feel.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Everybody has a level of hell that they've gone through
in their lives, and you're all looking for the reason
or looking for a purpose why you're on this earth,
and I'm finding that the best outlet for me is
just helping people while going through my own Maybe yeah,
(31:04):
maybe sharing my experience with grief and how it's been
instrumental and hoping to absolutely transform me into a much
more patient and kind human. I feel like I'm back
to factory reset, and it it feels unfamiliar. It feels familiar,
(31:35):
but it feels it feels good. It feels good to
be less reactive and more past three years grounded, they've.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Gotten so many flowers, so many flowers. Honestly, I probably
don't even deserve about how good of a dad I am,
how amazing of a person I am because of the
things I want to do, Messages from people that I've
never even met, and I've touched their lives to the
point where they felt like it's okay to get through today,
(32:10):
because I would rather cut myself so that way everybody
else is okay. I can never put into words what
those Zach, I was always here, Zach, I loved you
more than I could ever put in words. I didn't
walk away because of you. All of those things are
(32:32):
not things that it's easy to grasp and feel. It's
hard because I don't have all of the friends that
passed away that you have. I don't. I got pulled
away from everybody at fifteen years old, and that circle
got smaller and smaller every single year. But I had
(32:58):
a weird experience with it because now I feel like
I have such a gated amount of time with everybody,
even myself.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Yeah, there's you lost yourself for quite some quite some time.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
Well, not only that, when you live with suicidal ideation
from the time you're four. You have a neck surgery
at twenty seven, and you're told that there's a twenty
percent chance you die on the table and nobody knows
it's a different life altering path, that everything feels different
(33:40):
when you wake up. There's a chance that baby that
is my entire fucking world never met me because I
die on that table and I was the only one
that took care of her for the first two years
(34:00):
of her entire life. Those flowers, man, they they changed
how I saw the world. They showed me that this
world isn't so jagged and it can be smooth if
(34:25):
you focus on what the fuck is going.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
On rather than all the outside noise.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
And it's damn near impossible to do. But if you're
able to unFocus what the fuck everybody wants you to
focus on and just see what you're doing to the world,
it becomes a hell of a lot easier.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
The power of discernment, my friend, it's alf betterman doing
things differently than you did before to get a different result.
It's the key to a better existence. This has got
to be something better than being stuck in the ruts
(35:10):
in the cycle of guilt.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
So if there's one thing that I can say to
the people that I've spoken to specifically this week and
Bree who's spoken to Zach this week about being in
that cycle of guilt and stuck who may be stuck.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
In one particular stage pretty deeply. When you're ready to
move forward, you will.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
And there's always two questions that precede it. What can
I do for you? And what do I need?
Speaker 2 (35:52):
A lot of the times, it's giving yourself what you
need so that you can do what you need to do.
You have to fuel the battery before you can give
out the light.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
And there are some people that are just the light.
There are some people that enlighten every single fucking thing
around them, and you'll be fucking confused on how easy
it is for them.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
They're few and far between, They're very few and far between.
But if they're in your life, treat them right, treat
them well. Everybody's going through their own path.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I don't mean to be egotistical as I say this,
but it's something that just, you know, it clicks. As
people remove me, they struggle, I come back. That light
helps a hell of a lot. I don't know if
(37:00):
it's it's me as a person, if it's do you know,
just life differences or what it seems like everybody does
better when I'm around.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
I think it's a frequency thing. I think there's frequencies
that people are on, and if you're on the same
frequency with people, then they can be pillars for you.
If you're not on the same frequency with people, they
can be pillars on top of you. So it's all
(37:37):
about the frequency that you have with someone. And if
you are a high frequency person and people are meeting
you at that frequency, then I can understand where it
would feel that way.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
I just it feels. It feels so different from where
I was washing things crumble in certain situations, helping people
build themselves back up, watching everything change for people. You're
still I'm allowed to talk, You're still going to go
through that weird.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's going to ebb and flow throughout life. But at
least you can start to get a grasp on it,
start to get some ground underneath you, so you're not
spinning your wheels.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
That's my job.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
That's what this is about. It's about moving forward, it's
about getting out of that cycle. It's about moving past
the guilt that it takes to actually escape the grief cycle,
the deep grief.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Honestly, whether you're dealing with depression, you can't get past
what the fuck just happened to you. You can't get
past shit that happened in your childhood, and your best
friend passed away six years ago and you still can't
figure it out. What doesn't matter. You are still valuable.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
You are valuable.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Tell every single person around you how much they matter
to you. Every single person around you cares, So stand
up and realize that it's okay. It's okay to be
not okay, and it's even better to be okay.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
And it's okay to make yourself okay. And that person
cared a lot about you and they want to want
you to be okay. So what I've chosen to do
is take the good part of the person that passed.
So in George's case, that's my friend that just passed.
I'm going to take something that's very hard for me
(39:46):
to do because I'm have a hard time with rejection.
And I'm going to reach out to people regardless of
whether I get answers, whether I get one line answers,
whether I get thanks for reaching out, whatever it is.
If I'm thinking about the person, I'm going to make
the text I'm going to reach out, I'm going to
(40:07):
do the things I'm going to say it. I'm going
to make myself more vulnerable still keeping my healthy voters.
That's what I'm going to move forward with in his honor,
because it's not mine to live for him, but it
is going to benefit my life to keep his shining
(40:28):
in mind. And I that's the way I'm going to
do it exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
So I think everybody, everybody should. I understand, you have value.
The person that passed or the person that is no
longer next to you has value. But give them the
flowers that you want to give them before you're no
longer able to because you giving them at a podium.
I remember, and I know we're going to have an
(40:56):
in depth episode on this, but you know it clicks.
I wanted to speak at big J's funeral. I had
things I had to say, but you know, I told
her every single time I saw her that she was
my grandma and I loved her to death. It doesn't
matter if I'm speaking to a room full of people
(41:18):
about how much she meant to me. It doesn't Staying
at a pine box saying this matters and that matters
and I care doesn't fucking matter. Because if those words mattered,
I would have said them beforehand. Because if you don't
say them, you're gonna regret. And what you don't want
(41:41):
to do is you don't want to live a life
full of regret, because it doesn't matter if that person
answers you were not, get the flowers out, if the
person doesn't care, the person doesn't care, But say them
before you regret.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
It, and you will. You will have that regret. If
you don't, We'll.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
See you next time. Guys, use code rmts to check
out and gee if you'll and subscribe like the video
and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Have a great night. Pick up to yourself.
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