Chris R. - Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Speaker - His Most Famous Talk - THE M2 THE ROCK SHOW - Michael Molthan

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here it textus. Y'all seen this coach.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Okay, it's a little hot.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
No, I gotta say my hair will fall up. I
don't know about these lights. My name is Chris Bramer,
and I'm a drug addicted alcoholic.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
In fact, I don't like these lights at all. Maybe
they could raise the houselights just the hair. I can't
feel them. I can't I can't see. I can't talk
to people. I can't see. No. Uh, you know. We
got a guy down the hill country where I come from.
There's always talking. When he speaks, he always talks about nothing.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
There's no big deal.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
I wish he could be here tonight. It's this is
as tall as the cotton gets out here. I know, no,
no cunt intended. You can't hear it. How that? Oh,

(01:31):
you won't have to get crank here a minute. You
won't have any problems. These poor people up front will
be moving back quick. This is act fool. It was
the coolest. I want to thank everybody that had anything
to do with getting me to come up here and
do this. I was asked about a year ago to
do this, and it's it's it's been an honor something
I've looked forward to uh continually. Uh Tony's been my

(01:54):
host this this weekend and he's carted me around and
took me rock hunting this morning. And I know we've
got some good minerals. Phoenix is great for minerals, and
it's a neat meat meat honor to be here. Uh.
I want to thank all the little Texas, but all
the Texas about grader say, do.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
It to be high huh y.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
I got to tell you c A is alive and
well in Texas. So if you want to be like,
say hi to everybody outside didn't get in and welcome,
Welcome to the coolest thing I've ever done. I need
to share with you also real quick before I forget,
I want to thank the family members for coming to this.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
You know, yeah, some of you guys can't imagine, you know,
an alcoholic, an attic. We have a tendency to bond.
But you know, some of our significant others that that
aren't one of us, you know, they put up with
a lot of a lot of horseshitting with us, you know.
And I I had the opportunity, uh last year to

(02:59):
finally get a chance to make amends to my first wife,
who I flat put through the ringer of folks sitting
across the table from her in Houston, Texas and the
first time i'd seen her in about fifteen years and
was able to do as we are taught to do,
make amends. And I told her what I thought I
owed her amends for, and she just sit there with
tears and the ride and says, you don't got a clue,

(03:20):
do you, buddy? You know, I didn't realize that she
had been taking in an ambulance to a psych ward
as the director result of a nervous breakdown that I
caused with my brinking and drugging. And I didn't know
it for twelve Thank you, families for sticking with us.

(03:41):
You know, the miracle of this program is that if
we do the things we're supposed to do, the desire
to use will leave us and we recover from cocaine
addiction and alcoholism. And that's a given. The problem is
is that so many of us don't get it. It's
got to be very despairing for us. You know, I'm
a chronic relapse. For folks, I'm eight years in and
out of a fellowship, and I could not get sober
and uh, A lot of people put up with a

(04:01):
lot of my shenanigans, and I'm eternally grateful they're still
putting up with my shenanigans. I need to take Yeah,
I've said this before and now I'm kind of irritating
some people. What the women deal in Phoenix? I mean,
what is this with these women in this place? I mean,
I need to get out of Ingram will often. I
can promise you that this is the best looking women
I have ever seen in my life. I'm I've been

(04:25):
caught more than once out by the pool catching flies,
you know. And it's like, you know, Ingram's kind of
a small little town. We got we had a lot
of sheep in Ingram, and you know, you know there's
a sult that program for that too. I need to
tell you some of y'all may ask to be able

(04:46):
to speak at that Congress next No, but I tell
you I've called my wife about ten times and I
told I thought, I just listen, you know, we're about
an hour from the airport and she's got to come
pick me up. And I says, Genie, come pick me up.
I told her the time, I said, and and lose
the boy. You know, this is gonna be something else
I tell you I'm missing. I'm miss at. This is

(05:10):
a kulist. Some of you are gonna love what I've
got to say tonight. Some of you are gonna leave
this room feeling like you just had a spanking.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
I uh, I love Cocaine Anonymous, and uh I love
Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous. I love the Twelve Steps. They
saved my life, and uh uh I am as passionate
about them as anybody I've ever known. Uh Uh. It's
been an interesting scene coming to Cocaine Anonymous on this weekend,
coming for the workshops and getting to meet so many
of you. Uh well, a lot of times when I

(05:53):
speak in public at c A conferences or in AA
groups or whatever, you know, there's a lot of middle
of the road stuff out there, and we all know that,
and a lot of stuff that skis is recovery. That
this horseshit, that's not. And so you know, I come
to these big conferences and if you're gonna it's not.
If you're gonna hear horseshit, you're gonna hear at a
large conference because there's a fifteen thousand people up here
that everybody wants to be entertained, and that's what you're
going to I got to tell you, we didn't hear

(06:13):
it this weekend. I say, we didn't hear it this weekend,
and you are here for from the first speakers that
I heard and through the workshops, and I guarantee you
everybody was on the page and everybody's talkt So really
the truth of the matter is the very few people
that I'm going to piss off. I mean, I'm everything.
I don't know why I didn't they introduce me all

(06:33):
the time all over the country when I speak is
it's all of this is Chris Ramer's just that controversial
speaker from Texas, you know, And it's Chris Ramer is
always the controversial. I'm controversial for two reasons because I
don't I don't make any bones about customs from the podium.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
I do that.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
I don't. Yeah, so to some of you, so I
heard this weekend, I don't.

Speaker 4 (06:50):
I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
But I'm the controversy one, you know, because I'm going
to talk about what comes out of the big book
about Paul's anonymous I believe that I believe that we
have the power to help others. The book says that
we have recovered and been given the gift being able
to help other alcoholics and aatics get sober. And I
believe if we do what the book says, that we
can turn the tide on this terrible thing called cocaine addiction.

(07:13):
I'm just passionate about it, folks. And I got to
tell you, I hear somebody watering it down, you know,
trying to ease it in underneath the newcomer. You know,
we don't want to scare anybody off. We don't. We
need to come on, Betther. I know, well, I guess
you know. I'm going to talk about it someday night.
I finally and after a suicide of tends in nineteen
eighty seven, land it in a room full of people
that loved me enough to tell me the truth. They

(07:35):
loved me more, and they cared more for me and
my sobriety and my relationship with God, and they did
my sensitive damn little feelings. You see is this money
is this one with a Spanish flying it? I love

(07:56):
the Spanish flying on. I was eight years trying to
get sober, folks, And I got to tell you today
November thirteen, th eighty seven was my last drink and
my last drug, and I'm tickled to death to have that.
I need to give a couple of second disclaimer here

(08:18):
for any of those that are not buying the controversial stuff.
I'm here for one reason only to share my experience,
drenth and hope with the drug addict or the alcoholic
that's in this room. If the family members are here
and they want to be entertained by this, that's wonderful.
But I'm not going to beat I'm going to just
tell you straight AA and cocaine and otamus today are
full of people that don't need to be here. And
we've heard some other speakers this week talk about this.

(08:38):
You're welcome, You're welcome. Just be careful what you say
in my meetings because there's a lot of people dying
because of your flipping sea. You see. I am the
person on page twenty one. I am the real cocaine attict.

