September 24, 2025 • 37 mins
Rebuilding Your Accountability – The Lonely Road Podcast 🎙️ In this episode, we dive into the power of accountability—why it’s so hard to maintain and how you can rebuild it to take control of your life. Whether you’re struggling with personal goals, career setbacks, or just trying to stay consistent, this conversation is for you. 🔥 Sponsors: GFuel Use Code RMTS 📢 Join the conversation! Share your thoughts in the comments—what challenges have you faced with accountability, and how do you overcome them? 👉 Subscribe for more real talk, personal growth insights, and unfiltered discussions about life on the lonely road. 🔔 Hit the notification bell to stay updated on new episodes! 👥 Connect with us: Twitter: @Hotloadszac
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back, boys to the lonely Road. We're here to
help you on your journey to become a better human.
Many of you guys know me from my other job
or my other podcast, and honestly, I was looking at
the numbers this morning. This show is doing fucking insanely.
I didn't even share this you've off the show because
I wanted your genuine response. In the past twenty eight days,
(00:23):
we've gotten forty thousand views on this show. That's obviously
all sorts included and everything else.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But that's pretty that's pretty awesome. Thank you so much, guys.
That's amazing here. That's great.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
So regardless of it, if you know, the long episodes
or the short episodes, whatever is getting the views. I
just think it's cool that, you know, we just randomly
are like, hey, we're going to do this, and you
know what's doing something. So that's been rather interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
That's so great. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I was god away this morning when I opened that up.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That is awesome. Congratulations Sack, Yeah, no, congratulations.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I thought that was I thought that was cool, especially
you know when we were like, yeah, we got ten
k across everything like two months ago and now like
two months later, we're forty k in a month. It
just it feels nice to just consistently be growing.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
And that's yeah, yeah, I mean, thank you. You put
all the shorts out there, you do all the editing.
It's it's a testament to your your consistency, it really is.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I try some days some days of hell, but some
days I get the thumbnail done on the day we
record like we like I did last week, and it
makes it sometimes easier. That's a good one that oh
you know it, and I know we have a topic.
But it's so hard to get some of those ideas
together because it's like, Okay, there's either something so specific
that it's like that's the thumbnail, or there's absolutely no
(01:55):
idea or nothing I can put together where it's like
that's the idea of what the thumb else should be.
It's either pulled out of my ass or absolutely perfect.
There is no hmm.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah, when you're when you're having a little trouble, reach
out because I might have an idea.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah, no, yes, some days some days it gets hard.
But you know, with with this journey that we've been
on for the past couple of weeks here, like everything
with you kind of going down that spiral and pulling
yourself almost immediately out of it, which was fantastic. It
is really interesting to see kind of what we had
in the topics that were available. And I don't know,
(02:32):
I really like the idea of this topic, especially with
that one specifically, which is admitting guilt and admitting that
you did wrong. And it was like the big thing
that I kind of told you on the show was
like you have to look at Sara and say I
was wrong. Yeah, sorry, And I cannot do that anymore.
I reacted incorrectly and I'm really sorry that I did that.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolutely a weird place to learn how to do that,
because I remember as a kid and everything else, everybody's like, oh, well,
just say you're sorry. Say you're sorry is not apologizing,
it's not admitting that you did wrong. It is the
formality of saying, hey, I realized that you didn't like
what I did, and I know that you expect me
(03:15):
to say sorry, So let me just say sorry, so
way we can get past this and stop talking about
dumb shit.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, that's conditioned like that when when you're little, because
you really don't feel the weight of it until you're
a little bit older. Sometimes you have to have something
done to you in order to know how something feels
to other people.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
But it's almost like there should be like a secondary
conversation with your kids where people around you at like fifteen,
sixteen years old, where it's like, okay, apologies are no
longer enough anymore, Like at some point you have to
be held accountable for what you did, be accountable to yourself,
and change the problem that you caused. Like there's like
a secondary level there that I don't think.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's just my upbringing where everybody's where that just doesn't happen.
It goes from you know, you're in time out for
three minutes, you say you're sorry, and everything's back to
being good. So then randomly being grounded for a week,
you say you're sorry and you know you're good in
a week, and then you get your games back. But
there's no change after that, Like there's no interpersonal change,
(04:21):
Like nobody really ever talks about, Oh, how do you
fix this with somebody? How do you actually go about
being accountable not only to yourself but the people around
you in admitting that you're wrong?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, yeah, me and your mom were actually just talking
about that right before this recording. Is you know how
you have to find everything out the hard way. You
don't have people teaching you those soft skills you don't have.
We didn't learn that from our parents. They didn't learn
it from their parents, and so there needs to be
a generation that just needs to change that and teach
(04:57):
those soft skills to their kids so that they learn
that accountability at a younger age and they can change,
you know, the things about them that then when they
look in the mirror and they don't like something that
they see, they can first of all pinpoint that and
be able to not blame yourself but take accountability. Hey,
(05:18):
yeah I did that. Did I feel good about it? No?
I didn't feel good about it at all. So I'm
going to make sure that that doesn't happen again moving forward. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Absolutely, And it's just it's so interesting to look back
on and be like, oh no, I really wasn't ever
told how to apologize, and like, watching some of these
videos about mental health and stuff, they'll tell you, oh, well,
if you say I'm sorry that it made you feel
that way, that's wrong, that's narcissistic. And I'm like, no,
that's somebody who doesn't understand why they're apologizing, Like they
(05:49):
might not even fully grasp exactly what the fuck's going on.
They're apologizing because they feel they have to, because you're
yelling and complaining about something. They didn't realize that they
did something wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
You feel sad that you feel bad about it, not
necessarily knowing how what they did or what they said
came across.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, And it's just like there's so many more reasons
to why somebody doesn't do something correctly than narcissism. And
it seems like that's becomes such a buzzword for so
many people nowadays that it's like it clings onto everything.
You don't even understand what it means. Yeah, you're just
using therapy words.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, it's just one of those things, just like you said,
therapy words and things that people throw out and it
just loses its efficacy after a while because everybody's using it.
It's just like you know, the word being called a racist.
Nobody fucking cares anymore because you are called that if
you do anything outside of what this box of people
(06:52):
says is okay for you to do.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
And it's almost becoming surreal because you sit here and
look at these situations where it's like, Okay, all of
these things are the reason why these problems happen. Okay,
so what the fuck's the problem? If you can't articulate
why you're feeling bad, then there is your reason for
me to apologize until you tell me why you feel bad.
We can't keep having the cycle of you shutting somebody
out and then saying, well, you have to apologize for
(07:17):
things to go back, but I don't even understand what
I did wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It's so hard to look at these things with everything
that I dealt with and everything that you know, I
probably could have fixed. But at the same time, it's
like at some point beating you over the head with
something and making you apologize for something for the fifteenth
fucking time, isn't isn't fixing it? Obviously it didn't fix
it the first time you apologized, and it's not gonna
fix it the fifteenth. What's the difference.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
No, I mean, you definitely have to. You have to
come to a point in your life. Well, I mean,
I guess you don't have to. There are people that
do not, But at the end of the day, people
that can look inward and you get kind of tired
of your shit after a while. At least that's what
happened with me. I got tired of inconsistencies in my
(08:10):
in my beliefs and thought processes. I got tired of
being you know, explosive when or not able to take
criticism when I thought I could take criticism, and making
it hard for people to talk to me. And I
didn't realize that that's what I was doing, But I
was being ultra defensive because I thought I had to be.
