Today the phenomenal Laurie Assadi joins the Madtown Mom Squad to discuss back to school stress on our kiddos! In our conversation Laurie will educate us parents on the complexity of stress and how school can impact our kiddos mental health. We will learn about how common it's for our kids to experience the nature of stress, what factors about school in general makes kids more prone to stress, are kids who have been already diagnosed with mental health issues or ADHD at a higher risk for immobilizing stress, and what is the best approach as parents and teachers when it comes to helping a child going through such mental health struggles.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her Squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, moms and dads, as you know, oh my gosh,
I can't believe it's already here. School is right around
the corner, and that means our kiddos are leaving our
home to get back into school.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
And you know what, it can honestly.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Be a very stressful time if we all remember when
we were back in school, Like yes, I do.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I'm like, oh my gosh, a brand new you know,
great that I'm going into. I'm going to be surrounded
by all these new kids around me.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
What am I going to wear? All these things?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That is out of our control and hopefully, you know what,
it all goes well, but it can definitely still be
something that we battle with our insides, and especially when
it comes to our kids, we want to make sure
that they feel confident getting back into school.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
And that's why I have one of.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
My dearest friends, it's always our dear favorite, Miss Laurie Asadi,
retire school psychollegist retired clinical psychologists.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
She's an amazing therapist.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
She has spoken over six hundred seminars when it comes
to parents and their kiddos, and she is the best
at what she does. And of course I was gonna
call on Miss Laurie.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Hi, honey, how are you, Hie?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I'm good sayings, Ah. I excited to be on the
phone with you again.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I know, I know.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I always miss you, by the way, at miss Laurie,
because you and I used to live in the Kalamazoo,
Michigan together.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So again, we've been.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Dear friends, I think going on, I don't know, it
feels like almost fifteen sixteen years, so it's always bad. Yeah, right,
at least that because before even my daughter was born.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
So here you are again.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All right, girlfriend, let's get into this because, as you know,
you are top notch when it comes to talking to
kids getting back into school. So, Laurie, how common is
it for kids and our teenagers to feel old this
stress and anxiety about returning to school in the fall.
Some have already returned, and I feel bad for them
for that. I'm like, oh, your summer was ripped from you?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Right right? Well, I think it's more common than we realized,
and for a couple of different reasons. First of all,
adults this time of year are talking to the kids
about oh good, you started a new year and blah
blah blah, and it's going to be so great, and
so the kids may put a lot of energy into
(02:31):
hiding how they feel because they don't want to disappoint
the parent, and you know, because the parent's all excited
and trying to be positive. I mean, it's for good intentions,
but sometimes that makes kids feel like they have to
keep this secret from everybody. You know, I'm totally dreading
it and I don't want to go back and you're
(02:51):
telling me how wonderful it's going to be. Sure, Does
that make sense?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah? Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah. And the other thing we have to pay attention
to who was even young children have that sense of dread.
I mean I have worked with so many kids and
by July they're telling me how how much they're dreading
going back to school, and and it's just like, okay,
so half your summer is going to be taken up
with this anxiety and this sense of dread. You know.
(03:22):
So I think it's important for parents, Uh, you know,
it's a fine line. You do you want to be
positive and optimistic about it. But at the same time,
you have to learn how to listen to your child.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
And go ahead, No, no, it's just listening.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
No, okay, So I think you have to without you know,
interrogating them. I often tell parents try to stay away
from w questions. You know, well, why do you feel
that way? And you know, what can we do? And
what can you do to make it better? Well, if
they knew that, they wouldn't be stressed about it. They
(04:03):
don't know what to do about it. Excuse me, but
sometimes you can. You can get information like, well, you know,
I'm terrified of the principal. And I had an interesting
experience with a little eleven year old this past year,
the two years actually, and I have told her how
(04:25):
I used to practice because she had horrible anxiety and
depression but was very good at masking it and nobody
would ever know what was going on inside her and
the outside. I used to teach her the outside of
you looks totally print on the inside. And I finally
(04:46):
convinced her in fourth grade, let me talk to the teacher,
let me give your backstory to the teacher. And she
did agree to that surprivately, and so I contacted the
teacher and just said, I want want you to know
that with this particular kid, you're not gonna what you
see is not what you get, okay. And when I
(05:08):
was explaining the internal part of this child, the teacher
was shocked and she said, I never would have seen that.
I've never seen that. I never would have guessed she
was going through that, and she was very appreciative of
the information. The other thing that this kid told me
is that she was terrified of the principle. And the
(05:32):
teacher said started laughing and said, he's just a big
eddy bear. That just shocks me. And I said, well,
she's more scared of getting in trouble. That's the underlying anxiety.
And so what I tell parents, have a conversation with
your kids about, you know, what was the hardest thing
last year, because it's all going to depend on the
(05:53):
previous school year, of their previous experience with other teachers.
You know, sometimes kids have don't trust the school, the teacher,
the school administration and the teachers and that kind of
thing because in their head they're thinking, well, you should
(06:15):
know what's wrong with me. And even when I try
to tell you don't understand right, right, So when I
you know, and I say to them, they can't read
your mind. I mean, they have too many other kids,
and they're probably not good at it anyway. So that
when they will let me, when they trust me enough
(06:35):
to let me or the parent tell their backstory, that
if it goes well, depending on the response you get
from the school, it can go very far in terms
of reassuring the kids.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You know, it's interesting too, you know, would you obviously
the stress of entering into high school last year, the
over the over amount of homework that she experienced. She
was not prepared for that, and you know, she's always
been an A plus student and that just really really
(07:11):
overwhelmed her. And to you know, try to figure out
the time and able to you know, get everything done
was very much a challenge for her.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Oh absolutely, And that's another common thing. When they switch
even when they switch buildings, you know, elementary to middle school,
middle school to high school, that is a huge transition
for them. And one of the things that I tell
is is and parents and teachers, so you have to
understand and I think this is what Geo went through
(07:44):
or she understood. When you're in school, every single part
of you, every every piece of you is on public display. Okay,
there's nothing private in school, whether it's your socio akonom
I'm a class. Are you wearing the high end clothes?
What kind of car does your mom pick you up in?
(08:06):
How smart are you? How artistic? How are you music?
Are you an athy? I mean, the list goes on
and on, and so one of the things that I
help teachers is try to be because of this particular issue,
try to give them a safe space, you know, where
they don't have to worry about that kind of thing. Right,
(08:29):
But it's it's very tough. Sometimes there are historical experiences
that who have not been positive. You know, they have
a teacher who you know, uses humiliation and a punishment
a lot, and these kids are driven to save face.
(08:50):
And so one of the teachers I talked to about
this guy, she must have gone to the principal and
said something, because the kid told me that she was
called in was office one day and the very first
thing he said to her when she walked in the door,
where I'm not in trouble, which is very wise.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, And she and from that day forward she had
a totally different relationship with that principle.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Well, it's kind of like, you know, just being in
the workplace when your boss says I need to see
you in five minutes, You're like, abs, holy god, I'm
gonna get my ass chewed out or I'm gonna get fired.
