Today we are thrilled to have the amazing and talented Michelle Vande Hey to the show! Michelle (she/her) is a Conscious Leadership & Trauma-Sensitive Coach, Author, Speaker & Advocate. She helps caregivers and changemakers reclaim their energy and authentic power without sacrificing their well-being. Through her speaking, coaching, and podcast Love Your Life On Purpose, Michelle guides leaders to break free from self-sacrifice and burnout to reconnect with who they are outside of what they do.
Today's discussion is all about reclaiming our true essence, energy, and inner calling as mamas! Life can get in the way and it's easy to feel stretched in a thousand directions, but Michelle will uncover and teach us the tools we need to keep uphold our authentic selves and to give ourselves grace when needed.
Michelle will touch on today:
Today's discussion is all about reclaiming our true essence, energy, and inner calling as mamas! Life can get in the way and it's easy to feel stretched in a thousand directions, but Michelle will uncover and teach us the tools we need to keep uphold our authentic selves and to give ourselves grace when needed.
Michelle will touch on today:
- What are some signs that a mom might be disconnecting from her purpose without realizing it?
- How does trauma-sensitive, holistic approach help moms reconnect with their inner calling when they feel overstretched?
- What mindset shifts do you help women with when they try to lead, but end up sacrificing themselves?
- What's one simple way moms can reconnect with themselves?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the mads Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All Right, So I thought this would be a perfect
time to bring on this brilliant woman on the show,
because moms, let's be honest, how stressed are we with
the holidays, with everything going on with our lives, how
we interact on a daily basis in our careers, you know,
taking care of our kiddos. She is a brilliant woman
that definitely is helping out a lot, not only in
(00:36):
our community, but surrounding communities. Say hello to Michelle Vanda Hayes.
She is a conscious at leadership and trauma sensitive coach.
She's an author, she's a speaker, she's an advocate, and
she helps caregivers and change makers reclaim their energy and
authentic power without sacrificing their well being through her speaking,
(00:58):
her coaching, and her podcast. Yep, you gotta make sure
you're subscribe to her Love Your Life on Purpose. Michelle
guides leaders to break free from self sacrifice and burnouts,
which I feel like I'm going through right now I'll
be honest to reconnect with who they are outside of
what they do. Michelle, it's so wonderful to see you girl.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thanks for having me. Christal.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh my gosh, I'm trying to remember the last time
you were on the Madtown Mom Squad, like maybe four
years ago. Maybe it might have been that long ago. Yeah, yeah,
so it's been a little while. It's wonderful to have
your lady boss back on the show.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I think this is a perfect time that we dive in, especially.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
With what you know is going on with life.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
You know, it's been crazy, hasn't been crazy for you
because I know we just got talked done talking about
kids and you know, our kiddo's going through stress at school.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
It's been quite a rollercoaster the last monstre high school
and new school and all of the things that the
new responsibilities at the new school.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
So yeah, and helping to maneuver through what they're going through,
because let's be honest, as moms, it breaks your heart
when you're like your little your little baby girl or
baby boys like crying because.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
They're so stressed out.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Yeah definitely, yeah, yeah, and like making sure I'm able
to stay sane as well.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Exactly, Yeah, exactly, It's very much something we need to
all surround ourselves with uplifting each other.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
So let's get into this.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
So you work with a lot of purpose driven women
who feel like they're meant for more. I think we
can all agree with this, but motherhood has blurred that vision.
What are some signs that a mom might be disconnecting
from her purpose without even realizing it, Because again, once
you have a child, that's your life, right, that's what
we focus on.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, definitely, And so we talked a little bit about
like burnout and another idea that isn't as well known
as called compassion fatigue.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
And it's similar to but.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
It's this idea that we're caring for everyone else and
then like, because we're pouring so much into other people,
we kind of forget about ourselves and then we can
be fatigued from being compassionate to our kids, to ourselves,
to our coworkers, to everyone else around us. Sure, and
so that can kind of show up in.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Lots of different ways.
Speaker 5 (03:22):
It can show up like chronic headaches, it can show
up as being like extra irritable, and even like avoidance
or addictions, and like I feel like, especially for moms,
the addictions are like the scrolling on social media, yes
you know, it's like and that's kind of also avoidance
as well. So it can kind of start showing up
in these almost like habits or these things that we
(03:44):
start doing that we maybe don't even realize, or it
can show up as like physical symptoms like headaches or
body pain.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I would say, like for myself, I realize when I'm
starting to like plateau, I get really irritable.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
My anxiety skyets right, and it's true, I'm just I.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Feel tired all the time, yes you know, and I'm
just like no, no, And then I start to think, well,
what am I going through?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
What is what's doing this? How can I stop it?
And so of course I.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Listened to music and if I could dance again. But
I've been in a stupid boot because I broke my
foot like two years ago. After three surgeries, I'm like,
damn it, I can't even get in roller skates. How
do I relieve the stress?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Michelle?
Speaker 5 (04:24):
Yeah, I mean, and I think it is finding the
little things that really can help you to relieve the stress.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
So I enjoy dancing in my kitchen.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Oh see yes, And I actually I actually started doing
this called watch Me Dance Wednesday and I just like
really dance to it, a long dance like an idiot
in my kitchen, and I posted on social media.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Oh that's an abulance.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
It's so like to me, like it's like but there's
you know, there's there's science behind it too, of like
moving your body and like letting yourself release some of
the stress. So like moving your body or even just
listening to the music for me, like music is so powerful,
it is, and it can really shift and change how
you're feeling, So even listening to it can be helpful.
