December 19, 2024 • 30 mins
Episode 26: Krista and Corrina chat with their beautiful friend Cassandra Quck Host of "Swimming Lessons Podcast" and owner of "Illuminate Holistic Counseling" about dating during the holidays! This is exciting time and when meeting someone new and fabulous how do you spend the holidays with that special someone? We dive into what single should expect, what are the dating rules, how to make the holidays fun, and other fun ways to connect with local singles overe the holiday season!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
All right, Krina, I'm really excited about today because it
is time to get this.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Holiday season hot and heated. Ladies.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Oh yeah, I like this version.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I know, and I'm specifically talking to all the single
mamas out there and ladies in general.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
By the way, Krina, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You're beautifully married, but if you happen to be on
the market and you know what it all means and
get your butts on those dating apps, that's what we
are talking about here today. And if you have just
met someone who's fabulous from the inside out and you
want to spend the holidays with them, well please, we
want you to. But you know what, you don't always
(00:55):
know how to interact, especially when it comes to your
first holiday to gain you know, like, yeah, do I
buy you a present?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Do I not? Do I invite you to my family?
Do I not?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
Like?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
What are the rules?
Speaker 6 (01:08):
And there's enough confusion and question marks around the holidays
and then being single or in a new relationship on
top of that, I mean, we just we got to
get the answers to this.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We got to get the answer.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Get the answer, queen who has all these answers. We
are very excited to have one of our dearest friends
back in studio. She's beautiful, mom, she's a lady boss.
Say hello to Cassandra Quick. She is a holistic psychotherapist.
She is the owner of Illuminate Counseling. And I'm so
stoked that girlfriend. You have your own podcast now is
(01:40):
a dating podcast. It is called Swimming Lessons in Dating,
which that's a fabulous name.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I just love that.
Speaker 6 (01:47):
At first, I was like, I'm thinking swimming, but you know,
it's really just the basics.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
But I have to know, ye what am I doing?
Speaker 7 (01:54):
How do I How do we do this as we
dive into the dating pool?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Yes, okay, need some lessons?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Well this is fun for me, especially because Cassandra and
I've been friends for a very long time and what
we like to do is we always go to the
same place at bonfire to get together and talk about
our experiences of Oh, how is your date?
Speaker 3 (02:15):
How is yours? No mine sucked? How was yours?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
The debriefing, the debriefing of over mocktails. Yes, mocktails, don't.
We don't drink so mocktails. So that's why I thought
it'd be fun to bring Cassandra in, especially because you
have this new podcast and you're so knowledgeable when it
comes to you know, really your specialty is helping those
with mental health, and so we want to dive into
really being healthy when you're in a new relationship and
(02:39):
how do you you know, transition in and out of that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Right, yes, exactly, So let's get into this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So my question is what should singles really expect when
they are dating during the holiday season, because, like we
just said, I think there's a ton of questions.
Speaker 6 (02:54):
There's so many question marks. I mean, and I you know,
and I have to say, I'm really intrigued by this
conversation because I have so many friends at my age
getting divorced at this point, so I want to know
too if you're not single, like this is a great
conversation to have for someone who wants to support.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
That is a fabulous point, right exactly. So really, I
you know, I think a lot of people are lonely
and needing sometimes maybe they're looking for a short term
connection someone to take, you know, to a holiday party
or even to you know, just be together during some
(03:35):
of these momentous occasions that are coming these you know,
sometimes holidays are really tough in general for people, and.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
They really don't associate.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Holidays with something positive, so they are looking for companionship
and you know, something like that. So what I would
just recommend is to really think about, first of all,
what is your intent and connecting with other people in
the dating world. Is it something like, oh, I just
(04:05):
you know, casually want to date. I want something kind
of short term. Is it something that you really aren't
looking for that you're looking for a longer term connection,
something a little bit more serious. So making sure that
you check in with yourself and then communicate that to
the other person, making sure to have that conversation because
otherwise there can be confusion and there can actually be
(04:27):
more hurt created in this wonderful time of the year.
And right, I mean, we want to feel good when
we make connections with people, so well.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We're not always They're not always being true though, on
those dating acts, because their profile will say, oh no,
I'm I'm looking for a serious relationship, or the casual
daters that is so right, And then you go out
on that date and you're like, I thought you wanted
a relationship and they're like, yeah, come.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
On home, right, and then they never contact your right right.
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Well, because let's circle back here. Now you're seeing to
be upfront right away. Absolutely, but that's really hard to do. Yes,
So what what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Like how do we do that?
Speaker 6 (05:05):
Like I mean I'm even just thinking about my own husband, like,
you know, just having up front conversations like what do
we do about.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Paying when your parents come in town?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Whatever?
Speaker 6 (05:13):
You know what I'm saying, when you're already in a
vulnerable state of being single.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yes, Like, well, so like what happens? So what happens
with that?
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Let's look at the reverse side of that. If you
don't have the conversation, how more vulnerable are you going
to be?
Speaker 4 (05:26):
And how more awkward will it.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Hurts? Okay, so you're safe.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Just do it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Just do it? Yeah, be an adult.
Speaker 7 (05:35):
Well, you know, show show up, show up for yourself
for show up for yourself and what your needs are.
Tune into what it is really get real with yourself
about that and what's really hard, Like what's really hard
is the fun of it?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Like the excitement of it, and that's you know, obviously too.
We'll talk about that a little bit more.
Speaker 7 (05:56):
But the fun and excitement, that's one layer. It's like, yeah,
you can have compatibility and some fun with someone, but really,
what does it look like to be in a relationship
with them if that's what you're looking for, right, If
you're looking to have a little fun, Okay, I mean,
you know, to each her own right to different experiences
that we want.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
But yes, to have a conversation to get it out there.
Speaker 7 (06:19):
I actually have the conversation before I even go on
a date with someone interesting.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So you'll put it out there what you're looking for. Absolutely.
Speaker 7 (06:25):
If they are not willing to have the conversation, they
are not that kind of person for me.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I give them the menu. This is what's honest, like
the next.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Deserve right, I'm not having any of that. You're not
even an appetite. No, I'm sorry, No, it's not happening that.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I'm going to own way.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Right left?
