Chris R. sharing at an Alcoholics Anonymous Speaker Meeting in 2013

"At M2 The Rock, we fully respect the anonymity of all 12-step fellowships. In alignment with their traditions, we do not represent or speak on behalf of any of these groups. Our mission is to share hope, not affiliation."

About M2 THE ROCK - MICHAEL MOLTHAN:

I’m Michael Molthan, host of The M2 The Rock Show—one of the fastest-growing podcasts and shows on self-improvement, mental health, addiction recovery, and spiritual transformation. I’m so grateful you’re here.I started M2 The Rock in 2017 to bring you conversations designed to make you happier, healthier, and more healed. Through raw and unfiltered discussions with experts, celebrities, thought leaders, and athletes, we uncover new perspectives on personal growth, recovery, and overcoming life’s toughest challenges.

My Story:

What sets my journey apart is that there wasn’t just one rock bottom—there were many. From being a successful luxury homebuilder to falling into addiction, homelessness, crime, and eventually 27 mugshots and prison, my life was in absolute chaos.Addiction was my temporary escape from childhood trauma, but it only led to destruction.

It wasn’t until I hit the lowest point imaginable that I finally found true freedom, redemption, and purpose. After an unexpected early release from prison in 2017, I walked 300 miles back to Dallas to turn myself in—only to be miraculously pardoned and told to “pay it forward.”And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing ever since.My MissionI believe that rock bottom is not the end—it’s a stepping stone to something greater.

My goal is to redefine what "rock bottom" means by helping others rebuild their Spirit, Mind, and Body. On M2 The Rock, I speak openly about trauma, addiction, recovery, and the power of transformation. I don’t shy away from topics like:

✅ Trauma & Addiction – Understanding the root causes
✅ Self-Sabotage & Mental Health – Breaking negative cycles
✅ Codependency & Enabling – How relationships impact recovery
✅ 12-Step Programs & Spiritual Healing – Finding true freedom
✅ Religious Trauma & Personal Growth – Healing from past wounds

"Everyone Is An Addict."

Whether it’s substances, work, validation, or negative thinking, we all have something we struggle with.

But recovery is possible, and transformation is real.

📺 Watch my story on I AM SECOND (9-Minute Film): Watch Here
📩 To book me for speaking engagements or collaborations: Email [e-mail]
🔔 Join the Movement. Subscribe to M2 The Rock and start your journey of self-improvement, healing, and purpose.

🔔 Don’t forget to LIKE & SUBSCRIBE for more powerful faith-based content!

🌎 Website: https://m2therock.com/
▶️ YouTube: @MICHAELMOLTHANM2
📸 Instagram: @m2therockshow


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-m2-the-rock-show-michael-molthan--3443849/support.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Audie. My name is Chris Raymer. I'm very grateful we
covered alcoholic big crowd. I hope the fire Marshal doesn't
come anywhere near here because we were so screwed if
that happens. It's getting a little warm in here. I'm
fixing take shuck this coat. I just wanted to make
sure y'all saw it, and it is as far as

(00:20):
I'm concerned. Y'all can start removing your clothing too. And
we're all adults here, come on it maybe not, guys.
I gotta thank Chris and the committees, anybody that asks
me to come come speak. It's my weekends stay so
backed up, but sometimes in the middle of the week
I can sneak out, you know. So this was pretty good.

(00:41):
I really want to thank any of you guys at
putting money in the basket to try to make this
thing happen. I know this. All this extra money is
going to Inner Group, and what a cool idea that is.
And Intergroup needs our support no matter where you live.
They do a hell of a job. But it costs
money to bring me in. Patty's with me, and she's expensive,
you know, so I don't she brought her own ticket.

(01:03):
That's the way, guys. They pay for a ticket and
in a in a in a hotel, and that's that's it.
And so but flights nowadays, in case y'all haven't noticed,
are a little expensive. So it just used to be
able to fly anywhere in the world for two hundred
dollars and now it's it's a lot more than that.
So thank you for your generosity and allowing us to
do that. I I, uh, I got sober November thirteenth,

(01:30):
nineteen eighty seven, and it was after a whole bunch
of years of trying to get sober. And a lot
of y'all have heard CDs of mine and and a
lot of you a lot of you haven't ever heard
CDs of mine, And that's that's okay too. I want
to I want to try to clarify stuff, what I'm
what I want to do here now. I got some
thoughts I want to share with you about recovery and
and I want to share my story. Uh, And I

(01:53):
want to make it real clear what that's about. That's
that's my my story, not necessarily your story. Alcoholics. I
got to tell you. And I know there's some little
drug addicts snuck in here too. Welcome. I know we
got some a puristy here that will offend, but I

(02:14):
you know, I know I can. You got the look.
So welcome all your little new guys that are in here.
Bless you. Welcome. I'm glad you're here. But but it's
amazing to me. I've said this from a million podiums,
how it closed minded alcoholics can get. You know, we
tell you a little new guys, you little thirty day wonders,
when we tell you've got to be open minded and
willing until you get to be about five years sober,
and then you just close your mind about anything that

(02:37):
you don't agree with. You know, you love me right
up until the time I say something that doesn't apply
to you you don't agree with, and then that he's
just that little opinionated asshole is what he is. And
I like welcome. I don't know what to tell you, guys.
What I want to do is throw some thoughts out there,
and I guarantee you some of you guys are going
to agree with some of the stuff I'm saying, and
some of you guys are not going to agree. It

(02:58):
doesn't make a damn bit of difference. I love you
and you love me, I'm sure in your own special way.
And so we're just we're just going down the road, guys.
I mean, this idea of being a successful eating is
of everybody. See, I want something to challenge me. See
for me, I want to grow spiritually. I'm not living
off a spiritual experience that I had twenty five years ago.
I'm I'm I'm coming from current stuff that I get

(03:19):
from you guys and on the phone and emails. I
pass out thousands of cards and you guys can email
me in the middle of the night and ask questions
and talk. And every time we get a chance to
get together, I get to grow. And that's that's what
this is about. And so I want to share some thoughts.
And you're sitting in here next to your sponsor and
I say something exactly opposite of what he's been telling you.
He's right, I say it, but you don't believe it.

(03:47):
You know, it's just the same stuff. I just I'm
a little big book thumper, guys. I mean, I'm let
me tell you my story. There you go, There you go.
I as at work. I do some part time work
for a treatment center down in South Texas, And I've
been in the treatment center industry for twenty years and

(04:08):
I've seen this play out a hundred times in different
different scenarios. But I grab one of the little guys.
He's detoxing like a big dog, and I took him
down to the little canteena he's coming on glued, you know,
And I set him down at the table and get
him a big Red and a pop tart. Now, any
of you guys that are new about this and everyone
to detox somebody, you don't need no stinking meds. I'm
just telling you you don't big red and pop tart.