(08:33):
That's that's from jump as a kid, just with you know,
these siblings. I just felt like I had to be
on the defense a lot, and so I guess that
carried into my adulthood. But you've got to be able
to be sick of your own shit so that you
can pinpoint what it is that you want to fix,
(08:54):
and if it's a bunch of things, then it's a
bunch of things. But then you have to change the
thing and not go to doing the old shit.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, and I think that's part of the accountability that's
really hard to learn. You can step your camera back
down to seven twenty, and you started lagging when you
started shaking your head back and forth and being a
sassy white woman. So that's the accountability that's really kind
of hard for me to figure out, because it's like,
okay as a whole. The first step that you should
do when when you're apologizing for something, or you feel
(09:25):
that you did something wrong in an argument, whatever it is,
is what did I do? What did I do that
is wrong? How did I handle or approach this incorrectly
or different from what I normally do? And it's not
normally apologies or holding yourself accountable for what you're doing
wrong is looking at what your fucking actions are and
(09:47):
are they consistent with who the fuck you are? To me,
my biggest thing was I was not fucking My points
of view were not rigid. Like if I started getting
pushed on something, I automatic apologized, I let go, and
I just kind of let it be because that was
easier than just dealing with the argument or the problem
or whatever. Now my stances are as hard stanced as
(10:11):
they possibly can be. It's like, i'll hear you out,
I'll have the conversation with you. You might be able
to change my mind, but that doesn't mean that my
entire belief system is now changed. Because you did.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No. No, But it's it's definitely good to be able
to take in information, possibly information that you did not know,
and come to a reasonable conclusion that maybe your mind
should change on a certain issue because of the new
information that you took in. That's growth, you know, that's
that's just not growth.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's so interesting too, because I dealt with that for
so long. I was so wishy wash you on some things.
It caused me to be so wishy washy with everything
because it's like, oh, I have to accept this because
I fucked up, or I have to accept that because
I fucked up.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yep, I find that, so I deserve to be treated
this way. And I ways, this went on pretty long.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
This is a really really easy story to kind of explain.
It was with my ex wife. I was fifteen years
old at the time, so like super super early days,
and I was sexting with other people when I was
in a relationship, absolutely wrong. But she used that to
isolate me from any woman ever, including in my job
when I was you know, twenty six, twenty five years old,
(11:24):
saying that it's inappropriate for me to talk to any
female ever. Sorry, but those two things are not equal.
You know, when I'm fifteen years old, should I be
held back from females. Probably probably a little bit, because
you know, my hormones are raging and absolutely fucking up
the world was my job. But at twenty five years old,
I am a different person at that point, and I'm
a different point. I'm a different person now. If I
(11:46):
was still in that relationship, that entire fucking situation is
still held over my head. I was fifteen years old,
There's a difference there, and like admitting guilt was saying
that I did something wrong. Admitting guilt was saying, hey,
I accept that I hurt you, and I hurt your
trust and everything else, But I should never have been
held accountable for that ten years later. There's just zero
(12:10):
accountability in that in that point, like I am fifteen
years older than what I was today. Like at that
point today, there is your reason for that to be
still held over my head. If I was still in
that situation.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, absolutely, especially if you're if your behaviors have changed.
You know that behavior ceased and your behavior has changed
moving forward, and if there was no repetitive circumstances, then yeah,
absolutely should not have you know, had there comes to
a point where you have to you have to have
the forgiveness as well. You know, you can't just go
(12:44):
on like punishing somebody or keeping somebody pigeonholed because of
your insecurities from a mistake that they may have made.
But that's not fair either.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
But I think the counterpoint to that, and it's the
hardest thing to kind of grasp and explain, is like,
sometimes people don't want to accept your apology, regardless of
if they're doing the right thing or the wrong thing there,
sometimes they don't want to accept hey, I'm sorry. They
want to make you feel guilty for it. They want
to make you feel shitty for it. And in the
(13:16):
grand scheme of things, accepting whatever the fuck happens is
accepting whatever the fuck happens. But you also can stay
and say, okay, I gave, I gave enough. There's nothing
more I can give. If you don't want that, that's
completely on you, not on me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting when you get into the you know,
relationship that amic of it all. You know, it's just
in any event, it's it's it's shit that you are
getting tired of, you know, when you're tired of repetitive
inconsistencies in you know, in a relationship or in any
(13:59):
such a job or whatever the case may be, it's
it's time to look to look inward because you can.
You can't change certain things in life. You know, you
can't change things about the place that you work unless
you're in a position to make changes. But you know,
other than that, you know in different places you you
(14:20):
things are, certain things are fixed in life. So it's
it's it's easier for us as humans to hone in
on that which we can change. And if there's something
you don't like about yourself and something doesn't align with
who you are internally, because that happened a lot throughout
my twenties and when I was going into my thirties,
(14:41):
I started to align back up mid thirties, I just
went into a recluse and so everything just kind of
aligned from there. But yeah, it's it's it's interesting how
you just have to you have to have introspect. If
you can't look inwards, there's not much change that you're
going to be able to make in any kind circumstance.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And no matter if you're the person getting apologized to
or you're the person apologizing introspection is the first answer,
would I want that done to me? Would I accept
this problem? And if the answers, hey, I might not
accept this problem. You have to be ready in accepting
for anything to fucking happen moving forward, whether that's a
(15:22):
person on the street and you're like, hey, if somebody
said that to me, I would swing and then be
ready to be fucking swung on because it might fucking happen.
Oh yeah, where you know smaller problems of like oh
I might get fucking broken up with, or I might
be left, or I might get divorced. Be ready for it.
You've got to be ready for everything, not be defensive
about it because you have a fuck you're the one
(15:44):
that fucked up, or or accept accepting the fuck up,
but like, look at it as a whole and be
like can I can I accept this? Not only can
I accept what I did, but can I accept what
they did? And if the answer is no, then accept
that it's the situations done and over with.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
M Yeah, well even when they're hard.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, you got to be even with yourself. You got
to accept what the fuck's going on, and at some
point like that, accountability has to come from you. It
can't just come from the other person. Oh yeah, hey,
I fucked up.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Mh.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
You have to, Like, I remember being told that everything
everything I said was a lie, and it's like I
struggle with lying because it's like if I lie, now,
I'm like, why am I even lying? I'd rather just
hold the fucking truth and whatever the fuck happens happens. Like,
(16:41):
I'd rather just not care about what the fuck the
outcome is if I'm honest and straightforward. At least I'm
being honest, because honestly, who the fuck cares at that point?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah, I mean, you are who you are. You know,
people that love you know who you are, and there's
no need to lie about who you are. If you're
coming from genuine place, there's no need to lie. It's
less that you have to remember you don't lie.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
I remember when I was a kid. Every time I
would I would be called out for film thing. It
was like, oh, you're lying, and it's like, well, can
we not just you say? Lying is the first answer
for this problem right now, because obviously, at some point
I might actually be genuine maybe a little shithead and lie,
but I also could be one hundred percent truthful. Here too,
and I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
True, but at that point there, you know, when you lie,
you lose trust, and then you lie again and you
lose more trust, and then people can't believe what you're
saying as truth. So you have to build that trust
trust back up after years of or times of telling
the truth. If then that the answer is still oh no,
(17:50):
you're lying, then then there's then there's the problem, you know.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
And honestly, the way that people look at true trust
really bothers me. It's like, oh, I shouldn't give it
because you haven't proven yourself. The thing is is you're
going to care about that person regardless that insecurity of
them lying to you or whatever that is is always
(18:16):
going to be there, regardless of if you trust them
or not. Like the hypothetical ideological trust, the trust of
oh I expect you not to get fucked when you
go to work today, that that insecurity is going to
be there regardless of if I trust you doing it
or not. Like you know what I'm saying, Like yeah,
(18:37):
Like of the thought process of trust is not whether
my insecurity is going or not. It's whether or not
I'm going to call you out on your bullshit. And
I feel uncomfortable about something. It's like that trust should
be always there. It should be until you're proven untrustworthy completely.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That's how I run, Like, I just give a basic,
a base life of trust to everybody. You know, if
you if you fuck it up, then you fuck it up.