It's not like we're gonna have this friendly conversation.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
So that's I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I mean, I think we all would wish that in
the workplace.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Oh absolutely. My daughter used to do the same thing,
and so I learned at a young age with her.
She was upstairs and I was downstairs and calling her.
I would say to her, you're not in trouble. I
just needed to see her, and she thanked me for that.
Was like five or six at the time. She goes, oh,
thank god, every time you call me, I think I'm
(09:59):
in trouble. Yeah, yeah, And then right it transfers into
the workplace also.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Correct correct.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Man. If I think about the times that I were
stressed out at school, I mean for me, because I
just had a really hard time with certain subjects that
I just got extremely embarrassed, and I was one of
those kids I had to like stay after to go
to a special class. So even in college, I had to,
you know, go and uh have a longer amount of
(10:30):
time to take my test because I can't. I can't
test on you know, okay, get done in a half hour.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I can't. It stresses me out right right right.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah. Time limits are terrible for a lot of kids
like this that are stressed anyway. So then they start
obsessing on the time and they lose track or get
distracted from what they're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Yeah for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
So Laurie, what factors then, would you say about school
in general or the previous school years that make kids
even more prone to stress outside of just knowing like,
oh my gosh, I have school work I'm going to
have to do again.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
M hmm. Well, I think you know, and this is
an uncontrolled factor, okay, that you have teachers who say,
you know, things that seem benign, but they're not. For example,
this is due tomorrow and you're not allowed to turn
it in late, and if you turned in late, you're
(11:29):
going to drop ten points. I mean, oh my god,
forget it, you know. And I think they're thinking that,
you know, they're encouraging them to get get it in
on time, but it's actually doing the opposite. And you know,
I had a teacher one time when I was doing
an in service for teaching staff and and she said, wow,
(11:54):
you know, so if you let them turn it in
on if you know them turned in late, so they're
going to go up and not care if they turn
their taxes in on time. Right, Wait, what we're talking
about a second grader here? You know, Yes, I just
think I don't think we can predict. And one of
(12:14):
the things, and I tell this to the kids too,
if you're struggling with something in school, number one, it's
always fixable, you know. And I take on that responsibility
for the kids and I tell them, now, I will
make this better. I can fix this. Sometimes I can.
Sometimes I can't. But they need to have a sense
of optimism from somebody. And you know, I said, well,
(12:40):
we think we're encouraging kids, we're actually terrifying it. And
one of the things that I preach constantly is school
does not predict life. But because school is so important
and the teachers are very committed to their job, they
kind of use a lot of those comparisons. Well, if
you can't do this, then ninth grade, how are you
(13:01):
going to hold a job, or how are you going
to do this? Well, when I graduated high school, I'm
going to be a totally different person. And high school
is a very artificial environment. And I'm amazed at the
kids that would get into college and contact me and say,
(13:22):
oh my god, you were totally right. This is nothing
like high school, you know, but adults, that's what we
tell kids. You have to be able to do this
now if you want to do this in the future.
And what they don't understand is the amount of brain development,
especially in the frontal lobes, that goes on between the
(13:44):
ages of nineteen and thirty. And I don't know about you, Kristin,
but my kids are in the early forties now and
I can't believe the differences I saw in them between
twenty twenty one and thirty thirty two. Sure, you know,
and we talk about it now. We stayed in each other,
(14:05):
you know. Did you ever think I'd be doing this
when I was in high school and hated it every
single day? And you know that's I mean, it's been
proven with research, but I've also seen it clinically a
thousand times, right, And sometimes a second grader needs that reassurance.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, And you know, it's very true. I was just
having this conversation with someone. Our world has changed so much,
like even the focus of college, Like it makes you
wonder if college is even going to be around in
the future because of AI.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I mean, AI is now not only is AI.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Doing our kids' school work, which they have the ability
to do. I also heard that and again this is
what I heard, that teachers are now using AI to
grade papers and AI. I came across the exuberant amount
of jobs that AI will be taking away from us,
(15:10):
and that will include my job position, It includes teachers,
it includes doctors because they're using robots now instead. It's just, uh,
it's very frightening. So you know, I actually had a
conversation with Gia about the trades. Even you make, you
make really good money in the trades, but you know
her her passion again is working with kids that are sick.
(15:32):
But I'm just saying, like, our world is changing so much.
It's like, you know, when you talk about school and
the importance of it, which is very much is, But
does that determine your future?
Speaker 4 (15:44):
No, no it doesn't. I still after all the years,
five years of retirement, I still get phone call from
my kids that will say to me, you know, I
just want to get you caught up to date here
and what I've done since I've seen you. And my
mouth is hanging open, and I say, oh, good one,
(16:06):
I's here. But I'm say I can tell her. I
told you so, right, I probably can. And I just
had coffee with him, actually goes, can we just go
ahead coffee or something? Well, sure we can, and you know,
and and he said, I wish my mom was here
today to hear this directly from you, because I would
not have predicted he'd accomplished. I knew he'd land on
(16:28):
his feet, but you know, what he's accomplished in the
last four or five years is incredible, especially when I
know his history so.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well for sure.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
So sure, yeah, so not only does the research say that,
but I see it constantly. But yeah, it is scary
to the kids, and we need to get away from
that whole thing of you know, if you can't do this,
you're not going to be able to do this. That
just terrifies them, right And also, I mean, you know,
(17:00):
keep in mind that kids are driven to save face,
and so you know, they all I hope they're not
still doing this, but all the times that you know,
teachers posting for the more of what you know, each
for each kid, what chapter they finished, or you know,
they put on public display what the kids have accomplished academically.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Oh that's humiliating.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh it's horrible, It's horrible. And I got a call
from a second yer a couple of years ago and
she was in tears because the teacher was using red, yellow,
and green cart and all she's obsessed on all day
was getting what if I get a yellow card? What
if I get a yellow card? You know? And in
my head, I'm thinking that is just so archaic, and
(17:44):
putting your weaknesses on public display, right, Yeah, So these
are the kinds of things that contribute without us realizing
that the contribute to the level of stress the kids
have about going back.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Sure, and we're not even talking yet about the pure
pressure of being around kids that are me.
Speaker 4 (18:09):
I am kid. I talked to this July and she
said she was dreading going back to school and I
said already and she said, well, yeah, I don't want
to go back to the drama. That's what she said
to me. You know, drama, the drama that goes on
there and people talking about each other. I mean, it's
a really really hard place to be.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Well, it's toxic, it's very toxic.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I mean I think as adults we can attribute to
that if you work in a workforce, that that's what
you're surrounded by.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
That's a toxic workplace, right, we get to put.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Our jobs, you know, And so again I think it's
it's it's important to sympathize with them and acknowledge that
they're feeling is probably legitimate. But we're going to figure
out a way to make it better and easier for you.