(09:01):
I am the real alcoholic. Let me try to run
something by you here, because some of you guys are
not going to be related to what I got to say.
Chris Ramer, who's too passionate, he God damn if i'd
walked in my first meeting and he's been yelling at
me like that i'd have walked down. I don't do
this in an AA meeting. I do this at a
conference to try to explain where I'm coming from. But
y'all need to hear this is about perspective. For years
in the Fellowship, before I got sober, if I would

(09:24):
come into the Fellowship, I would come into these rooms.
My first attention in about nineteen eighty to try to
get sober up in North Texas. They didn't have CAA
at that time in North Texas, that's for sure. But
I'm trying to get sober from cocaine addiction and alcoholism
and I'm walking into these rooms and you know, a
lot of people were in there talking about their kids
and stuff. Now I can appreciate this, but yes, they're
talking about the kids. It's talking to other kids, and

(09:45):
I couldn't relate because I've never had kids. And for
years in adulthood, basically it's been you know, if you've
got kids, just remember who's the adult, spank them and
everything's going to be okay. But I've never had kids,
so you know what I'm going with this it's about
seven years ago. God sees fit to reunite me with

(10:08):
a girl that I dumped in high school. Right in
my high school sweetheart, I laughed for alcohol and cocaine,
not that any of y'all have ever done that, and
the unbelievable, unbelievable, And twenty years later we end up
getting married. Can you believe that? And there's a little
five year old boy in the deal? Yeah, And that's
what I said, all right, maxcute? Where do you wind

(10:34):
it up? You know, what do you seed it?

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Two months after I moved into the House of Genie
back down in Ingram. I moved from the big city
and moved into Ingram. And two months later, after being
with that family for a short period of time, she
comes out looking for me. And I'm a big bicycle enthusiast.
A lot of y'all know that. And I'm out there
underneath my work bench and she comes up. She says, Chris,
what are you doing under there? And I says nothing,
I'm in a fetal position underneath that work bench. That

(11:05):
kid has pushed ever frigging's button. I've got five years old,
and I know who's where the pants in that family,
and I don't know what to do about it. With me,
it's about perspective. I'm gonna tell you one more quickly.
You got a couple of years ago, I crossed it
over at the edge, and I told you about a
little bicycle mishap I had with a deer. Right, I'm

(11:27):
the only guy I know that is ever running into
a deer on a bicycle. I I can't, I can't
believe I'm telling all of y'all this story. I mean,
I gotta give you all ammunition to shoot me with later,
but I got to tell you. Up to the more
moment of impact and I hit the asphalt. Let me
tell you something, it was a terrible thing.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
Up to that point.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
I loved Dandie. I mean the Deer's I mean we
were just I now own a hunting license. I mean
my whole, my whole attitude, George Deer has changed. It's
about perspective, folks. You with me and a lot of
the cats that are sitting in these rooms and I fellowships.
They don't come from the from with alcoholithm andjuggetation, from

(12:08):
the same point of place that I come from. They've
got the power of choice. They're not the person on
page twenty one. They've given sufficient reason. The little wife
and who got tired of them coming home and spending
all the money, got little trouble whatever they said. Oh
that's it for me. I'm gonna put the plug in
a jug and everything's going to be okay. And listen, folks,
if you can do that, you're again, You're welcome, and
I fellowship, come, come busy. But understand, newcomers, please, who

(12:32):
you're listening to in these meetings may not be one
of us. For the real alcoholic or the real drug addict,
your life depends on a spiritual experience.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
Yes, oh lord, I tell you, and I guess.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
I mean it's part of the most controversial thing I'm
going to say from the podium. You know, everybody says
everybody's welcome, You are welcome. But I'm just saying, be
careful as a newcomer what you're listening to in these meetings,
because if it's not coming out of a big book.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
It's horseshit.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Our fifth tradition says that our main objects, our primary requirement,
is to help out an alcoholic stays sober by carrying
one message. This message page seventeen says that we've got
a common problem, folks, alcoholism, drug addiction. We got a
common problem. But we also have a common solution to
see and what we've done over the years is not
qualify the member when they got here. Oh you're having

(13:28):
trouble with cocaine, welcome, Well we need to take it
a little step further. Are you just a hard cocaine user?
I mean, folks, there are those those idiots out there.
I mean I see them. I work in a treatment center,
for Heaven's sakes, I do clerical work for a facility,
and we get to see thousands of people come through there,
and I get to see a lot of cats that
don't need to be there. Why, here's what. Here's what

(13:50):
the Big Book says an alcoholic or a drug addict is.
He says, it says, we got a thing called a
moderate drinker or a drugger. I won't even take time
to talk about that. We got nobody moderate any anywhere
in here seasons.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
And we got all when we got these cats that are.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Called hard drinkers, right, hard druggers.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
These cats that they drink a lot.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
They're party animals, you know. But given sufficient reasons. They
can walk away from this craft. You go with us,
got a little problem with the help, got a little
problem with the job, got a little problem with a
little wife, and foost that again, they can walk away
from it. And then it says the next fair I says,
but what about the real alcoholic? What about the real
cocaine addict? I'm hipp with you the third edition. But

(14:33):
now listen to me.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Now listen to me.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
The only requirement to come into these rooms is a
desire not to use.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
I'm hip with that.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
But if the if the guy sitting in your meeting
doesn't want to use, but he's not want to use,
he's not going to come at you with the same perspective.
And that's the only point I'm trying to make. I'm
not saying anybody is not welcome. Everybody is welcome, but
be careful what you're listening to. We got people killing
people on a daily basis in our fellowship. Bro Let
me let me just talk about it a little bit.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
Here we go, we get right down the pack the pipe.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
I'm speaking in fucking tongues already. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
It's going to be a long night.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
In the next couple of weeks, Alcoholics Anonymous will celebrate
its sixty fifth birthday. Yeah. Yeah, And I got to
tell you from a historian standpoint and somebody who's loved
the history and has had good sponsorship and study this stuff,
I need to look at I need to look at
the archives, and we love to look We did some
workshops this weekend and we talked about a lot of
this stuff. But let me just tell you straight, in

(15:38):
the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous, we had a lot
of people getting sober. If you're reading the prefaces to
the first the second edition, it talks about it talks
about a seventy five percent success rate, y'all with me
and Julery. Dig a little deeper, you'll find that there
were areas in the Midwest that had nearly one hundred
percent success rate people getting off the alcohol and the
drugs by coming in and working these progs them great

(16:01):
success rate back then, folks, I guarantee you right now,
in the state of Texas today, success rate hovers around
eight percent. Eight percent of the people coming into Cocaine
Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous, these are staying sober a year the
rest of the cat it's a revolving door. You know,
these guys, I guess I've done this on every tape
I've ever done, every talk I've ever done, talked about it.

(16:21):
Everybody wants to let everybody off the hook and look
the other way. Well, do you know for years we
heard it, it's the damn crack at it. Oh, it's
a breakdown of the family unit. It's this, it's that. Oh,
it's the welfare system. Oh it's this. Oh it's them
damn court systems sending a You know, everybody's got a
reason why they think the success rates are so low, folks.
I'm going to tell you, as early as nineteen seventy six,

(16:43):
delegates of Alcoholics Anonymous understood and talked about it from
the podium, the fact that the message that the newcomers
early on we're getting is not the same message we're
getting today. Yeah, I need to tell you straight that
sixty years ago you would not have found one of

(17:05):
those alcoholics telling some guy coming off the street who's
absolutely burnt from the drugs and the alcohol that he
needed to go take a nice warm bubble back and
light a bunch of candles. That may be a wonderful,
wonderful thing. I can assure you that there wasn't one
of those bufferoos out there in the train station looking
for drunks and addict. Listen to me, that was telling

(17:28):
them when they got back to the clubhouse to stand
up in front of a mirror and do some positive
fucking affirmation. What they were saying, though, is are you
ready to go find God because we need your help
in the trenches. And oh yeah, you're sober twenty four hours,
it's time for you and me to go out there
and try to go get another drunk to work with.