But if you feed into that trust bucket of trust
with me, then it can grow.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah. I give trust and respect the same amount, the
same level. Like I hate when people are like respect
your elders, trust your elders. I'm like, no, show me
that I can.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
A lot of people can't. Uh, a lot of people can't.
And you know, there's there's a lot of reasons why
a lot of people can't. But you have to. You
have to build that trust with those those yeah, lettles.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I see those things as like bank accounts almost m Yeah,
and my mom gets mad at me when I explain
it like that, but it's the honest truth. At some point,
the negative things that you fuck up and do will
negatively impact your fucking relationship with that person or the
people around them.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
It's emotional. It's an emotional bank account, that's exactly what
it is. And the more that you withdraw from it,
which is you know, the lie or the cheat, even
if it's yourself. If you're lying about your own actions
and you're not being truthful with yourself about things that
you're doing or saying or your your intentions, then you're
(20:16):
you know, you're being didn't you know, disingenuous and that
bank account is going to deplete the it's the emotional Uh,
the emotional bank account is going downward in a spiral
if you continue that, if you're not pouring anything back
into it. It's just like a relationship. You take, you
(20:38):
take and take, you take a take you have to
pour back into.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And you know there's almost a trust that you have
for yourself or your your actions and choices as well.
Like and you can probably you could probably speak on
this a lot too. Is like your judgment in situations
right now are is probably kind of fucked up. It's
gonna be uncomfortable, it's gonna be okay, I'm making the
right choice because of the actions that you did a
(21:05):
few weeks ago. Am I being impulsive right now? Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Or no?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
And then you sit there and wait and hope that
you're giving yourself the right answer because you're in a
situation where you're still questioning every single one of your impulses,
like I remember being there, I remember feeling that shitty.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
It sucks. Like at some point you have to learn
how to trust yourself again. At some point you got
to learn how to hold yourself accountable enough to be like, Okay, no,
I'm not a piece of shit, I'm not a shit bag.
Let me trust myself.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
No, it's it's definitely accountability. And that's why I say
accountability not blame, because if you continue to play the
blame game, it's just that's just the negativity is you're
just gonna keep, you know, sparing yourself with negativity and
then you're going to go into a downlroad spiral because
you're the worst person in the face of the earth,
and that's how it's going to end up. But you
(21:58):
can't do that to yourself. You have to be able
to look inwards and take that accountability and yeah, okay,
yeah you may feel something about it for a little bit,
be in those feels. Let it feel it, because if
you don't like that something that somebody else feels that
you are, you know, then you if you don't like that,
(22:21):
then the behavior of that makes them feel that way
needs to be changed if you don't like being that thing,
and you need to take a look inwards and sit
with that and let it resonate for a little bit
and then be like, yeah, all right, I'm I am impulsive,
and I can map it back, and I map it
(22:43):
back into my life, and I go back through my thirties,
and I go back through my twenties, and I go
back into my childhood, and I'm like, oh shit, yeah
there was a problem, and nobody ever caught it, even me.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
And now you're not just looking at an impulsive decision
that happened two days ago. You're looking at impulsive decisions
that have happened for the past thirty forty years, and
nobody understood. It's like, that's exactly why nobody genuinely fully
understands exactly how these things work. It's like, unless you're
unless you're actually able to look back at yourself and
(23:22):
look at yourself and your choices and everything else, everything
will always be a psychon, always be thrown right back
in your face, yep, because you're still making the same choice.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yep. But when you make the choice, when you get
when you get tired, of your shit. Speaking personally, when
you get tired of your own shit and you're able
to say, okay, self, what the fuck? And you're like,
that wasn't cool and why was that the answer? Because
that's not something that you ever ever even fathom that
(23:55):
you would do, so what's up? And then you have
to take a big deep look and be like, oh, wow, yeah,
this shit goes back and now we got to find
out how to fix this. So absolutely taking accountability is
the first thing I did. My wife wasn't even talking
to me, and I made sure to text that initial Wow. Yeah, absolutely,
(24:24):
that was absolutely nuts and I'm really sorry that that happened.
I'm really sorry that you had to be involved in that,
and I need to find out why that was the answer,
you know, Yeah, And then you do the work, You
make the appointments. You if you need meds, you get
(24:46):
the meds, even if you hate it. If it helps,
it helps.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And I think that's the hardest thing looking back at
everything that I dealt with is like there wasn't a
part pologies. It was fifteen years of problems that only
I created, supposedly, and there was no apologies for things
that were interacted with and that's the hardest thing to
look back at, Like I'm still healing from a marriage
(25:17):
that absolutely broke over exactly this admitting guilt and wrongdoing.
Did I have my hand in a lot of those problems,
apps fucking lutely, But also a lot of those problems
weren't mine to fix, but I tried to. I tried
to accept and accept and accept that I fucking lost it.
(25:37):
But the reason I fucking lost it is because of
never being apologized to. I jumped out of a moving
vehicle because I was being kidnapped from work, and guess what,
I didn't get a text. I'm sorry, I didn't get
a text. I'm sorry that the kids saw that I
got hit multiple times. I didn't get out an apology
for that. The kids didn't get an apology for that.
(26:02):
I'm sorry. That's not how this works. No, it's not accountability.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
No, it's not. And if somebody can't do that work
at all, then you know, obviously, you know now that
that the way things are is the way things need
to be because of that very thing. If you can't
turn it into work and take your own accountability, then
(26:29):
that and and and the other party is trying to
and doing their best to. You can't be the only
person in that relationship to do that. And let me
tell you, from looking on from the outside, I know
that in the inside it felt the way it felt,
But you weren't the only problem. You know, I'm not
(26:51):
absolutely was not the case.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And it's it's so hard to see that when you're
in the problem.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
It's so hard to.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
To understand that when everybody tells you you're the only
problem in this situation, and then you look back at
it afterwards and you're like, this is my fault, and
then you've realized it. It's almost like a weird ego
when you look at the situation of like I was
told this entire time, one hundred percent of these problems
(27:21):
were my fault. When I realized not even a majority
of these things are my fault, then it kind of
like validates the person that you were almost and it
kind of like flips you back to being the person
you were, and.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Well, yeah, it's weird, and it puts that that cement
underneath you that you need to stand strong in your self,
in who you now know that you are, and you're
not going to let anybody else do that to you, and.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I think that's something that you, my mom, Brenda, and
everybody else really has kind of looked at. And you
guys are like, oh, well, you've changed so much and
kind of gone back to your roots of who you were,
and now you're loud and bombastic, the person that we
expected you to be but never really fully actuated to
end up being. Like That's why I say it's weird.