And one of the things that I tell parents is,
(19:11):
you know, again ask permission for you to be able
to give. And sometimes the kids want to be there.
They say, I'll talk to the teacher about what's going
on with me and you know, which is exactly what
we want, especially if they're struggling with a mental health
issue already, right, you know, the teacher needs to know
that you know, you have anxiety and what I term
(19:35):
invisible parent attacks. On the outside, you look fine, but
on the inside you're trying not to throw up.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Let's dive into that with you know, our children that do.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Deal with mental health on a daily basis, whether it
be depression, anxiety, ADHD, learning disorders and mood disorders, they're
definitely at higher risk, you would say, correct when it
comes to stress. What's the best approach, especially for us
parents because I know a lot of us who maybe
have a child that it does suffer. I mean, even
(20:11):
getting them out of bed, get to go to school
can be very difficult.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Absolutely, absolutely, and again you have to And this is why,
like I explain to teachers when I do professional development,
you know, I say, it's important that you understand the
nature of mental health, not just what you read in
a book or you get in a report from somebody,
(20:37):
because that compromises your thinking, whether it's anxiety or depression,
it impacts how you see things, your perception of events.
You know, I don't have any friends, and I've said
to many teachers, you know, this is what the kids
are telling me in and she goes what everybody adores
the kids. And then other times the kids are totally
(21:00):
be ostracized and isolated from peers on their own and
they don't it, you know, because they're too embarrassed. So again,
when you already know that this kid, whether it's ADHD
or learning disability or depression. I want people to understand
(21:20):
that that the nature of that beast is going to
compromise her thinking and her perception of events and so again,
but we tend to minimize that, Oh yo, it's not
that bad. Well how dare you? You know, you don't
think it's that bad on the outside, but you have
no idea what it's feeling like on the inside of
(21:40):
this kid. And that's what gets them. That's what makes
kids give up on school staff. You know, it's because
they feel like they're not being listened to. And with
parents too. I mean, they've said to me, why would
I even tell my mom? You know, all she does
is lecture me and tell me that I shouldn't feel
that way and that that's not really what's happening, and
(22:04):
blah blah blah. So they feel the mean, you.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Know, what would you say when it comes to this
predicament when a teacher has been taken out of a
school system, because this was the one teacher that seemed
to have all the kids wanting to go and visit
them and be open with them because they felt comfortable.
(22:30):
And now this teacher was at one time already moved
to a different place, so the kids didn't have access
to them because they weren't the counselor. But now this
actual teacher has been removed. So now when it comes
to these children that were felt safe going to do,
now they feel like they don't have.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Anybody right, Like, what would I say, I'm appalled, Yeah,
I am appalled because in this day and age, one
of the things that's been proven over and over. I
mean you go online and look at videos of principles
that when when that bus pulls in, the principals right
there greeting every child you know, or sitting in the
(23:14):
cafeteria with them during lunch. Relationships is one of the
most important factors for success, and yet educators spend not
all of them obviously, but educators are not taught to
spend too much time on that. You know. That's why
either the parent talking to the teacher or the therapist
(23:35):
talking to the teacher, there has to be an open
road to communication and they need to understand how that
impacts kids don't have a safe place at school. So
when this person is removed from that situation, regardless of
how obviously this is, the kids need her and respect her.
(23:56):
I mean, she could be the only one that the
kid is kind of go in there and say, you know,
I'm thinking a lot about killing myself exactly, you know,
I mean, you don't know. And what gift did she
have that the kids were all feeling that way? You know?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Well, obviously I'm saying this as from a personal experience.
Unfortunately that has happened now in my daughter's school and
this person was taken away that I mean, it infuriates
me as a mom because, like you said, I mean,
we try to teach our kids like, hey, if you
are feeling like if you're suicidal, reach out to someone,
(24:35):
reach out to someone that you trust, a teacher, a.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Blah blah blah, a friend.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Now and now that person's been taken out, and you know,
and it's many kids I was told that really enjoyed
this teacher and whent and you know, felt comfortable enough
to talk to them.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
So it's sad.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Well, and that the sick part about that is all
my years of working with school age kids and I
always ask each one of them the same question, is
there anybody at school that you feel you can connect
with If you're having a rough day, you can go
to and you wouldn't believe a high percentage of kids
(25:16):
to say no, no, there's nobody like that. And so
some of them, you know, we put it in writing,
the parents put it in writing that if this kid
is struggling during the day, he has from him to
go to the office and call me. Now, the fact
that he has to go outside the building to get
reassurance like that to me is appalling. I think, you know,
the teacher should be trained and how to establish what
(25:37):
do kids need to see and feel in order to
have a relationship with you?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Very true?
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yeah, yeah, it's I mean, it's kind of terrifying, and
especially when you and you you've read this, I've read this,
you know, seven year olds killing themselves, nine year olds
hanging themselves like what, yeah, you know, And a lot
of these teachers had no idea that, yes, you couldn't
have when I was back in the in the old days,
(26:06):
dark ages, when I was first trained, they said, you know,
for example, depression is genetic, but kids under eighteen don't
get depressed. But yeah, yeah, they okay, and it's like,
oh the gene wakes up on their eighteenth birthday. Wow,
you know, but these are the kinds of mental health
(26:27):
issues that academic staff are not trained in. Wow, you know, yeah,
a lot of times the kids get punished for having
you know, behavior issues that are actually anchored in anxiety depression.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Well, anytime that I go out and you know, speak about,
you know, what I've gone through, and when I do,
I always preface it. You know, many of us grew
up not talking about our feelings because we were told
we were feeling sorry for ourselves. It wasn't something we
were allowed to be okay.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
To talk about, right exactly.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, so very much.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Has change, and I did want to I did want
to kind of chime in real quick. So last week
I had the opportunity of meeting Brett Favre from the Packers,
And yeah, so Brett now is his his kind of
like passion in life, Lorie is being an advocate of
reading the stigma of mental health. And so he's working
(27:25):
out here with our Diction Rehab Center and he's just
super super kind.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
And I did ask him that question.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I said, you know, Brett, you know, he's very open
with his addiction when he was playing to vicodin and
taking sixteen pills a day, And but I asked him.
I said, you know, what advice would you give our
youth who are dealing with mental health? And like we
were just talking about like you reach out to those
who you trust, right and like you just said, well,
(27:54):
it looks.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Like it's and and it's unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Isn't that like we're blaming the school system because it's
very difficult.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
I mean it is.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
They don't have the training, you know that that's the
other And I when I was doing professional development a
lot in my career, I mean, it was amazing how
many even elementary teachers, you know, contacted me at some
point down the road and said, I can't believe how
different my classes since I moved away from punishment, humiliation, fear.