(05:08):
But just figuring out what are what are the little
things that you can do throughout the day, I think
can be so important because we get so used to
like just going from one thing to the next and
putting out the next fire and focusing on like I
gotta get to this and I gotta get to that. Yeah,
And if we can take a little bit of time
to slow down, it doesn't have to be a half
(05:28):
an hour, it doesn't have to be an hour. It
can even be five minutes. If we can just take
a moment to slow ourselves down, even our brains down
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
That can really help.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
That can help, Yeah, because you know, and we're all different,
everything's gonna be different. Like my one girlfriend, she loves meditation,
so she does that every day, right, I'm like, oh,
that's awesome.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
I wish I could do that.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You know, some obviously going to working out in the gym,
that's your way. Some like to stuff their face with
like you know, little Debbie snacks, that's me.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah, whatever you can do. Yeah, yeah, definitely, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Well, and again I think that's really important, especially too
when you when you're talking about you know, sometimes we
do feel disconnected to ourselves, and I think it's important
just as girlfriends that you always, you know, make sure
that you keep communication going on, you know, don't keep
all that built out right inside, because a lot of
times we'll do that and it just festers.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
I mean, having community is so important, even if it's
just like a few other people to be able to
connect with, and that really helps me just to be like, oh,
you want to hear what happened today, and someone that
just gets it and isn't necessarily going to try and
solve your problem, but just there to listen and kind
of commiserate a little bit and be like, Okay, I
(06:42):
see you being able to let go of some of that.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It feels really nice.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
You're like, Okay, I feel heard right and I feel seen,
and like that is so valuable too, of not having
to feel like you have to hold it in all
the time.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
It's funny because the minute I see Michelle she walks in,
I'm like, girl, like, you're never gonna believe what just
happened to me? Like, I just you know, I just
went into my car this morning and I have absolutely
no heat in my car.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It is freezing.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
It's only like what twelve degrees here in Madison, Wisconsin.
So I'm like, now I got to go get my
car Fanks. Now I'm having health insurance issues.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
I'm like, I'm gonna cry. I need a huggy bear.
I'll get through it, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
So many visionary women like yourself carry a lifelong sense
that they're here to make a difference. I really feel
this for myself too, At least that's what I try
to accomplish, especially in my work field. How does trauma
sensitive and holistic approach help, you know? Moms reconnect with
that inner calling, especially when they feel overstretched or guilty
(07:45):
for wanting more.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Yeah, like I said before, a little bit about like
that slowing down. It feels so hard to slow down,
But when you can take moments throughout your data, slow
down and ask yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
What do I want? What do I need?
Speaker 5 (08:01):
Even if it's in that moment like oh, yeah, I
need to drink some water, or I need to go
to the bathroom, or I need to get some food.
Like that's some physical stuff that you might need. But
then it's like, what do I really want right now?
It will help me to feel better, and maybe it's
turning on some music, maybe it's doing a five minute meditation.
So connecting with yourself. And I learned a lot about
(08:23):
that through my Trauma Sensitive Yoga certification about especially for
those of us that have experienced trauma or complex trauma.
Our brains do these things where they go in protective
mode and it turns off sensors in your brains that
help you to notice your body. It's something called interception,
but it helps you to notice. It's like the felt
(08:45):
sense with inside your body, and that can actually get
turned off. And so when you're constantly giving to other people,
or you've experienced trauma or something like that, it's hard
to notice those things. So practicing it and being intentional
practicing noticing or trying to notice your body can help
give you signals for what you what do I need
(09:05):
Because even though you know music helps me a lot,
maybe one day that's not really what's going to help me.
So when I can take time to notice my body,
that can help me determine what I need to do next.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Right, and you know, talking too about trauma. For those
of us who have been through trauma, I mean that
is a that's a whole other inchalader. Right. To get
to this point is to dive into, you know, really
finding the core issue of your trauma and trying to heal,
which could be very very you know, difficult to go through.
(09:38):
And I know you work a lot with women when
it comes to different varieties of trauma.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
I work with a lot of women, and most of
the time I'm not necessarily working specifically through their trauma.
But what ends up happening is past traumas come up
and so then we kind of can work through that.
So a lot of times it's like they've worked through
some of it, but not realizing that, Like you said,
it's like it can keep coming up in different ways.
No matter how much you've healed through it, there's still
(10:04):
things that can kind of come up and making sure
it's not like.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Crippling you so you can't keep moving forward.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Right right?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Right?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Yeah? Is this where your passion comes from?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (10:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean just wanting to really help people
to be able to be themselves and be able to
as cheesy as it sounds like, my podcast says love
their life on purpose, and it's And the funny thing is,
I just talked about this on an episode that like
loving your life on purpose. It sounds like, oh, that
sounds really nice. So that doesn't mean my life is
(10:41):
great all the time, but it means that I'm being
really intentional about right now, we're going through some hard stuff,
but I'm not letting that like stop me from taking
moments throughout my day and making sure it my life
doesn't look like I necessarily want it to. But that
doesn't mean I can't love it at the same time
(11:02):
or just say like, oh, well, this year is just
garbage because these things happen. But it's like well, then
I'm kind of ignoring all of the other great things
the blessing.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Second.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's important, especially because I
know a lot of us maybe.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
That go through that. I say that on social media
when people.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Are like, you know, just like saying how much they
hate their life or this sucks, that sucks, and then
you know, not seeing well, you know, I do believe
things happen for a reason too, and blessings do come
out of painful situations.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Yeah, yeah, I definitely think something's happened for a reason.
I think I definitely think no matter what has happened,
there are are blessings that can come from it, whether
it was something that was meant to happen or not.
I think like blessings can definitely come from it. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Mean maybe not always feels like a blessing, but definitely
makes you stronger in the.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
And actually last night I was at an event and
with a friend, and another friend came up and like, oh,
how did you guys meet? And like, thinking about it's like, oh,
we both met because our kids died, Like that sounds
so depressing, But then I'm thinking I thought I might
ride home, Like, I actually have a lot of really
close friends right now that I probably wouldn't have known
them if my son hadn't died, you know, Like that's
(12:24):
obviously I would rather have my son here. But these
people that I know that are these amazing people, I
wouldn't know them if that didn't happen.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
So that's where it's like, I.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Don't think he was quote unquote like meant to die
that like it was meant to happen for a reason.
But I do feel like I was meant to meet
these people for a reason. And that's that blessing that
can come like when you're open to it, and it's yeah,
sometimes when I reflect on things like that, it's like
so wild to think, like, well, this the worst thing
that happened in my life, brought me some of the
(12:55):
most amazing people.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
In my life that right there none of us could
understand such pain. I you know, I've I've I've interviewed
other women who happened to be my friends who have
lost children, like from leukemia.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I'm like, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Like, you know, and I get emotional talking about her,
like I don't know how you would ever get through
something like that.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
You know, it's the people, it really is.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
It goes back to like that feeling seen and known
with other people that get it, and then having other
awesome friends like you that just like let you be you, like,
let me be me and try and don't try and
like like make me feel better, right, like try and
make it go away. Right, It's like, it's nice to
(13:43):
have people around me that don't make me feel like
I can't share things like that, right, Yeah, Like not
too long ago, I had Lori Schultz on the show,
and you may have been familiar with her. She heads
the American Family Children's Hospital radio thon and her daughter Christina,
was the very first cancer patient that was on the
(14:03):
radio talking about this and she lost her daughter to
leukemia when she was ten and I and I asked
Laurie that I'm like, gosh, how can you do this
every single day?