Speaker 4 (06:53):
No, I mean I think this is great.
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I mean this is you know, these are the conversations
we have to have, and I think being upfront is
really great. And you know, I think about this, you know, like,
let's say hypothetically you are upfront or not hypothetically you
do this if you're single, you're upfront, and then the
you know, the opposite person is like, how could you
be upfront? No, I'm not having this conversation. You just
cleared out some bad troubles in the future. So I mean,
(07:17):
technically this is a great way of testing, you know,
because you were saying, if it's not just for fun,
you're looking for this relationship and you want to have
a real conversation, and he react, yeah, you know, well
and like.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
A two year old, and you might think that that's
truv tantrum.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You might think like these you know, when you connect
with someone, you have that first like initial like hi,
it's nice to connect with you. That seems all good,
and then you get into the conversation and then they
say something that you're like, what, there's sort of yellow
fla flag so and then and then that's when you
need to run.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Like yes, I will say happily. By the way, I
am not on a dating side anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Oh oh yeah I am.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I'll just say the last time I was on it,
I did connect with this guy and I thought he
was very attractive, and we were talking and then but
I did notice the red flag in his actual profile
bio that he said, well, you know, this really long
list and then he goes, but you know what's most
important is some hot you know sex.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I'm like, that's what he actually put in his he
want something like public.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Oh yeah, that's in his bio.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So in his tech and his message to me, he
made it very evident that I better be this very sexual,
playful like I almost was like, well, what are you into?
Speaker 3 (08:38):
And that's when I decided not to respond to him again.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
I'm like, yeah, this guy is a little coming on,
pretty strong, creepy.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, yeah, so you got to be aware of that. Yes, absolutely,
All right, let's talk.
Speaker 6 (08:50):
A little bit about dating rules that you recommend during
this the season of joy.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Wanted Mary joyful?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Yul right, joyful?
Speaker 7 (09:05):
Not hot sex?
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Se?
Speaker 4 (09:09):
What am I doing here.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
During my time? Why did we not swipe left? Okay,
it's true. Sometimes you give you naughty and nice.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
It's good, that's absolutely. Santa said it best. We have
Santa said it best. Naughty and nice.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
That's right. And we have different parts of us we
do we do so, I.
Speaker 7 (09:31):
Mean, I definitely would say like, you know, like I said,
tune into what your needs are and not compromising.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
So keep checking in with yourself, like you know, in
a new connection, like staying as grounded as possible, and
because you can't get carried away, like you don't want
to over communicate like too much. You don't want to
be going out on you know, four dates a week
with someone when you first meet them.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
You want to have some distance. You want to have
like just some time to check in.
Speaker 7 (10:01):
With yourself about how you're feeling and then keep those
boundaries for yourself. Now there can be you know, you
can just kind of maybe not break the boundaries, but
be a flexible with some of the boundaries.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh, she means like flexible as like, where are we
going with this flexibility?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Yeah, you're kind of stumbling on this one. You have
a little nervous I mean, are you talking about Santa
Sexy Lingerie or Missus Claus?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
I mean absolutely? Okay? Right, is so confused?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
You're waiting for it?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
What's going on? What's happening here?
Speaker 7 (10:47):
So we talk about boundaries, right, Like we talk about
like if you have a boundary not to allow someone
to come over to your house in the first couple
of weeks or yeah, dating right, like just because it's
going to be Christmas in a couple of weeks, Like,
maybe that's not something you want to be flexible with, right,
But maybe there's some flexibility in other ways. Maybe you
(11:10):
wouldn't necessarily want to associate with someone's friends right away
when meeting, but now that it's Christmas, now that you
know they are going to be New Year's maybe parties
or something like that.
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Yeah, that's hard to not if you're starting to date
someone in early December, like late November, it's hard not
to meet friends and family real quick, right, right exactly,
unless you're talking about boundaries like no meeting whatever.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
This is just let's have a couple of dates right
over the season, right exact.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
If I started.
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Dating somebody right now, I mean, there's so many parties
and guests exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Here's a question, though, if you start dating somebody in December,
there's a chance that you will scare that person off
if you say, hey, you want to come over to
my family's house for.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
But would that scare you during the most.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Some people, I mean people like you know, this is
the most.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
Busy time, family and friends. So do you just dot
dating in December?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I believe me.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I do think, like sometimes things can be too quick
and you could scare someone away, you know, I think so, yeah,
I think well, and like you're taking too fast.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
We're going too fast. I'm not ready, you know what
I mean. I'm not ready yet. I just met you.
Speaker 7 (12:19):
Yes, right, exactly, right, Like so just tuning in, like
just getting a feel for it. If something doesn't quite
feel right, or something just isn't it's it's not feeling right.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Trusting your intuition, like trusting your gut. I need to
pull back.
Speaker 7 (12:37):
I need to just reassess, even if it's like but
communicating that because oftentimes what happens is people are having
these internal dialogues and conversations in their head and they're
not sharing it with the person they're dating.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So then you feel it. You feel it when they
pull back, they're not communicating as much. Maybe you're doing
the same thing, and so like we are not about ghosters,
oh yeah, over.
Speaker 7 (13:01):
Like especially you know ever, ever, it doesn't matter what
time of the year it is, but like that's one
of the worst things that you can do to someone,
especially over the holidays when things can be kind of
tough for people. So have a little compassion, right, like,
both for yourself and for them. Right, it's more hurtful
to just go someone than to not communicate your feelings
(13:24):
and neat so and yes, that is a challenge.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It is because it's the norm, right, Like how many
times we talked about you know, I can't stop keeping
track a long time, like, oh you know I was
talked abo and then they started ghosting me. I'm like,
you know, or bread crumbing?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, that's when they do.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
You say bread crumbing? Yeah that's a real term. Yes,
what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
It means you're stringing somebody along at all.
Speaker 7 (13:49):
Just giving little bits like how are you?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And it doesn't lead to anything, right, right, Like I
talked to this guy for like six months and we
went out but was never asked out again. But still
she's looking at me and we roll in her eyes
because she knows what I'm talking about, but continue to
like make me think that there's something going on right between.