It kind of almost reverted me back to being the
(28:12):
exact person that I was beforehand. With the little bit
of healing that I had to do. It's a weird
kind of rebound place where I did admit guilt, I
admitted wrongdoing so much, but at the same time I
was like, no, guess what, the version of me that
you know did all these things is more of the
right version of me than in January of twenty twenty one.
(28:35):
And it's such a weird kind of thing. It's such
a weird transposing situation that it's like, I've got a
lot of introspection and fixing me and putting me back
together was the answer instead of saying fuck all of
this and throw it out. And that's weird. That's really
fucking weird.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure it is. I wish I
would have I wish I would have made that connection
at a younger age. Absolutely, And it's really weird.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
And I don't know if this is just my personality
or how people look at me, and this might be
my autism, this just might completely be the tism talking.
I don't understand why so many people now have begun
to look at me as like a pseudo leader for
everybody or the person that brings everybody together. It is
really fucking confusing. I don't get it. And I don't
(29:33):
know if that's the introspection or what or how I've
like rebuilt myself. I don't understand it, but it really
really confuses the hell out of me. I don't understand.
I don't get it, but it's it is really weird
to look back, and I don't really know how to
(29:54):
fix It's so why my kids don't deal with the
same problem. When do you teach them that they have
to hold themselves accountable and fix it to the way
that they would want it to be fixed, so the
way things aren't equal.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
As soon as they're able to understand, as soon as
they're able to understand that you know, you have to
find a way at the age that they're at to
give them that lesson because the sooner that they can
learn that, the better off that they're going to be,
because they're going to be able to turn it inwards
and change the things about them that they don't like
(30:29):
instead of growing into a person who hates themselves.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
It's vindictive because that's what a lot of it seems
like a lot of people. It seems almost like if
they don't admit wrongdoing in something, that person becomes very
very very vindictive towards that situation completely. And it seems
like a lot of my generation, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Could yeah, absolutely, I you know, like it's not a
bone that's in my body, really I need. As far
as far as the pettiness, the vindictiveness, I don't. I
don't get that way, especially towards people that I that
I love. It's just not something so it it's it
(31:10):
makes me. It makes me. It was just very surprising
for me to understand that people that people are actually
like that, and they're like that by nature a lot
of people, you.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Know, And it's it's weird because E've been saying you're
trying to think about it and put the thought process
into it and try and figure it all out. I
still I can't. I can't figure out how to even
have this conversation with Maddie, my oldest. It's like, at
some point you have to fix what you did instead
(31:46):
of it just being a haha, I did this right?
You know you know what I'm saying, Like, at what
point do you move on from grounding to you fix
the problem and that's when everything's released?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Well, yeah, I mean that's there's a there's a well,
so how old is she now?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
She is almost fourteen?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
And yeah, there's gonna there's a point that's.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
And it's close. I know it is, I can feel it.
But it's like, at what point do you do you
say okay, when you change this, the problems fixed, not
when you say you're sorry, You're not when you're done
being around it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I mean maybe because it's weird, Yeah, because how would
how would she feel if you just kept doing something
and didn't fix it moving forward? You know, it would
not sit well with her. So she's got to hold
herself to that same standard. If she explains things out
of people to behave in a certain way, she's got
to take accountability for that in herself.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, exactly, Like even sitting here and you stub your toe, yeh.
At some point you're going to stop fucking kicking the table.
At some point you're going to realize where the fuck
you are in the world, and you're going to stop
kicking the table. Yeah, or having the same problem mm hmm.
It's just like, I want to teach them the proper
way to do these things and accept their guilt or
(33:01):
accept their fault, and not over accept to the point
where they're being vindictive against themselves or being vindictive against others,
because then they're able to actually grow as better humans
instead of people that are always acting out of insecurity
or acting out of fear, or acting out of malice.
And that's kind of hard to realize in real time
and put together.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
That's the point you want to You want to raise
secure individuals in themselves so that they don't have those
insecurities moving forward, and then they get into relationships and
then that they bring that insecurity into the relationship. If
you catch that early and have those conversations with Madison's
(33:44):
at an age where she can absolutely understand that concept,
and so she has a lot of conversations that I
wouldn't think, you know, a thirteen fourteen year old would have,
and so it's very it's to a point I think
where Madison is at that age where oh, she's got
to understand you know that that's if she wants that
(34:08):
out of other people in her life, she's got to
do that. And if she does it early enough, then
she won't have to fix all these things going back
when she's thirty forty fifty.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Exactly, especially with the ground that she's already been set on.
Charity realizes where the wrongs where. Sharity realizes what the
problems are. So it's very easy for her to well,
I would assume I don't know because I never had
it fixed, so I'm doing the work now. It's just
like I would assume that it would be rather easy
for her to realize, Hey, this is how you don't
(34:42):
handle these situations. You don't guess like, you don't get
keep you don't girl boss, that's not acceptable, and then
you fix things from there. You look inward and you
and you change yourself first, befo, we're expecting anybody else
to fix something. It's hard to look at as a
parent like, Okay, well this is how you change it,
but also that's also not how you change it.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Right. Two, But don't assume that she knows that. Make
sure to make sure to lead because I wish that
somebody would have just told me these things that should
be common sense. You know, nobody told them, so why
would they even think to tell me?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, exactly. And it's just it's it's so real, and
I hope people genuinely look at this and they're like, oh, well,
that's that's where I'm doing things wronger, that's where I
need to fix things or change things. And it's just like,
that's a big fucking change. You don't realize it's a
big fucking change. You don't realize that it's as big
of a thing as it is. I guess what, It's
(35:44):
something that will absolutely change every single day of your life.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Man. It may be big, it may be small. You know,
whatever it is for you, it is for you. But
don't point out someone else and expect them to change
any motherfucking thing about themselves until you do the same
thing with whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I have a stupid little example for that one. Specifically,
I remember when I got social media, I started saying fuck.
Started saying fuck all the fucking time. It was my
favorite fucking word. I used it as a sentence enhancer,
like in SpongeBob where he used to make dolphin noises
or crabs is a And I just filled in every
(36:25):
single opening where I couldn't think of a word with fuck.
So fuck was in my status of Facebook, my Space, everything,
And then all of my mom's sisters would just start saying,
do you kiss your mother with that mouth? And I'd
be like, I stopped kissing my mother at six. It
would be weird if I was still kissing my mother.
I don't understand what you're talking about. And I look
(36:46):
back and I'm like, those are the druggies. Those are
the people that have no accountability for anything they've ever
done in their life. Their kids are druggies, their druggies,
They've all abused people. Yet for some reason, me saying
fuck on the internet wasn't acceptable. I don't understand here.
People kind of at a different level.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Here. It's the projection for me, Zach, it's the projection.