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And I and you know.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's it's it's because of the experience of the beauty
of her daughter that gives her strength to continue, you know,
helping other families go through what she went through but
hopefully have a positive out, you know, Yeah, you know,
the ending being you know that their children are still here,
but and I always say to her, I said, I
(14:37):
know she's staring down with a big smile at you,
Laurie every single day.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeah you know, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
And you know I've done a lot of spiritual work
and one of my favorite books is Signs, The Secret
Language of the Universe by Laura Lynn Jackson. Laura Len
Jackson is kind of a well known medium, but it's
such a great book about like seeing signs. These it's
these micro stories of people who maybe like didn't believe
(15:05):
in signs before and then something happened and they were
just like it's it was like for them, irrefutable that
it was their person and a lot of that sign
I mean, so to me, it's like I feel like,
as much as it it's hard for him to not
be here, I feel like I actually still have a
relationship with him.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It just looks different, and I get those signs from
him all the time.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I love that you get that. That is so very social.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I think also you have to be really open to that,
do you do you think that? Yeah, I think that's
so special. That makes me so happy that you have
that connection with your son. Yeah, so a lot of
moms you support our natural healers leaders. They're creative but
often struggle with their presence to do it all. And
(15:51):
you you've talked about mind shifts and and things, and
you know how to serve without sacrificing your well being
because I think a lot of times when you you
do want to do your best and you want to
accomplish so many things, you want to change the.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
World, we do sacrifice ourselves in the end.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah, we do, and we don't have to.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
The way I see it is there's always going to
be sacrifice, especially in parenting and motherhood. Right That's the
name of the game is sacrifice. It's the constant sacrifice
and the overgiving and thinking that if I'm not sacrificing,
that I'm not doing my job. And there are times
where you don't have to sacrifice and you can still
(16:34):
do a good job as a mom. And sometimes I
think about it from the sense of we hear about
self care all the time, and self care is this
idea of I need to take care of myself. And
then there's this other term called collective self care, and
that means we need to take care of each other.
And sometimes we think about those two things as if
(16:55):
we're taking care of each other, then I can't take
care of myself, or from taking care of myself, I
can't take care of anyone else, And so I like
to instead of it being this like either or, I
really like to think of it as it can be both,
and that you can take care of yourself and take
care of other people. And sometimes when you're taking care
of other people, that means you can't be taking care
(17:16):
of yourself. Like I used to be a primary caretaker
for my nephew that was wheelchair bound, and so when
I was having to lift him in and out of
his wheelchair and do all of those things for him,
obviously I wasn't taking care of myself in that moment.
But because I took care of myself before that, I
(17:36):
was able to take care for him. And then that
helped my sister and you know, and her family. And
so it's like trying to get out of this mindset
of it's either this way or that way and really
thinking about how can it really be both and creating space.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
For that, like the space for the for the and yeah,
I love that.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
And if a mom is listening right now and feeling
exhausted or feel like, you know, she's last pieces of herself.
What's one simple place where we can all begin to
reconnect with our you know, ourself and our peace.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Yeah, it's really planning those pockets in your day is
what really makes a difference for me and a lot
of my clients. And it can look a couple different things.
One thing that I have had to do is I
have an alarm on my phone every day that says,
like it's time for lunch, and so I'll go for
a walk with my dog and eat my lunch. But
(18:31):
it's just that reminder to not work through because it's
so easy. Oh yeah, work through and then just not
do that. And really, if we think about it, you
know a little bit of movement and eating our necessities
for our bodies. Yeah, but then for me, it's very
important for my mental health as well. So it can
be something like setting an alarm, or there are other
(18:52):
things that I do where it's kind of this idea
of either like habit stacking or like habit triggering, where
maybe it's like every time you go to the bathroom,
you take a few deep breaths before you go into
the bathroom, or you take a few deep breaths when
you get out of the bathroom, or every time you
go to the bathroom, you also refill your water. And
these are the moments where you're already doing something else.
(19:14):
Can you slow it down by a minute or two
minutes and be just a little bit more intentional with
that time? What can you else can you do during
that time that's gonna help fill you up, help you
to like feel well, and it doesn't have to take
that long. And that's like that slowing down of not
(19:35):
just rushing to the bathroom and rushing back. But what
if you walk a little bit slower to the bathroom
and maybe take a few deep breaths, or you get
yourself a water, or maybe you have find a meditation
that's really short, or maybe you step outside, like sometimes
I help facilitate like these like four hour type of
(19:55):
workshops for organizations and they're virtual and when we have
our brain, I will go to the bathroom, but that
and like maybe get some water or something to eat.
But then it's like I just go outside and stand
outside and take three breaths, and especially when it's sunny out,
and it just really re energizes and it doesn't take
that much time. We think that things have to take
(20:16):
so much time, right, but they really don't. And when
you can do those things and you do them on
a consistent basis, it's really this like compound effect that
it makes a big difference in the long term and
it's not about adding. It really multiplies what it can
do for you when you're doing it consistently.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
I think that's wonderful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
For me, like what brings me calm and peace is
the sunshine on my face.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I just love the warmth of that.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
And for me to like if I if I were
to go to someplace that brings me the most peace
is literally sitting and listening to a notionan those are
always be my two go tos. So that basically tells
me I'm either gonna have to like move to Florida
or I'm gonna have to But no, honestly, that that's
something that I shared with my mom. That was always
(21:03):
something that she enjoyed doing, like you know, the sun
and listening.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
To the waves.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
So I don't know if that's just a connection I
have with my mom and uh that just brings me peace.
But yeah, for me, that that works. And dancing, Yeah, yeah,
you got it.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Dance, honey, you go out and dance. You have to dance.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
So you do so many things, where do you find
the timeshell?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Uh throughout my day?