(28:28):
You know, if you don't do this, then this bad
thing is going to happen, you know. And we, again,
we just think that that's the way to do it,
you know. Yeah, it's them to operate, perform out of fear,
fear of losing whatever recess or you know, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Right, And I know this isn't the proper term anymore,
but you know, my mom taught delinquents. She taught the
kids that were in the worst of the worst in
their lives, and she taught at these very top schools,
and it was very sad to me because my mom
was always there for her kids. She's like, if you're
(29:06):
chewing in my class, I could care less. At least
you're in my class. And that's right, you know, back
in the day. But that's what we did, right when
a kid would act out in class, you kick them out. Well,
there's a reason why these kids are acting out.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
The way that they are, absolutely and so right.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
You just never gave them an outlet. You're like, oh,
go to detention. I don't want to hear about it.
Go to detention. Yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
There's no problem solving involved, you know. And I've had
teachers that have had some tough kids to deal with,
and they're so good about, you know, maintaining the kids privacy.
Let's you and I go out here and we'll figure
this out. All they need to know is that an
adult is wanting to figure it out, you know, instead
(29:51):
of I can't believe how important those words have been
to the kids I've worked with, you know, and I
have said of them, it's up to me to figure this. Well,
that's why you're here is because I'll figure out a
way to make this better. And if we can't make
it better because we're up against an administration or whatever,
if we can't make it better, we'll figure out a
(30:11):
better way for you to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
You know.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
But those words of reassurance are not used enough. I
don't think, you know, right, And then of course she
gets stupid comments like well he needs to take responsibility
for solving his own problems. Seriously, why he's a kid.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
He's a kid, yeah, you know, and a super super
positive point. I do want to say that, you know,
the people that are surrounded around Gia right now are
so so very good at making sure that she is
getting the right tools that she needs for her learning.
So which has been which has been tremendous. I know, yes, right,
and you and I know you've been on board with this.
(30:53):
So I do want to let parents know they may
not know that there are opportunities, especially if your child
struts goals, maybe they have ADHD things like that.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Is it called the.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Five four four the.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Five or four plan?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Oh yeah, A lot of a lot of parents may
not know that that's an opportunity. It's just it's just
extra ways to help your kids if they need maybe
they need extra time, well, then they'll get an extra
time when it comes to taking a test, or maybe
they study better and they're more calm when they listen
to music. Well maybe that's an opportunity. So there are
(31:26):
opportunities which we didn't have growing up.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Oh no, I know, yeah, I know, and you know
I've It's interesting because years and years ago, I had
a teacher call me about a kid who had a
five o four and her her comment to me was, well,
I think he's been on a five four. I think
he's really taking advantage of it. And so we had
various things that he could he could, you know, get
(31:51):
a pass to leave the room if he was dressed
or whatever, and she said, you know, he's constantly going
to the quiet room to settlement. And I'm like, okay,
so you think he's abusing it, but I think that
means it's working for him. Yeah, right, and he wants
to keep doing it, you know. And it's just weird.
Sometimes I think people have misconceptions about some of the
(32:11):
stuff that were too easy down the kids or whatever,
and if you really get in and see what their
mental world is like, trust me, anything we're doing on
the outside is not being too easy on them.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Exactly, exactly. Yeah, Well, Laurie, I have one more question
for you.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I'm curious what do you think is the best approach
then for us as parents and teachers when it comes
to our kids experience significant you know, stress right now
going back to school, Like, what can we tell them
to reassure them? Like, you know, I wish to try
to tell g I'm like, this year is going to
be better than next year. I mean, I don't know
(32:49):
if that's the right thing to say, but I you know, I.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
Just you know, it is the right thing to say.
And what I say the other piece I add for
that comment is you're different than you were last year.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
You have learned from last year and so this year
it's going to be different. Your brain is more mature,
you figured things out, blah blah blah. So again, different
ways to give them reassurance that gives them the ability
to own how to make better. You know, you're the one,
(33:22):
not me. I mean, I say, you know, yes, I'm
going to try to make this easier for you, but
you're the one that actually has to do go in
there and do it, and so their confidence goes up
when they own the changes that they have made sure,
you know, in terms of trusting people or at least
tryingness or you know, but a lot of times that's initiated.
(33:44):
It has to be initiated by the adult. So I think,
you know, the reassurance and the other thing I learned
back in the old days when I was in grad school,
starting your sentences with me, you know, because the message
you're giving the kid is we're in this together. You know,
we're the team. And one of the things I've said
(34:07):
to kids over the year is I've said, you know,
you have people, you have people, and I'm one of
those people, and then I miss them, you know. So
just giving them the reassurance that they have the support
and they have the understanding of what they're going to need,
you know, and sometimes the dread that they experience in
(34:28):
the summer, the one way, I mean, we can certainly
try to talk them all of it, blah blah blah,
but the one way is that they're going to have
to walk in and experience it, you know, but also
use their past successes. Okay, last year, when I talked
to this one kid's teacher in the fall. By the
(34:50):
end of the school year, this kid was sobbing because
she was going to miss that teacher. And yet she
started the school year with that whole sense of you know, yeah,
so again when you have a teacher that's going to
listen to somebody and do things differently. So if that's
what happened, you know, like like go back to that
(35:10):
and say, well, this is how you felt going into
fourth season. Look how good that year was.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
That works for me.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yes, it does, Yes, it does. So what us as
parents need to do right now is we got to
go get the back to school supply list. It's got
to picture days on the way, we got to go
get it closed. So these are the things that I'm
going through right now as a parent. So I'm just
jotting them down each and every day. So I've gotten
(35:37):
four of them done. Registration number one was the most important.
She is registered.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I accomplished that one.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I feel good as a mom. I feel like I won.
I won right there, I won that sumond with her.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Well, I'm excited for my daughter, as you know, Laurie,
she's very very excited right now. Also she's through driver's
ed so a lot of great things are coming her way,
and I just I appreciate you as always just chiming
in and helping all of us parents kind of maneuver
through this, you know. Always it's kind of a difficult time,
nerve wracking time for our kids as.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
And it continues throughout the year.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
I know, I know. My mom told me when my
first born was two or three, she looked at me
one day into it never ends, just so you know,
And in my head I'm thinking it does, so you
know when they turn eighteen or what. No, it doesn't.
It never ends.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
It never ends. It never ends.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
It gets better at though, but you know, well that's good.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Well.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I love you, miss Laurie.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Thank you so much for coming on the mom spot
again and helping us get through, especially for back to school.
And believe me, I will be calling you again for
more things that we need to talk about when it
comes to our kiddos.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Okay, good, good, all right, Well, thanks so much for
giving me this opportunity, so.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
As always, I love you girls. Have a fabulous day,
all right, Okay, thanks all right.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
This is the Mattton Mom Squad Podcast. A production of iHeartRadio.