But like.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
I remember my mom looking at me and being like,
can you stop saying fuck on the internet? And I'm like,
I'll try today. Tomorrow I'm back to it, you know,
like there's your reason for me to ever change. And
guess what that fucking mouth that all of you dipshits
wanted me to tell me to shut my mouth because
I couldn't speak appropriately. Guess what is making me money
(37:38):
and helping people and doing the things that you didn't do. Well,
it's a lonely road walk. We'll see you fucking next time.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Here's heres
Welcome back, boys to the lonely Road. We're here to
help you on your journey to become a better human.
Many of you guys know me from my other job
or my other podcast, and honestly, I was looking at
the numbers this morning. This show is doing fucking insanely.
I didn't even share this you've off the show because
I wanted your genuine response. In the past twenty eight days,
(00:23):
we've gotten forty thousand views on this show. That's obviously
all sorts included and everything else.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But that's pretty that's pretty awesome. Thank you so much, guys.
That's amazing here. That's great.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
So regardless of it, if you know, the long episodes
or the short episodes, whatever is getting the views. I
just think it's cool that, you know, we just randomly
are like, hey, we're going to do this, and you
know what's doing something. So that's been rather interesting.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
That's so great. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I was god away this morning when I opened that up.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
That is awesome. Congratulations Sack, Yeah, no, congratulations.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I thought that was I thought that was cool, especially
you know when we were like, yeah, we got ten
k across everything like two months ago and now like
two months later, we're forty k in a month. It
just it feels nice to just consistently be growing.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
And that's yeah, yeah, I mean, thank you. You put
all the shorts out there, you do all the editing.
It's it's a testament to your your consistency, it really is.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I try some days some days of hell, but some
days I get the thumbnail done on the day we
record like we like I did last week, and it
makes it sometimes easier. That's a good one that oh
you know it, and I know we have a topic.
But it's so hard to get some of those ideas
together because it's like, Okay, there's either something so specific
that it's like that's the thumbnail, or there's absolutely no
(01:55):
idea or nothing I can put together where it's like
that's the idea of what the thumb else should be.
It's either pulled out of my ass or absolutely perfect.
There is no hmm.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah, when you're when you're having a little trouble, reach
out because I might have an idea.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah, no, yes, some days some days it gets hard.
But you know, with with this journey that we've been
on for the past couple of weeks here, like everything
with you kind of going down that spiral and pulling
yourself almost immediately out of it, which was fantastic. It
is really interesting to see kind of what we had
in the topics that were available. And I don't know,
(02:32):
I really like the idea of this topic, especially with
that one specifically, which is admitting guilt and admitting that
you did wrong. And it was like the big thing
that I kind of told you on the show was
like you have to look at Sara and say I
was wrong. Yeah, sorry, And I cannot do that anymore.
I reacted incorrectly and I'm really sorry that I did that.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolutely a weird place to learn how to do that,
because I remember as a kid and everything else, everybody's like, oh, well,
just say you're sorry. Say you're sorry is not apologizing,
it's not admitting that you did wrong. It is the
formality of saying, hey, I realized that you didn't like
what I did, and I know that you expect me
(03:15):
to say sorry, So let me just say sorry, so
way we can get past this and stop talking about
dumb shit.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, that's conditioned like that when when you're little, because
you really don't feel the weight of it until you're
a little bit older. Sometimes you have to have something
done to you in order to know how something feels
to other people.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
But it's almost like there should be like a secondary
conversation with your kids where people around you at like fifteen,
sixteen years old, where it's like, okay, apologies are no
longer enough anymore, Like at some point you have to
be held accountable for what you did, be accountable to yourself,
and change the problem that you caused. Like there's like
a secondary level there that I don't think.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's just my upbringing where everybody's where that just doesn't happen.
It goes from you know, you're in time out for
three minutes, you say you're sorry, and everything's back to
being good. So then randomly being grounded for a week,
you say you're sorry and you know you're good in
a week, and then you get your games back. But
there's no change after that, Like there's no interpersonal change,
(04:21):
Like nobody really ever talks about, Oh, how do you
fix this with somebody? How do you actually go about
being accountable not only to yourself but the people around
you in admitting that you're wrong?
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, yeah, me and your mom were actually just talking
about that right before this recording. Is you know how
you have to find everything out the hard way. You
don't have people teaching you those soft skills you don't have.
We didn't learn that from our parents. They didn't learn
it from their parents, and so there needs to be
a generation that just needs to change that and teach
(04:57):
those soft skills to their kids so that they learn
that accountability at a younger age and they can change,
you know, the things about them that then when they
look in the mirror and they don't like something that
they see, they can first of all pinpoint that and
be able to not blame yourself but take accountability. Hey,
(05:18):
yeah I did that. Did I feel good about it? No?
I didn't feel good about it at all. So I'm
going to make sure that that doesn't happen again moving forward. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Absolutely, And it's just it's so interesting to look back
on and be like, oh no, I really wasn't ever
told how to apologize, and like, watching some of these
videos about mental health and stuff, they'll tell you, oh, well,
if you say I'm sorry that it made you feel
that way, that's wrong, that's narcissistic. And I'm like, no,
that's somebody who doesn't understand why they're apologizing, Like they
(05:49):
might not even fully grasp exactly what the fuck's going on.
They're apologizing because they feel they have to, because you're
yelling and complaining about something. They didn't realize that they
did something wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
You feel sad that you feel bad about it, not
necessarily knowing how what they did or what they said
came across.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, And it's just like there's so many more reasons
to why somebody doesn't do something correctly than narcissism. And
it seems like that's becomes such a buzzword for so
many people nowadays that it's like it clings onto everything.
You don't even understand what it means. Yeah, you're just
using therapy words.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, it's just one of those things, just like you said,
therapy words and things that people throw out and it
just loses its efficacy after a while because everybody's using it.
It's just like you know, the word being called a racist.
Nobody fucking cares anymore because you are called that if
you do anything outside of what this box of people
(06:52):
says is okay for you to do.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
And it's almost becoming surreal because you sit here and
look at these situations where it's like, Okay, all of
these things are the reason why these problems happen. Okay,
so what the fuck's the problem? If you can't articulate
why you're feeling bad, then there is your reason for
me to apologize until you tell me why you feel bad.
We can't keep having the cycle of you shutting somebody
out and then saying, well, you have to apologize for
(07:17):
things to go back, but I don't even understand what
I did wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
It's so hard to look at these things with everything
that I dealt with and everything that you know, I
probably could have fixed. But at the same time, it's
like at some point beating you over the head with
something and making you apologize for something for the fifteenth
fucking time, isn't isn't fixing it? Obviously it didn't fix
it the first time you apologized, and it's not gonna
fix it the fifteenth. What's the difference.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
No, I mean, you definitely have to. You have to
come to a point in your life. Well, I mean,
I guess you don't have to. There are people that
do not, But at the end of the day, people
that can look inward and you get kind of tired
of your shit after a while. At least that's what
happened with me. I got tired of inconsistencies in my
(08:10):
in my beliefs and thought processes. I got tired of
being you know, explosive when or not able to take
criticism when I thought I could take criticism, and making
it hard for people to talk to me. And I
didn't realize that that's what I was doing, But I
was being ultra defensive because I thought I had to be.