(14:13):
And then I just finally ended it because I was
like I can't, I.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Can't do this. We're not doing this anymore.
Speaker 7 (14:18):
Yeah, I can't do this, right, exactly, so you know,
just having those conversations, those conversations like about the intent
about like like what like what are.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
We doing here? You know, what feels good? Maybe what
does the next couple of weeks look like? What can
you commit to? What like what might it look like.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
In January or you know whatever, you know, whatever needs
to happen, But having conversations.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And can I just ask you because it has changed
dating like the term dating, Yeah, does that mean that
if I'm dating someone that we're dating like consistently, we're
in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Now, you know what I mean? Well, so.
Speaker 7 (15:05):
I would say that if you are exclusively dating, then
you're not dating other you're not dating other people. But
if you're just dating someone, then it depends. Like sometimes
I have like open conversations with people that I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Dating that I'm dating other people.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
Yeah, other times it just doesn't come up because like
maybe we just have one date and you know.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Whatever that looks like.
Speaker 7 (15:27):
That really isn't necessarily a necessary thing to talk about
if you're not going to see the person again, But
you know, just being open and honest about your process.
What the research states and what like a lot of
dating experts would say, is that it's better for you
to date multiple people at one time. Some people just
(15:52):
they just can't they can't do that, like for multiple reasons, right,
I mean so, but that's like, and I've tried different
versions of this, like you know, over twelve years I've
been single and like recently single over the last year, and.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I've tried and it's.
Speaker 7 (16:13):
Just interesting how our brains connect or like stay a
little bit more grounded when we have different options and
like that they really like, as you know, people were dating,
it's like we're kind of trying to sense if they're
a good fit for us, and comparison can actually help
(16:34):
us stay grounded.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Oh I see, yeah, instead of getting really emotionally invested
in one person.
Speaker 7 (16:39):
But and like if something does not work with that person,
it like it cannot hurt as much. I guess if
there are different like landing spots, I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And not that you know you're using that.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
Like in a manipulative way or anything like that, but
that's just how we get Like we get these happy
hormones when we're around a person. So when that's like
divvied up between multiple people and be happy, then then
it like just softens it a little bit more and
it helps you stay in that space of making good
choices for yourself.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
So I like it.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
All right, Well, say you found someone that you've been
dating and you guys are happy together, and you do
make that decision, you know what, let's spend the holidays
together super fun. So how do you make this fun
in less exhausting and stressful? Right, So that's going to
be loaded questions?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Yeah, well it is.
Speaker 7 (17:32):
It is, like, so to make it light and fun right, Like, yeah, okay,
so there there is. So this is a new connection.
You want to maintain your normal life. You want to
hang out with your friends still, don't forget your friends,
your sisters need like you know, your friends need some
time with you. Still, you don't want to get immersed
(17:53):
and like just like you know all of your.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Time is spent with them.
Speaker 7 (17:58):
So thinking about some friends to get togethers, leaning on
your support system, so like diversifying your time with other
people not just this person, and then removing that pressure
on yourself to find someone. Yeah, because hello, being single
(18:20):
is fabulous.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yes, yes, you need to do what you want.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
You can't do what you want, I mean to start
shot in bed, Like yeah, I always say like that
that is like one of those glorious things you get
the whole bed to yourself and you know, and for
some people like that, they think about that that's like
the worst thing ever.
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Right, So, like really spending some time on like yeah,
removing that pressure, like sensing into like, you know, what
is it that I need. There's been a lot of
talk out on social media about inner child healing and
(18:58):
like tuning into what you're in child needs. Like Okay,
so if I'm really seeking a connection with someone and
that's like all I can think about and like all
these things, right, so what does that mean? Like what
does what does that part of me need? Do I
need creativity? Do I need connection with friends?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Do I need to like I don't know, like a go.
Speaker 7 (19:20):
Snowboarding or you know, like who whatever whatever you get into.
There can be these passions that we kind of forget
about and like we are, Yeah, we kind of lose ourselves,
and you don't want to lose yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
You want to tune into yourself and stay grounded. So yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
So but otherwise there are tons of things to do
in the community, are you know, fun things, fun things
to do out there that can just make it a
little lighter and fun and joyful.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well one of them is again I have personally met
someone fabulous.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
So I just talked to Sandra. He surprised me.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
He goes, hey, let's go to this particular restaurant because
it goes to helping out kids for Christmas. Oh yeah,
So it was a journey and we went and bought
toys and we had a great time.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:13):
Yeah, that's like a green light, right yea or green flag,
major major, major flag.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Agree. Well.
Speaker 6 (20:21):
I remember when I was first dating Patrick because my
husband and I was on a dating app and he
had asked me to brunch. Yeah, and I actually thought
that was really sweet because it wasn't dinner and there
wasn't that much pressure on it. And I feel like
brunch is fun and brunches light fun. And then even
if you decide to have like a mimosa or you know,
maybe bloody Mary, you're not getting like pissed drunk, right
(20:45):
or if you know, like my husband doesn't drink, I
was able to have one just kind of like keep
you know whatever. But then it wasn't awkward like we
were going to a dinner with wine.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
So I feel like brunch is fun.
Speaker 7 (20:57):
Yes, I love, I love because brunch it doesn't extend
it for like and then you're kind of done.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, I'm done with you.
Speaker 6 (21:04):
Well actually, on my date though, we went for a
long walk and I invited them over for a cup
of tea.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Yeah, and so like, if you want to go that
far exact, then you can.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
But like brunch can end, You're right, you know, So it's.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Like brunch it on safe.
Speaker 6 (21:20):
There's a lot of Santa brunch as you can sit
on san before and after.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
What is this saying?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
That's an option we're keeping up fine.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
About Sorry, the children.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Is in the mood, she's this is like joy, all
these memories, all the early dating stages.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Everybody, I can't hear me.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, that's sweet, that's sweet.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So outside of that, you know, I think it is
really important especially to like you said, go inside what's
important to you, right, because you never want to sacrifice.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Who you are and your values in the qualities that
you are looking for, not just not just for a
quick connection over the holidays. No, just if you're in
this if yeah, if that's what your intent is, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
And honestly, please, if anything, just for yourself, be honest,
there's so many fake momiles out there and people that
are trying to get something from you that yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
Is not I mean, what are the other ways of
connecting with people besides apps? Because I mean, actually the
irony of this is that there are a lot of
parties and things like that where there.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Will be singing people. Yeah, so I mean this is
actually not an off the.