(17:48):
We were all staying sober, folks, because we didn't have
time to worry about this other stuff. We understood that
it wasn't us fixing our Let's just hit this straight
right now. Alcoholics anonymous, and cocaine anonymous, Narcotics anonymous, our
sister fellowships. Let me tell you this, this is not
a self help program. We don't We don't keep ourself sober.

(18:10):
If I could keep myself sober, by God, i'd have
done it years before I lost those businesses, before I
horned all those women and scared all those kids and
damaged my fans, I'd have gotten myself sober. Now, I'm
gonna tell you right now from the podium. I love therapy.
I'm a product of some great therapy. And if you've
got the time and the money and you can afford it.

(18:32):
If you can't, you come see me and I'll try
to figure out a way to get you there. A
therapist can fix what's wrong with you in lots of areas.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
You with me.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
But let me tell you this, this Fellowship therapy treatment centers,
the church, no human power can get me sober. Oh.
It took me eight years to figure out. Folks eight
years in and out of the Fellowship trying to get sober,
wondering how somes you could get sober and I couldn't
get so Why because you were doing the damn work

(19:02):
and I wasn't. It's just as simple as that man
or man or man I do clerical work for his
treatment center, right, And we get the tax that gets
to come in and we get to do a little
big book with them on the side. But one of
the things that we get to do we track them
when they leave treatment, and we get to monitor them

(19:23):
and we get to see who stands sober and who's not.
One of the reasons that I get so passionate about
this is because every patience it comes through there. I
got a chance to sit down and drink coffee with
and visit, and I get to talk to him.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
I say, hey, listen, let me.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Ask you a couple of questions. Did you ever try
coten Anonymous? Well?

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Did you ever try alcoholics? Anonymous? Yeah? Well yeah, narcotic? Yeah, yeah,
I tried the twelve Steps. It didn't work.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Well.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
It beats the hell out of me, you know, because
I sobered up in AA. I mean I just walked
in the doors and somebody and I mean the twelve
Steps worked for me, He says Chris, I know where
it probably work for some people, but you guys stick
with me. But I can't stand going to the meetings.
It's hiss. Come on, brother, get it like I hadn't

(20:10):
heard it before. Tell me why you can't stand go
into the meetings without exception war stories and people pissing
and moaning about their problems post The problem is not

(20:34):
getting people to our fellowship.

Speaker 3 (20:35):
This is the only game in town. The only thing
that we know that works is the Twelve Step movement.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
The only thing that we know from from my from
my standpoint, in that treatment center, it's going to work
for a crack addict is cocaine anonymous? No, you need
to hear me tonight. The only thing that will work
for a real crack addict is the twelve Steps. It's
cocaine anonymous. Now we know that we know it works.

(21:05):
The history shows the success rates. We know that the
people come in and do the work, that they stay sober,
So why won't they stay in the fellowship that we
love so much? And guys, and here's where the grind
comes in here. If you can get through this little
rough spot here, all the controversy will be over. This
is the grinder right here, because we're the more selfish,
self centered sons of bitches in the world, and we
don't want to piss anybody off, and we want to

(21:26):
continue to come to the meetings and use them as
a dumping ground for our goddamn problems. Let me run
something by you. Let me ask you a.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
Question real quick.

Speaker 1 (21:35):
We just talked about it in a little preamblemce a
nice lady read.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
You know we talk about it.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
In every CA meeting. You know, we thought we were
drinking because of the husband and.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
The white but that's not the truth, is it.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
How many of you guys in here did a whole
bunch of cocaine when you were in a great relationship.
How many when you were in a shitty relationship? How
many with a skinny woman? How many with a big
old beef one yes I love them, Yeah?

Speaker 3 (22:02):
How many?

Speaker 1 (22:02):
How many when you had a great job and life
made a lot of money. How many of you as
pissed poor and didn't have no money. How many when
you had that big Lincoln town car? How many when
he is riding a bicycle. Well, we just determined that

(22:22):
your external circumstances doesn't make a god damn bit of difference.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Let you drink or drug or.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
I have n't with it? So why dear God, family,
do we continue to do it? Pissed for sponsorship comes

(22:46):
to mind all through this weekend. I have been half
thing some of you real big beefy boys on the back,
telling them you could come up real close to the
As soon as I gave you the high time, y'all

(23:06):
moved real close. Okay, I don't want this group would
turn on me in a heartbeat. I can tell all
a listen, folks, I'm not speaking from any spiritual mountain.
I tell, I tell you, guys are dining in your
fucking teas. You think, Look, who does he think he is.
I'm an alcoholic, an attict event here, nearly died in
this fellowship by walking in these were Let me let
me give you a little rundown of my story real quick.
But let me tell you this, I have piston moaning

(23:28):
more means a Knight account. I'm not telling you not
to do something that I that I myself am not
guilty of doing. But let me tell you the same
story that I hear from thousands of alcoholics and addicts
out there, and it applies to me so succinctly. I
started drinking, you know the old story when I was

(23:48):
a kid drinking some bruceties, and I was a functioning
alcoholic for years. I was in the food business.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
I was a cook and I didn't the cooks.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
I wasn't a cooked because I like to cook. I
was a cook because I like to drink, for Christ's sake,
And they let you drink on the joint and the
women are babes, and I said, this is all That's
the truth. Then I cooked for fifteen years, but I
said somewhere around seventy nine. I'm I'm back in Curboll
trying to get sober, sort of. I'm drunk and and
a merchant marine friend of mine that I cooked with

(24:15):
he was waiting tables when he was off the ship.
He called me, called me from from San Diego to
San Diego or where we say. He's just Chris, I'm
coming across the country. He says, I've got some stuff
I want you to try. And I said, what is it?
He said, Chris, I can't talk, but it's cold here
in San Diego. He's like if I landed in Bucks,
like they wouldn't know what we were talking about, right,
And so he got the curgo and he said, Chris,

(24:38):
you've got to try this stuff. This is cocaine. Now. God,
I've done every rug I've done, lsc every dug in
the world I've done, but the cocaine kind of I got.
I got a hair standing up on my arm. I mean,
I'm just you know, he said there and he didn't.

(24:59):
He have a little line of little bump and I
just I yes, he snorted. I said, what are you doing?
He showed me and I bumped it up and he
was sitting there like that. That's pretty good, jin, isn't it?
And I said there like, I said, God, damns bird,
that hurt like hell. It was my nose. You know,
what did you do? Like? I just snorted glass? For
Christ's sake?

Speaker 3 (25:14):
What is it?