(08:33):
That's that's from jump as a kid, just with you know,
these siblings. I just felt like I had to be
on the defense a lot, and so I guess that
carried into my adulthood. But you've got to be able
to be sick of your own shit so that you
can pinpoint what it is that you want to fix,
(08:54):
and if it's a bunch of things, then it's a
bunch of things. But then you have to change the
thing and not go to doing the old shit.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah, and I think that's part of the accountability that's
really hard to learn. You can step your camera back
down to seven twenty, and you started lagging when you
started shaking your head back and forth and being a
sassy white woman. So that's the accountability that's really kind
of hard for me to figure out, because it's like,
okay as a whole. The first step that you should
do when when you're apologizing for something, or you feel
(09:25):
that you did something wrong in an argument, whatever it is,
is what did I do? What did I do that
is wrong? How did I handle or approach this incorrectly
or different from what I normally do? And it's not
normally apologies or holding yourself accountable for what you're doing
wrong is looking at what your fucking actions are and
(09:47):
are they consistent with who the fuck you are? To me,
my biggest thing was I was not fucking My points
of view were not rigid. Like if I started getting
pushed on something, I automatic apologized, I let go, and
I just kind of let it be because that was
easier than just dealing with the argument or the problem
or whatever. Now my stances are as hard stanced as
(10:11):
they possibly can be. It's like, i'll hear you out,
I'll have the conversation with you. You might be able
to change my mind, but that doesn't mean that my
entire belief system is now changed. Because you did.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
No. No, But it's it's definitely good to be able
to take in information, possibly information that you did not know,
and come to a reasonable conclusion that maybe your mind
should change on a certain issue because of the new
information that you took in. That's growth, you know, that's
that's just not growth.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's so interesting too, because I dealt with that for
so long. I was so wishy wash you on some things.
It caused me to be so wishy washy with everything
because it's like, oh, I have to accept this because
I fucked up, or I have to accept that because
I fucked up.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yep, I find that, so I deserve to be treated
this way. And I ways, this went on pretty long.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
This is a really really easy story to kind of explain.
It was with my ex wife. I was fifteen years
old at the time, so like super super early days,
and I was sexting with other people when I was
in a relationship, absolutely wrong. But she used that to
isolate me from any woman ever, including in my job
when I was you know, twenty six, twenty five years old,
(11:24):
saying that it's inappropriate for me to talk to any
female ever. Sorry, but those two things are not equal.
You know, when I'm fifteen years old, should I be
held back from females. Probably probably a little bit, because
you know, my hormones are raging and absolutely fucking up
the world was my job. But at twenty five years old,
I am a different person at that point, and I'm
a different point. I'm a different person now. If I
(11:46):
was still in that relationship, that entire fucking situation is
still held over my head. I was fifteen years old,
There's a difference there, and like admitting guilt was saying
that I did something wrong. Admitting guilt was saying, hey,
I accept that I hurt you, and I hurt your
trust and everything else, But I should never have been
held accountable for that ten years later. There's just zero
(12:10):
accountability in that in that point, like I am fifteen
years older than what I was today. Like at that
point today, there is your reason for that to be
still held over my head. If I was still in
that situation.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah, absolutely, especially if you're if your behaviors have changed.
You know that behavior ceased and your behavior has changed
moving forward, and if there was no repetitive circumstances, then yeah,
absolutely should not have you know, had there comes to
a point where you have to you have to have
the forgiveness as well. You know, you can't just go
(12:44):
on like punishing somebody or keeping somebody pigeonholed because of
your insecurities from a mistake that they may have made.
But that's not fair either.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
But I think the counterpoint to that, and it's the
hardest thing to kind of grasp and explain, is like,
sometimes people don't want to accept your apology, regardless of
if they're doing the right thing or the wrong thing there,
sometimes they don't want to accept hey, I'm sorry. They
want to make you feel guilty for it. They want
to make you feel shitty for it. And in the
(13:16):
grand scheme of things, accepting whatever the fuck happens is
accepting whatever the fuck happens. But you also can stay
and say, okay, I gave, I gave enough. There's nothing
more I can give. If you don't want that, that's
completely on you, not on me.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting when you get into the you know,
relationship that amic of it all. You know, it's just
in any event, it's it's it's shit that you are
getting tired of, you know, when you're tired of repetitive
inconsistencies in you know, in a relationship or in any
(13:59):
such a job or whatever the case may be, it's
it's time to look to look inward because you can.
You can't change certain things in life. You know, you
can't change things about the place that you work unless
you're in a position to make changes. But you know,
other than that, you know in different places you you
(14:20):
things are, certain things are fixed in life. So it's
it's it's easier for us as humans to hone in
on that which we can change. And if there's something
you don't like about yourself and something doesn't align with
who you are internally, because that happened a lot throughout
my twenties and when I was going into my thirties,
(14:41):
I started to align back up mid thirties, I just
went into a recluse and so everything just kind of
aligned from there. But yeah, it's it's it's interesting how
you just have to you have to have introspect. If
you can't look inwards, there's not much change that you're
going to be able to make in any kind circumstance.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And no matter if you're the person getting apologized to
or you're the person apologizing introspection is the first answer,
would I want that done to me? Would I accept
this problem? And if the answers, hey, I might not
accept this problem. You have to be ready in accepting
for anything to fucking happen moving forward, whether that's a
(15:22):
person on the street and you're like, hey, if somebody
said that to me, I would swing and then be
ready to be fucking swung on because it might fucking happen.
Oh yeah, where you know smaller problems of like oh
I might get fucking broken up with, or I might
be left, or I might get divorced. Be ready for it.
You've got to be ready for everything, not be defensive
about it because you have a fuck you're the one
(15:44):
that fucked up, or or accept accepting the fuck up,
but like, look at it as a whole and be
like can I can I accept this? Not only can
I accept what I did, but can I accept what
they did? And if the answer is no, then accept
that it's the situations done and over with.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
M Yeah, well even when they're hard.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Yeah, you got to be even with yourself. You got
to accept what the fuck's going on, and at some
point like that, accountability has to come from you. It
can't just come from the other person. Oh yeah, hey,
I fucked up.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Mh.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
You have to, Like, I remember being told that everything
everything I said was a lie, and it's like I
struggle with lying because it's like if I lie, now,
I'm like, why am I even lying? I'd rather just
hold the fucking truth and whatever the fuck happens happens. Like,
(16:41):
I'd rather just not care about what the fuck the
outcome is if I'm honest and straightforward. At least I'm
being honest, because honestly, who the fuck cares at that point?
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah, I mean, you are who you are. You know,
people that love you know who you are, and there's
no need to lie about who you are. If you're
coming from genuine place, there's no need to lie. It's
less that you have to remember you don't lie.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
I remember when I was a kid. Every time I
would I would be called out for film thing. It
was like, oh, you're lying, and it's like, well, can
we not just you say? Lying is the first answer
for this problem right now, because obviously, at some point
I might actually be genuine maybe a little shithead and lie,
but I also could be one hundred percent truthful. Here too,
and I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
True, but at that point there, you know, when you lie,
you lose trust, and then you lie again and you
lose more trust, and then people can't believe what you're
saying as truth. So you have to build that trust
trust back up after years of or times of telling
the truth. If then that the answer is still oh no,
(17:50):
you're lying, then then there's then there's the problem, you know.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
And honestly, the way that people look at true trust
really bothers me. It's like, oh, I shouldn't give it
because you haven't proven yourself. The thing is is you're
going to care about that person regardless that insecurity of
them lying to you or whatever that is is always
(18:16):
going to be there, regardless of if you trust them
or not. Like the hypothetical ideological trust, the trust of
oh I expect you not to get fucked when you
go to work today, that that insecurity is going to
be there regardless of if I trust you doing it
or not. Like you know what I'm saying, Like yeah,
(18:37):
Like of the thought process of trust is not whether
my insecurity is going or not. It's whether or not
I'm going to call you out on your bullshit. And
I feel uncomfortable about something. It's like that trust should
be always there. It should be until you're proven untrustworthy completely.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That's how I run, Like, I just give a basic,
a base life of trust to everybody. You know, if
you if you fuck it up, then you fuck it up.