Speaker 6 (22:41):
App and go out in your tinsel dress.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
That is right and right.
Speaker 7 (22:48):
So meetup groups are really great and you don't even
have to like it doesn't have to be a singles
meetup group.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
It can be professional.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
There are like some other organizations here in Madison that
do some really great get togethers over the holidays that
are really fun.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
And of course yeah like show up in your you know,
your best.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
TASL literary like whatever it is, velvety, all of that.
But yeah, that could be really fun and it can
also just give you a sense of like feeling sexy
and just connect like again, connecting to yourself. Like if
you go out and you have this confidence that is
(23:33):
going to attract attention, right, Like, so going out to
these places and just being out in public, like going
to a coffee shop and working and stuff being at home,
because like that's the other thing is that I'm you know,
I have felt this way too, but my clients have
just said, oh my gosh, like all I've wanted to
do is hibernate because it's been so.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Cold and dreary. And I'm like, yeah, totally get it.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
And we honor that, but like, okay, now we need
to like let's get let's get up, let's get out.
Let's you know, be around people, even if it's just
by yourself, like you're around other people, and and then
when you're around other people, you actually have to make
eye contact and not like walk around like when you're down,
(24:20):
like like face like like look at people's smile, like
hold doors for people, Let people hold doors for you
behind like you know, if you put yourself out there,
it certainly can.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
It can lead to connections.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Facebook events is a great place face to find fun
things that other people are doing.
Speaker 7 (24:43):
Yes, yes, idactly, yeah, And there are like speed dating events.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yes I've never been, I have, but I've I know
people who have been.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
There's a lot of I put that out there on
my Facebook to because another female asked if I wanted
to start that out here.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
There is a lot of people that.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Dating would be fun. Oh you know, right, I have
Santa there, Yeah, has one, like we're.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Back to the I think we have a little bit
of a fantasy.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
No no, no, no, no, no, no no no. I'm
half Jewish. I can't. I can't. I can't have that
fantasy about Santa.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Actually, no, maybe I can because of that.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Right.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Listen, if you like older jolly men that are in
their seventies, go ahead. Okay. So here's the thing.
Speaker 6 (25:31):
My husband is really just like a young guy in
an old man's body because he loves being like an
old man.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
Like he listens to like records and chines of shoes.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
So that's it. He wears.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
No.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
But if you do have a secret Sannah or.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
Not secret Sannah, oh my gosh, I can't do this.
If you have as the dating thing, yes you should.
If it's over the holiday season, you should have a
Santa there. I mean, yes, that's the funny.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
That was where you were going with you. I don't know.
It's always a little innocent one. I know, well is it?
But I know you're not. I know that's true. It's not.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Again, all we have never places. We all have places.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
She was believe I know, I listen, Okay, dominatrix, right absolutely,
I envision you as a dominatrix.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Practice smile because she's like it's true. Christas sure, no comment,
no comment, Oh I love it.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I love it. Well, these are some really great ideas
and you know tips, like you said, Cassandra, because this
is really about you know, having fun, being safe.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Yes, yeah, being safe physically emotionally. Right, Yeah, that's really And.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
I think that's a good reminder. I mean, anyone listening.
I mean it's good to hear that from an expert
to remember to have fun. And I think you know,
it's a good reminder for every but during this season, right, it.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Doesn't work out, don't let that ruin your holiday, you know,
don't have that go on with your girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Right, No, right, have fought. Don't let it consume you. No,
don't let it.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Don't let it get to you down because you have
New Year's Eve to look forward to. You got to
think about that outen.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Yeah, you gotta get think about that. The tinsel tinsel
carry story.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
We need to see this this tinsel creation like do
you mean or tinsel like Christmas?
Speaker 6 (27:26):
Like have you seen those ugly Christmas satters, like I
think there should be a full dress made out to tinsel.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I think that, Yes, it's like, I think it would
be so pretty.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yes, I bet I think tassels. Tessels are like no,
now you're going down cyl.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Because that's someone that would weary.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
You mean, like nipple covered tessels. Is that where we're going?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Yes, I'm not too proud to make Oh girl, you
would look so good, you would look so good.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
We know you wouldn't look so good.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
All, thank you. That'll be our next I'll go, I'll
go to the speed dating High Life.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Well, Cassandra, thank you so much for coming on the
show again. A lot of people to know, of course,
about your podcast.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
When is it on?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
How can they you know, get a I don't know,
I keep hitting that sorry, how can they get a
hold of you?
Speaker 7 (28:21):
So, yes, you can go to Eliminate Counseling dot org.
There are lots of ways to contact me. I'm on
Instagram and Facebook and we have a YouTube channel where
our podcast is also on video. You can listen to
us on iHeartRadio as well, so I know. Yeah, You're
just everywhere everywhere.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Which is great if you are local in Madison. Please
hit up this beautiful woman, especially if you are going
through anything traumatic in your life. She is an amazing
person to get the help with e DMR. So you
can look more into that. You know, that's outside of
your podcast, which.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Is fun and all that, but I just want people
to understand that fun.
Speaker 7 (28:58):
Yes, So I do specialize and working with women healing trauma.