(04:30):
I don't care what flavor. There's enough sugar there to
punch you right through to the other side, I can
promise you. And this little guy sitting there, you know this.
I don't know if any of y'all have ever drank
a big Red or not, but I mean, this little
guy is having a spiritual experience, you know. And oh
my god, little mouth is red. He looks like a bird,
you know. Anyway, I got a big book with me

(04:51):
to set it down the table, and I ain't kidding guys,
Honest to god, he takes his finger a little bony
finger like mine and slides that big book off the
table onto the floor. Oh we're gonna What was that about?
He said, Chris, I've done a a comma. It doesn't work,

(05:12):
And I want to do just like Chris did and
tear up because you see, I know it works when
you do it the way the big book outlines. Buddy,
you can't not have a spiritual experience. You can't not
be taken to a different spot. That's just a fact. See,
some of you guys in here are I'm right content
with what you're doing. And I gotta tell you. My

(05:33):
old sponsor, Mark used to say, says, I smell more,
and it's like I want to get taken to a
different spot. My heart goes out to the cat that's
sitting in here multiple years, sober, bone, powder dry. You
know with this just I'm not drinking one day at
a time for thirty years. But if I get near
a gun, I'm gonna shoot myself. For you, I can

(05:54):
dig it, I can relate and and and those are
those are the cats that I that I bond with.
Those are the guys that I want to visit with
because it doesn't have to be that way. Patty pointed
out to me today she one of the guys in
my sponsorship, lenn Is was with a guy named Don Pritz.
He was he's been he passed away eight years ago tonight,

(06:15):
and I'm sure he's in the room with us. He
was such a wonderful man. He talked a lot about
the stuff that we're going to talk about here, about
a primary purpose. And I'm so grateful that I had
old timers around me that kept pointing me back into
the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous for my solution, kept
pointing me to a power greater than myself for a
solution instead of some open discussion hell that we'll talk

(06:38):
about maybe we won't, maybe we won't. To tell you
about that, I think one of the biggest mistakes we've
ever made in our fellowship, I will start right off
and just go ahead and say, this is the biggest
mistake we ever made and our fellowships all over the world,
is that we allowed the absolute crystal clear solution to

(06:59):
be missed represented. I got a text from a buddy
of mine down in the valley when we were driving
over this afternoon, and he was in a noon meeting
and they were talking about the fifth tradition and talking
about our primary purpose, and he was sharing out of
the big Book what that primary purpose was for the
newcomers in the room. And old timer busted him and said,
you know, I don't care what you reading that big book.

(07:21):
All you got to do is stay sober, is go
to meetings. And I know there's some of you in
here that believe that that's true, because that's what you've
been doing. But that's not the message out of the book. See,
this is where I'm coming from. Bill Wilson, nineteen forty six.
You can look at as Bill sees it. There's a
little letter, an excerpt from the letter, and I've started
a thousand talks with it, but it says, our chief

(07:42):
responsibility to the newcomer is an adequate presentation of the program.
What's an adequate presentation of the program. It doesn't have
to mean this rigid lockstep. It's sufficient enough so that
you could take the information I give you, turn around
and do what I've told you to do and have sobriety. See,
I've never seen anybody not be able to get sober
doing this. I've seen thousands of people listen to the

(08:06):
middle of the road knuckleheads out there who say you
can do this anyway you want and end up in
a whole lot of trouble. And see, that's my story, guys.
My twin brother when he shares from the podium, you know,
I just kind of look at him like a little dog.
That'll kind of caught my head. He asked me to
take him to a meeting one night. He was tired
of drinking, sick and tired of being sick and tired,
and you know, we took him to a meeting and
he went and he's never relapsed. He got sober that day.

(08:29):
While he's such a he is definitely the evil twin.
I don't know what to tell you, but I struggled
with this for years. And that's you know, that's my
that's my story. But we were all raised in the
hill country and down in Central Texas, down near San Antonio.
And I was actually born out in West Texas. But

(08:52):
my identical twin brother and I we had two sisters
and and they're they're just delights. They're they're absolute sweethearts.
Neither one of them have had any trouble with alcohol
or drugs or anything. And my twin brother and I
we kind of lit up like a neon sign. We
started drinking in high school and I'll never forget drinking
a bottle of boonsbarm Apple wine with a buddy of mine.
I was seventeen years old. Eighteen years old, and it

(09:14):
was January. In hindsight, I know this. It was in
January nineteen seventy one. It was the month that Bill Wilson,
the co founder of alcoholics Anonymous, passed away. Chris Ramer
took his first drink. And I didn't get squashed and
have a blackout and go rob a liquor store. I
didn't do anything, goofy. I just I walked across the
field and I said, this is why Pops drinks. This

(09:34):
is why Dad drank all those years. He was a
hell of an alcoholic, and he was a periodic. He
didn't drink every day, but when he'd start, he'd be
gone the phenomenal craving and kick in and bye bye Dad.
We'll see in a couple of months, and then he'd
come back. But he was going to work. He was
doing everything he was doing, you know, And that's what
so many of us in this room are. We were
like functioning alcoholics. And some people are offended by that expression,

(09:57):
but most of us, early on in our illness, this
is progressive. We can drink, we can drug, we can
do lots of crazy stuff and lots of it. People
used to gather around Myers was a bartender and I
was a cook. We were a perfect match. And you know,
he ate steak and I drank you know, Gramagier, and
it was a It was a It was a great deal.
But people couldn't imagine how much I could drink, little
skinny guy, and and just it was amazing. I thought

(10:20):
it was just because I was a stud, and partly
because I was but you know these Texas boys, you know,
But no, it's buddy. If you find yourself the fact
that you can drink and drug more than anybody else
around you, buddy, be afraid, be very afraid. It's one
of the first symptoms of alcoholism and drug addictions. I'm

(10:41):
just telling you, going in the door and this genetic predisposition.
But listen, my little sister didn't. We were laughing about
it one year at New Year's Day, they have a
little weenie roastuff there in the hill country, and my
older sister asked for she said, could you go buy
some beer? And then she stopped herself, like that's gonna
trigger me. You know, if I've been so over a
whole bunch of years, I'm a recovered alcoholic. I can

(11:02):
be around that stuff. It doesn't bother me. That's what
the promises out of the book. I get so sick
and tired of people introducing themself. I'm recovering alcoholic. I've
been sober thirty years. God did, why don't you finish
your amends and like get well and then we get
Probably shouldn't have said that, I know, and do y'all

(11:23):
notice that the half room wasn't a plotting. It's the
most controversial thing used to be a custom lot from
the podium. That was the contract. Let's go here. Crucis
through the F word, and I don't do that anymore.
I don't do that anymore. What I do now is
I introduce myself as a recovered alcoholic. And that's twice
as bad. God, guys, the Big Book tells you on
page ninety to introduce yourself to the newcomer as a

(11:44):
person who has recovered. The treatment centers told you that
we will always be recovering because it's great for business.
And if you think there's any other reason to do that,
you're wrong. This is not about humility, guys. I can't
get drunk tonight. I know we have a daily reprieve.
I'm not going to argue that point with But guys,
I haven't obsessed about alcohol in twenty five years. I'll
be damned if I'm gonna stand up from the bodium

(12:04):
and tell these little new guys coming in the door
that you're always going to be sick, struggling one day
at a time to stay sober. If you're doing that, buddies,
listen up. I got some good news for you, cause
you can get well from this thing. You can absolutely
get taken to a different spot. Anyway, where was I?
And she was afraid she's triggered me because you was

(12:25):
gonna get some booze? And I said, buddy, we'll run
down the store and get you some. How much she
need like that? And she she had it to be
twenty dollars. I said, god, dang, how many people are
coming to this party? She says, Oh, I don't know,
they'll be sixty or seventy people. And I'm look, look,
are you just cheap or what I mean, because all
of her friends and the people my sisters were going
to be there, they don't drink. They just they have