Speaker 1 (25:18):
And then I went, you know, and then and then
what cocaine does took place in Chris Raymer and guys,
let me tell you something. I sat right there, that
glazed look, and he said, Chris, you know, I got
to told you know, I got my little I gotta go.
I'll see you. And I got out of my hiss
vand and got in my truck and I sat there
and I and I sat there. I ain't know. I'd

(25:40):
never felt anything like it. And I went back to
my apartment. I had a date that night. I said, honey,
I can't make it. I got something came up, and
I went back to my apartment. I took up all
my clothes. But I got a plan, you know, I

(26:06):
got a plan because I got to figure out how
to get some more of this stuff.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
And I got to tell you.

Speaker 1 (26:09):
Within a month, I'd hawked my telescope and my stereo
and my key. Guys, I've been drinking for years and
never did that, never hawked, nothing to get a bear, nothing,
you know. But I'm well, shit, I'm off the page,
you know. And everybody's saying, Chris, you seem so different,
what's up? You seem so changed? I am. I mean,
I started two new businesses and I'm doing this and

(26:31):
I'm staying up half the night.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
I mean, I had this.

Speaker 1 (26:32):
Stuff, man, alcohol slowing down from me. I couldn't drink
as much as I used to, and now I can
do and I can drink all night, and it's just
a wonderful life. I ended up back in Houston and
Hugh stuns and things got tough, and h and I
got married, and I went to North Texas and things

(26:54):
got tougher. I've got two businesses. I've had two little
barbecue restaurants and low catering company. I lost them all
to uh uh on the on the books. It was
poor business stuff. Uh I snowed them up. And I

(27:25):
got to tell you, my story is not as bad
as a lot I heard. And I guarantee you I
didn't go as low as some of you guys did.
But this this was Nightmary on hell, this was absolutely
not Mary on Elm Street. I could not not drink
and I could not not do cocaine, and I'm out
of money and things are getting tough, and end up

(27:45):
in North Texas finally at an AA meeting, trying to
get well. And I walked into AA meeting and I say, listen, guys,
I'm having a little prodible with cocaine. I'm having a
little prodible with alcohol, and can you guys help me?
And they said, well, absolutely sure.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
And what did they do.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
They tried to do the same thing that I see
so many of us in the fellowship crying today. They
tried to scare me into their fellowship. And I was
young at that time, Guys, I was allowed, and they
tried to scare me in with their war stories. Now
they have if they call them first Step meetings in Texas,
I don't know what they call them over here. What
we were, what we were supposed to do was talk
about the disease and qualify us and see if we're
supposed to be here.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
But that's not what we did.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
What we did was get down to brass tacks, and
everybody wanted to tell their stupid goddamn war stories.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
Now at the time.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
I'm again, I'm a functioning alcoholic, an addict. I've still
got a job, and I'm still driving a car. You
with me. But these guys get in there and they
start telling all their worst Well, I've had three d wis.
Next guy, well, I've had four d wiyes and been
to prison. Well I beat my wife and I've been
to jail and I've been in and I'm you know,
and it's like, check, I don't have d wis. Check

(28:48):
I don't beat my wife. Check none of this, Steff's
happening to me.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
So I can't.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
Possibly be one of you with me. After a few weeks,
I get up and leave.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
God, that's the only place in the world that I
can get sober.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
But I can't stay there because I can't identify it.
Why can't I identify because we won't talk about the
internal conditions. We're too busy tell them the stupid ass
war story.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
What I want to know is, can.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Anybody just wake up in the morning and not want
to do a bump? Can anybody wake up in the
morning and just know that tonight they're not gonna have
a beer in their hands? Can you tell me if
the obsession will ever leave. Nobody ever talked to me
about that. But I just keep coming back, and I
come back again, and now we're gonna get another round
of stupid war stories. Guys. There's no chapter in the
back of a book called end is Scared. There's a
chapter in the back of a book called a Vision

(29:39):
for you. And what we're supposed to try to do
is to pull a newcomer with a vision of how
cool life can be in sobriety.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
All right, you don't have to funny one.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
You can't scare me.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
God damn, I be eaten out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas.
What are you gonna do?

Speaker 4 (29:57):
Tell me?

Speaker 1 (29:58):
Some chicken shit scared sorted to to get out of
my faith. The book tells me, I'm not even gonna
remember my own scary stories, much less yours. Unlivable I leave.
I continue to take antidepressants, I continue to see therapists.

(30:20):
I continue to try. Guys. I gotta tell you, somebody
was asking me the other day about this antidepressant Dell.
I started taking antidepressions when I was very, very young,
when I was in high school. Practically, when I started
first taking antidepressant, it was just out of high school,
and I got to tell you all the experimental, all
the antidepressions that some of you guys can here take it.
I did the test stuff on. I can promise you
that because my depression was so thick, it wasn't even funny.

(30:41):
And nobody ever bought it to tell me that the
depression was a number one symptom of alcoholism and drug addiction.
You know, I got to tell you amazing things took
place in my life when I got sober. A lot
of the cool thing happened. The depression laughed.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
Imagine that.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
There wasn't one antidepression though that came in a form
of a suppository, and it was a pretty cool.

Speaker 3 (31:02):
Landed a pression.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
I got to tell you, I don't know if it'dzey
with well, I'll never mind. I I went back into
alcoholics anonymous because there was nothing else to do. The anted,
the pressments weren't obviously weren't working suicide. It was on
my mind on a daily basis, and I did the
same thing that so many of you did. I spent

(31:23):
the next next eight years in and out of a fellowship.
I go in stay three months pulling my hair out.
I can't stand it. Leave, Go back in Jesus Chrise,
stay a month. Leave.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
I couldn't.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
I couldn't stand it every time you go in whte
because it was a stupid pissoning moment. Days you know,
I'm coming a part of the scenes, and I'm so
afraid that I'm going to use today. I can't stand it.
And so I'm going to walk into this room and
hopefully somebody's gonna pull me with a vision. Right. But no,
we don't have time to talk about what's going on
with me and this disease and how I can overcome
alcoholism and douggy diet too, because we're too busy talking
about your goddamn divorce. You wouldn't meet made some of

(31:58):
you uncomfortable there, didn't you, guys. I'm gonna say it now,
and I'm gonna say it again before I finish here.
This fellowship is not therapy alcoholism, and if this is
a spiritual program of action, a creed well meaning therapists
have sent you to us for years believing that we
could just come into these fellowships and talk about anything

(32:18):
we want to. And I'm gonna just say this real quick.
The goddamn arrogance of us to think that we can
do that. We've got one job on this earth to do,
and that's help an alcoholic and attic sober us. What
the hell do we do in trying to fix every
problem in the world. You need to go back to
that therapist and get your money's worth. I'm telling you,
the therapy is the greatest. If you need a good lawyer.

Speaker 3 (32:39):
Go find a good lawyer.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
You with me. If you're having trouble with your PO,
go take it up with a little legal system.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Go talk to your PO about it.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
But you ain't drinking because you're PO, and you ain't
drinking because your wife, and you ain't drinking because you
ain't got a job, and you ain't drinking because of
any of this other happy horseshit.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
You with me?