Here every episode of Mattton Mom Squad. Podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her Squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, moms and dads, as you know, oh my gosh,
I can't believe it's already here. School is right around
the corner, and that means our kiddos are leaving our
home to get back into school.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
And you know what, it can honestly.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Be a very stressful time if we all remember when
we were back in school, Like yes, I do.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I'm like, oh my gosh, a brand new you know,
great that I'm going into. I'm going to be surrounded
by all these new kids around me.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
What am I going to wear? All these things?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That is out of our control and hopefully, you know what,
it all goes well, but it can definitely still be
something that we battle with our insides, and especially when
it comes to our kids, we want to make sure
that they feel confident getting back into school.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
And that's why I have one of.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
My dearest friends, it's always our dear favorite, Miss Laurie Asadi,
retire school psychollegist retired clinical psychologists.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
She's an amazing therapist.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
She has spoken over six hundred seminars when it comes
to parents and their kiddos, and she is the best
at what she does. And of course I was gonna
call on Miss Laurie.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Hi, honey, how are you, Hie?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I'm good sayings, Ah. I excited to be on the
phone with you again.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I know, I know.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I always miss you, by the way, at miss Laurie,
because you and I used to live in the Kalamazoo,
Michigan together.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
So again, we've been.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Dear friends, I think going on, I don't know, it
feels like almost fifteen sixteen years, so it's always bad. Yeah, right,
at least that because before even my daughter was born.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
So here you are again.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
All right, girlfriend, let's get into this because, as you know,
you are top notch when it comes to talking to
kids getting back into school. So, Laurie, how common is
it for kids and our teenagers to feel old this
stress and anxiety about returning to school in the fall.
Some have already returned, and I feel bad for them
for that. I'm like, oh, your summer was ripped from you?
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Right right? Well, I think it's more common than we realized,
and for a couple of different reasons. First of all,
adults this time of year are talking to the kids
about oh good, you started a new year and blah
blah blah, and it's going to be so great, and
so the kids may put a lot of energy into
(02:31):
hiding how they feel because they don't want to disappoint
the parent, and you know, because the parent's all excited
and trying to be positive. I mean, it's for good intentions,
but sometimes that makes kids feel like they have to
keep this secret from everybody. You know, I'm totally dreading
it and I don't want to go back and you're
(02:51):
telling me how wonderful it's going to be. Sure, Does
that make sense?
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah? Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah. And the other thing we have to pay attention
to who was even young children have that sense of dread.
I mean I have worked with so many kids and
by July they're telling me how how much they're dreading
going back to school, and and it's just like, okay,
so half your summer is going to be taken up
with this anxiety and this sense of dread. You know.
(03:22):
So I think it's important for parents, Uh, you know,
it's a fine line. You do you want to be
positive and optimistic about it. But at the same time,
you have to learn how to listen to your child.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
And go ahead, No, no, it's just listening.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
No, okay, So I think you have to without you know,
interrogating them. I often tell parents try to stay away
from w questions. You know, well, why do you feel
that way? And you know, what can we do? And
what can you do to make it better? Well, if
they knew that, they wouldn't be stressed about it. They
(04:03):
don't know what to do about it. Excuse me, but
sometimes you can. You can get information like, well, you know,
I'm terrified of the principal. And I had an interesting
experience with a little eleven year old this past year,
the two years actually, and I have told her how
(04:25):
I used to practice because she had horrible anxiety and
depression but was very good at masking it and nobody
would ever know what was going on inside her and
the outside. I used to teach her the outside of
you looks totally print on the inside. And I finally
(04:46):
convinced her in fourth grade, let me talk to the teacher,
let me give your backstory to the teacher. And she
did agree to that surprivately, and so I contacted the
teacher and just said, I want want you to know
that with this particular kid, you're not gonna what you
see is not what you get, okay. And when I
(05:08):
was explaining the internal part of this child, the teacher
was shocked and she said, I never would have seen that.
I've never seen that. I never would have guessed she
was going through that, and she was very appreciative of
the information. The other thing that this kid told me
is that she was terrified of the principle. And the
(05:32):
teacher said started laughing and said, he's just a big
eddy bear. That just shocks me. And I said, well,
she's more scared of getting in trouble. That's the underlying anxiety.
And so what I tell parents, have a conversation with
your kids about, you know, what was the hardest thing
last year, because it's all going to depend on the
(05:53):
previous school year, of their previous experience with other teachers.
You know, sometimes kids have don't trust the school, the teacher,
the school administration and the teachers and that kind of
thing because in their head they're thinking, well, you should
(06:15):
know what's wrong with me. And even when I try
to tell you don't understand right, right, So when I
you know, and I say to them, they can't read
your mind. I mean, they have too many other kids,
and they're probably not good at it anyway. So that
when they will let me, when they trust me enough
(06:35):
to let me or the parent tell their backstory, that
if it goes well, depending on the response you get
from the school, it can go very far in terms
of reassuring the kids.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
You know, it's interesting too, you know, would you obviously
the stress of entering into high school last year, the
over the over amount of homework that she experienced. She
was not prepared for that, and you know, she's always
been an A plus student and that just really really
(07:11):
overwhelmed her. And to you know, try to figure out
the time and able to you know, get everything done
was very much a challenge for her.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Oh absolutely, And that's another common thing. When they switch
even when they switch buildings, you know, elementary to middle school,
middle school to high school, that is a huge transition
for them. And one of the things that I tell
is is and parents and teachers, so you have to
understand and I think this is what Geo went through
(07:44):
or she understood. When you're in school, every single part
of you, every every piece of you is on public display. Okay,
there's nothing private in school, whether it's your socio akonom
I'm a class. Are you wearing the high end clothes?
What kind of car does your mom pick you up in?
(08:06):
How smart are you? How artistic? How are you music?
Are you an athy? I mean, the list goes on
and on, and so one of the things that I
help teachers is try to be because of this particular issue,
try to give them a safe space, you know, where
they don't have to worry about that kind of thing. Right,
(08:29):
But it's it's very tough. Sometimes there are historical experiences
that who have not been positive. You know, they have
a teacher who you know, uses humiliation and a punishment
a lot, and these kids are driven to save face.
(08:50):
And so one of the teachers I talked to about
this guy, she must have gone to the principal and
said something, because the kid told me that she was
called in was office one day and the very first
thing he said to her when she walked in the door,
where I'm not in trouble, which is very wise.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Yeah, And she and from that day forward she had
a totally different relationship with that principle.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Well, it's kind of like, you know, just being in
the workplace when your boss says I need to see
you in five minutes, You're like, abs, holy god, I'm
gonna get my ass chewed out or I'm gonna get fired.
It's not like we're gonna have this friendly conversation.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
So that's I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I mean, I think we all would wish that in
the workplace.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Oh absolutely. My daughter used to do the same thing,
and so I learned at a young age with her.
She was upstairs and I was downstairs and calling her.
I would say to her, you're not in trouble. I
just needed to see her, and she thanked me for that.