Speaker 5 (21:27):
I mean, it's just girl, it's funny because this week
is such a busy week for me. It's so funny
how things just kind of that happens every once in
a while where it's all of a sudden a week
you're like, wow, I really planned a lot this weekend.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I realize how much I did.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
But in doing that, usually then I notice that. And
if I'm noticing doing that a lot, it's like I
try and create more pockets in my day or say, okay,
I'm not taking as many meetings. Yeah, And it's a
little you know, easier for me because I have a
job that I get to some what determined this schedule,
Like it's a little bit more flexible. I don't have
(22:03):
a nine to five job, but I have to clock
in and clock it out from. But for me, it's
it's creating those those the buffer times, bitch share things.
So I actually had a client that was owned a
hair salon and so talking about like compassion fatigue too,
(22:23):
like you're even though they're not like caring for people's health.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
They're they're listening to everyone.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Oh yes, all the time, right, not to tell her,
you know, oh my gosh everything.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
And so one thing we said is she lived only
a couple of minutes from home, and so she's just like, oh,
it's just I go from work to home and then
I go home and I'm stressed. And I said, well,
what if you took the long way home and instead
of it taking you two minutes, it took five minutes.
But you're really intentional with that time, and you either
don't turn on any music, maybe you roll down your windows,
(22:52):
or maybe you turn on specific music, or maybe.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
You listen to an ocean sound or whatever you do.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
But you're you're taking the two minutes and making it
five minutes and taking this long way home. And after
doing that, she noted, I mean pretty quickly she noticed
like how much it made a difference for her showing
up then for her husband when she was showing up
at home instead of being stressed out. It's like, Okay,
(23:18):
I had this time to kind of decompress, and I
made it just a little bit longer, and that made
a big difference for her. So that's like an example
of like how you can really make it. Can those
small pockets can make a big difference, even if it's
just at the beginning of the day or just at
the end of the day, that those can really make it.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I think, yes, I absolutely think that's important.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
And it's important too, like when you go home turn
work off.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I know that's really difficult for a lot of people
to like constantly still check their emails, but when you're home,
you know, you just.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Got to do it.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, we're just always you know, feeling like, oh, I
gotta you know, I got to reach back out to
this person. I got to text that person back. Now,
you don't just they'll be there tomorrow. It'll be fine.
That's something that I had to learn to do for
a long time. And sometimes you have to reset your boundaries.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
Yes, definitely, I've definitely really worked on that.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Of not responding to people.
Speaker 5 (24:14):
I mean honestly, because so my daughter was in a
play last weekend and so I'm like, still it's Tuesday now,
and it's like I still have emails from last week
that I haven't even checked yet, and I just kind
of let it go, and it's like, is it gonna
upset some people, maybe, yeah, But would I rather upset
them or upset myself? And that's like where the sacrifice
(24:34):
thing goes. It's like, are we constantly sacrificing our own
comfort for the like the comfort of people around us? Yes,
and an email can wait an extra day, it will
be fine.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
You know. One of my old bosses says, just because
you email me doesn't mean it deserves a response.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
I was like, oh my gosh, listen to that.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
But of course, as the employer, like, oh my gosh,
why aren't they getting back to me, like and then
you know, like me, oh my gosh, they're mad at me,
Like I'm one of those people.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
I'm like a worry wart.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I was like, no, just just because you email doesn't
mean that, you know, deserves something back. I'm like, that's
a really good kind of like life lesson in a way,
you know, to say that. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Well, and the way I see it too, is if
you can give yourself that grace of I don't need
to respond back to people within twenty four hours, especially
if it's you know, on the weekend or whatever, then
that means you're extending that same grace to other people.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
So you're not, You're lowering the.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Expectation of quick responses, and that that creates more of
a culture of we don't need to be so rushed
to get to the next and we don't need to
be so rush to respond to people, especially with the
regular everyday things. Right, There's obviously going to be situations
where we need to get back to people right right,
But for most cases, we don't need to be getting
(25:54):
back to people right away and trusting that people are
doing their very best. Yeah, because you're doing your best
is the best thing you can do. And if you
need a response, then you just reply to the email
again and say, hey, checking in with you.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
I know, life happens. Can you get a response back
to me by tomorrow or whatever?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (26:13):
And if you are, if it is something that needs
a response, say what time you need a response back by?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Right? Yeah? Yeah, well this is right, I mean there's
really you know, sometimes you just got to re look
at yourself and see, you know, what works for you,
what doesn't, so and then you just have to make
those little changes, you know. Like I was always someone
that said yes to everybody. I was like yes, I
was a people pleaser. Yeah, And I had to learn
to stop doing that for the better for myself, because again,
(26:42):
you know, I was just wearing myself thin saying yes
to everybody.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
So I just and I hated.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Doing it because I'm like, oh, like I'm gonna feel
really bad like they maybe they don't think I care
or you know, it was those type of feelings because
then you start feeling like crud about it.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
But in the long run and it ends up being okay.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
Yeah, And when you can say no, when you can
start saying no to things, then the things you are
saying yes to you can really full up show up
more fully, like excited about it, more fully in like
as yourself, as yourself, as yourely authentic self, and really
show up fully as opposed to like you said, like
when you're when you're saying yes to things and you're
(27:24):
just you're getting so thin on your time, it's like
your energy isn't always there to all these things, and
then is it really beneficial? And I truly also believe
that you know, when we say no to things that
aren't fully aligned with either timing or whatever it is
that you're giving someone else the opportunity to say yes,
that it's actually meant for Oh, I love that being
(27:46):
something that you feel like you need to do.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Oh, I think that's really good.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yeah, So you're giving someone else the opportunity to say yes.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Oh I love that, or and you can always say
you know I unfortunately I can't commit at the time.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
But I know someone.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Fabulous that will definitely rock your world.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Her name is Michelle. She will take care of you today.
So I think this is all wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Again, it's a yeah, ving true to your authentic self
and what does that mean? And how can you best
take care of yourself? Because if you don't take care
of yourself first, you can't take care of your family
the way you want to.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
You can't, you know what I mean. Just that's how
the world works.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yes, you know, in all that we do right and
all that we do well, that is wonderful. So how
can people get a hold of you? Because again, I'm
sure you're like book solid, especially when it comes to
your certain type of coaching that you do or podcasts
that you're doing.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
Tell us more about that.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
Yeah, people can reach out to me on social media
Michelle Vanda Hay on Facebook, Instagram, maybe LinkedIn. I'm not
always there, and then you know, and check out my
podcast Love Your Life on Purpose. They're typically ten minute
episodes or they're quick short episodes that I usually share
some sort of story and then some sort of lesson
(28:59):
that I got that story.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Well, I'm so proud of you, you of continuing being
a lady boss in the Madison surrounding areas. I'm just
delighted to have you back on the show. You look
phenomenal and I'm just I'm so very proud of you.