Speaker 1 (32:57):
So why do you have to come into my meetings
and talk about it in set? At least when we
saw the early days of our polists, Anonymous folks AA
meetings were a pep rally. We would get together with
the buckeroos and we would get the newcomers and we
would get together. We'd talk about the cool things that

(33:18):
were happening. We would bear witness like the book asked
us to do. We would share our personal testimony of
how cruel life was and being sober, and then we
would get together and we'd get some literature and we'd
go out to the bus station and the Salvation Army
and try to carry that message to other alcoholics. Everybody
wants to throw this bullshit, but this is attraction, not
of than promotion. Listen, you need to stop taking.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Ship out of a big book, out of context.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Our twelve step says that we tried to carry this
message to other alcoholics.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
You with me. You look at the people in this,
in this on.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
These service committees that have done this thing.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
You look at the little new guys.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
It was just a couple of weeks, couple of months,
a body doing h and nine out here at foreign
coffee and work in the coffee. But that service work, folks,
and those cats are gonna stay sober here.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
And that's what I couldn't do for eight years.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
Because I wouldn't do that shit because you see, you've
got to understand my case is different. Yeah, yeah, like
you said, yeah, but my case is different. I realized
that they can do the little service work. It's oh shit.
November thirteen eighty seven. It's cold and hell up in Dallas, Texas.

(34:35):
But it's a dry cold.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
You know, what is this?

Speaker 1 (34:42):
What is this for ship? Just a dry heat? Uh huh.
And I've got a stack of return checks and the
beast that i'm I mean, the nice lady I'm dating
is left. That's her heart, you know, And you know
it's just it's this all the I'm working. I have
some employment because my brother has hired me and that's

(35:03):
the only reason I'm not on the street. And the
depression is choking me to death. And nothing will work
and it stopped working for me. The cocaine won't work anymore.
All I do now is get paranoid. Y'all know that
I'm too. I'm too afraid to go in the store
and get food. I'm convinced that them Captain Koger are connected,

(35:25):
you know what I mean? And I can't Jesus is terrible.
And the alcohol won't work because it's getting me too loaded.
And I'm not having a happy day. And it's nearly
Christmas and I know there won't be any Christmas stuff
this year. Nobody's gonna send me any Christmas cards. And
I take a bottle of pills and some alcohol and
try to commit suicide like so many of y'all have

(35:47):
tried to do. And the grace of God, I believe
that divine interventions that attempt failed. I heard a voice say, yes,
it was. I'm sure in my head, Chris, you never
really gave us cats down. The fellowship's a chance. You know,
you've ran a fellowship for eight years. You never even
bought a big book. For Christ's sake, why don't you

(36:09):
try it one more time. If it doesn't work, you
can go ahead and kill yourself. The next day, I
walked into a meeting of alcoholics anonymous at six o'clock
in the evening. I sat outside the club watched the
cats go in, and I was so sick to think
that this is where the alcoholics. And for Christ's sake,
I owe everybody in the world. I' driving an old

(36:29):
beat up pickup Trust, I haven't got an inspection sticker,
I've got no insurance. My life absolutely shucks big Ones.
But I'm embarrassed to go to alcoholics Anonymous. Unbelievable. And
I walk into the I walk into that meeting and
something's different, and they're all carrying big books, and I said,
what is this is a big book study. He says, no,
this is this is an open discussion. But we bring

(36:50):
the topic out of the big book. What a concept.
And they all had big books and they were talking
to me about this that now guy, They said it
right in there. And absolutely Sometimes when I speak with Buddy,
y'all think, well, you know, you can't be that harse
with with with the new company. They weren't harsh with
me at all. They sat down there and a good
looking woman laid up next to me and she got
she put her arm around me, and they loved me.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
Folks.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
I stunk. I hadn't bathed, and I did, and she
cleaned up my coffee as I spilled it. I sat
in that meeting in Detox that night, and they took
care of me. And the old time I said, Chris,
are you ready to get sober? And I made the
mistake of saying something stupid like rud You know one
day at a time, said Chris, old buddy, Uh, next

(37:37):
time I asked you a yes or no question, I
want a yes or no answer. See, buddy, that's another
thing we've taken out of context. Book says we live
life one day at a time. It says, we make
a commitment that we want to stay sober. And they
asked me, finally, down to brass tacks, do you want

(37:59):
to do this or not?

Speaker 3 (38:00):
Are you ready to have a different life?

Speaker 1 (38:02):
Are you trying to live it like an animal? I mean,
Jesus Christ, Chris one month to eat, had a dumpsters
the next month. You've got a great job ahead of
you and everything's going great, and you pull it all
down on top of you. Life is absolutely not fun.
Are you ready to have something different? And I said yes?
And I had me crying there and they were right there.
They were so kind about it, but at the same

(38:23):
time they were very forceful. They were very understanding. What
we do here in this group is we work the steps.
And if you're gonna get a sponsor and you're gonna
work the steps, and we could promise you that you're
gonna have a spiritual experience, it will change your life forever.
And I said, I think you're a liar. He said,
we don't care if you think we're like, we don't.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
Give a rat that We're not here to entertain you.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Do you want what we have? And I looked around
the room and there was this good looking blunt and
I said, yeah, no, guys, I was done. I was done.
I said, absolutely, Nikki, this afternoon in the workshop talked
about getting being convinced to your innermo self and hitting
your bottom. I'd hit my less than twenty four hours
before that, I tried to commit suicide. And now I'm

(39:03):
sitting here playing word games with these people. No, I
see what's happening. Absolutely, you betch you up. I'll do
this deal.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
And I got to tell you every night.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Every night. My ass was in that meeting at six
o'clock to those old timers, and they said, Chris, you
show up thirty minutes early and we'll start doing the work,
and you're gonna do service work, and you're gonna get
on the committee here. We need somebody that could be
on the clean up committee. I said, listen, I gotta
do all the line here someplace, you know. I mean,
I'll be on your committee's you know. You know, but
I'm not doing this cleanup shit, you know. I mean,

(39:31):
I I all right, I don't smoke, you know, I'm
not gonna clean up your eye and this I'm not
gonna do it. They said, Chris, do you want to
stay sober? They opened the door and it says, Chris Ramler.
Meet mister Hoover, the vack and cleaner. You know what
I mean.

Speaker 3 (39:44):
He's in the deal.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
And he says, let me tell you. Let me tell
you guys. That week, I said, fine, I'll do it.
I have pissed you know. I said, I'm not gonna
like it, but I'll do it. And I came in
the next day. I took off from my job. I
owned a little business. I was a bankrupt, but I
owned it so I could take off it any time
I wanted to. And I went down there and I
cleaned that club from top to bottom. And I said,

(40:06):
I'll show them something. I'll show the exactly what a
good egg I'll show.

Speaker 3 (40:09):
Let me tell you.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
And I did too. I cleaned that place with a toothbrush.
And those people started fighting in at six o'clock and
I was sitting back there with a cup of coffee.
And I tell you, the little lady came in and
she says she had shed tears in her eyes. She says,
who cleaned this place? I did? You want to talk

(40:33):
about instant self esteem? You start doing something for somebody else.
For a change, and what's your self esteem go through
the world. I didn't have to stand in front of
any mirror and say I am a good boy. I
am a good boy. I did that with what a

(40:58):
guy and didn't I said, I tell you, I find
myself standing from the mirror right the butt naked.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
I do have a big dick. I do have a
big dick.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm prue. I'm prue positive that
positive afimations don't work, and I don't know. I'm done.