But if you feed into that trust bucket of trust
with me, then it can grow.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah. I give trust and respect the same amount, the
same level. Like I hate when people are like respect
your elders, trust your elders. I'm like, no, show me
that I can.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
A lot of people can't. Uh, a lot of people can't.
And you know, there's there's a lot of reasons why
a lot of people can't. But you have to. You
have to build that trust with those those yeah, lettles.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
I see those things as like bank accounts almost m Yeah,
and my mom gets mad at me when I explain
it like that, but it's the honest truth. At some point,
the negative things that you fuck up and do will
negatively impact your fucking relationship with that person or the
people around them.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
It's emotional. It's an emotional bank account, that's exactly what
it is. And the more that you withdraw from it,
which is you know, the lie or the cheat, even
if it's yourself. If you're lying about your own actions
and you're not being truthful with yourself about things that
you're doing or saying or your your intentions, then you're
(20:16):
you know, you're being didn't you know, disingenuous and that
bank account is going to deplete the it's the emotional Uh,
the emotional bank account is going downward in a spiral
if you continue that, if you're not pouring anything back
into it. It's just like a relationship. You take, you
(20:38):
take and take, you take a take you have to
pour back into.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
And you know there's almost a trust that you have
for yourself or your your actions and choices as well.
Like and you can probably you could probably speak on
this a lot too. Is like your judgment in situations
right now are is probably kind of fucked up. It's
gonna be uncomfortable, it's gonna be okay, I'm making the
right choice because of the actions that you did a
(21:05):
few weeks ago. Am I being impulsive right now? Yes?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Or no?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
And then you sit there and wait and hope that
you're giving yourself the right answer because you're in a
situation where you're still questioning every single one of your impulses,
like I remember being there, I remember feeling that shitty.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
It sucks. Like at some point you have to learn
how to trust yourself again. At some point you got
to learn how to hold yourself accountable enough to be like, Okay, no,
I'm not a piece of shit, I'm not a shit bag.
Let me trust myself.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
No, it's it's definitely accountability. And that's why I say
accountability not blame, because if you continue to play the
blame game, it's just that's just the negativity is you're
just gonna keep, you know, sparing yourself with negativity and
then you're going to go into a downlroad spiral because
you're the worst person in the face of the earth,
and that's how it's going to end up. But you
(21:58):
can't do that to yourself. You have to be able
to look inwards and take that accountability and yeah, okay,
yeah you may feel something about it for a little bit,
be in those feels. Let it feel it, because if
you don't like that something that somebody else feels that
you are, you know, then you if you don't like that,
(22:21):
then the behavior of that makes them feel that way
needs to be changed if you don't like being that thing,
and you need to take a look inwards and sit
with that and let it resonate for a little bit
and then be like, yeah, all right, I'm I am impulsive,
and I can map it back, and I map it
(22:43):
back into my life, and I go back through my thirties,
and I go back through my twenties, and I go
back into my childhood, and I'm like, oh shit, yeah
there was a problem, and nobody ever caught it, even me.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
And now you're not just looking at an impulsive decision
that happened two days ago. You're looking at impulsive decisions
that have happened for the past thirty forty years, and
nobody understood. It's like, that's exactly why nobody genuinely fully
understands exactly how these things work. It's like, unless you're
unless you're actually able to look back at yourself and
(23:22):
look at yourself and your choices and everything else, everything
will always be a psychon, always be thrown right back
in your face, yep, because you're still making the same choice.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yep. But when you make the choice, when you get
when you get tired, of your shit. Speaking personally, when
you get tired of your own shit and you're able
to say, okay, self, what the fuck? And you're like,
that wasn't cool and why was that the answer? Because
that's not something that you ever ever even fathom that
(23:55):
you would do, so what's up? And then you have
to take a big deep look and be like, oh, wow, yeah,
this shit goes back and now we got to find
out how to fix this. So absolutely taking accountability is
the first thing I did. My wife wasn't even talking
to me, and I made sure to text that initial Wow. Yeah, absolutely,
(24:24):
that was absolutely nuts and I'm really sorry that that happened.
I'm really sorry that you had to be involved in that,
and I need to find out why that was the answer,
you know, Yeah, And then you do the work, You
make the appointments. You if you need meds, you get
(24:46):
the meds, even if you hate it. If it helps,
it helps.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
And I think that's the hardest thing looking back at
everything that I dealt with is like there wasn't a
part pologies. It was fifteen years of problems that only
I created, supposedly, and there was no apologies for things
that were interacted with and that's the hardest thing to
look back at, Like I'm still healing from a marriage
(25:17):
that absolutely broke over exactly this admitting guilt and wrongdoing.
Did I have my hand in a lot of those problems,
apps fucking lutely, But also a lot of those problems
weren't mine to fix, but I tried to. I tried
to accept and accept and accept that I fucking lost it.
(25:37):
But the reason I fucking lost it is because of
never being apologized to. I jumped out of a moving
vehicle because I was being kidnapped from work, and guess what,
I didn't get a text. I'm sorry, I didn't get
a text. I'm sorry that the kids saw that I
got hit multiple times. I didn't get out an apology
for that. The kids didn't get an apology for that.
(26:02):
I'm sorry. That's not how this works. No, it's not accountability.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
No, it's not. And if somebody can't do that work
at all, then you know, obviously, you know now that
that the way things are is the way things need
to be because of that very thing. If you can't
turn it into work and take your own accountability, then
(26:29):
that and and and the other party is trying to
and doing their best to. You can't be the only
person in that relationship to do that. And let me
tell you, from looking on from the outside, I know
that in the inside it felt the way it felt,
But you weren't the only problem. You know, I'm not
(26:51):
absolutely was not the case.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
And it's it's so hard to see that when you're
in the problem.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
It's so hard to.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
To understand that when everybody tells you you're the only
problem in this situation, and then you look back at
it afterwards and you're like, this is my fault, and
then you've realized it. It's almost like a weird ego
when you look at the situation of like I was
told this entire time, one hundred percent of these problems
(27:21):
were my fault. When I realized not even a majority
of these things are my fault, then it kind of
like validates the person that you were almost and it
kind of like flips you back to being the person
you were, and.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Well, yeah, it's weird, and it puts that that cement
underneath you that you need to stand strong in your self,
in who you now know that you are, and you're
not going to let anybody else do that to you, and.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
I think that's something that you, my mom, Brenda, and
everybody else really has kind of looked at. And you
guys are like, oh, well, you've changed so much and
kind of gone back to your roots of who you were,
and now you're loud and bombastic, the person that we
expected you to be but never really fully actuated to
end up being. Like That's why I say it's weird.