So my specialization is EMDR and I do work with
women who are going through divorce as well, because that's
very traumatic.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And yeah, so this podcast has it all.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
It does, and you're such a beautiful person inside it.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I know.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
I just so appreciate having you come in and talk
to you and choke a little bit too with.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
You, right back at you.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
When we can go to the store with you and
find that fabulous I don't know, quinchy curl.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That you have in your.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
We need a whole episode on our hair.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I can't.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, well, thank you, good Sandra.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I Happy holidays to you and your beautiful daughter by
the way, you thanks for coming.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
Onay, love you, Happy holidays and holidays.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. You're Every episode of Maton Mom Squad podcasts
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you
listen to your favorite podcasts.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
S
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
All right, Krina, I'm really excited about today because it
is time to get this.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Holiday season hot and heated. Ladies.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
Oh yeah, I like this version.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I know, and I'm specifically talking to all the single
mamas out there and ladies in general.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
By the way, Krina, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You're beautifully married, but if you happen to be on
the market and you know what it all means and
get your butts on those dating apps, that's what we
are talking about here today. And if you have just
met someone who's fabulous from the inside out and you
want to spend the holidays with them, well please, we
want you to. But you know what, you don't always
(00:55):
know how to interact, especially when it comes to your
first holiday to gain you know, like, yeah, do I
buy you a present?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Do I not? Do I invite you to my family?
Do I not?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
Like?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
What are the rules?
Speaker 6 (01:08):
And there's enough confusion and question marks around the holidays
and then being single or in a new relationship on
top of that, I mean, we just we got to
get the answers to this.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We got to get the answer.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Get the answer, queen who has all these answers. We
are very excited to have one of our dearest friends
back in studio. She's beautiful, mom, she's a lady boss.
Say hello to Cassandra Quick. She is a holistic psychotherapist.
She is the owner of Illuminate Counseling. And I'm so
stoked that girlfriend. You have your own podcast now is
(01:40):
a dating podcast. It is called Swimming Lessons in Dating,
which that's a fabulous name.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I just love that.
Speaker 6 (01:47):
At first, I was like, I'm thinking swimming, but you know,
it's really just the basics.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
But I have to know, ye what am I doing?
Speaker 7 (01:54):
How do I How do we do this as we
dive into the dating pool?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Yes, okay, need some lessons?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Well this is fun for me, especially because Cassandra and
I've been friends for a very long time and what
we like to do is we always go to the
same place at bonfire to get together and talk about
our experiences of Oh, how is your date?
Speaker 3 (02:15):
How is yours? No mine sucked? How was yours?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
The debriefing, the debriefing of over mocktails. Yes, mocktails, don't.
We don't drink so mocktails. So that's why I thought
it'd be fun to bring Cassandra in, especially because you
have this new podcast and you're so knowledgeable when it
comes to you know, really your specialty is helping those
with mental health, and so we want to dive into
really being healthy when you're in a new relationship and
(02:39):
how do you you know, transition in and out of that.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Right, yes, exactly, So let's get into this.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So my question is what should singles really expect when
they are dating during the holiday season, because, like we
just said, I think there's a ton of questions.
Speaker 6 (02:54):
There's so many question marks. I mean, and I you know,
and I have to say, I'm really intrigued by this
conversation because I have so many friends at my age
getting divorced at this point, so I want to know
too if you're not single, like this is a great
conversation to have for someone who wants to support.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
That is a fabulous point, right exactly. So really, I
you know, I think a lot of people are lonely
and needing sometimes maybe they're looking for a short term
connection someone to take, you know, to a holiday party
or even to you know, just be together during some
(03:35):
of these momentous occasions that are coming these you know,
sometimes holidays are really tough in general for people, and.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
They really don't associate.
Speaker 7 (03:44):
Holidays with something positive, so they are looking for companionship
and you know, something like that. So what I would
just recommend is to really think about, first of all,
what is your intent and connecting with other people in
the dating world. Is it something like, oh, I just
(04:05):
you know, casually want to date. I want something kind
of short term. Is it something that you really aren't
looking for that you're looking for a longer term connection,
something a little bit more serious. So making sure that
you check in with yourself and then communicate that to
the other person, making sure to have that conversation because
otherwise there can be confusion and there can actually be
(04:27):
more hurt created in this wonderful time of the year.
And right, I mean, we want to feel good when
we make connections with people, so well.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We're not always They're not always being true though, on
those dating acts, because their profile will say, oh no,
I'm I'm looking for a serious relationship, or the casual
daters that is so right, And then you go out
on that date and you're like, I thought you wanted
a relationship and they're like, yeah, come.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
On home, right, and then they never contact your right right.
Speaker 6 (04:55):
Well, because let's circle back here. Now you're seeing to
be upfront right away. Absolutely, but that's really hard to do. Yes,
So what what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Like how do we do that?
Speaker 6 (05:05):
Like I mean I'm even just thinking about my own husband, like,
you know, just having up front conversations like what do
we do about.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Paying when your parents come in town?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Whatever?
Speaker 6 (05:13):
You know what I'm saying, when you're already in a
vulnerable state of being single.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Yes, Like, well, so like what happens? So what happens
with that?
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Let's look at the reverse side of that. If you
don't have the conversation, how more vulnerable are you going
to be?
Speaker 4 (05:26):
And how more awkward will it.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Hurts? Okay, so you're safe.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Just do it.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Just do it? Yeah, be an adult.
Speaker 7 (05:35):
Well, you know, show show up, show up for yourself
for show up for yourself and what your needs are.
Tune into what it is really get real with yourself
about that and what's really hard, Like what's really hard
is the fun of it?
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Like the excitement of it, and that's you know, obviously too.
We'll talk about that a little bit more.
Speaker 7 (05:56):
But the fun and excitement, that's one layer. It's like, yeah,
you can have compatibility and some fun with someone, but really,
what does it look like to be in a relationship
with them if that's what you're looking for, right, If
you're looking to have a little fun, Okay, I mean,
you know, to each her own right to different experiences
that we want.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
But yes, to have a conversation to get it out there.
Speaker 7 (06:19):
I actually have the conversation before I even go on
a date with someone interesting.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So you'll put it out there what you're looking for. Absolutely.
Speaker 7 (06:25):
If they are not willing to have the conversation, they
are not that kind of person for me.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I give them the menu. This is what's honest, like
the next.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
Deserve right, I'm not having any of that. You're not
even an appetite. No, I'm sorry, No, it's not happening that.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
I'm going to own way.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Right left?
Speaker 4 (06:53):
No, I mean I think this is great.