(12:46):
a beer. And that's it. My little sister, I've heard
her a thousand times, Lisa, you want another drink? No,
thank you. I'm starting to feel it me too. I
don't understand you want another drink or not? Y'all under

(13:09):
y'all know where I'm at with that anyway. But my
twin brother and I lit up like neon signs and
we went to huge and I, guys, I'm going to
tell you I was pretty successful. And that's what happens
with so much of us, guys, when alcohol's working. This
is the why your families think we're all nuts, you know,
because they don't you know. Don't you know you're wrecking
your life? But don't you understand it? For about fifteen minutes,
I am god, you know you can't touch I'm a

(13:31):
better salesman, I'm a better dancer. I look, come on, guys,
We've heard a thousand speakers say it. If alcohol the
doctor's opinion says. He says, we drink for the effect
produced by the chemical. Y'all with us you talk to
some of these little college ads because I've drinked a
good shit fish man, I want to get messed up.
Not me. You're not gonna get laid like that. Ever. Well,

(13:53):
it's the truth I want. I want to get right.
Y'all understand it. Y'all know when you got it all
about out and you've got the perfect amount on board
and everything's fine, you can't touch them, you're just you
say yes, great score, you say no, fine, no problem next.
It's a win win situation. And come on, guys, if

(14:14):
everybody in here, if that was stuff was still working
like that for us, every one of us would be
out there in the parking lot doing it. The problem
is the real alcohol the person has suffered from this illness.
This is this progressive nature of this. It's guaranteed to
stop working. Some of you we picked a little too green,
because it's still working most of the time, but then

(14:35):
there's sometimes that it's getting a little goofy. I can
appreciate that. Welcome, Welcome to our nightmare, because it's fixing
to get worse. And you're not gonna believe that any
more than the man in the moon. You're gonna have
to experience it, perhaps, but most of us have enough
experience under our belt. Even at a young age. You
could have diagnosed PEP with alcoholism at nineteen years old
if you knew, if you knew the questions to ask.

(14:56):
They didn't, and we're still making that stupid mistake. And
treatment centers all over the world, and in our AA meetings,
you'll follow them. Well, tell us how you got here,
and then we start talking about all the drama. And
I robbed six liquor stores and I chopped up fifteen people,
and I'm I went, I'm gonna go right back there

(15:17):
in just a second. I went to North Texas. I
got married in the late seventies and nineteen eighty, I think.
And that's about as late seventies as you can get.
I guess y'all listen to on XM radio. You know
you're going there, and it's perpetually it's on CNN or
the eighties, you know, because I could. I'm trying to

(15:38):
put together that decade. You know. It's it's a little
vague with me, But I moved up, got married, and
we moved up north because I'm I've got this idea
that Houston's the problem. That's a big city and I'm
cooking for a living. I'm a professional chef and I'm
making some money. You know, I've got a little barbecue rest.
I'm doing okay, but I'm not. I got nothing to
show for it. You'll follow because I got a tendency
to take stuff out of the till it's my money.

(16:00):
You know, why shouldn't I be able to do Anyway,
we were up to North Texas and one night I
think some of y'all can relate to this. Depression is
one of the number one symptoms of untreated alcoholism. Of course,
we have a tendency to want to give you a
pill to fix that, but the truth is, if you're

(16:21):
the real alcoholic and the depression, it's not going to
do much. It may alleviate it. I'm not knocking to
add a depressants, but I was on seven when I
finally tried to commit suicide in nineteen eighty seven. So
you know there's some of us that just it doesn't
work very well. My problem was never clinical depression. My
problem was untreated alcoholism. And what I needed to do
is have a spiritual experience and recover and the rest
of the stuff lifted. And that's what so many people

(16:43):
I talked to have been just absolutely misdiagnosed. But I'm
up in North Texas and there's you know, nine times
out of ten. I mean, I'm pretty happy. But I'm
coming a part of the scenes, and I've added some
other things to my repertoire. And we getting little pushing
match with my first wife. And I'm one of them

(17:03):
old cats that was raised as country as they come,
you know, I'm I'm I'm. Uh. We don't touch women,
you know, we treat them with respect. I don't care
how drunk you are. And uh and I shoved her
that night and uh we got into a big, big
row and and uh, by the time all the dust settled,
she asked me, She said, why did you do that?
What was up? And I said, I'm drunk, drunk on
my butt and I've had some other chemicals outside issues involved,

(17:25):
and I was I was a mess. And she said,
you know, if you want to stay married to me,
we're gonna have to do something. She says, I know,
I'm gonna have to quit drinking. And I was so
ready to quit drinking. I'm so done. It's just it's
not fun. Anymore, and and I made a promise that
I wasn't gonna drink anymore. And uh, two weeks later,
chefs wanted me to have a cold beer after work,

(17:45):
and I stopped and had one drink with them and
came on home. Patted myself on the back because I
didn't get shit faced. You know, I'm pretty good. Didn't
get drunk, you know. And when I walked in the door,
she could smell it. You know how significant that she
could see it. As I get out of the truck,
she you've been drinking again. They just know. Oh, And
I wasn't drunk, but I drank. And that was my
deal with her, was that I wasn't going to touch
another drink. And she went to the bedroom there and

(18:06):
says I'm done. And there was no arguing, there's no talking.
She packed her stuff and left town. And I had
seven more years left in me. I gotta say this, guys,
and as I can't talk from the podium and not
say it. When I looked that woman in the face
and told her that I wasn't going to drink anymore,
I mint it with every fiber in my body. And
I want to take an argument and exception with people

(18:27):
that want to make us all out to be a
bunch of liars. The truth of the matter is is
alcoholics and addicts don't have a choice whether they're going
to drink or not. And you can say you're gonna
quit and have every good reason in the world to
not do it and not be able to do it.
We've got a treatment center industry out there that wants
to call it a disease and then treat it like
a behavioral problem, and it is not. Do I behave
poorly when I'm drunk sometimes? Does that need some good therapy,

(18:51):
maybe some good good working around that? Absolutely bring it on.
I'm not got a problem with that, But guys, I'm
not choosing to drink. And when I told her I
was gonna stop, I meant it with every fiber in
my body. Y'all understand that when you looked at your
kids and told him you were going to quit, you
meant it. When you looked at that probation officer or
that judge or that coach or that teacher that loved
you and told him that you were done, you meant it.
You didn't understand like me, that you didn't have the

(19:13):
power to do that. See, that's what makes alcoholism fatal.
And there's only a small percentage of us that are
wired like that. The problem in our fellowship today is
that we've got a lot of people out there that
can make up there. You'll quit when you get sick
and tired. I might go to detox when I'm sick
and tired. I might lay the booze down when I'm

(19:33):
sick and tired, but I won't be able to stay
sober because I'm sick and tired. If you can do that,
you're not an alcoholic. Bill Wilson spends page after page
three places separate pages in the book. He talks about
the modern drinker, the hard drinker, But what about the
real alcoholic. You want to go to an AA meeting,
you want to watch a bunch of people's hair catch
on fire, all at the same time, introduce yourself as