Was like five or six at the time. She goes, oh,
thank god, every time you call me, I think I'm
(09:59):
in trouble. Yeah, yeah, And then right it transfers into
the workplace also.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Correct correct.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Man. If I think about the times that I were
stressed out at school, I mean for me, because I
just had a really hard time with certain subjects that
I just got extremely embarrassed, and I was one of
those kids I had to like stay after to go
to a special class. So even in college, I had to,
you know, go and uh have a longer amount of
(10:30):
time to take my test because I can't. I can't
test on you know, okay, get done in a half hour.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I can't. It stresses me out right right right.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Yeah. Time limits are terrible for a lot of kids
like this that are stressed anyway. So then they start
obsessing on the time and they lose track or get
distracted from what they're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Yeah for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
So Laurie, what factors then, would you say about school
in general or the previous school years that make kids
even more prone to stress outside of just knowing like,
oh my gosh, I have school work I'm going to
have to do again.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
M hmm. Well, I think you know, and this is
an uncontrolled factor, okay, that you have teachers who say,
you know, things that seem benign, but they're not. For example,
this is due tomorrow and you're not allowed to turn
it in late, and if you turned in late, you're
(11:29):
going to drop ten points. I mean, oh my god,
forget it, you know. And I think they're thinking that,
you know, they're encouraging them to get get it in
on time, but it's actually doing the opposite. And you know,
I had a teacher one time when I was doing
an in service for teaching staff and and she said, wow,
(11:54):
you know, so if you let them turn it in
on if you know them turned in late, so they're
going to go up and not care if they turn
their taxes in on time. Right, Wait, what we're talking
about a second grader here? You know, Yes, I just
think I don't think we can predict. And one of
(12:14):
the things, and I tell this to the kids too,
if you're struggling with something in school, number one, it's
always fixable, you know. And I take on that responsibility
for the kids and I tell them, now, I will
make this better. I can fix this. Sometimes I can.
Sometimes I can't. But they need to have a sense
of optimism from somebody. And you know, I said, well,
(12:40):
we think we're encouraging kids, we're actually terrifying it. And
one of the things that I preach constantly is school
does not predict life. But because school is so important
and the teachers are very committed to their job, they
kind of use a lot of those comparisons. Well, if
you can't do this, then ninth grade, how are you
(13:01):
going to hold a job, or how are you going
to do this? Well, when I graduated high school, I'm
going to be a totally different person. And high school
is a very artificial environment. And I'm amazed at the
kids that would get into college and contact me and say,
(13:22):
oh my god, you were totally right. This is nothing
like high school, you know, but adults, that's what we
tell kids. You have to be able to do this
now if you want to do this in the future.
And what they don't understand is the amount of brain development,
especially in the frontal lobes, that goes on between the
(13:44):
ages of nineteen and thirty. And I don't know about you, Kristin,
but my kids are in the early forties now and
I can't believe the differences I saw in them between
twenty twenty one and thirty thirty two. Sure, you know,
and we talk about it now. We stayed in each other,
(14:05):
you know. Did you ever think I'd be doing this
when I was in high school and hated it every
single day? And you know that's I mean, it's been
proven with research, but I've also seen it clinically a
thousand times, right, And sometimes a second grader needs that reassurance.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, And you know, it's very true. I was just
having this conversation with someone. Our world has changed so much,
like even the focus of college, Like it makes you
wonder if college is even going to be around in
the future because of AI.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I mean, AI is now not only is AI.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Doing our kids' school work, which they have the ability
to do. I also heard that and again this is
what I heard, that teachers are now using AI to
grade papers and AI. I came across the exuberant amount
of jobs that AI will be taking away from us,
(15:10):
and that will include my job position, It includes teachers,
it includes doctors because they're using robots now instead. It's just, uh,
it's very frightening. So you know, I actually had a
conversation with Gia about the trades. Even you make, you
make really good money in the trades, but you know
her her passion again is working with kids that are sick.
(15:32):
But I'm just saying, like, our world is changing so much.
It's like, you know, when you talk about school and
the importance of it, which is very much is, But
does that determine your future?
Speaker 4 (15:44):
No, no it doesn't. I still after all the years,
five years of retirement, I still get phone call from
my kids that will say to me, you know, I
just want to get you caught up to date here
and what I've done since I've seen you. And my
mouth is hanging open, and I say, oh, good one,
(16:06):
I's here. But I'm say I can tell her. I
told you so, right, I probably can. And I just
had coffee with him, actually goes, can we just go
ahead coffee or something? Well, sure we can, and you know,
and and he said, I wish my mom was here
today to hear this directly from you, because I would
not have predicted he'd accomplished. I knew he'd land on
(16:28):
his feet, but you know, what he's accomplished in the
last four or five years is incredible, especially when I
know his history so.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well for sure.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
So sure, yeah, so not only does the research say that,
but I see it constantly. But yeah, it is scary
to the kids, and we need to get away from
that whole thing of you know, if you can't do this,
you're not going to be able to do this. That
just terrifies them, right And also, I mean, you know,
(17:00):
keep in mind that kids are driven to save face,
and so you know, they all I hope they're not
still doing this, but all the times that you know,
teachers posting for the more of what you know, each
for each kid, what chapter they finished, or you know,
they put on public display what the kids have accomplished academically.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Oh that's humiliating.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh it's horrible, It's horrible. And I got a call
from a second yer a couple of years ago and
she was in tears because the teacher was using red, yellow,
and green cart and all she's obsessed on all day
was getting what if I get a yellow card? What
if I get a yellow card? You know? And in
my head, I'm thinking that is just so archaic, and
(17:44):
putting your weaknesses on public display, right, Yeah, So these
are the kinds of things that contribute without us realizing
that the contribute to the level of stress the kids
have about going back.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Sure, and we're not even talking yet about the pure
pressure of being around kids that are me.
Speaker 4 (18:09):
I am kid. I talked to this July and she
said she was dreading going back to school and I
said already and she said, well, yeah, I don't want
to go back to the drama. That's what she said
to me. You know, drama, the drama that goes on
there and people talking about each other. I mean, it's
a really really hard place to be.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Well, it's toxic, it's very toxic.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I mean I think as adults we can attribute to
that if you work in a workforce, that that's what
you're surrounded by.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
That's a toxic workplace, right, we get to put.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
Our jobs, you know, And so again I think it's
it's it's important to sympathize with them and acknowledge that
they're feeling is probably legitimate. But we're going to figure
out a way to make it better and easier for you.
And one of the things that I tell parents is,
(19:11):
you know, again ask permission for you to be able
to give. And sometimes the kids want to be there.