Speaker 6 (06:55):
I mean this is you know, these are the conversations
we have to have, and I think being upfront is
really great. And you know, I think about this, you know, like,
let's say hypothetically you are upfront or not hypothetically you
do this if you're single, you're upfront, and then the
you know, the opposite person is like, how could you
be upfront? No, I'm not having this conversation. You just
cleared out some bad troubles in the future. So I mean,
(07:17):
technically this is a great way of testing, you know,
because you were saying, if it's not just for fun,
you're looking for this relationship and you want to have
a real conversation, and he react, yeah, you know, well
and like.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
A two year old, and you might think that that's
truv tantrum.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You might think like these you know, when you connect
with someone, you have that first like initial like hi,
it's nice to connect with you. That seems all good,
and then you get into the conversation and then they
say something that you're like, what, there's sort of yellow
fla flag so and then and then that's when you
need to run.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Like yes, I will say happily. By the way, I
am not on a dating side anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
Oh oh yeah I am.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I'll just say the last time I was on it,
I did connect with this guy and I thought he
was very attractive, and we were talking and then but
I did notice the red flag in his actual profile
bio that he said, well, you know, this really long
list and then he goes, but you know what's most
important is some hot you know sex.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I'm like, that's what he actually put in his he
want something like public.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Oh yeah, that's in his bio.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So in his tech and his message to me, he
made it very evident that I better be this very sexual,
playful like I almost was like, well, what are you into?
Speaker 3 (08:38):
And that's when I decided not to respond to him again.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
I'm like, yeah, this guy is a little coming on,
pretty strong, creepy.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Yeah, yeah, so you got to be aware of that. Yes, absolutely,
All right, let's talk.
Speaker 6 (08:50):
A little bit about dating rules that you recommend during
this the season of joy.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Wanted Mary joyful?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Yul right, joyful?
Speaker 7 (09:05):
Not hot sex?
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Se?
Speaker 4 (09:09):
What am I doing here.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
During my time? Why did we not swipe left? Okay,
it's true. Sometimes you give you naughty and nice.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
It's good, that's absolutely. Santa said it best. We have
Santa said it best. Naughty and nice.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
That's right. And we have different parts of us we
do we do so, I.
Speaker 7 (09:31):
Mean, I definitely would say like, you know, like I said,
tune into what your needs are and not compromising.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
So keep checking in with yourself, like you know, in
a new connection, like staying as grounded as possible, and
because you can't get carried away, like you don't want
to over communicate like too much. You don't want to
be going out on you know, four dates a week
with someone when you first meet them.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
You want to have some distance. You want to have
like just some time to check in.
Speaker 7 (10:01):
With yourself about how you're feeling and then keep those
boundaries for yourself. Now there can be you know, you
can just kind of maybe not break the boundaries, but
be a flexible with some of the boundaries.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Oh, she means like flexible as like, where are we
going with this flexibility?
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Yeah, you're kind of stumbling on this one. You have
a little nervous I mean, are you talking about Santa
Sexy Lingerie or Missus Claus?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
I mean absolutely? Okay? Right, is so confused?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
You're waiting for it?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
What's going on? What's happening here?
Speaker 7 (10:47):
So we talk about boundaries, right, Like we talk about
like if you have a boundary not to allow someone
to come over to your house in the first couple
of weeks or yeah, dating right, like just because it's
going to be Christmas in a couple of weeks, Like,
maybe that's not something you want to be flexible with, right,
But maybe there's some flexibility in other ways. Maybe you
(11:10):
wouldn't necessarily want to associate with someone's friends right away
when meeting, but now that it's Christmas, now that you
know they are going to be New Year's maybe parties
or something like that.
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Yeah, that's hard to not if you're starting to date
someone in early December, like late November, it's hard not
to meet friends and family real quick, right, right exactly,
unless you're talking about boundaries like no meeting whatever.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
This is just let's have a couple of dates right
over the season, right exact.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
If I started.
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Dating somebody right now, I mean, there's so many parties
and guests exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Here's a question, though, if you start dating somebody in December,
there's a chance that you will scare that person off
if you say, hey, you want to come over to
my family's house for.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
But would that scare you during the most.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Some people, I mean people like you know, this is
the most.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
Busy time, family and friends. So do you just dot
dating in December?
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I believe me.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I do think, like sometimes things can be too quick
and you could scare someone away, you know, I think so, yeah,
I think well, and like you're taking too fast.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
We're going too fast. I'm not ready, you know what
I mean. I'm not ready yet. I just met you.
Speaker 7 (12:19):
Yes, right, exactly, right, Like so just tuning in, like
just getting a feel for it. If something doesn't quite
feel right, or something just isn't it's it's not feeling right.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Trusting your intuition, like trusting your gut. I need to
pull back.
Speaker 7 (12:37):
I need to just reassess, even if it's like but
communicating that because oftentimes what happens is people are having
these internal dialogues and conversations in their head and they're
not sharing it with the person they're dating.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
So then you feel it. You feel it when they
pull back, they're not communicating as much. Maybe you're doing
the same thing, and so like we are not about ghosters,
oh yeah, over.
Speaker 7 (13:01):
Like especially you know ever, ever, it doesn't matter what
time of the year it is, but like that's one
of the worst things that you can do to someone,
especially over the holidays when things can be kind of
tough for people. So have a little compassion, right, like,
both for yourself and for them. Right, it's more hurtful
to just go someone than to not communicate your feelings
(13:24):
and neat so and yes, that is a challenge.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It is because it's the norm, right, Like how many
times we talked about you know, I can't stop keeping
track a long time, like, oh you know I was
talked abo and then they started ghosting me. I'm like,
you know, or bread crumbing?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, that's when they do.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
You say bread crumbing? Yeah that's a real term. Yes,
what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
It means you're stringing somebody along at all.
Speaker 7 (13:49):
Just giving little bits like how are you?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And it doesn't lead to anything, right, right, Like I
talked to this guy for like six months and we
went out but was never asked out again. But still
she's looking at me and we roll in her eyes
because she knows what I'm talking about, but continue to
like make me think that there's something going on right between.
(14:13):
And then I just finally ended it because I was
like I can't, I.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Can't do this. We're not doing this anymore.