(19:55):
a real alcoholic sometime watch somebody. Well, you think you're
something special. I'd rather be special than an impostor did
I say that from the podium? Oh my god, I'm
so I'm I'm so sorry. Anyway, I went to Alcoholics

(20:18):
Anonymous trying to save that first marriage, and uh and
we started a journey from hell. I had moments of sobriety.
I went to that first meeting up in Denton, Texas,
and uh, there was an old geezer in there. And
I walked up with some stairs. It was downtown and
it was dark, and I walked into a room and
there was not like this, it's cool, all this neat stuff.
Look at this picture over here with Bill dots at
number three. I mean, how could you look at that

(20:40):
and not cry? It's like. And I walk up and
there's this one little light in this little room, and
there's an old geezer in there. And he's in one
of these these easy bark lounge or things, you know
what I'm talking about that all old men have. I
don't know what. I don't know. I don't own one,
but but I'm gonnaus. I'm I don't know what the

(21:00):
day laying back in and he grabbed the handling set
up real quick and it was like a scene from
from Psycho, you know. He came into that light and
a lamp shot. I got, oh shit, and he said,
he said welcome. I said the thanks as he said. Scared,
but Jesus out of me, and I need to He said,
do you have a desire not to drink today? Yeah?

(21:24):
I'm I'm drinking now? Is that? I mean? I got
a court in the car? Can I still come in?
He said? Absolutely? But do you have a desire not
to drink now? What he's doing is what we're supposed
to be doing in AA. I know he's qualifying me
for membership and alcoholics Anonymous, you follow Not once in
seven years did anybody sit down and qualify me as
an alcoholic or not. They just wanted to make sure
there was no little nasty drug addicts infiltrating their their

(21:46):
their beautiful little meeting, which always kills me. You know,
it's like it's like I understand single in superpose. We
don't need to be talking about that. You come into
Texas and start talking about smoking crack, somebody's gonna stop you,
and they have every rise. Buddy, we don't do that here.
Let's talk about your problems with alcohol. I don't have
a problem with that, you know, with us? All right,
who's next? And then we'll start talking to the lady next
to you'll start talking about our grandkids. Oh that's as

(22:09):
good as a rock. Oh I love this shit. Oh,
this is good, This is good. Well, let me see
if I can get this straight. We can't talk about
crack cocaine, but we can talk about your grandkids. No, listen, guys,
if you got to, if you've got a format that
allows that, y'all want to just sit around and talk
about your day, there's nothing wrong with that. But you

(22:31):
see the message that we carry. It's like that guy
in that meeting down the valley this week to this
at lunch with my friend. He's carrying the message that
if you just go to a bunch of meetings and
talk about your day, you can stay sober. And some
people can, but the real alcoholic is not going to
be able to do that. Y'all with us. I'm not saying,
don't talk about your grandkids, but that's what we go

(22:52):
to dinner for. After this, we talk about I want
to see all those pictures. Not really, not really, but
if you got pictures of your puppies, I would love
to see those. Patty can't have dogs because we travel
so much, but if I ever get off the road,

(23:13):
we're gonna have a whole bunch of dogs. I don't know, puppies. Okay,
I gotta read something to you, and I'm a big
book fan, but this is what happens to come out
of twelve and twelve uh more. Sobriety brought about by
the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few
meetings is a very good thing, but it is bound

(23:34):
to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented,
useful life. That is just where the remaining steps of
AA program come in. Nothing short of continuous action on
these as a way of life can bring them much
desired results. They'll follow. See, guys, what nobody would explain
to me for seven years and then out of alcoholics
anonymous is that alcohol is not my problem. It's not

(24:00):
Alcoholism's my problem. I've proved it a thousand times that
alcohol's not my problem. All I gotta do is quit drinking.
I've been detos more times as you can shake a
stick at so of you, and once it's out of
your system, then there's no more problem with alcohol. Y'all follow.
This is why we got to understand that this was
about when these guys were down with it, when they

(24:21):
first wrote this book, when they were talking about being recovered,
they understood that this was for keeps by God a
day at a time if you want. But this is
for keeps, not this temporary thing that we do. You'll follow,
And every time one of you little cat's relapses, everybody
wants to scrape it back on your play. Well, I
knew he just didn't want it bad enough. So my
question is this, did they not want it bad enough,

(24:43):
because that could possibly be a reason, or did they
not hear the adequate presentation of the program to stop
because you got well meeting people telling them just don't
drink and go to meetings. It's like me trying to
teach you guys how how to ride a bull. Well,
just hang on. Oh no, I've never ridden a bull,

(25:12):
but but I hang around a bunch of them that do.
But y'all y'all laugh about that. But don't y'all think
it's Don't y'all think if Bill Wilson thought that was important,
he would have put it. Go to ninety meetings in
ninety days and don't drink. I mean, why did he
waste his time? Right in one hundred and sixty four
pages of absolute bliss, you'll follow, may can say of
y'all uncomfortable. Sorry, I know you love your program as

(25:38):
much as I love mine. I know you love AA
as much as I love AA. And I just from
my perch, from my perspective in the treatment industry, watching
the people come in. Most of these cats have been
to AA before. You'll follow very seldom. I mean, I
love it. We get a little AA virgin. You know
any of you guys have not been. Oh I've never
been to AA before. No, really, how about narcotics and on? Nope,

(26:00):
I've never been to any twelve step pro. Oh you're mine,
let's go. I just because they're gonna be easy. There's
a piece of cake, because we don't have to unlearn
them about anything. You know, everybody comes into these facilities
with these preconceived ideas. Y'all follow just unbelievable, unbelievable. Seven
years in and out, I can't stay sober, and I'm

(26:21):
seeing a doctor. Uh, thank God for doctors. And I'm
on all kinds of medications and I'm I even took
an antidepressant suppository one time. Man, you got you got it.

(26:47):
I don't even know if they're around anymore or not,
you know, I yoa yother. Think back, No, for just
a second, think about the crazy stuff that you've that
you've done out there, you know, because somebody said, you
know what I'm saying. You want to argue with me
about finishing your four step and let's get on and
then start sponsoring some people. But you're gonna do an

(27:09):
antidepresence suppository, you know, You're you're gonna do all this
other happy hoard that everybody wants to suggest you all this.
I don't know what to tell you. The stuff that
they ask people to do in treatment and just mind
blowing sometimes you know they want to. I mean, that's
the hard stuff, that's the deep stuff. I mean, the
twelve steps is like kissing a baby's butt compared. But
we've but we've placed it like it's such an option

(27:29):
to do and it was never intended to be an option.
Every one of us gets to do it a little
bit different. Up in Bill's story, he talks specifically about
each in our own way, are gonna carry this message.
You're not gonna carry it like me. You're not gonna
carry it like Patty or Chris. You're gonna carry it
like you carry it. Thank God for that. But but
it's the same message y'all follow. I mean you can
come into a room like this and we could talk
a visit like I've done with so many of you,

(27:51):
and you're all on the same page. You're gonna do
it a little bit different, but we're all headed in
the same direction. And that's how cool this is. We
just were gaining on them. I gotta tell you, for
the first first time in years, Alcoholics Anonymous is actually
growing again. It's pretty cool. Anyway. I'm on all these
medications and I'm seeing a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and talking
about everything under the sun. I'm driving them crazy. You know, Chris,

(28:12):
why are you drinking? She won't marry me? Oh okay, okay, okay,
And then come back six weeks later from Chris, why
are you drinking? She married me? And it's like, y'all
think about it. How many of y'all drank when you
were when you had a great relationship with somebody, let
the record show all the hand How many when you
had a crappy relationship? How many with a great job.