I'm just I'm proud of anyone that I come across
in life that is doing exactly what they want to. They're,
you know, walking their journey. They're changing people's lives. They're
women empowering, and that is who you are, my beautiful woman.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Thank you, Chris.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
I love your mama, Love you too. All right, till
next time.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
This is the Mattton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
You're Every episode of Matton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
This is the mads Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All Right, So I thought this would be a perfect
time to bring on this brilliant woman on the show,
because moms, let's be honest, how stressed are we with
the holidays, with everything going on with our lives, how
we interact on a daily basis in our careers, you know,
taking care of our kiddos. She is a brilliant woman
that definitely is helping out a lot, not only in
(00:36):
our community, but surrounding communities. Say hello to Michelle Vanda Hayes.
She is a conscious at leadership and trauma sensitive coach.
She's an author, she's a speaker, she's an advocate, and
she helps caregivers and change makers reclaim their energy and
authentic power without sacrificing their well being through her speaking,
(00:58):
her coaching, and her podcast. Yep, you gotta make sure
you're subscribe to her Love Your Life on Purpose. Michelle
guides leaders to break free from self sacrifice and burnouts,
which I feel like I'm going through right now I'll
be honest to reconnect with who they are outside of
what they do. Michelle, it's so wonderful to see you girl.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Thanks for having me. Christal.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh my gosh, I'm trying to remember the last time
you were on the Madtown Mom Squad, like maybe four
years ago. Maybe it might have been that long ago. Yeah, yeah,
so it's been a little while. It's wonderful to have
your lady boss back on the show.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
So thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I think this is a perfect time that we dive in, especially.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
With what you know is going on with life.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
You know, it's been crazy, hasn't been crazy for you
because I know we just got talked done talking about
kids and you know, our kiddo's going through stress at school.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
It's been quite a rollercoaster the last monstre high school
and new school and all of the things that the
new responsibilities at the new school.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
So yeah, and helping to maneuver through what they're going through,
because let's be honest, as moms, it breaks your heart
when you're like your little your little baby girl or
baby boys like crying because.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
They're so stressed out.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
Yeah definitely, yeah, yeah, and like making sure I'm able
to stay sane as well.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Exactly, Yeah, exactly, It's very much something we need to
all surround ourselves with uplifting each other.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
So let's get into this.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
So you work with a lot of purpose driven women
who feel like they're meant for more. I think we
can all agree with this, but motherhood has blurred that vision.
What are some signs that a mom might be disconnecting
from her purpose without even realizing it, Because again, once
you have a child, that's your life, right, that's what
we focus on.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, definitely, And so we talked a little bit about
like burnout and another idea that isn't as well known
as called compassion fatigue.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
And it's similar to but.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
It's this idea that we're caring for everyone else and
then like, because we're pouring so much into other people,
we kind of forget about ourselves and then we can
be fatigued from being compassionate to our kids, to ourselves,
to our coworkers, to everyone else around us. Sure, and
so that can kind of show up in.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Lots of different ways.
Speaker 5 (03:22):
It can show up like chronic headaches, it can show
up as being like extra irritable, and even like avoidance
or addictions, and like I feel like, especially for moms,
the addictions are like the scrolling on social media, yes
you know, it's like and that's kind of also avoidance
as well. So it can kind of start showing up
in these almost like habits or these things that we
(03:44):
start doing that we maybe don't even realize, or it
can show up as like physical symptoms like headaches or
body pain.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I would say, like for myself, I realize when I'm
starting to like plateau, I get really irritable.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
My anxiety skyets right, and it's true, I'm just I.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Feel tired all the time, yes you know, and I'm
just like no, no, And then I start to think, well,
what am I going through?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
What is what's doing this? How can I stop it?
And so of course I.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Listened to music and if I could dance again. But
I've been in a stupid boot because I broke my
foot like two years ago. After three surgeries, I'm like,
damn it, I can't even get in roller skates. How
do I relieve the stress?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Michelle?
Speaker 5 (04:24):
Yeah, I mean, and I think it is finding the
little things that really can help you to relieve the stress.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
So I enjoy dancing in my kitchen.
Speaker 5 (04:33):
Oh see yes, And I actually I actually started doing
this called watch Me Dance Wednesday and I just like
really dance to it, a long dance like an idiot
in my kitchen, and I posted on social media.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Oh that's an abulance.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
It's so like to me, like it's like but there's
you know, there's there's science behind it too, of like
moving your body and like letting yourself release some of
the stress. So like moving your body or even just
listening to the music for me, like music is so powerful,
it is, and it can really shift and change how
you're feeling, So even listening to it can be helpful.
(05:08):
But just figuring out what are what are the little
things that you can do throughout the day, I think
can be so important because we get so used to
like just going from one thing to the next and
putting out the next fire and focusing on like I
gotta get to this and I gotta get to that. Yeah,
And if we can take a little bit of time
to slow down, it doesn't have to be a half
(05:28):
an hour, it doesn't have to be an hour. It
can even be five minutes. If we can just take
a moment to slow ourselves down, even our brains down
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
That can really help.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
That can help, Yeah, because you know, and we're all different,
everything's gonna be different. Like my one girlfriend, she loves meditation,
so she does that every day, right, I'm like, oh,
that's awesome.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
I wish I could do that.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You know, some obviously going to working out in the gym,
that's your way. Some like to stuff their face with
like you know, little Debbie snacks, that's me.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah, whatever you can do. Yeah, yeah, definitely, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Well, and again I think that's really important, especially too
when you when you're talking about you know, sometimes we
do feel disconnected to ourselves, and I think it's important
just as girlfriends that you always, you know, make sure
that you keep communication going on, you know, don't keep
all that built out right inside, because a lot of
times we'll do that and it just festers.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
I mean, having community is so important, even if it's
just like a few other people to be able to
connect with, and that really helps me just to be like, oh,
you want to hear what happened today, and someone that
just gets it and isn't necessarily going to try and
solve your problem, but just there to listen and kind
of commiserate a little bit and be like, Okay, I
(06:42):
see you being able to let go of some of that.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
It feels really nice.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
You're like, Okay, I feel heard right and I feel seen,
and like that is so valuable too, of not having
to feel like you have to hold it in all
the time.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
It's funny because the minute I see Michelle she walks in,
I'm like, girl, like, you're never gonna believe what just
happened to me? Like, I just you know, I just
went into my car this morning and I have absolutely
no heat in my car.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
It is freezing.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
It's only like what twelve degrees here in Madison, Wisconsin.