It kind of almost reverted me back to being the
(28:12):
exact person that I was beforehand. With the little bit
of healing that I had to do. It's a weird
kind of rebound place where I did admit guilt, I
admitted wrongdoing so much, but at the same time I
was like, no, guess what, the version of me that
you know did all these things is more of the
right version of me than in January of twenty twenty one.
(28:35):
And it's such a weird kind of thing. It's such
a weird transposing situation that it's like, I've got a
lot of introspection and fixing me and putting me back
together was the answer instead of saying fuck all of
this and throw it out. And that's weird. That's really
fucking weird.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure it is. I wish I
would have I wish I would have made that connection
at a younger age. Absolutely, And it's really weird.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
And I don't know if this is just my personality
or how people look at me, and this might be
my autism, this just might completely be the tism talking.
I don't understand why so many people now have begun
to look at me as like a pseudo leader for
everybody or the person that brings everybody together. It is
really fucking confusing. I don't get it. And I don't
(29:33):
know if that's the introspection or what or how I've
like rebuilt myself. I don't understand it, but it really
really confuses the hell out of me. I don't understand.
I don't get it, but it's it is really weird
to look back, and I don't really know how to
(29:54):
fix It's so why my kids don't deal with the
same problem. When do you teach them that they have
to hold themselves accountable and fix it to the way
that they would want it to be fixed, so the
way things aren't equal.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
As soon as they're able to understand, as soon as
they're able to understand that you know, you have to
find a way at the age that they're at to
give them that lesson because the sooner that they can
learn that, the better off that they're going to be,
because they're going to be able to turn it inwards
and change the things about them that they don't like
(30:29):
instead of growing into a person who hates themselves.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
It's vindictive because that's what a lot of it seems
like a lot of people. It seems almost like if
they don't admit wrongdoing in something, that person becomes very
very very vindictive towards that situation completely. And it seems
like a lot of my generation, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Could yeah, absolutely, I you know, like it's not a
bone that's in my body, really I need. As far
as far as the pettiness, the vindictiveness, I don't. I
don't get that way, especially towards people that I that
I love. It's just not something so it it's it
(31:10):
makes me. It makes me. It was just very surprising
for me to understand that people that people are actually
like that, and they're like that by nature a lot
of people, you.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Know, And it's it's weird because E've been saying you're
trying to think about it and put the thought process
into it and try and figure it all out. I
still I can't. I can't figure out how to even
have this conversation with Maddie, my oldest. It's like, at
some point you have to fix what you did instead
(31:46):
of it just being a haha, I did this right?
You know you know what I'm saying, Like, at what
point do you move on from grounding to you fix
the problem and that's when everything's released?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Well, yeah, I mean that's there's a there's a well,
so how old is she now?
Speaker 1 (32:01):
She is almost fourteen?
Speaker 2 (32:02):
And yeah, there's gonna there's a point that's.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
And it's close. I know it is, I can feel it.
But it's like, at what point do you do you
say okay, when you change this, the problems fixed, not
when you say you're sorry, You're not when you're done
being around it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I mean maybe because it's weird, Yeah, because how would
how would she feel if you just kept doing something
and didn't fix it moving forward? You know, it would
not sit well with her. So she's got to hold
herself to that same standard. If she explains things out
of people to behave in a certain way, she's got
to take accountability for that in herself.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, exactly, Like even sitting here and you stub your toe, yeh.
At some point you're going to stop fucking kicking the table.
At some point you're going to realize where the fuck
you are in the world, and you're going to stop
kicking the table. Yeah, or having the same problem mm hmm.
It's just like, I want to teach them the proper
way to do these things and accept their guilt or
(33:01):
accept their fault, and not over accept to the point
where they're being vindictive against themselves or being vindictive against others,
because then they're able to actually grow as better humans
instead of people that are always acting out of insecurity
or acting out of fear, or acting out of malice.
And that's kind of hard to realize in real time
and put together.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
That's the point you want to You want to raise
secure individuals in themselves so that they don't have those
insecurities moving forward, and then they get into relationships and
then that they bring that insecurity into the relationship. If
you catch that early and have those conversations with Madison's
(33:44):
at an age where she can absolutely understand that concept,
and so she has a lot of conversations that I
wouldn't think, you know, a thirteen fourteen year old would have,
and so it's very it's to a point I think
where Madison is at that age where oh, she's got
to understand you know that that's if she wants that
(34:08):
out of other people in her life, she's got to
do that. And if she does it early enough, then
she won't have to fix all these things going back
when she's thirty forty fifty.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Exactly, especially with the ground that she's already been set on.
Charity realizes where the wrongs where. Sharity realizes what the
problems are. So it's very easy for her to well,
I would assume I don't know because I never had
it fixed, so I'm doing the work now. It's just
like I would assume that it would be rather easy
for her to realize, Hey, this is how you don't
(34:42):
handle these situations. You don't guess like, you don't get
keep you don't girl boss, that's not acceptable, and then
you fix things from there. You look inward and you
and you change yourself first, befo, we're expecting anybody else
to fix something. It's hard to look at as a
parent like, Okay, well this is how you change it,
but also that's also not how you change it.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Right. Two, But don't assume that she knows that. Make
sure to make sure to lead because I wish that
somebody would have just told me these things that should
be common sense. You know, nobody told them, so why
would they even think to tell me?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, exactly. And it's just it's it's so real, and
I hope people genuinely look at this and they're like, oh, well,
that's that's where I'm doing things wronger, that's where I
need to fix things or change things. And it's just like,
that's a big fucking change. You don't realize it's a
big fucking change. You don't realize that it's as big
of a thing as it is. I guess what, It's
(35:44):
something that will absolutely change every single day of your life.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Man. It may be big, it may be small. You know,
whatever it is for you, it is for you. But
don't point out someone else and expect them to change
any motherfucking thing about themselves until you do the same
thing with whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
I have a stupid little example for that one. Specifically,
I remember when I got social media, I started saying fuck.
Started saying fuck all the fucking time. It was my
favorite fucking word. I used it as a sentence enhancer,
like in SpongeBob where he used to make dolphin noises
or crabs is a And I just filled in every
(36:25):
single opening where I couldn't think of a word with fuck.
So fuck was in my status of Facebook, my Space, everything,
And then all of my mom's sisters would just start saying,
do you kiss your mother with that mouth? And I'd
be like, I stopped kissing my mother at six. It
would be weird if I was still kissing my mother.
I don't understand what you're talking about. And I look
(36:46):
back and I'm like, those are the druggies. Those are
the people that have no accountability for anything they've ever
done in their life. Their kids are druggies, their druggies,
They've all abused people. Yet for some reason, me saying
fuck on the internet wasn't acceptable. I don't understand here.
People kind of at a different level.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Here. It's the projection for me, Zach, it's the projection.
But like.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
I remember my mom looking at me and being like,
can you stop saying fuck on the internet? And I'm like,
I'll try today. Tomorrow I'm back to it, you know,
like there's your reason for me to ever change. And
guess what that fucking mouth that all of you dipshits
wanted me to tell me to shut my mouth because
I couldn't speak appropriately. Guess what is making me money
(37:38):
and helping people and doing the things that you didn't do. Well,
it's a lonely road walk. We'll see you fucking next time.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Here's heres
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