(28:33):
I'm in a lousy job. Nice big apartment, yeah, not
so nice? Yeah, a nice little burned out trader on here,
cardboard box, yeah, come on, I had a guy in
San Diego. I've said, He says, I finally found the
perfect trigger. It's called consciousness. We all laugh, but listen,
I don't care all over the all. I don't care

(28:54):
where am I speaking in Europe and the United States,
what state I'm speaking. And we do this same stuff,
we talk about it, we get the same laughs, everybody
the head. And then they still add credibility to this
idea that I'm drinking because of something out there. Guys,
there's only two reasons you're gonna drink. You don't know
what the problem is, or you don't know what the
solution is. Because if somebody's given you the solution, by God,

(29:14):
I guarantee you it's not that difficult to do, and
you'll get Well, that's my story nineteen eighty seven. I'm
so done with AA it's not even funny. If I
have to listen to your war stories one more time,
I'll shoot myself. There's a great line on page twenty
four in the book, I won't turn to it to
take the time, but it says you won't remember the
consequences of even a week or a month ago. These

(29:36):
thoughts won't come to the forefront of your mind to
deter you from drinking. The Big Book is saying you
won't remember your own consequences, guys, which leads me to
believe that you won't remember mine either. Y'all with us, guys,
I get emails from all over the world. People hear
these stupid CDs and talk and visit, and I got
buds everywhere. I've never had not in twenty five years
of sopriety, I've ever had one person come to me

(29:58):
and say, oh, Chris, I remember you telled me about
eating out of umsters in Houston, Texas. And I stopped
drinking not once and for you in here killing them.
So if you don't remember your last drink, you probably
haven't had it. I don't remember my last dream. Guys.

(30:20):
My story is so important it's not even funny. Don't
misquote me. Don't leave here saying Chris Rabers says our
stories are not important anymore than you say I get
the bad rap people say. Chris is saying, don't go
to meetings. Man, I'm saying go to meetings. I'm just saying,
stop putting the importance on the meeting, and start putting
the importance on the quality of the meeting. Because the
person in this room that goes to the most meetings,
ain't the cat that's gonna get sober. You're hiding out

(30:43):
from AA. You're hiding out from life. At that point,
the guy that finishes the steps and starts sponsoring others
is going to stay sober the rest of his life.
Been my experience, Bill Wilson, doctor Bob's experience. That's why
they wrote it in the book. Y'all follow my story
is so important. Here's what it is. Guys, in a
twelve step caller in sponsorship, you're working with somebody. Let's
say we got this little guy right here and he's
been drinking, right, I can't go up to him and says, listen,

(31:04):
have you seen the big book Alcoholics Anonymous? All of
a sudden, I mean, you know, he's so defended, especially
if he's been in AA a while. You know, I've
done that. I don't want. But we can sit down
and start talking about some drinking, and I can get
a little fiel about where he's drinking. And you know,
I used to go in a little chicken chick clip
on ties, you know, and sales, you know, and I
can identify with a professional sort of you know, but

(31:27):
I'm talking about drinking a little bit and getting some
little getting this. Yeah, I drink like that when I
did this, and boy, y'all follow and get in pretty
clemt and pretty soon he's gonna he's gonna ask the question.
I don't. Sometimes you gotta talk twenty minutes. Sometimes you
gotta talk on the hour. But sooner or later he's
gonna ask the question. But you don't seem to be
drinking anymore. I'm not way nice and easy. You're with us.

(31:49):
It's like fishing. He don't jump to the conclusion let
him ask. You gotta wait till he gets the bait
all the way in his throat. When you're with us,
and he'll say, you got some fishermen in here. I
can see it. You didn't smile all night until I
started talking about fishing. Goddamn, just like Texans. I'm telling

(32:10):
you just like it's easy, just nice and eat. And
then pretty soon he's gonna say, well, but how did
you do it? You just set you set the hook.
You know. I'm glad you ask, and then tell him
your story about how you worked the steps and had
a spiritual experience and how the obsession lifted and you
haven't obsessed about alcohol. You'll follow. You don't have to.

(32:32):
He's not interested in hearing the stupid stories after that.
What drives me crazy is we get people. Thank you,
we got we got people coming to meetings, and that's
all they ever hear the newcomer. You've got to go
to a meeting every day. They do it, every meeting.
They go to the people. Oh we have a newcomer,
let's tell him how we got here. Well, I oh shit,
let me guess you drank too much. Come on, buddies, all,

(32:54):
y'all get real uncomfortable when I start talking about that.
I'm not not Friday night from the podium. You better
have a good story. In fact, I suggest that you
lie abut make up a new story. Some of your
stories are I mean terrible. Make up some good, add
some juicy shit to it. That's that's at because from
Friday night you got to have a good story, y'all
with us. My question is noon an open discussion meeting.

(33:19):
And you got a brand new little newcomer in here.
Nice lady sitting in there with her little purse right
in front of her, scared the death, freaked out, got
her a little sheet, you know, fixing I half to
get something signed, you know, and she's worried to death.
Oh shit, Look there's a guy with a black eye
patch back there. Oh shit, why did I Why did
I have to do this? Why did I have to
do this? You'll follow, and and and this lady said,

(33:39):
I mean, she's she comes from from across. I mean,
she's wealthy, she's she's but she got caught. She showed
up at a soccer game and had a little booze
on her breath, and she got that, she got busted.
And she's had problems with drinking. She knows she's got problems,
and she needs some help. You'll follow. But we're gonna
what are we gonna do? Whoa, let's tell this nice
newcomer how we got here. And now we're gonna go
around and tell how we got here, and we're gonna
try to scare the shit out of her. You can't

(34:01):
lie to me, tell me that that's not what you're
trying to do, because you are. The minute I start
talking about eating out of umpsters in Houston, Texas, she
clutches that Louis Waittan a little closer to the chefs
y'all understand she starts talking about it having dweyes, and
you've never had a dw eye. Guys, that's my story.
I did it for seven years listening to you try
to scare me into these rooms, always with if it

(34:21):
hadn't happened to you, it will. Yeah, like I believe
that you lose her. What we're supposed to do, the
book tells us, is to pull the newcomer with a
vision of how cool life can be. In nineteen eighty seven,
I picked up a stack of return checks in my
mailbox and went to the little apartment and it was
a little co signed apartment, you know, my sister in law.

(34:46):
And I opened those return checks and I bounced another
rent check. And I'm thirty five years old, and I've
got I had sixty dollars in the in the in
the bank, and I'm just it's four o'clock in the afternoon,
it's really overcast outside. It's cold up in North Texas,
and I just I can't do this. And I went
to the medicine cabinet. There was a bunch of pills

(35:08):
I'd stockpiled, and I'm gonna try to off myself. I've
been drinking for about seventeen eighteen years, and I can't stop.
I've been in AA for seven years. I've been in
therapy for ten. I'm on seven medications a day. I
can't do this. It's a great line on page fifty two.
It talks about you're gonna know loneliness like few do.