They say, I'll talk to the teacher about what's going
on with me and you know, which is exactly what
we want, especially if they're struggling with a mental health
issue already, right, you know, the teacher needs to know
that you know, you have anxiety and what I term
(19:35):
invisible parent attacks. On the outside, you look fine, but
on the inside you're trying not to throw up.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Let's dive into that with you know, our children that do.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Deal with mental health on a daily basis, whether it
be depression, anxiety, ADHD, learning disorders and mood disorders, they're
definitely at higher risk, you would say, correct when it
comes to stress. What's the best approach, especially for us
parents because I know a lot of us who maybe
have a child that it does suffer. I mean, even
(20:11):
getting them out of bed, get to go to school
can be very difficult.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Absolutely, absolutely, and again you have to And this is why,
like I explain to teachers when I do professional development,
you know, I say, it's important that you understand the
nature of mental health, not just what you read in
a book or you get in a report from somebody,
(20:37):
because that compromises your thinking, whether it's anxiety or depression,
it impacts how you see things, your perception of events.
You know, I don't have any friends, and I've said
to many teachers, you know, this is what the kids
are telling me in and she goes what everybody adores
the kids. And then other times the kids are totally
(21:00):
be ostracized and isolated from peers on their own and
they don't it, you know, because they're too embarrassed. So again,
when you already know that this kid, whether it's ADHD
or learning disability or depression. I want people to understand
(21:20):
that that the nature of that beast is going to
compromise her thinking and her perception of events and so again,
but we tend to minimize that, Oh yo, it's not
that bad. Well how dare you? You know, you don't
think it's that bad on the outside, but you have
no idea what it's feeling like on the inside of
(21:40):
this kid. And that's what gets them. That's what makes
kids give up on school staff. You know, it's because
they feel like they're not being listened to. And with
parents too. I mean, they've said to me, why would
I even tell my mom? You know, all she does
is lecture me and tell me that I shouldn't feel
that way and that that's not really what's happening, and
(22:04):
blah blah blah. So they feel the mean, you.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Know, what would you say when it comes to this
predicament when a teacher has been taken out of a
school system, because this was the one teacher that seemed
to have all the kids wanting to go and visit
them and be open with them because they felt comfortable.
(22:30):
And now this teacher was at one time already moved
to a different place, so the kids didn't have access
to them because they weren't the counselor. But now this
actual teacher has been removed. So now when it comes
to these children that were felt safe going to do,
now they feel like they don't have.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Anybody right, Like, what would I say, I'm appalled, Yeah,
I am appalled because in this day and age, one
of the things that's been proven over and over. I
mean you go online and look at videos of principles
that when when that bus pulls in, the principals right
there greeting every child you know, or sitting in the
(23:14):
cafeteria with them during lunch. Relationships is one of the
most important factors for success, and yet educators spend not
all of them obviously, but educators are not taught to
spend too much time on that. You know. That's why
either the parent talking to the teacher or the therapist
(23:35):
talking to the teacher, there has to be an open
road to communication and they need to understand how that
impacts kids don't have a safe place at school. So
when this person is removed from that situation, regardless of
how obviously this is, the kids need her and respect her.
(23:56):
I mean, she could be the only one that the
kid is kind of go in there and say, you know,
I'm thinking a lot about killing myself exactly, you know,
I mean, you don't know. And what gift did she
have that the kids were all feeling that way? You know?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Well, obviously I'm saying this as from a personal experience.
Unfortunately that has happened now in my daughter's school and
this person was taken away that I mean, it infuriates
me as a mom because, like you said, I mean,
we try to teach our kids like, hey, if you
are feeling like if you're suicidal, reach out to someone,
(24:35):
reach out to someone that you trust, a teacher, a.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Blah blah blah, a friend.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Now and now that person's been taken out, and you know,
and it's many kids I was told that really enjoyed
this teacher and whent and you know, felt comfortable enough
to talk to them.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
So it's sad.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
Well, and that the sick part about that is all
my years of working with school age kids and I
always ask each one of them the same question, is
there anybody at school that you feel you can connect
with If you're having a rough day, you can go
to and you wouldn't believe a high percentage of kids
(25:16):
to say no, no, there's nobody like that. And so
some of them, you know, we put it in writing,
the parents put it in writing that if this kid
is struggling during the day, he has from him to
go to the office and call me. Now, the fact
that he has to go outside the building to get
reassurance like that to me is appalling. I think, you know,
the teacher should be trained and how to establish what
(25:37):
do kids need to see and feel in order to
have a relationship with you?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Very true?
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yeah, yeah, it's I mean, it's kind of terrifying, and
especially when you and you you've read this, I've read this,
you know, seven year olds killing themselves, nine year olds
hanging themselves like what, yeah, you know, And a lot
of these teachers had no idea that, yes, you couldn't
have when I was back in the in the old days,
(26:06):
dark ages, when I was first trained, they said, you know,
for example, depression is genetic, but kids under eighteen don't
get depressed. But yeah, yeah, they okay, and it's like,
oh the gene wakes up on their eighteenth birthday. Wow,
you know, but these are the kinds of mental health
(26:27):
issues that academic staff are not trained in. Wow, you know, yeah,
a lot of times the kids get punished for having
you know, behavior issues that are actually anchored in anxiety depression.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Well, anytime that I go out and you know, speak about,
you know, what I've gone through, and when I do,
I always preface it. You know, many of us grew
up not talking about our feelings because we were told
we were feeling sorry for ourselves. It wasn't something we
were allowed to be okay.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
To talk about, right exactly.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, so very much.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Has change, and I did want to I did want
to kind of chime in real quick. So last week
I had the opportunity of meeting Brett Favre from the Packers,
And yeah, so Brett now is his his kind of
like passion in life, Lorie is being an advocate of
reading the stigma of mental health. And so he's working
(27:25):
out here with our Diction Rehab Center and he's just
super super kind.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
And I did ask him that question.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I said, you know, Brett, you know, he's very open
with his addiction when he was playing to vicodin and
taking sixteen pills a day, And but I asked him.
I said, you know, what advice would you give our
youth who are dealing with mental health? And like we
were just talking about like you reach out to those
who you trust, right and like you just said, well,
(27:54):
it looks.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Like it's and and it's unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Isn't that like we're blaming the school system because it's
very difficult.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
I mean it is.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
They don't have the training, you know that that's the
other And I when I was doing professional development a
lot in my career, I mean, it was amazing how
many even elementary teachers, you know, contacted me at some
point down the road and said, I can't believe how
different my classes since I moved away from punishment, humiliation, fear.
(28:28):
You know, if you don't do this, then this bad
thing is going to happen, you know. And we, again,
we just think that that's the way to do it,
you know. Yeah, it's them to operate, perform out of fear,
fear of losing whatever recess or you know, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Right, And I know this isn't the proper term anymore,
but you know, my mom taught delinquents. She taught the
kids that were in the worst of the worst in
their lives, and she taught at these very top schools,
and it was very sad to me because my mom
was always there for her kids. She's like, if you're
(29:06):
chewing in my class, I could care less. At least
you're in my class. And that's right, you know, back
in the day. But that's what we did, right when
a kid would act out in class, you kick them out. Well,
there's a reason why these kids are acting out.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
The way that they are, absolutely and so right.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
You just never gave them an outlet. You're like, oh,
go to detention. I don't want to hear about it.