So I'm like, now I got to go get my
car Fanks. Now I'm having health insurance issues.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
I'm like, I'm gonna cry. I need a huggy bear.
I'll get through it, all right.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
So many visionary women like yourself carry a lifelong sense
that they're here to make a difference. I really feel
this for myself too, At least that's what I try
to accomplish, especially in my work field. How does trauma
sensitive and holistic approach help, you know? Moms reconnect with
that inner calling, especially when they feel overstretched or guilty
(07:45):
for wanting more.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Yeah, like I said before, a little bit about like
that slowing down. It feels so hard to slow down,
But when you can take moments throughout your data, slow
down and ask yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
What do I want? What do I need?
Speaker 5 (08:01):
Even if it's in that moment like oh, yeah, I
need to drink some water, or I need to go
to the bathroom, or I need to get some food.
Like that's some physical stuff that you might need. But
then it's like, what do I really want right now?
It will help me to feel better, and maybe it's
turning on some music, maybe it's doing a five minute meditation.
So connecting with yourself. And I learned a lot about
(08:23):
that through my Trauma Sensitive Yoga certification about especially for
those of us that have experienced trauma or complex trauma.
Our brains do these things where they go in protective
mode and it turns off sensors in your brains that
help you to notice your body. It's something called interception,
but it helps you to notice. It's like the felt
(08:45):
sense with inside your body, and that can actually get
turned off. And so when you're constantly giving to other people,
or you've experienced trauma or something like that, it's hard
to notice those things. So practicing it and being intentional
practicing noticing or trying to notice your body can help
give you signals for what you what do I need
(09:05):
Because even though you know music helps me a lot,
maybe one day that's not really what's going to help me.
So when I can take time to notice my body,
that can help me determine what I need to do next.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Right, and you know, talking too about trauma. For those
of us who have been through trauma, I mean that
is a that's a whole other inchalader. Right. To get
to this point is to dive into, you know, really
finding the core issue of your trauma and trying to heal,
which could be very very you know, difficult to go through.
(09:38):
And I know you work a lot with women when
it comes to different varieties of trauma.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
I work with a lot of women, and most of
the time I'm not necessarily working specifically through their trauma.
But what ends up happening is past traumas come up
and so then we kind of can work through that.
So a lot of times it's like they've worked through
some of it, but not realizing that, Like you said,
it's like it can keep coming up in different ways.
No matter how much you've healed through it, there's still
(10:04):
things that can kind of come up and making sure
it's not like.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Crippling you so you can't keep moving forward.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Right right?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Right?
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Yeah? Is this where your passion comes from?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (10:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean just wanting to really help people
to be able to be themselves and be able to
as cheesy as it sounds like, my podcast says love
their life on purpose, and it's And the funny thing is,
I just talked about this on an episode that like
loving your life on purpose. It sounds like, oh, that
sounds really nice. So that doesn't mean my life is
(10:41):
great all the time, but it means that I'm being
really intentional about right now, we're going through some hard stuff,
but I'm not letting that like stop me from taking
moments throughout my day and making sure it my life
doesn't look like I necessarily want it to. But that
doesn't mean I can't love it at the same time
(11:02):
or just say like, oh, well, this year is just
garbage because these things happen. But it's like well, then
I'm kind of ignoring all of the other great things
the blessing.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Second.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's important, especially because I
know a lot of us maybe.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
That go through that. I say that on social media
when people.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Are like, you know, just like saying how much they
hate their life or this sucks, that sucks, and then
you know, not seeing well, you know, I do believe
things happen for a reason too, and blessings do come
out of painful situations.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Yeah, yeah, I definitely think something's happened for a reason.
I think I definitely think no matter what has happened,
there are are blessings that can come from it, whether
it was something that was meant to happen or not.
I think like blessings can definitely come from it. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Mean maybe not always feels like a blessing, but definitely
makes you stronger in the.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
And actually last night I was at an event and
with a friend, and another friend came up and like, oh,
how did you guys meet? And like, thinking about it's like, oh,
we both met because our kids died, Like that sounds
so depressing, But then I'm thinking I thought I might
ride home, Like, I actually have a lot of really
close friends right now that I probably wouldn't have known
them if my son hadn't died, you know, Like that's
(12:24):
obviously I would rather have my son here. But these
people that I know that are these amazing people, I
wouldn't know them if that didn't happen.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
So that's where it's like, I.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Don't think he was quote unquote like meant to die
that like it was meant to happen for a reason.
But I do feel like I was meant to meet
these people for a reason. And that's that blessing that
can come like when you're open to it, and it's yeah,
sometimes when I reflect on things like that, it's like
so wild to think, like, well, this the worst thing
that happened in my life, brought me some of the
(12:55):
most amazing people.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
In my life that right there none of us could
understand such pain. I you know, I've I've I've interviewed
other women who happened to be my friends who have
lost children, like from leukemia.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
I'm like, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Like, you know, and I get emotional talking about her,
like I don't know how you would ever get through
something like that.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
You know, it's the people, it really is.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
It goes back to like that feeling seen and known
with other people that get it, and then having other
awesome friends like you that just like let you be you, like,
let me be me and try and don't try and
like like make me feel better, right, like try and
make it go away. Right, It's like, it's nice to
(13:43):
have people around me that don't make me feel like
I can't share things like that, right, Yeah, Like not
too long ago, I had Lori Schultz on the show,
and you may have been familiar with her. She heads
the American Family Children's Hospital radio thon and her daughter Christina,
was the very first cancer patient that was on the
(14:03):
radio talking about this and she lost her daughter to
leukemia when she was ten and I and I asked
Laurie that I'm like, gosh, how can you do this
every single day?