(35:28):
You're gonna wish for the end. And I took those
pills and I swallowed them down, and about the time
I got to my gut, I heard a voice that said,
don't do this, go back to AA. And that's the joke.
It was probably the guy's vacuum cleaner next door. But

(35:48):
what I heard was this wasn't a thought, perhaps you
should go back to alcoholics anonymous. This was a voice
I heard, go back. I've had emails from all over
the world. People heard the same voice. Sometimes it was
a female voice, sometimes it was a male boy. I
don't know. But this voice said, don't do this, go
back to AA. There was no discussion, and I heard
it twice. I made myself sick and laid down the
side of the bed and passed out. And the next

(36:08):
morning I got up and I sat on the side
of the bed and I heard the voice for the
last time verbally, don't do this, go back to AA.
And I made a commitment that day to do it.
And I went to the doctors at lunch and got
some doggie downers to start this detox process one more time.
And at six o'clock, I'm arguing myself because I'm feeling

(36:30):
pretty lousy. But I know if I don't go to
AA tonight, I'm not ever going to go back. And
there's a meeting between me and the and the and
where my little apartment is. I'd never been there before.
Somebody had showed me years before. Some of you guys
that think that these twelve step calls don't pay off,
this guy in a twelve step call showed me this meeting.
He said, this is a little big book thumb for me.
And I did not shure that what that was, but
it sounded like zelots to me, and I wasn't gonna

(36:51):
get you know. Anyway, I went to this meeting, and
sure enough, I walked in the back door and the
first thing I noticed on the table besides the ash trays,
that were mouth with cigarette butts. You know, this is
back in the day we could smoke. Oh my god,
you know, the ceilings are lower. And this was in
nineteen eighty seven November. It was Friday the thirteenth, and
I walked in this back door and everybody had big
books on their tables and they were laughing there at

(37:13):
I don't know what was going on, but I was
sure they were laughing at me. And I walked in
about halfway and some lady cackled over there, like, you know,
they just you know what it is, I mean to
be spiritually connected and just laugh from your toenails, you
know that, not this little tea heat. I'm talking just
gut laugh, you know, and that's hush. That's enough for me.
I'm out, you know. And I started to take a
step back, and this little girl had snuck up behind me,

(37:36):
and I told it from every podeum I've ever spoken from.
And she was about nineteen years old, she was sober
a year and she hooked her finger in my belt looked.
She swore at the time she didn't come up on
my blind side, but she did. And because if she
had come up this way out of stop, you know,
excuse me, I had of maneuvered. I'm great at it.
And it wasn't some guy that did it. You know,

(37:58):
I as she shoved you out of the way, I
would so, you know, I like an ingrown hair. You know,
I'm just it's all about me. And she said, sit down, cowboy,
you're not going anywhere. Listen, guys, cause I got somebody
and some lady called me all pissed off one night.
You know you heard about that. And men are supposed
to work with men, and women are supposed to work
with women. And I told her before I was finished,
and it's just to bite me. And I didn't say.

(38:20):
She sponsored me, and I didn't say. I went over
to her house and we studied the Big Book together.
Her sponsor was across the way and couldn't get to
me in the room was packed, and she said get him,
and she got me because she understood our primary purpose
was to health the alcoholic that was still hurting. Y'all.
Y'all understand that we got too many people standing on
the sidelines wanting to bitch and moan about how we're

(38:41):
doing the work. And I'm fed up with it. It's
like we're all down in the digging, and we got
a whole bunch of people said we'll sit around with
clipboards pointing down in the hole telling us how we
could do it better. Eat me. I gotta I gotta

(39:01):
say this. I gotta say it with all the respect
I mean. Do we really have enough people in that
trench digging to be telling people what they can't do?
You're not sober long enough to work with others. Listen,
some of your little new guys that are in here,
that's your job for the next couple of days. I
want you to study the Big Book, and I want
you to show me in the book where it says
that you've got to wait a year to work with
a drunk. You show it to me and then holler

(39:24):
at me. You can come get me an email up
here and I'll give it to you, and I'll give
you a big I'll buy you a pony and find it.
Come on, that's pretty cool, your own pony. You want
to talk about a chick magnet? Come on, guys, this
would be good. Come on, God, this is stupid, and
this is why we have so many people not staying sober.

(39:45):
Some of you all are rolling your eyes getting uncomfortable.
I'm telling you, guys, I'm coming out of the Big
Book and I'm the controversial one. My big book says
one twenty nine at the bottom and says, in those
first days of convalescence, nothing will so much insure their
sobriety as working with another alcohol I didn't say you
can to remit three days sober. I'm saying, get out
of your head a minute and see who you can help.

(40:06):
For the first time. What happened to me, guys. I
walked in that room and I sat down at this table,
and these people went around the room and the chairperson,
I gotta tell you, the chairperson, this is gonna shock
some of you. I just need to give this, we
to give this, give this, need to give this warning
because I don't want any of you passing out in
this heat or This chairperson realized that there was a
brand new, squeaky, detoxeing newcomer in the meeting, and he

(40:30):
took charge of the I know that sounds controversial. Come on, guys.
If he'd have gone and says, we have a newcomer here,
let's tell him how we got here, I'd have shot myself. Please.
He went around the room and says, you cats that

(40:50):
have had spiritual experiences as a result of the steps,
why don't we share with Chris. He's been around a
for a whole bunch of years. He busted by anonymity,
Thank you very much. I'm grateful that he did, in
and out forever. Come on, let's show him what happens
to us as a result of working the steps. Oh
you know what that means. That means you little knuckleheads
that think that you got all the time in the
world to work those steps, you had to shut up

(41:11):
that night, you couldn't share. It was so cool. I
get so excited when I wed that. We go to
a four step meeting, you know what I'm saying, and
then we're gonna talk about the four stab. And the
guy says, you know what, you know what, I haven't
actually done a four step? Ding ding ding ning ning.
We ring the bell out of him? You ring the
bell on him? Absolutely? Why in the hell do I
want him to listen to him talk about something that
he's got no experience with. You'll follow, well, what if

(41:36):
you hurt his feelings? We did? Come on, guys, because
this is what we are gonna do. We're gonna all
be teachers in here. We're not gonna let the guy hang.
We're gonna go up around him and wrestle with him
after and make him feel better and explain why we
did it. We're supposed to teach them what to do.
Y'all understand, we're so concerned about his sensitive little feelings

(41:57):
because he's the newcomer that we're gonna kill half the
people in the room by letting them share. I think
newcomers should share. I think we need to hear as
much about it if they have experience with what we're
talking about. If they don't, they need to shut up.
I love it when we go to AA and the
alcoholics want to talk. Tell all the little pill addicts
hiding out in there that, oh, you're not supposed to

(42:19):
take are you a doctor? Be quiet, because you're killing
people with that nonsense. I don't think they should take
the pills either, but it's not my place to say
makes sense. I got a bunch of you quiet. We're
losing more people statistically right now worldwide out of alcoholics
anonymous via prescription pads than anything else. Fact calling New

(42:40):
York fact. That's another talk. Anyway, they went around the
room and they talked about getting the cool stuff, and
they was talked about getting cool jobs. And they talked
about getting cars, and guy had a little keyring and
I got a brand new car, and I'm driving this
old beat. It was just a big DENTT with a
license plate taped through it, you know. And I'm listening

(43:01):
at this, and everybody thinks, Wow, you're blowing smoke. But
I mean, this is a you think you think every
meeting ought to be a gratitude meeting? You pretty much
pretty much like a pep rally? Yeah? Yeah, what's the
third step requires to do? What's the third step? How
does the third step obligate us to share our hope?
We're supposed to bear witness to those we would help.