Speaker 7 (14:18):
Yeah, I can't do this, right, exactly, so you know,
just having those conversations, those conversations like about the intent
about like like what like what are.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
We doing here? You know, what feels good? Maybe what
does the next couple of weeks look like? What can
you commit to? What like what might it look like.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
In January or you know whatever, you know, whatever needs
to happen, But having conversations.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And can I just ask you because it has changed
dating like the term dating, Yeah, does that mean that
if I'm dating someone that we're dating like consistently, we're
in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Now, you know what I mean? Well, so.
Speaker 7 (15:05):
I would say that if you are exclusively dating, then
you're not dating other you're not dating other people. But
if you're just dating someone, then it depends. Like sometimes
I have like open conversations with people that I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Dating that I'm dating other people.
Speaker 7 (15:21):
Yeah, other times it just doesn't come up because like
maybe we just have one date and you know.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Whatever that looks like.
Speaker 7 (15:27):
That really isn't necessarily a necessary thing to talk about
if you're not going to see the person again, But
you know, just being open and honest about your process.
What the research states and what like a lot of
dating experts would say, is that it's better for you
to date multiple people at one time. Some people just
(15:52):
they just can't they can't do that, like for multiple reasons, right,
I mean so, but that's like, and I've tried different
versions of this, like you know, over twelve years I've
been single and like recently single over the last year, and.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I've tried and it's.
Speaker 7 (16:13):
Just interesting how our brains connect or like stay a
little bit more grounded when we have different options and
like that they really like, as you know, people were dating,
it's like we're kind of trying to sense if they're
a good fit for us, and comparison can actually help
(16:34):
us stay grounded.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Oh I see, yeah, instead of getting really emotionally invested
in one person.
Speaker 7 (16:39):
But and like if something does not work with that person,
it like it cannot hurt as much. I guess if
there are different like landing spots, I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And not that you know you're using that.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
Like in a manipulative way or anything like that, but
that's just how we get Like we get these happy
hormones when we're around a person. So when that's like
divvied up between multiple people and be happy, then then
it like just softens it a little bit more and
it helps you stay in that space of making good
choices for yourself.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
So I like it.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
All right, Well, say you found someone that you've been
dating and you guys are happy together, and you do
make that decision, you know what, let's spend the holidays
together super fun. So how do you make this fun
in less exhausting and stressful? Right, So that's going to
be loaded questions?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Yeah, well it is.
Speaker 7 (17:32):
It is, like, so to make it light and fun right, Like, yeah, okay,
so there there is. So this is a new connection.
You want to maintain your normal life. You want to
hang out with your friends still, don't forget your friends,
your sisters need like you know, your friends need some
time with you. Still, you don't want to get immersed
(17:53):
and like just like you know all of your.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Time is spent with them.
Speaker 7 (17:58):
So thinking about some friends to get togethers, leaning on
your support system, so like diversifying your time with other
people not just this person, and then removing that pressure
on yourself to find someone. Yeah, because hello, being single
(18:20):
is fabulous.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yes, yes, you need to do what you want.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
You can't do what you want, I mean to start
shot in bed, Like yeah, I always say like that
that is like one of those glorious things you get
the whole bed to yourself and you know, and for
some people like that, they think about that that's like
the worst thing ever.
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Right, So, like really spending some time on like yeah,
removing that pressure, like sensing into like, you know, what
is it that I need. There's been a lot of
talk out on social media about inner child healing and
(18:58):
like tuning into what you're in child needs. Like Okay,
so if I'm really seeking a connection with someone and
that's like all I can think about and like all
these things, right, so what does that mean? Like what
does what does that part of me need? Do I
need creativity? Do I need connection with friends?
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Do I need to like I don't know, like a go.
Speaker 7 (19:20):
Snowboarding or you know, like who whatever whatever you get into.
There can be these passions that we kind of forget
about and like we are, Yeah, we kind of lose ourselves,
and you don't want to lose yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
You want to tune into yourself and stay grounded. So yeah.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
So but otherwise there are tons of things to do
in the community, are you know, fun things, fun things
to do out there that can just make it a
little lighter and fun and joyful.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well one of them is again I have personally met
someone fabulous.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
So I just talked to Sandra. He surprised me.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
He goes, hey, let's go to this particular restaurant because
it goes to helping out kids for Christmas. Oh yeah,
So it was a journey and we went and bought
toys and we had a great time.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (20:13):
Yeah, that's like a green light, right yea or green flag,
major major, major flag.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Agree. Well.
Speaker 6 (20:21):
I remember when I was first dating Patrick because my
husband and I was on a dating app and he
had asked me to brunch. Yeah, and I actually thought
that was really sweet because it wasn't dinner and there
wasn't that much pressure on it. And I feel like
brunch is fun and brunches light fun. And then even
if you decide to have like a mimosa or you know,
maybe bloody Mary, you're not getting like pissed drunk, right
(20:45):
or if you know, like my husband doesn't drink, I
was able to have one just kind of like keep
you know whatever. But then it wasn't awkward like we
were going to a dinner with wine.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
So I feel like brunch is fun.
Speaker 7 (20:57):
Yes, I love, I love because brunch it doesn't extend
it for like and then you're kind of done.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, I'm done with you.
Speaker 6 (21:04):
Well actually, on my date though, we went for a
long walk and I invited them over for a cup
of tea.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Yeah, and so like, if you want to go that
far exact, then you can.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
But like brunch can end, You're right, you know, So it's.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Like brunch it on safe.
Speaker 6 (21:20):
There's a lot of Santa brunch as you can sit
on san before and after.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
What is this saying?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
That's an option we're keeping up fine.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
About Sorry, the children.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Is in the mood, she's this is like joy, all
these memories, all the early dating stages.
Speaker 4 (21:47):
Everybody, I can't hear me.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, that's sweet, that's sweet.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
So outside of that, you know, I think it is
really important especially to like you said, go inside what's
important to you, right, because you never want to sacrifice.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Who you are and your values in the qualities that
you are looking for, not just not just for a
quick connection over the holidays. No, just if you're in
this if yeah, if that's what your intent is, right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
And honestly, please, if anything, just for yourself, be honest,
there's so many fake momiles out there and people that
are trying to get something from you that yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
Is not I mean, what are the other ways of
connecting with people besides apps? Because I mean, actually the
irony of this is that there are a lot of
parties and things like that where there.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Will be singing people. Yeah, so I mean this is
actually not an off the.