Speaker 4 (14:14):
And I and you know.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's it's it's because of the experience of the beauty
of her daughter that gives her strength to continue, you know,
helping other families go through what she went through but
hopefully have a positive out, you know, Yeah, you know,
the ending being you know that their children are still here,
but and I always say to her, I said, I
(14:37):
know she's staring down with a big smile at you,
Laurie every single day.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeah you know, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
And you know I've done a lot of spiritual work
and one of my favorite books is Signs, The Secret
Language of the Universe by Laura Lynn Jackson. Laura Len
Jackson is kind of a well known medium, but it's
such a great book about like seeing signs. These it's
these micro stories of people who maybe like didn't believe
(15:05):
in signs before and then something happened and they were
just like it's it was like for them, irrefutable that
it was their person and a lot of that sign
I mean, so to me, it's like I feel like,
as much as it it's hard for him to not
be here, I feel like I actually still have a
relationship with him.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
It just looks different, and I get those signs from
him all the time.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
I love that you get that. That is so very social.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I think also you have to be really open to that,
do you do you think that? Yeah, I think that's
so special. That makes me so happy that you have
that connection with your son. Yeah, so a lot of
moms you support our natural healers leaders. They're creative but
often struggle with their presence to do it all. And
(15:51):
you you've talked about mind shifts and and things, and
you know how to serve without sacrificing your well being
because I think a lot of times when you you
do want to do your best and you want to
accomplish so many things, you want to change the.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
World, we do sacrifice ourselves in the end.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah, we do, and we don't have to.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
The way I see it is there's always going to
be sacrifice, especially in parenting and motherhood. Right That's the
name of the game is sacrifice. It's the constant sacrifice
and the overgiving and thinking that if I'm not sacrificing,
that I'm not doing my job. And there are times
where you don't have to sacrifice and you can still
(16:34):
do a good job as a mom. And sometimes I
think about it from the sense of we hear about
self care all the time, and self care is this
idea of I need to take care of myself. And
then there's this other term called collective self care, and
that means we need to take care of each other.
And sometimes we think about those two things as if
(16:55):
we're taking care of each other, then I can't take
care of myself, or from taking care of myself, I
can't take care of anyone else, And so I like
to instead of it being this like either or, I
really like to think of it as it can be both,
and that you can take care of yourself and take
care of other people. And sometimes when you're taking care
of other people, that means you can't be taking care
(17:16):
of yourself. Like I used to be a primary caretaker
for my nephew that was wheelchair bound, and so when
I was having to lift him in and out of
his wheelchair and do all of those things for him,
obviously I wasn't taking care of myself in that moment.
But because I took care of myself before that, I
(17:36):
was able to take care for him. And then that
helped my sister and you know, and her family. And
so it's like trying to get out of this mindset
of it's either this way or that way and really
thinking about how can it really be both and creating space.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
For that, like the space for the for the and yeah,
I love that.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
And if a mom is listening right now and feeling
exhausted or feel like, you know, she's last pieces of herself.
What's one simple place where we can all begin to
reconnect with our you know, ourself and our peace.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Yeah, it's really planning those pockets in your day is
what really makes a difference for me and a lot
of my clients. And it can look a couple different things.
One thing that I have had to do is I
have an alarm on my phone every day that says,
like it's time for lunch, and so I'll go for
a walk with my dog and eat my lunch. But
(18:31):
it's just that reminder to not work through because it's
so easy. Oh yeah, work through and then just not
do that. And really, if we think about it, you
know a little bit of movement and eating our necessities
for our bodies. Yeah, but then for me, it's very
important for my mental health as well. So it can
be something like setting an alarm, or there are other
(18:52):
things that I do where it's kind of this idea
of either like habit stacking or like habit triggering, where
maybe it's like every time you go to the bathroom,
you take a few deep breaths before you go into
the bathroom, or you take a few deep breaths when
you get out of the bathroom, or every time you
go to the bathroom, you also refill your water. And
these are the moments where you're already doing something else.
(19:14):
Can you slow it down by a minute or two
minutes and be just a little bit more intentional with
that time? What can you else can you do during
that time that's gonna help fill you up, help you
to like feel well, and it doesn't have to take
that long. And that's like that slowing down of not
(19:35):
just rushing to the bathroom and rushing back. But what
if you walk a little bit slower to the bathroom
and maybe take a few deep breaths, or you get
yourself a water, or maybe you have find a meditation
that's really short, or maybe you step outside, like sometimes
I help facilitate like these like four hour type of
(19:55):
workshops for organizations and they're virtual and when we have
our brain, I will go to the bathroom, but that
and like maybe get some water or something to eat.
But then it's like I just go outside and stand
outside and take three breaths, and especially when it's sunny out,
and it just really re energizes and it doesn't take
that much time. We think that things have to take
(20:16):
so much time, right, but they really don't. And when
you can do those things and you do them on
a consistent basis, it's really this like compound effect that
it makes a big difference in the long term and
it's not about adding. It really multiplies what it can
do for you when you're doing it consistently.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
I think that's wonderful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
For me, like what brings me calm and peace is
the sunshine on my face.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
I just love the warmth of that.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
And for me to like if I if I were
to go to someplace that brings me the most peace
is literally sitting and listening to a notionan those are
always be my two go tos. So that basically tells
me I'm either gonna have to like move to Florida
or I'm gonna have to But no, honestly, that that's
something that I shared with my mom. That was always
(21:03):
something that she enjoyed doing, like you know, the sun
and listening.
Speaker 4 (21:06):
To the waves.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
So I don't know if that's just a connection I
have with my mom and uh that just brings me peace.
But yeah, for me, that that works. And dancing, Yeah, yeah,
you got it.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Dance, honey, you go out and dance. You have to dance.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
So you do so many things, where do you find
the timeshell?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Uh throughout my day?
Speaker 5 (21:27):
I mean, it's just girl, it's funny because this week
is such a busy week for me. It's so funny
how things just kind of that happens every once in
a while where it's all of a sudden a week
you're like, wow, I really planned a lot this weekend.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I realize how much I did.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
But in doing that, usually then I notice that. And
if I'm noticing doing that a lot, it's like I
try and create more pockets in my day or say, okay,
I'm not taking as many meetings. Yeah, And it's a
little you know, easier for me because I have a
job that I get to some what determined this schedule,
Like it's a little bit more flexible. I don't have
(22:03):
a nine to five job, but I have to clock
in and clock it out from. But for me, it's
it's creating those those the buffer times, bitch share things.