(43:22):
You're not gonna help me by telling me another stupid
war story. You're gonna help me by telling me how
your life is better. I contemplated suicide for ten years,
and all of a sudden, I gotta tell you, in
the last couple of days, I've had a pretty good day.
Oh thank you. How cool is that? How cool is that?
This is not about who makes the most money and

(43:43):
who does but every God will meet you where you're at.
We're supposed to be sharing hope to the newcomer. Anyway,
That's what they did that night. I'll never forget. They
had one of these guys that come in there had
he had a he had a car tag, license plate, insurance,
and despair and a jack all at the same time.

(44:04):
Y'all laugh. I'm gonna tell you. I was like, shit,
you know you could have told me that you you
know you survived, you know, a heart operation, oh my god.
And despair I don't understand. After the meeting was over,
the guys came, I gotta wrap this up. After the
meeting was over, and this guy came up after and said,
he said, Chris, I just need to ask you the question.

(44:24):
He had these old glasses on, like like we were
always wearing you'll follow, and that I swore I would
never wear. And when I turned forty out there they
were there. I don't know what they just grew that
and hairy ears. What the hell is that? These little
new guys they go, no shoot, I'd die first. Wait God,

(44:47):
the first time I saw it and I was shaving,
I said, what is that antenna? Who shaves the top
of their ear? Come on? I was I hadn't it
was on my blindside. I never saw it. No good.
I look like mister Marsham, Okay, my favorite marsh The
guy came up after the meeting. He said, Chris. He said,

(45:08):
we've watched you. You've been around forever, you picked up
a desire chip. Welcome God, We're so grateful that you're here.
And he says, but I gotta ask you the question
that the Big Book asked me to ask you. Are
you done? Seven years and alcoholics anonymous and nobody ever
asked me if I was done, You'll follow. They asked
me if I was done today, Guys, I understand the
day stuff, I understand it. But the book talks about

(45:30):
for keeps. Are you done for good and for all?
I said yes. He said, Chris, you don't have a
clue how to do this a day at a time.
You don't have a clue how to do this for keeps.
We're gonna show you if you'll come in here and
do what we ask you to do, and that's gonna
involve working the steps at a pretty good clip. I've
been in AA for seven years and I don't even

(45:51):
own a big Book. I've never done a fourth step.
You'll follow. I still have this image of this in
a meeting I've been in a gazillion meetings. I was
on my sixtieth day going to meetings, and this old
guy came up and asked me. It's like Chris had
one of those big books with duck tape around it.
You know, he'd actually used it for something other than
a coffee coaster. And he says, Christ was, We're gonna

(46:12):
go over and have a hamburg over here and study
the big big book a little bit. You want to
come with us? And I thought, she guess nobody had
ever asked me to do anything folks in a long time.
And I said absolutely. And I looked over his shoulder
and there's a nice lady in the back and she's
going no. And I'm thinking, well, I got the one
pedophile in the place. I don't understand I got. I got.

(46:32):
I don't know what I don't know what he is.
But now, buddy, I got to I just remembered I
gotta go back to work. And he said, and he
just rolled his eyes. He knew what was up. He said, Okay,
no big deal. We go every Tuesday over here to
this Hamburger joint and do a little big book study.
You're welcome anytime. And then I walked back over to
the lady. I says, buddy, what was up with that guy?
She's cleaning the coffee bar. She says, oh, he means
so well, his heart's in the right place. But buddy,
you don't have to worry about those steps right now. Hell,

(46:53):
you just got here. You just need to go to
meetings and and everything's gonna be okay, all right, all right.
Is this lady trying to hurt me? Of course not.
She loved me as much as the old geeze would
love me. But she was able to stay sober just
going to meetings, not drinking. One day at a time.
She gets up in the morning and chooses not to drink.
Oh my god. And I get up in the morning

(47:15):
and choose not to drink. And by noon I'm arguing
with myself because you'll follow. And by three o'clock I'm
standing in front of the cooler, irritable, restless, and discontent.
Listen to my head say, but it's just gonna be
one beer, you'll follow. The problem is not that you
drank one stupid The problem is that you drank a
whole bunch of beers. Grab a beer, stop, put it back,

(47:41):
Grab a court if it's gonna be one. It's gonna
be a big one. You'll follow. And I've been in
AA for seven years and don't understand anything about the
phenomena called craving. I don't understand what happens. And I
think I have a choice. There's something wrong with that picture. Guys.
If I'm sitting in those that many meetings and don't

(48:01):
understand the two symptoms of untreated alcoholism, and if any
of you in here don't know it, sit with me
after and I'll explain it to you. It won't take
ten seconds. It's pretty simple. I said, yes, I was
ready to stop for good and for all, and he said,
we'll do that. And the next morning they got them.
They picked me up at my house for God's sakes,

(48:22):
thank god, because I was detoxing, and took me back
up to the club and we got on our knees
in the back room and we finished talking about the
circle triangle in all three parts of the program. We
talked about what an alcoholic looks like, and we did
a third step prayer and we went to lunch. He
came back and he gave me a notebook started cracking
on that four step. I get emails from everybody. People go, oh,
it's a little quick, don't you think seven years I've

(48:47):
been in alcoholic's anonymous? How slow do you want to go? Guys?
Bill Wilson's in town's hospital on his ninth day detoxing
on his making his eight step lest ready to go.
I mean, guys, he was having spiritual experiences. That's what
everybody understood. Nobody took longer than thirty days. Back in
the days you had some of the best recovery of

(49:08):
the world here in Florida. Talk to some of these
old guys. They'll tell you, why are we arguing the
fact you were sitting in these rooms six months sober,
haven't done any of the steps, and you wonder why
your life's coming apart? Cauz, because you got to take
some action. Your story's gonna allow me to leave. Guys.

(49:30):
But these guys sat down and explained alcoholism for the
first time, physical craving in the middle, obsession, And that's
what kept me here. My first step experience stopped me
from ever wanting to leave these rooms again. They gave
me a case of undeniable alcoholism that night, not anything
I could argue with, and it was the finest gift
anybody's ever given me. Y'all follow with that, It's pretty cool.