Speaker 6 (22:41):
App and go out in your tinsel dress.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
That is right and right.
Speaker 7 (22:48):
So meetup groups are really great and you don't even
have to like it doesn't have to be a singles
meetup group.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
It can be professional.
Speaker 7 (22:56):
There are like some other organizations here in Madison that
do some really great get togethers over the holidays that
are really fun.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
And of course yeah like show up in your you know,
your best.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
TASL literary like whatever it is, velvety, all of that.
But yeah, that could be really fun and it can
also just give you a sense of like feeling sexy
and just connect like again, connecting to yourself. Like if
you go out and you have this confidence that is
(23:33):
going to attract attention, right, Like, so going out to
these places and just being out in public, like going
to a coffee shop and working and stuff being at home,
because like that's the other thing is that I'm you know,
I have felt this way too, but my clients have
just said, oh my gosh, like all I've wanted to
do is hibernate because it's been so.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Cold and dreary. And I'm like, yeah, totally get it.
Speaker 7 (23:59):
And we honor that, but like, okay, now we need
to like let's get let's get up, let's get out.
Let's you know, be around people, even if it's just
by yourself, like you're around other people, and and then
when you're around other people, you actually have to make
eye contact and not like walk around like when you're down,
(24:20):
like like face like like look at people's smile, like
hold doors for people, Let people hold doors for you
behind like you know, if you put yourself out there,
it certainly can.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
It can lead to connections.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Facebook events is a great place face to find fun
things that other people are doing.
Speaker 7 (24:43):
Yes, yes, idactly, yeah, And there are like speed dating events.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yes I've never been, I have, but I've I know
people who have been.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
There's a lot of I put that out there on
my Facebook to because another female asked if I wanted
to start that out here.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
There is a lot of people that.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Dating would be fun. Oh you know, right, I have
Santa there, Yeah, has one, like we're.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Back to the I think we have a little bit
of a fantasy.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
No no, no, no, no, no, no no no. I'm
half Jewish. I can't. I can't. I can't have that
fantasy about Santa.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Actually, no, maybe I can because of that.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Right.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Listen, if you like older jolly men that are in
their seventies, go ahead. Okay. So here's the thing.
Speaker 6 (25:31):
My husband is really just like a young guy in
an old man's body because he loves being like an
old man.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
Like he listens to like records and chines of shoes.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
So that's it. He wears.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
No.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
But if you do have a secret Sannah or.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
Not secret Sannah, oh my gosh, I can't do this.
If you have as the dating thing, yes you should.
If it's over the holiday season, you should have a
Santa there. I mean, yes, that's the funny.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
That was where you were going with you. I don't know.
It's always a little innocent one. I know, well is it?
But I know you're not. I know that's true. It's not.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Again, all we have never places. We all have places.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
She was believe I know, I listen, Okay, dominatrix, right absolutely,
I envision you as a dominatrix.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Practice smile because she's like it's true. Christas sure, no comment,
no comment, Oh I love it.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I love it. Well, these are some really great ideas
and you know tips, like you said, Cassandra, because this
is really about you know, having fun, being safe.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Yes, yeah, being safe physically emotionally. Right, Yeah, that's really And.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
I think that's a good reminder. I mean, anyone listening.
I mean it's good to hear that from an expert
to remember to have fun. And I think you know,
it's a good reminder for every but during this season, right, it.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Doesn't work out, don't let that ruin your holiday, you know,
don't have that go on with your girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Right, No, right, have fought. Don't let it consume you. No,
don't let it.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Don't let it get to you down because you have
New Year's Eve to look forward to. You got to
think about that outen.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
Yeah, you gotta get think about that. The tinsel tinsel
carry story.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
We need to see this this tinsel creation like do
you mean or tinsel like Christmas?
Speaker 6 (27:26):
Like have you seen those ugly Christmas satters, like I
think there should be a full dress made out to tinsel.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
I think that, Yes, it's like, I think it would
be so pretty.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yes, I bet I think tassels. Tessels are like no,
now you're going down cyl.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Because that's someone that would weary.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
You mean, like nipple covered tessels. Is that where we're going?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Yes, I'm not too proud to make Oh girl, you
would look so good, you would look so good.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
We know you wouldn't look so good.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
All, thank you. That'll be our next I'll go, I'll
go to the speed dating High Life.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Well, Cassandra, thank you so much for coming on the
show again. A lot of people to know, of course,
about your podcast.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
When is it on?
Speaker 2 (28:15):
How can they you know, get a I don't know,
I keep hitting that sorry, how can they get a
hold of you?
Speaker 7 (28:21):
So, yes, you can go to Eliminate Counseling dot org.
There are lots of ways to contact me. I'm on
Instagram and Facebook and we have a YouTube channel where
our podcast is also on video. You can listen to
us on iHeartRadio as well, so I know. Yeah, You're
just everywhere everywhere.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Which is great if you are local in Madison. Please
hit up this beautiful woman, especially if you are going
through anything traumatic in your life. She is an amazing
person to get the help with e DMR. So you
can look more into that. You know, that's outside of
your podcast, which.
Speaker 4 (28:55):
Is fun and all that, but I just want people
to understand that fun.
Speaker 7 (28:58):
Yes, So I do specialize and working with women healing trauma.
So my specialization is EMDR and I do work with
women who are going through divorce as well, because that's
very traumatic.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And yeah, so this podcast has it all.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
It does, and you're such a beautiful person inside it.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I know.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
I just so appreciate having you come in and talk
to you and choke a little bit too with.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
You, right back at you.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
When we can go to the store with you and
find that fabulous I don't know, quinchy curl.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
That you have in your.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
We need a whole episode on our hair.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I can't.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, well, thank you, good Sandra.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I Happy holidays to you and your beautiful daughter by
the way, you thanks for coming.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
Onay, love you, Happy holidays and holidays.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Bye y'all.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. You're Every episode of Maton Mom Squad podcasts
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you
listen to your favorite podcasts.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
S
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