So I actually had a client that was owned a
hair salon and so talking about like compassion fatigue too,
(22:23):
like you're even though they're not like caring for people's health.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
They're they're listening to everyone.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
Oh yes, all the time, right, not to tell her,
you know, oh my gosh everything.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:32):
And so one thing we said is she lived only
a couple of minutes from home, and so she's just like, oh,
it's just I go from work to home and then
I go home and I'm stressed. And I said, well,
what if you took the long way home and instead
of it taking you two minutes, it took five minutes.
But you're really intentional with that time, and you either
don't turn on any music, maybe you roll down your windows,
(22:52):
or maybe you turn on specific music, or maybe.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
You listen to an ocean sound or whatever you do.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
But you're you're taking the two minutes and making it
five minutes and taking this long way home. And after
doing that, she noted, I mean pretty quickly she noticed
like how much it made a difference for her showing
up then for her husband when she was showing up
at home instead of being stressed out. It's like, Okay,
(23:18):
I had this time to kind of decompress, and I
made it just a little bit longer, and that made
a big difference for her. So that's like an example
of like how you can really make it. Can those
small pockets can make a big difference, even if it's
just at the beginning of the day or just at
the end of the day, that those can really make it.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I think, yes, I absolutely think that's important.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
And it's important too, like when you go home turn
work off.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I know that's really difficult for a lot of people
to like constantly still check their emails, but when you're home,
you know, you just.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Got to do it.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, we're just always you know, feeling like, oh, I
gotta you know, I got to reach back out to
this person. I got to text that person back. Now,
you don't just they'll be there tomorrow. It'll be fine.
That's something that I had to learn to do for
a long time. And sometimes you have to reset your boundaries.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
Yes, definitely, I've definitely really worked on that.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Of not responding to people.
Speaker 5 (24:14):
I mean honestly, because so my daughter was in a
play last weekend and so I'm like, still it's Tuesday now,
and it's like I still have emails from last week
that I haven't even checked yet, and I just kind
of let it go, and it's like, is it gonna
upset some people, maybe, yeah, But would I rather upset
them or upset myself? And that's like where the sacrifice
(24:34):
thing goes. It's like, are we constantly sacrificing our own
comfort for the like the comfort of people around us? Yes,
and an email can wait an extra day, it will
be fine.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
You know. One of my old bosses says, just because
you email me doesn't mean it deserves a response.
Speaker 4 (24:53):
I was like, oh my gosh, listen to that.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
But of course, as the employer, like, oh my gosh,
why aren't they getting back to me, like and then
you know, like me, oh my gosh, they're mad at me,
Like I'm one of those people.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
I'm like a worry wart.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I was like, no, just just because you email doesn't
mean that, you know, deserves something back. I'm like, that's
a really good kind of like life lesson in a way,
you know, to say that. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Well, and the way I see it too, is if
you can give yourself that grace of I don't need
to respond back to people within twenty four hours, especially
if it's you know, on the weekend or whatever, then
that means you're extending that same grace to other people.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
So you're not, You're lowering the.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Expectation of quick responses, and that that creates more of
a culture of we don't need to be so rushed
to get to the next and we don't need to
be so rush to respond to people, especially with the
regular everyday things. Right, There's obviously going to be situations
where we need to get back to people right right,
But for most cases, we don't need to be getting
(25:54):
back to people right away and trusting that people are
doing their very best. Yeah, because you're doing your best
is the best thing you can do. And if you
need a response, then you just reply to the email
again and say, hey, checking in with you.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
I know, life happens. Can you get a response back
to me by tomorrow or whatever?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (26:13):
And if you are, if it is something that needs
a response, say what time you need a response back by?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Right? Yeah? Yeah, well this is right, I mean there's
really you know, sometimes you just got to re look
at yourself and see, you know, what works for you,
what doesn't, so and then you just have to make
those little changes, you know. Like I was always someone
that said yes to everybody. I was like yes, I
was a people pleaser. Yeah, And I had to learn
to stop doing that for the better for myself, because again,
(26:42):
you know, I was just wearing myself thin saying yes
to everybody.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
So I just and I hated.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Doing it because I'm like, oh, like I'm gonna feel
really bad like they maybe they don't think I care
or you know, it was those type of feelings because
then you start feeling like crud about it.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
But in the long run and it ends up being okay.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
Yeah, And when you can say no, when you can
start saying no to things, then the things you are
saying yes to you can really full up show up
more fully, like excited about it, more fully in like
as yourself, as yourself, as yourely authentic self, and really
show up fully as opposed to like you said, like
when you're when you're saying yes to things and you're
(27:24):
just you're getting so thin on your time, it's like
your energy isn't always there to all these things, and
then is it really beneficial? And I truly also believe
that you know, when we say no to things that
aren't fully aligned with either timing or whatever it is
that you're giving someone else the opportunity to say yes,
that it's actually meant for Oh, I love that being
(27:46):
something that you feel like you need to do.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Oh, I think that's really good.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Yeah, So you're giving someone else the opportunity to say yes.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Oh I love that, or and you can always say
you know I unfortunately I can't commit at the time.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
But I know someone.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Fabulous that will definitely rock your world.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Her name is Michelle. She will take care of you today.
So I think this is all wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Again, it's a yeah, ving true to your authentic self
and what does that mean? And how can you best
take care of yourself? Because if you don't take care
of yourself first, you can't take care of your family
the way you want to.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
You can't, you know what I mean. Just that's how
the world works.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yes, you know, in all that we do right and
all that we do well, that is wonderful. So how
can people get a hold of you? Because again, I'm
sure you're like book solid, especially when it comes to
your certain type of coaching that you do or podcasts
that you're doing.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
Tell us more about that.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
Yeah, people can reach out to me on social media
Michelle Vanda Hay on Facebook, Instagram, maybe LinkedIn. I'm not
always there, and then you know, and check out my
podcast Love Your Life on Purpose. They're typically ten minute
episodes or they're quick short episodes that I usually share
some sort of story and then some sort of lesson
(28:59):
that I got that story.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Well, I'm so proud of you, you of continuing being
a lady boss in the Madison surrounding areas. I'm just
delighted to have you back on the show. You look
phenomenal and I'm just I'm so very proud of you.
I'm just I'm proud of anyone that I come across
in life that is doing exactly what they want to. They're,
you know, walking their journey. They're changing people's lives. They're
women empowering, and that is who you are, my beautiful woman.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Thank you, Chris.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
I love your mama, Love you too. All right, till
next time.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
This is the Mattton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
You're Every episode of Matton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
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