Go to detention. Yeah, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
There's no problem solving involved, you know. And I've had
teachers that have had some tough kids to deal with,
and they're so good about, you know, maintaining the kids privacy.
Let's you and I go out here and we'll figure
this out. All they need to know is that an
adult is wanting to figure it out, you know, instead
(29:51):
of I can't believe how important those words have been
to the kids I've worked with, you know, and I
have said of them, it's up to me to figure this. Well,
that's why you're here is because I'll figure out a
way to make this better. And if we can't make
it better because we're up against an administration or whatever,
if we can't make it better, we'll figure out a
(30:11):
better way for you to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
You know.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
But those words of reassurance are not used enough. I
don't think, you know, right, And then of course she
gets stupid comments like well he needs to take responsibility
for solving his own problems. Seriously, why he's a kid.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
He's a kid, yeah, you know, and a super super
positive point. I do want to say that, you know,
the people that are surrounded around Gia right now are
so so very good at making sure that she is
getting the right tools that she needs for her learning.
So which has been which has been tremendous. I know, yes, right,
and you and I know you've been on board with this.
(30:53):
So I do want to let parents know they may
not know that there are opportunities, especially if your child
struts goals, maybe they have ADHD things like that.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Is it called the.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Five four four the.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Five or four plan?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Oh yeah, A lot of a lot of parents may
not know that that's an opportunity. It's just it's just
extra ways to help your kids if they need maybe
they need extra time, well, then they'll get an extra
time when it comes to taking a test, or maybe
they study better and they're more calm when they listen
to music. Well maybe that's an opportunity. So there are
(31:26):
opportunities which we didn't have growing up.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Oh no, I know, yeah, I know, and you know
I've It's interesting because years and years ago, I had
a teacher call me about a kid who had a
five o four and her her comment to me was, well,
I think he's been on a five four. I think
he's really taking advantage of it. And so we had
various things that he could he could, you know, get
(31:51):
a pass to leave the room if he was dressed
or whatever, and she said, you know, he's constantly going
to the quiet room to settlement. And I'm like, okay,
so you think he's abusing it, but I think that
means it's working for him. Yeah, right, and he wants
to keep doing it, you know. And it's just weird.
Sometimes I think people have misconceptions about some of the
(32:11):
stuff that were too easy down the kids or whatever,
and if you really get in and see what their
mental world is like, trust me, anything we're doing on
the outside is not being too easy on them.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Exactly, exactly. Yeah, Well, Laurie, I have one more question
for you.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I'm curious what do you think is the best approach
then for us as parents and teachers when it comes
to our kids experience significant you know, stress right now
going back to school, Like, what can we tell them
to reassure them? Like, you know, I wish to try
to tell g I'm like, this year is going to
be better than next year. I mean, I don't know
(32:49):
if that's the right thing to say, but I you know, I.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
Just you know, it is the right thing to say.
And what I say the other piece I add for
that comment is you're different than you were last year.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
You have learned from last year and so this year
it's going to be different. Your brain is more mature,
you figured things out, blah blah blah. So again, different
ways to give them reassurance that gives them the ability
to own how to make better. You know, you're the one,
(33:22):
not me. I mean, I say, you know, yes, I'm
going to try to make this easier for you, but
you're the one that actually has to do go in
there and do it, and so their confidence goes up
when they own the changes that they have made sure,
you know, in terms of trusting people or at least
tryingness or you know, but a lot of times that's initiated.
(33:44):
It has to be initiated by the adult. So I think,
you know, the reassurance and the other thing I learned
back in the old days when I was in grad school,
starting your sentences with me, you know, because the message
you're giving the kid is we're in this together. You know,
we're the team. And one of the things I've said
(34:07):
to kids over the year is I've said, you know,
you have people, you have people, and I'm one of
those people, and then I miss them, you know. So
just giving them the reassurance that they have the support
and they have the understanding of what they're going to need,
you know, and sometimes the dread that they experience in
(34:28):
the summer, the one way, I mean, we can certainly
try to talk them all of it, blah blah blah,
but the one way is that they're going to have
to walk in and experience it, you know, but also
use their past successes. Okay, last year, when I talked
to this one kid's teacher in the fall. By the
(34:50):
end of the school year, this kid was sobbing because
she was going to miss that teacher. And yet she
started the school year with that whole sense of you know, yeah,
so again when you have a teacher that's going to
listen to somebody and do things differently. So if that's
what happened, you know, like like go back to that
(35:10):
and say, well, this is how you felt going into
fourth season. Look how good that year was.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
That works for me.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yes, it does, Yes, it does. So what us as
parents need to do right now is we got to
go get the back to school supply list. It's got
to picture days on the way, we got to go
get it closed. So these are the things that I'm
going through right now as a parent. So I'm just
jotting them down each and every day. So I've gotten
(35:37):
four of them done. Registration number one was the most important.
She is registered.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I accomplished that one.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
I feel good as a mom. I feel like I won.
I won right there, I won that sumond with her.
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Well, I'm excited for my daughter, as you know, Laurie,
she's very very excited right now. Also she's through driver's
ed so a lot of great things are coming her way,
and I just I appreciate you as always just chiming
in and helping all of us parents kind of maneuver
through this, you know. Always it's kind of a difficult time,
nerve wracking time for our kids as.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
And it continues throughout the year.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
I know, I know. My mom told me when my
first born was two or three, she looked at me
one day into it never ends, just so you know,
And in my head I'm thinking it does, so you
know when they turn eighteen or what. No, it doesn't.
It never ends.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
It never ends. It never ends.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
It gets better at though, but you know, well that's good.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Well.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
I love you, miss Laurie.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Thank you so much for coming on the mom spot
again and helping us get through, especially for back to school.
And believe me, I will be calling you again for
more things that we need to talk about when it
comes to our kiddos.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
Okay, good, good, all right, Well, thanks so much for
giving me this opportunity, so.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
As always, I love you girls. Have a fabulous day,
all right, Okay, thanks all right.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
This is the Mattton Mom Squad Podcast. A production of iHeartRadio.
Here every episode of Mattton Mom Squad. Podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.
The Charlie Kirk Show
Charlie is America's hardest working grassroots activist who has your inside scoop on the biggest news of the day and what's really going on behind the headlines. The founder of Turning Point USA and one of social media's most engaged personalities, Charlie is on the front lines of America’s culture war, mobilizing hundreds of thousands of students on over 3,500 college and high school campuses across the country, bringing you your daily dose of clarity in a sea of chaos all from his signature no-holds-barred, unapologetically conservative, freedom-loving point of view. You can also watch Charlie Kirk on Salem News Channel