(49:52):
Two weeks later, they got me doing all kinds of
service work. Guys, I can't tell you. They had me
answering the phones, They had me vacuuming the stupid floors,
had me doing all this stuff historically for seven years.
They asked me to set on my ass and do nothing.
You're the most important person here. Just be just welcome, guys.
Me alone in my own head, Oh my god, I mean,
twenty five years sober, it's not a good place to

(50:13):
be sometimes, you know, you got jeez. These guys had me.
I gotta tell you, while I'm vacuum in the floor,
I ain't worried about anything. They helped me detox by
giving me things to do instead of telling me what
I can't do. You can't do an h and nine
te year, been sober six months. You can't sponsor anybody
to your a year. You can't do this, you can't
do that, you can't be an innergroup. Rappid to you?
Shut up. I don't I don't know what to tell you. God, dang,

(50:44):
I tell you. There was an old geezer at the
end of a meeting. He said, Chris, he said, he said,
he said, I've been in meaning to tell you. I
was helping him clean up coffee cups. Some of y'all
have heard me talk about it. And he was thirty
years sober at the time. He's long since passed away,
but he leaned over the sink of dirty coffee cups
and he said, Chris, I gotta tell you, buddy, we
heard you in the meeting tonight and we appreciate you
hoping a set up and stuff. And I said, we
hope you stay, buddy, because we need you. And I

(51:10):
it's first time in seven years and alcoholics anonymous anybody
had ever said they need us listen. For all of
you old coats that are coming around and continue to
come around, I got an undying gratitude to you for
doing this, especially you women in the rooms. We got

(51:30):
a lot of women in the fellowship. We don't have
too many that are willing to step up to the
plate and actually do twelve step work. And I know
because we put a lot of pressure on you all
to do everything else under the sun, and that those
of you that have managed to come and do this,
we just honored to have you. But I got to
tell you for some of you little new guys that
have been struggling with this in and out, in and
out of treatment. And I got a guy in treatment

(51:51):
right now in my place. Been thirty two treatment centers.
Jesus y'all follow all simply because of the same thing.
In thirty two years, he's never respond answered one single person.
One of the things we were talking earlier, we're starting
to see coming back into treatment where people that came
to treatment in seven seventies and eighties. We've got a
lot of people with twenty and thirty years of sobriety

(52:12):
coming back into treatment and I'm stopping and I'm asking,
I'm hugging their necks. I said, buddy, we need to
get you back on track. Very few of these guys
ever make it back. Most of those are prescription pill
addicts now and that took them back to the alcohol.
It's really really tough to watch. It's just I'm not
saying you can't take prescription medication, but you've got to
be real careful with it. But the problem is, I'm
asking them the questions, buddy, can you tell me what happened?

(52:34):
And they'll start telling, well, my wife this or this
or this work and no, no, no, no answer my question.
Where did you have a home group? Well, it wasn't
really going to too many meetings anymore. Rock on, How
many guys are you sponsoring? None guys. This is what
the daily reprieve looks like. It's got nothing to do
with me not drinking one day at a time. Is
that I've got to do things on a regular basis

(52:55):
to stay in that position of neutrality, safe and protected.
And one of those things is work with a drunk.
I gotta go find me a little fresh, little new one.
Oh my god. We had one come into the out post. Ah,
we had one come in come in last month, and
he made a beelie. I can see him coming and
I'm looking down sometimes I feigned total blindness because I

(53:18):
and he gets in there and we're gonna do the
Lord's Prairider. He gets right, he gets up next to me,
and I can smell him, you know, and he's he's new,
very new, and he's like this and keep coming back.
He works, you know. We say we don't do that
at we say stay, and we said stay, and he
and I let go of this hand, and he didn't
let go of his hand. He said, are you Chris Raymer?
And I said yes. He said, could you sponsor me?
And everything in my head said no, Come on, guys,

(53:43):
I got a lot of guys I sponsor, and I
travel a lot, and I'm kind of busy, and you
know I've been you know, I'm my hip kind of
hurts a little. And I found myself looking at him
and I went, yes, you follow And the next day
we did a third step prayer, just like those guys
did it with me. And he's working on his four

(54:04):
step you'll follow it. And not before last I was
at my home group and I'm looking around for my boy,
seeing where he was, I says, I know, I says,
If I get up and he's out there talking to
one of them girls, the shit's gonna hit the fan,
you know, because we've talked about this. I don't mind
them dating, but they got to be honest about it.
Let us know what's going on. And I walked out
there to the outside. He's got him a little guy
out there on the picnic tables, out and back. He's
got him a little guy, and he's got his big

(54:24):
book open like that, and he's eating this kid's ass.
You know. He says, where's your highlighter? Listen, I told
you every time we do the Big Book where you're
supposed to bring a hot you know, just like I
told him, you know. And they're sitting out there, we're
helping a meeting, and I'm sitting at the door with
a cup of coffee watching my little guy do a
third Step prayer with this little brand new guy. Yeah,

(54:52):
that'll change your life. I want to read this real quick.
Give me two minutes. We're out of here. This is
not in the Big Book, so y'all don't try to
find it. But I'm on this big soapbox, and I say,
if you guys ever want to visit about it. I
one of the things I'm seeing in the treatment industry
right now, one don't think I'm seeing in our fellowship
right now, is a whole lot of cats coming in,
especially some of these little newcomers that are that are

(55:12):
stuck at halfway houses. They go to long term treatment
and then they get halfway houses, and before you know it,
they're in some kind of sequestered living for long periods
of time. And there's really some good proof that that helps,
and I don't have a problem with that. But the
problem with we're watching so me of these little guys
end up relapsing around boredom, and we see it in
our fellowships with old people with two or three years
of sobriety. I want to read this to is Andrew Carnegie.

(55:35):
Is a quote that Andrew Carnegie said, if you want
to be happy, forget that you're an alcoholic for a minute.
This is this is universal. If you want to be happy,
set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy,
and inspires your hopes. That's pretty cool, isn't it. See
in early sobriety, I had the sponsorship lineage that encouraged

(55:56):
me to get busy with life. Not all you're gonna
do right now is just recovery, Guys. I can do
that for a while while I'm detoxing, But after that,
I got bills to pay. I gotta I gotta figure
out what I want to be when I grow up.
You know, I want to go back to the museums
and start studying again. And do I want to go
to school or do I want to start a business?
This absolute horse hockey that you can't make any decisions

(56:18):
for the first year is absolutely what I just called it,
horse hockey. The illness has been and you could you're
free to disagree. But what I'm seeing with the guys
i'm working with the ones that are excited about their
art or staying sober, the ones that have got them
a cool little job that they really love or staying sober.
The ones that have re engaged with school are all

(56:38):
staying sober. And the ones that are sitting on their
ass going to three meetings a day are not staying sober.
We didn't get sober to just go to a meeting.
I'm not knocking meetings. Go y'all follow, but we're confusing
the newcomer when we put all of our emphasis on that,

(56:59):
let's work the steps, let's get down to brass tacks
with this, and let's do what we're supposed to be do.
But guys, if Bill Wilson and doctor Bob worked the
steps in less than two weeks, I think shame on
us for asking somebody to take eight, nine, ten months
to finish the steps. It's just not that complicated. I

(57:24):
always have these little cards with my phone number and
email and stuff on there. Guys, I always want to
stay in touch with you. If any of you guys
ever want to call and visit, I'm not there to
argue with you. You could do that on Facebook all
you want to. You can get on any of the
sites out there and introduce yourself as a recovered alcoholic
and there'll be four hundred cowards, four hundred absolute cowards
take a shot at you. I'm not interested in doing that,

(57:44):
but if you want to visit and you want me
to send you some cool articles and some neat stuff
about recovery, man, I would love to be in your
corner because that's what most of my day has done,
is connecting the dots with sober people in Florida, connected
with other people around the world. And if any of
you guys are ever interested in that, will let me
know and I'll i'll put you on my special list.
Thank y'all for letting me come