Speaker 4 (41:37):
Let me tell you real quick, becase we're.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Gonna run out of time. Let me tell you what happened.
I started working the staff with a cat. I'm on
the fourth my fourth Steff. I'm on the fourth column
of the fourth staff where I finally get to see
that Chris Rayner is the root of the problem.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
You know that that I'm starting the ball older and
it's me.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
You know that it wasn't about her and what they did.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
It was about me.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
See, and I get to look at this stuff, and
the miracle begins to take place. Now, I got a
two weeks into recovery, I got out of my truck
in North Texas. I told some of y'all this it's
on taste, y'all know what I'm talking about. But I
had a spiritual experience. I got out of my truck
in North Texas and there's out a breath of air
up there, and I walk. I get out of my
truck and I'm I have to hold on a little
side of the truck because I'm I've overcome with with

(42:21):
the book talks about a new God conscious. I am
absolutely convinced to my innermo self that I'll never drink
or do cocaine again. I knew for a fact that
the obsession had been removed. I don't know when it
was removed. It could have happened the first week. I
don't know. I just know that I'm surrounded by liquor
stores and my bug dealer lives in the apartment complex
where I live. And I don't want to use the book.

(42:43):
The promises that says are going to take place took place.
I have been placed in the position of neutrality. Two
weeks into recovery, Folks, the miracle begins to take place
in my life.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
No, and we need.

Speaker 1 (42:57):
And I talked about this from the podium. Everybody wants
to come up after we have a lot of people
that want to come up, and I want to tell
me that all that I couldn't possibly have happened to you, Chris,
but you were experienced was a pink cloud. Don't do
it to me. Don't do it to me. I'm going
to tell you we did it on a little spirituality
workshop we did earlier that I don't do pink clouds.
I do do God's grace, and I believe that's exactly

(43:19):
what takes place with us. Listen, folks, God knows that
we don't have months and months and months to get
some comfort. That's why we come in here and seemingly
don't have to do much of anything, and we get
touched and we get this place where we get comfortable
on our own skin. And that's God's great. Bill Wilson

(43:41):
worked as steps guys. He was on his ninth day
in Town's hospital. He was working the steps when he
had his He was still in detox when he had
his spiritual experience. Doctor Bob was a little less than
ten days sober. June tenth, right was the last time
he had his drink. He went out and finishes amends
and he began to have his spiritual experience. Bill deeded
it less than seven days. Now you with me. Early
guys in AA, the first one hundred that got sober

(44:02):
all had spiritual experiences in less than a month. But
we come in these gutting fellowships and tell people to
take their time to work the steps. If you have
time to work the steps, I'm gonna say it again,
you're probably not one of us. Come on, guys, you
know some of these old krusty sends a bitch an

(44:24):
alcoholics that are just straight alcoholics. They maybe they got
a little time under their belt.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
Maybe they can take their time to do this.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
I don't know, but I'm gonna tell you this, folks,
A crack addict, a cocaine attic. Doesn't you get this
cat coming into the meat and still stinking of the pipe?
I guarantee you.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
If you don't get him and get him to God,
quit keep going.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
We ain't seen it too many times. And here's the
cool thing. You don't have to fix what's wrong with
that crack addict. You don't have to do a damn
thing and except relay the same message that was related
to you.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
Showing where the big book is.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
Help him get a sponsor, sit his little ass down,
get him focused and helping him start to work the steps.
That's it, and then you'll get to watch the greatest
miracle that we have. You'll get to watch another alcoholic
and an addicts sit right across the table from you,
and that light will come on in his eyes and says,
Jesus Christ, you mean I don't ever have to drink
your brother again as long as I live. And you'll say,
they go, yes, right, as long as you do what

(45:22):
the book says and carry it back to another alcoholic.
It's your turn now to help carry the message. You
can teach this miracle and for the rest of your
life you can stay sober. You don't ever have to.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Worry about another trigger.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
You don't ever have to worry about any of this
other HAPs. This bullshit about relapse being part of the fellowship,
being part of the Pope, that's a.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
Damn lie, I gotta tell you. So, there's a lot
of cats out.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
There in the fellowship. I'm gonna wind this down real quick.
You know, I had this spiritual experience and I immediately
went into fellowship and started talking about this spiritual experience,
and the crew came up to me and said, you know, Chris,
I'd lay low on this spiritual experience thing. You know,
I wouldn't talk so much about it in the meanings.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
You know, you know, you know, you just might.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
You see, this man had a lot of knowledge about
the Fellowship, but he didn't have much experience in the fellowship.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
Yo, Yo, isn't me. There's a difference.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
There's a difference between knowledge and experience. I always forget
that these guys are over here. You know, I can't
what is it they throwing things story about knowledge verse experience.
As you guys can understand, once you have this miracle
called the spiritual experience and the desire to use cocaine
is removed from you, the depression goes away, and the

(46:33):
boredom is fixed, and you start getting excited about your
life and you realize it's not a temporary thing. You
realize that you're on solid footing, that you're there to.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
Do what God wants you to do.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
Now you go with me, Okay, but okay, when I'm
sitting around the room, what you want to be up here.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
Watching this ship?

Speaker 1 (46:49):
You know, I got a whole bunchip.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
You're shaking your head like this just trash buck sons
of fishes. Listen to what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
Yet, no, because this is exactly what I'm talking about.
There's a whole bunch of you in this room that
have had this experience, and you know exactly what I'm
talking about. And I couldn't explain it. Even you don't
have to explain it to somebody that's had the experience.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
All you got to do is look at it and
go on and they go, well, yes, and they know
exactly what you're talking.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
But if you haven't had.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
An experience, if you're still depressed, if you're still bored,
you're still obsessing about cocaine, you haven't had it. And everybody,
everybody wants to shy away. See, nobody wants to just
call a spade a space. You haven't had the spiritual experience, Well, brother.

Speaker 3 (47:36):
But you neither.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
You neither go to recover or you're not. If there's
a there's not a such thing as being a little
bit recovered.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
The obsession is.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
That he's either been removed from youth or it is not.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
I don't know how we can make it any clearer
than this.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
Let me give you this little story real quick somebody.
I had this little friend named Edward Sanderson. He's in
jail now, he will I'm using his last nabor. He's
a good little buffer roo. We were high school buddy,
junior hig high scholuddy. You lived right across the street
from us. We grew up on a little street down
the curvel attack. It's called Goat Creek Roads. I can't

(48:11):
believe it. Yeah, well he's talking about Appalacha. Anyway, one summer, Edward,
I don't know how we are, fourteenth fifty Edward Sanders.
We were a little older. We were late bloomers, all
of us. We were kind of nerds. And I was
a little skinny and I had an identical twin brother,
and we tiled around all summer long.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
Anyway, this guy goes to.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
This Fannery reunion and they're in this bar and there's
this girl in there and they hooked up, and you
know they Anyway, Edward gets some pokey bulky.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Okay, Erward has set.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
He comes back that night after the Fannery reunion. He's
tapping on a window.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
It's late at night, twelve o'clock at night. He's tapping
on a wind. He says, Chris, Chris.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
You's myers, he says, my brother. He said, come on,
they'll got to come outside. We pushed these little you
have a little hondad. We pushed you out in the front,
up by Goat Creek Road so we wouldn't decerbody. He says.
You guys, we're not gonna believe what took place. He says,
I me met this girl and we said no.

Speaker 4 (49:06):
And he said, and we.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
Well, I became a man tonight does ship. And he
talked about it. He told up all the these guys.
We were up till nearly dawn talking about this and
for the rest of the summer, stick with me. For
the rest of the summer, that's all we did. We'd
be we'd be walking down go Through Road, busting beer
bottles and shit, just killing time. And we said, edit,
tell us about the girl again, because I've seen the

(49:30):
playboys himself.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
I knew, I you know, I.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
No brass, I know I see that, But I ain't
come on and tell us about the girl again.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
And he said, well, you know we ended up.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
There's no no, no, no, no no. It's a very
beginning when you first walked here. I want to know
everything about this thing called sex. I got no experience.
I want as much knowledge about this because I'm going
to one of these days I'm gonna get lucky, and
I need to know what I'm okay that winter. I'm
in a food business, right and there's this there's this
heavy little pantry girl that work in there, and I

(50:01):
don't know if they paid her or what, but she
she had mercy on me. We worked the deal. Everybody
who's got a book the first time sometime it's just
like the cocaine. You know, there's a learning curve there,
there's a learning curve. I worked to deal with a guy,

(50:21):
one of my best friends. He's gonna drive the station
wagon and her were gonna get in the back of
the station wagon and she was gonna show me the rope.
She was gonna tell me how.

Speaker 4 (50:27):
Chose to deal.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
And so we went out, drove out twenty miles the
other side of town. Didn't take long, go back twenty miles.
This is this, I mean, boom, boom, boom. Now listen,
now here's the point I want to make. And the
guy lets me, I don't go quick road in front
of my house. And I'm standing in the middle of
this road and it's colder and hall outside, and they
got a big full moon up there. And I'm man,

(50:52):
and I'm marched right straight. I could have My house
is over here, his house is over here. I look
at my house and I says, no, I got to
get this stuff straight now. I'm a white said to
his house, and I worked these ass up and I said, Edward,
we got to talk. He said, buddy, I'm sleeping. We'll
talking to the morning. He says, no, we got to
talk now. But he I said, you left out lots
of shit.

Speaker 4 (51:14):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Now I got it back. I mean, what does would
that smell?

Speaker 1 (51:17):
For christ sake? What is this? What is that? We
I should hold my mama, don't hear this thing? But
I was freaked out. One minute I had a lot

(51:39):
of knowledge about this thing. I could tell you how
it works. And the next minute I got some experience. Now,
which one do you want to talk to?

Speaker 3 (51:45):
You know, you want to know the experience.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
You find somebody that's had the experience. Right, that's the
same partlet we're having in this fellowship. Right now. We've
got a lot of people around the Paripia who are
here taking up sea, drinking the coffee, talking, but they're
not having the same experience we are.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
And so some little new guy comes in and says, no, I.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Want to do the work. It starts doing the work,
and he gets excited about this building. He begins to
have a spiritual experience, and everybody in the place wants
to shoot his ass down. Oh you're working those steps
way too fast, unbelievable. Oh you can't possibly have had
a spiritual experience that quick. Oh yeah, who's got left you?

Speaker 3 (52:24):
God?

Speaker 1 (52:25):
We just talked about co founders having it within a week.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
But it was good enough for building, doctor Bob.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
You know, it's gotta out of work stockbroker and a
butt doctor for Christ's sake.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
But for us, we're just gonna dist We.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Keep mixing the therapy back in the listen, folks, I
got to tell you, two weeks into this fellowship, I
had a spiritual experience and the desire to drink and
drug left me. And it's not returned in twelve years.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
I don't know work.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
I'm gonna briefly. Let me just tell you straight. I
still work on lots of other issues. My little steps
under me, We've had we've some horns, and I don't
know you'll know much about raising a little kid. And
I got to tell you I love him dearly. And
then we're getting better. But I see a therapist around
that you with me. I got some issues that I
need to deal with. Therapy is primo get it if

(53:14):
you can get it. Those things do take some time
to work through. But the steps you can work down
a man, like the book says, one are the things
that we see around the fellowship. So much is that
we don't see too many people that are desperate. Your
ass is on fire when you get here, and we

(53:35):
help you put it out and then you go play,
but we don't have anybody to rul you back in again,
you see.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
And that's the problem.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
We don't want to piss anybody off. You know. You
can't keep the pracatic sober. No, you can't, But you can,
God damn sure tell him the truth. You can tell
him the truth. You can tell him that the shenanigans
he's pulling, that it's not okay that he missed the meeting,
that it's not okay he showed up late. But it's
absolutely he's not okay that he's not working the steps.
You can tell him that it's no, it's not okay

(54:01):
that he goes out and buys the new car when
he's got all these diddemic men's hanging over his head
back over here, and when it comes time to do
the H and I and get the committee, and he's
at the last night around. So it is your responsibility
to tell him, no, you will be around, or you'll
go find someplace else to play. If you want to die,
that's you're a business. I just don't want to watch it.

(54:24):
I just don't want to watch it. Let me tell
you what's happened in Acoholics Anonymous right now, and I
don't want to see the same thing. In fact, this
fellowship AA at sixty five years to screw it up, folks.
We're eighteen, buddy, we're in our infancy. Let's turn the
tide now and not make the same mistakes. About four
or five nine, a couple of months ago had this
AA's little newsletter. They came up with a great little

(54:44):
article about integroups. What are the articles an intadu?

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Because this guy talked about it.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
He says it takes sometimes don't know what interviews are
the little clearing houses you know, you call interviews that
if you want somebody to go do a twelve step meeting.
That's it, he said. Sometimes it takes up to twenty
calls to find an alcoholic willing to go to a
twist that call. Guys, you we just got to get

(55:08):
straight here. We got to get on the same page.
The book says in Bill's story that unless I grow
spiritually through work and self sacrifice for others, I cannot
stay sober through the certain trials and those spots ahead. Guys,
I mean, let's just get straight with it. Do you
think for a second that your life is going to
get perfect when you gets over. We're still going to
have troubles, but you can get through that with grace

(55:29):
and dignity if you're out there carrying the torch helping
other alcoholics, and that it gets over, Pip. That was
Bill Wilson, doctor Bob's legacy to us. Bill Wilson couldn't
face over. Got told of doctor Bob. They stays over together.
They found alcoholic number three, number four, number five.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
Look at this room.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Okay, but how did you get here? You've got here
because somebody reached out of hand and help you. Right,
So we got to get straight. So we got to
get straight. What are you doing today to help the
alcoholic and the drug addict get sober? Are you going
to a couple of meetings a day and sitting on
the back and leaving early and coming late, just basically
going to a meeting and chalking off another one.

Speaker 3 (56:11):
I'mt just tell you something, folks, if you're not.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Helping anybody when you do that, I appreciate you being
in the meeting, but you've got to get straight. The
meeting makers aren't making it the people out there on
the firing line of life helping another alcoholics and addicts
get sober or making it. God, but this was if
we had a solution, If we had a solution for
age right here, how many people do you think would

(56:37):
be kicking their butts to try to get up here
to get it. But I got to tell you this, folks,
I've done a lot of things and I'm not putting
down age, and I'm I'm pleased it's a terrible illness.
But I got to tell you, I run a little
store at this treatment center and I get to watch
the camps come in. You don't have to tell me
the men and women who are crack addicts that come
into that facility. You don't have to tell me. I
can see it on their face, and they'll walk in

(56:58):
and they.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
Won't look me in the face.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
They look down at the floor right in front of
the register and ask me the questions because they can't
look me in the faith, because there's a goddamn burned
by the street.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
They've been in the.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
Houses, they've done what they had to do to get
the drugs. They're so full of shame and guilt they
can't stand it. They want to die.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
And we got the solutions, and we got the outsolutionary
spleete solution, but we won't.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
Share it with anybody because we're too goddamn afraid about
what somebody next to us is gonna save. We gotta
take this fellowship and run with it, folks, because this
is the only thing that's gonna save us, Cocaine Anonymous.
We've got the literature, we know what we need to do.
We go into goddamn meetings and listen to people talking
about it all the ready to escapage and how much

(57:47):
practice smoked and how many times they got strust and
this and that and the other. Jesus tie, I don't
think it was so much fun.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
Don't do it again.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
We don't have time for that. We don't have time
for that, folks. There's a place to share those war stories.
I can assure you in our meetings. It's not I've
said it a thousand times. Come early before if you
want to share that ship. Come late, stay late. Go
to fucking Denny's if you want to, but don't for
an hour. Time and ourity, this fellowship, let's talk about
God in the steps. If you're having trouble, folks, don't

(58:23):
think I'm making fun of you. Let me get this straight.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
I'm gonna let you guys go please.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
I'm talking to a room full of people, and every
one of you, from the best looking woman in this
place to the homely of God is God. We've got
some of you in here. I guarantee you, every single
one of you have got problems, and I'm not making
fun of any of those. But I'm going to tell
you this, We as a fellowship don't know what you
need to do with those problems. We are not equipped

(58:48):
for that. We are not professionals.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
We do know how you can get connected to the.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
Power of God, and God does know what you need
to do with that. Folks, I don't know if you
need to stay in that relationship. I don't know if
you need to move. I don't know if you need
to go back to school. I don't know if you
need to get that job. I don't know what you
need to do.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
I do know that if you get connected to God.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
And prayer and meditation in the morning, God will tell
you exactly what you need to know. That's my experience.
My sponsor, Mark Houston talks about it us being spearhead.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
It's on page forty nine.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
Folks. We're supposed to be the spearhead of God's ever
advanced in creation.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
We're the strongest people on earth.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
You give me a cocaine attic and I'll tell you
somebody that can do it. You know absolutely, we've been
through this shit and we've been We've been tempered by
fire for Christ's sake. What we have to do is
direct that energy and direct that power into what God
wants us to do. And I got to tell you something, folks.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
We will change this world.

Speaker 1 (59:52):
It's a given. But if you don't want to be
a park, that's cool too. If you think all the
Fellowship is about it is a place to come pissing,
I moan about your goddamn problem. You've missed it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
You've missed the book. Here's what you do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
If you haven't had a spiritual experience. We find a
sponsor that has had a spiritual experience, and you start
doing the work, and I can guarantee you within a
very short period of time, you will have your own
spiritual experience. At the same time, actively start working with
other alcoholics. I will a week or two days, whatever
it's your time right now. If you're a week sober,
I can promise you We've got a couple over here
that are less than six days sober. Get your ass

(01:00:28):
over here and tell them how to stay sober. Come
on it, Come on it. Pull them with a vision,
Pull him with a vision. The book says that we
having a new employer a third step prayer, because God's
going to remove your difficulty. All you got to do
is get off your butt and do what you said
you'd do for God. Be an instrument of his divine guidance,

(01:00:51):
Be a really instrument. You don't have to come up
and speak from the podium if you don't want to.
If you want to get on an eighty nine, get
on a service committee, do something to tell you, God
will usea and the miracle.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Will take place.

Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
I'm sitting there in that AA meeting after I got
sober and I had that spiritual experience, and I'm looking around,
said God, I don't understand it. I got that good
looking woman and wait for me out in the lobby.
Where in the hell did she come from?

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
Yo with me?

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
All of a sudden, the money started coming in and
the financial stuff started getting taken care of. And guys,
the spiritual experience is there to change you or the
cellular level. It is so so profound when it takes place,
and you can't know exactly what I'm talking about, but
it's by helping others that we get to keep it.
If you're in a bad place tonight, I heard Tommy
tell a lady last night, sitting back in the corner,

(01:01:36):
she's in a bad place. She's lonely. She's just go
find an alcoholic to work with. She just distance, she
just walked away.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
That's not what you wanted in here. She had somebody
to sit there.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
In that valid date foot bullshit. I know you lonely,
I know you full of gilts, I know you full
of shame. You want to know how to get past it,
work the steps, Go find somebody. I can promise you
you can find somebody here that's in worse strait than
you are. You go do that God, and I guarantee

(01:02:09):
you God's grateful blow you out of the water. I've
said it every time I've spoke, folks. I'm going to
tell you what God's done in my life. Will It
makes me weep when I think about it. And I
know I don't have a perfect life. I still got
some problem. But I got to tell you, folks, I
ride bicycles with all the cocaine I was supposed to
do and all the bone stuff in my little heart.

(01:02:29):
I'm not supposed to be doing any of that. And
God's taken me past that, and that allowed me to
do that. I'm so painfully shy when I get to say,
ask to speak. I pew for months before it is
just they asked me, and I as everybody ask some
of us, britch and pete. Yet uh huh, I did.
I don't like to do this. I don't want to
do this. This is God's stuff. This is God's stuff.

(01:02:50):
God wants your happy joys and free and God's gracefult
evenly on every one of you. And that means God
wants you in a great, healthy relationship. And that means
God wants you having some money in your post and
a credit card. Say you can come to these kinds
of conferences, you hear me, that's a fact. I'm so
sick and tired of everybody looking the other way and
letting everybody off the hook. If you're not happy, folks,

(01:03:10):
it's because you've walked away from this dealers, you're not
doing the things necessary to get connected. One last thing.
I'm over. They don't go up and get a cup
of coffee and shake their head. They say, excuse me,
just a minute, excuse me. We'll talk about that happy

(01:03:32):
horseshit later.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
Right now, though, I'd like to tell you about a
little miracle that took place in my life, you know.
And the newcomer's going to catch hold of this and say, yeah,
that's what this is about. This is a place where
you go share the good stuff, not the bad stuff. Yes,
that's what we need. I'll say it again, and in
with it, God's gracefult even on all of us, folks.
AA is a spiritual program whereby we get connected to God.
A Cocaine Anonymous is not therapy. It's a life changing event.

(01:04:10):
I know some of you don't agree with that. You're
gonna get dunk anyway, brother, because if you haven't put
two and two together and realize that you're the most
selfish seal centered front of the gun, and that selfish

(01:04:31):
and self centered is what binds me.

Speaker 3 (01:04:34):
What what holds me away from God?

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
I got to get out of myself. You know, it
just blows me. Well, I've got to talk about that relationship.
If I don't, I know what you got to do
is talk about the newcomer that just walks in the room.
It's still shaken from the pipe.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
Yes, yes see.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
And then right after the meeting, we're going to go
to Denny, and I want to hear all about that
relationship because listen, folks, I get if men in this
fellowship that taught me to be the businessman that I
am today. Everything that I have good in my life
today comes from the Fellowship of AA and Cocaine Anonymous,
everything everything, but we don't talk about it in our meetings.

(01:05:14):
When the meetings we talk about God in the steps.
I love every one of them, thank you so much.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Chris R. - Addiction and Alcoholism Recovery Speaker - His Most Famous Talk